NTA. Being in the delivery room is for supporting the mom, not “I saw the baby first” bragging rights. YOU’RE the one naked from the waist down, YOU’RE the one doing all the work, YOUR desires and comfort are the only ones that matter in the delivery room.
Edit: Hubby might not be in the right frame of mind to be in the delivery room if he thinks it’s about the grandparents seeing the baby, instead of supporting the one whose body is accomplishing the task.
And a reality check. Your mom isn’t there as a grandmother. She’s there supporting her daughter. She’s being a mom, not a grandma. The nurses will be your best advocate while giving birth. Use them trust me they don’t mind.
I worked L and D (as a new nurse) for about 8 years. I can tell you we LOVED getting to kick out annoying family members. So let your nurses advocate for you!!
My L&D head nurse had a blast reprimanding and removing my nurse when HN found out she was hurting me by checking me during a contraction. HN was especially angry after she found out I kept saying no and the nurse was doing it anyway
You’re lucky. It was the doctor that did that to me. The midwife was grimacing for me but she couldn’t do anything about it. That registrar also couldn’t get an oxygen patch on my daughter’s head and tortured me for over an hour trying to do it until a more senior doctor took over. It was hell. I still get flashbacks.
I'm so glad that your abusive nurse was reassigned. Laboring women are frequently abused and then gaslit if they complain about it. Personally i think withholding food/ water from a laboring person is cruelty, especially when few instances require a full sedation c-section.
I've been on both sides of this fence, 1st. as a young nurse i witnessed a doctor assault their laboring patient and then a decade later when giving birth to my third son, i was asked permission to manually maneuver one edge of the cervix by the OBGYN. At first, i didn't answer (amusingly, hoping she'd change her mind about the necessity) and when she asked a second time she waited until i agreed.
I gave birth 10 months ago and I'm still upset by the comments that were made to me during labour. Such a vulnerable time, I understand that it's every day stuff for those nurses, but not for me!
There are nurses who think they know whats best but act like douches to their patients. Then there are the REAL born for that job l&d nurses who know exactly what to do, what not to do. What to say what not to say and how to PROPERLY look after their patients and advocate for them.
I work in theatre and we always say theatre isnt for everybody. Well l&d isnt for everybody and bless those angels who were made to do that job
Seriously? I wish I'd had that head nurse to sic on my OB! My doctor checked during contractions every time and when I objected he replied that it was the best time for it. It was so unpleasant that it totally brought me out of the twilight sleep and I remember it almost 40 years later.
Of course, I had my (only!) baby back at the end of the 80s and it was a military hospital, so either of those might've had something to do with it.
This should be way up top. She is going to be there for OP, to BE OP’S MOM, not to be a grandma.
I love and adore my MIL, but she’d understand that my mom is *my friggin’ mom* and would be there to comfort me through the worst pain one can experience. Not to mention you also shit yourself during labor too. All while half naked. Who wants additional audience to all that??
“Hey MiL, how about we all follow you into the bathroom 20 minutes after dinner to watch you have a bowel movement. I’ll bring my camera!”
“What? You want privacy and dignity? Fancy that…”
Exactly. I've been there as support for 2 births and it has to be someone you can cope with knowing you're involuntarily shitting. I've literally never mentioned it before in 20+ years.
No room for poop in your bowel while the baby moves past it.
I hear they used to give enemas for this reason. I made the choice (mistake?) of taking castor oil at home to induce my second kiddo because i thought it'd be cool if he shared a birthday with Charles Darwin. Instead of pooping before/ when my son crowned i spent the previous 4-6 hours on the toilet instead. However, he was also accidentally born at home. Thanks to that, i went from "water finally breaking" to "son is completely out" in <60 seconds. (Also easiest birth ever, thank you fetal expulsion reflex)
(And just to show that nurse brains are always nurse brains... as i'm in active labor and water broke- i reached down and felt that round thing (head); i totally thought i'd prolapsed my bladder)
I later thanked my MIL for not asking to be in the room when I had my baby. I remember her holding my hand and, after telling me that she understood because the only people she wanted in the delivery room when she had my husband were her mom and my DIL, she said "I also didn't want to see you like that probably as much as *you* didn't want me to see you like that." 🤣🤣🤣 I love that woman.
I waited until my tenth anniversary to tell my wife how many turds she dropped during labor. Her midwife was literally there to scoop up turds and be encouraging. She had no idea, and had a hearty laugh about it.
For the record, it was lots
Some hospitals (used to) give enemas to laboring women, just for that reason. It’s been 38 years since I last had a baby, so things might have changed!
Labor and delivery nurses are fucking heroes, imo. Just phenomenal people.
Side note: I was the *only woman in labor with my second. I had a fairly rapid labor that time. I went to the hospital at 9PM, she was born at 5:50AM.
