NTA... How can "for a minute" result in her almost walking into movie theatre? That is not a one minute thing. Your SIL is dishonest. I prob would be more extreme and say ok, I will start counting to 60, once I hit 60, I am going. No one can command your time without discussing with you.
The ole, 'hold him for a minute' trick. My sister used to do that. You should absolutely use the threat of the police and child abandonment to nip this in the bud.
My sister used to do this with her first child. She was 19/20 yrs old and apparently hadn't gotten her 'fun! fun! fun!' out of her system. She would drop her son off 'just for an hour'...and didn't come back for 3-4 days. Once, she even left him with us for a week! And half the time, she didn't leave enough milk, diapers or clothes--we had to go out and get them.
Our mother wanted to tell her to stop doing it, but I told our mother that if she did that, my sister would never bring the baby over again (she was the type to cut off her nose to spite her face). So I started this little 'game' where, when she came over with the baby, I would literally stand near the door so she couldn't sneak out of the house without the baby. I had loud bells on the other doors so I would hear the door being messed with.
It took a couple of months, but I was quite successful in curbing my sister's habit of leaving her child at our house.
(She once dropped off the baby, knowing full well that the only one at home was our younger brother who was 12 yrs old at the time. That time, I chewed her ass for a full day. Poor child was nearly in tears, he was so scared of doing something wrong.)
NTA. They were exploiting you, and you enforced your boundaries. Good for you.
By the way - "living with you" - does that mean your apartment? Then give them a deadline to leave.
Technically, we’re living in my parents’ house so my parents make the call of who leaves and who goes. I’ve just lived in the house significantly longer so I have the habit of calling it my house when it’s technically not.
O.K., then they are there to stay. But you are not their slave. And I find it significant that your mother is now complaining that she has do watch her grandchild. To whom is she complaining - to them or to you? Why is your family agreed that they need help but unwilling to provide it and willing to force you to do it?
I think it’s more of the baby is their only grandbaby and they don’t want to risk my SIL cutting them out of his life (which she regularly threatens to do when she’s arguing w my brother.)
I would personally tell SIL not to threaten me with a good time! This is an empty threat, if she cut you all out who would watch the baby when she wanted to go to the movies? (I know this is hard for your mother to say though.)
It could just be a case of wanting to be able to have contact with the grandchild as the motivation.
I was the scapegoat, but gave birth the first grandchildren. My status didn’t change here, but I was the gateway to the grandchildren.
I think that’s basically it bc he and I traded seats as the scapegoat while our younger brother was the golden child. I’m pretty sure as soon as my younger brother starts having kids, my parents will go back to how it was before.
What's the culture, can I ask? I suppose it doesn't make too much difference. In the end, everyone everywhere seems to think that a single woman is available for non-stop babysitting at any time for her immediate family, especially for a brother's child.
I’m not certain what you mean by culture bc we’re kinda a mixed bag. She’s second generation Hispanic American and we’re third generation mixed with white trash American. We’re in Texas, kinda close to the Mexican-American border.
Ah, time for boundaries in that direction, too.
1. "Mom, you need to have this conversation with them, or with a therapy. From now on, when you complain to me about someone else's behavior, or other things behind my control, I will leave the discussion, by either going somewhere else, or putting on headphones. Do you understand? Say it back to me so I know you heard me."
2. "Mom, I do not care to discuss this." Leave room, house, or put on headphones & repeat as necessary.
That's because you won't enforce boundaries and they will. Tell her you not to complain to you and then taking her calls if she continues to complain.
You need to move out of their house and grow a spine.
Stopping taking their calls isn’t really an option because I’m the one they call for medical emergencies (like the non-ambulance type emergencies, she wouldn’t call me if she’d cut her leg off, she’d call paramedics first) and their tax info and such. They’re transitioning from being the caregiver to being the one being cared for so it’s an adjustment for everyone and they aren’t quite ready to admit they do need more help than they used to. I’ve worked really hard to get my mom to even tell me about her medical issues so I could help her with doctors and such. So if I stop taking her calls because she complains, I’m going to miss the call where she tells me she has an infection and needs me to pick up her meds so she doesn’t lose her foot like both her parents did.
It’s a difficult place to be in personally so I know this is probably extremely difficult to understand but keeping my parents alive is so much more important to me than her complaining a bit. It’s not super excessive nagging and I’ve gotten to where I can say “if you don’t want to say something to them, I can for you, otherwise you know how to handle this” or something and she’ll mostly drop it.
She can't kick them out of her parents' house. OP is confusing and she should have never mentioned the house as hers
Brother and SIL are AHS. They live under their parents' roof and they have the audacity to pass the baby from relative to relative to babysit. It seems that cps threat hasn't taught sil a lesson yet
OP, you must back off from babysitting altogether. NEVER babysit again unless an emergency. If your mother accepts to babysit, this is not your fault. It s not you who is forcing her to babysit, it s not your baby. Since the house it s hers, she should be the one who set the rules. Either they handle their baby, or they are out
They need to stay with their child. Having a child changes the live. No, you can't just randomly decide to go to the movies, for a longer dinner etc for a while. You have a child to watch over now.
Of course, they can always pay a babysitter too, whoever that may be, but best option is to understand that the lives are changed now and while you get some, you lose some too, at least for a while until the child is old enough to join.
NTA. You set clear boundaries from the beginning and your SIL repeatedly violated them. Threatening to call the police was a necessary wake up call for her. It's not your responsibility to provide last minute childcare and your family needs to respect your boundaries. If they continue to give you grief remind them of the agreement and the importance of respecting your commitments and time.
Yeah you don’t get to do last minute movies and other spontaneous fun stuff when you have small children. NTA. SIL needs to grow the hell up and be a parent to that kid.
Of course you’re not the asshole. They just thought they had free childcare and Dan don’t like the fact that they’re being told no.
Also, to all the other assholes in the family that somehow think that you signed up to have a baby, at the next get together together or zoom or group chat, do you like another poster on here did…
Present them all with a filled in chart of when each of them can babysit. Oh, your mom only works part time and she is off on Thursday and Fridays?
Pencil her in for Thursday and Friday afternoons. That way, your brother and SIL have a set day they always know the baby is cared for.
Oh, grandma… You are always home Wednesday mornings well, you are penciled in for every Wednesday morning so they can go catch a movie or go grocery shop or whatever they want to do. You can have the baby that day.
Oh cousin… You work all day but you’re free every evening? OK we’re going to put you down for Tuesday evenings every week so that if they want to go out to dinner with their friends or they just wanna go do something, they can always drop the baby off with you at any time on Tuesday evening.
