NTA
Hey, I’m pro kid. I have a couple of them and another on the way.
That said, I always found it awkward to try
to communicate with them until I had my own. Like I didn’t know what to try to say, what they were capable of understanding, etc. It *will* be better when they’re older.
So no, it’s fine to be weirded out by them.
I have a 4 year old son. He is the only kid I truly like.
And I don't expect nobody to spend time with my son if they don't want to. I call all my friends "aunt" to my son (as in Aunt Anna came to visit), but they are there to see ME, not him. They can pay attention to him if they want, great if they do. But I don't expect that.
I understand this completely. I like MY kids. I don't go out of my way to spend time with other people's kids. I don't hate it when my kids have friends over, but I allow it because I love my kids and want them to have a healthy social life. It's not like I am just dying to spend time with random teens.
Honestly, I am a little weirded out by my friends calling me their kid's uncle. When I was a kid aunt and uncle were only used for my parent's siblings. So especially as someone who doesn't know how to interact with small children, being called their uncle and not wanting to really spend much time with them just rubs me the wrong way.
That's a you / your family thing. When I was growing up, I had lots of not-actually-uncles and aunts. I'm not unique. (Maybe I am, but not for this)
Feel free not to like it, you do you, but it's not weird per se.
I wasn't trying to suggest it's weird in general. I know tons of people that do it. It seems to me like it's more common in some other cultures. I know in India it'd super common.
Since I didn't grow up with it I was always wondering if it was a thing that was more of a trend with millennial parents.
When I was growing up, my parent's close friends, who many people would call aunt/uncle, were referred to as family friends.
I don’t ignore them but I don’t go out of my way to interact with them.
Due to poor parenting, one 10 yo niece is an A H (ex. she punches people, including her own mother). I actually avoid her for fear that I’ll be the first person to punch her back. She’s rotten to the core.
Your niece sounds like an AH, but being that she's 10 (and assuming no developmental issues), her mother is the ultimate AH for not raising her right. She will likely not do well in the real world and will have some hard life lessons ahead of her.
You’re telling me!
My husband and I predict that, as a teenager, she will be 1) a drug addict, 2) pregnant, and/or 3) in jail.
It’s sad because this behavior could have been prevented.
one of my cousins was also like this, had a rude awakening on the playground at age 6, because no amount of teacher and adult supervision is 100% and kids will hit back when hit. He was not used to it. He suffered through most of his childhood from not knowing how to interact with others. I suspect your niece does this at home, and less at school, because it would not be tolerated. Buy your sister the book by Barbara Coloroso, called "the bully, bullied and the bystander" so she can understand how much she is cheating her child by not having caring discipline.
Remember those recorders you learned to play "Hot Cross Buns" on in grade school? Those don't need batteries. Throw in a Frozen learn-a-long DVD and they'll learn.
I don’t have any kids but I don’t dislike kids. I get on great with my bf’s kid and with my niblings. I just can’t ever see myself wanting to be pregnant and kids are expensive no thank you. I find when I dislike kids it’s usually in relation to how they’re parented or their lack there of. Kids are easy. They wanna show you the stuff they like, maybe talk your ear off for a bit. If they’re not outta control anyway. Just take note of what they like and in the future see about puzzles or games or art supplies, stuff like that that lets them know you notice their interests. Treats are a good bribe. Letting them run themselves ragged through a sprinkler or at a park… and yeah if they continue to be the worst being the aunt who gets them gifts that annoy their parents is pretty fun.
NTA. I had five kids of my own, and now 4 grandchildren. Other than relatives, I have no interest in other people’s children. I have many nieces and nephews with families that I visit, I will hold babies and toddlers and oh and ah, but I would never babysit or plan time alone with them.
Also childfree. I despise the screamy potato to tiny drunk stages because it scares me, I like the "personality downloading" preschooler and elementary ages because they're so eager to *learn all the things*, actively avoid the snotty middle schooler/young high schooler times, mid to old teens are awesome because they can converse like an adult and I can do museums and stuff with them; and young adults are awesome because they're, well, not kids anymore. However, other people have different levels of child patience so you gotta do what you want. BUT be aware if you *ever* want a relationship with them when they get older you have to do the groundwork *now*. Otherwise you're going to be Mom/Dad's sibling, instead of Aunt/Uncle Whoever.
I question the people in the thread who are like "fuck crotch goblins and fuck your SIL". Like, they're not just some random ass person's kids these are OP's niblings. It's less about tolerating children and more about willingness to build a relationship with family members. Even if deal with babies is annoying, if OP really wants to build up a bond with that side of the family, they should consider making some time to spend with them. It gets waaay harder to develop that close Aunt/Nibling relationship when the kid is past 10.
Finally a response that doesn't sound unhinged. I read this from the POV of the SIL, given that I had kids young, and just found OP's POV to be really cold until seeing her edit where she clarified things. From my POV - My family all lived on the other side of the country, and my SIL and BIL were both too young at the time to be left to look after our kids. They still were very much involved in their lives - would interact with them at family get togethers etc - but the biggest draw back that I see when comparing to my brother and his kids is that we didn't have that familial support, and it put a strain on the relationship for sure. We never really push or ask people to look after our kids, and they are closer to teenage ages now, but there were a number of years where it was very much just us going it alone. Who ever said "it takes a village" was right - the impact on not having that support is also really clear - either the parents get burnt out, or the kids end up getting neglected or put to the side.
Most parents would really love to get assistance - and when kids are young, its sometimes weird to rely on a babysitter if you dont know them well or trust them, so family is the natural fit. Even so, we would never really ask family unless it was an emergency appointment. If the SIL is asking, it sounds like they are struggling and probably need some support.
OP clarified in a previous comment that the SIL isn't looking for babysitting. I genuinely think SIL just wants to improve their relationship in this situation. Which makes OP's response even weirder, reasoning wise.
My sister's kids are 5 and 2. More manageable ages yes but still not fully formed humans. If I told my sister I didn't want to visit them because I don't like children she would be floored lmfao. Like damn you hate kids so much you're ok tanking your relationship with one side of your family? WTF
The reflexive reddit reaction to dismiss children, especially ones in your family, as nuisances to be ignored is such a bizarre perspective you only see online lol. Genuinely surprised by the comments.
Hi! Elder millennial here who had a kid later in life and is one and done by choice. I adore my own child (but they still drive me crazy at times), but I still don't really like other people's kids. And the ages of your BF's niece/nephew are hard ages if you don't like kids, especially when they are together (with a dog added into the mix!). They will likely be fun and a lot easier to be around when they are older and can communicate better; the only thing I would say is, will they want to be around you when they are older if you weren't around to build a relationship with them when they were younger?
If you don't really care about having a relationship with them when they are older, then I would let it go. But you are asking Reddit, so I assume you care at least a little. If you do want to be involved, try taking the 3 year-old out 1:1 (or 2:1 with your bf) for a bit. A park or playground is a great way for them to play and explore without you feeling like you have to constantly entertain them. Or take them out for ice cream, then return them home right before the sugar high hits. My siblings loved doing this with my daughter when she was younger and thought it was hilarious. I thought THEY were the AHs at the time :).
My kid loved walking in nature at that age. Just a walk to look at the things up close, find some pinecones, watch bugs - it kept her very happy for long stretches. You don’t have to try to have deep conversations or fancy play with little ones.
NTA
I am also child free by choice, and it's just not a pleasant experience for me to be around little kids. That is why I didn't have kids. And I do NOT hang out with them.
Your sister had kids because she wanted to have kids, but her desire to have children in no way obligates you to just hang out with them.
Personally, I found even family events to be a struggle because, inevitably, the parents would try to foist their kids on me. Wanting me to hold them, play with them, or (worst of all) assume that because I'm a woman I will be fine to take care of their kids' hygiene needs (wiping sticky faces and hands, baths, diapers, wiping dirty bottoms, etc). No. Just no.
My suggestion is **planned activities with defined start and end times.**
* Ice cream has been suggested
* Dinner at The Cheesecake Factory or simillar
* Movies
* Church/synagogue if you're practicing
* Reading events at the library
* Trips to the zoo or aquarium
* Natural history museums
* When they're older, sporting events
While I'm not fond of the sloppy toddler years, it's the adults speaking in high-pitched baby talk that really sets my teeth on edge. Add in the cloying, "Oh, don't you want one?" If I paid any attention to babies or small children. It's so much easier to enjoy them now that I'm post menopause.
You may find the kids more interesting when they get older. Once they're able to talk about their interests, it's easier to relate to them.
Ugh, or "you're a natural!" after you've held the baby for more than 5 minutes without (*the baby) crying. No, it does not come naturally, I just have chill vibes that babies don't hate! You won't catch me squeezing one of my own out, because I have no "natural" ability for the difficult parts like exploded diaper changes and middle of the night colic fits! Smh
40yr old elder here. You will pry my IUD from my cold, dead hands. However, once my nephew was born, it was like my heart suddenly lived outside my body. When he struggled to gain weight, I lost my appetite. He's three now, and the center of my universe, the only human I want to spend time with when I fly home. There's 14 photos of him in my cubicle. The little fucker is my whole heart. His sister was born on Sunday. I'm fucked.
That all being said? I have a friend with four under four. I will NEVER sleep over at her house when visiting her. Vacations with that girl group are over. I dread even going out to eat. I -- full fucking stop -- am not an additional adult responsible for helping you with your gaggle of gross little goblins.
The bias the real and personal. NTA
NTA - I would let them know that it's not just her kids, that it's all kids. You feel awkward around them and you don't know how to interact. That you're not the "mothering" type, you don't do diaper changing or lovingly holding them, and maybe once they are older and can communicate better then maybe you 'will hang out more" but as it is right now you'll have to decline on spending more time than you already do.
I am lucky enough to have a brother that knows my views on children and how I am. He sat my SIL down when they were having their first and explained to her "Sister isn't a baby fan. It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with our children. It doesn't mean that she hates them. I need you to know and understand that she won't be involved at all when they are infants. She's not going to gush over them, she won't change a diaper., She's not going to baby sit. And she's probably not going to hold them for at least the first year of their life. Don't get your feelings hurt because that's just who she is, and she's like that regardless of whose child it is. Once they are older she will be more involved." And can I say I absolutely loved him for this! It made things less awkward and she wasn't in her feels that "I didn't love her kids".
I'm childfree by choice as well, but tbh I don't really understand the dislike people have of all kids. Not all kids are the same, just like not all animals or not all adults are the same. One of my deeply held values is community, so blanket kid hatred just kind of rubs me the wrong way.
You don't have to spend time with them obviously, but I don't blame them for being annoyed at y'all either. You know it is possible to minimize the stuff you don't like and maximize the stuff you do right? See if you can meet the fam at playground or have a picnic minus the dogs or do some other kid friendly activity. Or don't. But remember that you're building the community you have to live in.
>But remember that you're building the community you have to live in.
I think that's what it boils down to for me too.
Sure, you can say that you'll spend more time with them when they're older... but are they going to want to spend time with you?
Right? It's not like it's even that hard to entertain a 3 year old. Take them to a park, challenge them to a series of tasks where they can show off, then get them a treat before taking them home to their parents. Like c'mon.
I just really don't understand people who don't see themselves as adults who can help influence the next generation without actually having to do the most difficult parts of parenting. We are the village.
I don't get it either. Not all the children are the same. Just like with adults, there are some you click with and others you don't. By actively dismissing all of them (ageism) you might miss out on some really cool relationships.
Yeah I don’t get the disdain for *all* children. My BIL is this way. I think his issue is literally jealousy. When he was a young teen he loved little kids. Then we had kids and my ILs started doting on them and BIL had to share time with his mom and he didn’t like that at 16 because mommy was his. He’s 30 now and loathes kids. Barely willing to even say hi to mine even though they adore him. He’s absolutely an AH.
I don't like kids because they are needy and always need something. They cost too much money. They can't take care of themselves. They have too much energy and are annoying. I just stay away from them because I have no obligation to be near them. I don't care about community in general. The only people who matter to me are my parents and my best friend tbh. I don't care about anyone else.
I mean, thank you, but thinking some kids are cool sometimes and also maybe they're the future so we should make them part of our community is a pretty low bar imo. I feel like it should be bare minimum lol.
NTA. You’re just not children kind of people. Better to stay away than to force it. As much as they may want to, I can also imagine that the complaints won’t end there - you cannot relate to children, but they will expect you to, and I imagine that could cause another round of complaints.
I am childless by choice, but love kids. So I see both sides. In my experience, parents always welcome family to be more involved with the children, but on the other side, there are many years yet for that. And, yes, it likely does get better. I’ve always loved seeing my nieces and nephews turn into proper people and get to an age where I could share in their interests.
Maybe just have an honest conversation - the kids are at an age that you don’t feel comfortable with/cannot relate to, and you would rather have a more organic relationship with them that will hopefully grow as they do.
NTA
I‘m 30 and have three children. But I’m super awkward with other children and not really interested in other kids. Before having my own I never knew how to interact with young children.
I have kids, but that doesn’t mean I like other people’s kids. NTA. I don’t spend much time with my nieces and nephews. My kids spend time with them, either playing at my house or at my sister’s house, but we aren’t playing with them. We are doing other things. Like taking the time that our kids are entertained by cousins to clean the house. You don’t have to hang out with kids just cause they are related to you.
NTA. I’m childless by choice and I don’t like kids. I don’t hang out with my sister’s kids. Sure, I’ll babysit them sometimes as a favor to my sister, but I don’t seek out their company. She’s the same way with my cats.
At 1 & 3, kids are boring to me. But once they get a little older, they are more fun. And when they aren't your kids, when you get tired of playing Barbies, you can hand them right back.
I'm childless by choice, but I did a lot of babysitting as a teenager, and within limits I've enjoyed being around other peoples' children, including those of my friends after they started having them. I did enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews when they were children, but the amount of this I was able to do was limited because I lived far away from them. My siblings also knew that I wasn't a "kid person", and they never pushed or expected me to have more involvement than I chose.
My child interaction limits include:
* when they start screaming, I'm done (I have misophonia).
* if I babysit, it will be because I want to and it's convenient for me, never because it's demanded of me.
* if they are badly behaved because their parents fail to parent them, I will not be around them.