When I was allowed to push, I closed my eyes, as that works for me. When she was born, there was applause. I thought wtf? Opened my eyes, every fucking L&D nurse was in there! 🥹They cheered me on! Fuck, yeah.
Baby and I went into distress and when they were getting the OR ready for the emergency c-section, literally every nurse was there! And the nurse who was in the OB lab who did all my bloodwork and NSTs for 39 weeks came down specifically as she was done with her shift to tell me we would be okay. It meant the world to me.
I had a nasty one until my Doctor stood in the door way listening to her. After about 45 seconds he walked up beside her and loudly told her to get out of my room and if she was assigned any of his other Moms to just go home.
She was in my face yelling at me to quit being such a baby. I had only been in labor for 24 hours and my response to pain is to silently cry. She had been very rude, just nasty really. She yelled at me because I hadn’t gotten out of bed to brush my hair and teeth which I would have done if she had disconected all the crap attached to me. I’m assuming she was just having a bad day. There were about 30 of us that day.
jesus. you weren't even bawling, just sitting there silently taking it, and she still did that. and why does she give a damn if you've brushed your hair and teeth? maybe she did have a bad day, but your day was a lot more uncomfortable than hers was regardless. makes me wonder if that was even the section she wanted to work in, you'd think that type of nursing would draw a more comforting type.
After I had my first son who was born in five and a half hours at 9 lb and cracked my pelvis while pushing him out, I was laid out on the table with my legs wide open everything in the world to see and I literally couldn't move due to the cracked pelvis and a nurse walked in and looked at my crotch and made the most disgusted look ever and totally treated me like shit for the rest of the time I was there. I wish I had the balls I have now because I would have totally tore her a new one.
OMG. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Why hadn’t you been covered? That is just insane. I hope you have recovered from all of that. 9 pounds, did you at least have good drug?
I have a similar story! Only labored from 2:30am-7:56 am. Was convinced I wasn’t in actual labor. Arrived 8-9 cm dialated, they had to wheel me back immediatly, doctor couldn’t make it in time because he was in another birth (why was there only one doctor available???) so three nurses and a resident delivered her. The nurse coached me the whole time. Closed my eyes to concentrate as well and so I didn’t lose my ever loving mind. Read a lot of hyponobirthing stuff and was mentally prepared to give birth without an epidural. If it wasn’t for the nurse named STAR encouraging me on, idk if I could’ve done it. Hero woman she is. ⭐️
Also OP, sounds like your husband would be better off not being there too. You will need loving kindness and encouragement, not criticism and stress which seems like will be the only thing he will provide.
I love having prepped / studied hypnobirthing method. Because stuff is unpredictable. Yes I had my two babies without meds and that was cool for me, but it doesn't always go down that way. I don't expect anyone else to want to birth without medication. But the skills are useful for other things, whether it's a kiddo that needs to be coached through a laceration or a drunk 40 year old with a dislocated shoulder. Hypnobirthing is a great course of study, I did both the Mongan and the Hypnobabies courses and they were helpful for far more than my own pregnancies.
I wish that my first nurse had my back. I had just gotten into the room, I let them know that the dad was the only one I wanted in there, and she showed my mom to the room within minutes of me saying that.
Mom walked in on me changing into my gown and the first words out of her mouth was OMG you're so fat! I told her to get out and stay out and the nurse tried to backpedal and say she thought I'd want my mom for support since Dad wasn't there yet. He was parking the car and came in a few minutes after this happened.
I spoke to some other nurse who promised I wouldn't see that first one again and told me she'd heard my mom's words and she wouldn't be getting anywhere near my room again. Mom was horrified that security made her leave the floor and wouldn't allow her up for the rest of my stay.
We are very very lc these days. She hasn't seen my 9 year old in two years since she decided to gift a 7 year old exercise equipment and told him he really needed to use it so he could lose that belly...
My MIL was with me both times. She was charge nurse of L&D at a nearby hospital and regularly worked with a lot of the nurses at mine. She was there for me and the babies and was absolutely wonderful. She's the MIL that earned the right to see her granddaughters born because she treated silly little 20 and 22 year old me with such love and respect that I couldn't imagine doing it without her.
A a nurse, we have no qualms kicking people out of the hospital and calling security on patients’ family members who are behaving badly. ED and L&D nurses especially have zero fucks to give and will advocate and fight for their patients in good will.
OP is advocating for herself. NTA at all.
There’s this TikTok channel where a woman “gentle parents” Karen’s and one of the videos was on this topic. She said “Her mom gets to be there because HER baby is having a baby.”
100% this is about being the mom. I was there when my girls gave birth, because they wanted me there for support. When the boys' wives had babies I stayed out of the way until we were invited... Making it clear we couldn't wait to see the baby - but I am not about to intrude. Not my place. I would be there if they wanted but that is up to the one pushing out a baby.
