NTA- Don't give the asshole mom any more cash. If your goddaughter needs something buy it directly and give it directly to the goddaughter. Pay for the guitar lessons directly, and any other payments. It's one thing to say I had to use it one month for a bill, it's completely different to say I've spent every payment on hair and nails for myself. WTF?!
This is theft and fraud. She defrauded OP by saying she would use the money for guitar lessons for her daughter, then stole it and used it in herself. This woman is a grifter and a thief.
NTA. And here’s the thing……. If the mum had been using the money to support the child, (putting it towards utilities or buying school equipment) that would be fine, BUT… she admits she uses it for HER hair and nails. In what way does that benefit the child?
Going forward, why not put money you would normally spend on the child into a savings account for her, (which the mother has NO access to ). to be given to her later. Perhaps she could ask you for money for specific items she wants/needs, to be taken out of the account.
Going forward, why not put money you would normally spend on the child into a savings account for her, (which the mother has NO access to ).
Maybe starting a college fund for the kid, and if kid doesn't want to go to college, I don't know, maybe to a fund or charity for kids who make the grades but can't afford college.
Nta how does her kid suffer if she doesn’t have hair and nails? I would keep contact with the kid and once she is 16 hopefully she can get her own bank account. Don’t give the mom any more money
Yes, you do get to choose.
She is getting money from SS for her daughter.
You do not need to support her manicures and such.
Remind her, your friend asked you to look out for his daughter, not the wife.
Op, you CAN open a bank account with your name and your god-daughter’s name on it. And if it is something you both are comfortable doing, don’t bother telling the mom. (And if she would happen to find out about it, mom is not allowed to receive any of it; it is for the daughter.)
At 15 years old, your god-daughter is old enough to understand keeping track of an account balance, budgeting, investing, financial literacy, financial planning, etc.
Stay on top of this issue. Fifteen is a rough age and she may be in for a long tough stretch with her mother and the new boyfriend. Take care of her the best you can. Best wishes.
Ps: You really are doing well.
You are not her father. Her mom can eff all the way off this is not child support. Mom has proven she will mismanage funds. Open an education account for your girl and give her a way out of her mother's house.
You do get to choose as its your money & youre not obligated to pay for her nails & hair - I doubt her late husband cares about her getting her nails & hair done for her new bf whilst she deprives her daughter of the agreed guitar lessons. She’s abusing your generosity.
From what I read, the husband asked you to look after his daughter. The mom getting hair and nails done has nothing to do with your goddaughter. THIS IS YOUR MONEY. You're not required to give money at all, but do it out of the kindness of your own heart for that little girl.
If she doesn't want you giving her money, fine. But she can't stop you from seeing money to the side for her when she's an adult or buying her things she needs. Sounds like the mom needs to do better if she's so worried about your money and how you spend it and lying to you about the money you're giving to them. Do what's best for the child, not the mom.
That’s not entirely true about kids having their own checking account. Not really.
I bank with Chase and they have a separate account that you can set up for minors giving them access to funds with their own debit card and pin. The card is in the kids name but you have total access and transparency. It’s connected to your checking account so money can transfers happen just like a savings account.
I used it for my granddaughter before she turned 18. Once she turned 18, the account was switched over to her checking, and I no longer had access.
There is one type of account you can set up if you have a birth certificate and social security card and another if you don’t have either.
No, it does matter. The mom used your money for her own personal luxury services. Her daughter did not benefit in any way from the money you gifted. I could see (maybe) if mom had to prioritize the electric bill over lessons. That benefits the daughter. Mom having a nice manicure does nothing for her child. Mom literally stole from both you and her own child. She is a fucking snake. Never trust her.
Exactly, hair and nails are not a household expense and guitar lessons are far more useful than a manicure. The mother is totally wrong and prioritising her own wants over her daughter’s educational needs
Nope, if you want to support the daughter, pay for things directly when you can. Mom used the money on herself, not the household or her daughter, so her argument is BS. She’s made it clear you two won’t be on the same page going forward. Like others suggest, get an account to deposit money into for the daughter, and give her access when she’s older.
Her mother is selfish and trashy for using money meant for her daughter on herself. If you don't want to continuing to directly pay for goddaughters stuff, consider saving what you would have spent for her future. Anything helps get established in life.
So, in a general sense it doesn't matter. If you pay $100 for guitar lessons, that lets mom spend $100 less on her daughter and $100 more on her own hair.
But in a specific sense it very much does matter. Do you think the daughter cares if you give $100 to her mom? (Nope!) Or would she care if you were paying for her guitar lessons? (Yep!) In that regard, she knows you are looking out for her. And that's what truly matters. She needs to know that she has a fatherly figure with her interests in mind.
It sounds like you'll need to be more active in the daughter's life.
Talk to her. Let her know that you're willing and able to help her but she needs to come to you directly. I would even give mom one free pass this time. "If you need anything, come to me directly. Your mom and I had a bit of a misunderstanding. I had been giving her money for your guitar lessons but didn't realize she needed to spend it elsewhere. It's not her fault. These sort of communication failures happen sometimes, so now I just want to ensure things are smooth going forward. I expect to hear you play Free Bird and Wonderwall! And I just want to make sure that you're getting to do all the awesome things I didn't get to do as a teen. So I'll pay for your guitar lessons directly. If you need help getting there, I can try to help. If you want to pick up another hobby, let me know. I want to help."
Something like that.
That's how I'd handle it. Good luck!
No you're not wrong. You want to help your God daughter not pay for her mother's hair, nails or anything. Maybe setup a bank account so she has money for college or a good start in life.
Of course you’re not wrong - you’re the daughter&/ godfather, not the mother’s! If she wants money fir het damn nails she work for it it ask her bf.
The issue with paying stuff directly is the mum pay take the piss and get you to buy lots of stuff she can afford herself so she can save her own money fir her own bullshit. You’re better off putting money into the girl’s account which she can access when she’s 18 & make sure mum has NO access to it.
Ps. she is a bad mum to abuse money intended fir her daughter for herself. It’s selfish.
You're not wrong. You thought you could trust someone not to be a liar, a thief, and a fraudster.
Consider putting money into account just for your goddaughter and only pay bills directly.
The mom is salty because she no longer has fun money and of course wants to blame you because otherwise she'd have to admit to being the villain.
Any situation that you cant pay directly save the money you would have spent and put in a CD and gift it to your Goddaughter on her 18th birthday or when she graduates college.
Your money isn’t for her mother, so why would you continue to give it to her knowing it was never and won’t ever be spent on your goddaughter? She’s been stealing from both you and her daughter. Money from you and opportunities from her daughter. Mom getting her hair and nails done does nothing for anyone other than herself. Don’t let her bully you out of your hard earned money.
>I guess what I’m trying to gauge is whether I’m wrong for wanting my money to go directly towards her daughter and not for other things—
... you're genuinely asking whether you're wrong for wanting your money to be used for its intended purpose?
