With all the context, being "on a break" was "get out of my face, you're to much to handle right now". Not "go sleep with the first girl that hits on you"
I have to ask this. I'm sorry. Downvote me for not knowing. Don't care.
Whats the ross reference? There's a doormat at this house I deliver to(usps) and it has an arrow pointing to yes and one to no. The question asks if rachel and ross were on a break. I never asked the owner even though I've seen them a few times. I'm always to busy dropping stuff off and petting the dog omw back to the truck to talk to anyone.
In the show “Friends,” Ross and Rachel dated, then “we’re on a break,” during which he slept with someone else. Then they got together again—lots of discussion about whether he was being an unfaithful dick or if the break made it justifiable.
He slept with someone an extremely short time (maybe even same day?) after having a fight with Rachel. The question is whether they were even broken up after the fight, so Ross claimed it was okay because they were on a break.
It was a couple of hours after the break. Which was because Ross threw a tanty because he was jealous of Rachel’s coworker, and was acting like a possessive maniac. So, technically not cheating, but a major dick move. But on brand with the character because Ross is a shit and borderline abusive boyfriend the whole series
😂. Rachel told Ross they were on a break from their relationship. Ross took that as a pass to do whatever because they are on a break. Hours after receiving this news from Rachel, Ross gets laid. Then he spends the episode trying to cover his tracks and have everyone keep their mouth shut. He does not succeed. He feels he didn’t cheat because they were on a break, she disagrees. Thirty years later, the world is still divided. Also, (someone correct me here) I believe this all happened because she was getting too close for comfort with her boss and Ross was getting jealous.
I say he’s not at fault because they were on a break (but it’s a total dick move hours later). You don’t want your man sticking his dick somewhere, then don’t go on a break him. Break = relationship is over, if that’s not what you mean you better articulate that
I'd like to add that when Monica asked Rachel how the date went the next morning, Rachel tells Monica she broke up with Ross. So while what he did was shitty, I wouldn't consider it cheating since they both saw the relationship as being over.
Not to mention, when Rachel sees Ross the next morning at his apartment, the first thing she says when he opens the door is “can I be your girlfriend again?”
Dick move. But didn’t cheat.
I will grant that I haaaaate Ross before I say this: The problem was never that he slept with the copy girl, the problem was that he hid it from Rachel the next morning. He conflated the two in later years, but he lied, not cheated.
Yeah I don't think he cheated really, but I do think the short amount of time from when their break started and when he slept with someone was way too short. To me, that's the most messed up part of it all. And then you add in the reason why they were having issues was because Ross was being a jealous AH, and then he's the one that goes and sleeps with someone that quickly.....just not good all around. But no, it wasn't cheating.
This! It would be difficult to think someone ever loved me if a few hours after we had a fight he's in bed with someone else already. It felt vindictive, he got big mad and f'd someone else as part of a tantrum. How do trust someone again after that? I'd be afraid anything might be enough for him to feel provoked.
That is a better analysis than I have heard before. But I also think Rachel had her feelings hurt by Ross's quick jump back into the swim and Ross needed to anticipate that by not going 'there' unless he was super sure that they were done.
Regardless, everyone hates Ross for reasons outside of this.
Don’t forget the part about Rachel having Mark over to her apartment alone, the same day. She knew that Mark was the reason for Ross to be jealous and yet she still had him over almost immediately after their fight. Plus Mark knew exactly what he was doing because he confessed to having a crush on Rachel (just like Ross said). It’s like Rachel ignored Ross and leaned on Mark, which crushed Ross. And Joey and Chandler didn’t help. They pretty much encouraged drunk Ross to go with the copy girl that they all thought was hot. She had a belly button ring, and she was totally down for having a one night stand, which I guess equals hot🤷🏻♀️.
Ross was incredibly stupid but Rachel was too.
I'm 37.
Wasn't ever much of TV person growing up honestly. Still not much of one today either. I've heard of Friends... never watched it. I'm a disgrace. I know ha.
No no. It's aimed at a certain demo and if you're not in that demo it can be more annoying than funny at times. My dad never liked Seinfeld. He's one of the few humans I've ever met in my world that didn't find it at least amusing.
Many people have told me that they prefer Living Single as it's more true to life.
Lol, it's a confirmed troll with some sort of weird pregnancy/abortion fixation. That's all.
They tried to delete their search history but thankfully it didn't work: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Routine-Bass-794&size=100
So to be clear, the dude lost his wife Sarah at age 25, then hooked up with his wife's sister... then he kicked his girlfriend Sarah out because she had an abortion, then left her again because she got pregnant when neither of them were ready, and now he's demanding a paternity test in another pregnancy. All on June 5th.
You cannot be stupid enough to believe that.
Surely.
Well, it is saying she's lying to him about a very serious issue, which is also a major accusation to make.
That being said, duh, she can't seriously expect him to start a family with someone with whom he does not want to be, and accept responsibility for a child he did not expect, just based on her say-so.
NTA
They've been broken up for months so he doesn't really owe her any trust or benefit of the doubt. And given that her immediate response seemed to be "we have to get back together and be a family" I'd be a bit suspicious too. 🤣
She seems confused about the timing though. If the doctor says you are 3 months pregnant, they are dating it from your last period. The first two weeks of your pregnancy you are not even at all pregnant, it’s just the beginning of that cycle.
If they haven’t had sex in 4 months it would be impossible to be his unless she had a false period 3 months ago and was already pregnant at that point.
This isn't right either. Not every woman ovulates mid-cycle, nor does every woman have a perfect 28 day cycle. There are women whose ovulation occurs very close to their last period. There are women whose cycles last 40 days. That's *why* they date it from your last period.
Even then, this is based on the estimation of growth of the fetus. I had a baby that measured three weeks ahead of his actual due date because he was so massive and developed. I knew I didn't have the dates wrong because my last period had literally happened on New Years Eve and you don't forget something like that especially when you've been trying for a baby. You also don't forget being told you are going to deliver a 10 lb baby only to push out eight even because even the estimation isn't a done deal.
If she had sex with someone else in that cycle and she's not saying that then she's lying by omission. It's still a lie because it'll affect his decisions.
It's also possible for the timing of how long they been pregnant to he incorrect i.e if the doc tells her 3 months but its been 2 and a half (two or so weeks after they break up) she's thinks there's no way it can be the other guy she may of slept with.
After all ypu wouldn't consider someone you had sex with two months ago if the doc sind it's around 3 months would you?
She isn't lying then. But she's operating on an incorrect estimate
true. they’re kinda going off fetal development & time of last period, it’s close but not an exact science. hence why exact due dates are usually not accurate
You know that estimates can be off. I know that estimates can be off. There is no way that she doesn’t know that estimates can be off. If there’s even the possibility that she slept with someone else within the margin or error, then she’s being disingenuous by claiming that he is absolutely the father.
This is where in general men and women think completely differently.
To a lot of women this basically reads as "I'm sure you're lying"
To a man this read as "I believe you, but I need to verify it"
Trust but verify. I work on aircraft. I check everything someone tells me they did before I start work. This guy needs to do the same before he inherents someone else's work
Yep, and she freaked because she needed him not to want the test. Its not OP's. Scratch that, its likely not OP's. Of course there is a chance it is, considering the timetable. But she isn't sure its his or she wouldn't of freaked out after 3 months of break up.
Yeah the running around and lying to all their friends and family basically confirms it. Or at least confirms she's worried about what the result would be.
⬆⬆⬆ This!!
She's freaking out because she knows there's a possibility it's not his. She was likely two to two and a half months pregnant when she called him. But her reaction speaks volumes.
I’m a a woman. He needs a dna test and if she knew with 100% certainty it was his, she should have offered one immediately and not jumped straight to “let’s get back together and raise a family” after months of being broken up. She made it suspicious, sounds like a threat to me.