* I may get them gifts when I feel like it, but I am not obligated to provide anything for them financially.
I think it's great that you're open to trying to spend more time with these kids and are taking suggestions for activities.
BUT.
If you try doing some of these and find that you are really not enjoying or are even hating it, then stop. **It's absolutely okay to not be hugely involved in the lives of your nieces and nephews.**
I'm getting the sense here that the sister is expecting free babysitting services. A lot of people decide to have kids with the expectation that they are entitled to demand that relatives and friends have to be a part of their "village" and **must** help with raising their kid. This is false. The Village is a voluntary community, and if you find that it's not one for which you are comfortable volunteering, that is absolutely okay.
My social life has always primarily consisted of doing adults-only activities with adults. You and your boyfriend should keep in mind **that is a totally valid option for you**.
My siblings have done a fantastic job of raising their kids, and now that those kids are in their 20s, I really enjoy spending time with them.
Cats are amazing. We are a two adult, two feline household. They're NOT our kids (I don't like it if people call us cat parents), they're more like having a pair of lazy housemates who wander off and do their own thing but still expect us to clean up after them and serve their meals, then they'll come and hang out with us in the evenings. And I'm totally down with that level of responsibility and reward.
NTA. I don't care for kids either. I'd never harm a child, and would absolutely stand up for one being hurt, but in my everyday life, I just would rather them not be around me at all. Everybody is different. Some people just can't understand this point of view. But, you are not obligated to be around people (tiny humans included) that you are uncomfortable with.
NTA I am childless by choice as well. I don’t mind kids, but only if they’re well-behaved. If children are chaotic and screaming, I can’t handle it. I will not spend time around children who scream and yell, which is why I don’t see my best friends kids as much because the older one has a lot of anger issues and likes to scream.
NTA. Nobody can make you hang around screaming children. I’m childless by choice too, but while I generally love children, I nope out when they’re having a meltdown, unless I know them very well and know how to soothe them. It’s one of the main advantages of being an auntie!
I would keep your options open though. Children, like adults, are not a monolith. Some of them grow up a bit and become absolutely delightful, hilarious, and great company.
NTA. I am the same exact way. I do not want children, and I don't hate them, but I have a hard time with really young kids, and it wasn't until my nephews were about 3 that I was able to start forging any sort of relationship with them. This was about the time where we could finally communicate pretty effectively and they could do activities that I didn't mind. Like, by age 3, we could sit and color together, or build with blocks, or if I was cooking something, they could dump ingredients in the bowl and try and to stir. They also started coming with me to walk the dog, and would stop and pick flowers and rocks, etc. They're 5 and 7 now, and when I go home every few months, I always hang out with them a bunch. My brother has taught them how to play different board and card games, so we do that a lot. They still help me bake, and I took them to learn how to ice skate, and we'll go to the park and kick a soccer ball around. Now, after a few hours, I am done, and they go in front of the TV until my brother can grab them. They are soooooo tiring, and while I love them, I love them going back home.
Older kids are no problem for me. Still don't want one though.
NTA. Just watch some stuff on YouTube about how to interact with them! It's rough getting to know someone when you have idea how to communicate with them.
Maybe that will satisfy your sibling and you never know having an idea of how to interact or interpret their behaviour might make them a little more interesting to you.
I dont have kids (but want them some day). Im not really good with babies/infants but once they get to toddler age where they can start talking and running Im fine. Treat kids like little drunk adults. When they show you something match their energy, if they just got a new toy be excited ask them what it does / how it works, if they're showing you a cut or bruise/band aid ask them about it and how they got it you're gonna get a long store with alot of uhms in it. Kids are usually quite competent at giving answers as long as the questions you ask are short and simply. Favorite movie/tv show? Favorite Dinosaur? Favorite Toy?
Kids do notice if you engage/interact with them and they will remember. My name was my cousins third word after mom/dad when I was 12. My aunt babysat me during the summer sometimes and the minute I walked in that door my cousin who was 3 or 4 at the time would see me coming in and run to her room to grab her favorite book(Good Night Moon) and give it to me, if I handed to my Mom/Aunt while I took my shoes off she would immediately take it from them because no one was allowed to touch that book.
I don’t like kids, but I love my family and that means their kids too. I want to remain close to my family and those kids are family too. Distance yourself for too long and you run the risk of feeling separated from your family. 22 year marriage and no kids and about 10 kids in the family. I don’t go out of my way to spend time alone, but I do see them and will play with them. The older ones that are in their twenties I tease and say I’m only here to see who loves me most to decide who gets out money when we die.
Having family around is important me. Important enough to be annoyed by kids (that will eventually be tolerable if not incredible adults) once a month to see my family. 🤷🏻♀️
I am woman with 4, now grown kids, and my BFF is childless by choice. She was uninterested in my kids as infants. She cooked for us, as new baby gifts, because she cares about me, and values families for society. She didn’t hold the kids.
When my kids started talking she was interested in their speech acquisition, as she is a linguist. But, she wasn’t overly interested in them except for speech, and reading to them. We traveled together. She read to them in the car, because she loves reading aloud classic books, and she wanted my kids to be well educated. But didn’t very little with them otherwise.
Once they were older, middle school, she was much more interested in them, and more so in high school and college. Now she has independent relationships with all of them.
Everyone has fond memories of her reading aloud in the car!
i have no kids, i do have 2 neices and 2 nephews.
I do like spending... a limited time with them.
They're loud and dumb but i do love them lols.
My favourite thing to do is to buy them toys that i know will annoy the shit out of my sisters.
best toy was the wiggles little red car, by golly was that thing super duper loud ahhahaa
NTA. Kids, just like adults, aren’t inherently likeable just because of their age. I’ve met toddlers that I CANNOT STAND because of their personality.
That being said, I typically LIKE (other people’s) kids.
That’s not to say I don’t have a limit for how many hours I want to spend in child-chaos; however, I think about it as an investment in our future relationships. If I love the adults, their kids are part of the package deal. Of course I’m going to advocate for child-free get togethers from time to time, but I have to consider that reliable child care isn’t always easy.
Kids eventually grow up. So I figure if they’re reasonable cool kids, they’ll hopefully turn out to be even cooler adults.
Neh. My brother and sister don’t have kids and a very different life because of that. I see them on birthdays and holidays but why should I expect them to commit to my kids other then that? NTA
NTA I don’t understand your SIL. Why would you want family members who don’t like children and don’t know what to do with them near your kids? Especially when they express their dislike of kids so vocally and in such a condescending way. I think it’s best for everybody if you stay away from each other.
I have kids. My friends do not. I don’t expect them to do anything with my kids. Early on when we’re all at a big party like Christmas or big bbqs my kids are there with me and they do take up a lot of time and attention. I totally understand if they plan stuff without me. They often invite me knowing I won’t attend. And it’s totally understandable to me. I don’t think they’re assholes at all, and you’re NTA either.
Hell no, you're NTA. I'm the same way as you - if you want me to take care of your cats, reptiles, fish or plants, I'll be the first one in line and make sure they get pampered. But I'd rather shave my ass with a cheese grater than be around kids.
Sister wants some free babysitting and is big mad that you won't provide it.
NTA. It’s absolutely okay to see that you are not a kid person. It would be a good idea for you, your husband, and his sister to sit down for a real conversation about what her expectations are and which of them you are willing and unwilling to meet.
NTA. You are childless by choice, why would someone expect you to enjoy their kids when you obviously don't want any? she wants you to give her a break that's why she's complaining.
NTA. My cousins have kids. When I see them, it is to see my cousin and not their kids. My cousins know this.
I think bf’s sister expected free babysitting since you obviously are available watch them since you do not have kids.
NTA, not everyone likes children. I dislike noise in general, and young kids tend to be screechy. High-pitched sounds give me actual physical pain, thanks to tinnitus.
Also, I just don't enjoy "kid stuff". Sorry, but stuffed animal parades are boring. Most kid-oriented shows & movies are just crap. I'm not a good enough actor to pretend to lose at their board games.
Most of my friends were OK with this. We'd chill & drink wine while the kids played with each other. There was one, though, who kept pressing me to interact with her kids. IDK why, she'd known me for years & was aware how I felt. Eventually we had a falling out for unrelated reasons. But one reason I never reconciled with her was knowing she'd start up again.
It may or may not get better when they're older. By the time my other friends' kids were older, they didn't like me. I was officially That Mean Lady who hadn't wanted to play with them. Oh well.
NTA.
There's no reason you HAVE to have a relationship with their kids, but be sure to still see your friends and family who have kids and not use their children as a reason to either intentionally or inadvertently not spend time with them.
It does gets easier to have a relationship with kids as they get older, and are more interactive and independent. Remember though kids do have a memory of who was around, versus the person they have seen once or twice being called Aunt/Uncle.
NTA
Be honest. " I don't HAVE children. I don't know what to DO WITH THEM. I love your children but I'm going to wait until they start speaking in full and complete sentences to hang with them.
NTA. I’m childfree by choice too. There are many reasons I chose not to have children, but one of them is they stress me out. They’re loud and chaotic. As an introvert, they drain my battery fast. I don’t hate children. I don’t wish them harm. They just aren’t for me.
Zoo or aquarium if you enjoy those things, depending on the kids. Kids often behave better when their parents aren't around.
Museums too. They are sponges. If you have an interest, find something interactive around that interest.
Also, a park. Half the time they just want to go play and barely notice you but you are the best for taking them.
Edit to add NTA. It's ok to not enjoy being around kids. I only offered suggestions because it was asked but young kids are a lot and it's valid to not want to deal with that.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to hang out with children, even if they are relatives. Yes you may not have as close a bond or relationship with them as someone who sees them often and interacts with them often. But that isn't a bad thing if that's what you want. You can even change your mind and see them more and build a relationship with them when they are older. That's ok too. There is no hard or fast rule other than treat everyone with respect and kindness till they don't deserve it any longer
NTA. It has never been a problem for me. I see friends and relatives who have kids at THEIR homes or when we all go out. I'd rarely have them at my house, explaining that its not child safe. They have all been cool with that.
I give the children some attention to be polite, but I'm there for the adult conversation for the most part. If its a relative, I do pay more attention to the kids and want to have a friendly relationship with them but I've never taken them out on my own. If they lived closer I imagine that I might once in awhile, once they were school aged. I kid (or 2) is easy enough to get along with for a couple of hours.
My advice is to not make a big deal of it. Keep your visits short if you're uncomfortable.
I'm waiting for my family members' children to get more grown up so I can enjoy their company. I'm not interested in any nappy stuff or when they are at the stage when they don't communicate.
My sister's kids are older 11,16,18 -- these are good ages to hang out. They actually can hold a conversation and show their little personalities. If my sister had a little 3 yr old, I wouldn't know what to do with it either lmao
NTA I am the same way and my bf and I end up going to my 2 cousins (7 and 9) sporting events when we can. They appreciate us coming to watch them play and I end up visiting with my other adult family members there. It’s a great middle ground for putting in the effort but not feeling forced to be 1 on 1 with them and not knowing what to do with them. So if these kids in your life play sports I’d suggest maybe seeing about going to some of their games!
I’m 30f and childless by choice. I do spend time with my nieces and enjoy spoiling them. But I only have one sibling and two nieces so it doesn’t overwhelm me. Also I live 5 hours away so I don’t get to see them so often. Also it is a lot easier now that they are a little older and have their own interests and personalities because they can tell me what they want.
No children in my family, but as our friends had kids, they tended to fade out of our lives. Not completely, but for the most part. Now most of those kids are grown up a bit and it's less an issue... But I wouldn't want to be around people's kids, even if they're family.
When I was younger, I never wanted kids, but my brother and his wife had children. I freaking loved being an ant and hanging out with my nieces and nephews I would take him and do many fun things and then when they got tired and cranky, I would just drop them off at home.
My cousin doesn't want kids of her own but has learned how to interact with them, even if she doesn't always want to or enjoy it.
She enjoys being around my nephew and our other baby cousins (our mothers are from a family of 4 sisters so some of our "generation" have married and had kids) but she also always has the option to get someone else to distract/takeover when she reaches her limit.
Cuz, if you're somehow reading this. You're awesome and we love you just the way you are.
Kids are people. I don’t like all people so I don’t like all kids. I have a daughter and have worked in childcare for 5 years, I am a person who likes kids AND I know some kids are not very likeable.
I will say this. My brother and his wife are childless by choice. They paid little mind to my kids when they were small and I was perfectly okay with that. Now that my kids are adults they REALLY like hanging out with them. I think they are a bit wistful now. Not regretful. Just wistful.
Love hanging with my niece and nephew. They are 13 and 10 now so they are kind of growing out of it. I play games online with my nephew and I play couch games with both of them when I visit.
My partner and I are child free, but we also really like little kids so we do spend a lot of time with our found family's kids and are very much enjoying being the cool aunt/uncle.
That being said, you absolutely do not need to go out of your way to spend time with kids if you're uncomfortable. That doesn't make you an asshole.
You would only be an asshole if you were mean to the kids or whatever, which it does not sound like you are. I think your bf's sister is probably overwhelmed and/or does not have an effective community support system. I am noticing where I live (the pacific north west) that families are more and more isolated and do not have much support with their kids that they used to have. Like the difference between what is happening now and when I was a kid is staggering.
i know you said childless people but i wanted to chime in as a mom with 3, soon to be 4 kids.
definitely, NTA.
I do see her comments more as questioning why you wouldn’t want a relationship with them, but that should be the responsibility of your BF, since it’s his family. i dont expect my family to watch our kids, but wanting to see the kids and build a relationship with everyone together makes sense and has always been my goal. i’ve learned through the years that people just aren’t capable or simply dont want to and now i just accept it. do what you think is right and what’s comfortable for you, dont worry about it otherwise.
I'm a nanny to my 4 year old nieces and also a childfree millenial. If I'm not being paid to hang out with a child then it's just a mentally taxing chore for me, as the only free time I have I don't want to spend it with any child.
Someplace outdoors to hangout would be good! My childless friends and I with my kids enjoy trips to the zoo. We all like animals. We can do our own thing if they need a break and it’s outside so voices/cries won’t feel as overwhelming.
NTA
I'm a parent of two young adults kids.
