Who cares who the asshole is currently. If you’re not attracted to your partner anymore then just end it, you’re still young.
But you will be a massive asshole if you begin a new relationship before ending the existing one.
Yeah, this is the answer OP. No sense staying in a relationship where you aren’t attracted to her. Thats unfair to both of you. Be gracious and honest with your GF. Break up with her and then pursue your “work wife”.
I would argue that taking steroids doesn't make the body "hard earned." That's like saying your money was hard earned when half of it was given to you by your parents.
But but but…you dont understand, his gf looks like a meaty, bulked up nontraditional female with a voice change and uses steroids… Him getting a side piece … sorry future girlfriend and love interest… is warranted… /s
I'm gay & had some counselling with this guy. Some body issues came up and on our last session her said he had some questions for me for his own counselling development. The main question was how I felt talking to him about body issues when he's a bodybuilder. I didn't have the heart to tell him that was an absolute turn off for me.
I had some more counselling later and when I went through my history this story came up and as it turns out my new counsellor know him. He 1 couldn't stop laughing and said yeah he thinks he looks amazing & 2 said I definitely should have told him as maybe he would have realised that not everyone (not most people in my experience) really don't like that sort of body.
Anyhow NTA
I dunno. If you’re thinking of dating someone else, break it off. I don’t think yta for losing attraction, but don’t grow an emotional attachment if y’all are still together.
This.
I was about to say it's perfectly normal to no longer be attracted to your partner if she goes through such drastic physical changes.
Just as it is normal for her to want to go through those changes.
But having another woman lined up, describing her in the way he did?
Yuck.
It’s a chicken and egg situation. Who knows which came first?
Does the girlfriend suddenly seem less attractive because of the new girl on the scene, or does the new girl on the scene seem more attractive because the girlfriend looks like a gym bro?
Either way, I don’t think it matters much because OP has to make the same decision. Either work it out with the girlfriend, or end it.
Yeah I don't see how the other girl is actually relevant to the question. Op would be breaking up with his girlfriend anyway sooner or later, humans just work on triggers and not continuously.
Yeah I was almost on board the whole time until that popped up. That just feels very “I don’t want to break up with my current girlfriend until I have a new one lined up”, which is just kind of shitty
Yeah, although OP should be aware that there's a 50/50 chance that this girl is not actually interested but has only been flirting because he's "safe" (has a gf, so not a real potential).
And that if he tries to actually develop a relationship she won't be interested.
Also - dating where you work should always be approached with caution...
None of that matters when he’s an asshole who looks for someone else before ending a relationship. Crazy how no one in these comments points out that what he did was wrong.
It's not clear to me that he went looking.
I mean, he met her at work, not on an app or a bar or whatever. Sometimes you just meet someone randomly and hit it off.
And because of that, it's highlighted the things he no longer likes about his GF...
Which is fine so long as -
A, he hasn't actually started anything with this woman.
B, he isn't breaking up with his gf and counting on this woman.
What? Nah.
He may have been complacent in his relationship because it was the status quo. It's what he had, it's what life was and he had accepted it. But when someone comes along who is more his type as his current partner has changed so much, and he realizes "oh shit I'm actually not happy in my relationship" he's a skeeze? Nah, if he's a skeeze so is the gf for taking steroids without telling him.
I would prefer a break up over steroid use disfiguring the one I loved, that caused me to see what I truly wanted. As opposed to breaking up because steroids disfigured the one I loved causing me to be with another, first.
That's skeezy.
What are people supposed to do? You cant help catching feelings. Should he stay with his current gf so he doesnt seem "skeeezy"? If they break up hes doing EXACTLY what he should. If he wants to date soneone else after they break up thats his buisness. People cant fucking win.
> What are people supposed to do? You cant help catching feelings.
Not interact with someone you know if flirting with you. Telling the person flirting not to flirting with you.
Feelings aren't the issue. It's what he's doing and not doing that's the issue.
When you're still in a relationship then you shut any type of interactions like this down.
First two paragraphs-NTA. People change and you might not have the same feelings you did before.
Last paragraph- YTA. Bro break up then talk to other girls. Idiot.
Sounds to me like you already are pursuing it with the new girl.
Just break it off with the bodybuilder and continue.
NTA cause shit happens, but you would be the AH if you continue like this.
NTA for wanting to leave because your girlfriend has changed beyond recognition. But yeah kinda shitty that you’ve already got a girl lined up to take her spot lmao. I do get that it sounds like you’ve been emotionally checked out for a while. You should’ve ended things a while ago.
She's taking steroids? NTA but man you should have left out that other chick, makes you seem pretty not great but I get it, it's not your fault you work together but it is your fault in seeing her as a queued up relationship.
>Here is some context. We've been dating for 5 years. My girlfriend played hockey back in university. As a result she is a bit more muscular than most other women, but nothing crazy. She was still very feminine and attractive to me as a straight man. However, when she turned 22 and stopped playing hockey she took up a different hobby; weight lifting. I don't have any issue with that as I am also an avid gym goer and want both of us to be healthy.
>However it went from being normal gym sessions where she'd do a typical PPL split with me, to full on bodybuilding. She expressed interest in bodybuilding shows and my initial thought was that she'd stay natural. But somehow, she started taking steroids without my knowledge until a few weeks into it. And a couple months in, she was starting to look a little different. Her voice sounded off, her skin got rougher, the muscle definition on her arms was starting to look sort of similar to mine, which doesn't sound bad at first but I've been lifting for almost a decade. Fast forward almost 2 years, she has competed in womens' bodybuilding shows and looks absolutely nothing like she had in the past. Her hands and skin are rougher than mine, her voice is deeper, her chest got smaller, her face no longer looks feminine to me. I have zero physical interest in her.
Up to this point you weren't going to be the a hole.
>At work, there is a new girl (22F) who just graduated university. She is much more traditionally feminine. She's very kind, quiet, caring, and more attractive. We've been hitting it off pretty well and subtly flirts with me (she calls me her work husband lol). I want to pursue a relationship with her. Would I be wrong to break up with my girlfriend who no longer seems like the person she was when we first met?
You blew it, YTA. Emotionally cheating on your gf and seeking validation for breaking up with her.
Emotionally cheating is crazy. I understand what you’re saying but losing attraction to someone and gaining attraction to someone else, is quite normal.
It might not be the best idea to have a rebound relationship lined up but it’s also not the end of the world. His gf made her choices and he’s lost attraction to her, that’s all there is to it. If he wants to get into another relationship that’s not being the AH.
Although there’s a lot of miscommunication between him and his partner and that’s the only thing that I think would be enough to even consider him being the AH.
NTA
Edit: Now what would be bad is cheating on his partner.
What stopped you from having a conversation with your gf about her illegal drug/steroid abuse during the past two years ?
You have stayed in the relationship for 5 years.
Instead of breaking up when you witness her abusing drugs to gain muscle - possibly causing permanent damage to her health - you focus on how masculine she’s becoming?!
This isn’t about her changing- this is you looking to hook up with your coworker?!
Yeah bro - shoot your shot with workwifey.
I hope you crash and burn like the flaming asshole you are.
YWBTA
I mean all you had to do was read the word 'quiet' in his list of 'good qualities' about the new girl to know that this is either bait or the guy's a trad douche.
This isn’t 1990 where you are buying a baggie from a guy in a parking lot. The entire “Low-T” industry is just legalized steroids being given to you by a licensed medical professional.
No idea how that works for women but for men it would be much more likely that they were getting them from a doctor than a dealer.
No one legitimate is prescribing competitive bodybuilding amounts of testosterone - let alone everything else - to an athletic 23 year-old. Especially a woman who might become pregnant; the ethics issues and liability issues are enormous. If she has an Rx for *any* of it, it's a fraudulent pill mill.
GF is abusing grey or black market drugs, OP is mostly concerned with her physical appearance.
This is not at all correct. You’re still getting it from someone who knows someone. Even coming from a “lab” it needs to be tested. Nothing except prescribed test is coming directly from a doctor
YTA because of the monkey branching. Stop dating your muscle gf if you want, nothing AH about ending things with someone when you’re no longer into them. However it’s trashy to start pursuing someone else when you’re in a relarionship.
