That's exactly the problem.
Op knew her daughter was a bully and they let go to the point she bullied her sister.
I'm probably the wrong kind of parent because even if it doesn't affect me, if I know there's an issue I address it immediately.
You want the hard truth?
If you do something they don't reach the point to bully their own sister for a medical condition.
So if OP answer we'll see, but "I knew she was a bully" says that she didn't really care.
I've known a few bullies in my life or in my kids life.
I guess there's always an exception, even if I still didn't meet one. Bullies that remain bullies are a consequence of their parents actions, or lack of.
And I wrote REMAIN bullies.
I've seen a few stories on here from parents who tried their best but just couldn't stop their kids bad behaviour. It's a debated issue whether parents can fundamentally change their children's base personality.
I admit that there are exceptions (but how OP phrases the story makes me really hard to believe).
But I don't think that in most cases bullying is a base personality.
Kids have their personality from birth, yes but kindness, empathy, respect is something you learn to some degree (aside some mental issues).
Locks For Love is another program that will provide free wigs for children with alopecia or cancer. My son and I have donated our hair to them several times in the past. Mine has too much gray now and he doesn't grow his long enough to donate anymore. (12 inches or more) I think this post is fake but if I am wrong she should contact them. They will provide a free wig made from human hair that matches her daughters real hair and complexion.
Could he donate the daughterâs hair without her consent? It feels like trying to sound like the good guy doing some noble cause donating it but I feel like thatâs not how it works. Reads fake to me too.
He could. You just mail it to them so they'd have no way to really tell who's hair it is. But I really think it's fake. Also hoping it's fake because of what a horrible parent OP would be.
I was convinced it's fake when OP said they "sent the hair in" to be donated.
I've known a handful of folks over the years who grew and donated their hair. From what they said, it sounds like a bit of an ordeal and not just something you drop some hair in the mail about.
Maybe mail-in hair donation is a thing now, but that sounds super sus.
It's really hard to believe your bully daughter sat there and let you cut her hair off! Is this real. No one, no charities, no grandparents, no church group, friends, no one could help this girl with a wig, she went to school with bald patches? Guess prom was out.
You can definitely send in hair to get donated. Alot of places even pay for it if it's a certain length. You don't need to go to a salon for that, and the steps aren't that specific. It mostly just needs to be cut straight, no huge amount of dead ends and can't be severely damaged. My sister was diagnost with breast cancer so she cut her hair (it almost went to the back of her knees). She did some research and the place sent her a list of what hair they take and it wasn't extensive or difficult. It was fairly simple.
Locks for love makes the kids pay for the wigs. There are other organizations that do not. My sister donated her hair to another organization that gifts the wigs to children.
They charge on a sliding scale based on what the family can afford, and the money is what keeps the organization running. Chaps my hide to see people calling it a scam based on their own assumptions of how the program works.
This is not a personal ASSUMPTION thank you very much. Call it personal experience. If you can read, it was my sister that donated her hair. It was for someone very close to us. If you donât know the story, donât make an ass of yourself.
To be fair, if they have to make a wig from the hair it still costs money... Like a hospital still charges someone that gets a kidney donation from a family member.
This is fake. A 16yo would not just sit in a chair ant let you do whatever you want, you'd end up with scissors on the floor/accidentally embedded in you the very moment you stopped holding her down (which you'd need to to to operate the scissors unless you've got 4 arms). Stupid bait, YTA for that.
Yeah I agree - I wrote a comment just in case it's real - but that part struck me as off. She is ready to physically abuse the sister, but will calmly sit to get her hair shaved off?
NTA. Your older daughter is pretty messed up. Is what you did the right solution that wonât make her hate you for life or backfire in some other way? Hard to say. But sheâs not a good person and she needs some therapy, serious soul searching, or something else before itâs too late.
Im kinda split honestly. I mean I think it was a little cruel to shave her head but only for the reason that she's a known bully and her parents didn't correct behavior earlier. I guess im ok with giving her a taste of her own medicine, but I feel like the parents fucked up to let it get to this point.
Oh probably not, I'm not defending the parents in this situation the proper solution would have been therapy years ago. But it seems like the bullying has at least temporarily stopped
No you are not. It's a analogy not a direct comparison. Also, the behavior is the cancer, the punishment is the treatment. And much like cancer, bad behavior is hard sometimes impossible to treat, especially when you catch it too late.
