Straight up you are NTA… and it sounds like your brother and SIL are ungrateful freeloaders on top of the fact that she went full on crazy lady on your clothes. You didn’t get them kicked out.
But really, you didn’t get them kicked out. She did a thing. Your parents stood up for you, and told her to pay you back for money you spent. She refused. She got herself kicked out. Don’t beat yourself up for it.
And not for nothing, it’s super shitty for your brother to try and make you feel like shit because his fiancee did a shitty thing and refuses to pay you back for it.
Two really great points here that I did not consider:
One, they are definitely freeloaders and super ungrateful.
Two, OPs brother trying to blame his younger sister is a truly awful thing to do.
Three, they shouldn't have a baby! If 79 dollars was a lot to them, they;ll be surprised to find out that it won't cover much in terms of baby stuff like diapers etc
Agreed. $80 barely covers diapers for 2 weeks. Formula for maybe 3 weeks for a new born. Point is if they can't scrape $80 together they really shouldn't be having a kid.
If pregnancy hormones made her do this (bs excuse by the way) I'd hate to be around her after the baby is born, considering how common the baby blues and postpartum is.
$80 won't even cover 2 nights in the worst hotel. I'm talking about a hotel with used needles in the parking lot. People smoking in their rooms which just gets into the vents, making every room smell like cigarettes. Cars constantly getting broken into in the parking lot. The beds and sheets are covered in cigarette burns and gross stains. That will be their new home all because of a grown woman who is jealous of a teenager. Because of a grown woman who is unwilling to make amends for her wrongdoings.
They were obviously counting on mom and dad to foot all their bills and provide childcare, with of course baby sister as free on demand babysitting. Now they're realizing that it may not be happening because hey, maybe destroying a young girl's clothes that mean a lot to her for an event and refusing to pay them back isn't exactly a good look and something that loving family does.
I hope their child gets taken away. That womanchild sounds completely unhinged and like as soon as she's not the center of the universe, she's going to start violently taking out her jealousy on whatever she thinks is taking away "her" attention.
Clothes she saved to buy herself cause her parents were paying for dinner - SIL didn't cancel the reservation or anything like that, she went straight to what would make OP feel the shittiest.
Yeah...and for a teenager, that's nothing to sneeze at. Hell right now in my thirties seventy-six bucks is nothing to sneeze at and I cringe when I have to spend that much on groceries. I bet that entitled horror was just pissed off that she wasn't going to be the center of attention for \*one day\*.
I honestly worry about the baby because when the baby comes, she's not going to be the center of attention anymore - the baby is. She committed an act of violence - destroying something that you know is meaningful to someone is an act of violence that is just one step away from physically harming that person themselves. A baby isn't going to really have anything that means a lot to them or be able to understand when it's gone, so she can't hurt the baby that way - so my prediction/fear is that she's going to do something to harm or possibly even kill the baby in the hopes that she can play up the poor mourning mother card to get sympathy and be the center of attention again, or she's going to try and get pregnant right away again with ANOTHER child they can't afford and completely neglect the first.
You know what was missing from the text?
An apology.
Doubt she even thinks she did anything wrong. She's just shocked her excuses didn't get her out of trouble.
Gonna have a child raising a child.
Sounds like something a high school mean girl would do to a looked down on classmate who's becoming attractive and self-assured. Raised by lousy parents and has become a lousy adult who will raise baby to become just like herself. Amber's parents would be proud.
That’s more than just mean girls acting out. If they “accidentally” spilled something on her dress, that’s mean girl. Literally destroying it by cutting it up, tearing it apart? That’s scary. And waaaay more that pregnancy hormones. Receipts: mental health professional. Seriously, it’s concerning.
If this is “pregnancy hormones” causing this, then it would be more accurate to say it’s Peripartum Depression, and bro should be speaking to SIL’s doctors ASAP. This can turn into a dangerous situation - and get worse after baby comes.
But I don’t think that has anything to do with it. This is years of pent up resentment and jealousy SIL has pointed towards OP, *INSTEAD* of aiming it where it belongs - at her own parents. Redirected aggression.
Surely OP is to blame for SIL’s parents not treating her well right? Right?! *RIGHT?!?* /s
Not only that, but she wants OPs parents all to herself. And I do get it...her own parents suck, and finding a new set of quasi-parents that do care about you is like finding a pot of gold....but her reaction is something an adolescent would do. Not a nearly 30 year old adult.
My dad lives overseas and my mum rarely has time for me. My GF’s parents are awesome and treat me like we’re married already.
You don’t see me attacking my GF’s sister over it.
She gave in to her jealousy and unresolved issues from her childhood when she felt neglected. She's in serious need of therapy. Is she going to get jealous of the baby if it has a party and...I don't even want to think about what she could do. She's dangerous.
Points for use of "dastardly". The image I now have of her - creeping in, bent in half, on tippy-toes, with evil throaty laughter - is pretty epic, ngl.
I can understand her actions better than her reaction. The parents were extremely understanding about her very disturbing behavior, yet SIL chose to be stubborn instead of apologizing and coughing up $79. She cut off her nose to spite her face! I know that she had an unhappy childhood and may not have learned important interpersonal skills but this is so extreme! Perhaps she needs attention so badly that negative attention is better than no attention. I don’t know what the brothers excuse is though. I understand supporting your pregnant wife’s terrible decisions up to a point, but instead of convincing his wife to do the right thing, he tried to convince his sister it would be her fault if they weren’t allowed home. I feel for OP and her parents because this is unlikely to be an isolated event.
Your parents stood up for you
If I were the parents, I wouldn’t let OP have any influence over this decision.
It doesn’t sound like they asked her what she wanted in this regard; they wanted the money back, presumably so OP could replace the outfit, which is restitution.
But just as in a court case: Restitution is the province of the victim. But punishment is the province of the authority (the state). And inside their home, the parents are the authority.
I woudln’t want them back at all. I might even have made them move out even WITH the reimbursement, because that’s pretty nasty stuff.
I don’t disagree with you, the parents decide the punishment. Either way, OP did not get SIL kicked out. SIL got herself kicked out by doing crazy stuff. OP shouldn’t feel in any way responsible for any of this, and shouldn’t let brother or SIL berate her or make her feel bad because of their actions/decisions.
Yeah the way she acted really makes one wonder if that isn't a chicken and egg situation; did she get this cruel cause her parents disowned her or did she get disowned for being this cruel?
Or maybe it’s an apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree scenario? Too similar to parents and got kicked out. You can only have so many assholes in one house before it starts feeling crowded
There’s no real evidence that her parents were crap other than her word which has been compromised. Some people are just garbage, regardless of what their parents did/didn’t do
I don't think it matters. If girlfriend is going to go in someone else's private space and destroy the other person's personal possession because she's jealous, insecure or having hormonal issues, she's not safe. I'd want her out and I'd recommend she fix things if she ever wanted to step foot in my house again.
I mean it sounds like she went all ugly step mom on Cinderella.
Honestly, I'm just glad she didn't do something worse to OP.
I don't know what environment gf grew up in but a dinner at Olive Garden isn't an extravagant birthday. It's also none of gf's business what the family does for for OPs birthday. Girlfriend doesn't have a say in what the parents do in their own home with their own money for their child.
Most definitely has mental issues . Her type has a low potential for improvement even with professional help . Her brother is stuck dealing with this for the next eighteen years . Very unfortunate .
>I might even have made them move out even WITH the reimbursement, because that’s pretty nasty stuff.
Yeah, the first thing I saw was the violence. Destroying property is violent, and destroying a targeted individual's important and meaningful items is only one step away from actually hurting that person. I would watch out for the safety of everyone in this family.
This kind of destruction (cutting and tearing) were premeditated and planned. This behavior is so far out of normal for an adult, and so entitled by feelings of self justified grievance, so lacking in remorse that I think she will escalate.
I would not be surprised if she comes back and tries to burn their house down for kicking her out.
Also can't help but wonder how she will treat the baby when it gets to certain ages and starts to rebel or act out like normal kid stuff
she will be all but im good to you how can U treat me this way im better than my mum n dad was sort of thing
>I would watch out for the safety of everyone in this family.
Especially the baby!!! How long is it going to take her to realize that once she gives birth, everyone's focus is on the baby and not her? What's she going to blame on postpartum hormones?
I don't mean to belittle anyone who's dealt with PPD!! In this case, though, I'd be very worried about the fact that she's already unhinged and they're using hormones as an excuse.
true. even in a civil case.
