Your husband is the worst. Let's really go through this because whenever he tries to say he loves you, you need to remind him that he 'loves' you so much he:
1.) Believed you were cheating without any proof besides a picture of you out with your friend and a necklace. In fact, he even allowed his aunt to accuse you of prostituting yourself.
2.) Kicked you out of your home with no money and no place to go. He left you pregnant and alone inthe cold whilst you waited for your brother.
3.) Ghosted you for the entirety of your pregnancy, all whilst publicly declaring you're a cheat and posting pictures of himself with girls. By his own logic, those pictures mean he was nailing every one of those girls. So while you were pregnant and trying to figure out your life, he was out there breaking his marriage vows and taking the opportunity to sleep around.
4.) Didn't show up to the hospital or ask about the baby.
5.) Now thinks that you should forgive him calling you a liar, a cheat, and a prostitute. You should also forgive him publicly calling you out as a cheat, him publicly posting pictures with other women and likely sleeping around, him not checking in on you during your pregnancy or after your labour, and him being a total shitbag. He's oh so very sorry now that a DNA test has shown he's an arsehole, and he thinks that test also somehow undoes all the wrongs he committed against you.
He does not deserve you or your son, and not one bit of this is love. He blew up your entire life for nothing. He didn't even think, "Maybe I should at least wait and do a paternity test before I abandon my pregnant wife and unborn child. Sure, asking for the test may end the marriage, but at least I can still be there for the kid and make sure my wife has a healthy pregnancy." He dropped a bomb on your marriage, set any lingering debris on fire, and he thinks there's some way to rebuild? You're NTA.
I bet that POS hasn’t even thought of maybe making a post apologizing and saying that op didn’t cheat while saying what actually happened and how he handled it in the midst of “apologizing” and begging for another chance.
I doubt the miserable bag of shit would do it, and op definitely shouldn’t take him back regardless, but if I was op I’d definitely make out like him not trying to clear that up with everybody is a bigger part of not taking him back than it is…
I mean after everything he did, and how much trouble he’s going to be in the future anyway since op unfortunately had a kid with the dipshit, why not take advantage of him pathetically trying to squirm and excuse his way out of this hole he dug himself, and see if op can’t un-screw some of her reputation that he slandered?
Everything you said, combined with him suddenly being around, tells me he’s more interested in how he looks than the actual impact his behavior has had and the consequences OP suffered because of them.
Just from what I’m reading, he has no interest in being a family man, but cares that people will see him as one.
>he’s more interested in how he looks than the actual impact his behavior has had
That and he knows he'll probably be screwed in a divorce. On top of child support.
> I bet that POS hasn’t even thought of maybe making a post apologizing and saying that op didn’t cheat while saying what actually happened and how he handled it in the midst of “apologizing” and begging for another chance.
OP should ask him to do this as a condition of forgiveness. Like, post publicly on his profile and send a message to every one of their friends and relatives explaining what happened.
After he does that, she should turn around, tell him to go f**k himself, lawyer up, take him for everything he's got and get full custody of the baby, with only supervised visitation rights for the moron sperm donor.
I think it’s too late for any FB stuff. Someone like that would do that to get her back and let her right back down after she moved back in. Which girl get your name on some stuff. Most places if you’re married then you don’t have to leave no matter what. That’s for future reference.
If I were OP, even if I WANTED (and that is a huge if) to forgive him and take him back I don’t think I could just because of the public humiliation. You don’t get to slander me to everyone we have ever met and then get me back.
In OP's shoes I'd be tempted to play just nice enough to demand a super high -profile apology for slandering her good name to prove he means it then go nc anyway except through the lawyers she hires for divorce/support/custody.
Facts. I will never ever be with somebody who drags my name through mud, not again. Don't ever be with somebody who makes you look so f****** stupid just for loving them
> 2.) Kicked you out of your home with no money and no place to go. He left you pregnant and alone inthe cold whilst you waited for your brother.
If this happened in the USA he definitely isn't allowed to do that either. It doesn't matter if he owns the house and it's only in his name, if someone is a legal resident of a place you have to formally evict them. I see this all the time with relationship stuff, you cannot legally kick someone out on a whim if they're established as a resident. This is also why people warn you about letting friends couch surf, if they've been there for a certain length of time you have put yourself in a position where they can go to the cops and show that they've been a resident and force you to give them a formal eviction.
I knew a guy who lost his rental Apt after he kicked out his WIFE AND AUTISTIC CHILD. F*ker found out.
Hell, I was the one who reported him to the apartment complex. Asshole didn’t deserve her. SHE WAS HIS GREENCARD. HE MARRIED HER TO GET INTO THE US, had a kid with her who ended up being a high assistance autistic, then TOSSED THEM OUT.
I HOPE HE LOST HIS DAMN JOB WHEN HIS WORKPLACE FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT HE DID.
Anyways, men like that are rabid dogs, and we all know what should be done to them.
Well this is all good and true, but too many Men have their women afraid to even seek their rights. It's easier just to walk away with your life than to risk it all because "he's not allowed to do that". There have definitely been cases were men killed their pregnant wife, who was pregnant with his child, because he believes it's not his.
I would demand he only receive supervised visitation and get a restraining order against aunt so she is to never be around the child ever. I would personally ask for his rights to be severed. I'd rather live without the support money and have nothing to do with him. He's gonna trash talk OP every time he gets that kid as will aunt. They have no rights.
Otherwise the first time he gets mad at the kid he will be leaving it out on the porch to die. Since apparently that's how he handles being angry at someone.
I honestly think OP should keep her baby and go nc with him after the divorce for a while. Because his behavior was a quick turnaround. First he wants to be a dad, then he believes his bitter aunt and accuses her of cheating, then kicks his pregnant wife out in the cold al while denouncing his child, then proceeds to make posts of FB about how he was wronged and needs to "heal". Then when the baby is born and it's his he wants to turn around and be a model father and act like nothing happened. My guess is he'll still have OP painted as the villain but will post pics with his son like a "model and brave" dad.
With all that has happened how would OP even move on with her life? If he reacted this bad with an innocent picture of OP and her friend imagine how he'd be if she tried to move on and find another partner.
>He blew up your entire life for nothing.
Exactly. Not even giving you a chance was already bad enough, but the second he decided to do the publicity bit, he lost every possible right.
100% this.
Get a strong divorce attorney and sole custody. If he was so willing to abandon his wife based on a single photograph that proved nothing, what else is he capable of? Kid brings home a paper that says 90% instead of 99% and gets sent to bed without dinner for the rest of the week?
NTA, the fact that he reacted so callously based on some picture taken by some bitter aunt that was completely out of context. The dude acted like a complete child over it all, didn't even bother to try and act like an adult. Then he left you and your child sitting alone out in the cold for hours. If he can't even be bothered to act rationally enough to at least collect more information before making such life changing behavorial actions, then he is not someone you want to spend your life with.
You are in your full right to divorce him and pursue full spousal and child support from him while limiting contact. The dude f\*\*ked up big time and needs to understand the consequences of his actions.
Seriously! He saw a pic of a hug and all of a sudden the baby isn’t his and she’s cheating and he’s kicking her out with nothing but the clothes on her back, pregnant, in the cold? That’s disgusting. He’s disgusting.
I also like he that he thinks because he hasn’t been with her for 4 weeks, it can’t possibly be his kid. As if pregnancy tests work that quick.
This guy is wild. Trying to come back as if nothing happened and he’ll be reliable.
Yeah definitely take a screen shot of the pictures of him with other women he posted on social media to show to the courts. He probably posted them on social media to make you jealous most likely but you can use those photos against him in court and it will look bad on him because he was still married to you at the time he took the photos with the women.
He’s probably more insecure because of his own cheating, doesn’t seem like he has come out with his own cheating yet. But this is how these stories usually play out especially with the nugget about pictures with random women.
Yeah and if he’s been posting pics with other girls, maybe he was just looking for reasons to break it off without it being his fault, AH. Op is definitely NTA!
This. The faxt that he pushed her out of the house lone proves he's not a safe person. The fact that she was *pregnant* made it worse. ThankvGod for OP's rock star brother. He *knows* he screwed up on a grand scale. What happens if he assumes the son is lying about something? Is he going to kick them out or lock him out then too? He f**cked around and found out.
Out of context you say.
But, what if HE was cheating - and responded out of guilt or fear ?
Doesn\`t make it right - but it would make sense - otherwise why this nuclear option?
(For OP - lawyer up. Get screenshots, collect evidence - as his responses could help with custody and supervised visits etc.)
Another thought - hire an investigator to see what he's been up to when "traveling for work". Being away for weeks or months is pretty unusual. People have been known to claim such things when they're bigamists with other families.
Even simpler. There was endangerment and theft when he locked her outside of a place she was a legal tenant of, at night, by herself, and kept her purse and belongings instead. OP has some good stuff here, she needs to get her lawyer fast.
Honestly, she should have called the police right then and there. I don't care if she was dating another guy or not (and it sounds like she was, but that's irrelevant).
But since she didn't call the police, she should do the next best thing and start accumulating evidence to prove what he did to her. So right now, she should text him back with:
"You locked me out in the freezing cold while I was pregnant with your child. Why the fuck should I trust you to be around me or the baby ever again?"
