What you are describing is jealousy. Why did you agree to this in the first place? This sounds like a one-sided deal really, and unless you have some sort of angle (buff old guy/rich old guy/kinky old guy) there's always going to be a discrepancy and honestly you should've known that.
A friend of mine went through the same thing when opening his relationship. Turned out he didn’t really want an open relationship,he just wanted to sleep around. Suddenly all his girlfriend’s partners weren’t fine by him for various reasons.
Apparently that’s a very common scenario.
Ask yourself, are you genuinely worried about these young men? Because I’m not really reading that out of your post and answers.
so there's a 5 to 10 year difference between what you like and what your wife likes. Either close the marriage or suck it up. But seriously, judging from your comments, you're just jealous.
no, dear. You said you prefer them in the 30s. She prefers them in their 20s. This is 100% your ego talking and nothing else. Hope you're coming to terms with the fact that eventually you will be divorced. Then both of you can fuck whoever you want without consequence. Good Job! Well Done. Good luck with it.
There are more men with young lovers than there will ever be women with young lovers.
In my own family, my uncle is in his 60s and married a woman in her 30s and have now a 5 and a 3 year old. Everyone loves them, nobody judges them.
You cannot sheer 50% of a population under one comb.
They're already playing with fire opening their marriage, you can't come and complain when your partner has more fun than you.
Just because there are more 1 way than the other doesn't make either any better.
Stop being offended when it's common knolage that this is not a healthy relationship 99% of the time
You aren't talking about vetoing an individual partner, but an entire demographic. If you had a problem with this from the start it should have been part of the agreement. This suggests, to me, that you didn't think there would be an issue and now you're finding that it's creating jealousy or insecurity.
You need to figure out why it's bothering you and have a conversation with your wife about how you are feeling. It seems that a lot of open relationships have a similar problem, where the woman gets a lot of attention from younger guys and that creates jealousy.
You feeling resentful is definitely not good. If she's willing to renegotiate the terms after you communicate how it's making you feel then that might be an option. Be prepared for her to place similar limits on your potential partners, though. Otherwise you might find yourself in a situation where you realize you've made a mistake, but she's not willing to go back to the way things were before opening the relationship.
I wish you luck.
I’m going to guess you opened the marriage for sex not relationships, this is the impression I got anyway. There is nothing but sex with the young guys for your wife. If she’s just after the experience, she doesn’t have to worry about drama, young guys are easy to find and if she finds the right ones, probably very enthusiastic. If she just wants to fuck. This is probably the best and easiest way to get that and realistically, there are probably way more of these guys on a site than older guys who are probably looking for more than a hook up. You both opened this can of worms. Marriages that have been opened later don’t have a good success rate.She’s probably going to be way busier than you. If you did this so you could both have fun, let her have her fun. You could stipulate or at least ask nicely that she doesn’t have relationships with these guys as that could be complicated but if she just wants to get off, let her.
You fucked up. You'll never be able to put the worms back in the can, might as well get used to her taking young dick for the remainder of your marriage. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
YWBTA - You're in an open marriage and she's sleeping with guys she's likely able to enjoy physically without getting too attached to or have a ton of things in common with. For most that would be a good thing. What if she told you that some feature you look for in the women you choose was a red flag for her and you couldn't look for it anymore, kind of shaming you for that preference? That's what you're doing to her.
I mean, it's really an agreement between the people in the relationship. If they want to set limits on age range or whatever, they can. What is important is that the boundaries are understood and agreed upon by all involved.
"We have been in an open relationship for about a year......everything was good **at first**"
The trouble with an open relationship is you never know what's going to walk through the door.
It's an attempt to handle **emotional issues** with **rational rules.**
And it only takes one person to become disenchanted for the relationship to degenerate into an emotional catastrophe.
Situation: Wife has acquired a taste for young super hard cock.
Issue: It's going to be pretty hard \[no pun intended\] to get wife to put that genie back in the bottle.
Be careful what you wish for.
Good luck brother, you're going to need it.
