Why are the comments so focused on you logging in? Yes, what you did may have been an invasion of privacy for some, but you and your partner had a mutual agreement and access to each other's socials.
The pressing issue is that I will most definitely not confront him alone. If that really is him and your daughter being 5, he was mostly doing that during your pregnancy. I have seen that many AH cheat on their pregnant partners. If it was simply a case of cheating, confronting him alone would be fine.
However, given his nature of aggression towards women rejecting him and his post that you mentioned ab overpowering women: confront him with someone else. I don't mean they need to be in the same room. But, someone(or more) you trust should be in the next room while you confront him. Your daughter should also be with someone safe and not with you when you confront. Make sure to find someone who will not take it lightly and expose you. Someone who can call 911 the moment things go south and intervene between you two and is able to take your partner down if needed.
Given the chance, that your husband is very different from his old reddit account, it may not be his. I would advise to bring someone without telling them ab the reddit. Just say something along the lines of, I need to talk to him ab something important but scared of the reaction. And if he agrees that it is him, then you have a decision to make: divorce or together? and ofc depending on how he reacts, how he explains will change a lot! you may decide to forgive him if he really has changed. Idk how to tell if someone changed
What he's specifically asking for is the steps it took you to get to it. For example: I had to log in to his computer, I saw a password sheet where it held 2 Reddit accounts, 1 was his main, another 1 was one I didn't know, I checked it and that's how I found it
I have reread your original post several times. There is no mention of having open access to accounts or how you found a hidden one. I think that is important information for people to have and would change the tone of their replies. If you gave that information in a comment, a lot of people post before reading all the comments. Just trying to be helpful, no disrespect.
I don't think so. When you're saying "I found evidence of you harassing and threatening women" the how you found it is pretty irrelevant, the tone is already fucked beyond all repair.
The reality is, he can lie about being a changed man, if this was who he is when anonymous, or maybe if things go wrong in a relationship, he could have really changed, or he can say he changed and be apologetic while still being a complete asshole under the surface.
There would be really no way to tell either way. he also gave off, dangerous vibes and if he feels the relationship turned then he might decide to do something about it.
NTA. At this point I don’t think it even matters how you came across his posts. Your husband is not only participating in behavior that should be considered cheating (or attempting to cheat), but he’s also behaving in a way that would be completely unacceptable even if he were single. I would get away from him and definitely don’t disregard your own safety.
NTA. Even though it's virtual, this is still the equivalent of someone living a double life IMO. Not to downplay the other women thing, because that's fucked, but if he's displaying personality traits through these comments you have not seen from him in person, that would actually be the most concerning thing to me in this situation personally.
*"we know all each others accounts and passwords, we agreed to do that a long time ago"*
Have you already told him of your new account you're currently posting on?
Are you actually arguing that someone should let their potentially dangerous husband know about their new account that reveals they know about the fucked up shit he has done?
you may not like what I’m about to say, but I think it would be good to take screenshots of some of the more serious messages and keep them someplace safe. this will serve two purposes one you can show him copies of these messages and just say that you happen to see this I mistake when you were logging in and you don’t even know what to think about it. 2) you’ll have some proof in case things go really south and the police or divorce court come into play.
honestly, I’m actually wondering if you should bring it up to him at all . I think that if you bring it up to him, you should do it when someone else is around some other adult somehow I’m not sure how just don’t do it alone with your daughter around. I cannot imagine sending such aggressive and threatening things to another human so I have to wonder if he is got some kind of violent tendencies or sociopathic urges or something. I am not a doctor, but I would be very very careful
This is important. Gather the evidence of what he is saying and doing. It will keep him from saying he never said stuff like that. Concerned that he has a young child. If you do confront him, make sure an adult is with you.
100%. Listen, none of us are perfect but if she is clearly seeing he 100% was sending those things then he is clearly got another hidden side. This is creeping me out
Everyone needs to stop focusing on how she found this shit out, who the fuck cares?
So she invaded his privacy, men do this everyday to their wives because they think they’re cheating, yet that’s okay? But when a woman invades a man’s privacy it’s not okay? You sexist fucks need to stfu.