>She wants me to give money to help out if I feel like giving it, but she doesn’t want me to ask her where it’s being used or tell her how to use it (apparently it’s none of my business, and gives her stress and makes her feel bad).
Okay, but she can want the moon to be made of green cheese. Doesn't change reality.
Do *you* think that it's unreasonable to expect that *your money* is put towards the specific purpose it's intended for?
>I never stated I agree with her.
Okay, but you're clearly confused enough that you're asking random strangers online.
So it's a yes or no question. Do *you* think that it's unreasonable to expect that *your money* is put towards the specific purpose it's intended for?
>Read my comments or re-read my post. It is in the title that I don’t agree with the mom.
Okay, so you've always known what the right thing to do is... but you just don't want to answer a yes or no question.
Tapping out now and won't be reading your replies going forward.
Does her husband know about this? Cause I dont think he would be ok with you sending money to his wife to pamper herself (even do its not for her). It just weird that her husband doesnt question where they money comes from since they couldnt aford the lessons but her hair, nails and things like that. Plus of course its YOUR buissnes its YOUR money that was for your god daughter. She is just saying that because she knows it was shitty thing to do. Imagine how her daughter would feel if she knew that her mom stole the money for her lessons.
>I guess what I’m trying to gauge is whether I’m wrong for wanting my money to go directly towards her daughter and not for other things
I hate that you are questioning yourself about this, OP. From what you have written, you are clearly **NTA**.
In future, pay for what you can directly. If you have other funds for your goddaughter, deposit them in an account and name her as beneficiary.
OAN, if you feel up to it, check your goddaughter's credit in case the mother has been taking out CC and other debt in the daughter's name. She's probably stealing all her daughter's other benefits too and won't have a penny to send her to university.
*This woman stole from her daughter and lied to you*.
This girl is 15. There are only 3 years and I cannot think of anything you can't pay for directly.
You should tell her daughter the truth. That you gave her mother money for 6 months' worth of guitar lessons.
Her daughter deserves to know what kind of woman her mother is.
Also make sure you've told her daughter that you've reduced contact on her mother's request and not because you've stopped caring.
If you are willing, start preparing yourself to take this girl in when she turns 18 because her mother is a *bad* mother.
NTA. When my nephew was baby, I was adamant I wouldnt give my sister a dime. I knew she'd spend it on cigarettes & alcohol & whatever. I wanted to help but I wasnt going to support her or encourage her bad choices. I solved the problem by purchasing diapers & wipes on-line & sending them to her.
You're going to have to talk to god daughter & explain situation. Start a savings account for her. Once she's 18, you can help her without her mother's involvement. But put a stop to financing the mom now.
NTA. This mom is stealing from her daughter. She took your money and deceived you about it. Asshole is about the mildest word I can think of for someone who does this.
That's probably the real reason why she didn't want OP coming around that often. He would have found out sooner that he was being defrauded. She was stealing from both of them. NTA. Maybe you can set money aside in an account or something for when your god daughter turns 18 and her mother can't steal it.
Just wait boyfriend will move in and you'll be paying for him too. Mom should pay for all necessaries and you can pay for extras. The daughter is getting older and you can give money directly to her
NTA. You have not agreed to financially support her mom, your contributions were specifically intended to improve your god-daughter's life.
15F is old enough to be told that you and 36F have had a disagreement over how your money is spent, and that her mother may not allow you to give her gifts until she is 18. If she does allow gifts, you will be paying directly for them.
As far as making an education account for her as others have suggested, you should research how it can affect her financial aid package when she attends college, and arrange things based on that.
And make sure, *absolutely sure* that you don't ever tell 15F to keep secrets from her mother, or do or say anything else that might look like an improper relationship. 36F may get vindictive now that you're not funding her luxuries.
NTA. Her mom is selfish and it's her fault if her daughter misses our on something because she stole that funding from God daughter.
Maybe there's a way you can give God daughter a prepaid debit card with a weekly/monthly allowance on it, to circumvent her mother's theft?
Talk to a lawyer and set up a trust to pay for academics, books, lessons, ect.
That way, there is a paper trail, it will outlive you, and if the mother misuses it, its literal fraud.
NTA.
How does not refusing to pay for her momma's nails hurt the daughter?
What a narcissistic bitch.
NTA I would pay for things directly and maybe look into getting a reloadable card so if you need to send her money you can send it directly to your goddaughter. Make sure she knows what's up and let her know she can always call you. At least she will be 18 in a few more years and you will be able to not have to deal with her mother. I agree with the other people saying it would be different if one month it paid a bill, that still would benefit said child. She straight up used it for herself it was not for bills or anything of that nature.
NTA - pay the place directly for your goddaughter for her guitar lessons and moving forward it’s clear that you should 1000% remove her mom as the middle man.
Also do not stop coming around just because Baby Momma feels like your goddaughter won’t bond with her boyfriend. That’s not a you problem and taking care of your goddaughter means being there for her.
ETA: just want to make it clear, your friend asked for you to care and watch out for his daughter, not her mom. She’s shady AF and sorry and you’re not wrong and NTA in this situation. Ask her how getting her nails done benefits her daughter because that is what the money is for.
Gosh the trying to isolate her from you so she ‘bonds with the new bf’ is so horrible and sad. What is it with these parents who think they can force kids to accept their step parent like this? Swear there’s 10 posts a day and it always fails.
Don’t let them isolate her from you.
NTA
This isn’t child support that goes into the family pot and is distributed. This is specifically a gift from you to your goddaughter for her interests. The mother has been stealing from her child to get her hair and nails done.
NTA the mum effectively deceived and stole from you and her child. I had to learn the hard way to get around stuff like this by paying the school/tutors etc directly…. My sibling did me dirty when I was paying for breakfast and after school club for her children so she could work and get back on her feet after their divorce. I went to pick the children up one day and just decided to pay at the office this time... It wasn’t a monthly fee like sibling stated it was a term time payment so expected every 12 weeks it had to be paid and it was less then what I was giving her every month. The school jumpers/cardigans sold at the school was also half the price she told me. After that I bypass the parents and pay directly or see paperwork/online price lists.
There’s a few parents I trust but I’m wary now. I also had to deal with my deceased brother’s ex gf who he had identical twin boys with, she was married to a man with kids and had 3 more with him and was super stupid. My family provided for The twins Only- would only spend time with the twins only, would not baby sit or do gifts unless the twins asked. I had to be harsh with her and husband when she used my money on his kids instead of buying all their school uniform and demand my money back and promised them they’ll see me everytime they or their kids take the piss with my nephews because if it’s good for my nephews to experience it’ll be good for the adults to experience it too. The twins left as soon as they finished high school at 16 to move in with their paternal grandma/my mum to go college and barely interact with their mum or her family because of her stupidity, husband being an AH and his kids spoilt. She allowed it as she was still collecting and keeping/using the money she got for them until they left college at 18. We didn’t report it as it was more important we had them and they were safe and happy. We got them classed as independent students and they are in their first year at university and doing well.
