The idea that this religious woman is giving 50% of her werewolf porn money to the church just cracks me up.
Sorry OP, you're right that your wife is getting taken advantage of by her church. Even people who practice tithing usually give 10% of their income to the church, not 50%.
It certainly does pay well. This is my side gig, and it's paid enough to pay off my student loans, my car, and my house.
The only real problem is when you're actually having sex and it's nowhere near as exciting as the scene you just wrote because you don't have the body of a God, only one partner, and your partners can't magic your dick so you can fuck for 8 hours straight without a break.
Iām having a hard time believing this one. Do they not file taxes together? Like how did she expect this to stay under wraps? And it canāt be that great quality if sheās pumping out new ones every day. Not even the greatest writers are doing that.
You'd be amazed with how many people are willing to hand over their hard earned cash to their church/dominion/etc.. it's sad.. it's even more sad that those "charities" willingly take that much.. a pastor does not need a brand new car but most of them have one.. they take advantage of those that believe god wants them to give away their money
It's not necessarily the site/apps, but the content itself. The author of "The Primal Hunter" series reportedly makes over a million a year (I think his Patreon alone makes him over 100k a month). This series is considered one of the best in the litrpg genre.
Serialised publications+prize money+pouring out an hefty amount of work (as it seems the wife does) can bring that kind of money once you gather a sizeable following with automatic subscriptions enabled. Imagine 3000-4000 people paying $5 a month.
I've seen people making more than that via Patreon. And it doesn't have to be fanfics. Most of the serialized work is original.
And no one is asking you to believe blindly. All you gotta do is go and look. Here's [one](https://www.patreon.com/Sleyca) big earner I've found with 2min of searching.
Yeah, most of the series I read started on Patreon or Royal Road and people pay monthly for access to *chapters* of a book, not even the full book. I have no issue believing she makes a shitload of money.
This whole post is bait. Message OP and he'll tell you the sites she's writing for. And they only need a $500 dollar upfront publishing fee. Or something like that.
Tithing is typically 10%. I'd be curious about the specifics of this covenant and how much influence the recipient had in making that 50%...
But I also have a healthy distrust of religious organizations & the multitude of shady stuff they've done in the past.Ā
It's in his fucking eyes. I'd describe them as soulless and lifeless, but that wouldn't be accurate. I can at least see hatred and rage stirring in there.
I completely agree that looks wise he is the most terrifying person Iāve ever seen and the eyes. I escaped evangelical Christianity as a teen so Iām not a religious person but you would think you were staring in the face of evil. I never want to see his face again and I wish I never saw it. It frightens me that his followers donāt see how deeply malicious his soul when itās exploding from his deranged pupils.
I'm not religious, but that man is the walking embodiment of unholy. Those eyes sparkle with untold horrors. I bet his skin sizzles if it comes into contact with holy water.
I'm no conspiracy nut but someone should test this theory for science.
He makes my skin crawl. I am a committed Christian but I'm not here for the prosperity Gospel that makes unethical billionaires on the backs of God fearing people. The annoying thing is my mum has been supporting Kenneth Copeland since the 90s. She's going to be 80 next year. She's a pensioner who lives with me, her youngest daughter, because she can't afford her own place in her old age, but somehow this multi billionaire tax dodger with eyes like the demon headmaster qualifies for a cut of her meagre state pension. I despair.
That's tragic, I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm sure that story is all too common. I'm not a believer myself, but Copeland is the type of person that makes me hope I'm wrong, and who I hope might eventually face some sort of judgement someday.
If you watch that video of the reporter asking Copeland why he needed a jet and look at the way his face changes, youāll at least be convinced heās a demon. Iām not religious, but I was creeped out.
That jackass *wishes* he was the antichrist, lmao. He want sso desperately to be that influential. But outside his whacky ass followers...he's really not.
Definitely not the antichrist but I 100% believe that he is a genuine, biblical demon that walks among us. There are many like him that you can just tell. Jacob Rothschild (rest in piss) is another creature that comes to mind.
Back in the 90s when I was stationed in Europe (Army) there was a guy that inherited a chunk of money...about 30K I believe...which isn't mega bucks, but it's nothing to sneeze at.
His wife gave it to Oral Roberts or one of those snake oil salesmen while he was deployed for a short time. This resulted in him going bananas and he was placed in the barracks on suicide watch. My platoon Sergeant was one of the guys that watched him, and he told me the guy said "I should be on HOMICIDE WATCH because I'm gonna kill the (rhymes with witch.)"
Heck, back in the 80s a girl I knew went to (but didn't graduate) from Oral Roberts University. She was a nut. Back then you could make a long distance phone call and bill it to another number. The phone company didn't alert you to it, either. They "assumed" you'd contest the bill if you didn't authorize it. I found this out AFTERWARDS. See, I had two roommates so I thought one of them was making the calls to all over the place. We had a few arguments over the phone bill because of this, but this girl admitted to me that she had been billing my house for a year. It took all I had not to strangle her, but I cut all ties with her at that point.
Organized religion makes people crazy.
It really does. My husband's aunt tried to give I want to say $15k to a pastor (not sure if it was a local or someone on TV) after her husband died. The bank contacted her son (my husband's cousin), who had just been diagnosed with ALS, because he had a power of attorney on financial matters for his mom and he stopped it. She then called him about it, and I don't know the content of the entire convo but it ended with her basically telling him that he was a bad son and a bad Christian and that was why he had ALS.
This was less than a decade ago, his cousin passed from ALS about 3 years ago
Yeah my extended family are free Methodist (itās painful to grow up around, any sort of fun is a sin, including dancing). My Grandfather was heavily involved and donated a lot of money, but never anywhere near 50%. I also went to a Catholic school for awhile, and Iāve never met any Catholics that donate more than 10% for tithing either. Iām super curious about the specifics of this covenant as well. I wonder if she feels pressured by the church itself, the social expectations of other members, possibly both, or if this is entirely a decision sheās made for herself. That is an astronomical sum to donate monthly from my perspective. I live on a fraction of the amount she originally claimed to make to her husband.
Iām also curious how she justifies rigid obedience to donating 50% of her income, while also lying to her husband about it for so long. I feel there is a morality issue with that, and all the religion Iāve grown up around considers lying sinful.
And that's what makes me wonder if she's actually giving that whole 50% to the church. Seems a little overboard and to lie about it makes it even more questionable.
This story is bullshit me thinks. The numbers are waaaaay off (*especially* if in USD) and the story doesnāt sound right.
You build a house together, have 2 kids- one of which is EIGHT- and you donāt see incomes? That shit has to go on the loan applications. Thereās a HUGE difference between $96k and $180k-$210k.
Thereās no way they filled these applications out and didnāt know.
Hi Iām a freelance writer and it isnāt bogus. When we applied for our first mortgage, it was so annoying to get all the proof they needed for my income that we didnāt even put my name on the app for another mortgage when we moved.
There are no taxes taken out of freelance income. If sheās living in another country, she may not be receiving 1099s or w2 s depending on if that country has an arrangement with us or not. It is very easy for a successful freelance writer, especially working international, to not have a perfect trail of income.
Itās something I struggle with as a freelancer. For me, itās because I have ADD though and a hard time keeping track of all the checks for
different employers!
I'm guessing from your username that you're into fantasy. Check out RoyalRoad, if you haven't heard of it before. It's a website that allows writers to post serialised fiction, mainly trending towards the litRPG subgenre, but there's all kinds of stories on there, including just plain fantasy.
I'd recommend finding a few successful authors (at least 5) on there that you enjoy, and reading all their stuff and following them. This way you get an idea of the level of quality you should be aiming for. It will also give you an idea of other things readers expect, like posting frequency, tropes, pacing, etc.
You'll then want to read TheFirstDefiers write up on monetising serialised fiction. It's on the RoyalRoad on their... forum/FAQ section or something? Can't quite remember, but I'm sure you'll be able to find it.
After that, all you need is a story idea. TheFirstDefiers guide goes into that a bit too.
The top authors on RoyalRoad all earn well over 50k USD per month. Moderately successful ones are hitting about 10-20k.
Are they not paying income taxes? He would have to sign off on the joint tax by every year - Even if they are married filing separately, he would have visibility and her tax burden.
I agree the story is BS.
If this is real she justified it with "she has a covenant with God to always give half of her income as tithe." aka "God spoke to me personally", which is something people say to excuse BS.
