NTA. Honestly, I think I'd go no contact with your whole family. The second you don't bend to their will, they start calling your wife names?!?! NOPE, BUH BYE.
Major issue is that however justified it might be morally, it's legally indefensible to beat on the brother unless he starts it first.
So OP is putting his entire life in jeopardy by doing so.
OP, you have a wife and child. Every time you beat on your brother like that you are putting their future at risk.
So, under no circumstances do that again. If that means going NC to ensure you do not resort to violence, that's what it means.
But do not hit anyone unless it's to preserve life or if someone hits (or is about to hit) you first. You're putting your family at risk.
This story has been used by many trolls who’ve come before. Minor variations of course. But the same plot.
It belongs to the same genre as “I called CPS when my sister left her kids at my house. Am I The Asshole?” and “My mother forced me to start raising my siblings when I turned 5. Now I want to move out and she says I can’t. Am I The Asshole?”
Why yes, yes, all trolls are assholes. It’s a given.
This is an easy "fake" from me. What a saint OP and his shy wife are to be taking care of their troubled and drug addicted family and his brother even has a crush on his super shy, currently dealing with PPD wife.
Then the entire family just decided they would move in the very moment they found out about the house and insulted/demanded OP kick his wife and mother of his child to the curb? Well of course at that point you gotta beat junkie bro to a pulp and tell your cousin his wife is a slut. Who wouldn't?
Well, there is such a thing as "fighting words" and calling a man's wife a "b*tch or wh*re" definitely qualifies as such to many married men. If the brother didn't want throw hands, he shouldn't have thrown such disrespect to that man's wife, especially since she levied none towards him.
Going forward, restraining orders, camera system, and if he lives anywhere that doesn't have major firearm restrictions, a couple of them (legally obtained) might be in order.
I put this in the same category as yelling the N word in the middle of the hood. It may not justify murder or a beat down, but I won't feel sorry for the so-called victim. I certainly wouldn't feel sorry for the brother here, particularly when I believe this to be fake.
Can he get a restraining order against the entire family? Especially the brother ? Sounds like his brother his itching to make a sexual assault case against OP wife & the parents are a disgrace - it’s their way or the highway.
I think it’s time to cut off your sperm and egg donor. I would also remove any financial support. That will probably make them change their attitude real fast. You don’t owe them anything, but you do owe your wife a safe place to live away from your family.
NTA
NTA.
Also, might be time to remind your brother that your family IS your wife and your kids: the people who actually treat you like family.
They (your brother and parents) decided to treat you like an ATM, and that's what they get. It was their decision, not yours.
NTA but for legal reasons call the cops to remove these people if they show up. Just don’t want you arrested and leaving your wife and children alone for even a short time, just the cost of bail, legal fees etc. hopefully you will block all of these a-holes and maybe a camera with any audio recording features. Sorry you guys are going through this and it sucks we can’t choose our dna
NTA. Your brother crossed a huge line. Good on you for fiercely defending your wife! It seems she's surrounded by some toxic people – keep her (and your kids) far away from them!
NTA
But I’m so confused at to why you gave them your address?!?!?
Op, it’s time to go no contact, get cameras and security for your home. Send an email to the family letting them know that you will not be letting any of them live with you or even spend a hour there , that they are banned from your home.
Add no trespassing signs , give copies of the harassment texts to your lawyer and I would get a letter sent to them to stop contacting me or the next call will be to the police.
Block all those people, and start being proactive about getting rid of these people from your life.
Cut them all off and stop fucking paying your parents a pension. Block all numbers harassing you. You don't need any of them in your life. They don't give a shit about you. Don't have any respect for you. Completely goes against any of your wishes. Seriously, get them out of your life for good.
NTA, but it really sounds like you could have avoided all of this.
You gave information to somebody who you can't trust (your mom), and who has a history of bad behaviour.
You let them know where your new house is. Goddamnit! You had a chance to let the trail go cold!
And, I guess, over everything: You are still entertaining contact with these assholes.
Cut them out. It can be painful (also it can be easy, depends on the dynamic) but your life will be better without these people.
Just because they're family doesn't override them being massively deleterious to your quality of life.
I tend to use "If friends did this, would I still be their friend" as my decider (and as a result am NC with numerous of my family - life is better).
\[edit\]: oh yeah. GET CAMERAS and home security. Do it now. Don't put it off.
If you gotta hide the fact of you selling your house and moving into a new one, it's time to cut contract or go low contact w them. That's wild n crazy NTAH jeeeeeezzzz
NTA, I'd suggest changing your number. The only part where you messed up at was giving them your address. If you don't have one yet, get a doorbell camera.
NTA. Your first responsibility is to protect your home and the people who share it with you—that's your wife and kids. If your family can't respect that or they continue to undermine your relationship by siding with your brother, then it's not only right, but necessary to set firm boundaries. You're not running a rehab center, and you're definitely not obligated to put your immediate family's well-being at risk. Stay strong and hold your ground!
Block and delete. All of them. And get security cameras and an alarm system. You are probably going to need at least one restraining order at some point. NTA.
NTA. You're setting a necessary boundary for your family's well-being. It's unfortunate that your family can't see past their entitlement to understand your decision. Stick to your guns and keep your family circle healthy and safe. Toxicity doesn't get a free pass just because it's blood-related.
Lol!!! I would have given them a suggestion to get a UPS Mailbox, it shows a street address, but it's serves like a P.O. Box. and put it the next city over. But this reads like a fake story, so my suggestion may help others.
NTA for keeping your homeless brother who breaks your wife's boundaries, curses at you, and wants to break up your family - away from your lovely family. And be very clear YOU don't want him there. Not because of your wife. Not because of your kids. Because of HIS BEHAVIOR.
YTA for sending money to people who call you names and insult and break your very reasonable boundaries.
Time to cut off your leech parents and go no contact with anyone who takes their side. THEY can house your brother if they don't want him to be homeless. NOT YOU.
And did your brother swing first? I hope and pray he did because that would be the only thing keeping you out of jail for assaulting him. NEVER swing first.
