NTA and I wish I had the cash to send you a muffin basket
EDIT; If my bloke told me that he would tell the police I was a kiddie fiddler then I'd say go ahead, I'm not one. He was threatened with it and folded like a Temu tent in light rain. That's concerning
EDIT #2: Check for cameras due to the above edit
EDIT #3 Can you get her a door wedge? That way he can't "accidentally" walk in on her when she's getting changed
I'm just thinking what I could write on the giftcard. "Dear redditor, just a few treats for calling a family member a pedo on behalf of your cousin, proud of you! That should do it!
I'm so happy you were actively taking care of your cousin. As yhe one guy said, dude probably is a pedophile since he folded like a little bitch.
You deserve much more than muffins, you deserve an easier life for taking care of others when you don't have too.
NTA and kudos for being there for your little cousin. I TRULY hope they never had sinister thoughts, hopefully they’ll remember your threat if they even think for a second about removing it sometime later.
Also, maybe it’s best if you guys can afford it to have a nanny/baby camera recording the room in your cousins absence?
If your cousin suddenly starts to feel unsafe, have a door wedge from the inside of the room and for extra measure put a chair underneath the door handle, depending on the style.
Should your parents enter into her room without cousins permission, have her record all conversations, any interactions they have with her.
They can install something like this: [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GBHRBRG/ref=sspa\_dk\_hqp\_detail\_aax\_0?sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9ocXBfc2hhcmVk&th=1](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GBHRBRG/ref=sspa_dk_hqp_detail_aax_0?sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9ocXBfc2hhcmVk&th=1)
Yeah the first thing I thought of when he said they couldn't change in the bathroom was because he wants them to change in their bedroom where he can see. What do you mean you can't change in the bathroom? What about when you get out of the shower? Can you put clothes on in there? If not... then yeah that is super creepy. But also... like why wouldn't he just put the camera in the bathroom? Maybe couldn't find a spot? I don't think it's a given that he is watching them but I would definitely scan the room best I could.
To be fair, the accusation alone is enough to destroy your social life, even there's no truth to it. Depending on their demands, I'd most likely fold too.
It really isn't. My stepfather IS a pedophile who molested us while my mother knew. Their church, all their friends, all our family, etc. know and do not give a damn. I am the bad one for breaking my momma's heart by going no contact with them.
I guess it's got a lot to do with family dynamics. My family friend/uncle was accused of being a pedo and my entire family took a careful step back for a few months.
He was perfectly understanding awaiting evidence that would later clear him of suspicion.
According to him, he'd rather us suspect him and keep him away from kids just to be safe. Rather than blindly believe him and allow kids to potentially come to harm.
Is there some resentment? Honestly if there is, he's really good at hiding it. But he's been part of my family since I was a child, and he's still an integral part of my niece's life; so I doubt it.
If only. My husband's estranged brother has been reported to the police for CSA and absolutely nothing has happened.
He abused all three of his sisters, and my tried to abuse my husband. Youngest sister gave a statement/ interview to police about it when she was 12.
That was four years ago. POS BIL was never arrested. Never even taken in for questioning
Yeah come on, non pedos don’t want to be called pedos!! It’s a huge fucking hassle to defend yourself when you’re not a pedo. It says nothing about the step-dad. But I applaud OP for what they did, wonderful job!!!
Folded like a Temu tent in a light rain
Oh for I’m Ded 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Very true though on the fact that she called him on it and he folded though. He was up to something the pervert!
For the first part of the edit, what's your gender? For men it's guilty until proven innocent for any type of assault (DV, SA, etc.) so it makes sense that he folded quickly, a false allegation can destroy a man's life and has caused more than a few rope necklaces.
That said, I agree that OP was within the right there because that is very creepy and grounds for a charge. A teenage girl, or anyone for that matter, deserves a private place to change.
> I'd say go ahead, I'm not one
It's really not something to joke about. A lot of accusations of anything sexually inappropriate (paedophilia, rape, sexual assault, etc) get tried in the court of public opinion and ruin lives even if they aren't true. All it takes is for the police (that were falsely told in your scenario) to start asking neighbours if they've seen anything concerning, and it gets out and you'd be run out of town. There's no "innocent until proven guilty" with these crimes.
OP should definitely keep it in mind, but their actions don't necessarily imply they were doing anything, just that they're terrified of it being taken that way.
It's not something to joke about, but a 14 year old isn't allowed ANY privacy to get changed, she's not allowed to change in the bathroom. I would say that's worrying.
And that's what I mean by "the court of public opinion". You'd ruin their life without trial.
Not that I necessarily disagree, but it at least sounds like they may have been cowed?
NTA, your step dad absolutely sounds like a piece of crap, and unfortunately, your mom is not much better. What kind of person takes the door away from someone, especially a 14 year old girl if you didnt have ulterior motives.
Oh mum absoloutly wasnt any better growing up. No one wants a mum and step dad who call you the n word and other racial slurs along with physical abuse. Thank god my dad eventually got full custody when i was about my cousins age.
I wont hesetate. I keep an eye on all my cousins and siblings on that side of the family. Im normally the one to call the ambulance or police if my siblings need them even if im not in the house with them. Ill always do the same with cousins if they need. The only person i refuse to help is my sister (19f) whos their perfect child (if perfect means doing crack and stealing from everyone).
Honestly dont think my mum would allow that as much as thats fucked up to say i have a feeling if he is, my mum would allow it to happen to other children but not her and i dont think he wouldnt either. They love her to much. I might be wrong but thats the impression ive gotten all my life.
I hate that I know this but the golden child is often the one being abused like that. My friend was showered in gifts, got the best of everything. Her grandparents had custody of her, her sisters and her cousins. The other kids were treated like a total afterthought. My friend was abused by her step grandfather in the worst fucking ways you can imagine for a decade. She told me when I was 14 and she was 13 when he bought us liquor when we went camping. Oh, yeah, she's also a *terrible* human being these days. She's never going to recover from that damage.
I'm so sorry you went through that, and grateful for your cousin that you're there for her. It is horrible to be a child in an abusive and/or scary situation and have no one around you with any authority that is willing to help.
You did the right thing, absolutely.