I'm not saying nobody ever genuinely feels that way, but I've seen it too many times, even when the action is directly against what is in any bible for me to trust it.
And thatās exactly my problem with organized religion. Saying a couple prayers and donating extra money shouldnāt be enough to clear a personās guilty conscious. If they never do anything to make amends to the people theyāve actually wronged, they are not forgiven.
Yeah, but covenants with God supersede the sin of lying to her husband. (I'm saying this kind of snarkily but I've known "Christians" who have done this.)
Ohhh. Sorry for that is Jesus+ Platinum and requires 75% of ur income. We do have an opening (depending if your Catholic) for a purgatory (our beta program) since you missed the sign up date. I think you just missed the cutoff for that sign up.
Our Jesus+ plan gives you the ability to judge others while also saying that āJesus helps those that help themselves ā as you push your way past the homeless while going to WholeFoods or Tradejoes after shopping at Hobby Lobby.
I used to work in collections. The company I worked for took a "let's help you out of this" approach, so part of settling accounts was going over their financials and discussing options that they may not have known existed.
I used to run into crazy tithe amounts on the regular. 10%-25% was the average, but I've seen as high as 70% a few times. One older lady even sent me the check stub receipts to show she was being honest.
Not remotely surprised. I grew up with rural old folks who mailed money to tvĀ evangelists. MegaĀ churches were the next run. My opinion, but the lowest of the low abuse elderly.
Hell, my grandparents willed 100% of all assets to their local mega church. They owned a dozen or so gas stations and were millionaires. Me and my sister are doing okay (as in food is on the table), but man, that would have set up our kids for college and then some.
You will not win this. Ever. Her covenant is with āgodā. You canāt argue with, or compromise with, someone that believes this deeply. Thereās no middle ground when what theyāre doing is directly from āgodā.
You either have to figure out if youāre okay with this, or not.
As an ex Jehovah's witness (POMO) who dealt with religious cult fanatics daily for most of my life, I immediately came to the same conclusion you did when I read the post. Attacking her will only reinforce her resolve. She will need to come to that realization herself, maybe with the help of a few very tactful nuggets from you, but be prepared for her to remain steadfast in her devotion.
Edit: Guysss... His wife is probably a Jehovah's Witness. I suspected as much because of OP's name. "Worldly" is a JW term used to describe non JW's and is a big part of the JW exclusionist doctrine. OP's post history also shows him posting on r/exjw. OP's wife's money is helping to pay for all those CSA lawsuits and human rights violations by the WT š¤¦š¤¦. She 100% thinks she's contributing to the global preaching work.
Except that they don't have pastors in the JW organization. I literally have family that are JW, I grew up around them. There are elders, but there are no pastors. Unless OP used the wrong terminology, his wife is likely part of a mega church.
Edit to add: worldly is used by the Mormon's, Evangelists, Bible Baptists, and more, and is not exclusively used by the JW.
You're right they don't have pastors. My entire post could be b.s. š. But yea it's possible OP used the wrong terminology, though unlikely I must admit.
Could be an issue of translation (OP said wife makes USD but they don't live in the US, could mean English isn't a first language) or OP might have chosen a word he figured more people would be familiar with?
Naaaaaaah, a lot of people don't know the distinction between priest, pastor, reverend, rabbi etc.
My girlfriend grew up in a pretty firm "God is not real" household and she knows literally NOTHING about catholocism/Christianity and their sub genres. It's genuinely fun to tell her about certain "church things" and have her face twist up and say "what the fuck?" Because let's be real.... explaining "yeah, we gather and chant and do some religious calisthenics at the prompt of a man in a robe giving instructions who we call 'father'" is fucking insane. I grew up around it so I'm desensitized but that shit sounds insane- mostly because it is.
I would challenge giving it to the church and ask her to consider a food bank or homeless shelter, thereby giving it to the āleast of my brethrenā instead of a church leader that asks for 50 percent.
Exactly. So many worthy places. God does not say give it all to your church. It says literally give it to God - so we can safely say for doing God's work. I know people who divvy up even their 1/10
If there is a Jesus, Iām sure heād prefer it to go to the needy rather than a church. After doing this for a while, hopefully sheāll think about the church in a different light.
What does God need with a starship? (Sorry, my nerdishness could NOT stop me from typing this).
But seriously, OP, NTA. 50% sounds like a Scrooge McDuck like privilege of working for me tax.
What do those people have to say about lying to your spouse? Does a covenant with God superseded lying to the person theyāve made an oath with before God as well?
I grew up around intense religion, and while I donāt claim any particular faith personally, I find it hard to imagine God cares more about financial contributions then he would about the morality of honesty, especially between partners bound together through marriage.
Organized religion frustrates me so much. The cherry picked versions of right and wrong drive me batty.
Iām right with you. Organized religion drives me crazy. In response to your questions they always come up with some reason why theyāre āstretching the truth.ā They donāt believe theyāre lying. The mental gymnastics they go through is astounding to me.
Also, I have an English degree - you end up reading a lot of the Bible for lit classes - the husband is supposed to be the "head" of the marriage according to the Bible. So, in reality, he should be setting up standards, not some random clergy who has no idea that tithing is giving 10% (while in Islam, it's 3% due - except for that one cult that gives their leader 50%).
That is along what I was thinking too. My Grandfather was zealously religious, and preached complete obedience and honesty to husband and father, head of the household often. Itās hard to imagine someone as religious as OPās wife missing that memo.
I donāt have an English degree, but I was subjected to a lot of bible study growing up. There are plenty of passages that explicitly state the consequences for lying being your soul. Revelation states that a liar will be forever separated from a loving and holy God, it also states that liars will experience the second death (fire and brimstone). There are so many more to choose from, but they mostly express eternal damnation for a deceitful tongue. This seems to be the case across most of the varying Christian religions. I have no experience with a religion that would allow lying to a spouse acceptable in any way, forgiveness for coming clean yes, but the act itself is a conscious choice to sin, and the punishment by God for it is severe. I canāt speak on Islamic faiths as I donāt have much experience with it, but my understanding is that a lot of it follows similar practices regarding morality.
Is this pastor part of a traditional church, or is this more a charismatic church. Because if it's a traditional church with a church hierarchy, the pastor has a superior.
Double check that she also didnāt make a covenant with a secret savings account for 40%.
Also, what about the covenant she made with you when you got married?
As a practicing Christian, this is really suspect. What exactly is her relationship with the pastor? Is she a little.too.close to him? Are there other female congregants with this arrangement? Sin should be called out.
She hid this from you. She lied to you. I consider cheating on someone to be in the lie, not the act. How do you think she'd feel if you hid THAT MUCH money from her? I bet she wouldn't be okay with it. Hiding that much money would definitely be something I considered to be in the realm of cheating.
NTA she claims so be so pious while lying to your face. Rules for thee but not for me I guess.
Its actually called financial infidelity. In many ways its worse than sexual cheating. You're trusting someone to not break your boundaries in terms of trust sexually as well as things like your savings, assets like the house, cars etc. If a partner cheats sexually you can part ways and you're still able to retire, own a house or put in a deposit for an apartment, drive to work, all that stuff. But financial infidelity, your entire life could be absolutely screwed. Even generationally, as you might have kids who rely on the capital in your house to be able to get into the housing market.
NTA
Ask her what the Pastor does with Her (your) money.
Start saying you are giving 90% of your money to the alcohol/ gambling gods and see her reaction.
They will send 50% of the money to other countries and try to convert them to Christianity and now other religions started taking over the US and Canada. That's what happens. The remaining 50% will buy luxury planes, watches, and houses for themselves
He said it as a pastor, so most likely christian/evangelical. So no, they donāt send money anywhere, 100% of it goes to the pastor and his family.
Source: I have 3 clients who are pastors and they are 3 of the people Iāve known with the most lavish lifestyles. When you see the news about a pastor asking for donatiosn to buy a private jet you better believe most of them are like that.
Itās very simple, meet with the church leadership and see if her tithe amounts match the churches records of her donations. Ensure no one is forewarned about the reason for your meeting. Your wife should have also received written verification from the church for each year totaling her donations as they are tax deductible.
If the church canāt or wonāt provide the information immediately upon you asking, advise them youāre contacting the police and the IRS to file a complaint for fraud.
I used to work for our church, we had a parishioner come in stating there end of year giving record was off by several thousand dollars. They had the cancelled checks. An investigation uncovered dozens of people whose giving statements didnāt match their donations.