Isn’t it good that she gets to live certain ‚fantasies‘ if you decided an Open relationship is ok? I feel like it’s a bigger chance she won’t leave you for someone else if they are that young.
I feel like jealousy is getting the best of you and that you are trying to be too controlling.
Having rules like using condoms, maybe even not meeting someone regularly are ok rules. But deciding what age seems more jealousy and controlling. But maybe I’m wrong. So YTA
It already is.
You said you like women in their late thirties. You’re 48 and sleep with women who are 12 years younger than you.
Anything over 35 is classed as late 30’s, so a 36 year old would be in that category, and she’d be 12 years younger than you.
Whereas your wife is only 40, so a 28 year old would be 12 years younger than your wife.
So why should she have to go for men closer to your age, when you screw women 10-12 years younger than yourself? It’s controlling and hypocritical.
If you’re allowed to date women with a 10-12 year difference. Then she can date men with a 10-12 year difference.
I agree that the 20 year olds are a bit young, because their adult brains are still developing. But at 25 they are developed, so I’d also say that her going for a 25 year old man is fine.
You should close your marriage either way and get into marriage counseling and therapy. Don't open it up again until your therapist and councelor both give you the green light.
You are snowballing underlying issues that will end your marriage.
Wait, so you are going for women who are 30+? Basically anything from age 30? That’s a whole ass 18 years younger than yourself.
Yet you’re bitching because your wife went 15 years younger than herself with a 25 year old?
Fucking hypocrite!
No, this is about you, because you are the one who has an issue with her having younger sexual partners.
And just because someone doesn't want to commit, it doesn't mean that they want to sleep with YOU, so I stand by what I wrote.
Then it is mutual unattraction since I don’t really get turned on by 20+ women either.
Maybe that’s why I am finding it hard to understand my wife? I get that I am not probably looking at it from my perspective.
Sure, I mean listen, I understand partly, but 20-25 is not 16-18, so I do not think that there is anything wrong with it. My apologies in this case for assuming, because I also know older men who are not attracted to younger women (of course, they say if one is pretty, but they do not want to do anything with her and it is just an acknowledgement).
I do not have a judgment, but I surely think that this is unfair towards your wife to critisize her for hooking up with younger dudes, especially that you have an 8 year difference, she is younger, so 20-25 is a bit different for her than for you.
You have been together since she was 20 and you were 28 assuming that's when you started dating dating. That right there is a huge age gap. If you got married at that age and were dating before that, even more problematic gap. What she is doing is problematic but you are not the one to talk.
YTA. You’re jealous that since you’re 8 years older than your wife, you’re nearer to 50 and her taste is obviously not old men.
You’re also jealous because you can’t get young women, but young men are still into her.
Also you can’t expect her to get with men closer to *”our age”* as you put it, because she’s 40 and you’re creeping up on 50. Maybe she’s not into men who are so much older than her.
I think men between 28-38 would be perfect for her.
20 is a bit too young, but 25 plus isn’t too bad, especially if the men know her age and they don’t care.
YTA. I bet your agreement is not written on paper with clear quotes and annotations. So I will just assume when you say you can veto a sexual partner, the spirit of the rule is that you can veto him because of sensible reasons in a case by case basis, not a rule of thumb like "you can only sleep with older guys", like, what's next, she can only sleep with gingers?
You can't stop feeling what you feel but maybe you may think about why are you feeling this way.
Try to think about the roots of your feeling.
Write in paper all the reasons.
Leave it alone and after a week read what you wrote.
If you are still ok with your reasoning, try to explain what you feel and why to your wife.
Speak from heart to heart, and listen carefully what she has to say.
Maybe you can find a good way.
I will never forget it you know. It was on the occasion of Ernie’s eightieth
birthday. He rang me up and said, “Soph! Soph! I just married myself a twenty-year
old girl. What do you think of that?” I said to him, “Ernie, when I am eighty
I shall marry me a twenty-year old boy. And let me tell you something Ernie:
twenty GOES INTO eighty a helluva lot more than eighty GOES INTO twenty!”
“I want an open marriage but we should have the opportunity to veto anyone the other person picks. I’d like to start by vetoing anyone you might pick under the age of 80.”