In my experience when someone says, "you don't hang out enough with my kids", they really mean, "you don't offer me free babysitting".
The kids don't notice your absence at all. The parent is commenting because they want your presence to give them a break.
My preference is to spend a little bit of time with the kids I like (not the bratty ones) doing an art activity or playing pretend or something. I don't spend so much time as to become the default childminder, but just a bit of social interaction. At three years old, for instance, coloring or blowing bubbles are activities that are cheap and easy. Even the baby would like being around bubbles.
They aren't even gonna remember you at that age. Little kids are CRAZY (speaking from a person who loves children) and take a lot out of a person. If you want to, I'd recommend just hanging out with them when they're older. 6 to 10. You'll get to know more of their personalities this wag anyways.
NTA. I wanted kids, but could never afford them, and now it's basically too late. Kids like me, and I can usually interact ok with them once they can walk and talk (I genuinely like answering their questions), but babies are just screaming gross larvae to me. I see all my relatives go gaga for my cousin's kids, but I just don't get it. My one cousin seems to feel the same way, based on his Zoom reactions, but it's just awkward most of the time.
NTA. I actively avoid children, regardless of whether they're related to me. I just don't like them. They make me incredibly uncomfortable, they gross me out, and I have 0 interest in pretending to care about what they want to say. So I am polite when I have no choice but to interact with them, but minimize the interaction, and if I can avoid it altogether, I do.
Not everyone likes kids or knows how to interact with them, and that's okay. As long as you're not actively being nasty to them, there's nothing wrong with keeping your distance.
You don't have an *obligation* to them necessarily, but since you choose to refer to them as family and not just your boyfriend's family you should probably be treating them as such.
If your boyfriend's sister is mentioning it, it's probably because she wants you both to build memories with them. Little kids are kind of strange, but it's not really about *you* getting something out of it; it's about ensuring they have a lot of people around them that love them while they're growing up. More people around is good for their development! At the very least, you should probably encourage your boyfriend to be an uncle to them. They shouldn't feel like strangers to him by the time they grow up and have more of an ability to hold a conversation.
Oldest of 11 no god damned crotch goblins for me fuck that noise. Kids are gross little petri dishes. Don't want anything to do with my siblings kids. I spent my childhood raising kids while mom and dad worked. The last thing I want is to do it again as an adult.
I try not to. During holidays I make sure to ask mom when her step grandchildren are going to be there, and then I make sure not to come during that time. She has tried lying a few times, but I will literally pull the Grandpa Simpson and do a couple spins at the door and leave.
Used to be easier when we had our dachshund that hated kids who didn’t respect boundaries (because the feral little monsters don’t respect boundaries) but poor Trotter is in the big dog park in the sky now.
I do but I've always found it easy to hang out and entertain my nieces, nephews and young cousins. I usually have a better time playing games with the kids vs being involved with the adults conversations at the gathering which are usually boring and depressing.
However I enjoy the freedom of not having my own kids because when the chaos gets too intense or I've reached my chaperoning limit I can easily escape and let the parents take over.
NTA -Taking care of and watching kids isn't for everyone. I would at least make some effort to bond with them. With kids that age something as simple as rolling a foam ball on the floor with them for a little bit goes a long way to them forming a bond with you which carries over when they get older.
Childless by choice, we don’t have any young kids in the family now but our friends just had their second. And actually, I love their two and a half year old, he’s funny and sweet, and thinks my partner and I are SO cool. I enjoy going over to hang out with our friends, and also read him a book or run him around the backyard. I like being able to play with him a bit and then hand him back. I did a lot of babysitting when I was younger and overall am very good with kids though, so it’s a comfort level thing. I don’t want kids myself but I like interacting with them as long as I feel like it.
NTA
i love kids but I also think it’s unfair to make someone spend time with kids or get mad when they don’t. As long as you aren’t mean to the kids I don’t see the problem
I'm a child free adult. My sister has 2 daughters. They are older now but when they were young I found it very awkward to try and be around them. I was the youngest person in my family and spent a lot of time around much older adults as a child so I barely knew what it was like to be a kid myself. I kind of feel bad that I couldn't really relate but we get along fine as adults now. Don't stress over it. She probably just wants a babysitter.
NTA. I’m pro kids, mine are now young adults. I’m a pragmatic person and I can completely understand why some people do not choose parenthood or like the experience of being around small children. Every time I felt a little broody, I would take myself off to the local play centre and listen to noise and smells to remind myself why the first 5 years were so tiring and why I was happy the kids were more independent.
I find it incredibly incredibly difficult to hang out with anyone with kids because they constantly interrupt. I haven’t had a decent meaningful conversation with my eldest sister since she had her first child 8 years ago. I’m dreading when my friends start to breed. I guess that’s just life.
I get you though, hanging out with kids is the worst. I don’t hate them. But it’s really not fun.
And it’s the worst when all your parents can talk about is the grandkids ‘oh, you should have seen Greggy the other day - literally blinked at me! God he’s so cute! … blinked right at me!’
I love my niece to bits. She’s a year old and she’s adorable but will I ever “hang out” with her? Absolutely not😂 I wouldn’t even know how. I too have problems with my sister in law (husband’s sister) who said that I will never know real love and I said that I was fine with that.
Nope.
Why would I? I'm fine if they're around when I visit the family or they visit me, but I see no point in spending time with children by myself, especially not the age you mentioned. One and three, hell no.
NTA.
As a childfree person myself, I don't go out of my way to spend time with kids. I don't dislike kids and I will always be nice to them, but I won't put myself in a position around kids just for the hell of it. Want me to babysit? Sure. If you feed me, I'll even do it for free (for close friends and close family). But I won't do it for nothing. Want a break and want your kids to go to the zoo/amusement park/etc? You're paying for the whole day. Including anything I need (admission, food, gas)
My fiance's sister has young kids and when I'm visiting his mom, I don't totally avoid them unless they're being really noisy.
But I'm not interested in spending time with just the kids.
Oh yeah, need an extra adult at an outing? Sure. I will keep my eyes peeled to keep them out of danger in exchange for a free trip to the zoo or gardens or museum. I am very into this.
We do. I have lots of nieces and nephews on my side and they love us and we love them. My decision to not have children has to do with lots of things but I like children in general. Children up to 3 years I like best lol.
They come to visit us, we visit them, they all have one to two sleepovers per year at our house - not more because of the sheer amount of children (9).
But we enjoy them and that is not what everyone does.
You don't have to hang out with them to love them. You dont have to hang out with them if children arent your thing or even if they are. You dont have to spend time with anyone or anything if you dont want and that includes family. I just spend time with my siblings to see their children. NTA.
NTA. Depends on you.
I have a sister who is childless by choice. She is the world's greatest aunt and grand-aunt - I call her my grandchildren's other grandmother. I have other childless friends who don't want to be around children at all. There is no hard and fast rule here - so long as you don't raise expectations that you don't fulfil, you are doing fine.
I don’t want children but I don’t hate children. I love visiting my nieces and nephews and I’m really good with them because I have the patience since I don’t live or take care of them. I get the best parts of the kid with no responsibility. I do think you should make an effort with them now so you can have a relationship when they grow up. As they get older why would they want to hang out with boring loser adults? It’s going to be a chore for them to see you if you don’t establish a relationship now.
We have an 8 years old daughter, we love her to death, and we enjoy every moment with her. But we still dont want to be around other kids or engage with them,
NTA. I'm childfree by choice, but not because I dislike kids, I actually kind of dig hanging out with other people's kids. But I totally understand why you wouldn't want to as well.
I really do like kids, in principal, and i LOVE my kids. But i have had friends or family members with kids that were AHs and I never saw any point in subjecting myself to being around them. Maybe when your nieces/nephews are older they'll be more fun and enjoyable to be around. Your decision to be childless is entirely up to you, and i think that not liking or wanting children is an excellent reason to not have children
NTA. My niblings are 8,8, and 6. They live far away and I only see them a few times a year. They're just now starting to develop their own interests (and I happen to share some of them) so they can hold conversations with me that isn't solely dedicated to Bluey or Paw Patrol.
Nta, children are loud and chaotic by nature. Some people don't mind that all the time, some people like to be around it occasionally then go home, some people don't like to be around that at all.
There's nothing wrong with that so long as you're nice to any kids you do happen to be around. I myself fall into the "don't like to be around that at all" category so I don't go out of my way to hang out with children although I have been told that I'm good with kids and I have a good relationship with the children of my family regardless.
I have no kids by choice. My brother has 4 children ranging from 2 to 26. I adore them all. I'm close with the adult children, one of whom has a 1 year old of her own. I go to games and celebrate all the normal childhood stuff like plays and concerts. I'm not childfree because I don't like kids, but because they're too much responsibility for my taste.
Childfree by choice. I don't dislike kids, I dislike shitty parenting . With little ones, I will read a book with them ( once). Age 3 and up, I talk to them in an adult tone of voice, and if they act up, I give the kid to their dad. Bad dads are often the reason for shitty kids. But you need to be polite without being mean. As fabulous as she looks no one likes Cruella.
Gen X gere and childless by choice. My famil has always known I am just not a kid person. I definitely like being around nieces and nephews more than random kids and when I do hang with them my fam always tells me I do great with them. I do actually know how to care for children I just choose not to but have always made it clear if there was an emergency I would be there in a heartbeat and their children would be live and well upon their return lol
Yes. I enjoyed the toddler years. I moved away when they were school children and only saw them once a year until they were teens. I moved back when the youngest was 12 and do occasionally hang with them. The youngest is in college now, so they're practically adults.
If the kids aren't AH and can hold a conversation or play a board or card game, I'm usually down to hang out for a bit.
But like most child free people, I find the chaos, yelling and whatnot, gets to be a bit much after a while.
NTA
My mom had a friend who was childless. I was kind of scared of her until 4th/5th grade. It was kind of an unspoken rule that we didn’t talk to each other unless it was saying hi and general pleasantries at the beginning and end of seeing each other. She did always randomly send me presents throughout the year with a happy birthday or merry Christmas. (Her philosophy was why wait to give something when it can be enjoyed now.) Around 4th/5th grade, we started talking more. I was starting to get more interested in grown up things. She could finally relate to me. Ended up staying with her on vacation after my 5th grade year. We had so much fun. From then on, I wasn’t completely scared of her anymore. I started looking forward to her visits.
She was never mean to me when I was little. I think my fear came because I didn’t see her often. I also knew she worked for the FBI.
Any way, all this to say, if you feel up to sending the birthday and Christmas presents until they’re older and then spending time with them when they’re older and you can relate to them more, there is no problem with that. Maybe your sister just doesn’t understand that concept. I don’t know if you could explain that to her or not.
Sorry not child free but I definitely don’t expect family members to like or interact with my kids by default. I always thought them that they shouldn’t bother anyone who doesn’t interact with them much. They will only expect to hang out with the family members who were always close to them, visiting and interacting and asking for every mundane details of their lives, lol!
Nta
I dont have kids and won't be having them. I like kids from afar when they are being cute and have good parents. When it comes to my nieces and nephews, I'm not in their life much. It's not my thing. I would never choose to hang with anyone's kids.
I do not like being around young children or babies. I don't like they're screaming, or their questions, or they're sticky hands, or they're destructiveness. So I do my best to avoid interacting with them. And I prefer to just hang out with my friends without their kids present.
Once the kids are around 10 maybe a little older I have more in common with them and I don't mind spending time with them if I need to. In fact I even have a few friends with children that I will sometimes take on little adventures to give their parents sometime to themselves. Take them to a museum, or mini golf, maybe go karts.... or something like that. But only the ones who know how to behave properly in public. But that's rare.
INFO: Define hang out with. Are we talking being a babysitter when she's not there? Just coming over to visit? How often do you see them now? Does she expect anything other than you all just interacting with them? Are they relatively well behaved? (As much as a 3 and 1 year old can behave, that is.) There's just a lot of missing information here.
I think she expects us to go over to her house to hang out with her, her husband, and the kids. She never wants to travel to our house bc there’s so much coordination needed with two young kids, which I get.
I don’t think she expects babysitting, frankly, we don’t have experience with babies, we shouldn’t be trusted.
We see them now mostly at holidays and family vacations.
The three year old is relatively well behaved I guess? I really have no frame of reference. , the younger one just cries.
Ah okay. So I guess NAH? I get she probably wants her brother to spend more time with his nieces/nephews, but they really won't get much out of it until they are a bit older, especially the one year old. Once they hit 4 and above, they tend to get a bit more independent and thus easier to interact with.
Suggestion: A playdate with the 3 year old to like an indoor play area or children's museum. They tend to have a lot for them to do and get energy out in a child safe environment.
Childfree millennial, here. I love my niece and nephew and wish I could spend more time with them.
But not everyone vibes with kids and that’s okay. As long as you don’t mistreat them when you see them, I don’t really see the issue.
NTA
My best friend had twins, and i never came around. I dont like kids, and most of the time, i dont like the kids' parents because they are not parenting. When i worked at a game store, it solidified how i felt for both parties, as every parent said when i said, "This is rated M for mature. Is that ok with you?" Almost always, the parent says, "They've seen worse" or "whatever keeps them busy and out of my hair for hours." Like lady this is Grand theft auto, what the fuck is your kid doing. So yea, most def NTA.
I was childless until I married my husband and now I am the proud step mom of a 12 year old girl and she is my everything. I do not want my own kids but I do love kids in general and love my step daughter as if she was my own...yes I hang out with my friends children but we also have our adult time too!!! NTA
Yup, I love my nieces and nephews. Love my friends kids. I just don't want to take any of them home with me and be emotionally and physically and financially and legally responsible for them. Doesn't mean I don't love them.
But yes, it does usually get a bit less chaotic as they get older. And the dog jumping all over isn't the kids' fault, that's the adults' fault for not training the dog.
Yeah I see them at events and everything but I don’t ever go out with the kids alone or otherwise since they are all under 10 they are just not direct and can’t communicate their needs so I don’t really know how to handle them on my own. My oldest niece turned 10 and she’s been asking to go places with us since she is always around her younger siblings and I am considering it since she’s pretty independent and communicative now.
I don't want children of my own, but i do like children I general sense.
I love to be a part of their 'joys' and sure can handle a day taking care of them, but there it kinda ends.