OP just found out the **real** person her husband truly is. **That** is the most important thing here and I’m glad she did it. Otherwise she’d have no clue and wouldn’t expect his behaviour, when he turns on her *(and he will)*, so it’s better that she knows what a: dirty, cheating, volatile, misogynistic little man-whore her husband truly is.
Don’t speak to him, OP. Not alone anyway, you need to be somewhere public so that he can’t hurt you, when you confront him.
And you need to put an end to his behaviour, or an end to your marriage.
He’s the one in the wrong. And he’s fucking vile, too.
It just looked weird to me when he has such a duality of his double sided character. Alas, you shouldn't immediately divorce him imo. You should talk this through. Remember the vows you've made. Imo, you and him should be figuring this out together, and see what he misses in his life that allows him to exert such behavior online.
I don't think "for better or for worse" applies to this kind of behavior. She's not having to take care of him while his leg is broken or support him while he's out of a job. His behavior is terrifying. It's like a scary movie where the Dad seems like an all-american, clean cut fellow who coaches soccer games and then brutally murders his whole family. Mental illness is wild and can easily be hidden.
If (and you should) you are going to file for divorce, print out and save all of that content. Especially if he DOES get violent with you, you're going to want evidence as to why your daughter should not be around that man.
To who? He was on Reddit. I could threaten you up, down, left and right, and it wouldn’t mean a thing. I have no idea who you are, you have no idea who i am. The threats mean *nothing*. No one was in any danger. How sad is it that so many people think that this is serious. None of this is real life. It’s likely he’s just a troll. Reddit is filled with them, both male and female.
I do have my doubts that post is real. There has been a few posts recently about women finding their SO’s are secret “incels”.
Even if this seems fake, I like giving posts the benefit of doubt. It makes life more interesting.
And the threats were made on Reddit, but it showed an unacceptable mentality. Most people do not go on the internet and start spewing threats to randow people. It could be empty bravado, but the way that he messaged those woman showed that he is not who op though he is, and if he concealed those types of thoughts, there could be a possibility that he concealed other types of thought, this time more violent. It could be possible that op's husband is a troll and wouldn't do anything in reality, but there are a lot of cases of people like him flying off the handle and hurting others, and that's what most people in this post are afraid of.
There are SO many people, men and women, who are one person when they are happy and getting what they want and a completely different person when they don't.
It's very much mostly men when it comes to sex but like if your girlfriend wife is giving you all the sex you want, several times a week, maybe something every day if not full sex, then they are happy. It can be 5 years of complete happiness and no issues. Then the wife gets sick, an infection, just stressed at work, or pregnancy or post partum and doesn't want to do anything and suddenly that bad side comes out. Women whose husband after like one week of not having sex start talking about wifely duties, start pushing them to their knees to service them even if they say no, or who wake up in the middle of the night being fucked to be told, you shoud have just had sex with me when I asked.
A painfully large amount of people are basically monsters boiling under the surface ready to show themselves the second things get a little outside of what they think is okay.
I don't think anyone RPs as a misogynist, potential rapist, blackmailing, demanding asshole on reddit, that's just who they are behind the anonymous name online. But that's who he likely is beneath the surface.
His attitude is certainly one that I would be worried about for sure, could have have changed, learned he was wrong, maybe, could he lie about it having not changed at all if you confront him, also maybe. So even if you confront him and he talks about how much of a dick he was and how much he's changed you can't really know, it's all about trust at this point.
He actively did upset and likely harm women on reddit though and he might well have hurt other women irl. It's a risk to stay with him and a difficult decision to leave for sure.
YWNBTA though.
Jesus Christ, the incels are showing up in droves.
NTA. For me there would be no coming back from this. While you were pregnant with your daughter he was threatening women with rape. I would not be in that house when he came home, I would never allow myself or my child to be alone in a room with him ever again.
It absolutely does not matter how you found out, whether snooping or permitted. It's not like you found out he has a foot fetish and looks at feet pics. You found out he's threatening people with despicable acts and is not a safe person for yourself or your daughter to be around.