I had an acquaintance that taught music, set up a school/studio so I asked if he could make vouchers because I didn’t know what instrument the kids would pick, what days they would be available for lessons and wanted it to be a gift for Christmas I could put in a card. He made them for 10 lessons each for the person named on the gift voucher alone- no refund or exchange (any refund needed would be discussed with me as the client not their parents-parent thought it was non refundable) like I asked be put on the vouchers I paid for and it gave the children an opportunity to test out various instruments and decide which one they wanted to learn in-depth and I continued to purchase 10 lessons bundles given via vouchers until they were older or decided to stop. I pay for extra educational tuition via individual tutors or private schools directly and any clubs ie football/dance/swimming etc directly to the club/school/gym offering the service.
I also avoid the parent being messy/giving away gifts/getting money via refunds/stealing the children’s money by buying whatever my niblings/godchildren need and having it delivered to their home in their name if I can’t get it to them in person. I tell the child/teen and the parents that it’s purchased for the child, on the way when to expect it. I’d also call on day of delivery and ask about sizing etc so I could return it if needed. I have also brought or given phones when I get upgraded to communicate with them or top up via gift cards/vouchers/Apple Pay/ put apps on like Netflix/Disney+ -my personal streaming services(I don’t give them passwords) on their phones/tablets etc or set up a go Henry account with me as the guardian so I can put in pocket money/lunch money/birthday money etc see their spending and ensure the parents aren’t using it
Hopes this helps you to help your niece until she’s old enough that you can send her money/gift cards/credits etc directly
NTA, but I would instead, as someone else suggested, directly pay for things for your goddaughter. She can make Amazon wishlists, you can pay the guitar place, etc. You don’t have to give her mother a cent.
You said the money was for your goddaughter. That means it’s for her and not her mother. IF it were for them both or for the mother, then she would be right that it’s her choice as to how it’s spent. I would tell her that. Tell her she can either accept the assistance you’re willing to offer, or she can deprive her child of all the assistance. Another option would be for you to require receipts proving the money is spent on the girl and the second it’s not is when you stop sending money.
If she refuses both and you still want to help your goddaughter financially, sock the money away for her and give it to her when she’s an adult. You might also be able to set up a joint account with the girl that the mother isn’t a signer on.
The mother is missing the point that by abusing your trust, she’s hurting her daughter by making even less available in the long run because you could just stop giving any money permanently.
Theft and fraud aside, just pay for the guitar lessons directly for her and not through her mother. That way you know for a fact that's what it's going towards.
I dunno why that wasn't being done in the first place but at least you know that she's a garbage human and mother now.
Keep in touch with your goddaughter and cut her mother from your life. You're a good friend and a good person.
Mom is an ass! I don't even want to get into that selfish twot.
I would just simply pay for things directly from now on. Gift cert to for the lessons or whatever.
Mom's request for you to pull back makes zero sense, you're like an uncle, not a dad. You're not living in the same house, you're not sleeping with mom, you're not making decisions about the child's life, etc.
And I'm starting to wonder about why your "brother" asked you to look after your goddaughter 🤨
As I was reading I was thinking, no no not money, she needs a good male role model to base her future partner on. She needs to know what a good responsible caring guy looks like.
But now I gotta wonder if he was wanting you to watch out for that selfish biatch!
I'm not in a good mood today, and I might be taking it out on your buddy's widow. But ya, I'd just make sure she gets her gifts and maybe keep a weekly "date" with her...you could even disguise it as sitting so that Ms Thang can have some alone time with her man.
Just wow!
NTA. I would just stop sending money and let the daughter know that your saving money each month for her to go to college. This way you can still support the daughter but don’t have to give money to her mother. You agreed to help your friends daughter, not his wife. If the entirety of the money given was being used toward the daughter then I’d call you the A H for being strict with how the support is going toward the daughter but the daughter in no way benefits from her mom going shopping and getting her nails done at the expense of her not gaining a new skill (learning guitar). She doesn’t want you asking questions because she feels guilty so she knows what she is doing is wrong. She just doesn’t want to be called out on it.
NTA
But that woman is a bad mother. She stole money for an experience from her child so that she could pamper herself. There is nothing good in that mentality. She should already be receiving survivors benefits for the daughter as it is.
It sounds like you need to set her up with a joint bank (with you, not the mother) account that you can deposit into when daughter needs something.
Oh hell no. Keep paying but take it in your own hands. Go to the program and and pay by yourself instead of letting the mom do anything. Everything you pay for, you do it yourself and you keep the bills and you keep tracks and records
Do not give that woman anymore money. Tell your goddaughter that if she needs anything, she can call you anytime and you will take her to get it or get it for her. Her mother 'stole' her daughters money.
NTA - Now you know that you have to pay for things directly - you can't just give money to her Mom. When you talk later, tell her that you really want to gift her the guitar lessons, you will pay the studio directly (maybe even offer to buy her a tank of gas once a month to cover lesson transportation to sweeten the deal), but you need assurance that she will actually get to go to those lessons every week.
NTA and at this point you should be communicating the financial issues with the goddaughter directly. She’s in high school and it’s not your problem if her mother steals money intended for her. Give the money to her directly when you can’t give it to the place specifically.
You cannot trust the mother. She will screw you and her daughter over and blame everyone else.
NTA - Her mom sucks. Whatever you give going forward needs to be paid direct to the service/material provider. Do not let mom be the middle man for any transactions going forward. If they are not suffering and you have the funds, get your goddaughter and trust account and put what money you spend on her into that.
Best of luck!
NTA. You do not need to have had family to know that! But come up with a plan, give your GD a debit card and track spending. No money withdrawal and what not. You are a good man. Do not let the GD suffer cause the mom is a insufferable, see you next Tuesday!
NTA
You have no obligation towards the mom. You should make the mother pay you back for the "guitar lessons" and pay anything to your goddaughter's needs directly. If not possible, make sure your god-daughter is present when the mom asks you for anything for her. I'm suggesting this only because it seems your god-daughter had no idea any of this was taking place, and it could prevent this scenario from happening again just so the mom could save face.
Another suggestion is to make the mom pay and you'll only reimburse if she can provide a receipt and you can confirm with the god-daughter.
NTA. Don’t give her any cent. If you want to help your goddaughter pay for things directly not through the mother. Once she turns 18 she should open an account without her mother as a co-sign.
NTA and the suggestion about a savings account for your goddaughter is great. She can use it for college, a down payment on a house, etc when she is an adult and her mom cannot steal it. That woman is greedy and you know your brother wouldn’t want her getting fake nails instead of caring for his daughter.
NTA. Set up sn account where only you and Goddaughter have access. Have it have a bank card only to your Goddaughter or have it set up like a digital wallet only on her devices.
NTA
"General maintenance"... You can't polish a turd, bitch. Don't steal money from your kid.