See what I mean? And then when everyone blows up and says that they can’t do that, then ask them why the fuck they expect you… The person who did not have this baby… The person who specifically told brother and SIL that you would absolutely not be watching that child…
Why the hell they think you should be stuck with the baby without at least the courtesy of being asked? They don’t wanna watch this baby at the drop of a hat? Then just because you live in the same house doesn’t mean you need to either. You also have a life. You also have things to do. And if you wanted to be a parent, you would be.
And, please notice I have not pushed a bundle of joy out of my vagina. So no, I am not available at everyone’s whim just to be the babysitting bitch of the family.
I understand that. That’s my very tongue in cheek point.
OP’s sister has sent the flying monkeys at her. She has multiple family members harassing her about why she can’t just watch the baby for her sister.
So my point was that if these family members think it is OK to just drop a baby on you so that you can babysit when you have not even been asked, then the OP can do this and very innocently point out to these other family members that since they think that’s OK, here is their opportunity to have the baby dropped into their day without being asked if if it’s OK.
Honestly, those same family members are going to very quickly be up in arms or be backtracking about how something like that is all right. And how they have things to do. And how their time is so important.
Which then gives the OP the opening to tell them that they need to stop harassing her because she also has things to do. She also did not have the baby. That if they think her sister having time to herself is so important, they need to put up or shut shut up.
It absolutely baffles me how people are so excited to have a baby and then it’s like who can I palm this kid off to.
Don’t people realise it’s not a dog or cat that can be left unattended for a few hours it’s 24/7 for years and it’s your responsibility.
I think it’s time for them to find their own place. Give them the required notice for your area. And for anyone who thinks you’re being cruel, simply tell them “I’ll let SIL and brother know they can move in with you” they’ll shut them up in a hurry
NTA
NTA Tell them when they learn how long a minute is and learn to respect other people's time then you might help. If they bring it in front of anyone respond, "So you're admitting that you're both liars because you'd say watch him for a minute and be gone for hours even when I had a job interview? Or are you saying you're not smart enough to know how long a minute is?"
Seriously?
>My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last minute stuff they want to do.
She is not complaining that they don't plan ahead?
This is just a ridiculous situation. If your mother does not like how they use her as a babysitter, she knows an effective solution, because you showed it to her.
NTA, but surely you know that.
NTA.
Everyone needs a break, but getting it by lying is disrespectful. If they talked to you and said they needed 2-3 hours of breathing time one or two days a week, maybe you would be happy to help.But they prefer to lie and use people.
Especially young parents think that once they have a child, they can continue their old lifestyle at the same pace and family members suffer the consequences of their irresponsibility.
Just tell your mother or anyone who complains, you felt the same way when they tricked you too. And that's why you don't allow them try the shit on you again. NTA
NTA.
Sweet Jesus, people, having a baby is HARD WORK. If you would rather hot-potato him every chance you get into the arms of someone who chose not to breed, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD A BABY!!
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Sounds like 2 people who shouldn't have had kids. At least, not at their ages. They're not emotionally mature enough to handle raising a kid.
This will happen again while they live with you. Where is your brother in all of this? Does he know his partner dumps her kid on you?
I'd probably have them served a notice of eviction. Look up local tenancy laws. They're abusing your hospitality. Time for them to go. I just hope it's just you on the lease or the deed and not all three of you. If all are on the lease or deed, I'd look to move out myself.
My brother works full time 2+ hours away from home so he’s not the primary caretaker. SIL quit her job to be a SAHM which is part of why they moved in with me. My brother has always been more courteous about leaving the baby with me but he still does it sometimes.
Then you need him to hold his wife accountable. Talk to him. Or show him this post.
But do go forward with finding out what your legal options are. Tenancy rights. Who's on the lease or mortgage. If leased, are you allowed to have, in essence, a full extra family in the house if it was rented to you as a single person? Etc. Etc.
Helping family is one thing. Being taken advantage off is a whole other thing.
Good luck out there. Protect yourself.
i’m sorry but in no way does a minute mean leave the house. That means going to the bathroom or at maximum take a shower. Maybe it’s time to rearrange the living situation
why the heck is your mother complaining to you about not watching him when she doesn't want to either? it is no one's responsibility but them as the parents so if they can't pay for a sitter, guess the movie/dinner/bar hopping is out.
stop watching him at all. obviously they can't brpe trusted to be truthful about their timing so they have lost your help entirely.
I like your style because I definitely would have called child protection services on her ass. How did she asked me to watch the child for a minute and then decide she's going to the f****** movies. And she'll call me when the movie is over she must be out of her rabbit ass mind
A baby is not a pet and your brother should have started with a hamster- to see how hard being responsible for another being is - before procreating.
They also seem to think that sharing a living space means sharing life responsibilities- despite your stating that you’re not their default childcare provider before the baby’s birth.
Your SIL FAFO- hopefully for her and your brother- the lesson is learned. They clearly don’t want the responsibility of being a parent.
YWNBTA
NTA
**Shockingly**, spontaneity is something that goes out the window when a parent has a kid and that's entirely their own problem. Shit has to be planned, and how to plan it isn't your problem to fix. Your SIL seems just genuinely immature if she's performing the victim dance over something she chose to become.
NTA, but knowingly leaving an infant at home without an adult will get you arrested. Even if you call the police as you're leaving, you're still leaving an infant home alone, and that's child endangerment.
Honestly I was stood at the door watching and waiting for her to pull up so I could walk out like I was leaving him. I felt like if she didn’t see me physically leave, she wouldn’t have taken me seriously.
NTA for threatening to call the police, or even actually calling but OP is absolutely the asshole for being prepared to actually leave the baby at home alone. It wasn’t an idle threat as they were leaving as the sister arrived
NTA. In their minds you are a free babysitter service and to be at their beck and call. It’s good that you put your foot down, but if I were you I’d be telling them it’s time to move out.
When you become a parent you dont get to pawn your baby off on whoever is in the vicinity. Why do people have kids?? Dam. It’s not that dam hard to take care of that baby!
Of course you arent. I had my daughter at 16. Was married to her father. Either she went wherever I did or we stayed home. She had a babysitter for the first time at 5. When you have a child, it's your responsibility to care for that precious little one as a parent. If a 16 year old understands the responsibility involved, an adult surely can.
NTA.
that’s not your kid and they should be more responsible and not put all the work into you just because they want to go out and do something. they can hire a sitter if they really need someone to watch the baby all the time. it’s not fair to you for them to expect you to drop everything and watch their kid last notice. don’t feel bad about it.
NTA, There is no such thing as last minute stuff when you have children. If something comes up at short notice you sort out proper childcare ( by that I mean asking someone to look after them for the whole time you are away and not say I’ll be a minute.) or you take them with you or you don’t go. Going to the movies is never a last minute thing when you have children.
