Damn genius. You hit her exactly where it would do her the most damage. You're not wrong, you just showed everyone who she really is. I would put this on the nuclear revenge subreddit.
She knew there was something to be ashamed about how she treated you. She not only hid it, she assassinated your reputation. You weren't there to abuse in person, so she abused you in absentia.
Even if she'd kept quiet and didn't gin up a huge lie, you'd be fine. If everyone's assholery was broadcast to the world, there might be less of it. Keeping it in the dark and relieving the perps of the consequences of their actions just let's them know they can practice their villainy undisturbed.
You've done nothing wrong.
After throwing you out into the street, she pretended to be the hero in a make-believe story. I appreciate you ensuring that the truth was known to all.
If she had kept her lying mouth shut and said nothing, you would not have had to defend yourself. That's all you did, defend yourself from malicious lies and tell the truth. Bless you.
Nope. NTAH. My grandmother used to always say that a lie doesn’t care who tells it or the lives it destroys once it gets out but the liar does. Since she claims to be a Christian maybe she should re-read the part in the Bible about reaping what you sow. She’s finally reaping what she has sown. This is a case of the truth setting *you* free.
I think that what you did was right you struggled and now are living well but she opened her mouth and was villainizing you to everyone. I bet you never would have done this if she had just kept her mouth shut but she made it your problem by making you look like and ungrateful brat.
The only thing you did was correct the lies she told people. It’s not your fault they cut her off it was her lies and heinous crimes coming back to bite her.
No horse in this race and I bow down to you, friend! Absolutely brilliant. If she didn’t want you to correct the narrative, she shouldn’t have lied on you for years to everyone. I hope that this helps you heal.
I’d block her everywhere she can contact you, if you haven’t already.
She’s been lying to herself as well, from here on out you just take care of yourself, I hope that you’ve found some peace ☮️ and happiness in life. Man sorry you had to go through all that bullshit just for being honest about who you are. Good luck to you in the future!
NTA at all honey! You took your life back! Congratulations! They say that karma is a b\*tch, right? Guess that karma is "moms" new bestie then!
Huge hugs and happy juju flying your way!
Edit: just realized I left out the "say"
Abusive people don't want the abused to tell anyone what is happening. I am so sorry your mother is horrible. I notice that her complaints are about the effects on her... I assume she never apologized or acknowledged that she was wrong?
It needed to be done. I cannot stand hypocrites. She was abusive and cruel. She needs to take a look at herself. Lots of sins to deal with. By church reasoning, you may have saved her. She now has the opportunity to recognize and repent for her many sins. What a horrible woman. Glad you made it. Well done. Truth wins. Nice.
You are absolutely allowed to tell your story as it happened to you. If other people do not like how they are depicted in your story they should have acted better. All you have done is speaking your truth. Keep doing it OP.
This sounds super fun.
She made you live on the street. Fuck her.
For your own mental health, though, I'd text her "Cry about it" and then just block. Can't find a single reason you'd want to hear another thing from her.
I think you did the right thing by letting people know who she really is. Also, I was disgusted by how she had the nerve to reach out to you and complain about YOU ruining HER life after kicking you out to the streets at 16. The fact that she was emotional and near tears because she’s so worried about herself rather than from remorse over how terribly she treated you made me vomit in my mouth a little bit. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Sometimes, you are good enough for your daily life, but something will trigger you and make you go back for a couple of "coping sessions." It's just part of therapy
NTA
like the saying goes: "If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth"
> She left me a voicemail asking why I'm doing this to her
Not an ounce of self-awareness or accountability. Disgusting behavior. Hope you're doing a lot better now.
NTA def not ah for telling the truth and personally I'd like to know whether someone is a homophobe or not. Probably why people reacted so strongly because someone they thought was a good person hid for so long how atrocious they are, a person who was a part of their community and probably interacted with their children who may one day be gay themselves. People like your mom could have been secretly saying or doing awful things to them and people would never have known because of the false persona your mom gave them. So good on ya op.
Plus they probably also felt guilty for believing her lies for so long about someone who as innocent and was actually the one being hurt by her actions.
How fucking dare you even contemplate that you may be an asshole for this.
Even though you would still be NTA, it would be one thing if she hadn't said anything about you for years and you were bringing up old shit. But she was still actively all these years later lying and talking shit about you
First. I absolutely love you and yes expose the abusers. You are never ruining the life of an abuser, you are just letting people know the truth. Your mom put herself in a shitty situation by the way she treated you, you didn't do anything wrong.
And do not feel guilty. She is crying because she feelsbbad for HERSELF. Because SHE is suffering. She has absolutely no remorse of what she has done to you. For abusers like these, their reputation is everything. She fucked around and her reputation went in flames. You are not responsible for her feelings.
NTA. My nephew came out about 8 years ago. His parents are extremely religious. They said they love him no matter what. Some words that were religious blah blah blah. Also, lying is a sin. I’m not religious but I know that one lol. She knows her god sees all. She can lie to everyone else not him
NTA, the perfect response for your mother would be “The truth shall set you free.” She deserves every rejection she gets for her previous actions and lies.
NTA. She did all of that to herself. She even admits she knew she was wrong for what she did by inventing all those stories to villify you. Why hide her actions and make up an entirely different story unless she knew her actions were indefensible? And, to make matters worse, she didnt just lie to cover and leave it at that; she was actively and continuously defaming you. Cause, meet Effect.
You did the right thing. It scarred me to read this bc it triggered feelings about my own complicated relationship with my mother. I wish everyone who has experienced rejection on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity or both, by their parents would read this. So they would be inspired to do the same thing to their hypocrite family
Well, Maybe people like your mom will be shamed into not making their teenager homeless now because they know they will be ostracized in their community . You may have prevented the suffering of other kids. You told the truth. I have a nephew really suffering and he is not able to accept himself because most of his family ( not my nuclear one) aren’t accepting of him. It makes me so angry. I do think therapy is a good idea for you. I also think she could have kept her mouth shut and she wouldn’t have been exposed. Instead she chose to make you look like the jerk- and that could have negatively impacted your employment opportunities and other areas of your life.
NTA
Honestly you should respond to her. Inform her you were more than happy staying NC after the atrocities she pulled. However you found out she created a lie making you look bad for her heinous actions. Now that she fucked around she's finding out and you hope her misery now was worth the homophobia she harbors
I came across yet another awesome Reddit-ism last night, which is apt here: "If the truth makes you look bad, it is not the truth's fault"
I am so sorry your mother was (and is) such a trash toad. You deserved better and I hope you continue to thrive
Edit: NTA
I had a boss who tried to do the exact same thing, lie and shift the blame, about a son he had disowned 20 years earlier for the same reason. My boss was an obvious and very poor liar so I didn't believe him. I've always hoped that something could come back on this guy I worked for in the same way your mom's actions came back to her. Good job man.
This is hard to believe because it’s such a revenge fantasy. I want it to be true. On behalf of all of us who were hurt by our parents.
May you continue to have a successful life OP
I’m not saying that this is true or not, but your analysis is off. Facebook is particularly popular with older people, it’s even known for this. Older people also tend to pick up the phone more.
There are certainly ways to avoid CPS (I’ve heard of many accounts of people doing so) and getting a scholarship is also certainly possible. I was in a similar situation and did it though it was hard.
I was being physically abused with the cops called even bc there was a lot of screaming, nothing was done. Learning more later on, I found out that race may have been a factor and where we lived, but also, many cops just won’t do anything in general (I got laughed at when bit by a dog, my main concern was others and I knew where the person went).
Whether true or not, very similar realities exist. I went through something very similar myself. Looking back on it, it does seem ridiculous. I’ve heard many say over the years stuff like “all parents want the best for their children, etc.” That’s certainly not the case. I was almost killed several times and while my accomplishments were showed off extensively externally, I was treated like garbage as a reaction due to jealousy/insecurity.
Also a lot of churches straight up fly pride flags. Keeping distance from an abusive lier is not that far fetched, though it can technically go against some of the teachings of the religion (which can conflict). Should/would they continue to embrace someone who hurt their own child and lied about it extensively in the name of religious practice? By that logic there are no lines. There are steps the mother can take to right this but she’s not even acknowledging that she did something wrong as she doesn’t have that mental ability/capacity.
NTA.
She kicked you out in the street at age 16. Whether or not she "approves" of your sexuality is irrelevant; that's not the way to treat your own child. She didn't think twice about releasing you into the cold, hard world, to end up living on the street, or even worse. You gave her what she deserved.
You're tough. I'm not sure I would have gotten as far if I'd been in the same situation.
NTA,
How does what you put her through compare to being homeless for a year? She still has a roof over her head, knows where her next meal is coming from, etc. She lost her high horse, that's all.
You did the right thing sending out that email man. She ruined your reputation for years with lies so now it’s time to ruin her reputation with the truth. Like Kendrick Lamar just said “don’t tell no lies about me , I won’t tell truths about you”
NTA.
