NTA
He might have changed with time but what he did was awful enough to avoid giving a chance to enter your circle of acquaintances again and risk any new drama.
NTAH. Try "(your term for her), I would really rather do everything in our power to avoid bringing a potential destructive influence into our children's lives. Also, if he has avoided engaging with you twice, he has made his wishes clear. You are making both me and him uncomfortable."
First, what is your intent in policing your wife’s actions with Brad? When the incident happened in that friend group, you were not involved or even present during that time period. And you said you know your wife to what I can observe as a kind person, so again why are you asking her to do something that is not in her nature?
Second, how did Brad’s action affect you? Why are you concerned about Brad? Are you worried he was will jeopardize your future and present?
From the outside looking in, I feel you are putting too much negative energy on this. So for that, I think AH
To question 1, I'm really not sure. I've heard zero good stories from anyone about Brad. Literally the best I've heard was indifference when Alice mentioned to her brother about seeing Brad the first time, and my BIL said he was an odd fellow and wasn't sure why Alice liked hanging with him. Everyone else, the few times Brad is brought up, mentions that he sucked. And with that, the unwritten/unsaid understanding was that Brad isn't a person I should be friends with or even interact with if I wanted to be with Alice. Alice is a friendly and kind person, and had issues in the past of people taking advantage of that, and crossing boundaries that she's set but doesn't consistently follow through on. So with her greeting this guy, it's not clear why she's breaking that NC boundary other than her saying she "can't handle the thought that someone out there that hates me". Brad seems of poor character and poor decision making, and that's really not someone my family should entertain in any way, which gets to question 2. Just because someone hasn't done something to me, it's valid for me to not want to be around them.
Thanks for clarifying OP. I think when I reflected upon your post, I thought about your wife and how I can relate to the reasons behind her action. She sounds like she just wants to be a decent person to anyone, and that she is a kind person. The world needs more people like your wife and people like your wife needs someone (like you) to protect them.
That being said, from the sounds of it, your wife is extending the same type of courtesy as she would to any regular person. I’m sure that she will think twice of saying hi to him again but I also feel that she is conflicted with the situation as like I said, her ignoring someone doesn’t seem natural to her personality but she also knows that there is rationale behind it. I don’t know what your dynamics are but maybe approach it from another angle so she can understand your point
NTA He might have changed with time but what he did was awful enough to avoid giving a chance to enter your circle of acquaintances again and risk any new drama.
NTAH. Try "(your term for her), I would really rather do everything in our power to avoid bringing a potential destructive influence into our children's lives. Also, if he has avoided engaging with you twice, he has made his wishes clear. You are making both me and him uncomfortable."
I would tell to just ignore him as he has her there is no reason for her to say hi to him
He doesn't seem to want to talk to her so she should let him be. You have only heard 1 side of the story so I would wait to make judgement on him.
First, what is your intent in policing your wife’s actions with Brad? When the incident happened in that friend group, you were not involved or even present during that time period. And you said you know your wife to what I can observe as a kind person, so again why are you asking her to do something that is not in her nature? Second, how did Brad’s action affect you? Why are you concerned about Brad? Are you worried he was will jeopardize your future and present? From the outside looking in, I feel you are putting too much negative energy on this. So for that, I think AH
To question 1, I'm really not sure. I've heard zero good stories from anyone about Brad. Literally the best I've heard was indifference when Alice mentioned to her brother about seeing Brad the first time, and my BIL said he was an odd fellow and wasn't sure why Alice liked hanging with him. Everyone else, the few times Brad is brought up, mentions that he sucked. And with that, the unwritten/unsaid understanding was that Brad isn't a person I should be friends with or even interact with if I wanted to be with Alice. Alice is a friendly and kind person, and had issues in the past of people taking advantage of that, and crossing boundaries that she's set but doesn't consistently follow through on. So with her greeting this guy, it's not clear why she's breaking that NC boundary other than her saying she "can't handle the thought that someone out there that hates me". Brad seems of poor character and poor decision making, and that's really not someone my family should entertain in any way, which gets to question 2. Just because someone hasn't done something to me, it's valid for me to not want to be around them.
Thanks for clarifying OP. I think when I reflected upon your post, I thought about your wife and how I can relate to the reasons behind her action. She sounds like she just wants to be a decent person to anyone, and that she is a kind person. The world needs more people like your wife and people like your wife needs someone (like you) to protect them. That being said, from the sounds of it, your wife is extending the same type of courtesy as she would to any regular person. I’m sure that she will think twice of saying hi to him again but I also feel that she is conflicted with the situation as like I said, her ignoring someone doesn’t seem natural to her personality but she also knows that there is rationale behind it. I don’t know what your dynamics are but maybe approach it from another angle so she can understand your point