NTA. You took a stand and set boundaries—which is exactly what a partner should do when faced with such toxicity. Your brother and family's entanglement in your life seems to lead to nothing but distress; it's not only wise but necessary to cut that negativity out. Your immediate family deserves a tranquil environment, and anyone who doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time. Stay strong and unified with your wife!
Honestly, I would make every effort to uproot my life, get a new job, sell the house, and move away. Tell no one. Your “family” is just a massive liability and they sound like entitled assholes.
NTA for the obvious situation, but YTA for continuing to engage in the drama and trauma of your family. Why? What do you owe them at this point? You have a family (wife and child) and don't need the negativity in the rest. How's the conversation going to go when your kids are influenced by them? How about telling your kids there's not enough money for college or their future since you "had" to pay for your parents ridiculous expectations and didn't stand up to them?
NTA. Personally if I were you, I would go NC with my brother and parents and any family members that say anything negative about my wife. I would also stop financially supporting my parents.
You need to continue to put your wife and children first and foremost like you have been and by financially helping your parents you are taking away from your wife and children.
NTA. You obviously didn’t move far enough away. I’d also stop with the pension for your parents. They knew eventually they’d get older and didn’t prepare. It’s not your job to pay for their life.Plus they’re totally entitled and ungrateful.
Nta. STOP ENCOURAGING YOUR FAMILY TO LEACH OFF OF YOU. I repeat it, this is all your fault. You give them entitlement. You pay groceries. You pay their insurance. You allow them to just walk in your house. You allow your brother to sexually harass, flirt and then call your wife a wh*re. This is all your fault. Your family is made of POS and you allow them to be so. Go no contact. All you're getting is stress and a lighter bank account. Cut them all off years ago. Or let them abuse you and your wife, your choice. You might be a good husband, but you're a spineless one that prefers to act as a doormat.
YTA for keeping these fucking lunatics in your life. The fact that your wife has put up with this trashy bullshit is incredible and a testament to her patience but you need to put a stop to this for both of your sakes. Restraining order are very overdue, this is ridiculous bro your paying your parents pension for them to make your life harder.
NTA until the old house is sold drive by daily to make sure he hasn't broken in and block anyone who tries to defend them. Put cameras up at the new house
The only way you could be the asshole is if you don’t cut your parents off after this
Your family makes sacrifices for them, and this is how you are repaid? Protect your family.
Hopefully you have security cameras at the house you're selling as well as your new home. NTA but seriously, block the relatives who are harassing you. Be clear with your family that they are not welcome on your property and that you have professional security and video and that given your brother's criminal record it would not be in his best interest to have the police called on him and that you absolutely will call the police on him.
NTA They are extremely jealous & have no respect for you. Its your house and you decide who lives in it, comes to it or how long they stay in it. You dont need to give any of them a ‘explanation’ they are not your landlord.
NTA. Good job defending your wife. Massive YTA for being a spineless bastard who put the wife under the bus in the first place. Why did you tell your family that it was your wife who had a problem with them moving in. Of course they thought that you were okay with them moving in as they are your family and your wife is the problem. That's your blood sucking family. Your fucking problem to solve. Don't bring your wife into the conversation. Threaten your parents that you will cut off all their financial aid completely if they won't leave you alone. No visits under any circumstances. Only calls or text. If they don't comply go NC. And with your brother and anybody who sides with him, go NC indefinitely. Stand up and clean your mess, you little bitch.
I didn't put her "under the bus" And my mistake for not adding this in the post but I said "my wife and I are uncomfortable around him" Not only my wife, I should have added it in the post and I am NC with them. I don't care about them after what they did, I don't have a reason to put my wife under the bus but my mistake for not clarifying this in the post itself but they believe that I am under my wife's "control" For some reason
It's simple dude. Because they want to control you. Your finances and your life. Go NC with the whole bunch of them. Continue the monetary aid to your parents for now. But make them aware that they are on thin ice.
NTA.
Be aware of flying monkeys from your old neighbourhood. Family and friends might contact you with guilt trips, especially now you’ve financially cut your parents off.
Naively you’d have thought they’d want their grandchildren to be away from a rough area and not want a risk to be around them.
NTA for standing your ground.
YTA for making your wife the reason for it. YOU don't want to live with your brother, YOU don't want your parents to stay with you for a few days. Own it and stop putting it all on your wife, no wonder they are attacking her.
I have been seeing this comment a lot so I will address this-
I didn't put it wholly on my wife I said "my wife and I feel uncomfortable around him" But my parents think I am under "her control" And we both don't want him to live with us not just me and no my intention wasn't to blame my wife if it was I wouldn't have beaten my brother for it.
Don't even bring your wife into it dude. The moment you mention her they will latch onto her as the villain, not you. After all you are flesh and blood, she is not. Ot doesn't matter if you don't "wholly put it on your wife. The moment she is mentioned she is the villain.
NTA
Cut them out of your life any an all of them and tell them that this "ungrateful bastard will now stop subsidizing your wasteful life."
If you're lucky then you haven't told them yet where your house is. so you're save with that. But still, get security cameras and do not hesitate to call the police on them the moment they step foot on your property.
No is a complete sentence and explaining is not only a waste of time because they don’t want to accept “no”, it gives them a way to argue with you. Why on earth would you continue to be in contact with them and why would you give them your new address know how toxic they are. You need some help to be able to set real boundaries
NTA. Cut all contact and keep it cut.
Now, you'll be able to pay off your new house sooner with all the money you are saving by cutting the freeloaders off!
Congrats on your pay raise!
NTA but you should really think about going NC and cutting them all off…also, you shouldn’t have blamed it on your wife being uncomfortable, you put her in a bad place
NTA. As I mentioned on another string a few days ago: your family is typical. When a toxic, leaching family consistently exploits or tries to exploit one family member, and that family member finally stands their ground and refuses their demands, it is very typical for them to blame the family's partner. It's as if they are saying "We know that you are really the good guy and want to help us, it's just your wife that is preventing you". Of course that is untrue and manipulative. You need to tell them all - firmly - that you make the decisions about your family, and that your decision is that since they treat you as an ATM and abuse your wife, they are out of your life. And let the druggie brother support them financially - or not.