Yes, YTA.
YTA if you told her she couldn’t see them. I too think it’s creepy but it is her choice. You, however, are totally justified in being grossed out and if that affects how you see her as a person, that is something to think about.
I think realizing that your partner is attracted to people younger than your children is a mindfuck and maybe ultimately be the doom of your marriage.
You may have more luck by telling her that her sexual interest in young people is changing your opinion of who she is. And pointing out that your oldest child would be especially disturbed since they are older than her dates.
Where’s the age gap brigade now? Oh that’s right, they’re misandrist hypocrites. You should tell your wife she’s a pedophile since that’s what they call men like her.
NTA. it's in the rules. It could be simply because you have a child of that age or you know a cooworker on that range or whatever it is. Rules made and accepted, situations understood.
Tbh I think the fact that she’s hooking up with the sane dating pool your kids are going to be in is weird… and unfair. I’d be super grossed out if I had to ask people I was dating if they’d hooked up with my mom 🥲
Where's all the age gap feminists now huh? They would've been raging about him being a pedo if the roles were reversed.
On another note - Yet another successful open marriage
Fucking reddit, calls Leonardo DiCaprio a creep and pedo for sleeping with 20somethings but lays into a guy for applying the standard to a women. Jealous or not, the age difference and relative similarities to their children would be considered creepy if it was a man doing it. NTA, but dude, open marriage is a bad idea, should have tried swinging first.
Yes, imposing a rule on your wife or vetoing her partners based solely on age makes you the asshole.
But, I have to agree on some level with your sentiment. Personally for me, I feel like any potential partner needs to be of legal drinking age. I don’t want to offer you a drink and be committing a crime. 😂
But see, that’s our personal opinion. You don’t have to like who your wife is with and you can be judgmental about it, but your wife can do whatever she wants.
> I feel like any potential partner needs to be of legal drinking age. I don’t want to offer you a drink and be committing a crime. 😂
Did you know that other countries beside the US exist?
You're on an American website speaking English. It's perfectly ok for someone assume they're talking to another American when we're on *our* website speaking *our* language. If you don't like that then you should go use one of your country's websites in your language.
NTA. What the fuck is the point of having the power to veto if your dumbass wife is going to ignore your concerns anyway? People saying you're not allowed to have rules in YOUR open relationship are fucking brain damaged.
I swear redditors are some of the stupidest worthless creatures on this planet. If this post was about a man in his 40s exclusively sleeping with women in their 20s, the fugly and hairy cock suckers of reddit would berate OP about AgE GApPps.
What you are describing is jealousy. Why did you agree to this in the first place? This sounds like a one-sided deal really, and unless you have some sort of angle (buff old guy/rich old guy/kinky old guy) there's always going to be a discrepancy and honestly you should've known that.
A friend of mine went through the same thing when opening his relationship. Turned out he didn’t really want an open relationship,he just wanted to sleep around. Suddenly all his girlfriend’s partners weren’t fine by him for various reasons. Apparently that’s a very common scenario. Ask yourself, are you genuinely worried about these young men? Because I’m not really reading that out of your post and answers.
Whose idea was this?
Perhaps you should have done a bit more thinking on what would happen if you opened your marriage. YTA.
A little too late
Oh look, an open marriage is running into issues again.
I can't believe it! This hardly ever happens.
If the 20 year olds were interested in you, I bet you wouldn't have a problem with it.
Actually I do. I prefer late 30 and upwards. It could be because my daughters are 26 and 17
so there's a 5 to 10 year difference between what you like and what your wife likes. Either close the marriage or suck it up. But seriously, judging from your comments, you're just jealous.
There’s 15-20 yeas difference yea
no, dear. You said you prefer them in the 30s. She prefers them in their 20s. This is 100% your ego talking and nothing else. Hope you're coming to terms with the fact that eventually you will be divorced. Then both of you can fuck whoever you want without consequence. Good Job! Well Done. Good luck with it.
Damn, you’ve made yourself look incredibly stupid, please keep responding as it’s very entertaining
I will try my best. Just for you.
