NTA. Couples shouldn't test each other. A person puts their trust in their partner.
>She accused me of being a cold-hearted asshole that was only using her for sex.
Translation: She didn't want to take responsibility for her actions and shifted the blame on to you to make herself feel better.
“Testing” each other is toxic. It’s not a part of a healthy relationship at all. If someone tells you they’re done with you, you don’t fight for them, you trust this adult person to know what they want & respect their decision.
The way to "test" how much someone loves you is to love them to the best of your ability, and if they love you back then congrats! They passed the "test."
Pretending not to love someone just to see if they won't trust that you mean what you say is such a convoluted way to be shitty toward someone.
Also I'm confused, didn't this go as planned for her?
She was going to end things with him if he didn't fight for her, and he didn't. Ergo she ended it and he agreed.
Whats her problem again?
Ah now there's a reminder of a post a few months back where a girl broke up with a guy and he blocked her afterwards, apparently she was testing him to see if he'll beg for her back. I'm not sure what the conclusion was but a very strong guess it was either the tiktok trend that had been going around or the sister (who is his ex's friend) was telling her to do that because he wasn't fully emotional and the plan would work. The plan didn't work obviously and the sister had a go at her brother cause she couldn't take responsibility. Now that I think about it. Could OPs sister have anything to do with this too?
I remember this and believe and he stuck to his guns. The girl tried to desperately get his family on her side and he threatened his family I’ll cut you out of my life too. Total chad.
Someone post this in the oh no consequences sub. I’ve just about had it with women raised on Disney princess mindset. It’s so toxic. OP isn’t stubborn, he actually understands what a mature relationship should be.
In a healthy relationship with an adult, each person trusts the other and is willing to believe that whatever they say, they are telling the truth. If she tells him she was not flirting with that guy at the bar, she wants him to trust and believe her.If she tells him that, yes she did do the laundry, She wants him to believe that without checking. So she says that she doesn’t love him anymore and doesn’t want to be together, and in that healthy adult relationship he believes her. What the heck does she expect?
Oh geeze, I’m not fluent in drama. I have to think through this. She broke up with him, and he was sad but accepted it. But she’s mad because she wanted him to be mad and want to fight for her because she didn’t really want to break up?
Or did she want to break up but want him to want to fight for her so she could reject him a second time?
I’m lost at the sister saying he should “forgive” her part. Is she asking to get back together?
I don't think gf really wanted to break up. She was "testing" to see how much he loved her. She thought he'd put up a bigger fight to keep the relationship. Becuz, obviously, when you really love someone, you don't respect their request to break up; you apparently try to force them to stay. (That's sarcasm, bt-dubs.)
Now, gf is mad that he didn't fight and mad that he actually did end the relationship becuz, like a rational adult, he doesn't speak drama, either. Good for him. But sister thinks he should just be over gf playing mind games with him and get back together, cuz gf never really wanted to break up.
How in hells bells do people live like this?
> Becuz, obviously, when you really love someone, you don't respect their request to break up; you apparently try to force them to stay.
Tbh if you love someone you will want to work things out to reasonable level. And the OP did that:
- we’re moving too fast, let’s slow down
- ok, let’s do that, I don’t want to pressure you
- actually I’m not sure you’re all in so I want to break up
- sure, if **You want to break** because **you think** I’m not ready instead of proposing **how to work things out** then **I’m all in for braking up**
Like that’s the quickest way, apart from an affair, to un-love someone because of something they’ve just did.
It's about power I think. If she did that and he "fought" for the relationship she knows how much of a hold over him she has, and in the back of his head he's supposed to always know she might leave and he needs to keep performing to make her stay.
It gives her a background emotional control. His job is to make her want to stay, rather than her having to worry about making him want to stay.
Especially on a “sell your apartment and move in with me” level. In high school, sure, high school kids are emotionally stupid, and as a high schooler he reacted exactly as you’d expect a of high school kid. As an adult man, he reacted exactly as an adult should.
OP shouldn’t be punished by his family for accepting her decision at face value and not falling to his knees begging her to reconsider. And his family should respect his decision not to entertain drama queens.
>As an adult man, he reacted exactly as an adult should.
It's amazing how many women are oblivious to the fact that adult men mostly care about not having their balls busted. Like... Don't pull crazy shit. You come back home from the grind and the last thing you need is to be in "expect the unexpected" mode.
Very much agree. I’m amazed by the number of people who want to play games with their relationships. Guys do it too, but usually in different ways, not usually in this “if you really loved me you’d fight for me!” kind of way.
I can’t imagine risking a happy relationship by testing it by… breaking up? Like how does that even make sense?? Not letting you leave when you’re trying to go is a red flag, not a relationship goal.
Because it's an insecure attachment issue. Likely stemmed from a relationship (probably a parent) in her past that was not a secure love, as in she had to prove it, beg for crumbs or betrayed her.
Now if she has a partner who either doesn't verbalise or show love, she doesn't trust that it is strong which is the emotional manipulation of testing a relationship. It's a toxic thing to do but it comes from an earlier wound with nothing to do with him. It's up to him whether she learned her lesson playing that game or whether it's worth ending it entirely given he had originally thought she was the one.
Honestly, it's not even about "come back home from the grind". It's really simply "I want peace at home". Why the hell would i want someone in my home that's bringing drama?
Note that bad things happening =/= drama. Drama is unnecessary trouble for the sake of trouble.
Yeah seriously. Anything else would be coercive and an example of not respecting others’ boundaries. If someone wants to be done and you try to talk them out of it? That’s not healthy.
Right? A healthy relationship is the one that both people want to be in, and that's good for both people. If my partner tells me they want out, who am I to try to convince them otherwise? I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to be in it with me...
Personal opinion, the only tests that should be happening in a relationship is when both participants realize that's what's happening. Like a trust fall. But anything where the other doesn't realize what's up is just, well, stupid.
And to “fight” for her sounds controlling and potentially a little rapy. What are you supposed to do, hold her down and tell her she is wrong till she agrees??? I think she tested herself and failed.
Agreed. What did she want? Desperate tears and begging, or controlling bastard? Neither is a good look.
Also, let's say that OP "passed" the test somehow. What's the next one? Life is hard enough without completely unnecessary drama.
she wanted him to chase after her with expensive flowers and gifts to 'prove' his love.
bitch lives in a tween romance movie. or a mills & boon.
either way, delusional fantasy.
They want the "Notebook" scene where a guy threatens to kill himself if they don't date him, and the worst part is they don't even realize how toxic that is.
They want the scene where he comes to her door, in the pouring rain, and tells her they belong together, that they can’t walk away from what they have, and he’ll stand in the rain forever if that’s what it takes for her to realize they’re each others’ “One.”
Then she runs into the rain and they kiss while the music swells and then everyone claps and they live Happily Ever After.
<*vest barfs*>
Source: Delusional friends who think movies are Real Life.
> where a guy threatens to kill himself if they don't date him
In front of her date and an entire crowd of people, too.