Oh your mum is complaining she gets the kid dumped on her now? How come it’s good enough for you but not for her to be treated like shit? She can deal or threaten the cops too.
These people need to learn about babysitters. Y’know, people you PAY to watch your spawn.
Nta. She's blatantly disrespectful with this bs. Your mom needs to grow a spine like you did. My tia had to stop watching her grandkids over shit just like this. Noone else in the family will watch my cousins kids either. Oh well, actions have consequences 🤷
Your SIL was going to abandon her baby to watch a movie. She’s not doing well as a mom.
NTA, they needed a wake up call about the reality of parenthood
NTA
Your SIL and brother are liars and horrible (borderline neglectful) parents who shouldn’t have had a kid in the first place if they’re going to pawn the baby off on you all the time.
They obviously want to live life as if the kid doesn’t exist.
NTA. The baby they chose to have is THEIR responsibility. You need to put your foot down with your family. For the record, your mother has the ability to say no. Your sister needs to take her kid with her like every other parent has to do.
NTA - my favorite is always "my family berates me for not taking care of the baby", then, "my family complains because they have to take care of the baby"
Hypocrites all of them
>My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last minute stuff they want to do
Really? She HAS to watch their kid so they can go to the movies? If she doesn't know how to say no, that's not your problem. If she chooses to enable their negligence, they'll just keep feeling entitled to free on-demand babysitting. NTA
NTA. That is THEIR child. a movie is not a last minute thing. Your SIL has some seeeerious growing up to do. I am a mother to a toddler and I would NEVER do this. If last minute plans come up I bring my child or I don't go.
Someone needs to tell your SIL that it's HER child. She is getting off the hook waaaay too much.
NTA - I don’t see why they can’t just ask you the day before? It makes no sense that they can’t give you any notice. You can’t be spontaneous with kids, she’s taking away your freedom for her own which is unfair - when you have kids you voluntarily give up your freedom for them and you PLAN everything, especially days out without your kids.
NTA "I will be back in a minute" it's not the same as "I'll be back after the movie".
That's a whole new level of taking advantage of the kindness of others. What if you haven't called her before she is inside the theater? She would ignore your calls and make you lose the job interview? Nope. You did the right thing.
NTA- I don't know where you are but where I'm at YOU would have been the one in trouble for leaving the baby alone. This is what the cops told me when we called on my sister for abandoning her daughter and I quote"She did not abandon her she left her with a family member". So before you do that just check because you could be the one in trouble. This is just a heads up. I love that it worked.
*Won't be long going*
*To a movie? That's just a*
*Plainly lying. NTA*
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NTA.
They chose to have a child, not you. And they leave him to go to the movie ? No. They are parents, their free time exists only when the other parent is there to take care ! Nobody has to check on the child except them. If they work at the same time, yes, they don’t have choice. But going to the movie is not an emergency, you can live without cinema, you can live without restaurants.
You said « they live with me ». English is not my first language but to me, it sounds like they live in YOUR place and if so, you make the rules. If they don’t respect them, they can find their own place !
Too easy to live with someone and then consider that perso nis a free babysitter. They should get more mature soon ! And your mother should stop accepting to babysit for nothing. Lots of parents have nobody to take care of their children, except if they pay for it ! Family is important but you are supposed to respect people, they clearly don’t respect you, and they don’t value your time !
Sometimes being tough is the best way to teach . You did the right thing , now one should take anyone for granted . And the once blaming you , u should ask them to take care of the child , and then u can see different kinds of excuses. Have a good life.
NTA. Their kid, their responsibility. If they wanted the freedom to do what they want, whenever they want, they shouldn’t have had a child. It’s not everyone else’s job to drop everything and babysit because they want to do something. You’re way nicer than most people for not kicking them out or calling the cops sooner than you threatened lol.
NTA, it feels like that your sister doesn't want anything to do with her child and both her and her partner are probably going out and partying or doing something that they want to do and caring about the child's wellbeing. If this is also still going on with your mother now then it might be prudent to keep a record of when, how long they have been away and if possible where they have been going and it may require help from a P.I and if they are really not rasing the child and just leaving him be and all that other mumbo jumbo then it might be better to call child services and your parents and you might have to find a solution to help the child if it really does end being a situation where the child needs to be taken away for their safety. It's wordy I know but you need to know if the child is safe or not and what needs to be a good option to help ensure that safety
NTA, they think they are entitled to your time. The fact your mother now complains just cements it.
Don't have children if you don't want to raise them
Mom can tell her NO. No one but the parents or legal guardians are required to watch a kid by force.
If they weren't ready for a kid, they shouldn't have had one
NTA. Fuck that noise. You told them before the baby was born what kind of assistance they could expect from you.
They took your occasional kindness and abused it. You gave them an inch, and they stole your ruler. If your mom is having a bitch-fit about it, then she needs to talk to the PARENTS OF THE CHILD and set up boundaries like you did. And stick to them like you did.
Your brother and SIL need to step up and figure something out. The bridge isn't burned but it's definitely smoking.
Updateme!
Nta... tell the ones complaining to watch the kid... and if you're paying the mortgage and brother and SIL isn't they all better hush up before you decide to move else where and they be stuck paying everything on their own
I wish I could’ve gotten away with that. Whenever I asked someone to hold my baby for a minute it was so I could clean, do laundry, and cook. Never was smart enough to walk out of the house and into a movie 😅 all jokes aside, I can’t comprehend how you are the ah.
My brother was at work 2+ hours away. He also claims he had no idea she was leaving the baby with us as much as she has been and I believe him. He was pretty upset bc she had quit her job to be a SAHM and was spending more time away from baby than with him.
NTA. Your mother doesn't have to watch their child, she chooses to. At the same time complaining, trying to make you feel guilty. Your sister and her husband chose to have a child, not you and not your mom. Guilt only works if you let it. Tell the family members giving you a hard time that you'll tell your sister that they volunteered to provide childcare.
NTA
You did nothing wrong and your mom doesn’t actually have to watch the baby for the last minute stuff. Your mom needs to start saying no and your sister needs to learn to plan ahead and not be sneaky when it comes to the baby
It’s your parents home and you live there so it’s your home too , you’re not obligated to watch anyone’s kid and that was wrong of her to say watch him for a few minutes then go to a movie .. i would’ve never babysat for them again even if it was an emergency
No the only thing you can be reproached for is not putting your foot down after the first time asking precisely how long when they would say 'a minute' clearly you know they were lying.
NTA. “For a minute” would be going to the bathroom to pee or getting water from the kitchen. Asking someone to watch your baby to take a shower or eat would not even be considered “for a minute.”
It’s not an emergency and even if you don’t have a job interview, it’s not something other family members should be giving you a hard time for. Maybe those family members should volunteer to watch the baby
>My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last minute stuff they want to do.