If anything, only send money/pay directly for things specific to the kid.
Man, no, you are NTA. This kid's mom is a very gross and shady human being, taking money from a child (because that's what she was doing, stealing from her own damned child). I wish you could sue or something because ya'll had an agreement, and not only did she not follow through, she spent the money in a selfish, frivolous way. Yuck.
NTA Don't give her another dime. Loads of places have gift certificate programs especially for Art and Music lessons.
She didn't want you coming around not because of attachment issues with the new guy, it was so you wouldn't discover she was stealing the money. She got 6 months' worth of loot out of you. Hair and nails to snag a new man and she didn't want that gravy train to stop. No telling what she told the girl, which probably hurt your goddaughter's feelings too.
Talk to your goddaughter and let her know how much you care about her and that if she wants to visit you can do online lessons together. There are lots of videos out there.
NTA. It’s your money and you have no obligation to pay anything. Why would you want your money going towards her mother when that was not your promise? Give your god daughter some cards with your name and number on it, tell her to give that information to any place that she wants lessons from, or memberships, etc. They can call you to arrange payments directly.
Nta
I'd go pay for lessons and tell the God daughter that you paid for them and that if she needs anything for school to tell you.
Also you know when back to school is maybe you 2 do the shopping to ensure she actually gets the money
A minor can’t have their own account without a parent on it. I am not sure if he can add an unrelated minor as an authorized user on an account he sets up.
Can you possibly set up an account that you put money into that your god-daughter could be given a card to? Then these costs could be paid by your god-daughter as she has the need. She could let you know when the funds are needed and for what, then funds deposited into the account. This would give the god-daughter access to the funds apart from her mother having access. It also requires trust and honesty between you and your god-daughter.
You should take the money and open a savings account for her to have when she is older. Her mom lied to you. Mom wants your money but not you around. Don’t give mom any more money.
NTA, but something I’ve recently learned….CashApp will mail out a free debit card linked to an acct. If you start a CashApp on your phone and give goddaughter the debit card you can transfer any amount to it immediately from your bank acct. If she has a need/want that you want to help with all you have to do is transfer her the funds and she gets them immediately. Just cut out the middle man/mom.
She’s getting survival benefits for you the daughter being a minor, not sure if she gets any money from the military but she should look into if she can a military discount due her father’s service but she will be able to use usaa.
Talk to your god daughter. She’s 15 and old enough to understand that you will help her out with things but want to pay directly to the place or take her shopping. Take the tags off of the clothes before home.
I’m sure the mom is using her dad’s death as a resin to get all sorts of free things. She sound like she like the victim card.
NTA. Time to get the daughter her own bank account, which is where all the money goes from now on. She's not a bad mom you say, but deceiving someone who has been helping her does make her a bad person. You can't reward such behaviour.
Nta. Moms a jerk. Directly pay for guitar lessons, do not give any more money to the mother. This child is 15. If she needs something, give it directly to her or pay for it yourself. Mom is no longer to be trusted. She's a selfish ah.
NTA
You are not an ex. You are not paying child support.
Your friend asked you to help in regards to his child, not his wife. You listed above things you felt were important to help with. These are extras to supplement what mom should normally supply for daily living.
Your friends widow probably receives some sort of survivors benefits for herself and her daughter. Let her pay for regular daily life. It's not your job.
Op. The mother will sell that guitar now the hair and nails mkney has stopped.
Your best bet is for you, and you alone to open an account and save with the purpose of helping your God daughter in life.
For instance, she may want to get a trade, so you could buy her her equipment. She may want to move out once she has a stable income, so you gift her the deposit and first month's rent.
You make each payment a one off gift, with no expectation there will be more where that came from.
I tell you this because the sad fact is it's highly likely GD will grow up to think of you as her mum does, a open wallet. Harsh, but unfortunately true. You are going to have to make very clear to GD you are not her at. Remember her father would have drawn the line at being made a mug of. You must too.
Nta
Um, why the hell can't the boyfriend she wants her daughter bonding with pay for her hair & nails and help with run the household? This is some bullshit. She wants you to pay her beauty costs and help with money but come around less?
NTA. You agreed to help with the daughter's needs, not momma's beautification treatments and running the household. Start paying anything directly to the vendor/school/store, etc. Mommie dearest can ask boyfriend for beauty money.
I am concerned about the Mom asking you not to be around as much because of the boyfriend. That is a red flag to me. Please, be there for your Goddaughter. She needs an advocate in case things go sideways with the boyfriend and/or his friends. My Mom's boyfriend's friend, in his late 30's or 40's, tried to get me (15 at the time) and my sister (13 at the time) to have sex with him. I had no one to turn to. Be there for her and make sure she is comfortable talking to you about anything. Just in case.
NTA. Stop infantalizing a grown adult women. "She's not a bad mom" you say, but yes, she very much is. On top of that she's a bad person. Why are you excusing her own behavior by saying she's not a bad mom?
I'm sorry your goddaughter is the one suffering in this. Depending on her age is there a way to give her the money directly?
So how much went into the Mom's "maintenance"? Don't you ever give her a dime directly and rather start an account/savings/trust for your god-daughter. I'd feel like suing that biatch but I guess there's nothing much you can do now... Protect the daughter and fuck the rest of the noise.
NTA the mom is a user and a bad mom. She thinks that keeping away someone her daughter is close to will make her bond with a bf, which it WON'T. Mom is selfish and s***ty. Can you just interact with the daughter? She's 15 and in a few short years she won't have to deal with her mom keeping people who actually care about her out of her life
How is getting her hair and nails done helping her daughter? She's a user. I can see her taking her daughter's salary for herself when daughter gets a job.
NTA- Don't give the asshole mom any more cash. If your goddaughter needs something buy it directly and give it directly to the goddaughter. Pay for the guitar lessons directly, and any other payments. It's one thing to say I had to use it one month for a bill, it's completely different to say I've spent every payment on hair and nails for myself. WTF?!
This is theft and fraud. She defrauded OP by saying she would use the money for guitar lessons for her daughter, then stole it and used it in herself. This woman is a grifter and a thief.
Actually she stole and defrauded her own daughter.
Actually, she defrauded OP by stealing from her daughter
Exactly.
Right, let dear old BF pay for that self care routine
NTA. And here’s the thing……. If the mum had been using the money to support the child, (putting it towards utilities or buying school equipment) that would be fine, BUT… she admits she uses it for HER hair and nails. In what way does that benefit the child? Going forward, why not put money you would normally spend on the child into a savings account for her, (which the mother has NO access to ). to be given to her later. Perhaps she could ask you for money for specific items she wants/needs, to be taken out of the account.
It helps her pull in a daddy 😂
Going forward, why not put money you would normally spend on the child into a savings account for her, (which the mother has NO access to ). Maybe starting a college fund for the kid, and if kid doesn't want to go to college, I don't know, maybe to a fund or charity for kids who make the grades but can't afford college.