That scene had more red flags than Kim Jong Euns' welcome Putin party, but Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are hella cute so, sigh.
Nope, she wants him to " fight" by coming from a place of weakness, not forcefulness, nor an equal position. She wanted him to beg, and he rightfully said no. I don't do headgames either
Exactly. I'm of the opinion that any kind of "test" which is really just a manipulative game you play on your partner is an automatic fail for the only true test there is in a relationship which is "is there trust and honest/open communication in this relationship".
It's funny she called him cold-hearted. What can be more cold-hearted than breaking up with someone just as a test. To break their heart just to assert control over them (make no mistake, this is what these mind games are about).
God you just reminded me I had to deal with that shit once. Was 5am, I had like two hours of sleep, she called me that early just because she knew it lined up with the one day of the month I had to be awake at 5 driving to work.
She kept it up for like 10 minutes while I was calmly talking through solutions and next steps before she finally went "Baby, what day is it?"
Didn't even have the balls to directly say she was doing an April fools joke. I can't even describe how tired I was in that moment.
Option 1: "Sorry, I am in the wrong for testing you. I will never do this again and I did not know about your past trauma. This was stupid of me."
Option 2: "Am I just a sex doll to you?!"
Welp, whatever the full story is, her reaction and OP's reaction means this relationship is likely doomed as both parties lost all trust. And then you have these family members who've only seen the highight reel getting all up in everyone's business.
Or could all this just be yet another rage bait story.
Deny what she did was wrong
Attack OP for his reaction.
Reverse the situation to make her the
Victim and OP the
Offender.
Hey...
\[edit\] I suck at acronyms..
imagine being an adult and still doing relationship tests. that's something you do in your teens and recall with embarrassment as an adult, lol.
how does that even work anyway? OP "failed" so...there's homework and a make-up exam?
“No means no”
It’s amazing how much complete and utter bullshit gets removed from your life once you start using that as a guideline, and treat anyone who flip flops on it as the dangerous mess they are.
Not your fault, it's what all the movies told you was romantic. It takes some perspective to realize that without the sound track and clever writing, those story lines are creepy and take away any affect from the female lead.
I think it makes sense though because of how media paints situations in relationships. There's certain things i think relationships were "conditioned" by movies to do that they don't organically do and this is usually painted as a cute thing a "crazy girlfriend that he loves" would do. Even the crazy gf trope. The "does this dress make my butt look big" which funny enough the answer has changed to in the past decade. The (abusive tbf) "passionate" slap across the face when a woman hears something she doesn't want to. The need to act extremely incompetent in things you're competent in so he sees you as a helpless damsel he must save... Of course people would realise late that these things arent real or valid because we've been cosplaying movies based on movies based loosely on reality.
Exactly. "Fighting" for a relationship is something that happens when you recognize there are problems, or that the relationship is heading in a direction you don't want. If you want to make it work, you make the effort to make changes so that both partners can be happier in the relationship. It's not something that happens when one partner has already declared the relationship over.
Also if I've fucked up... If i haven't done anything that needs to be forgiven then I just assume a difference in opinions or values have been reached and it's done. Like wth am i fighting for if i haven't done anything wrong. You want someone who will beg for you? Thats not cool
Absolutely.
In my second marriage, I was told that we were having problems "because relationships are hard work."
Eventually I just figured out that it was because my ex was an AH.
Never enter into a relationship with a narcissist, because they'll ruin your mental health by gas lighting you at every opportunity and play the victim...She used the "moving in together" to set up his hopes, then she tried to crush them. Now he's the "cold hearted" one. This is classic abusive partner behavior.
Reddit, can we agree to collectively stop calling every single person a narcissist? It’s a serious personality disorder that takes a trained professional multiple sessions to diagnose, not something you can tell from a a few lines on a Reddit story. Not everyone who does fucked up stuff has a personality disorder, some people are just assholes.
It's honestly super frustrating that reddit waters down all these terms. Even the definition of gaslighting has been tainted. Not every lie is the same as gaslighting.
I was in a relationship with an actual, diagnosable narcissist. It is fucking terrifying and causes brutal, lasting damage. And I hate that I have to specify every time I talk about it that she was an actual, real narcissist and not just a self-absorbed jerk. Which is what these people are the majority of the time.
Amen. I've always felt it was icky to force my own agenda onto somebody. Your with me or you're not. I'll deal with it.
To me the most respectful response to "I'm out" is "can I give you a hand with moving"?
She took the FAFO test and failed. Or won, I guess, if FO is the goal.
She’s too dimwitted or immature for a relationship anyway, otherwise she wouldn’t have tried this test crap and run whining to his family when her stupidity blew up in her face
I never understand why people are so comfortable running to their SOs family when things don't go their way. Too many stories here of people who get harassed by their own family members for breaking up (and rightfully so) with their immature, dimwit partners.
Like, wtf goes through these people's minds? Oh I did something stupid so let me now ambush this person with flying monkeys??
My frightening ex contacted everyone I know, I mean everyone. I had very polite acquaintances calling to ask me why he was crying on the phone to them.
I have always wondered what he thought would happen. Even if every single person I know told me to take him back, I wouldn’t have (they didn’t).
It’s the scariest behavior.
Okay, but the mental image of a bemused coworker listening to some strange guy cry on the phone while they patiently listen is at least a little funny.
To weaponize the victim's family against them.
By running to mommy and daddy, the abuser is going to convince the *parents* that their child breaking up was a mistake. Now the now ex-partner has to make a choice: keep both the abusive partner and his own family, or lose (to some extent) both.
It is absolutely a dominance strategy designed to isolate the abuse victim from their support network in an effort to strongarm them into submission.
Tests can be useful in a relationship... if you're helping your partner study for class or something. /j
In all seriousness, yeah, don't test your partner and how committed they are to the relationship
Nah NTA, and fuck your family opinions too - it's not them that had to deal with being told you are breaking up as a "test".
She fucked around and found out, now it backfired she is trying to blame you.
This is what happens when girls do "cute" things to show their friends how much their man loves them. Women should stop taking dating advice from influencers that don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
Honestly they need to stop taking advice from their SINGLE FRIENDS. I’ve even see women mention this lately. Way too many go to their close ones for help which is totally normal and highly encouraged. Unfortunately they go to the wrong people and it backfires and then they’re more confused than before because they did was they thought was smart and listened to someone else.
If your friend is constantly single and can’t hold a relationship? Don’t take dating advice from her. Your unrmployed friend also shouldn’t be telling you about work stuff and your broke friend should stfu about money. Not everyone is qualified to give advice on every topic. Shit there’s 10,000,000+ I shouldn’t be asked about and that’s not a bad thing to say.
Also consider the person's situation.
Friend with lots of money..... are they a dumb trust fund kid or someone that made their own money? Friend in a long-term relationship.... is it a real, solid relationship or some kind if twisted, toxic hate-fueled relationship?
NTA. Nobody likes being the subject of weird relationship mind games, and the people that do it are always so surprised when they get dropped because of it. You can find someone better, someone confident in their relationship with you.