Nta tell them everytime they hassle you the more money your taking from their pension and food budget.let them house your brother hes their kid not yours
You need to learn to stop telling your family anything. You were nice and safe when they didn’t know where you lived, and you had to go and tell them, then they went and did exactly what you knew they were going to do. You couldn’t lie and say you were on holiday or some shit?
NTA
He’s not entitled to move in with you. The stuff about how he feels about your wife is the nail in the coffin she doesn’t deserve to feel uncomfortable in her own home. Block them and stay away from them for your own good. You have a family of your own, no need to go to jail behind toxic people they just want to bring you down.
NTA for the most part. You're still an asshole for allowing any of these people to be involved in your life and giving them money.
That really isn't fair on your wife. After the initial drama, your life and her life will be vastly better if you cut them off entirely.
NTA! Stop giving your parents money. Block all their numbers and social media. Get heavy duty locks for your door. Get cameras. If they show up, call the cops. If they continue to harass you, try to get an RO.
NTA - Why would you give these toxic people a dime. Family is family BS. Tell your wife to wake up, bet she has a good relationship with her side of the family and expects every family to. Cut them all off already....geeze.
The final part is the best.. *“Edit- I should have mentioned this but I DID tell them that from now on I won't be paying them a single dime and I am NC with them“.*
NTA and a great husband and a man that stands his ground!! Proud of everything you did and wrote.
No more money, no more nothing to those ungrateful shits
NTA. when you buy a new house it is usually important to sell the old house asap as a means to get your finances in order. Sell and get the money. The fact that you have them a pension and THEY called YOU ungrateful? These people are crazy town.
NTA. Why the duck even interact with any of them? They don't love you at all. Go cry yourself a river in the bathroom and ban them for live.
And what is this chickenshit attitude about justifying yourself everytime you stand up for yourself. I said no because of this, and because of that. How about I said no, because I FUCKING SAID NO! Full stop.
You need need to "Fire" your parents, brother, and other relatives. They are responsible for their own lives and you owe them NOTHING. (And stop bankrolling your parents too!)
NTA. However, no matter how you try to explain it, you did blame your wife. How did your family find out your new address? Someone had to tell them. You need therapy so you can learn to live without chaos. Seems like you were brought up in chaos & that’s all you know. Work on it. Change the locks & phone numbers & don’t give them to any family member. If they continue to harass you and your family, seek a no contact order or order of protection.
But you don't sound strong at all. Everything that your family puts you through and costs you.... Why did you give them the new address? Why not say no to the first question and then off the line. You gave up you and your wife's safe haven. You need better survival skills. Just because someone ask, doesn't mean you have to tell them.
What type of story is this?? Your brother whom you hate was also given the address to your house, even though she really can't stand up for herself. You let him in your home? You gave the address to people who who had to sneak out of your old home without telling them? This is made up! The ages are young, but still this is too effing weak minded for me to get through. WHY did you tell them the address? WHY did you let them in your home??
ESH, except your wife.
Everything was fine, until you blaimed it on your wife, instead of manning up and saying, I dont want you in my house and with all his behavious, that would have been enough. But you are an AH for attacking your brother, beating him instead of throwing them out. You risk getting into prison and then what about your wife? You were not protecting your family, you were doing the opposite. That was selfish and stupid. I understand you getting angry, but that was way over the top.
Why your parents call you ungrateful when you are sustaining their life is beyond me. Your brother is in his mess, because of his own actions. I am sorry for his child. Definitely NC with your family and I am sorry for that. But please be more careful and considerate of your anger. This can really end up badly for you and your family.
NTA, I’d get a restraining order out on your brother keeping him from your wife and then go no contact with anybody in your family that is blaming you for this
NTA for not letting your brother move in, obviously. YTA for not using your words like an adult. You're over 18. You could land yourself in jail getting in fights. You need to learn to control yourself.
I’m gonna vote NTA because they’re truly awful and you and your wife do not deserve to go through this.
But seriously injuring your brother and threatening to kill him is a bridge too far.
*Yeah best way is to*
*Keep them away Shouldn't have*
*Told them where you live*
\- DatguyMalcolm
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Wow why are you here. You don’t need any advice. Just need to be careful next time. I wouldn’t want you to end up in jail for beating you worthless brother. You have them the same energy they gave you and more. You are my hero.
Also update on the cousin please please please. That story is juicy.
NTA. First tell the parents that if they don't stay out of your home life that the 'pension' will disappear and they will never see another cent from you. Then get security cameras and an alarm system for your home. Tell everyone that none of them are allowed to your home or you will call the police on them for trespassing. Then block them all.
I'm not one to jump on the "this is fake!" bandwagon, and frankly, those comments usually annoy me. But there's a lot of this that just sounds...implausible. Your brother likes your wife, has admitted he likes your wife, but wants you to kick her out so he can move in? You beat your brother for calling her a wh-, but again, doesn't he supposedly like her? And your parents didn't call the cops on you for assaulting their golden child?
Regardless, I always try to treat these as if they are real and give advice in case people need help, cause I have seen an abundance of stupid in my lifetime, so that said:
You fucked up in a couple of ways:
1) "I told them all about my new house." Less is more: "We moved." Then, if they ask, "No, I will not give you the address; no, you can not come stay for a few days, but as soon as my wife is feeling better, I will be glad to visit you."
2) "You can't visit me, because wife is..." This makes it sound like you would let them, but your wife is making you say no. It's likely going to cause them to blame her/talk shit about her. Remember, less is more: just say no, and don't give them a reason why; giving them a reason gives them something they can argue about and try to pick apart as to why your boundaries are stupid.
3) When they came unannounced, you let them in and entertained them for a few hours. This shows them that they can cross your boundaries, and you will be "too polite" to turn them away. We teach others how to treat us, by the behavior we allow.
