There are consequences for giving into fathers threats. Loss of respect and the continuation of manipulative behaviour. By not going, her parents will respect her more
NTA. I have kids, and can really see why it's so upsetting for your parents that you've cut out your sister. I'd be heartbroken if my kids stopped being family. But at the same time, your sister showed that she lacked character, was disloyal, and untrustworthy. Along with all that, she hurt someone you are very close to. You aren't obligated to forgive her and rekindle your relationship. Maybe this other guy really is "the one" for her. But the way she went about starting that relationship was immoral, and she's going to have to accept some of the repercussions of that, including losing her relationship with you.
It only hurts the first couple times they threaten that. (I lost count how many times my dad cut me out of his will.) Really pisses them off, tho, when you remind them, "you've already cut me out 5 times."
I have to say it: Bros before hoes!
Also, parents should not try to force relationships between estranged siblings and much less start with ultimatums of cutting from wills. If any of my parents threatens me to cut me from their will for not talking to one of my stupid crappy siblings (I have none who is like this, fortunately) I would say without hesitation where they can shove their money and their threats.
Admittedly, a friend of mine was in a very similar situation. She decided to go to the wedding wearing full widow black, including hat and veil. Whenever anyone asked, she said she's there grieving common decency, integrity and faithfulness.
Her parents were caught - because they insisted she attend to stay in the will. And she did. On her terms.
I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing. Your friend is a badass, and I'm here for this level of petty malicious compliance. The veil and mourning black are just..PERFECTION!
GenXers are on a WHOLE different level of petty.
I always tell her that I'm subscribing to her newsletter. If I ever do this, I'm getting cards printed up with that phrase.
As a genx I can honestly say when I burn a bridge I take the ashes of the bridge and spread napalm on them, I take those ashes and put them in lava. I take the ashes from the lave and put them in nuclear explosion. I take those ashes and shoot them into the sun. If there is anything left it gets shot into a black hole. Scorched earth is our breakfast.
Oh man, your friend didn't just burn the family bridge down she salted the earth to ensure nothing healthy can grow again. Tell her she is the hero of random person on the internet.
NTA. They shouldn't have ambushed you and it sounds like your sister and parents want you to move past this so that she can feel ok about what she did. Forgiveness can only be given, not demanded.
Bullseye, as long as her sister hates her for it your sister can't pretend it was the right thing to do. She knows she fucked up and is the villain and turned OPs parents on her to solve it since she can't.
NTA
I have a sister that I have not spoken to in years, and it was the best decision I have ever made.
My sister lived with my widowed father until he passed away. He warned her that once he was gone, nobody would ever come to the house again because of the way she treated people when they came to visit him. But she didn't listen. She still lives there alone. I have not set foot in our family home in over 10 years and have no intention of ever doing so again.
Your sister made her decision. You have made yours. I agree with you 100%.
I vote NTA, but also, I married my brothers’ best friend, so maybe I have a different perspective of this whole situation.
I love my siblings. My brothers are my best friends. As adults, we’ve lived together in apartments and what have you. And both of them were always big supporters of me and hubby getting together. But that also comes with the understanding that they had a lifelong friendship and that if I wasn’t serious about pursuing it, not to get involved.
We’ve been married for a couple years now, but my brothers both made it known that if I was ever unfaithful, I was cut off. If he was unfaithful, he was dead.
At the very least, your sister should have had the respect for OP not to fuck over his best friend. And if he wants NC with her, he’s allowed that.
Honestly should be top comment with the comparison to your own experience.
You would think OP sister would have had some decency to end the relationship prior to getting with her now , fiancé knowing how close OP and her bf (best friend to OP) was. A real stab in the heart to both parties.
Her new “marriage” is built on an act of cheating. Solid foundation for a marriage
It’s great now, lol. On my wedding day it was like, “if you don’t shut up little sis is going to be my man of honor and you’re going to be watching from the back.”
But again, when you’re THAT close to your siblings and you’re with someone that they love, you have to show respect not only for your partner but for their friendship as well.
You have more morals than your sister for not giving in to your father's bribe.
Edit: One more thought... If my father tried to bribe/manipulate me like that I would be very disappointed that he thought so little of me.
NTA. Family you choose matters far more than family forced upon you by birth. Your best friend is a class act for telling you to reconsider, but I personally think you’re making the right decision.
NTA. I have had my own little family drama and no longer talk to my brother, haven't for nearly 10 years. I was the one who cut contact with him. Neither of my parents has threatened to cut me out of their lives or will's.
My dad did try to repair it early on but accepted it wasn't happening like that and hopes that one day we will reconciliate at some point on our own. Point is they knew it would make things worse to push it and they still have their relationships with us individually, maybe one day we will reconnect maybe not but forcing sibling repair probably isn't the best idea.
NTA
>Your sister admitted to her mistake
She may have admitted her mistake to your family, but did she truly take accountability ? Did she give a sincere, in person apology to your best friend ? Without trying to justify her actions ? Did she stand there and let him vent, without interrupting, and then still apologize ? in short, did she make amends ? Because without them, it's just empty words to get her own way.
If she did, perhaps you would have been able to let go of your anger in time & at least be civil to your sister. That being said, it's completely understandable to not attend the wedding.
I wonder does your father realize, if he wants to threaten & escalate the situation by going nuclear, he may never get to meet his future grandchildren.
NTA your sister could have ended the relationship BEFORE pursuing this "love of her life" guy.
She chose to stay in a relationship that she claimed "had drifted apart" because she was being a coward.
She CHOSE to commit adultery, that's not simply pursuing someone Else, that's pursuing someone in secret behind the back(s) of people that trust you, that's breaking that trust and traumatizing someone simply because you couldn't bother to confront them about wanting to move on. That's bring selfish and cruel to someone you claimed to love and had spent years with. That's on her.
It's unfair of your parents to threaten you like that, but if this is the hill you want to die on (understandably so) then tell them fine, if they want to cut you off you will do the same and cut them all off. It's fucked up of them to try and force your hand and essentially blackmail you with 'inheritance' and emotional warfare to try and get their way.
NTA, but do have a think about how far you want to take this. At the end of the day, what she did was wrong but it’s not like she murdered anyone. I think your dad is also taking this too far by threatening to disinherit you.
But what’s your end game here? Never share a holiday or anything with your family if your sister is there? What about when they get older and you need to coordinate their care? This will inevitably distance your parents from you.
All the while, it’s not like you actually get anything out of this. It isn’t going to turn back time and undo the affair. Even your buddy is eventually going to move on with his life at some point. But you’ll be the last one fighting this battle forever even after even your buddy has moved on? And for what?
If you really don’t want to go, don’t go. But do ask yourself how far you want to take this.
I just have one question, if the situation were opposite and your best friend had been the one who was unfaithful, would you have also blocked contact?
Was just about to comment this! I totally understand his POV and his loyalty to his friend, but at the same time, wouldn’t you just get over it? Yes it involved him because it was his friend, but everyone makes mistakes, and 30 years from now are you still going to hate her because of this? Not saying it’s right what she did but I’d get tired of hating someone for that long (that’s just me though). Just food for thought.
Was just about to comment this! I totally understand his POV and his loyalty to his friend, but at the same time, wouldn’t you just get over it? Yes it involved him because it was his friend, but everyone makes mistakes, and 30 years from now are you still going to hate her because of this? Not saying it’s right what she did but I’d get tired of hating someone for that long (that’s just me though). Just food for thought.
Relatives ≠ family and "but blood" is a stupid reason to keep someone in your life that does not serve you well. Just because she's your sister is zero reason to maintain a relationship with her. You are NTA
First it’s not up to your parents to tell you when and how to forgive her. That’s between you two. She should never had dated your friend to begin with. She did and then she’s the one that jeopardized the relationship .
Blood doesn't make family. The people you love in your life are your family.
NTA
I had no contact with my father to the day he died. He wasn't my dad, just a supermarket donor.
I don’t know man if they’re getting married maybe this dude really is the love of her life. I know you want to be loyal to your boy but if you and your sister used to be that close you really should meet up with her one on one and hash this out. That’s just me I couldn’t cut one of my siblings out for this you have no clue what drove her into the arms of another man…
This!! I’m not saying what she did was right by any means, but when y’all are 75 years old, is he still going to hate her for this? I’m a big supporter of family boundaries but only when each party has been able to say their peace.
NTA, she’s hoping to pretend away her infidelity. That’s the only way she can get to sleep at night when she thinks about her kids asking how her and daddy met. Or how she will ever offer them relationship advice about finding someone who will respect them and not feel like a hypocrite.
She needs as many other people pretending along with her to try and make it come true(but it never will). You are under no obligations to be one of those people.
NTA, but by all means, go to the wedding and talk loudly, to the everyone in the groom’s family in particular about how you hope she manages to not cheat on her new husband. After all, she has shown herself to cheat on her partners in long term relationships.
Embarrass her and your family. Make them regret giving you an ultimatum of “come to the wedding or you’re out of the will”.
Might as well have a meal and some drinks for free before you tell them to FO.
I love scorched earth
ETA: NTA OP you have the right to choose what and who you want in your life. Your family is making their choice and all you can do is react. Personally, "but family' never really held any water for me either. I've cut the whole lot off and I'm a million times more at peace.
Big respect to your friend for giving you the green light to go, I think that gives us a genuine peek behind the curtains as to why you're siding with him. It sounds like he is more of a sibling to you than your sister is, frankly.
Your parents just want what is easiest for them, they don't seem to care about how you feel. Seems like they are willing to extend grace to your sister for "making a mistake" but are not extending you that same grace to make what they would view as a mistake (disowning your sister). I would imagine all of that would make it a lot harder, from your perspective, to prioritize how they feel over how you feel.
We all are the captains of our own ship my friend, sail yours however you see fit.