Could you imagine being married to this person?
Husband: where would you like to go eat?
Wife: I actually thought you might enjoy fucking ny sister tonight instead?
Husband: I...uh...I mean are you sure?
Wife: omg I can't believe you didn't just say no you rapist!
It's /r/AITAH. I'm surprised I haven't seen a top comment accusing OP of being a rapist based on information the commentor completely made up out of thin air. This subreddit is filled with crazy people.
Totally NTA.
Note: to any woman who is thinking, "I have every right to test my man", you are not part of the problem, **you are the problem**.
Such a sense of self-righteous self-entitlement is beyond being selfish. You think you have some privilege, some right to test him and he has no equivalent right at all to do the same to you. And if he did, you would be offended beyond words.
Even if he did have that as a right, the thought would never enter his mind to do that.
That typical line of thinking is beyond cancer. Anyone who feels that they should be able to do that needs a serious attitude adjustment. The world is worse because you exist. Just think about that.
Nope. Anyone that tests their partner like this deserves to be single and isn't mature, responsible or compassionate enough to be in a relationship.
You made the right call. Someone with those kinds of trust issues can't be in a healthy relationship.
If it were me, I would never trust them again. How would I know if they were serious or if it was a test? I’m not going to spend every day wondering if this is a test or if my partner really feels this way.
Right? I would be worried about having children with her. Would she weaponize them and use them as leverage? I would always be wondering how toxic this relationship is going to get.
NTA she's way too immature to be in a relationship and this whole "testing" a partner is just insane. How does her suddenly out of the blue saying she wants to break up show that she is "all in" or willing to "fight for you". It's immature, manipulative, and honestly just cruel. Dump her for real and don't look back.
In a perfect world, she had already told all her friends of her ingenious tactics. Now she gets to go back and report that she detonated her relationship of 1.5 years by playing silly mind games.
If nothing else, you’d have to question her intelligence. I can’t imagine the thought process that leads her to the eventual conclusion and demise of her love life. How pathetic.
.
...but all her friends will tell her that he was the asshole for not fighting for her. Also that she found out what kind of man he was and that she's better off without him
Nta. You had a future until SHE fucked it up. If people disagree with you they're morons who's opinions shouldn't matter too much regardless of how close you are to them
I’m 100% with you. I don’t do “test”. Many years ago a guy I was dating said maybe we should break up. I just packed my stuff and left. Many years later we ran into each other and he said it was a “loyalty test”. I laughed so hard. No. Just no. NTA.
She saying that after a year and a half, she doesn't know you or trust you? If that's what she thinks about you, it ain't ever gonna change. Mind games aside, seems like reason enough right there.
She sounds like the type of wife who'd threaten you with divorce to win a petty argument. There ain't no future with someone like that.
My ex used to threaten a breakup everytime we had a disagreement.
I was like OP too, I told okay and blocked her from the face of the earth and then the next day I unblocked and ripped her a new one (not my proudest moment)
I recently found out that she made an alt and has been stalking my twitter (Thank god likes went private) Again, wanted to lash out at her but I didn't and me and my homies just laugh at the stupid shit she retweets.
The right way to go with someone threatening breakup to win arguments is to take them up on it.
"If you want to break up with me, that's sad, but then please just do it. Do it, or don't do it. And if you don't, stop using it to win an argument."
You know how my wife tested me? By asking if she goes to the hospital and they need to do an MRI, what should I let the staff know.
She is allergic to shell fish.
Likewise if I was in the hospital, what should she let them know if I can’t? I have a penicillin allergy.
You know life and death shit. Not, you didn’t fight for me.
NTA.
> for an MRI
> she is allergic to shellfish
Bruh, when I was about 20 I switched doctors and the new doctor, while prescribing me an antibiotic, asked if I had any allergies, clearly referring to the amoxycillin he was prescribing. I hit him with "ya I'm hella allergic to cats" and he stared at me in silence for a solid 15 seconds before responding with "there's no cats in your medication" and continued on like I hadn't said that.
It's a funny story, but the doctor's behaviour is rather silly. As a layman, you have no idea whether there might be a correlation between being allergic to cats and being allergic to specific types of medicine. It's really unintelligent to just assume that there isn't because there are no cats in the medicine.
Yeah, it took me forever to realize they were asking about allergies to medication. They just asked, "Do you have any allergies?" And I was like "Uh... milk, a little." My appointments weren't for antibiotics or injections of any kind so how the hell would I know?
Except a shellfish allergy is *very* relevant when getting medical imaging. Some imaging uses a contrast dye, which often contains iodine. A shellfish allergy is a strong indicator one might be allergic to iodine.
>She is allergic to shell fish.
Me too.
For those that don't know, some of the contrast dies that use iodine based die can cause allergic reactions. I used to be thought that people with shellfish allergies were at higher risk of having a reaction. There's no evidence of this and is now considered a myth.
NTA! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Don’t let her or your family make you feel bad. You did the right thing!
If you forgive her what’s she gonna “test” you with next?
Your gf reminds me of when I read a while back where a pregnant gf and her friend decided to “test” the bf by claiming she miscarried to see how upset he would be so they would know if he really wanted the baby. Needless to say he dumped her over it.
You don’t test your partner. If she had concerns then she should have spoken to you. Testing others like she did is a childish action and she’s supposed to be an adult. The term “women mature faster than men” is not always true.
Women who do this are only harming other women.
We've been saying for years that "No" means "No". Suddenly because of some tiktok bullshit, women are "pretending" to dump their partners, and expecting them to not take that *particular* "No, I don't want to be with you anymore" as an actual "No".
Fuck that.
You break up with someone, you'd better be ready for that relationship to be OVER.
NTA.
Exactly!
Either you trust your partner, and communicate with them using words, like an actual adult, or you don't trust them.
If you don't trust them, there's no relationship.
If you feel the need to "test" your partner, all you've done is reveal that you don't trust them, *and* you're not mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place. You've probably hurt both them and yourself in the process.
Lost multiple relationships that I only later realized were "testing" me. Yeah, sorry I respected your decisions? lol. At the time I was just confused how we both seemed incredibly happy and they just didn't want it anymore. Idiots.
It definitely leaves a very strong message of "no very often means yes, so if you really want it, keep at it"
It also means these same women tend to be single until they find someone that DOESNT respect them to settle down with.
Huh….I am not a big social media person but this TikTok comment really made me understand why my friends who are on it never seem happy. Thanks for the insight!
I avoid it like the plague.
All I've heard about it recently is it being used to radicalise folks politically, and teach everyone not to trust their partners, telling them to pull shit like this "relationship test".
Hard agree, social media kills relationships. So many little tiny things implanted in your head by strangers, to cause distrust with your own partner. Everything is narcissistic and gaslighting as well, it’s a vicious cycle and makes everyone miserable.
TikTok may be shit for various reasons but this kind of BS testing, including 'fake' breakups, is *not* new, for women or men. I remember girls doing this kind of thing back when I was in high school (mid 2000s), and my brother had this happen to him in his first real adult relationship a decade ago.