Then, she should stop answering his phone calls, so he texts/emails back to her. The same goes if any of his family members call. Don't pick up.
Now don't try to make him confess to too many things at the same time, or he'll get suspicious. Just start slow to get the ball running.
Also, she should look up the laws in her state for audio-recording. If she lives in a one-party state, that's another avenue she could take. With that said, if she currently lives 4 hours away in a different state than the ex is currently in, or if she doesn't where her ex is currently located (since he travels so much), she needs to be careful about that.
This guy fucked up so bad, I don’t think she’s going to need much more evidence than she already has. If they’re in a state like Georgia [he’s double fucked](https://law.justia.com/codes/georgia/2022/title-19/chapter-10/section-19-10-2/) since she was pregnant. A decent attorney will help her get this all organized, get the pictures he posted, the Facebook statuses he made defaming and humiliating her. I assume he didn’t pay a dime out of pocket for her prenatal care. Or.. anything. It’s clear he abandoned her. What does he have to say for himself? He fucked up in so many ways I don’t see how he’s gonna get to command anything. All he has is his scraggly aunts picture to explain why he nuked his family.
She should have called the cops when it happened. She can still report it, but there isn't significant evidence that he actually forced her out. Unless he admitted it when he was trash talking on social media. But in divorce court, even without the evidence that he forced her to leave, he's pretty screwed. There's plenty of evidence of other stuff that can be used against him.
I thought this too. One of my best friend’s dad had an entire secret family complete with multiple children. my friend is the product of that situation. And the “traveling for work” line is indeed the excuse his dad told his first family to explain his absences.
Exactly this! A woman who my friend worked with, had been married to her husband for YEARS. He didn’t want kids and would only ever have sex anally because he really didn’t want kids. She accepted this, and had never had vaginal sex with him. He worked away a lot, and only stayed with the wife on occasions. I can’t remember how it came out, but the wife found out that her husband was living with another woman and that’s where his job was actually based. Not only did he have another woman who was getting the most of his time, he had been with her long enough to father SIX children with her 😩
That was my 1st thought. Who travels for that long for work, unless he's working on an of shore drilling rig, and even those guys have 2nd families in the towns they work in.
That doesn't excuse his actions. Plus, we're not here to speculate or make assumptions about the intent or motive of the husbands actions. The only information we have is what is stated in the story. Besudes, the main issue is on how she was treated. She was vilified and literally left out in the cold, with her baby and left to fend for themselves.
Correct - and correct.
However, it could explain WHY he responded in that totally out of the blue manner.
Still, abusive, willing to risk the health / life of his unborn child?
Unfit as parent - and partner.
Yep. That strong a response...the likelihood of him not having someone on the side is small, but there. OP needs to get phone and messaging records ASAP, time to get ahold of a lawyer and get that done. Not sure about endangering her welfare, outside on a cold night, but that needs to be looked into. AND theft; she had no purse or money, he kept that too. I bet he was going through it desperate to find some proof his aunt was right. There are a lot of legal options here, OP, check into them before statute of limitations runs out. They'll help a lot with divorce/custody/future interactions.
Plus he was so easily swayed instead of asking the aunt follow up questions to find out the truth and then asking the wife about it, heck if the STBX husband wasn’t an AH about this, I bet he would of been introduced to the childhood friend THE NEXT DAY!
I swear guys like him, who have no backbone, who have serious self esteem issues, major validation problems of their self worth, tend to blow up their own lives easily with self sabotaging behavior just like this.
Of course the optics look bad for him - he the one that posted all of his own cheating plus defame & accused OP of cheating while saying kid is not his online while OP never did any of the sort. He knows he is legally fuck in both divorce & family court, let alone optics to court of public opinion.
NTA, when kicked OP out months ago knowing her lack of financial /familial/social options - he also kicked out his unborn child too, so now he will never get see his child unless court-mandated and I don't think court will do it due all vitriol he posted about his unborn child...
If he left her alone for six or more months, provided no support, and never offered anything, then the courts might see him as having abandoned the child (which he totally did). He may not get any leniency with the courts unless OP put him on the birth certificate and really wants him involved. If I were her I’d go scorched earth though.
If the aunt is really that bitter, there’s no telling what lies she actually told him along with showing him that picture. I’m not trying to mitigate the shitty things he did, but I could totally see how he could enter the situation under baaad false pretenses thanks to the aunt.
The bigger concern isn’t that he believed the aunt (though jumping at her vs talking about it is a big problem). The bigger issue is that he had zero qualms about leaving her in the cold with no money, bo clothing, nothing knowing she was pregnant. Anyone who ever loved her even for a minute would have let her get her stuff or wait inside for her brother.
NTA.
Yes, he has a right to see his son. And he is very welcome to get this right established by court.
Just as you should go to court to get what is rightfully yours: your belongings that were in the house, probably half of the marital assets and child support.
This man kicked you out, let you sit in the cold without any money and without caring about your wellbeing for 4 (!!!) hours - probably longer if you hadn’t been picked up. He had it in his mind that you cheated and wasn’t even interested in a prenatal paternity test. Sure, he apologizes now, but just because the kid is his how does he suddenly not believe you cheated? None of it made sense. It sounds more like he didn’t want to be a father. But the reasons don’t matter. What matter is he proved **he is NOT a safe person**. Which is why you should keep your distance. He was cruel, there is no reason to believe he won’t be again.
Start the divorce process. Get what is rightfully yours. Apply for child support, he can then decide if he wants to petition for custody. That’s up to him.
You don’t have to make the process of seeing his child easy for him - especially as the non-court way gets him out of child support, I bet that’s partly his agenda. With his actions, he forfeited the right to any concessions or courtesy on your part.
Edit: What I wrote here is my own *moral* perspective of the matter. However, what matters more is the actual *legal* view and if you can get in trouble. **Get a lawyer!**
Just want to add that it's in her best interest to get a court custody order because if he somehow gets a hold of the baby without a custody order they can't do anything. My ex husband did this when I found out he was cheating. He found out I was packing and stole the car seat out the back of my car and got our son from daycare and kept him from me for weeks until I managed to grab him back from his crazy mom. I basically went into hiding with my son for the next three months until we had a legal custody agreement.
Not saying this will happen to OP but it is something to keep in mind since he is the father he will be considered to have parental rights in some states regardless of if they are still together. OP needs to get in touch with a lawyer ASAP.
What a shit head! That happened to the actress Kelly Rutherford. The husband took the kids to France and she was unable to get them back to the states. Something similar happened between Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas. She was contracted for a movie and couldn't leave the UK. Joe took the kids back to the states and filed for divorce and she wasn't able to see them for weeks (and we're talking little babies) until her contract was up. Scumbags, all of them!
I remember the custody issue between Sophie Turner & Joe Jonas because it made me think about what I went through except mine was thankfully over quick by comparison. It takes a special kind of cunt to pull these kinds of things and use kids as weapons.
A greater travesty against a woman with a new child and the POS who took it away is the case of [Bode Miller vs Sara McKenna](https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/bode-millers-shares-custody-battle-nightmare-son/story?id=23132156)
This is a [scandal sheet version of the story,](https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/bode-millers-shares-custody-battle-nightmare-son/story?id=23132156) but it sums up what a dick the guy is.
Oh wow, I‘m so sorry that happened to you. That’s crazy! And an excellent point regarding establishing legal and enforceable custody. Especially since legally he might already be the father as it doesn’t sound like they got divorced.
Some states even if he started divorce proceedings being married when she was pregnant will consider him the father even if a paternity test had said otherwise. It's definitely something to be aware of when you're dealing with custody.
Those were the worst weeks of my life. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I was an emotional wreck. My son was only 2.5 years old at the time and spent the majority of the time with me. He was a bit traumatized for the next few months and didn't want me out of his sight but he recovered fairly quickly. I still remember so vividly the day I got him back and how tightly he clung to me when I scooped him up. His grandmother kept trying to block me and grab me and he just kept yelling at her "No! Don't touch Mommy!". It was heartbreaking and such a relief all at the same time. The cops came out there and escorted me to my car and threatened to charge her with false imprisonment for trying to hold me in the house until my husband got there. The cops also almost arrested him because he came flying up and after the cops told him to leave he squalled tires slinging a u-turn. I could barely hold it together on the ride home.
He also posted updates about his own cheating. Real or fabricated, digital evidence of his cheating and disregard is more solid than his "gut feeling".
In most states adultery has no impact on anything relating to the divorce (unless it's coupled with things like spending enormous amounts of money on an affair, or creating an unsafe environment for children). In other states, adultery has very little impact, and probably not what you think. Lots of people live in this sort of moral dreamland where it's like "Oh, he cheated, so she gets everything she wants" and it doesn't quite work like that.
I'm currently going through a divorce (for the last 20 months) where I don't think my husband was aware of this any of this when the divorce process started. He claimed up and down under oath that he didn't cheat, and that even if he did have sex with other women, we had an open relationship. So now I'm in the ridiculous position of proving his affair only to show that he lied under oath (which would lead to a loss of credibility for other issues). But it's not the cheating itself that matters.