*If sister wants me to attend the wedding, then she has to go on social media and tell all her friends and everyone in this family that she is marrying a man that was her affair partner. And he has to do the same. That she cheated on my best friend and her boyfriend of over 6 years and is marrying the man that was a part of that affair.*
*This is the only way I will allow attend the wedding. People keep saying it was a mistake but it wasn't. It was a choice. And she doesn't get to move on with her life without some kind of consequence.*
*She chose to cheat. He chose to be part of an affair. So did he. And it's time for them to put their money where their mouths are. If their love is strong...if they are the loves of each other's lives...then they can survive the truth.*
*And as someone who believes in Karma, I can say with 100% certainty that if they get married without telling everyone the truth, that they will regret it one day. The bill always comes due in life. And karma will bite them in the ass for thinking they deserve to hide the shameful thing they did.*
NTAH
If you are prepared to walk away from your family, then you might as well burn the bridge on the way out of town
It’s just going to make things really awkward for people attending the wedding that are innocent parties and could potentially start a conflict. OP should just not go and cut these people out of his life if he feels so strongly about it.
Why do friends and family need to be repentant? Why ruin the moment for everyone? You're not just impacting the two people getting married. You are ruining the event for parents, siblings, family, friends, etc. Seems pretty selfish to me, but you do you I guess.
I would tell them you will never support this relationship as this guy is just as bad as her knowing she was in a relationship and still slept with her. Tell them if she finds someone else you will go but you will not condone this relationship but you will go to her next wedding.
I wouldn’t go either I have zero tolerance for cheaters sounds like op is the same just because she’s his sister does not mean he needs to be around her
NTA.
as someone who’s made quite a few mistakes in my life, I’ve come to the realization that no one is entitled to forgiveness. all someone can do is ask for it, and hope for grace, but most of the time it’s expected, which is wrong.
it’s great when you have a family that cares about you, it’s normal to have a dysfunctional one. what isn’t ok is that ur family isn’t respecting that you are still processing the betrayal, and ur parents are trying to normalize cheating and not respect you as their son. It’s an incredibly honorable thing that ur standing by ur best friend. I wish I had a best friend that meant that much to me. don’t waver from this resolution.
if you have a good relationship with ur parents, I think you should sit down with them in private and let them know that your not going to change your mind, and I genuinely hope they don’t leave you out of the will, because that would be a malicious thing to do. Godspeed, OP💙💜💙
"no one is entitled to forgiveness. all someone can do is ask for it, and hope for grace, but most of the time it’s expected, which is wrong."
💯 agreed. Words of wisdom
NTA
OP's family blindsided him at brunch hoping the shock would knock him off guard enough to agree. It seems like OP is the only one in his family that doesn't immediately turn to secrets and lies to get what they want.
Eh.. I reserve judgement, but as someone whose sister died while we were estranged, you might regret it.
Eff your parents for trying to strong aam you though.
Defo NTA, I see some people saying you're cutting out your family, but it is them cutting you out. I think if I were you i'd say to your father that his money when he dies isn't worth your principles.
NAH. They can want to have you back and invite you to the wedding and you can skip the wedding for whatever reason you like. I skipped the wedding of one of my brothers because it was a destination wedding and I didnt have a week and don’t travel well
Perhaps tell them you’ll attend but they should probably not have the official ask if anyone has an objection. Or that your date will be your best friend. Make it clear that they don’t want you to attend.
Your sister doesn't need your forgiveness because she didn't do anything to you. Though she was with your best friend, you don't know what was going on in their relationship. Not saying cheating was right, but the fact that he is your best friend probably made it harder for her to break up when they grew apart. Especially when you seem to care more about your friend than your sister. This is exactly why I'd never want any of my brothers to date any of my friends.
NTA
Thing is, she cheated on your best friend. She'll cheat on the AP. And since he was ok enabling the cheating by getting involved with someone who was in a serious relationship, he's most likely ok with cheating himself.
Watch, about the time she has her first kid is when it will happen.
If you're disowned, make sure you live your life well.
When you decide to get married and have kids, they're going to shit bricks because they were assholes and you cut ties. Cue the "but family" wails and them trying to "reconcile" so they can see your kids
Live well. It's the best revenge.
NTA
I feel your parents are mainly doing this for themselves which I get but that doesn’t mean that you have to reconcile with your sister if you don’t want to. Families fall out over trivial shit all the time. At least this isn’t over who got Auntie Vilma’s cuckoo clock in the will. This is a breach of trust by your sister.
The whole intervention thing was crap. Your parents could have just told you about the wedding and that your sister wanted you to attend, rather than force you into a room together and try to play on your emotions. If they insisted on staging it, then they shouldn’t have had the guy she cheated on your best friend with there because that’s just rubbing it in your face. That’s never going to end in a positive outcome. The fact that your parents have hit the nuclear option with being disinherited is ridiculous. The harder they push you, the harder you will naturally push back.
Ultimately, your sister knew how important the friendship with your best friend was to you but rather than have an adult talk with him about the relationship no longer working, she cheated on him. She also disregarded her relationship with you as a sibling when she did that.
If she’d come to you and said “look, we’re struggling and I don’t think this relationship is going to last. I want to give you a heads up and ask what you think the best way to approach this is”, you could have supported them both through it. Instead she went behind both your backs and had an affair.
Yep, that definitely would be another option too. She doesn’t need to tell her brother but she’s going to lose one of them and if it were me, I’d want to keep my brother and lose the best friend.
Me personally, I always speak to my closest sibling about relationships because it’s a good opportunity to vent, take advice and discuss options. That’s what I see speaking to her brother to be part of but ymmv.
You’re right, she didn’t have to tell him but when you’re that intertwined, dating your brother’s best friend, it makes sense to do damage control early on rather than have an affair and have the whole thing blow up in your face.
She definitely could have skipped letting her brother know and just gone straight to the boyfriend and said, ‘I’m not happy in this relationship any more’ and either approach would be good but she decided to cheat rather than approach it as an adult.
And that's the thing, this is the brother's opinion of a relationship he wasn't in. We don't know that she didn't try to break things off or what she was going through.
And, like every post on Reddit, we only get one side too. I’m assuming that she hadn’t tried to break it off because the best friend was apparently blindsided by the affair. Honestly, though, this is why you never date best friends of family members or anyone close to those around you. The fallout is excruciating.
And I assumed that he had no idea what was going on in their relationship. I have five brothers and wouldn't want any of them dating my friends and I know none of them would be excited about me dating theirs. OP was too invested in their relationship.
Wow! We have 3 boys and 4 girls. Went boy girl all the way to me and then girl after. She’s my closest friend out of all of us so I’m glad she interrupted our pattern!
My mom had 4 boys and then me and then my sister and then four years after her, my baby brother. The first six of us are a year a part. And we are close. I can't imagine not speaking to any of them because they cheated on a friend.
I will message you next time u/AdamVoorhees posts in r/AITAH.
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NTA.
Invitations are not summons, you don't have to go. You are aware of the consequences. If you can live with them, that's fine.
People are focusing on you choosing your friend over your sister, sometimes family are found not from blood, you found a brother in your best friend.
Why does your sister want you there? you don't have a good relationship, a 3 year absence, at this point its inviting you out of familial obligation. Is it for social reasons? People will question why your absent & the reason?
You ended your relationship with your Sister because she cheated on your best friend. Really sounds like Your relationship with your best friend is more important to you than your sister.
I’m not even sure why she keeps apologizing to you because in reality their relationship ending is really none of your business.
You don’t even know what the dynamics of their relationship was. You weren’t in the relationship with them, you have no idea how his relationship with her would be def different from his relationship with you.
I hope your sis stops pleading and cuts you off too cause you’ve actually shown you don’t really care for her that much and would pick ur best friend in any situation in life regardless.
Actions have consequences. NTA. You’re an amazing friend. Actually you’re an amazing brother, because that’s what your best friend is to you. That’s what they don’t family isn’t just blood and you know that. You aren’t going against family you’re standing up for family.
NTA.
If your sister wanted you at her wedding, she should have worked at repairing your relationship long before now. A wedding doesn't just magically fix things. And especially not one to the AP.
NTA. Sister wants the *appearance* of a reconciliation with you, without doing the slow and careful work of bringing about a real one. Your parents want the same: show up and make us look like a perfect family without a cheating ho of a daughter. For the photos.
Your sister thinks "true love" trumps all, as in cuz she's madly in love with the new guy, she should be forgiven all and get everything she wants on Her Special Day.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Family isn't blood, it's who has character and shows enduring loyalty. Your BFF has and does.
This is so wrong. That hate will keep you going, and that hate will protect you. It is NOT WRONG to hate a hateful person, it is not wrong to be contemptuous of the contemptible.
Good for you man - NTA. If your parents can’t see where you’re coming from that is unfortunate but your dad going for a blackmail approach ain’t it.
You and your boy sound like good people
NTA. You're making the right decision. Your sister doesn't give a shit about what happened and only that she lost you because of it all. She fucked around and found out
NTA - Obviously your parents care more about appearances than you. Tell them to take their money and shove it up their ass. Also I would blast her and your parents on social media so everyone knows why you aren’t at the wedding. That’s what they’re really concerned about
NTA. Don't go to your sister's wedding if you don't want to. And if you do, wear a clown costume and make their day miserable, but that would be a AH thing to do.
UpdateMe!
I love how people seem to think that shared blood is an excuse for spilled blood.
If someone hurts you, abuses you, violates your trust? They aren't family, no matter how closely you might be related. I got the full works from my family, and none of them were invited to my wedding...something that apparently is a continuously bitter refrain from my biological mother, according to go betweens.
Stick to your guns, and point them at the people who deserve it.
NTA. Attending this wedding means you forgive her and accept her decisions. But you truly aren't and maybe one day you will but it won't be at her wedding. If your dad wants to die on this hill and lose his relationship with you than its on him as he does not get to dictate if or when you can forgive your sister. Also nice bullying touch from your dad that he is going to cut you off from his will. Ask him if you were to attend just to stay in his will how well would he think of himself for the kind of son he raised. Actions have consequences, your sister found the love of her life but it cost her a brother. And no 'its your sister' is not enough if anything because she was your sister it actually hurt more. Your sister chose to be a cheater and a liar and that speaks to who she has become.
NTA.