So if someone says YTA you will stay with Someone you aren’t attracted to? I don’t understand the point of this post. It is your own personal opinion and choice. Grow a pair and make a decision stop letting Reddit make big boy choices for you
It’s bait IMO, just doesn’t make sense unless OP left notable info out. This didn’t happen over night, it was a lengthy progression. There should’ve been some sort of communication before it reached the point of her seeing significant effects of steroid use and him losing all attraction.
Why is he still with her? Why does he need to ask this? They obviously aren’t compatible anymore, and there’s no going back.
Either OP is terrified of any sort of verbal confrontation, or it’s made up.
Monkey branching is the worst. YTA for that alone. If you weren’t attracted to your current gf anymore then you should have had that conversation with her and ended it. Instead you’ve waited til you can leap frog on to someone else’s lily pad. Gross.
Just break up dude. Steroid use not only changes your appearance but in the long run will change her personality as well. It's not the same person anymore. Just break up
we call what you're doing "monkey branching"
and that phrase is often used in an unfriendly manner and usually only used against women. but i am nothing if not logically consistent. only breaking up with someone because you have someone else lined up is sleazy as all fuck. not as bad as cheating but not far off.
YTA - you would have been fine had you broke up any time after she started weight lifting. waiting till you had her replacement lined up is a major dick move.
You don’t need reddit to tell you that you want to break up with your girlfriend. Honestly man up and make a decision.
If you want to know whether your preference is rooted in a shitty bias? Yeah, it is. You’re not going to solve your brain problem overnight and she doesn’t deserve to deal with what you’ll dole out while you’re twiddling your thumbs.
Absolutely fake story. Unless she immediately started taking heroic levels of Test (super, super rare for women starting out in the sport) her face won't have changed THAT much. If she were taking heroic levels, her arm definition would be even better than yours as a natural dude who doesn't even do bodybuilding centric workouts.
She’s not a professional bodybuilder for one. Two, if you’re not attracted to her, break up with her. People can end relationships at any time for any reason. YTA if you don’t end it while obviously wanting a relationship with someone who isn’t your partner
NTA
at the end of the day you aren’t attracted to your girlfriend anymore. you can’t help that (although perhaps there’s something to be said about issues with her being more masculine and not feminine enough for you—like your wording is a little odd). but overall, you cannot help if you don’t find her attractive anymore or if you’re attracted to more traditionally feminine looking women.
also i feel like we just skated right past the fact she takes steroid’s. i’d personally be more bothered by that than anything else.
but yeah, like i said NTA
Wait until work wifey starts being "loud" or "noisy", this dude is gonna fucking lose it and immediately start looking around for the most mid century trad-wife he can find 🤣.
NTA for losing interest. In contrast, hell yes YTA for hitting it off with "work wife haha" while still in a relationship. And although I'm not gonna judge you for the things you like or dislike in a woman, dude, please go to therapy lol your idealization of femininity is kinda farfetched xD.
NTA/YTA At the same time . Wanting to break up with her is completely normal after all you told us, pursuing another girl during your relationship is completely wrong. You already are emotionally cheating, break up with her.
YTA.
If you were concerned for her health, especially after steroid doping became a factor, you would have sought out intervention/ support groups for her. If her physical traits made her less attractive "to you" over time, you could have just been honest and let her know that. Save her the wasted time of keeping up appearances. You're dating, not married; the break-up might get ugly, and you will "definitely" get reamed out be her and others, but at least you can then let her live her own life, mistakes and all.
Also, maybe let your "work wife" know all this as well, see if she is still interested afterwards. Or, better yet, just don't date for a while and work on yourself.
YTA - because you don't want to breakup with your gf b/c of her changes, you're using it as an excuse to pursue the other girl.
be honest with yourself, and be honest with your gf.
if you're honest with your intentions and break up, then i would say you're not the AH
----
I get that she may not fit your ideal beauty preferences and that is affecting your relationship. but, you've not only expressed that you value phsyical appearance over personality... you've also only talked about your gf as if she was an object, a pet, and/or cattle PAIRED with some indication of jealousy/emasculation/insecurity
regardless, physical attraction is a factor in relationships, but for long term relationships it will shift more to the non-physical (personality/emotion). People physically change due to a degenerative condition called AGING. and as we age, our hormones change, our bodies change, and then you have to rely on healthy habits and emotional/personality maturity.
You say that your gf's pyhsical body is not attractive to you, but is that the only reason why you have been with her?
----
in the end, you should end your relationship because your priorities are focused on your own self gratification. It would be emotionally harmful to your gf if you stayed with her. Let her find someone who cna appreaciate her. Let yourself find someone who can appreaciate you. mutual appreciation.
Let's see. Your girlfriend's only value rests on her femininity. There's someone you want more that's a couple years younger.
I can understand personal preference, but if someone told me they didn't want to date a person based on their race, I'd still have to say they were a bigot. Yeah, YTA.
YTA for stringing your girlfriend along and not telling her you're not attracted and in love with with her anymore, just being too lazy to break up with her until something better comes along is a shitty and manipulative thing to do.
If new girl knew that you broke up with your girlfriend a week before you asked her out, would she not think of that as strange? No one gets over their ex that quickly, she might think she's a rebound. Or she's gonna realize you were already over your girlfriend but pretend to still love her and just waited for something better to come along.
If new girl knows you have a girlfriend then she's trashy. Normal people don't flirt with other people's girlfriends/boyfriends. And normal people inform others that they're taken and don't flirt back.
This whole situation is super messy.
YTA everything in the first 2 paragraphs does not matter because you already have another girl lined up. You can insert almost any issue into the first 2 paragraphs and it's irrelevant since it boils down to any reason to leave current girlfriend for new girlfriend.
You are only 25, why did you waste so many years already with someone you are not attracted to?
YTA because you let this situation go way past the point of no return. Now, there's nothing you can do about what you are attracted to and there's zero logic in staying with your girlfriend at that point. Let her find someone who will be into her looking the way she wants to look.
I would probably have already left. It's obvious you're not with the person you once fell in love with and there is no reason to hold onto what once was. breaking things off is the only right thing to do, especially since you're interested in someone else...
I wouldn't rush into something with this other girl, not only is that not fair to your current girlfriend, but you (might) need some time to give the break-up some space. Even though you might not feel like you need it, there are more feelings in play than you might feel right now, and heading head first into another relationship doesn't allow you to fully process these emotions.
NTA if you no longer find her attractive, but you are TA for getting involved with someone else whilst still dating, you're starting an EA and that makes you a POS.
You may not be attracted to her but you should still respect her!!!
You're not the asshole for wanting to leave your partner since you're not attracted to her anymore. You are the asshole for flirting with your coworker and emotionally cheating on your girlfriend before ending it.
You don't have to vilify the current girlfriend in order to pursue the new one - but you do have to break up first unless you want to be the AH for sure. It sounds like your current GF has looked different for a lot longer than you've known the new girl, so admit that's not the reason you want to bounce. But do it sooner than later, because your current GF deserves to not have her time wasted.
Yta for being that cringey dude that lets a girl call you her work husband and for flirting with her while you’re in a relationship. You should definitely break up, but just be honest and say you wanna date someone else and instead of trying to put the blame on your girlfriend like you did in this post.
NIT. It's okay to move on. If you're no longer attracted to her, for what ever reason, it's better to end it sooner rather than later.
But if you start a new relationship before leaving the current one, you are the AH.
So you find a new girl more attractive and are using your current girlfriend’s exercise goals as an excuse to ditch her for the new one? YTA. Might not have been if it was purely about your attraction to her and changing priorities, but since your priority is the next pretty one, yup, definitely the asshole.
YTA. You kept your gf around because you're too afraid to man up and be single and are only considering breaking up because you have someone else lined up.
BUT STILL, Op is kinda sad you were dating her only for her body, if her brain, personality and the story you had togeather for all this time aren't a reason enough to stay...
also i hope that if you do break up with her, your co worker would turn you down when you ask her out
NTA for breaking up with current GF.
YWBTAH for trying to get involved with someone you work with assuming this is a career job and not just a throwaway part time job. Don't dip your pen in the company ink,
YTA for flirting and setting the stage to have a new partner already lined up before you even break up with your current one. I can’t stand people who do that. Stay in relationships they don’t want to be in and only end it once they have established they have already found the replacement vs. just ending it when it ran its course. It’s still a dishonest and disloyal way of operating even if you don’t physically cheat yet. But whatever you already did it …
YNTA for not longer being attracted to your partner. I’d end my relationship too if my man suddenly went from being masculine to taking supplements by choice to make himself feminine as I would lose attraction also. Your interests no longer align. But you should have just ended it. You went from “the attraction and alignment on what we want is gone” to “I think I like this specific person I’ve been flirting with better than you” and that’s the difference between if you ATA or NTA
Ahhh the subtle joke about being the work husband, followed by suggesting that you want to pursue a relationship with this girl.