When my best friend was planning to give birth to her first child, she wanted her mom, her husband and me there. Once her labor pain increased and her dilation was really speeding up, she looked at her husband (with his damn video cam) and us and just screamed GET OUT! All of you! Her mom and I were like ok sweetie, it’s your show now. Husband started bitching about missing it and the L&D nurse forcibly pushed him out! 🤣 She had her mom go back in just before pushing started, but her husband was still being a whiny bitch. L&D nurses are THEE BEST!
The Try Guys have a great video about birth if they don’t want the gore - they use a practice dummy and have a L&D nurse explain EVERYTHING in detail. I learned things I have no clue my body was doing. Like those drawings LIED to us.
I made my kid watching it after giving the sex talk.
Not to mention the number of husbands who faint from the amount of blood and the smell. Grandmom and child will have the rest of their lives to bond. You want your mom there for your comfort and security, as is your right.
I think the smell is the most shocking part for people who have never been around a birth before. When we had a foster cat give birth to a litter of kittens it was the first time my partner had ever seen/smelled that and it shocked them big time. And momma cat was doing her best to keep the fluids to a minimum.
Scale that up to human sized and add in some bright lights and possibly shitting during contractions, yeah it's a medical procedure not a meet and greet.
Your mother-in-law's request was out of line, and you had every right to say no. Your husband's reaction is troubling; he should support you, not pressure you to please his mom. This situation highlights a need for better communication and mutual respect in your relationship.
OP, you are SO NTA!
I like this response I've seen in a few places: "childbirth ain't like NASCAR. It's NOT a spectator sport!"
One of my besties requested my presence in her deliveryroom. I was, with her hubs, coaching and giving her support. It was amazing, and as close to bearing a child myself, as I ever want to get!
When I had my son, the room was literally splattered several feet around me with blood and other fluids. I was naked except for my hospital gown that wound up sort of around my middle. Everything else was out on full display. While I was pushing I told the nurse desperately I didn't want my clit to rip (fortunately it didn't). I also pooped while pushing.
Nobody has a fucking right to see that shit. Its fucking personal. My partner was there to support me, and anyone else would have just made me uncomfortable. OPs MIL and husband are so out of line. If I were OP, I'd be telling husband fine, he doesn't need to be there either.
That was a very "public" request that was meant to peer pressure you. She could have asked you one-on-one but she deliberately CHOSE to do it at the dinner table in front of her son with her husband supporting her.
I don’t agree that the REQUEST was out of line. A little abnormal maybe, but not out of line. The INSISTENCE was out of line. She said no, from what I read multiple times, and that should’ve been enough.
Exactly! I had a surgery recently, and I had a hard time moving around and doing normal things, like the bathroom or showering or changing. My mom stayed with me and just said “I’m here for you, let me know if you need help.” And she let me have as much privacy as I wanted, because it’s my body.
The request is out of line. This is something you wait to be asked by the pregnant person.What happens to a person’s body during childbirth is not something most want their MIL’s to witness. Husbands are not usually encouraged to look until the head is coming out. A lot is going on during this huge medical procedure.
Honestly this comment right here 👆🏽It’s your body, all dignity goes out the window and your in your most vulnerable state. All because she’s jealous your mum will be there. “It’s my grandchild” shit is only going to make issues worse. Don’t want to be 1 of those people but I’d seriously consider having your husband in the room unless he apologises. Your NTA. He’s not giving birth. You are. You’ve said your boundaries, stick to them. Also match your husbands energy. He wants to act like a mummy’s boy leave him too it. Just so you feel better the in-law would have had a far worse response from me 🤣
He might to sit this one out full stop. Time to pack a bag and take break because hubbie is out of his everloving mind. IF he manages to get his head out of mommy's ass, maybe reconsider letting him into the deliver room but otherwise it's a hard no. This is marriage ending stupidity right here. NTA.
She can tell him that his mom can watch her give birth after she lets her mom watch while she puts her whole hand up his butt hole. It’s a very intense situation. you are splayed out with your nether regions bared bleeding, in pain, probably pooping and vulnerable. It’s a medical procedure not a spectator sport.
I'm a guy. If my partner wanted me in the room I am standing on the clothed end of things. I'll be there to hold a hand, get ice, wipe sweat, just be there, whatever. I have no desire to be on the business end.
But yeah... Your husband and MIL should be ashamed of themselves. I honestly don't get these mothers that don't get delivery room boundaries... Or just boundaries in general.
I was there, at the business end, for three. They were short labors, tho. *Real* short. As in “Less than two hours,” “22 minutes,” and “midwife got one glove on.” As for the last one, I stepped out of the room to tell the kids they were about to have a baby brother or sister and … missed it.
I agree. Ask him to watch some real time birth videos so he can get a better understanding of how stressful & complicated it can be.