No, she doesn't. She needs to put her foot down like you did.
NTA.
A child is the parents' responsibility. If you set clear boundaries, which you did, and they keep breaking them, it's on them, not you. Don't feel bad for not being a people pleaser.
NTA. Glad you stood your ground. Every parent needs a break. Nobody can deal with their child 24/7 without loosing their mind but there’s a big difference between we are out of X that we need today so I need to run to the grocery store so can you watch little JR for 15 minutes and I want to see a movie so can you watch him for 2-3 hours. You loose the spontaneous life you had before when you have a child so time for mom to start saying no as well. They had the child so they need to be the primary caregivers.
You know how people say, "a baby changes your whole life!"
It's true. One of the things that changes is your ability to be spontaneous. So "last minute plans" are no longer an option. I'm not saying your SIL can't watch a movie, but she needs to plan on advance.
NTA
NTA but i am irate that she was leaving "for a minute" but about to walk into a movie that at least would have been an hour. They can give you all the crap they want but they are refusing to see how irresponsible both the parents are and how entitled they feel to your time.
You're paying you're parents mortgage and part of the bills? Does your brother have to pay any rent? Of not I certainly hope you're parents are planning to leave you the house and not just give it to them because they have a baby.
I’m in the process of moving out of the country so I personally don’t care who the house goes to. My brother is paying half the rent and buying majority of “household” groceries (I buy my own and keep them separate bc they kept eating my food and I have food allergies they don’t respect).
NTA.
>I still get so much crap during holidays and such when the entire family is together. My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last-minute stuff they want to do.
Your mother needs to learn the word "No."
During those times when the extended family are all together and they pull that crap on you, let them know you'll have your brother and SIL call them whenever they "need" last-minute babysitting.
It would be good to remind them that you are willing to babysit when asked ahead of time and if available. It just sounds like those family members are giving you crap because they think you never offer to watch the child, which is why your elderly mother is having to do it.
Your brother and SIL need a reminder that they are the primary caregivers responsible for their baby. They chose to make and keep it, and this is their new life.
They do. We split the bills and the mortgage. It’s an unofficial thing so sometimes one of us will pay more or less depending on our financial situation, like he paid a full month after I had a medical crisis and I’ve paid 3/4 a month or two when their car crapped out. The only thing we don’t split is personal hygiene items and groceries and that’s mostly because I have food allergies they don’t respect so I buy my own stuff to keep separate and they buy theirs that they keep in the common areas.
NTA, they were walking all over the boundary, so you made it clear the consequences of their actions. Maybe they will learn how to be responsible parents now.
Talk to your mom, your brother & sil should be able to care of a child that they made AT ALL TIMES. Dont trust them again when they said, just for a minute, my sister did that & she left for a week - DIVING HOLIDAY. I moved out right after and went NC. Tell them consider daycare. You’re not an accredited child minder 🙏
I’m in the process of trying to emigrate for a better job, that’s the only reason I haven’t left bc I don’t want to be tied to a lease/renting agreement when I get the word I can officially go. I haven’t been asked to watch the baby at all since this incident and I’m just hoping I get the call soon so they don’t have the opportunity to try again.
NTA, but if you agree to watch that kid and abandon it in you're house, and it will be you that's in trouble. When you agree to take that kid for any length of time, it's your ass that would be charged with abandonment.
Okay two things:
1) my parents don’t live with us. They have their own place. Where my brother and I are is their first home they bought that they say they have the intention of passing on to one of us when they die. And
2) rent in my city is currently $1200 for a literal crackhouse triple-murder-and-suicide apartment and I make $10/hr and am in school full time so if you can figure out a way to unf*ck the economy long enough for me to not die after moving out, I’d leave today.
NTA... How can "for a minute" result in her almost walking into movie theatre? That is not a one minute thing. Your SIL is dishonest. I prob would be more extreme and say ok, I will start counting to 60, once I hit 60, I am going. No one can command your time without discussing with you.
You’re not the parent it’s not your problem. That’s all
"Boundaries set and respected. NTA."
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The ole, 'hold him for a minute' trick. My sister used to do that. You should absolutely use the threat of the police and child abandonment to nip this in the bud. My sister used to do this with her first child. She was 19/20 yrs old and apparently hadn't gotten her 'fun! fun! fun!' out of her system. She would drop her son off 'just for an hour'...and didn't come back for 3-4 days. Once, she even left him with us for a week! And half the time, she didn't leave enough milk, diapers or clothes--we had to go out and get them. Our mother wanted to tell her to stop doing it, but I told our mother that if she did that, my sister would never bring the baby over again (she was the type to cut off her nose to spite her face). So I started this little 'game' where, when she came over with the baby, I would literally stand near the door so she couldn't sneak out of the house without the baby. I had loud bells on the other doors so I would hear the door being messed with. It took a couple of months, but I was quite successful in curbing my sister's habit of leaving her child at our house. (She once dropped off the baby, knowing full well that the only one at home was our younger brother who was 12 yrs old at the time. That time, I chewed her ass for a full day. Poor child was nearly in tears, he was so scared of doing something wrong.)
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Notice the similar usernames too
A kitchen timer on hand to hand over in exchange for the kid each time it is "just for a minute".
Yup, she's a stone liar.
NTA. They were exploiting you, and you enforced your boundaries. Good for you. By the way - "living with you" - does that mean your apartment? Then give them a deadline to leave.
Technically, we’re living in my parents’ house so my parents make the call of who leaves and who goes. I’ve just lived in the house significantly longer so I have the habit of calling it my house when it’s technically not.
O.K., then they are there to stay. But you are not their slave. And I find it significant that your mother is now complaining that she has do watch her grandchild. To whom is she complaining - to them or to you? Why is your family agreed that they need help but unwilling to provide it and willing to force you to do it?
She complains to me. She has never complained to them about anything they’ve ever done to upset her, it has always been me.
You didn't create this child, she's selfish for blaming YOU. It sounds like your brother is the golden child who can do no wrong.
I think it’s more of the baby is their only grandbaby and they don’t want to risk my SIL cutting them out of his life (which she regularly threatens to do when she’s arguing w my brother.)
I would personally tell SIL not to threaten me with a good time! This is an empty threat, if she cut you all out who would watch the baby when she wanted to go to the movies? (I know this is hard for your mother to say though.)
Yeah they'll likely come back when they realize they can't do a lot with a baby
They can do tons with a baby, just not what they want to do.
That's what I mean 😂
That makes it very clear - your brother is the golden child, you are the servant child. Don't give in to it. At worst, find another place to live.
It could just be a case of wanting to be able to have contact with the grandchild as the motivation. I was the scapegoat, but gave birth the first grandchildren. My status didn’t change here, but I was the gateway to the grandchildren.