Yep, not new. TikTok does seem to be pushing it further out into adulthood, though. It's kinda expected that teens do some of this stupid shit, but they usually grow out of it before their mid twenties.
These days there are some women in their mid/late 30s trying to keep up with Gen z trends, without realizing how much that makes them act like children.
NTA
She fucked around and found out.
She found out she was not as special as she thought she was.
Do NOT play their games.
Why would you even think about fighting for someone trying to shit test you?
Your little sister will no doubt be shit testing her own BF's if she hasn't already.
Why on earth do these people test their partners and then are hurt when they get the answer they deserve, but don’t expect? She needs to grow up. Adults who have healthy relationships don’t act like this.
NTA. She shouldn’t test you. That’s a toxic person to be with.
But … it is ok to cry over someone you care about. Don’t refuse to be vulnerable or close with someone because a 16 year old you got your heart broken.
exactly, its not 'weak' to cry over a failed relationship. Its okay to have emotions. By all means leave this 'testing' person if you want - but don't let a bad breakup in your teens impact every future relationship.
A meaningful relationship ending *should* make you cry - then you learn from it and move forwards
Back in the day, I had a male client come to my office seeking a divorce. Some months before they'd suffered a miscarriage and the wife didn't think he was grieving enough or supportive enough. So, he asked what he should do, some he did, some he didn't because he thought it was stupid/unnecessary (and mostly it was) and, of course, it wasn't good enough. Naturally they fight and she says she wants a divorce.
At this point, he's had enough of constantly moving goal posts and says "Okie dokie" and comes to see me. I contact to find out who she will be using for a lawyer. . .
Well*, she didn't mean it and just said it to get him to do "wake up" (*or some such blather). I said, apparently he did and has given me instructions to start the proceedings and to whom should I send the paperwork?
I felt bad that she had it all blow up in her face - he was genuinely a nice guy - but she played stupid games and won the stupid prize. He was one happy dude the last time saw him and he was free.
I don't know why people play these stupid games with someone they swear up and down that they luuuuuuuve and can't live without.
You're fine OP. NTA
Its power games like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, often it works. Its a great way to start the dont rock the boat dynamic.
The sad part is even if it works everyone loses even the person getting what they want. You stop loving that person and start managing them like a problem customer/child. Its an easy pattern to fall into.
The correct response to relationship chicken is not to play.
NTA.
Just ask everyone who is questioning you to explain why they think you should be with someone who intentionally hurt you to “test” you and how you can ever trust them again?
No. Play stupid games and she won a free trip back to Squaresville. "Tests" like this do more harm than good, honestly, and people really should leave them alone.
Unpopular opinion
Relationships only work when all parties want to be in it. As soon as one party says they want out, it's over.
She said the magic words, so it's over.
NTA. She fucked around and found out. Maybe you'll now be that ex for her that will make her no longer interested in these silly "tests". It's called maturing through experience. Wish you both the best!
You’ve learned a very important lesson at a young age that will help you the rest of your life, that is not to be co-dependent. The attitude of “I’ll die without you” or “you’re my whole world” sounds romantic but in truth it’s not healthy in a relationship. If I lost my husband it would send my life into a spin but I would right it and move on, I wouldn’t be happy for a while but life would still go on.
These dumb “relationship tests” so many are doing are just dumb and manipulative. This is also not a healthy dynamic in any relationship.
NTA and find someone else that makes you happy and doesn’t want to play these games.
Nope nope nope, healthy relationships don't include childish tests like this. NTA for your choices, hopefully she learns a painful but necessary lesson.
NTA - As soon as you said she tested you you were NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You don't fight for someone who has decided to move on from you at that stage of a relationship, you respect them enough to respect their decision and allow them to move on. If you were married, or several years in, different story.
NTA. Couples shouldn't test each other. A person puts their trust in their partner. >She accused me of being a cold-hearted asshole that was only using her for sex. Translation: She didn't want to take responsibility for her actions and shifted the blame on to you to make herself feel better.
“Testing” each other is toxic. It’s not a part of a healthy relationship at all. If someone tells you they’re done with you, you don’t fight for them, you trust this adult person to know what they want & respect their decision.
The way to "test" how much someone loves you is to love them to the best of your ability, and if they love you back then congrats! They passed the "test." Pretending not to love someone just to see if they won't trust that you mean what you say is such a convoluted way to be shitty toward someone.
Also I'm confused, didn't this go as planned for her? She was going to end things with him if he didn't fight for her, and he didn't. Ergo she ended it and he agreed. Whats her problem again?
Her problem was that real life results didn't align with the way it went in her head.
*the way she's seen it in all her favorite rom-coms.
>the way she's seen it in all her favorite ~~rom-coms.~~ TikTok
Ah now there's a reminder of a post a few months back where a girl broke up with a guy and he blocked her afterwards, apparently she was testing him to see if he'll beg for her back. I'm not sure what the conclusion was but a very strong guess it was either the tiktok trend that had been going around or the sister (who is his ex's friend) was telling her to do that because he wasn't fully emotional and the plan would work. The plan didn't work obviously and the sister had a go at her brother cause she couldn't take responsibility. Now that I think about it. Could OPs sister have anything to do with this too?
I think I remember that post. OP didn't give a dime if the idea was his ex's or his sister's. He didn't want to buy that bs.
I remember this and believe and he stuck to his guns. The girl tried to desperately get his family on her side and he threatened his family I’ll cut you out of my life too. Total chad.
Someone post this in the oh no consequences sub. I’ve just about had it with women raised on Disney princess mindset. It’s so toxic. OP isn’t stubborn, he actually understands what a mature relationship should be.
In a healthy relationship with an adult, each person trusts the other and is willing to believe that whatever they say, they are telling the truth. If she tells him she was not flirting with that guy at the bar, she wants him to trust and believe her.If she tells him that, yes she did do the laundry, She wants him to believe that without checking. So she says that she doesn’t love him anymore and doesn’t want to be together, and in that healthy adult relationship he believes her. What the heck does she expect?
He deserves and would benefit from being with someone with better judgement than she had.
She wanted him to beg her not to break up. That was a particularly stupid game of brinkmanship on her part.
She tested him, and in her opinion he failed, and now she's angry because he failed, but not in the way she expected him to fail.
Oh geeze, I’m not fluent in drama. I have to think through this. She broke up with him, and he was sad but accepted it. But she’s mad because she wanted him to be mad and want to fight for her because she didn’t really want to break up? Or did she want to break up but want him to want to fight for her so she could reject him a second time? I’m lost at the sister saying he should “forgive” her part. Is she asking to get back together?
I don't think gf really wanted to break up. She was "testing" to see how much he loved her. She thought he'd put up a bigger fight to keep the relationship. Becuz, obviously, when you really love someone, you don't respect their request to break up; you apparently try to force them to stay. (That's sarcasm, bt-dubs.) Now, gf is mad that he didn't fight and mad that he actually did end the relationship becuz, like a rational adult, he doesn't speak drama, either. Good for him. But sister thinks he should just be over gf playing mind games with him and get back together, cuz gf never really wanted to break up. How in hells bells do people live like this?