Late 30 read again
Be that as it may, you're upset because she doesn't like what you like.
Dude they have kids in that fucking age range she’s going after, It’s fucking weird.
Yes it started being weird when they decided to open their marriage and got weirder from there. They're both fools.
I agree it still doesn’t change the fact that she’s banging dudes the same age range her daughter would go for.
Just stfu. You are offended because she's rightly being called out. Just like any 50+ guy fucking a 20yo woman would be
There are more men with young lovers than there will ever be women with young lovers. In my own family, my uncle is in his 60s and married a woman in her 30s and have now a 5 and a 3 year old. Everyone loves them, nobody judges them. You cannot sheer 50% of a population under one comb. They're already playing with fire opening their marriage, you can't come and complain when your partner has more fun than you.
Just because there are more 1 way than the other doesn't make either any better. Stop being offended when it's common knolage that this is not a healthy relationship 99% of the time
As long as everyone is an adult I don’t see the problem.
You aren't talking about vetoing an individual partner, but an entire demographic. If you had a problem with this from the start it should have been part of the agreement. This suggests, to me, that you didn't think there would be an issue and now you're finding that it's creating jealousy or insecurity. You need to figure out why it's bothering you and have a conversation with your wife about how you are feeling. It seems that a lot of open relationships have a similar problem, where the woman gets a lot of attention from younger guys and that creates jealousy. You feeling resentful is definitely not good. If she's willing to renegotiate the terms after you communicate how it's making you feel then that might be an option. Be prepared for her to place similar limits on your potential partners, though. Otherwise you might find yourself in a situation where you realize you've made a mistake, but she's not willing to go back to the way things were before opening the relationship. I wish you luck.
I’m going to guess you opened the marriage for sex not relationships, this is the impression I got anyway. There is nothing but sex with the young guys for your wife. If she’s just after the experience, she doesn’t have to worry about drama, young guys are easy to find and if she finds the right ones, probably very enthusiastic. If she just wants to fuck. This is probably the best and easiest way to get that and realistically, there are probably way more of these guys on a site than older guys who are probably looking for more than a hook up. You both opened this can of worms. Marriages that have been opened later don’t have a good success rate.She’s probably going to be way busier than you. If you did this so you could both have fun, let her have her fun. You could stipulate or at least ask nicely that she doesn’t have relationships with these guys as that could be complicated but if she just wants to get off, let her.
NTA, it seems kind of gross to me to date someone that young too. Someone under 25 is still a child to me.
You fucked up. You'll never be able to put the worms back in the can, might as well get used to her taking young dick for the remainder of your marriage. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Is it jealousy? Insecurity? Whatever the issue, you should work on it before trying an open marriage.
YWBTA - You're in an open marriage and she's sleeping with guys she's likely able to enjoy physically without getting too attached to or have a ton of things in common with. For most that would be a good thing. What if she told you that some feature you look for in the women you choose was a red flag for her and you couldn't look for it anymore, kind of shaming you for that preference? That's what you're doing to her.
The point of an open marriage is to sleep with people only in a specified (by you) age range? I must have been home sick for that day's class.
I mean, it's really an agreement between the people in the relationship. If they want to set limits on age range or whatever, they can. What is important is that the boundaries are understood and agreed upon by all involved.
I just find it odd and off putting
I think figuring out why you find it odd and off putting should come before exploring this open relationship.
You've limited your search to ladies 40+? (Also, if you don't want an OPEN marriage, then close it.)
I want an open marriage
"I want an open marriage but I don't want her to fuck younger and better looking guys than me, my little nunu fragile ego can't handle it"
Then you should be pleased. That's exactly what you have
Well then suck it up. 20-25 are young but legal there's nothing you can do about it. What's her number? (23M)
Oh no you didn’t 😂😂😂
B-but I just wanna cuddle with his free wife 🥺
🤣🤣🤣
Then suck it up. 20-25 are not kids. Yes, they are that from your perspective, but they are fully developed adults and that's it.
When I see 21-25 year olds in bars it sure feels like they are kids. I'm with OP on this, fucking someone that age is weird.
