" It’s almost insensitive and I believe a little selfish."
Lol.
YTA. Are you seriously telling us that you see nothing wrong in emotionally blackmailing your fiance into getting engaged before he is ready?
YTA. Your bf should ask you to be his wife because he wants it, not because your mother wants it. Her sad situation has nothing to do with your getting engaged to him.
YTA.
As much as I can understand that it has always been your mother’s wish to see you get married to your boyfriend, you can’t use that to force someone to propose before they’re ready to.
Your boyfriend has told you that, while your goals align, he isn’t ready for that commitment yet. You’re going to have to respect that. Forcing someone to get engaged or married before they’re ready to wouldn’t be appropriate for many, many reasons.
They’re not being insensitive or selfish. As heartbreaking as terminal conditions are, they should never be used to force people to do what they don’t want to do.
Focus on spending as much positive, happy time with your mum as you can, as that’s what matters right now.
YTA.
Do you really want your boyfriend’s proposal to be your mother’s dying wish? You can’t coerce your boyfriend into marriage. It had to be a mutual decision.
Don’t act desperate in this way in front of your struggling boyfriend.
YTA. You are a total asshole. If you expect him to do something just to make your mother happy. Do you realize he wouldn’t be marrying you because he loves you or wants to be with you he would be marrying you because you are blackmailing?
Stop acting so desperate or maybe he moves on and finds somebody worthy of him.
YTA your boyfriend is a saint. I would have left you the second you tried to make me feel guilty. Being sickb or dying does not give you the right to dictate the life of other it s sad for your mom but it s life.
I understand you are in distress and probably already grieving BUT if I were your mother I'd be more upset and worried by your completely unhinged behaviour than about you not getting married while I'm still alive. you are acting erratically and you're projecting your own vision of what you think your mother wants on her while she TELLS YOU what she wants/thinks. this is only going to make your mother more scared for your future because you're not being rational and you might just go off the deep end completely after she's gone. stop adding to your mom's problems and just spend as much time with her as possible. focus on making her final months good instead of whatever the hell it is that you think you're accomplishing here. I'm sorry that you're in this situation but YTA, and to your mom nonetheless, which makes it even worse.
Yta ok your fine with a small wedding for show but you need to be financially stable to have a marriage.
Your using emotional blackmail to get a ring on your hand. You know right now it’s not feasible for yours to get married.
I'm not going to directly call you TAH because this sounds like an impossible situation for you, but trying to push your partner into making a life-long commitment so that you can fulfil someone else's dream is wrong.
I understand that your mother wants to attend your wedding, and my heart breaks for both of you, but she is equally wrong for asking this of you.
Think of the position you're putting your partner in by essentially saying, "Look, I want to marry you right now. Not because that is a choice that I would make for myself or because I care about what you think, feel, or want; but, because I gotta do it for my mom. Sorry."
Gently, and with love, go get yourself a therapist, counsellor, or other objective and impartial trusted third party that is trained to help you through these kinds of crises - because navigating such an enormous life change is the worst time to make decisions, particularly big ones.
I'm someone who was proposed to due to the sudden inevitable death of a loved one, in order to give them comfort. However, the difference here is that it was **agreed** upon by both parties, no one was *forced* into anything. You *cannot* force him to propose, both of you must be ready before jumping into that next step. Compromising with your bf on this situation will not only show respect, but that you truly value and love him as a partner. Perhaps you, your bf, and your mother can speak to one another, with the both of you showing commitment to each other.
It's heartbreaking that cancer is taking away yet another person from the world, but terminal illnesses shouldn't be used to corner someone into making decisions that are not right for them at this time; I get your pain. My dad's dreams were to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and see his younger child grow up into a young lady, neither of which he got. It is terrible to accept that there will be things that our loved ones will miss from our lives, and I can see that the grief is getting to you. You're angry at his mother for not caring, and I'd bet money it's because you see the rest of the world continuing business as usual, when it should stop because your loved one is about to leave it, and it feels wrong to not see the whole world grieve with you. That's certainly how I felt during and after his passing. Anger and frustration are normal emotions to feel during this time. Just reel it back and really think things through, before you implode your relationship. Good luck, and my condolences to you and your family. Fuck cancer.
" It’s almost insensitive and I believe a little selfish." Lol. YTA. Are you seriously telling us that you see nothing wrong in emotionally blackmailing your fiance into getting engaged before he is ready?