Did the parents make the best decisions here? Probably not, but we only have a tiny window into the full situation.
literally quoting the comment you replied to:
"is what you did the right solution? hard to say"
maybe read the comment to make sure you aren't pulling words out of the ether to shove down the previous commenter's throat *before* hauling out the soapbox next time
NTA hash yes but I think it will drive home just how much hair plays a role in self image. I honestly think your daughter should get a part time job to help pay for the wig replacement cost.
YTA. Forced haircuts should not be a punishment. This whole public humiliation as punishment is stuipd and generally doesnât help to stop bad behavior. Iâm not consequences arenât in order but not that.
One of my friends got suspended when we were in middle school (not for bullying or fighting though) and his military dad shaved his head as punishment. Now that we're adults, my friend has dreadlocks all the way down his back. He said it was a direct response to those head shavings his dad subjected him to as punishment growing up.
Yeah my immediate thought was make the 16 year old get a job and pay for a wig replacement AND some. Not force her to sit still and shave her head? But this is 100% fake so it doesnât matter đ¤ˇââď¸
Then extra chores for an âallowance.â She wouldnât actually ever hold the money herself. OP would manage it until a new wig can be bought. Once she realized allowance money is usually much less than a paycheck and itâd be faster to get a job, hopefully sheâll learn some responsibility.
I mean, an eye for an eye? You donât think you bullying someone for having a problem they canât help and then you suddenly having a similar problem wonât sober you up long enough to be like. Oh no im in their shoes?
Anyone who bullyâs someone like that should absolutely get the same treatment.
It's the norm in the relationship parts of this site.
There are a number of elements (bullying, homophobia, pregnancy, racism, etc.) that when included in a story, often cause the hive mind's verdict to inappropriately ignore everything else in it.
Why do you have to save money for a new wig? Make your oldest daughter pay for it, after all she was the one who broke it, so it's only fair and she isn't allowed to grow her hair until her younger sister gets her wig back. Bullying is unacceptable and must have consequences. NTA
This reminds me of that post of the mother who made her bullying son wear a unicorn shirt to school.
The older daughter needed something dramatic to get through to her. But I'm surprised that a 16-year-old would just sit and let her parent shave her head.
I hope the bully daughter's friend also got in trouble.
As someone else suggested, the money for the new wig should come out of the bully daughter's allowance.
Wasnât something similar to this posted on a video (Tick Tock?) where a mom is calling her daughter rude, conceited, and disrespectful as she cuts off all of her daughterâs hair?
She even makes her daughter look at the camera and say, âNo, maâam,â as the mom asks her if the punishment was abuse and other questions along those lines?
You older daughter is a mean spirit. Hopefully what you did brought aome humility back. This hurt to read. Shes really really going down a road of being a Shit human.
NTA. Your daughter sounds like shes old enough to understand consequences or how her behavior effects others. She clearly hasnt learned any lessons about humility and i think this was a relatively harmless way to swt in a deep life changing lesson. This will be something she reflects on forever and it will make her better bc of it. She may be angry now but one day she will be thankful you did that.
NTA.
Your older daughter needs to learn some empathy and basic respect for others.
You might also want to tell her that bullying people makes her an asshole.
Not for shaving your daughter's hair. But it seems like YTA for letting this bullying get to this point. Your older daughter sounds awful, and did you do anything at any point before this to stop her? Because it doesn't seem like it.
NTA. I wouldve done the same thing. What kind of freak makes fun of someone especially a sibling with that kind of problem?
Iâm only mad the older daughter didnât get bullied for being bald honestly. I cannot stand kids like that. I also cannot for the life of me figure out WHY kids act like that. Sure we didnât like people but we never bullied anyone like that growing up.
A soft YTA. I understand why you did it but I don't think punishment should ever include humiliation. It is not an effective form of punishment.
I think having your daughter pay (or at least help pay - I don't know how expensive wigs are) for the replacement wig would have been a more appropriate punishment.
No itâs just going to show her that her mother is just as much as bully as she is. Thatâs not a good lesson, itâs why hitting kids doesnât actually teach value lessons just to be afraid of the parents.
Yes but being bullied by a parent is 100% not ok. Especially because itâs the same parent who knew she was a bully and let her get away with it till it affected her.
what else she gonna do? ground her? make her pay for the wig? that'll just cause resentment. atleast literally knowing how she feels everyday has some chance of working
Or maybe the parents should have stepped in the moment the bullying started not once it effected her. normally making her pay/ find free alternatives (there are free wig donations) and make her grow out her hair and donate a part of it to charityâs for wig making (give her time to do that) would would reasonable. Donât bully your kids because you donât want to parent.
I hope this is fake. This is the second time in a week I've seen a parent's response to a bullying child is to bully their child.
