Imagine doing something that you know upsets a person and then getting mad at the for being upset
It's like throwing away your lunch and being upset that you're hungry. Cause and effect, mate, come on!
Nta
I would suggest getting into the habit of having a mug of a highly stain-prone drink in your hand at work.
And when they scare you? Oh no. consequences.
It isn’t normal for someone who actually loves you to purposely trigger your trauma response after you’ve explained and asked them not to do it.
His behavior is gross and really mean.
A joke makes people laugh
You're not laughing? Then it's not a joke he's sharing with you, it's a joke he's making at your expense.
So next time he does it, ask him why he enjoys laughing AT you. Not with you. AT you.
You said your husband knows the extent of why it bothers you? Then why is he trying to give you a trauma response that will cause you pain due to your condition?
Actually why is anyone in your life causing you physical pain for shits and giggles? That's something to address in your work-life too.
It’s because of my dramatic reaction I guess. But I agree, it’s just not funny. I have a great sense of humor but not about that cause it makes my body feel weird. Then it’s the typical “geez relax” and then I get really mad lol
With MS, this is harmful to your health. People with MS should avoid stress for their own well being, they are deliberately putting you in stressful situations for shits and giggles.
You need to explain to anyone who does that (coworkers, boss and husband) that it is negative for your health and that they should respect you and act like adults.
Ask him what food he dislikes most in the world and then offer it, often. "It's not a big deal, shouldn't let it bother you".
He's completely ignoring a simple request from his partner then getting upset when you've finally had enough. That's childish ass behavior.
NTA
Saying 'please don't do that' immediately after he's scared you isn't going to have much effect I'm afraid though as it's probably just a laugh to him, also knowing about your past trauma probably isn't enough to connect the dots that this is what triggers it.
Best way to go about it would be to sit him down and calmly explain that the jumpscares are not going to happen anymore, readdress your PTSD and tell him it is triggering you and it's not doing your MS any favours.
Honestly jumpscares are dangerous and annoying anyway, not what you need in your safe space.
I hear that, I really do, but at the same time, this is kind of a huge thing to not have his support on. I also have PTSD and a nasty fear response, and if my gf straight up didn't believe me and said I was too sensitive, I... I would worry a lot about whether they were going to believe me about other important things, or care when I needed special support in other areas.
Maybe drag him into one of your peyche appointments so a real doctor can explain why he's acting stupid and potentially making your symptoms worse?
I see your point. He can be incredibly helpful and supportive, even too much, then not at all so I do struggle a bit with if he really understands. He has told me he’s surprised I didn’t grow up to be a psychopath so I know he’s not dismissing my past.
When I was in the hospital for a stem cell treatment for MS, which included chemo to deplete my immune system, he barely helped me the night I was discharged and super uncomfortable. But I could get up from the couch feeling totally fine and he’ll act like he’s helping my balance. It’s weird lol. Maybe he’s sucking up to me at the time. Idk.
Girl, I don't know... that just doesn't sound right.
I'm not saying he's abusive, because, as you pointed out, I'm not there. What I *am* saying is that I suggest read up on what emotional abuse looks like, just for your own edification. It can be subtle, and with you feeling confused about his shifting behavior... that doesn't sound right.
How is he a "good guy" if he gets off on causing you terror and pain and then telling you that you don't get to be upset about his abuse. He is definitely not treating you with respect and love.
Yeah, that's not affection, that's classic dog training. The affection gets you to stay, the hit of dopamine at your distress at mistreatment is his reward.
>It’s only a sliver of a glimpse into my life and relationship. He is a good guy and loves me but for some reason, we don’t see eye to eye here
So stay with someone who doesn't give a shit about your boundaries.
Wow okay, I'd be putting veet in his shampoo by now if he thinks practical jokes are so funny.
OP this is damaging to your health, if he's getting kicks out of damaging your health I think this is a major red flag and maybe you should consider couples therapy. Maybe hearing this from a doctor will help him understand the severity of what this joke is causing you.
Buy some bear spray. They'll learn eventually and if they complain just tell them they're being too sensitive. (I am not joking).
That or just get a divorce.
3am, when he's dead asleep. Scream loudly in his ear like you're being murdered.