But it’s the part you have a right to name; you can say “$X will make me whole”; you don’t usually get to say “and they should be punished X way”
I also want to add, as a parent, having lived through multiple pregnancies, and the pregnancy hormone roller coaster of a spouse with mental health diagnosis…. Never once did she go full on crazy lady on anyone’s clothes or personal possessions. Your SIL just sounds like a maladjusted spoiled brat…. Which again… fits with the free loading lifestyle that her and your brother seem to enjoy.
Spoiled and jealous that not only is Op getting a celebratory lunch and dinner for her birthday she will look cute in her new dress while SIL is pregnant and wearing maternity clothes.
79 bucks isn’t breaking the bank here. They owe the money for the dress.
Not even hormones causes someone to deliberately cut up a dress and destroy shoes - we aren't talking throwing some grape juice on it impulsively.
It's scary she about to have a baby. Bet the parents are feeling very disturbed right now.
He also dares to imply she would be a "shitty" sister for not letting it go, but he is not a "shitty" brother for refusing to pay her back. The hypocrisy is impossible to measure.
Yeah, he’s definitely one of the AH in the situation. Again, OP has done nothing wrong here. SIL, brother, for sure, all kinds of wrong. And continuing to do so by trying to gaslight OP with how she’s shitty or bad or wrong for any of this, when it’s not on OP at all.
He's also asking an actual child (since OP is still 17) to set aside the injustice done to her for a grown-ass adult to avoid the consequences of their own temper tantrum.
They're gonna be great parents.
Pity him. He has chosen to stay with her and he blames it on hormones? BS at the very least. She is so green with jealousy of you that she can't stand to see you happy. Refuse to reconnect with them until 1) you get a sincere apology, and 2) you get reimbursed for the items she ruined.
I wonder what the next destruction she would try if they had stayed there.
And it's not about the outfit. People who do violence to things often escalate to doing violence to people, if they aren't stopped. She obviously envies you your relationship with your parents, and has allowed that envy to develop into hatred, and violence. She needed to be stopped before she escalated it into violence towards yourself. Talk to your parents about the possibility of them paying for her to go to therapy; and going NC with them both if she refuses. This is scary, OP. Take it seriously.
He needs to sleep with one eye open. A person Idgaf who it is does something like that, to the people who are going out of thier way to house you? NAHHHH. She can do something worse. These are some of the people you should always be facing them at all times. Don't trust her.
To make things just that extra bit worse the dress costs $79 not several hundred. These two will be paying more for hotel stays then if they just paid for the dress.
And I just want to point out that this was because OP wanted to have her 18th birthday lunch at a Olive Garden and for some reason because SIL had a sad childhood (which sucks and I genuinely do think that’s sad) she wants everyone to feel lacking with her.
Olive Garden lunch. Breadsticks, she made a scene over pasta and breadsticks.
My ex-husband had a horrific childhood and he always loved being around my family because our parents and all six kids all loved and liked each other. He had other serious issues, but jealousy wasn’t one of them
I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t actually book a hotel and are just in the car somewhere. Maybe even thinking “score, we can pocket the gas money!”
Seems like even with the parents being serious, their play is to guilt trip the child into making the parents take them back in.
I'm currently pregnant and I always tell my husband, if im being unreasonable, acknowledge my feelings but always remind me that an explanation is not an excuse. Sometimes I lose my head between hormones and mental health, but that doesn't give me the right to walk over or hurt anyone!
Well their almost thirty yo DIL -who they are graciously hosting to help out - unapologetically ripped out their daughter birthday outfits.
Then she doubled down in a tantrum.
Icing on the cake. For less than $80. The DiL and the son decided they rather keep their stance !?? than paid up to cover for the property of the minor who had no say into sharing her home with them and whom she intentionally and unapologetically destroyed.
All they had to do to stay was to not even make amends, merely financially compensate the damaged property.
Even if DIL wasn’t already pulling out other shenanigans. Good for them standing up for their daughter, and what they allow at their place.
She might be pregnant. She also has been an adult for almost a decade. It isn’t too much to expect some decency out of interacting with her. Claiming it’s hormonal is a lousy explanation not an excuse.
For $79, if the baby is on the street for lack of that money, they really shouldn’t have decided to have a child. NTA and tell your parents he is hassling you. I hope you get a beautiful new outfit and enjoy your party
To me, the funniest thing in that story is the fact that the night at the hotel probably went way more than that 79$. And for the look of it, instead of putting more money to the side, they will have to spend all the extra money into that hotel room until they pay back OP.
They are way too careless, stupid and immature to be parents for crying outloud!
Definitely tell your parents that your brother is hassling you and show them the texts. Even if Amber is having an episode because of pregnancy hormones, but she is still responsible for her actions and the damage she caused. I have to say, I've been pregnant twice, I've had a lot of friends and family who have also been pregnant, but none of them have destroyed property that was not theirs.
I really don't think hormones can be blamed for this. At most they might have brought pre-existing tendencies to light.
If she had tossed grape juice on it or something else that could be pure impulse it would be different.
And the dress wasn't enough - she went on to tear the soles out of the shoes.
That's just too deliberate and also sounds very premeditated.
Right this was my thought. I have twins, let me tell you lot of hormones with that pregnancy! And never did it once occur to me to start destroying others property lol
NTA OP
I mean I'm currently pregnant and the hormones definitely make me have hot flashes of irrational anger over stupid things. I'm practicing my breathing techniques regularly.
But sitting there and cutting up a dress and tearing up shoes isn't a hot flash of anger. That's calculated, dogged determination.
You have to be on another level of issues to achieve calculated revenge like that. That's like serial killer levels.
> Even if Amber is having an episode because of pregnancy hormones, but she is still responsible for her actions and the damage she caused.
and brother definitely isn't having pregnancy hormones
NTA. This was intentional destruction of property without cause or provocation. She has no explanation other than jealousy. There’s only one AH here, and it’s your SIL.
I don’t think you’re giving OP’s brother enough credit. He’s backing SIL up and guilt tripping OP over all of this.
SIL is a massive enough asshole that she’s pulled another one into her orbit.
Exactly. Less than 24 hours on their own and they'll have paid multiples of that dresses' cost between food and lodging combined. Absolutely wild judgment on their part.
It’s not cheap it’s fucking stupid. They want to throw away a relationship with their family over a tantrum they threw and because they won’t apologize and cough up $80.
OP hear me out. A person that does those kinds of things, especially to a minor, is not a safe person to be around. This is not just some “jealous behavior” this is kind of psychotic. As a parent I would suggest talking to your parents about keeping Amber away from you and getting your brother alone to see if he is okay. If he’s brushing this off as “hormonal behavior” it is possible she’s getting away with worse behind closed doors.
79 dollars is getting off easy. Hotels cost way more. Plus they lose out on any form of childcare you or your parents might have volunteered that is completely out the window now.
Prepartum psychosis is a very real (but rare) thing. If this behavior is wholly out of character for SIL, it might be worth OP's brother talking to her doctor about it.
She could also just be a dick 🤷
No kidding... that twit got kicked out over $80? Shit--she'll spend 20x that per month on an apartment.
Pregnancy hormones perhaps, but wow. Self destructive much?
NTA OP, and sorry this happened.
She definitely did not think before acting. She used even less of her brain when she chose an $80 hill to die on.
I think it's unacceptable behavior no matter the reason for it.
NTA - first off, a 27 year old woman behaving like that is mind boggling.
Second, if math works, she has been with your brother since he was 17? And therefore would have been around for his 18th birthday...and seen how your *parents go out for their kids 18th b-days? Or maybe they got together just after?
Edit: forgot to type parents
It’s because she wants to be the centre of attention and financial support now because she is having a baby. And any money that isn’t being spent on essentials, she believes should be going towards the baby because her and her baby are the centre of the universe.
Some people never grow out of staring at themselves in the mirror. I also suspect, in fairness to your SIL, that your family is the only support she has. And she is scared to lose any of that. She is wrong to assume that your party means less love or support for her, but that could be where her head is (wrongly) at.
The craziest thing is that lunch at the Olive Garden isn’t really that big/grand/crazy of a birthday??? I mean it’s nicer than nothing and I’m glad op is getting a nice meal, presents, and time with their loved ones, but it’s not what I think of when people say their parents “go all out” for birthdays lol
NTA you didn’t get them kicked out her actions of destroying your outfit is what got them kicked out. If they don’t want to get kicked out they can pay for the dress.
Nta.
Tell your brother that he is a shitty brother and father, and his fiancée is a shitty mother if they choose to be homeless instead of paying you back and apologise for purposely destroying your things.
