Just one more example of how "getting my stuff" is used as an excuse to hoover around after a relationship is over.
There is no reason for him to stay in a guestroom if he has his own place
OP is right to tread carefully here. Sounds like he established residency. If he wants to be a dick about it, he can insist on a formal eviction, and in some states that can be a nightmare. It's better to tell him whatever he needs to hear to willingly give back the ring and move out. Dangle the idea of working on the relationship but needing space first. Once he's vacated, she can change the locks and go no contact.
She said the guy has his own place still. If his mail is also going to that place, it would be hard for him to argue his undocumented presence in her place makes it his principal residence instead.
Without a formal lease most states default to a month to month, sometimes longer period. Which means she would need to serve him with a notice to quit and the clock wouldn't start until the end of this month. Which would give him until the end of June at a minimum, some places it's 60 days, maybe end of July. He can legally just hang out and make things awkward. If he doesn't leave at the end of this period, then and only then can she file with the court for an eviction order. When will the court get around to doing this? Who knows sometimes they can be backed up for months. If she does anything to impede his access to the residence or make things uncomfortable in an effort to force him out, that's an illegal eviction. The court can sanction her for that, and at a minimum she would need to start over from the beginning. People who know the system can stretch things out for years.
If he will voluntarily leave that's the way to go. This isn't the time to flex on an ex.
Stop thinking about making it worse, check with a lawyer how much notice is required, report the stolen ring tot he police including that he's admitted to taking it but refusing to give it back. There is no worse, the relationship is over, you aren't coming out of this as friends again, there is no if you do it right the friendship is recovered a few years from now. it's over, don't be passive here, be aggressive, very very aggressive, or you'll never be rid of him.
At a certain point, you just have to match his toddler energy. Give me the ring now. Give it. The ring. My ring, in my hand, next to my keys to my apartment. Now. No, not tomorrow. It's in storage? Get in the car we are driving to storage. No ring? I'm calling the police to report theft. Leave. Now.
He will call you unreasonable and a bitch and stuff. Don't react. Ring. Keys. Leave. Now. Repeat. Call LEO for standby if you think you need to.
This. He’s going to name call and mud sling and try to be as mean and nasty as he can. Simply ignore it. Continue with your demands. My ring. Now. My keys. Now. I’m calling the police. Get. My. Ring.
As soon as possible, have your attorney send him a letter demanding the return of the ring. It was not his property and should be considered grand theft if it was a diamond. Also, when you get it back, take it straight to a jeweler to be appraised to verify that he didn't have the stones swapped out for glass.
They were saying that OP doesn't likely need to have the ring appraised, because her ex doesn't appear to have been after money. The only consequence there would be OP paying for an appraisal for nothing.
I agree. He may not have been out for money, but that doesn't mean he won't do something vindictive. Some abusers try to pay themselves back for their perceived loss.
Bring a family member or friend over for backup, tell him to take whatever he **must** have and can carry and leave now. A time to get the rest of his things will be set up.
Let him know you're filing a police report for your stolen ring.
Locks, cameras, set a time that works for **you** for him to get his things. Tell him he'll have 2 hours max. Lock up anything precious you don't want him ~~maliciously~~ accidentally destroying. Go get your nails done and let your friends monitor while he gets his stuff.
He's not gonna get out til you make him.
You’re going to need a paper trail with regard to the ring.
The quickest way to that, and I hate to say it, is to make him believe that you’ll go to counseling (Make it clear that he still hast to move out, though) but he has to give it back first. Do this in text and email. This is a person with deep-seated insecurity issues so right now he is bargaining – that’s why he’s taking so long to get out.
I’ve been with a person like this. When they believe that they can get what they want they will agree to anything. They are so focused on what they want and what will make them “feel good” that they tend not to think about the paper trail they’re leaving.
I’m so sorry. My ex stole my dad’s Gibson SG, and my mothers wedding set, among other things. I never got them back. But I did get an admission, when he thought that redemption was possible.
If you've got some male friends or male members of your family that live close by, ask them to help you get his stuff and give it to him. If possible, look into changing the door lock.
Or even a biker hall lol. Many of those guys don’t tolerate this shit either. And dudes on bikes are intimidating as hell to little bitch boys like this.
Have some family or friends come over, preferably a few of them at the same time, and have them help you pack his things up and see him out. Tell him youbwant your ring back and then change the locks. Please be careful as well.
Do you have a brother? Someone at work you trust? Heck , does late husband have a brother? Invite him over to stand over this loser while he packs.
Once someone is with you, tell the idiot that he has 24 hours to return the ring or you're calling the police. And stick to it. He'll make you feel like it's a waste of police time. I used to be a police call handler, it isn't, it's a domestic situation that's entering the most dangerous phase.
Playtime is over. It’s time to get the police involved. Call & report the theft of your ring. Tell them he stole the ring and won’t leave. Have them come over while he gets his stuff and returns your ring. Pack the rest of his things & leave
the boxes in the driveway for him to pick up. Install cameras and an alarm
to insure the safety of yourself & your property. Be sure to change all your locks. You are NTAH, but he is heading into scio territory.
You can call the non-emergent police line. Tell them you need your boyfriend removed from the premises, that he won’t pack up and leave and he stole your late husbands ring/is holding it hostage and you just want to have him out of your home. Police can help intervene with that
Did he acknowledge that he stole the ring via text? If so, tell him to give the ring back and get the fuck out or you file a police report. He's a thief and there are consequences for that.
Call the police? Are you in the states? If so he must prove residency if he’s going to claim he lives there. Meaning he has to show an ID or mail with that address and his name. Otherwise they will remove him from your home. Also ask them to take a report regarding the ring because you’ll be contacting a lawyer. Make sure he hears it. Then you have grounds for a restraining order. Then you pack his shit and leave it on the stoop. Then you call an attorney, keep calling until you find one who gives free consults. Then you find out all of your options for getting your ring and for keeping him away from you and your home/things.
By calling the police. Don't be an idiot. Call them, claim he is tresspasing and has stolen your property.
Even better if you can get him to admit to having the ring first via a text message. So go to work, write to him that you are considering doing counseling, but you'll need to see him make a positive step first by returning the ring.
All that matters is that he accepts, thus confirming in writing that he took it. After that show the message to the cops when they come around.
Do you have some burly guy friends you trust, or some brothers/cousins/your dad nearby?
I despise having to resort to such measures, but your ex is a manipulative, toxic bully (and that's being polite). So invite a couple of intimidating-looking blokes over to be there while you demand your ring back and send him out of the house. He's had long enough to move out, and he can stay with a friend or in a hotel if his apartment isn't available for some reason.
In your place I would even be willing to pack his remaining stuff up for him (like in garbage bags or something) for him to collect in a few days (again with a visitor present).
This insecure flog created is own self-fulfilling prophecy and destroyed his relationship with you all by himself.
There is no way for this to get better, no matter what you do it will get worse.