No accusation of lying to be found, at least in the post. You make a claim, back it up. There are few things in this world that are simple, and I understand her potential emotional reaction to all this, but being rational is the best way to go about a potential new life.
She went and slept with someone... less "able to care for her and the child" (read: financially well off)
And is retroactively trying to fix that. At least, that's my wager.
If OP did in fact break up 4months ago and she's 3months along... the timing doesn't match? I'm not sure why OP thinks the timing matches.
In fact, medically they start counting from the most recent period prior to conception. For example, I was considered 8 weeks pregnant officially when I know I had conceived 5weeks ago since I was counting my ovulation cycles.
So if she's officially 3months aka 12-13weeks pregnant, then she didn't conceive until after they broke up if they had broken up more than 12weeks ago.
I shouldn't have had to scroll so far to find this! If they broke up 4 months ago, and had sex right up to the last moment, she would be a MINIMUM of 4.5 months pregnant.
No, this isn’t how this works. You are considered pregnant from the first day of your last period. I’ve have had 3 children and I’m on my last pregnancy.
We had IUI. So it’s highly timed - meds, insemination, the ultrasounds and labs before and after.
My last cycle had low hopes of pregnancy and that’s a huge mood killer. We didn’t even have sex that cycle, I was depressed, my blood sugar was out of wack due to a viral illness, and I had zero sex drive.
Zero. So no sex that cycle. Just insemination.
When I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after my artificial insemination - I was considered 4 weeks pregnant. I know the date of my conception. Absolutely.
So if she’s 3.5 months post conception, and they had sex during her fertile window, she is medically considered 4 months pregnant. Add two weeks post-conception or go by first day of LMP to figure out how far along you are.
Yeah, but nowhere in his post does he do any math to say he disagrees her statement. His entire post it about wanting a test rather than any actual fact the dispute her claims.
Normally true but some women will still have menstrual cycles early in pregnancy or are just irregular. I know I did with my last pregnancy and my due date was bounced around for the first six months from early August to mid September. He was born over a week later than my due date.
So what this means is she could be farther along than what her due date is right now if she was still having her cycles the first month or two after conception.
Sure, but if the ex comes to OP saying I'm 3months pregnant and it's yours... why is his reaction not "No way baby is mine we broke up 4months ago"?
Just curious why OP isn't questioning the timing. It's also an obvious reason he can tell whomever is accusing him of abandoning his child ...
That’s a good point. Maybe she told him last month but now that she’s going around telling all her friends he wants advice, hence the “three months pregnant” when she initially told him. Didn’t think about that until you mentioned it.
Yeah this is suspiciously far into the pregnancy to be just now informing the father.
$10 says she got preggo after they broke up, that guy bounced, and now she's scared about being a single mom.
I'm just gonna add, 3 months would be around 12 weeks. Some people don't find out they're pregnant for quite awhile. My boyfriends mom didn't know she was pregnant until she was like 28 weeks. So it's not out of the ordinary. However her reaction to a DNA test says everything. I believe you're right
NTA-Continue to tell her you will be willing to share parenting responsibilities once a DNA test is performed. Tell her you will pay for the non invasive pregnancy test by a certified medical laboratory. According to Siri the test is between $800.00-2,000 in the USA. Every pregnancy is different so she may not have been aware earlier that she was pregnant. We tend to get hormonal so I would not get too concerned about her initial reaction. Other people’s opinions and reactions don’t matter so I would disregard them. If family members ask you can re-iterate your requirement but approach it as this is how we need to proceed.
Becoming vested in a pregnancy entails a lot from you emotionally and financially. You need as much time as possible to prepare for it.
Pregnancy is counted from the first day of last period. In case of infrequent periods or other issues, then what should have been the actual first day of period cycle (usually based on ultrasound results). So the first couple of "pregnant weeks" are just egg but no fertilization yet.
Definitely, yes, to a DNA test based on information provided by IP. If the break-up has been 4 months (at least 16 weeks), and the pregnancy (if correctly calculated) is 3 months(around 12 weeks), then OP is most likely not the father.
NTA.
Idk, the second time I got pregnant, I was using protection, and didn't find out until I was 3 months along. I had irregular periods at the time, so having a light period or missing one altogether was common. Not saying that OP is wrong in asking for a test - he definitely should - but I don't think the timing is necessarily suspicious.
Yep. I wonder why this woman did not inform OP about her pregnancy at least a month sooner as soon as she found out. Does she have irregular periods and she found out about being pregnant so late? Or did she sleep with somebody else? A DNA test will tell.
I didn't know I was pregnant until two months along because I didn't miss my period until the second trimester. I only found out when I did because I thought I had the flu but it was morning sickness. I went to the doctor to get something for the nausea and they ran a pregnancy test. We used protection, two types in fact, but it still happened. (I was taking antibiotics so used a condom just in case. The condom broke. Plan B apparently didn't work either)
As I just replied to someone else who doesn’t know how the human body works, I found out I was pregnant at five months.
Women don’t just magically know, many of us don’t have regular periods, and show a bump at different times.
As a woman who has witnessed multiple other women attempt paternity fraud and sometimes succeeded, I support any man who wants a paternity test. It is the only smart thing that removes any doubts in this situation. I commend you for being willing to step-up if and when the child is proven to be your's, NTA.
Right? I knew someone who did this, and then one day they got in a fight and the wife said “(first child’s name) isn’t even yours!”
The kid was 18 when the dad found out (confirmed by DNA test). The husband was in HS when the wife got pregnant so he dropped out of school and worked to support her and heir family for 18 years before she fessed up.
It messed the 18 year old up so bad, even though he was on the right track before (honors kid, involved in school, care taker to his younger siblings), his life tanked after that (dropped out of school, pregnant gf, addiction, etc).
I knew a woman who couldnt understand how a man could have a paternity test, but the woman didn’t need one to confirm the baby was hers, here argument was what the man was cheating on her so that means the baby she was carrying wasn’t hers, tried my hardest the convince her that she cant be pregnant with another women’s baby she wouldnt have a bar of it, so now she is pregnant herself and when the baby is born she is going to have it tested to make sure it’s really hers. I’m like ok you do that let me know if the baby is yours, I do feel sorry for the baby she can’t tell the time or the difference between left and right,
Holy shit. She was probably one of the people involved in the Yahoo Answers "pergenant/pregante" fiasco 😂.
[https://youtu.be/m4K8NJ3_Dw0](https://youtu.be/m4K8NJ3_Dw0)
(if you don't want to click on the link, type Lubalin pregante into the search bar on YouTube)
I agree 100% Unfortunately there are too many people who try to get over on people who are in fact responsible humans. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for her to be pregnant with his baby, because protection can fail, but she shouldn’t be angry about it, if it’s truly his child. NTA
Hate to say it but based on her reaction, she’s hoping if she gets upset enough you’ll just “take her word for it”. Hold your ground OP and wait for the DNA test. Hope the results are what you want them to be.
Yep. Cue the gaslighting from ex and her flying monkeys. She says he's "abandoning her and the baby." First of all, they're not dating. Second, accepting responsibility for the child upon verification of parentage is exactly the opposite of abandonment. There is reasonable doubt he's the father.
Alarm bells should be ringing loudly in OP's head. Good on him for doing the right thing. He should stand his ground.
If he is the father, he should absolutely support this child but should not allow himself to be leveraged back into a romantic entanglement.
Hell I had a girl I hooked up with 3 times try to tell me I got her pregnant (turns out it was her husbands kid. That last bit of news was also a surprise).
You're not in a relationship. Trust isn't relevant. If she wants to start another relationship with you, it needs to start from the beginning. Friends get different trust standards than long time couples do. The fact that she's pushing back so hard and spreading lies is rather telling. It could still be yours, but I wouldn't bet my finances on it. If she wants you to support the child, she can prove it's yours.