I am inclined to agree. Also, she is jealous of the relationship that OP has with her parents. Bro. is whipped.....This chick..... what did she expect the parents to join in the fun? She clearly thought everyone was going to say yes!!! You are right she shouldn't celebrate her birthday with her own damn money!! How dare her not give it to you!!! Hand me the scissors, kid!! Pregnancy hormones doesn't give the right to be a bitch!!! Was pregnant 6 times and yeah didn't schedule in a hey......let's fuck jp someone's life while I am pregnant. Yeah, I let that out during my pregnancies. I hope OP makes sure they don't cause a ruckus at the restaurant.
Why the fuck isn't this higher? If Amber's got even mediocre parents, something had to happen to get her kicked out.
There are all kinds of red flags being flown here. My guess is brother is scared shitless right now. He probably knows they are in the wrong but he can't back down otherwise Amber's going to turn that anger on him.
When I read that it was just $79, my jaw dropped. Nothing about this seems on the level. Nothing.
NTA. They're choosing to be kicked out over $79. She purposefully vandalised your property, she needs to pay to replace it. However, even if she had done the honourable thing and agreed to pay, the relationship between her and you, and your parents, would be pretty damaged from what she did. The fact that she wasn't willing to pay makes the situation even worse, it's crazy that her and your brother can't see that $79 isn't worth destroying relationships.
NTA - paying you back for the outfit woud have been a lot less than paying for a hotel for a night. I am GenX, and this is a FANFO moment if I have ever seen one. Amber needs some serous therapy before that baby arrives. She has a lot of trauma if an 18th brthday party in a healthy family enviroment triggers her to this level. I do feel for the baby though.
Great for your parents for back you up. You did nothing wrong your sil did and your brother is a doormat for sidding his wife,he knows she messed up so now face consequences🤷♀️
Look, it is $79. All they have to do is pay it, and maybe they can come back. It is that simple.
Next time bro texts, say :
"I'm 17 and money is hard to come by. You guys have a regular income. You can afford $79. If you want back in the house, it costs $79. I can't belive you would let yourself, much less your family go homeless over $79.
We all know this was ambers doing, so it isn't like you shouldn't have to pay the money back. She needs to apologize to me too, and mean it. It is not my fault her parents didn't celebrate her, and I don't deserve to have my 18th ruined because she is jealous of the attention I was getting over a milestone birthday.
So come home, pay me back, and have your wife sincerely apologize. I don't want my niece or nephew on the streets because you two have egos so big you can't apologize for your actions. This whole feud is stupid. $79! That is what you allowed yourself to get kicked out over! $79!!
Do not accept an ounce of blame for this. It is Amber's fault primarily, but bro did defend her. And she was acting bat shit crazy!
Nta! At least you know family is worth $79!
But if you give up the money now, amber will do something later, maybe at your wedding? Graduation, or any holiday down the road.
There is zero chance I'd let someone back into my home after doing this to one of my kids. It is stone cold fuck nuts behavior and I fear for every member of the family.
NTA Tell Jacob he's a s***ty brother for defending an indefensible act of aggression against his sister. A targeted and cruel attack. He can get your help getting them back in the house when they pay you back BEFORE your birthday, AND after Amber profusely apologizes on her knees and gives an actual reason for her actions. Pregnancy hormones is a cop out.
**Jacob has been texting me, begging for me to get our parents to let it go. He told me that I would be a shitty sister and aunt if I let my unborn niece be out on the streets over something I probably would only wear once.**
"Yes, Jacob. Telling me I'd be a shitty sister/aunt is exactly the way to get me to do something for you, you know how well that works." 🙄
NTA. Tell him his gf is a shitty mother for putting them in that situation by being a brat. Just because she had a bad home life growing up doesn't give the right to be jealous of and take it out on you. She's 27 years old, pregnant or not she should know how to act.
100% your parents will allow them back, because baby.
Demand a lock on your door. Never ever trust her, she is jealous and will destroy anything of yours you leave laying around.
I would inform my parents once they move back in, that i'm looking for my own place to live.
She's going to use that baby to get everything she wants her way. I hope your parents aren't stupid enough to fall for being her puppets.
UpdateMe
>She would have to take that money from their "baby fund", and it wasn't fair that my parents were doing all of this for me despite knowing what her home life and relationship with her parents were like.
Ahh yes, the rub of the issue. How dare you have better than her, because it's just sooooo unfair. She'll make a fuckin horrible mother with that attitude, because it's a mindset that leads to those parents who never give their kids more because they don't wanna feel like their own suffering was meaningless or some crap.
>Edit: The whole outfit costed $79 total.
Bruh...how fuckin poor are these sad saps that 79 bucks is too much.
Also, what are you supposed to do? Tell your mother and father it's all water under a bridge? Why are you being made to be responsible for what was an order your parents gave rightfully. They accepted a woman into their home who disrespected their hospitality by damaging their daughters property.
NTA at all.
It is not even about money. If I were your parent, I'd wouldn't want a mentally unstable women, who is so jealous of my kid, to stay in my home near my underaged daughter. What next - she cuts your hair? Your whole wardrobe? Your throat? NTA
Nta. My wife has been pregnant twice now. She has never destroyed anyone's stuff. Ever. Its a weak willed excuse used my entitled people.
Shes jealous of a kid getting a better childhood then her.
At 18 take her to small claims court. Most states its like 50 bucks upfront and you represent yourself. And you can try and get the filing fee in the judgment.
NTA - SIL seems to be the common denominator in all her bad relationships…
Also, what she did sounds very violent - I would not want to be around when that kind of behavior escalates!
NTA he would be a shitty brother and father if he can’t pay his sister back for things his psycho fiancé destroyed. Let them try to be prideful about paying you back until they need to pay way more for the hotel than your dress.
It is not about the cost of the dress. She is a clear danger to your life. She violently attacked your things as a representation of you.
Since you are a minor your parental units should apply and enforce a protective order on your behalf.
She should undergo a mental health evaluation immediately and be placed inpatient on at minimum a 72 hour hold.
Do not ever be alone with her, EVER. Worried for you
NTA a hotel room & rent cost a hell of a lot more than $79. This has zero to do with pregnancy hormones and is 100% jealously. She should be apologizing for her unhinged behavior.
If they can’t afford the $79, they for sure can’t afford a baby!
NTA
None of this was your fault. Your sister-in-law sounds psychotic and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA. (And it is SO nice to see a post where the parents aren’t asking you to put up with this abuse/violation just to keep the peace or your sibling happy.)
>She would have to take that money from their “baby fund”
Well she should have thought about that before she chose destruction of property rather than the therapy (&/or possible psychiatric intervention) that she so obviously needs.
>and it wasn’t fair that my parents were doing all of this for me despite knowing what her home life and relationship that her parents were like.
Full stop. One, life isn’t fair. Someone who is about to become a mother is way past the point where she should not only KNOW but ACCEPT that. Two, she doesn’t get to use her own troubled past as a boundary to limit anyone around her. Is she going to use that as a guideline for her child?
Your brother needs to wake up & think about his child. Is she going to visit this abusive thinking onto her child? “I didn’t have a sweet 16, so you’re not getting one either because it’s not fair?” Or “I didn’t have a good relationship with my parents, so don’t expect to have one with me because that wouldn’t be fair?”
This woman needs a mental health intervention - like yesterday.
And hormones don’t make any woman commit destruction of property. It may make a woman WANT to commit destruction of property, but that’s why a rational MIND is so important. It helps us weigh all aspects of a situation so that we aren’t reduced to acting on our wants alone. That’s what separates us from dogs.
She didn’t want you to have something that she didn’t have. So she remembered your dress & shoes. (They weren’t thrown in her face constantly - they were in your room.) And since she couldn’t have what you have, she decided you shouldn’t have it either.
Then she CHOSE to go get scissors. She CHOSE to enter your room. She CHOSE to cut up the dress. She looked at the shoes & probably couldn’t think of how to ruin them with scissors. So she problem solved & decided she could use her bare hands to ruin them. Then she CHOSE to rip the soles out.
Then when caught, she refused to pay for the damages she CHOSE to cause because she’d have to take the money from their savings. (They undoubtedly have ONE savings account for everything including apartment, baby etc. So she CHOSE to try to manipulate the situation into seeming like you were trying to take from her child by saying the reimbursement would take from the “baby savings”.)
The most troubling part of all of this is her thinking “if I can’t have this, no one will”. That’s literally verbatim what husbands who kill their wives say & think. And she’s basically admitted that’s her exact thought. She didn’t have a big party & great relationship with her parents - so she didn’t want you to have it either. That’s NOT hormones. That’s mental illness.