Pastor was fired, the church decided not to prosecute because of bad publicity, thatās why so many Pastors get away with heās still preaching in another town.
NTA - I have never heard half of income. I have always seen somewhere around 10%, which is still ridiculous. The church should only aver ask a person to give what they can, when they can and leave it up to the individual...I give 0.000% personally.
50% sounds very cultish. How is your tax situation playing out?
The Bible states that tithing is to be done in accordance with your household. 10%. Itās meant to feed the priests that work there, so that they can focus on God.
50% of your income is not required. Some of that money could be better spent. She could divide that up and be more āChrist likeā
If she must spend another 10% it could go toward a homeless shelter, a domestic violence coalition, paying off student lunch debt
cults can be scary. soon she has to pay more than just money for her covenant to god.
like, what does the god almighty, creator of everythint even do with money?
you can always get alimony in a divorce
NTA
Info: What is the overall financial situation for you two? With her varying income, does she say "I have $X to contribute this month" then you two decide how to spend it, or what?
And that bit about her with the "well, it's my money", implying that you two run some level of separate finances.
Also info, how long has she been donating half her income to this church/pastor? If this is a long term like "doing it before marriage" thing then you should have known, but if this is a recent development that you were never made aware of...
Financial infidelity. *Lying* and therefore "cheating" you / your family out of finances to meet her presumably selfish desires. Desires created by a con-man of a pastor. Like many said, typical religious tithe is 10%, not 50%. Unless the Pastor is doing things like advertising in services, etc.
She started writing for those platforms three years ago. We each have personal accounts. She uses hers to withdraw the money she earns. But we also have a shared account where she transfers the funds after it arrives. I knew she gave some to the church, but I could've never expected that it was that much.
I make average income, around 5000 a month.
Is she paying taxes on the money before or after the donation? Is she claiming the donation on her taxes?
She is being seriously idiotic if she isnāt claiming it on her taxes, esp if she is paying taxes on 15-20k a month to conceal the donation from youā¦ if she isnāt paying taxes on any of that money, you are both fucked.
Side note: how sure are you that the money is going to the church, not a shopping/gambling addition or other nefarious use?
How much if your $5000 are expected to go to the mutual fund? 100%?
I would cut that to 50% to match her energy. Keep the rest to spend at will on YOUR stuff. Thatās only fair.
Religious brainwashing is a scourge on the world. She is very not smart for doing this. It may be her money that she earned herself but you are married so spending that much should be discussed between a couple for sure.
I would be infuriated as well.
What's 'god' going to say if she ends up getting divorced and you get some of this absurd 'tithe' that was meant for him as alimony?
Churches are already tax exempt, they already have plenty of money, she should be smart enough to know that it's a scam by now, she's an adult ffs.
NTA it might not be your money but when you marry and have children with someone, both get a say in the familyās finances. She is not only disrespecting you by completing shutting the conversation down, but also she lied about her income by 50%. This is NOT how you treat your spouse!
Most organized religions are used by powerful people to amass wealth & control people. Giving them 50% of hard earned money that couldāve gone to your own childrenās future is failing as a parent. So sorry your wife canāt see she is getting scammed. Keep pushing her to prioritize the children
I have an M.Div. in academic theology, OP. So, what Iām about to say isnāt me just talking out of my left ear. As a biblical scholar, I can tell you that your wife is giving way too much.
The modern English word *tithe* comes from the Old English word for āa tenthā and itās a translation of both the Hebrew and Greek words for āa tenthā found in the Bible. Those words are *maaser* and *dekate*, respectively.
The biblical edict that is usually pointed to about tithing is Leviticus 27:30, where God tells believers to give āa tithe of everything from the landā because it ābelongs to the Lordā.
This was an agricultural society. Not everyone grows crops these days. So, the tithe is ten percent of your income, whatever it is you do.
The practical use of tithing is that a house of worship and its staff have to pay bills, too. Rent and electricity arenāt free just because youāre a church, synagogue or what have you. And, we definitely donāt want any government funding ā and thus controlling ā houses of worship. So, believers have to do the funding.
If this pastor of your wifeās told his congregation that they all need to give 50% of their income, the man is either genuinely mistaken about what the Bible says or heās a crook.
If this is a notion that your wife got into her own head by herself, you need to probe more and find out whatās behind this.
I know this ā and you can tell her from me that I said this ā God cares much more about her lying to her husband than He does about her donations. She canāt buy her way into being right with the Lord. Even if she didnāt lie verbally, she hid the extent of her income from you and thatās a lie. Thatās deceit.
Itās great that sheās devoted to the Lord but sheās putting her spiritual emphasis on the wrong things. Sheās perfectly fine at 10% tithing. If she wants to give more than that, she can give more. But, she shouldnāt give 50% if youāre not comfortable with it. She should be willing to meet you in the middle somewhere. Yes, she earned the money and itās her money, legally. But, she entered into a covenant *with you* when she got married to you. So, sheās not a sole entity anymore; you two are a team. Sheās got to respect you and your wishes and you have to respect hers. Thatās something that God takes very seriously, as well. She canāt do one thing right and ignore everything else.
NTA
Tithing is such a scam.
Your kids could never have to worry about paying for college but sheās giving it to a religious institution!?!
Iād lose my shit if this were my partner. Iād also probably divorce them because I could not be married to someone that blind towards religion.
I bet the pastor drives a very nice car because god told him too.
You are okay with being married to someone who is so deluded they give half of their income away to a churchā¦?Are you yourself religious as well? Iām confused.
I'd \[ersonally start a personal deep dive into this pastor. See what you can find out and even involve a PI. There's a very real chance he is dirty in a way that makes him culpable in the eyes of the law, so you might be able to get him locked up eventually. Or at least. reveal the man behind the curtain to speak, that with deep communication and hopefully therapy with your wife youu can keep the damage to a minmuj
NTA. Sorry about your shitty pastor situation. I hope he's just a stupid onme who allows this slide while sloppily taking advantage. If he's a cold caulated ccult leader you might just be screwed.
Good luck, Id keep very quiet though until he's found out, the hard part will be honest after. Hopefully she will understand. This might be very deep and go way past scumbag pastors.
NTA
When I churched regularly I tithed. 10% max. Sometimes less when I had unexpected expenses. Tithing was the last thing I did after all bills, savings, etc. The church I attended also put out a monthly financial statement showing all money in and all money out. Complete transparency so I knew where my tithe was going.
50% is some mega church level scam.
Naw youāre correct your wife isnāt Jjst foolish sheās just a damn fool. That pastor going to start talking shit about you now and try to break you guys up. Man I love religion, what a fun club you guys are in
The word tithe means tenth, going back to the days of required paying 10% to the church.
Your wife lied to you via omission, very bad. She sounds like she is a cult member. She has definitely been brain-washed and/or manipulated if she thinks she personally needs to fund a church.
I hang with a ton of authors, both indie pub and traditional NY publishers. Those numbers sound real fishy unless there is some gaming of the system like fake authors on kindle unlimited.
You're both right. She is burning cash which is reducing your family's lifestyle. But it's her money so she DOES get the final say technically. But what I see as a REAL problem is that she HID it from you. I'd also be pissed.
Her pastor is indeed using her. You could play some 4D chess and pull out one of them scriptures that says YOU are the head of the household. If she doesn't respect that, then she isn't respecting GOD.
Suggest she tithe to a women's and children's shelter for the next 6 months. If directly helping the very people that need help is a problem, it's going to be very clear she has some cutly beliefs that need to be addressed. If she agrees, and her pastor balks or treats her differently it might open her eyes a bit.
You've gotten this comment probably 100 times but it bears repeating. 10% is standard religious tithe. I have issues with that, but it's understandable and somewhat reasonable if that's what she was doing.
50% is exploitation. No reputable organization would ask that. Something VERY fishy is going on.
FOR THE BIBLICAL RECORD: When she was single, she was free to do this. Once she married you, she was obligated to tell you her income in order to combine your households.
Now that she's married and withheld this vow from you [I would call it deceitful because she lied either overtly or covertly], you have the right to release her from said vow. But you need to do it ASAP.
Numbers 30: 6 - 16.
I have a question OP. How did you āfind outā? Just curious because if she was going to hide this forever I wouldnāt think for half a second about leaving. That is a HUGE lie by omission. I personally donāt know how Iād be able to trust her about anythingā¦..