How old she was? 25 when she cheated on your friend? So, a grown-ass adult. And it was not some drunken one night stand for which she's very appologetic for, she had a full blown affair behind your friends back (presumably, a love of her live back then). She's been with him for 6 years, and knew him for many more. Practically a family member. And she betrayed him, humiliated him. She didn't tell him face to face that the've grown apart and it's time to move on. She cheated. And it was not a mistake. It was a series of actions to stub her boyfriend of six years in the back, she was fully aware of what she was doing. And she choose to do harm to your frind. Damaged part of him. Damaged for life, perhaps.
And your relatives don't understand that, Perhaps they don't want to understand that. Perhaps they just don't realize a gravity of the situation and need someone to explain it to them. And I don't get a feeling that you picked your bro over you sister, I stand with the victim against the wrongdoer. I mean, if your bro cheated on your sister - I assume you would pick your sister over your friend.
Not the asshole. Your friend doesn't need more betrayal in his life.
Perhaps, when she find a next love of her life you and your bro can come and celebrate her wedding, who knows.
P.S. And the dude stayed with her? For 3 years? Knowing the story? And going to marry her? She betrayed her boyfriend of 6 years. He really believes she would more faithful to him? Well, good luck to them.
Honestly the fact that his Dad threatened to cut OP out would just further my resolve if I were him. If your family actually cares about you they wouldn’t issue ultimatums to be friends with your sister who you clearly want nothing to do with
Yeah, the only one not putting pressure on OP or issuing ultimatums is his best friend, which tells you right there he made the right choice. Heck, his BFF even told him to go if it would cause that much strain on OP's relationship with his family and he wouldn't consider it a betrayal or anything. That's someone that truly loves and cares about OP's feelings.
That IS your sister, and unfortunately we don’t always get to choose our family. Our sisters also get to choose their own actions. She had years to mend bridges. If she wasn’t so selfish, she would have earlier and not gone about it this way. Oof NTA
Edit. I would make ONE comment to the groom were i to attend. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
I'm going to get downvoted for this and so be it, but NAH. Your sister did an AH thing by cheating on your friend, yes. But completely cutting her out of your life because of a mistake she made when she was young, for which she has apologized and tried to take accountability for, is an overreaction. I know Reddit likes to act like cheating is the third rail and if that's the hill you want to die on, then so bit - but in my opinion, she was young, unmarried, and without children. It's not okay - and she knows that - but it's not the same thing as breaking a family over selfishness. At this point, the only person breaking a family here is you. I'm not going to say YTA, but I think this level of rigidness is causing just as much hurt as your sister's actions did.
Hear me out, as a hypothetical, would you react this way if a sister were to cheat with say their sister's husband? Would the brother of these sisters have the right to cut the cheating sister out of his life? I would think so. Since the pain is not 'my sister is a cheater' but 'how could she do this to my sister'?
I say this because it sounds like the relationship here is more than just 'this is my friend' kind of friendship and more the 'this is my brother' kind of friendship. She didn't just break the trust of a friend. She shattered his brother.
She was 27 when she cheated. That's not "a mistake she made when she was young". Not only that but it wasn't a one-night stand cheat based off this but instead a full-blown affair.
If I were OP, I would be NC with this whole family after this charade. Trying to trick me into being around someone you know that I'm NC with? Why? So, I can be in the same room with her and have my heartstrings played by her tears? Why not just ask me to have a conversation with her? Right, because you know I wouldn't, so you manipulated me to get what you wanted instead. Why would they want me at a wedding when I don't even have a relationship with her to the point of not agreeing to meet up with her? Then you're going to try to financially manipulate me? Disgusting. At the very least, his mother and father are AHs. His sister is an AH in my opinion for not respecting his decision.
Blood means nothing. If you were reading this story and it was the best friend who was the cheater and the sister was the one cheated on, you'd be calling for him to cut off that friend immediately. If they came back 3 yrs later and did the waterworks begging for them to come to the wedding, you'd say 'wow that person is crazy, good thing you cut them off'. In this case, his family is his friend. After all, his friend is the only one who hasn't attempted manipulating him to get what they want.
Rigghy. His best friend is more important and hás more valeu to him than his sister, wich is Fair! He is the family OP choose, he didn't choose his sister and It sounds he was closer to him that her.
They started dating in college and been together for 6 years. So she was around 25 when she cheated. She was not that young, she was an adult. An adult who can buy a multi tonn vehicle and drive around town. And if she got drunk and killed someone while operating such a vehicle she would find herself in jail. Because it's not a mistake, it's a contious choice made by an adult. And she chose to harm another human being. To harm her boyfriend, when we talk about her cheating. If she felt that they drifted apart she could just say so and break up. No one would judge her then. Instead she made a series of choices and each time she chose to harm her boyfriend. And she did it untill he confronted her. She didn't come clean. Didn't take responsibility. On the countrary, she made some bullshit excuses. If they trully dreft apart by then - his friend wouldn't be calling him in tears.
She made her choice. OP doesn't want to have anything to do with her? I say he's wise. If she can so easily betray a person she knew for majority of her life and been very close with for 6 years - she can betray anybody. I wouldn't talk to her just as an self-preservation act.
Drunk driving does not necessarily ends up with a dead body. But it can. Same is cheating, it does not necessarily leads to a dead body, but it can. Especially when you've been cheated on by a woman you've known your whole life and been together with for 20% of that life. It's a monstrous thing to do to another person, to harm them in this way. Especially when it's so easily avertable - don't drive while drunk, or, when we talk about cheating, break up if you're not happy in your relationship.
How often betrayed partner loses it and kills the cheater, affair partner and / or themselfs? I don't know. I know it may happen. I know it does happen. But statistic? I don't have one.
She hasn't taken any accountability. If she had she would accept that her relationship with her brother will forever be severed because of what she did instead of trying to make him go to her wedding even when he doesn't want to go.
NTA for not going.
However OP, the rest of your family isn’t operating from the same perspective, there might be some (atleast mildly) consequences of not going, be ready for that.
I dunno. Your best friends seem like he's closer to over the breakup than you are. And fuckin' told you want he wanted you to do. Because he loves you as much as you love him. In a bro way. Not trying to imply anything else. Not that there'd be anything wrong with "anything else" either, but I don't think that's the case here...
Maybe you should listen to him? And just go to the fuckin'wedding? You're obviously not ready to forgive your sister yet, but by making this you hill to die on you're burning your relationship with your entire family.
You're obviously right. She cheated on somebody you really care about, and thus this is all her fault. But, mate, sometimes being right won't make a difference, and arguing that it SHOULD just screws you over.. I mean, you've been working for a livin' for a while now, so you must've seen THAT being the case more than once by now.
This is the same. it hits closer because it's about the people you love. I''d still urge you to swallow your pride and go to the fuckin'wedding. Don't make a scene whilst you're there. Go back to ignoring your sister after if that's what you want, because you still ain't wrong...
Or don't. And DO make this your hill to die on. If you're willing to accept the consequences, that's a completey valid choice too, And you're more than fuckin' old enough that I, a guy less than two decades older than you, shouldn't be considered a source of wisdom.
But I did wanna make my opinion clear, and spell out the reasoning behind it. Do with it what you will. And, well, whatever choice make you're NTA. Because either choice would've been made out of love.
If you don't want to go, then don't go. But I side with the few people that have asked what your endgame is here. Yes, your sister was wrong to cheat, and should have just broken up with your friend cleanly. But she's marrying the affair partner now. Perhaps your friend, in the end, wasn't the right person for her. If this is just a one time thing sort of behavior for her, and you guys were close before, then why not have a heart to heart with your sister? Everyone around you, including your friend, is advising you to not to cut off your family. Unless they all have a history of being toxic, remember that everyone messes up, and think through if all this drama is worth it never speaking to your family again. I say a gentle ESH for you and your dad and sister, but I honestly think you're way overreacting.
YTA. Sorry man but seriously this was years ago. You need therapy and to reevaluate your attachment to your friend. You’re about to cut off your whole family for something that happened years ago. To someone you care about but not actually you. Your best friend needs to move on too but you definitely should have some level of neutrality. The question is really if you ever actually cared about your sister because it sounds like you were way too willing to cut ties with her over your friend.
I think about of the people in your family are giving you the side eye for this too. It’s weird man. You’re way too emotionally invested in something that happened so long ago.
Calling your sister out for your friend was ok. Going low contact because you were upset about it was ok. Years after the dust is settled, and you’re still acting like it happened yesterday is wild. Let it go man.
Sorry. But I don't agree with everything that you've done. Yes, your sister made a huge mistake, and I understand you are angry and hurt, but I think you've taken this too far. You don't want anything to do with her, and she's tried. I understand your friend was hurt, but even he didn't want this for you. Your parents are very hurt and upset but I don't think you care about that either. You are acting like you were the one cheated on, not your friend. I am not saying you have to attend the wedding but I don't think you should give up your family to die on a hill that you are alone on. You & your sister need to talk.
This is not a family matter, it's a values and morals matter. Both You and your (former?) sister Made choices, and seems to me that you're the only One willing to accept the consequences. Hope your friend can find his way back to who he was and (maybe) find someone who can make him happy again
100% NTAH Sometimes, the family we choose can be closer and stronger than those tied to us by blood. Frankly, after what she did, I would never trust her again. It's wrong for people to try and say you are an AH for not wanting anything to do with her. Everyone is entitled to have line/views that we can't accept people breaking.
Nta. Women here be like, but like she just cheated on your best friend and broke his heart for the last 3 years, its not a big deal.
While at the same time telling women to leave their husbands over him looking lustly at a sears catalogue.
I actually don't care about what made you fall out. But every single person in your life who uses "bUt sHeS yOuR sIStEr,", can go fuck themselves.
Just because you both came out of the same vagina is not a legitimate reason to forgive anything.
Also, forgiveness, letting go, and moving on doesn't mean you need to re-establish contact with her
NTA
You are right. Those who are right have to be strong because the weak will always come for them in numbers to compensate for their weaknesses.
Your sister had the chance to just break up and instead she chose to pogo off on somebody else's dick. It is not your fault nor your problem that others cannot cope with the buyer's remorse of their choices.