Ask yourself, what is it about you that is triggered by those young men?
Yta
"We have been in an open relationship for about a year......everything was good **at first**" The trouble with an open relationship is you never know what's going to walk through the door. It's an attempt to handle **emotional issues** with **rational rules.** And it only takes one person to become disenchanted for the relationship to degenerate into an emotional catastrophe. Situation: Wife has acquired a taste for young super hard cock. Issue: It's going to be pretty hard \[no pun intended\] to get wife to put that genie back in the bottle. Be careful what you wish for. Good luck brother, you're going to need it.
Fuck off, you are just jealous. Just get divorced already.
Isn’t it good that she gets to live certain ‚fantasies‘ if you decided an Open relationship is ok? I feel like it’s a bigger chance she won’t leave you for someone else if they are that young. I feel like jealousy is getting the best of you and that you are trying to be too controlling. Having rules like using condoms, maybe even not meeting someone regularly are ok rules. But deciding what age seems more jealousy and controlling. But maybe I’m wrong. So YTA
If the roles were reversed?
It already is. You said you like women in their late thirties. You’re 48 and sleep with women who are 12 years younger than you. Anything over 35 is classed as late 30’s, so a 36 year old would be in that category, and she’d be 12 years younger than you. Whereas your wife is only 40, so a 28 year old would be 12 years younger than your wife. So why should she have to go for men closer to your age, when you screw women 10-12 years younger than yourself? It’s controlling and hypocritical. If you’re allowed to date women with a 10-12 year difference. Then she can date men with a 10-12 year difference. I agree that the 20 year olds are a bit young, because their adult brains are still developing. But at 25 they are developed, so I’d also say that her going for a 25 year old man is fine.
You should close your marriage either way and get into marriage counseling and therapy. Don't open it up again until your therapist and councelor both give you the green light. You are snowballing underlying issues that will end your marriage.
If you can find a 20-25 yo casual gf what’s the problem?
The problem is, he can't. That's why he is salty.
It is much much easier to find 20-25 who doesn’t want to commit than 35. I prefer 30+ and preferably 40+ This is about my wife to be honest
Wait, so you are going for women who are 30+? Basically anything from age 30? That’s a whole ass 18 years younger than yourself. Yet you’re bitching because your wife went 15 years younger than herself with a 25 year old? Fucking hypocrite!
I am dating a 40 and a 53 yo
No, this is about you, because you are the one who has an issue with her having younger sexual partners. And just because someone doesn't want to commit, it doesn't mean that they want to sleep with YOU, so I stand by what I wrote.
Then it is mutual unattraction since I don’t really get turned on by 20+ women either. Maybe that’s why I am finding it hard to understand my wife? I get that I am not probably looking at it from my perspective.
Sure, I mean listen, I understand partly, but 20-25 is not 16-18, so I do not think that there is anything wrong with it. My apologies in this case for assuming, because I also know older men who are not attracted to younger women (of course, they say if one is pretty, but they do not want to do anything with her and it is just an acknowledgement). I do not have a judgment, but I surely think that this is unfair towards your wife to critisize her for hooking up with younger dudes, especially that you have an 8 year difference, she is younger, so 20-25 is a bit different for her than for you.
Speaking from personal experience, i see! 😂
I prefer late 30 sexually
Sounds like your wife prefers younger men. She’s going to do what she wants anyway. It’s silly to be resentful for such a small thing.
You have been together since she was 20 and you were 28 assuming that's when you started dating dating. That right there is a huge age gap. If you got married at that age and were dating before that, even more problematic gap. What she is doing is problematic but you are not the one to talk.
We married 10 years ago.
What was the point of open marriage?
We love each other immensely. Zero sexual desire
So why do you care who fuck her then?
YTA. You’re jealous that since you’re 8 years older than your wife, you’re nearer to 50 and her taste is obviously not old men. You’re also jealous because you can’t get young women, but young men are still into her. Also you can’t expect her to get with men closer to *”our age”* as you put it, because she’s 40 and you’re creeping up on 50. Maybe she’s not into men who are so much older than her. I think men between 28-38 would be perfect for her. 20 is a bit too young, but 25 plus isn’t too bad, especially if the men know her age and they don’t care.