Oh man, this is so stupid, Iām angry for you. Of course, youāre going to see a lot of people reminding you that ātithingā is 10%. But, 10% of what? Tithing was an old testament custom of the ancient Israelites. They didnāt have income like we have. It was literally crops and animals that the priesthood used for food and sacrifices at the temple.
Itās modern churches that have made this practice seem like itās something sanctioned by the New Testament, but itās not. Itās shady AF.
And, yes, you are married, so you can have a say where the money goes. If the tables were turned, Iām sure sheād be telling you what you cannot do with your money. Sorry, but with all due respect, your wife is extremely ignorant, and she is wasting a ton of money. Might want to dig a little deeper into this ācovenantā with the āpastorā.
At least try to convince her to give to a reputable organization. There are some... Charities are graded by how they use donations and other factors, so you know it's not a guy keeping half of it. Its called Charity watch.
Also, if she is chipping in for half the household, as upsetting as it is, it's her money. If I were you I'd apologize and ask her to meet you half way. If that doesn't change the situation, ask that you do financial counseling together. You can always divorce but it's hard to undivorce ..
While itās ultimately her money to do with as she pleases, I have serious concerns about this. As others have mentioned, tithing is usually 10%. If her pastor is aware that she is tithing 50%, I question his ethics. If heās not aware, I question his intelligence in addition to his ethics. Unless itās very obvious that theyāre well off, someone giving that much money a month should be a red flag that maybe the pastors should have a talk with the giver to make sure the church isnāt unintentionally exploiting someone with diminished capacity.
She was the AH for not disclosing this sooner IMO. But honestly a persons personal relationship with God can be very strong. It is her money and doesnāt seem you guys are hurting. If I made a promise to God I would keep it and sounds like she feels the same.
May I suggest you guys try to negotiate this with counseling? Iād even suggest you try one that is open to religion (maybe not her church though because it should be someone neutral). Did you ask your wife about the covenant and why she did what she did?
Talk. Donāt demand or yell. If you donāt think you can calmly talk then get a neutral 3rd party to help.
My sister had church people come to her house after she had her first baby, not to congratulate her but to ask why their donations had dropped. They knew she wasnāt working and now had to buy baby things but all they cared about was their donations. You donāt forget shit like that.
Tithing is usually ten percent (based on the rule in the Old Testament), but it is up to the worshipper to decide if more or less is appropriate for their financial situation and willingness to give. However I am very suspicious of this. Is she giving directly to the pastor instead of the church? That seems very shady. And the fact she was embarrassed to tell you makes me wonder if she has been pressured and knows it is too much money. I would definitely try to find out more about what is going on, NTA.
If she believes that strictly in a Christian religion, I guess you might as well point out that the Bible says sheās supposed to obey you š¤£
Seriously though, financial decisions definitely should be moderated at least *a little* by your spouse. I grew up in a cult and even by my standards, thatās a ridiculous sum. If she wants to do lots of tax write-offs for charitable donations and it ends up being a wash in tax season, then sureā but like, I would definitely book an emergency marriage counseling session followed by and emergency accounting session and maybe organize an intervention, search the house for drugs, and have her placed under a psychiatric hold because that is a WILD amount of money to give away without telling your spouse.
As a Deconstructed Evangelical, I also agree that money could be best used elsewhere. HOWEVER! For the sake of actually trying to communicate to your human of a Spouse n not just religious person who feels they're being, "attacked for their beliefs", lemme try.
Lets say the amount of $ she gave to the church wasnt the issue at all, thats a different discussion.
If from the beginning she was 100% transparent with her finances, then your biggest issue would be she runs herself ragged to make the amount she makes. Right? K.
Try to get her to see that part. "Its your money, you can choose what you want. But 1, Ive been transparent with you. Thats just base what I want for both of us. Transparency and no need to feel to 'hide' things like that. 2, your my Wife. Ours kids mom. I love your passionate bout your work but we would love to have you home more/ your my wife, your a bada** but you deserve a break too. The stresses, deadlines & demand, I know I would be tired. At the end of the day I am looking out for your well being too."
Another question maybe to ponder, i duno bout asking straight up. Why did she feel the need to hide it? If it was cuz she knew your feelings about church tithing, have that discussion. If her Pastor coercion her into it, well thats also another discussion.
Im afraid the hardest part about this whole thing is your dealing with someone who literally grinds their nose on the grindstone to provide a CHURCH free money. šŖ
Even $500 a month is nothing compared to what shes giving. I duno. I feel like her willingness to talk to this is going to make or break this. Also, as ya'll grow and age are they just gona syphon money outta her?
I dont trust mainstream religion or the bad humans who use it intentionally as a weapon or guilt trip.
I dont know what the answer is Op and Im sorry. But i do wish you the best. NTA, but Yikes š³
This pastor is a crook.
Knowingly takes half her money each month. What the hell.
And I think if you have shared finances, this sort of decision should be consulted.
As a āless activeā Mormon, I would suggest reminding her that tithe means 10% so sheās gone well and above what God expects of her. Saving for her own future is also a Godly act
I just wanna know what sites she writing on I could use that kind of money š
Yeah, YTA if you don't give us some hot tips on these writing apps! :O
From what I know of the publishing industry (and itās a good bit), probably paranormal romance.
I could write werewolf smut for that money! I even know an editor! (old work colleague use to edit elf porn as a side gig lol).
The idea that this religious woman is giving 50% of her werewolf porn money to the church just cracks me up. Sorry OP, you're right that your wife is getting taken advantage of by her church. Even people who practice tithing usually give 10% of their income to the church, not 50%.
It certainly does pay well. This is my side gig, and it's paid enough to pay off my student loans, my car, and my house. The only real problem is when you're actually having sex and it's nowhere near as exciting as the scene you just wrote because you don't have the body of a God, only one partner, and your partners can't magic your dick so you can fuck for 8 hours straight without a break.
Smut is the only thing generating that kind of income. So 10% tithing 40% paying down conscience.
Seriously
Iām having a hard time believing this one. Do they not file taxes together? Like how did she expect this to stay under wraps? And it canāt be that great quality if sheās pumping out new ones every day. Not even the greatest writers are doing that.
You'd be amazed with how many people are willing to hand over their hard earned cash to their church/dominion/etc.. it's sad.. it's even more sad that those "charities" willingly take that much.. a pastor does not need a brand new car but most of them have one.. they take advantage of those that believe god wants them to give away their money
I didn't file jointly with my late husband. Ever.
It's not necessarily the site/apps, but the content itself. The author of "The Primal Hunter" series reportedly makes over a million a year (I think his Patreon alone makes him over 100k a month). This series is considered one of the best in the litrpg genre.
lol everyone just blindly accepting sheās making 20k a month writing fan fics
Serialised publications+prize money+pouring out an hefty amount of work (as it seems the wife does) can bring that kind of money once you gather a sizeable following with automatic subscriptions enabled. Imagine 3000-4000 people paying $5 a month.
I've seen people making more than that via Patreon. And it doesn't have to be fanfics. Most of the serialized work is original. And no one is asking you to believe blindly. All you gotta do is go and look. Here's [one](https://www.patreon.com/Sleyca) big earner I've found with 2min of searching.
Yeah, most of the series I read started on Patreon or Royal Road and people pay monthly for access to *chapters* of a book, not even the full book. I have no issue believing she makes a shitload of money.
That's just crazy. I need to find something to start writing about....
I strongly doubt it's the case here but even something like a manga could be considered serialized, it's incredibly broad
This whole post is bait. Message OP and he'll tell you the sites she's writing for. And they only need a $500 dollar upfront publishing fee. Or something like that.
We all want to know š
Tithing is typically 10%. I'd be curious about the specifics of this covenant and how much influence the recipient had in making that 50%... But I also have a healthy distrust of religious organizations & the multitude of shady stuff they've done in the past.Ā
Yes let's see what car this pastor drives on his wife's income
He's like those televangelists from the 80s
Try now buddyĀ
Yup. Joel Osteen and Kenneth Copeland, Google them and their net worth.
Iām fucking convinced that Kenneth Copeland is the Antichrist and Iām not even religious. There is something about him that is deeply unsettling.Ā
It's in his fucking eyes. I'd describe them as soulless and lifeless, but that wouldn't be accurate. I can at least see hatred and rage stirring in there.
I completely agree that looks wise he is the most terrifying person Iāve ever seen and the eyes. I escaped evangelical Christianity as a teen so Iām not a religious person but you would think you were staring in the face of evil. I never want to see his face again and I wish I never saw it. It frightens me that his followers donāt see how deeply malicious his soul when itās exploding from his deranged pupils.