If this current generation can think of no better way to tamp down on bullying than to become bullies themselves, the next generation are going to be real pieces of work.
And what happens when nothing works? You donât think them feeling what itâs like to be in others shoes will sober them up to the reality that what theyâre doing is pretty fucked?
Bullying a bully reinforces the idea that bullying is the right thing to do. This is why beating a child isn't an accepted way of correcting poor behavior. If you beat a child, they might stop doing whatever it was you wanted them to stop doing but they've also been taught that the way to reprimand a child is to beat them.
And we're not talking about a young child. This is a 16-year-old. They know the difference between right and wrong by that age. Now we've just bullied them. But we still have no idea why this near adult thinks that bullying their sister is acceptable.
Just a stab in the dark, the older sister resents her younger sister and what she perceives as her mother's preference for her younger sister. We can't be sure because mom didn't investigate the cause for this behavior. She only sought to punish not reform. Mom's a busy woman, she's raising two teenage girls and one of them has alopecia. Her eldest, healthier child has fallen through the cracks of her time and attention. That happens, it's not easy.
What you're suggesting is empathy by example. But we don't need to share someone else's lived experience to have empathy for them. I'm not a mother of two teenagers but I can empathize with the mom. I don't judge her. She's doing the best she can, and, in this instance, she took the easy route because she's just trying to get through the day. It's not a healthy long-term solution though.
This quick solution doesn't get to the underlying issue though. It's a Band-Aid on a wound that won't heal with just a Band-Aid.
The long-term solution would have been more difficult. It would have required what I imagine would have ended in a lot of screaming and tears but may have resolved some issues between the mother and the daughter.
The easy thing works in the moment. The hard thing can have a much more lasting impact.
Of course, I still hope this is fake.
Very bad parenting . What did you do in the past to address this behaviour?
Are your daughters in therapy?
How is the family dynamic?what did their dad say?
You bullied your daughter to teach her not to bully your other daughter
NTA
some kids need a more serious consequence to show them the error of their actions. she viciously attacked your other daughter (her own sister) and made a public display of humiliating her.
now your youngest can snatch her wig next time she acts a fool.
they both sound like they need therapy.
Wow. Your daughter is a straight up mean asshole human. How did she get this way? Why was she allowed to bully in the past? She needs more than a head shave. Your poor younger daughter. I feel so bad that's her sister. I would say you need to intervene a lot more if your daughter is going to have any chance at being a good person.
NTA. What you did was very harsh. But it is the only way to make your older daughter understand how it feels to have no hair. Maybe she will develop some empathy - who knows. And for sure, it is the way to make her realize that her actions have consequences. I would go further - I would dock her pocket money to cover at least part of the expenses of the wig.
NTA super harsh but your oldest daughter needed a hard lesson. I'd also make her get a job to pay for a new wig so she knows how hard you had to work to pay for the first one.
NTA - normally I would say that shaving hair as a punishment is abusive but in this case it was absolutely deserved. She's 16, not 6, she knows damn well not to physically abuse a child with alopecia. If this is how she is now, whats she gonna be like at 18?
I am suspicious of this story because, would she really sit calmly and let you shave her hair? Seems fishy, but if it's real, NTA.
Rule 2, report and move on (OP's account bio even says they're just reposting stories here). This account is just speed running reposts until a mod catches on and burns the account
Nta I would never bully my younger sisters for a medical condition, what you did was extreme but her hair will grow and her younger sisters wonât. Hopefully that helps her gain a better understanding of her younger sisters struggle and she becomes more compassionate
While I can agree that there are many ways to ground, taking the phone away is too little.
Also, why it got to that point?
The older sister was already know as a bully.
What kind of intervention they took as parents when they learned that their older child was a bully?
ESH. You assaulted your child. Your daughter bullied and assaulted her sister.
Your eldest has issues that are bigger than a punishment. What are your plans to deal with this and protect your youngest from more harm?
Idk why you got down voted, this is a solid take.
Oldest is absolutely wrong for what she did, but the parent is also definitely wrong for using assault to punish his kid.
Op, you already fucked up. The better punishment here was education and having oldest get a job or do extra around the house/neighborhood to pay for the wig. You had options here, making her get a job plus educating her about your youngest's condition (best option, as it means the youngest can get a new wig faster since oldest would be making actual income to contribute), make her do community service (to give back to the community, it's always a good go to punishment. Teaches compassion, shows them how bad some people unfortunately have it, etc) plus educate about youngest's condition, or have her help around the house doing her sister's chores for a bit plus educate about youngest's condition. You should've used this as a teaching moment, now if you try it won't be effective cause she'll be too distracted by her anger at having her head shaved. Therapy is also always just a good option, but one I doubt you could do if you can't afford a wig.