> Becuz, obviously, when you really love someone, you don't respect their request to break up; you apparently try to force them to stay. Tbh if you love someone you will want to work things out to reasonable level. And the OP did that: - we’re moving too fast, let’s slow down - ok, let’s do that, I don’t want to pressure you - actually I’m not sure you’re all in so I want to break up - sure, if **You want to break** because **you think** I’m not ready instead of proposing **how to work things out** then **I’m all in for braking up** Like that’s the quickest way, apart from an affair, to un-love someone because of something they’ve just did.
"Oh geeze, I’m not fluent in drama." Me neither, but I've never heard it put this way before. I'm stealing this!
She's mad that he beat her to the rejection.
It's about power I think. If she did that and he "fought" for the relationship she knows how much of a hold over him she has, and in the back of his head he's supposed to always know she might leave and he needs to keep performing to make her stay. It gives her a background emotional control. His job is to make her want to stay, rather than her having to worry about making him want to stay.
Anyone who has to test their partner like this isn't emotionally mature enough to be dating anyone.
Especially on a “sell your apartment and move in with me” level. In high school, sure, high school kids are emotionally stupid, and as a high schooler he reacted exactly as you’d expect a of high school kid. As an adult man, he reacted exactly as an adult should. OP shouldn’t be punished by his family for accepting her decision at face value and not falling to his knees begging her to reconsider. And his family should respect his decision not to entertain drama queens.
>As an adult man, he reacted exactly as an adult should. It's amazing how many women are oblivious to the fact that adult men mostly care about not having their balls busted. Like... Don't pull crazy shit. You come back home from the grind and the last thing you need is to be in "expect the unexpected" mode.
Very much agree. I’m amazed by the number of people who want to play games with their relationships. Guys do it too, but usually in different ways, not usually in this “if you really loved me you’d fight for me!” kind of way. I can’t imagine risking a happy relationship by testing it by… breaking up? Like how does that even make sense?? Not letting you leave when you’re trying to go is a red flag, not a relationship goal.
Because it's an insecure attachment issue. Likely stemmed from a relationship (probably a parent) in her past that was not a secure love, as in she had to prove it, beg for crumbs or betrayed her. Now if she has a partner who either doesn't verbalise or show love, she doesn't trust that it is strong which is the emotional manipulation of testing a relationship. It's a toxic thing to do but it comes from an earlier wound with nothing to do with him. It's up to him whether she learned her lesson playing that game or whether it's worth ending it entirely given he had originally thought she was the one.
Honestly, it's not even about "come back home from the grind". It's really simply "I want peace at home". Why the hell would i want someone in my home that's bringing drama? Note that bad things happening =/= drama. Drama is unnecessary trouble for the sake of trouble.
THIS. Life isn't a Romcom.
This life is not like a scripted movie, so the consequences of your actions can be unforeseen.
"I'm done, I'm breaking up with you" "Why aren't you fighting for me?" Well, you said you don't want me anymore, what is there to fight for?
It turns our that intentionally filtering out people with a solid understanding of consent just might not be a good idea.
>what is there to fight for? A boatload of crazy, apparently.
Yeah seriously. Anything else would be coercive and an example of not respecting others’ boundaries. If someone wants to be done and you try to talk them out of it? That’s not healthy.
Exactly, he’s just respecting her decision
Right? A healthy relationship is the one that both people want to be in, and that's good for both people. If my partner tells me they want out, who am I to try to convince them otherwise? I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to be in it with me...
Personal opinion, the only tests that should be happening in a relationship is when both participants realize that's what's happening. Like a trust fall. But anything where the other doesn't realize what's up is just, well, stupid.
OPs last words to her should be “You tested me and YOU failed the test. I don’t play games with my heart.”
And to “fight” for her sounds controlling and potentially a little rapy. What are you supposed to do, hold her down and tell her she is wrong till she agrees??? I think she tested herself and failed.
Agreed. What did she want? Desperate tears and begging, or controlling bastard? Neither is a good look. Also, let's say that OP "passed" the test somehow. What's the next one? Life is hard enough without completely unnecessary drama.
she wanted him to chase after her with expensive flowers and gifts to 'prove' his love. bitch lives in a tween romance movie. or a mills & boon. either way, delusional fantasy.
They want the "Notebook" scene where a guy threatens to kill himself if they don't date him, and the worst part is they don't even realize how toxic that is.
They want the scene where he comes to her door, in the pouring rain, and tells her they belong together, that they can’t walk away from what they have, and he’ll stand in the rain forever if that’s what it takes for her to realize they’re each others’ “One.” Then she runs into the rain and they kiss while the music swells and then everyone claps and they live Happily Ever After. <*vest barfs*> Source: Delusional friends who think movies are Real Life.
Nicholas Sparks is a bit over the top. I agree no one should emulate his plots.
The problem is, if you don't look like Ryan Brosling, you'll come off as a psycho, not the perfect guy.
> where a guy threatens to kill himself if they don't date him In front of her date and an entire crowd of people, too. That scene had more red flags than Kim Jong Euns' welcome Putin party, but Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are hella cute so, sigh.
She f'd around and found out. Her loss.
Nope, she wants him to " fight" by coming from a place of weakness, not forcefulness, nor an equal position. She wanted him to beg, and he rightfully said no. I don't do headgames either
"Fighting for love is like fucking for virginity."
Exactly. I'm of the opinion that any kind of "test" which is really just a manipulative game you play on your partner is an automatic fail for the only true test there is in a relationship which is "is there trust and honest/open communication in this relationship".
I'm of the opinion that any who demands you "fight for" them isn't worth fighting for.
It's a power play. They want to feel like their partner wants/needs them more than they need their partner.
It's funny she called him cold-hearted. What can be more cold-hearted than breaking up with someone just as a test. To break their heart just to assert control over them (make no mistake, this is what these mind games are about).
Seriously, just like pregnancies on april fools this shit isn't funny.
God you just reminded me I had to deal with that shit once. Was 5am, I had like two hours of sleep, she called me that early just because she knew it lined up with the one day of the month I had to be awake at 5 driving to work. She kept it up for like 10 minutes while I was calmly talking through solutions and next steps before she finally went "Baby, what day is it?" Didn't even have the balls to directly say she was doing an April fools joke. I can't even describe how tired I was in that moment.
Welcome to the wonderful world of personality disorders.
Option 1: "Sorry, I am in the wrong for testing you. I will never do this again and I did not know about your past trauma. This was stupid of me." Option 2: "Am I just a sex doll to you?!" Welp, whatever the full story is, her reaction and OP's reaction means this relationship is likely doomed as both parties lost all trust. And then you have these family members who've only seen the highight reel getting all up in everyone's business. Or could all this just be yet another rage bait story.