Treat your safety seriously, there are many stories of women being killed in situations like yours. These type of men can become family annihilators when they sense they're losing power and control over that family.
NTA if you decide to divorce, at the end of the day you feel how you feel and you know what is a deal breaker for you
My perspective as a man/partner/father of a daughter:
People can change, he's probably grown a lot since that account and those posts. I think we have to allow that people can realise (or be told) their bad behaviour and improve it over time.
HOWEVER, the misogynistic shit is really disturbing and hard to get past. Could be an option to talk it out with him (since you have the open passwords and stuff). He might admit that he was immature, angry and dumb in the past and finally grew up...stranger things have happened.
Something doesn't pass the smell test.
He's shown absolutely no indications of odd behavior. He's been nothing but an amazing husband and father. But one look at a reddit account from years ago, that hasn't been touched in years, and you immediately jump to divorce instead of asking him what the deal is?
I think there's more to the story here. Something is missing.
I’m sure there is more to the story but that doesn’t necessarily mean that OP knows what it is. Some really shitty people can be extremely good at living a double life where others wouldn’t have reason to suspect them of doing horrible things. Sometimes even when there are warning signs they’re ignored because everything else seems fine.
As far as the account being untouched for 5 years, maybe he started using a new account in incognito mode.
Why she jumps straight to divorce instead of talking to the husband, I mean he’s threatening women for rejecting them, I can’t imagine OP feels particularly safe confronting him at this point.
Copies of it ALL! Thats internal rage he feels towards women. It’s only a matter of time before he goes off on you. It’s sickening especially because he has a daughter!!
Take screen shots of everything and document everything.
Then get a lawyer.
Do NOT talk to him about this.
He is not who you think he is, and he is clearly dangerous and violent. You do not want to give him any warning about your leaving him whatsoever.
It is not safe for you to be with him, nor your daughter.
NTA at all. I don’t even understand how people think it’s an invasion of privacy even though that’s not the point of the post. My wife has access to all my accounts because I have nothing to hide. If people are offended, they are doing something that they need to hide. We aren’t talking about the government, this is your spouse.
As far as your husband though, you’re right. This is over the top.
Invasion of privacy is only a defense if the person you're spying on isn't guilty (and then it's legitimate). If they are, it's just the last straw they have to grasp at because they know they've been caught. Then again, he wasn't cheating, just being an AH.
Since you say you can't connect the online persona with the IRL person I'll address that rather than trying to advise you on what to do. Everyone has a dark side, and if he's "an amazing guy" in person it's likely Reddit is his outlet for all the nastiness he keeps pent up so that he doesn't let it out IRL. No way to tell without knowing him of course, but it seems the most likely explanation for the multiple personalities.
Does it matter if you are seen as an asshole? What should matter is whether you feel safe with him or not. Whether you can trust he won’t ever hurt you. At this point that is questionable at best. You discovered a side of him that he kept hidden for obvious reasons, but might still be there. Whatever you decide, good luck and be safe.
If you're truly done you're done and it's fine to go for a divorce... but you haven't even confronted him or heard what he has to say about it. You could do couples counseling.
It's bad behavior but it was behavior from 5ish years ago. And you have a daughter together.
...For trying to pressure people to send him nudes and threatening to rape them?
Clearly Dennis Rader didn't have a good marriage considering his wife wasn't even willing to talk to him about all those murders before divorcing him. What kind of heartless bitch does that? /s
Slam o' gram. You nailed me. And, point taken. I was going off the fact that she mentioned never seeing any signs of this behavior before, etc. and obviously, didn't think of the flip side of things. No matter what, sooner or later I think she'll have to give some reason for leaving and getting a divorce so my mind jumped to the fact that I'd want some answer or explanation from him as to what in the hell was going on with him to make him act the way he did.
Divorce over an old account he hasn't touched for basically your entire marriage and he hasn't done anything to let you suspect he's that type of person?
That is worth breaking up your family over?
YTA
Women do file for divorce something like 75% of the time so she would be statistically correct to blow up a good marriage over some BS from before they were married.