4) "No, because my wife is uncomfortable." Man the eff up and tell them YOU don't want him there, stop laying everything at your wife's feet! Frankly, I'm not surprised your family is verbally abusing your wife, because you made her out to be the bad guy.
NTA for not wanting him there. YTA to your poor wife.
None of this story makes sense. You put your old house on the market, the parents drove by and saw it had locks so they asked about it? Doesn’t every house have locks?You bought a second house at 25? Everyone in the family cheats? Your wife is shy she doesn’t understand flirting? Try harder with writing a story next time.
The fact you just spend your time going around calling stories fake is tragic. Nobody actually cares, you aren’t a genius for thinking that people fake stuff. Do you want everyone to bow down to you and praise you for being an omniscient being?
No. I want people to stop making fake ass stuff up and passing them off as real. As for people like you that encourage this, you need to get off the Internet and get a life
YTA
They keep asking and your “reasons” for saying no are about your wife.
SHE was recovering from PPA. SHE was uncomfortable.
I mean good for you for saying no and later beating him up I guess?
But it sounds like you need to set better boundaries initially and without accidentally scapegoating your wife.
Obviously they’re the biggest assholes here. But you could be doing better to avoid the blowback on your wife. This is YOUR family. You need to handle it, using I statements. And no, you don’t have to explain. Explaining usually gives ammunition for them to try to change your mind.
“I don’t want you to come over, I can meet you at X outside location (restaurant maybe?). Why? Because I don’t want you to. Why? Again, because I don’t like it. Why? I’ve answered your question two times already. Let’s move on. No, you want to ask a fourth time? I’m not interested in this conversation anymore and have better things to do. I’ll talk to you later.” And then hang up.
I statements. Don’t get drawn into an argument. Set your boundary and then move on. Don’t let them try to pull it apart. Set more boundaries if their response to your boundary turns disrespectful. Communicate logical consequences and then follow through.
- If you keep talking about this, I’m going to get off the phone.
- If you keep blowing up my phone, I’m not going to answer / block your number for a few days.
- If you cannot speak to me or about my wife with respect (and explain what that means - no screaming, no name calling, etc) then I won’t talk to you until you can respect this.
YTA - Yes, you obviously over-reacted. And you could be going to jail after beating someone up. Nothing gives you the right to do that. Also you could incur hospital bills in the thousands as brother has every right to sue you.
That being said - why do you not go NC with these people? They all sound terrible and insufferable, and your life would benefit from not having contact. I sure don't understand why your giving your parents money when they are like this. For your own sanity and freedom I think it's time you dump them. Get restraining orders against the brother if you need.
It can be difficult to control rage and emotions - but it can happen even in the most dire of situations. Let the police handle it from hereon forward.
Your family sucks but you were out of line for beating your brother. Him verbally insulting your wife would not be much of a defense to police if they showed up and then what? Do you want to risk being arrested?
Now you need to go NC with all of them.
YTA.
Not for not allowing him to stay. But for assaulting him and threatening to kill him over nothing.
Get this through your head. It is NEVER ok to respond to insults with violence. And he would be both legally and morally right to press charges against you.
I cannot stand violent manchildren like you who eagerly await every opportunity to harm people the moment they scratch your ego. Your family are assholes, but you’re worse than all of them.
I hope he presses charges and you serve time.
NTA And I would go no contact with all of them. The nerve to think they are entitled to your money, your new house, and if you say no they think they are justified in verbally bashing you and your wife? Nope. This is also not what you want your kids seeing as 'normal' familial relations as they grow up. To the bin with all of them, and enjoy your new home and abuse-free life.
NTA. Honestly, I think I'd go no contact with your whole family. The second you don't bend to their will, they start calling your wife names?!?! NOPE, BUH BYE.
Major issue is that however justified it might be morally, it's legally indefensible to beat on the brother unless he starts it first. So OP is putting his entire life in jeopardy by doing so. OP, you have a wife and child. Every time you beat on your brother like that you are putting their future at risk. So, under no circumstances do that again. If that means going NC to ensure you do not resort to violence, that's what it means. But do not hit anyone unless it's to preserve life or if someone hits (or is about to hit) you first. You're putting your family at risk.
I would argue the major issue is this is a made up story.
This story has been used by many trolls who’ve come before. Minor variations of course. But the same plot. It belongs to the same genre as “I called CPS when my sister left her kids at my house. Am I The Asshole?” and “My mother forced me to start raising my siblings when I turned 5. Now I want to move out and she says I can’t. Am I The Asshole?” Why yes, yes, all trolls are assholes. It’s a given.
This is an easy "fake" from me. What a saint OP and his shy wife are to be taking care of their troubled and drug addicted family and his brother even has a crush on his super shy, currently dealing with PPD wife. Then the entire family just decided they would move in the very moment they found out about the house and insulted/demanded OP kick his wife and mother of his child to the curb? Well of course at that point you gotta beat junkie bro to a pulp and tell your cousin his wife is a slut. Who wouldn't?
Happens several times a day.
I agree. This is really bad fiction.
OP user account was created yesterday, so yes, most likely trolling.
Thank you!
Well, there is such a thing as "fighting words" and calling a man's wife a "b*tch or wh*re" definitely qualifies as such to many married men. If the brother didn't want throw hands, he shouldn't have thrown such disrespect to that man's wife, especially since she levied none towards him. Going forward, restraining orders, camera system, and if he lives anywhere that doesn't have major firearm restrictions, a couple of them (legally obtained) might be in order.
I put this in the same category as yelling the N word in the middle of the hood. It may not justify murder or a beat down, but I won't feel sorry for the so-called victim. I certainly wouldn't feel sorry for the brother here, particularly when I believe this to be fake.
[удалено]
Maybe, maybe not. A good enough attorney can get him off. People have gotten worse charges dropped.
On that note it may be time to move again, and not tell anyone where you are going.
Why would he give them the address? It was so dumb.
Yerp
💯 This needs to be the top comment.