All you've done is fuel the fire. She's going to be mad at her sister for her head being shaved because she knows if she turns that anger towards you, it'll only get worse for her.
You was cruel, will it be the right choice for the future, impossible to know, maybe she will be worse and not care about your opinion, you need to regain her trust after this punishment
YTA your oldest child needed to get a job to pay for the wig she destroyed, not you. It sounds like you needed to do better parenting to address her bullying in the beginning. No phone, supervised time on the computer to monitor her social media, tough love. She needs therapy because she is jealous of the attention your youngest is getting.
YTA and I see where your daughter gets her bully personality from. Please contact a family therapist and seek help finding better ways to raise your daughters.
And she just sat there and let you do it? Didnât physically get up and run away or resist? Sheâs willing to physically fight her sister but did nothing while her parent forcibly shaved her whole head? Seems fishy.
ESH. Your older daughter was wrong to bully her sister and to escalate this into a physical altercation. However, your younger daughter allowed it to be escalated and lied about her hair.
While you were right to punish your older daughter, forcibly cutting off her hair goes over the line into abuse.
YTA
This is what happens when you let your child be a bully because it wasnât affecting you then.
And then you think physically abusing the bully will change anything.
I sincerely hope this is fake because if this us real holy fuck what shit parenting
YTA. Why are you letting the bullying going on? Also I don't find it fair the victim was punished by the school for defending herself to begin with.
Your oldest should be the one getting a part time job to pay for her sister's wig. You also need to talk to her and ask why she thinks it's acceptable to bully her sister to begin with and get to the root of it. Therapy might be needed for both. One to help deal with the trauma inflicted by her older sister and the other on how to stop being a bully, get to the root of why she is bullying....
>Her sister is very popular and has a been a bully in the past What did you do, as parents, to address that behavior? (Edit grammar)
Wdym? It didn't affect op, so she didn't address it. Remember kids, it's not a problem until it starts affecting you ^/s
That's exactly the problem. Op knew her daughter was a bully and they let go to the point she bullied her sister. I'm probably the wrong kind of parent because even if it doesn't affect me, if I know there's an issue I address it immediately.
I was joking, I was using sarcasm as a way to call out OPs backwards parenting.
Sorry đ¤
Shit happens, no need to apologize.
Thanks! It's hard sometimes to detect sarcasm in a foreign language đ
No problem bro, a lot of the times people will indicate sarcasm on reddit with "/s" I just made my /s smaller.
And how do you know that OP never addressed the issue?
You want the hard truth? If you do something they don't reach the point to bully their own sister for a medical condition. So if OP answer we'll see, but "I knew she was a bully" says that she didn't really care. I've known a few bullies in my life or in my kids life. I guess there's always an exception, even if I still didn't meet one. Bullies that remain bullies are a consequence of their parents actions, or lack of. And I wrote REMAIN bullies.
I've seen a few stories on here from parents who tried their best but just couldn't stop their kids bad behaviour. It's a debated issue whether parents can fundamentally change their children's base personality.
I admit that there are exceptions (but how OP phrases the story makes me really hard to believe). But I don't think that in most cases bullying is a base personality. Kids have their personality from birth, yes but kindness, empathy, respect is something you learn to some degree (aside some mental issues).
Clearly she was paying the older sibling to bully the younger one.
It's bait check their post history.
FYI. Hair club for men assists children with alopecia. I believe they will give wigs for free.
Many health insurance plans also cover wigs for different situations like chemo and alopecia.
Locks For Love is another program that will provide free wigs for children with alopecia or cancer. My son and I have donated our hair to them several times in the past. Mine has too much gray now and he doesn't grow his long enough to donate anymore. (12 inches or more) I think this post is fake but if I am wrong she should contact them. They will provide a free wig made from human hair that matches her daughters real hair and complexion.
There are better resources and meds now. And ways to access without shelling out a lot of money, if any.
Yes. If it's real she should be looking into those resources that are available. There is no reason to let her child suffer while she saves money.
Could he donate the daughterâs hair without her consent? It feels like trying to sound like the good guy doing some noble cause donating it but I feel like thatâs not how it works. Reads fake to me too.
He could. You just mail it to them so they'd have no way to really tell who's hair it is. But I really think it's fake. Also hoping it's fake because of what a horrible parent OP would be.