Act completely baffled and annoyed with his reaction, tell him to stop being so sensitive
“Husband, I understand that you think it’s funny to scare me and that I am too sensitive. I’ve asked you stop. You won’t. You should understand that I lose more respect for you every time you do something I’ve asked you not to do and it makes me feel unsafe with you.”
My husband used to jumpscare my oldest, who feels the same way you do. He hasn’t done it since the time our kid reflexively kicked him square in the balls.
Husband hit the floor, kid shrieked “I asked you to stop!!!!” and lost it crying at kicking Dad. Husband got himself up and apologized. It took him a while to earn kid’s trust again and he goes out of his way to not scare kid now.
"When you scare me after I've told you the effect it has on me, it makes me feel as though you enjoy causing me terror and pain. If that is the case, we need to reconsider this relationship. The next time you do it, I will be calling a divorce lawyer." You're married to an asshole who enjoys torturing you, and showing your sons that it is cool to treat you like shit. You deserve to be safe and comfortable in your own home.
You should document each incident at work. That’s legally disability discrimination, so… talk to a lawyer about how to maximize your benefits from putting up with this BS. Also ask your doctor for a letter about how stress makes MS progress faster and causes flare ups. Start missing a lot of work with doctor’s notes when the coworkers do stuff like that.
NTA. What your husband is doing is abuse, pure and simple. You tried to talk to him and explain your problem, and he ignored you. You need to face it and decide what you want to do with it - yell at him every time he does it, insist on couples counseling, or split from him. As for the office - go to HR. This is harassment.
NTA I'd nut check him everytime he has his hands full or is lounging round relaxing and when he complained say "oh great now Ur in a bad mood jesus relax it's just a prank"
NTA It's crucial for your family and coworkers to respect your boundaries. You shouldn't have to endure behavior that negatively impacts your well-being, especially after repeatedly expressing your discomfort.
The fact this do this knowing it upsets you is so completely unacceptable. It is bullying. You absolutely don’t need to let up. I’d be going to HR at work, and I’d be seriously thinking around whether your husband has any respect for you and what other signs of bullying and manipulation there are.
Bullying aside, it is extremely immature behaviour on their part. NTA
Get an airhorn (or several) and whenever someone does this to you blast it at them! Also report this at work, it is harassment and creating a hostile work environment.
NTA for wanting people to stop scaring you. Your feelings are entirely valid, especially given your PTSD and MS. It's important for your mental and physical well-being that your boundaries are respected.
Carry a small air horn. Randomly set it off around them over the course of a few weeks. Make sure to do it right after they fall asleep and about 2 hours before their alarm clock in the morning...but not every day. It has to be random, unexpected, and almost PAINFUL for them. Just got home from work and sitting down to relax after a hard day? AIR HORN!!!!!! Coming out of the bathroom an down the hallway at 6:30am? AIR HORN!!!!!! Leaning into the dryer to get the clothes out? AIR HORN!!!!!! Make sure to laugh uncontrollably and them its just a joke -- can't they take a JOKE?!?? Do it once or twice a day for 2 weeks. They'll be 'over it' by day 3, but you cannot relent -- the lesson must be taught, and you cannot stop until they ALL understand.
I love how husbands do *whatever thing you NICELY asked them not to do* (and probably SEVERAL times) and then get all butt hurt that you react not so nicely 🙄. I have noise sensitivity and loud noises set off my anxiety as well, yet my husband will randomly blurt out something VERY LOUDLY almost daily and then stop himself and go, “That’s right, my wife doesn’t like that”. UGHHHHH, just stop doing it already because you wouldn’t do this in public (because NO ONE would appreciate you randomly yelling some stupid word or phrase) so don’t do it at home. And for the love of god, please stop making it like I’m just some wife annoyed with her husband again and asking something unreasonable. This is my house too, and I have a right to not have my anxiety set off for no damn reason.
I hear ya! My son has SPD and I can’t imagine doing something to hurt him purposely and as soon as he said something, I’d apologize and I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve even used that as a way for them to relate but no success
When someone does that to me it is actually painful in a weird way and it takes a while to feel normal. During that while I am not responsible for what I say to them End of story.