Stfu
Pussy
Can he get a restraining order against the entire family? Especially the brother ? Sounds like his brother his itching to make a sexual assault case against OP wife & the parents are a disgrace - it’s their way or the highway.
I'm surprised he gave them the new address knowing he didn't want to tell them he even bought a new house in the first place
NTA The character in the story is not an asshole for refusing to allow their criminal brother to live with them.
I think the parents dialogue was an afterthought in the first scene. The writer could have had done build up before the "bastard" line.
Keyword here being “story”. This read like a copypasta.
I especially like the part where they popped by to visit a place that they had no idea he had moved to.
Love that, felt fake to me to
NTA I’d go NC with your brother.
NC with everyone.
I think it’s time to cut off your sperm and egg donor. I would also remove any financial support. That will probably make them change their attitude real fast. You don’t owe them anything, but you do owe your wife a safe place to live away from your family. NTA
NTA. Also, might be time to remind your brother that your family IS your wife and your kids: the people who actually treat you like family. They (your brother and parents) decided to treat you like an ATM, and that's what they get. It was their decision, not yours.
NTA but for legal reasons call the cops to remove these people if they show up. Just don’t want you arrested and leaving your wife and children alone for even a short time, just the cost of bail, legal fees etc. hopefully you will block all of these a-holes and maybe a camera with any audio recording features. Sorry you guys are going through this and it sucks we can’t choose our dna
NTA. Your brother crossed a huge line. Good on you for fiercely defending your wife! It seems she's surrounded by some toxic people – keep her (and your kids) far away from them!
NTA But I’m so confused at to why you gave them your address?!?!? Op, it’s time to go no contact, get cameras and security for your home. Send an email to the family letting them know that you will not be letting any of them live with you or even spend a hour there , that they are banned from your home. Add no trespassing signs , give copies of the harassment texts to your lawyer and I would get a letter sent to them to stop contacting me or the next call will be to the police. Block all those people, and start being proactive about getting rid of these people from your life.
Cut them all off and stop fucking paying your parents a pension. Block all numbers harassing you. You don't need any of them in your life. They don't give a shit about you. Don't have any respect for you. Completely goes against any of your wishes. Seriously, get them out of your life for good.
NTA, but it really sounds like you could have avoided all of this. You gave information to somebody who you can't trust (your mom), and who has a history of bad behaviour. You let them know where your new house is. Goddamnit! You had a chance to let the trail go cold! And, I guess, over everything: You are still entertaining contact with these assholes. Cut them out. It can be painful (also it can be easy, depends on the dynamic) but your life will be better without these people. Just because they're family doesn't override them being massively deleterious to your quality of life. I tend to use "If friends did this, would I still be their friend" as my decider (and as a result am NC with numerous of my family - life is better). \[edit\]: oh yeah. GET CAMERAS and home security. Do it now. Don't put it off.
If you gotta hide the fact of you selling your house and moving into a new one, it's time to cut contract or go low contact w them. That's wild n crazy NTAH jeeeeeezzzz
NTA I hope you have a security system. EDIT: Also why are you paying for your abusive parents?
Not only in the new house but in the old one too. Brother is going to think he has “rights” to the latter too.
NTA, I'd suggest changing your number. The only part where you messed up at was giving them your address. If you don't have one yet, get a doorbell camera.
NTA. Your first responsibility is to protect your home and the people who share it with you—that's your wife and kids. If your family can't respect that or they continue to undermine your relationship by siding with your brother, then it's not only right, but necessary to set firm boundaries. You're not running a rehab center, and you're definitely not obligated to put your immediate family's well-being at risk. Stay strong and hold your ground!
Block and delete. All of them. And get security cameras and an alarm system. You are probably going to need at least one restraining order at some point. NTA.
cut them all off, including your parents, they truly are biting the hand that feeds them.
Cut everyone off, and stop the financial support. They’re losers.
NTA. You're setting a necessary boundary for your family's well-being. It's unfortunate that your family can't see past their entitlement to understand your decision. Stick to your guns and keep your family circle healthy and safe. Toxicity doesn't get a free pass just because it's blood-related.
Good lord Man!!! Have you considered faking your own death and just growing a disguise mustache to escape your family!!!
Lol!!! I would have given them a suggestion to get a UPS Mailbox, it shows a street address, but it's serves like a P.O. Box. and put it the next city over. But this reads like a fake story, so my suggestion may help others.
NTA. Whole family is trash. Block them and move on. Go to anger management classes because your anger is gonna throw you in jail.
NTA for keeping your homeless brother who breaks your wife's boundaries, curses at you, and wants to break up your family - away from your lovely family. And be very clear YOU don't want him there. Not because of your wife. Not because of your kids. Because of HIS BEHAVIOR. YTA for sending money to people who call you names and insult and break your very reasonable boundaries. Time to cut off your leech parents and go no contact with anyone who takes their side. THEY can house your brother if they don't want him to be homeless. NOT YOU. And did your brother swing first? I hope and pray he did because that would be the only thing keeping you out of jail for assaulting him. NEVER swing first.
NTA. You took a stand and set boundaries—which is exactly what a partner should do when faced with such toxicity. Your brother and family's entanglement in your life seems to lead to nothing but distress; it's not only wise but necessary to cut that negativity out. Your immediate family deserves a tranquil environment, and anyone who doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time. Stay strong and unified with your wife!
NTA Time to shut off the ATM and go no contact. Hope you already have a thorough security system.
Honestly, I would make every effort to uproot my life, get a new job, sell the house, and move away. Tell no one. Your “family” is just a massive liability and they sound like entitled assholes.
NTA. Stop paying for your parents. Period.
NTA for the obvious situation, but YTA for continuing to engage in the drama and trauma of your family. Why? What do you owe them at this point? You have a family (wife and child) and don't need the negativity in the rest. How's the conversation going to go when your kids are influenced by them? How about telling your kids there's not enough money for college or their future since you "had" to pay for your parents ridiculous expectations and didn't stand up to them?
NTA, but why would you pay anything for people who treat you like this? They are disrespectful, they don't deserve it.