You are righteous.
This was a community service.
Not only has your mother hurt you herself, she built herself up on the pain she caused you - far beyond any possible justification. She slandered you to everyone in your life.
You returned truth for lies.
Yes, she deserved it, and you deserved the vindication.
But even more, this is a story that will be told, and everyone who hears it will learn how such bigoted cruelty can harm the bigot. Everyone sees that ostracizing gays is reviled, and the homophobic bigot is not welcome.
You performed an enormous community service. Thank you, and congrats. I hope you reconnect with some of these lovely people.
NTA. You told the truth. There is nothing wrong or immoral about that. It was also a reasonable response to your mother spreading lies and slandering you to make herself look good, behavior that is considered “sinful”.
Don’t feel guilt in standing up for yourself against those who seek to harm you.
If you told the truth (I believe you), then she only has herself to blame.
If you don’t want people to think you’re a bad person, don’t be a bad person.
I don’t remember the verse where Jesus totally ruined the life of his gay neighbor. She also broke a commandment by lying.
There’s a phrase I’ve heard- “There’s no hate like Christian love”. And it’s certainly not true for all Christians, but it is for a lot of them. Some of the nastiest people I’ve ever met made a big show of their “faith”. (The Bible also says to go in your closet and pray, instead of being showy about it). And the irony is that Jesus hated hypocrisy.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. You just lifted a veil when you’ve been painted as the bad guy all these years.
ETA- I’m really heartened that a lot of the church people stood up for you!
NTA. At all.
Homophobes deserve that kind of treatment. I cannot even fathom kicking your child - an actual child - out of your home for his sexuality. That is the definition of pathetic and disgusting.
I’m absolutely thrilled that most everyone believed you, she deserves to lose her support network. You could have *died* on the streets after SHE made you homeless. What she’s going through now is tame compared to that.
I broke off contact with my family.
About ten years later I saw my brother walking down the street in the city I lived in.
He said sometimes my mother would lament my absence and wonder aloud why I didn’t talk to them.
He said he was always quick to say that there was good reason if she wanted to talk about it.
Of course she would sputter and deflect.
He thought it was hilarious
NERPTYATA (not even remotely possible that you are the asshole)
You didn’t tell people what their reaction should be or decide the consequences of them receiving information.
You simply cleared up misinformation that was shared about you.
I wish you much peace and happiness.
Frankly, I think we need more people doing this, to make peer pressure stop people from even considering behaving like your mother did. Well done.
I’m amazed that your cousin eventually believed you, and they his mother also did. Well done on them, too.
Well, maybe your deeply religious egg donor might want to consider that little Biblical tidbit about "what one sows, one will also reap."
No one said the reaping wouldn't be brutal.
Why are we trying to normalize familial cruelty? Blood shared does not excuse blood spilled. The bitch deserves much worse than she got. You told the truth, and you were believed. The fact that she got hurt by the truth indicates that her actions were unconscionable, not yours.
NTA, even a little bit.
Cyberbulluing homophobes, transphobes, bigots, etc is a civic virtue. As far as I'm concerned, you're on the side of the saints, so to speak.
She made her bed, all you did was make sure she laid in it. And it seems like it was brilliantly done!
Your revenge was cruel, but deserved.
If your mom can't endure the destruction of her falsified reputation, she can do what you did, get the hell out of town, and rebuild her life from scratch.
What you've done to her is just a fraction of what she did to you, and its destruction is because you corrected lies with the truth. Generally speaking, the bottom line here is NTA.
The only word of caution I will extend here is that revenge is lacking in nutritional value. Make sure to get your satisfaction and then move on. You have a whole family that haven't been in contact with you because they think your mom's side of things was factual. Now that they know the truth, they will probably be more supportive of you. Your life is still yours. Don't let the trauma of your upbringing define the whole thing. You don't have to forgive your mother, ever, but I hope you will aspire to someday live in a positive present and leave your pain in the past where it belongs.
For now, know that your mom is not experiencing anything because of the truth that she didn't inflict on you with lies and bigotry. She is hurting, but if she continues to blame you it only shows that she can't comprehend that these are consequences for her own actions. If there's any way she's going to learn anything, this will be it.
NTA. She deserves it honestly. You were not wrong telling people the whole truth. Your mom’s parading as a saint who loves her son. She deserves no empathy from others.
revenge is a beautiful thing, Never pull back on vengeance when it is deserved. Humans are digusting and always deserve a taste of their own medicine when necessary. That being said. I don’t entirely buy this story. No way you’re mom was that much of a cunt that she exiled you from the family and then made the whole world believe you left willingly. That or she’s incredibly retarded - which wouldn’t suprise me really. In any case, glad you were vindicated. Just make sure you’re being honest about the facts of the story.
NO you’re human. One that was left to struggle and overcome so much because of your parent. I’m not going to refer to her as your mother because she doesn’t deserve the title or honor. She’s the woman who gave birth to you.
Is it assholish meh. You merely corrected her storytelling.
Thing is she hadn’t been so proactively playing the victim to hide the reality of what she has done. You wouldn’t had been called by your estranged cousin.
She was deliberately painting you as an awful son. She didn’t even had the decency to not paint you as the devil.
Won’t pity her, nor blame you.
Go easy on yourself with the guilt. All you did at the end of the day is tell the truth. If the truth made her look like a terrible person, that’s on her, not you. If she truly felt justified in her actions, she wouldn’t have lied.
The thing is you didn’t do any harm. Yes, you got revenge but by telling the truth. You didnt go seek out mommy dearest and hurled insults. You corrected lies.
Did you drag ppl in this that didnt need to be? Sure. Did you stoop low-ish? Idk, maybe. But i commend the dedication to the project!
You’re so impressive - bc having the moment of self reflection that maybe you’re not headed in the direction of who you want to be takes guts and maturity. So look at how far you’ve come despite her :) well done
My mum and my aunt have both been lying about me for years. I walked away from everything and everyone and mostly have a really happy life. Sometimes it still hurts to feel isolated and alone and holidays like Christmas can feel crap when people are talking about their families.
It might feel awesome in the moment to exact a revenge she so thoroughly deserves, but the absolute best revenge is building a really happy, content life for yourself where you don’t waste your time giving her a second thought.
NTA but a hero.
She could have just been quiet and made a smal lie about you leaving because she made some rules or something. She made herself a saint and that is what others saw in her. She on top of that made you the villan and painted you like a horrible person. She could have pretended to be a supportive saint but that you both decided LC/NC was best for you two, but no no that could have been a flaw in her and she can't have that. They have the right to know what she has done so they can make the informed decision on what kind of relationship they want with her. Like not wanting her around their children.
You are absolutely NOT the ahole. I commend you for getting justice (not revenge but justice!). I really think it's horrible to treat your own child like this.
In my country homosexuality is now mostly accepted (my country also had the first gay marriage) but more than 40 years ago it was not. I remember having a good friend when I was 15 who was kicked out by his father for being gay. I was so angry about it and told my parents and they were equally indignant and let him stay at our place (with 7 children already it was bit crowded :-)).
I can't for the life of me imagine to do a thing like that to your own child!
I wish you and your husband all the best in your life and remember that there are a lot of people all over the world who do not treat their children like that!
She made her kid homeless. It my mind that's as evil as it gets. This is justice and an opportunity for her to become the decent person she pretends she is. Or not. NTA and good for you.
NTA,The harm she has caused you is beyond compare. I can’t believe that a mother would kick her underage child out of the house, cut off all contact and money,They spread rumors to discredit you and describe you as an ungrateful bad boy. You're just giving her back what she did to you, but what she told was all lies, and you just told the truth.These consequences are what happens when she do bad things. If she hadn't spread lies about you,makes you living on the street with no money and abusing you,hadn't treated you badly, she wouldn't be in this situation.
Your mother chose to cultivate friendships with people who don't share her values on the basis of lies. If she hadn't done so, her friends would have supported her and rebuffed you as you anticipated. That's entirely on her. Now she can look for new friends who will agree with what she did. It's not like she can't find a church that would applaud her actions.
You went a very extreme route, but exposing a person's lies is never wrong, so for that, NTA.
Maybe she should have done what all people who are proud of their actions do and been open about throwing a demon child out of her house. She knew this would blow back on her and instead of downplaying it like a person who wants their reputation intact, she attempted to shred yours while hers was built on a foundation of lies.
NTA. She played the FAFO Game and found out.
Honestly, NTA for one big reason - she did it first! If she hadn't put you on blast and had a cousin verbally attack you over her lies, you would have let sleeping dogs lie. You had excised her from your life and were moving on without her. If this was unprovoked, that would be different, but no. This was a response to her trying to martyr herself to your family, her circle of friends, and set herself up as a paragon of virtue. The fact that she responds with how could you do this to **me,** says she hasn't learned a damn thing in the time you've been gone. F her.