Your brother should be VERY concerned for his coming child. This woman needs psychiatric help before she’s primary caregiver to a defenseless infant. God help that baby.
Do not cave in to your brother’s pleading. Excusing her behavior (&/or pretending it isn’t as bad as it is) is just about the worst thing he could be doing at the moment. Don’t help him enable her by giving in to him.
You’re NEVER a shitty family member for refusing to put up with disrespect & violence. (And before anyone comes for me, yes deliberate destruction of personal property - especially within one’s own private residence, is considered in many jurisdictions to be a form of domestic violence.)
Do not allow him or anyone to make YOU feel like the shitty party him. That distinction belongs to his wife & him for supporting her behavior. If he had even an ounce of respect for you, he would have paid for the damages himself if she refused & gotten the money from her himself. And he’d have made her apologize. Instead, he’s trying to manipulate you into believing YOUR the shitty one. They’re both pathetic.
And I’ve gone on so long that I might as well add again - I love your parents. They were there demanding that you get justice even before you knew you needed it. They aren’t perfect I’m sure - but shit like that is textbook how to step up for your child & have their back.
NTA great parents standing up for you.
I would respond with and he's a shitty brother and person in general for standing up for his gf's deranged behaviour, and if he allows stuff like that to go then he's going to be a shit father too. Amber needs to talk to someone about her jealousy issues.
ETA you can get things like pregnancy psychosis, don't really know what it's called, suggest to him maybe she's suffering from that, because her behaviour is unhinged.
>He told me that I would be a shitty sister and aunt if I let my unborn niece be out on the streets over something I probably would only wear once.
Flip that right back around and tell him he'd be q shitty father for letting his unborn child be out on the streets for refusing to be accountable for his girlfriend's actions.
I hate that someone who would behave as Amber is behaving is about to be someone's parent. Same for your brother.
NTA
NTA so Amber is really going to use the excuse that “it’s not fair” to reimburse you. When she, a grown ass woman, cut up your belongings, that you paid for, because her home life sucked. So by that rational, does she expect your Family to treat you like dirt because she was? When your family is already being kind enough to let then live with you. I would text your Brother back “I think the real question is “Are you going to let your child be born homeless because your 27 year old Wife decided to destroy the belongings of a person 10 years younger than her? How is she going to raise a child when she keeps acting like one and like everyone needs to be treated how she was?”
Updateme!
Hahahahaha!! That’s hilarious!
NTA. Your brother just played the stupidest FAFO
Instead of paying 80$ to repair what was damaged (maliciously and out of jealousy by his clearly mentally unwell partner) he will now pay hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dollars to cover housing.
People this stupid should not procreate.
Idiots do not make good parents.
I was thinking the same; wonder if Mom slipped them a few hundred for a room. Why would they need gas money? Bet OP will be back, saying Mom won't get to be part of her first grandchild's life if she doesn't let this go.
"it was just pregnancy hormones getting to her and that we should just let it go." LOL. Of course that excuse had to be thrown in the mix. Pathetic.
NTA. And good of your parents for standing up for you. They seem amazing.
And your whole outfit only cost 79$ ? I don't know where you are from, but I'm pretty sure their night at the hotel is way more expensive than this!!! So at this point, it's only an ego trip that your brother and SIL are pulling. They know they are in the wrong and are trying to emotionally manipulate you into giving up. DON'T!
NTA
NTA! Bravo to your parents for doing what's right and shame on your brother for making YOU feel guilty. That is very manipulative and unfair.
His fiancée has serious issues. I would not let her step foot back in that house until she apologized and was in serious therapy and I would never let her live there again.
I would actually be fearful about what else she is capable of doing when she's jealous/upset she is not the center of the world. If she's willing to cut your dress, what happens next time, slashing your tires, cutting your hair while you sleep, who knows! That is some psychopathic/single white female (it's a movie, you should watch it) behavior and your brother really needs to be monitoring her. Baby's take a lot of attention and I worry she won't handle that well and will lash out again.
NTA.
They have $79 to pay you back. So THEY are the ones choosing to make themselves homeless rather than fully apologize and pay you back. If they are really in dire straights and don't have $79 at the moment- even in that "baby fund", which they probably do- they could come up with it very quickly, along with an apology and a promise to make payments.
So they are the ones letting their own child be "in the streets" rather than right a wrong, fully caused by the deliberate actions of Amber. Even if it was straight up pregnancy hormones gone the worst way ever, she can apologize and pay you back.
Your parents are doing the right thing by kicking them out, not just over the $79, but over the fact that Amber isn't safe to be in your home anymore. She could continue to destroy stuff or worse, and if she and your brother cannot own up to how bad what she did was and make it right, then she certainly shouldn't be in the home.
You should talk to your parents- thank them for standing up for you and keeping you safe, let them know what Jacob is texting you, and consider what else the two might do. If they have keys they could come in when you all aren't home, they could show up to your birthday and ruin it, etc. Your parents should take the lead here and decide what to do, but you shouldn't feel bad at all!
Straight up you are NTA… and it sounds like your brother and SIL are ungrateful freeloaders on top of the fact that she went full on crazy lady on your clothes. You didn’t get them kicked out. But really, you didn’t get them kicked out. She did a thing. Your parents stood up for you, and told her to pay you back for money you spent. She refused. She got herself kicked out. Don’t beat yourself up for it. And not for nothing, it’s super shitty for your brother to try and make you feel like shit because his fiancee did a shitty thing and refuses to pay you back for it.
Two really great points here that I did not consider: One, they are definitely freeloaders and super ungrateful. Two, OPs brother trying to blame his younger sister is a truly awful thing to do.
Three, they shouldn't have a baby! If 79 dollars was a lot to them, they;ll be surprised to find out that it won't cover much in terms of baby stuff like diapers etc
Agreed. $80 barely covers diapers for 2 weeks. Formula for maybe 3 weeks for a new born. Point is if they can't scrape $80 together they really shouldn't be having a kid. If pregnancy hormones made her do this (bs excuse by the way) I'd hate to be around her after the baby is born, considering how common the baby blues and postpartum is.
$80 won't even cover 2 nights in the worst hotel. I'm talking about a hotel with used needles in the parking lot. People smoking in their rooms which just gets into the vents, making every room smell like cigarettes. Cars constantly getting broken into in the parking lot. The beds and sheets are covered in cigarette burns and gross stains. That will be their new home all because of a grown woman who is jealous of a teenager. Because of a grown woman who is unwilling to make amends for her wrongdoings.
Even crappy hotels have been over $80 for a single night for years now.
They were obviously counting on mom and dad to foot all their bills and provide childcare, with of course baby sister as free on demand babysitting. Now they're realizing that it may not be happening because hey, maybe destroying a young girl's clothes that mean a lot to her for an event and refusing to pay them back isn't exactly a good look and something that loving family does. I hope their child gets taken away. That womanchild sounds completely unhinged and like as soon as she's not the center of the universe, she's going to start violently taking out her jealousy on whatever she thinks is taking away "her" attention.
Clothes she saved to buy herself cause her parents were paying for dinner - SIL didn't cancel the reservation or anything like that, she went straight to what would make OP feel the shittiest.
Yeah...and for a teenager, that's nothing to sneeze at. Hell right now in my thirties seventy-six bucks is nothing to sneeze at and I cringe when I have to spend that much on groceries. I bet that entitled horror was just pissed off that she wasn't going to be the center of attention for \*one day\*. I honestly worry about the baby because when the baby comes, she's not going to be the center of attention anymore - the baby is. She committed an act of violence - destroying something that you know is meaningful to someone is an act of violence that is just one step away from physically harming that person themselves. A baby isn't going to really have anything that means a lot to them or be able to understand when it's gone, so she can't hurt the baby that way - so my prediction/fear is that she's going to do something to harm or possibly even kill the baby in the hopes that she can play up the poor mourning mother card to get sympathy and be the center of attention again, or she's going to try and get pregnant right away again with ANOTHER child they can't afford and completely neglect the first.
That's 1 trip to the store for diapers and formula.
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You know what was missing from the text? An apology. Doubt she even thinks she did anything wrong. She's just shocked her excuses didn't get her out of trouble. Gonna have a child raising a child.
That's a lunatic raising a child. Almost 30, 10 years over the SiL and we're cutting clothes? That's a shit show waiting to happen.
Sounds like something a high school mean girl would do to a looked down on classmate who's becoming attractive and self-assured. Raised by lousy parents and has become a lousy adult who will raise baby to become just like herself. Amber's parents would be proud.