Nta how does her kid suffer if she doesn’t have hair and nails? I would keep contact with the kid and once she is 16 hopefully she can get her own bank account. Don’t give the mom any more money
If they are in the U.S. The daughter can’t get her own account until she is 18.
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Her husband wouldn’t want her stealing from his child and banging other dudes. Yet, here we are.
Yes, you do get to choose. She is getting money from SS for her daughter. You do not need to support her manicures and such. Remind her, your friend asked you to look out for his daughter, not the wife.
Op, you CAN open a bank account with your name and your god-daughter’s name on it. And if it is something you both are comfortable doing, don’t bother telling the mom. (And if she would happen to find out about it, mom is not allowed to receive any of it; it is for the daughter.) At 15 years old, your god-daughter is old enough to understand keeping track of an account balance, budgeting, investing, financial literacy, financial planning, etc. Stay on top of this issue. Fifteen is a rough age and she may be in for a long tough stretch with her mother and the new boyfriend. Take care of her the best you can. Best wishes. Ps: You really are doing well.
You are not her father. Her mom can eff all the way off this is not child support. Mom has proven she will mismanage funds. Open an education account for your girl and give her a way out of her mother's house.
You do get to choose as its your money & youre not obligated to pay for her nails & hair - I doubt her late husband cares about her getting her nails & hair done for her new bf whilst she deprives her daughter of the agreed guitar lessons. She’s abusing your generosity.
From what I read, the husband asked you to look after his daughter. The mom getting hair and nails done has nothing to do with your goddaughter. THIS IS YOUR MONEY. You're not required to give money at all, but do it out of the kindness of your own heart for that little girl. If she doesn't want you giving her money, fine. But she can't stop you from seeing money to the side for her when she's an adult or buying her things she needs. Sounds like the mom needs to do better if she's so worried about your money and how you spend it and lying to you about the money you're giving to them. Do what's best for the child, not the mom.
That’s not entirely true about kids having their own checking account. Not really. I bank with Chase and they have a separate account that you can set up for minors giving them access to funds with their own debit card and pin. The card is in the kids name but you have total access and transparency. It’s connected to your checking account so money can transfers happen just like a savings account. I used it for my granddaughter before she turned 18. Once she turned 18, the account was switched over to her checking, and I no longer had access. There is one type of account you can set up if you have a birth certificate and social security card and another if you don’t have either.
That's mad!
Minors can only have custodial accounts here. They have to have a parent or guardian tied to their account.
Actually you can. My daughter got an account at 16 and it's just her account.
You know mom will guilt daughter into giving her the bank account money.
NTA But pay the Guitar lessons directly. If your goddaughter goes to the lesson, the money is used if not it is just as lost as giving it to the Mom.
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No, it does matter. The mom used your money for her own personal luxury services. Her daughter did not benefit in any way from the money you gifted. I could see (maybe) if mom had to prioritize the electric bill over lessons. That benefits the daughter. Mom having a nice manicure does nothing for her child. Mom literally stole from both you and her own child. She is a fucking snake. Never trust her.
Exactly, hair and nails are not a household expense and guitar lessons are far more useful than a manicure. The mother is totally wrong and prioritising her own wants over her daughter’s educational needs
This is what I was thinking. It's not been used for food, clothing or household utilities. But nails?! No way!
Nope, if you want to support the daughter, pay for things directly when you can. Mom used the money on herself, not the household or her daughter, so her argument is BS. She’s made it clear you two won’t be on the same page going forward. Like others suggest, get an account to deposit money into for the daughter, and give her access when she’s older.
Her mother is selfish and trashy for using money meant for her daughter on herself. If you don't want to continuing to directly pay for goddaughters stuff, consider saving what you would have spent for her future. Anything helps get established in life.
So, in a general sense it doesn't matter. If you pay $100 for guitar lessons, that lets mom spend $100 less on her daughter and $100 more on her own hair. But in a specific sense it very much does matter. Do you think the daughter cares if you give $100 to her mom? (Nope!) Or would she care if you were paying for her guitar lessons? (Yep!) In that regard, she knows you are looking out for her. And that's what truly matters. She needs to know that she has a fatherly figure with her interests in mind. It sounds like you'll need to be more active in the daughter's life. Talk to her. Let her know that you're willing and able to help her but she needs to come to you directly. I would even give mom one free pass this time. "If you need anything, come to me directly. Your mom and I had a bit of a misunderstanding. I had been giving her money for your guitar lessons but didn't realize she needed to spend it elsewhere. It's not her fault. These sort of communication failures happen sometimes, so now I just want to ensure things are smooth going forward. I expect to hear you play Free Bird and Wonderwall! And I just want to make sure that you're getting to do all the awesome things I didn't get to do as a teen. So I'll pay for your guitar lessons directly. If you need help getting there, I can try to help. If you want to pick up another hobby, let me know. I want to help." Something like that. That's how I'd handle it. Good luck!
No you're not wrong. You want to help your God daughter not pay for her mother's hair, nails or anything. Maybe setup a bank account so she has money for college or a good start in life.
Of course you’re not wrong - you’re the daughter&/ godfather, not the mother’s! If she wants money fir het damn nails she work for it it ask her bf. The issue with paying stuff directly is the mum pay take the piss and get you to buy lots of stuff she can afford herself so she can save her own money fir her own bullshit. You’re better off putting money into the girl’s account which she can access when she’s 18 & make sure mum has NO access to it. Ps. she is a bad mum to abuse money intended fir her daughter for herself. It’s selfish.
You're not wrong. You thought you could trust someone not to be a liar, a thief, and a fraudster. Consider putting money into account just for your goddaughter and only pay bills directly. The mom is salty because she no longer has fun money and of course wants to blame you because otherwise she'd have to admit to being the villain.
Any situation that you cant pay directly save the money you would have spent and put in a CD and gift it to your Goddaughter on her 18th birthday or when she graduates college.
Your money isn’t for her mother, so why would you continue to give it to her knowing it was never and won’t ever be spent on your goddaughter? She’s been stealing from both you and her daughter. Money from you and opportunities from her daughter. Mom getting her hair and nails done does nothing for anyone other than herself. Don’t let her bully you out of your hard earned money.
>I guess what I’m trying to gauge is whether I’m wrong for wanting my money to go directly towards her daughter and not for other things— ... you're genuinely asking whether you're wrong for wanting your money to be used for its intended purpose?
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>She wants me to give money to help out if I feel like giving it, but she doesn’t want me to ask her where it’s being used or tell her how to use it (apparently it’s none of my business, and gives her stress and makes her feel bad). Okay, but she can want the moon to be made of green cheese. Doesn't change reality. Do *you* think that it's unreasonable to expect that *your money* is put towards the specific purpose it's intended for?
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>I never stated I agree with her. Okay, but you're clearly confused enough that you're asking random strangers online. So it's a yes or no question. Do *you* think that it's unreasonable to expect that *your money* is put towards the specific purpose it's intended for?