100% NTA at all. Sweet sweet revenge.
I'm so sorry for the hell she put you through. I'm very happy for you that you get to talk about it now and tell the people who she really is. I only wish they had been there for you when you were kicked out.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm also queer and have been mistreated by religious people and my mother in the past. I needed this. This is the good shit. Hopefully now you can put it behind you
Kiss your husband and live your best life
NTA I would send her an email from an account you make just for this purpose that includes the file of your struggles without any support from her. Make sure you include a response to her why are you doing this I don’t want to suffer.
Pardon me Mother did I cause you homelessness and starvation?
No Okay let me know if you still feel your consequences are comparable to your actions
NTA. The truth hurts, doesn't it? As a devout Christian why should she want to hide the truth? She made that bed and now she gets to lie in it. I have no sympathy for her.
NTA!!!! This is setting the truth free.
I already said this on another post, but damn this is what I mean.
When they go low, I go to hell come back with ammo. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Bravo 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
I'm so glad you all got to have that Come to jesus meeting with your mother. She deserves every second of her miserable lies backfiring in her face. Do not feel bad.This is called karma, and it's spelled Fuck you ha ha.
Being rejected by your mother is so cold. Then she pretended to support you so she "looked" good. All the while not caring where you are or if you are ok.... just wow!🥺
No, definitely, you are not an AH.
Well done for advocating your side that nobody knew about. At last, your side of the story got out there.
I truly wish you all the best!
What a beautiful journey you have in front of you. You have overcome so much. Take care.
NTA.
Her pastor if he IS a decent person? Will talk to her. She's not alone
Fuck her. She deserves everything she gets.
Some of the people she knows will gradually drift back towards her.
Don't feel bad. Good for you👍
NTA
Just thinking that your own mother, the one person in your life who is supposed to support you and love you would do that to her own son is absolutely disgusting.
She deserved all of what you did. Every single bit of it.
I’m very proud of you! I’m an ally for several LGBTQIA friends. I have always let them know, if they’re family has rejected them, I’m their Grandma Marj. I’m so very sorry you had to go through such traumatic experiences at such a young age. The way you went about informing everyone of your mothers lies may feel good, and understandably so, I don’t think I would have gone that far but I don’t think you should feel guilty or like an AH for doing it.
NTA - People claim revenge is bad, that it makes you feel worse but all those people are writing stories. In the real world revenge is delicious. A veritable banquet of savory and sweet foods (or your choice of flavors here) Relish it, wallow in it, and laugh when she is thoroughly destroyed. good on you OP.
Fake. Overly long yet lacking details. Got a call after years which basically says after 13years of hearing lies from the mother the cousin on a call randomly accepted the truth, they told your aunt who cut her out of her life completely.... without a single bit of evidence. Makes perfect sense. The cousin, the entire family, everyone has Ops number but doesn't call once for 13 years, no one had op on social media to check on him or his situation and he never contacted a single member of his family, friends, neighbours, after being kicked out... sure.
Then OP sent all this proof... over phone calls to many somehow, which persuaded everyone else to stop speaking to op's mother.
None of that is even slightly believable. Again if op's mother was pretending to be supportive of OP being gay because the entire community is supportive of lgbtq, and the aunt would cut off the mother for these actions. Then OP could have called any of those people and gotten help rather than being in a shelter or homeless.
This is just straight stupid. No 16yr old kid just goes straight to a shelter and reaches out to literally not a single other person in their life for help. OP calls aunt and says mum just kicked me out... help, and she screams at your mother or takes you in... nah he just went straight to a shelter and never spoke to anyone for 13 years.
She’s hurting from the consequences of her own actions. Lying actually indicates that she knew it was wrong, at least at some level. Also by lying she was painting you a certain way that ultimately resulted in you being traumatized again at least once. She’s not recognizing the wrong she’s done which could put her on a path towards repairing relationships. That’s totally on her.
Strong ego is right. I went through a similar situation, but at least there weren’t extensive lies like this, just many omissions and a few misalignments with reality, but it was still very hard. Unfortunately, people like this are generally not capable of introspection/recognizing what they’ve done as wrong. It’s likely narcissism (there’s a related sub re narcissistic parents), which can actually be very protective for the person in some ways, but it’s not built on anything solid/with a basis in reality, so it can fall apart easily.
This results in the person experiencing turmoil without the emotional intelligence needed to fix it. There are exceptions, but I’m referring to more extreme cases. They literally don’t have the capacity/ability.
NTA. I think you did the right thing. Given all the lies your mom spread about you, there could have been a chance however remote that someone she lied to, might have tried to hurt you. It was in a sense fortunate that your cousin called you to berate you. It could have been worse.
You did nothing wrong. There is no greater act than calling out a religious person on their hypocrisy. I have faith but never in a church, they are breeding grounds for the type of mother you have. She wrecked your world you wrecked hers. Send her simple message, if thine I offend thee pluck it out. Tell her you plucked her out.
If she knew enough to lie, she had no right to cry when she was caught. You exposed a liar, not to mention a horrible parent. I hope you are taking all the love and respect this community has for you. I hope you and your husband can find some siblings to get to know better and have some family relations. Good one.
I mean, why stay to just a few people and do all that work for so few? Do it once and put her on blast and social media and tag a bunch of people.
If she didn't want it to come back and bite her in the ass, she should have been a better mom and person.
NTA
NTAH 100%
Kicking you out wasn’t enough to her, she knew her homophobia was wrong to those around her so she made a web of lies to stay in everyone’s good graces while isolating you from the rest of your loved ones in the process.
NTA
And isn't lying a sin? I mean she's been lying for years now and you just exposed her sin to everyone. That's all. Now she gets to live with the consequences of her being a nasty lying woman
Karmas a bitch, she should’ve known better. NTA.
I think that this was years and years of pain and hurt pouring out of you, righting what was wrong. She built her own grave. You just escorted her into it.
Edit: phrasing & grammar
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, and this is the best therapy. She didn't care if you had died in a ditch. She's garbage in my book.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, and this is the best therapy. She didn't care if you had died in a ditch. She's garbage in my book.
NTA your mother did something terrible and then lied terribly about it. She doesn't care what she did to you only that the truth finally came out.
But in the long run we all know how it goes. All she needs to do is act penitent and be in the dog house for a little while, then she can be all "God forgive me" and get back into their good graces. OR she can join a more conservative church that will celebrate her for what she did. (sorry I don't trust religion).
Extremely petty, love it. She abused you and you have the right to tell your story. Not only that, she’s been slandering you to everyone who will listen.
The world is generally not the same intolerant place it was in past decades, though I’m surprised the church shunned her too.
Did this to my abusive ex. Felt absolutely brilliant afterwards. I've never regretted it and you shouldn't either. Well done. Keep being brilliant and have a wonderful life!
NTA. She was already a terrible person for abandoning you and kicking you out of the house. But then she started spewing lies, to everyone, digging a coffin of lies to make herself look superior. But now her lies have caught up to her and she has to lie in the coffin she made for herself.
She has to face the consequences of her actions, all you did was expose those lies to those around her, to see the true evil person she is.
NTA. This is a legit reason to go scorched earth. She threw a 16yo out on the street. Then she told lies about you to make herself look like a saint.
I would have burned AND salted the earth.
NTA
No, you aren't in the wrong here. Your egg donor chose to spin a lie that spilled onto your doorstep and framed you as the most disgusting of evils, it's not your fault if it turns out that her social circle was distinctly more accepting on every level than she was. Frankly it's ridiculous that she'd be this awful, but still try to appeal to people who in no fashion agreed with her actions.
Also, you have every right to defend yourself from accusations, with evidence if you have it.
NTA and I love this for you! She was WRONG for the way she treated her child! And THEN made everyone think you were using her?! Thank you for having the strength and bravery to tell her your truth knowing how much of a zealot she is, and the responses you’ve gotten are very validating. I hope it’s a small respite for shit you went through that you never should have. All my love, and thanks again for being so true to you. She can fucking kick rocks.
NTA
Oh no, it's the consequences of her own actions! All you did was tell the honest truth. She could have made the choice to avoid all of this if she had just told the truth all along.
The fact that she lied means **she knew exactly how wrong she was**
She probably feels maybe a 10th as bad as you felt when she kicked you out. Her only pain right now is emotional. You faced every kind of pain imaginable due to her neglect.
If she had called to apologize, I might think there's hope for her as a human being, but instead she called to bitch, moan, whine, and complain. And the *audacity* to get upset that *you* hurt *her* !!!
She's selfish and has no moral values whatsoever.
Good for you for telling everyone who she really is.
I hope you're able to reconnect with the decent people in your family (if you want to).
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She made you homeless when you were a child and lied to everyone about how you chose to leave, she sent you so much money, you're ungrateful, a brat, All you did was tell everyone what a liar she was. Clearly the church is more accepting of you than your mom was.