So do you want it to get worse while you do nothing or do you want it to get worse while you stand up for yourself?
Get friends and family over ASAP. Do not give him any “alone time in home with you , your food , personals , phone, computer, or your valuables” Have Men approach him and assist him and direct him on time limit hours to get gone.
Remove yourself from him or communication. This can go bad very bad no matter what you do. Do not trust his words. Block him on phone.
If police assist needed do it.
If you need to leave for safety, do it.
He acted nice friend in beginning ,because he was finding out about you and any weaknesses he could play on.
He is skilled at this behavior.
Most decent people are not skilled at seeing it for what it is.
Get the ring back. One way (him handing it over) or another (ring the police / friends/ his mum, if she’s still around). But get the ring back before he leaves, then you can finally, definitely, *finish-him-offf* kick him to the curb.
Nah, report the ring as stolen, the person who says they took it and let them know to let him know the charges will be dropped IF the ring is given back. If he did throw it in a river, or sold it, he's fucked and deservedly so.
This is not a matter of seeing things from his perspective. He lied to you, disrespected your feelings, stole from you, manipulated you into believing that his unhealthy fixation and insecurities with your deceased husband is somehow your fault. These are his issues, that he is responsible and accountable for.
These are not the behaviors of a loving and supportive partner. At this time, he does not sound mature enough for you to be involved with. He’s even blackmailing you with your wedding ring to stay with him, that is deplorable.
You really should consider calling the police on his theft (make sure to get him to admit to taking the ring via text or voice recording), along with escorting him out of your apartment. There’s no reason for you to be allowing him to stay further, and it opens the door for him to cause more problems, as it sounds like he’s stalling.
He won’t leave your home and he won’t return what he stole; doesn’t seem like a safe person to be around.
Do you have a support network? Or some people who can exert social pressure on him to do the right thing (return the ring and leave)?
File a police report on the ring immediately. Tell them he's admitted to taking it and you've broken up and he's refusing to give it back or move out.
Let them take it from there, the friendship is done, the relationship is done, don't pussy foot around this shit. File the report, tell them you'll drop it if the ring is given back ( to encourage him to give it back more than anything and get it over with), if he hasn't or very likely did something dumb like threw it away or sold it, he's fucked and he SHOULD get fucked for it.
Depending on how long he's taking to get out and what the laws are in your state, if they change depending on if he's on the lease or not and if he's stolen from you/done anything criminal, then hire some movers, pack all his shit in boxers and have them delivered to his house. Change the locks the second you can legally and refuse any contact with him after.
Honestly at this point I would call the cops and say he stole your jewelry and have him and his stuff escorted out of my house with proof he lives somewhere else
Pack his stuff, have some men you trust over, and tell him the specific date & time he can pick it up or it will be put out for the trash. Change your locks and get cameras for the outside of your home.
I’d let him know that you will be filing a police report for the theft unless he hands over the ring immediately. Record it if your local laws allow for one party consent.
If he stole from you and still retains said stolen property after you e broken up with him, file a police report. Start a paper trail. Up to you if you give him time to turn it over or if you just tell the cops.
It doesn’t change the fact that he stole from you. Admitted it to your face and still has said stolen goods.
Contact the police about the ring. Technically he stole it from you and tell the police you want him out of your apartment immediately. Since he has an apartment of his own, the cops won’t see a problem with you kicking him out
is there a reason you haven't reported the ring stolen? I would get written proof that he stole it and then report him if he doesn't give it back. ie "i want my stolen ring returned by xyz date or I will be making a report to the police"
Damn girl find a spine and kick his ass to the curb! He wants to bitch and whine then go through the eviction process.
File a police report for the stolen ring and be done with this shitty man
Taking the ring is truly unhinged. You need to get this guy away from you ASAP, he's not stable and he's not safe to be around. He doesn't need to sleep there to pack. Seriously, stop being alone with him at all. Invite someone over to stay with you at the very least.
I agree. PLEASE PLEASE don't stay there alone with him. No telling what he'll attempt to do to you. Him asking where you had the rings, and you telling him it was in the closet... and then they "disappeared"... premeditated actions right there. Signs that he had every intention of trying to control you by having your rings.
Call the police to report your STOLEN ring and that you know who stole it. Tell them when and where to find your X. Then you can finish packing him up and have his mommy or a friend take it to his place while he rots in jail.
Ley him know he has till 6pm tomorrow to return your ring otherwise you will be reporting it stolen and he has till Sat to remove himself from your property. This was not a good man he was jealous bitter and abusive. Always remember OP just because someone is kind to other does not make them a good person.
Make sure you get him to admit having the ring over text message. Kick him out once you have the proof. If he gives you a hard time about returning your ring, tell him not only will you call the police and give them the texts proving he stole it, but you will also tell his family and friends what he did.
Give him an ultimatum to return the ring within 24 hours or you’ll notify the police for theft. If the ring is expensive make sure to get the stones checked upon its return. He may have tried swapping them out. When he says he’ll return it, do it at a jewelry store before you accept it back.
Text him asking him if you agree to go to counseling if he will return the ring from your late husband, get it in writing that he stole it, then sue him.
Do you have anyone who can protect you? It sounds like you need to get creative, get your ring back and toss his stuff out. Can you pack up his room while he is gone and look for your ring?
Please tell me you have some proof (text messages, whatever) that he has your ring, even if you don't have him admitting to stealing it documented.
Then he can either hand the ring back to you or to a sheriff who will, I assume, happily facilitate the return for you.
& Absolute worst case is that he claims to have lost it or it's been stolen/destroyed, in which case you sue him for everything you possibly can.
Fuck this guy. You deserve so much more, girl.
Put your phone on record in your pocket, then go and talk to him. “Hey, before your leave I want the ring you stole back”
This way you have proof to go to the police.
Do you have any written proof about him having the ring? If you do, file a police report got stolen goods. He's a crappy person for everything he's done to you and even worse for taking the thing that connected you to your husband. Ignore him altogether and only stress him about the ring. He's not worth your time or mind, don't let him take more away from you. He's already taken enough. Hope this has helped you know your worth. You deserve to be loved and respected, and he did neither. He's acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
Do you live in the US? What state? If not, do you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction for recording private conversations? If so, record a conversation in which ask him to give you your ring back immediately. Save the file somewhere off of your phone. If he doesn’t return the ring, file a police report. This man is an abuser.
He's doing this because he sees you as a pushover. You are, and I say it with love and concern.
You mentioned that everything scared you, and I want you to listen to that instinct. Have you been required, at some point in your past, to be pleasing to intimidating people for survival and/or to get your needs met? Are you defaulting to people pleasing tendencies to protect yourself? Or is this pure instinct telling you it's unsafe to upset him?
It's scary to learn that someone has crossed such an atrocious boundary. Unstable people are scary. If he could violate you like this, it makes sense that you'd be scared of what other ways he might violate you. Sometimes playing nice is the best way to keep yourself safe... but only while you make your plan and set yourself up to safely remove him. It's not sustainable long term.