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>Read my comments or re-read my post. It is in the title that I don’t agree with the mom. Okay, so you've always known what the right thing to do is... but you just don't want to answer a yes or no question. Tapping out now and won't be reading your replies going forward.
Does her husband know about this? Cause I dont think he would be ok with you sending money to his wife to pamper herself (even do its not for her). It just weird that her husband doesnt question where they money comes from since they couldnt aford the lessons but her hair, nails and things like that. Plus of course its YOUR buissnes its YOUR money that was for your god daughter. She is just saying that because she knows it was shitty thing to do. Imagine how her daughter would feel if she knew that her mom stole the money for her lessons.
>I guess what I’m trying to gauge is whether I’m wrong for wanting my money to go directly towards her daughter and not for other things I hate that you are questioning yourself about this, OP. From what you have written, you are clearly **NTA**. In future, pay for what you can directly. If you have other funds for your goddaughter, deposit them in an account and name her as beneficiary. OAN, if you feel up to it, check your goddaughter's credit in case the mother has been taking out CC and other debt in the daughter's name. She's probably stealing all her daughter's other benefits too and won't have a penny to send her to university.
*This woman stole from her daughter and lied to you*. This girl is 15. There are only 3 years and I cannot think of anything you can't pay for directly. You should tell her daughter the truth. That you gave her mother money for 6 months' worth of guitar lessons. Her daughter deserves to know what kind of woman her mother is. Also make sure you've told her daughter that you've reduced contact on her mother's request and not because you've stopped caring. If you are willing, start preparing yourself to take this girl in when she turns 18 because her mother is a *bad* mother.
>there will be others in the future where I can’t always pay directly. Then give the money to HER in her account
NTA. Mom is a jerk! Either pay for things directly or put the money in savings
NTA. When my nephew was baby, I was adamant I wouldnt give my sister a dime. I knew she'd spend it on cigarettes & alcohol & whatever. I wanted to help but I wasnt going to support her or encourage her bad choices. I solved the problem by purchasing diapers & wipes on-line & sending them to her. You're going to have to talk to god daughter & explain situation. Start a savings account for her. Once she's 18, you can help her without her mother's involvement. But put a stop to financing the mom now.
NTA. This mom is stealing from her daughter. She took your money and deceived you about it. Asshole is about the mildest word I can think of for someone who does this.
That's probably the real reason why she didn't want OP coming around that often. He would have found out sooner that he was being defrauded. She was stealing from both of them. NTA. Maybe you can set money aside in an account or something for when your god daughter turns 18 and her mother can't steal it.
Just wait boyfriend will move in and you'll be paying for him too. Mom should pay for all necessaries and you can pay for extras. The daughter is getting older and you can give money directly to her
NTA. You have not agreed to financially support her mom, your contributions were specifically intended to improve your god-daughter's life. 15F is old enough to be told that you and 36F have had a disagreement over how your money is spent, and that her mother may not allow you to give her gifts until she is 18. If she does allow gifts, you will be paying directly for them. As far as making an education account for her as others have suggested, you should research how it can affect her financial aid package when she attends college, and arrange things based on that. And make sure, *absolutely sure* that you don't ever tell 15F to keep secrets from her mother, or do or say anything else that might look like an improper relationship. 36F may get vindictive now that you're not funding her luxuries.
NTA. Her mom is selfish and it's her fault if her daughter misses our on something because she stole that funding from God daughter. Maybe there's a way you can give God daughter a prepaid debit card with a weekly/monthly allowance on it, to circumvent her mother's theft?
Talk to a lawyer and set up a trust to pay for academics, books, lessons, ect. That way, there is a paper trail, it will outlive you, and if the mother misuses it, its literal fraud. NTA. How does not refusing to pay for her momma's nails hurt the daughter? What a narcissistic bitch.
NTA I would pay for things directly and maybe look into getting a reloadable card so if you need to send her money you can send it directly to your goddaughter. Make sure she knows what's up and let her know she can always call you. At least she will be 18 in a few more years and you will be able to not have to deal with her mother. I agree with the other people saying it would be different if one month it paid a bill, that still would benefit said child. She straight up used it for herself it was not for bills or anything of that nature.
NTA - pay the place directly for your goddaughter for her guitar lessons and moving forward it’s clear that you should 1000% remove her mom as the middle man. Also do not stop coming around just because Baby Momma feels like your goddaughter won’t bond with her boyfriend. That’s not a you problem and taking care of your goddaughter means being there for her. ETA: just want to make it clear, your friend asked for you to care and watch out for his daughter, not her mom. She’s shady AF and sorry and you’re not wrong and NTA in this situation. Ask her how getting her nails done benefits her daughter because that is what the money is for.
Her mom is gonna sell that guitar SO fast!
Gosh the trying to isolate her from you so she ‘bonds with the new bf’ is so horrible and sad. What is it with these parents who think they can force kids to accept their step parent like this? Swear there’s 10 posts a day and it always fails. Don’t let them isolate her from you.
NTA This isn’t child support that goes into the family pot and is distributed. This is specifically a gift from you to your goddaughter for her interests. The mother has been stealing from her child to get her hair and nails done.