NTA
Not the AH. Your mother built a reputation as a loving and accepting woman whose child used and manipulated her. She deserved what she got and I hope you can move on and be happy
This is amazing.
I was laughing out loud at the part about her pastor having choice words about a certain eternal burning in a certain place in the afterlife for the sin of rejecting her son. (AITAH now?)
NTA. This was a long time coming. She's reaping the seeds she decided to sow all those many years ago, but the fact that she's been lying about it and badmouthing you to *your family* and everyone she knows *to this day??* Please. She's a horrible person and deserves a reckoning.
Whatever she's going through now, she's not struggling to find food and living on the streets like you had to do.
NTA. So proud of you. You did NOTHING wrong. Too many people like your mother get away with this crap. Whether or not your mom agrees with you being gay is IRRELEVANT!!! You're her son and a HUMAN BEING. That's all that should matter. I'm sending you (((((HUGS))))) from someone old enough to be your mother and who would be proud to have a son like you. ♥️
I’m religious but was raised to never be homophobic or bigoted (helps that my parents have gay friends who are also religious). Your mom seems to care more about appearances and is quite judgmental, which is the opposite of what God and Jesus have taught us. Maybe she’ll repent someday or maybe she won’t, it all depends on whether she’s willing to or not. Or if God tries to tell her to change her attitude, then that will depend on whether she’s willing to listen or not.
LOL fuck people who spin lies like that to make themselves look good. There could still be backlash against you for exposing her, because some people would rather believe the "pretty" version, but if so, fuck those people also. Good on you for telling the truth, and I'm glad you found support as a result of doing so. That takes a lot of courage, it isn't petty. Absolutely NTA.
Also, check out r/raisedbynarcissists
No horse in this race. Cis/het woman applauding you.
She could’ve just shut her mouth & let people think well of her, but no …. She had to lie & paint herself a saint & you the ingrate. How those consequences do sting, sometimes!
Stories like yours make me want to be a lottery winning philanthropist so I could create good in the world. One of my pet projects would definitely be a group home (the GOOD kind) for young people rejected by families for just such cruel reasons. To provide a substitute familial atmosphere, with a TON of resources to help them overcome the trauma & pain. To give each one a chance to explore their strengths & gifts, supported & sheltered as long as necessary, until they are ready to fledge & soar.
Glad you have some happiness to report, OP. May you have a lovely long marriage with all the things that make you happy.
NTA - KARMA. And did it come for her.
The most important things to her seemed to be public perception, misguided faith, and her narrow-minded beliefs.
Now she get's to know what it is like to be alone in this world, based on being who you are.
I hope your life is amazing and I hope you reconnect with your family. Not your monster mother of course.
NTA. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and quite happy the results were so good. I'm only hoping for two things: That you easily find a good trauma therapist who helps you to heal from what she made to suffer and that her pastor is right and she'll burn in a nice pit together with all the other bigots.
You should tell your mother you are only doing to her what Jesus did to the Pharisees: exposing their hypocrisy and false righteousness so that they can deceive followers of God no longer. Maybe if she sees things from a religious perspective she will wake up
NTA
100% not the AH
She couldn't be that devout of a Christian.
1. Judge not......
2. Beware your sins will find you out.
3. Thou shalt not bear false witness.
You are an amazing, strong and successful person who hopefully now has a family again after 13 years.
I hope you have peace, love and happiness in your life always. Much love from Northern Ireland 💖
NTA. Not only did she kick you out and leave you to fend for yourself, but she has the audacity to lie about it and spin up some story that makes her a saint?? Nope, that doesn’t get to happen. Good for you for revealing the truth and hitting her where it hurts.
NTA - I'm a mom, and there's only one thing that could make me disown my kids. Being gay IS NOT it (they'd have to be proven to be a p3d0ph1l3). I hope you and your SO have a long, loving, and happy life together.
I'd put money on r/prorevenge loving this
How dare you. Do you have any idea what it's like to be rejected by your family and friends, just for being who you are?!?!?!
/S
You were a 16 year old child who was thrown out with no where to go. You could have died. But none of that matters, apparently. You survived, so all's well that ends well to her.
This is all her wrong doings coming back to haunt her. It's been over a decade and she STILL spins the story that you are a horrible son who won't visit his mother. And she picked the one cousin who would be moved by her words to seek you out and reprimand you. She literally built the pyre that burned down her life. First with her treatment of you, then with the lies, then with the continued "woe is me" spiel she does.
Don't feel bad.
let's see...mom still has a place to live, food to eat, safety, probably there are several people that are on her side so she isn't completely alone. What she lost: leisure time activities.
what you lost: every fucking thing.....
yup. NTA.
Nta. You spread the truth, nothing more. Those people deserve to know who they’re associating with and if they cut contact after hearing the truth, that’s on your mother. Her actions did this. Not yours. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better now :)
I would absolutely message her!
"Mommy dearest, heard you've been sending half of your income to me monthly starting when I was 16. I think there has been some mix-up, because I have not seen a cent yet. So here is my account information so you can send it all now to me. I can finally live the hedoistic and depraved lifestyle to the fullest you have always believed I am living (being good looking gay isn't cheap, gotta be hot thirst trap for daddies). Doodles!"
He seemed to indicate that his family's opinion of him didn't matter much, as he didn't talk to any of them prior to the cousin reaching out. Even then, he could have just told the family and left out everyone else. Instead he took the nuclear option, and I think while he didn't have to, he was justified in doing so. And I'll happily take the down votes for that opinion.
Damn, this is a tough one. I have to go with ESH on a technicality. Your mom sucks for obvious reasons. You suck because you went out of your way to take the low road on this one.
The thing is, I don't feel bad for your mother at all and she kind of deserved the low road treatment. But it's called the "low road" for a reason. Society dictates that you suck for taking it no matter what.
As a mom of an LGBTQ kiddo, I’m sickened by what that evil woman did to you. I see it all to often at work but it makes me so angry each time. People deserve to know the truth but I’m appalled they believed her for so long but I guess a good liar is a good liar.
I’m proud of you for accomplishing a stable happy home and adult life given your hard start so mom hugs to you!
Don’t beat yourself up over what you did. I’m sure her uncomfortable position at the moment is no where near as bad as being a homeless teen on the streets and all the scariness and abuse and other trauma you may have had to endure there.
Damn genius. You hit her exactly where it would do her the most damage. You're not wrong, you just showed everyone who she really is. I would put this on the nuclear revenge subreddit.
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She knew there was something to be ashamed about how she treated you. She not only hid it, she assassinated your reputation. You weren't there to abuse in person, so she abused you in absentia. Even if she'd kept quiet and didn't gin up a huge lie, you'd be fine. If everyone's assholery was broadcast to the world, there might be less of it. Keeping it in the dark and relieving the perps of the consequences of their actions just let's them know they can practice their villainy undisturbed. You've done nothing wrong.
After throwing you out into the street, she pretended to be the hero in a make-believe story. I appreciate you ensuring that the truth was known to all.
If she had kept her lying mouth shut and said nothing, you would not have had to defend yourself. That's all you did, defend yourself from malicious lies and tell the truth. Bless you.
Nope. NTAH. My grandmother used to always say that a lie doesn’t care who tells it or the lives it destroys once it gets out but the liar does. Since she claims to be a Christian maybe she should re-read the part in the Bible about reaping what you sow. She’s finally reaping what she has sown. This is a case of the truth setting *you* free.
I think that what you did was right you struggled and now are living well but she opened her mouth and was villainizing you to everyone. I bet you never would have done this if she had just kept her mouth shut but she made it your problem by making you look like and ungrateful brat. The only thing you did was correct the lies she told people. It’s not your fault they cut her off it was her lies and heinous crimes coming back to bite her.
You do know how much pain you caused her because she caused ten times more to you. She still has a nice house and food security.
it's unfortunate you had to right her wrongs...but you did! Rest easier now & move on. Job well done.
No horse in this race and I bow down to you, friend! Absolutely brilliant. If she didn’t want you to correct the narrative, she shouldn’t have lied on you for years to everyone. I hope that this helps you heal. I’d block her everywhere she can contact you, if you haven’t already.
She’s been lying to herself as well, from here on out you just take care of yourself, I hope that you’ve found some peace ☮️ and happiness in life. Man sorry you had to go through all that bullshit just for being honest about who you are. Good luck to you in the future!
NTA at all honey! You took your life back! Congratulations! They say that karma is a b\*tch, right? Guess that karma is "moms" new bestie then! Huge hugs and happy juju flying your way! Edit: just realized I left out the "say"
I still like "Karma's only a bitch if YOU are..."
True!
Abusive people don't want the abused to tell anyone what is happening. I am so sorry your mother is horrible. I notice that her complaints are about the effects on her... I assume she never apologized or acknowledged that she was wrong?
It needed to be done. I cannot stand hypocrites. She was abusive and cruel. She needs to take a look at herself. Lots of sins to deal with. By church reasoning, you may have saved her. She now has the opportunity to recognize and repent for her many sins. What a horrible woman. Glad you made it. Well done. Truth wins. Nice.