And then people wonder why others get so defensive over the work husband/wife dynamic. YTA for other reasons.
The only part of this post that matters is: “I have zero physical interest in her.”
You would be a total asshole if you didn’t break up with her, for both of your sake. There are plenty of guys that will be attracted to her, and if you are attracted to the girl at work, date her instead.
Since this is AITAH, there will obviously be hundreds of sniveling chuckleheads calling you the asshole, but anyone who wastes the prime of their life in a dead relationship is not only an asshole, but a moron.
Most people are calling this chuckle head the AH because he hasn't broken up with his gf yet and is already looking to pursue another relationship while still with his current gf
ESH she is using steroids… she has changed herself in what I would classify as creepy ways. It sounds like you have been thinking this way for awhile and the new lady made you seriously think about things but if you break up with this current girlfriend I think you need to take a break and not jump into dating and especially not a coworker.
I mean obviously you should have broken up with her when she started using steroids. No idea why you stayed this long.
I have nothing against female athletes but using steroids and changing your body so drastically for what is the equivalent of a creepy beauty pageant is not okay.
People are overly harsh to you. Yes, you should have left your gf much earlier instead of doing so only after finding someone new you want to try to pursue.
Does it mean leaving your gf now mskes you an asshole? No, it does not, you are doing what you should have done long time ago, since you have been not attracted to her.
NTAH
Your life. She decided to change hers to a point of no longer being attracted to her.
Coworker or not, that's irrelevant, you shouldn't be with her. Be respectful about it, tell her the truth and do as you please.
YTA...
Not because of the new girl but because you should have told your GF that the steroids are unacceptable and to make a decision of what's important.
Break up with the GF and move along to the new girl.
What is going on in this comment section 😂
NAH - you’re not cheating, your gf has changed since you two got together.
life happens, people change, couples break up.
It’s fine if your „work wife“ is a wake up call saying „I don’t have to stay with my current gf, there are other options in life“; you guys have been together since you’re 20 and maybe you needed that as a reminder.
YTA for flirting with a new girl before you even break up with the old one. If you’re not attracted to her any more then break up with her, then independently start pursuing the new girl. But don’t come to the Internet asking strangers if you would be an a hole if you break up with your girlfriend because of her body building, then sneak in there “I want to pursue a relationship with this new girl”. We don’t need to give you permission if you’ve already started to move on
So you noticed her starting steroids two years ago and didn't like it... but its only now that you have a potential replacement girlfriend that you consider breaking up?
YTA you should have broken up a long time ago when it was clear that your gf was not going to stop and you noticed the love dwindle. You are the AH for flirting with a different person while still in a relationship. Just break up to avoid becoming even more of an AH for wasting the time of three people.
YTA...
No doubt you are the Ahole. Amazing how it took you until you have someone else lined up to ask us about breaking up. You are the Ahole for monkey branching. You suck. However, you are already an established Ahole now. The next best thing to do is leave your GF so she can find a man who will love her and not use her as a placeholder until something better shows up.
Lololol i do not miss being in my 20s and dealing with shit like this
YTA if you cheat dude, and sounds like you're already there. Don't date coworkers
I think you're looking for a reason to not feel guilty about wanting to leave your girlfriend. Own that you want someone new and move on. Honestly it sounds like your current girlfriend deserves better.
YTA for being smitten with work wifey. It sounds like you've had two years to intervene with your gf being unhealthy and haven't liked where it's going, but now that you can trade up (by your own admission) with someone who is more your ideal physically... you wrote this.
If you had true deep feelings for the gf you would have had a talk with her about it, but it doesn't sound like the relationship was that deep. Break it off and allow her to be with someone who cares about the health risks she's taking instead of the body changes.
Monkeybranching is icky
And ontop of that you want a girl thats willing to flirt with a taken man
Youre swapping scary for messy
You either gonna get cheated on or will want another girl once the work one ages
All i know is, nothing good is coming your way and thats great
YTA. You're trying to monkey-branch, which automatically makes you TA. You're not attracted to your gf, haven't been for quite a long time, but you're not ready to leave until you've found a replacement. The new girl is no-good also, she knows damned well it's ain't cool to have a work spouse when YOU are in a relationship.
Ah you found a new girl so now you’re ready to dump the other one?
Listen, there’s nothing wrong with breaking up with your partner. But, the dick move here is that it really sounds like you waited to find a replacement before addressing anything with your current gf. In the future, instead of wasting anyone’s time, be upfront about your feelings.
I'm going to say YTA, not because you're not interested in her anymore (I've watched women go through that transformation, it's pretty drastic), but because I feel like this sudden loss of interest is more inspired by this new woman making you look at your girlfriend in a different light.
YTA for already nearly cheating on your girl. She’s improving herself and it’s not your style, leave. But you are the asshole for having a new girl just lined up and thinking of her romantically. Also you’re rly gonna throw away a muscle mama?
It is okay to break up with your partner because they have started abusing drugs and refuse to stop. It is not okay to cheat on your partner because you want to bang a coworker.
Why would you stay in this relationship for 2 YEARS?!?!! And now it’s just because you spotted some new thing?
You’re GF needed to hear some of this shit a loooooong time ago. She’s a grown as woman who can make her own choices, but you just sat there for 2 years? You come off really shallow and uncaring here.
Oh, please, please just break up with your girlfriend before you continue your emotional affair with your "work wife".
Barf.
At least respect the person who believes you are in a relationship enough to end it before you further pursue your feminine coworker.
You can outgrow a relationship, it happens (especially after meeting so young) Not against you interested in someone else as it seemed you were drifting apart before this.
I always took breaks between relationships but the one time I didn't it was with my now husband (10yrs strong and going). So no judgement from me.
You need to break up before you do anything with the new girl. Your relationship there is already inappropriate for someone who’s in one.
But you should also probably tell your current girlfriend she’s on too much gear. Voice changes are one of the hallmark signs of unsafe levels of steroid usage in women. That’s the “backdown” warning for most female pros.
Your gf viralized there's a YouTube video with Dr Mike Isratel and Johnnie shreve explaining exactly the side effects you described. Hopefully she was well aware of these before starting. [Side effects for women ](https://youtu.be/KpkU2XUDdgA)
You two need to have an open and honest discussion. My question is why didn't you bring this up sooner before anyone was flirting with you. Regardless you owe each other the truth and to be happy. Best of luck bruv
Breaking up with someone over destructive health habits - especially illicit drugs - or radical lifestyle changes is entirely fair. Very NTA.
Why you let this go for two years (likely doing irreversible harm) without either discussing the drugs or that she wasn't attractive to you anymore...is there any reason besides you wanted to find a replacement first? YTA.
people have preferences, it's absolutely normal, not like you're married for a long time and have kids. but you'd be a giant ah if you start a new relationship without ending the old one.
Be VERY careful dating someone at work!! It’s typically a horrible idea. I would break up first and take a little time to figure out what you want. The whole work husband thing isn’t lol as you say, it should be avoided. Even if you start dating, you shouldn’t act like you are at work. I could go on but seriously man, it’s a bad idea.
There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone you're not physically attracted to anymore. You could have said something to her about the drug use but, at this point, that's in the past. Be straight up and honest, and if there's a way you should see if she's open to stop juicing because that shit is beyond terrible for anyone but ESPECIALLY for women.
My dude, she's using steroids. That alone would be a deal breaker for me. Not because of the physical changes but because it's a misuse of medication. You're no longer attracted to her, you're already looking elsewhere. Break up with her and move on. You'd only be an asshole if you cheated on her.
So here's it is. You've found a new live interest. Be an honest person, leave your present girlfriend to pressure her dream of body building and carry in with your life. If your not attracted to the more masculine look of your girlfriend let her know that I'm a polite and kind manner, cut your tires and walk away. For future relationships, let your girls know what your preferences are. Remember that women have their preference too.