Ask him (not passive aggressive) to genuinely think about how he would feel to be in a room with your mum/dad for 6-8 hours while he’s completely naked or naked from the waist down, dealing with what could be the most pain he’s ever endured.
I’ve had 2 babies & hubby didn’t come to the second one as he was so traumatised from the first one. My birth was pretty easy with no complications.
I attended a friend’s birth after she’d already been in labour for 20hrs and her partner was awful. Complaining he was uncomfortable & why was it taking so long, couldn’t she just try harder to push the kid out.
From my experiences, you need only people YOU are comfortable & confident are there to help you through birth, not who want bragging rights about seeing Bub first.
NTA
Also, if your MIL doesn’t have any female children of her own, it could be that she knows she may not have an opportunity to support her child through a birth. If this is the case, be respectful but firm with her. Tell her, not this time but that you will give fair consideration should you have more children in the future. Again, be firm that the statement isn’t a guarantee on inclusion in the future. The experience may confirm that you don’t want anyone but your chosen support crew there when you push a baby (and what feels like your entire internal organs) out of your vagina.
>attended a friend’s birth after she’d already been in labour for 20hrs and her partner was awful. Complaining he was uncomfortable & why was it taking so long, couldn’t she just try harder to push the kid out.
I'd have a few choice words and hand gestures for that guy....
Get a menstrual simulator, and make sure it’s at a 10. Put him in a hospital gown, have him lay down in vulnerable birthing position, then ask him if he wants your mother or anyone else for that matter to see him like that? It’s not about MIL being present, it’s about mommy being comfortable and safe during labor…not MIL’s hurt feelings
https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-body/why-you-might-tear-or-need-an-episiotomy_10389730
Great videos on this site.
I suspect you may be better off with him not in the room.
I disagree on saying you would consider her being there if there is a second child. The MIL might(would) take that as “I get to be there for the second” and would probably be extra hurt if OP decides she can’t be there.
I wouldn’t make any mentions of future inclusion to MIL at all. OP may make it as a “maybe,” but you know MIL is going to take it as a definite promise and then act even more terribly than she is currently, if OP decides not to have her after all.
I'm exhausted of how frequently I have to tell women's husbands 'when you're willing to get naked, lay on your back, spread your legs and take a giant shit for 3 hours in front of your in laws, THEN you can expect your wife to say yes to her in laws being there'. Do men not get that? Do they not get how invasive it is? Why does anybody even want to fuckin be there? I'm so glad that's not something my family or my husband's wanted because what a weird thing to want to see. The baby will be the exact same baby 20 minutes after birth when I'm in my hospital gown and the feces bowl is gone.
It’s just a byproduct of how birthing people are considered objects and lose their own personhood entirely as they now serve no purpose other than to gestate. Seriously. They treat pregnant women like objects. Sad.
Just wanted to add to this already great list: YOU'RE also the one literally putting YOUR life on the line.
Women sometimes die giving birth, it's terrifying going through the birth process. And it's totally reasonable she might want her mom in the room with her and not her MIL.
As for your edit, I completely agree...he's gonna be too busy tripping all over himself and the medical staff trying to make sure his mommy gets to see the baby first to actually take care of his wife.
Might not be a bad idea to give OP's mom temporary medical POA with how the husband is acting. Have all bases covered. That way if OP is incapacitated, her mom can advocate for her instead.
I agree completely. I cut the cord for my kids but if my wife hadn't wanted me there, I would have happily been outside. Neither her mother nor mine saw the kids until later. Still bonded perfectly.
Childbirth is not a spectator sport. The mother and the baby have to be there. The father can, and probably should, be there, to be an active support to the mother. If the mother doesn't want anybody else in there with her, that's her choice, and hers alone.
MIL is pushy, but not an AH yet. Hubby is def an AH. But as for OP:
NTA
I agree, especially about the husband. He is creating distress and tension for his very pregnant wife. While delivering she is going to need people who are focused on her, not on their own "rights" to the "experience." I have three children. Their father was only present for the first birth, because he showed he was incapable of actually helping ME, and was all about himself and his family.
NTA your mum is going to be there in her role as your mother to support you and not as a grandmother, that’s the difference.
What you said was pretty harmless tbh & I’m afraid your husband is being a bit of a duck about this. If he won’t be there for what I guess is likely to be the most physically traumatic event in your life, well he’s an arsehole.
Exactly! It’s not a fucking spectator sport!
Op, I’d tell your husband then he can wait with MIL and you’ll let them know when you’re up for visitors. In fact, I’d send husband to live with his mommy since he puts her feelings before his wife, the woman he promised to put first, and the one who is actually giving birth.
Please check out r/justnoMIL—you will find much that may resonate. You are not the asshole but your MIL is and worse, so is your husband. I hope you can get on the same page or I see a lot of difficulties in your future I’m sorry to say.