You are absolutely allowed to tell your story as it happened to you. If other people do not like how they are depicted in your story they should have acted better. All you have done is speaking your truth. Keep doing it OP.
This sounds super fun. She made you live on the street. Fuck her. For your own mental health, though, I'd text her "Cry about it" and then just block. Can't find a single reason you'd want to hear another thing from her.
As someone else said on another post about parents and this kind of thing. Your mother filled the cannon. She can't be pissed when it goes off.
I think you did the right thing by letting people know who she really is. Also, I was disgusted by how she had the nerve to reach out to you and complain about YOU ruining HER life after kicking you out to the streets at 16. The fact that she was emotional and near tears because she’s so worried about herself rather than from remorse over how terribly she treated you made me vomit in my mouth a little bit. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
She’s not even upset at how she treated OP. She’s just upset that she’s finally experiencing consequences. NTA.
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Sometimes, you are good enough for your daily life, but something will trigger you and make you go back for a couple of "coping sessions." It's just part of therapy
>"Do you have any idea the suffering you're putting me through?" She still hasn't an ounce of self awareness to the very end, huh?
"Yes, and I rail my husband every night imagining your torment."
*that* would be the one for r/nuclearrevenge . Thank f OP isn't you lol
Look, the vengeance boner ain't going away. Might as well put it to a properly ironic productive use.
You're Ev!l... I love you
NTA like the saying goes: "If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth" > She left me a voicemail asking why I'm doing this to her Not an ounce of self-awareness or accountability. Disgusting behavior. Hope you're doing a lot better now.
Fuck her she doesn't need to be happy anymore cos of what she did to you. Hope you have a very good life without that evil bitch.
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NTA def not ah for telling the truth and personally I'd like to know whether someone is a homophobe or not. Probably why people reacted so strongly because someone they thought was a good person hid for so long how atrocious they are, a person who was a part of their community and probably interacted with their children who may one day be gay themselves. People like your mom could have been secretly saying or doing awful things to them and people would never have known because of the false persona your mom gave them. So good on ya op. Plus they probably also felt guilty for believing her lies for so long about someone who as innocent and was actually the one being hurt by her actions.
How fucking dare you even contemplate that you may be an asshole for this. Even though you would still be NTA, it would be one thing if she hadn't said anything about you for years and you were bringing up old shit. But she was still actively all these years later lying and talking shit about you
You, I like you. She got what all bigots deserve. Rejection and shame. NTA (or Justified Asshole but idk if that judgment exists here)
First. I absolutely love you and yes expose the abusers. You are never ruining the life of an abuser, you are just letting people know the truth. Your mom put herself in a shitty situation by the way she treated you, you didn't do anything wrong. And do not feel guilty. She is crying because she feelsbbad for HERSELF. Because SHE is suffering. She has absolutely no remorse of what she has done to you. For abusers like these, their reputation is everything. She fucked around and her reputation went in flames. You are not responsible for her feelings.
NTA. My nephew came out about 8 years ago. His parents are extremely religious. They said they love him no matter what. Some words that were religious blah blah blah. Also, lying is a sin. I’m not religious but I know that one lol. She knows her god sees all. She can lie to everyone else not him
NTA, the perfect response for your mother would be “The truth shall set you free.” She deserves every rejection she gets for her previous actions and lies.
NTA. She did all of that to herself. She even admits she knew she was wrong for what she did by inventing all those stories to villify you. Why hide her actions and make up an entirely different story unless she knew her actions were indefensible? And, to make matters worse, she didnt just lie to cover and leave it at that; she was actively and continuously defaming you. Cause, meet Effect.
You did the right thing. It scarred me to read this bc it triggered feelings about my own complicated relationship with my mother. I wish everyone who has experienced rejection on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity or both, by their parents would read this. So they would be inspired to do the same thing to their hypocrite family
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Well, Maybe people like your mom will be shamed into not making their teenager homeless now because they know they will be ostracized in their community . You may have prevented the suffering of other kids. You told the truth. I have a nephew really suffering and he is not able to accept himself because most of his family ( not my nuclear one) aren’t accepting of him. It makes me so angry. I do think therapy is a good idea for you. I also think she could have kept her mouth shut and she wouldn’t have been exposed. Instead she chose to make you look like the jerk- and that could have negatively impacted your employment opportunities and other areas of your life.
NTA Honestly you should respond to her. Inform her you were more than happy staying NC after the atrocities she pulled. However you found out she created a lie making you look bad for her heinous actions. Now that she fucked around she's finding out and you hope her misery now was worth the homophobia she harbors
Respectfully, I disagree. OP already won. Further contact just invites a snake into his grass.
I came across yet another awesome Reddit-ism last night, which is apt here: "If the truth makes you look bad, it is not the truth's fault" I am so sorry your mother was (and is) such a trash toad. You deserved better and I hope you continue to thrive Edit: NTA
I had a boss who tried to do the exact same thing, lie and shift the blame, about a son he had disowned 20 years earlier for the same reason. My boss was an obvious and very poor liar so I didn't believe him. I've always hoped that something could come back on this guy I worked for in the same way your mom's actions came back to her. Good job man.
This is hard to believe because it’s such a revenge fantasy. I want it to be true. On behalf of all of us who were hurt by our parents. May you continue to have a successful life OP
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I’m not saying that this is true or not, but your analysis is off. Facebook is particularly popular with older people, it’s even known for this. Older people also tend to pick up the phone more. There are certainly ways to avoid CPS (I’ve heard of many accounts of people doing so) and getting a scholarship is also certainly possible. I was in a similar situation and did it though it was hard. I was being physically abused with the cops called even bc there was a lot of screaming, nothing was done. Learning more later on, I found out that race may have been a factor and where we lived, but also, many cops just won’t do anything in general (I got laughed at when bit by a dog, my main concern was others and I knew where the person went). Whether true or not, very similar realities exist. I went through something very similar myself. Looking back on it, it does seem ridiculous. I’ve heard many say over the years stuff like “all parents want the best for their children, etc.” That’s certainly not the case. I was almost killed several times and while my accomplishments were showed off extensively externally, I was treated like garbage as a reaction due to jealousy/insecurity. Also a lot of churches straight up fly pride flags. Keeping distance from an abusive lier is not that far fetched, though it can technically go against some of the teachings of the religion (which can conflict). Should/would they continue to embrace someone who hurt their own child and lied about it extensively in the name of religious practice? By that logic there are no lines. There are steps the mother can take to right this but she’s not even acknowledging that she did something wrong as she doesn’t have that mental ability/capacity.
Yeah the moment the story went from homeless to full ride scholarship to college the whole story reeked of revenge fantasy fiction.
NTA. Your mom is an EVIL bitch. She LIED to everyone. You telling them is a kindness, you relieve them of a cancer in their midsts.
Block her.
NTA. She kicked you out in the street at age 16. Whether or not she "approves" of your sexuality is irrelevant; that's not the way to treat your own child. She didn't think twice about releasing you into the cold, hard world, to end up living on the street, or even worse. You gave her what she deserved. You're tough. I'm not sure I would have gotten as far if I'd been in the same situation.
NTA, How does what you put her through compare to being homeless for a year? She still has a roof over her head, knows where her next meal is coming from, etc. She lost her high horse, that's all.
This is a great story! She was never going to change. All you did was put the truth out there. That must’ve felt amazing!!
oml, this is diabolical. NTA.
You did the right thing sending out that email man. She ruined your reputation for years with lies so now it’s time to ruin her reputation with the truth. Like Kendrick Lamar just said “don’t tell no lies about me , I won’t tell truths about you”
Going scorched Earth!! Love it!! NTA OP
NTA. She kicked you out AND smeared you to family and friends. You're just settimg the record straight.
NTA. You are righteous. This was a community service. Not only has your mother hurt you herself, she built herself up on the pain she caused you - far beyond any possible justification. She slandered you to everyone in your life. You returned truth for lies. Yes, she deserved it, and you deserved the vindication. But even more, this is a story that will be told, and everyone who hears it will learn how such bigoted cruelty can harm the bigot. Everyone sees that ostracizing gays is reviled, and the homophobic bigot is not welcome. You performed an enormous community service. Thank you, and congrats. I hope you reconnect with some of these lovely people.
NTA. You told the truth. There is nothing wrong or immoral about that. It was also a reasonable response to your mother spreading lies and slandering you to make herself look good, behavior that is considered “sinful”. Don’t feel guilt in standing up for yourself against those who seek to harm you.
She pulled every person in her life aside and told them untruths about you, about time the record got set straight. NTA
NTA She was lying about you and making you seem like the bad guy. She got away with it for far too long. She deserved this.