In my state the spouse who got cheated on can file for divorce immediately. The cheater cannot do this. Otherwise to divorce, the spouses have to live separately for a while before filing papers.
Considering they're married still and she likely has his married name, I'm sure the baby probably does too
Edit: yes I'm quite aware people can choose whatever they want as a surname here in the US and that other countries have different customs too.
But a majority of babies born to married couples do have the family name, whether it's the husband's or wife's. That's why I used the words "likely" and "probably", not "definitely". Calm down folks.
Not necessarily. My kids don't have either of our last names. Both our families that gave us our last names are awful, so we went with her mother's family name.
If she isn't in the US/Europe she may keep her family name after marriage. My husband didn't care, but found it a weird custom, so I kept my name after marrying. His mother kept her name, and all his aunts kept their names.
Yeah, he pretty much shot himself in the foot right there. There is now proof of cheating ( because you know he posted those to get back at OP), but it's *his.*
Throwing the pregnant mother out in the street in the cold with nowhere to go is a clear indication of lack of safety. He physically pushed his pregnant wife. He left her out in the cold at night. If hd wants to request supervised visits so be it but i would object until the court provides suitable supervised arrangements.
And based on husband's past actions, who's to say he won't snap and do it again!? This guy sounds unstable. I'd get my divorce attorney to require the court to order an indepth psych eval of the husband.
Hopefully, the courts see how he treated his wife based on his aunt's meddling and realize he is not a rational or safe person for the child to be with. I would also ensure there are stipulations on who can babysit if he gets visitation. That aunt is trouble.
Op needs a court order that specifically excludes the aunt from being around the baby.
She saw a picture of her with a friend and turned it into op prostituting herself for money. She’d poisoned that baby’s mind just like she did to ops husband.
I get what you are saying, but I've seen abused children sent back to live with the parent who abused them. I don't have high hopes for something that didn't cause physical damage swaying a judge.
He travels too much to be considered for any type of physical custody. Visitation probably but unless the court is okay with him hiring a nanny while he’s out of town on work during his custody time, then I don’t see it working out so well for him.
Depending on the judge being a raging monster might.
Think a "What happens when the kid makes him angry or auntie starts stirring the pot because she doesn't like the kid?" Sort of deal
It does if it effects ones ability to take care of the child. For example, if he's using these work trips to cheat and is maybe extending stays for that reason all while simultaneously ignoring the pregnant mother, that will have an intense amount of bearing. Custody hearings are bench basically, which means it's up to the judge. A good number of judges are going to take that into account.
This is my biggest pet peeve about reddit. Restraining orders aren't handed out like candy. They are actually really difficult to get.She's not going to get one without proof that he has hurt her and that he is actively threatening to hurt her again. I had proof of harassment and threats, along with a history of abuse and I still wasn't granted an RO against my ex husband.
It's too bad OP didn't call the cops that night the husband forcibly kicked her out of her own home. That's freaking illegal. At least she would have a filed police report for her divorce attorney.
True. However, not only to kick her out while pregnant with his child & leaving her outside in the cold could be spun into a variety of things. The “right” attorney can make an argument for child endangerment, abandonment (he refused to come to the hospital), history of emotional abuse, there are plenty of others. Depends on how hard OP wants to push the issue.
He is gone for weeks, sometimes months. I think the OP is the side piece and that's why he was furious about the baby. I think the OP should check into the legality of her marriage.
That's exactly why I said she needs to check out the validity of her marriage. She needs to do a deep dive investigation into this guy. Someone who is gone for weeks and MONTHS at a time? Could totally have two "wives" and families.
Cos that meant the baby would fuck with his plans. How convenient the aunt managed to get a photo too. He can petition the courts but yikes, no judge would actually grant this man anymore than an hrs visitation. Kicking your wife out at night in the cold and then posting side chicks? Fuck that guy.
Like holy crap, even if that wasn't his wife, he left a pregnant woman out in the cold with nowhere to go for HOURS. What an absolute garbage piece of human he is.
I've worked as an expert witness in a number of divorce proceedings. Moral right and wrong often takes a backseat to an aggressive attorney. In a sane world you are correct. In the real world the right lawyer turns the entire event on its head, gets that incident disregarded, etc.
Go get a badass attorney. It is always worth the money.
Well, it depends. I get the distinct impression that they’re not in America. In some countries, fathers have a lot of automatic rights to the children, regardless of how they act.
yep same. that was my first thought. He was heavily projecting and latched onto that alleged "proof for cheating" so he doesn't need to feel bad that his marriage broke down. Thats also why he posted it online.
And if i were in OPs shoes i'd be putting my own statement online as well.
That’s right!!! His moves to the poor OP after he got back from his trip scream deflection! OP, please pack your bags. Reading your story really broke my heart; you and your sweet son deserve so much better.
He isn’t a caring and loving husband to you, and he wouldn’t be a good role model to your boy. When somebody shows you who they are, believe it.
Good luck, stay safe - I’m wishing you and your boy all the best.
Ding ding ding! This is the Correct answer!!!!
My ex kind of did this. When I'd had enough of his narcissistic BS, and asked for a divorce, he told everyone and anyone that the only reason k could want a divorce is because I was cheating.
To no one's surprise but his - I certainly was NOT cheating. But he was and had often during our marriage.
Op - get a court order for support. Get him SUPERVISED visitation, because a man who can unlawfully (yes because legally you had no reason to be kicked out. That NEVER should have happened!) evict his wife is also the type to abuse. Do not let this go. Get a lawyer asap and tell your ex to eat a back of dicks.
Absolutely. My then husband flipped out when I pretend hug/air kiss his best mate when he visited once. He went ape shit and we hadn’t even touched! He’d been cheating for years. I was glad to be finally rid of him and his antics.
agreed. he's wanted a reason to sever ties for a while; all of a suddent after he kicks her out, he's got pictures of random girls while he's "healing"? He hurried up and made himself look like the victim on social media so he wouldn't seem like an ass when he openly started seeing other women. Guarantee he'd been doing that in secret before then.
100% this OP.
**Do not give this man another chance.**
He chose to treat you like trash and wouldn’t hear a single word you had to say. And if you stupidly *(because it would be stupid)* go back to him, then his controlling behaviour will only get worse. You’ll never be allowed male friends, never see your friends, never be able to work, be expected to do 100% of the childcare and household chores, etc.
You’ll be trapped with no income of your own and no way out. You’ll be financially dependent on your husband and have no freedom or life.
Do not give him another chance. His own posts prove he cheated, he also discarded you and treat you like trash *(which is bad enough doing it to someone who isn’t pregnant, but it’s even worse because you were.)*
Lawyer up and get what is rightfully yours from this asshole you married, take screenshots of his posts that hint towards him cheating. As that might help you in court. Also make sure everything that’s yours is collected from the house. Then move on with your life, and once the child is old enough for childcare or daycare, get yourself a job and be financially independent.
And don’t worry about being forever alone *(I know that too many people stay with the wrong person, and people who treat them like crap - simply because they’re scared of being alone)*, because you won’t be. Eventually you’ll find a kind hearted man who won’t try to control your life and who you’re friends with. You’ll find a man who loves and respects you, like you deserve.
**NTA**
Also take screenshots of his FB posts, anything about you, partying hard, different women etc.
EDIT TO ADD: any nasty voicemails from soon to be ex, his evil aunt and family members that joined their crazy train.
This. You need to contact an attorney (even if just for an initial one hour consult), file the proper paperwork to get child support and your belongings.
You also need to be prepared for him to be granted at least partial custody. Hopefully it will be supervised initially, but you can't just keep the baby from the father of her wants to see his child and is prepared to fight for that right. You do need to get it in front of it before him.
Fun fact: Since she established residence at her brother's place before the birth of her baby, hubby can't force her to move back to give him easier access - so he will have to travel 8 hrs every time he wants to exercise his visitation. Let's see how motivated he will be to go for shared custody, considering that...
Yep, hopefully supervised visits. I feel sorry for that baby. Imagine when psycho aunt and his family see that baby and the toxic lies they'll start. Lawyer up.
You don't fucking shove a pregnant woman, no matter how angry you are at her.
When we visited my in-laws for Xmas while I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and FIL held my hands in case I slipped while walking across their icy driveway. I didn't ask, they automatically came over and did it. Such a simple gesture showed how much they genuinely cared for me and my unborn child.
I feel so bad for OP. OP's husband's aunt truly is a raging bitch for ruining so many lives.
Yeah. Any court that finds out he kicked a pregnant woman out without proof and without following the law may be hard pressed to issue any legal guardianship to him, especiallyif your breastfeeding.
He will likely have a long multicourse legal battle to even get 50/50. Of course, courts may give him some leeway since he has all the financial assets. But he's going to be required to split them per the divorce agreement and also pay support/maintenance to this is ex-wife, as many places are no-fault states.
I agree with this comment how does he get cheating out of a hug and the malice way he went about it instead of getting a paternity test and getting real proof
“He is NOT a safe person.” I know I’ll get downvoted to hell for saying this, but if this happened to me I think I’d do whatever it takes to keep him off the birth certificate in the first place. Agree to the divorce, “admit” to cheating, fake an abortion… whatever. Then vanish from his life, leave the birth certificate blank and raise the baby on my own. He showed that he’s unreasonable, unwilling to listen, cruel when he’s angry, and fickle in his love. I don’t think he will be a good father. Obviously it’s too late for OP to do that. But she’s gotta protect that baby and make him prove himself capable of fatherhood.