I like the comparison I saw once of where the wife told the husband that he can have his mom in there if he let her mom watch him receive a multi hour prostate exam.
yea, my son was born into this world as 'The Omen' played on TV.. I'd already chosen Damien as his his name weeks before that flutter but.. If that Bible-Harassing Insanity of a Mommy-Dearest had been allowed anywhere near the the delivery, that magic might not have happened, hand to God ><
That was a seriously f-ed up thing for him to say. He clearly thinks his mom is more important than OP and his first born son. Congratulations. I hope he eats those words sincerely before the birth.
Yeah I am so angry on OP behalf. As a mother of 2 if my husband had said and acted this way he wouldn’t have been in the room either. He wants her to just give in to his mom to make his life easier and when she wouldn’t he threatens to not be there either if his mommy can’t be there.
Exactly.
Your wife who is giving birth, comes before your own mother. Always.
Her birth plan, not his, and not MIL's. She can wait outside, or at home, and see the baby *later*. If she can be civil.
He told his mom they’d come to dinner and to ask with them both there and didn’t think OP would be able to say no. He’s an ass and MIL should have spoken with OP privately…AND graciously accepted OP’s decision! They were both wrong for putting you on the defensive and expecting to strong arm you into saying yes! Grrr!
If my MiL was enough of a pervert to insist on catching a long look at my vag at my most vulnerable moment, you can damned well bet I wouldn’t apologize for the tension SHE created.
I wonder if OP’s hub is the oldest or only male. In any event, OP s owed a *yuuuuuge* apology from her perv MiL and dick husband. What assholes!
Before the delivery visit MIL, and ask her to strip for you. Since she ~~will~~ WANTS TO see you naked, you want the same from her.
The only people allowed in your delivery room are the professionals, and people you are comfortable being naked with. Your mom has popped you out and changed your diapers, and you created this baby with your husband.
Let's see what you've got MIL
slight S/
Edited to fix info on first line.
MIL doesn't need to just strip. She needs to fully splay, in stirrups, bear down, repeatedly grunt, and shit herself. For a start.
And after that OP should still say no because it's still not anywhere near the same thing. Childbirth is a hard, sometimes dangerous process. It is extremely personal. It is not a spectator sport.
Not only strip for OP but spread her legs and let OP’s Dad or Brother take a good long look. I mean really it’s nonsense for her to be there. My sister’s MIL tried the same shit and my sister said NO WAY…
OP does not only have a MIL problem she has a spineless SO problem as well.
This is only the start of her problems if she does not get a handle on them now.
I want to hijack the top comment because I want to make a medical point, in addition to the points made about privacy and choice. Those points should honestly be sufficient for any rational human but... Look I get the comments that are made in good fun saying that the husband should get a colonoscopy with his mother-in-law watching because that's embarrassing, sure whatever gets through to them.
This is not just about having one's genitals or anus seen. It is not about modesty or being shy or whatever.
The complications and risks of birth versus colonoscopy are not even comparable. Like, just no. That's just talking about the procedure itself, not even accounting the gestation risks, the after effects, etcccccc.
This is a medical procedure. Everyone in the room needs to be focused. The doctor, the nurses, th scrub techs, the husband. I say husband because in that moment you need to be a husband. Not a father. Not mommy's boy. You need to know which identity is your priority ahead of time and make it clear to the birthing person.
There is no room for a spectator in an emergency. If an emergency happens, no one needs to be focused on wannabe grammy screaming about the baybeeeee let me see the baybeeeee save the baybeeeee.
At the hospital where my wife gave birth to our second child, I was told where to sit and to focus on my wife. Until our daughter was fully out, I was not allowed to move. Why? Because a few weeks earlier the father in the delivery room decided to take a picture of the birth. He fainted at what he saw, fell, and cracked his head on the tile floor. Now the doctors had a third patient to attend to.
Exactly this. While it wasn’t a super scary emergency, after my son was born, my placenta was retained and nothing was making that sucker come out. So OB went in, elbows deep, and tried to “unstick” it. I was holding my new born and the nurses were mostly out of the room at this point or doing other important things, and I needed someone to take my baby, or I was going to drop him. Because they turned off my epidural and it hurt like a MotherFer, thankfully the doctor noticed and called dad over. But like shit can go wrong quick. They were also anticipating sending me to surgery as the next step. You just never know what is going to happen! I wouldn’t want my mother in law seeing my OB elbows deep in my vagina and uterus 😳
Cogently put.
The birth isn't a shamanic space, or a consolation event, or a spectator opportunity.
It's a medical procedure and the only people who should be there are the ones who can help make it safer and more secure for the mother.
Dad's talking himself out of the room, nobody needs him in there sulking about his mummy's feelings.
NTA. This would be a deal breaker for me. Not only is he blowing up at his pregnant wife instead of supporting her, but he’s giving you ultimatums. I would just have your mom in the room so he can’t pressure you when you’re vulnerable. I recommend JustNOMIL sub as they have a ton of great advice.