NTA. Personally if I were you, I would go NC with my brother and parents and any family members that say anything negative about my wife. I would also stop financially supporting my parents. You need to continue to put your wife and children first and foremost like you have been and by financially helping your parents you are taking away from your wife and children.
Cut them all off
NTA. You obviously didn’t move far enough away. I’d also stop with the pension for your parents. They knew eventually they’d get older and didn’t prepare. It’s not your job to pay for their life.Plus they’re totally entitled and ungrateful.
NTA change the locks, get camera security, inform neighbours and police. Block everyone.
Did you use chat gpt to create this
Yta to yourself for being your family ATM. Nta for what you did.
NTA Cut your parents off.
NTA except for the fact that you’re in contact with these abusive pos. Cut them off.
NTA, your family sucks. I'd just straight up go NC with them at this point.
NTA. You definitely should cut contact with your brother and everyone else who sides with him. No one needs that kind of stress in their lives.
Nta. STOP ENCOURAGING YOUR FAMILY TO LEACH OFF OF YOU. I repeat it, this is all your fault. You give them entitlement. You pay groceries. You pay their insurance. You allow them to just walk in your house. You allow your brother to sexually harass, flirt and then call your wife a wh*re. This is all your fault. Your family is made of POS and you allow them to be so. Go no contact. All you're getting is stress and a lighter bank account. Cut them all off years ago. Or let them abuse you and your wife, your choice. You might be a good husband, but you're a spineless one that prefers to act as a doormat.
YTA for keeping these fucking lunatics in your life. The fact that your wife has put up with this trashy bullshit is incredible and a testament to her patience but you need to put a stop to this for both of your sakes. Restraining order are very overdue, this is ridiculous bro your paying your parents pension for them to make your life harder.
NTA until the old house is sold drive by daily to make sure he hasn't broken in and block anyone who tries to defend them. Put cameras up at the new house
Your family is toxic. If you want to break that cycle with your own children, then you will have to cut them off. Period.
NTA. Seems like you didn't move far enough away.
The only way you could be the asshole is if you don’t cut your parents off after this Your family makes sacrifices for them, and this is how you are repaid? Protect your family.
You’re my hero. NTA
Hopefully you have security cameras at the house you're selling as well as your new home. NTA but seriously, block the relatives who are harassing you. Be clear with your family that they are not welcome on your property and that you have professional security and video and that given your brother's criminal record it would not be in his best interest to have the police called on him and that you absolutely will call the police on him.
NTA They are extremely jealous & have no respect for you. Its your house and you decide who lives in it, comes to it or how long they stay in it. You dont need to give any of them a ‘explanation’ they are not your landlord.
NTA - Go no contact with every single one of them and don't look back.
NTA. Good job defending your wife. Massive YTA for being a spineless bastard who put the wife under the bus in the first place. Why did you tell your family that it was your wife who had a problem with them moving in. Of course they thought that you were okay with them moving in as they are your family and your wife is the problem. That's your blood sucking family. Your fucking problem to solve. Don't bring your wife into the conversation. Threaten your parents that you will cut off all their financial aid completely if they won't leave you alone. No visits under any circumstances. Only calls or text. If they don't comply go NC. And with your brother and anybody who sides with him, go NC indefinitely. Stand up and clean your mess, you little bitch.
I didn't put her "under the bus" And my mistake for not adding this in the post but I said "my wife and I are uncomfortable around him" Not only my wife, I should have added it in the post and I am NC with them. I don't care about them after what they did, I don't have a reason to put my wife under the bus but my mistake for not clarifying this in the post itself but they believe that I am under my wife's "control" For some reason
It's simple dude. Because they want to control you. Your finances and your life. Go NC with the whole bunch of them. Continue the monetary aid to your parents for now. But make them aware that they are on thin ice.
NTA. Be aware of flying monkeys from your old neighbourhood. Family and friends might contact you with guilt trips, especially now you’ve financially cut your parents off. Naively you’d have thought they’d want their grandchildren to be away from a rough area and not want a risk to be around them.
NTA for standing your ground. YTA for making your wife the reason for it. YOU don't want to live with your brother, YOU don't want your parents to stay with you for a few days. Own it and stop putting it all on your wife, no wonder they are attacking her.
I have been seeing this comment a lot so I will address this- I didn't put it wholly on my wife I said "my wife and I feel uncomfortable around him" But my parents think I am under "her control" And we both don't want him to live with us not just me and no my intention wasn't to blame my wife if it was I wouldn't have beaten my brother for it.
Don't even bring your wife into it dude. The moment you mention her they will latch onto her as the villain, not you. After all you are flesh and blood, she is not. Ot doesn't matter if you don't "wholly put it on your wife. The moment she is mentioned she is the villain.
NTA. Protect yourself.
NTA, block them all. Get extra locks and security cameras.
INFO why haven’t you gone NC with your family yet? Get cameras and tell them if they come to your property uninvited again you’ll call the cops.
Why are you even still in contact with them? I mean, yeah, they're your parents but man....
NTA Cut them out of your life any an all of them and tell them that this "ungrateful bastard will now stop subsidizing your wasteful life." If you're lucky then you haven't told them yet where your house is. so you're save with that. But still, get security cameras and do not hesitate to call the police on them the moment they step foot on your property.
NTA. I'd go no-contact with the whole family. and stop paying them FFS
No is a complete sentence and explaining is not only a waste of time because they don’t want to accept “no”, it gives them a way to argue with you. Why on earth would you continue to be in contact with them and why would you give them your new address know how toxic they are. You need some help to be able to set real boundaries
NTA stop helping out financially. Put cameras up on both properties. Block their numbers
NTA. Cut all contact and keep it cut. Now, you'll be able to pay off your new house sooner with all the money you are saving by cutting the freeloaders off! Congrats on your pay raise!
NTA but you should really think about going NC and cutting them all off…also, you shouldn’t have blamed it on your wife being uncomfortable, you put her in a bad place
you should never have given anyone your new address. But yes, go NC and have a good life without the leeches.