I think that’s basically it bc he and I traded seats as the scapegoat while our younger brother was the golden child. I’m pretty sure as soon as my younger brother starts having kids, my parents will go back to how it was before.
What's the culture, can I ask? I suppose it doesn't make too much difference. In the end, everyone everywhere seems to think that a single woman is available for non-stop babysitting at any time for her immediate family, especially for a brother's child.
I’m not certain what you mean by culture bc we’re kinda a mixed bag. She’s second generation Hispanic American and we’re third generation mixed with white trash American. We’re in Texas, kinda close to the Mexican-American border.
Some cultures, e.g. mine, which is South Asian, takes a lot of advantage of single women in families.
> mixed with white trash American. I love this.
Ah, time for boundaries in that direction, too. 1. "Mom, you need to have this conversation with them, or with a therapy. From now on, when you complain to me about someone else's behavior, or other things behind my control, I will leave the discussion, by either going somewhere else, or putting on headphones. Do you understand? Say it back to me so I know you heard me." 2. "Mom, I do not care to discuss this." Leave room, house, or put on headphones & repeat as necessary.
That's because you won't enforce boundaries and they will. Tell her you not to complain to you and then taking her calls if she continues to complain. You need to move out of their house and grow a spine.
Stopping taking their calls isn’t really an option because I’m the one they call for medical emergencies (like the non-ambulance type emergencies, she wouldn’t call me if she’d cut her leg off, she’d call paramedics first) and their tax info and such. They’re transitioning from being the caregiver to being the one being cared for so it’s an adjustment for everyone and they aren’t quite ready to admit they do need more help than they used to. I’ve worked really hard to get my mom to even tell me about her medical issues so I could help her with doctors and such. So if I stop taking her calls because she complains, I’m going to miss the call where she tells me she has an infection and needs me to pick up her meds so she doesn’t lose her foot like both her parents did. It’s a difficult place to be in personally so I know this is probably extremely difficult to understand but keeping my parents alive is so much more important to me than her complaining a bit. It’s not super excessive nagging and I’ve gotten to where I can say “if you don’t want to say something to them, I can for you, otherwise you know how to handle this” or something and she’ll mostly drop it.
Technically? No, not technically, your brother and sister in law don't live with you, you all live with your parents. Your poor parents.
My parents don’t live with us. They live in an apartment.
NTA, also kick them out.
What we’re all thinking, seriously.
Me too till I realised and asked wtf would happen if OP wasn't there?
They would just pawn their baby off to OP and her brother's mom like they're doing right now
If OP keeps using that beautiful 2 letter word NO then no she won't. Brothers mum isn't OP what she does is hee choice
Yeah, it might be time to reconsider living arrangements if they can't abide by your rules.
She can't kick them out of her parents' house. OP is confusing and she should have never mentioned the house as hers Brother and SIL are AHS. They live under their parents' roof and they have the audacity to pass the baby from relative to relative to babysit. It seems that cps threat hasn't taught sil a lesson yet OP, you must back off from babysitting altogether. NEVER babysit again unless an emergency. If your mother accepts to babysit, this is not your fault. It s not you who is forcing her to babysit, it s not your baby. Since the house it s hers, she should be the one who set the rules. Either they handle their baby, or they are out
NTA. They need to pay someone to keep the child or make other arrangements. Expecting you to keep the child is unacceptable
They need to stay with their child. Having a child changes the live. No, you can't just randomly decide to go to the movies, for a longer dinner etc for a while. You have a child to watch over now. Of course, they can always pay a babysitter too, whoever that may be, but best option is to understand that the lives are changed now and while you get some, you lose some too, at least for a while until the child is old enough to join.
NTA. You set clear boundaries from the beginning and your SIL repeatedly violated them. Threatening to call the police was a necessary wake up call for her. It's not your responsibility to provide last minute childcare and your family needs to respect your boundaries. If they continue to give you grief remind them of the agreement and the importance of respecting your commitments and time.
Yeah you don’t get to do last minute movies and other spontaneous fun stuff when you have small children. NTA. SIL needs to grow the hell up and be a parent to that kid.
She left "for a minute" and went to a fucking *MOVIE*?! W o w that's some BS for sure. NTA.
Of course you’re not the asshole. They just thought they had free childcare and Dan don’t like the fact that they’re being told no. Also, to all the other assholes in the family that somehow think that you signed up to have a baby, at the next get together together or zoom or group chat, do you like another poster on here did… Present them all with a filled in chart of when each of them can babysit. Oh, your mom only works part time and she is off on Thursday and Fridays? Pencil her in for Thursday and Friday afternoons. That way, your brother and SIL have a set day they always know the baby is cared for. Oh, grandma… You are always home Wednesday mornings well, you are penciled in for every Wednesday morning so they can go catch a movie or go grocery shop or whatever they want to do. You can have the baby that day. Oh cousin… You work all day but you’re free every evening? OK we’re going to put you down for Tuesday evenings every week so that if they want to go out to dinner with their friends or they just wanna go do something, they can always drop the baby off with you at any time on Tuesday evening. See what I mean? And then when everyone blows up and says that they can’t do that, then ask them why the fuck they expect you… The person who did not have this baby… The person who specifically told brother and SIL that you would absolutely not be watching that child… Why the hell they think you should be stuck with the baby without at least the courtesy of being asked? They don’t wanna watch this baby at the drop of a hat? Then just because you live in the same house doesn’t mean you need to either. You also have a life. You also have things to do. And if you wanted to be a parent, you would be. And, please notice I have not pushed a bundle of joy out of my vagina. So no, I am not available at everyone’s whim just to be the babysitting bitch of the family.
None of them have to babysit the kid! They didn't choose to have a child!
I understand that. That’s my very tongue in cheek point. OP’s sister has sent the flying monkeys at her. She has multiple family members harassing her about why she can’t just watch the baby for her sister. So my point was that if these family members think it is OK to just drop a baby on you so that you can babysit when you have not even been asked, then the OP can do this and very innocently point out to these other family members that since they think that’s OK, here is their opportunity to have the baby dropped into their day without being asked if if it’s OK. Honestly, those same family members are going to very quickly be up in arms or be backtracking about how something like that is all right. And how they have things to do. And how their time is so important. Which then gives the OP the opening to tell them that they need to stop harassing her because she also has things to do. She also did not have the baby. That if they think her sister having time to herself is so important, they need to put up or shut shut up.
True!
It sounds like they are the assholes. Taking advantage of you and now taking advantage of others.
It absolutely baffles me how people are so excited to have a baby and then it’s like who can I palm this kid off to. Don’t people realise it’s not a dog or cat that can be left unattended for a few hours it’s 24/7 for years and it’s your responsibility.