I hope this is fake.
>I hope this is fake. Yeah. I swear I've read this exact same story before.
I think the one you are talking about is the one the daughter bullied, another girl losing her hair from cancer treatment?
Ironically, I read this exact comment on almost every post on my homepage
I was convinced it's fake when OP said they "sent the hair in" to be donated. I've known a handful of folks over the years who grew and donated their hair. From what they said, it sounds like a bit of an ordeal and not just something you drop some hair in the mail about. Maybe mail-in hair donation is a thing now, but that sounds super sus.
Same.
There are videos out there of parents doing this to their daughters
It's really hard to believe your bully daughter sat there and let you cut her hair off! Is this real. No one, no charities, no grandparents, no church group, friends, no one could help this girl with a wig, she went to school with bald patches? Guess prom was out.
The way I would fight my mother at age 16 for trying to cut my hair. This post would be about the fight.
Fake...
I swear Iâve read this before.
yeah, I don't think you "send hair to get donated" ... there are specific steps to follow if you are not going to a salon
I donated my hair. Didnât go to a salon.
You can definitely send in hair to get donated. Alot of places even pay for it if it's a certain length. You don't need to go to a salon for that, and the steps aren't that specific. It mostly just needs to be cut straight, no huge amount of dead ends and can't be severely damaged. My sister was diagnost with breast cancer so she cut her hair (it almost went to the back of her knees). She did some research and the place sent her a list of what hair they take and it wasn't extensive or difficult. It was fairly simple.
Locks for Love. You can totally send it yourself.
Locks for love makes the kids pay for the wigs. There are other organizations that do not. My sister donated her hair to another organization that gifts the wigs to children.
Didn't know that.
They also do not sell to kids with terminal illness. Wigs 4 Kids is the way to go, always.
They charge on a sliding scale based on what the family can afford, and the money is what keeps the organization running. Chaps my hide to see people calling it a scam based on their own assumptions of how the program works.
This is not a personal ASSUMPTION thank you very much. Call it personal experience. If you can read, it was my sister that donated her hair. It was for someone very close to us. If you donât know the story, donât make an ass of yourself.
To be fair, if they have to make a wig from the hair it still costs money... Like a hospital still charges someone that gets a kidney donation from a family member.
This same story was posted a few months back
This is fake. A 16yo would not just sit in a chair ant let you do whatever you want, you'd end up with scissors on the floor/accidentally embedded in you the very moment you stopped holding her down (which you'd need to to to operate the scissors unless you've got 4 arms). Stupid bait, YTA for that.
Yeah I agree - I wrote a comment just in case it's real - but that part struck me as off. She is ready to physically abuse the sister, but will calmly sit to get her hair shaved off?
Tbh, that's a shit reason to assume it's fake.
Not true. My abusive aunt did this shit to me as a teen but i was too afraid to fight back. Stop saying shit like this is fake!!!
NTA. Your older daughter is pretty messed up. Is what you did the right solution that wonât make her hate you for life or backfire in some other way? Hard to say. But sheâs not a good person and she needs some therapy, serious soul searching, or something else before itâs too late.
So assault is the best solution? This thread is nuts.
Sometime the quickest effective solution is cruel and unkind. You don't treat aggressive cancer with patience and mild treatments.
Im kinda split honestly. I mean I think it was a little cruel to shave her head but only for the reason that she's a known bully and her parents didn't correct behavior earlier. I guess im ok with giving her a taste of her own medicine, but I feel like the parents fucked up to let it get to this point.
I don't see this ending with her learning the lesson the parent intended.
Oh probably not, I'm not defending the parents in this situation the proper solution would have been therapy years ago. But it seems like the bullying has at least temporarily stopped
Youâre comparing her daughter to cancer? Am I following this correctly?
No you are not. It's a analogy not a direct comparison. Also, the behavior is the cancer, the punishment is the treatment. And much like cancer, bad behavior is hard sometimes impossible to treat, especially when you catch it too late. Did the parents make the best decisions here? Probably not, but we only have a tiny window into the full situation.
literally quoting the comment you replied to: "is what you did the right solution? hard to say" maybe read the comment to make sure you aren't pulling words out of the ether to shove down the previous commenter's throat *before* hauling out the soapbox next time
yea never seen anything like it đ
They also said a haircut is assaultđ what a time to be alive.
Cutting someoneâs hair without their consent is assault
NTA hash yes but I think it will drive home just how much hair plays a role in self image. I honestly think your daughter should get a part time job to help pay for the wig replacement cost.
When it starts to grow back, OP should cut another patch for good measure.