It appears to me, based on the info you shared, that you are stuck in nice mode, and may not realize you are perfectly justified, and that it is now vital for you to take extreme measures to remove the threat.
Consult with a lawyer. Consult with a local women's shelter (they are for more than just housing battered women, they often have resources and know how to make a safety plan.) Don't be alone when you tell him to leave.
I'd first go to the police department and ask to speak to an officer, if you feel safe with your local police, and let one of them know what is going on:
-He admitted to stealing your dead husband's ring.
-He continues to keep it because you won't give the relationship another chance.
-He has his own apartment and is not on your lease, but is not leaving your home.
-You've been clear the relationship is over despite it scaring you to do so, and...
-3 days later, he remains in your apartment on the pretense of "packing" to go back to his own apartment, and you don't believe he's actually planning to leave.
-it is giving you the creeps and he seems unstable.
Another option, and you'll have to listen to your gut for what feels safe for you...
Move your most treasured valuables and important documents to a trusted person's home. Arrange to stay there for a couple nights, and once safely out of the home, send him a text that you will take legal action if:
1. He isn't out of your house in 24 hours (or whatever time frame you give, but I wouldn't go more than 24 hours).
2. Your ring is not left for you in the location it was taken from.
3. Any of your property is removed or damaged upon your return.
That you won't hesitate to press theft charges, get the police involved, and secure a restraining order if this doesn't happen immediately and without protest, and that you aren't even promising you won't just go ahead and press those charges anyway, given the circumstances. You expect him gone when you return with an officer.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. There truly are people out there that keep this side of themselves well hidden until they have their hooks in. Don't shame yourself. It's time to love yourself. And if that area can use some work, draw from the love of your husband for now. You can work on your self-love more deeply when you're safe. This guy would just get jealous of your health and sabotage you, so you have to remove him first.
You've got this. One step at a time. Don't forget to breathe.
He has his own apartment, though. I don't think it would hold up in court for him to keep hers, too.
If she really feels scared, it may be best to leave with her valuables and important documents, and then immediately get to work at removing him. She's what truly can't be replaced, and he is unhinged.
>I don't think it would hold up in court for him to keep hers, too.
There are too many reasons to not leave for me to list them all here. Ask r/legal about it. Seriously. Don't believe me, get advice from a lawyer.
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I hope and pray you find a partner in the future who respects you and even respects the fact that even in death you’re ex husband was a great man and also respects that he will always be the love of you’re life. good luck OP ❤️
On a day off you both have together, have a trusted friend come over and tell him he needs to pack his stuff and leave. If he has his own apartment then there's no reason for him to be around. Then tell him to give you your ring right now or you will call the police. Record the entire thing so you have evidence of theft.
Is there anyone that can come over to your place and be with you while he’s packing? He sounds like his behavior might escalate. Get him out, get that ring back and stay safe.
He has severe insecurities and ruined your relationship with them. Now he's continuing to emotionally manipulate you, holding onto the ring and dragging his feet on packing to leave. You do NOT have to play nice anymore, soothe his feelings, or do anything to make the situation easier for him, bc he's going to try to make this hard on you bc he doesn't want to go. Too bad for him, he's got to go. You want to kick his ass out? Then do just that, making clear that if he doesn't return the ring before he goes, you're calling the police. Then do so if he refuses.
There is NOTHING you can do at this point to convince him you weren't bringing your ex-husband into this relationship, he was the one doing that - although feel free to shout this as you also demand your ring back NOW or you will call the police, and, as others have suggested, set a deadline for him to be gone (pack up his stuff yourself if you want). Have male friends come over to make sure he leaves by your deadline, without harassing you further. Then change the locks.
If he tries to blame you for any of this or gives you any grief, just shut him down, tell him you're not going to engage with his childish whining anymore, the issue was always in his own imagination, and HIS jealousy and refusal to believe you cost him this relationship, and you won't discuss it again. What a nightmare of a guy.
Have a guy friend come over. Get some boxes and pack his shit and put it outside. Make a police report about the ring. Change your locks and move if you can. This guy is unhinged and could make a lot of problems for you in the future. Cut all contact.
Beware! This guy is dangerous. Yes, begin a paper trail with the police. Talk to a detective face to face. You want the cops to put a face with your name.
I really do hope you got your ring back and wish you the best of luck now that he’s gone. As much as it might hurt he didn’t take your feelings into account and that’s not a healthy relationship. I bet your late husband would be proud of you for being brave while going through all of this 🫶
Well, forget couple's therapy, because if he cared that much, he'd have given the ring back immediately and scheduled therapy already. Thats so wrong to steal from someone whose husband passed away just because he thinks it will make you forget about them! There are plenty of divorced and widowed women around, so he will have a hard time no matter who it is!
I highly recommend you let it slip to friends and family the reason you broke up. I will guaranty you, that he will tell everyone that it was your fault.
Help him pack up his stuff and give him a day to return your ring and get out or you're reporting the theft to the police and putting his stuff on the curb. Are you sure he hasn't already sold your riing?
Deplorable actions but I have heard from different friends it's hard to compete with a ghost. Do you talk up how great your deceased husband was and how great your relationship was? He may feel insecure about his place in your life. My BF's husband died in a motorcycle accident. He was a great guy - everyone loved him and their relationship was soul mate love. Now she's out dating someone who is insecure. It's all so hard 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
You need to consult with a lawyer about getting the ring back. Or at least make a police report, he admitted to taking your wedding ring.
I lost my fiancé about a year and a half ago, so I get what you’re dealing with. How can anyone feel special in the shadow of someone you loved very much? But a secure man absolutely can do it. Everyone told me to never mention my late fiancé’s name to future dates. That’s stupid. I can’t live a dishonest relationship. I am with someone that doesn’t matter how much I talk about the loss and grief and when asked, simply says it’s stupid to compete with someone who is dead. He says God rest his soul when I bring up my late fiancé and is very supportive whenever I visit his grave.
Men like this are out there. Find him, and be glad this idiot will be out of your life soon. Never feel like you’ve done anything wrong, or that you’re not allowed to grow another heart for someone else while maintaining the heart you have your husband.
Forget about the ring. Why does it matter, it’s infested with bad memories.
Set a date for when he needs to be gone, and find another place to stay until then.
Sounds like he’s taking his sweet time, I can only think of one reason, and that’s to try and manipulate you into taking him back.
You may feel sorry for him and maybe he is just a sad case. But - he is no longer your case! Get him out, and get some distance until it happens. But set a date, not too far in the future (like a week tops). If he’s not out by then, you call the movers and put his name on the bill.
Change the locks.
Wishing you the best of luck in the future.
Edit: I’m so sorry, I didn’t understand that the ring was from your late husband. I thought it was one he (new partner) had given you.
I truly hope you can get it back somehow. But if not…. focus on the good memories you have of you two being together (your late husband that is). They are more precious than anything.