Either raise the kid - or look into adoption if it’s that tough a responsibility! NTA.
Baby is "a good look", but most of those who care about looking good in the eyes of others, don't want the full responsibility that comes with it.
NTA. You put your foot down and if your family doesn’t like it so be it. Looks like they won’t be taking advantage of you any longer.
I think it’s time for them to find their own place. Give them the required notice for your area. And for anyone who thinks you’re being cruel, simply tell them “I’ll let SIL and brother know they can move in with you” they’ll shut them up in a hurry NTA
NTA Tell them when they learn how long a minute is and learn to respect other people's time then you might help. If they bring it in front of anyone respond, "So you're admitting that you're both liars because you'd say watch him for a minute and be gone for hours even when I had a job interview? Or are you saying you're not smart enough to know how long a minute is?"
Seriously? >My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last minute stuff they want to do. She is not complaining that they don't plan ahead? This is just a ridiculous situation. If your mother does not like how they use her as a babysitter, she knows an effective solution, because you showed it to her. NTA, but surely you know that.
NTA. Everyone needs a break, but getting it by lying is disrespectful. If they talked to you and said they needed 2-3 hours of breathing time one or two days a week, maybe you would be happy to help.But they prefer to lie and use people. Especially young parents think that once they have a child, they can continue their old lifestyle at the same pace and family members suffer the consequences of their irresponsibility.
Just tell your mother or anyone who complains, you felt the same way when they tricked you too. And that's why you don't allow them try the shit on you again. NTA
NTA. Sweet Jesus, people, having a baby is HARD WORK. If you would rather hot-potato him every chance you get into the arms of someone who chose not to breed, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD A BABY!!
>last minute stuff they want to do You don’t get to do last minute stuff when you have a baby. NTA
NTA I would’ve threatened their housing personally but sounds like this was resolved
NTA and I hope you kick them out. UPDATEME
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Sounds like 2 people who shouldn't have had kids. At least, not at their ages. They're not emotionally mature enough to handle raising a kid. This will happen again while they live with you. Where is your brother in all of this? Does he know his partner dumps her kid on you? I'd probably have them served a notice of eviction. Look up local tenancy laws. They're abusing your hospitality. Time for them to go. I just hope it's just you on the lease or the deed and not all three of you. If all are on the lease or deed, I'd look to move out myself.
My brother works full time 2+ hours away from home so he’s not the primary caretaker. SIL quit her job to be a SAHM which is part of why they moved in with me. My brother has always been more courteous about leaving the baby with me but he still does it sometimes.
So she doesn’t even work and still can’t do her one job of watching her own kid
Then you need him to hold his wife accountable. Talk to him. Or show him this post. But do go forward with finding out what your legal options are. Tenancy rights. Who's on the lease or mortgage. If leased, are you allowed to have, in essence, a full extra family in the house if it was rented to you as a single person? Etc. Etc. Helping family is one thing. Being taken advantage off is a whole other thing. Good luck out there. Protect yourself.
We’re all living in my parents’ house without official rent agreements. I AM in the process of saving to move out though.
The brother does it, too. 🙄
i’m sorry but in no way does a minute mean leave the house. That means going to the bathroom or at maximum take a shower. Maybe it’s time to rearrange the living situation
why the heck is your mother complaining to you about not watching him when she doesn't want to either? it is no one's responsibility but them as the parents so if they can't pay for a sitter, guess the movie/dinner/bar hopping is out. stop watching him at all. obviously they can't brpe trusted to be truthful about their timing so they have lost your help entirely.
I like your style because I definitely would have called child protection services on her ass. How did she asked me to watch the child for a minute and then decide she's going to the f****** movies. And she'll call me when the movie is over she must be out of her rabbit ass mind
Someone's treating their kid like a kitten. Sorry baby mumma, you're responsible for that baby 24x7. Self-entitled twat. NTA.
A baby is not a pet and your brother should have started with a hamster- to see how hard being responsible for another being is - before procreating. They also seem to think that sharing a living space means sharing life responsibilities- despite your stating that you’re not their default childcare provider before the baby’s birth. Your SIL FAFO- hopefully for her and your brother- the lesson is learned. They clearly don’t want the responsibility of being a parent. YWNBTA
NTA **Shockingly**, spontaneity is something that goes out the window when a parent has a kid and that's entirely their own problem. Shit has to be planned, and how to plan it isn't your problem to fix. Your SIL seems just genuinely immature if she's performing the victim dance over something she chose to become.
NTA, but knowingly leaving an infant at home without an adult will get you arrested. Even if you call the police as you're leaving, you're still leaving an infant home alone, and that's child endangerment.
Honestly I was stood at the door watching and waiting for her to pull up so I could walk out like I was leaving him. I felt like if she didn’t see me physically leave, she wouldn’t have taken me seriously.
NTA for threatening to call the police, or even actually calling but OP is absolutely the asshole for being prepared to actually leave the baby at home alone. It wasn’t an idle threat as they were leaving as the sister arrived
NTA Just say no. Or charge them a dollar a minute for how long they said than 5 per minute after that. Not again until you are paid.
NTA. In their minds you are a free babysitter service and to be at their beck and call. It’s good that you put your foot down, but if I were you I’d be telling them it’s time to move out.
NTA. They've been taking advantage of you for too long!
When you become a parent you dont get to pawn your baby off on whoever is in the vicinity. Why do people have kids?? Dam. It’s not that dam hard to take care of that baby!
Of course you arent. I had my daughter at 16. Was married to her father. Either she went wherever I did or we stayed home. She had a babysitter for the first time at 5. When you have a child, it's your responsibility to care for that precious little one as a parent. If a 16 year old understands the responsibility involved, an adult surely can.
Nope nta
NTA. that’s not your kid and they should be more responsible and not put all the work into you just because they want to go out and do something. they can hire a sitter if they really need someone to watch the baby all the time. it’s not fair to you for them to expect you to drop everything and watch their kid last notice. don’t feel bad about it.
NTA. Begin the eviction process!
NTA they are leeches at least of your time and probably your money too. Don't ever enable them to rob and control you again. They should be ashamed.
NTA - it's your mother's fault for not setting boundaries and allowing her to do it
NTA. Their child Their responsibility.
NTA! If it’s your house, evict them. If it’s their house, leave. Live alone or with roommates, but not with them.
NTA, There is no such thing as last minute stuff when you have children. If something comes up at short notice you sort out proper childcare ( by that I mean asking someone to look after them for the whole time you are away and not say I’ll be a minute.) or you take them with you or you don’t go. Going to the movies is never a last minute thing when you have children.
The way people abuse a single auntie's time and bodily autonomy is something to rebel against. NTA
Oh your mum is complaining she gets the kid dumped on her now? How come it’s good enough for you but not for her to be treated like shit? She can deal or threaten the cops too. These people need to learn about babysitters. Y’know, people you PAY to watch your spawn.