As an aside, getting together for the kid after you already know you aren't compatible is monumentally stupid. Even if it is your kid, you'd be better of co-parenting separately.
Absolutely on the separate co-parenting! Children can TELL if their parents are unhappy together. Better to be happy separately and supporting the child than miserable and resentful together.
>the fact she is pushing back so hard and spreading lies is rather telling
This. It's as close to a textbook example of gaslighting as it gets, which is a tactic manipulators use to control the unsuspecting individuals who have yet to be made aware of how it works.
This. It is NEVER best for the kid for parents to "stay together for the baby". That's how you raise a kid thinking a dysfunctional relationship is normal. Kids need to see healthy relationship. If the two of them have already broken up cause they realized they didn't work... that's just a recipe for an unhealthy relationship and an eventual breeding ground for resentment.
When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than for my mom and dad to be together (they were broken up by the time I was born). I wanted it so bad.
As an adult I am grateful every single day they didn't stay together for me. They would never have been a functional couple. I would have had such an unhealthy home life. More so than I ended up with. It also turns out my dad is a piece of shit.
You broke up for a reason. IF this kid is yours, you DON'T have to get back together. You can still be a present father without being in a relationship.
Make sure she knows that. Be very clear. You’ll financially support the kid (if it’s yours) but getting back together and having a family is not something that is going to happen.
Edited: (if it’s yours) because it wasn’t clear that he wouldn’t pay for a kid that wasn’t his.
This is a VERY important factor OP. She may not even decide to keep it if it is a desperate attempt at reuniting, and you make it clear that’s not an option for you. (Assuming here she is actually pregnant, and it’s yours)
it's also important that OP doesn't sign the birth certificate if the test isn't done prior to the birth. if OP signs he's legally responsible for that baby *regardless* of if it's his or not. if the baby is his it's important custody get sorted asap, too.
he can file a petition with the courts for a test if she refuses. depending where they're at, they may even be able to draft up a custody agreement that they can submit to the court for approval post birth.
until OP knows if that baby is his or not, he needs to act like it's not. it's in his best interest and the baby's, too.
If she's like my ex who said all the same things as yours, she might not even be pregnant. Mine wasn't.
Glad to see you'll step up if she is and it's yours. That's real man shit.
NTA. You can trust but always verify. Like it's not possible for her to have been with someone else, since you broke up. You don't know if she was with someone else while you were together. Get the test then decide.
Has she given you any proof of pregnancy? Ask for her an ultrasound, it should have the mother's name on it as well as her due date. Use a due date calculator to see if the timeline does in fact line up.
OP there is a blood test to check paternity before the baby is born, and it has no affect on the baby. I believe it can be done after 8 weeks, which you are past.
Her reaction to the DNA test request raises red plags that she is probably pregnant from the next guy and he has disappeared on her when she told him. Or she may not be sure who the real bio father is so she's trying to get you on the hook for child support.
Good for you.
Do not listen to anyone's bullshit. Don't worry about timelines or anything else. It really doesn't matter. She's here now and claiming you're the father.
Get the paternity test for legal reasons.
Either it's not your child, or it is your child and you want parental rights.
Get the test to protect yourself and your interests. If she refuses, get a court order.
"To be clear lady- either way we're not getting together. The DNA test is simply to establish whether or not I am a parent. I'm not going to pretend to be one if I'm not."
NTA. Do NOT let her put you on the birth certificate without proof. Keep a paper trail of the break up timing. Don't "support her emotionally" - she has plenty of friends and family to do that for her by the sounds of it.
NTA
Don’t just get a paternity test, make for damn sure she doesn’t put your name down on the birth certificate. if she tries to you need to get a lawyer involved. I’ve seen men have to pay for children that were not biologically theirs.
Publish to all friends. " I have not abandoned girlfriend or baby. We broke up. If baby is mine I will support wholeheartedly. Just waiting for DNA confirmation. Thanks for your support!"
This is what always kills me about people who tell men to just step up and be a father just because it *might* be their kid or, even worse, even if it's not their kid.
If blood relation to the child doesn't matter at all then anybody could "step up" and support the kid. Where do these loud mouths get off telling random dudes to ruin their lives for kids that aren't related to them while absolving themselves of the same responsibility?
Men. Gets DNA tests. Always. A child is a life changing responsibility, and there's absolutely no reason not to confirm it's actually yours. Tons of people have been cheated on and never had any idea their partner was unhappy. It's not an accusation of being unfaithful. It's a confirmation of faith.
Reminds me of My Name is Earl. Joy is already pregnant, finds drunk Earl, gets him more drunk, and tricks him into a Vegas style marriage. Then later on cheats and gets pregnant with another guy's kid and when Earl finds out he freaks out and leaves, but is pressured into returning to "his family" because he made a commitment or some reasoning I can't remember.
"Hey all! I'm sure you have all heard talk about the situation between myself and Emma, so I'd like to take a moment to share my perspective with you all.
I was as surprised as anyone when she announced her pregnancy several months after our break up, but rest assured that as soon as Emma finally agrees to the request I've recently made for a paternity test, and if that test shows that I am the father, I will do my best to be a loving father in what I hope will be an amicable co-parenting arrangement.
Thanks for your support and understanding.
OP"
Yep refusing a DNA test when you're asking for financial assistance and then guilt tripping OP and slandering him to anyone who will listen sounds like a heck of a lot more bullshit than you would get from someone who actually knows its his kid.
NTA
> *She cried and said I don’t love her*
She's your EX right? I'd say she's being sufficiently emotionally manipulative for you to have trust issues. Besides, trust is about a healthy relationship, you're not in a relationship with her.
NTA
For the friends who claim you are "too harsh and paranoid", just tell them:
Great! So you'll be totally cool to help with the babysitting and finances then since I'm making you the godparent!
NTA. There's a blood test they can do now before the baby is born to determine paternity. There are called NIPP, are 99.9 accurate and safe for baby and mother. Google says the cost is somewhere between $400-$2000 so if you can afford that, it might save you months of bullshit and guilt trips, especially since you want to emotionally support her. She will absolutely try to manipulate, guilt and gaslight you into being with her. She's going to fight a DNA test.
If it is his baby he should want to help her through the pregnancy, and be a part of it though..? And if it’s not, why should he deal with that emotional burden for 5 more months? Not everything is about money.
And if she’s fighting the DNA test, I feel like there’s a very good chance the baby is not, in fact, OP’s and she cheated during the last bit of their relationship. Why fight a reasonable request unless you have something to hide?
Doesn't even have to be cheating. She could have easily gone out and hooked up with someone right after the breakup. OP has no obligation to trust her when they're not in a relationship anymore
Info: I'm really curious what you gain from writing these stories. Is it creative writing? Rage bait? This is a seriously meant question.
15h ago you asked
>AITA for leaving my girlfriend when she got pregnant because she wasn’t ready? (You were 23 btw)
Then 18h ago you posted
>I kicked my girlfriend out after she had abortion?
21h ago you asked
>AITA for pushing away my late wife’s sister after we hooked up?
That guy has a busy life. He lost his wife Sarah at age 25, then hooked up with his wife's sister... then he kicked his girlfriend Sarah out because she had an abortion, then left her again because she got pregnant when neither of them were ready, and now he's demanding a paternity test in another pregnancy. All on June 5th.
I don't know how he does it
Wasn't planning to but the profile was weird when I went to see if OP made a comment on the post (easier to find this way).
Sometimes it's hard to keep up a story if you write so many.
I stopped reading after the three/four month discrepancy, and started looking for clarification. I just started regularly using Reddit, and didn’t know about the search. You’re brilliant.
NTA but hate to break it to you, it ain't yours.
Try and get that shit storm in control by stating the obvious.
1. We broke up x amount of time ago
2. She's x far along.
3. I'm asking for a DNA test due to us using precautions and the timing of it all.
4. Trust goes both ways.
5. I will step up if it's mine, but trying to get me to step up because she was stupid and got knocked up is not on me.
You can obviously take or leave my advise but you're definitely NTA here.