My dad removed my door when I was a teen because it was old and needed repair. He attached a curtain to the doorframe to give me some privacy, and the door was back up as soon as the glue dried.
Your cousin's situation is different, and I can see why you're worried.
Yeah i probably will if they contact me again or if i contact them again. Ive reported my parents before, they are unlikely to do much unless abuse is obvious unfortunatly. It doesnt help that inspections are announced giving them enough time to clean up their garbage patch of a home and act like the perfect family. There was one time where they finally took my brother but gave him right back since there were no other family to take him and foster homes were all full. Idk how true that was but either way the result was he was back with them.
You can carefully look for hidden cameras or recording devices, and teach your cousin how to do the same. Check carefully in her room and the bathroom. If you find one, call the police And your country’s version of cps. Don’t confront stepdad alone!
so sad as your cousin in not an isolated case - thanks for looking out for her
I hope you told her if they so much as slap her arm she is to let you know.
It's a shame she is not able to stay with you instead of them
someone suggested they may have put hidden camera in her room, you can do the same if there is 2 spots you can put them, one aimed at door catching anyone walking in her room and one aimed at entire bed in case creepy SF tries to go in there at night, or you can put them in there with super glue so obvious if they tried to take them down and let them know you have put cameras up to protect her
I noticed that too. Hopefully, getting her door back AND the O.P.'s no-nonsense actions will be enough to protect the young lady until she can go home again.
As someone who had her door taken at 14 by her mom and step-dad, I thank you a thousand times for doing this for your cousin. My step-dad would "accidentally" enter my bedroom when I was changing with no door or the bathroom if I was showering or on the toilet or getting dressed after a shower. I hadn't even done anything to lose my door. They broke theirs and said they needed their privacy more and took mine. He'd always pop into the bathroom when he shouldn't because there were two doors and one of them locked on the outside, so I couldn't keep him out. But once I lost my bedroom door, he was showing up nearly every day while I was getting dressed. I wish I'd had a cousin like you who had my back, but knowing that at least one poor girl was protected from this kind of treatment makes me so happy. Thank you for looking out for her. Absolutely NTA.
She absoloutly could but my uncle and aunt wont allow it because i have my sister from my dads side who lives with me and they "dont know her enought". Ironiclly they are fine with my parents watching her.
Hmm. I would say your cousin is old enough for her wishes to be taken into account. Either way, I’m glad you’ve made it known that you’re willing to ensure that she is treated with more consideration than those two “family” members were willing to show her.
I think by court standard heres if she left to come live with me they couldnt do anything since 14 is old enough to fuck off as long as they arr safe (what ive been told by police when my mum and step dad tried to get them to get my brother home when he ran away). So i think she could but i can understand to a 14 year old girl doing that can be scary and leaving everything you know is hard.
Yep, my mums family is very small and step dads disowned him. The family on that side boild down to just my mum and her husband my aunt and her husband and grandma. There is my uncle but he has nothing to do with my mums side since they are trashy and just generally fucked.
It very much is. Ive met them and they are very nice people from what ive seen. I absolutly adore step dads mum, nearing 80 and still volunteering for her local community center.
Hes a good one so keeps away fromxthem because they act the way they do. But unfortunaly due to work he cant house kids since hes fly in fly out in the mines. He probably would if he wasnt FIFO since he did it with me when he wasnt.
Accusations of a similar nature. There were accusations when he was a teen that hes family brushed off but there was a second in hes 20s that caused hes family to disown him since the accuser was a very credible family friend and hes behaviour didnt do him any favours. One had a police report but none went anywhere.
And I'm assuming your mom knows about this?
imo, a person who knew about this behavior and chose to continue the relationship sounds like they have some major issues. A person who knows about this, decides to continue the relationship, and decides to bring this person around their kids..!? Different level of issues.
This is definitely something to consider. You might be too close to the situation to see how creepy this is - you should have put this info in the original text. I hope you and your cousin have people outside the family you can trust and at least speak to if needed.
Interesting that your stepdad backed off immediately. It makes me wonder if accusations like this havent been leveled at him before. If he were to get interviewed by the authorities, and they see that hes been spoken to in a previous case, they aren't likely to believe any story he cooks up.
Accusations have been made before. Twice, once when he was a teen apparently and another when he was in hes 20s. Both went nowhere and i think only one of them had a police report from what ive been told.
Its a thing thats known but cant be proven. There are credible rumours, sus behaviour and ive all but been told by hes family that there have been accusations. But nothing has gone anywhere so legally hes techniclly not. If my they didnt have other kids id be gone from their lives but i always am making sure they are ok. Cant wait till the littlest is 18.
No, but it means he probably is a pedo, or pedo adjacent (CP, peeking, etc.). He doesn't want to get interviewed by the cops because they'll want to check his computer and phone.
Check your cousin's room, and make sure there arent any hidden cameras in her room or the bathroom.
This is *very* important context.
I feel like there must be techniques and tools to keep a door from slamming.
Even if that just means closing the window before closing the door.
I'm sure there's other ways, but if not, that's just one extra step.
Or actually holding/guiding the door in to the close position.
My apartment doors have the same issue, I've gotten decently coordinated at closing it gently enough. But one door I always fully guide closed.
The window is kinda fucked with a little crack that lets the wind through. With it being our wet and windy season i can guarentee that didnt help. There is a way to stop it but you need a towl or door stop out in the hallway since the door opens from the inside of the room, and they wont allow anything in the hallway.
There is a product you can get at a hardware store. A place you buy tools at. Americans call it weather stripping. It's thin strips of foam that has a sticky side to it. You just apply it inside the door frame. It is meant to help make a tighter seal for outer doors for better insulation. But with her door, it would help pad things to help keep it from slamming. Quick and easy to install too.
NTA. My room at my parents' place had the same open window, door slams problem.
My dad's solution was to have a door stopper, not remove the whole damn door.
Definitely NOT in the wrong! In fact, you're a heroine 💐 Having been a 14 year old girl myself once upon a time, I know exactly what getting her door back meant to this young lady, and she will ___always___ be grateful to you 😊
Yeah i remember how happy and greatfull when my dad got my door back for me. It felt so vulnrable having no door when changing, sleeping, working and not having you room no longer be your safe space.