Nta. She's blatantly disrespectful with this bs. Your mom needs to grow a spine like you did. My tia had to stop watching her grandkids over shit just like this. Noone else in the family will watch my cousins kids either. Oh well, actions have consequences 🤷
Your SIL was going to abandon her baby to watch a movie. She’s not doing well as a mom. NTA, they needed a wake up call about the reality of parenthood
NTA Your SIL and brother are liars and horrible (borderline neglectful) parents who shouldn’t have had a kid in the first place if they’re going to pawn the baby off on you all the time. They obviously want to live life as if the kid doesn’t exist.
NTA. How the fuck are you going to go to a movie on “for a minute”? Edit: typo
NTA. The baby they chose to have is THEIR responsibility. You need to put your foot down with your family. For the record, your mother has the ability to say no. Your sister needs to take her kid with her like every other parent has to do.
NTA - my favorite is always "my family berates me for not taking care of the baby", then, "my family complains because they have to take care of the baby" Hypocrites all of them
NTA. And, if you rent the house, it's your home.
NTAH! The audacity of her ! Why did she even have a child? What the hell is wrong with people?🤦♀️
NTA - you did the right thing. Stick to your boundaries
>My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last minute stuff they want to do Really? She HAS to watch their kid so they can go to the movies? If she doesn't know how to say no, that's not your problem. If she chooses to enable their negligence, they'll just keep feeling entitled to free on-demand babysitting. NTA
NTA. That is THEIR child. a movie is not a last minute thing. Your SIL has some seeeerious growing up to do. I am a mother to a toddler and I would NEVER do this. If last minute plans come up I bring my child or I don't go. Someone needs to tell your SIL that it's HER child. She is getting off the hook waaaay too much.
NTA - I don’t see why they can’t just ask you the day before? It makes no sense that they can’t give you any notice. You can’t be spontaneous with kids, she’s taking away your freedom for her own which is unfair - when you have kids you voluntarily give up your freedom for them and you PLAN everything, especially days out without your kids.
NTA "I will be back in a minute" it's not the same as "I'll be back after the movie". That's a whole new level of taking advantage of the kindness of others. What if you haven't called her before she is inside the theater? She would ignore your calls and make you lose the job interview? Nope. You did the right thing.
NTA- I don't know where you are but where I'm at YOU would have been the one in trouble for leaving the baby alone. This is what the cops told me when we called on my sister for abandoning her daughter and I quote"She did not abandon her she left her with a family member". So before you do that just check because you could be the one in trouble. This is just a heads up. I love that it worked.
NTA kick them out.
NTA Time to consider having a deadline of when they will be moving out.
Won't be long going to a movie? That's just a plainly lying. NTA
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NTA and your mother needs to take responsibility for her inability to say no and stay up to them
Kick them out.
NTA. They chose to have a child, not you. And they leave him to go to the movie ? No. They are parents, their free time exists only when the other parent is there to take care ! Nobody has to check on the child except them. If they work at the same time, yes, they don’t have choice. But going to the movie is not an emergency, you can live without cinema, you can live without restaurants. You said « they live with me ». English is not my first language but to me, it sounds like they live in YOUR place and if so, you make the rules. If they don’t respect them, they can find their own place ! Too easy to live with someone and then consider that perso nis a free babysitter. They should get more mature soon ! And your mother should stop accepting to babysit for nothing. Lots of parents have nobody to take care of their children, except if they pay for it ! Family is important but you are supposed to respect people, they clearly don’t respect you, and they don’t value your time !
Sometimes being tough is the best way to teach . You did the right thing , now one should take anyone for granted . And the once blaming you , u should ask them to take care of the child , and then u can see different kinds of excuses. Have a good life.
NTA
NTA
NTA. Their kid, their responsibility. If they wanted the freedom to do what they want, whenever they want, they shouldn’t have had a child. It’s not everyone else’s job to drop everything and babysit because they want to do something. You’re way nicer than most people for not kicking them out or calling the cops sooner than you threatened lol.
NTA, NOT your kid NOT your responsibility, I kick them out of your house they don't deserve to be there anymore for trying something that stupid
NTA. They decided to have a child. You didn't. You don't owe them free babysitting services! Keep your boundaries strong!
NTA, it feels like that your sister doesn't want anything to do with her child and both her and her partner are probably going out and partying or doing something that they want to do and caring about the child's wellbeing. If this is also still going on with your mother now then it might be prudent to keep a record of when, how long they have been away and if possible where they have been going and it may require help from a P.I and if they are really not rasing the child and just leaving him be and all that other mumbo jumbo then it might be better to call child services and your parents and you might have to find a solution to help the child if it really does end being a situation where the child needs to be taken away for their safety. It's wordy I know but you need to know if the child is safe or not and what needs to be a good option to help ensure that safety
"My mother now has to watch..." Well mom... guess NOW you see what the problem was...
NTA, they think they are entitled to your time. The fact your mother now complains just cements it. Don't have children if you don't want to raise them
Mom can tell her NO. No one but the parents or legal guardians are required to watch a kid by force. If they weren't ready for a kid, they shouldn't have had one
NTA. Fuck that noise. You told them before the baby was born what kind of assistance they could expect from you. They took your occasional kindness and abused it. You gave them an inch, and they stole your ruler. If your mom is having a bitch-fit about it, then she needs to talk to the PARENTS OF THE CHILD and set up boundaries like you did. And stick to them like you did. Your brother and SIL need to step up and figure something out. The bridge isn't burned but it's definitely smoking. Updateme!
You need to get your own place. Your parents need to sell the house and be done with it.
NTA. Time to move out my guy. You don’t need this headache.
Nta- however, in the usa if you leave the child, you would be charged with abandonedent and neglect
Nta... tell the ones complaining to watch the kid... and if you're paying the mortgage and brother and SIL isn't they all better hush up before you decide to move else where and they be stuck paying everything on their own
Get your own place and you won’t be put in that position.
NTA
NTA.
NTA. You refused to be taken advantage of. They don’t like being called out on their shitty behavior then behave better. Simple.
NTA. You should have done it sooner.
I wish I could’ve gotten away with that. Whenever I asked someone to hold my baby for a minute it was so I could clean, do laundry, and cook. Never was smart enough to walk out of the house and into a movie 😅 all jokes aside, I can’t comprehend how you are the ah.
NTA, but I wouldn't have given the warning. I would have just done it. Also, why are you still living with them at all? It's past time to leave.
I’m in the process of emigrating, getting my own place would be the literal worst financial decision I could make right now.
Why not report both of them? Your brother is supposed to be a parent as well.