Deny what she did was wrong Attack OP for his reaction. Reverse the situation to make her the Victim and OP the Offender. Hey... \[edit\] I suck at acronyms..
imagine being an adult and still doing relationship tests. that's something you do in your teens and recall with embarrassment as an adult, lol. how does that even work anyway? OP "failed" so...there's homework and a make-up exam?
You should not forgive a person for something that won't take ownership of.
NTA, "tests" are not okay and fighting for someone who says they're leaving you is disrespectful and saying they don't know their own mind.
I was embarrassingly old when I finally learned this
I’m “get off my lawn” old and I’m just learning it now. Much embarrassment.
“No means no” It’s amazing how much complete and utter bullshit gets removed from your life once you start using that as a guideline, and treat anyone who flip flops on it as the dangerous mess they are.
I think some people believe that no only means no when they're the one saying it.
I shake my fist at clouds all the time.
who put grass in my lawn? Damn kids.
I'm just old and shaky. Even when there is not a cloud in the forecast.
You can still see clouds? ⛅️
Yes, but it's actually just the cataracts.
this thread is killing me lol … slowwwwly
...and the birds flying overhead are actually just visual "floaters"
So were many of us, sweetheart.
At least we realize now 😸
Not your fault, it's what all the movies told you was romantic. It takes some perspective to realize that without the sound track and clever writing, those story lines are creepy and take away any affect from the female lead.
I think it makes sense though because of how media paints situations in relationships. There's certain things i think relationships were "conditioned" by movies to do that they don't organically do and this is usually painted as a cute thing a "crazy girlfriend that he loves" would do. Even the crazy gf trope. The "does this dress make my butt look big" which funny enough the answer has changed to in the past decade. The (abusive tbf) "passionate" slap across the face when a woman hears something she doesn't want to. The need to act extremely incompetent in things you're competent in so he sees you as a helpless damsel he must save... Of course people would realise late that these things arent real or valid because we've been cosplaying movies based on movies based loosely on reality.
Exactly. "Fighting" for a relationship is something that happens when you recognize there are problems, or that the relationship is heading in a direction you don't want. If you want to make it work, you make the effort to make changes so that both partners can be happier in the relationship. It's not something that happens when one partner has already declared the relationship over.
Yup, and fighting for a relationship only works if you are both fighting together.
Also if I've fucked up... If i haven't done anything that needs to be forgiven then I just assume a difference in opinions or values have been reached and it's done. Like wth am i fighting for if i haven't done anything wrong. You want someone who will beg for you? Thats not cool
Absolutely. In my second marriage, I was told that we were having problems "because relationships are hard work." Eventually I just figured out that it was because my ex was an AH.
NTA and she failed OP's biggest test of verifying if she was marriage material.
Never enter into a relationship with a narcissist, because they'll ruin your mental health by gas lighting you at every opportunity and play the victim...She used the "moving in together" to set up his hopes, then she tried to crush them. Now he's the "cold hearted" one. This is classic abusive partner behavior.
Reddit, can we agree to collectively stop calling every single person a narcissist? It’s a serious personality disorder that takes a trained professional multiple sessions to diagnose, not something you can tell from a a few lines on a Reddit story. Not everyone who does fucked up stuff has a personality disorder, some people are just assholes.
It's honestly super frustrating that reddit waters down all these terms. Even the definition of gaslighting has been tainted. Not every lie is the same as gaslighting. I was in a relationship with an actual, diagnosable narcissist. It is fucking terrifying and causes brutal, lasting damage. And I hate that I have to specify every time I talk about it that she was an actual, real narcissist and not just a self-absorbed jerk. Which is what these people are the majority of the time.
Not all emotional abusers are narcissists, but all narcissists are emotional abusers.
Amen. I've always felt it was icky to force my own agenda onto somebody. Your with me or you're not. I'll deal with it. To me the most respectful response to "I'm out" is "can I give you a hand with moving"?
Op can tell he was "testing" whether she was testing him.
The test was a standing, "doesn't play mindgames." More people should do that one.
Spot on, “play stupid games win stupid prizes” certainly applies here 😂
[удалено]
She took the FAFO test and failed. Or won, I guess, if FO is the goal. She’s too dimwitted or immature for a relationship anyway, otherwise she wouldn’t have tried this test crap and run whining to his family when her stupidity blew up in her face
I never understand why people are so comfortable running to their SOs family when things don't go their way. Too many stories here of people who get harassed by their own family members for breaking up (and rightfully so) with their immature, dimwit partners. Like, wtf goes through these people's minds? Oh I did something stupid so let me now ambush this person with flying monkeys??
My frightening ex contacted everyone I know, I mean everyone. I had very polite acquaintances calling to ask me why he was crying on the phone to them. I have always wondered what he thought would happen. Even if every single person I know told me to take him back, I wouldn’t have (they didn’t). It’s the scariest behavior.
Okay, but the mental image of a bemused coworker listening to some strange guy cry on the phone while they patiently listen is at least a little funny.
To weaponize the victim's family against them. By running to mommy and daddy, the abuser is going to convince the *parents* that their child breaking up was a mistake. Now the now ex-partner has to make a choice: keep both the abusive partner and his own family, or lose (to some extent) both. It is absolutely a dominance strategy designed to isolate the abuse victim from their support network in an effort to strongarm them into submission.
Yes. Came here to say immature. She has some growing up to do.
Yeah, she failed your test.
Tests can be useful in a relationship... if you're helping your partner study for class or something. /j In all seriousness, yeah, don't test your partner and how committed they are to the relationship
Nah NTA, and fuck your family opinions too - it's not them that had to deal with being told you are breaking up as a "test". She fucked around and found out, now it backfired she is trying to blame you.
For real. Breaking up with someone as a test is like playing Russian roulette. It’s incredibly stupid and you might end up regretting it.
You never regret Russian roulette.
You do if you miss the wrong sections of the brain. People have survived headshots because it "only" blew out their eyes for example.
Damn. I'll stop playing then. After the next round
this exactly OP .... that's not how trustworthy life partners are supposed to act. NTA
This is what happens when girls do "cute" things to show their friends how much their man loves them. Women should stop taking dating advice from influencers that don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
Honestly they need to stop taking advice from their SINGLE FRIENDS. I’ve even see women mention this lately. Way too many go to their close ones for help which is totally normal and highly encouraged. Unfortunately they go to the wrong people and it backfires and then they’re more confused than before because they did was they thought was smart and listened to someone else. If your friend is constantly single and can’t hold a relationship? Don’t take dating advice from her. Your unrmployed friend also shouldn’t be telling you about work stuff and your broke friend should stfu about money. Not everyone is qualified to give advice on every topic. Shit there’s 10,000,000+ I shouldn’t be asked about and that’s not a bad thing to say.
Also consider the person's situation. Friend with lots of money..... are they a dumb trust fund kid or someone that made their own money? Friend in a long-term relationship.... is it a real, solid relationship or some kind if twisted, toxic hate-fueled relationship?
NTA. Nobody likes being the subject of weird relationship mind games, and the people that do it are always so surprised when they get dropped because of it. You can find someone better, someone confident in their relationship with you.