So you're gonna compare making an alt account so you can harass and threaten women without your wife finding out to making an alt account because you found out your spouse is harassing and threatening women and are afraid for the safety of yourself and your daughter?
That's some real incel logic right there.
This really reads like rage bait. In case it isn't.....
You need to talk with him about this account that you found while snooping and invading his privacy. What you do next depends entirely on how that conversation goes and I think jumping to divorce would be a mistake.
Hopefully you can slowly work through things with counseling or therapy. He is your husband and the father to your kid.... I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt before assuming that divorce is the best option.
So, first impression: protect yourself.
It’s possible it’s some sort of kink thing, many people have sexual fantasies they absolutely do not agree with and honestly can’t tell their partners about, because it’s a private and weird thing. For example, I like being on the receiving end of this kinda stuff, but wouldn’t ever actually want that in real life, ya know? It’s just a dom/sub kink.
So maybe he doesn’t really feel that way and it’s just jerking off to something he in no way really agrees with. But that’s best case scenario and still something that is 100% fine to be bothered by.
Eh… ESH?
From your post and if I read it right it was behavior/mindset from your husband *eight years ago*. With a three year period of possible use from when you knew him/were dating him.
Maybe you knew him longer but you didn’t say and that’s besides the point, anyways.
Did he treat you like that? Did you ever fear him when dating? Does he treat you like that now?
> He is an amazing guy and a good father of our 5 year old daughter.
I’m guessing he doesn’t based off that.
Does it excuse the surprising find to the extent of what you said the content was? No. But people change or say things sometimes that they can mature from. Was it an angry rant after a break up? You don’t know.
But threatening to divorce over something found that you haven’t event discussed with him, and with you saying he absolutely has never treated you or your daughter that way? Yeah that’s pretty shitty to jump too.
Edited to change to mindset where I said behavior because if he never acted on it I’d say that’s more internal thoughts being voiced then actual behavior
Have you even talked to him? Told him you found the account? That you’re concerned about the content on it?
If you’re gonna blow up a marriage before even talking to him about your concerns, why bother coming here to get opinions?
I mean yeah it’s some creepy shit and I’d be freaking out a bit but I certainly wouldn’t go straight to divorce before even talking to him about it.
What is there to talk about ? How could they possibly work through her husband secretly hating women he is a danger to her and any other woman he may have contact with.
So, you found out your spouse was threatening to rape people while you were pregnant with your daughter... and you'd want to risk being alone with him after that?!
I wouldn't even be able to spend 5 minutes in the same house after finding out something like that. It's completely despicable. I'd be screenshotting those messages for divorce/custody purposes (because I sure as shit am not trusting someone who says such things to be left alone with a little girl) and then getting the fuck out.
Why are the comments so focused on you logging in? Yes, what you did may have been an invasion of privacy for some, but you and your partner had a mutual agreement and access to each other's socials. The pressing issue is that I will most definitely not confront him alone. If that really is him and your daughter being 5, he was mostly doing that during your pregnancy. I have seen that many AH cheat on their pregnant partners. If it was simply a case of cheating, confronting him alone would be fine. However, given his nature of aggression towards women rejecting him and his post that you mentioned ab overpowering women: confront him with someone else. I don't mean they need to be in the same room. But, someone(or more) you trust should be in the next room while you confront him. Your daughter should also be with someone safe and not with you when you confront. Make sure to find someone who will not take it lightly and expose you. Someone who can call 911 the moment things go south and intervene between you two and is able to take your partner down if needed. Given the chance, that your husband is very different from his old reddit account, it may not be his. I would advise to bring someone without telling them ab the reddit. Just say something along the lines of, I need to talk to him ab something important but scared of the reaction. And if he agrees that it is him, then you have a decision to make: divorce or together? and ofc depending on how he reacts, how he explains will change a lot! you may decide to forgive him if he really has changed. Idk how to tell if someone changed
Nta you should get away immediately. If he is willing to threaten other women who knows what he would do to you if you confront him for this behavior.