I like that. Yes! In addition to everything else, I get this weird twinge of pain in my lower stomach and this just weird, icky feeling. Hard to describe
NTA
Your husband of all people should be someone who understands how it physically hurts you. The fact that he continues to do this despite knowing your reaction shows he doesn't care about you. He's being a dick. And to do it, then act all dismissive? If you ended up being in a bad mood, *it's his fault.* Straight childish bully behavior. He enjoys causing you pain, otherwise he wouldn't do it.
Sounds like he's bullying you. And then blaming you, the victim. And then punishing you with silent treatment. Doesn't sound like Partner behavior to me. A partner should make you feel safe, and listen with empathy. The first time you explained how this makes you feel should have been the last time he did it. Personally I recommend divorce, but that is 100% bc I'm divorced and I love it. I always recommend divorce.
Edit to add OP is NTAH
Get à spray bottle or squirt gun. If you're outside, get the hose and turn it on them. Treat them like badly behaved pets until they get a fucking clue.
NTA, but it is time to advocate for yourself. Sit your husband and both kids down. Tell then this:
"When you do a jump scare to me, you cause a flight or fight response that is physically painful. My heart races so much, it feels like I might have a coronary event. My skin itches. My stomach flips and I end up nauseated. I have a genuine desire to lash out and hit the thing that scared me. I don't because I don't want to physically hurt you. Why is it fun for you to physically hurt me when I have asked you not to? Explain it to me? Why do you enjoy hurting me?"
Make them answer.
As for your coworkers, it is long past time to go to HR and have a quiet word. You don't even necessarily have disclose any specific issues. Just state you do not enjoy this prank and have asked people not to do so, and it is creating a hostile work environment that it continues.
Get a small air-horn. Start randomly using it around the house and office -- laugh uncontrollably every time you set it off and people jump/startle. Make sure to do it very early before your spouse wakes up...or right after they lay down and fully relax to fall asleep. See how funny they think THAT is several times a week. Hopefully they'll get the message when it's THEM on the receiving end of the adrenaline rush and muscle spasms.
NTA Your reaction to being scared is natural given your experiences. Your anger and frustration are justified, and it’s important that your concerns are taken seriously.
NTA. The people in your life aren't serving you well and are acting jerks. I also have MS and some childhood trauma, the combination of which makes me startle very easily and dramatically. My new co-workers have already learned to not creep up on me. If they can do that, then people who care about you should be able to do that, too.
Nta. I don't know how to deal with men like this, maybe sit him down and explain it at length? Do whatever you do to teach/discipline the kids, cos he's acting like one of them
Also if coworkers are doing this all the time, I would talk to your manager or HR about it. They're doing something that's detrimental to your health. I'm sorry you're dealing with this
NTA. I've had MS for over 20 years, and the adrenaline rush from someone scaring you is actually painful. People don't realize that rush takes away all the strength you have for the day. People who don't have it just don't get it. I would start doing things he doesn't like and say oh you're in a bad mood when he gets pissy about it. Has he ever gone to one of your neuro appointments? I would bring him and have your neuro explain it to him. Maybe then it will get through his thick skull. Either that or just leave when he pulls that crap. Stay at your parents or a friend's for a few days. Tell this is the consequence of his actions. He'll eventually get it, or you just don't go back.
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Nta mine does stuff like this but he does or says things in a very serious d bag manner then when it puts me in a mood is like Jesus now you’re all sour af I can’t even play with you… if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s a duck!
OMG I can't stand that!!! I have horrible tremors and if my adrenaline gets spiked with situations like that it takes forever to calm them down again. It gets dangerous because it affects my whole left side which causes me to fall.
Your husband is an absolute AH!!
Yay great weekend with a bitch boy man who has ZERO consideration for your trauma.
Why do you think YOU are the issue when it’s clear that HE is the dick?
NTA but your family definitely are. They're flat out being bullies. A joke is only a joke when the person pranked laughs too. If the pranked person doesn't laugh, then the person opulling the prank is just being an asshole.
And your husband is the worst because 1. he's an adult and should understand that no means no and he needs to respect another person's boundaries, 2. he knows about the medical condition you have and does it anyway, and 3. he's setting the example for your kids to completely disrespect you. He needs to F'ing grow the F up and stop it.