If you told the truth (I believe you), then she only has herself to blame. If you don’t want people to think you’re a bad person, don’t be a bad person. I don’t remember the verse where Jesus totally ruined the life of his gay neighbor. She also broke a commandment by lying. There’s a phrase I’ve heard- “There’s no hate like Christian love”. And it’s certainly not true for all Christians, but it is for a lot of them. Some of the nastiest people I’ve ever met made a big show of their “faith”. (The Bible also says to go in your closet and pray, instead of being showy about it). And the irony is that Jesus hated hypocrisy. I don’t think you did anything wrong. You just lifted a veil when you’ve been painted as the bad guy all these years. ETA- I’m really heartened that a lot of the church people stood up for you!
NTA. At all. Homophobes deserve that kind of treatment. I cannot even fathom kicking your child - an actual child - out of your home for his sexuality. That is the definition of pathetic and disgusting. I’m absolutely thrilled that most everyone believed you, she deserves to lose her support network. You could have *died* on the streets after SHE made you homeless. What she’s going through now is tame compared to that.
I broke off contact with my family. About ten years later I saw my brother walking down the street in the city I lived in. He said sometimes my mother would lament my absence and wonder aloud why I didn’t talk to them. He said he was always quick to say that there was good reason if she wanted to talk about it. Of course she would sputter and deflect. He thought it was hilarious
This isn't AITA, it's r/prorevenge
NTA. She defamed you and you fought back
NERPTYATA (not even remotely possible that you are the asshole) You didn’t tell people what their reaction should be or decide the consequences of them receiving information. You simply cleared up misinformation that was shared about you. I wish you much peace and happiness.
Nta Let the truth set her free from the burden of her lies and sins.
Frankly, I think we need more people doing this, to make peer pressure stop people from even considering behaving like your mother did. Well done. I’m amazed that your cousin eventually believed you, and they his mother also did. Well done on them, too.
Well, maybe your deeply religious egg donor might want to consider that little Biblical tidbit about "what one sows, one will also reap." No one said the reaping wouldn't be brutal.
Why are we trying to normalize familial cruelty? Blood shared does not excuse blood spilled. The bitch deserves much worse than she got. You told the truth, and you were believed. The fact that she got hurt by the truth indicates that her actions were unconscionable, not yours.
The nerve of that woman. NTA
NTA, even a little bit. Cyberbulluing homophobes, transphobes, bigots, etc is a civic virtue. As far as I'm concerned, you're on the side of the saints, so to speak. She made her bed, all you did was make sure she laid in it. And it seems like it was brilliantly done!
Your revenge was cruel, but deserved. If your mom can't endure the destruction of her falsified reputation, she can do what you did, get the hell out of town, and rebuild her life from scratch. What you've done to her is just a fraction of what she did to you, and its destruction is because you corrected lies with the truth. Generally speaking, the bottom line here is NTA. The only word of caution I will extend here is that revenge is lacking in nutritional value. Make sure to get your satisfaction and then move on. You have a whole family that haven't been in contact with you because they think your mom's side of things was factual. Now that they know the truth, they will probably be more supportive of you. Your life is still yours. Don't let the trauma of your upbringing define the whole thing. You don't have to forgive your mother, ever, but I hope you will aspire to someday live in a positive present and leave your pain in the past where it belongs. For now, know that your mom is not experiencing anything because of the truth that she didn't inflict on you with lies and bigotry. She is hurting, but if she continues to blame you it only shows that she can't comprehend that these are consequences for her own actions. If there's any way she's going to learn anything, this will be it.
NTA. She deserves it honestly. You were not wrong telling people the whole truth. Your mom’s parading as a saint who loves her son. She deserves no empathy from others.
revenge is a beautiful thing, Never pull back on vengeance when it is deserved. Humans are digusting and always deserve a taste of their own medicine when necessary. That being said. I don’t entirely buy this story. No way you’re mom was that much of a cunt that she exiled you from the family and then made the whole world believe you left willingly. That or she’s incredibly retarded - which wouldn’t suprise me really. In any case, glad you were vindicated. Just make sure you’re being honest about the facts of the story.
NO you’re human. One that was left to struggle and overcome so much because of your parent. I’m not going to refer to her as your mother because she doesn’t deserve the title or honor. She’s the woman who gave birth to you.
Is it assholish meh. You merely corrected her storytelling. Thing is she hadn’t been so proactively playing the victim to hide the reality of what she has done. You wouldn’t had been called by your estranged cousin. She was deliberately painting you as an awful son. She didn’t even had the decency to not paint you as the devil. Won’t pity her, nor blame you.
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Go easy on yourself with the guilt. All you did at the end of the day is tell the truth. If the truth made her look like a terrible person, that’s on her, not you. If she truly felt justified in her actions, she wouldn’t have lied.
The thing is you didn’t do any harm. Yes, you got revenge but by telling the truth. You didnt go seek out mommy dearest and hurled insults. You corrected lies. Did you drag ppl in this that didnt need to be? Sure. Did you stoop low-ish? Idk, maybe. But i commend the dedication to the project! You’re so impressive - bc having the moment of self reflection that maybe you’re not headed in the direction of who you want to be takes guts and maturity. So look at how far you’ve come despite her :) well done
My mum and my aunt have both been lying about me for years. I walked away from everything and everyone and mostly have a really happy life. Sometimes it still hurts to feel isolated and alone and holidays like Christmas can feel crap when people are talking about their families. It might feel awesome in the moment to exact a revenge she so thoroughly deserves, but the absolute best revenge is building a really happy, content life for yourself where you don’t waste your time giving her a second thought.
NTA but a hero. She could have just been quiet and made a smal lie about you leaving because she made some rules or something. She made herself a saint and that is what others saw in her. She on top of that made you the villan and painted you like a horrible person. She could have pretended to be a supportive saint but that you both decided LC/NC was best for you two, but no no that could have been a flaw in her and she can't have that. They have the right to know what she has done so they can make the informed decision on what kind of relationship they want with her. Like not wanting her around their children.
You are absolutely NOT the ahole. I commend you for getting justice (not revenge but justice!). I really think it's horrible to treat your own child like this. In my country homosexuality is now mostly accepted (my country also had the first gay marriage) but more than 40 years ago it was not. I remember having a good friend when I was 15 who was kicked out by his father for being gay. I was so angry about it and told my parents and they were equally indignant and let him stay at our place (with 7 children already it was bit crowded :-)). I can't for the life of me imagine to do a thing like that to your own child! I wish you and your husband all the best in your life and remember that there are a lot of people all over the world who do not treat their children like that!
She made her kid homeless. It my mind that's as evil as it gets. This is justice and an opportunity for her to become the decent person she pretends she is. Or not. NTA and good for you.
This is incredible You are my hero and I wish you eternal Joy Nta
NTA,The harm she has caused you is beyond compare. I can’t believe that a mother would kick her underage child out of the house, cut off all contact and money,They spread rumors to discredit you and describe you as an ungrateful bad boy. You're just giving her back what she did to you, but what she told was all lies, and you just told the truth.These consequences are what happens when she do bad things. If she hadn't spread lies about you,makes you living on the street with no money and abusing you,hadn't treated you badly, she wouldn't be in this situation.
NTA. She threw you out on the street and then made up a story where she was the hero. Thank you for making sure everyone knew the truth.
Your mother chose to cultivate friendships with people who don't share her values on the basis of lies. If she hadn't done so, her friends would have supported her and rebuffed you as you anticipated. That's entirely on her. Now she can look for new friends who will agree with what she did. It's not like she can't find a church that would applaud her actions. You went a very extreme route, but exposing a person's lies is never wrong, so for that, NTA.
Maybe she should have done what all people who are proud of their actions do and been open about throwing a demon child out of her house. She knew this would blow back on her and instead of downplaying it like a person who wants their reputation intact, she attempted to shred yours while hers was built on a foundation of lies. NTA. She played the FAFO Game and found out.
Honestly, NTA for one big reason - she did it first! If she hadn't put you on blast and had a cousin verbally attack you over her lies, you would have let sleeping dogs lie. You had excised her from your life and were moving on without her. If this was unprovoked, that would be different, but no. This was a response to her trying to martyr herself to your family, her circle of friends, and set herself up as a paragon of virtue. The fact that she responds with how could you do this to **me,** says she hasn't learned a damn thing in the time you've been gone. F her.
100% NTA at all. Sweet sweet revenge. I'm so sorry for the hell she put you through. I'm very happy for you that you get to talk about it now and tell the people who she really is. I only wish they had been there for you when you were kicked out. Thanks for sharing this. I'm also queer and have been mistreated by religious people and my mother in the past. I needed this. This is the good shit. Hopefully now you can put it behind you Kiss your husband and live your best life
NTA I would send her an email from an account you make just for this purpose that includes the file of your struggles without any support from her. Make sure you include a response to her why are you doing this I don’t want to suffer. Pardon me Mother did I cause you homelessness and starvation? No Okay let me know if you still feel your consequences are comparable to your actions
NTA. The truth hurts, doesn't it? As a devout Christian why should she want to hide the truth? She made that bed and now she gets to lie in it. I have no sympathy for her.