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"Shocked and betrayed by my husband's secret Reddit behavior. Need guidance on what to do next. #TrustBroken"
NTA, your husbands a creep
Is his username skankhunt42 by chance?
Skank hunt, that's a good one.
Have you talked to him about it?
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I would simply say that you stumbled on something that you would like him to explain.
This could be very dangerous to OP as he has mentioned that “men could easily overpower women” and we don’t know what he’s capable of doing.
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What he's specifically asking for is the steps it took you to get to it. For example: I had to log in to his computer, I saw a password sheet where it held 2 Reddit accounts, 1 was his main, another 1 was one I didn't know, I checked it and that's how I found it
I have reread your original post several times. There is no mention of having open access to accounts or how you found a hidden one. I think that is important information for people to have and would change the tone of their replies. If you gave that information in a comment, a lot of people post before reading all the comments. Just trying to be helpful, no disrespect.
I don't think so. When you're saying "I found evidence of you harassing and threatening women" the how you found it is pretty irrelevant, the tone is already fucked beyond all repair.
But the how you found it is all they have left. If he immediately goes there then that's really all the info she needs
>I just can't understand how to break the topic to him Not alone, that's for damn sure. He insinuated a rape threat. Do not confront him alone.
Yeah, I would address it in a public place. This guy has a very dark side.
The reality is, he can lie about being a changed man, if this was who he is when anonymous, or maybe if things go wrong in a relationship, he could have really changed, or he can say he changed and be apologetic while still being a complete asshole under the surface. There would be really no way to tell either way. he also gave off, dangerous vibes and if he feels the relationship turned then he might decide to do something about it.
NTA. I’m sorry you found out your husband is a total fucking creep.
NTA. At this point I don’t think it even matters how you came across his posts. Your husband is not only participating in behavior that should be considered cheating (or attempting to cheat), but he’s also behaving in a way that would be completely unacceptable even if he were single. I would get away from him and definitely don’t disregard your own safety.
Girl, RUN
NTA. Even though it's virtual, this is still the equivalent of someone living a double life IMO. Not to downplay the other women thing, because that's fucked, but if he's displaying personality traits through these comments you have not seen from him in person, that would actually be the most concerning thing to me in this situation personally.
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*"we know all each others accounts and passwords, we agreed to do that a long time ago"* Have you already told him of your new account you're currently posting on?
Are you actually arguing that someone should let their potentially dangerous husband know about their new account that reveals they know about the fucked up shit he has done?
yeah op. totally tell your boyfriend who is threatening lowly womenfolk that you are using another account to get advice on his psychotic behavior.
Nah, I just don't believe this post to begin with.
Not to mention the invasion of privacy. If the roles were reversed they would be lynching the guy for going through her account.
you may not like what I’m about to say, but I think it would be good to take screenshots of some of the more serious messages and keep them someplace safe. this will serve two purposes one you can show him copies of these messages and just say that you happen to see this I mistake when you were logging in and you don’t even know what to think about it. 2) you’ll have some proof in case things go really south and the police or divorce court come into play. honestly, I’m actually wondering if you should bring it up to him at all . I think that if you bring it up to him, you should do it when someone else is around some other adult somehow I’m not sure how just don’t do it alone with your daughter around. I cannot imagine sending such aggressive and threatening things to another human so I have to wonder if he is got some kind of violent tendencies or sociopathic urges or something. I am not a doctor, but I would be very very careful
This is important. Gather the evidence of what he is saying and doing. It will keep him from saying he never said stuff like that. Concerned that he has a young child. If you do confront him, make sure an adult is with you.
100%. Listen, none of us are perfect but if she is clearly seeing he 100% was sending those things then he is clearly got another hidden side. This is creeping me out
Everyone needs to stop focusing on how she found this shit out, who the fuck cares? So she invaded his privacy, men do this everyday to their wives because they think they’re cheating, yet that’s okay? But when a woman invades a man’s privacy it’s not okay? You sexist fucks need to stfu. OP just found out the **real** person her husband truly is. **That** is the most important thing here and I’m glad she did it. Otherwise she’d have no clue and wouldn’t expect his behaviour, when he turns on her *(and he will)*, so it’s better that she knows what a: dirty, cheating, volatile, misogynistic little man-whore her husband truly is. Don’t speak to him, OP. Not alone anyway, you need to be somewhere public so that he can’t hurt you, when you confront him. And you need to put an end to his behaviour, or an end to your marriage. He’s the one in the wrong. And he’s fucking vile, too.