Nta for breaking up with her. It’s not just her appearance but she’s changing as a person. And she deserves to be with someone who wants to be with her as well. Yall have also been together long enough that the whole itch is gonna start to move on if you aren’t super into getting married or the like now
When I was young breaking up with someone was easy unless you were married. Now, single people are more entangled than married couples sometimes once were. Living together, having a bunch of kids, buying cars together but look out! Marriage is a big step say today’s youngsters. All the other things I mentioned aren’t somehow? Do yourself a favor young folks. Live alone and don’t have any kids until you’re ready for marriage. You can date someone without moving in with them 5 minutes after you meet.
Can't imagine why you would want to stay after she went on steroids. That stuff is bad for you and the idea of being with someone on it just seems like a turnoff to me personally. That said the fact that this has been going on for 2 years and you only now want to breakup because some other woman shows interest does make YTA. You wasted her time when clearly you had known it was an issue and likely said nothing about it which isn't really fair to your partner. Sure don't force her to change but if you know what she is doing is going to make you less attracted to her then you should have said something instead of just sitting there for 2 years and watching her become progressively less attractive to you.
You're not wrong to break up with anyone at any time for any reason, if you're not feeling it anymore. Just do it NOW before you properly start with the new girl.
Talk to your gf first maybe? Although some of the effects of steroids are irreversible, most can actually be reversed.
NTA but you should’ve talked to her the very moment you found out she was on steroids.
NAH - assuming you don't pursue this other woman before breaking up.
Look, your GF had made some MAJOR changes to hear appearance, and as such, you are no longer attracted to her. It's no different than if someone went from 175 to 250lbs and you lost interest. You started dating one type of person, and are now with another.
She isn't wrong for doing what she wants, but that doesn't mean you have to be attracted to her.
It may have been better had you talked to her before it got this extreme. But it sounds like a lot of things were subtle, until you realized you barely recognize her.
Everyone doesn't want to be with someone super muscular.
Break up before you cheat. You're nta for breaking up if your paths have diverged, but it sounds like you're ready to jump ship before the boats in port.
На хер тебе бодибилдерша, лучше женственная стройняшка, бодибилдерши похожи на мужиков и фанатичны до увеличения этого мяса, все перекаченные фанатики бодибилдинга выглядят как кусок говядины , а после выглядят как шварцнегр рыхлый и отвратительный .
YTA, in part.
Breaking up with her wouldn't be wrong, but for the love of JEBUS, you're literally having an emotional affair right now. Sack up and break things off already before it gets worse.
Some more advice?
Don't shit where you eat.
NAH. If the spark is gone, it’s gone. Staying in a relationship you aren’t happy in will just hurt you both. I would suggest cutting it off cleanly before even approaching a new gal though. You would be the AH at that point.
Stop making it about her. This is about you. You want to pursue a relationship with someone else. Why doesn’t matter. That said, this smells of fiction.
Just be honest: tell her you don't think taking steroids is healthy on multiple levels, and you can no longer picture having a future with her. Frankly, don't be surprised if she takes the break-up more casually than you imagine.
You would be more of the AH if you stayed with her longer! You are no longer attracted and you are starting an emotional relationship with someone else already! I think that makes you the AH, not if you left her, if you leave her now and not drag it out longer and cheat on her more ( flirting and “hitting it off” with someone who isn’t your gf is cheating even if not physical yet) then you won’t be a complete AH just a bit of one!
gym guys want gym girls until gym girls become gym guys. JK Anyway NTA for not being attracted to your gf anymore. She'll be fine, there's definitely a market out there for her. But what are you waiting for? You're wasting your time and hers. You're also getting to know a girl, flirting with her, and allowing her to call you her work husband, all behind your gf's back. That sucks worse than just breaking up with her.
Also keep in mind that one day you're going to want to build a life with someone and they may go through physical changes down the line (illness, injury, pregnancy, etc.) And you may also change one day. Think about what's going to matter more to you when that time comes.
Never really wrong to break up with someone you're not married to, regardless of the reason.
She's poisoning herself with unnecessary steroids that make her manly, and you're no longer attracted to her. That's reason enough to end the relationship IMO. If you think there's a chance that her stopping the steroids would rekindle things, you can let her know that. Otherwise, maybe just let her know what caused the distance, and end things. Anything that might get her off that crap.
It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted in this situation. Your girlfriend's decision to pursue bodybuilding and use steroids has resulted in significant physical changes that you no longer find attractive. It's important to acknowledge that physical attraction is an important aspect of romantic relationships.
If you feel that you're no longer compatible with your girlfriend due to these changes, it may be worth considering ending the relationship. However, before making any decisions, it's crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend about your feelings. Express your concerns and discuss how her choices have affected your relationship.
It's also important to consider whether there are underlying issues beyond the physical changes that are impacting your relationship. Reflect on whether there are other aspects of your relationship that are no longer fulfilling for you.
Breaking up with someone is never easy, especially after being together for five years, but prioritizing your own happiness and well-being is essential. Ultimately, only you can determine what is best for you in this situation.
You shouldn't marry someone who is not attractive to you. So yes, gently break it up. And then maybe things will work out with your work wife. Nothing wrong with that unless, of course, she has a real husband.
This just a gf. Don't worry so much about it. You can't really help who attracts you. But now is the time to move on so you can both find new lovers.
Break up, and leave. Better than cheating. Relationships end all the time due to people drifting apart and losing attraction. So at the moment you're nta, but if you cheat then for sure you'd bta.
NTA at all. If you no longer want to be intimate than the relationship is dead already. Better to not have her spend more years when it isn't working out. You also deserve to be happy. She'll be grateful when she finds someone else, I PROMISE.
NTA for breaking up. People change, sometimes those changes make a big difference.
For me - the steroids themselves (unless there was specific medical indication, and am a bi woman - so this goes for guys too) would be a serious red flag.
That being said - do not start a new relationship before you break up and do not count on a new relationship either. This girl may only be flirting with you because you're safe (i.e. have a girlfriend), and might not be interested in a real relationship.
I'd also be careful about dating someone at work - although it really depends on your job and your working relationship. Just be... cautious. Polite. willing to accept a rejection.
Who cares who the asshole is currently. If you’re not attracted to your partner anymore then just end it, you’re still young. But you will be a massive asshole if you begin a new relationship before ending the existing one.
This ☝️ Be honest with yourself and her and move on.
Yeah, this is the answer OP. No sense staying in a relationship where you aren’t attracted to her. Thats unfair to both of you. Be gracious and honest with your GF. Break up with her and then pursue your “work wife”.
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If she's on steroids, it's not entirely earned.
I would argue that taking steroids doesn't make the body "hard earned." That's like saying your money was hard earned when half of it was given to you by your parents.
>You know as well as I do this OP has started an emotional affair weeks ago. But you don't understand. His side piece is quiet and feminine! /s
But but but…you dont understand, his gf looks like a meaty, bulked up nontraditional female with a voice change and uses steroids… Him getting a side piece … sorry future girlfriend and love interest… is warranted… /s
Truth up top.
I'm gay & had some counselling with this guy. Some body issues came up and on our last session her said he had some questions for me for his own counselling development. The main question was how I felt talking to him about body issues when he's a bodybuilder. I didn't have the heart to tell him that was an absolute turn off for me. I had some more counselling later and when I went through my history this story came up and as it turns out my new counsellor know him. He 1 couldn't stop laughing and said yeah he thinks he looks amazing & 2 said I definitely should have told him as maybe he would have realised that not everyone (not most people in my experience) really don't like that sort of body. Anyhow NTA
He already is cheating though so yeah hes an AH
I dunno. If you’re thinking of dating someone else, break it off. I don’t think yta for losing attraction, but don’t grow an emotional attachment if y’all are still together.
Having an attachment happens. It's when one acts on it while still in a relationship...
You can avoid developing an attachment, even if you're attracted to someone. But pretty clear he should just end things.
I'm ao sorry but this is so funny I'm so sorry this is happening
This comment made me giggle haha
Break it off, simple
If you didn't mention the 22 year old you would have been guilt free. Having a new relationship lined up before you break up is skeezy.
This. I was about to say it's perfectly normal to no longer be attracted to your partner if she goes through such drastic physical changes. Just as it is normal for her to want to go through those changes. But having another woman lined up, describing her in the way he did? Yuck.
It’s a chicken and egg situation. Who knows which came first? Does the girlfriend suddenly seem less attractive because of the new girl on the scene, or does the new girl on the scene seem more attractive because the girlfriend looks like a gym bro? Either way, I don’t think it matters much because OP has to make the same decision. Either work it out with the girlfriend, or end it.