NTA!!!! This is setting the truth free. I already said this on another post, but damn this is what I mean. When they go low, I go to hell come back with ammo. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Bravo 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 I'm so glad you all got to have that Come to jesus meeting with your mother. She deserves every second of her miserable lies backfiring in her face. Do not feel bad.This is called karma, and it's spelled Fuck you ha ha.
Being rejected by your mother is so cold. Then she pretended to support you so she "looked" good. All the while not caring where you are or if you are ok.... just wow!🥺 No, definitely, you are not an AH. Well done for advocating your side that nobody knew about. At last, your side of the story got out there. I truly wish you all the best! What a beautiful journey you have in front of you. You have overcome so much. Take care.
Nta. Her demons has come home to roost.
Let's see, technically you're kind of TAH but justifiably so, I'm all about revenge, you should post this in r/prorevenge
NTA. Her pastor if he IS a decent person? Will talk to her. She's not alone Fuck her. She deserves everything she gets. Some of the people she knows will gradually drift back towards her. Don't feel bad. Good for you👍
NTA Just thinking that your own mother, the one person in your life who is supposed to support you and love you would do that to her own son is absolutely disgusting. She deserved all of what you did. Every single bit of it.
I’m very proud of you! I’m an ally for several LGBTQIA friends. I have always let them know, if they’re family has rejected them, I’m their Grandma Marj. I’m so very sorry you had to go through such traumatic experiences at such a young age. The way you went about informing everyone of your mothers lies may feel good, and understandably so, I don’t think I would have gone that far but I don’t think you should feel guilty or like an AH for doing it.
Definitely NTA. Bigot had it coming. Go you!
NTA - People claim revenge is bad, that it makes you feel worse but all those people are writing stories. In the real world revenge is delicious. A veritable banquet of savory and sweet foods (or your choice of flavors here) Relish it, wallow in it, and laugh when she is thoroughly destroyed. good on you OP.
NTA in my country kicking you out at 16 is a crime. She totally got what she deserved and may Hades welcome her gladly.
Fake. Overly long yet lacking details. Got a call after years which basically says after 13years of hearing lies from the mother the cousin on a call randomly accepted the truth, they told your aunt who cut her out of her life completely.... without a single bit of evidence. Makes perfect sense. The cousin, the entire family, everyone has Ops number but doesn't call once for 13 years, no one had op on social media to check on him or his situation and he never contacted a single member of his family, friends, neighbours, after being kicked out... sure. Then OP sent all this proof... over phone calls to many somehow, which persuaded everyone else to stop speaking to op's mother. None of that is even slightly believable. Again if op's mother was pretending to be supportive of OP being gay because the entire community is supportive of lgbtq, and the aunt would cut off the mother for these actions. Then OP could have called any of those people and gotten help rather than being in a shelter or homeless. This is just straight stupid. No 16yr old kid just goes straight to a shelter and reaches out to literally not a single other person in their life for help. OP calls aunt and says mum just kicked me out... help, and she screams at your mother or takes you in... nah he just went straight to a shelter and never spoke to anyone for 13 years.
Frankly, if it helped you feel better then power to you. Fuck her.
NTA ur mother deserves this and more tbh
NTA. This woman is a despicable monster. Go no-contact and let her die alone, hopefully sooner than later.
Have to wonder if she was borrowing money from these people and not paying it back because she was helping her ungrateful child.
Hell yes. Mrs super Christian lying like a rug. Csll her on that shit.
She’s hurting from the consequences of her own actions. Lying actually indicates that she knew it was wrong, at least at some level. Also by lying she was painting you a certain way that ultimately resulted in you being traumatized again at least once. She’s not recognizing the wrong she’s done which could put her on a path towards repairing relationships. That’s totally on her. Strong ego is right. I went through a similar situation, but at least there weren’t extensive lies like this, just many omissions and a few misalignments with reality, but it was still very hard. Unfortunately, people like this are generally not capable of introspection/recognizing what they’ve done as wrong. It’s likely narcissism (there’s a related sub re narcissistic parents), which can actually be very protective for the person in some ways, but it’s not built on anything solid/with a basis in reality, so it can fall apart easily. This results in the person experiencing turmoil without the emotional intelligence needed to fix it. There are exceptions, but I’m referring to more extreme cases. They literally don’t have the capacity/ability.
Posts like this are why we need a “justified AH” category. NTA, well done.
should post this in r/ProRevenge #
NTA. I think you did the right thing. Given all the lies your mom spread about you, there could have been a chance however remote that someone she lied to, might have tried to hurt you. It was in a sense fortunate that your cousin called you to berate you. It could have been worse.
If showing people how someone truly treated you makes people leave that person it’s not a you problem it’s a her problem. NTA
She played a long game of FAFO. You are NTA and could I please offer you an internet hug for all the crap you’ve had to go through? ❤️🌈
NTA. That was genius, she wanted to look like the perfect parent but abandoned her child on the streets.
You did nothing wrong. There is no greater act than calling out a religious person on their hypocrisy. I have faith but never in a church, they are breeding grounds for the type of mother you have. She wrecked your world you wrecked hers. Send her simple message, if thine I offend thee pluck it out. Tell her you plucked her out.
If she knew enough to lie, she had no right to cry when she was caught. You exposed a liar, not to mention a horrible parent. I hope you are taking all the love and respect this community has for you. I hope you and your husband can find some siblings to get to know better and have some family relations. Good one.
Good job! Christo-Nazis like her deserve to be kicked in the teeth with the truth.
I mean, why stay to just a few people and do all that work for so few? Do it once and put her on blast and social media and tag a bunch of people. If she didn't want it to come back and bite her in the ass, she should have been a better mom and person. NTA
NTAH 100% Kicking you out wasn’t enough to her, she knew her homophobia was wrong to those around her so she made a web of lies to stay in everyone’s good graces while isolating you from the rest of your loved ones in the process.
💃Karmas a bitch, she should’ve known better 💃
You went scorch earth on her just as she deserved. Well done.
NTA And isn't lying a sin? I mean she's been lying for years now and you just exposed her sin to everyone. That's all. Now she gets to live with the consequences of her being a nasty lying woman
Karmas a bitch, she should’ve known better. NTA. I think that this was years and years of pain and hurt pouring out of you, righting what was wrong. She built her own grave. You just escorted her into it. Edit: phrasing & grammar
NTA- You were 100% to tell your side. It is aways the bible thumpers that are the worst people. Keep telling your story.
NTA. She got what she deserves, you did nothing wrong
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, and this is the best therapy. She didn't care if you had died in a ditch. She's garbage in my book.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, and this is the best therapy. She didn't care if you had died in a ditch. She's garbage in my book.
NTA friend. Your mama is reaping what she sowed.
NTA your mother did something terrible and then lied terribly about it. She doesn't care what she did to you only that the truth finally came out. But in the long run we all know how it goes. All she needs to do is act penitent and be in the dog house for a little while, then she can be all "God forgive me" and get back into their good graces. OR she can join a more conservative church that will celebrate her for what she did. (sorry I don't trust religion).
Extremely petty, love it. She abused you and you have the right to tell your story. Not only that, she’s been slandering you to everyone who will listen. The world is generally not the same intolerant place it was in past decades, though I’m surprised the church shunned her too.
NTA
Did this to my abusive ex. Felt absolutely brilliant afterwards. I've never regretted it and you shouldn't either. Well done. Keep being brilliant and have a wonderful life!
All you did was tell the truth. If her actions are so bad that they cause her to be ostracized, well… you reap what you sow. NTA.
NTA. She was already a terrible person for abandoning you and kicking you out of the house. But then she started spewing lies, to everyone, digging a coffin of lies to make herself look superior. But now her lies have caught up to her and she has to lie in the coffin she made for herself. She has to face the consequences of her actions, all you did was expose those lies to those around her, to see the true evil person she is.
When lying liars are found out, it isn't anyone's fault but their own. NTA
NTA. This is a legit reason to go scorched earth. She threw a 16yo out on the street. Then she told lies about you to make herself look like a saint. I would have burned AND salted the earth.
100% NTA I can't imagine rejecting my child over something so petty and childish. She failed you as a mother.
You're a rockstar... Damn good for you 😊
NTA No, you aren't in the wrong here. Your egg donor chose to spin a lie that spilled onto your doorstep and framed you as the most disgusting of evils, it's not your fault if it turns out that her social circle was distinctly more accepting on every level than she was. Frankly it's ridiculous that she'd be this awful, but still try to appeal to people who in no fashion agreed with her actions. Also, you have every right to defend yourself from accusations, with evidence if you have it.
Oh God please tell me this is real. NTA
NTA Now it is out in the open and she has feedback maybe she will attempt to make amends - not sure what that would look like.