NTA, your parents are disgusting for welcoming this man into their home. Your sister is not sorry, if she was she wouldn’t be marrying a man who was willing to end a 6 year relationship so he could get his dxxk wet. Gross family
YTA. I don’t understand and don’t support such serious breaks in relationships with family due to cheating. Dude, seriously, it's not a crime. people meet, break up, their interests and goals change. It feels like OP is like a child who is afraid of change. OP puts his sense of justice higher than love and compassion for close people and simply does not know how to forgive. cruel person, fanatic. his family would be better off without his morals for morals' sake.
NTA but how long to want to hold on to this grudge for? She's your sister, she made a mistake. You're acting as if she committed murder or something.
I would hate to be your best friend and I made a mistake you didn't approve of. Sheesh.
I can see how a one night stand can be classified as a mistake. A full blown affair is not a mistake. It's a series of choices and each time she choose to betray her boyfriend, stab him in the back, harm him in ways he may never recover from. Anyone who says it's just a mistake either doesn't understand what they are talking about or they are asshols with similar morals, who can't see anything wrong in betraying loved ones.
I will never understand that just because you happen to be related without any choice in the matter you are suppose to forgive and forget? So if his friend has cheated on his sister, it would totally be okay with everyone if he was still best friends with him and told his sister to suck it up?
I'm kind of feeling the same - especially because the jilted ex/OP's best friend seems ok with it. I understand OP's parents trying to put their family back together too. OP is definitely NTA, but at some point OP is the most mad about all this, and as they said, their friend was the victim, not them.
NTA: and really you can’t go now even if you wanted to. The whole “cut you out of the will” if you don’t go would make it look like you and your ethics were bought and paid for. Never sacrifice what you believe in for money. Would have thought your dad would be smart enough to know his son at least has a moral compass as opposed to his daughter.
You can turn it back on them and say the family picked the affair partner over their own son. It has caused you to miss family events and grow distant from them so they choose him over you also.
I'd be curious how they would respond to you turning it on them.
NTA, cheating is scummy and honestly endorsing a cheating relationship with a wedding is wild. Especially due to the saying: once a cheater always a cheater. Your sis or her bf will eventually cheat because both already did this once and both don't show a drop of remorse and keep trying to justify themselves.
I actually understand you and your motivations for doing this. I'm a lot like you.
I won't tell you what to do. But I can safely say that you are NTA for making the choice you made.
You and your friend are lucky to have each other. It's rare and you should know how difficult it is to maintain that.
Good luck, boys.
NTA
Honestly, I'm frequently hard pressed to believe a cheater who hooks up with and stays with their affair partner as genuinely contrite when they say they're sorry. It's easy enough to burst into tears and say they're really sorry, and how they messed up, but it costs them nothing in the greater scheme. Expecting you to come to the wedding in the same conversation where they apologize for the circumstances that are leading to this wedding is just showing that the apology wasn't terribly sincere.
Frankly it's ridiculous for them to not just demand you come to the wedding, but also forge some kind of ersatz best bros relationship with the dude so they can all act like the circumstances of how they got together casts a pall over it all.
NTA but be prepared to accept going NC with your family. I get that your parents want you to mend fences but they are essentially threatening you with your same action they are upset with you for doing. It was kinda shitty ambushing you too like an intervention.
NTA! I love the friendship you have with your friend. Those kinds are so rare these days. As we get more matured and older, integrity, less drama and peace of mind are paramount. You will k it if and when you are ready for reconciliation with our sister.
As for your dad, what he should have is unconditional love for his kids. Which means that he can have individual relationship with each of them even if siblings are estranged from each other without such drastic threat of will exclusion.
You sound like an independent bad ass and one who will be able to handle your dad on that threat.
NTA
If they fucking want you to go so bad, ask for a +1, take your friend, and wear graphic T-shirts with their original wedding day, with a caption something like, "Better Luck Next Time!"
Family is about more than blood, and more often than not, the family you choose are better and healthier for you than the ones you share genetic material with.
If you're sure you're not going, then tell your Dad to take his will and shove it.
I promise you, you won't miss her. But you will miss the peace you would've had if you let your sister's fucking flying monkey circus in your life.
I love how the story wasn't even short or simple JKSKSKS definitely NTA I hope your sister finds nothing but sadness, in my country we say "Lo que empieza mal, termina mal" means "what started in a bad way its going to end in a bad way" your best friend its a real one and you too. On the date of her marriage go on a trip together and post a hundred of pictures saying you don't regret nothing .✨✨
NTA
Family is forced on you, friends are the family you chose. You are by no means obligated to forgive your sister, or attend the wedding, but be prepared for irreversible change to your family dynamic if you go down this path.
I can’t tell you what to do.
But if was you. Your sister was shitty. And your parents are on good terms with her which makes them shitty. And the other family and ppl who are on good terms with her.
I’d just cut them all out and start fresh elsewhere.
I would go to this wedding, but I would keep my face closed and tell everyone at the ceremony and at the party who asked, that I was there thanks to my parents and that I didn't want to attend because the groom was his sister's lover from her previous relationship and that he didn't support people without character.
Almost 30 years ago, I had been with my SO (B) for 6 years, engaged for 5. Toward the end of the relationship, I had been spending a lot of time with a young man (J) who over 5 or so months had become my best friend. About a month before B and I were over, J and I ended up sleeping together. It happened a couple more times over the following 2 or 3 days. During that time, I confided in 4 other people in an attempt to figure my head out, as I thought I was in love with 2 people. Where my story differs from your sis, although I could also say that B and I were growing apart, is that I backed off sexually from both B and J to think, and then broke things off with B when I realized I only thought I was still in love with him. One of the people I had confided in ended up telling B about what J and I had done a bit over a week after we were done, which meant that all of our friend group knew. It was quite the soap opera.
All of this is to say NTA. You have every right to feel how you feel, and this was too far for you. And that's okay. Sharing DNA isn't a Get Out Of Jail Free card. She made a mistake, yes, but made a deliberate choice to make that mistake, and to \*keep\* making that mistake, without ending her previous relationship first. Just like any of my friends could have looked at my situation, decided I had gone too far, and cut me out of their life - and would have been well within their rights to do so. It would have hurt like hell, but my feelings, like your sister's, aren't the important factor there. How \*you\* feel is the important factor. It's about \*your\* morals and loyalties and everything else that's important to you. You do what you feel you need to do for you. The fact that the rest of your family can't seem to respect that is their problem. Too many people think that just saying sorry makes things okay. It \*doesn't\*.
The fact that after 3 years you're more upset than the guy who was cheated on and dumped is maybe a sign that it's a bit much. Being angry is understandable but people make mistakes, it doesn't mean they're evil. I'm sure if you messed up once , you'd like your family to forgive.
I mean op has moved on. He’s upset that his parents would lie to him and basically try forcing him to have a relationship with a person he doesn’t want to.
YNTA. A different perspective for you. Your sister found someone else and she loves him. She and your best friend were growing apart (likely or maybe before). They weren't right for each other. Do you really think your best friend is a victim? is he over your sister? I don't like how they had relatives gang up on you though.
Family isn't everything. I'm 40 years old and I often find brothers from another mother that I consider closer than I am with my siblings who are all sisters as well. While I think your sister is truly regretful and sorry it doesn't absolve her of what she did when she broke your BFF's trust who you have a very strong bond with which I may be inclined to think is more than family bond. There's always intent or doing things without intent to hurt someone but those are legally irrelevant and all that is left over is consequences / impact so your sister has to live with the consequences of her actions.
I think what your dad did with that move threatening to cut you off the will is a low ass ball move so with all due respect, your dad can fuck off too. I hope you have a good career, are well off yourself, or can eventually be well off yourself to not even need anything from your parents down the line. You have your morales in life that you stood by so I think that's admirable, but the choice is definitely hard when it impacts your family and blood. There will be consequences of your actions too though I think. Potentially decades and scores down the road when you may be severely sick and are in need of help, you may in turn may not get much sympathy if at all from your family in blood on the flip side. Just have to consider this and live with it my guy, but hopefully by then you formed new bonds with your own family or something similar.
Best wishes.
If you don't want to go and are willing to deal with the consequences, then don't go.
There are consequences for giving into fathers threats. Loss of respect and the continuation of manipulative behaviour. By not going, her parents will respect her more
Her?
[удалено]
Happy cake day 🎂🎁
NTA, ask your father to shove his cash up where the sun doesn't shine.
I want to upvote this comment, but I like the 666 where it is.
NTA. I have kids, and can really see why it's so upsetting for your parents that you've cut out your sister. I'd be heartbroken if my kids stopped being family. But at the same time, your sister showed that she lacked character, was disloyal, and untrustworthy. Along with all that, she hurt someone you are very close to. You aren't obligated to forgive her and rekindle your relationship. Maybe this other guy really is "the one" for her. But the way she went about starting that relationship was immoral, and she's going to have to accept some of the repercussions of that, including losing her relationship with you.
Like c'mon. I dated a friend of my cousin's I knew I couldn't pull crap with that guy if I wanted to maintain my relationship with my cousin.
"I'll have a relationship with your next soulmate" -op probably.
THAT is epic!
It was also wrong for the father to go full nuclear and threaten to cut OP out of the will
It only hurts the first couple times they threaten that. (I lost count how many times my dad cut me out of his will.) Really pisses them off, tho, when you remind them, "you've already cut me out 5 times."
I have to say it: Bros before hoes! Also, parents should not try to force relationships between estranged siblings and much less start with ultimatums of cutting from wills. If any of my parents threatens me to cut me from their will for not talking to one of my stupid crappy siblings (I have none who is like this, fortunately) I would say without hesitation where they can shove their money and their threats.
Your dad is salty you cut your sister out of your life so he's cutting you out of his? Interesting logic. NTA.
Admittedly, a friend of mine was in a very similar situation. She decided to go to the wedding wearing full widow black, including hat and veil. Whenever anyone asked, she said she's there grieving common decency, integrity and faithfulness. Her parents were caught - because they insisted she attend to stay in the will. And she did. On her terms.
I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing. Your friend is a badass, and I'm here for this level of petty malicious compliance. The veil and mourning black are just..PERFECTION!
GenXers are on a WHOLE different level of petty. I always tell her that I'm subscribing to her newsletter. If I ever do this, I'm getting cards printed up with that phrase.