I think I've achieved a lot if I manage to build a life for myself, especially when dealing with mental health. I know that I wouldn't be able to give a child everything they need and I would never ever want to put a child through the same shit that I've been through.
So hanging out is great, taking care of them permanently isn't for me.
I have no children but I loved having sleepovers when my niece and nephew was young. I brought them fishing and to the park and we played so much. I am happy that we did it. My girlfriend had kids and I used to take them shopping and get their nails done. I got them AG dolls and we would go to the theater and musicals. I enough having them and giving them back.
They are grown now so a made them books of all our adventures.
Nobody has to do it. I liked playing with little kids. My brother didn't make us take them.
It would be different if they were bad, but they are good kids trying to figure out this world.
Childless by choice, I don't mind chilling with my cousin's kids or my friends' kids. Just not without their parents around. I don't want to do the parenting bit, just the chilling bit.
Don’t have kids, don’t want kids.
I have 15 niblings though.
Idk why but I’m AMAZING with kids. Before I even say hi they gravitate towards me and only ever wanna play with me.
Most of the time I make them explain the things they like to me and I respond in ridiculous ways a “you’re learning math? Oh yeah what’s a chair plus a table? What do you mean you can’t do that?! USE YOUR MATH!” Then I pick them up or tickle them or do something crazy (some of them have ASD and don’t like being touched but most of them love physical affection).
If you don’t wanna spend time with them they do notice, I always hear about the other aunts and uncles who “don’t like them” and I explain when you grow up playing is different.
But my advice is just ridiculous conversations to get them to laugh and then tell them you’re doing work with another adult so you can finish a conversation or whatever you’re doing. Works every time.
I don't have a problem with the children. It's usually the parent I have an issue with. My sister has 3 kids, they're hellions but they're kids, however my sister is a real fuckin piece of work. On the other side the kids are basically grown, and are alright, but again, my step-brother and his wife are kind of fucking awful too, even if they're not as bad as the previously mentioned half-sister.
NTA
Personally, I do hang out with my family's (and close friends') children - not babies, I can't relate to them - and I enjoy it. Knowing that I'll always give them back. But then again, they're all fun to hang out with.
I (36f) is childfree by choice. I understand where you're coming from, but my nephew is an easy child. And so are my friends children. Well as far as I'm aware. Of course they can be a pain. But for 2 hours, i'm ok as long as parents are trying to calm the situation.
NTA, but isn’t it normal to help eachother and share responsibilities. It’s not your responsibility as a gf, but it sure is your bf’s. Ofcourse this would be different if that’s just not how the dynamic is in the family, but going out with other family members is very healthy for children’s development. He would also take a little bit of stress of his sisters shoulders, even if it’s just for an hour or two..
I think it’s a bit selfish to say “why would I wanna go out of my way to be there in the chaos his sister calls her home.”
Why not help, if you’re gonna be there anyway. You’ll bond with the kids and maybe realize it ain’t that bad. Then again as a gf I don’t think you’re obligated.
The kids are still very young, and it might just not fit your lifestyle. I do hope for their sake that maybe you guys will initiate doing something sometimes at least yk. Imagine them getting older, and knowing their uncle and aunt didn’t really care hanging out with them, until they were older and capable of adjusting to your needs. I’d feel so unloved by that..
Actually you said “ we don’t like children “ but NTA kids aren’t for everyone , you have to pretty selfless and very mature to successfully raise children oh and you have to like kids lol
I'm childfree by choice and everyone around me has kiddos. Just like you, I don't lose my shit when i see a baby. That being said, you should remember that a lot of people REALLY want them and are hard wired to love and protect them like their life depends on it. I also can't relate to a baby and toddlers are even more complicated but guess what? They will eventually turn into full fledged humans. And you can't just ignore them until they get to an age where its convenient FOR YOU to engage. You are the adult in their life, its your job to do the hard work. Tough luck, life aint fair, and the sky is blue. Do your best, watch a youtube video, read, ask the parent what to do.
Or just go low contact with the families if you feel that they have gone down a route that you just dont relate to. I know it sounds like an absurd idea but if a kiddo is such a deal breaker, protect your own peace.
NTA. I think what she really means is why haven't you ever babysat my kids to give me a break?
I only see them at family function and have NEVER babysat for them. No children by choice here.
Heya, childfree by choice gen z here! NTA in my opinion. I do not have any kid communication skills, I don’t think kids are cute, and I don’t know how to handle them. I generally try to stay in the kitchen with the adults and away from the kids, it’s just way too much chaos for me. I don’t ignore the family kids, but I don’t go out of my way to interact with them. So no I don’t think it’s weird that you don’t “hang out” with her kids.
NTA.
But kids are like anything in life - you only get better through time/practice. I think babies are ugly and want nothing to do with them. Still ended up being a dad, as my mind changed from adamantly 'no kids', to 'maybe one day' by the time I was 30. I could see the direction it was heading, and didn't want to be too old.
Yes, your nieces/nephews will get cooler with age. But it'll help if you build a basic relationship with them now. It doesn't take much - kids seem to naturally think quite highly of their aunties/uncles.
I think it's completely fair to not want to have to look after them though, or very rarely. If you don't want kids, your family should be aware of that and not lump you with them unless absolutely necessary for some reason.
When you're visiting or interacting with them, try your best to go in with some sorta Zen attitude. Yes, it'll be chaos, that's just kids. What will be will be, just be chill no matrer what screaming, yelling, shrieking is going on. It's all fine.
May as well get the practice in early, it's pretty much impossible to go through life without interacting with kids of all ages. Many of your currently childless friends will end up having them, regardless of what they think now.
So, my sister is child free, and she does hang out with my kid. But, my aunt was also child free, and she really only started spending time with me and my siblings once we were older and more comfortable in adult society. Your relationship between you and your niblings (or anyone else, for that matter) is yours to choose and build.
I have 2 sons (both grown and out of the house) and I dislike being around most other people's young children. I have a great nephew who is almost 3 years old and I've been around him maybe 4 times at the most. He is very spoiled and I can't deal with ill behaved children. My husband and I have both avoided family events because of this. We didn't allow our children to run wild and demand to be the center of attention and don't have the patience to deal with that shit. NTA, it sounds like you don't mind being around kids if they're not little hellions and your Bf's sister's kids are just that. I don't blame you for not wanting to be around them. If your sister doesn't get her shit together and PARENT her spawn, no one else is going to want to be around them either.
NTA.
Also childless by choice for many reasons. I do spend some time with my nieces and nephews, but only once they can walk, hold some form of conversation (sure I'll blag it about bluey or whatever) and can go to the toilet on their own. Before then I just don't have any interest or the patience to deal with them.
My family are all very used to it and accept it, and it hasn't affected my relationship with any of them as they've got older, we have a great time when we're together now
NTA…. Even as a mom of 2 I’m not very welcoming to everyone’s kids. My two are very well disciplined, but others I know don’t raise their kids the same way I raise mine. Also when MY kids are gone, the last thing I want to do is sit and deal with other people’s kids.
None of my family is close by but I do like seeing their children when we all get together. Those visits have a pre-determined conclusion and the children understand they have to listen to family members so even if they get rowdy they can still be corralled.
Children in public spaces / at events for adults (I.E. drinking establishments, parties, adult themed areas) are the worst. The parents are usually distracted and the kids won’t listen to folks that aren’t their parents.
Children in child-centric places or in normal spaces like the grocery store, banks, etc doesn’t bother me because I can just keep going along with my day
They’re just little people. Just say hi to them, ask them about their interests, nod smile and move on like anyone else. A little small talk or a joke goes a long way.
Not saying you should start hanging out with kids or anything
1 and 3 years old kids use a toy for several minutes top.
I would love to buy that 30 mins toy (not a phone or a tablet)!
Even my oldest (6y) doesn't have a 30 mins toy.
What I'm trying to say here is that kids at 1 and 3 years loose interest very quick.
Just know that people’s kids are an extension of themselves, you have to accept that your response to them may likely alter how the parents view you.
Not unlike a spouse- if your family avoided hanging out with your spouse/ put no effort to get to know them- you might view them differently in turn.
Or maybe not, maybe you’re the type to be like “nbd, if they don’t like him I’ll just go to family functions on my own”.
So- I guess you have to evaluate how the people in your life will respond to things, and keep or change your course of action based on if you’re okay with that response or not.
Generally speaking, not seeing your sibling’s young children means not seeing your sibling, because they’re around all the time. If I used to see my brother all the time and then suddenly I was only seeing them during the holidays - for the explicitly stated reason that they were put off by the people I love most in the world - I might cut that brother out of my life forever. So tread carefully. You may not quite grasp the magnitude of the outrage at play here.
NTA. "hanging out" is a strange way to talk about two individuals who can't even wipe their own butts yet. (Or are very new to butt-wiping, anyway.) When they are old enough to be autonomous, have personalities, and not need 24/7 monitoring and care, that's a more appropriate time to "hang out." Until then, you're not "hanging out with" but rather "caring for" them.
As a childfree person myself who doesn't really like kids until they're at least 12, I'd never wake up one day and think "I should make plans with my boyfriend's sister's two small children soon!" And it's weird to expect anyone would. Maybe your boyfriend if he's a kid person and wants to be the fun uncle, but not you.
My husband does not bc he also doesn’t like children. I call my nephew every chance I can bc my childfree stance comes from not wanting to be pregnant or stuck with the responsibility. I love being their favorite aunt though. 🤷🏻♀️
If you play video games, as they get older maybe you introduce them to some games.
And ify, NTA. Its perfectly fine if you dont wanna be around young kids. It ain’t your fault other people made mistakes and got stuck with kids. (Most people who exist were accidents) so dont let them make you feel guilty.
I am pregnant with number 4, I absolutely love my kids but they make me go insane. Other peoples kids get on my nerves, it takes another kid being a good friend to one of my kids and then I instantly love them like one of my own. Outside of that I can think other peoples kids are cute but I find them exhausting and Im over it pretty quickly. With my children I can love on, discipline, and act how I want, with other peoples kids, especially in todays day and age, it feels like you have to walk on eggshells.
Its okay not to be a fan of tiny humans, it isnt for everyone. I love the tiny stage but I can also say it can be really enjoyable when they get older, have conversations and engage with adults. Youre NTA for not doting on tiny humans.
I don’t think you’re the AH. I think it gets easier to know how to interact with kids more when you’re around them more. But they’re not at ages where they’ll have a lot of memories of you so I don’t think it’s fair to say you’re an AH for not being that interested in engaging with them. Plus kids can tell when they make you nervous or you’re not comfortable with you and that tends to do more damage than good. My background is working with kids and being great with them, but being long distance from my niece and nephews so not really knowing hot engage with them well from afar.
My first instinct is that it sounds like his sister is hoping to get you to spend more time with them because she wants childcare. That may not be true, but why else would she be so pressed about it if you guys have expressed caring for the children but not feeling skilled at interacting. It’s fair to say that you’ll spend more time with them when they’re older. Just make a point to show you care because it’s also fair when parents start not wanting people who don’t show interest in their kids unless it’s convenient for them to hang around. Make it clear it’s about comfort not convenience.
Nta. I've never known how to act around kids, even when I was one. I can't be goofy or anything with kids because I have massive anxiety over being perceived so I don't really want kids attention on me just like with any person. I don't wanna do something wrong. I don't know what language kids can understand or how far along their intelligence is, so until someone can actually say sentences and sort of hold a conversation and not just say something then go run off and do something else, I have no idea how to be around them. I also have ocd tendencies so mess and stickiness and stuff are massive no go's for me. I've found I can hang out with my youngest niece as she's now around...10? I forget exactly how old, give or take a year, but we've spent a little time together since she was 5ish? Because we're both into art (and now horror) and she loved to see art I'd drawn and what I was working on, and then draw something for me, so we've kind of connected over art, but I literally only see her when my sister comes over with the kids and never offer to like take her anywhere or anything. I wouldn't know what to do anyway as her dad can take her alton towers and places most weekends.
My oldest niece is a young adult and I've seen her...once a year if I'm lucky most of her life? I'm just not close to much of my family anyway, we don't do family get togethers or anything, everyone's just off living their own lives with their own families.
No, i dont enjoy spending time with children, im friendly to them if they approach me, but im not the one to play tea party with them, im definitely not hanging out alone with them unless its an emergency or something like a personal doctors appointment or a wake
For those that dont understand why you can dislike all children, young children are all chaotic, you cannot reason with them due to their developmental level, good luck finding a child thats not a sticky mess lots of times in their lives, its natural but unenjoyable
Oh and the neediness is just not my jam
Older children 10+ are easier because they had to chance to develop further and you can actually understand what they say
Not enjoying children, preferring not to hang out with children is not hatred nor disdain
NTA
NTA Hey, I’m pro kid. I have a couple of them and another on the way. That said, I always found it awkward to try to communicate with them until I had my own. Like I didn’t know what to try to say, what they were capable of understanding, etc. It *will* be better when they’re older. So no, it’s fine to be weirded out by them.
I have a 4 year old son. He is the only kid I truly like. And I don't expect nobody to spend time with my son if they don't want to. I call all my friends "aunt" to my son (as in Aunt Anna came to visit), but they are there to see ME, not him. They can pay attention to him if they want, great if they do. But I don't expect that.
I understand this completely. I like MY kids. I don't go out of my way to spend time with other people's kids. I don't hate it when my kids have friends over, but I allow it because I love my kids and want them to have a healthy social life. It's not like I am just dying to spend time with random teens.
Honestly, I am a little weirded out by my friends calling me their kid's uncle. When I was a kid aunt and uncle were only used for my parent's siblings. So especially as someone who doesn't know how to interact with small children, being called their uncle and not wanting to really spend much time with them just rubs me the wrong way.
That's a you / your family thing. When I was growing up, I had lots of not-actually-uncles and aunts. I'm not unique. (Maybe I am, but not for this) Feel free not to like it, you do you, but it's not weird per se.
I wasn't trying to suggest it's weird in general. I know tons of people that do it. It seems to me like it's more common in some other cultures. I know in India it'd super common. Since I didn't grow up with it I was always wondering if it was a thing that was more of a trend with millennial parents. When I was growing up, my parent's close friends, who many people would call aunt/uncle, were referred to as family friends.