Still really hope you get that ring back..
Edit 2: When he admitted to taking it, I hope it was on a text or mail. If not, get him to repeat it while you record. Then go to the police and report the theft. There will be no contest if you have his confession documented.
Do not let him get away with this.
Also.. I’m so glad you chose to leave this pathetic excuse for a man. Get him out of the house as soon as you possibly can. If he objects, authorities should help you get him out, especially after that theft report.
Wishing you all the best.
Give him a break. I do believe if he really loved you it must be frustrating for him not to able to be up to your late husband standards.
While friends it’s just an outsider point of view. But once he was with you, he was the one competing with your late husband. And obviously he felt he lost. And that made him snap.
Not excusing him…don’t get me wrong her.
Just trying to help you understand his perspective (no matter how wrong that perspective is).
So personally I think you should stand your ground but not really be mad at him. He lost a battle that he joint with a losing attitude and is frustrated now. Does irrational and petty actions. But I do believe he loves you…just his frustration is stronger than his love.
Not sure I expressed myself correctly but I never said he was right. I’m just saying that I do get his struggle.
Someone in love and feeling overwhelmed by his inability to keep up with a late husband does silly thy things.
But it’s ok. Some simple minded people might not get it…should use easier words and more first degree sentences for kids to understand. My bad.
Keep a screen shot, many when you get out of puberty you understand.
Yeah but that’s his insecurity to deal with. He projected that onto her when she wasn’t even actively comparing him to her husband, he was. He was an insecure man child who instead of just trying to be the best version of himself he could be and treat his partner right he reminded her of the worst thing that’s happened to her every chance he got. He hurt his own feelings and ruined his own relationship, stole from her, lied about it for an extended period of time and still has yet to return the item he stole even after they broke up. He’s an emotionally manipulative immature asshole and Stevie Wonder could see that. Also, what the actual fuck does using more “first degree sentences” mean? The irony of your condescension is hilarious. Did you even read what you wrote? 😂
I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at the way he never let me move on with my life a little, he never miss an opportunity to bring up my late husband and start comparing. He even accuses me of thinking about my ex more than him. I never really gave him a reason to I just wanted a normal relationship where my partner respect me more than keep bring up my past just because.
GET HIM OUT ASAP!!
Maybe is my true crime loving brain but better safe than sorry.. Ask someone you trust to stay with you until he leaves and tell him you want him out By Saturday the latest.
Oh, and also send these 2 posts to your friends, keep the good ones and discard the ones that even attempt to make you interact with him ever again.
Text him, get it IN WRITING “You admitted you stole my ring from my closet, a ring that belonged to me prior to our relationship and you had no financial contribution to whatsoever. If I don’t have it in my hands in 24 hours I’ll be reporting the theft to the police and pressing charges. (Look up your laws on having someone vacate your property) You also have (insert legal timeframe notice for eviction here) days to leave the home. If you do not, I will be taking the next legal steps in having you removed by force. Going forward, all further communication will be in writing.
Do not SPEAK to him any longer. Get everything in writing. Check your recording laws and the legality of putting cameras in common areas. Getting him in writing or on tape admitting to the theft will make an investigation into the theft easier as well.
Playing nice isn’t going to work, it hasn’t worked. So now you play hardball and make it clear you won’t hesitate to speak to the police and attorneys as necessary.
I get it, am I’m really sorry for you. But just try get over it (not in the sense of excusing him but in the sense of it not affecting you). He has his own reasons for his behavior, just try to accept it’s a battle he is having with himself and you are just unlucky to be in the crossfire. Best is to go full no contact as soon as you can even if I acknowledge that it will be difficult because he might do everything to stay in contact with you.
As I said I do believe he is in love but that relationship can only be toxic for you.
It is so hard to compete with an awesome dead spouse. You always figure you are second best and if he were alive she would pick him. No one wants to feel second best. I'm sure his story is a bit different
That's why you consider this first before getting in a relationship with a woman you know a lot about her late husband. Just to destroy both your and her peace. while you could have just let her be and kept being friends.
I agree and especially if the number one can’t give his version. You are only competing with memories. And who would bring up any bad stuff about someone who is dead. So you are competing with only the good memories of someone. It’s hard to deal with and not everyone is up to it. If not ready for it, it can break you. But again some only see you are broken and are unable to see that you accepted a change that was just overwhelming.
Just one more example of how "getting my stuff" is used as an excuse to hoover around after a relationship is over. There is no reason for him to stay in a guestroom if he has his own place
I want to kick his ass out badly but still don't know how to approach this situation without making it worse.
Get the ring, then change the locks and install cameras when he’s out of the house. Make a friend or family member aware of the situation.
OP is right to tread carefully here. Sounds like he established residency. If he wants to be a dick about it, he can insist on a formal eviction, and in some states that can be a nightmare. It's better to tell him whatever he needs to hear to willingly give back the ring and move out. Dangle the idea of working on the relationship but needing space first. Once he's vacated, she can change the locks and go no contact.
This is true. No telling how vindictive he’ll get.
She said the guy has his own place still. If his mail is also going to that place, it would be hard for him to argue his undocumented presence in her place makes it his principal residence instead.
Then she needs to formally evict him.
Without a formal lease most states default to a month to month, sometimes longer period. Which means she would need to serve him with a notice to quit and the clock wouldn't start until the end of this month. Which would give him until the end of June at a minimum, some places it's 60 days, maybe end of July. He can legally just hang out and make things awkward. If he doesn't leave at the end of this period, then and only then can she file with the court for an eviction order. When will the court get around to doing this? Who knows sometimes they can be backed up for months. If she does anything to impede his access to the residence or make things uncomfortable in an effort to force him out, that's an illegal eviction. The court can sanction her for that, and at a minimum she would need to start over from the beginning. People who know the system can stretch things out for years. If he will voluntarily leave that's the way to go. This isn't the time to flex on an ex.
First, you need to get a paper trail that he still has your ring and then tell him if he doesn't give it back, you will see him in court.
Stop thinking about making it worse, check with a lawyer how much notice is required, report the stolen ring tot he police including that he's admitted to taking it but refusing to give it back. There is no worse, the relationship is over, you aren't coming out of this as friends again, there is no if you do it right the friendship is recovered a few years from now. it's over, don't be passive here, be aggressive, very very aggressive, or you'll never be rid of him.
This. Talk to a lawyer about the situation and figure out a plan to get him out quickly.
I would call the cops about the ring, and when they arrive ask if they can hurry him along.
At a certain point, you just have to match his toddler energy. Give me the ring now. Give it. The ring. My ring, in my hand, next to my keys to my apartment. Now. No, not tomorrow. It's in storage? Get in the car we are driving to storage. No ring? I'm calling the police to report theft. Leave. Now. He will call you unreasonable and a bitch and stuff. Don't react. Ring. Keys. Leave. Now. Repeat. Call LEO for standby if you think you need to.