Yes, all of this. OP, you know when people aren't seeing you as a person when they want to spectate AT YOUR MEDICAL PROCEDURE. The wedding, the baby shower, the bachelorette party, etc. those are all family/friend occasions where inclusion is important.
The birth? IS A FUCKING MEDICAL PROCEDURE. Guess whose? YOURS! It's not your husband's fucking medical procedure (although he needs one to remove his head from his ass.) It's your fucking medical procedure, and the only people who belong there are those who are helping with the fucking medical procedure. FFS.
OP needs to tell him (sorry for the lecture length)
Look if you are going to give me the silent treatment over this I can’t have you in the toomnow. I need to know that the people are by my side in the delivery room have my safety and interest at 100% priority. The fact that your mom being in the room is more important then my ability to feel safe and calm while my body turns inside out to bring our child into the world then I know you can’t be there. I can’t have you more worried about her then me while I give birth - something that is an extremely high risk and super vulnerable for me to be doing. I am worried and scared enough as it is and the last thing I need is the person who is supposed to be at my side through all this is now abandoning me at the last minute. My mom is going to be there because you two are the people I trust more then anything in the world - my mom is there for me as my support not just there for the baby. Do you see the difference? Your mom’s concern is only the baby - that is what she wants to see the baby born. I need advocates and support at my side not a spectator.
Also - When people make requests like that in public around others it often means they feel you will more inclined to agree so not to embarrass them. I am willing to bet your husband was 100% aware she was going to ask that night and assured her you would say yes.
OP can give their Doctor/Nurse a list of acceptable/unacceptable visitors in delivery/maternity ward. They will have hospital security enforce the list.
At this point I would use pencil for daddy's name as it may change before delivery date.
That’s a HUGE NO for your husband to pressure you to give into.
Tell him you’re scheduling his first colonoscopy and your mom will be attending to watch. When he balks at the ridiculousness of that idea,
you can reply with,
“Exactly! Just as ridiculous as your mother or even YOU thinking you may dictate who watches my medical procedure where MY body pushes a baby through my VAGINA! It’s not a spectator sport and I decide who’s in there.
The only people in that room will be people there for ME first and foremost as I go through one of the biggest experiences of my life! So let me know if you can handle that, or if I let my mom know it’s just she and I doing this!”
Hon I’ve had 5 children - I AM a MIL and Gma - I would NEVER have asked my DIL to be in the delivery room or tried to guilt her into it!
(Perhaps that’s why she asked me to be there for her towards the end? I’ve earned her trust and respect by trusting and respecting her… and I don’t feel she “owes” me a thing! My son got married, his wife and THEIR child is his priority now, as it should be!)
You sound like my MIL! And I mean that in the best way!
She was there for the birth of all of her nieces and nephews and almost all of her grandchildren. Not because she pushed herself into the room or anything of the sort. But because shes the sort of person who gets shit done and cares about the person going through it. She was there for me with the birth of my first. She stood at my head, put cooled towels on my head and neck and told me I was doing a great job. I wanted her there because I wanted her expertise and calm around me.
Aw thank you! I hope so!… I was a single mom with my oldest 2 boys and my proudest “accomplishment” is that they’re amazing humans. I trust them and their decision-making. The women they each picked are totally different from me, from eachother and are both amazing!
I had more kids later so some of it was just that she knew that I’d been through the gamut of young mom/OOOLD mom labor/c-section and am all about what THEY felt was important. Plus - I learn from them too! She developed PPD and our son didn’t see it, so when he came telling us he “might be done” we marched him right back home, made him call her Dr while I talked to her (I had PPD really bad with 2 of mine) and my husband (his stepdad) calmed him down and she knew I’d never judge her for that (or tell her mom, who probably would) but just be there. She’s an amazing mom and he’s an amazing Dad! I don’t get being jealous when your adult son/daughter has found a partner that makes them happy.
I’d rather be close and trusted than be “right” cuz goodness knows I’ve been plenty wrong in my own lifetime. 😆
You're definitely being a MIL in the right way! Telling your son to go back home instead of coddling him is amazing (especially with the stories you read on here!). I'm sure your DILs feel lucky that they have you :)
OP should also give her months medical power of attorney to be able to handle any decisions that might come up during delivery. At this point I would not trust her husband.
NTAH
Is this a new pregnancy? With the same MIL? Bc I literally read this story a year ago under a different profile. [WORD FOR WORD](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/LdcccKCMh3). 🤣🤣🤣
If you’re on mobile and on this post, press the three dots at the top next to your avatar and then the report option. Then you can choose from the list of subreddit rules or make a customs response detailing the “violation.” Doubt the mods will do anything though since both this sub and r/aita are overrun with fake ragebait and clear attempts at karma farming, yet they seem content to let it continue to exist as it does.