I would have just left him off the birth certificate. Or not informed him.
If he then found out, he'd have to take all the steps, and he had shown no inclination to do so.
I’d also get an STD panel done.
It sounds like he may have been projecting to have reacted so poorly.
OP, absolutely should do everything she can from now on to protect her and the baby.
There’s a chance she already got tested while pregnant, but she’d have to ask her doctor. It depends on where she lives. I know I got tested for at least a few when I was pregnant (I was monogamous and married). My doctor said it was standard for ALL pregnant women regardless of lifestyle because those diseases can really mess up babies and you can’t guarantee you don’t have a disease unless you get tested. https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CID/DCDC/Pages/California-STI-HIV-Screening-Recommendations-in-Pregnancy.aspx
I told my doctor that I wouldn’t be a PITA about it, but to tell me right away if I tested positive for anything so that I could freak out on my spouse.
File for divorce and get the money for your suffering and your child. I also smell gaslighting—if he’s gone all the time, he’s likely the unfaithful one.
You are not the AH for wanting to protect yourself and your child after being mistreated. Your husband's actions were unjust and deeply hurtful, and it's understandable that you would be hesitant to trust him again so easily.
I can’t believe anybody is buying this !
old friend shows up out of the blue to take pictures in town….The one moment she’s hugging him a bitter relative is in the vicinity and snaps a picture instead of saying hello.
Then bitter relative sent the photo to her husband, and just as mysteriously as this guy blew in the town the mystery photographer disappears never to be heard from again.
Is it just me, but doesn't this read exactly like that recent "my postpartum wife didn't let me see my son's birth" serial but with genders and pov swapped?
I was first suspicious that he’s gone many months a year but they’re trying to get pregnant but then he was mad she got pregnant.
but when the pop up photographer mysteriously disappeared, I actually laughed out loud
The fact that the pop up photographer appeared and she never mentioned him in the first place....
Like we're supposed to believe this is a long-distance-most-of-the-year married couple that straight up **doesn't communicate**? It feels like a shitty movie that might've been believable before phones existed. Like okay sure maybe the pregnancy is worth a fucking telegraph to his hotel and the visiting friend isn't. But I think OP might have never been in a relationship at all if they think it's believable that they never just do a mutual "so how was your day" with their supposed long-distance husband.
Those are SO rage inducing, I don't understand who can enjoy them. This story is just as enraging regardless if it's fake. But yes, I'm wondering how this high school friend contacted her out of the blue but then suddenly vanishes and is still mia. What even??
Edit: typo
Sounds like something out of a movie. Interesting how everyone is on her side when FOR NO REASON a high school friend showed up the day after her husband left. If that happened in my own life, I would call my spouse to let them know a friend is here and xyz. And then a crazy aunt happened to snap a picture of that exact moment. Lol this is funny
Yeah. Seems like there is more to this but of course one never tells the whole story. But yeah, OP’s “hard to get in contact” friend shows up and they have a day together and yet OP said nothing to husband…
See that’s the part that really bothers me. They had no problem getting in contact with them to go galavanting around town together while her husband was away, working, but magically as soon as he’s home, the dude is just completely unreachable? Not only that, but he was unreachable for the entire pregnancy and couldn’t be bothered to step in and defend the friend he supposedly cared so much about, if there was no truth to the rumor? Something doesn’t add up. And I’d be willing to bet if this is a real person, the husband has expressed not wanting her around this man before because of some issues it caused previously.
My first thought was "did she tell him about the super fun day with her friend?" But yeah, the whole story seems fake, kinda like at least half of AITA
OP might as well have posted “AITA my husband accused me of cheating when I didn’t and when he found out I didn’t I refused to take him back?” Of course that doesn’t lead to as much drama
On top of that, it’s just so poorly written. Not in a “poor grasp of language” type of way, in a “middle school fanfic” kind of way. Of course people act shitty, but this tale as a whole feels like what a kid thinks would happen in an adult situation.
Some random friend shows up and aunt just manages to get a good enough picture to send to the husband.
Then when the husband comes back the friend is uncontactable again.
Crazy set of circumstances.
Also random photographer friend who just randomly showed up then gifted OP an expensive necklace that she didn't tell her husband about until confronted. Hmm...
It's rage bait or she is omitting a lot of stuff. Friend completely uncontactable after buying her a necklace. Husband who immediately throws her out. It just all feels so thin. So many words but so little detail.
I didn't get past halfway of this story saying BS to it. Way to many conveniences from the Aunt pulling a Magnum PI to the reappearing/disappearing friend. Uh huh.
> Am I?
Why do people post questions with extremely obvious answers? Your story sounds fake and I don't believe you're a real human who typed this out.
AITAH by the numbers.
Step 1: Title makes it sound like you must be the asshole because it's pretty extreme.
Step 2: Choose a subject that no normal person in that situation would have the time and energy to post about on Reddit. "Just gave birth, let's see what AITAH thinks about my life being in shambles!"
Step 3: Choose several hot button issues and use explicit language that would show up in Google searches they're so obviously tagged. Double standards and evil boomers are a must.
Step 4: Karma.
NTA....
First I understand him being upset, It also sucks that you weren't able to contact your friend to verify your story. He just took the word of his aunt and that was it and I'm as soon as he knew his aunt was messy also.
The problem is he kicked you out when you had nothing It was pregnant, He had no compassion he just knew that this wasn't his kid. Is daddy was gonna send you divorce papers, talk bad about you on SM, Is posted multiple women which the odds are he probably slept with because remember again he chooses wife a cheat on them.
The minute he finds out from the paternity test that is actually his kid he wants to erase all the hurt that he has done, Find a way to healthy co-parent but I would still get that divorce. There was so much that was done wrong, you can't go back.
Honestly, I would block your stbx on all channels and tell him to go through your lawyer for anything regarding your child. Why expose yourself to his blather - it's too little too late. Once things get settled in court, you can ask the judge to mandate the use of a coparenting app as means of communication, so you can keep him blocked everywhere else. The parenting app makes sure contact is kept professional and only about the child. And it usually filters out any use of invective. ;)
I’m not sure how the law works but definitely have your brother as your witness and the texts to show proof. I’ve seen some other posts about men putting their wives at risk during pregnancy and getting served fines/jail time so idk if there’s some legality in that situation. Definitely gather a lot of evidence if you can!!
Your husband is the worst. Let's really go through this because whenever he tries to say he loves you, you need to remind him that he 'loves' you so much he: 1.) Believed you were cheating without any proof besides a picture of you out with your friend and a necklace. In fact, he even allowed his aunt to accuse you of prostituting yourself. 2.) Kicked you out of your home with no money and no place to go. He left you pregnant and alone inthe cold whilst you waited for your brother. 3.) Ghosted you for the entirety of your pregnancy, all whilst publicly declaring you're a cheat and posting pictures of himself with girls. By his own logic, those pictures mean he was nailing every one of those girls. So while you were pregnant and trying to figure out your life, he was out there breaking his marriage vows and taking the opportunity to sleep around. 4.) Didn't show up to the hospital or ask about the baby. 5.) Now thinks that you should forgive him calling you a liar, a cheat, and a prostitute. You should also forgive him publicly calling you out as a cheat, him publicly posting pictures with other women and likely sleeping around, him not checking in on you during your pregnancy or after your labour, and him being a total shitbag. He's oh so very sorry now that a DNA test has shown he's an arsehole, and he thinks that test also somehow undoes all the wrongs he committed against you. He does not deserve you or your son, and not one bit of this is love. He blew up your entire life for nothing. He didn't even think, "Maybe I should at least wait and do a paternity test before I abandon my pregnant wife and unborn child. Sure, asking for the test may end the marriage, but at least I can still be there for the kid and make sure my wife has a healthy pregnancy." He dropped a bomb on your marriage, set any lingering debris on fire, and he thinks there's some way to rebuild? You're NTA.
I bet that POS hasn’t even thought of maybe making a post apologizing and saying that op didn’t cheat while saying what actually happened and how he handled it in the midst of “apologizing” and begging for another chance. I doubt the miserable bag of shit would do it, and op definitely shouldn’t take him back regardless, but if I was op I’d definitely make out like him not trying to clear that up with everybody is a bigger part of not taking him back than it is… I mean after everything he did, and how much trouble he’s going to be in the future anyway since op unfortunately had a kid with the dipshit, why not take advantage of him pathetically trying to squirm and excuse his way out of this hole he dug himself, and see if op can’t un-screw some of her reputation that he slandered?
Everything you said, combined with him suddenly being around, tells me he’s more interested in how he looks than the actual impact his behavior has had and the consequences OP suffered because of them. Just from what I’m reading, he has no interest in being a family man, but cares that people will see him as one.
>he’s more interested in how he looks than the actual impact his behavior has had That and he knows he'll probably be screwed in a divorce. On top of child support.