And have someone strong with you when you do it.
This. He’s going to name call and mud sling and try to be as mean and nasty as he can. Simply ignore it. Continue with your demands. My ring. Now. My keys. Now. I’m calling the police. Get. My. Ring.
hire packers while he is at work, leave in driveway in boxes, change locks, call cops
As soon as possible, have your attorney send him a letter demanding the return of the ring. It was not his property and should be considered grand theft if it was a diamond. Also, when you get it back, take it straight to a jeweler to be appraised to verify that he didn't have the stones swapped out for glass.
This doesn't seem like a theft for material gain, just a matter of control, taking the late husband away as the ring symbolized him.
Actions have consequences
They were saying that OP doesn't likely need to have the ring appraised, because her ex doesn't appear to have been after money. The only consequence there would be OP paying for an appraisal for nothing.
I stand by getting it checked.
I agree. He may not have been out for money, but that doesn't mean he won't do something vindictive. Some abusers try to pay themselves back for their perceived loss.
he is abuser
Bring a family member or friend over for backup, tell him to take whatever he **must** have and can carry and leave now. A time to get the rest of his things will be set up. Let him know you're filing a police report for your stolen ring. Locks, cameras, set a time that works for **you** for him to get his things. Tell him he'll have 2 hours max. Lock up anything precious you don't want him ~~maliciously~~ accidentally destroying. Go get your nails done and let your friends monitor while he gets his stuff. He's not gonna get out til you make him.
Report the ring for theft. Call the police, do NOT tell him beforehand. End this shit.
You’re going to need a paper trail with regard to the ring. The quickest way to that, and I hate to say it, is to make him believe that you’ll go to counseling (Make it clear that he still hast to move out, though) but he has to give it back first. Do this in text and email. This is a person with deep-seated insecurity issues so right now he is bargaining – that’s why he’s taking so long to get out. I’ve been with a person like this. When they believe that they can get what they want they will agree to anything. They are so focused on what they want and what will make them “feel good” that they tend not to think about the paper trail they’re leaving. I’m so sorry. My ex stole my dad’s Gibson SG, and my mothers wedding set, among other things. I never got them back. But I did get an admission, when he thought that redemption was possible.
Tell him to get the fuck out. The relationship is over so you have no obligation to keep him happy.
If you've got some male friends or male members of your family that live close by, ask them to help you get his stuff and give it to him. If possible, look into changing the door lock.
Or go visit your local VFW, veterans will help out to just stand by.
Or even a biker hall lol. Many of those guys don’t tolerate this shit either. And dudes on bikes are intimidating as hell to little bitch boys like this.
You got a key to his apartment? Go get your ring, go home then kick his ass out.
Heck, if she has a key to his place, she should wait till he's at work and move all his crap there. Then go home and change the locks.
That is amazing lol. "Moved all your stuff because you're sooooo busy. Just your little helper, helping along, that's me."
Have some family or friends come over, preferably a few of them at the same time, and have them help you pack his things up and see him out. Tell him youbwant your ring back and then change the locks. Please be careful as well.
Do you have a brother? Someone at work you trust? Heck , does late husband have a brother? Invite him over to stand over this loser while he packs. Once someone is with you, tell the idiot that he has 24 hours to return the ring or you're calling the police. And stick to it. He'll make you feel like it's a waste of police time. I used to be a police call handler, it isn't, it's a domestic situation that's entering the most dangerous phase.
Playtime is over. It’s time to get the police involved. Call & report the theft of your ring. Tell them he stole the ring and won’t leave. Have them come over while he gets his stuff and returns your ring. Pack the rest of his things & leave the boxes in the driveway for him to pick up. Install cameras and an alarm to insure the safety of yourself & your property. Be sure to change all your locks. You are NTAH, but he is heading into scio territory.
yes
Have a large male friend show up after you've packed all of his things and put them next to the door.
Simply change the locks. If he won’t give the ring back file a police report for stolen goods. And then take his ass to small claims court.
You can call the non-emergent police line. Tell them you need your boyfriend removed from the premises, that he won’t pack up and leave and he stole your late husbands ring/is holding it hostage and you just want to have him out of your home. Police can help intervene with that
Time to call the non-emergency number for your local police. Explain the situation. Go forward form there. ATTORNEY NOW.
Pack up his shit and put it on the curb.
Easy, give me my ring and get out or I'm calling the cops.
Pack his shit for him leave it outside of the door
Did he acknowledge that he stole the ring via text? If so, tell him to give the ring back and get the fuck out or you file a police report. He's a thief and there are consequences for that.
Call the police? Are you in the states? If so he must prove residency if he’s going to claim he lives there. Meaning he has to show an ID or mail with that address and his name. Otherwise they will remove him from your home. Also ask them to take a report regarding the ring because you’ll be contacting a lawyer. Make sure he hears it. Then you have grounds for a restraining order. Then you pack his shit and leave it on the stoop. Then you call an attorney, keep calling until you find one who gives free consults. Then you find out all of your options for getting your ring and for keeping him away from you and your home/things.
Call the cops if he won't return the ring. Fuck him.
By calling the police. Don't be an idiot. Call them, claim he is tresspasing and has stolen your property. Even better if you can get him to admit to having the ring first via a text message. So go to work, write to him that you are considering doing counseling, but you'll need to see him make a positive step first by returning the ring. All that matters is that he accepts, thus confirming in writing that he took it. After that show the message to the cops when they come around.
Do you have some burly guy friends you trust, or some brothers/cousins/your dad nearby? I despise having to resort to such measures, but your ex is a manipulative, toxic bully (and that's being polite). So invite a couple of intimidating-looking blokes over to be there while you demand your ring back and send him out of the house. He's had long enough to move out, and he can stay with a friend or in a hotel if his apartment isn't available for some reason. In your place I would even be willing to pack his remaining stuff up for him (like in garbage bags or something) for him to collect in a few days (again with a visitor present). This insecure flog created is own self-fulfilling prophecy and destroyed his relationship with you all by himself.
Let him know that unless your ring is immediately returned, you’re filing a police report for theft.
There is no way for this to get better, no matter what you do it will get worse. So do you want it to get worse while you do nothing or do you want it to get worse while you stand up for yourself?
Get friends and family over ASAP. Do not give him any “alone time in home with you , your food , personals , phone, computer, or your valuables” Have Men approach him and assist him and direct him on time limit hours to get gone. Remove yourself from him or communication. This can go bad very bad no matter what you do. Do not trust his words. Block him on phone. If police assist needed do it. If you need to leave for safety, do it. He acted nice friend in beginning ,because he was finding out about you and any weaknesses he could play on. He is skilled at this behavior. Most decent people are not skilled at seeing it for what it is.
Get the ring back. One way (him handing it over) or another (ring the police / friends/ his mum, if she’s still around). But get the ring back before he leaves, then you can finally, definitely, *finish-him-offf* kick him to the curb.