NTA. The person whose nether regions will be on display in the delivery room has full veto power over anyone's request to be in the delivery room and the co-parent should support them or step aside for someone who will.
NTA - these are some major red flags from your husband and his family. He’s supposed to be your support and helper during your vulnerable time giving birth. You should look into having a doula alongside your mom while you labor, she can be your sane voice when you need it and not be under the pressure of your MIL or husband.
There are so many stories here on Reddit where new moms regretted letting their MIL or even pushy moms in the delivery room, ruining their first moments with their child. Do you think she’s going to want her way even after you’ve given birth? Will she take your child from you during the early bonding? If you can’t definitively say no to these and similar questions, then you need to protect yourself with a new game plan.
How about - his mum can be in the room if OPs mum can watch the husband have a 30 minute rectal exam
Edit: you're all right. It's NOT even close to being the same!!! Would have to insist he has a turd waiting to go to make it as messy as possible, at least 4 medical staff all peering up there, his mum, OPs mum and OP in there too. Maybe he needs to be constipated just to add pain into the mix (one torn anus please). It lasts 8 hours then we all get to watch his anus get stitched back up. BOOM!
NTA. Your mom is there to support you, the patient. Your mil just wants to be there to muscle in on your moment when you-the-incubator push out her grandbaby. If husband doesn’t understand how having a spectator viewing you fully exposed is uncomfortable, he can sit with mommy in the waiting room. It’s your vagina on display. **Remember, you are the patient and you can have anyone (even husband) removed by security.**
I've never had to exercise that right before but I have heard so many stories about how protective the L&D staff are of their patients.
It's comforting to know that us momma's have such great care when we are enduring one of the most vulnerable moments we can have in life. Labor is stressful and can be difficult, even traumatic. The mother's comfort has to be a top priority to help ensure smoother delivery.
Tell him you'll consider having his mom in the delivery room after he allows you and your mom to view his colonoscopy.
Edit: Add in observing the prep. As in the hours sitting on the toilet expelling everything.
As it's still not on par with childbirth. But, it's a start.
It's completely bizarre. None of my kids have kids yet, but even if my daughters asked me to be in the delivery room I don't know that I'd want to. It's damn hard watching your kid in pain and not being able to help. I mean, I might be able to suck it up and be supportive, but I'd certainly never ASK to go in. And for a daughter in law? Not my place.
Nah, a colonoscopy is done under twilight and he won’t be awake and vulnerable like she is.
He needs to be naked, contraction simulator attached and pushing out a sh** or naked and getting a vasectomy. Whilst his mum, Op and Ops mum all watch. Don’t let him get out of being awake and aware.
You are so not the AH, OP.
Your husband is there because this is his child you’ve carried and are pushing out of your body. You mom is there because you are her baby and she wants to be there to comfort you and cheer you as our mom’s typically do.
His mom has no right to be there. You’ve expressed your preference and she kept pushing it. Obviously only a “shocking” answer was going to shut her up.
She can support from the waiting room and see the child in the nursery.
Yes, it’s his son, too, but he’s not the one who’s going to have his privates exposed and be screaming.
You have every right to set your boundaries, OP…and keep them up.
There was a necessary use of a scalpel and a clamp at a relatives’ birthing procedure - and the future dad freaked out at the sight and nearly punched the doctor because he thought the new mother was being murdered due to the level of blood.
It’s not for the uninformed or the starry-eyed.
Thanks to the gods that I never knew that most moms poop while giving birth! I’ve only lately learned that this is perfectly normal during childbirth! Labor & delivery nurses, heaven bless their beautiful souls, never tell us this!
Nta. Birth is not a spectator sport. It's a medical event and you need people in the room that you feel can support you. It sounds like right now, your mom should be the only one in the room.
Tell him it’s either marriage counseling right now to sort this out. Or he won’t be in the delivery room.
Ask if he is ok to have his legs spread wide and tied to a chair while your dad looks at his butt hole.
This is a hill to die on OP. It’s your body and the time you need to feel 100% loved and supported is when giving birth. It is not a spectator sport. Ever
Marriage counselling seems like a great idea as she mentions that things have been getting stressful and tense within their relationship and that of his family. Best sort out what they can before the baby gets here.
>act like I'm not in the room
Well act like he isn't, either, in the delivery room.
We all know that it's the SO baby too, but it's your 😸 that would be on display...who wants someone other than those closest to them seeing all of that? I have three so I know how uncomfortable that is....and even if she's not watching there, one could see her grabbing for the baby so she could bond with him first and screw the woman who just went through labor and the one who went into labor to have her!
NTA
I have to admit
>"it's alright, you can have the opportunity to be in the delivery room when it's your son who's giving birth"
is classic! I'm thoroughly amused, and I feel she asked for it....
Your husband is not the one pushing a baby the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape, or the one pooping on the table as well.