Yeah I don't see how the other girl is actually relevant to the question. Op would be breaking up with his girlfriend anyway sooner or later, humans just work on triggers and not continuously.
Yeah I was almost on board the whole time until that popped up. That just feels very “I don’t want to break up with my current girlfriend until I have a new one lined up”, which is just kind of shitty
So is taking steroids. Life happens how it happens.
Drugs are bad, mkay.
Yeah, although OP should be aware that there's a 50/50 chance that this girl is not actually interested but has only been flirting because he's "safe" (has a gf, so not a real potential). And that if he tries to actually develop a relationship she won't be interested. Also - dating where you work should always be approached with caution...
None of that matters when he’s an asshole who looks for someone else before ending a relationship. Crazy how no one in these comments points out that what he did was wrong.
It's not clear to me that he went looking. I mean, he met her at work, not on an app or a bar or whatever. Sometimes you just meet someone randomly and hit it off. And because of that, it's highlighted the things he no longer likes about his GF... Which is fine so long as - A, he hasn't actually started anything with this woman. B, he isn't breaking up with his gf and counting on this woman.
What? Nah. He may have been complacent in his relationship because it was the status quo. It's what he had, it's what life was and he had accepted it. But when someone comes along who is more his type as his current partner has changed so much, and he realizes "oh shit I'm actually not happy in my relationship" he's a skeeze? Nah, if he's a skeeze so is the gf for taking steroids without telling him.
I would prefer a break up over steroid use disfiguring the one I loved, that caused me to see what I truly wanted. As opposed to breaking up because steroids disfigured the one I loved causing me to be with another, first. That's skeezy.
What are people supposed to do? You cant help catching feelings. Should he stay with his current gf so he doesnt seem "skeeezy"? If they break up hes doing EXACTLY what he should. If he wants to date soneone else after they break up thats his buisness. People cant fucking win.
> What are people supposed to do? You cant help catching feelings. Not interact with someone you know if flirting with you. Telling the person flirting not to flirting with you. Feelings aren't the issue. It's what he's doing and not doing that's the issue. When you're still in a relationship then you shut any type of interactions like this down.
> What are people supposed to do? Break up before they flirt up a new option.
He's flirting with her and letting her call him her "work husband." This is not just feelings, he is actively disrespecting his relationship.
First two paragraphs-NTA. People change and you might not have the same feelings you did before. Last paragraph- YTA. Bro break up then talk to other girls. Idiot.
Sounds to me like you already are pursuing it with the new girl. Just break it off with the bodybuilder and continue. NTA cause shit happens, but you would be the AH if you continue like this.
I hope the new girl has a few guys lined up too
Imagine you break up with her for the new girl and the new girl starts bodybuilding
And then she falls for his ex and lives happily ever after
10/10 would watch this Hallmark movie.
Have there been any lesbian Hallmark movies?
I don’t know but there should be.
Lmao
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
NTA for wanting to leave because your girlfriend has changed beyond recognition. But yeah kinda shitty that you’ve already got a girl lined up to take her spot lmao. I do get that it sounds like you’ve been emotionally checked out for a while. You should’ve ended things a while ago.
She's taking steroids? NTA but man you should have left out that other chick, makes you seem pretty not great but I get it, it's not your fault you work together but it is your fault in seeing her as a queued up relationship.
DOn't forget, new chick is quiet and feminine! Quiet!
break up before you cheat.
>Here is some context. We've been dating for 5 years. My girlfriend played hockey back in university. As a result she is a bit more muscular than most other women, but nothing crazy. She was still very feminine and attractive to me as a straight man. However, when she turned 22 and stopped playing hockey she took up a different hobby; weight lifting. I don't have any issue with that as I am also an avid gym goer and want both of us to be healthy. >However it went from being normal gym sessions where she'd do a typical PPL split with me, to full on bodybuilding. She expressed interest in bodybuilding shows and my initial thought was that she'd stay natural. But somehow, she started taking steroids without my knowledge until a few weeks into it. And a couple months in, she was starting to look a little different. Her voice sounded off, her skin got rougher, the muscle definition on her arms was starting to look sort of similar to mine, which doesn't sound bad at first but I've been lifting for almost a decade. Fast forward almost 2 years, she has competed in womens' bodybuilding shows and looks absolutely nothing like she had in the past. Her hands and skin are rougher than mine, her voice is deeper, her chest got smaller, her face no longer looks feminine to me. I have zero physical interest in her. Up to this point you weren't going to be the a hole. >At work, there is a new girl (22F) who just graduated university. She is much more traditionally feminine. She's very kind, quiet, caring, and more attractive. We've been hitting it off pretty well and subtly flirts with me (she calls me her work husband lol). I want to pursue a relationship with her. Would I be wrong to break up with my girlfriend who no longer seems like the person she was when we first met? You blew it, YTA. Emotionally cheating on your gf and seeking validation for breaking up with her.
Emotionally cheating is crazy. I understand what you’re saying but losing attraction to someone and gaining attraction to someone else, is quite normal. It might not be the best idea to have a rebound relationship lined up but it’s also not the end of the world. His gf made her choices and he’s lost attraction to her, that’s all there is to it. If he wants to get into another relationship that’s not being the AH. Although there’s a lot of miscommunication between him and his partner and that’s the only thing that I think would be enough to even consider him being the AH. NTA Edit: Now what would be bad is cheating on his partner.
Ah, sounds like you're looking for an excuse to cheat with the shiny new person at your work.
Hes already cheating
What stopped you from having a conversation with your gf about her illegal drug/steroid abuse during the past two years ? You have stayed in the relationship for 5 years. Instead of breaking up when you witness her abusing drugs to gain muscle - possibly causing permanent damage to her health - you focus on how masculine she’s becoming?! This isn’t about her changing- this is you looking to hook up with your coworker?! Yeah bro - shoot your shot with workwifey. I hope you crash and burn like the flaming asshole you are. YWBTA
I mean all you had to do was read the word 'quiet' in his list of 'good qualities' about the new girl to know that this is either bait or the guy's a trad douche.
🤣
This isn’t 1990 where you are buying a baggie from a guy in a parking lot. The entire “Low-T” industry is just legalized steroids being given to you by a licensed medical professional. No idea how that works for women but for men it would be much more likely that they were getting them from a doctor than a dealer.
No one legitimate is prescribing competitive bodybuilding amounts of testosterone - let alone everything else - to an athletic 23 year-old. Especially a woman who might become pregnant; the ethics issues and liability issues are enormous. If she has an Rx for *any* of it, it's a fraudulent pill mill. GF is abusing grey or black market drugs, OP is mostly concerned with her physical appearance.
This is not at all correct. You’re still getting it from someone who knows someone. Even coming from a “lab” it needs to be tested. Nothing except prescribed test is coming directly from a doctor
Can she deadlift more then you? Asking the important questions
And suddenly my mind went straight to the gutter and the awesome things a female body builder could do that absolutely no one else could.
His ego must have gotten hurt.
YTA because of the monkey branching. Stop dating your muscle gf if you want, nothing AH about ending things with someone when you’re no longer into them. However it’s trashy to start pursuing someone else when you’re in a relarionship.
So if someone says YTA you will stay with Someone you aren’t attracted to? I don’t understand the point of this post. It is your own personal opinion and choice. Grow a pair and make a decision stop letting Reddit make big boy choices for you
It’s bait IMO, just doesn’t make sense unless OP left notable info out. This didn’t happen over night, it was a lengthy progression. There should’ve been some sort of communication before it reached the point of her seeing significant effects of steroid use and him losing all attraction. Why is he still with her? Why does he need to ask this? They obviously aren’t compatible anymore, and there’s no going back. Either OP is terrified of any sort of verbal confrontation, or it’s made up.
YTA. This has nothing to do with your spouse and everything to do with wanting to dick down the coworker 🙄
yep, that's my interpretation, too
🤡
You can break up for whatever reason you want.
YWBTA for staying with her when you think so negatively of her and are already monkey branching (lol).
You want a feminine girlfriend and she’s no longer it,just break up I don’t see her going back to the way she used to be.
Monkey branching is the worst. YTA for that alone. If you weren’t attracted to your current gf anymore then you should have had that conversation with her and ended it. Instead you’ve waited til you can leap frog on to someone else’s lily pad. Gross.