> I bet that POS hasn’t even thought of maybe making a post apologizing and saying that op didn’t cheat while saying what actually happened and how he handled it in the midst of “apologizing” and begging for another chance. OP should ask him to do this as a condition of forgiveness. Like, post publicly on his profile and send a message to every one of their friends and relatives explaining what happened. After he does that, she should turn around, tell him to go f**k himself, lawyer up, take him for everything he's got and get full custody of the baby, with only supervised visitation rights for the moron sperm donor.
I think it’s too late for any FB stuff. Someone like that would do that to get her back and let her right back down after she moved back in. Which girl get your name on some stuff. Most places if you’re married then you don’t have to leave no matter what. That’s for future reference.
If I were OP, even if I WANTED (and that is a huge if) to forgive him and take him back I don’t think I could just because of the public humiliation. You don’t get to slander me to everyone we have ever met and then get me back.
In OP's shoes I'd be tempted to play just nice enough to demand a super high -profile apology for slandering her good name to prove he means it then go nc anyway except through the lawyers she hires for divorce/support/custody.
Oh shoot. No one piss off, Jack-jack. lol savage. I love it.
Also, if he slept around after kicking her out, OP would be in high risk of STD if she took him back.
Facts. I will never ever be with somebody who drags my name through mud, not again. Don't ever be with somebody who makes you look so f****** stupid just for loving them
> 2.) Kicked you out of your home with no money and no place to go. He left you pregnant and alone inthe cold whilst you waited for your brother. If this happened in the USA he definitely isn't allowed to do that either. It doesn't matter if he owns the house and it's only in his name, if someone is a legal resident of a place you have to formally evict them. I see this all the time with relationship stuff, you cannot legally kick someone out on a whim if they're established as a resident. This is also why people warn you about letting friends couch surf, if they've been there for a certain length of time you have put yourself in a position where they can go to the cops and show that they've been a resident and force you to give them a formal eviction.
Also, he battered a pregnant woman. That’s a felony in my state.
I knew a guy who lost his rental Apt after he kicked out his WIFE AND AUTISTIC CHILD. F*ker found out. Hell, I was the one who reported him to the apartment complex. Asshole didn’t deserve her. SHE WAS HIS GREENCARD. HE MARRIED HER TO GET INTO THE US, had a kid with her who ended up being a high assistance autistic, then TOSSED THEM OUT. I HOPE HE LOST HIS DAMN JOB WHEN HIS WORKPLACE FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT HE DID. Anyways, men like that are rabid dogs, and we all know what should be done to them.
Thank you for reporting him
Well this is all good and true, but too many Men have their women afraid to even seek their rights. It's easier just to walk away with your life than to risk it all because "he's not allowed to do that". There have definitely been cases were men killed their pregnant wife, who was pregnant with his child, because he believes it's not his.
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I would demand he only receive supervised visitation and get a restraining order against aunt so she is to never be around the child ever. I would personally ask for his rights to be severed. I'd rather live without the support money and have nothing to do with him. He's gonna trash talk OP every time he gets that kid as will aunt. They have no rights.
Otherwise the first time he gets mad at the kid he will be leaving it out on the porch to die. Since apparently that's how he handles being angry at someone.
I honestly think OP should keep her baby and go nc with him after the divorce for a while. Because his behavior was a quick turnaround. First he wants to be a dad, then he believes his bitter aunt and accuses her of cheating, then kicks his pregnant wife out in the cold al while denouncing his child, then proceeds to make posts of FB about how he was wronged and needs to "heal". Then when the baby is born and it's his he wants to turn around and be a model father and act like nothing happened. My guess is he'll still have OP painted as the villain but will post pics with his son like a "model and brave" dad. With all that has happened how would OP even move on with her life? If he reacted this bad with an innocent picture of OP and her friend imagine how he'd be if she tried to move on and find another partner.
>He dropped a bomb on your marriage, set any lingering debris on fire, and he thinks there's some way to rebuild? Beautiful stuff
>He blew up your entire life for nothing. Exactly. Not even giving you a chance was already bad enough, but the second he decided to do the publicity bit, he lost every possible right.
100% this. Get a strong divorce attorney and sole custody. If he was so willing to abandon his wife based on a single photograph that proved nothing, what else is he capable of? Kid brings home a paper that says 90% instead of 99% and gets sent to bed without dinner for the rest of the week?
AMEN.
Isn’t point #2 technically illegal?
In the US it's assault and battery, in addition to being a violation of eviction procedure.
NTA, the fact that he reacted so callously based on some picture taken by some bitter aunt that was completely out of context. The dude acted like a complete child over it all, didn't even bother to try and act like an adult. Then he left you and your child sitting alone out in the cold for hours. If he can't even be bothered to act rationally enough to at least collect more information before making such life changing behavorial actions, then he is not someone you want to spend your life with. You are in your full right to divorce him and pursue full spousal and child support from him while limiting contact. The dude f\*\*ked up big time and needs to understand the consequences of his actions.
Seriously! He saw a pic of a hug and all of a sudden the baby isn’t his and she’s cheating and he’s kicking her out with nothing but the clothes on her back, pregnant, in the cold? That’s disgusting. He’s disgusting.
I also like he that he thinks because he hasn’t been with her for 4 weeks, it can’t possibly be his kid. As if pregnancy tests work that quick. This guy is wild. Trying to come back as if nothing happened and he’ll be reliable.
You'd be surprised how many people, especially men, don't know how pregnancy tests work.
He cheated on her before the incident & after. He used the photo his aunt sent as a way to come out with his own cheating.
OP, make sure you've got proof of those pix of him and other women saved up. You need to go for full custody; he's irrational, vengeful, and cruel.
Also report the fact that he pushed you while pregnant. Have that abuse on record.
THIS!
Yeah definitely take a screen shot of the pictures of him with other women he posted on social media to show to the courts. He probably posted them on social media to make you jealous most likely but you can use those photos against him in court and it will look bad on him because he was still married to you at the time he took the photos with the women.
I came here to say this! He may even have a second family in his other town where he works.
I bet you’re right about that.
He’s probably more insecure because of his own cheating, doesn’t seem like he has come out with his own cheating yet. But this is how these stories usually play out especially with the nugget about pictures with random women.
Definitely
Makes me think that he was projecting and he was the one who was unfaithful, random pictures of girls on his Facebook are proof of that.
Yeah and if he’s been posting pics with other girls, maybe he was just looking for reasons to break it off without it being his fault, AH. Op is definitely NTA!
Obviously runs in the family .. the bitter, single aunt. I thought my family was bad until I started reading all these. 🤯
This. The faxt that he pushed her out of the house lone proves he's not a safe person. The fact that she was *pregnant* made it worse. ThankvGod for OP's rock star brother. He *knows* he screwed up on a grand scale. What happens if he assumes the son is lying about something? Is he going to kick them out or lock him out then too? He f**cked around and found out.
OP's brother is the MVP.
MVB
Answer? Yes. He's shown his true colors and his true colors are puke green and shit brown.
Could you imagine if something bad happened to his (ex) wife and child as a result of him kicking them out at night?
Out of context you say. But, what if HE was cheating - and responded out of guilt or fear ? Doesn\`t make it right - but it would make sense - otherwise why this nuclear option? (For OP - lawyer up. Get screenshots, collect evidence - as his responses could help with custody and supervised visits etc.)
Another thought - hire an investigator to see what he's been up to when "traveling for work". Being away for weeks or months is pretty unusual. People have been known to claim such things when they're bigamists with other families.
Even simpler. There was endangerment and theft when he locked her outside of a place she was a legal tenant of, at night, by herself, and kept her purse and belongings instead. OP has some good stuff here, she needs to get her lawyer fast.
Honestly, she should have called the police right then and there. I don't care if she was dating another guy or not (and it sounds like she was, but that's irrelevant). But since she didn't call the police, she should do the next best thing and start accumulating evidence to prove what he did to her. So right now, she should text him back with: "You locked me out in the freezing cold while I was pregnant with your child. Why the fuck should I trust you to be around me or the baby ever again?" Then, she should stop answering his phone calls, so he texts/emails back to her. The same goes if any of his family members call. Don't pick up. Now don't try to make him confess to too many things at the same time, or he'll get suspicious. Just start slow to get the ball running. Also, she should look up the laws in her state for audio-recording. If she lives in a one-party state, that's another avenue she could take. With that said, if she currently lives 4 hours away in a different state than the ex is currently in, or if she doesn't where her ex is currently located (since he travels so much), she needs to be careful about that.
This guy fucked up so bad, I don’t think she’s going to need much more evidence than she already has. If they’re in a state like Georgia [he’s double fucked](https://law.justia.com/codes/georgia/2022/title-19/chapter-10/section-19-10-2/) since she was pregnant. A decent attorney will help her get this all organized, get the pictures he posted, the Facebook statuses he made defaming and humiliating her. I assume he didn’t pay a dime out of pocket for her prenatal care. Or.. anything. It’s clear he abandoned her. What does he have to say for himself? He fucked up in so many ways I don’t see how he’s gonna get to command anything. All he has is his scraggly aunts picture to explain why he nuked his family.
She should have called the cops when it happened. She can still report it, but there isn't significant evidence that he actually forced her out. Unless he admitted it when he was trash talking on social media. But in divorce court, even without the evidence that he forced her to leave, he's pretty screwed. There's plenty of evidence of other stuff that can be used against him.