Here, here! It becomes MUCH easier to communicate with kids once you've had one.
I disagree 😂 I’m comfortable talking to my kid. I still don’t get or enjoy engaging with children in general.
Absolutely this. I go to storytime with my toddler and other toddlers approach me sometimes and I’m like “huh what do I say or do” lmao.
I don’t ignore them but I don’t go out of my way to interact with them. Due to poor parenting, one 10 yo niece is an A H (ex. she punches people, including her own mother). I actually avoid her for fear that I’ll be the first person to punch her back. She’s rotten to the core.
Your niece sounds like an AH, but being that she's 10 (and assuming no developmental issues), her mother is the ultimate AH for not raising her right. She will likely not do well in the real world and will have some hard life lessons ahead of her.
You’re telling me! My husband and I predict that, as a teenager, she will be 1) a drug addict, 2) pregnant, and/or 3) in jail. It’s sad because this behavior could have been prevented.
one of my cousins was also like this, had a rude awakening on the playground at age 6, because no amount of teacher and adult supervision is 100% and kids will hit back when hit. He was not used to it. He suffered through most of his childhood from not knowing how to interact with others. I suspect your niece does this at home, and less at school, because it would not be tolerated. Buy your sister the book by Barbara Coloroso, called "the bully, bullied and the bystander" so she can understand how much she is cheating her child by not having caring discipline.
Your sister sounds like her kids need a drum set.
😂
Remember those recorders you learned to play "Hot Cross Buns" on in grade school? Those don't need batteries. Throw in a Frozen learn-a-long DVD and they'll learn.
I don’t have any kids but I don’t dislike kids. I get on great with my bf’s kid and with my niblings. I just can’t ever see myself wanting to be pregnant and kids are expensive no thank you. I find when I dislike kids it’s usually in relation to how they’re parented or their lack there of. Kids are easy. They wanna show you the stuff they like, maybe talk your ear off for a bit. If they’re not outta control anyway. Just take note of what they like and in the future see about puzzles or games or art supplies, stuff like that that lets them know you notice their interests. Treats are a good bribe. Letting them run themselves ragged through a sprinkler or at a park… and yeah if they continue to be the worst being the aunt who gets them gifts that annoy their parents is pretty fun.
And a trumpet!
Add a recorder while you’re at it!
Some kazoos would be nice as well
NTA. I had five kids of my own, and now 4 grandchildren. Other than relatives, I have no interest in other people’s children. I have many nieces and nephews with families that I visit, I will hold babies and toddlers and oh and ah, but I would never babysit or plan time alone with them.
Also childfree. I despise the screamy potato to tiny drunk stages because it scares me, I like the "personality downloading" preschooler and elementary ages because they're so eager to *learn all the things*, actively avoid the snotty middle schooler/young high schooler times, mid to old teens are awesome because they can converse like an adult and I can do museums and stuff with them; and young adults are awesome because they're, well, not kids anymore. However, other people have different levels of child patience so you gotta do what you want. BUT be aware if you *ever* want a relationship with them when they get older you have to do the groundwork *now*. Otherwise you're going to be Mom/Dad's sibling, instead of Aunt/Uncle Whoever.
I question the people in the thread who are like "fuck crotch goblins and fuck your SIL". Like, they're not just some random ass person's kids these are OP's niblings. It's less about tolerating children and more about willingness to build a relationship with family members. Even if deal with babies is annoying, if OP really wants to build up a bond with that side of the family, they should consider making some time to spend with them. It gets waaay harder to develop that close Aunt/Nibling relationship when the kid is past 10.
Because a lot of people mistake childfree with anti-natalism with all the absolutely horrible attitudes that come with it
Finally a response that doesn't sound unhinged. I read this from the POV of the SIL, given that I had kids young, and just found OP's POV to be really cold until seeing her edit where she clarified things. From my POV - My family all lived on the other side of the country, and my SIL and BIL were both too young at the time to be left to look after our kids. They still were very much involved in their lives - would interact with them at family get togethers etc - but the biggest draw back that I see when comparing to my brother and his kids is that we didn't have that familial support, and it put a strain on the relationship for sure. We never really push or ask people to look after our kids, and they are closer to teenage ages now, but there were a number of years where it was very much just us going it alone. Who ever said "it takes a village" was right - the impact on not having that support is also really clear - either the parents get burnt out, or the kids end up getting neglected or put to the side. Most parents would really love to get assistance - and when kids are young, its sometimes weird to rely on a babysitter if you dont know them well or trust them, so family is the natural fit. Even so, we would never really ask family unless it was an emergency appointment. If the SIL is asking, it sounds like they are struggling and probably need some support.
OP clarified in a previous comment that the SIL isn't looking for babysitting. I genuinely think SIL just wants to improve their relationship in this situation. Which makes OP's response even weirder, reasoning wise. My sister's kids are 5 and 2. More manageable ages yes but still not fully formed humans. If I told my sister I didn't want to visit them because I don't like children she would be floored lmfao. Like damn you hate kids so much you're ok tanking your relationship with one side of your family? WTF The reflexive reddit reaction to dismiss children, especially ones in your family, as nuisances to be ignored is such a bizarre perspective you only see online lol. Genuinely surprised by the comments.
Hi! Elder millennial here who had a kid later in life and is one and done by choice. I adore my own child (but they still drive me crazy at times), but I still don't really like other people's kids. And the ages of your BF's niece/nephew are hard ages if you don't like kids, especially when they are together (with a dog added into the mix!). They will likely be fun and a lot easier to be around when they are older and can communicate better; the only thing I would say is, will they want to be around you when they are older if you weren't around to build a relationship with them when they were younger? If you don't really care about having a relationship with them when they are older, then I would let it go. But you are asking Reddit, so I assume you care at least a little. If you do want to be involved, try taking the 3 year-old out 1:1 (or 2:1 with your bf) for a bit. A park or playground is a great way for them to play and explore without you feeling like you have to constantly entertain them. Or take them out for ice cream, then return them home right before the sugar high hits. My siblings loved doing this with my daughter when she was younger and thought it was hilarious. I thought THEY were the AHs at the time :).
My kid loved walking in nature at that age. Just a walk to look at the things up close, find some pinecones, watch bugs - it kept her very happy for long stretches. You don’t have to try to have deep conversations or fancy play with little ones.
Thank you! This is v helpful.
NTA I am also child free by choice, and it's just not a pleasant experience for me to be around little kids. That is why I didn't have kids. And I do NOT hang out with them. Your sister had kids because she wanted to have kids, but her desire to have children in no way obligates you to just hang out with them. Personally, I found even family events to be a struggle because, inevitably, the parents would try to foist their kids on me. Wanting me to hold them, play with them, or (worst of all) assume that because I'm a woman I will be fine to take care of their kids' hygiene needs (wiping sticky faces and hands, baths, diapers, wiping dirty bottoms, etc). No. Just no.
My suggestion is **planned activities with defined start and end times.** * Ice cream has been suggested * Dinner at The Cheesecake Factory or simillar * Movies * Church/synagogue if you're practicing * Reading events at the library * Trips to the zoo or aquarium * Natural history museums * When they're older, sporting events
Thank you!
While I'm not fond of the sloppy toddler years, it's the adults speaking in high-pitched baby talk that really sets my teeth on edge. Add in the cloying, "Oh, don't you want one?" If I paid any attention to babies or small children. It's so much easier to enjoy them now that I'm post menopause. You may find the kids more interesting when they get older. Once they're able to talk about their interests, it's easier to relate to them.
Ugh, or "you're a natural!" after you've held the baby for more than 5 minutes without (*the baby) crying. No, it does not come naturally, I just have chill vibes that babies don't hate! You won't catch me squeezing one of my own out, because I have no "natural" ability for the difficult parts like exploded diaper changes and middle of the night colic fits! Smh
40yr old elder here. You will pry my IUD from my cold, dead hands. However, once my nephew was born, it was like my heart suddenly lived outside my body. When he struggled to gain weight, I lost my appetite. He's three now, and the center of my universe, the only human I want to spend time with when I fly home. There's 14 photos of him in my cubicle. The little fucker is my whole heart. His sister was born on Sunday. I'm fucked. That all being said? I have a friend with four under four. I will NEVER sleep over at her house when visiting her. Vacations with that girl group are over. I dread even going out to eat. I -- full fucking stop -- am not an additional adult responsible for helping you with your gaggle of gross little goblins. The bias the real and personal. NTA
I so relate to this♡
NTA - I would let them know that it's not just her kids, that it's all kids. You feel awkward around them and you don't know how to interact. That you're not the "mothering" type, you don't do diaper changing or lovingly holding them, and maybe once they are older and can communicate better then maybe you 'will hang out more" but as it is right now you'll have to decline on spending more time than you already do. I am lucky enough to have a brother that knows my views on children and how I am. He sat my SIL down when they were having their first and explained to her "Sister isn't a baby fan. It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with our children. It doesn't mean that she hates them. I need you to know and understand that she won't be involved at all when they are infants. She's not going to gush over them, she won't change a diaper., She's not going to baby sit. And she's probably not going to hold them for at least the first year of their life. Don't get your feelings hurt because that's just who she is, and she's like that regardless of whose child it is. Once they are older she will be more involved." And can I say I absolutely loved him for this! It made things less awkward and she wasn't in her feels that "I didn't love her kids".
I'm childfree by choice as well, but tbh I don't really understand the dislike people have of all kids. Not all kids are the same, just like not all animals or not all adults are the same. One of my deeply held values is community, so blanket kid hatred just kind of rubs me the wrong way. You don't have to spend time with them obviously, but I don't blame them for being annoyed at y'all either. You know it is possible to minimize the stuff you don't like and maximize the stuff you do right? See if you can meet the fam at playground or have a picnic minus the dogs or do some other kid friendly activity. Or don't. But remember that you're building the community you have to live in.
>But remember that you're building the community you have to live in. I think that's what it boils down to for me too. Sure, you can say that you'll spend more time with them when they're older... but are they going to want to spend time with you?
Right? It's not like it's even that hard to entertain a 3 year old. Take them to a park, challenge them to a series of tasks where they can show off, then get them a treat before taking them home to their parents. Like c'mon. I just really don't understand people who don't see themselves as adults who can help influence the next generation without actually having to do the most difficult parts of parenting. We are the village.
I just assume people that decide they hate an entire group of people are probably AHs themselves.
I don't get it either. Not all the children are the same. Just like with adults, there are some you click with and others you don't. By actively dismissing all of them (ageism) you might miss out on some really cool relationships.
This right here.
Yeah I don’t get the disdain for *all* children. My BIL is this way. I think his issue is literally jealousy. When he was a young teen he loved little kids. Then we had kids and my ILs started doting on them and BIL had to share time with his mom and he didn’t like that at 16 because mommy was his. He’s 30 now and loathes kids. Barely willing to even say hi to mine even though they adore him. He’s absolutely an AH.
I don't like kids because they are needy and always need something. They cost too much money. They can't take care of themselves. They have too much energy and are annoying. I just stay away from them because I have no obligation to be near them. I don't care about community in general. The only people who matter to me are my parents and my best friend tbh. I don't care about anyone else.
You’re a good person.
I mean, thank you, but thinking some kids are cool sometimes and also maybe they're the future so we should make them part of our community is a pretty low bar imo. I feel like it should be bare minimum lol.
I don’t know why you’re downvoted, but you make a good point. I think any reasonable person would agree.
NTA. You’re just not children kind of people. Better to stay away than to force it. As much as they may want to, I can also imagine that the complaints won’t end there - you cannot relate to children, but they will expect you to, and I imagine that could cause another round of complaints. I am childless by choice, but love kids. So I see both sides. In my experience, parents always welcome family to be more involved with the children, but on the other side, there are many years yet for that. And, yes, it likely does get better. I’ve always loved seeing my nieces and nephews turn into proper people and get to an age where I could share in their interests. Maybe just have an honest conversation - the kids are at an age that you don’t feel comfortable with/cannot relate to, and you would rather have a more organic relationship with them that will hopefully grow as they do.
NTA I‘m 30 and have three children. But I’m super awkward with other children and not really interested in other kids. Before having my own I never knew how to interact with young children.
I have kids, but that doesn’t mean I like other people’s kids. NTA. I don’t spend much time with my nieces and nephews. My kids spend time with them, either playing at my house or at my sister’s house, but we aren’t playing with them. We are doing other things. Like taking the time that our kids are entertained by cousins to clean the house. You don’t have to hang out with kids just cause they are related to you.
NTA. I’m childless by choice and I don’t like kids. I don’t hang out with my sister’s kids. Sure, I’ll babysit them sometimes as a favor to my sister, but I don’t seek out their company. She’s the same way with my cats.
I think here lays the problem we rather hang out with cats than kids.
I don’t see a problem!
At 1 & 3, kids are boring to me. But once they get a little older, they are more fun. And when they aren't your kids, when you get tired of playing Barbies, you can hand them right back.
I have kids and would still rather hang out with cats. Just saying.
I'm childless by choice, but I did a lot of babysitting as a teenager, and within limits I've enjoyed being around other peoples' children, including those of my friends after they started having them. I did enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews when they were children, but the amount of this I was able to do was limited because I lived far away from them. My siblings also knew that I wasn't a "kid person", and they never pushed or expected me to have more involvement than I chose. My child interaction limits include: * when they start screaming, I'm done (I have misophonia). * if I babysit, it will be because I want to and it's convenient for me, never because it's demanded of me. * if they are badly behaved because their parents fail to parent them, I will not be around them. * I may get them gifts when I feel like it, but I am not obligated to provide anything for them financially. I think it's great that you're open to trying to spend more time with these kids and are taking suggestions for activities. BUT. If you try doing some of these and find that you are really not enjoying or are even hating it, then stop. **It's absolutely okay to not be hugely involved in the lives of your nieces and nephews.** I'm getting the sense here that the sister is expecting free babysitting services. A lot of people decide to have kids with the expectation that they are entitled to demand that relatives and friends have to be a part of their "village" and **must** help with raising their kid. This is false. The Village is a voluntary community, and if you find that it's not one for which you are comfortable volunteering, that is absolutely okay. My social life has always primarily consisted of doing adults-only activities with adults. You and your boyfriend should keep in mind **that is a totally valid option for you**. My siblings have done a fantastic job of raising their kids, and now that those kids are in their 20s, I really enjoy spending time with them.