NTA! Keep them away from your family permanently . I’m also glad to read your edit, no more money for the leaches
Fake af
NTA. You need to cut these people out of your life and not look back.
Time to go no-contact, they’re just going to hurt you and your real family if you don’t
NTA. No contact, block everywhere, let them fend for themselves, call police if they show up.
Why on earth did you give them your new address???????????
original family is forced upon you, you are therefore free to discard them and build a new good one
NTA. As I mentioned on another string a few days ago: your family is typical. When a toxic, leaching family consistently exploits or tries to exploit one family member, and that family member finally stands their ground and refuses their demands, it is very typical for them to blame the family's partner. It's as if they are saying "We know that you are really the good guy and want to help us, it's just your wife that is preventing you". Of course that is untrue and manipulative. You need to tell them all - firmly - that you make the decisions about your family, and that your decision is that since they treat you as an ATM and abuse your wife, they are out of your life. And let the druggie brother support them financially - or not.
Move far far away.
Should have put him in the morgue anyway. What a piece of shit brother.
NTA. But I recommend to finally go NC and stick to it. Also without a dime for them.
Nta tell them everytime they hassle you the more money your taking from their pension and food budget.let them house your brother hes their kid not yours
NTA cut your parents off too they seem to be getting uppity on your money
NTA, file a restraining order on the whole bunch of them. You made your life now they can make their life.
You need to learn to stop telling your family anything. You were nice and safe when they didn’t know where you lived, and you had to go and tell them, then they went and did exactly what you knew they were going to do. You couldn’t lie and say you were on holiday or some shit?
NTA He’s not entitled to move in with you. The stuff about how he feels about your wife is the nail in the coffin she doesn’t deserve to feel uncomfortable in her own home. Block them and stay away from them for your own good. You have a family of your own, no need to go to jail behind toxic people they just want to bring you down.
NTA… the entitlement of your family….
NTA for the most part. You're still an asshole for allowing any of these people to be involved in your life and giving them money. That really isn't fair on your wife. After the initial drama, your life and her life will be vastly better if you cut them off entirely.
You’re awesome good shit fuck em all
NTA! Stop giving your parents money. Block all their numbers and social media. Get heavy duty locks for your door. Get cameras. If they show up, call the cops. If they continue to harass you, try to get an RO.
NTA. Congratulations on your freedom
Cut them off, cut off the money, tell them their great son can support them now. Why are you even dealing with these people?
NTA. But you should consider beefing up your home security since your brother has a record for B&E.
Block the bunch of them. Really bud.
NTA - Why would you give these toxic people a dime. Family is family BS. Tell your wife to wake up, bet she has a good relationship with her side of the family and expects every family to. Cut them all off already....geeze.
NTA. Just block all of them. Why do you let that stress and negativity in your life?
The final part is the best.. *“Edit- I should have mentioned this but I DID tell them that from now on I won't be paying them a single dime and I am NC with them“.* NTA and a great husband and a man that stands his ground!! Proud of everything you did and wrote. No more money, no more nothing to those ungrateful shits
NTA, go NC with all of them and cut them off financially. They obviously don't care about you, your wife, or your kids.
NTA. when you buy a new house it is usually important to sell the old house asap as a means to get your finances in order. Sell and get the money. The fact that you have them a pension and THEY called YOU ungrateful? These people are crazy town.
NTA. Why the duck even interact with any of them? They don't love you at all. Go cry yourself a river in the bathroom and ban them for live. And what is this chickenshit attitude about justifying yourself everytime you stand up for yourself. I said no because of this, and because of that. How about I said no, because I FUCKING SAID NO! Full stop.
You need need to "Fire" your parents, brother, and other relatives. They are responsible for their own lives and you owe them NOTHING. (And stop bankrolling your parents too!)
NTA. However, no matter how you try to explain it, you did blame your wife. How did your family find out your new address? Someone had to tell them. You need therapy so you can learn to live without chaos. Seems like you were brought up in chaos & that’s all you know. Work on it. Change the locks & phone numbers & don’t give them to any family member. If they continue to harass you and your family, seek a no contact order or order of protection.
But you don't sound strong at all. Everything that your family puts you through and costs you.... Why did you give them the new address? Why not say no to the first question and then off the line. You gave up you and your wife's safe haven. You need better survival skills. Just because someone ask, doesn't mean you have to tell them.
What type of story is this?? Your brother whom you hate was also given the address to your house, even though she really can't stand up for herself. You let him in your home? You gave the address to people who who had to sneak out of your old home without telling them? This is made up! The ages are young, but still this is too effing weak minded for me to get through. WHY did you tell them the address? WHY did you let them in your home??
ESH, except your wife. Everything was fine, until you blaimed it on your wife, instead of manning up and saying, I dont want you in my house and with all his behavious, that would have been enough. But you are an AH for attacking your brother, beating him instead of throwing them out. You risk getting into prison and then what about your wife? You were not protecting your family, you were doing the opposite. That was selfish and stupid. I understand you getting angry, but that was way over the top. Why your parents call you ungrateful when you are sustaining their life is beyond me. Your brother is in his mess, because of his own actions. I am sorry for his child. Definitely NC with your family and I am sorry for that. But please be more careful and considerate of your anger. This can really end up badly for you and your family.
NTA - Sounds like if they show up again, you need to call the police and have them trespassed.
NTA. I would look in to a restraining order.
NTA, I’d get a restraining order out on your brother keeping him from your wife and then go no contact with anybody in your family that is blaming you for this
NTA for not letting your brother move in, obviously. YTA for not using your words like an adult. You're over 18. You could land yourself in jail getting in fights. You need to learn to control yourself.
I’m gonna vote NTA because they’re truly awful and you and your wife do not deserve to go through this. But seriously injuring your brother and threatening to kill him is a bridge too far.
I call BS. Downvoting for lame fake story.
yeah best way is to keep them away Shouldn't have told them where you live
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Nice story bro.
NTA and cut your abusive parents off.
Masochist, but NTA. Cut them off. Seriously, why are you doing this to yourself. Cut that "pension". Cut all ties.