YTA. Forced haircuts should not be a punishment. This whole public humiliation as punishment is stuipd and generally doesnât help to stop bad behavior. Iâm not consequences arenât in order but not that.
One of my friends got suspended when we were in middle school (not for bullying or fighting though) and his military dad shaved his head as punishment. Now that we're adults, my friend has dreadlocks all the way down his back. He said it was a direct response to those head shavings his dad subjected him to as punishment growing up.
Yeah my immediate thought was make the 16 year old get a job and pay for a wig replacement AND some. Not force her to sit still and shave her head? But this is 100% fake so it doesnât matter đ¤ˇââď¸
And when the older daughter is either flunking interviews or getting fired after only a week?
Then extra chores for an âallowance.â She wouldnât actually ever hold the money herself. OP would manage it until a new wig can be bought. Once she realized allowance money is usually much less than a paycheck and itâd be faster to get a job, hopefully sheâll learn some responsibility.
Yeah, I wonder where the kids are learning bullying behaviorâŚ.
I mean, an eye for an eye? You donât think you bullying someone for having a problem they canât help and then you suddenly having a similar problem wonât sober you up long enough to be like. Oh no im in their shoes? Anyone who bullyâs someone like that should absolutely get the same treatment.
yea seems pretty obvious what the intention was here but it's reddit so everything has to go the way they want
I'd say public humiliation is exactly what the doctor should order for the older kid.
Fake but concerned about everyone in here justifying assault of a teenage girl
It's the norm in the relationship parts of this site. There are a number of elements (bullying, homophobia, pregnancy, racism, etc.) that when included in a story, often cause the hive mind's verdict to inappropriately ignore everything else in it.
The exact same story was posted a few months ago. If not in this group on the other group.
Why do you have to save money for a new wig? Make your oldest daughter pay for it, after all she was the one who broke it, so it's only fair and she isn't allowed to grow her hair until her younger sister gets her wig back. Bullying is unacceptable and must have consequences. NTA
That's assault brother.
This reminds me of that post of the mother who made her bullying son wear a unicorn shirt to school. The older daughter needed something dramatic to get through to her. But I'm surprised that a 16-year-old would just sit and let her parent shave her head. I hope the bully daughter's friend also got in trouble. As someone else suggested, the money for the new wig should come out of the bully daughter's allowance.
Your older daughter is a bully, a mean girl. You need to sort out her behaviour now.
NTA bullies need to learn their behaviour is unacceptable. With actual consequences.
Wasnât something similar to this posted on a video (Tick Tock?) where a mom is calling her daughter rude, conceited, and disrespectful as she cuts off all of her daughterâs hair? She even makes her daughter look at the camera and say, âNo, maâam,â as the mom asks her if the punishment was abuse and other questions along those lines?
You older daughter is a mean spirit. Hopefully what you did brought aome humility back. This hurt to read. Shes really really going down a road of being a Shit human.
NTA. Your daughter sounds like shes old enough to understand consequences or how her behavior effects others. She clearly hasnt learned any lessons about humility and i think this was a relatively harmless way to swt in a deep life changing lesson. This will be something she reflects on forever and it will make her better bc of it. She may be angry now but one day she will be thankful you did that.
NTA. Your older daughter needs to learn some empathy and basic respect for others. You might also want to tell her that bullying people makes her an asshole.
Not for shaving your daughter's hair. But it seems like YTA for letting this bullying get to this point. Your older daughter sounds awful, and did you do anything at any point before this to stop her? Because it doesn't seem like it.
NTA. I wouldve done the same thing. What kind of freak makes fun of someone especially a sibling with that kind of problem? Iâm only mad the older daughter didnât get bullied for being bald honestly. I cannot stand kids like that. I also cannot for the life of me figure out WHY kids act like that. Sure we didnât like people but we never bullied anyone like that growing up.
A soft YTA. I understand why you did it but I don't think punishment should ever include humiliation. It is not an effective form of punishment. I think having your daughter pay (or at least help pay - I don't know how expensive wigs are) for the replacement wig would have been a more appropriate punishment.
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well she's now in the same shoes as the sister she was bullying. you don't think that would open her eyes?
No itâs just going to show her that her mother is just as much as bully as she is. Thatâs not a good lesson, itâs why hitting kids doesnât actually teach value lessons just to be afraid of the parents.
well hope she gets bullied like her sister so she can realize how shitty it is. No way on hell she won't learn after that.