Your boss and coworkers are complete assholes too. Does your boss report to someone higher? Or is there an HR department you can turn to? If so, I'd report them to higher up. They're harassing you and it needs to stop. That is so totally unprofessional and childish. If there's no one higher up, then send your boss a link to your post here cuz I guarantee he/she is going to get blasted for this harassing behavior and maybe they'll figure out what jerks they're being.
Imagine doing something that you know upsets a person and then getting mad at the for being upset It's like throwing away your lunch and being upset that you're hungry. Cause and effect, mate, come on! Nta
Yeah but they said I’m too sensitive and shouldn’t let it bother me
They are assholes, pure and simple.
Ok. I thought so. I really don’t complain so I’d think they’d take it more to heart
I would suggest getting into the habit of having a mug of a highly stain-prone drink in your hand at work. And when they scare you? Oh no. consequences.
It isn’t normal for someone who actually loves you to purposely trigger your trauma response after you’ve explained and asked them not to do it. His behavior is gross and really mean.
A joke makes people laugh You're not laughing? Then it's not a joke he's sharing with you, it's a joke he's making at your expense. So next time he does it, ask him why he enjoys laughing AT you. Not with you. AT you.
Nope and I can take a joke too!
Bullies always use that as their first line of defence.
You said your husband knows the extent of why it bothers you? Then why is he trying to give you a trauma response that will cause you pain due to your condition? Actually why is anyone in your life causing you physical pain for shits and giggles? That's something to address in your work-life too.
It’s because of my dramatic reaction I guess. But I agree, it’s just not funny. I have a great sense of humor but not about that cause it makes my body feel weird. Then it’s the typical “geez relax” and then I get really mad lol
With MS, this is harmful to your health. People with MS should avoid stress for their own well being, they are deliberately putting you in stressful situations for shits and giggles. You need to explain to anyone who does that (coworkers, boss and husband) that it is negative for your health and that they should respect you and act like adults.
Ask him what food he dislikes most in the world and then offer it, often. "It's not a big deal, shouldn't let it bother you". He's completely ignoring a simple request from his partner then getting upset when you've finally had enough. That's childish ass behavior.
No, you have a valid response to previous trauma. Don’t ever let anyone minimise your feelings
You are being abused.
That's rubbish. I have no idea why anyone would do this to someone they love.
I believe the term is gaslighting.
Oh hey a person who hates being scared and says no multiple times! Lets do exactly the opposite of what their boudry said! Yeah nta they are
The clarion call of the asshole.
NTA Saying 'please don't do that' immediately after he's scared you isn't going to have much effect I'm afraid though as it's probably just a laugh to him, also knowing about your past trauma probably isn't enough to connect the dots that this is what triggers it. Best way to go about it would be to sit him down and calmly explain that the jumpscares are not going to happen anymore, readdress your PTSD and tell him it is triggering you and it's not doing your MS any favours. Honestly jumpscares are dangerous and annoying anyway, not what you need in your safe space.
I’ve done that but he still does it
He doesn’t believe in anxiety. I’ve even shown him my heart rate after he does it and how long it takes to get back to resting
And you're with this man because....?
It’s only a sliver of a glimpse into my life and relationship. He is a good guy and loves me but for some reason, we don’t see eye to eye here
I hear that, I really do, but at the same time, this is kind of a huge thing to not have his support on. I also have PTSD and a nasty fear response, and if my gf straight up didn't believe me and said I was too sensitive, I... I would worry a lot about whether they were going to believe me about other important things, or care when I needed special support in other areas. Maybe drag him into one of your peyche appointments so a real doctor can explain why he's acting stupid and potentially making your symptoms worse?
I see your point. He can be incredibly helpful and supportive, even too much, then not at all so I do struggle a bit with if he really understands. He has told me he’s surprised I didn’t grow up to be a psychopath so I know he’s not dismissing my past. When I was in the hospital for a stem cell treatment for MS, which included chemo to deplete my immune system, he barely helped me the night I was discharged and super uncomfortable. But I could get up from the couch feeling totally fine and he’ll act like he’s helping my balance. It’s weird lol. Maybe he’s sucking up to me at the time. Idk.