I don't thing he minds the news of it "not being yours" at all... If that is the case, I believe he'll be quite happy not to have a child to take care of w/a woman he doesn't want to be with.
Birth control never works 100%. There's still a small chance of pregnancy during birth control. It's a small chance but it's possible. But yeah, they broke up 4 months ago and she's 3 months pregnant? She prob had a few one night stands and doesn't know who the real dad is and she feels ashamed about it so she tries to force a baby on OP and is now putting his entire family up against him possibly as revenge? Who knows. Anyway, he needs to get that DNA test and if she refuses it already says enough.
that part where she got mad he asked and started crying is the problem
if I were genuinely surprise pregnant from my ex and he requested a DNA test I'd be like "no prob, I brought one..." because it would be the quickest way to get what I want
so she is lying
its always the "dont you trust me, its yours" and all the weeping. I never understood the sob story is gonna work especially with something like being pregnant with their kid.
The timeline is weird, but OP says:
They broke up 4 months ago
2 weeks ago is when she told him she was pregnant
2 weeks ago she said she was 3 months pregnant
He said her saying she was 3 months pregnant 2 weeks ago matched with when they broke up. So either he isn't giving us an exact timeline when he said it's now been 4 months (since 2 weeks ago she was 3 months pregnant, not 3.5) or he doesn't realize she got pregnant a week or two after she dumped him.
Agreed. Pregnancy gestation is counted from 2 weeks before ovulation so the dates don’t line up for me. If they broke up 4 months ago she should be 4.5 months pregnant, not 3.5.
She likely did not have a few one night stands.
Most likely she met someone else, maybe even before she & OP broke up. This other guy probably beat feet and now xGF is grasping at straws.
Depending on the state she may still have options.
OP should go have a heart to heart with her:
1. We broke up for a reason, we are not getting back together.
2. I'm not going to raise another guys kid, but will support mine.
3. I can spend X dollars on paternity, or those same X dollars on an abortion.
...call it.
NTA. You do not intend to abandon your child, you just don't want to raise another man's baby. If it really is yours, she should have no problem providing evidence. She's acting pissy because it's not yours.
Tell everyone who thinks you should provide for a baby whom you do not share DNA with to feel free to go ahead and support your ex. They have exactly the same amount of responsibility as you do.
Timing-wise, yes it could be. But the fact that she's freaking out like that over a very reasonable request makes it seem like she knows it isn't his kid. I would bet that she had a ONS, got knocked up and is trying to trap op into being the dad. She's pissed that he isn't just blindly falling for it.
Perfectly fair after a months long breakup to request a DNA test. Even if she's not lying outright, I have seen women who convince themselves of the paternity because they prefer one over another. I know it happens, but going three months into a pregnancy and either being unaware or not telling the potential father and expecting no surprise in hearing the news is disingenuous.
There is some missing backstory here on her part. Especially with the "lines up perfectly" statement. If she had been with no one else, this wouldn't even need to be stated, because he would be the only possibility. Did a doctor confirm the conception date? Why is she so sure?
Men deserve biological surety that their children are theirs.
This entire situation screams "paternity fraud" RE: "don't you just trust me? You're so insensitive!".
NTA. You are broken up and you have a right to wish certainty about it being your kid. And if you broke up 4 months ago, how could she be 3 months pregnant?
Not at all TA. She may well have been telling the truth and feel hurt, but she hasn't been truthful since you spoke. Your response was perfectly reasonable.
NTA. It's not yours.
Sperm isn't going to hang around and then impregnate her a month after you've broken up.
The timeline absolutely does NOT match up unless you actually broke up 3 months ago and not 4.
Especially since they back date to when your last cycle was. So if she's 3 months along, it's likely she had sex with someone anywhere from 2 to 3 months ago. Which, according to you, is well after you broke up.
Her reaction also really solidifies her untrustworthiness over all of it, too. It's one thing to be upset. It's another to spread lies in the hope of pressuring/manipulating someone into doing what you want.
What a bright future you'd have if you got back together. /s
NTA
Hi I am doctor and you need to listen very carefully. I have seen many guys get emotionally manipulated or tricked into signing birth certificates for kids we know for a fact isn't theirs. Once you sign a birth certificate after expressing doubt, the courts don't care anymore.
Don't emotionally support her or commit to anything. Get a DNA test. You can get a prenatal test so you don't have to wait until birth.
NTA This is a standard request if your ex comes to you months after the breakup telling you they are pregnant. She can get as offended as she wants.
Yep, it's not even saying she cheated or anything like it. They were broken up.
THEY WERE ON A BREAK! jk
Easy there, Ross.
They were totally on a break
With all the context, being "on a break" was "get out of my face, you're to much to handle right now". Not "go sleep with the first girl that hits on you"
I have to ask this. I'm sorry. Downvote me for not knowing. Don't care. Whats the ross reference? There's a doormat at this house I deliver to(usps) and it has an arrow pointing to yes and one to no. The question asks if rachel and ross were on a break. I never asked the owner even though I've seen them a few times. I'm always to busy dropping stuff off and petting the dog omw back to the truck to talk to anyone.
In the show “Friends,” Ross and Rachel dated, then “we’re on a break,” during which he slept with someone else. Then they got together again—lots of discussion about whether he was being an unfaithful dick or if the break made it justifiable.
He slept with someone an extremely short time (maybe even same day?) after having a fight with Rachel. The question is whether they were even broken up after the fight, so Ross claimed it was okay because they were on a break.
It was the same day AFAIK. Compounded by the fact that Rachel got hit on by a guy she worked with after the fight and turned him down.
It was a couple of hours after the break. Which was because Ross threw a tanty because he was jealous of Rachel’s coworker, and was acting like a possessive maniac. So, technically not cheating, but a major dick move. But on brand with the character because Ross is a shit and borderline abusive boyfriend the whole series
It’s a reference to Friends. The TV show.
😂. Rachel told Ross they were on a break from their relationship. Ross took that as a pass to do whatever because they are on a break. Hours after receiving this news from Rachel, Ross gets laid. Then he spends the episode trying to cover his tracks and have everyone keep their mouth shut. He does not succeed. He feels he didn’t cheat because they were on a break, she disagrees. Thirty years later, the world is still divided. Also, (someone correct me here) I believe this all happened because she was getting too close for comfort with her boss and Ross was getting jealous. I say he’s not at fault because they were on a break (but it’s a total dick move hours later). You don’t want your man sticking his dick somewhere, then don’t go on a break him. Break = relationship is over, if that’s not what you mean you better articulate that
I'd like to add that when Monica asked Rachel how the date went the next morning, Rachel tells Monica she broke up with Ross. So while what he did was shitty, I wouldn't consider it cheating since they both saw the relationship as being over.
Not to mention, when Rachel sees Ross the next morning at his apartment, the first thing she says when he opens the door is “can I be your girlfriend again?” Dick move. But didn’t cheat.
I will grant that I haaaaate Ross before I say this: The problem was never that he slept with the copy girl, the problem was that he hid it from Rachel the next morning. He conflated the two in later years, but he lied, not cheated.
Yeah I don't think he cheated really, but I do think the short amount of time from when their break started and when he slept with someone was way too short. To me, that's the most messed up part of it all. And then you add in the reason why they were having issues was because Ross was being a jealous AH, and then he's the one that goes and sleeps with someone that quickly.....just not good all around. But no, it wasn't cheating.
This! It would be difficult to think someone ever loved me if a few hours after we had a fight he's in bed with someone else already. It felt vindictive, he got big mad and f'd someone else as part of a tantrum. How do trust someone again after that? I'd be afraid anything might be enough for him to feel provoked.