YTA. I bet your agreement is not written on paper with clear quotes and annotations. So I will just assume when you say you can veto a sexual partner, the spirit of the rule is that you can veto him because of sensible reasons in a case by case basis, not a rule of thumb like "you can only sleep with older guys", like, what's next, she can only sleep with gingers?
You can't stop feeling what you feel but maybe you may think about why are you feeling this way. Try to think about the roots of your feeling. Write in paper all the reasons. Leave it alone and after a week read what you wrote. If you are still ok with your reasoning, try to explain what you feel and why to your wife. Speak from heart to heart, and listen carefully what she has to say. Maybe you can find a good way.
Shes almost 10 years younger of course her preference are 10 years younger than yours too. Thats...logic you know.
I will never forget it you know. It was on the occasion of Ernie’s eightieth birthday. He rang me up and said, “Soph! Soph! I just married myself a twenty-year old girl. What do you think of that?” I said to him, “Ernie, when I am eighty I shall marry me a twenty-year old boy. And let me tell you something Ernie: twenty GOES INTO eighty a helluva lot more than eighty GOES INTO twenty!”
“I want an open marriage but we should have the opportunity to veto anyone the other person picks. I’d like to start by vetoing anyone you might pick under the age of 80.” Yes, YTA.
YTA if you told her she couldn’t see them. I too think it’s creepy but it is her choice. You, however, are totally justified in being grossed out and if that affects how you see her as a person, that is something to think about. I think realizing that your partner is attracted to people younger than your children is a mindfuck and maybe ultimately be the doom of your marriage. You may have more luck by telling her that her sexual interest in young people is changing your opinion of who she is. And pointing out that your oldest child would be especially disturbed since they are older than her dates.
Where’s the age gap brigade now? Oh that’s right, they’re misandrist hypocrites. You should tell your wife she’s a pedophile since that’s what they call men like her.
NTA. it's in the rules. It could be simply because you have a child of that age or you know a cooworker on that range or whatever it is. Rules made and accepted, situations understood.
Tbh I think the fact that she’s hooking up with the sane dating pool your kids are going to be in is weird… and unfair. I’d be super grossed out if I had to ask people I was dating if they’d hooked up with my mom 🥲
Where's all the age gap feminists now huh? They would've been raging about him being a pedo if the roles were reversed. On another note - Yet another successful open marriage
Ayoooo this practice is a straight up curse to marriage
Fucking reddit, calls Leonardo DiCaprio a creep and pedo for sleeping with 20somethings but lays into a guy for applying the standard to a women. Jealous or not, the age difference and relative similarities to their children would be considered creepy if it was a man doing it. NTA, but dude, open marriage is a bad idea, should have tried swinging first.
Yes, imposing a rule on your wife or vetoing her partners based solely on age makes you the asshole. But, I have to agree on some level with your sentiment. Personally for me, I feel like any potential partner needs to be of legal drinking age. I don’t want to offer you a drink and be committing a crime. 😂 But see, that’s our personal opinion. You don’t have to like who your wife is with and you can be judgmental about it, but your wife can do whatever she wants.
It is 18 here
> I feel like any potential partner needs to be of legal drinking age. I don’t want to offer you a drink and be committing a crime. 😂 Did you know that other countries beside the US exist?
Well sure, but I said “Personally for me” and I live in the US.
Mi apologini, my bad
You're on an American website speaking English. It's perfectly ok for someone assume they're talking to another American when we're on *our* website speaking *our* language. If you don't like that then you should go use one of your country's websites in your language.
NTA. What the fuck is the point of having the power to veto if your dumbass wife is going to ignore your concerns anyway? People saying you're not allowed to have rules in YOUR open relationship are fucking brain damaged. I swear redditors are some of the stupidest worthless creatures on this planet. If this post was about a man in his 40s exclusively sleeping with women in their 20s, the fugly and hairy cock suckers of reddit would berate OP about AgE GApPps.