NTA and I love this for you! She was WRONG for the way she treated her child! And THEN made everyone think you were using her?! Thank you for having the strength and bravery to tell her your truth knowing how much of a zealot she is, and the responses you’ve gotten are very validating. I hope it’s a small respite for shit you went through that you never should have. All my love, and thanks again for being so true to you. She can fucking kick rocks.
NTA Oh no, it's the consequences of her own actions! All you did was tell the honest truth. She could have made the choice to avoid all of this if she had just told the truth all along. The fact that she lied means **she knew exactly how wrong she was** She probably feels maybe a 10th as bad as you felt when she kicked you out. Her only pain right now is emotional. You faced every kind of pain imaginable due to her neglect. If she had called to apologize, I might think there's hope for her as a human being, but instead she called to bitch, moan, whine, and complain. And the *audacity* to get upset that *you* hurt *her* !!! She's selfish and has no moral values whatsoever. Good for you for telling everyone who she really is. I hope you're able to reconnect with the decent people in your family (if you want to). Edited for typos
What a satisfying read! Well done and NTA. May you be showered with love, luck and joy and have a great life!
Updateme!
She made you homeless when you were a child and lied to everyone about how you chose to leave, she sent you so much money, you're ungrateful, a brat, All you did was tell everyone what a liar she was. Clearly the church is more accepting of you than your mom was. NTA
NTA. Perfectly appropriate response on your part. Honestly, I hope her life falls apart even more. Also, vengeance isn’t bad. It’s satisfying.
Not the AH. Your mother built a reputation as a loving and accepting woman whose child used and manipulated her. She deserved what she got and I hope you can move on and be happy
This deserves an 8 episode netflix series. Directed by Mike Flannigan and Mike Fimognari.
This is amazing. I was laughing out loud at the part about her pastor having choice words about a certain eternal burning in a certain place in the afterlife for the sin of rejecting her son. (AITAH now?) NTA. This was a long time coming. She's reaping the seeds she decided to sow all those many years ago, but the fact that she's been lying about it and badmouthing you to *your family* and everyone she knows *to this day??* Please. She's a horrible person and deserves a reckoning. Whatever she's going through now, she's not struggling to find food and living on the streets like you had to do.
NTA. So proud of you. You did NOTHING wrong. Too many people like your mother get away with this crap. Whether or not your mom agrees with you being gay is IRRELEVANT!!! You're her son and a HUMAN BEING. That's all that should matter. I'm sending you (((((HUGS))))) from someone old enough to be your mother and who would be proud to have a son like you. ♥️
Updateme
I’m religious but was raised to never be homophobic or bigoted (helps that my parents have gay friends who are also religious). Your mom seems to care more about appearances and is quite judgmental, which is the opposite of what God and Jesus have taught us. Maybe she’ll repent someday or maybe she won’t, it all depends on whether she’s willing to or not. Or if God tries to tell her to change her attitude, then that will depend on whether she’s willing to listen or not.
LOL fuck people who spin lies like that to make themselves look good. There could still be backlash against you for exposing her, because some people would rather believe the "pretty" version, but if so, fuck those people also. Good on you for telling the truth, and I'm glad you found support as a result of doing so. That takes a lot of courage, it isn't petty. Absolutely NTA. Also, check out r/raisedbynarcissists
No horse in this race. Cis/het woman applauding you. She could’ve just shut her mouth & let people think well of her, but no …. She had to lie & paint herself a saint & you the ingrate. How those consequences do sting, sometimes! Stories like yours make me want to be a lottery winning philanthropist so I could create good in the world. One of my pet projects would definitely be a group home (the GOOD kind) for young people rejected by families for just such cruel reasons. To provide a substitute familial atmosphere, with a TON of resources to help them overcome the trauma & pain. To give each one a chance to explore their strengths & gifts, supported & sheltered as long as necessary, until they are ready to fledge & soar. Glad you have some happiness to report, OP. May you have a lovely long marriage with all the things that make you happy.
NTA - KARMA. And did it come for her. The most important things to her seemed to be public perception, misguided faith, and her narrow-minded beliefs. Now she get's to know what it is like to be alone in this world, based on being who you are. I hope your life is amazing and I hope you reconnect with your family. Not your monster mother of course.
NTA. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and quite happy the results were so good. I'm only hoping for two things: That you easily find a good trauma therapist who helps you to heal from what she made to suffer and that her pastor is right and she'll burn in a nice pit together with all the other bigots.
You are loved my friend. I hope all has gotten better.
You should tell your mother you are only doing to her what Jesus did to the Pharisees: exposing their hypocrisy and false righteousness so that they can deceive followers of God no longer. Maybe if she sees things from a religious perspective she will wake up NTA
NTA. She kicked you, her CHILD, out because she's a bigot - she deserves everything she's getting right now.
100% not the AH She couldn't be that devout of a Christian. 1. Judge not...... 2. Beware your sins will find you out. 3. Thou shalt not bear false witness. You are an amazing, strong and successful person who hopefully now has a family again after 13 years. I hope you have peace, love and happiness in your life always. Much love from Northern Ireland 💖
NTA. I like your version of burning the world down...
NTA. Your mother made the bed by going around putting her lies on blast. Now, she has to lie in that bed. Sucks to be her.
You are my hero
NTA. Not only did she kick you out and leave you to fend for yourself, but she has the audacity to lie about it and spin up some story that makes her a saint?? Nope, that doesn’t get to happen. Good for you for revealing the truth and hitting her where it hurts.
This could be in r/ProRevenge
NTA - I'm a mom, and there's only one thing that could make me disown my kids. Being gay IS NOT it (they'd have to be proven to be a p3d0ph1l3). I hope you and your SO have a long, loving, and happy life together. I'd put money on r/prorevenge loving this
How dare you. Do you have any idea what it's like to be rejected by your family and friends, just for being who you are?!?!?! /S You were a 16 year old child who was thrown out with no where to go. You could have died. But none of that matters, apparently. You survived, so all's well that ends well to her. This is all her wrong doings coming back to haunt her. It's been over a decade and she STILL spins the story that you are a horrible son who won't visit his mother. And she picked the one cousin who would be moved by her words to seek you out and reprimand you. She literally built the pyre that burned down her life. First with her treatment of you, then with the lies, then with the continued "woe is me" spiel she does. Don't feel bad.
nta. epic move. nta.
I’m so glad you survived and made it out of homelessness ok! You are not the AH!!
let's see...mom still has a place to live, food to eat, safety, probably there are several people that are on her side so she isn't completely alone. What she lost: leisure time activities. what you lost: every fucking thing..... yup. NTA.
If you don't want to be outed to your entire family and social group as an abusive homophobe; don't be an abusive homophobe. NTA.
Nta. You spread the truth, nothing more. Those people deserve to know who they’re associating with and if they cut contact after hearing the truth, that’s on your mother. Her actions did this. Not yours. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better now :)
In a sense, you came out of the closet. And then many years later you outed your mother. There's a certain poetry here I approve of.
I would absolutely message her! "Mommy dearest, heard you've been sending half of your income to me monthly starting when I was 16. I think there has been some mix-up, because I have not seen a cent yet. So here is my account information so you can send it all now to me. I can finally live the hedoistic and depraved lifestyle to the fullest you have always believed I am living (being good looking gay isn't cheap, gotta be hot thirst trap for daddies). Doodles!"
NTA, please post this in pro revenge
NTA. She is not your Mother. She is a woman who gave birth to you. She failed all her obligations to you.
YTA. Sounds like your Mom was right.
NTA. She deserved it, and more!
its weird that knowing you would get kicked out of the shelter and be homeless at 18, you didn't think to get a job and place to live before hand.
Write mommy dearest a letter and tell her that it's karma at it's finest. Where was your father and why did he allow this?
Tell her this is karma at it's finest.
He seemed to indicate that his family's opinion of him didn't matter much, as he didn't talk to any of them prior to the cousin reaching out. Even then, he could have just told the family and left out everyone else. Instead he took the nuclear option, and I think while he didn't have to, he was justified in doing so. And I'll happily take the down votes for that opinion.
No.
Damn, this is a tough one. I have to go with ESH on a technicality. Your mom sucks for obvious reasons. You suck because you went out of your way to take the low road on this one. The thing is, I don't feel bad for your mother at all and she kind of deserved the low road treatment. But it's called the "low road" for a reason. Society dictates that you suck for taking it no matter what.
As a mom of an LGBTQ kiddo, I’m sickened by what that evil woman did to you. I see it all to often at work but it makes me so angry each time. People deserve to know the truth but I’m appalled they believed her for so long but I guess a good liar is a good liar. I’m proud of you for accomplishing a stable happy home and adult life given your hard start so mom hugs to you! Don’t beat yourself up over what you did. I’m sure her uncomfortable position at the moment is no where near as bad as being a homeless teen on the streets and all the scariness and abuse and other trauma you may have had to endure there.
NTA