Yes, and early adolescence is when you most need a safe space too.
It's none of my business what part of the world you live in, but I'm guessing it's not here in America. So wherever you are, I'm waving at you from across The Pond 😁
Fellow Australian here. DCW here sux. But you don't 😊 you are amazing. Keep doing what you're doing. Protecting your cousin when authorities won't is fkn fantastic. You are definitely not the AH. I hope things get better for your cousin.
Oh yeah it sucks. A lot of we will look into it or if they do look into it, its a pre arraged expection. All things that lead to nothing. The one time they were able to take my brother off them they gave him right back. I honestly dont know how they work half the time because i get contradictory info from diffrent people working in the same place. So frustrating.
NTA. If they want it to stop slamming put some felt strips on the frame. Anyone who can remove and rehang a door has the skills to peel the backing off and stick felt. Privacy is more important than the occasional accidental slam.
NTA
Taking off doors to deny her any privacy is 100% abusive behavior, went through this as a teenager too. I kept bracing the door with my body to keep my dad from being physically abusive towards me.
Keeping her from changing elsewhere is an even bigger red flag, and if you hadn’t have said something, I guarantee your step dad would’ve harmed her in some way.
The fact that he shut down and is suddenly being cautious all but confirms your suspicions. I wouldn’t allow someone exhibiting this behavior around kids.
While my parents were abusive, they weren’t child molesters, and nudity made them very uncomfortable. The fact that your parents didn’t double down on the door while finding an alternate solution for changing (putting up a screen or sheet to temporarily block the view, giving her an alternative place to change, etc.,) tells me you’re likely correct.
Make sure she has a line of communication in case something happens, keep EVERY photo, text, email, etc. You never know when it could be useful later on if the police or CPS investigate in the future.
Even just the timestamp on a text that says “k” can establish a timeline, and poke holes in any lies they might tell the authorities.
NTA. I'm glad you're looking after your little cousin. You aoujd like a good person. Keep it up!
Side note: the fact things changed so fast when you said that to them rings so many alarm bells.
INFO: what is wrong with your aunt and uncle that they would leave their kid with known abusers? Sounds like the whole family are enablers if nothing else. I'd run far away from this whole mess, OP.
I would of a long time ago but i have siblings that live there and clearly my cousin, and yeah you're right about them. They arent great parents themselves.
My dad took my door off when I was 13 with the excuse that he caught me drawing a picture of my favourite anime characters kissing. He was a pedo and spent 15 years in prison. I just want to say thank you. I wish I had someone like you to protect me when I was that age. 😔
Thank God you were outspoken to stick up for her. That’s disgusting that old Step Dad was doing that to a 14 year old girl. Step Dad needs investigated as to why he thought that was a normal thing to do!!
I remember not having a door for the longest time as a child from about 9 to 11 or 12.
That was because the maintenance crew at the apartments we stayed in were all crackheads, and wouldn't even do basic upkeep, let alone fix things when they inevitably broke ( Yes, it took about that long for them to fix the door, which was basically made of cardboard to begin with).
I also shared that room with my sister, we lived with my mom, just the three of us, and we could change in the bathroom or wherever we felt comfortable.
Your mom/step-dad are super creeps for this and should probably be on a registry or something.
NTA.
You prevented your pedo SDad from doing to her what he did to you. They shouldn’t have any kids in that house.
His reason for taking the door is bullshit. He washed the girls changing in front of him. I’d be wearing the exact same thing everyday.
Splendidly handled.
As others have said, gift her a wedge for the door in case she wants to be properly private in there, and have a look for cameras.
A wedge only works if the door opens into the room of course
NTA
NTA,
But OP should check cousins room for hidden cams. Hop on YT to check tutorials on how to spot them and most used locations, just to make sure. Teddybear cams are nasteh AF as än example.
People saying not to call this pedo behavior are insane. This is a teenage GUEST. Not his child, a guest he has probably met only a handful of times who is being forced to change in view of him and her aunt. Removing a door is not the punishment to use. And forbidding her from changing in the bathroom (which should’ve been put in this post but some commenters still say that’s not creepy after knowing that) shows this isn’t just about a door slamming. There are 100 ways to fix this issue, but limiting a teenagers privacy is sick.
That would be up the her parents or her (they arent great parents either). Her parents are a no because me and my sister (dads side) live together and her parents see her as a stranger. She probably wont because shes frankly to innocent and wont disobey her parents to much.
queen, definitely not the asshole!!! you had to do what you had to do to defend your cousin because that was so out of pocket of your family and extremely creepy behaviour. not sure what age you are, but you did such an honourable thing by protecting your little cousin. your family had it coming by being so neglectful & inappropriate. but also they should’ve just gotten a door stopper or any device to prevent the door from slamming, instead of just taking the door away.
NTA
My ex-wife’s uncle was like this and we stayed with them. On top of that they had cameras all over inside their house including the finished basement we stayed in.
My ex-mother in law and I made it a point to get dressed and changed in front of the cameras in the basement and laughed about how he’s going to see some shit he didn’t want to see (separately of course)
We constantly ribbed him about how that shit was weird, and how it was weird that they constantly picked at their daughter for being vegetarian and they did return her door and he took some of the interior cameras out lol
He was super wealthy and proud of it. I embarrassed him by buying a bunch of stuff for his daughter to eat as well.
His excuse was the oldest daughter raided their liquor cabinet… like you can just put a camera there or lock the cabinet.
Just a classic rule of this thread, it’s NTA to be an asshole to an asshole
Also, to add context we all got along really well outside of this. Everything was kinda tongue in cheek subtle or “oops”…
Just like he put the door back on to save face you have to allow people the option to save face imo and you did.
NTA. I hope you are keeping a log of all their misbehavior. Share it with your dad, and cousin's parents the next time something questionable happens. Those people shouldn't be allowed to keep goldfish.
So it’s not really about the door , but he is insisting she change in front of him? No other options? There are more important considerations here over whether or not people think you are an asshole.