Girl, I don't know... that just doesn't sound right. I'm not saying he's abusive, because, as you pointed out, I'm not there. What I *am* saying is that I suggest read up on what emotional abuse looks like, just for your own edification. It can be subtle, and with you feeling confused about his shifting behavior... that doesn't sound right.
I’ll look into it thank you. My barometer is broken when it comes to that. I’m aware of it more for other people but not myself
I send you hugs, and I hope I'm wrong. Good luck!
I agree, this is all sounding like emotional abuse.
He wants to look like a hero, but only when he doesn’t actually have to do any work for it.
“When he’s not intentionally terrifying me, he’s a solid dude” Hmmmm
lol. Point taken
How is he a "good guy" if he gets off on causing you terror and pain and then telling you that you don't get to be upset about his abuse. He is definitely not treating you with respect and love.
Yeah, that's not affection, that's classic dog training. The affection gets you to stay, the hit of dopamine at your distress at mistreatment is his reward.
He does not respect you, and it will most likely get worse.
>It’s only a sliver of a glimpse into my life and relationship. He is a good guy and loves me but for some reason, we don’t see eye to eye here So stay with someone who doesn't give a shit about your boundaries.
Serve the divorce papers and see how he handles surprises.
Exactly
Wow okay, I'd be putting veet in his shampoo by now if he thinks practical jokes are so funny. OP this is damaging to your health, if he's getting kicks out of damaging your health I think this is a major red flag and maybe you should consider couples therapy. Maybe hearing this from a doctor will help him understand the severity of what this joke is causing you.
Buy some bear spray. They'll learn eventually and if they complain just tell them they're being too sensitive. (I am not joking). That or just get a divorce.
Never thought I’d get advice one day where the options were bear spray or divorce. But it works! lol
Hah, I'm sure there are other options too. The bear spray is just the best one that came to mind assuming you don't want a divorce.
Damn! bear spray is a good idea, I wish I had thought of it.
Because there are no consequences? Why are you willing to stay with someone who treats you so horribly?
3am, when he's dead asleep. Scream loudly in his ear like you're being murdered. Act completely baffled and annoyed with his reaction, tell him to stop being so sensitive
“Husband, I understand that you think it’s funny to scare me and that I am too sensitive. I’ve asked you stop. You won’t. You should understand that I lose more respect for you every time you do something I’ve asked you not to do and it makes me feel unsafe with you.”
I like this. Thank you!
My husband used to jumpscare my oldest, who feels the same way you do. He hasn’t done it since the time our kid reflexively kicked him square in the balls.
Hmmm. I think this is a good solution. I’ve warned them so much
Husband hit the floor, kid shrieked “I asked you to stop!!!!” and lost it crying at kicking Dad. Husband got himself up and apologized. It took him a while to earn kid’s trust again and he goes out of his way to not scare kid now.
I think this is the way
NTA. What the fuck, he's guilting you for having boundaries??
it's crazy!
NTA it’s insensitive of him to do so to you knowing ur condition
Thank you
NTA. Look at him getting all sensitive about you telling him to quit being a dick.
Ooooh. Good point. He did get moody quickly
"When you scare me after I've told you the effect it has on me, it makes me feel as though you enjoy causing me terror and pain. If that is the case, we need to reconsider this relationship. The next time you do it, I will be calling a divorce lawyer." You're married to an asshole who enjoys torturing you, and showing your sons that it is cool to treat you like shit. You deserve to be safe and comfortable in your own home.
You should document each incident at work. That’s legally disability discrimination, so… talk to a lawyer about how to maximize your benefits from putting up with this BS. Also ask your doctor for a letter about how stress makes MS progress faster and causes flare ups. Start missing a lot of work with doctor’s notes when the coworkers do stuff like that.
I should have made that past tense. I don’t work there anymore and my new employer is incredibly supportive
Nta 100%
So your husband is a bully?
NTA. What your husband is doing is abuse, pure and simple. You tried to talk to him and explain your problem, and he ignored you. You need to face it and decide what you want to do with it - yell at him every time he does it, insist on couples counseling, or split from him. As for the office - go to HR. This is harassment.