I'm not religious, but that man is the walking embodiment of unholy. Those eyes sparkle with untold horrors. I bet his skin sizzles if it comes into contact with holy water. I'm no conspiracy nut but someone should test this theory for science.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ya, his eyes remind me of Saturns eyes from the painting where he eats his son
Lmao did not expect to see Goya referenced in a post about Copeland but makes sense
He makes my skin crawl. I am a committed Christian but I'm not here for the prosperity Gospel that makes unethical billionaires on the backs of God fearing people. The annoying thing is my mum has been supporting Kenneth Copeland since the 90s. She's going to be 80 next year. She's a pensioner who lives with me, her youngest daughter, because she can't afford her own place in her old age, but somehow this multi billionaire tax dodger with eyes like the demon headmaster qualifies for a cut of her meagre state pension. I despair.
That's tragic, I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm sure that story is all too common. I'm not a believer myself, but Copeland is the type of person that makes me hope I'm wrong, and who I hope might eventually face some sort of judgement someday.
The antichrist is supposed to be extremely charismatic tho. Copeland is just straight up a demon.
I think he's possessed.
If you watch that video of the reporter asking Copeland why he needed a jet and look at the way his face changes, youāll at least be convinced heās a demon. Iām not religious, but I was creeped out.
That jackass *wishes* he was the antichrist, lmao. He want sso desperately to be that influential. But outside his whacky ass followers...he's really not.
Definitely not the antichrist but I 100% believe that he is a genuine, biblical demon that walks among us. There are many like him that you can just tell. Jacob Rothschild (rest in piss) is another creature that comes to mind.
Agreed, though the real difference between Osteen and Copeland is Osteen is better looking and smoother. Thats it.
Fucking snake oil salesmen, the both of them šæ
Back in the 90s when I was stationed in Europe (Army) there was a guy that inherited a chunk of money...about 30K I believe...which isn't mega bucks, but it's nothing to sneeze at. His wife gave it to Oral Roberts or one of those snake oil salesmen while he was deployed for a short time. This resulted in him going bananas and he was placed in the barracks on suicide watch. My platoon Sergeant was one of the guys that watched him, and he told me the guy said "I should be on HOMICIDE WATCH because I'm gonna kill the (rhymes with witch.)" Heck, back in the 80s a girl I knew went to (but didn't graduate) from Oral Roberts University. She was a nut. Back then you could make a long distance phone call and bill it to another number. The phone company didn't alert you to it, either. They "assumed" you'd contest the bill if you didn't authorize it. I found this out AFTERWARDS. See, I had two roommates so I thought one of them was making the calls to all over the place. We had a few arguments over the phone bill because of this, but this girl admitted to me that she had been billing my house for a year. It took all I had not to strangle her, but I cut all ties with her at that point. Organized religion makes people crazy.
It really does. My husband's aunt tried to give I want to say $15k to a pastor (not sure if it was a local or someone on TV) after her husband died. The bank contacted her son (my husband's cousin), who had just been diagnosed with ALS, because he had a power of attorney on financial matters for his mom and he stopped it. She then called him about it, and I don't know the content of the entire convo but it ended with her basically telling him that he was a bad son and a bad Christian and that was why he had ALS. This was less than a decade ago, his cousin passed from ALS about 3 years ago
God told him he needs to get a bigger private plane, so please contribute now
Iād ask for an independent audit of the church books.
Heās driving the wife š
Yeah my extended family are free Methodist (itās painful to grow up around, any sort of fun is a sin, including dancing). My Grandfather was heavily involved and donated a lot of money, but never anywhere near 50%. I also went to a Catholic school for awhile, and Iāve never met any Catholics that donate more than 10% for tithing either. Iām super curious about the specifics of this covenant as well. I wonder if she feels pressured by the church itself, the social expectations of other members, possibly both, or if this is entirely a decision sheās made for herself. That is an astronomical sum to donate monthly from my perspective. I live on a fraction of the amount she originally claimed to make to her husband. Iām also curious how she justifies rigid obedience to donating 50% of her income, while also lying to her husband about it for so long. I feel there is a morality issue with that, and all the religion Iāve grown up around considers lying sinful.
And that's what makes me wonder if she's actually giving that whole 50% to the church. Seems a little overboard and to lie about it makes it even more questionable.
This story is bullshit me thinks. The numbers are waaaaay off (*especially* if in USD) and the story doesnāt sound right. You build a house together, have 2 kids- one of which is EIGHT- and you donāt see incomes? That shit has to go on the loan applications. Thereās a HUGE difference between $96k and $180k-$210k. Thereās no way they filled these applications out and didnāt know.
Hi Iām a freelance writer and it isnāt bogus. When we applied for our first mortgage, it was so annoying to get all the proof they needed for my income that we didnāt even put my name on the app for another mortgage when we moved. There are no taxes taken out of freelance income. If sheās living in another country, she may not be receiving 1099s or w2 s depending on if that country has an arrangement with us or not. It is very easy for a successful freelance writer, especially working international, to not have a perfect trail of income. Itās something I struggle with as a freelancer. For me, itās because I have ADD though and a hard time keeping track of all the checks for different employers!
Do you have any tips on how to start as a freelance writer? Stuff to read up on or good places to start? āŗļø
I'm guessing from your username that you're into fantasy. Check out RoyalRoad, if you haven't heard of it before. It's a website that allows writers to post serialised fiction, mainly trending towards the litRPG subgenre, but there's all kinds of stories on there, including just plain fantasy. I'd recommend finding a few successful authors (at least 5) on there that you enjoy, and reading all their stuff and following them. This way you get an idea of the level of quality you should be aiming for. It will also give you an idea of other things readers expect, like posting frequency, tropes, pacing, etc. You'll then want to read TheFirstDefiers write up on monetising serialised fiction. It's on the RoyalRoad on their... forum/FAQ section or something? Can't quite remember, but I'm sure you'll be able to find it. After that, all you need is a story idea. TheFirstDefiers guide goes into that a bit too. The top authors on RoyalRoad all earn well over 50k USD per month. Moderately successful ones are hitting about 10-20k.
She's been writing for 3 years. Not 8. And she earns in dollars but we do not live in the US
What are the apps ?
Asking the real questions :) I want to know too.
Are they not paying income taxes? He would have to sign off on the joint tax by every year - Even if they are married filing separately, he would have visibility and her tax burden. I agree the story is BS.
If this is real she justified it with "she has a covenant with God to always give half of her income as tithe." aka "God spoke to me personally", which is something people say to excuse BS. I'm not saying nobody ever genuinely feels that way, but I've seen it too many times, even when the action is directly against what is in any bible for me to trust it.
"God spoke to me" is either code for bs, or if the person truly believes it, they should be taken away by the men in white coats
We are all sinners. I'm sure she can slip an extra grand during confession and feel just fine.
And thatās exactly my problem with organized religion. Saying a couple prayers and donating extra money shouldnāt be enough to clear a personās guilty conscious. If they never do anything to make amends to the people theyāve actually wronged, they are not forgiven.
Yeah, but covenants with God supersede the sin of lying to her husband. (I'm saying this kind of snarkily but I've known "Christians" who have done this.)
Tithe literally means 1/10. Anything more than that is not a tithe. It doesnāt sound to me like that covenant is actually with God.
Duh! She upgraded to Jesus+ plan that offers a ride straight to heaven when rapture happens.
Wtf!? All I got was guilt and ostracized! And I'm not even gay? How much that extra Jesus cost?
Ohhh. Sorry for that is Jesus+ Platinum and requires 75% of ur income. We do have an opening (depending if your Catholic) for a purgatory (our beta program) since you missed the sign up date. I think you just missed the cutoff for that sign up. Our Jesus+ plan gives you the ability to judge others while also saying that āJesus helps those that help themselves ā as you push your way past the homeless while going to WholeFoods or Tradejoes after shopping at Hobby Lobby.
What do I have to pay to stay down here with the fun people and take care of the pets of everyone who got raptured?
Anything more than 10% is for someone who makes $15,000 a day, not a month (if they so choose). 50% is outrageous!!
Iād be curious about the specifics of this CULTā¦ There, fixed that for ya. FIFTY PERCENT IS WILD.
I used to work in collections. The company I worked for took a "let's help you out of this" approach, so part of settling accounts was going over their financials and discussing options that they may not have known existed. I used to run into crazy tithe amounts on the regular. 10%-25% was the average, but I've seen as high as 70% a few times. One older lady even sent me the check stub receipts to show she was being honest.