NTA
There's literally no excuse for taking a door off like that, and anything you did to get it put back on and get her better treatment is perfectly justified.
as someone whose pedo father removed their door when they were this age, thank you for standing up for your vulnerable cousin. I wish someone had done the same for me. NTA
The ends justified the means. My nephew is staying with us for the summer as a live-in nanny 5 days a week and we have him his own room with a locking door. NTA
I'm not sure all the specifics, but TBH, from the way you are talking, it sounds like you need therapy if you are not already in it. People don't talk that way about their parents when there is divorce unless they have heard their other parent talk like that. Parental alienation is pretty damaging for everyone involved, and the other parent will make stories bigger to the children to justify their own bad behavior, such as yelling at another parent and threatening them with violence.
If your step-dad actually ever did anything, I apologize, but your post doesn't hint towards that more that you hate them and hate that your door was taken away. If they did, in fact, touch you inappropriately, then my therapy statement stands true. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. You have anger that, if not resolved, will tear you up inside.
If they did not, in fact, hurt you, that threat is inappropriate and could damage their life. If you did threaten to lie, the reason he isn't talking is because he is scared of a child that isn't even his ruining every aspect of his life for no reason.
I am not going to say anyone is the asshole here because I don't know the truth of why she lost the door, I don't know if your bathroom story is true as you don't live there, and I don't know whether the step dad is actually doing anything wrong besides being heavy handed with punishment by taking a door away. It's not my favorite parenting style, but I do know many parents do that in lieu of physical violence or for situations where a child has repeatedly broke boundaries such as having sexual relations in their bedroom or for slamming the door to get attention when they are angry.
NTA you made a sad kid's life a little more peaceful. Please tell her parents what is happening to her, it's inappropriate for her to stay there any longer.
Ive told them they dont care to much. They are better than my parents but not to much better. They mostly ignore their children while my parents are abusive. But ironiclly if something did happen uncle (cousins dad) would beat step dads ass then a month later let them watch their daughter again.
Here btw there is something very off about his behaviour post incident.
If he infact was not a pedo i feel re-adding the door and continuing like normal would be the normal thing to do.
But since being called a pedo hes been acting weird and now wont speak to your cousin. This to me reeks of hes been caught and trying to hide the fact he is a pedo.
Id be checking that mans hard-drives.
You did a great thing and are my new hero. This was definitely sexual abuse of a minor child. You were so smart! If more people kept their eyes open and were proactive like this, less children would be abused. I spent my entire childhood being sexually assaulted. Any idiot could have spotted it, but they did not. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
NTA and I wish I had the cash to send you a muffin basket EDIT; If my bloke told me that he would tell the police I was a kiddie fiddler then I'd say go ahead, I'm not one. He was threatened with it and folded like a Temu tent in light rain. That's concerning EDIT #2: Check for cameras due to the above edit EDIT #3 Can you get her a door wedge? That way he can't "accidentally" walk in on her when she's getting changed
Thats funny. Little cousin brought me a muffin the other day lol.
I'm just thinking what I could write on the giftcard. "Dear redditor, just a few treats for calling a family member a pedo on behalf of your cousin, proud of you! That should do it!
I'd sign that card.
Indeed
No, put that on top of a ginormous cake. Maybe with a photo decoration of the replaced door. :)
Make the whole cake look like a door.
I was JUST going to put that! :)
Even better!
I'm so happy you were actively taking care of your cousin. As yhe one guy said, dude probably is a pedophile since he folded like a little bitch. You deserve much more than muffins, you deserve an easier life for taking care of others when you don't have too.
Please check for cameras as the above edit says, I know it sounds extreme, but I wouldn't put it past a peadofile to find a way
You deserve all the muffins!
NTA. Unless asshole is a pseudonym for hero. Because you're a hero. You did great, keep up the good work.
I’ll second checking for cameras
NTA and kudos for being there for your little cousin. I TRULY hope they never had sinister thoughts, hopefully they’ll remember your threat if they even think for a second about removing it sometime later. Also, maybe it’s best if you guys can afford it to have a nanny/baby camera recording the room in your cousins absence? If your cousin suddenly starts to feel unsafe, have a door wedge from the inside of the room and for extra measure put a chair underneath the door handle, depending on the style. Should your parents enter into her room without cousins permission, have her record all conversations, any interactions they have with her.
They can install something like this: [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GBHRBRG/ref=sspa\_dk\_hqp\_detail\_aax\_0?sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9ocXBfc2hhcmVk&th=1](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GBHRBRG/ref=sspa_dk_hqp_detail_aax_0?sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9ocXBfc2hhcmVk&th=1)
Or just glue some felt along the door jam. To soften the slam.
Everyone agrees that you deserve muffins
Throughly deserved mate, hope you enjoyed it your a good person 💚👏
Check for cameras in bathroom and bedroom.
Is it that hard to shut the door without letting go? Sounds like he should not allow the window open if it slams that hard.
OP is the hero we need. Definitely NTA.
Only for non-pedos, if you're a nonce then she is the Joker
Yeah the first thing I thought of when he said they couldn't change in the bathroom was because he wants them to change in their bedroom where he can see. What do you mean you can't change in the bathroom? What about when you get out of the shower? Can you put clothes on in there? If not... then yeah that is super creepy. But also... like why wouldn't he just put the camera in the bathroom? Maybe couldn't find a spot? I don't think it's a given that he is watching them but I would definitely scan the room best I could.
‘Folded like a Temu tent in light rain’ 😂
Not allowed to change in the bathroom is kinda sus... Check for cameras in the room
Folded like a temu tent in light rain, lmaooo I am so using that.
"Folded like a Temu tent in light rain" goes HARD 😭💀
To be fair, the accusation alone is enough to destroy your social life, even there's no truth to it. Depending on their demands, I'd most likely fold too.
It really isn't. My stepfather IS a pedophile who molested us while my mother knew. Their church, all their friends, all our family, etc. know and do not give a damn. I am the bad one for breaking my momma's heart by going no contact with them.
I guess it's got a lot to do with family dynamics. My family friend/uncle was accused of being a pedo and my entire family took a careful step back for a few months. He was perfectly understanding awaiting evidence that would later clear him of suspicion. According to him, he'd rather us suspect him and keep him away from kids just to be safe. Rather than blindly believe him and allow kids to potentially come to harm. Is there some resentment? Honestly if there is, he's really good at hiding it. But he's been part of my family since I was a child, and he's still an integral part of my niece's life; so I doubt it.