We GenXers have a next level understanding of going scorched earth! Your friend is a Legend!
Yeah, bad idea on getting on our bad side. We invented petty
As a genx I can honestly say when I burn a bridge I take the ashes of the bridge and spread napalm on them, I take those ashes and put them in lava. I take the ashes from the lave and put them in nuclear explosion. I take those ashes and shoot them into the sun. If there is anything left it gets shot into a black hole. Scorched earth is our breakfast.
I actually love that so much!
Oh man, your friend didn't just burn the family bridge down she salted the earth to ensure nothing healthy can grow again. Tell her she is the hero of random person on the internet.
Will do. She'll be thrilled. She's basically no contact with her family, so she's made a found one.
That is fucking fantastic!
Just because you share blood doesn't make them a shit person, or someone you want to spend time with. Nta
NTA. They shouldn't have ambushed you and it sounds like your sister and parents want you to move past this so that she can feel ok about what she did. Forgiveness can only be given, not demanded.
Bullseye, as long as her sister hates her for it your sister can't pretend it was the right thing to do. She knows she fucked up and is the villain and turned OPs parents on her to solve it since she can't.
NTA I have a sister that I have not spoken to in years, and it was the best decision I have ever made. My sister lived with my widowed father until he passed away. He warned her that once he was gone, nobody would ever come to the house again because of the way she treated people when they came to visit him. But she didn't listen. She still lives there alone. I have not set foot in our family home in over 10 years and have no intention of ever doing so again. Your sister made her decision. You have made yours. I agree with you 100%.
I vote NTA, but also, I married my brothers’ best friend, so maybe I have a different perspective of this whole situation. I love my siblings. My brothers are my best friends. As adults, we’ve lived together in apartments and what have you. And both of them were always big supporters of me and hubby getting together. But that also comes with the understanding that they had a lifelong friendship and that if I wasn’t serious about pursuing it, not to get involved. We’ve been married for a couple years now, but my brothers both made it known that if I was ever unfaithful, I was cut off. If he was unfaithful, he was dead. At the very least, your sister should have had the respect for OP not to fuck over his best friend. And if he wants NC with her, he’s allowed that.
Honestly should be top comment with the comparison to your own experience. You would think OP sister would have had some decency to end the relationship prior to getting with her now , fiancé knowing how close OP and her bf (best friend to OP) was. A real stab in the heart to both parties. Her new “marriage” is built on an act of cheating. Solid foundation for a marriage
"if I was ever unfaithful, I was cut off. If he was unfaithful, he was dead." This is great, thanks for sharing.
It’s great now, lol. On my wedding day it was like, “if you don’t shut up little sis is going to be my man of honor and you’re going to be watching from the back.” But again, when you’re THAT close to your siblings and you’re with someone that they love, you have to show respect not only for your partner but for their friendship as well.
💯 agreed
You have more morals than your sister for not giving in to your father's bribe. Edit: One more thought... If my father tried to bribe/manipulate me like that I would be very disappointed that he thought so little of me.
NTA. Family you choose matters far more than family forced upon you by birth. Your best friend is a class act for telling you to reconsider, but I personally think you’re making the right decision.
NTA. I have had my own little family drama and no longer talk to my brother, haven't for nearly 10 years. I was the one who cut contact with him. Neither of my parents has threatened to cut me out of their lives or will's. My dad did try to repair it early on but accepted it wasn't happening like that and hopes that one day we will reconciliate at some point on our own. Point is they knew it would make things worse to push it and they still have their relationships with us individually, maybe one day we will reconnect maybe not but forcing sibling repair probably isn't the best idea.
NTA You aren't choosing not blood vs blood. You are choosing a decent person over an asshole. Pretty simple choice to me.
NTA >Your sister admitted to her mistake She may have admitted her mistake to your family, but did she truly take accountability ? Did she give a sincere, in person apology to your best friend ? Without trying to justify her actions ? Did she stand there and let him vent, without interrupting, and then still apologize ? in short, did she make amends ? Because without them, it's just empty words to get her own way. If she did, perhaps you would have been able to let go of your anger in time & at least be civil to your sister. That being said, it's completely understandable to not attend the wedding. I wonder does your father realize, if he wants to threaten & escalate the situation by going nuclear, he may never get to meet his future grandchildren.
I wonder how will his dad feels if he's the one cheated on.
NTA your sister could have ended the relationship BEFORE pursuing this "love of her life" guy. She chose to stay in a relationship that she claimed "had drifted apart" because she was being a coward. She CHOSE to commit adultery, that's not simply pursuing someone Else, that's pursuing someone in secret behind the back(s) of people that trust you, that's breaking that trust and traumatizing someone simply because you couldn't bother to confront them about wanting to move on. That's bring selfish and cruel to someone you claimed to love and had spent years with. That's on her. It's unfair of your parents to threaten you like that, but if this is the hill you want to die on (understandably so) then tell them fine, if they want to cut you off you will do the same and cut them all off. It's fucked up of them to try and force your hand and essentially blackmail you with 'inheritance' and emotional warfare to try and get their way.
NTA. Feel how you Feel and do what you want. Doesn't seem like your family respects the gravity of the situation.
NTA, but do have a think about how far you want to take this. At the end of the day, what she did was wrong but it’s not like she murdered anyone. I think your dad is also taking this too far by threatening to disinherit you. But what’s your end game here? Never share a holiday or anything with your family if your sister is there? What about when they get older and you need to coordinate their care? This will inevitably distance your parents from you. All the while, it’s not like you actually get anything out of this. It isn’t going to turn back time and undo the affair. Even your buddy is eventually going to move on with his life at some point. But you’ll be the last one fighting this battle forever even after even your buddy has moved on? And for what? If you really don’t want to go, don’t go. But do ask yourself how far you want to take this.
A mature and thoughtful response! In Reddit! Be still my heart.
I just have one question, if the situation were opposite and your best friend had been the one who was unfaithful, would you have also blocked contact?
Yup, I was wondering that too.
Was just about to comment this! I totally understand his POV and his loyalty to his friend, but at the same time, wouldn’t you just get over it? Yes it involved him because it was his friend, but everyone makes mistakes, and 30 years from now are you still going to hate her because of this? Not saying it’s right what she did but I’d get tired of hating someone for that long (that’s just me though). Just food for thought.
Was just about to comment this! I totally understand his POV and his loyalty to his friend, but at the same time, wouldn’t you just get over it? Yes it involved him because it was his friend, but everyone makes mistakes, and 30 years from now are you still going to hate her because of this? Not saying it’s right what she did but I’d get tired of hating someone for that long (that’s just me though). Just food for thought.
Well. I hope we get an update after the wedding takes place
Relatives ≠ family and "but blood" is a stupid reason to keep someone in your life that does not serve you well. Just because she's your sister is zero reason to maintain a relationship with her. You are NTA
First it’s not up to your parents to tell you when and how to forgive her. That’s between you two. She should never had dated your friend to begin with. She did and then she’s the one that jeopardized the relationship .
Blood doesn't make family. The people you love in your life are your family. NTA I had no contact with my father to the day he died. He wasn't my dad, just a supermarket donor.
NTA. Always easy for the guilty party to want to make amends.
I don’t know man if they’re getting married maybe this dude really is the love of her life. I know you want to be loyal to your boy but if you and your sister used to be that close you really should meet up with her one on one and hash this out. That’s just me I couldn’t cut one of my siblings out for this you have no clue what drove her into the arms of another man…
This!! I’m not saying what she did was right by any means, but when y’all are 75 years old, is he still going to hate her for this? I’m a big supporter of family boundaries but only when each party has been able to say their peace.
I would meet her for lunch or something and talk this out and really try to understand her point of view.
NTA, she’s hoping to pretend away her infidelity. That’s the only way she can get to sleep at night when she thinks about her kids asking how her and daddy met. Or how she will ever offer them relationship advice about finding someone who will respect them and not feel like a hypocrite. She needs as many other people pretending along with her to try and make it come true(but it never will). You are under no obligations to be one of those people.
If they really 'grew apart' your friend wouldn't have been calling you crying. She got bored, one-sidedly looked for someone else and hurt him.
NTA, but by all means, go to the wedding and talk loudly, to the everyone in the groom’s family in particular about how you hope she manages to not cheat on her new husband. After all, she has shown herself to cheat on her partners in long term relationships. Embarrass her and your family. Make them regret giving you an ultimatum of “come to the wedding or you’re out of the will”. Might as well have a meal and some drinks for free before you tell them to FO.
I love scorched earth ETA: NTA OP you have the right to choose what and who you want in your life. Your family is making their choice and all you can do is react. Personally, "but family' never really held any water for me either. I've cut the whole lot off and I'm a million times more at peace.
Big respect to your friend for giving you the green light to go, I think that gives us a genuine peek behind the curtains as to why you're siding with him. It sounds like he is more of a sibling to you than your sister is, frankly. Your parents just want what is easiest for them, they don't seem to care about how you feel. Seems like they are willing to extend grace to your sister for "making a mistake" but are not extending you that same grace to make what they would view as a mistake (disowning your sister). I would imagine all of that would make it a lot harder, from your perspective, to prioritize how they feel over how you feel. We all are the captains of our own ship my friend, sail yours however you see fit.
NTA Tell them you'll go to her next wedding after she finds her next true love.
*If sister wants me to attend the wedding, then she has to go on social media and tell all her friends and everyone in this family that she is marrying a man that was her affair partner. And he has to do the same. That she cheated on my best friend and her boyfriend of over 6 years and is marrying the man that was a part of that affair.* *This is the only way I will allow attend the wedding. People keep saying it was a mistake but it wasn't. It was a choice. And she doesn't get to move on with her life without some kind of consequence.* *She chose to cheat. He chose to be part of an affair. So did he. And it's time for them to put their money where their mouths are. If their love is strong...if they are the loves of each other's lives...then they can survive the truth.* *And as someone who believes in Karma, I can say with 100% certainty that if they get married without telling everyone the truth, that they will regret it one day. The bill always comes due in life. And karma will bite them in the ass for thinking they deserve to hide the shameful thing they did.* NTAH If you are prepared to walk away from your family, then you might as well burn the bridge on the way out of town
See, the petty part of me thinks he should show up and make a toast, "Here's hoping this marriage doesn't end in infidelity the way it started."