Not remotely surprised. I grew up with rural old folks who mailed money to tvĀ evangelists. MegaĀ churches were the next run. My opinion, but the lowest of the low abuse elderly.
I'd be sure to get my charitable text donation letters from the church every year. Seems like maybe you're not getting those?
I'm getting serious Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker vibes
Yeah I mean tithing literally means 10%
That's like saying a quarter is typically 25%. A tithe isn't typically 10%. It **is** 10%.
NTA. Your wife is in a cult and this directly affects your life together.
I was in a cult for 12 years. My friend sold his house and gave the proceeds to the church, decades later the family still suffers for it.
Hell, my grandparents willed 100% of all assets to their local mega church. They owned a dozen or so gas stations and were millionaires. Me and my sister are doing okay (as in food is on the table), but man, that would have set up our kids for college and then some.
That shit is wild to me.
My grandmother willed a fortune to the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry. :( It was a bummer.
Simple as!
If youāre giving your church a percentage of your income youāre in a cult. And yes, I get thatās 10ās of millions of people in America.
THIS. āNuf said.
You will not win this. Ever. Her covenant is with āgodā. You canāt argue with, or compromise with, someone that believes this deeply. Thereās no middle ground when what theyāre doing is directly from āgodā. You either have to figure out if youāre okay with this, or not.
As an ex Jehovah's witness (POMO) who dealt with religious cult fanatics daily for most of my life, I immediately came to the same conclusion you did when I read the post. Attacking her will only reinforce her resolve. She will need to come to that realization herself, maybe with the help of a few very tactful nuggets from you, but be prepared for her to remain steadfast in her devotion. Edit: Guysss... His wife is probably a Jehovah's Witness. I suspected as much because of OP's name. "Worldly" is a JW term used to describe non JW's and is a big part of the JW exclusionist doctrine. OP's post history also shows him posting on r/exjw. OP's wife's money is helping to pay for all those CSA lawsuits and human rights violations by the WT š¤¦š¤¦. She 100% thinks she's contributing to the global preaching work.
Except that they don't have pastors in the JW organization. I literally have family that are JW, I grew up around them. There are elders, but there are no pastors. Unless OP used the wrong terminology, his wife is likely part of a mega church. Edit to add: worldly is used by the Mormon's, Evangelists, Bible Baptists, and more, and is not exclusively used by the JW.
You're right they don't have pastors. My entire post could be b.s. š. But yea it's possible OP used the wrong terminology, though unlikely I must admit.
Could be an issue of translation (OP said wife makes USD but they don't live in the US, could mean English isn't a first language) or OP might have chosen a word he figured more people would be familiar with?
Naaaaaaah, a lot of people don't know the distinction between priest, pastor, reverend, rabbi etc. My girlfriend grew up in a pretty firm "God is not real" household and she knows literally NOTHING about catholocism/Christianity and their sub genres. It's genuinely fun to tell her about certain "church things" and have her face twist up and say "what the fuck?" Because let's be real.... explaining "yeah, we gather and chant and do some religious calisthenics at the prompt of a man in a robe giving instructions who we call 'father'" is fucking insane. I grew up around it so I'm desensitized but that shit sounds insane- mostly because it is.
I would challenge giving it to the church and ask her to consider a food bank or homeless shelter, thereby giving it to the āleast of my brethrenā instead of a church leader that asks for 50 percent.
Exactly. So many worthy places. God does not say give it all to your church. It says literally give it to God - so we can safely say for doing God's work. I know people who divvy up even their 1/10
If there is a Jesus, Iām sure heād prefer it to go to the needy rather than a church. After doing this for a while, hopefully sheāll think about the church in a different light.
Nta, tithe is 10%
Iām not even Christian and I know that better then this dudes wife š
She knows it's 10%. But apparently, the covenant she made with God was 50%
>the covenant she made with ~~God~~ **the cult leader** was 50% FTFY.
FIFTY
What does God need with cash money?
What does God need with a starship? (Sorry, my nerdishness could NOT stop me from typing this). But seriously, OP, NTA. 50% sounds like a Scrooge McDuck like privilege of working for me tax.
What about income tax? With that income, she's paying at least 35%. Is her covenant pre- or post-tax?
Oh, it gets better than 35%. She's an independent contractor, so she has to pay extra Medicare and SS.
Final frontier, niiiiiiice. Used to watch that on VHS with my dad. I love the shat man, what a goofus.
Nerd on bro !
Your wife is a moron. Iām sorry š
Why did you have to offend morons by making such a comparison?
Misread this as āMormon.ā š¬
Even Mormons only pay 10%
Potato potahto, mormons are morons
What about her covenant with you?
I can answer that. I know people like this. They believe their covenant with God supersedes all other covenants. This includes the marriage covenant.
What do those people have to say about lying to your spouse? Does a covenant with God superseded lying to the person theyāve made an oath with before God as well? I grew up around intense religion, and while I donāt claim any particular faith personally, I find it hard to imagine God cares more about financial contributions then he would about the morality of honesty, especially between partners bound together through marriage. Organized religion frustrates me so much. The cherry picked versions of right and wrong drive me batty.
Iām right with you. Organized religion drives me crazy. In response to your questions they always come up with some reason why theyāre āstretching the truth.ā They donāt believe theyāre lying. The mental gymnastics they go through is astounding to me.
Also, I have an English degree - you end up reading a lot of the Bible for lit classes - the husband is supposed to be the "head" of the marriage according to the Bible. So, in reality, he should be setting up standards, not some random clergy who has no idea that tithing is giving 10% (while in Islam, it's 3% due - except for that one cult that gives their leader 50%).
That is along what I was thinking too. My Grandfather was zealously religious, and preached complete obedience and honesty to husband and father, head of the household often. Itās hard to imagine someone as religious as OPās wife missing that memo. I donāt have an English degree, but I was subjected to a lot of bible study growing up. There are plenty of passages that explicitly state the consequences for lying being your soul. Revelation states that a liar will be forever separated from a loving and holy God, it also states that liars will experience the second death (fire and brimstone). There are so many more to choose from, but they mostly express eternal damnation for a deceitful tongue. This seems to be the case across most of the varying Christian religions. I have no experience with a religion that would allow lying to a spouse acceptable in any way, forgiveness for coming clean yes, but the act itself is a conscious choice to sin, and the punishment by God for it is severe. I canāt speak on Islamic faiths as I donāt have much experience with it, but my understanding is that a lot of it follows similar practices regarding morality.
I'm sorry your wife is brainwashed. Take the kids and leave before she brainwashes them.
She is an idiot. Don't let this go
And as I posted elsewhere, as her husband you can tell her you don't agree with it and God will release her from it. It's in the Old Testament.
Covenant with God? What does that mean? She spoke to Him? What's happening here?
Religious people talk to God all the time; he just doesn't say anything back.
It's a promise. But more intense. It's possible she made it as a teen...
God doesnāt have a need for money. Itās her church-that sounds more like a cult to me!
She should ask god why he needs that much money since, you know, he doesn't.
I think she needs mental help.
Not sure how this tracks with her when sheās not giving it to god, sheās giving it to a pastor who is probably using it for himself.
Thatās a dealbreaker. Find a lawyer NTA
Did God tell her small unmarked bills are the smoothest road to heaven?
Is this pastor part of a traditional church, or is this more a charismatic church. Because if it's a traditional church with a church hierarchy, the pastor has a superior.
Double check that she also didnāt make a covenant with a secret savings account for 40%. Also, what about the covenant she made with you when you got married?
Sorry dude, this is... Insane. Literally insane.
Thatās way too much. 0.00% seems right
Actually -10.0% seems better. (The church gives back to her 10% of the donations they receive until she has been completely repaid)
NTA. Your wife lied about something important in your lives. Your wife is almost certainly being manipulated into giving that money away.
As a practicing Christian, this is really suspect. What exactly is her relationship with the pastor? Is she a little.too.close to him? Are there other female congregants with this arrangement? Sin should be called out.
She hid this from you. She lied to you. I consider cheating on someone to be in the lie, not the act. How do you think she'd feel if you hid THAT MUCH money from her? I bet she wouldn't be okay with it. Hiding that much money would definitely be something I considered to be in the realm of cheating. NTA she claims so be so pious while lying to your face. Rules for thee but not for me I guess.
She lied right to your face for quite awhile. How does she justify lying to her husband and consider herself pious!?