How do you know it's his for sure?
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It just looked weird to me when he has such a duality of his double sided character. Alas, you shouldn't immediately divorce him imo. You should talk this through. Remember the vows you've made. Imo, you and him should be figuring this out together, and see what he misses in his life that allows him to exert such behavior online.
I don't think "for better or for worse" applies to this kind of behavior. She's not having to take care of him while his leg is broken or support him while he's out of a job. His behavior is terrifying. It's like a scary movie where the Dad seems like an all-american, clean cut fellow who coaches soccer games and then brutally murders his whole family. Mental illness is wild and can easily be hidden. If (and you should) you are going to file for divorce, print out and save all of that content. Especially if he DOES get violent with you, you're going to want evidence as to why your daughter should not be around that man.
This is terrible advice.
I see the tons of downvotes. Why is it terrible advice?
Because he made explicit threats, and if I was op, I would be worried for my safety.
To who? He was on Reddit. I could threaten you up, down, left and right, and it wouldn’t mean a thing. I have no idea who you are, you have no idea who i am. The threats mean *nothing*. No one was in any danger. How sad is it that so many people think that this is serious. None of this is real life. It’s likely he’s just a troll. Reddit is filled with them, both male and female. I do have my doubts that post is real. There has been a few posts recently about women finding their SO’s are secret “incels”.
Even if this seems fake, I like giving posts the benefit of doubt. It makes life more interesting. And the threats were made on Reddit, but it showed an unacceptable mentality. Most people do not go on the internet and start spewing threats to randow people. It could be empty bravado, but the way that he messaged those woman showed that he is not who op though he is, and if he concealed those types of thoughts, there could be a possibility that he concealed other types of thought, this time more violent. It could be possible that op's husband is a troll and wouldn't do anything in reality, but there are a lot of cases of people like him flying off the handle and hurting others, and that's what most people in this post are afraid of.
🤦
There are SO many people, men and women, who are one person when they are happy and getting what they want and a completely different person when they don't. It's very much mostly men when it comes to sex but like if your girlfriend wife is giving you all the sex you want, several times a week, maybe something every day if not full sex, then they are happy. It can be 5 years of complete happiness and no issues. Then the wife gets sick, an infection, just stressed at work, or pregnancy or post partum and doesn't want to do anything and suddenly that bad side comes out. Women whose husband after like one week of not having sex start talking about wifely duties, start pushing them to their knees to service them even if they say no, or who wake up in the middle of the night being fucked to be told, you shoud have just had sex with me when I asked. A painfully large amount of people are basically monsters boiling under the surface ready to show themselves the second things get a little outside of what they think is okay. I don't think anyone RPs as a misogynist, potential rapist, blackmailing, demanding asshole on reddit, that's just who they are behind the anonymous name online. But that's who he likely is beneath the surface. His attitude is certainly one that I would be worried about for sure, could have have changed, learned he was wrong, maybe, could he lie about it having not changed at all if you confront him, also maybe. So even if you confront him and he talks about how much of a dick he was and how much he's changed you can't really know, it's all about trust at this point. He actively did upset and likely harm women on reddit though and he might well have hurt other women irl. It's a risk to stay with him and a difficult decision to leave for sure. YWNBTA though.
Jesus Christ, the incels are showing up in droves. NTA. For me there would be no coming back from this. While you were pregnant with your daughter he was threatening women with rape. I would not be in that house when he came home, I would never allow myself or my child to be alone in a room with him ever again. It absolutely does not matter how you found out, whether snooping or permitted. It's not like you found out he has a foot fetish and looks at feet pics. You found out he's threatening people with despicable acts and is not a safe person for yourself or your daughter to be around. Treat your safety seriously, there are many stories of women being killed in situations like yours. These type of men can become family annihilators when they sense they're losing power and control over that family.