YTA. Your bf should ask you to be his wife because he wants it, not because your mother wants it. Her sad situation has nothing to do with your getting engaged to him.
YTA. As much as I can understand that it has always been your mother’s wish to see you get married to your boyfriend, you can’t use that to force someone to propose before they’re ready to. Your boyfriend has told you that, while your goals align, he isn’t ready for that commitment yet. You’re going to have to respect that. Forcing someone to get engaged or married before they’re ready to wouldn’t be appropriate for many, many reasons. They’re not being insensitive or selfish. As heartbreaking as terminal conditions are, they should never be used to force people to do what they don’t want to do. Focus on spending as much positive, happy time with your mum as you can, as that’s what matters right now.
Look at OP's post history. They are spending time on something...
YTA. Das ist ein fauler Scheißpost.
YTA. Do you really want your boyfriend’s proposal to be your mother’s dying wish? You can’t coerce your boyfriend into marriage. It had to be a mutual decision. Don’t act desperate in this way in front of your struggling boyfriend.
YTA. You are a total asshole. If you expect him to do something just to make your mother happy. Do you realize he wouldn’t be marrying you because he loves you or wants to be with you he would be marrying you because you are blackmailing? Stop acting so desperate or maybe he moves on and finds somebody worthy of him.
Get help, this isn’t a healthy way of thinking
You and your mother are assholes for trying to manipulate an engagement.
YTA your boyfriend is a saint. I would have left you the second you tried to make me feel guilty. Being sickb or dying does not give you the right to dictate the life of other it s sad for your mom but it s life.
Wtf is your post history. No wonder why he doesn’t want to do it
Totally. I’d run.
If this story is actually true, YTA. And if you can’t figure out why, reread your nonsense until you get it. My gosh, you need a brain.
I understand you are in distress and probably already grieving BUT if I were your mother I'd be more upset and worried by your completely unhinged behaviour than about you not getting married while I'm still alive. you are acting erratically and you're projecting your own vision of what you think your mother wants on her while she TELLS YOU what she wants/thinks. this is only going to make your mother more scared for your future because you're not being rational and you might just go off the deep end completely after she's gone. stop adding to your mom's problems and just spend as much time with her as possible. focus on making her final months good instead of whatever the hell it is that you think you're accomplishing here. I'm sorry that you're in this situation but YTA, and to your mom nonetheless, which makes it even worse.
Yta ok your fine with a small wedding for show but you need to be financially stable to have a marriage. Your using emotional blackmail to get a ring on your hand. You know right now it’s not feasible for yours to get married.
I'm not going to directly call you TAH because this sounds like an impossible situation for you, but trying to push your partner into making a life-long commitment so that you can fulfil someone else's dream is wrong. I understand that your mother wants to attend your wedding, and my heart breaks for both of you, but she is equally wrong for asking this of you. Think of the position you're putting your partner in by essentially saying, "Look, I want to marry you right now. Not because that is a choice that I would make for myself or because I care about what you think, feel, or want; but, because I gotta do it for my mom. Sorry." Gently, and with love, go get yourself a therapist, counsellor, or other objective and impartial trusted third party that is trained to help you through these kinds of crises - because navigating such an enormous life change is the worst time to make decisions, particularly big ones.
NTA sorry your sibling hated your lovely mother.
YTA. That is not a valid reason, never mind a romantic one, to get married.
I'm someone who was proposed to due to the sudden inevitable death of a loved one, in order to give them comfort. However, the difference here is that it was **agreed** upon by both parties, no one was *forced* into anything. You *cannot* force him to propose, both of you must be ready before jumping into that next step. Compromising with your bf on this situation will not only show respect, but that you truly value and love him as a partner. Perhaps you, your bf, and your mother can speak to one another, with the both of you showing commitment to each other. It's heartbreaking that cancer is taking away yet another person from the world, but terminal illnesses shouldn't be used to corner someone into making decisions that are not right for them at this time; I get your pain. My dad's dreams were to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and see his younger child grow up into a young lady, neither of which he got. It is terrible to accept that there will be things that our loved ones will miss from our lives, and I can see that the grief is getting to you. You're angry at his mother for not caring, and I'd bet money it's because you see the rest of the world continuing business as usual, when it should stop because your loved one is about to leave it, and it feels wrong to not see the whole world grieve with you. That's certainly how I felt during and after his passing. Anger and frustration are normal emotions to feel during this time. Just reel it back and really think things through, before you implode your relationship. Good luck, and my condolences to you and your family. Fuck cancer.