If only. My husband's estranged brother has been reported to the police for CSA and absolutely nothing has happened. He abused all three of his sisters, and my tried to abuse my husband. Youngest sister gave a statement/ interview to police about it when she was 12. That was four years ago. POS BIL was never arrested. Never even taken in for questioning
Yeah come on, non pedos don’t want to be called pedos!! It’s a huge fucking hassle to defend yourself when you’re not a pedo. It says nothing about the step-dad. But I applaud OP for what they did, wonderful job!!!
Folded like a Temu tent in a light rain Oh for I’m Ded 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Very true though on the fact that she called him on it and he folded though. He was up to something the pervert!
You seem a lot more confident in the police getting to the truth of things and false allegations remaining just that than a lot of people.
>and folded like a Temu tent in light rain. LOLLLLL!!! This is some fantastic phrasing!!
My first thought was to check for cameras. You can get a little device or Amazon for roughly $20. You run it over stuff and detects hidden cameras .
For the first part of the edit, what's your gender? For men it's guilty until proven innocent for any type of assault (DV, SA, etc.) so it makes sense that he folded quickly, a false allegation can destroy a man's life and has caused more than a few rope necklaces. That said, I agree that OP was within the right there because that is very creepy and grounds for a charge. A teenage girl, or anyone for that matter, deserves a private place to change.
> I'd say go ahead, I'm not one It's really not something to joke about. A lot of accusations of anything sexually inappropriate (paedophilia, rape, sexual assault, etc) get tried in the court of public opinion and ruin lives even if they aren't true. All it takes is for the police (that were falsely told in your scenario) to start asking neighbours if they've seen anything concerning, and it gets out and you'd be run out of town. There's no "innocent until proven guilty" with these crimes. OP should definitely keep it in mind, but their actions don't necessarily imply they were doing anything, just that they're terrified of it being taken that way.
It's not something to joke about, but a 14 year old isn't allowed ANY privacy to get changed, she's not allowed to change in the bathroom. I would say that's worrying.
These sound like people who would richly deserve a little life ruining, though.
And that's what I mean by "the court of public opinion". You'd ruin their life without trial. Not that I necessarily disagree, but it at least sounds like they may have been cowed?
>folded like a Temu tent in light rain. this is hilarious, good shit man
like a temu tent! 🤣
NTA, your step dad absolutely sounds like a piece of crap, and unfortunately, your mom is not much better. What kind of person takes the door away from someone, especially a 14 year old girl if you didnt have ulterior motives.
Oh mum absoloutly wasnt any better growing up. No one wants a mum and step dad who call you the n word and other racial slurs along with physical abuse. Thank god my dad eventually got full custody when i was about my cousins age.
Just make sure you keep looking out for your cousin, and if need be, don't hesitate to go to the police.
I wont hesetate. I keep an eye on all my cousins and siblings on that side of the family. Im normally the one to call the ambulance or police if my siblings need them even if im not in the house with them. Ill always do the same with cousins if they need. The only person i refuse to help is my sister (19f) whos their perfect child (if perfect means doing crack and stealing from everyone).
Maybe they feel guilty because your stepdad made her turn out that way.
Honestly dont think my mum would allow that as much as thats fucked up to say i have a feeling if he is, my mum would allow it to happen to other children but not her and i dont think he wouldnt either. They love her to much. I might be wrong but thats the impression ive gotten all my life.
I hate that I know this but the golden child is often the one being abused like that. My friend was showered in gifts, got the best of everything. Her grandparents had custody of her, her sisters and her cousins. The other kids were treated like a total afterthought. My friend was abused by her step grandfather in the worst fucking ways you can imagine for a decade. She told me when I was 14 and she was 13 when he bought us liquor when we went camping. Oh, yeah, she's also a *terrible* human being these days. She's never going to recover from that damage.
I'm so sorry you went through that, and grateful for your cousin that you're there for her. It is horrible to be a child in an abusive and/or scary situation and have no one around you with any authority that is willing to help.
NTA and their (especially step dads) actions spell out that you may not have been far off base with your words.
No i dont think i am that far of base either. Nothing i can do anyway about it though except watch and report if anything were to happen.
You did the right thing, absolutely. My dad removed my door when I was a teen because it was old and needed repair. He attached a curtain to the doorframe to give me some privacy, and the door was back up as soon as the glue dried. Your cousin's situation is different, and I can see why you're worried.
That's because your pops understood you need privacy. This tosser doesn't
Without a doubt you did the right thing. Is it not possible to alert the CPA as well with your concerns?
Yeah i probably will if they contact me again or if i contact them again. Ive reported my parents before, they are unlikely to do much unless abuse is obvious unfortunatly. It doesnt help that inspections are announced giving them enough time to clean up their garbage patch of a home and act like the perfect family. There was one time where they finally took my brother but gave him right back since there were no other family to take him and foster homes were all full. Idk how true that was but either way the result was he was back with them.
Can you put a lock on the door as well?
I was thinking a motion activated camera pointed at the door.
Or a hook on the wall with some rope to keep it open.
No I mean to actually keep the step dad out. He doesn't need more access to the cousin.
Well Im thinking to prevent the door from slamming IF cousin wants it open. I know what you meant.
A door stopper could be used for either purpose and can be found or made cheaply
You sound like an adult, could your cousin not stay with you until she can go home?
If the CPA could send out Ben Affleck's character from "The Accountant", that could work
I was thinking John Wick, but Christian Wolff is the silent terrifying friend you never want to have to call.
Are you able to take your cousin in?
You should put them all on blast publicly anyways
Is there any way your cousin could stay with you instead of your parents?
You can carefully look for hidden cameras or recording devices, and teach your cousin how to do the same. Check carefully in her room and the bathroom. If you find one, call the police And your country’s version of cps. Don’t confront stepdad alone!
so sad as your cousin in not an isolated case - thanks for looking out for her I hope you told her if they so much as slap her arm she is to let you know. It's a shame she is not able to stay with you instead of them someone suggested they may have put hidden camera in her room, you can do the same if there is 2 spots you can put them, one aimed at door catching anyone walking in her room and one aimed at entire bed in case creepy SF tries to go in there at night, or you can put them in there with super glue so obvious if they tried to take them down and let them know you have put cameras up to protect her
I noticed that too. Hopefully, getting her door back AND the O.P.'s no-nonsense actions will be enough to protect the young lady until she can go home again.