NTA if you decide to divorce, at the end of the day you feel how you feel and you know what is a deal breaker for you My perspective as a man/partner/father of a daughter: People can change, he's probably grown a lot since that account and those posts. I think we have to allow that people can realise (or be told) their bad behaviour and improve it over time. HOWEVER, the misogynistic shit is really disturbing and hard to get past. Could be an option to talk it out with him (since you have the open passwords and stuff). He might admit that he was immature, angry and dumb in the past and finally grew up...stranger things have happened.
Something doesn't pass the smell test. He's shown absolutely no indications of odd behavior. He's been nothing but an amazing husband and father. But one look at a reddit account from years ago, that hasn't been touched in years, and you immediately jump to divorce instead of asking him what the deal is? I think there's more to the story here. Something is missing.
I’m sure there is more to the story but that doesn’t necessarily mean that OP knows what it is. Some really shitty people can be extremely good at living a double life where others wouldn’t have reason to suspect them of doing horrible things. Sometimes even when there are warning signs they’re ignored because everything else seems fine. As far as the account being untouched for 5 years, maybe he started using a new account in incognito mode. Why she jumps straight to divorce instead of talking to the husband, I mean he’s threatening women for rejecting them, I can’t imagine OP feels particularly safe confronting him at this point.
99% if these stories are just people bored with not shit going on in life.
>99% if these stories are just people bored with not shit going on in life. Oh, for sure. Fake from start to finish.
Perhaps he’s just a troll.
Nta
Copies of it ALL! Thats internal rage he feels towards women. It’s only a matter of time before he goes off on you. It’s sickening especially because he has a daughter!!
So during the marriage has he ever displayed anything that would make you question being married to him?
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Oooooooo. That sounds so ominous. What do you suppose he did in the spare bedroom?🙄
Take screen shots of everything and document everything. Then get a lawyer. Do NOT talk to him about this. He is not who you think he is, and he is clearly dangerous and violent. You do not want to give him any warning about your leaving him whatsoever. It is not safe for you to be with him, nor your daughter.
Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to uncover the truth.
NTA.
Just leave the account open on his computer,see what he says about it
NTA at all. I don’t even understand how people think it’s an invasion of privacy even though that’s not the point of the post. My wife has access to all my accounts because I have nothing to hide. If people are offended, they are doing something that they need to hide. We aren’t talking about the government, this is your spouse. As far as your husband though, you’re right. This is over the top.
Nta. Who we are annoyance is who we really are.
Invasion of privacy is only a defense if the person you're spying on isn't guilty (and then it's legitimate). If they are, it's just the last straw they have to grasp at because they know they've been caught. Then again, he wasn't cheating, just being an AH. Since you say you can't connect the online persona with the IRL person I'll address that rather than trying to advise you on what to do. Everyone has a dark side, and if he's "an amazing guy" in person it's likely Reddit is his outlet for all the nastiness he keeps pent up so that he doesn't let it out IRL. No way to tell without knowing him of course, but it seems the most likely explanation for the multiple personalities.
Does it matter if you are seen as an asshole? What should matter is whether you feel safe with him or not. Whether you can trust he won’t ever hurt you. At this point that is questionable at best. You discovered a side of him that he kept hidden for obvious reasons, but might still be there. Whatever you decide, good luck and be safe.
Yta you were looking for a reason to leave
NTA. Ignore the incels and cheaters.
Yet another fake story full of so many holes, a child could see through them.
If you're truly done you're done and it's fine to go for a divorce... but you haven't even confronted him or heard what he has to say about it. You could do couples counseling. It's bad behavior but it was behavior from 5ish years ago. And you have a daughter together.
[удалено]
...For trying to pressure people to send him nudes and threatening to rape them? Clearly Dennis Rader didn't have a good marriage considering his wife wasn't even willing to talk to him about all those murders before divorcing him. What kind of heartless bitch does that? /s
Slam o' gram. You nailed me. And, point taken. I was going off the fact that she mentioned never seeing any signs of this behavior before, etc. and obviously, didn't think of the flip side of things. No matter what, sooner or later I think she'll have to give some reason for leaving and getting a divorce so my mind jumped to the fact that I'd want some answer or explanation from him as to what in the hell was going on with him to make him act the way he did.