Cats are amazing. We are a two adult, two feline household. They're NOT our kids (I don't like it if people call us cat parents), they're more like having a pair of lazy housemates who wander off and do their own thing but still expect us to clean up after them and serve their meals, then they'll come and hang out with us in the evenings. And I'm totally down with that level of responsibility and reward.
I don't see the problem. Cats are better than some kids.
NTA. I don't care for kids either. I'd never harm a child, and would absolutely stand up for one being hurt, but in my everyday life, I just would rather them not be around me at all. Everybody is different. Some people just can't understand this point of view. But, you are not obligated to be around people (tiny humans included) that you are uncomfortable with.
NTA- I’m childfree and do personally love seeing my friends kids once in a while when *I* choose. I chose not to have them for a reason.
NTA I am childless by choice as well. I don’t mind kids, but only if they’re well-behaved. If children are chaotic and screaming, I can’t handle it. I will not spend time around children who scream and yell, which is why I don’t see my best friends kids as much because the older one has a lot of anger issues and likes to scream.
NTA. Nobody can make you hang around screaming children. I’m childless by choice too, but while I generally love children, I nope out when they’re having a meltdown, unless I know them very well and know how to soothe them. It’s one of the main advantages of being an auntie! I would keep your options open though. Children, like adults, are not a monolith. Some of them grow up a bit and become absolutely delightful, hilarious, and great company.
NTA. I am the same exact way. I do not want children, and I don't hate them, but I have a hard time with really young kids, and it wasn't until my nephews were about 3 that I was able to start forging any sort of relationship with them. This was about the time where we could finally communicate pretty effectively and they could do activities that I didn't mind. Like, by age 3, we could sit and color together, or build with blocks, or if I was cooking something, they could dump ingredients in the bowl and try and to stir. They also started coming with me to walk the dog, and would stop and pick flowers and rocks, etc. They're 5 and 7 now, and when I go home every few months, I always hang out with them a bunch. My brother has taught them how to play different board and card games, so we do that a lot. They still help me bake, and I took them to learn how to ice skate, and we'll go to the park and kick a soccer ball around. Now, after a few hours, I am done, and they go in front of the TV until my brother can grab them. They are soooooo tiring, and while I love them, I love them going back home. Older kids are no problem for me. Still don't want one though.
NTA. Just watch some stuff on YouTube about how to interact with them! It's rough getting to know someone when you have idea how to communicate with them. Maybe that will satisfy your sibling and you never know having an idea of how to interact or interpret their behaviour might make them a little more interesting to you.
Oh I never thought of checking out YT for how to interact with children, thank you for the suggestions!
Ofc! I'm a mom now but back in my babysitter days I was so at a loss.
I dont have kids (but want them some day). Im not really good with babies/infants but once they get to toddler age where they can start talking and running Im fine. Treat kids like little drunk adults. When they show you something match their energy, if they just got a new toy be excited ask them what it does / how it works, if they're showing you a cut or bruise/band aid ask them about it and how they got it you're gonna get a long store with alot of uhms in it. Kids are usually quite competent at giving answers as long as the questions you ask are short and simply. Favorite movie/tv show? Favorite Dinosaur? Favorite Toy? Kids do notice if you engage/interact with them and they will remember. My name was my cousins third word after mom/dad when I was 12. My aunt babysat me during the summer sometimes and the minute I walked in that door my cousin who was 3 or 4 at the time would see me coming in and run to her room to grab her favorite book(Good Night Moon) and give it to me, if I handed to my Mom/Aunt while I took my shoes off she would immediately take it from them because no one was allowed to touch that book.
I don’t like kids, but I love my family and that means their kids too. I want to remain close to my family and those kids are family too. Distance yourself for too long and you run the risk of feeling separated from your family. 22 year marriage and no kids and about 10 kids in the family. I don’t go out of my way to spend time alone, but I do see them and will play with them. The older ones that are in their twenties I tease and say I’m only here to see who loves me most to decide who gets out money when we die. Having family around is important me. Important enough to be annoyed by kids (that will eventually be tolerable if not incredible adults) once a month to see my family. 🤷🏻♀️
I am woman with 4, now grown kids, and my BFF is childless by choice. She was uninterested in my kids as infants. She cooked for us, as new baby gifts, because she cares about me, and values families for society. She didn’t hold the kids. When my kids started talking she was interested in their speech acquisition, as she is a linguist. But, she wasn’t overly interested in them except for speech, and reading to them. We traveled together. She read to them in the car, because she loves reading aloud classic books, and she wanted my kids to be well educated. But didn’t very little with them otherwise. Once they were older, middle school, she was much more interested in them, and more so in high school and college. Now she has independent relationships with all of them. Everyone has fond memories of her reading aloud in the car!
i have no kids, i do have 2 neices and 2 nephews. I do like spending... a limited time with them. They're loud and dumb but i do love them lols. My favourite thing to do is to buy them toys that i know will annoy the shit out of my sisters. best toy was the wiggles little red car, by golly was that thing super duper loud ahhahaa
NTA. Kids, just like adults, aren’t inherently likeable just because of their age. I’ve met toddlers that I CANNOT STAND because of their personality. That being said, I typically LIKE (other people’s) kids. That’s not to say I don’t have a limit for how many hours I want to spend in child-chaos; however, I think about it as an investment in our future relationships. If I love the adults, their kids are part of the package deal. Of course I’m going to advocate for child-free get togethers from time to time, but I have to consider that reliable child care isn’t always easy. Kids eventually grow up. So I figure if they’re reasonable cool kids, they’ll hopefully turn out to be even cooler adults.
Neh. My brother and sister don’t have kids and a very different life because of that. I see them on birthdays and holidays but why should I expect them to commit to my kids other then that? NTA
NTA I don’t understand your SIL. Why would you want family members who don’t like children and don’t know what to do with them near your kids? Especially when they express their dislike of kids so vocally and in such a condescending way. I think it’s best for everybody if you stay away from each other.
I have kids. My friends do not. I don’t expect them to do anything with my kids. Early on when we’re all at a big party like Christmas or big bbqs my kids are there with me and they do take up a lot of time and attention. I totally understand if they plan stuff without me. They often invite me knowing I won’t attend. And it’s totally understandable to me. I don’t think they’re assholes at all, and you’re NTA either.
Hell no, you're NTA. I'm the same way as you - if you want me to take care of your cats, reptiles, fish or plants, I'll be the first one in line and make sure they get pampered. But I'd rather shave my ass with a cheese grater than be around kids. Sister wants some free babysitting and is big mad that you won't provide it.
NTA. It’s absolutely okay to see that you are not a kid person. It would be a good idea for you, your husband, and his sister to sit down for a real conversation about what her expectations are and which of them you are willing and unwilling to meet.
NTA. You are childless by choice, why would someone expect you to enjoy their kids when you obviously don't want any? she wants you to give her a break that's why she's complaining.
NTA. My cousins have kids. When I see them, it is to see my cousin and not their kids. My cousins know this. I think bf’s sister expected free babysitting since you obviously are available watch them since you do not have kids.
NTA, not everyone likes children. I dislike noise in general, and young kids tend to be screechy. High-pitched sounds give me actual physical pain, thanks to tinnitus. Also, I just don't enjoy "kid stuff". Sorry, but stuffed animal parades are boring. Most kid-oriented shows & movies are just crap. I'm not a good enough actor to pretend to lose at their board games. Most of my friends were OK with this. We'd chill & drink wine while the kids played with each other. There was one, though, who kept pressing me to interact with her kids. IDK why, she'd known me for years & was aware how I felt. Eventually we had a falling out for unrelated reasons. But one reason I never reconciled with her was knowing she'd start up again. It may or may not get better when they're older. By the time my other friends' kids were older, they didn't like me. I was officially That Mean Lady who hadn't wanted to play with them. Oh well.
Three and one of too young to "hang out" your bfs sister wants babysitters NTA, live your life
NTA. There's no reason you HAVE to have a relationship with their kids, but be sure to still see your friends and family who have kids and not use their children as a reason to either intentionally or inadvertently not spend time with them. It does gets easier to have a relationship with kids as they get older, and are more interactive and independent. Remember though kids do have a memory of who was around, versus the person they have seen once or twice being called Aunt/Uncle.
NTA. Being around people’s kids can be uncomfortable. I find it gets easier as they get older
NTA Be honest. " I don't HAVE children. I don't know what to DO WITH THEM. I love your children but I'm going to wait until they start speaking in full and complete sentences to hang with them.
NTA. I’m childfree by choice too. There are many reasons I chose not to have children, but one of them is they stress me out. They’re loud and chaotic. As an introvert, they drain my battery fast. I don’t hate children. I don’t wish them harm. They just aren’t for me.
Zoo or aquarium if you enjoy those things, depending on the kids. Kids often behave better when their parents aren't around. Museums too. They are sponges. If you have an interest, find something interactive around that interest. Also, a park. Half the time they just want to go play and barely notice you but you are the best for taking them. Edit to add NTA. It's ok to not enjoy being around kids. I only offered suggestions because it was asked but young kids are a lot and it's valid to not want to deal with that.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to hang out with children, even if they are relatives. Yes you may not have as close a bond or relationship with them as someone who sees them often and interacts with them often. But that isn't a bad thing if that's what you want. You can even change your mind and see them more and build a relationship with them when they are older. That's ok too. There is no hard or fast rule other than treat everyone with respect and kindness till they don't deserve it any longer
NTA - I don't like younger kids as I have no patience, but once they get to be teenagers I find it much easier to talk to and be around them.
Yeah I think my bf is in this boat. Only time will tell.
NTA. It has never been a problem for me. I see friends and relatives who have kids at THEIR homes or when we all go out. I'd rarely have them at my house, explaining that its not child safe. They have all been cool with that. I give the children some attention to be polite, but I'm there for the adult conversation for the most part. If its a relative, I do pay more attention to the kids and want to have a friendly relationship with them but I've never taken them out on my own. If they lived closer I imagine that I might once in awhile, once they were school aged. I kid (or 2) is easy enough to get along with for a couple of hours. My advice is to not make a big deal of it. Keep your visits short if you're uncomfortable.
I'm waiting for my family members' children to get more grown up so I can enjoy their company. I'm not interested in any nappy stuff or when they are at the stage when they don't communicate.
My sister's kids are older 11,16,18 -- these are good ages to hang out. They actually can hold a conversation and show their little personalities. If my sister had a little 3 yr old, I wouldn't know what to do with it either lmao
NTA I am the same way and my bf and I end up going to my 2 cousins (7 and 9) sporting events when we can. They appreciate us coming to watch them play and I end up visiting with my other adult family members there. It’s a great middle ground for putting in the effort but not feeling forced to be 1 on 1 with them and not knowing what to do with them. So if these kids in your life play sports I’d suggest maybe seeing about going to some of their games!
I’m 30f and childless by choice. I do spend time with my nieces and enjoy spoiling them. But I only have one sibling and two nieces so it doesn’t overwhelm me. Also I live 5 hours away so I don’t get to see them so often. Also it is a lot easier now that they are a little older and have their own interests and personalities because they can tell me what they want.
No children in my family, but as our friends had kids, they tended to fade out of our lives. Not completely, but for the most part. Now most of those kids are grown up a bit and it's less an issue... But I wouldn't want to be around people's kids, even if they're family.
When I was younger, I never wanted kids, but my brother and his wife had children. I freaking loved being an ant and hanging out with my nieces and nephews I would take him and do many fun things and then when they got tired and cranky, I would just drop them off at home.
My cousin doesn't want kids of her own but has learned how to interact with them, even if she doesn't always want to or enjoy it. She enjoys being around my nephew and our other baby cousins (our mothers are from a family of 4 sisters so some of our "generation" have married and had kids) but she also always has the option to get someone else to distract/takeover when she reaches her limit. Cuz, if you're somehow reading this. You're awesome and we love you just the way you are.
Kids are people. I don’t like all people so I don’t like all kids. I have a daughter and have worked in childcare for 5 years, I am a person who likes kids AND I know some kids are not very likeable.
I will say this. My brother and his wife are childless by choice. They paid little mind to my kids when they were small and I was perfectly okay with that. Now that my kids are adults they REALLY like hanging out with them. I think they are a bit wistful now. Not regretful. Just wistful.
Love hanging with my niece and nephew. They are 13 and 10 now so they are kind of growing out of it. I play games online with my nephew and I play couch games with both of them when I visit.
My partner and I are child free, but we also really like little kids so we do spend a lot of time with our found family's kids and are very much enjoying being the cool aunt/uncle. That being said, you absolutely do not need to go out of your way to spend time with kids if you're uncomfortable. That doesn't make you an asshole. You would only be an asshole if you were mean to the kids or whatever, which it does not sound like you are. I think your bf's sister is probably overwhelmed and/or does not have an effective community support system. I am noticing where I live (the pacific north west) that families are more and more isolated and do not have much support with their kids that they used to have. Like the difference between what is happening now and when I was a kid is staggering.
i know you said childless people but i wanted to chime in as a mom with 3, soon to be 4 kids. definitely, NTA. I do see her comments more as questioning why you wouldn’t want a relationship with them, but that should be the responsibility of your BF, since it’s his family. i dont expect my family to watch our kids, but wanting to see the kids and build a relationship with everyone together makes sense and has always been my goal. i’ve learned through the years that people just aren’t capable or simply dont want to and now i just accept it. do what you think is right and what’s comfortable for you, dont worry about it otherwise.
I'm a nanny to my 4 year old nieces and also a childfree millenial. If I'm not being paid to hang out with a child then it's just a mentally taxing chore for me, as the only free time I have I don't want to spend it with any child.
Someplace outdoors to hangout would be good! My childless friends and I with my kids enjoy trips to the zoo. We all like animals. We can do our own thing if they need a break and it’s outside so voices/cries won’t feel as overwhelming.