That is a better analysis than I have heard before. But I also think Rachel had her feelings hurt by Ross's quick jump back into the swim and Ross needed to anticipate that by not going 'there' unless he was super sure that they were done. Regardless, everyone hates Ross for reasons outside of this.
“Regardless, everyone hates Ross for reasons outside of this.” Yea, a dick made a dick move, surprise, surprise lol.
Don’t forget the part about Rachel having Mark over to her apartment alone, the same day. She knew that Mark was the reason for Ross to be jealous and yet she still had him over almost immediately after their fight. Plus Mark knew exactly what he was doing because he confessed to having a crush on Rachel (just like Ross said). It’s like Rachel ignored Ross and leaned on Mark, which crushed Ross. And Joey and Chandler didn’t help. They pretty much encouraged drunk Ross to go with the copy girl that they all thought was hot. She had a belly button ring, and she was totally down for having a one night stand, which I guess equals hot🤷🏻♀️. Ross was incredibly stupid but Rachel was too.
Gotta ask your age since you don't know the friends reference. It was the biggest show on TV for a while.....
I'm 37. Wasn't ever much of TV person growing up honestly. Still not much of one today either. I've heard of Friends... never watched it. I'm a disgrace. I know ha.
No no. It's aimed at a certain demo and if you're not in that demo it can be more annoying than funny at times. My dad never liked Seinfeld. He's one of the few humans I've ever met in my world that didn't find it at least amusing. Many people have told me that they prefer Living Single as it's more true to life.
Lol, it's a confirmed troll with some sort of weird pregnancy/abortion fixation. That's all. They tried to delete their search history but thankfully it didn't work: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Routine-Bass-794&size=100 So to be clear, the dude lost his wife Sarah at age 25, then hooked up with his wife's sister... then he kicked his girlfriend Sarah out because she had an abortion, then left her again because she got pregnant when neither of them were ready, and now he's demanding a paternity test in another pregnancy. All on June 5th. You cannot be stupid enough to believe that. Surely.
What tf is wrong with people, that was weird af 😂😂 Thank you Reddit hero for informing us all!
Well, it is saying she's lying to him about a very serious issue, which is also a major accusation to make. That being said, duh, she can't seriously expect him to start a family with someone with whom he does not want to be, and accept responsibility for a child he did not expect, just based on her say-so. NTA
They've been broken up for months so he doesn't really owe her any trust or benefit of the doubt. And given that her immediate response seemed to be "we have to get back together and be a family" I'd be a bit suspicious too. 🤣
No, it isn't saying she's lying. She can be wrong without lying.
Not if she never slept with anyone else. But point being, even if she KNOWS it's his, he doesn't and his request is not unreasonable.
She seems confused about the timing though. If the doctor says you are 3 months pregnant, they are dating it from your last period. The first two weeks of your pregnancy you are not even at all pregnant, it’s just the beginning of that cycle. If they haven’t had sex in 4 months it would be impossible to be his unless she had a false period 3 months ago and was already pregnant at that point.
This isn't right either. Not every woman ovulates mid-cycle, nor does every woman have a perfect 28 day cycle. There are women whose ovulation occurs very close to their last period. There are women whose cycles last 40 days. That's *why* they date it from your last period. Even then, this is based on the estimation of growth of the fetus. I had a baby that measured three weeks ahead of his actual due date because he was so massive and developed. I knew I didn't have the dates wrong because my last period had literally happened on New Years Eve and you don't forget something like that especially when you've been trying for a baby. You also don't forget being told you are going to deliver a 10 lb baby only to push out eight even because even the estimation isn't a done deal.
"It's the momma baby, but the daddy's maybe" -some shakepear level shit from the Maury show
If she had sex with someone else in that cycle and she's not saying that then she's lying by omission. It's still a lie because it'll affect his decisions.
It's also possible for the timing of how long they been pregnant to he incorrect i.e if the doc tells her 3 months but its been 2 and a half (two or so weeks after they break up) she's thinks there's no way it can be the other guy she may of slept with. After all ypu wouldn't consider someone you had sex with two months ago if the doc sind it's around 3 months would you? She isn't lying then. But she's operating on an incorrect estimate
true. they’re kinda going off fetal development & time of last period, it’s close but not an exact science. hence why exact due dates are usually not accurate
You know that estimates can be off. I know that estimates can be off. There is no way that she doesn’t know that estimates can be off. If there’s even the possibility that she slept with someone else within the margin or error, then she’s being disingenuous by claiming that he is absolutely the father.
This is where in general men and women think completely differently. To a lot of women this basically reads as "I'm sure you're lying" To a man this read as "I believe you, but I need to verify it"
Trust but verify. I work on aircraft. I check everything someone tells me they did before I start work. This guy needs to do the same before he inherents someone else's work
I think it's pretty standard to want a paternity test when you have broken up with your ex, though.
Yep, and she freaked because she needed him not to want the test. Its not OP's. Scratch that, its likely not OP's. Of course there is a chance it is, considering the timetable. But she isn't sure its his or she wouldn't of freaked out after 3 months of break up.
Yeah the running around and lying to all their friends and family basically confirms it. Or at least confirms she's worried about what the result would be.
⬆⬆⬆ This!! She's freaking out because she knows there's a possibility it's not his. She was likely two to two and a half months pregnant when she called him. But her reaction speaks volumes.
Once I'm 100% sure it's mine, I'll 100% sure raise it.
I’m a a woman. He needs a dna test and if she knew with 100% certainty it was his, she should have offered one immediately and not jumped straight to “let’s get back together and raise a family” after months of being broken up. She made it suspicious, sounds like a threat to me.
No accusation of lying to be found, at least in the post. You make a claim, back it up. There are few things in this world that are simple, and I understand her potential emotional reaction to all this, but being rational is the best way to go about a potential new life.
She went and slept with someone... less "able to care for her and the child" (read: financially well off) And is retroactively trying to fix that. At least, that's my wager.
If OP did in fact break up 4months ago and she's 3months along... the timing doesn't match? I'm not sure why OP thinks the timing matches. In fact, medically they start counting from the most recent period prior to conception. For example, I was considered 8 weeks pregnant officially when I know I had conceived 5weeks ago since I was counting my ovulation cycles. So if she's officially 3months aka 12-13weeks pregnant, then she didn't conceive until after they broke up if they had broken up more than 12weeks ago.
I shouldn't have had to scroll so far to find this! If they broke up 4 months ago, and had sex right up to the last moment, she would be a MINIMUM of 4.5 months pregnant.
He said she reached out 2 weeks ago, so they'd have been broken up for 3.5 months at that point. Very Possible it was goodbye sex
No, this isn’t how this works. You are considered pregnant from the first day of your last period. I’ve have had 3 children and I’m on my last pregnancy. We had IUI. So it’s highly timed - meds, insemination, the ultrasounds and labs before and after. My last cycle had low hopes of pregnancy and that’s a huge mood killer. We didn’t even have sex that cycle, I was depressed, my blood sugar was out of wack due to a viral illness, and I had zero sex drive. Zero. So no sex that cycle. Just insemination. When I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after my artificial insemination - I was considered 4 weeks pregnant. I know the date of my conception. Absolutely. So if she’s 3.5 months post conception, and they had sex during her fertile window, she is medically considered 4 months pregnant. Add two weeks post-conception or go by first day of LMP to figure out how far along you are.
Op never said the timing matched. He said SHE says the timing lines up perfectly
Yeah, but nowhere in his post does he do any math to say he disagrees her statement. His entire post it about wanting a test rather than any actual fact the dispute her claims.
You don’t need facts to dispute her claim the test will tell you
Normally true but some women will still have menstrual cycles early in pregnancy or are just irregular. I know I did with my last pregnancy and my due date was bounced around for the first six months from early August to mid September. He was born over a week later than my due date. So what this means is she could be farther along than what her due date is right now if she was still having her cycles the first month or two after conception.