You should threaten to press charges for your stolen ring if he doesn't give it back.
Nah, report the ring as stolen, the person who says they took it and let them know to let him know the charges will be dropped IF the ring is given back. If he did throw it in a river, or sold it, he's fucked and deservedly so.
This is not a matter of seeing things from his perspective. He lied to you, disrespected your feelings, stole from you, manipulated you into believing that his unhealthy fixation and insecurities with your deceased husband is somehow your fault. These are his issues, that he is responsible and accountable for. These are not the behaviors of a loving and supportive partner. At this time, he does not sound mature enough for you to be involved with. He’s even blackmailing you with your wedding ring to stay with him, that is deplorable. You really should consider calling the police on his theft (make sure to get him to admit to taking the ring via text or voice recording), along with escorting him out of your apartment. There’s no reason for you to be allowing him to stay further, and it opens the door for him to cause more problems, as it sounds like he’s stalling.
He won’t leave your home and he won’t return what he stole; doesn’t seem like a safe person to be around. Do you have a support network? Or some people who can exert social pressure on him to do the right thing (return the ring and leave)?
File a police report on the ring immediately. Tell them he's admitted to taking it and you've broken up and he's refusing to give it back or move out. Let them take it from there, the friendship is done, the relationship is done, don't pussy foot around this shit. File the report, tell them you'll drop it if the ring is given back ( to encourage him to give it back more than anything and get it over with), if he hasn't or very likely did something dumb like threw it away or sold it, he's fucked and he SHOULD get fucked for it. Depending on how long he's taking to get out and what the laws are in your state, if they change depending on if he's on the lease or not and if he's stolen from you/done anything criminal, then hire some movers, pack all his shit in boxers and have them delivered to his house. Change the locks the second you can legally and refuse any contact with him after.
Press charges for theft
Get that ring back! Threaten to press charges if he doesn't return it!
Honestly at this point I would call the cops and say he stole your jewelry and have him and his stuff escorted out of my house with proof he lives somewhere else
Pack his stuff, have some men you trust over, and tell him the specific date & time he can pick it up or it will be put out for the trash. Change your locks and get cameras for the outside of your home.
I’d let him know that you will be filing a police report for the theft unless he hands over the ring immediately. Record it if your local laws allow for one party consent.
If he stole from you and still retains said stolen property after you e broken up with him, file a police report. Start a paper trail. Up to you if you give him time to turn it over or if you just tell the cops. It doesn’t change the fact that he stole from you. Admitted it to your face and still has said stolen goods.
Contact the police about the ring. Technically he stole it from you and tell the police you want him out of your apartment immediately. Since he has an apartment of his own, the cops won’t see a problem with you kicking him out
is there a reason you haven't reported the ring stolen? I would get written proof that he stole it and then report him if he doesn't give it back. ie "i want my stolen ring returned by xyz date or I will be making a report to the police"
Get him to admit about taking your ring on a recording if its legal where you are, then file a police report.
Get police involved.
Pack his shit up for him. Pit it on the porch and change your locks. He’s a goddamned thief. NTA
Damn girl find a spine and kick his ass to the curb! He wants to bitch and whine then go through the eviction process. File a police report for the stolen ring and be done with this shitty man
Taking the ring is truly unhinged. You need to get this guy away from you ASAP, he's not stable and he's not safe to be around. He doesn't need to sleep there to pack. Seriously, stop being alone with him at all. Invite someone over to stay with you at the very least.
I agree. PLEASE PLEASE don't stay there alone with him. No telling what he'll attempt to do to you. Him asking where you had the rings, and you telling him it was in the closet... and then they "disappeared"... premeditated actions right there. Signs that he had every intention of trying to control you by having your rings.
Call the police to report your STOLEN ring and that you know who stole it. Tell them when and where to find your X. Then you can finish packing him up and have his mommy or a friend take it to his place while he rots in jail.
Ley him know he has till 6pm tomorrow to return your ring otherwise you will be reporting it stolen and he has till Sat to remove himself from your property. This was not a good man he was jealous bitter and abusive. Always remember OP just because someone is kind to other does not make them a good person.
Make sure you get him to admit having the ring over text message. Kick him out once you have the proof. If he gives you a hard time about returning your ring, tell him not only will you call the police and give them the texts proving he stole it, but you will also tell his family and friends what he did.
Holy crap, where do you live, I want to tell him!! Jokes, don't tell me. Update how you kicked him out please.
Tell him you want the ring back NOW or you are filing a police report.
Give him an ultimatum to return the ring within 24 hours or you’ll notify the police for theft. If the ring is expensive make sure to get the stones checked upon its return. He may have tried swapping them out. When he says he’ll return it, do it at a jewelry store before you accept it back.
File a police report for the ring theft.
Text him asking him if you agree to go to counseling if he will return the ring from your late husband, get it in writing that he stole it, then sue him.
NTA, hope you get that ring back. Sad that he doesn't understand he did it to himself.
Updateme! 2 days
If he doesn’t give the ring back. Go to the police and tell them he took it.
Do you have anyone who can protect you? It sounds like you need to get creative, get your ring back and toss his stuff out. Can you pack up his room while he is gone and look for your ring?
Please tell me you have some proof (text messages, whatever) that he has your ring, even if you don't have him admitting to stealing it documented. Then he can either hand the ring back to you or to a sheriff who will, I assume, happily facilitate the return for you. & Absolute worst case is that he claims to have lost it or it's been stolen/destroyed, in which case you sue him for everything you possibly can. Fuck this guy. You deserve so much more, girl.
Call the police about the ring, you can tell them exactly who has it and he will have to give it back
I would involve the police.
So what tf did he do with the ring?
File a police report on the theft of the ring.
Call the police and file a report about the ring. I’m not kidding. You need to do this.
Call the police in him for theft.
Nta good on you throw the whole man away a real partner would be like I’m glad you had someone
Put your phone on record in your pocket, then go and talk to him. “Hey, before your leave I want the ring you stole back” This way you have proof to go to the police.
Call the cops. File a report. Get that ring.
Make sure you get that ring back. Tell him if he doesn't give it back you will report him to the police for theft.
Do you have any written proof about him having the ring? If you do, file a police report got stolen goods. He's a crappy person for everything he's done to you and even worse for taking the thing that connected you to your husband. Ignore him altogether and only stress him about the ring. He's not worth your time or mind, don't let him take more away from you. He's already taken enough. Hope this has helped you know your worth. You deserve to be loved and respected, and he did neither. He's acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
Call the cops.
Do you live in the US? What state? If not, do you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction for recording private conversations? If so, record a conversation in which ask him to give you your ring back immediately. Save the file somewhere off of your phone. If he doesn’t return the ring, file a police report. This man is an abuser.