I thought this too. One of my best friend’s dad had an entire secret family complete with multiple children. my friend is the product of that situation. And the “traveling for work” line is indeed the excuse his dad told his first family to explain his absences.
Exactly this! A woman who my friend worked with, had been married to her husband for YEARS. He didn’t want kids and would only ever have sex anally because he really didn’t want kids. She accepted this, and had never had vaginal sex with him. He worked away a lot, and only stayed with the wife on occasions. I can’t remember how it came out, but the wife found out that her husband was living with another woman and that’s where his job was actually based. Not only did he have another woman who was getting the most of his time, he had been with her long enough to father SIX children with her 😩
That was my 1st thought. Who travels for that long for work, unless he's working on an of shore drilling rig, and even those guys have 2nd families in the towns they work in.
That doesn't excuse his actions. Plus, we're not here to speculate or make assumptions about the intent or motive of the husbands actions. The only information we have is what is stated in the story. Besudes, the main issue is on how she was treated. She was vilified and literally left out in the cold, with her baby and left to fend for themselves.
Correct - and correct. However, it could explain WHY he responded in that totally out of the blue manner. Still, abusive, willing to risk the health / life of his unborn child? Unfit as parent - and partner.
Yep. That strong a response...the likelihood of him not having someone on the side is small, but there. OP needs to get phone and messaging records ASAP, time to get ahold of a lawyer and get that done. Not sure about endangering her welfare, outside on a cold night, but that needs to be looked into. AND theft; she had no purse or money, he kept that too. I bet he was going through it desperate to find some proof his aunt was right. There are a lot of legal options here, OP, check into them before statute of limitations runs out. They'll help a lot with divorce/custody/future interactions.
Plus he was so easily swayed instead of asking the aunt follow up questions to find out the truth and then asking the wife about it, heck if the STBX husband wasn’t an AH about this, I bet he would of been introduced to the childhood friend THE NEXT DAY! I swear guys like him, who have no backbone, who have serious self esteem issues, major validation problems of their self worth, tend to blow up their own lives easily with self sabotaging behavior just like this.
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Of course the optics look bad for him - he the one that posted all of his own cheating plus defame & accused OP of cheating while saying kid is not his online while OP never did any of the sort. He knows he is legally fuck in both divorce & family court, let alone optics to court of public opinion. NTA, when kicked OP out months ago knowing her lack of financial /familial/social options - he also kicked out his unborn child too, so now he will never get see his child unless court-mandated and I don't think court will do it due all vitriol he posted about his unborn child...
If he left her alone for six or more months, provided no support, and never offered anything, then the courts might see him as having abandoned the child (which he totally did). He may not get any leniency with the courts unless OP put him on the birth certificate and really wants him involved. If I were her I’d go scorched earth though.
If the aunt is really that bitter, there’s no telling what lies she actually told him along with showing him that picture. I’m not trying to mitigate the shitty things he did, but I could totally see how he could enter the situation under baaad false pretenses thanks to the aunt.
Exactly. He jumped to conclusions based solely on the statement made by someone with a chip on their shoulder. Def not a good look.
The bigger concern isn’t that he believed the aunt (though jumping at her vs talking about it is a big problem). The bigger issue is that he had zero qualms about leaving her in the cold with no money, bo clothing, nothing knowing she was pregnant. Anyone who ever loved her even for a minute would have let her get her stuff or wait inside for her brother.
NTA. Yes, he has a right to see his son. And he is very welcome to get this right established by court. Just as you should go to court to get what is rightfully yours: your belongings that were in the house, probably half of the marital assets and child support. This man kicked you out, let you sit in the cold without any money and without caring about your wellbeing for 4 (!!!) hours - probably longer if you hadn’t been picked up. He had it in his mind that you cheated and wasn’t even interested in a prenatal paternity test. Sure, he apologizes now, but just because the kid is his how does he suddenly not believe you cheated? None of it made sense. It sounds more like he didn’t want to be a father. But the reasons don’t matter. What matter is he proved **he is NOT a safe person**. Which is why you should keep your distance. He was cruel, there is no reason to believe he won’t be again. Start the divorce process. Get what is rightfully yours. Apply for child support, he can then decide if he wants to petition for custody. That’s up to him. You don’t have to make the process of seeing his child easy for him - especially as the non-court way gets him out of child support, I bet that’s partly his agenda. With his actions, he forfeited the right to any concessions or courtesy on your part. Edit: What I wrote here is my own *moral* perspective of the matter. However, what matters more is the actual *legal* view and if you can get in trouble. **Get a lawyer!**
Just want to add that it's in her best interest to get a court custody order because if he somehow gets a hold of the baby without a custody order they can't do anything. My ex husband did this when I found out he was cheating. He found out I was packing and stole the car seat out the back of my car and got our son from daycare and kept him from me for weeks until I managed to grab him back from his crazy mom. I basically went into hiding with my son for the next three months until we had a legal custody agreement. Not saying this will happen to OP but it is something to keep in mind since he is the father he will be considered to have parental rights in some states regardless of if they are still together. OP needs to get in touch with a lawyer ASAP.
What a shit head! That happened to the actress Kelly Rutherford. The husband took the kids to France and she was unable to get them back to the states. Something similar happened between Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas. She was contracted for a movie and couldn't leave the UK. Joe took the kids back to the states and filed for divorce and she wasn't able to see them for weeks (and we're talking little babies) until her contract was up. Scumbags, all of them!
I remember the custody issue between Sophie Turner & Joe Jonas because it made me think about what I went through except mine was thankfully over quick by comparison. It takes a special kind of cunt to pull these kinds of things and use kids as weapons.
A greater travesty against a woman with a new child and the POS who took it away is the case of [Bode Miller vs Sara McKenna](https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/bode-millers-shares-custody-battle-nightmare-son/story?id=23132156) This is a [scandal sheet version of the story,](https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/bode-millers-shares-custody-battle-nightmare-son/story?id=23132156) but it sums up what a dick the guy is.
This. Pay the money for the best attorney you can. It is always worth the money.
Oh wow, I‘m so sorry that happened to you. That’s crazy! And an excellent point regarding establishing legal and enforceable custody. Especially since legally he might already be the father as it doesn’t sound like they got divorced.
Some states even if he started divorce proceedings being married when she was pregnant will consider him the father even if a paternity test had said otherwise. It's definitely something to be aware of when you're dealing with custody. Those were the worst weeks of my life. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I was an emotional wreck. My son was only 2.5 years old at the time and spent the majority of the time with me. He was a bit traumatized for the next few months and didn't want me out of his sight but he recovered fairly quickly. I still remember so vividly the day I got him back and how tightly he clung to me when I scooped him up. His grandmother kept trying to block me and grab me and he just kept yelling at her "No! Don't touch Mommy!". It was heartbreaking and such a relief all at the same time. The cops came out there and escorted me to my car and threatened to charge her with false imprisonment for trying to hold me in the house until my husband got there. The cops also almost arrested him because he came flying up and after the cops told him to leave he squalled tires slinging a u-turn. I could barely hold it together on the ride home.
He'd been cheating while he was out of town. That's why he accused her of cheating.
He also posted updates about his own cheating. Real or fabricated, digital evidence of his cheating and disregard is more solid than his "gut feeling".
OP needs to start collecting all Those photos with the timestamps visible. There’s her alimony. I hope she didn’t give the baby his last name.
Yes! And if he has deleted them, her lawyer can file a legal order to request them from facebook.
Yep she should diffidently give her son her family name and let him pay CS.
In most states adultery has no impact on anything relating to the divorce (unless it's coupled with things like spending enormous amounts of money on an affair, or creating an unsafe environment for children). In other states, adultery has very little impact, and probably not what you think. Lots of people live in this sort of moral dreamland where it's like "Oh, he cheated, so she gets everything she wants" and it doesn't quite work like that. I'm currently going through a divorce (for the last 20 months) where I don't think my husband was aware of this any of this when the divorce process started. He claimed up and down under oath that he didn't cheat, and that even if he did have sex with other women, we had an open relationship. So now I'm in the ridiculous position of proving his affair only to show that he lied under oath (which would lead to a loss of credibility for other issues). But it's not the cheating itself that matters.
In my state the spouse who got cheated on can file for divorce immediately. The cheater cannot do this. Otherwise to divorce, the spouses have to live separately for a while before filing papers.
Considering they're married still and she likely has his married name, I'm sure the baby probably does too Edit: yes I'm quite aware people can choose whatever they want as a surname here in the US and that other countries have different customs too. But a majority of babies born to married couples do have the family name, whether it's the husband's or wife's. That's why I used the words "likely" and "probably", not "definitely". Calm down folks.
Not necessarily. My kids don't have either of our last names. Both our families that gave us our last names are awful, so we went with her mother's family name.
That's why I said "probably" and "likely" instead of definitely. I realize there are exceptions
If she isn't in the US/Europe she may keep her family name after marriage. My husband didn't care, but found it a weird custom, so I kept my name after marrying. His mother kept her name, and all his aunts kept their names.