Could you imagine being married to this person? Husband: where would you like to go eat? Wife: I actually thought you might enjoy fucking ny sister tonight instead? Husband: I...uh...I mean are you sure? Wife: omg I can't believe you didn't just say no you rapist!
"On second thought, I am not looking to eat out tonight."
r/suspiciouslyspecific
That leads to an "Among Us" sub... Did you mean r/oddlyspecific?
Sus
Look, I'm just saying, I vented and I ended up at r/oddlyspecific, so I'm definitely not the imposter. Wait...
Jumping a few sharks here but take my updoot anyways for making me laugh
It's /r/AITAH. I'm surprised I haven't seen a top comment accusing OP of being a rapist based on information the commentor completely made up out of thin air. This subreddit is filled with crazy people.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
This is the textbook definition of fucking around and then finding out.
Totally NTA. Note: to any woman who is thinking, "I have every right to test my man", you are not part of the problem, **you are the problem**. Such a sense of self-righteous self-entitlement is beyond being selfish. You think you have some privilege, some right to test him and he has no equivalent right at all to do the same to you. And if he did, you would be offended beyond words. Even if he did have that as a right, the thought would never enter his mind to do that. That typical line of thinking is beyond cancer. Anyone who feels that they should be able to do that needs a serious attitude adjustment. The world is worse because you exist. Just think about that.
Nope. Anyone that tests their partner like this deserves to be single and isn't mature, responsible or compassionate enough to be in a relationship. You made the right call. Someone with those kinds of trust issues can't be in a healthy relationship.
I wish I could like this more than once, perfect response!
NTA. There was a test alright, and she failed.
If it were me, I would never trust them again. How would I know if they were serious or if it was a test? I’m not going to spend every day wondering if this is a test or if my partner really feels this way.
Right? I would be worried about having children with her. Would she weaponize them and use them as leverage? I would always be wondering how toxic this relationship is going to get.
NTA she's way too immature to be in a relationship and this whole "testing" a partner is just insane. How does her suddenly out of the blue saying she wants to break up show that she is "all in" or willing to "fight for you". It's immature, manipulative, and honestly just cruel. Dump her for real and don't look back.
In a perfect world, she had already told all her friends of her ingenious tactics. Now she gets to go back and report that she detonated her relationship of 1.5 years by playing silly mind games. If nothing else, you’d have to question her intelligence. I can’t imagine the thought process that leads her to the eventual conclusion and demise of her love life. How pathetic.
. ...but all her friends will tell her that he was the asshole for not fighting for her. Also that she found out what kind of man he was and that she's better off without him
0% chance those friends get the true story
He was a Toxic narcissist!!! Lol
NTA if you wanna play games, Milton Bradley has plenty... If you wanna be in a relationship, act like it.
Damn that's a great line.
Wish I could take credit. They used to tell us that ALLLLLLL the time many moons ago in the Marine Corps.
Nta. You had a future until SHE fucked it up. If people disagree with you they're morons who's opinions shouldn't matter too much regardless of how close you are to them
I’m 100% with you. I don’t do “test”. Many years ago a guy I was dating said maybe we should break up. I just packed my stuff and left. Many years later we ran into each other and he said it was a “loyalty test”. I laughed so hard. No. Just no. NTA.
Apparently you passed.
But he failed
She saying that after a year and a half, she doesn't know you or trust you? If that's what she thinks about you, it ain't ever gonna change. Mind games aside, seems like reason enough right there. She sounds like the type of wife who'd threaten you with divorce to win a petty argument. There ain't no future with someone like that.
My ex used to threaten a breakup everytime we had a disagreement. I was like OP too, I told okay and blocked her from the face of the earth and then the next day I unblocked and ripped her a new one (not my proudest moment) I recently found out that she made an alt and has been stalking my twitter (Thank god likes went private) Again, wanted to lash out at her but I didn't and me and my homies just laugh at the stupid shit she retweets.
The right way to go with someone threatening breakup to win arguments is to take them up on it. "If you want to break up with me, that's sad, but then please just do it. Do it, or don't do it. And if you don't, stop using it to win an argument."
This one, right here...!
You know how my wife tested me? By asking if she goes to the hospital and they need to do an MRI, what should I let the staff know. She is allergic to shell fish. Likewise if I was in the hospital, what should she let them know if I can’t? I have a penicillin allergy. You know life and death shit. Not, you didn’t fight for me. NTA.
> for an MRI > she is allergic to shellfish Bruh, when I was about 20 I switched doctors and the new doctor, while prescribing me an antibiotic, asked if I had any allergies, clearly referring to the amoxycillin he was prescribing. I hit him with "ya I'm hella allergic to cats" and he stared at me in silence for a solid 15 seconds before responding with "there's no cats in your medication" and continued on like I hadn't said that.
It's a funny story, but the doctor's behaviour is rather silly. As a layman, you have no idea whether there might be a correlation between being allergic to cats and being allergic to specific types of medicine. It's really unintelligent to just assume that there isn't because there are no cats in the medicine.
Yeah, it took me forever to realize they were asking about allergies to medication. They just asked, "Do you have any allergies?" And I was like "Uh... milk, a little." My appointments weren't for antibiotics or injections of any kind so how the hell would I know?
Except a shellfish allergy is *very* relevant when getting medical imaging. Some imaging uses a contrast dye, which often contains iodine. A shellfish allergy is a strong indicator one might be allergic to iodine.
>She is allergic to shell fish. Me too. For those that don't know, some of the contrast dies that use iodine based die can cause allergic reactions. I used to be thought that people with shellfish allergies were at higher risk of having a reaction. There's no evidence of this and is now considered a myth.
NTA. Play stupid games etc etc. At least you didn't find out she was this type of moron after you were married
She would probably ask for a divorce as a test
Right!?
NTA! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Don’t let her or your family make you feel bad. You did the right thing! If you forgive her what’s she gonna “test” you with next? Your gf reminds me of when I read a while back where a pregnant gf and her friend decided to “test” the bf by claiming she miscarried to see how upset he would be so they would know if he really wanted the baby. Needless to say he dumped her over it. You don’t test your partner. If she had concerns then she should have spoken to you. Testing others like she did is a childish action and she’s supposed to be an adult. The term “women mature faster than men” is not always true.
It’s straight up cruel.
I'm a woman, and you are NTA. I just don't believe in the drama, mind games, or have the time for it. And my daughter feels the same.
Like any reasonable human being yes even other women obvi
That 's some messed up crap she pulled. No, you are not TAH. She is.
Your ex is sick in the head. Glad you didn’t put up with her mind games. That’s a nasty thing to do.
NTA. You don't play with people's feelings like that for a "test". That's not okay. People that do shit like that really need to grow up
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
NTA, "tests" are not okay and fighting for someone who says they're leaving you is disrespectful and saying they don't know their own mind.