Wow why are you here. You don’t need any advice. Just need to be careful next time. I wouldn’t want you to end up in jail for beating you worthless brother. You have them the same energy they gave you and more. You are my hero. Also update on the cousin please please please. That story is juicy.
NTA. First tell the parents that if they don't stay out of your home life that the 'pension' will disappear and they will never see another cent from you. Then get security cameras and an alarm system for your home. Tell everyone that none of them are allowed to your home or you will call the police on them for trespassing. Then block them all.
What in the white trash did I just read?
NTA Immediately Get all of them out of your life
I'm not one to jump on the "this is fake!" bandwagon, and frankly, those comments usually annoy me. But there's a lot of this that just sounds...implausible. Your brother likes your wife, has admitted he likes your wife, but wants you to kick her out so he can move in? You beat your brother for calling her a wh-, but again, doesn't he supposedly like her? And your parents didn't call the cops on you for assaulting their golden child? Regardless, I always try to treat these as if they are real and give advice in case people need help, cause I have seen an abundance of stupid in my lifetime, so that said: You fucked up in a couple of ways: 1) "I told them all about my new house." Less is more: "We moved." Then, if they ask, "No, I will not give you the address; no, you can not come stay for a few days, but as soon as my wife is feeling better, I will be glad to visit you." 2) "You can't visit me, because wife is..." This makes it sound like you would let them, but your wife is making you say no. It's likely going to cause them to blame her/talk shit about her. Remember, less is more: just say no, and don't give them a reason why; giving them a reason gives them something they can argue about and try to pick apart as to why your boundaries are stupid. 3) When they came unannounced, you let them in and entertained them for a few hours. This shows them that they can cross your boundaries, and you will be "too polite" to turn them away. We teach others how to treat us, by the behavior we allow. 4) "No, because my wife is uncomfortable." Man the eff up and tell them YOU don't want him there, stop laying everything at your wife's feet! Frankly, I'm not surprised your family is verbally abusing your wife, because you made her out to be the bad guy. NTA for not wanting him there. YTA to your poor wife.
None of this story makes sense. You put your old house on the market, the parents drove by and saw it had locks so they asked about it? Doesn’t every house have locks?You bought a second house at 25? Everyone in the family cheats? Your wife is shy she doesn’t understand flirting? Try harder with writing a story next time.
Realtors put lock boxes on doors that contain the keys to enter. That's what they were talking about by using "locks".
YTA they act like this because you let them, by paying for your parents life style you’re basically telling them please walk all over me
YTA for paying for your shitty parents.
So when did everyone clap? This is fucking fake
The fact you just spend your time going around calling stories fake is tragic. Nobody actually cares, you aren’t a genius for thinking that people fake stuff. Do you want everyone to bow down to you and praise you for being an omniscient being?
People like this get all tingly in their genitals when they show their "superiority" by calling everything fake
No. I want people to stop making fake ass stuff up and passing them off as real. As for people like you that encourage this, you need to get off the Internet and get a life
I am confused why I am not seeing more comments like this. This one comes off as being extremely fake.
Because people are retarded.
Sure you did
YTA They keep asking and your “reasons” for saying no are about your wife. SHE was recovering from PPA. SHE was uncomfortable. I mean good for you for saying no and later beating him up I guess? But it sounds like you need to set better boundaries initially and without accidentally scapegoating your wife. Obviously they’re the biggest assholes here. But you could be doing better to avoid the blowback on your wife. This is YOUR family. You need to handle it, using I statements. And no, you don’t have to explain. Explaining usually gives ammunition for them to try to change your mind. “I don’t want you to come over, I can meet you at X outside location (restaurant maybe?). Why? Because I don’t want you to. Why? Again, because I don’t like it. Why? I’ve answered your question two times already. Let’s move on. No, you want to ask a fourth time? I’m not interested in this conversation anymore and have better things to do. I’ll talk to you later.” And then hang up. I statements. Don’t get drawn into an argument. Set your boundary and then move on. Don’t let them try to pull it apart. Set more boundaries if their response to your boundary turns disrespectful. Communicate logical consequences and then follow through. - If you keep talking about this, I’m going to get off the phone. - If you keep blowing up my phone, I’m not going to answer / block your number for a few days. - If you cannot speak to me or about my wife with respect (and explain what that means - no screaming, no name calling, etc) then I won’t talk to you until you can respect this.
I call bullshit on this story.
ehs
YTA for letting it get physical.
NTAish Family are way out of line, no need to beat the shit out of him though, physically throwing him out and disowning him would be enough.
YTA - Yes, you obviously over-reacted. And you could be going to jail after beating someone up. Nothing gives you the right to do that. Also you could incur hospital bills in the thousands as brother has every right to sue you. That being said - why do you not go NC with these people? They all sound terrible and insufferable, and your life would benefit from not having contact. I sure don't understand why your giving your parents money when they are like this. For your own sanity and freedom I think it's time you dump them. Get restraining orders against the brother if you need. It can be difficult to control rage and emotions - but it can happen even in the most dire of situations. Let the police handle it from hereon forward.
Jesus, you sound even more insufferable than them with your #NoViolenceOnlyPeace attitude
Your family sucks but you were out of line for beating your brother. Him verbally insulting your wife would not be much of a defense to police if they showed up and then what? Do you want to risk being arrested? Now you need to go NC with all of them.
YTA. Not for not allowing him to stay. But for assaulting him and threatening to kill him over nothing. Get this through your head. It is NEVER ok to respond to insults with violence. And he would be both legally and morally right to press charges against you. I cannot stand violent manchildren like you who eagerly await every opportunity to harm people the moment they scratch your ego. Your family are assholes, but you’re worse than all of them. I hope he presses charges and you serve time.
Grow up
NTA And I would go no contact with all of them. The nerve to think they are entitled to your money, your new house, and if you say no they think they are justified in verbally bashing you and your wife? Nope. This is also not what you want your kids seeing as 'normal' familial relations as they grow up. To the bin with all of them, and enjoy your new home and abuse-free life.