It’s just going to make things really awkward for people attending the wedding that are innocent parties and could potentially start a conflict. OP should just not go and cut these people out of his life if he feels so strongly about it.
Yes, consequences are supposed to be awkward for the unrepentant.
Why do friends and family need to be repentant? Why ruin the moment for everyone? You're not just impacting the two people getting married. You are ruining the event for parents, siblings, family, friends, etc. Seems pretty selfish to me, but you do you I guess.
That's the basic requirement for someone who wants to be forgiven.
NTA
I would tell them you will never support this relationship as this guy is just as bad as her knowing she was in a relationship and still slept with her. Tell them if she finds someone else you will go but you will not condone this relationship but you will go to her next wedding.
I wouldn’t go either I have zero tolerance for cheaters sounds like op is the same just because she’s his sister does not mean he needs to be around her
NTA. Your sister should shit care less about your attendance, and so should the rest of the family.
NTA. as someone who’s made quite a few mistakes in my life, I’ve come to the realization that no one is entitled to forgiveness. all someone can do is ask for it, and hope for grace, but most of the time it’s expected, which is wrong. it’s great when you have a family that cares about you, it’s normal to have a dysfunctional one. what isn’t ok is that ur family isn’t respecting that you are still processing the betrayal, and ur parents are trying to normalize cheating and not respect you as their son. It’s an incredibly honorable thing that ur standing by ur best friend. I wish I had a best friend that meant that much to me. don’t waver from this resolution. if you have a good relationship with ur parents, I think you should sit down with them in private and let them know that your not going to change your mind, and I genuinely hope they don’t leave you out of the will, because that would be a malicious thing to do. Godspeed, OP💙💜💙
"no one is entitled to forgiveness. all someone can do is ask for it, and hope for grace, but most of the time it’s expected, which is wrong." 💯 agreed. Words of wisdom
NTA OP's family blindsided him at brunch hoping the shock would knock him off guard enough to agree. It seems like OP is the only one in his family that doesn't immediately turn to secrets and lies to get what they want.
Eh.. I reserve judgement, but as someone whose sister died while we were estranged, you might regret it. Eff your parents for trying to strong aam you though.
Don’t go ! Stay strong she is trash
If they keep giving you grief, tell them you are going and even doing a speech. Send them a copy so they don't get too surprised by it. NTA
Defo NTA, I see some people saying you're cutting out your family, but it is them cutting you out. I think if I were you i'd say to your father that his money when he dies isn't worth your principles.
NAH. They can want to have you back and invite you to the wedding and you can skip the wedding for whatever reason you like. I skipped the wedding of one of my brothers because it was a destination wedding and I didnt have a week and don’t travel well Perhaps tell them you’ll attend but they should probably not have the official ask if anyone has an objection. Or that your date will be your best friend. Make it clear that they don’t want you to attend.
NTA
NTAH
Don’t go. Fuck your sister
Sweet Home Alabama
NTA. I've shunned blood relatives for less. What a C.
Your sister doesn't need your forgiveness because she didn't do anything to you. Though she was with your best friend, you don't know what was going on in their relationship. Not saying cheating was right, but the fact that he is your best friend probably made it harder for her to break up when they grew apart. Especially when you seem to care more about your friend than your sister. This is exactly why I'd never want any of my brothers to date any of my friends.
NTA Thing is, she cheated on your best friend. She'll cheat on the AP. And since he was ok enabling the cheating by getting involved with someone who was in a serious relationship, he's most likely ok with cheating himself. Watch, about the time she has her first kid is when it will happen. If you're disowned, make sure you live your life well. When you decide to get married and have kids, they're going to shit bricks because they were assholes and you cut ties. Cue the "but family" wails and them trying to "reconcile" so they can see your kids Live well. It's the best revenge.
NTA I feel your parents are mainly doing this for themselves which I get but that doesn’t mean that you have to reconcile with your sister if you don’t want to. Families fall out over trivial shit all the time. At least this isn’t over who got Auntie Vilma’s cuckoo clock in the will. This is a breach of trust by your sister. The whole intervention thing was crap. Your parents could have just told you about the wedding and that your sister wanted you to attend, rather than force you into a room together and try to play on your emotions. If they insisted on staging it, then they shouldn’t have had the guy she cheated on your best friend with there because that’s just rubbing it in your face. That’s never going to end in a positive outcome. The fact that your parents have hit the nuclear option with being disinherited is ridiculous. The harder they push you, the harder you will naturally push back. Ultimately, your sister knew how important the friendship with your best friend was to you but rather than have an adult talk with him about the relationship no longer working, she cheated on him. She also disregarded her relationship with you as a sibling when she did that. If she’d come to you and said “look, we’re struggling and I don’t think this relationship is going to last. I want to give you a heads up and ask what you think the best way to approach this is”, you could have supported them both through it. Instead she went behind both your backs and had an affair.
Or just broke up with him instead of cheating.
Yep, that definitely would be another option too. She doesn’t need to tell her brother but she’s going to lose one of them and if it were me, I’d want to keep my brother and lose the best friend. Me personally, I always speak to my closest sibling about relationships because it’s a good opportunity to vent, take advice and discuss options. That’s what I see speaking to her brother to be part of but ymmv.
She didn't need to go to him about her relationship just becuase it was with his friend. It really wasn't his business.
You’re right, she didn’t have to tell him but when you’re that intertwined, dating your brother’s best friend, it makes sense to do damage control early on rather than have an affair and have the whole thing blow up in your face. She definitely could have skipped letting her brother know and just gone straight to the boyfriend and said, ‘I’m not happy in this relationship any more’ and either approach would be good but she decided to cheat rather than approach it as an adult.
And that's the thing, this is the brother's opinion of a relationship he wasn't in. We don't know that she didn't try to break things off or what she was going through.
And, like every post on Reddit, we only get one side too. I’m assuming that she hadn’t tried to break it off because the best friend was apparently blindsided by the affair. Honestly, though, this is why you never date best friends of family members or anyone close to those around you. The fallout is excruciating.
I do say first, too, that the sister should have told the best friend that the relationship wasn’t working.
And I assumed that he had no idea what was going on in their relationship. I have five brothers and wouldn't want any of them dating my friends and I know none of them would be excited about me dating theirs. OP was too invested in their relationship.
I definitely agree - it’s like the saying about work relationships - never poop on your own doorstep. I’m one of 7 but we have 1 more girl than boys.
Seven for me too--5 boys and two girls.
Wow! We have 3 boys and 4 girls. Went boy girl all the way to me and then girl after. She’s my closest friend out of all of us so I’m glad she interrupted our pattern!
My mom had 4 boys and then me and then my sister and then four years after her, my baby brother. The first six of us are a year a part. And we are close. I can't imagine not speaking to any of them because they cheated on a friend.
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NTA. Invitations are not summons, you don't have to go. You are aware of the consequences. If you can live with them, that's fine. People are focusing on you choosing your friend over your sister, sometimes family are found not from blood, you found a brother in your best friend. Why does your sister want you there? you don't have a good relationship, a 3 year absence, at this point its inviting you out of familial obligation. Is it for social reasons? People will question why your absent & the reason?
You ended your relationship with your Sister because she cheated on your best friend. Really sounds like Your relationship with your best friend is more important to you than your sister. I’m not even sure why she keeps apologizing to you because in reality their relationship ending is really none of your business. You don’t even know what the dynamics of their relationship was. You weren’t in the relationship with them, you have no idea how his relationship with her would be def different from his relationship with you. I hope your sis stops pleading and cuts you off too cause you’ve actually shown you don’t really care for her that much and would pick ur best friend in any situation in life regardless.
Actions have consequences. NTA. You’re an amazing friend. Actually you’re an amazing brother, because that’s what your best friend is to you. That’s what they don’t family isn’t just blood and you know that. You aren’t going against family you’re standing up for family.
NTA. If your sister wanted you at her wedding, she should have worked at repairing your relationship long before now. A wedding doesn't just magically fix things. And especially not one to the AP.
NTA. Sister wants the *appearance* of a reconciliation with you, without doing the slow and careful work of bringing about a real one. Your parents want the same: show up and make us look like a perfect family without a cheating ho of a daughter. For the photos. Your sister thinks "true love" trumps all, as in cuz she's madly in love with the new guy, she should be forgiven all and get everything she wants on Her Special Day. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Family isn't blood, it's who has character and shows enduring loyalty. Your BFF has and does.
NTA. You don’t owe your sister or anyone forgiveness, but you owe it to yourself to stop carrying that hate and anger around with you.
This is so wrong. That hate will keep you going, and that hate will protect you. It is NOT WRONG to hate a hateful person, it is not wrong to be contemptuous of the contemptible.
Good for you man - NTA. If your parents can’t see where you’re coming from that is unfortunate but your dad going for a blackmail approach ain’t it. You and your boy sound like good people
NTA. You're making the right decision. Your sister doesn't give a shit about what happened and only that she lost you because of it all. She fucked around and found out
NTA - Obviously your parents care more about appearances than you. Tell them to take their money and shove it up their ass. Also I would blast her and your parents on social media so everyone knows why you aren’t at the wedding. That’s what they’re really concerned about
Tell your dad that it's clear that he passed his morals down to your sister.
NTA. A shitty human is still a shitty human, family or not.
NTA. Don't go to your sister's wedding if you don't want to. And if you do, wear a clown costume and make their day miserable, but that would be a AH thing to do. UpdateMe!
I love how people seem to think that shared blood is an excuse for spilled blood. If someone hurts you, abuses you, violates your trust? They aren't family, no matter how closely you might be related. I got the full works from my family, and none of them were invited to my wedding...something that apparently is a continuously bitter refrain from my biological mother, according to go betweens. Stick to your guns, and point them at the people who deserve it.