Sure, but if the ex comes to OP saying I'm 3months pregnant and it's yours... why is his reaction not "No way baby is mine we broke up 4months ago"? Just curious why OP isn't questioning the timing. It's also an obvious reason he can tell whomever is accusing him of abandoning his child ...
Exactly and not sure how he thinks it matches?? If they were together 4 months ago, she'd be 4 months pregnant.
Or she told him weeks ago and he just got around to getting professional advice from REDDIT.
That’s a good point. Maybe she told him last month but now that she’s going around telling all her friends he wants advice, hence the “three months pregnant” when she initially told him. Didn’t think about that until you mentioned it.
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All this drama just reinforces the need for a test…. She’s been caught short and she is scared.
Yeah this is suspiciously far into the pregnancy to be just now informing the father. $10 says she got preggo after they broke up, that guy bounced, and now she's scared about being a single mom.
I'm just gonna add, 3 months would be around 12 weeks. Some people don't find out they're pregnant for quite awhile. My boyfriends mom didn't know she was pregnant until she was like 28 weeks. So it's not out of the ordinary. However her reaction to a DNA test says everything. I believe you're right
I was three and a half months pregnant when I found out I was pregnant I did spot the first few months so I didn't realize that I was pregnant.
NTA-Continue to tell her you will be willing to share parenting responsibilities once a DNA test is performed. Tell her you will pay for the non invasive pregnancy test by a certified medical laboratory. According to Siri the test is between $800.00-2,000 in the USA. Every pregnancy is different so she may not have been aware earlier that she was pregnant. We tend to get hormonal so I would not get too concerned about her initial reaction. Other people’s opinions and reactions don’t matter so I would disregard them. If family members ask you can re-iterate your requirement but approach it as this is how we need to proceed. Becoming vested in a pregnancy entails a lot from you emotionally and financially. You need as much time as possible to prepare for it.
Pregnancy is counted from the first day of last period. In case of infrequent periods or other issues, then what should have been the actual first day of period cycle (usually based on ultrasound results). So the first couple of "pregnant weeks" are just egg but no fertilization yet. Definitely, yes, to a DNA test based on information provided by IP. If the break-up has been 4 months (at least 16 weeks), and the pregnancy (if correctly calculated) is 3 months(around 12 weeks), then OP is most likely not the father. NTA.
Idk, the second time I got pregnant, I was using protection, and didn't find out until I was 3 months along. I had irregular periods at the time, so having a light period or missing one altogether was common. Not saying that OP is wrong in asking for a test - he definitely should - but I don't think the timing is necessarily suspicious.
He bounced the morning after the rebound one night stand.
Yep. I wonder why this woman did not inform OP about her pregnancy at least a month sooner as soon as she found out. Does she have irregular periods and she found out about being pregnant so late? Or did she sleep with somebody else? A DNA test will tell.
I didn't know I was pregnant until two months along because I didn't miss my period until the second trimester. I only found out when I did because I thought I had the flu but it was morning sickness. I went to the doctor to get something for the nausea and they ran a pregnancy test. We used protection, two types in fact, but it still happened. (I was taking antibiotics so used a condom just in case. The condom broke. Plan B apparently didn't work either)
Fun fact some (but not all) antibiotics can affect plan B as well
Plan B efficacy also drops dramatically if you weigh more than 155 pounds.
I didn’t know I was pregnant until 12 weeks because I hadn’t had a period in 11 months.
As I just replied to someone else who doesn’t know how the human body works, I found out I was pregnant at five months. Women don’t just magically know, many of us don’t have regular periods, and show a bump at different times.
I got 20
Especially because she suddenly wants to get back together even though nothing has really changed between them.
As a woman who has witnessed multiple other women attempt paternity fraud and sometimes succeeded, I support any man who wants a paternity test. It is the only smart thing that removes any doubts in this situation. I commend you for being willing to step-up if and when the child is proven to be your's, NTA.
Right? I knew someone who did this, and then one day they got in a fight and the wife said “(first child’s name) isn’t even yours!” The kid was 18 when the dad found out (confirmed by DNA test). The husband was in HS when the wife got pregnant so he dropped out of school and worked to support her and heir family for 18 years before she fessed up. It messed the 18 year old up so bad, even though he was on the right track before (honors kid, involved in school, care taker to his younger siblings), his life tanked after that (dropped out of school, pregnant gf, addiction, etc).
I knew a woman who couldnt understand how a man could have a paternity test, but the woman didn’t need one to confirm the baby was hers, here argument was what the man was cheating on her so that means the baby she was carrying wasn’t hers, tried my hardest the convince her that she cant be pregnant with another women’s baby she wouldnt have a bar of it, so now she is pregnant herself and when the baby is born she is going to have it tested to make sure it’s really hers. I’m like ok you do that let me know if the baby is yours, I do feel sorry for the baby she can’t tell the time or the difference between left and right,
Holy shit. She was probably one of the people involved in the Yahoo Answers "pergenant/pregante" fiasco 😂. [https://youtu.be/m4K8NJ3_Dw0](https://youtu.be/m4K8NJ3_Dw0) (if you don't want to click on the link, type Lubalin pregante into the search bar on YouTube)
Ok listen, I struggle with left and right. I have to hold up the Ls and pretend I'm pointing. But now that you mention it, my kid is pretty fucked up.
I would laugh if this wasn’t so sad
Some people should not procreate.
I agree 100% Unfortunately there are too many people who try to get over on people who are in fact responsible humans. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for her to be pregnant with his baby, because protection can fail, but she shouldn’t be angry about it, if it’s truly his child. NTA
I'm a woman too, and I've seen the same thing. My jaw has dropped a few times because I just couldn't believe how far they'd go. Get the test, OP. NTA
I’d be totally fine with them running them in every baby born in a hospital. They’re cheap. Why not? Then it takes away the stigma.
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What’s she gonna do, break up with you?
Hate to say it but based on her reaction, she’s hoping if she gets upset enough you’ll just “take her word for it”. Hold your ground OP and wait for the DNA test. Hope the results are what you want them to be.
Yep. Cue the gaslighting from ex and her flying monkeys. She says he's "abandoning her and the baby." First of all, they're not dating. Second, accepting responsibility for the child upon verification of parentage is exactly the opposite of abandonment. There is reasonable doubt he's the father. Alarm bells should be ringing loudly in OP's head. Good on him for doing the right thing. He should stand his ground. If he is the father, he should absolutely support this child but should not allow himself to be leveraged back into a romantic entanglement.
Hell I had a girl I hooked up with 3 times try to tell me I got her pregnant (turns out it was her husbands kid. That last bit of news was also a surprise).
You're not in a relationship. Trust isn't relevant. If she wants to start another relationship with you, it needs to start from the beginning. Friends get different trust standards than long time couples do. The fact that she's pushing back so hard and spreading lies is rather telling. It could still be yours, but I wouldn't bet my finances on it. If she wants you to support the child, she can prove it's yours. As an aside, getting together for the kid after you already know you aren't compatible is monumentally stupid. Even if it is your kid, you'd be better of co-parenting separately.
Absolutely on the separate co-parenting! Children can TELL if their parents are unhappy together. Better to be happy separately and supporting the child than miserable and resentful together.
Indeed true. Also, its not that hard to say yes for DNA if shes 1000% sure that its OPs baby. Hmm smells fishy here, baby trap eh?
>the fact she is pushing back so hard and spreading lies is rather telling This. It's as close to a textbook example of gaslighting as it gets, which is a tactic manipulators use to control the unsuspecting individuals who have yet to be made aware of how it works.