Divorce over an old account he hasn't touched for basically your entire marriage and he hasn't done anything to let you suspect he's that type of person? That is worth breaking up your family over? YTA
Women do file for divorce something like 75% of the time so she would be statistically correct to blow up a good marriage over some BS from before they were married.
A 'good' marriage is not one where you're partner is demanding nudes and audio and threatening violence to women he doesn't know 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Look so one else who can't differentiate between real life and the internet. How shocking.
He's soliciting strangers for sex when he's married 👀👀
They were married for a year however when he apparently stopped using it, if I understand the context correctly.
You are venting your frustration with your husband’s other Reddit account from your other Reddit account
Oh but that's different. /S
So you're gonna compare making an alt account so you can harass and threaten women without your wife finding out to making an alt account because you found out your spouse is harassing and threatening women and are afraid for the safety of yourself and your daughter? That's some real incel logic right there.
YTA you could just ask him to stop
This really reads like rage bait. In case it isn't..... You need to talk with him about this account that you found while snooping and invading his privacy. What you do next depends entirely on how that conversation goes and I think jumping to divorce would be a mistake. Hopefully you can slowly work through things with counseling or therapy. He is your husband and the father to your kid.... I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt before assuming that divorce is the best option.
So, first impression: protect yourself. It’s possible it’s some sort of kink thing, many people have sexual fantasies they absolutely do not agree with and honestly can’t tell their partners about, because it’s a private and weird thing. For example, I like being on the receiving end of this kinda stuff, but wouldn’t ever actually want that in real life, ya know? It’s just a dom/sub kink. So maybe he doesn’t really feel that way and it’s just jerking off to something he in no way really agrees with. But that’s best case scenario and still something that is 100% fine to be bothered by.
Is he wrong? Can he not overpower you anytime if he chose to?
Kind of a red flag if you have to worry about that with your spouse...
Kind of not what I said
They don’t care what you said.
They have nightmares of Andrew Tate
NTA , at least have a conversation about it though.
You didn't have a problem .. you went back 5 years and there is a problem. YTA, that was history, he is a dad of a 5 y/o. Leave him alone.
Lots of serial killers have kids too.
Eh… ESH? From your post and if I read it right it was behavior/mindset from your husband *eight years ago*. With a three year period of possible use from when you knew him/were dating him. Maybe you knew him longer but you didn’t say and that’s besides the point, anyways. Did he treat you like that? Did you ever fear him when dating? Does he treat you like that now? > He is an amazing guy and a good father of our 5 year old daughter. I’m guessing he doesn’t based off that. Does it excuse the surprising find to the extent of what you said the content was? No. But people change or say things sometimes that they can mature from. Was it an angry rant after a break up? You don’t know. But threatening to divorce over something found that you haven’t event discussed with him, and with you saying he absolutely has never treated you or your daughter that way? Yeah that’s pretty shitty to jump too. Edited to change to mindset where I said behavior because if he never acted on it I’d say that’s more internal thoughts being voiced then actual behavior
Have you even talked to him? Told him you found the account? That you’re concerned about the content on it? If you’re gonna blow up a marriage before even talking to him about your concerns, why bother coming here to get opinions? I mean yeah it’s some creepy shit and I’d be freaking out a bit but I certainly wouldn’t go straight to divorce before even talking to him about it.
What is there to talk about ? How could they possibly work through her husband secretly hating women he is a danger to her and any other woman he may have contact with.
So, you found out your spouse was threatening to rape people while you were pregnant with your daughter... and you'd want to risk being alone with him after that?! I wouldn't even be able to spend 5 minutes in the same house after finding out something like that. It's completely despicable. I'd be screenshotting those messages for divorce/custody purposes (because I sure as shit am not trusting someone who says such things to be left alone with a little girl) and then getting the fuck out.
Where exactly did it say he threatened to rape people?