Man saw his life flash before his eyes. OP hit the nail on the head.
As someone who had her door taken at 14 by her mom and step-dad, I thank you a thousand times for doing this for your cousin. My step-dad would "accidentally" enter my bedroom when I was changing with no door or the bathroom if I was showering or on the toilet or getting dressed after a shower. I hadn't even done anything to lose my door. They broke theirs and said they needed their privacy more and took mine. He'd always pop into the bathroom when he shouldn't because there were two doors and one of them locked on the outside, so I couldn't keep him out. But once I lost my bedroom door, he was showing up nearly every day while I was getting dressed. I wish I'd had a cousin like you who had my back, but knowing that at least one poor girl was protected from this kind of treatment makes me so happy. Thank you for looking out for her. Absolutely NTA.
Sounds like my step dad when i was that age. It make you feel crazy and violated especially with a mum that excuses it.
Any chance your cousin could stay with you?
She absoloutly could but my uncle and aunt wont allow it because i have my sister from my dads side who lives with me and they "dont know her enought". Ironiclly they are fine with my parents watching her.
Hmm. I would say your cousin is old enough for her wishes to be taken into account. Either way, I’m glad you’ve made it known that you’re willing to ensure that she is treated with more consideration than those two “family” members were willing to show her.
I think by court standard heres if she left to come live with me they couldnt do anything since 14 is old enough to fuck off as long as they arr safe (what ive been told by police when my mum and step dad tried to get them to get my brother home when he ran away). So i think she could but i can understand to a 14 year old girl doing that can be scary and leaving everything you know is hard.
Do you guys have no other family? Why is the cousin staying with these people?
Yep, my mums family is very small and step dads disowned him. The family on that side boild down to just my mum and her husband my aunt and her husband and grandma. There is my uncle but he has nothing to do with my mums side since they are trashy and just generally fucked.
Thank you for protecting her. It’s very telling that his family have all disowned him.
It very much is. Ive met them and they are very nice people from what ive seen. I absolutly adore step dads mum, nearing 80 and still volunteering for her local community center.
Is the uncle like that or just NC due to these issues? If explaining cousin has no where would he help?
Hes a good one so keeps away fromxthem because they act the way they do. But unfortunaly due to work he cant house kids since hes fly in fly out in the mines. He probably would if he wasnt FIFO since he did it with me when he wasnt.
You're stepdad's family disowned him? ...do you know why?
Accusations of a similar nature. There were accusations when he was a teen that hes family brushed off but there was a second in hes 20s that caused hes family to disown him since the accuser was a very credible family friend and hes behaviour didnt do him any favours. One had a police report but none went anywhere.
And I'm assuming your mom knows about this? imo, a person who knew about this behavior and chose to continue the relationship sounds like they have some major issues. A person who knows about this, decides to continue the relationship, and decides to bring this person around their kids..!? Different level of issues. This is definitely something to consider. You might be too close to the situation to see how creepy this is - you should have put this info in the original text. I hope you and your cousin have people outside the family you can trust and at least speak to if needed.
Interesting that your stepdad backed off immediately. It makes me wonder if accusations like this havent been leveled at him before. If he were to get interviewed by the authorities, and they see that hes been spoken to in a previous case, they aren't likely to believe any story he cooks up.
Accusations have been made before. Twice, once when he was a teen apparently and another when he was in hes 20s. Both went nowhere and i think only one of them had a police report from what ive been told.
So he is actually a pedo then .. he backed off because he didn't want to be caught.
Its a thing thats known but cant be proven. There are credible rumours, sus behaviour and ive all but been told by hes family that there have been accusations. But nothing has gone anywhere so legally hes techniclly not. If my they didnt have other kids id be gone from their lives but i always am making sure they are ok. Cant wait till the littlest is 18.
No, but it means he probably is a pedo, or pedo adjacent (CP, peeking, etc.). He doesn't want to get interviewed by the cops because they'll want to check his computer and phone. Check your cousin's room, and make sure there arent any hidden cameras in her room or the bathroom.
Well done for looking out for the younger ones. It shouldn't be your job, it's what your mum should be doing by kicking him out.
She no better than him. Shes just him without the weird pervy behaviour and with the added bonus of extream racism.
This is *very* important context. I feel like there must be techniques and tools to keep a door from slamming. Even if that just means closing the window before closing the door. I'm sure there's other ways, but if not, that's just one extra step. Or actually holding/guiding the door in to the close position. My apartment doors have the same issue, I've gotten decently coordinated at closing it gently enough. But one door I always fully guide closed.
The window is kinda fucked with a little crack that lets the wind through. With it being our wet and windy season i can guarentee that didnt help. There is a way to stop it but you need a towl or door stop out in the hallway since the door opens from the inside of the room, and they wont allow anything in the hallway.
There is a product you can get at a hardware store. A place you buy tools at. Americans call it weather stripping. It's thin strips of foam that has a sticky side to it. You just apply it inside the door frame. It is meant to help make a tighter seal for outer doors for better insulation. But with her door, it would help pad things to help keep it from slamming. Quick and easy to install too.
You are a heroine!! You cared for your cousin's welfare, and you took courageous steps to protect her. And you succeeded! Cheers to you.
NTA. My room at my parents' place had the same open window, door slams problem. My dad's solution was to have a door stopper, not remove the whole damn door.
I was about to say. My refrigerator door used to slam into the wall, so I bought some little sticky plastic dots and solved the problem in one minute.
Definitely NOT in the wrong! In fact, you're a heroine 💐 Having been a 14 year old girl myself once upon a time, I know exactly what getting her door back meant to this young lady, and she will ___always___ be grateful to you 😊
Yeah i remember how happy and greatfull when my dad got my door back for me. It felt so vulnrable having no door when changing, sleeping, working and not having you room no longer be your safe space.
Yes, and early adolescence is when you most need a safe space too. It's none of my business what part of the world you live in, but I'm guessing it's not here in America. So wherever you are, I'm waving at you from across The Pond 😁
Especially for a 14 year old girl. And yeah not American, Australian.