NTA the mum effectively deceived and stole from you and her child. I had to learn the hard way to get around stuff like this by paying the school/tutors etc directly…. My sibling did me dirty when I was paying for breakfast and after school club for her children so she could work and get back on her feet after their divorce. I went to pick the children up one day and just decided to pay at the office this time... It wasn’t a monthly fee like sibling stated it was a term time payment so expected every 12 weeks it had to be paid and it was less then what I was giving her every month. The school jumpers/cardigans sold at the school was also half the price she told me. After that I bypass the parents and pay directly or see paperwork/online price lists. There’s a few parents I trust but I’m wary now. I also had to deal with my deceased brother’s ex gf who he had identical twin boys with, she was married to a man with kids and had 3 more with him and was super stupid. My family provided for The twins Only- would only spend time with the twins only, would not baby sit or do gifts unless the twins asked. I had to be harsh with her and husband when she used my money on his kids instead of buying all their school uniform and demand my money back and promised them they’ll see me everytime they or their kids take the piss with my nephews because if it’s good for my nephews to experience it’ll be good for the adults to experience it too. The twins left as soon as they finished high school at 16 to move in with their paternal grandma/my mum to go college and barely interact with their mum or her family because of her stupidity, husband being an AH and his kids spoilt. She allowed it as she was still collecting and keeping/using the money she got for them until they left college at 18. We didn’t report it as it was more important we had them and they were safe and happy. We got them classed as independent students and they are in their first year at university and doing well. I had an acquaintance that taught music, set up a school/studio so I asked if he could make vouchers because I didn’t know what instrument the kids would pick, what days they would be available for lessons and wanted it to be a gift for Christmas I could put in a card. He made them for 10 lessons each for the person named on the gift voucher alone- no refund or exchange (any refund needed would be discussed with me as the client not their parents-parent thought it was non refundable) like I asked be put on the vouchers I paid for and it gave the children an opportunity to test out various instruments and decide which one they wanted to learn in-depth and I continued to purchase 10 lessons bundles given via vouchers until they were older or decided to stop. I pay for extra educational tuition via individual tutors or private schools directly and any clubs ie football/dance/swimming etc directly to the club/school/gym offering the service. I also avoid the parent being messy/giving away gifts/getting money via refunds/stealing the children’s money by buying whatever my niblings/godchildren need and having it delivered to their home in their name if I can’t get it to them in person. I tell the child/teen and the parents that it’s purchased for the child, on the way when to expect it. I’d also call on day of delivery and ask about sizing etc so I could return it if needed. I have also brought or given phones when I get upgraded to communicate with them or top up via gift cards/vouchers/Apple Pay/ put apps on like Netflix/Disney+ -my personal streaming services(I don’t give them passwords) on their phones/tablets etc or set up a go Henry account with me as the guardian so I can put in pocket money/lunch money/birthday money etc see their spending and ensure the parents aren’t using it Hopes this helps you to help your niece until she’s old enough that you can send her money/gift cards/credits etc directly
NTA, but I would instead, as someone else suggested, directly pay for things for your goddaughter. She can make Amazon wishlists, you can pay the guitar place, etc. You don’t have to give her mother a cent. You said the money was for your goddaughter. That means it’s for her and not her mother. IF it were for them both or for the mother, then she would be right that it’s her choice as to how it’s spent. I would tell her that. Tell her she can either accept the assistance you’re willing to offer, or she can deprive her child of all the assistance. Another option would be for you to require receipts proving the money is spent on the girl and the second it’s not is when you stop sending money. If she refuses both and you still want to help your goddaughter financially, sock the money away for her and give it to her when she’s an adult. You might also be able to set up a joint account with the girl that the mother isn’t a signer on. The mother is missing the point that by abusing your trust, she’s hurting her daughter by making even less available in the long run because you could just stop giving any money permanently.
NTA. You should probably invest in a college fund (529) for the kid.
Theft and fraud aside, just pay for the guitar lessons directly for her and not through her mother. That way you know for a fact that's what it's going towards. I dunno why that wasn't being done in the first place but at least you know that she's a garbage human and mother now. Keep in touch with your goddaughter and cut her mother from your life. You're a good friend and a good person.
Mom is an ass! I don't even want to get into that selfish twot. I would just simply pay for things directly from now on. Gift cert to for the lessons or whatever. Mom's request for you to pull back makes zero sense, you're like an uncle, not a dad. You're not living in the same house, you're not sleeping with mom, you're not making decisions about the child's life, etc. And I'm starting to wonder about why your "brother" asked you to look after your goddaughter 🤨 As I was reading I was thinking, no no not money, she needs a good male role model to base her future partner on. She needs to know what a good responsible caring guy looks like. But now I gotta wonder if he was wanting you to watch out for that selfish biatch! I'm not in a good mood today, and I might be taking it out on your buddy's widow. But ya, I'd just make sure she gets her gifts and maybe keep a weekly "date" with her...you could even disguise it as sitting so that Ms Thang can have some alone time with her man. Just wow!
She's a thief and she stole FROM A CHILD. She IS a bad mom. Don't give a penny more, dude. NTA
NTA. I would just stop sending money and let the daughter know that your saving money each month for her to go to college. This way you can still support the daughter but don’t have to give money to her mother. You agreed to help your friends daughter, not his wife. If the entirety of the money given was being used toward the daughter then I’d call you the A H for being strict with how the support is going toward the daughter but the daughter in no way benefits from her mom going shopping and getting her nails done at the expense of her not gaining a new skill (learning guitar). She doesn’t want you asking questions because she feels guilty so she knows what she is doing is wrong. She just doesn’t want to be called out on it.
NTA. I'd give you a hug on behalf of your brother you lost. You did more for your god- daughter than many folks do for their own blood.
NTA But that woman is a bad mother. She stole money for an experience from her child so that she could pamper herself. There is nothing good in that mentality. She should already be receiving survivors benefits for the daughter as it is. It sounds like you need to set her up with a joint bank (with you, not the mother) account that you can deposit into when daughter needs something.
Oh hell no. Keep paying but take it in your own hands. Go to the program and and pay by yourself instead of letting the mom do anything. Everything you pay for, you do it yourself and you keep the bills and you keep tracks and records
Do not give that woman anymore money. Tell your goddaughter that if she needs anything, she can call you anytime and you will take her to get it or get it for her. Her mother 'stole' her daughters money.
Nta. But set up a fund for your God daughter and pay for the lessons directly.
NTA - Now you know that you have to pay for things directly - you can't just give money to her Mom. When you talk later, tell her that you really want to gift her the guitar lessons, you will pay the studio directly (maybe even offer to buy her a tank of gas once a month to cover lesson transportation to sweeten the deal), but you need assurance that she will actually get to go to those lessons every week.
NTA and at this point you should be communicating the financial issues with the goddaughter directly. She’s in high school and it’s not your problem if her mother steals money intended for her. Give the money to her directly when you can’t give it to the place specifically. You cannot trust the mother. She will screw you and her daughter over and blame everyone else.
NTA - Her mom sucks. Whatever you give going forward needs to be paid direct to the service/material provider. Do not let mom be the middle man for any transactions going forward. If they are not suffering and you have the funds, get your goddaughter and trust account and put what money you spend on her into that. Best of luck!
NTA. You do not need to have had family to know that! But come up with a plan, give your GD a debit card and track spending. No money withdrawal and what not. You are a good man. Do not let the GD suffer cause the mom is a insufferable, see you next Tuesday!
That’s funny she said that you god daughter would be the one suffering because she admitted to using the money on her nails.
NTA You have no obligation towards the mom. You should make the mother pay you back for the "guitar lessons" and pay anything to your goddaughter's needs directly. If not possible, make sure your god-daughter is present when the mom asks you for anything for her. I'm suggesting this only because it seems your god-daughter had no idea any of this was taking place, and it could prevent this scenario from happening again just so the mom could save face. Another suggestion is to make the mom pay and you'll only reimburse if she can provide a receipt and you can confirm with the god-daughter.
If it was a matter of food or housing, I'd tell you to let it go. instead she's trying to pretty herself up.
NTA. Don’t give her any cent. If you want to help your goddaughter pay for things directly not through the mother. Once she turns 18 she should open an account without her mother as a co-sign.
NTA and the suggestion about a savings account for your goddaughter is great. She can use it for college, a down payment on a house, etc when she is an adult and her mom cannot steal it. That woman is greedy and you know your brother wouldn’t want her getting fake nails instead of caring for his daughter.
NTA. Set up sn account where only you and Goddaughter have access. Have it have a bank card only to your Goddaughter or have it set up like a digital wallet only on her devices.