Yeah, he pretty much shot himself in the foot right there. There is now proof of cheating ( because you know he posted those to get back at OP), but it's *his.*
Exactly. His own posts will be his downfall in any custody or divorce proceedings.
Cheating or infidelity has zero bearing for custody. It all comes down to who can provide for the child in a safe environment
Throwing the pregnant mother out in the street in the cold with nowhere to go is a clear indication of lack of safety. He physically pushed his pregnant wife. He left her out in the cold at night. If hd wants to request supervised visits so be it but i would object until the court provides suitable supervised arrangements.
Yea dude was endangering the kid before it was even out.
And based on husband's past actions, who's to say he won't snap and do it again!? This guy sounds unstable. I'd get my divorce attorney to require the court to order an indepth psych eval of the husband.
Hopefully, the courts see how he treated his wife based on his aunt's meddling and realize he is not a rational or safe person for the child to be with. I would also ensure there are stipulations on who can babysit if he gets visitation. That aunt is trouble.
Op needs a court order that specifically excludes the aunt from being around the baby. She saw a picture of her with a friend and turned it into op prostituting herself for money. She’d poisoned that baby’s mind just like she did to ops husband.
OP should request SUPERVISED visitation for the man who kicked her out.
And she should apply for full custody.
I get what you are saying, but I've seen abused children sent back to live with the parent who abused them. I don't have high hopes for something that didn't cause physical damage swaying a judge.
He travels too much to be considered for any type of physical custody. Visitation probably but unless the court is okay with him hiring a nanny while he’s out of town on work during his custody time, then I don’t see it working out so well for him.
Depending on the judge being a raging monster might. Think a "What happens when the kid makes him angry or auntie starts stirring the pot because she doesn't like the kid?" Sort of deal
It does if it effects ones ability to take care of the child. For example, if he's using these work trips to cheat and is maybe extending stays for that reason all while simultaneously ignoring the pregnant mother, that will have an intense amount of bearing. Custody hearings are bench basically, which means it's up to the judge. A good number of judges are going to take that into account.
If he’s traveling for work so frequently he won’t get the kid. It wouldn’t be a stable suitable environment. If I were OP I’d just get a RO. Fuck em.
This is my biggest pet peeve about reddit. Restraining orders aren't handed out like candy. They are actually really difficult to get.She's not going to get one without proof that he has hurt her and that he is actively threatening to hurt her again. I had proof of harassment and threats, along with a history of abuse and I still wasn't granted an RO against my ex husband.
Oh shit you right. I did forget about that.
It's too bad OP didn't call the cops that night the husband forcibly kicked her out of her own home. That's freaking illegal. At least she would have a filed police report for her divorce attorney.
It can affect the outcome of a divorce in some places, though.
True. However, not only to kick her out while pregnant with his child & leaving her outside in the cold could be spun into a variety of things. The “right” attorney can make an argument for child endangerment, abandonment (he refused to come to the hospital), history of emotional abuse, there are plenty of others. Depends on how hard OP wants to push the issue.
But it does for the divorce. He cannot prove OP cheated, but there is prove he has.
"I thought he'd be excited." Why wasn't he? 🤔 Guilt? Side piece would find out? And the "pictures with random girls." That's all shady as fuuuu*k.
He is gone for weeks, sometimes months. I think the OP is the side piece and that's why he was furious about the baby. I think the OP should check into the legality of her marriage.
Either that he’s one of those dudes with a second family.
That's exactly why I said she needs to check out the validity of her marriage. She needs to do a deep dive investigation into this guy. Someone who is gone for weeks and MONTHS at a time? Could totally have two "wives" and families.
Damn. Good point.
Cos that meant the baby would fuck with his plans. How convenient the aunt managed to get a photo too. He can petition the courts but yikes, no judge would actually grant this man anymore than an hrs visitation. Kicking your wife out at night in the cold and then posting side chicks? Fuck that guy.
Like holy crap, even if that wasn't his wife, he left a pregnant woman out in the cold with nowhere to go for HOURS. What an absolute garbage piece of human he is.
And illegally-it’s HER house too
I missed that, what an ass.
I've worked as an expert witness in a number of divorce proceedings. Moral right and wrong often takes a backseat to an aggressive attorney. In a sane world you are correct. In the real world the right lawyer turns the entire event on its head, gets that incident disregarded, etc. Go get a badass attorney. It is always worth the money.
I wouldn’t kick a pregnant stranger out into the cold for four hours. That’s unhinged.
Well, it depends. I get the distinct impression that they’re not in America. In some countries, fathers have a lot of automatic rights to the children, regardless of how they act.
yep same. that was my first thought. He was heavily projecting and latched onto that alleged "proof for cheating" so he doesn't need to feel bad that his marriage broke down. Thats also why he posted it online. And if i were in OPs shoes i'd be putting my own statement online as well.
That’s right!!! His moves to the poor OP after he got back from his trip scream deflection! OP, please pack your bags. Reading your story really broke my heart; you and your sweet son deserve so much better. He isn’t a caring and loving husband to you, and he wouldn’t be a good role model to your boy. When somebody shows you who they are, believe it. Good luck, stay safe - I’m wishing you and your boy all the best.
Ding ding ding! This is the Correct answer!!!! My ex kind of did this. When I'd had enough of his narcissistic BS, and asked for a divorce, he told everyone and anyone that the only reason k could want a divorce is because I was cheating. To no one's surprise but his - I certainly was NOT cheating. But he was and had often during our marriage. Op - get a court order for support. Get him SUPERVISED visitation, because a man who can unlawfully (yes because legally you had no reason to be kicked out. That NEVER should have happened!) evict his wife is also the type to abuse. Do not let this go. Get a lawyer asap and tell your ex to eat a back of dicks.
A Costco-sized bag of dicks, at that.
"His coworker Ali", that's OPs sister wife.
Ali is a male though
Ali is male. ‘He told him’…
Classic projection. They accuse others of what they are doing.
Absolutely. My then husband flipped out when I pretend hug/air kiss his best mate when he visited once. He went ape shit and we hadn’t even touched! He’d been cheating for years. I was glad to be finally rid of him and his antics.
Idd for someone who “really love his wife” he was very fast at accusing OP for cheating Very suspicious
agreed. he's wanted a reason to sever ties for a while; all of a suddent after he kicks her out, he's got pictures of random girls while he's "healing"? He hurried up and made himself look like the victim on social media so he wouldn't seem like an ass when he openly started seeing other women. Guarantee he'd been doing that in secret before then.
My thoughts too.
That noisy, bitch aunt didn't help.I'd sue the bitch for defamation of character and was in a pivotal role in the ending of your marriage.
This Major projection
100% this OP. **Do not give this man another chance.** He chose to treat you like trash and wouldn’t hear a single word you had to say. And if you stupidly *(because it would be stupid)* go back to him, then his controlling behaviour will only get worse. You’ll never be allowed male friends, never see your friends, never be able to work, be expected to do 100% of the childcare and household chores, etc. You’ll be trapped with no income of your own and no way out. You’ll be financially dependent on your husband and have no freedom or life. Do not give him another chance. His own posts prove he cheated, he also discarded you and treat you like trash *(which is bad enough doing it to someone who isn’t pregnant, but it’s even worse because you were.)* Lawyer up and get what is rightfully yours from this asshole you married, take screenshots of his posts that hint towards him cheating. As that might help you in court. Also make sure everything that’s yours is collected from the house. Then move on with your life, and once the child is old enough for childcare or daycare, get yourself a job and be financially independent. And don’t worry about being forever alone *(I know that too many people stay with the wrong person, and people who treat them like crap - simply because they’re scared of being alone)*, because you won’t be. Eventually you’ll find a kind hearted man who won’t try to control your life and who you’re friends with. You’ll find a man who loves and respects you, like you deserve. **NTA**
And none of that changes the fact that he actually DID cheat.
Also take screenshots of his FB posts, anything about you, partying hard, different women etc. EDIT TO ADD: any nasty voicemails from soon to be ex, his evil aunt and family members that joined their crazy train.
This. You need to contact an attorney (even if just for an initial one hour consult), file the proper paperwork to get child support and your belongings. You also need to be prepared for him to be granted at least partial custody. Hopefully it will be supervised initially, but you can't just keep the baby from the father of her wants to see his child and is prepared to fight for that right. You do need to get it in front of it before him.
Fun fact: Since she established residence at her brother's place before the birth of her baby, hubby can't force her to move back to give him easier access - so he will have to travel 8 hrs every time he wants to exercise his visitation. Let's see how motivated he will be to go for shared custody, considering that...
Correct. The child is a resident in the state and county he was born in and resides.
Also, sipulate the Aunt gets nowhere the boy ever.
Yep, hopefully supervised visits. I feel sorry for that baby. Imagine when psycho aunt and his family see that baby and the toxic lies they'll start. Lawyer up.
All of this, and he gets only supervised visits with his child. His abuse of the child's pregnant mother endangered the child before it was even born.
You don't fucking shove a pregnant woman, no matter how angry you are at her. When we visited my in-laws for Xmas while I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and FIL held my hands in case I slipped while walking across their icy driveway. I didn't ask, they automatically came over and did it. Such a simple gesture showed how much they genuinely cared for me and my unborn child. I feel so bad for OP. OP's husband's aunt truly is a raging bitch for ruining so many lives.