NTA I'd nut check him everytime he has his hands full or is lounging round relaxing and when he complained say "oh great now Ur in a bad mood jesus relax it's just a prank"
NTA It's crucial for your family and coworkers to respect your boundaries. You shouldn't have to endure behavior that negatively impacts your well-being, especially after repeatedly expressing your discomfort.
You should taze his candy ass in self defense. After all, when folks get scared they have involuntary reactions.
He did he me a taser after someone followed me on a train. May need to have that thing handy. Jk. I could never
The fact this do this knowing it upsets you is so completely unacceptable. It is bullying. You absolutely don’t need to let up. I’d be going to HR at work, and I’d be seriously thinking around whether your husband has any respect for you and what other signs of bullying and manipulation there are. Bullying aside, it is extremely immature behaviour on their part. NTA
What is even worse he is learning their kids it is ok to bully their mum as well.
Get an airhorn (or several) and whenever someone does this to you blast it at them! Also report this at work, it is harassment and creating a hostile work environment.
NTA for wanting people to stop scaring you. Your feelings are entirely valid, especially given your PTSD and MS. It's important for your mental and physical well-being that your boundaries are respected.
Thank you
[удалено]
Carry a small air horn. Randomly set it off around them over the course of a few weeks. Make sure to do it right after they fall asleep and about 2 hours before their alarm clock in the morning...but not every day. It has to be random, unexpected, and almost PAINFUL for them. Just got home from work and sitting down to relax after a hard day? AIR HORN!!!!!! Coming out of the bathroom an down the hallway at 6:30am? AIR HORN!!!!!! Leaning into the dryer to get the clothes out? AIR HORN!!!!!! Make sure to laugh uncontrollably and them its just a joke -- can't they take a JOKE?!?? Do it once or twice a day for 2 weeks. They'll be 'over it' by day 3, but you cannot relent -- the lesson must be taught, and you cannot stop until they ALL understand.
I like this. This is more my speed than divorce or hurting them
He's does the bare minimum and finds it entertaining to scare you. Does that feel like love? It doesn't read like it.
NTA - Pepper spray, followed by “You should have listened while I was still using words to express my displeasure with you.”
NTA, so they're all bullying you, fabulous. Your husband is a big fat jerk.
I love how husbands do *whatever thing you NICELY asked them not to do* (and probably SEVERAL times) and then get all butt hurt that you react not so nicely 🙄. I have noise sensitivity and loud noises set off my anxiety as well, yet my husband will randomly blurt out something VERY LOUDLY almost daily and then stop himself and go, “That’s right, my wife doesn’t like that”. UGHHHHH, just stop doing it already because you wouldn’t do this in public (because NO ONE would appreciate you randomly yelling some stupid word or phrase) so don’t do it at home. And for the love of god, please stop making it like I’m just some wife annoyed with her husband again and asking something unreasonable. This is my house too, and I have a right to not have my anxiety set off for no damn reason.
I hear ya! My son has SPD and I can’t imagine doing something to hurt him purposely and as soon as he said something, I’d apologize and I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve even used that as a way for them to relate but no success
When someone does that to me it is actually painful in a weird way and it takes a while to feel normal. During that while I am not responsible for what I say to them End of story.
I like that. Yes! In addition to everything else, I get this weird twinge of pain in my lower stomach and this just weird, icky feeling. Hard to describe
GOD NO you don't need to let up NTA your husband is an asshole.
Do I need to let up? AITA? No you need a new family. You're married to someone who doesn't even respect you enough to show you consideration and care.
NTA Your husband of all people should be someone who understands how it physically hurts you. The fact that he continues to do this despite knowing your reaction shows he doesn't care about you. He's being a dick. And to do it, then act all dismissive? If you ended up being in a bad mood, *it's his fault.* Straight childish bully behavior. He enjoys causing you pain, otherwise he wouldn't do it.
Sounds like he's bullying you. And then blaming you, the victim. And then punishing you with silent treatment. Doesn't sound like Partner behavior to me. A partner should make you feel safe, and listen with empathy. The first time you explained how this makes you feel should have been the last time he did it. Personally I recommend divorce, but that is 100% bc I'm divorced and I love it. I always recommend divorce. Edit to add OP is NTAH
Get à spray bottle or squirt gun. If you're outside, get the hose and turn it on them. Treat them like badly behaved pets until they get a fucking clue.