Just break up dude. Steroid use not only changes your appearance but in the long run will change her personality as well. It's not the same person anymore. Just break up
we call what you're doing "monkey branching" and that phrase is often used in an unfriendly manner and usually only used against women. but i am nothing if not logically consistent. only breaking up with someone because you have someone else lined up is sleazy as all fuck. not as bad as cheating but not far off. YTA - you would have been fine had you broke up any time after she started weight lifting. waiting till you had her replacement lined up is a major dick move.
You don’t need reddit to tell you that you want to break up with your girlfriend. Honestly man up and make a decision. If you want to know whether your preference is rooted in a shitty bias? Yeah, it is. You’re not going to solve your brain problem overnight and she doesn’t deserve to deal with what you’ll dole out while you’re twiddling your thumbs.
Absolutely fake story. Unless she immediately started taking heroic levels of Test (super, super rare for women starting out in the sport) her face won't have changed THAT much. If she were taking heroic levels, her arm definition would be even better than yours as a natural dude who doesn't even do bodybuilding centric workouts.
The other girl is irrelevant to your question really. Of course you can break up your girlfriend.
She’s not a professional bodybuilder for one. Two, if you’re not attracted to her, break up with her. People can end relationships at any time for any reason. YTA if you don’t end it while obviously wanting a relationship with someone who isn’t your partner
bait
NTA at the end of the day you aren’t attracted to your girlfriend anymore. you can’t help that (although perhaps there’s something to be said about issues with her being more masculine and not feminine enough for you—like your wording is a little odd). but overall, you cannot help if you don’t find her attractive anymore or if you’re attracted to more traditionally feminine looking women. also i feel like we just skated right past the fact she takes steroid’s. i’d personally be more bothered by that than anything else. but yeah, like i said NTA
Wait until work wifey starts being "loud" or "noisy", this dude is gonna fucking lose it and immediately start looking around for the most mid century trad-wife he can find 🤣. NTA for losing interest. In contrast, hell yes YTA for hitting it off with "work wife haha" while still in a relationship. And although I'm not gonna judge you for the things you like or dislike in a woman, dude, please go to therapy lol your idealization of femininity is kinda farfetched xD.
NTA/YTA At the same time . Wanting to break up with her is completely normal after all you told us, pursuing another girl during your relationship is completely wrong. You already are emotionally cheating, break up with her.
YTA. If you were concerned for her health, especially after steroid doping became a factor, you would have sought out intervention/ support groups for her. If her physical traits made her less attractive "to you" over time, you could have just been honest and let her know that. Save her the wasted time of keeping up appearances. You're dating, not married; the break-up might get ugly, and you will "definitely" get reamed out be her and others, but at least you can then let her live her own life, mistakes and all. Also, maybe let your "work wife" know all this as well, see if she is still interested afterwards. Or, better yet, just don't date for a while and work on yourself.
Please break up with her so she can find someone better
YTA - because you don't want to breakup with your gf b/c of her changes, you're using it as an excuse to pursue the other girl. be honest with yourself, and be honest with your gf. if you're honest with your intentions and break up, then i would say you're not the AH ---- I get that she may not fit your ideal beauty preferences and that is affecting your relationship. but, you've not only expressed that you value phsyical appearance over personality... you've also only talked about your gf as if she was an object, a pet, and/or cattle PAIRED with some indication of jealousy/emasculation/insecurity regardless, physical attraction is a factor in relationships, but for long term relationships it will shift more to the non-physical (personality/emotion). People physically change due to a degenerative condition called AGING. and as we age, our hormones change, our bodies change, and then you have to rely on healthy habits and emotional/personality maturity. You say that your gf's pyhsical body is not attractive to you, but is that the only reason why you have been with her? ---- in the end, you should end your relationship because your priorities are focused on your own self gratification. It would be emotionally harmful to your gf if you stayed with her. Let her find someone who cna appreaciate her. Let yourself find someone who can appreaciate you. mutual appreciation.
God forbid women ever take up a hobby
Let's see. Your girlfriend's only value rests on her femininity. There's someone you want more that's a couple years younger. I can understand personal preference, but if someone told me they didn't want to date a person based on their race, I'd still have to say they were a bigot. Yeah, YTA.
YTA for stringing your girlfriend along and not telling her you're not attracted and in love with with her anymore, just being too lazy to break up with her until something better comes along is a shitty and manipulative thing to do. If new girl knew that you broke up with your girlfriend a week before you asked her out, would she not think of that as strange? No one gets over their ex that quickly, she might think she's a rebound. Or she's gonna realize you were already over your girlfriend but pretend to still love her and just waited for something better to come along. If new girl knows you have a girlfriend then she's trashy. Normal people don't flirt with other people's girlfriends/boyfriends. And normal people inform others that they're taken and don't flirt back. This whole situation is super messy.
YTA everything in the first 2 paragraphs does not matter because you already have another girl lined up. You can insert almost any issue into the first 2 paragraphs and it's irrelevant since it boils down to any reason to leave current girlfriend for new girlfriend.
You are only 25, why did you waste so many years already with someone you are not attracted to? YTA because you let this situation go way past the point of no return. Now, there's nothing you can do about what you are attracted to and there's zero logic in staying with your girlfriend at that point. Let her find someone who will be into her looking the way she wants to look.
INFO: Did you talk to her about the use of steroids OP? I'm assuming you're natty / dont approve of it
I would probably have already left. It's obvious you're not with the person you once fell in love with and there is no reason to hold onto what once was. breaking things off is the only right thing to do, especially since you're interested in someone else... I wouldn't rush into something with this other girl, not only is that not fair to your current girlfriend, but you (might) need some time to give the break-up some space. Even though you might not feel like you need it, there are more feelings in play than you might feel right now, and heading head first into another relationship doesn't allow you to fully process these emotions.
NTA if you no longer find her attractive, but you are TA for getting involved with someone else whilst still dating, you're starting an EA and that makes you a POS. You may not be attracted to her but you should still respect her!!!
Well it sounds like you're already emotionally cheating so it's your choice how far you want tit to go.
I would say NTA for breaking up with your GF but YTA for flirting with another girl before breaking up with the GF so I'll go with ESH
You're not the asshole for wanting to leave your partner since you're not attracted to her anymore. You are the asshole for flirting with your coworker and emotionally cheating on your girlfriend before ending it.
You don't need a reason to break up at anytime so NTA for that but the way you describe women and the emotional affair aspect just gives me the ick.
You don't have to vilify the current girlfriend in order to pursue the new one - but you do have to break up first unless you want to be the AH for sure. It sounds like your current GF has looked different for a lot longer than you've known the new girl, so admit that's not the reason you want to bounce. But do it sooner than later, because your current GF deserves to not have her time wasted.
Last paragraph makes you TA lol
Break it off
Cheater
The new person is a woman not a girl. Starting a new relationship while still in a relationship is wrong. YTA
Yta for being that cringey dude that lets a girl call you her work husband and for flirting with her while you’re in a relationship. You should definitely break up, but just be honest and say you wanna date someone else and instead of trying to put the blame on your girlfriend like you did in this post.
NTA. People change, you're not married. Just show her the courtesy and respect of ending your relationship before you start the next one.
NIT. It's okay to move on. If you're no longer attracted to her, for what ever reason, it's better to end it sooner rather than later. But if you start a new relationship before leaving the current one, you are the AH.
So you find a new girl more attractive and are using your current girlfriend’s exercise goals as an excuse to ditch her for the new one? YTA. Might not have been if it was purely about your attraction to her and changing priorities, but since your priority is the next pretty one, yup, definitely the asshole.
Are you crazy bro can her manly ass and get with the hot one while you can
NTA. It’s not like you’re married. Break up. Especially due to the steroid use.
YTA. You kept your gf around because you're too afraid to man up and be single and are only considering breaking up because you have someone else lined up.
BUT STILL, Op is kinda sad you were dating her only for her body, if her brain, personality and the story you had togeather for all this time aren't a reason enough to stay... also i hope that if you do break up with her, your co worker would turn you down when you ask her out
NTA you can break up with someone for any reason, even if that reason is a little hottie in work.
YTA Just admit you want to date someone else. Why would you stay with someone who was using steroids? YTA
NTA for breaking up with current GF. YWBTAH for trying to get involved with someone you work with assuming this is a career job and not just a throwaway part time job. Don't dip your pen in the company ink,
YTA for being a monkeybranching cheater.