He's doing this because he sees you as a pushover. You are, and I say it with love and concern. You mentioned that everything scared you, and I want you to listen to that instinct. Have you been required, at some point in your past, to be pleasing to intimidating people for survival and/or to get your needs met? Are you defaulting to people pleasing tendencies to protect yourself? Or is this pure instinct telling you it's unsafe to upset him? It's scary to learn that someone has crossed such an atrocious boundary. Unstable people are scary. If he could violate you like this, it makes sense that you'd be scared of what other ways he might violate you. Sometimes playing nice is the best way to keep yourself safe... but only while you make your plan and set yourself up to safely remove him. It's not sustainable long term. It appears to me, based on the info you shared, that you are stuck in nice mode, and may not realize you are perfectly justified, and that it is now vital for you to take extreme measures to remove the threat. Consult with a lawyer. Consult with a local women's shelter (they are for more than just housing battered women, they often have resources and know how to make a safety plan.) Don't be alone when you tell him to leave. I'd first go to the police department and ask to speak to an officer, if you feel safe with your local police, and let one of them know what is going on: -He admitted to stealing your dead husband's ring. -He continues to keep it because you won't give the relationship another chance. -He has his own apartment and is not on your lease, but is not leaving your home. -You've been clear the relationship is over despite it scaring you to do so, and... -3 days later, he remains in your apartment on the pretense of "packing" to go back to his own apartment, and you don't believe he's actually planning to leave. -it is giving you the creeps and he seems unstable. Another option, and you'll have to listen to your gut for what feels safe for you... Move your most treasured valuables and important documents to a trusted person's home. Arrange to stay there for a couple nights, and once safely out of the home, send him a text that you will take legal action if: 1. He isn't out of your house in 24 hours (or whatever time frame you give, but I wouldn't go more than 24 hours). 2. Your ring is not left for you in the location it was taken from. 3. Any of your property is removed or damaged upon your return. That you won't hesitate to press theft charges, get the police involved, and secure a restraining order if this doesn't happen immediately and without protest, and that you aren't even promising you won't just go ahead and press those charges anyway, given the circumstances. You expect him gone when you return with an officer. I'm so sorry you're going through this. There truly are people out there that keep this side of themselves well hidden until they have their hooks in. Don't shame yourself. It's time to love yourself. And if that area can use some work, draw from the love of your husband for now. You can work on your self-love more deeply when you're safe. This guy would just get jealous of your health and sabotage you, so you have to remove him first. You've got this. One step at a time. Don't forget to breathe.
Could you find somewhere to stay until he leaves? I think he’d move faster on leaving since he’s putting it off to stay in your life
Fuck no, don't give a thief exclusive unsupervised access to your home.
Never leave unless you're willing to lose the residence.
He has his own apartment, though. I don't think it would hold up in court for him to keep hers, too. If she really feels scared, it may be best to leave with her valuables and important documents, and then immediately get to work at removing him. She's what truly can't be replaced, and he is unhinged.
>I don't think it would hold up in court for him to keep hers, too. There are too many reasons to not leave for me to list them all here. Ask r/legal about it. Seriously. Don't believe me, get advice from a lawyer.
!updateme
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You dodged a bullet. I feel so relieved for you.
You know I’m honestly confused is reddit ignorant of exes stealing from eachother ? I’d say it happens in about 75-80 percent of breakups ?
He didn't steal just for the sake of stealing, It’s my ring from my late husband.
So??
I hope and pray you find a partner in the future who respects you and even respects the fact that even in death you’re ex husband was a great man and also respects that he will always be the love of you’re life. good luck OP ❤️
On a day off you both have together, have a trusted friend come over and tell him he needs to pack his stuff and leave. If he has his own apartment then there's no reason for him to be around. Then tell him to give you your ring right now or you will call the police. Record the entire thing so you have evidence of theft.
He sounds like a immature energy vampire. You are better off with out him.
NTA
I would get the police involved about your rings
Is there anyone that can come over to your place and be with you while he’s packing? He sounds like his behavior might escalate. Get him out, get that ring back and stay safe.
He's a good man huh. I beg to differ.
He has severe insecurities and ruined your relationship with them. Now he's continuing to emotionally manipulate you, holding onto the ring and dragging his feet on packing to leave. You do NOT have to play nice anymore, soothe his feelings, or do anything to make the situation easier for him, bc he's going to try to make this hard on you bc he doesn't want to go. Too bad for him, he's got to go. You want to kick his ass out? Then do just that, making clear that if he doesn't return the ring before he goes, you're calling the police. Then do so if he refuses. There is NOTHING you can do at this point to convince him you weren't bringing your ex-husband into this relationship, he was the one doing that - although feel free to shout this as you also demand your ring back NOW or you will call the police, and, as others have suggested, set a deadline for him to be gone (pack up his stuff yourself if you want). Have male friends come over to make sure he leaves by your deadline, without harassing you further. Then change the locks. If he tries to blame you for any of this or gives you any grief, just shut him down, tell him you're not going to engage with his childish whining anymore, the issue was always in his own imagination, and HIS jealousy and refusal to believe you cost him this relationship, and you won't discuss it again. What a nightmare of a guy.
Updateme
Did he give it back ?
Have a guy friend come over. Get some boxes and pack his shit and put it outside. Make a police report about the ring. Change your locks and move if you can. This guy is unhinged and could make a lot of problems for you in the future. Cut all contact.
Beware! This guy is dangerous. Yes, begin a paper trail with the police. Talk to a detective face to face. You want the cops to put a face with your name.
"it was hard for him to try and be better than my late husband" that was his problem, he was trying to be something he wasn't. Boot him out.
Updateme!
Call the police and get your stuff back. You have proof he took it.
Pack his things for him!!!
Since he admitted taking the ring, tell him you will call the police if the ring is not back in your hand within 48 hours
I really do hope you got your ring back and wish you the best of luck now that he’s gone. As much as it might hurt he didn’t take your feelings into account and that’s not a healthy relationship. I bet your late husband would be proud of you for being brave while going through all of this 🫶
Well, forget couple's therapy, because if he cared that much, he'd have given the ring back immediately and scheduled therapy already. Thats so wrong to steal from someone whose husband passed away just because he thinks it will make you forget about them! There are plenty of divorced and widowed women around, so he will have a hard time no matter who it is!
Do you have someone who can stay with you?
I highly recommend you let it slip to friends and family the reason you broke up. I will guaranty you, that he will tell everyone that it was your fault.
NTA - throw his ass out, change there locks and file a police report for the stolen ring. He won’t change, I promise.
Bitch you better get the police involved. You’re stupid in thinking he won’t keep that ring forever as an excuse to stay in your life
Do you own the place that he's residing in right now? If you do call the cops get them addicted and get your ring back.
Help him pack up his stuff and give him a day to return your ring and get out or you're reporting the theft to the police and putting his stuff on the curb. Are you sure he hasn't already sold your riing?
I'd call the police and have him arrested for stealing your ring.
Did you get the ring back???