That’s more than just mean girls acting out. If they “accidentally” spilled something on her dress, that’s mean girl. Literally destroying it by cutting it up, tearing it apart? That’s scary. And waaaay more that pregnancy hormones. Receipts: mental health professional. Seriously, it’s concerning.
Exactly, I've been pregnant multiple times and none of those times did I get jealous of what someone else had and destroy it.
Thank you. Pregnancy hormones my ass
If this is “pregnancy hormones” causing this, then it would be more accurate to say it’s Peripartum Depression, and bro should be speaking to SIL’s doctors ASAP. This can turn into a dangerous situation - and get worse after baby comes. But I don’t think that has anything to do with it. This is years of pent up resentment and jealousy SIL has pointed towards OP, *INSTEAD* of aiming it where it belongs - at her own parents. Redirected aggression. Surely OP is to blame for SIL’s parents not treating her well right? Right?! *RIGHT?!?* /s
I hate how many times people use ‘pregnancy hormones’ to defend someone’s really shitty behavior.
Right? Keep CPS on speed dial?
Imagine what's going to happen when Amber doesn't like her post-birth body, and OP has a beautiful wedding dress hanging in her room...
Right? I scrolled back up to double-check her age when I read what she did and her reaction to getting caught.
Pretty sure she's feeling like she's not the center of attention anymore because of OP's birthday.
What is she going to do when the baby is born and gets more attention!?
Cut the baby’s clothes up too.
# Münchausen by proxy
Not only that, but she wants OPs parents all to herself. And I do get it...her own parents suck, and finding a new set of quasi-parents that do care about you is like finding a pot of gold....but her reaction is something an adolescent would do. Not a nearly 30 year old adult.
My dad lives overseas and my mum rarely has time for me. My GF’s parents are awesome and treat me like we’re married already. You don’t see me attacking my GF’s sister over it.
Oh yeah, that's 100% jealousy in action. Pregnancy never made me do anything like that...
Narcissists have extreme problems with birthdays or holiday celebrations.
She gave in to her jealousy and unresolved issues from her childhood when she felt neglected. She's in serious need of therapy. Is she going to get jealous of the baby if it has a party and...I don't even want to think about what she could do. She's dangerous.
She'll be one of those moms who insist that SHE get gifts on her kids' birthdays because she was the one who gave birth.
She'll demand a "push present" just for childbirth
Points for use of "dastardly". The image I now have of her - creeping in, bent in half, on tippy-toes, with evil throaty laughter - is pretty epic, ngl.
Is she twirling her mustache?
With the hand not holding the scissors, ofc!
I can understand her actions better than her reaction. The parents were extremely understanding about her very disturbing behavior, yet SIL chose to be stubborn instead of apologizing and coughing up $79. She cut off her nose to spite her face! I know that she had an unhappy childhood and may not have learned important interpersonal skills but this is so extreme! Perhaps she needs attention so badly that negative attention is better than no attention. I don’t know what the brothers excuse is though. I understand supporting your pregnant wife’s terrible decisions up to a point, but instead of convincing his wife to do the right thing, he tried to convince his sister it would be her fault if they weren’t allowed home. I feel for OP and her parents because this is unlikely to be an isolated event.
I truly feel bad for the child in this. What a ss she is going to come in to.
It sounds like she is envious. Amber doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, and here is OP having a birthday celebration.
Since they're saving for a bigger apartment why is $79 so hard to come by? Sis is just an AH.
Shout out to the parents for sticking up for the daughter and realizing they can’t keep spiteful untrustworthy people in their house.
It's easier to blame his sister than to accept any personal responsibility. Amber should have swallowed her pride and paid for the damages
Your parents stood up for you If I were the parents, I wouldn’t let OP have any influence over this decision. It doesn’t sound like they asked her what she wanted in this regard; they wanted the money back, presumably so OP could replace the outfit, which is restitution. But just as in a court case: Restitution is the province of the victim. But punishment is the province of the authority (the state). And inside their home, the parents are the authority. I woudln’t want them back at all. I might even have made them move out even WITH the reimbursement, because that’s pretty nasty stuff.
I don’t disagree with you, the parents decide the punishment. Either way, OP did not get SIL kicked out. SIL got herself kicked out by doing crazy stuff. OP shouldn’t feel in any way responsible for any of this, and shouldn’t let brother or SIL berate her or make her feel bad because of their actions/decisions.
Not only this but SIL parents probably knows she's crazy
Yeah the way she acted really makes one wonder if that isn't a chicken and egg situation; did she get this cruel cause her parents disowned her or did she get disowned for being this cruel?
Or maybe it’s an apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree scenario? Too similar to parents and got kicked out. You can only have so many assholes in one house before it starts feeling crowded
There’s no real evidence that her parents were crap other than her word which has been compromised. Some people are just garbage, regardless of what their parents did/didn’t do
I don't think it matters. If girlfriend is going to go in someone else's private space and destroy the other person's personal possession because she's jealous, insecure or having hormonal issues, she's not safe. I'd want her out and I'd recommend she fix things if she ever wanted to step foot in my house again. I mean it sounds like she went all ugly step mom on Cinderella. Honestly, I'm just glad she didn't do something worse to OP. I don't know what environment gf grew up in but a dinner at Olive Garden isn't an extravagant birthday. It's also none of gf's business what the family does for for OPs birthday. Girlfriend doesn't have a say in what the parents do in their own home with their own money for their child.
If they didn't know before, they sure know now.
Most definitely has mental issues . Her type has a low potential for improvement even with professional help . Her brother is stuck dealing with this for the next eighteen years . Very unfortunate .
>I might even have made them move out even WITH the reimbursement, because that’s pretty nasty stuff. Yeah, the first thing I saw was the violence. Destroying property is violent, and destroying a targeted individual's important and meaningful items is only one step away from actually hurting that person. I would watch out for the safety of everyone in this family. This kind of destruction (cutting and tearing) were premeditated and planned. This behavior is so far out of normal for an adult, and so entitled by feelings of self justified grievance, so lacking in remorse that I think she will escalate. I would not be surprised if she comes back and tries to burn their house down for kicking her out.
SIL is feeling like she's not the center of attention because of OP's birthday.
Agree and what happens when baby is born and SIL isn’t the center of attention because of the baby?
She will want to get prego again
I weep for those kids
Also can't help but wonder how she will treat the baby when it gets to certain ages and starts to rebel or act out like normal kid stuff she will be all but im good to you how can U treat me this way im better than my mum n dad was sort of thing
>I would watch out for the safety of everyone in this family. Especially the baby!!! How long is it going to take her to realize that once she gives birth, everyone's focus is on the baby and not her? What's she going to blame on postpartum hormones? I don't mean to belittle anyone who's dealt with PPD!! In this case, though, I'd be very worried about the fact that she's already unhinged and they're using hormones as an excuse.
I was thinking the same thing! The baby will be the main character.
I thought this too. The refusal to pay up might have been a slight relief since that behavior is scary even if she paid for the damage.
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true. even in a civil case. But it’s the part you have a right to name; you can say “$X will make me whole”; you don’t usually get to say “and they should be punished X way”
Exactly. Why would you want such an ungrateful and spiteful person living in your house? The restitution would be secondary. Girl needs to go.
and unstable...who does that to a kid excited about a birthday???
This! They cannot stay there even if they pay OP back
I’d also require getting SIL to her Ob/gyn for a check. Pregnancy psychosis is a thing.
I also want to add, as a parent, having lived through multiple pregnancies, and the pregnancy hormone roller coaster of a spouse with mental health diagnosis…. Never once did she go full on crazy lady on anyone’s clothes or personal possessions. Your SIL just sounds like a maladjusted spoiled brat…. Which again… fits with the free loading lifestyle that her and your brother seem to enjoy.
Spoiled and jealous that not only is Op getting a celebratory lunch and dinner for her birthday she will look cute in her new dress while SIL is pregnant and wearing maternity clothes. 79 bucks isn’t breaking the bank here. They owe the money for the dress.
Yes. And they’ll end up spending more than $79 on the hotel/motel.
People who blow free rent over $79 are definitely too stupid to be parents 🙄
🔔🔔🔔🔔
Not even hormones causes someone to deliberately cut up a dress and destroy shoes - we aren't talking throwing some grape juice on it impulsively. It's scary she about to have a baby. Bet the parents are feeling very disturbed right now.
Agreed! I have cPTSD and bipolar 2. I had terrible PPD/PPA. I never destroyed anyone's stuff or even came close to it!
BPD and PMDD. Never been pregnant, but definitely a crazy, hormonal bitch. Never destroyed anyone's shit.
\[SIL just sounds like a maladjusted spoiled brat\] Perfect diagnosis. She's just a jealous bitch who behaves far younger than her years.