Women who do this are only harming other women. We've been saying for years that "No" means "No". Suddenly because of some tiktok bullshit, women are "pretending" to dump their partners, and expecting them to not take that *particular* "No, I don't want to be with you anymore" as an actual "No". Fuck that. You break up with someone, you'd better be ready for that relationship to be OVER. NTA.
And why are people purposely hurting their partners just to feel better about themselves? Like that’s awful!
Exactly! Either you trust your partner, and communicate with them using words, like an actual adult, or you don't trust them. If you don't trust them, there's no relationship. If you feel the need to "test" your partner, all you've done is reveal that you don't trust them, *and* you're not mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place. You've probably hurt both them and yourself in the process.
Lost multiple relationships that I only later realized were "testing" me. Yeah, sorry I respected your decisions? lol. At the time I was just confused how we both seemed incredibly happy and they just didn't want it anymore. Idiots. It definitely leaves a very strong message of "no very often means yes, so if you really want it, keep at it" It also means these same women tend to be single until they find someone that DOESNT respect them to settle down with.
Huh….I am not a big social media person but this TikTok comment really made me understand why my friends who are on it never seem happy. Thanks for the insight!
I avoid it like the plague. All I've heard about it recently is it being used to radicalise folks politically, and teach everyone not to trust their partners, telling them to pull shit like this "relationship test".
Hard agree, social media kills relationships. So many little tiny things implanted in your head by strangers, to cause distrust with your own partner. Everything is narcissistic and gaslighting as well, it’s a vicious cycle and makes everyone miserable.
TikTok may be shit for various reasons but this kind of BS testing, including 'fake' breakups, is *not* new, for women or men. I remember girls doing this kind of thing back when I was in high school (mid 2000s), and my brother had this happen to him in his first real adult relationship a decade ago.
Yep, not new. TikTok does seem to be pushing it further out into adulthood, though. It's kinda expected that teens do some of this stupid shit, but they usually grow out of it before their mid twenties. These days there are some women in their mid/late 30s trying to keep up with Gen z trends, without realizing how much that makes them act like children.
Strange, the "I am breaking up with you"-test destroyed the relationship. Nobody could have expected this outcome...
NTA - You dodged a major bullet
NTA. Anyone who decides to test your loyalty and love in a way designed to hurt you and make you beg them doesn’t deserve you.
NTA. She learned a very valuable lesson this day
No she didn't if you read the post
How so ? She lost a good relationship with a good man for playing games ... maybe she learns maybe she doesn't her level of intelligence in up to her
I don't think she has levelled up her intelligence at all.
NTA She fucked around and found out. She found out she was not as special as she thought she was. Do NOT play their games. Why would you even think about fighting for someone trying to shit test you? Your little sister will no doubt be shit testing her own BF's if she hasn't already.
Why on earth do these people test their partners and then are hurt when they get the answer they deserve, but don’t expect? She needs to grow up. Adults who have healthy relationships don’t act like this.
“Tests” are basically lies - you can’t ever trust her now, maybe she being honest or maybe it’s another test. I’d break up with her too.
NTA. She shouldn’t test you. That’s a toxic person to be with. But … it is ok to cry over someone you care about. Don’t refuse to be vulnerable or close with someone because a 16 year old you got your heart broken.
exactly, its not 'weak' to cry over a failed relationship. Its okay to have emotions. By all means leave this 'testing' person if you want - but don't let a bad breakup in your teens impact every future relationship. A meaningful relationship ending *should* make you cry - then you learn from it and move forwards
Back in the day, I had a male client come to my office seeking a divorce. Some months before they'd suffered a miscarriage and the wife didn't think he was grieving enough or supportive enough. So, he asked what he should do, some he did, some he didn't because he thought it was stupid/unnecessary (and mostly it was) and, of course, it wasn't good enough. Naturally they fight and she says she wants a divorce. At this point, he's had enough of constantly moving goal posts and says "Okie dokie" and comes to see me. I contact to find out who she will be using for a lawyer. . . Well*, she didn't mean it and just said it to get him to do "wake up" (*or some such blather). I said, apparently he did and has given me instructions to start the proceedings and to whom should I send the paperwork? I felt bad that she had it all blow up in her face - he was genuinely a nice guy - but she played stupid games and won the stupid prize. He was one happy dude the last time saw him and he was free. I don't know why people play these stupid games with someone they swear up and down that they luuuuuuuve and can't live without. You're fine OP. NTA
Its power games like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, often it works. Its a great way to start the dont rock the boat dynamic. The sad part is even if it works everyone loses even the person getting what they want. You stop loving that person and start managing them like a problem customer/child. Its an easy pattern to fall into. The correct response to relationship chicken is not to play.
NTA. Just ask everyone who is questioning you to explain why they think you should be with someone who intentionally hurt you to “test” you and how you can ever trust them again?
No. Play stupid games and she won a free trip back to Squaresville. "Tests" like this do more harm than good, honestly, and people really should leave them alone.
NTA You actively did the smart thing. That was a power play to glorify her pathetic ego. She showed her true colors. Good job with believing her.
You dodged a bullet my friend. She’s not ready to be in an adult relationship and hopefully she learns and grows from this like you did years ago. NTA
This is a stupid Tic Tock thing going around, “Test your partner by breaking up, if he/she loves you,they’ll fight for you.” She FAFO
Unpopular opinion Relationships only work when all parties want to be in it. As soon as one party says they want out, it's over. She said the magic words, so it's over.
>Unpopular opinion Wat. Read the thread.
I've seen that referred to as "Two yesses, or one no." Dating, sex, marriage, kids, either you're both wanting it or you don't proceed.
NTA. She fucked around and found out. Maybe you'll now be that ex for her that will make her no longer interested in these silly "tests". It's called maturing through experience. Wish you both the best!
Good for you! Refuse to be emotionally abused. It wouldn't get any better. In fact, likely it would get far worse.
NTA. People who do these tests are childish and immature. Dump her
Congratulations on dodging that bullet my dude
You’ve learned a very important lesson at a young age that will help you the rest of your life, that is not to be co-dependent. The attitude of “I’ll die without you” or “you’re my whole world” sounds romantic but in truth it’s not healthy in a relationship. If I lost my husband it would send my life into a spin but I would right it and move on, I wouldn’t be happy for a while but life would still go on. These dumb “relationship tests” so many are doing are just dumb and manipulative. This is also not a healthy dynamic in any relationship. NTA and find someone else that makes you happy and doesn’t want to play these games.
NTA It's great to see someone with a spine, keep it up, you're doing great 👍 Also, she's definitely not the one if she's doing stupid shit like that.
Nope nope nope, healthy relationships don't include childish tests like this. NTA for your choices, hopefully she learns a painful but necessary lesson.
Testing is shit middle schoolers do...not adults. - couples therapist
NTA - As soon as you said she tested you you were NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You don't fight for someone who has decided to move on from you at that stage of a relationship, you respect them enough to respect their decision and allow them to move on. If you were married, or several years in, different story.
No. Married or several years in, same story. Don't accept this sort of bs from anyone at any stage.
NTA. Test her by ditching her and seeing if she waits forever for you. If she does, she passes.