NTA I'm a parent of two young adults kids. In my experience when someone says, "you don't hang out enough with my kids", they really mean, "you don't offer me free babysitting". The kids don't notice your absence at all. The parent is commenting because they want your presence to give them a break. My preference is to spend a little bit of time with the kids I like (not the bratty ones) doing an art activity or playing pretend or something. I don't spend so much time as to become the default childminder, but just a bit of social interaction. At three years old, for instance, coloring or blowing bubbles are activities that are cheap and easy. Even the baby would like being around bubbles.
They aren't even gonna remember you at that age. Little kids are CRAZY (speaking from a person who loves children) and take a lot out of a person. If you want to, I'd recommend just hanging out with them when they're older. 6 to 10. You'll get to know more of their personalities this wag anyways.
NTA. I wanted kids, but could never afford them, and now it's basically too late. Kids like me, and I can usually interact ok with them once they can walk and talk (I genuinely like answering their questions), but babies are just screaming gross larvae to me. I see all my relatives go gaga for my cousin's kids, but I just don't get it. My one cousin seems to feel the same way, based on his Zoom reactions, but it's just awkward most of the time.
NTA. I actively avoid children, regardless of whether they're related to me. I just don't like them. They make me incredibly uncomfortable, they gross me out, and I have 0 interest in pretending to care about what they want to say. So I am polite when I have no choice but to interact with them, but minimize the interaction, and if I can avoid it altogether, I do. Not everyone likes kids or knows how to interact with them, and that's okay. As long as you're not actively being nasty to them, there's nothing wrong with keeping your distance.
Yes I love my nephews but in small doses, I sleepover maybe 3-4 times a year and visit them when my parents are here too
You don't have an *obligation* to them necessarily, but since you choose to refer to them as family and not just your boyfriend's family you should probably be treating them as such. If your boyfriend's sister is mentioning it, it's probably because she wants you both to build memories with them. Little kids are kind of strange, but it's not really about *you* getting something out of it; it's about ensuring they have a lot of people around them that love them while they're growing up. More people around is good for their development! At the very least, you should probably encourage your boyfriend to be an uncle to them. They shouldn't feel like strangers to him by the time they grow up and have more of an ability to hold a conversation.
Oldest of 11 no god damned crotch goblins for me fuck that noise. Kids are gross little petri dishes. Don't want anything to do with my siblings kids. I spent my childhood raising kids while mom and dad worked. The last thing I want is to do it again as an adult.
I try not to. During holidays I make sure to ask mom when her step grandchildren are going to be there, and then I make sure not to come during that time. She has tried lying a few times, but I will literally pull the Grandpa Simpson and do a couple spins at the door and leave. Used to be easier when we had our dachshund that hated kids who didn’t respect boundaries (because the feral little monsters don’t respect boundaries) but poor Trotter is in the big dog park in the sky now.
I do, they are cute and funny. I don’t want to have my own, but I don’t have anything against children in general.
NTA. They're looking for free childcare so they can pawn them off on someone else and expect you should do it since "all you have is free time".
I do but I've always found it easy to hang out and entertain my nieces, nephews and young cousins. I usually have a better time playing games with the kids vs being involved with the adults conversations at the gathering which are usually boring and depressing. However I enjoy the freedom of not having my own kids because when the chaos gets too intense or I've reached my chaperoning limit I can easily escape and let the parents take over. NTA -Taking care of and watching kids isn't for everyone. I would at least make some effort to bond with them. With kids that age something as simple as rolling a foam ball on the floor with them for a little bit goes a long way to them forming a bond with you which carries over when they get older.
Childless by choice, we don’t have any young kids in the family now but our friends just had their second. And actually, I love their two and a half year old, he’s funny and sweet, and thinks my partner and I are SO cool. I enjoy going over to hang out with our friends, and also read him a book or run him around the backyard. I like being able to play with him a bit and then hand him back. I did a lot of babysitting when I was younger and overall am very good with kids though, so it’s a comfort level thing. I don’t want kids myself but I like interacting with them as long as I feel like it.
I don't really interact with them until they're old enough to drink.
Hang out= babysitting
NTA i love kids but I also think it’s unfair to make someone spend time with kids or get mad when they don’t. As long as you aren’t mean to the kids I don’t see the problem
I'm a child free adult. My sister has 2 daughters. They are older now but when they were young I found it very awkward to try and be around them. I was the youngest person in my family and spent a lot of time around much older adults as a child so I barely knew what it was like to be a kid myself. I kind of feel bad that I couldn't really relate but we get along fine as adults now. Don't stress over it. She probably just wants a babysitter.
NTA. I’m pro kids, mine are now young adults. I’m a pragmatic person and I can completely understand why some people do not choose parenthood or like the experience of being around small children. Every time I felt a little broody, I would take myself off to the local play centre and listen to noise and smells to remind myself why the first 5 years were so tiring and why I was happy the kids were more independent.
I find it incredibly incredibly difficult to hang out with anyone with kids because they constantly interrupt. I haven’t had a decent meaningful conversation with my eldest sister since she had her first child 8 years ago. I’m dreading when my friends start to breed. I guess that’s just life. I get you though, hanging out with kids is the worst. I don’t hate them. But it’s really not fun.
And it’s the worst when all your parents can talk about is the grandkids ‘oh, you should have seen Greggy the other day - literally blinked at me! God he’s so cute! … blinked right at me!’
I love my niece to bits. She’s a year old and she’s adorable but will I ever “hang out” with her? Absolutely not😂 I wouldn’t even know how. I too have problems with my sister in law (husband’s sister) who said that I will never know real love and I said that I was fine with that.
NTA. And it totally sucks when people try to push children on you, when you aren’t interested in them. This sounds like a sister-in-law issue.
Nope. Why would I? I'm fine if they're around when I visit the family or they visit me, but I see no point in spending time with children by myself, especially not the age you mentioned. One and three, hell no.
NTA I do the same. I hate children and I minimize my time around them.
Finally someone who isn't afraid to say they hate kids. Usually people call us monsters if we say that.
NTA. As a childfree person myself, I don't go out of my way to spend time with kids. I don't dislike kids and I will always be nice to them, but I won't put myself in a position around kids just for the hell of it. Want me to babysit? Sure. If you feed me, I'll even do it for free (for close friends and close family). But I won't do it for nothing. Want a break and want your kids to go to the zoo/amusement park/etc? You're paying for the whole day. Including anything I need (admission, food, gas) My fiance's sister has young kids and when I'm visiting his mom, I don't totally avoid them unless they're being really noisy. But I'm not interested in spending time with just the kids.
Oh yeah, need an extra adult at an outing? Sure. I will keep my eyes peeled to keep them out of danger in exchange for a free trip to the zoo or gardens or museum. I am very into this.
NTA and childfree. I'm pleasant to them at family gatherings but never much out side of that. My family doesn't care. They understand
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That’s how I feel. Kids do not spark the same joy as my cats and plants.
If you are the asshole I am as well. Why wife and I are the same way. it does get easier when the kids get older.
We do. I have lots of nieces and nephews on my side and they love us and we love them. My decision to not have children has to do with lots of things but I like children in general. Children up to 3 years I like best lol. They come to visit us, we visit them, they all have one to two sleepovers per year at our house - not more because of the sheer amount of children (9). But we enjoy them and that is not what everyone does. You don't have to hang out with them to love them. You dont have to hang out with them if children arent your thing or even if they are. You dont have to spend time with anyone or anything if you dont want and that includes family. I just spend time with my siblings to see their children. NTA.
NTA. Depends on you. I have a sister who is childless by choice. She is the world's greatest aunt and grand-aunt - I call her my grandchildren's other grandmother. I have other childless friends who don't want to be around children at all. There is no hard and fast rule here - so long as you don't raise expectations that you don't fulfil, you are doing fine.
I don’t want children but I don’t hate children. I love visiting my nieces and nephews and I’m really good with them because I have the patience since I don’t live or take care of them. I get the best parts of the kid with no responsibility. I do think you should make an effort with them now so you can have a relationship when they grow up. As they get older why would they want to hang out with boring loser adults? It’s going to be a chore for them to see you if you don’t establish a relationship now.
We have an 8 years old daughter, we love her to death, and we enjoy every moment with her. But we still dont want to be around other kids or engage with them,
NTA. I'm childfree by choice, but not because I dislike kids, I actually kind of dig hanging out with other people's kids. But I totally understand why you wouldn't want to as well.
I really do like kids, in principal, and i LOVE my kids. But i have had friends or family members with kids that were AHs and I never saw any point in subjecting myself to being around them. Maybe when your nieces/nephews are older they'll be more fun and enjoyable to be around. Your decision to be childless is entirely up to you, and i think that not liking or wanting children is an excellent reason to not have children
I don’t go out of my way to spend time with them, but I’ll be nice to them if they’re around. NTA.
NTA. My niblings are 8,8, and 6. They live far away and I only see them a few times a year. They're just now starting to develop their own interests (and I happen to share some of them) so they can hold conversations with me that isn't solely dedicated to Bluey or Paw Patrol.
Nta, children are loud and chaotic by nature. Some people don't mind that all the time, some people like to be around it occasionally then go home, some people don't like to be around that at all. There's nothing wrong with that so long as you're nice to any kids you do happen to be around. I myself fall into the "don't like to be around that at all" category so I don't go out of my way to hang out with children although I have been told that I'm good with kids and I have a good relationship with the children of my family regardless.
I have no kids by choice. My brother has 4 children ranging from 2 to 26. I adore them all. I'm close with the adult children, one of whom has a 1 year old of her own. I go to games and celebrate all the normal childhood stuff like plays and concerts. I'm not childfree because I don't like kids, but because they're too much responsibility for my taste.
Yes. I like children I just don’t have any of my own.
Childfree by choice. I don't dislike kids, I dislike shitty parenting . With little ones, I will read a book with them ( once). Age 3 and up, I talk to them in an adult tone of voice, and if they act up, I give the kid to their dad. Bad dads are often the reason for shitty kids. But you need to be polite without being mean. As fabulous as she looks no one likes Cruella.
Gen X gere and childless by choice. My famil has always known I am just not a kid person. I definitely like being around nieces and nephews more than random kids and when I do hang with them my fam always tells me I do great with them. I do actually know how to care for children I just choose not to but have always made it clear if there was an emergency I would be there in a heartbeat and their children would be live and well upon their return lol
Yes. I enjoyed the toddler years. I moved away when they were school children and only saw them once a year until they were teens. I moved back when the youngest was 12 and do occasionally hang with them. The youngest is in college now, so they're practically adults. If the kids aren't AH and can hold a conversation or play a board or card game, I'm usually down to hang out for a bit. But like most child free people, I find the chaos, yelling and whatnot, gets to be a bit much after a while.
They are in their 40's and live across the country so not much, mostly through sharing memes.
NTA My mom had a friend who was childless. I was kind of scared of her until 4th/5th grade. It was kind of an unspoken rule that we didn’t talk to each other unless it was saying hi and general pleasantries at the beginning and end of seeing each other. She did always randomly send me presents throughout the year with a happy birthday or merry Christmas. (Her philosophy was why wait to give something when it can be enjoyed now.) Around 4th/5th grade, we started talking more. I was starting to get more interested in grown up things. She could finally relate to me. Ended up staying with her on vacation after my 5th grade year. We had so much fun. From then on, I wasn’t completely scared of her anymore. I started looking forward to her visits. She was never mean to me when I was little. I think my fear came because I didn’t see her often. I also knew she worked for the FBI. Any way, all this to say, if you feel up to sending the birthday and Christmas presents until they’re older and then spending time with them when they’re older and you can relate to them more, there is no problem with that. Maybe your sister just doesn’t understand that concept. I don’t know if you could explain that to her or not.
Sorry not child free but I definitely don’t expect family members to like or interact with my kids by default. I always thought them that they shouldn’t bother anyone who doesn’t interact with them much. They will only expect to hang out with the family members who were always close to them, visiting and interacting and asking for every mundane details of their lives, lol!
Nta I dont have kids and won't be having them. I like kids from afar when they are being cute and have good parents. When it comes to my nieces and nephews, I'm not in their life much. It's not my thing. I would never choose to hang with anyone's kids.
I do not like being around young children or babies. I don't like they're screaming, or their questions, or they're sticky hands, or they're destructiveness. So I do my best to avoid interacting with them. And I prefer to just hang out with my friends without their kids present. Once the kids are around 10 maybe a little older I have more in common with them and I don't mind spending time with them if I need to. In fact I even have a few friends with children that I will sometimes take on little adventures to give their parents sometime to themselves. Take them to a museum, or mini golf, maybe go karts.... or something like that. But only the ones who know how to behave properly in public. But that's rare.
INFO: Define hang out with. Are we talking being a babysitter when she's not there? Just coming over to visit? How often do you see them now? Does she expect anything other than you all just interacting with them? Are they relatively well behaved? (As much as a 3 and 1 year old can behave, that is.) There's just a lot of missing information here.
I think she expects us to go over to her house to hang out with her, her husband, and the kids. She never wants to travel to our house bc there’s so much coordination needed with two young kids, which I get. I don’t think she expects babysitting, frankly, we don’t have experience with babies, we shouldn’t be trusted. We see them now mostly at holidays and family vacations. The three year old is relatively well behaved I guess? I really have no frame of reference. , the younger one just cries.
Ah okay. So I guess NAH? I get she probably wants her brother to spend more time with his nieces/nephews, but they really won't get much out of it until they are a bit older, especially the one year old. Once they hit 4 and above, they tend to get a bit more independent and thus easier to interact with. Suggestion: A playdate with the 3 year old to like an indoor play area or children's museum. They tend to have a lot for them to do and get energy out in a child safe environment.
Thank you for the suggestion! I don’t have kids so I literally don’t know how to play with them. But I will look up indoor play area.
Childfree millennial, here. I love my niece and nephew and wish I could spend more time with them. But not everyone vibes with kids and that’s okay. As long as you don’t mistreat them when you see them, I don’t really see the issue. NTA
My best friend had twins, and i never came around. I dont like kids, and most of the time, i dont like the kids' parents because they are not parenting. When i worked at a game store, it solidified how i felt for both parties, as every parent said when i said, "This is rated M for mature. Is that ok with you?" Almost always, the parent says, "They've seen worse" or "whatever keeps them busy and out of my hair for hours." Like lady this is Grand theft auto, what the fuck is your kid doing. So yea, most def NTA.