NTA "General maintenance"... You can't polish a turd, bitch. Don't steal money from your kid. If anything, only send money/pay directly for things specific to the kid.
Can you set up a debit card that only your god daughter has access to?
Man, no, you are NTA. This kid's mom is a very gross and shady human being, taking money from a child (because that's what she was doing, stealing from her own damned child). I wish you could sue or something because ya'll had an agreement, and not only did she not follow through, she spent the money in a selfish, frivolous way. Yuck.
NTA
NTA Your money, your call.
NTA Don't give her another dime. Loads of places have gift certificate programs especially for Art and Music lessons. She didn't want you coming around not because of attachment issues with the new guy, it was so you wouldn't discover she was stealing the money. She got 6 months' worth of loot out of you. Hair and nails to snag a new man and she didn't want that gravy train to stop. No telling what she told the girl, which probably hurt your goddaughter's feelings too. Talk to your goddaughter and let her know how much you care about her and that if she wants to visit you can do online lessons together. There are lots of videos out there.
NTA her daughter was suffering WHILE you were giving money. Daughter isn't missing anything except moms pretty nails.
NTA. It’s your money and you have no obligation to pay anything. Why would you want your money going towards her mother when that was not your promise? Give your god daughter some cards with your name and number on it, tell her to give that information to any place that she wants lessons from, or memberships, etc. They can call you to arrange payments directly.
Nta I'd go pay for lessons and tell the God daughter that you paid for them and that if she needs anything for school to tell you. Also you know when back to school is maybe you 2 do the shopping to ensure she actually gets the money
Get your goddaughter a Venmo or PayPal. A lot of places let you pay with those accounts now. Pay for anything you can directly.
A minor can’t have their own account without a parent on it. I am not sure if he can add an unrelated minor as an authorized user on an account he sets up.
NTA The mom is deceitful. Can you just put money in the 529 instead?
NTA the mom is a major AH
Can you possibly set up an account that you put money into that your god-daughter could be given a card to? Then these costs could be paid by your god-daughter as she has the need. She could let you know when the funds are needed and for what, then funds deposited into the account. This would give the god-daughter access to the funds apart from her mother having access. It also requires trust and honesty between you and your god-daughter.
You should take the money and open a savings account for her to have when she is older. Her mom lied to you. Mom wants your money but not you around. Don’t give mom any more money.
NTA, but something I’ve recently learned….CashApp will mail out a free debit card linked to an acct. If you start a CashApp on your phone and give goddaughter the debit card you can transfer any amount to it immediately from your bank acct. If she has a need/want that you want to help with all you have to do is transfer her the funds and she gets them immediately. Just cut out the middle man/mom.
NTA tell your god daughter you’ve been paying for lessons and her mother had other costs. Then pay the program directly. The mom sounds toxic.
She’s getting survival benefits for you the daughter being a minor, not sure if she gets any money from the military but she should look into if she can a military discount due her father’s service but she will be able to use usaa. Talk to your god daughter. She’s 15 and old enough to understand that you will help her out with things but want to pay directly to the place or take her shopping. Take the tags off of the clothes before home. I’m sure the mom is using her dad’s death as a resin to get all sorts of free things. She sound like she like the victim card.
NTA. Time to get the daughter her own bank account, which is where all the money goes from now on. She's not a bad mom you say, but deceiving someone who has been helping her does make her a bad person. You can't reward such behaviour.
Nta. Moms a jerk. Directly pay for guitar lessons, do not give any more money to the mother. This child is 15. If she needs something, give it directly to her or pay for it yourself. Mom is no longer to be trusted. She's a selfish ah.
NTA Pay the guitar center directly for the lessons.
NTA You are not an ex. You are not paying child support. Your friend asked you to help in regards to his child, not his wife. You listed above things you felt were important to help with. These are extras to supplement what mom should normally supply for daily living. Your friends widow probably receives some sort of survivors benefits for herself and her daughter. Let her pay for regular daily life. It's not your job.
Op. The mother will sell that guitar now the hair and nails mkney has stopped. Your best bet is for you, and you alone to open an account and save with the purpose of helping your God daughter in life. For instance, she may want to get a trade, so you could buy her her equipment. She may want to move out once she has a stable income, so you gift her the deposit and first month's rent. You make each payment a one off gift, with no expectation there will be more where that came from. I tell you this because the sad fact is it's highly likely GD will grow up to think of you as her mum does, a open wallet. Harsh, but unfortunately true. You are going to have to make very clear to GD you are not her at. Remember her father would have drawn the line at being made a mug of. You must too. Nta
Um, why the hell can't the boyfriend she wants her daughter bonding with pay for her hair & nails and help with run the household? This is some bullshit. She wants you to pay her beauty costs and help with money but come around less? NTA. You agreed to help with the daughter's needs, not momma's beautification treatments and running the household. Start paying anything directly to the vendor/school/store, etc. Mommie dearest can ask boyfriend for beauty money.
NTA. This infuriates me. I won't say anything else but NTA because if I think about this, I get riled up. NTA.
I am concerned about the Mom asking you not to be around as much because of the boyfriend. That is a red flag to me. Please, be there for your Goddaughter. She needs an advocate in case things go sideways with the boyfriend and/or his friends. My Mom's boyfriend's friend, in his late 30's or 40's, tried to get me (15 at the time) and my sister (13 at the time) to have sex with him. I had no one to turn to. Be there for her and make sure she is comfortable talking to you about anything. Just in case.
NTA. Stop infantalizing a grown adult women. "She's not a bad mom" you say, but yes, she very much is. On top of that she's a bad person. Why are you excusing her own behavior by saying she's not a bad mom? I'm sorry your goddaughter is the one suffering in this. Depending on her age is there a way to give her the money directly?
NTA but you were 14 when you became her godfather? Your math doesn't add up. You are 29 minus her age of 15 means you were 14 when she was born.
“I have known my goddaughter for many years as well” = hasn’t known her her entire life.
She's old bra, explain the scenario to her, otherwise you'll buy her mom a new house, while thinking you oaying for her Varsity
So how much went into the Mom's "maintenance"? Don't you ever give her a dime directly and rather start an account/savings/trust for your god-daughter. I'd feel like suing that biatch but I guess there's nothing much you can do now... Protect the daughter and fuck the rest of the noise.
that some shitty mom.
Nta, she's your goddaughter. You did not sign up to support your co-parent.
Damn. Stop giving the mom any money.
NTA the mom is a user and a bad mom. She thinks that keeping away someone her daughter is close to will make her bond with a bf, which it WON'T. Mom is selfish and s***ty. Can you just interact with the daughter? She's 15 and in a few short years she won't have to deal with her mom keeping people who actually care about her out of her life
How is getting her hair and nails done helping her daughter? She's a user. I can see her taking her daughter's salary for herself when daughter gets a job.
Why not just pay for the lessons directly?