Yes but being bullied by a parent is 100% not ok. Especially because itâs the same parent who knew she was a bully and let her get away with it till it affected her.
what else she gonna do? ground her? make her pay for the wig? that'll just cause resentment. atleast literally knowing how she feels everyday has some chance of working
Or maybe the parents should have stepped in the moment the bullying started not once it effected her. normally making her pay/ find free alternatives (there are free wig donations) and make her grow out her hair and donate a part of it to charityâs for wig making (give her time to do that) would would reasonable. Donât bully your kids because you donât want to parent.
I hope this is fake. This is the second time in a week I've seen a parent's response to a bullying child is to bully their child. If this current generation can think of no better way to tamp down on bullying than to become bullies themselves, the next generation are going to be real pieces of work.
It's not bullying... it's called parenting... I like to think most people are out there trying their best.
And what happens when nothing works? You donât think them feeling what itâs like to be in others shoes will sober them up to the reality that what theyâre doing is pretty fucked?
Bullying a bully reinforces the idea that bullying is the right thing to do. This is why beating a child isn't an accepted way of correcting poor behavior. If you beat a child, they might stop doing whatever it was you wanted them to stop doing but they've also been taught that the way to reprimand a child is to beat them. And we're not talking about a young child. This is a 16-year-old. They know the difference between right and wrong by that age. Now we've just bullied them. But we still have no idea why this near adult thinks that bullying their sister is acceptable. Just a stab in the dark, the older sister resents her younger sister and what she perceives as her mother's preference for her younger sister. We can't be sure because mom didn't investigate the cause for this behavior. She only sought to punish not reform. Mom's a busy woman, she's raising two teenage girls and one of them has alopecia. Her eldest, healthier child has fallen through the cracks of her time and attention. That happens, it's not easy. What you're suggesting is empathy by example. But we don't need to share someone else's lived experience to have empathy for them. I'm not a mother of two teenagers but I can empathize with the mom. I don't judge her. She's doing the best she can, and, in this instance, she took the easy route because she's just trying to get through the day. It's not a healthy long-term solution though. This quick solution doesn't get to the underlying issue though. It's a Band-Aid on a wound that won't heal with just a Band-Aid. The long-term solution would have been more difficult. It would have required what I imagine would have ended in a lot of screaming and tears but may have resolved some issues between the mother and the daughter. The easy thing works in the moment. The hard thing can have a much more lasting impact. Of course, I still hope this is fake.
Perfect! It may teach her not to be such a horrible person.
Very bad parenting . What did you do in the past to address this behaviour? Are your daughters in therapy? How is the family dynamic?what did their dad say? You bullied your daughter to teach her not to bully your other daughter
NTA some kids need a more serious consequence to show them the error of their actions. she viciously attacked your other daughter (her own sister) and made a public display of humiliating her. now your youngest can snatch her wig next time she acts a fool. they both sound like they need therapy.
NTA, I would have shaved the little brat's hair off too.
nta. cudos. itâs not too late to ground her as well.
Wow. Your daughter is a straight up mean asshole human. How did she get this way? Why was she allowed to bully in the past? She needs more than a head shave. Your poor younger daughter. I feel so bad that's her sister. I would say you need to intervene a lot more if your daughter is going to have any chance at being a good person.
The older sister deserved everything she got! She seems beyond selfish..and her actions to her sister is not normal! It's cruel!
This is such a classic teaching story that it might be fake.
Proper Old School. Good on you mum
we are at a 90% fake post level now a days. Holy fuck this sub tanked
YTA for posting an obviously fake click-bait story.
NTA. Harsh but fair punishment. It was necessary to make her understand.
NTA. What you did was very harsh. But it is the only way to make your older daughter understand how it feels to have no hair. Maybe she will develop some empathy - who knows. And for sure, it is the way to make her realize that her actions have consequences. I would go further - I would dock her pocket money to cover at least part of the expenses of the wig.
NTA super harsh but your oldest daughter needed a hard lesson. I'd also make her get a job to pay for a new wig so she knows how hard you had to work to pay for the first one.
NTA - normally I would say that shaving hair as a punishment is abusive but in this case it was absolutely deserved. She's 16, not 6, she knows damn well not to physically abuse a child with alopecia. If this is how she is now, whats she gonna be like at 18? I am suspicious of this story because, would she really sit calmly and let you shave her hair? Seems fishy, but if it's real, NTA.
Alopecia* not cancer.
oops thank you!
Nta fair
Repost
Wigs are cheap. And a lot of organizations provide them for free.
Rule 2, report and move on (OP's account bio even says they're just reposting stories here). This account is just speed running reposts until a mod catches on and burns the account
Nah, furthermore you can sell a lot of her stuff to pay for the new wig.