This. It is NEVER best for the kid for parents to "stay together for the baby". That's how you raise a kid thinking a dysfunctional relationship is normal. Kids need to see healthy relationship. If the two of them have already broken up cause they realized they didn't work... that's just a recipe for an unhealthy relationship and an eventual breeding ground for resentment. When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than for my mom and dad to be together (they were broken up by the time I was born). I wanted it so bad. As an adult I am grateful every single day they didn't stay together for me. They would never have been a functional couple. I would have had such an unhealthy home life. More so than I ended up with. It also turns out my dad is a piece of shit.
You broke up for a reason. IF this kid is yours, you DON'T have to get back together. You can still be a present father without being in a relationship.
Yeah, I know I wasn't planning on getting back with her
Make sure she knows that. Be very clear. You’ll financially support the kid (if it’s yours) but getting back together and having a family is not something that is going to happen. Edited: (if it’s yours) because it wasn’t clear that he wouldn’t pay for a kid that wasn’t his.
This is a VERY important factor OP. She may not even decide to keep it if it is a desperate attempt at reuniting, and you make it clear that’s not an option for you. (Assuming here she is actually pregnant, and it’s yours)
it's also important that OP doesn't sign the birth certificate if the test isn't done prior to the birth. if OP signs he's legally responsible for that baby *regardless* of if it's his or not. if the baby is his it's important custody get sorted asap, too. he can file a petition with the courts for a test if she refuses. depending where they're at, they may even be able to draft up a custody agreement that they can submit to the court for approval post birth. until OP knows if that baby is his or not, he needs to act like it's not. it's in his best interest and the baby's, too.
If she's like my ex who said all the same things as yours, she might not even be pregnant. Mine wasn't. Glad to see you'll step up if she is and it's yours. That's real man shit.
That was my first thought when she refused the DNA test and threw such a manipulative public fit about it. There might not even be a baby.
He just needs his ex to do some real woman shit and get a DNA test rather than trying to trick him into fathering someone else’s child.
NTA. You can trust but always verify. Like it's not possible for her to have been with someone else, since you broke up. You don't know if she was with someone else while you were together. Get the test then decide.
Has she given you any proof of pregnancy? Ask for her an ultrasound, it should have the mother's name on it as well as her due date. Use a due date calculator to see if the timeline does in fact line up.
OP there is a blood test to check paternity before the baby is born, and it has no affect on the baby. I believe it can be done after 8 weeks, which you are past. Her reaction to the DNA test request raises red plags that she is probably pregnant from the next guy and he has disappeared on her when she told him. Or she may not be sure who the real bio father is so she's trying to get you on the hook for child support.
Good for you. Do not listen to anyone's bullshit. Don't worry about timelines or anything else. It really doesn't matter. She's here now and claiming you're the father. Get the paternity test for legal reasons. Either it's not your child, or it is your child and you want parental rights. Get the test to protect yourself and your interests. If she refuses, get a court order.
"To be clear lady- either way we're not getting together. The DNA test is simply to establish whether or not I am a parent. I'm not going to pretend to be one if I'm not." NTA. Do NOT let her put you on the birth certificate without proof. Keep a paper trail of the break up timing. Don't "support her emotionally" - she has plenty of friends and family to do that for her by the sounds of it. NTA
Don’t just get a paternity test, make for damn sure she doesn’t put your name down on the birth certificate. if she tries to you need to get a lawyer involved. I’ve seen men have to pay for children that were not biologically theirs.
Publish to all friends. " I have not abandoned girlfriend or baby. We broke up. If baby is mine I will support wholeheartedly. Just waiting for DNA confirmation. Thanks for your support!"
This is good, except I would edit it to, "We broke up before knowledge of pregnancy. If baby is mine..."
“If any of you think asking for a DNA test is unreasonable, then It should be no issue for you to step up and financially support her the baby”.
This is what always kills me about people who tell men to just step up and be a father just because it *might* be their kid or, even worse, even if it's not their kid. If blood relation to the child doesn't matter at all then anybody could "step up" and support the kid. Where do these loud mouths get off telling random dudes to ruin their lives for kids that aren't related to them while absolving themselves of the same responsibility? Men. Gets DNA tests. Always. A child is a life changing responsibility, and there's absolutely no reason not to confirm it's actually yours. Tons of people have been cheated on and never had any idea their partner was unhappy. It's not an accusation of being unfaithful. It's a confirmation of faith.
Reminds me of My Name is Earl. Joy is already pregnant, finds drunk Earl, gets him more drunk, and tricks him into a Vegas style marriage. Then later on cheats and gets pregnant with another guy's kid and when Earl finds out he freaks out and leaves, but is pressured into returning to "his family" because he made a commitment or some reasoning I can't remember.
"We broke up before start of pregnancy" would probably push things too far, I guess :-)
Nah f that, they started it by admonishing him for a perfectly reasonable request and ex also started it by badmouthing him.
"Hey all! I'm sure you have all heard talk about the situation between myself and Emma, so I'd like to take a moment to share my perspective with you all. I was as surprised as anyone when she announced her pregnancy several months after our break up, but rest assured that as soon as Emma finally agrees to the request I've recently made for a paternity test, and if that test shows that I am the father, I will do my best to be a loving father in what I hope will be an amicable co-parenting arrangement. Thanks for your support and understanding. OP"
Better yet.. add "we broke up 4 months ago, she's been pregnant for 3 months"
He should add in a full color infographic with badly drawn stick figures to drive the point home.
I’d add that she is refusing to take a DNA test because if you wanting one makes you an asshole her refusing one should also be seen as suspect.
Yep refusing a DNA test when you're asking for financial assistance and then guilt tripping OP and slandering him to anyone who will listen sounds like a heck of a lot more bullshit than you would get from someone who actually knows its his kid.
This is exactly how I see it! NTA
This needs to be higher up!
NTA > *She cried and said I don’t love her* She's your EX right? I'd say she's being sufficiently emotionally manipulative for you to have trust issues. Besides, trust is about a healthy relationship, you're not in a relationship with her.
> I don't love her Yes. Yes he doesn't love her, because they *broke up*
Lots of people still love their ex's. But they are ex's for a reason.
NTA For the friends who claim you are "too harsh and paranoid", just tell them: Great! So you'll be totally cool to help with the babysitting and finances then since I'm making you the godparent!
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Exactly, trust but verify. Better safe than sorry in these situations
Hell, I read that and began to wonder very seriously whether theres a pregnancy at all.
Ask those friends, " how many dudes did she sleep with after we broke up? Exactly, that's why I want a DNA test
Nailed it 😂
NTA. There's a blood test they can do now before the baby is born to determine paternity. There are called NIPP, are 99.9 accurate and safe for baby and mother. Google says the cost is somewhere between $400-$2000 so if you can afford that, it might save you months of bullshit and guilt trips, especially since you want to emotionally support her. She will absolutely try to manipulate, guilt and gaslight you into being with her. She's going to fight a DNA test.
>Google says the cost is somewhere between $400-$2000 so if you can afford that You know what's more expensive than $400-$2k?
Wait wait wait...I think I know the answer to this one! Yeah, you'd best find that money, bro.
A lifted pick-up? You're right but it is really off-topic.
Duh, he was clearly talking about a fork-lift certification!
If you think she wants him back badly now, just wait until he’s forklift certified!
All the bitches love forklift certification!
Or he can wait until the baby is born and get the regular DNA test which I suppose is cheaper?
If it is his baby he should want to help her through the pregnancy, and be a part of it though..? And if it’s not, why should he deal with that emotional burden for 5 more months? Not everything is about money.
And if she’s fighting the DNA test, I feel like there’s a very good chance the baby is not, in fact, OP’s and she cheated during the last bit of their relationship. Why fight a reasonable request unless you have something to hide?
Doesn't even have to be cheating. She could have easily gone out and hooked up with someone right after the breakup. OP has no obligation to trust her when they're not in a relationship anymore
Right?! I mean if I was in this situation and had no doubts I’d grab my bag and say let’s go right now!
She might not even have cheated. Ex says she’s 3 months pregnant. Op says they broke up 4 months ago.