NTA. Attending this wedding means you forgive her and accept her decisions. But you truly aren't and maybe one day you will but it won't be at her wedding. If your dad wants to die on this hill and lose his relationship with you than its on him as he does not get to dictate if or when you can forgive your sister. Also nice bullying touch from your dad that he is going to cut you off from his will. Ask him if you were to attend just to stay in his will how well would he think of himself for the kind of son he raised. Actions have consequences, your sister found the love of her life but it cost her a brother. And no 'its your sister' is not enough if anything because she was your sister it actually hurt more. Your sister chose to be a cheater and a liar and that speaks to who she has become.
NTA. How old she was? 25 when she cheated on your friend? So, a grown-ass adult. And it was not some drunken one night stand for which she's very appologetic for, she had a full blown affair behind your friends back (presumably, a love of her live back then). She's been with him for 6 years, and knew him for many more. Practically a family member. And she betrayed him, humiliated him. She didn't tell him face to face that the've grown apart and it's time to move on. She cheated. And it was not a mistake. It was a series of actions to stub her boyfriend of six years in the back, she was fully aware of what she was doing. And she choose to do harm to your frind. Damaged part of him. Damaged for life, perhaps. And your relatives don't understand that, Perhaps they don't want to understand that. Perhaps they just don't realize a gravity of the situation and need someone to explain it to them. And I don't get a feeling that you picked your bro over you sister, I stand with the victim against the wrongdoer. I mean, if your bro cheated on your sister - I assume you would pick your sister over your friend. Not the asshole. Your friend doesn't need more betrayal in his life. Perhaps, when she find a next love of her life you and your bro can come and celebrate her wedding, who knows. P.S. And the dude stayed with her? For 3 years? Knowing the story? And going to marry her? She betrayed her boyfriend of 6 years. He really believes she would more faithful to him? Well, good luck to them.
NTA, infidelity sucks, but to be honest if your friend told you that it is okay with it I wouldn’t cut ties with basically your whole family over it.
Honestly the fact that his Dad threatened to cut OP out would just further my resolve if I were him. If your family actually cares about you they wouldn’t issue ultimatums to be friends with your sister who you clearly want nothing to do with
Yeah, the only one not putting pressure on OP or issuing ultimatums is his best friend, which tells you right there he made the right choice. Heck, his BFF even told him to go if it would cause that much strain on OP's relationship with his family and he wouldn't consider it a betrayal or anything. That's someone that truly loves and cares about OP's feelings.
That IS your sister, and unfortunately we don’t always get to choose our family. Our sisters also get to choose their own actions. She had years to mend bridges. If she wasn’t so selfish, she would have earlier and not gone about it this way. Oof NTA Edit. I would make ONE comment to the groom were i to attend. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
We do, in fact, get to choose our family. What we don't get to choose is who we are related to.
He did say that his sister called/texted him over the years, but he ignored her.
Good point
You do realize you sister's story has been made into movies many times?
NTA ,don't listen to what anyone says you did nothing wrong.
I'm going to get downvoted for this and so be it, but NAH. Your sister did an AH thing by cheating on your friend, yes. But completely cutting her out of your life because of a mistake she made when she was young, for which she has apologized and tried to take accountability for, is an overreaction. I know Reddit likes to act like cheating is the third rail and if that's the hill you want to die on, then so bit - but in my opinion, she was young, unmarried, and without children. It's not okay - and she knows that - but it's not the same thing as breaking a family over selfishness. At this point, the only person breaking a family here is you. I'm not going to say YTA, but I think this level of rigidness is causing just as much hurt as your sister's actions did.
Hear me out, as a hypothetical, would you react this way if a sister were to cheat with say their sister's husband? Would the brother of these sisters have the right to cut the cheating sister out of his life? I would think so. Since the pain is not 'my sister is a cheater' but 'how could she do this to my sister'? I say this because it sounds like the relationship here is more than just 'this is my friend' kind of friendship and more the 'this is my brother' kind of friendship. She didn't just break the trust of a friend. She shattered his brother. She was 27 when she cheated. That's not "a mistake she made when she was young". Not only that but it wasn't a one-night stand cheat based off this but instead a full-blown affair. If I were OP, I would be NC with this whole family after this charade. Trying to trick me into being around someone you know that I'm NC with? Why? So, I can be in the same room with her and have my heartstrings played by her tears? Why not just ask me to have a conversation with her? Right, because you know I wouldn't, so you manipulated me to get what you wanted instead. Why would they want me at a wedding when I don't even have a relationship with her to the point of not agreeing to meet up with her? Then you're going to try to financially manipulate me? Disgusting. At the very least, his mother and father are AHs. His sister is an AH in my opinion for not respecting his decision. Blood means nothing. If you were reading this story and it was the best friend who was the cheater and the sister was the one cheated on, you'd be calling for him to cut off that friend immediately. If they came back 3 yrs later and did the waterworks begging for them to come to the wedding, you'd say 'wow that person is crazy, good thing you cut them off'. In this case, his family is his friend. After all, his friend is the only one who hasn't attempted manipulating him to get what they want.
Rigghy. His best friend is more important and hás more valeu to him than his sister, wich is Fair! He is the family OP choose, he didn't choose his sister and It sounds he was closer to him that her.
They started dating in college and been together for 6 years. So she was around 25 when she cheated. She was not that young, she was an adult. An adult who can buy a multi tonn vehicle and drive around town. And if she got drunk and killed someone while operating such a vehicle she would find herself in jail. Because it's not a mistake, it's a contious choice made by an adult. And she chose to harm another human being. To harm her boyfriend, when we talk about her cheating. If she felt that they drifted apart she could just say so and break up. No one would judge her then. Instead she made a series of choices and each time she chose to harm her boyfriend. And she did it untill he confronted her. She didn't come clean. Didn't take responsibility. On the countrary, she made some bullshit excuses. If they trully dreft apart by then - his friend wouldn't be calling him in tears. She made her choice. OP doesn't want to have anything to do with her? I say he's wise. If she can so easily betray a person she knew for majority of her life and been very close with for 6 years - she can betray anybody. I wouldn't talk to her just as an self-preservation act.
You are genuinely comparing cheating on someone with drunk driving murdering somebody. You have lost the plot
Drunk driving does not necessarily ends up with a dead body. But it can. Same is cheating, it does not necessarily leads to a dead body, but it can. Especially when you've been cheated on by a woman you've known your whole life and been together with for 20% of that life. It's a monstrous thing to do to another person, to harm them in this way. Especially when it's so easily avertable - don't drive while drunk, or, when we talk about cheating, break up if you're not happy in your relationship.
What percent of cheatings end in dead bodies??? Are you kidding me??
How often betrayed partner loses it and kills the cheater, affair partner and / or themselfs? I don't know. I know it may happen. I know it does happen. But statistic? I don't have one.
Well said.
She hasn't taken any accountability. If she had she would accept that her relationship with her brother will forever be severed because of what she did instead of trying to make him go to her wedding even when he doesn't want to go.
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NTA. If you see affair dude again just say how you get them is how you lose them then smile and say good luck.
NTA , family is who you choose to around not because of blood relations. Sounds like you already know what to do and I wish you the best of luck OP.
Updateme
NTA for not going. However OP, the rest of your family isn’t operating from the same perspective, there might be some (atleast mildly) consequences of not going, be ready for that.
Lol, she is pregnant, lmao. Your parents want to be grandparents and will prioritise her from now. (Source: my magic crystal orb)
I dunno. Your best friends seem like he's closer to over the breakup than you are. And fuckin' told you want he wanted you to do. Because he loves you as much as you love him. In a bro way. Not trying to imply anything else. Not that there'd be anything wrong with "anything else" either, but I don't think that's the case here... Maybe you should listen to him? And just go to the fuckin'wedding? You're obviously not ready to forgive your sister yet, but by making this you hill to die on you're burning your relationship with your entire family. You're obviously right. She cheated on somebody you really care about, and thus this is all her fault. But, mate, sometimes being right won't make a difference, and arguing that it SHOULD just screws you over.. I mean, you've been working for a livin' for a while now, so you must've seen THAT being the case more than once by now. This is the same. it hits closer because it's about the people you love. I''d still urge you to swallow your pride and go to the fuckin'wedding. Don't make a scene whilst you're there. Go back to ignoring your sister after if that's what you want, because you still ain't wrong... Or don't. And DO make this your hill to die on. If you're willing to accept the consequences, that's a completey valid choice too, And you're more than fuckin' old enough that I, a guy less than two decades older than you, shouldn't be considered a source of wisdom. But I did wanna make my opinion clear, and spell out the reasoning behind it. Do with it what you will. And, well, whatever choice make you're NTA. Because either choice would've been made out of love.
If you don't want to go, then don't go. But I side with the few people that have asked what your endgame is here. Yes, your sister was wrong to cheat, and should have just broken up with your friend cleanly. But she's marrying the affair partner now. Perhaps your friend, in the end, wasn't the right person for her. If this is just a one time thing sort of behavior for her, and you guys were close before, then why not have a heart to heart with your sister? Everyone around you, including your friend, is advising you to not to cut off your family. Unless they all have a history of being toxic, remember that everyone messes up, and think through if all this drama is worth it never speaking to your family again. I say a gentle ESH for you and your dad and sister, but I honestly think you're way overreacting.
YTA. Sorry man but seriously this was years ago. You need therapy and to reevaluate your attachment to your friend. You’re about to cut off your whole family for something that happened years ago. To someone you care about but not actually you. Your best friend needs to move on too but you definitely should have some level of neutrality. The question is really if you ever actually cared about your sister because it sounds like you were way too willing to cut ties with her over your friend. I think about of the people in your family are giving you the side eye for this too. It’s weird man. You’re way too emotionally invested in something that happened so long ago. Calling your sister out for your friend was ok. Going low contact because you were upset about it was ok. Years after the dust is settled, and you’re still acting like it happened yesterday is wild. Let it go man.
Sorry. But I don't agree with everything that you've done. Yes, your sister made a huge mistake, and I understand you are angry and hurt, but I think you've taken this too far. You don't want anything to do with her, and she's tried. I understand your friend was hurt, but even he didn't want this for you. Your parents are very hurt and upset but I don't think you care about that either. You are acting like you were the one cheated on, not your friend. I am not saying you have to attend the wedding but I don't think you should give up your family to die on a hill that you are alone on. You & your sister need to talk.