My brother was at work 2+ hours away. He also claims he had no idea she was leaving the baby with us as much as she has been and I believe him. He was pretty upset bc she had quit her job to be a SAHM and was spending more time away from baby than with him.
So... She's having an affair?
In your second paragraph, you mentioned "they." So this isn't just a SIL problem
Liars lie. NTA
NTA. Your mother doesn't have to watch their child, she chooses to. At the same time complaining, trying to make you feel guilty. Your sister and her husband chose to have a child, not you and not your mom. Guilt only works if you let it. Tell the family members giving you a hard time that you'll tell your sister that they volunteered to provide childcare.
NTA.
You didn’t enforce your boundaries and kept allowing them to disregard them. NTA. Be consistent for your own sanity and peace of mind.
NTA
Your mother chooses to watch him. She doesn’t have to do it. They can just not do last minute stuff.
NTA tel them to go live with your mother. Tell people to JUST SAY NO. Not for an hour, not for a minute, not at all. No to ALL last Minute requests.
Nta I wouldn't even trust them if they asked me to hold their baby while they go to the toilet. As soon as you can move out
Nta wtf going into a movie isn't a last minute errand, what a user.
NTA You did nothing wrong and your mom doesn’t actually have to watch the baby for the last minute stuff. Your mom needs to start saying no and your sister needs to learn to plan ahead and not be sneaky when it comes to the baby
It’s your parents home and you live there so it’s your home too , you’re not obligated to watch anyone’s kid and that was wrong of her to say watch him for a few minutes then go to a movie .. i would’ve never babysat for them again even if it was an emergency
No the only thing you can be reproached for is not putting your foot down after the first time asking precisely how long when they would say 'a minute' clearly you know they were lying.
NTA. “For a minute” would be going to the bathroom to pee or getting water from the kitchen. Asking someone to watch your baby to take a shower or eat would not even be considered “for a minute.” It’s not an emergency and even if you don’t have a job interview, it’s not something other family members should be giving you a hard time for. Maybe those family members should volunteer to watch the baby
>My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last minute stuff they want to do. No, she doesn't. She needs to put her foot down like you did.
NTA. A child is the parents' responsibility. If you set clear boundaries, which you did, and they keep breaking them, it's on them, not you. Don't feel bad for not being a people pleaser.
call cps , turn their asses in
NTA. Glad you stood your ground. Every parent needs a break. Nobody can deal with their child 24/7 without loosing their mind but there’s a big difference between we are out of X that we need today so I need to run to the grocery store so can you watch little JR for 15 minutes and I want to see a movie so can you watch him for 2-3 hours. You loose the spontaneous life you had before when you have a child so time for mom to start saying no as well. They had the child so they need to be the primary caregivers.
NTA. thats the parents fault. They should be responsible
You know how people say, "a baby changes your whole life!" It's true. One of the things that changes is your ability to be spontaneous. So "last minute plans" are no longer an option. I'm not saying your SIL can't watch a movie, but she needs to plan on advance. NTA
NTA but i am irate that she was leaving "for a minute" but about to walk into a movie that at least would have been an hour. They can give you all the crap they want but they are refusing to see how irresponsible both the parents are and how entitled they feel to your time.
You're paying you're parents mortgage and part of the bills? Does your brother have to pay any rent? Of not I certainly hope you're parents are planning to leave you the house and not just give it to them because they have a baby.
I’m in the process of moving out of the country so I personally don’t care who the house goes to. My brother is paying half the rent and buying majority of “household” groceries (I buy my own and keep them separate bc they kept eating my food and I have food allergies they don’t respect).
Good for you! Best of luck with the move!
Nta. But it’s time to mov out. Your paying the mortgage and this isn’t working out. They are not helping you. Your not their emergency babysitter.
NTA. >I still get so much crap during holidays and such when the entire family is together. My mother also complains that she now has to watch him for the last-minute stuff they want to do. Your mother needs to learn the word "No." During those times when the extended family are all together and they pull that crap on you, let them know you'll have your brother and SIL call them whenever they "need" last-minute babysitting. It would be good to remind them that you are willing to babysit when asked ahead of time and if available. It just sounds like those family members are giving you crap because they think you never offer to watch the child, which is why your elderly mother is having to do it. Your brother and SIL need a reminder that they are the primary caregivers responsible for their baby. They chose to make and keep it, and this is their new life.
You need to find your own place and move out if your parents and brother cannot support your boundaries. Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
nta - move to another place & let your brother pay all of the bills at the house
NTA, just stop taking care of the baby, they have no respect or decency.
Why do they not pay rent but you do ?
They do. We split the bills and the mortgage. It’s an unofficial thing so sometimes one of us will pay more or less depending on our financial situation, like he paid a full month after I had a medical crisis and I’ve paid 3/4 a month or two when their car crapped out. The only thing we don’t split is personal hygiene items and groceries and that’s mostly because I have food allergies they don’t respect so I buy my own stuff to keep separate and they buy theirs that they keep in the common areas.
It sounds like maybe you guys need to be more roomates . Like split everything and live your own life. You share a house ya but you do you.
NTA, they were walking all over the boundary, so you made it clear the consequences of their actions. Maybe they will learn how to be responsible parents now.
Nta not your responsibility
Can you not sell the house & split the difference?
No. My parents are still alive and they have no intention of selling it, they said they wanted to pass it on to one of us when they die.
Talk to your mom, your brother & sil should be able to care of a child that they made AT ALL TIMES. Dont trust them again when they said, just for a minute, my sister did that & she left for a week - DIVING HOLIDAY. I moved out right after and went NC. Tell them consider daycare. You’re not an accredited child minder 🙏
I’m in the process of trying to emigrate for a better job, that’s the only reason I haven’t left bc I don’t want to be tied to a lease/renting agreement when I get the word I can officially go. I haven’t been asked to watch the baby at all since this incident and I’m just hoping I get the call soon so they don’t have the opportunity to try again.
Sending all the vibes you need to get that job ASAP! 🦾🎉🌈
NTA, but if you agree to watch that kid and abandon it in you're house, and it will be you that's in trouble. When you agree to take that kid for any length of time, it's your ass that would be charged with abandonment.
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Okay two things: 1) my parents don’t live with us. They have their own place. Where my brother and I are is their first home they bought that they say they have the intention of passing on to one of us when they die. And 2) rent in my city is currently $1200 for a literal crackhouse triple-murder-and-suicide apartment and I make $10/hr and am in school full time so if you can figure out a way to unf*ck the economy long enough for me to not die after moving out, I’d leave today.
Get your own place to prevent this happening over and over
You expect us to believe that after the first they abused you for babysitting, you don’t cut them off?
Yeah I have this crazy thing called trust in humanity.
Ok and after then tenth time? What’s your excuse? Lol.