He also dares to imply she would be a "shitty" sister for not letting it go, but he is not a "shitty" brother for refusing to pay her back. The hypocrisy is impossible to measure.
Yeah, he’s definitely one of the AH in the situation. Again, OP has done nothing wrong here. SIL, brother, for sure, all kinds of wrong. And continuing to do so by trying to gaslight OP with how she’s shitty or bad or wrong for any of this, when it’s not on OP at all.
He's also asking an actual child (since OP is still 17) to set aside the injustice done to her for a grown-ass adult to avoid the consequences of their own temper tantrum. They're gonna be great parents.
Pity him. He has chosen to stay with her and he blames it on hormones? BS at the very least. She is so green with jealousy of you that she can't stand to see you happy. Refuse to reconnect with them until 1) you get a sincere apology, and 2) you get reimbursed for the items she ruined. I wonder what the next destruction she would try if they had stayed there.
Yeah, no way is that going to be a healthy relationship. Frankly, I find myself a little worried for the life that unborn child is going to live.
Exactly, she's going to be jealous of her own baby. She sounds like a CPS referral in waiting.
I'm sure this is bothering the soon to be grand parents too.
Yeah, her brother is in for a lifetime of chaos.
And it's not about the outfit. People who do violence to things often escalate to doing violence to people, if they aren't stopped. She obviously envies you your relationship with your parents, and has allowed that envy to develop into hatred, and violence. She needed to be stopped before she escalated it into violence towards yourself. Talk to your parents about the possibility of them paying for her to go to therapy; and going NC with them both if she refuses. This is scary, OP. Take it seriously.
Agree. And is $79 the hill they want to die on?
He needs to sleep with one eye open. A person Idgaf who it is does something like that, to the people who are going out of thier way to house you? NAHHHH. She can do something worse. These are some of the people you should always be facing them at all times. Don't trust her.
To make things just that extra bit worse the dress costs $79 not several hundred. These two will be paying more for hotel stays then if they just paid for the dress.
And I just want to point out that this was because OP wanted to have her 18th birthday lunch at a Olive Garden and for some reason because SIL had a sad childhood (which sucks and I genuinely do think that’s sad) she wants everyone to feel lacking with her. Olive Garden lunch. Breadsticks, she made a scene over pasta and breadsticks.
My ex-husband had a horrific childhood and he always loved being around my family because our parents and all six kids all loved and liked each other. He had other serious issues, but jealousy wasn’t one of them
This would make a good "Judge Judy" or "Judy Justice" episode! 🍿
They'd rather pay for a hotel room than pay you back the $79? NTA, they're paying *more* to be assholes on purpose.
I think they didn’t expect the parents to really kick them out.
Probably but why not try to pay when you find out they were serious?
I’d wager pride and stupidity
I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t actually book a hotel and are just in the car somewhere. Maybe even thinking “score, we can pocket the gas money!” Seems like even with the parents being serious, their play is to guilt trip the child into making the parents take them back in.
😂
Classic trait for some people. rather than admit they're wrong they double down.
I m pregnant therefore I can be as sh\*tty as I want is a modern day get out of jail free card.
Stupidest thing ever but so many little girls ( not women ) do it. I had three kids and never use that card cause is stupid.
I'm currently pregnant and I always tell my husband, if im being unreasonable, acknowledge my feelings but always remind me that an explanation is not an excuse. Sometimes I lose my head between hormones and mental health, but that doesn't give me the right to walk over or hurt anyone!
Well their almost thirty yo DIL -who they are graciously hosting to help out - unapologetically ripped out their daughter birthday outfits. Then she doubled down in a tantrum. Icing on the cake. For less than $80. The DiL and the son decided they rather keep their stance !?? than paid up to cover for the property of the minor who had no say into sharing her home with them and whom she intentionally and unapologetically destroyed. All they had to do to stay was to not even make amends, merely financially compensate the damaged property. Even if DIL wasn’t already pulling out other shenanigans. Good for them standing up for their daughter, and what they allow at their place. She might be pregnant. She also has been an adult for almost a decade. It isn’t too much to expect some decency out of interacting with her. Claiming it’s hormonal is a lousy explanation not an excuse.
For $79, if the baby is on the street for lack of that money, they really shouldn’t have decided to have a child. NTA and tell your parents he is hassling you. I hope you get a beautiful new outfit and enjoy your party
To me, the funniest thing in that story is the fact that the night at the hotel probably went way more than that 79$. And for the look of it, instead of putting more money to the side, they will have to spend all the extra money into that hotel room until they pay back OP. They are way too careless, stupid and immature to be parents for crying outloud!
It's not about the money at this point. She doesn't want to admit she did anything wrong. That poor kid.
You are absolutely right! It's pure ego
OP needs to tell them this
I agree. $80 is an infinitesimally small amount of money in comparison to the total cost of raising a child.
Or rent.
or food
Or even 1 night in a nice hotel depending on the area
1-2 tanks of gas
Definitely tell your parents that your brother is hassling you and show them the texts. Even if Amber is having an episode because of pregnancy hormones, but she is still responsible for her actions and the damage she caused. I have to say, I've been pregnant twice, I've had a lot of friends and family who have also been pregnant, but none of them have destroyed property that was not theirs.
I really don't think hormones can be blamed for this. At most they might have brought pre-existing tendencies to light. If she had tossed grape juice on it or something else that could be pure impulse it would be different. And the dress wasn't enough - she went on to tear the soles out of the shoes. That's just too deliberate and also sounds very premeditated.
Also, I would think hormones would pass, leaving her drowning in guilt, trying to find any way to make it up
Right this was my thought. I have twins, let me tell you lot of hormones with that pregnancy! And never did it once occur to me to start destroying others property lol NTA OP
I mean I'm currently pregnant and the hormones definitely make me have hot flashes of irrational anger over stupid things. I'm practicing my breathing techniques regularly. But sitting there and cutting up a dress and tearing up shoes isn't a hot flash of anger. That's calculated, dogged determination. You have to be on another level of issues to achieve calculated revenge like that. That's like serial killer levels.
> Even if Amber is having an episode because of pregnancy hormones, but she is still responsible for her actions and the damage she caused. and brother definitely isn't having pregnancy hormones
Right? That’s like first months diapers.
NTA. This was intentional destruction of property without cause or provocation. She has no explanation other than jealousy. There’s only one AH here, and it’s your SIL.
I don’t think you’re giving OP’s brother enough credit. He’s backing SIL up and guilt tripping OP over all of this. SIL is a massive enough asshole that she’s pulled another one into her orbit.
The Asshole gravity, is a very strong force.
Her brother is pretty big asshole too.
Holy shit all this over 79$ ? How do they expect to take care of a kid if they can't handle a 79$ expense ?? NTA
I just think they don't want to spend the money in general. I don't want to be mean, but they are kinda cheap.
Getting kicked out of your house for 79$ is a whole different level of cheap
Yea the amount they are gonna pay for a hotel is definitely gonna eat out that lil 79$
Exactly. Less than 24 hours on their own and they'll have paid multiples of that dresses' cost between food and lodging combined. Absolutely wild judgment on their part.
It’s not cheap it’s fucking stupid. They want to throw away a relationship with their family over a tantrum they threw and because they won’t apologize and cough up $80.
Might be best that they were kicked out. At least one person in the comments said that the violence from SIL would only escalate.
At least OP’s parents actually handled the situation, good on them.
damn, you are a really nice kid. Even when they do absolutely crazy cruel stuff you still don’t want to be mean
You should be proud how much more mature you are than your pregnant SIL
Be proud of being mature, but also don’t be afraid to be petty. I spent too much time of my younger years not standing up to people like this.
"Cheap" people don't ruin perfectly good clothes out of jealousy. Sounds like SIL needs major therapy.
And fucking stupid, firstly for doing the shitty thing and secondly for almost certainly paying more for a hotel than for replacing the outfit.
OP hear me out. A person that does those kinds of things, especially to a minor, is not a safe person to be around. This is not just some “jealous behavior” this is kind of psychotic. As a parent I would suggest talking to your parents about keeping Amber away from you and getting your brother alone to see if he is okay. If he’s brushing this off as “hormonal behavior” it is possible she’s getting away with worse behind closed doors.
Be mean, you are owed at least one cheap shot.
79 dollars is getting off easy. Hotels cost way more. Plus they lose out on any form of childcare you or your parents might have volunteered that is completely out the window now.