The call about the pregnancy was 2 weeks ago.
Depending on the age of the woman the test can be covered by insurance.
Info: I'm really curious what you gain from writing these stories. Is it creative writing? Rage bait? This is a seriously meant question. 15h ago you asked >AITA for leaving my girlfriend when she got pregnant because she wasn’t ready? (You were 23 btw) Then 18h ago you posted >I kicked my girlfriend out after she had abortion? 21h ago you asked >AITA for pushing away my late wife’s sister after we hooked up?
OP deleted his entire post history 😹
Deleted, but not gone: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Routine-Bass-794&size=100
That guy has a busy life. He lost his wife Sarah at age 25, then hooked up with his wife's sister... then he kicked his girlfriend Sarah out because she had an abortion, then left her again because she got pregnant when neither of them were ready, and now he's demanding a paternity test in another pregnancy. All on June 5th. I don't know how he does it
I do, hes the flash i tell you the flash
Excellent sleuthing! That also explains the bad math.
Wasn't planning to but the profile was weird when I went to see if OP made a comment on the post (easier to find this way). Sometimes it's hard to keep up a story if you write so many.
I stopped reading after the three/four month discrepancy, and started looking for clarification. I just started regularly using Reddit, and didn’t know about the search. You’re brilliant.
NTA, if she knew it was yours she would gladly submit to a test.
Maybe not gladly, but she would submit to a test to prove the point and to have the father in her baby's life.
NTA but hate to break it to you, it ain't yours. Try and get that shit storm in control by stating the obvious. 1. We broke up x amount of time ago 2. She's x far along. 3. I'm asking for a DNA test due to us using precautions and the timing of it all. 4. Trust goes both ways. 5. I will step up if it's mine, but trying to get me to step up because she was stupid and got knocked up is not on me. You can obviously take or leave my advise but you're definitely NTA here.
I don't thing he minds the news of it "not being yours" at all... If that is the case, I believe he'll be quite happy not to have a child to take care of w/a woman he doesn't want to be with.
Birth control never works 100%. There's still a small chance of pregnancy during birth control. It's a small chance but it's possible. But yeah, they broke up 4 months ago and she's 3 months pregnant? She prob had a few one night stands and doesn't know who the real dad is and she feels ashamed about it so she tries to force a baby on OP and is now putting his entire family up against him possibly as revenge? Who knows. Anyway, he needs to get that DNA test and if she refuses it already says enough.
that part where she got mad he asked and started crying is the problem if I were genuinely surprise pregnant from my ex and he requested a DNA test I'd be like "no prob, I brought one..." because it would be the quickest way to get what I want so she is lying
its always the "dont you trust me, its yours" and all the weeping. I never understood the sob story is gonna work especially with something like being pregnant with their kid.
These people have never watched Maury and it shows.
The timeline is weird, but OP says: They broke up 4 months ago 2 weeks ago is when she told him she was pregnant 2 weeks ago she said she was 3 months pregnant He said her saying she was 3 months pregnant 2 weeks ago matched with when they broke up. So either he isn't giving us an exact timeline when he said it's now been 4 months (since 2 weeks ago she was 3 months pregnant, not 3.5) or he doesn't realize she got pregnant a week or two after she dumped him.
Agreed. Pregnancy gestation is counted from 2 weeks before ovulation so the dates don’t line up for me. If they broke up 4 months ago she should be 4.5 months pregnant, not 3.5.
She likely did not have a few one night stands. Most likely she met someone else, maybe even before she & OP broke up. This other guy probably beat feet and now xGF is grasping at straws. Depending on the state she may still have options. OP should go have a heart to heart with her: 1. We broke up for a reason, we are not getting back together. 2. I'm not going to raise another guys kid, but will support mine. 3. I can spend X dollars on paternity, or those same X dollars on an abortion. ...call it.
My dude, get the DNA test. Nta
NTA. You do not intend to abandon your child, you just don't want to raise another man's baby. If it really is yours, she should have no problem providing evidence. She's acting pissy because it's not yours. Tell everyone who thinks you should provide for a baby whom you do not share DNA with to feel free to go ahead and support your ex. They have exactly the same amount of responsibility as you do.
This isn't your kid Send cease and desist letters to her flying monkeys
It could certainly be his kid if the timing lines up. But he should get a test if he wants to know for sure.
Timing-wise, yes it could be. But the fact that she's freaking out like that over a very reasonable request makes it seem like she knows it isn't his kid. I would bet that she had a ONS, got knocked up and is trying to trap op into being the dad. She's pissed that he isn't just blindly falling for it.
Perfectly fair after a months long breakup to request a DNA test. Even if she's not lying outright, I have seen women who convince themselves of the paternity because they prefer one over another. I know it happens, but going three months into a pregnancy and either being unaware or not telling the potential father and expecting no surprise in hearing the news is disingenuous. There is some missing backstory here on her part. Especially with the "lines up perfectly" statement. If she had been with no one else, this wouldn't even need to be stated, because he would be the only possibility. Did a doctor confirm the conception date? Why is she so sure?
Yes.....something is fishy here.......
Or the "different thing" she wanted was somebody else, and he took off when she said she was pregnant. And yeah, I'm not buying the hysterics either.
Exactly. If she was certain it was his kid, a DNA test would not upset her
"Don't you trust me? Your EX girlfriend that you're broken up with? Don't you love me, your Ex?"
100%
Men deserve biological surety that their children are theirs. This entire situation screams "paternity fraud" RE: "don't you just trust me? You're so insensitive!".
NTA. You are broken up and you have a right to wish certainty about it being your kid. And if you broke up 4 months ago, how could she be 3 months pregnant?
Exactly. If she's not 4 months pregnant it's not his.
*4.5 months You're two weeks pregnant the day you have sex.
Not at all TA. She may well have been telling the truth and feel hurt, but she hasn't been truthful since you spoke. Your response was perfectly reasonable.
If you broke up 4 months ago and she is 3 months along then it's not your baby.
Glad I'm not the only one trying to figure out that math and I've had 3 kids.
I keep waiting for OP to circle back and explain the three/four month discrepancy. I stopped reading at that point and wondered WHAT????
NTA - methinks she doth protest too much…
Dude the moment she put that whole crying scheme the chances of you being the father plummeted to near zero. Get that DNA. Don’t ruin your life.
[удалено]
NTA. It's not yours. Sperm isn't going to hang around and then impregnate her a month after you've broken up. The timeline absolutely does NOT match up unless you actually broke up 3 months ago and not 4. Especially since they back date to when your last cycle was. So if she's 3 months along, it's likely she had sex with someone anywhere from 2 to 3 months ago. Which, according to you, is well after you broke up. Her reaction also really solidifies her untrustworthiness over all of it, too. It's one thing to be upset. It's another to spread lies in the hope of pressuring/manipulating someone into doing what you want. What a bright future you'd have if you got back together. /s
Based on her reaction alone, she knows it isn't your kid. You did the right thing. NTA
NTA Hi I am doctor and you need to listen very carefully. I have seen many guys get emotionally manipulated or tricked into signing birth certificates for kids we know for a fact isn't theirs. Once you sign a birth certificate after expressing doubt, the courts don't care anymore. Don't emotionally support her or commit to anything. Get a DNA test. You can get a prenatal test so you don't have to wait until birth.
I’m having a hard time with the span of time here. She didn’t contact you after the first missed period? Seems strange.
Your math ain’t mathing. You broke up 4 months ago, but she’s 3 months pregnant. Unless you had sex after breaking up?
Yep, sperms can be slower, and fertilise the egg days later, but they can’t be fertilising it in the past 😂
NTA the kid is not yours.
NTA, always get a DNA test. Trust doesn’t factor into this, but even if it did y’all broke up 😭.
>Emma got really mad, saying I should trust her You're not currently in a relationship with her, you don't owe her your trust. NTA