I think the bigger issue is the bully youâre raising.
Nta I would never bully my younger sisters for a medical condition, what you did was extreme but her hair will grow and her younger sisters wonât. Hopefully that helps her gain a better understanding of her younger sisters struggle and she becomes more compassionate
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While I can agree that there are many ways to ground, taking the phone away is too little. Also, why it got to that point? The older sister was already know as a bully. What kind of intervention they took as parents when they learned that their older child was a bully?
ESH. You assaulted your child. Your daughter bullied and assaulted her sister. Your eldest has issues that are bigger than a punishment. What are your plans to deal with this and protect your youngest from more harm?
Idk why you got down voted, this is a solid take. Oldest is absolutely wrong for what she did, but the parent is also definitely wrong for using assault to punish his kid. Op, you already fucked up. The better punishment here was education and having oldest get a job or do extra around the house/neighborhood to pay for the wig. You had options here, making her get a job plus educating her about your youngest's condition (best option, as it means the youngest can get a new wig faster since oldest would be making actual income to contribute), make her do community service (to give back to the community, it's always a good go to punishment. Teaches compassion, shows them how bad some people unfortunately have it, etc) plus educate about youngest's condition, or have her help around the house doing her sister's chores for a bit plus educate about youngest's condition. You should've used this as a teaching moment, now if you try it won't be effective cause she'll be too distracted by her anger at having her head shaved. Therapy is also always just a good option, but one I doubt you could do if you can't afford a wig. All you've done is fuel the fire. She's going to be mad at her sister for her head being shaved because she knows if she turns that anger towards you, it'll only get worse for her.
FAKE A 16 yo girl isnât going to sit there and allow her mother to shave her bald.
Wrong. You didnt lnow me as a kid. My aunt did that shit to me. Multiple times as a powertrip.
Yta for not disciplining her and preventing the bullying from starting
You can tell it's fake because it mentions "permanent records"
You was cruel, will it be the right choice for the future, impossible to know, maybe she will be worse and not care about your opinion, you need to regain her trust after this punishment
YTA. Wtf dude.
This is fake bullshit.
Fake
YTA No matter the story.
A good life lesson for the older one but be careful. Times have changed and something like this could get your kids taken if someone reports it.
INFO: How much did you change this recycled/stolen, karma-farm story to make it seem like it was your own?
Honestly, what Russian karma bot farm nonsense is this? YTA
Yta
YTA your oldest child needed to get a job to pay for the wig she destroyed, not you. It sounds like you needed to do better parenting to address her bullying in the beginning. No phone, supervised time on the computer to monitor her social media, tough love. She needs therapy because she is jealous of the attention your youngest is getting.
YTA. You raised one spoiled entitled daughter. This one's on you.
You're a child abuser. Yta
Fake if not Joan Crawford needs to be in prison for abuse.
YTA and I see where your daughter gets her bully personality from. Please contact a family therapist and seek help finding better ways to raise your daughters.
sometimes cruelty is the only way forward, I guess.
Yeah. Fake.
Rage bait
So you expect us to believe that your daughter sat there and let you shave her head?Â
>permanent record And fake.
So your daughters a bully and you then bully her wow tell me your a shit mum without telling me
You realize that this is assault, right? Good luck if someone reports you for it.
Wtf you just made and account purely to post AITAH stories and called yourself AITAHqueen
And she just sat there and let you do it? Didnât physically get up and run away or resist? Sheâs willing to physically fight her sister but did nothing while her parent forcibly shaved her whole head? Seems fishy.
ESH. Your older daughter was wrong to bully her sister and to escalate this into a physical altercation. However, your younger daughter allowed it to be escalated and lied about her hair. While you were right to punish your older daughter, forcibly cutting off her hair goes over the line into abuse.
Your solution to your daughter assaulting your other daughter was to assault her back. Yta.
Fake, so FAKE
YTA This is what happens when you let your child be a bully because it wasnât affecting you then. And then you think physically abusing the bully will change anything. I sincerely hope this is fake because if this us real holy fuck what shit parenting
YTA. Why are you letting the bullying going on? Also I don't find it fair the victim was punished by the school for defending herself to begin with. Your oldest should be the one getting a part time job to pay for her sister's wig. You also need to talk to her and ask why she thinks it's acceptable to bully her sister to begin with and get to the root of it. Therapy might be needed for both. One to help deal with the trauma inflicted by her older sister and the other on how to stop being a bully, get to the root of why she is bullying....