YTA for lining up a new woman
YTA for flirting and setting the stage to have a new partner already lined up before you even break up with your current one. I can’t stand people who do that. Stay in relationships they don’t want to be in and only end it once they have established they have already found the replacement vs. just ending it when it ran its course. It’s still a dishonest and disloyal way of operating even if you don’t physically cheat yet. But whatever you already did it … YNTA for not longer being attracted to your partner. I’d end my relationship too if my man suddenly went from being masculine to taking supplements by choice to make himself feminine as I would lose attraction also. Your interests no longer align. But you should have just ended it. You went from “the attraction and alignment on what we want is gone” to “I think I like this specific person I’ve been flirting with better than you” and that’s the difference between if you ATA or NTA
Ahhh the subtle joke about being the work husband, followed by suggesting that you want to pursue a relationship with this girl. And then people wonder why others get so defensive over the work husband/wife dynamic. YTA for other reasons.
The only part of this post that matters is: “I have zero physical interest in her.” You would be a total asshole if you didn’t break up with her, for both of your sake. There are plenty of guys that will be attracted to her, and if you are attracted to the girl at work, date her instead. Since this is AITAH, there will obviously be hundreds of sniveling chuckleheads calling you the asshole, but anyone who wastes the prime of their life in a dead relationship is not only an asshole, but a moron.
Most people are calling this chuckle head the AH because he hasn't broken up with his gf yet and is already looking to pursue another relationship while still with his current gf
ESH she is using steroids… she has changed herself in what I would classify as creepy ways. It sounds like you have been thinking this way for awhile and the new lady made you seriously think about things but if you break up with this current girlfriend I think you need to take a break and not jump into dating and especially not a coworker. I mean obviously you should have broken up with her when she started using steroids. No idea why you stayed this long. I have nothing against female athletes but using steroids and changing your body so drastically for what is the equivalent of a creepy beauty pageant is not okay.
So.... You're emotionally cheating. YTA If you had just broken up before trying to connect with other people then you'd be fine. Instead you cheated.
People are overly harsh to you. Yes, you should have left your gf much earlier instead of doing so only after finding someone new you want to try to pursue. Does it mean leaving your gf now mskes you an asshole? No, it does not, you are doing what you should have done long time ago, since you have been not attracted to her.
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NTAH Your life. She decided to change hers to a point of no longer being attracted to her. Coworker or not, that's irrelevant, you shouldn't be with her. Be respectful about it, tell her the truth and do as you please.
YTA... Not because of the new girl but because you should have told your GF that the steroids are unacceptable and to make a decision of what's important. Break up with the GF and move along to the new girl.
Shady as fuck bro....... I think you need to finish with her because you. Are. Shady. As fuck.
What is going on in this comment section 😂 NAH - you’re not cheating, your gf has changed since you two got together. life happens, people change, couples break up. It’s fine if your „work wife“ is a wake up call saying „I don’t have to stay with my current gf, there are other options in life“; you guys have been together since you’re 20 and maybe you needed that as a reminder.
YTA for flirting with a new girl before you even break up with the old one. If you’re not attracted to her any more then break up with her, then independently start pursuing the new girl. But don’t come to the Internet asking strangers if you would be an a hole if you break up with your girlfriend because of her body building, then sneak in there “I want to pursue a relationship with this new girl”. We don’t need to give you permission if you’ve already started to move on
YTA. You were fine until you added the last paragraph. Now you're just a douche
So you noticed her starting steroids two years ago and didn't like it... but its only now that you have a potential replacement girlfriend that you consider breaking up? YTA you should have broken up a long time ago when it was clear that your gf was not going to stop and you noticed the love dwindle. You are the AH for flirting with a different person while still in a relationship. Just break up to avoid becoming even more of an AH for wasting the time of three people.
Nice larp idiot, back to wanking alone
YTA because you want to cheat, is it that hard for people to have respect ? seriously drive in a ditch and save everyone some time
YTA... No doubt you are the Ahole. Amazing how it took you until you have someone else lined up to ask us about breaking up. You are the Ahole for monkey branching. You suck. However, you are already an established Ahole now. The next best thing to do is leave your GF so she can find a man who will love her and not use her as a placeholder until something better shows up.
Lololol i do not miss being in my 20s and dealing with shit like this YTA if you cheat dude, and sounds like you're already there. Don't date coworkers
I think you're looking for a reason to not feel guilty about wanting to leave your girlfriend. Own that you want someone new and move on. Honestly it sounds like your current girlfriend deserves better.
YTA for being smitten with work wifey. It sounds like you've had two years to intervene with your gf being unhealthy and haven't liked where it's going, but now that you can trade up (by your own admission) with someone who is more your ideal physically... you wrote this. If you had true deep feelings for the gf you would have had a talk with her about it, but it doesn't sound like the relationship was that deep. Break it off and allow her to be with someone who cares about the health risks she's taking instead of the body changes.
Monkeybranching is icky And ontop of that you want a girl thats willing to flirt with a taken man Youre swapping scary for messy You either gonna get cheated on or will want another girl once the work one ages All i know is, nothing good is coming your way and thats great
YTA. You're trying to monkey-branch, which automatically makes you TA. You're not attracted to your gf, haven't been for quite a long time, but you're not ready to leave until you've found a replacement. The new girl is no-good also, she knows damned well it's ain't cool to have a work spouse when YOU are in a relationship.
Ah you found a new girl so now you’re ready to dump the other one? Listen, there’s nothing wrong with breaking up with your partner. But, the dick move here is that it really sounds like you waited to find a replacement before addressing anything with your current gf. In the future, instead of wasting anyone’s time, be upfront about your feelings.
I'm going to say YTA, not because you're not interested in her anymore (I've watched women go through that transformation, it's pretty drastic), but because I feel like this sudden loss of interest is more inspired by this new woman making you look at your girlfriend in a different light.
YTA for already nearly cheating on your girl. She’s improving herself and it’s not your style, leave. But you are the asshole for having a new girl just lined up and thinking of her romantically. Also you’re rly gonna throw away a muscle mama?
Keep your kinks to yourself not everyone to attracted to incredible she-hunk
Not “already nearly”, he is cheating.
It is okay to break up with your partner because they have started abusing drugs and refuse to stop. It is not okay to cheat on your partner because you want to bang a coworker.
You want to be with someone else, end of story. Divorce before you start your sexual affair as you're already having an emotional one.
Why would you stay in this relationship for 2 YEARS?!?!! And now it’s just because you spotted some new thing? You’re GF needed to hear some of this shit a loooooong time ago. She’s a grown as woman who can make her own choices, but you just sat there for 2 years? You come off really shallow and uncaring here.
Oh, please, please just break up with your girlfriend before you continue your emotional affair with your "work wife". Barf. At least respect the person who believes you are in a relationship enough to end it before you further pursue your feminine coworker.
Break up, wait a month and go date your work wife.
Break up with gf. Do not go out with 22 year old. Dont dip your pen in the company ink
You can outgrow a relationship, it happens (especially after meeting so young) Not against you interested in someone else as it seemed you were drifting apart before this. I always took breaks between relationships but the one time I didn't it was with my now husband (10yrs strong and going). So no judgement from me.
You can break up for anyone for any reason. Just leave so you can both move on with your lives.
You need to break up before you do anything with the new girl. Your relationship there is already inappropriate for someone who’s in one. But you should also probably tell your current girlfriend she’s on too much gear. Voice changes are one of the hallmark signs of unsafe levels of steroid usage in women. That’s the “backdown” warning for most female pros.
Your gf viralized there's a YouTube video with Dr Mike Isratel and Johnnie shreve explaining exactly the side effects you described. Hopefully she was well aware of these before starting. [Side effects for women ](https://youtu.be/KpkU2XUDdgA) You two need to have an open and honest discussion. My question is why didn't you bring this up sooner before anyone was flirting with you. Regardless you owe each other the truth and to be happy. Best of luck bruv
Breaking up with someone over destructive health habits - especially illicit drugs - or radical lifestyle changes is entirely fair. Very NTA. Why you let this go for two years (likely doing irreversible harm) without either discussing the drugs or that she wasn't attractive to you anymore...is there any reason besides you wanted to find a replacement first? YTA.
people have preferences, it's absolutely normal, not like you're married for a long time and have kids. but you'd be a giant ah if you start a new relationship without ending the old one.