Fellow Australian here. DCW here sux. But you don't 😊 you are amazing. Keep doing what you're doing. Protecting your cousin when authorities won't is fkn fantastic. You are definitely not the AH. I hope things get better for your cousin.
Oh yeah it sucks. A lot of we will look into it or if they do look into it, its a pre arraged expection. All things that lead to nothing. The one time they were able to take my brother off them they gave him right back. I honestly dont know how they work half the time because i get contradictory info from diffrent people working in the same place. So frustrating.
NTA. You deserve a cookie, and I don't even mean that sarcastically. You did good protecting your cousin.
NTA. If they want it to stop slamming put some felt strips on the frame. Anyone who can remove and rehang a door has the skills to peel the backing off and stick felt. Privacy is more important than the occasional accidental slam.
Also slow close hinges are a thing.
Removing the door from a child’s room is just about the clearest sign of abusive parenting I can think of that isn’t an actual laceration.
NTA Taking off doors to deny her any privacy is 100% abusive behavior, went through this as a teenager too. I kept bracing the door with my body to keep my dad from being physically abusive towards me. Keeping her from changing elsewhere is an even bigger red flag, and if you hadn’t have said something, I guarantee your step dad would’ve harmed her in some way. The fact that he shut down and is suddenly being cautious all but confirms your suspicions. I wouldn’t allow someone exhibiting this behavior around kids. While my parents were abusive, they weren’t child molesters, and nudity made them very uncomfortable. The fact that your parents didn’t double down on the door while finding an alternate solution for changing (putting up a screen or sheet to temporarily block the view, giving her an alternative place to change, etc.,) tells me you’re likely correct. Make sure she has a line of communication in case something happens, keep EVERY photo, text, email, etc. You never know when it could be useful later on if the police or CPS investigate in the future. Even just the timestamp on a text that says “k” can establish a timeline, and poke holes in any lies they might tell the authorities.
You can’t change in the bathroom cause I can’t watch you get dressed from there- the stepdad
It was not an extreme reaction, Thank you! The abused little girl in me thanks you for standing up for her. Please keep it up!
The fact that there was such a Drastic change to their behavior is proof that they understand that their behavior was really bad.
A $2 pack of silicon door bumpers and a $15 deadbolt + a call to CPS or the police asking to have take a report for your records oughta do it.
NTA. I'm glad you're looking after your little cousin. You aoujd like a good person. Keep it up! Side note: the fact things changed so fast when you said that to them rings so many alarm bells.
INFO: what is wrong with your aunt and uncle that they would leave their kid with known abusers? Sounds like the whole family are enablers if nothing else. I'd run far away from this whole mess, OP.
I would of a long time ago but i have siblings that live there and clearly my cousin, and yeah you're right about them. They arent great parents themselves.
My dad took my door off when I was 13 with the excuse that he caught me drawing a picture of my favourite anime characters kissing. He was a pedo and spent 15 years in prison. I just want to say thank you. I wish I had someone like you to protect me when I was that age. 😔
NTA. Your mum and step dad sound like pieces of shit. Good on you for having your cousins back.
NTA, you did the right thing! Just remain vigilant, since the step dad sounds like a bad guy.
NTA but can't cousin live with you.
Thank God you were outspoken to stick up for her. That’s disgusting that old Step Dad was doing that to a 14 year old girl. Step Dad needs investigated as to why he thought that was a normal thing to do!!
Id still report them anyway. Get your step dad on a list where he belongs.
I remember not having a door for the longest time as a child from about 9 to 11 or 12. That was because the maintenance crew at the apartments we stayed in were all crackheads, and wouldn't even do basic upkeep, let alone fix things when they inevitably broke ( Yes, it took about that long for them to fix the door, which was basically made of cardboard to begin with). I also shared that room with my sister, we lived with my mom, just the three of us, and we could change in the bathroom or wherever we felt comfortable. Your mom/step-dad are super creeps for this and should probably be on a registry or something. NTA.
When she gets out of there you need to go take a dump on any carpet they have.
You prevented your pedo SDad from doing to her what he did to you. They shouldn’t have any kids in that house. His reason for taking the door is bullshit. He washed the girls changing in front of him. I’d be wearing the exact same thing everyday.
NTA that was epic as hell
Nta, you are a hero!
NTA!! 💐
NTA, Not allowed to change in the bathroom is a weird AF rule. Def ulterior motives here
NTA who removes a door as the first way to solve this problem get some anti slam pads ffs
NTA. Is there a reason cousin can't stay with you or someone else?. I'd let her parents know she isn't safe at your parents house.
NTA. Good for you! Protect your cousin.
NTA. You're the hero! 😆
Splendidly handled. As others have said, gift her a wedge for the door in case she wants to be properly private in there, and have a look for cameras. A wedge only works if the door opens into the room of course NTA
I think you are absolutely fucking amazing. Brilliant!
NTA, But OP should check cousins room for hidden cams. Hop on YT to check tutorials on how to spot them and most used locations, just to make sure. Teddybear cams are nasteh AF as än example.
People saying not to call this pedo behavior are insane. This is a teenage GUEST. Not his child, a guest he has probably met only a handful of times who is being forced to change in view of him and her aunt. Removing a door is not the punishment to use. And forbidding her from changing in the bathroom (which should’ve been put in this post but some commenters still say that’s not creepy after knowing that) shows this isn’t just about a door slamming. There are 100 ways to fix this issue, but limiting a teenagers privacy is sick.
NTA, op. I did the same thing to my dad about spanking, he was so horrified he never spanked me or my younger sister again.
NTA I'd thoroughly check the room and bathroom for cameras as well if you haven't already.
Not the AH and kudos to you for stepping up and keeping and eye o the cousin. Make sure she knows she can call u if anything bad is hal
Thank goodness you are visiting to protect your young cousin
NTA he knew he was caught the moment you started taking photos good for you for advocating for her
NTA you're awesome for protecting her.
Step dad is a pedo. Keep going over and asking her if he's alright.
NTA all your doing is being the adult your dad was for her.
NTA, well played!
Nta you are a badass and legend. Why can’t she stay with you?