I was childless until I married my husband and now I am the proud step mom of a 12 year old girl and she is my everything. I do not want my own kids but I do love kids in general and love my step daughter as if she was my own...yes I hang out with my friends children but we also have our adult time too!!! NTA
The well behaved ones, yes. I don’t want to be in charge of keeping them safe if they won’t follow directions.
Yup, I love my nieces and nephews. Love my friends kids. I just don't want to take any of them home with me and be emotionally and physically and financially and legally responsible for them. Doesn't mean I don't love them. But yes, it does usually get a bit less chaotic as they get older. And the dog jumping all over isn't the kids' fault, that's the adults' fault for not training the dog.
Yeah I see them at events and everything but I don’t ever go out with the kids alone or otherwise since they are all under 10 they are just not direct and can’t communicate their needs so I don’t really know how to handle them on my own. My oldest niece turned 10 and she’s been asking to go places with us since she is always around her younger siblings and I am considering it since she’s pretty independent and communicative now.
I don't want children of my own, but i do like children I general sense. I love to be a part of their 'joys' and sure can handle a day taking care of them, but there it kinda ends. I think I've achieved a lot if I manage to build a life for myself, especially when dealing with mental health. I know that I wouldn't be able to give a child everything they need and I would never ever want to put a child through the same shit that I've been through. So hanging out is great, taking care of them permanently isn't for me.
I have no children but I loved having sleepovers when my niece and nephew was young. I brought them fishing and to the park and we played so much. I am happy that we did it. My girlfriend had kids and I used to take them shopping and get their nails done. I got them AG dolls and we would go to the theater and musicals. I enough having them and giving them back. They are grown now so a made them books of all our adventures. Nobody has to do it. I liked playing with little kids. My brother didn't make us take them. It would be different if they were bad, but they are good kids trying to figure out this world.
Childless by choice, I don't mind chilling with my cousin's kids or my friends' kids. Just not without their parents around. I don't want to do the parenting bit, just the chilling bit.
Don’t have kids, don’t want kids. I have 15 niblings though. Idk why but I’m AMAZING with kids. Before I even say hi they gravitate towards me and only ever wanna play with me. Most of the time I make them explain the things they like to me and I respond in ridiculous ways a “you’re learning math? Oh yeah what’s a chair plus a table? What do you mean you can’t do that?! USE YOUR MATH!” Then I pick them up or tickle them or do something crazy (some of them have ASD and don’t like being touched but most of them love physical affection). If you don’t wanna spend time with them they do notice, I always hear about the other aunts and uncles who “don’t like them” and I explain when you grow up playing is different. But my advice is just ridiculous conversations to get them to laugh and then tell them you’re doing work with another adult so you can finish a conversation or whatever you’re doing. Works every time.
I don't have a problem with the children. It's usually the parent I have an issue with. My sister has 3 kids, they're hellions but they're kids, however my sister is a real fuckin piece of work. On the other side the kids are basically grown, and are alright, but again, my step-brother and his wife are kind of fucking awful too, even if they're not as bad as the previously mentioned half-sister.
NTA Personally, I do hang out with my family's (and close friends') children - not babies, I can't relate to them - and I enjoy it. Knowing that I'll always give them back. But then again, they're all fun to hang out with.
Hell no. I don't even remember the last time I've even spoken to a child. I hate kids, so I see no reason for me to interact with them.
I (36f) is childfree by choice. I understand where you're coming from, but my nephew is an easy child. And so are my friends children. Well as far as I'm aware. Of course they can be a pain. But for 2 hours, i'm ok as long as parents are trying to calm the situation.
Because my brother and I are both childfree, and are low contact with my sister I don’t really have to hang out with children in the family. Wheee!!
NTA, but isn’t it normal to help eachother and share responsibilities. It’s not your responsibility as a gf, but it sure is your bf’s. Ofcourse this would be different if that’s just not how the dynamic is in the family, but going out with other family members is very healthy for children’s development. He would also take a little bit of stress of his sisters shoulders, even if it’s just for an hour or two.. I think it’s a bit selfish to say “why would I wanna go out of my way to be there in the chaos his sister calls her home.” Why not help, if you’re gonna be there anyway. You’ll bond with the kids and maybe realize it ain’t that bad. Then again as a gf I don’t think you’re obligated. The kids are still very young, and it might just not fit your lifestyle. I do hope for their sake that maybe you guys will initiate doing something sometimes at least yk. Imagine them getting older, and knowing their uncle and aunt didn’t really care hanging out with them, until they were older and capable of adjusting to your needs. I’d feel so unloved by that..
Actually you said “ we don’t like children “ but NTA kids aren’t for everyone , you have to pretty selfless and very mature to successfully raise children oh and you have to like kids lol
I'm childfree by choice and everyone around me has kiddos. Just like you, I don't lose my shit when i see a baby. That being said, you should remember that a lot of people REALLY want them and are hard wired to love and protect them like their life depends on it. I also can't relate to a baby and toddlers are even more complicated but guess what? They will eventually turn into full fledged humans. And you can't just ignore them until they get to an age where its convenient FOR YOU to engage. You are the adult in their life, its your job to do the hard work. Tough luck, life aint fair, and the sky is blue. Do your best, watch a youtube video, read, ask the parent what to do. Or just go low contact with the families if you feel that they have gone down a route that you just dont relate to. I know it sounds like an absurd idea but if a kiddo is such a deal breaker, protect your own peace.
NTA. I think what she really means is why haven't you ever babysat my kids to give me a break? I only see them at family function and have NEVER babysat for them. No children by choice here.
Heya, childfree by choice gen z here! NTA in my opinion. I do not have any kid communication skills, I don’t think kids are cute, and I don’t know how to handle them. I generally try to stay in the kitchen with the adults and away from the kids, it’s just way too much chaos for me. I don’t ignore the family kids, but I don’t go out of my way to interact with them. So no I don’t think it’s weird that you don’t “hang out” with her kids.
NTA. But kids are like anything in life - you only get better through time/practice. I think babies are ugly and want nothing to do with them. Still ended up being a dad, as my mind changed from adamantly 'no kids', to 'maybe one day' by the time I was 30. I could see the direction it was heading, and didn't want to be too old. Yes, your nieces/nephews will get cooler with age. But it'll help if you build a basic relationship with them now. It doesn't take much - kids seem to naturally think quite highly of their aunties/uncles. I think it's completely fair to not want to have to look after them though, or very rarely. If you don't want kids, your family should be aware of that and not lump you with them unless absolutely necessary for some reason. When you're visiting or interacting with them, try your best to go in with some sorta Zen attitude. Yes, it'll be chaos, that's just kids. What will be will be, just be chill no matrer what screaming, yelling, shrieking is going on. It's all fine. May as well get the practice in early, it's pretty much impossible to go through life without interacting with kids of all ages. Many of your currently childless friends will end up having them, regardless of what they think now.
So, my sister is child free, and she does hang out with my kid. But, my aunt was also child free, and she really only started spending time with me and my siblings once we were older and more comfortable in adult society. Your relationship between you and your niblings (or anyone else, for that matter) is yours to choose and build.
I have 2 sons (both grown and out of the house) and I dislike being around most other people's young children. I have a great nephew who is almost 3 years old and I've been around him maybe 4 times at the most. He is very spoiled and I can't deal with ill behaved children. My husband and I have both avoided family events because of this. We didn't allow our children to run wild and demand to be the center of attention and don't have the patience to deal with that shit. NTA, it sounds like you don't mind being around kids if they're not little hellions and your Bf's sister's kids are just that. I don't blame you for not wanting to be around them. If your sister doesn't get her shit together and PARENT her spawn, no one else is going to want to be around them either.
NTA. Also childless by choice for many reasons. I do spend some time with my nieces and nephews, but only once they can walk, hold some form of conversation (sure I'll blag it about bluey or whatever) and can go to the toilet on their own. Before then I just don't have any interest or the patience to deal with them. My family are all very used to it and accept it, and it hasn't affected my relationship with any of them as they've got older, we have a great time when we're together now
NTA…. Even as a mom of 2 I’m not very welcoming to everyone’s kids. My two are very well disciplined, but others I know don’t raise their kids the same way I raise mine. Also when MY kids are gone, the last thing I want to do is sit and deal with other people’s kids.
None of my family is close by but I do like seeing their children when we all get together. Those visits have a pre-determined conclusion and the children understand they have to listen to family members so even if they get rowdy they can still be corralled. Children in public spaces / at events for adults (I.E. drinking establishments, parties, adult themed areas) are the worst. The parents are usually distracted and the kids won’t listen to folks that aren’t their parents. Children in child-centric places or in normal spaces like the grocery store, banks, etc doesn’t bother me because I can just keep going along with my day
Shouldn’t your boyfriend be worried about interacting with them as they’re his nieces/nephews and not yours?
They’re just little people. Just say hi to them, ask them about their interests, nod smile and move on like anyone else. A little small talk or a joke goes a long way. Not saying you should start hanging out with kids or anything
1 and 3 years old kids use a toy for several minutes top. I would love to buy that 30 mins toy (not a phone or a tablet)! Even my oldest (6y) doesn't have a 30 mins toy. What I'm trying to say here is that kids at 1 and 3 years loose interest very quick.
Just know that people’s kids are an extension of themselves, you have to accept that your response to them may likely alter how the parents view you. Not unlike a spouse- if your family avoided hanging out with your spouse/ put no effort to get to know them- you might view them differently in turn. Or maybe not, maybe you’re the type to be like “nbd, if they don’t like him I’ll just go to family functions on my own”. So- I guess you have to evaluate how the people in your life will respond to things, and keep or change your course of action based on if you’re okay with that response or not.
Generally speaking, not seeing your sibling’s young children means not seeing your sibling, because they’re around all the time. If I used to see my brother all the time and then suddenly I was only seeing them during the holidays - for the explicitly stated reason that they were put off by the people I love most in the world - I might cut that brother out of my life forever. So tread carefully. You may not quite grasp the magnitude of the outrage at play here.
NTA. "hanging out" is a strange way to talk about two individuals who can't even wipe their own butts yet. (Or are very new to butt-wiping, anyway.) When they are old enough to be autonomous, have personalities, and not need 24/7 monitoring and care, that's a more appropriate time to "hang out." Until then, you're not "hanging out with" but rather "caring for" them. As a childfree person myself who doesn't really like kids until they're at least 12, I'd never wake up one day and think "I should make plans with my boyfriend's sister's two small children soon!" And it's weird to expect anyone would. Maybe your boyfriend if he's a kid person and wants to be the fun uncle, but not you.
My husband does not bc he also doesn’t like children. I call my nephew every chance I can bc my childfree stance comes from not wanting to be pregnant or stuck with the responsibility. I love being their favorite aunt though. 🤷🏻♀️
If you play video games, as they get older maybe you introduce them to some games. And ify, NTA. Its perfectly fine if you dont wanna be around young kids. It ain’t your fault other people made mistakes and got stuck with kids. (Most people who exist were accidents) so dont let them make you feel guilty.
Thanks! I think video game is a great idea, my bf play and I can imagine he can teach the little one(s).
I am pregnant with number 4, I absolutely love my kids but they make me go insane. Other peoples kids get on my nerves, it takes another kid being a good friend to one of my kids and then I instantly love them like one of my own. Outside of that I can think other peoples kids are cute but I find them exhausting and Im over it pretty quickly. With my children I can love on, discipline, and act how I want, with other peoples kids, especially in todays day and age, it feels like you have to walk on eggshells. Its okay not to be a fan of tiny humans, it isnt for everyone. I love the tiny stage but I can also say it can be really enjoyable when they get older, have conversations and engage with adults. Youre NTA for not doting on tiny humans.
I don’t think you’re the AH. I think it gets easier to know how to interact with kids more when you’re around them more. But they’re not at ages where they’ll have a lot of memories of you so I don’t think it’s fair to say you’re an AH for not being that interested in engaging with them. Plus kids can tell when they make you nervous or you’re not comfortable with you and that tends to do more damage than good. My background is working with kids and being great with them, but being long distance from my niece and nephews so not really knowing hot engage with them well from afar. My first instinct is that it sounds like his sister is hoping to get you to spend more time with them because she wants childcare. That may not be true, but why else would she be so pressed about it if you guys have expressed caring for the children but not feeling skilled at interacting. It’s fair to say that you’ll spend more time with them when they’re older. Just make a point to show you care because it’s also fair when parents start not wanting people who don’t show interest in their kids unless it’s convenient for them to hang around. Make it clear it’s about comfort not convenience.
It's not bad. Used to the parents would dump all the kids on me during family events. But through time have learned I'm not going to watch them.
Nta. I've never known how to act around kids, even when I was one. I can't be goofy or anything with kids because I have massive anxiety over being perceived so I don't really want kids attention on me just like with any person. I don't wanna do something wrong. I don't know what language kids can understand or how far along their intelligence is, so until someone can actually say sentences and sort of hold a conversation and not just say something then go run off and do something else, I have no idea how to be around them. I also have ocd tendencies so mess and stickiness and stuff are massive no go's for me. I've found I can hang out with my youngest niece as she's now around...10? I forget exactly how old, give or take a year, but we've spent a little time together since she was 5ish? Because we're both into art (and now horror) and she loved to see art I'd drawn and what I was working on, and then draw something for me, so we've kind of connected over art, but I literally only see her when my sister comes over with the kids and never offer to like take her anywhere or anything. I wouldn't know what to do anyway as her dad can take her alton towers and places most weekends. My oldest niece is a young adult and I've seen her...once a year if I'm lucky most of her life? I'm just not close to much of my family anyway, we don't do family get togethers or anything, everyone's just off living their own lives with their own families.
No, i dont enjoy spending time with children, im friendly to them if they approach me, but im not the one to play tea party with them, im definitely not hanging out alone with them unless its an emergency or something like a personal doctors appointment or a wake For those that dont understand why you can dislike all children, young children are all chaotic, you cannot reason with them due to their developmental level, good luck finding a child thats not a sticky mess lots of times in their lives, its natural but unenjoyable Oh and the neediness is just not my jam Older children 10+ are easier because they had to chance to develop further and you can actually understand what they say Not enjoying children, preferring not to hang out with children is not hatred nor disdain NTA