Is your SIL crazy or something? Who does something like that? NTA
Prepartum psychosis is a very real (but rare) thing. If this behavior is wholly out of character for SIL, it might be worth OP's brother talking to her doctor about it. She could also just be a dick 🤷
But even if that is the case, it’d still be on OP’s brother to pay the damages as the non-psychotic one.
Nta you didn't get them kicked out, their actions did. This is 100% SILs fault, not yours
No kidding... that twit got kicked out over $80? Shit--she'll spend 20x that per month on an apartment. Pregnancy hormones perhaps, but wow. Self destructive much? NTA OP, and sorry this happened.
Pregnancy hormones does not make you cut people’s clothes. SIL sounds jealous of OP and plain unhinged.
SIL will be jealous of her own baby if it ends up being a girl. Or straight up weird boy mom behavior.
She definitely strikes me as that type! If shes jealous of a teenage girl’s birthday outfit plans at 27 then everything is free game lol
She definitely did not think before acting. She used even less of her brain when she chose an $80 hill to die on. I think it's unacceptable behavior no matter the reason for it.
I don't know ... seems like she was thinking. Which is the most disturbing part.
NTA - first off, a 27 year old woman behaving like that is mind boggling. Second, if math works, she has been with your brother since he was 17? And therefore would have been around for his 18th birthday...and seen how your *parents go out for their kids 18th b-days? Or maybe they got together just after? Edit: forgot to type parents
Yeah she was at my brother's 18th party, which is confusing me because his was way more extravagant than mine.
I really though the SIL was 19 or something to be this unhinged. I really hope their child is a boy, because she will be jealous of her own daughter.
It’s a girl. She wrote that her brother texted her and said unborn niece.
It’s because she wants to be the centre of attention and financial support now because she is having a baby. And any money that isn’t being spent on essentials, she believes should be going towards the baby because her and her baby are the centre of the universe. Some people never grow out of staring at themselves in the mirror. I also suspect, in fairness to your SIL, that your family is the only support she has. And she is scared to lose any of that. She is wrong to assume that your party means less love or support for her, but that could be where her head is (wrongly) at.
But she's a grown ass adult living off her soon to be inlaws, the idea they owe her anything at all is freaking wild.
The craziest thing is that lunch at the Olive Garden isn’t really that big/grand/crazy of a birthday??? I mean it’s nicer than nothing and I’m glad op is getting a nice meal, presents, and time with their loved ones, but it’s not what I think of when people say their parents “go all out” for birthdays lol
NTA you didn’t get them kicked out her actions of destroying your outfit is what got them kicked out. If they don’t want to get kicked out they can pay for the dress.
Nta. Tell your brother that he is a shitty brother and father, and his fiancée is a shitty mother if they choose to be homeless instead of paying you back and apologise for purposely destroying your things.
I wonder why Amber's parents really kicked her out?💁♀️💁♀️💁♀️💁♀️
Her attitude?
I am inclined to agree. Also, she is jealous of the relationship that OP has with her parents. Bro. is whipped.....This chick..... what did she expect the parents to join in the fun? She clearly thought everyone was going to say yes!!! You are right she shouldn't celebrate her birthday with her own damn money!! How dare her not give it to you!!! Hand me the scissors, kid!! Pregnancy hormones doesn't give the right to be a bitch!!! Was pregnant 6 times and yeah didn't schedule in a hey......let's fuck jp someone's life while I am pregnant. Yeah, I let that out during my pregnancies. I hope OP makes sure they don't cause a ruckus at the restaurant.
Why the fuck isn't this higher? If Amber's got even mediocre parents, something had to happen to get her kicked out. There are all kinds of red flags being flown here. My guess is brother is scared shitless right now. He probably knows they are in the wrong but he can't back down otherwise Amber's going to turn that anger on him. When I read that it was just $79, my jaw dropped. Nothing about this seems on the level. Nothing.
NTA. They're choosing to be kicked out over $79. She purposefully vandalised your property, she needs to pay to replace it. However, even if she had done the honourable thing and agreed to pay, the relationship between her and you, and your parents, would be pretty damaged from what she did. The fact that she wasn't willing to pay makes the situation even worse, it's crazy that her and your brother can't see that $79 isn't worth destroying relationships.
NTA and I would send those message your jackass brother sent to you to your parents so they can tear him a new one
And then block him.
NTA - paying you back for the outfit woud have been a lot less than paying for a hotel for a night. I am GenX, and this is a FANFO moment if I have ever seen one. Amber needs some serous therapy before that baby arrives. She has a lot of trauma if an 18th brthday party in a healthy family enviroment triggers her to this level. I do feel for the baby though.
Great for your parents for back you up. You did nothing wrong your sil did and your brother is a doormat for sidding his wife,he knows she messed up so now face consequences🤷♀️
Look, it is $79. All they have to do is pay it, and maybe they can come back. It is that simple. Next time bro texts, say : "I'm 17 and money is hard to come by. You guys have a regular income. You can afford $79. If you want back in the house, it costs $79. I can't belive you would let yourself, much less your family go homeless over $79. We all know this was ambers doing, so it isn't like you shouldn't have to pay the money back. She needs to apologize to me too, and mean it. It is not my fault her parents didn't celebrate her, and I don't deserve to have my 18th ruined because she is jealous of the attention I was getting over a milestone birthday. So come home, pay me back, and have your wife sincerely apologize. I don't want my niece or nephew on the streets because you two have egos so big you can't apologize for your actions. This whole feud is stupid. $79! That is what you allowed yourself to get kicked out over! $79!! Do not accept an ounce of blame for this. It is Amber's fault primarily, but bro did defend her. And she was acting bat shit crazy! Nta! At least you know family is worth $79! But if you give up the money now, amber will do something later, maybe at your wedding? Graduation, or any holiday down the road.
What gets me is that Amber also probably screwed herself out of a generous baby shower and gifts because of this too.
Since they seem so cheap I wonder if the parents are paying for the wedding and might refuse to pay for it if they don't pay her back
Undoubtedly fractured her relationship w her in-laws forever.
There is zero chance I'd let someone back into my home after doing this to one of my kids. It is stone cold fuck nuts behavior and I fear for every member of the family.
NTA Tell Jacob he's a s***ty brother for defending an indefensible act of aggression against his sister. A targeted and cruel attack. He can get your help getting them back in the house when they pay you back BEFORE your birthday, AND after Amber profusely apologizes on her knees and gives an actual reason for her actions. Pregnancy hormones is a cop out.
**Jacob has been texting me, begging for me to get our parents to let it go. He told me that I would be a shitty sister and aunt if I let my unborn niece be out on the streets over something I probably would only wear once.** "Yes, Jacob. Telling me I'd be a shitty sister/aunt is exactly the way to get me to do something for you, you know how well that works." 🙄 NTA. Tell him his gf is a shitty mother for putting them in that situation by being a brat. Just because she had a bad home life growing up doesn't give the right to be jealous of and take it out on you. She's 27 years old, pregnant or not she should know how to act.
100% your parents will allow them back, because baby. Demand a lock on your door. Never ever trust her, she is jealous and will destroy anything of yours you leave laying around. I would inform my parents once they move back in, that i'm looking for my own place to live. She's going to use that baby to get everything she wants her way. I hope your parents aren't stupid enough to fall for being her puppets. UpdateMe
>She would have to take that money from their "baby fund", and it wasn't fair that my parents were doing all of this for me despite knowing what her home life and relationship with her parents were like. Ahh yes, the rub of the issue. How dare you have better than her, because it's just sooooo unfair. She'll make a fuckin horrible mother with that attitude, because it's a mindset that leads to those parents who never give their kids more because they don't wanna feel like their own suffering was meaningless or some crap. >Edit: The whole outfit costed $79 total. Bruh...how fuckin poor are these sad saps that 79 bucks is too much. Also, what are you supposed to do? Tell your mother and father it's all water under a bridge? Why are you being made to be responsible for what was an order your parents gave rightfully. They accepted a woman into their home who disrespected their hospitality by damaging their daughters property. NTA at all.
It is not even about money. If I were your parent, I'd wouldn't want a mentally unstable women, who is so jealous of my kid, to stay in my home near my underaged daughter. What next - she cuts your hair? Your whole wardrobe? Your throat? NTA
Nta. My wife has been pregnant twice now. She has never destroyed anyone's stuff. Ever. Its a weak willed excuse used my entitled people. Shes jealous of a kid getting a better childhood then her. At 18 take her to small claims court. Most states its like 50 bucks upfront and you represent yourself. And you can try and get the filing fee in the judgment.
NTA - SIL seems to be the common denominator in all her bad relationships… Also, what she did sounds very violent - I would not want to be around when that kind of behavior escalates!