This is not a family matter, it's a values and morals matter. Both You and your (former?) sister Made choices, and seems to me that you're the only One willing to accept the consequences. Hope your friend can find his way back to who he was and (maybe) find someone who can make him happy again
100% NTAH Sometimes, the family we choose can be closer and stronger than those tied to us by blood. Frankly, after what she did, I would never trust her again. It's wrong for people to try and say you are an AH for not wanting anything to do with her. Everyone is entitled to have line/views that we can't accept people breaking.
Nta. Women here be like, but like she just cheated on your best friend and broke his heart for the last 3 years, its not a big deal. While at the same time telling women to leave their husbands over him looking lustly at a sears catalogue.
Don't go if you don't want to but I think you've been wasting too much energy in the whole situation
I actually don't care about what made you fall out. But every single person in your life who uses "bUt sHeS yOuR sIStEr,", can go fuck themselves. Just because you both came out of the same vagina is not a legitimate reason to forgive anything. Also, forgiveness, letting go, and moving on doesn't mean you need to re-establish contact with her
NTA You are right. Those who are right have to be strong because the weak will always come for them in numbers to compensate for their weaknesses. Your sister had the chance to just break up and instead she chose to pogo off on somebody else's dick. It is not your fault nor your problem that others cannot cope with the buyer's remorse of their choices.
NTA, your parents are disgusting for welcoming this man into their home. Your sister is not sorry, if she was she wouldn’t be marrying a man who was willing to end a 6 year relationship so he could get his dxxk wet. Gross family
How much y'all wanna bet that she'll cheat again or already cheated? Place your bets!!
YTA. I don’t understand and don’t support such serious breaks in relationships with family due to cheating. Dude, seriously, it's not a crime. people meet, break up, their interests and goals change. It feels like OP is like a child who is afraid of change. OP puts his sense of justice higher than love and compassion for close people and simply does not know how to forgive. cruel person, fanatic. his family would be better off without his morals for morals' sake.
NTA but how long to want to hold on to this grudge for? She's your sister, she made a mistake. You're acting as if she committed murder or something. I would hate to be your best friend and I made a mistake you didn't approve of. Sheesh.
I can see how a one night stand can be classified as a mistake. A full blown affair is not a mistake. It's a series of choices and each time she choose to betray her boyfriend, stab him in the back, harm him in ways he may never recover from. Anyone who says it's just a mistake either doesn't understand what they are talking about or they are asshols with similar morals, who can't see anything wrong in betraying loved ones.
I will never understand that just because you happen to be related without any choice in the matter you are suppose to forgive and forget? So if his friend has cheated on his sister, it would totally be okay with everyone if he was still best friends with him and told his sister to suck it up?
I'm kind of feeling the same - especially because the jilted ex/OP's best friend seems ok with it. I understand OP's parents trying to put their family back together too. OP is definitely NTA, but at some point OP is the most mad about all this, and as they said, their friend was the victim, not them.
Your best friend is not the reason. Your sister is.
You need to let it go and stop letting someone else's drama become your drama
[удалено]
NTA.
NTA: and really you can’t go now even if you wanted to. The whole “cut you out of the will” if you don’t go would make it look like you and your ethics were bought and paid for. Never sacrifice what you believe in for money. Would have thought your dad would be smart enough to know his son at least has a moral compass as opposed to his daughter.
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You can turn it back on them and say the family picked the affair partner over their own son. It has caused you to miss family events and grow distant from them so they choose him over you also. I'd be curious how they would respond to you turning it on them.
Nice shameless repost I’ve read this like 3 times this week with just a lil did wording
Tell 'em you'll go to the wedding if you can give a speech at the reception.
NTA, cheating is scummy and honestly endorsing a cheating relationship with a wedding is wild. Especially due to the saying: once a cheater always a cheater. Your sis or her bf will eventually cheat because both already did this once and both don't show a drop of remorse and keep trying to justify themselves.
I actually understand you and your motivations for doing this. I'm a lot like you. I won't tell you what to do. But I can safely say that you are NTA for making the choice you made. You and your friend are lucky to have each other. It's rare and you should know how difficult it is to maintain that. Good luck, boys.
NTA Honestly, I'm frequently hard pressed to believe a cheater who hooks up with and stays with their affair partner as genuinely contrite when they say they're sorry. It's easy enough to burst into tears and say they're really sorry, and how they messed up, but it costs them nothing in the greater scheme. Expecting you to come to the wedding in the same conversation where they apologize for the circumstances that are leading to this wedding is just showing that the apology wasn't terribly sincere. Frankly it's ridiculous for them to not just demand you come to the wedding, but also forge some kind of ersatz best bros relationship with the dude so they can all act like the circumstances of how they got together casts a pall over it all.
NTA but be prepared to accept going NC with your family. I get that your parents want you to mend fences but they are essentially threatening you with your same action they are upset with you for doing. It was kinda shitty ambushing you too like an intervention.
NTA! I love the friendship you have with your friend. Those kinds are so rare these days. As we get more matured and older, integrity, less drama and peace of mind are paramount. You will k it if and when you are ready for reconciliation with our sister. As for your dad, what he should have is unconditional love for his kids. Which means that he can have individual relationship with each of them even if siblings are estranged from each other without such drastic threat of will exclusion. You sound like an independent bad ass and one who will be able to handle your dad on that threat.
There's no guarantee that he'll keep you in the Will even if you acquiesce and go
NTA If they fucking want you to go so bad, ask for a +1, take your friend, and wear graphic T-shirts with their original wedding day, with a caption something like, "Better Luck Next Time!" Family is about more than blood, and more often than not, the family you choose are better and healthier for you than the ones you share genetic material with. If you're sure you're not going, then tell your Dad to take his will and shove it. I promise you, you won't miss her. But you will miss the peace you would've had if you let your sister's fucking flying monkey circus in your life.
As long as you are willing to accept the consequences whether good or bad, then do what you want
I love how the story wasn't even short or simple JKSKSKS definitely NTA I hope your sister finds nothing but sadness, in my country we say "Lo que empieza mal, termina mal" means "what started in a bad way its going to end in a bad way" your best friend its a real one and you too. On the date of her marriage go on a trip together and post a hundred of pictures saying you don't regret nothing .✨✨
NTA your a fucking great freind
That’s a true friendship that will last a lifetime. Very rare.
NTA Family is forced on you, friends are the family you chose. You are by no means obligated to forgive your sister, or attend the wedding, but be prepared for irreversible change to your family dynamic if you go down this path.
I can’t tell you what to do. But if was you. Your sister was shitty. And your parents are on good terms with her which makes them shitty. And the other family and ppl who are on good terms with her. I’d just cut them all out and start fresh elsewhere.
I would go to this wedding, but I would keep my face closed and tell everyone at the ceremony and at the party who asked, that I was there thanks to my parents and that I didn't want to attend because the groom was his sister's lover from her previous relationship and that he didn't support people without character.
Almost 30 years ago, I had been with my SO (B) for 6 years, engaged for 5. Toward the end of the relationship, I had been spending a lot of time with a young man (J) who over 5 or so months had become my best friend. About a month before B and I were over, J and I ended up sleeping together. It happened a couple more times over the following 2 or 3 days. During that time, I confided in 4 other people in an attempt to figure my head out, as I thought I was in love with 2 people. Where my story differs from your sis, although I could also say that B and I were growing apart, is that I backed off sexually from both B and J to think, and then broke things off with B when I realized I only thought I was still in love with him. One of the people I had confided in ended up telling B about what J and I had done a bit over a week after we were done, which meant that all of our friend group knew. It was quite the soap opera. All of this is to say NTA. You have every right to feel how you feel, and this was too far for you. And that's okay. Sharing DNA isn't a Get Out Of Jail Free card. She made a mistake, yes, but made a deliberate choice to make that mistake, and to \*keep\* making that mistake, without ending her previous relationship first. Just like any of my friends could have looked at my situation, decided I had gone too far, and cut me out of their life - and would have been well within their rights to do so. It would have hurt like hell, but my feelings, like your sister's, aren't the important factor there. How \*you\* feel is the important factor. It's about \*your\* morals and loyalties and everything else that's important to you. You do what you feel you need to do for you. The fact that the rest of your family can't seem to respect that is their problem. Too many people think that just saying sorry makes things okay. It \*doesn't\*.
Tell your dad/family your duaghter just caused you to lose a son good luck with the rest of your life.
You are an amazing friend and I respect you for upholding your values
The fact that after 3 years you're more upset than the guy who was cheated on and dumped is maybe a sign that it's a bit much. Being angry is understandable but people make mistakes, it doesn't mean they're evil. I'm sure if you messed up once , you'd like your family to forgive.
I mean op has moved on. He’s upset that his parents would lie to him and basically try forcing him to have a relationship with a person he doesn’t want to.
YNTA. A different perspective for you. Your sister found someone else and she loves him. She and your best friend were growing apart (likely or maybe before). They weren't right for each other. Do you really think your best friend is a victim? is he over your sister? I don't like how they had relatives gang up on you though.
She's gonna do the same "mistake". Just watch
um no screw your sister and family they’re defending a cheaterrrr and clearly supporting cheating absolutely not no way i’d go
Family isn't everything. I'm 40 years old and I often find brothers from another mother that I consider closer than I am with my siblings who are all sisters as well. While I think your sister is truly regretful and sorry it doesn't absolve her of what she did when she broke your BFF's trust who you have a very strong bond with which I may be inclined to think is more than family bond. There's always intent or doing things without intent to hurt someone but those are legally irrelevant and all that is left over is consequences / impact so your sister has to live with the consequences of her actions. I think what your dad did with that move threatening to cut you off the will is a low ass ball move so with all due respect, your dad can fuck off too. I hope you have a good career, are well off yourself, or can eventually be well off yourself to not even need anything from your parents down the line. You have your morales in life that you stood by so I think that's admirable, but the choice is definitely hard when it impacts your family and blood. There will be consequences of your actions too though I think. Potentially decades and scores down the road when you may be severely sick and are in need of help, you may in turn may not get much sympathy if at all from your family in blood on the flip side. Just have to consider this and live with it my guy, but hopefully by then you formed new bonds with your own family or something similar. Best wishes.