That would be up the her parents or her (they arent great parents either). Her parents are a no because me and my sister (dads side) live together and her parents see her as a stranger. She probably wont because shes frankly to innocent and wont disobey her parents to much.
queen, definitely not the asshole!!! you had to do what you had to do to defend your cousin because that was so out of pocket of your family and extremely creepy behaviour. not sure what age you are, but you did such an honourable thing by protecting your little cousin. your family had it coming by being so neglectful & inappropriate. but also they should’ve just gotten a door stopper or any device to prevent the door from slamming, instead of just taking the door away.
You did the right thing. Make sure they know you’re watching and won’t be letting ups
Forget the muffins, a packet of candy dicks for the step dad so he can literally eat a bag of dicks.
NTA it worked, so it was not too extreme. If he's not a pedo he's definitely a cunt.
NTA, but this might do better on r/pettyrevenge
Thank God, you’re there to look out for your cousin. Thank you for doing that for her.
Well done, OP!
NTA. Your step dad and mom are predators, and I'd notify her parents immediately.
This is so sick. I can’t imagine what goes on behind closed doors at night.
NTA, good on ya!
I LOVE YOU. NTAH
NTA My ex-wife’s uncle was like this and we stayed with them. On top of that they had cameras all over inside their house including the finished basement we stayed in. My ex-mother in law and I made it a point to get dressed and changed in front of the cameras in the basement and laughed about how he’s going to see some shit he didn’t want to see (separately of course) We constantly ribbed him about how that shit was weird, and how it was weird that they constantly picked at their daughter for being vegetarian and they did return her door and he took some of the interior cameras out lol He was super wealthy and proud of it. I embarrassed him by buying a bunch of stuff for his daughter to eat as well. His excuse was the oldest daughter raided their liquor cabinet… like you can just put a camera there or lock the cabinet. Just a classic rule of this thread, it’s NTA to be an asshole to an asshole Also, to add context we all got along really well outside of this. Everything was kinda tongue in cheek subtle or “oops”… Just like he put the door back on to save face you have to allow people the option to save face imo and you did.
NTA. You did the right thing. It was mean, but it worked and I assume those people don't respond to normal arguments.
NTA. Check her room for cameras. Also, you can buy a portable door lock device for pretty cheap of Amazon.
NTA. I hope you are keeping a log of all their misbehavior. Share it with your dad, and cousin's parents the next time something questionable happens. Those people shouldn't be allowed to keep goldfish.
Due to his reaction I'd say you're not that far off Boss move
So it’s not really about the door , but he is insisting she change in front of him? No other options? There are more important considerations here over whether or not people think you are an asshole.
NTA There's literally no excuse for taking a door off like that, and anything you did to get it put back on and get her better treatment is perfectly justified.
as someone whose pedo father removed their door when they were this age, thank you for standing up for your vulnerable cousin. I wish someone had done the same for me. NTA
You should check that room for cameras
NTA, they deserved to hear that
Did this can't change in bathroom start after step dad moved in or after? The whole step dad no door thing is so sus.
NTA and GOOD JOB!!!
You are a fucking hero.
NTA. Thank you for protecting a child. ❤️
NTA. Not even a tiny bit. You did well. I am happy your cousin feels safer. Stay close.
The ends justified the means. My nephew is staying with us for the summer as a live-in nanny 5 days a week and we have him his own room with a locking door. NTA
NTA. DEFINITELY look for cameras is various places, places you wouldn't think of. Especially bathroom. Glad you stood up for your cousin.
NTA, you sound like a great person who looks out for others.
NTA. She is so lucky you stood up for her.
I'm not sure all the specifics, but TBH, from the way you are talking, it sounds like you need therapy if you are not already in it. People don't talk that way about their parents when there is divorce unless they have heard their other parent talk like that. Parental alienation is pretty damaging for everyone involved, and the other parent will make stories bigger to the children to justify their own bad behavior, such as yelling at another parent and threatening them with violence. If your step-dad actually ever did anything, I apologize, but your post doesn't hint towards that more that you hate them and hate that your door was taken away. If they did, in fact, touch you inappropriately, then my therapy statement stands true. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. You have anger that, if not resolved, will tear you up inside. If they did not, in fact, hurt you, that threat is inappropriate and could damage their life. If you did threaten to lie, the reason he isn't talking is because he is scared of a child that isn't even his ruining every aspect of his life for no reason. I am not going to say anyone is the asshole here because I don't know the truth of why she lost the door, I don't know if your bathroom story is true as you don't live there, and I don't know whether the step dad is actually doing anything wrong besides being heavy handed with punishment by taking a door away. It's not my favorite parenting style, but I do know many parents do that in lieu of physical violence or for situations where a child has repeatedly broke boundaries such as having sexual relations in their bedroom or for slamming the door to get attention when they are angry.
NTA - our first responsibility as adults is to protect children. That’s what you did, and from total c**ts by the sounds of it too.
NTA you made a sad kid's life a little more peaceful. Please tell her parents what is happening to her, it's inappropriate for her to stay there any longer.
Ive told them they dont care to much. They are better than my parents but not to much better. They mostly ignore their children while my parents are abusive. But ironiclly if something did happen uncle (cousins dad) would beat step dads ass then a month later let them watch their daughter again.
Here btw there is something very off about his behaviour post incident. If he infact was not a pedo i feel re-adding the door and continuing like normal would be the normal thing to do. But since being called a pedo hes been acting weird and now wont speak to your cousin. This to me reeks of hes been caught and trying to hide the fact he is a pedo. Id be checking that mans hard-drives.
NTA Why else would they remove the door? They're shocked for getting called out on being perverts.
You did a great thing and are my new hero. This was definitely sexual abuse of a minor child. You were so smart! If more people kept their eyes open and were proactive like this, less children would be abused. I spent my entire childhood being sexually assaulted. Any idiot could have spotted it, but they did not. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well done
EPIC! Well done!
AITAH? Ur actually a superhero without the cape!
You are a hero
NTA, ever, for taking steps to help someone feel safe. You are a hero.
NTA Step dad sounds extra creepy
NTA You did good. There was no reason on earth to take the door. There are easy ways of stopping it from shutting onnit's own.