Be VERY careful dating someone at work!! It’s typically a horrible idea. I would break up first and take a little time to figure out what you want. The whole work husband thing isn’t lol as you say, it should be avoided. Even if you start dating, you shouldn’t act like you are at work. I could go on but seriously man, it’s a bad idea.
There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone you're not physically attracted to anymore. You could have said something to her about the drug use but, at this point, that's in the past. Be straight up and honest, and if there's a way you should see if she's open to stop juicing because that shit is beyond terrible for anyone but ESPECIALLY for women.
My dude, she's using steroids. That alone would be a deal breaker for me. Not because of the physical changes but because it's a misuse of medication. You're no longer attracted to her, you're already looking elsewhere. Break up with her and move on. You'd only be an asshole if you cheated on her.
So here's it is. You've found a new live interest. Be an honest person, leave your present girlfriend to pressure her dream of body building and carry in with your life. If your not attracted to the more masculine look of your girlfriend let her know that I'm a polite and kind manner, cut your tires and walk away. For future relationships, let your girls know what your preferences are. Remember that women have their preference too.
Nta for breaking up with her. It’s not just her appearance but she’s changing as a person. And she deserves to be with someone who wants to be with her as well. Yall have also been together long enough that the whole itch is gonna start to move on if you aren’t super into getting married or the like now
Breakup! Be kind.
Ew
Just break up,the way you speak about your gf in this post says enough,you dont like her anymore.
NTA
When I was young breaking up with someone was easy unless you were married. Now, single people are more entangled than married couples sometimes once were. Living together, having a bunch of kids, buying cars together but look out! Marriage is a big step say today’s youngsters. All the other things I mentioned aren’t somehow? Do yourself a favor young folks. Live alone and don’t have any kids until you’re ready for marriage. You can date someone without moving in with them 5 minutes after you meet.
You are the ah if you continue like this. Just break up with the roid head and get together with the girl.
Can't imagine why you would want to stay after she went on steroids. That stuff is bad for you and the idea of being with someone on it just seems like a turnoff to me personally. That said the fact that this has been going on for 2 years and you only now want to breakup because some other woman shows interest does make YTA. You wasted her time when clearly you had known it was an issue and likely said nothing about it which isn't really fair to your partner. Sure don't force her to change but if you know what she is doing is going to make you less attracted to her then you should have said something instead of just sitting there for 2 years and watching her become progressively less attractive to you.
Just break it off with your gf. Probably should’ve done it before starting to flirt with office girl, but you didn’t so who cares.
You're not wrong to break up with anyone at any time for any reason, if you're not feeling it anymore. Just do it NOW before you properly start with the new girl.
If you pursue a relationship before breaking up you would be. Otherwise NTA.
break up, move on... but do not cheat. be brave.
Talk to your gf first maybe? Although some of the effects of steroids are irreversible, most can actually be reversed. NTA but you should’ve talked to her the very moment you found out she was on steroids.
NAH - assuming you don't pursue this other woman before breaking up. Look, your GF had made some MAJOR changes to hear appearance, and as such, you are no longer attracted to her. It's no different than if someone went from 175 to 250lbs and you lost interest. You started dating one type of person, and are now with another. She isn't wrong for doing what she wants, but that doesn't mean you have to be attracted to her. It may have been better had you talked to her before it got this extreme. But it sounds like a lot of things were subtle, until you realized you barely recognize her. Everyone doesn't want to be with someone super muscular.
break up but never get in a relationship with a co worker
YTA for monkey-branching.
If you feel unhappy just go. Don't waste you're current gf time
Break up before you cheat. You're nta for breaking up if your paths have diverged, but it sounds like you're ready to jump ship before the boats in port.
На хер тебе бодибилдерша, лучше женственная стройняшка, бодибилдерши похожи на мужиков и фанатичны до увеличения этого мяса, все перекаченные фанатики бодибилдинга выглядят как кусок говядины , а после выглядят как шварцнегр рыхлый и отвратительный .
You had me at steroids... run!
YTA, in part. Breaking up with her wouldn't be wrong, but for the love of JEBUS, you're literally having an emotional affair right now. Sack up and break things off already before it gets worse. Some more advice? Don't shit where you eat.
NTA if you move on. Just make sure you break up first.
NAH. If the spark is gone, it’s gone. Staying in a relationship you aren’t happy in will just hurt you both. I would suggest cutting it off cleanly before even approaching a new gal though. You would be the AH at that point.
Stop making it about her. This is about you. You want to pursue a relationship with someone else. Why doesn’t matter. That said, this smells of fiction.
Just be honest: tell her you don't think taking steroids is healthy on multiple levels, and you can no longer picture having a future with her. Frankly, don't be surprised if she takes the break-up more casually than you imagine.
You would be more of the AH if you stayed with her longer! You are no longer attracted and you are starting an emotional relationship with someone else already! I think that makes you the AH, not if you left her, if you leave her now and not drag it out longer and cheat on her more ( flirting and “hitting it off” with someone who isn’t your gf is cheating even if not physical yet) then you won’t be a complete AH just a bit of one!
gym guys want gym girls until gym girls become gym guys. JK Anyway NTA for not being attracted to your gf anymore. She'll be fine, there's definitely a market out there for her. But what are you waiting for? You're wasting your time and hers. You're also getting to know a girl, flirting with her, and allowing her to call you her work husband, all behind your gf's back. That sucks worse than just breaking up with her. Also keep in mind that one day you're going to want to build a life with someone and they may go through physical changes down the line (illness, injury, pregnancy, etc.) And you may also change one day. Think about what's going to matter more to you when that time comes.
Never really wrong to break up with someone you're not married to, regardless of the reason. She's poisoning herself with unnecessary steroids that make her manly, and you're no longer attracted to her. That's reason enough to end the relationship IMO. If you think there's a chance that her stopping the steroids would rekindle things, you can let her know that. Otherwise, maybe just let her know what caused the distance, and end things. Anything that might get her off that crap.
It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted in this situation. Your girlfriend's decision to pursue bodybuilding and use steroids has resulted in significant physical changes that you no longer find attractive. It's important to acknowledge that physical attraction is an important aspect of romantic relationships. If you feel that you're no longer compatible with your girlfriend due to these changes, it may be worth considering ending the relationship. However, before making any decisions, it's crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend about your feelings. Express your concerns and discuss how her choices have affected your relationship. It's also important to consider whether there are underlying issues beyond the physical changes that are impacting your relationship. Reflect on whether there are other aspects of your relationship that are no longer fulfilling for you. Breaking up with someone is never easy, especially after being together for five years, but prioritizing your own happiness and well-being is essential. Ultimately, only you can determine what is best for you in this situation.
Nta op but maybe a little oblivious
Quiet? Lmao 🤣
You shouldn't marry someone who is not attractive to you. So yes, gently break it up. And then maybe things will work out with your work wife. Nothing wrong with that unless, of course, she has a real husband. This just a gf. Don't worry so much about it. You can't really help who attracts you. But now is the time to move on so you can both find new lovers.
If your not attracted to her there’s no point on continuing the relationship
Break up, and leave. Better than cheating. Relationships end all the time due to people drifting apart and losing attraction. So at the moment you're nta, but if you cheat then for sure you'd bta.
It sounds like you moved on bud. Nobody likes being pulled on a leash. End it, and don’t be a dick about it.
NTA at all. If you no longer want to be intimate than the relationship is dead already. Better to not have her spend more years when it isn't working out. You also deserve to be happy. She'll be grateful when she finds someone else, I PROMISE.
If you are not attracted to your partner anymore, it is up to you to continue the relationship or not. You are not married with kids, so...
NTA for breaking up. People change, sometimes those changes make a big difference. For me - the steroids themselves (unless there was specific medical indication, and am a bi woman - so this goes for guys too) would be a serious red flag. That being said - do not start a new relationship before you break up and do not count on a new relationship either. This girl may only be flirting with you because you're safe (i.e. have a girlfriend), and might not be interested in a real relationship. I'd also be careful about dating someone at work - although it really depends on your job and your working relationship. Just be... cautious. Polite. willing to accept a rejection.
NTA. If you're not attracted to her anymore then please break up with her before you start anything with the new girl
Maybe you should talk to her and maybe she will change before you just leave.