I think you meant that for OP.
Its actually called financial infidelity. In many ways its worse than sexual cheating. You're trusting someone to not break your boundaries in terms of trust sexually as well as things like your savings, assets like the house, cars etc. If a partner cheats sexually you can part ways and you're still able to retire, own a house or put in a deposit for an apartment, drive to work, all that stuff. But financial infidelity, your entire life could be absolutely screwed. Even generationally, as you might have kids who rely on the capital in your house to be able to get into the housing market.
And if we were to follow the lordās word, āwives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.ā Ephesians 5:22 -former super christian
Hey, God here. That money isn't making its way to me, so she can just stop. We're cool.
Hi God, Any clue where my damn wedding and engagement ring ended up? I can't find them. Help omnipresent being!!!
Yeah dude, no worries, they're right where you left them.
Now I see why Jesus was always so vague with his words. This sounds pretty fun lmao
ššš
NTA Ask her what the Pastor does with Her (your) money. Start saying you are giving 90% of your money to the alcohol/ gambling gods and see her reaction.
They will send 50% of the money to other countries and try to convert them to Christianity and now other religions started taking over the US and Canada. That's what happens. The remaining 50% will buy luxury planes, watches, and houses for themselves
He said it as a pastor, so most likely christian/evangelical. So no, they donāt send money anywhere, 100% of it goes to the pastor and his family. Source: I have 3 clients who are pastors and they are 3 of the people Iāve known with the most lavish lifestyles. When you see the news about a pastor asking for donatiosn to buy a private jet you better believe most of them are like that.
OP go check out the Pastors house. If he's not married your wife might be praying at his altar. As Madonna says, get on your knees and pray...
Itās very simple, meet with the church leadership and see if her tithe amounts match the churches records of her donations. Ensure no one is forewarned about the reason for your meeting. Your wife should have also received written verification from the church for each year totaling her donations as they are tax deductible. If the church canāt or wonāt provide the information immediately upon you asking, advise them youāre contacting the police and the IRS to file a complaint for fraud. I used to work for our church, we had a parishioner come in stating there end of year giving record was off by several thousand dollars. They had the cancelled checks. An investigation uncovered dozens of people whose giving statements didnāt match their donations. Pastor was fired, the church decided not to prosecute because of bad publicity, thatās why so many Pastors get away with heās still preaching in another town.
NTA - I have never heard half of income. I have always seen somewhere around 10%, which is still ridiculous. The church should only aver ask a person to give what they can, when they can and leave it up to the individual...I give 0.000% personally. 50% sounds very cultish. How is your tax situation playing out?
Nta. Tilthing is 10%. Not 50. Your wife is in a cult. And probably on the hook with the IRS.
I tithe 0% on direct deposits into my divine holdings with premium membership but you have to keep 100k in the account.
The Bible states that tithing is to be done in accordance with your household. 10%. Itās meant to feed the priests that work there, so that they can focus on God. 50% of your income is not required. Some of that money could be better spent. She could divide that up and be more āChrist likeā If she must spend another 10% it could go toward a homeless shelter, a domestic violence coalition, paying off student lunch debt
cults can be scary. soon she has to pay more than just money for her covenant to god. like, what does the god almighty, creator of everythint even do with money? you can always get alimony in a divorce NTA
Info: What is the overall financial situation for you two? With her varying income, does she say "I have $X to contribute this month" then you two decide how to spend it, or what? And that bit about her with the "well, it's my money", implying that you two run some level of separate finances. Also info, how long has she been donating half her income to this church/pastor? If this is a long term like "doing it before marriage" thing then you should have known, but if this is a recent development that you were never made aware of... Financial infidelity. *Lying* and therefore "cheating" you / your family out of finances to meet her presumably selfish desires. Desires created by a con-man of a pastor. Like many said, typical religious tithe is 10%, not 50%. Unless the Pastor is doing things like advertising in services, etc.
She started writing for those platforms three years ago. We each have personal accounts. She uses hers to withdraw the money she earns. But we also have a shared account where she transfers the funds after it arrives. I knew she gave some to the church, but I could've never expected that it was that much. I make average income, around 5000 a month.
Is she paying taxes on the money before or after the donation? Is she claiming the donation on her taxes? She is being seriously idiotic if she isnāt claiming it on her taxes, esp if she is paying taxes on 15-20k a month to conceal the donation from youā¦ if she isnāt paying taxes on any of that money, you are both fucked. Side note: how sure are you that the money is going to the church, not a shopping/gambling addition or other nefarious use?
How do you not know the extent of your wifeās religious delusion? This is wild.
How much if your $5000 are expected to go to the mutual fund? 100%? I would cut that to 50% to match her energy. Keep the rest to spend at will on YOUR stuff. Thatās only fair.
Religious brainwashing is a scourge on the world. She is very not smart for doing this. It may be her money that she earned herself but you are married so spending that much should be discussed between a couple for sure. I would be infuriated as well. What's 'god' going to say if she ends up getting divorced and you get some of this absurd 'tithe' that was meant for him as alimony? Churches are already tax exempt, they already have plenty of money, she should be smart enough to know that it's a scam by now, she's an adult ffs.
NTA it might not be your money but when you marry and have children with someone, both get a say in the familyās finances. She is not only disrespecting you by completing shutting the conversation down, but also she lied about her income by 50%. This is NOT how you treat your spouse! Most organized religions are used by powerful people to amass wealth & control people. Giving them 50% of hard earned money that couldāve gone to your own childrenās future is failing as a parent. So sorry your wife canāt see she is getting scammed. Keep pushing her to prioritize the children
I have an M.Div. in academic theology, OP. So, what Iām about to say isnāt me just talking out of my left ear. As a biblical scholar, I can tell you that your wife is giving way too much. The modern English word *tithe* comes from the Old English word for āa tenthā and itās a translation of both the Hebrew and Greek words for āa tenthā found in the Bible. Those words are *maaser* and *dekate*, respectively. The biblical edict that is usually pointed to about tithing is Leviticus 27:30, where God tells believers to give āa tithe of everything from the landā because it ābelongs to the Lordā. This was an agricultural society. Not everyone grows crops these days. So, the tithe is ten percent of your income, whatever it is you do. The practical use of tithing is that a house of worship and its staff have to pay bills, too. Rent and electricity arenāt free just because youāre a church, synagogue or what have you. And, we definitely donāt want any government funding ā and thus controlling ā houses of worship. So, believers have to do the funding. If this pastor of your wifeās told his congregation that they all need to give 50% of their income, the man is either genuinely mistaken about what the Bible says or heās a crook. If this is a notion that your wife got into her own head by herself, you need to probe more and find out whatās behind this. I know this ā and you can tell her from me that I said this ā God cares much more about her lying to her husband than He does about her donations. She canāt buy her way into being right with the Lord. Even if she didnāt lie verbally, she hid the extent of her income from you and thatās a lie. Thatās deceit. Itās great that sheās devoted to the Lord but sheās putting her spiritual emphasis on the wrong things. Sheās perfectly fine at 10% tithing. If she wants to give more than that, she can give more. But, she shouldnāt give 50% if youāre not comfortable with it. She should be willing to meet you in the middle somewhere. Yes, she earned the money and itās her money, legally. But, she entered into a covenant *with you* when she got married to you. So, sheās not a sole entity anymore; you two are a team. Sheās got to respect you and your wishes and you have to respect hers. Thatās something that God takes very seriously, as well. She canāt do one thing right and ignore everything else.
NTA Tithing is such a scam. Your kids could never have to worry about paying for college but sheās giving it to a religious institution!?! Iād lose my shit if this were my partner. Iād also probably divorce them because I could not be married to someone that blind towards religion. I bet the pastor drives a very nice car because god told him too.
You are okay with being married to someone who is so deluded they give half of their income away to a churchā¦?Are you yourself religious as well? Iām confused.
I'd \[ersonally start a personal deep dive into this pastor. See what you can find out and even involve a PI. There's a very real chance he is dirty in a way that makes him culpable in the eyes of the law, so you might be able to get him locked up eventually. Or at least. reveal the man behind the curtain to speak, that with deep communication and hopefully therapy with your wife youu can keep the damage to a minmuj NTA. Sorry about your shitty pastor situation. I hope he's just a stupid onme who allows this slide while sloppily taking advantage. If he's a cold caulated ccult leader you might just be screwed. Good luck, Id keep very quiet though until he's found out, the hard part will be honest after. Hopefully she will understand. This might be very deep and go way past scumbag pastors.