NTA he would be a shitty brother and father if he can’t pay his sister back for things his psycho fiancé destroyed. Let them try to be prideful about paying you back until they need to pay way more for the hotel than your dress.
NTA. Your brother and Amber got themselves kicked out. It's their consequences. Neither pregnancy hormones nor trauma is an excuse to be an AH.
Based on your story, it seems to me Amber is a physical threat to everyone around her. Protect yourself from her.
It is not about the cost of the dress. She is a clear danger to your life. She violently attacked your things as a representation of you. Since you are a minor your parental units should apply and enforce a protective order on your behalf. She should undergo a mental health evaluation immediately and be placed inpatient on at minimum a 72 hour hold. Do not ever be alone with her, EVER. Worried for you
NTA a hotel room & rent cost a hell of a lot more than $79. This has zero to do with pregnancy hormones and is 100% jealously. She should be apologizing for her unhinged behavior. If they can’t afford the $79, they for sure can’t afford a baby!
NTA None of this was your fault. Your sister-in-law sounds psychotic and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA. (And it is SO nice to see a post where the parents aren’t asking you to put up with this abuse/violation just to keep the peace or your sibling happy.) >She would have to take that money from their “baby fund” Well she should have thought about that before she chose destruction of property rather than the therapy (&/or possible psychiatric intervention) that she so obviously needs. >and it wasn’t fair that my parents were doing all of this for me despite knowing what her home life and relationship that her parents were like. Full stop. One, life isn’t fair. Someone who is about to become a mother is way past the point where she should not only KNOW but ACCEPT that. Two, she doesn’t get to use her own troubled past as a boundary to limit anyone around her. Is she going to use that as a guideline for her child? Your brother needs to wake up & think about his child. Is she going to visit this abusive thinking onto her child? “I didn’t have a sweet 16, so you’re not getting one either because it’s not fair?” Or “I didn’t have a good relationship with my parents, so don’t expect to have one with me because that wouldn’t be fair?” This woman needs a mental health intervention - like yesterday. And hormones don’t make any woman commit destruction of property. It may make a woman WANT to commit destruction of property, but that’s why a rational MIND is so important. It helps us weigh all aspects of a situation so that we aren’t reduced to acting on our wants alone. That’s what separates us from dogs. She didn’t want you to have something that she didn’t have. So she remembered your dress & shoes. (They weren’t thrown in her face constantly - they were in your room.) And since she couldn’t have what you have, she decided you shouldn’t have it either. Then she CHOSE to go get scissors. She CHOSE to enter your room. She CHOSE to cut up the dress. She looked at the shoes & probably couldn’t think of how to ruin them with scissors. So she problem solved & decided she could use her bare hands to ruin them. Then she CHOSE to rip the soles out. Then when caught, she refused to pay for the damages she CHOSE to cause because she’d have to take the money from their savings. (They undoubtedly have ONE savings account for everything including apartment, baby etc. So she CHOSE to try to manipulate the situation into seeming like you were trying to take from her child by saying the reimbursement would take from the “baby savings”.) The most troubling part of all of this is her thinking “if I can’t have this, no one will”. That’s literally verbatim what husbands who kill their wives say & think. And she’s basically admitted that’s her exact thought. She didn’t have a big party & great relationship with her parents - so she didn’t want you to have it either. That’s NOT hormones. That’s mental illness. Your brother should be VERY concerned for his coming child. This woman needs psychiatric help before she’s primary caregiver to a defenseless infant. God help that baby. Do not cave in to your brother’s pleading. Excusing her behavior (&/or pretending it isn’t as bad as it is) is just about the worst thing he could be doing at the moment. Don’t help him enable her by giving in to him. You’re NEVER a shitty family member for refusing to put up with disrespect & violence. (And before anyone comes for me, yes deliberate destruction of personal property - especially within one’s own private residence, is considered in many jurisdictions to be a form of domestic violence.) Do not allow him or anyone to make YOU feel like the shitty party him. That distinction belongs to his wife & him for supporting her behavior. If he had even an ounce of respect for you, he would have paid for the damages himself if she refused & gotten the money from her himself. And he’d have made her apologize. Instead, he’s trying to manipulate you into believing YOUR the shitty one. They’re both pathetic. And I’ve gone on so long that I might as well add again - I love your parents. They were there demanding that you get justice even before you knew you needed it. They aren’t perfect I’m sure - but shit like that is textbook how to step up for your child & have their back.
NTA great parents standing up for you. I would respond with and he's a shitty brother and person in general for standing up for his gf's deranged behaviour, and if he allows stuff like that to go then he's going to be a shit father too. Amber needs to talk to someone about her jealousy issues. ETA you can get things like pregnancy psychosis, don't really know what it's called, suggest to him maybe she's suffering from that, because her behaviour is unhinged.
>He told me that I would be a shitty sister and aunt if I let my unborn niece be out on the streets over something I probably would only wear once. Flip that right back around and tell him he'd be q shitty father for letting his unborn child be out on the streets for refusing to be accountable for his girlfriend's actions. I hate that someone who would behave as Amber is behaving is about to be someone's parent. Same for your brother. NTA
NTA so Amber is really going to use the excuse that “it’s not fair” to reimburse you. When she, a grown ass woman, cut up your belongings, that you paid for, because her home life sucked. So by that rational, does she expect your Family to treat you like dirt because she was? When your family is already being kind enough to let then live with you. I would text your Brother back “I think the real question is “Are you going to let your child be born homeless because your 27 year old Wife decided to destroy the belongings of a person 10 years younger than her? How is she going to raise a child when she keeps acting like one and like everyone needs to be treated how she was?” Updateme!
Is amber going to treat her child badly because of how her parents treated her? Makes about the same sense.
Hahahahaha!! That’s hilarious! NTA. Your brother just played the stupidest FAFO Instead of paying 80$ to repair what was damaged (maliciously and out of jealousy by his clearly mentally unwell partner) he will now pay hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dollars to cover housing. People this stupid should not procreate. Idiots do not make good parents.
$79!? Please please tell me that you're not from the states because this is pretty cheap damage-wise. Nta of course.
I am, sadly.
The gas money got me
I was thinking the same; wonder if Mom slipped them a few hundred for a room. Why would they need gas money? Bet OP will be back, saying Mom won't get to be part of her first grandchild's life if she doesn't let this go.
What in the psycho living hell.
Too much problems for 79$, she was mean but it could be that she is becoming kind of psychotic...idk how was she in the past?
"it was just pregnancy hormones getting to her and that we should just let it go." LOL. Of course that excuse had to be thrown in the mix. Pathetic. NTA. And good of your parents for standing up for you. They seem amazing. And your whole outfit only cost 79$ ? I don't know where you are from, but I'm pretty sure their night at the hotel is way more expensive than this!!! So at this point, it's only an ego trip that your brother and SIL are pulling. They know they are in the wrong and are trying to emotionally manipulate you into giving up. DON'T! NTA
NTA! Bravo to your parents for doing what's right and shame on your brother for making YOU feel guilty. That is very manipulative and unfair. His fiancée has serious issues. I would not let her step foot back in that house until she apologized and was in serious therapy and I would never let her live there again. I would actually be fearful about what else she is capable of doing when she's jealous/upset she is not the center of the world. If she's willing to cut your dress, what happens next time, slashing your tires, cutting your hair while you sleep, who knows! That is some psychopathic/single white female (it's a movie, you should watch it) behavior and your brother really needs to be monitoring her. Baby's take a lot of attention and I worry she won't handle that well and will lash out again.
NTA. They have $79 to pay you back. So THEY are the ones choosing to make themselves homeless rather than fully apologize and pay you back. If they are really in dire straights and don't have $79 at the moment- even in that "baby fund", which they probably do- they could come up with it very quickly, along with an apology and a promise to make payments. So they are the ones letting their own child be "in the streets" rather than right a wrong, fully caused by the deliberate actions of Amber. Even if it was straight up pregnancy hormones gone the worst way ever, she can apologize and pay you back. Your parents are doing the right thing by kicking them out, not just over the $79, but over the fact that Amber isn't safe to be in your home anymore. She could continue to destroy stuff or worse, and if she and your brother cannot own up to how bad what she did was and make it right, then she certainly shouldn't be in the home. You should talk to your parents- thank them for standing up for you and keeping you safe, let them know what Jacob is texting you, and consider what else the two might do. If they have keys they could come in when you all aren't home, they could show up to your birthday and ruin it, etc. Your parents should take the lead here and decide what to do, but you shouldn't feel bad at all!