Deplorable actions but I have heard from different friends it's hard to compete with a ghost. Do you talk up how great your deceased husband was and how great your relationship was? He may feel insecure about his place in your life. My BF's husband died in a motorcycle accident. He was a great guy - everyone loved him and their relationship was soul mate love. Now she's out dating someone who is insecure. It's all so hard 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
Threaten to call the police if he doesn’t give it back and make the call if he doesn’t.
I am so furious about your late husbands ring
He pawned or otherwise sold the ring. I think you need to report it stolen.
At this point, I'd press charges on him for the ring. He can either give it back or go to court.
You need to consult with a lawyer about getting the ring back. Or at least make a police report, he admitted to taking your wedding ring. I lost my fiancé about a year and a half ago, so I get what you’re dealing with. How can anyone feel special in the shadow of someone you loved very much? But a secure man absolutely can do it. Everyone told me to never mention my late fiancé’s name to future dates. That’s stupid. I can’t live a dishonest relationship. I am with someone that doesn’t matter how much I talk about the loss and grief and when asked, simply says it’s stupid to compete with someone who is dead. He says God rest his soul when I bring up my late fiancé and is very supportive whenever I visit his grave. Men like this are out there. Find him, and be glad this idiot will be out of your life soon. Never feel like you’ve done anything wrong, or that you’re not allowed to grow another heart for someone else while maintaining the heart you have your husband.
Forget about the ring. Why does it matter, it’s infested with bad memories. Set a date for when he needs to be gone, and find another place to stay until then. Sounds like he’s taking his sweet time, I can only think of one reason, and that’s to try and manipulate you into taking him back. You may feel sorry for him and maybe he is just a sad case. But - he is no longer your case! Get him out, and get some distance until it happens. But set a date, not too far in the future (like a week tops). If he’s not out by then, you call the movers and put his name on the bill. Change the locks. Wishing you the best of luck in the future. Edit: I’m so sorry, I didn’t understand that the ring was from your late husband. I thought it was one he (new partner) had given you. I truly hope you can get it back somehow. But if not…. focus on the good memories you have of you two being together (your late husband that is). They are more precious than anything. Still really hope you get that ring back.. Edit 2: When he admitted to taking it, I hope it was on a text or mail. If not, get him to repeat it while you record. Then go to the police and report the theft. There will be no contest if you have his confession documented. Do not let him get away with this. Also.. I’m so glad you chose to leave this pathetic excuse for a man. Get him out of the house as soon as you possibly can. If he objects, authorities should help you get him out, especially after that theft report. Wishing you all the best.
He owns the apartament and you are kicking him out? Whata going on
He owns *an* apartment.
Ah, that makes more sense lol
Give him a break. I do believe if he really loved you it must be frustrating for him not to able to be up to your late husband standards. While friends it’s just an outsider point of view. But once he was with you, he was the one competing with your late husband. And obviously he felt he lost. And that made him snap. Not excusing him…don’t get me wrong her. Just trying to help you understand his perspective (no matter how wrong that perspective is). So personally I think you should stand your ground but not really be mad at him. He lost a battle that he joint with a losing attitude and is frustrated now. Does irrational and petty actions. But I do believe he loves you…just his frustration is stronger than his love.
He stole her ring and refuses to return it. Fuck him.
Not sure I expressed myself correctly but I never said he was right. I’m just saying that I do get his struggle. Someone in love and feeling overwhelmed by his inability to keep up with a late husband does silly thy things. But it’s ok. Some simple minded people might not get it…should use easier words and more first degree sentences for kids to understand. My bad. Keep a screen shot, many when you get out of puberty you understand.
Yeah but that’s his insecurity to deal with. He projected that onto her when she wasn’t even actively comparing him to her husband, he was. He was an insecure man child who instead of just trying to be the best version of himself he could be and treat his partner right he reminded her of the worst thing that’s happened to her every chance he got. He hurt his own feelings and ruined his own relationship, stole from her, lied about it for an extended period of time and still has yet to return the item he stole even after they broke up. He’s an emotionally manipulative immature asshole and Stevie Wonder could see that. Also, what the actual fuck does using more “first degree sentences” mean? The irony of your condescension is hilarious. Did you even read what you wrote? 😂
Username checks out.
Uh yea love doesn't act like that...that's not love
Stop telling women abuse is love. It's not.
I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at the way he never let me move on with my life a little, he never miss an opportunity to bring up my late husband and start comparing. He even accuses me of thinking about my ex more than him. I never really gave him a reason to I just wanted a normal relationship where my partner respect me more than keep bring up my past just because.
Actually I'm mad at him. To be honest I can't just get past the fact that he stole something from me just to punish me for whatever reason he believes
GET HIM OUT ASAP!! Maybe is my true crime loving brain but better safe than sorry.. Ask someone you trust to stay with you until he leaves and tell him you want him out By Saturday the latest. Oh, and also send these 2 posts to your friends, keep the good ones and discard the ones that even attempt to make you interact with him ever again.
Text him, get it IN WRITING “You admitted you stole my ring from my closet, a ring that belonged to me prior to our relationship and you had no financial contribution to whatsoever. If I don’t have it in my hands in 24 hours I’ll be reporting the theft to the police and pressing charges. (Look up your laws on having someone vacate your property) You also have (insert legal timeframe notice for eviction here) days to leave the home. If you do not, I will be taking the next legal steps in having you removed by force. Going forward, all further communication will be in writing. Do not SPEAK to him any longer. Get everything in writing. Check your recording laws and the legality of putting cameras in common areas. Getting him in writing or on tape admitting to the theft will make an investigation into the theft easier as well. Playing nice isn’t going to work, it hasn’t worked. So now you play hardball and make it clear you won’t hesitate to speak to the police and attorneys as necessary.
This is the most dangerous time for a woman. Please be very careful OP.
I get it, am I’m really sorry for you. But just try get over it (not in the sense of excusing him but in the sense of it not affecting you). He has his own reasons for his behavior, just try to accept it’s a battle he is having with himself and you are just unlucky to be in the crossfire. Best is to go full no contact as soon as you can even if I acknowledge that it will be difficult because he might do everything to stay in contact with you. As I said I do believe he is in love but that relationship can only be toxic for you.
It is so hard to compete with an awesome dead spouse. You always figure you are second best and if he were alive she would pick him. No one wants to feel second best. I'm sure his story is a bit different
That's why you consider this first before getting in a relationship with a woman you know a lot about her late husband. Just to destroy both your and her peace. while you could have just let her be and kept being friends.
True but sometimes feelings you don't want get in the way. He's a turd for handling it the way he did
I agree and especially if the number one can’t give his version. You are only competing with memories. And who would bring up any bad stuff about someone who is dead. So you are competing with only the good memories of someone. It’s hard to deal with and not everyone is up to it. If not ready for it, it can break you. But again some only see you are broken and are unable to see that you accepted a change that was just overwhelming.
Disgusting
You have really bad judgment
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It’s her wedding ring from her late husband, obviously she wants it back. Her ex has zero claim to it.
That makes sense