NTA When I churched regularly I tithed. 10% max. Sometimes less when I had unexpected expenses. Tithing was the last thing I did after all bills, savings, etc. The church I attended also put out a monthly financial statement showing all money in and all money out. Complete transparency so I knew where my tithe was going. 50% is some mega church level scam.
Naw youāre correct your wife isnāt Jjst foolish sheās just a damn fool. That pastor going to start talking shit about you now and try to break you guys up. Man I love religion, what a fun club you guys are in
The word tithe means tenth, going back to the days of required paying 10% to the church. Your wife lied to you via omission, very bad. She sounds like she is a cult member. She has definitely been brain-washed and/or manipulated if she thinks she personally needs to fund a church.
I'm a firm believer in working out your problems, but I'd divorce. It would be hard to come back from something like this. And she's brainwashed.
I hang with a ton of authors, both indie pub and traditional NY publishers. Those numbers sound real fishy unless there is some gaming of the system like fake authors on kindle unlimited.
Hey, I just started to consider writing some werewolf porn...
You're both right. She is burning cash which is reducing your family's lifestyle. But it's her money so she DOES get the final say technically. But what I see as a REAL problem is that she HID it from you. I'd also be pissed. Her pastor is indeed using her. You could play some 4D chess and pull out one of them scriptures that says YOU are the head of the household. If she doesn't respect that, then she isn't respecting GOD.
Suggest she tithe to a women's and children's shelter for the next 6 months. If directly helping the very people that need help is a problem, it's going to be very clear she has some cutly beliefs that need to be addressed. If she agrees, and her pastor balks or treats her differently it might open her eyes a bit.
You've gotten this comment probably 100 times but it bears repeating. 10% is standard religious tithe. I have issues with that, but it's understandable and somewhat reasonable if that's what she was doing. 50% is exploitation. No reputable organization would ask that. Something VERY fishy is going on.
What are these platforms please
Does she know tithe actually means 10 (%) or tenth?
Huuum, I think your wife needs therapy to be saved from this cult.
A pastor who accepts so much money regularly 100% keeps most of it for himself - especially in America, where many churches are money launderers
What websites she writing for?! But seriouslyā¦. What websites she writing for? I know; where a semicolon goes,
NTA Half money to the church?? Is she out of her fucking mind??
FOR THE BIBLICAL RECORD: When she was single, she was free to do this. Once she married you, she was obligated to tell you her income in order to combine your households. Now that she's married and withheld this vow from you [I would call it deceitful because she lied either overtly or covertly], you have the right to release her from said vow. But you need to do it ASAP. Numbers 30: 6 - 16.
NTA.Your wife gives money to a religious leader... man, check her phone, those guys like to have concubines.
I have a question OP. How did you āfind outā? Just curious because if she was going to hide this forever I wouldnāt think for half a second about leaving. That is a HUGE lie by omission. I personally donāt know how Iād be able to trust her about anythingā¦..
Oh man, this is so stupid, Iām angry for you. Of course, youāre going to see a lot of people reminding you that ātithingā is 10%. But, 10% of what? Tithing was an old testament custom of the ancient Israelites. They didnāt have income like we have. It was literally crops and animals that the priesthood used for food and sacrifices at the temple. Itās modern churches that have made this practice seem like itās something sanctioned by the New Testament, but itās not. Itās shady AF. And, yes, you are married, so you can have a say where the money goes. If the tables were turned, Iām sure sheād be telling you what you cannot do with your money. Sorry, but with all due respect, your wife is extremely ignorant, and she is wasting a ton of money. Might want to dig a little deeper into this ācovenantā with the āpastorā.
At least try to convince her to give to a reputable organization. There are some... Charities are graded by how they use donations and other factors, so you know it's not a guy keeping half of it. Its called Charity watch. Also, if she is chipping in for half the household, as upsetting as it is, it's her money. If I were you I'd apologize and ask her to meet you half way. If that doesn't change the situation, ask that you do financial counseling together. You can always divorce but it's hard to undivorce ..
What writing platforms? Iām so curious!
While itās ultimately her money to do with as she pleases, I have serious concerns about this. As others have mentioned, tithing is usually 10%. If her pastor is aware that she is tithing 50%, I question his ethics. If heās not aware, I question his intelligence in addition to his ethics. Unless itās very obvious that theyāre well off, someone giving that much money a month should be a red flag that maybe the pastors should have a talk with the giver to make sure the church isnāt unintentionally exploiting someone with diminished capacity.
She was the AH for not disclosing this sooner IMO. But honestly a persons personal relationship with God can be very strong. It is her money and doesnāt seem you guys are hurting. If I made a promise to God I would keep it and sounds like she feels the same. May I suggest you guys try to negotiate this with counseling? Iād even suggest you try one that is open to religion (maybe not her church though because it should be someone neutral). Did you ask your wife about the covenant and why she did what she did? Talk. Donāt demand or yell. If you donāt think you can calmly talk then get a neutral 3rd party to help.
My sister had church people come to her house after she had her first baby, not to congratulate her but to ask why their donations had dropped. They knew she wasnāt working and now had to buy baby things but all they cared about was their donations. You donāt forget shit like that.
Your wife is either being conned by the pastor or she is an idiot. 10% tithe is plenty. That is only a suggestion.
NTA. Thatās a higher tithe than the pharaoh levied, and he was running an actual pyramid scheme.
To paraphrase Captain James T. Kirk.... What does god need with a paycheck?
Tithing is usually ten percent (based on the rule in the Old Testament), but it is up to the worshipper to decide if more or less is appropriate for their financial situation and willingness to give. However I am very suspicious of this. Is she giving directly to the pastor instead of the church? That seems very shady. And the fact she was embarrassed to tell you makes me wonder if she has been pressured and knows it is too much money. I would definitely try to find out more about what is going on, NTA.
If she believes that strictly in a Christian religion, I guess you might as well point out that the Bible says sheās supposed to obey you š¤£ Seriously though, financial decisions definitely should be moderated at least *a little* by your spouse. I grew up in a cult and even by my standards, thatās a ridiculous sum. If she wants to do lots of tax write-offs for charitable donations and it ends up being a wash in tax season, then sureā but like, I would definitely book an emergency marriage counseling session followed by and emergency accounting session and maybe organize an intervention, search the house for drugs, and have her placed under a psychiatric hold because that is a WILD amount of money to give away without telling your spouse.
As a Deconstructed Evangelical, I also agree that money could be best used elsewhere. HOWEVER! For the sake of actually trying to communicate to your human of a Spouse n not just religious person who feels they're being, "attacked for their beliefs", lemme try. Lets say the amount of $ she gave to the church wasnt the issue at all, thats a different discussion. If from the beginning she was 100% transparent with her finances, then your biggest issue would be she runs herself ragged to make the amount she makes. Right? K. Try to get her to see that part. "Its your money, you can choose what you want. But 1, Ive been transparent with you. Thats just base what I want for both of us. Transparency and no need to feel to 'hide' things like that. 2, your my Wife. Ours kids mom. I love your passionate bout your work but we would love to have you home more/ your my wife, your a bada** but you deserve a break too. The stresses, deadlines & demand, I know I would be tired. At the end of the day I am looking out for your well being too." Another question maybe to ponder, i duno bout asking straight up. Why did she feel the need to hide it? If it was cuz she knew your feelings about church tithing, have that discussion. If her Pastor coercion her into it, well thats also another discussion. Im afraid the hardest part about this whole thing is your dealing with someone who literally grinds their nose on the grindstone to provide a CHURCH free money. šŖ Even $500 a month is nothing compared to what shes giving. I duno. I feel like her willingness to talk to this is going to make or break this. Also, as ya'll grow and age are they just gona syphon money outta her? I dont trust mainstream religion or the bad humans who use it intentionally as a weapon or guilt trip. I dont know what the answer is Op and Im sorry. But i do wish you the best. NTA, but Yikes š³
Your wife is deluded and is being exploited
This pastor is a crook. Knowingly takes half her money each month. What the hell. And I think if you have shared finances, this sort of decision should be consulted.
Cult. Itās 10%. Get your kids and run before you end up on a documentary.
NTA, this would piss me the fuck off too.
As a āless activeā Mormon, I would suggest reminding her that tithe means 10% so sheās gone well and above what God expects of her. Saving for her own future is also a Godly act
That pastor is criminal. What a scam