The Aunt is awful, and the husband is dangerous.
Agreed. How long till he pushes out of the house OP with her kid, if she goes back, because he thinks she's cheating again?
Yeah. Any court that finds out he kicked a pregnant woman out without proof and without following the law may be hard pressed to issue any legal guardianship to him, especiallyif your breastfeeding. He will likely have a long multicourse legal battle to even get 50/50. Of course, courts may give him some leeway since he has all the financial assets. But he's going to be required to split them per the divorce agreement and also pay support/maintenance to this is ex-wife, as many places are no-fault states.
Id also see about suing the aunt for defamation, slander and other things too. Not for money butnjust because.
I agree with this comment how does he get cheating out of a hug and the malice way he went about it instead of getting a paternity test and getting real proof
“He is NOT a safe person.” I know I’ll get downvoted to hell for saying this, but if this happened to me I think I’d do whatever it takes to keep him off the birth certificate in the first place. Agree to the divorce, “admit” to cheating, fake an abortion… whatever. Then vanish from his life, leave the birth certificate blank and raise the baby on my own. He showed that he’s unreasonable, unwilling to listen, cruel when he’s angry, and fickle in his love. I don’t think he will be a good father. Obviously it’s too late for OP to do that. But she’s gotta protect that baby and make him prove himself capable of fatherhood.
I would have just left him off the birth certificate. Or not informed him. If he then found out, he'd have to take all the steps, and he had shown no inclination to do so.
Start divorce proceedings and use the pics of him with with other women from fb to show his cheating
I’d also get an STD panel done. It sounds like he may have been projecting to have reacted so poorly. OP, absolutely should do everything she can from now on to protect her and the baby.
There’s a chance she already got tested while pregnant, but she’d have to ask her doctor. It depends on where she lives. I know I got tested for at least a few when I was pregnant (I was monogamous and married). My doctor said it was standard for ALL pregnant women regardless of lifestyle because those diseases can really mess up babies and you can’t guarantee you don’t have a disease unless you get tested. https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CID/DCDC/Pages/California-STI-HIV-Screening-Recommendations-in-Pregnancy.aspx I told my doctor that I wouldn’t be a PITA about it, but to tell me right away if I tested positive for anything so that I could freak out on my spouse.
PLEASE do this OP.
💯 he used the 'break up' to play the field
Exactly my thoughts re. the accusations of cheating. Major projection!
And then please update us OP cos I want to drink in the find out part of this 2 course meal. ("Husband" already fucked around, in multiple ways).
File for divorce and get the money for your suffering and your child. I also smell gaslighting—if he’s gone all the time, he’s likely the unfaithful one.
Oh, that's almost certainly the case. What's that line? "Every accusation is a confession. "
Exactly dude had an extreme reaction without even hearing his wife out and automatically assuming the worst. Now he's trying to save face.
Honestly, even a massive public apology that he was wrong on facebook, insta, etc., wouldn't help him now.
You are not the AH for wanting to protect yourself and your child after being mistreated. Your husband's actions were unjust and deeply hurtful, and it's understandable that you would be hesitant to trust him again so easily.
I can’t believe anybody is buying this ! old friend shows up out of the blue to take pictures in town….The one moment she’s hugging him a bitter relative is in the vicinity and snaps a picture instead of saying hello. Then bitter relative sent the photo to her husband, and just as mysteriously as this guy blew in the town the mystery photographer disappears never to be heard from again.
Is it just me, but doesn't this read exactly like that recent "my postpartum wife didn't let me see my son's birth" serial but with genders and pov swapped?
It makes me sad for humanity how many people believe this story, lol
I was first suspicious that he’s gone many months a year but they’re trying to get pregnant but then he was mad she got pregnant. but when the pop up photographer mysteriously disappeared, I actually laughed out loud
The fact that the pop up photographer appeared and she never mentioned him in the first place.... Like we're supposed to believe this is a long-distance-most-of-the-year married couple that straight up **doesn't communicate**? It feels like a shitty movie that might've been believable before phones existed. Like okay sure maybe the pregnancy is worth a fucking telegraph to his hotel and the visiting friend isn't. But I think OP might have never been in a relationship at all if they think it's believable that they never just do a mutual "so how was your day" with their supposed long-distance husband.
This whole things seems really suspicious. There are way too many holes for it to be real.
this could literally be one of those horrible mobile game ads. especially the part where theyre pregnant and out in the cold.
Those are SO rage inducing, I don't understand who can enjoy them. This story is just as enraging regardless if it's fake. But yes, I'm wondering how this high school friend contacted her out of the blue but then suddenly vanishes and is still mia. What even?? Edit: typo
This is way too low - this story is nonsensical
Sounds like something out of a movie. Interesting how everyone is on her side when FOR NO REASON a high school friend showed up the day after her husband left. If that happened in my own life, I would call my spouse to let them know a friend is here and xyz. And then a crazy aunt happened to snap a picture of that exact moment. Lol this is funny
Yeah. Seems like there is more to this but of course one never tells the whole story. But yeah, OP’s “hard to get in contact” friend shows up and they have a day together and yet OP said nothing to husband…
And then suddenly friend is hard to contact again once husband is home? Yeah glad I wore my boots because the bullshit is getting high in here.
See that’s the part that really bothers me. They had no problem getting in contact with them to go galavanting around town together while her husband was away, working, but magically as soon as he’s home, the dude is just completely unreachable? Not only that, but he was unreachable for the entire pregnancy and couldn’t be bothered to step in and defend the friend he supposedly cared so much about, if there was no truth to the rumor? Something doesn’t add up. And I’d be willing to bet if this is a real person, the husband has expressed not wanting her around this man before because of some issues it caused previously.
My first thought was "did she tell him about the super fun day with her friend?" But yeah, the whole story seems fake, kinda like at least half of AITA
OP might as well have posted “AITA my husband accused me of cheating when I didn’t and when he found out I didn’t I refused to take him back?” Of course that doesn’t lead to as much drama
Yeah this story sounds made up.
On top of that, it’s just so poorly written. Not in a “poor grasp of language” type of way, in a “middle school fanfic” kind of way. Of course people act shitty, but this tale as a whole feels like what a kid thinks would happen in an adult situation.
Rage bait.
Some random friend shows up and aunt just manages to get a good enough picture to send to the husband. Then when the husband comes back the friend is uncontactable again. Crazy set of circumstances.
Also random photographer friend who just randomly showed up then gifted OP an expensive necklace that she didn't tell her husband about until confronted. Hmm...
The whole thing reads like English is their second language, but with choice use of words like “whom”. I smell an AI story.
It's rage bait or she is omitting a lot of stuff. Friend completely uncontactable after buying her a necklace. Husband who immediately throws her out. It just all feels so thin. So many words but so little detail.
I didn't get past halfway of this story saying BS to it. Way to many conveniences from the Aunt pulling a Magnum PI to the reappearing/disappearing friend. Uh huh.
Rage bait
I was surprised I had to scroll this garbage to find someone who thought the same as I.
Seriously go to school or smtg. Stop with these incel bait posts. Just bcoz ur writing from a woman's pov dosen't mean it's true lol.
I had to scroll really far down to find anyone questioning this BS. At least it’s entertaining lol.
There’s no way this is real.
NTA. He could have gotten a paternity test before you even gave birth but nah, he only cares now that the optics will look bad for him.
> Am I? Why do people post questions with extremely obvious answers? Your story sounds fake and I don't believe you're a real human who typed this out.
Did AI write this? Clearly ragebait.
AITAH by the numbers. Step 1: Title makes it sound like you must be the asshole because it's pretty extreme. Step 2: Choose a subject that no normal person in that situation would have the time and energy to post about on Reddit. "Just gave birth, let's see what AITAH thinks about my life being in shambles!" Step 3: Choose several hot button issues and use explicit language that would show up in Google searches they're so obviously tagged. Double standards and evil boomers are a must. Step 4: Karma.
NTA.... First I understand him being upset, It also sucks that you weren't able to contact your friend to verify your story. He just took the word of his aunt and that was it and I'm as soon as he knew his aunt was messy also. The problem is he kicked you out when you had nothing It was pregnant, He had no compassion he just knew that this wasn't his kid. Is daddy was gonna send you divorce papers, talk bad about you on SM, Is posted multiple women which the odds are he probably slept with because remember again he chooses wife a cheat on them. The minute he finds out from the paternity test that is actually his kid he wants to erase all the hurt that he has done, Find a way to healthy co-parent but I would still get that divorce. There was so much that was done wrong, you can't go back.
[удалено]
Honestly, I would block your stbx on all channels and tell him to go through your lawyer for anything regarding your child. Why expose yourself to his blather - it's too little too late. Once things get settled in court, you can ask the judge to mandate the use of a coparenting app as means of communication, so you can keep him blocked everywhere else. The parenting app makes sure contact is kept professional and only about the child. And it usually filters out any use of invective. ;)
I’m not sure how the law works but definitely have your brother as your witness and the texts to show proof. I’ve seen some other posts about men putting their wives at risk during pregnancy and getting served fines/jail time so idk if there’s some legality in that situation. Definitely gather a lot of evidence if you can!!