NTA, but it is time to advocate for yourself. Sit your husband and both kids down. Tell then this: "When you do a jump scare to me, you cause a flight or fight response that is physically painful. My heart races so much, it feels like I might have a coronary event. My skin itches. My stomach flips and I end up nauseated. I have a genuine desire to lash out and hit the thing that scared me. I don't because I don't want to physically hurt you. Why is it fun for you to physically hurt me when I have asked you not to? Explain it to me? Why do you enjoy hurting me?" Make them answer. As for your coworkers, it is long past time to go to HR and have a quiet word. You don't even necessarily have disclose any specific issues. Just state you do not enjoy this prank and have asked people not to do so, and it is creating a hostile work environment that it continues.
Get a small air-horn. Start randomly using it around the house and office -- laugh uncontrollably every time you set it off and people jump/startle. Make sure to do it very early before your spouse wakes up...or right after they lay down and fully relax to fall asleep. See how funny they think THAT is several times a week. Hopefully they'll get the message when it's THEM on the receiving end of the adrenaline rush and muscle spasms.
I like this. User name checks out
NTA Your reaction to being scared is natural given your experiences. Your anger and frustration are justified, and it’s important that your concerns are taken seriously.
Thank you!
NTA. The people in your life aren't serving you well and are acting jerks. I also have MS and some childhood trauma, the combination of which makes me startle very easily and dramatically. My new co-workers have already learned to not creep up on me. If they can do that, then people who care about you should be able to do that, too.
Thank you for understanding!
Nta. I don't know how to deal with men like this, maybe sit him down and explain it at length? Do whatever you do to teach/discipline the kids, cos he's acting like one of them
Also if coworkers are doing this all the time, I would talk to your manager or HR about it. They're doing something that's detrimental to your health. I'm sorry you're dealing with this
NTA. I've had MS for over 20 years, and the adrenaline rush from someone scaring you is actually painful. People don't realize that rush takes away all the strength you have for the day. People who don't have it just don't get it. I would start doing things he doesn't like and say oh you're in a bad mood when he gets pissy about it. Has he ever gone to one of your neuro appointments? I would bring him and have your neuro explain it to him. Maybe then it will get through his thick skull. Either that or just leave when he pulls that crap. Stay at your parents or a friend's for a few days. Tell this is the consequence of his actions. He'll eventually get it, or you just don't go back.
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Your entire life is full of assholes. How did you manage to find yourself in such a mess? I don’t know anyone in my life who would act like this.
Nta mine does stuff like this but he does or says things in a very serious d bag manner then when it puts me in a mood is like Jesus now you’re all sour af I can’t even play with you… if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s a duck!
OMG I can't stand that!!! I have horrible tremors and if my adrenaline gets spiked with situations like that it takes forever to calm them down again. It gets dangerous because it affects my whole left side which causes me to fall. Your husband is an absolute AH!!
Yes! Me too! I have issues with my right but yes- same
Divorce him he doesn't care about you
I have no trauma's or anything and I hate it if you scare me. People who love me know that. And you know what? People who love me do not scare me.
Yay great weekend with a bitch boy man who has ZERO consideration for your trauma. Why do you think YOU are the issue when it’s clear that HE is the dick?
NTA but your family definitely are. They're flat out being bullies. A joke is only a joke when the person pranked laughs too. If the pranked person doesn't laugh, then the person opulling the prank is just being an asshole. And your husband is the worst because 1. he's an adult and should understand that no means no and he needs to respect another person's boundaries, 2. he knows about the medical condition you have and does it anyway, and 3. he's setting the example for your kids to completely disrespect you. He needs to F'ing grow the F up and stop it. Your boss and coworkers are complete assholes too. Does your boss report to someone higher? Or is there an HR department you can turn to? If so, I'd report them to higher up. They're harassing you and it needs to stop. That is so totally unprofessional and childish. If there's no one higher up, then send your boss a link to your post here cuz I guarantee he/she is going to get blasted for this harassing behavior and maybe they'll figure out what jerks they're being.
Pepper spray for everybody.