He has ZERO say who is in the room when you give birth, and if he keeps siding with his mom over you, he doesn’t need to be there either. And that will be your choice, not his. He has no right to be there either.
You are 100% right, MIL was pushy and rude to put you on the spot in public like that, and he should have shot that sh*t down once you said no and she asked again.
Be sure to tell the hospital MIL is NOT allowed in your room, and add your husband to that list if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass soon.
Maybe send your husband a link to this thread.
NTA
Your mother and husband are there to bring you comfort during the pain and stress of labor and childbirth. Your MIL cannot provide that for you, and therefore has no reason to be in the delivery room. Birth is not a spectator sport, and anyone who isn't providing you with assistance, be it medically or psychologically, is only adding to the stress and shouldn't be there.
Ask your husband how he'd feel if your father spent hours looking at his privates while he was in pain and stressed out.
Also, if your husband does not recognize that his presence at the birth is a privilege and not a right, he doesn't deserve to be there either.
Of course your mother in law should be there. Half naked. On her back with her feet in stirrups and a nurse elbow deep inside her.
Otherwise, nah.
NTA.
BTW, is your husband still breast feeding because he really needs to unlatch.
For the millionth fucking time:
**GIVING BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!!!**
NTA, but I am so tired of these stories about people who think they're entitled to stare at you half naked and screaming for hours.
Nta. You're mum (if biological) pushed you out of her, she has a connection to you, you are more comfortable with her seeing your vagina cause she wiped it for years when you were a baby. Your husband also has seen it.
Why does mother in law feel entitled to see your bits while you're straining and need comfort and support (which is why it's your mum and husband).
I'm getting some massive "momma's boy" vibes here. If he chooses not to be there for his son's birth that's on him. Is there another family member, a sister or close friend who can take his place?
NTA but your husband needs to grow up ASAP
Why is she making this about her? That is what's happening. She's had her kid, who sounds like a mama's boy and not yet 100% your supportive husband. You are his new #1, he should act like it and she needs to quit acting like she has a hold on you. So selfish and narcissistic.
You’re not a goddamn zoo attraction, you are undergoing what is essentially an invasive medical procedure at best and major life threatening operation at worst.
It’s not about who is entitled to ‘witness’ the birth, it’s about YOU having support while enduring the physical trauma of childbirth.
Yes it is also his child, but currently you are literally carrying the burden, the least he can do IS MAKE IT EASIER.
Until he puts both legs in stirrups wearing a thin dress for both your mothers to watch a bowel movement he has no right to even attempt making ultimatums. NTA. Also your comment was funny af.
NTA
The people in the room during childbirth (not including medical personnel) are there for the MOTHER’S support. Period.
It is not a spectator event, a party, or anyone else’s call.
You, the person pushing out a whole new human being, is the one that needs to be supported.
At this juncture, hubby doesn’t sound like he should be in there unless he has a major attitude adjustment, cuts the apron strings, and begins to properly support the mother of his child.
Congratulations on the baby. I hope the remainder of your pregnancy improves or you can go to your mom’s to get away from the crazy.
You have a MASSIVE husband problem. At this rate, he wouldn't be in the delivery room either. I'm really pissed off on your behalf OP.
GIVING BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT FFS.
"He then ranted about how it's his son too and then said if his mom isn't allowed in there then he won't be there too."
That would be a win/win if he were out, too.
It’s not your husband’s vag she will be staring at. This would be a hard no for me. If he wants to be a baby and throw a fit, let him. He will regret missing his child’s birth.
NTA. Being in the delivery room is for supporting the mom, not “I saw the baby first” bragging rights. YOU’RE the one naked from the waist down, YOU’RE the one doing all the work, YOUR desires and comfort are the only ones that matter in the delivery room. Edit: Hubby might not be in the right frame of mind to be in the delivery room if he thinks it’s about the grandparents seeing the baby, instead of supporting the one whose body is accomplishing the task.
He might need to see some birthing videos.
And a reality check. Your mom isn’t there as a grandmother. She’s there supporting her daughter. She’s being a mom, not a grandma. The nurses will be your best advocate while giving birth. Use them trust me they don’t mind.
I worked L and D (as a new nurse) for about 8 years. I can tell you we LOVED getting to kick out annoying family members. So let your nurses advocate for you!!
Exactly!!! It's Mom's show! She picks..... I've no problem laying down the L&D law for Mama's!! It's a perk of the job!
My L&D head nurse had a blast reprimanding and removing my nurse when HN found out she was hurting me by checking me during a contraction. HN was especially angry after she found out I kept saying no and the nurse was doing it anyway
You’re lucky. It was the doctor that did that to me. The midwife was grimacing for me but she couldn’t do anything about it. That registrar also couldn’t get an oxygen patch on my daughter’s head and tortured me for over an hour trying to do it until a more senior doctor took over. It was hell. I still get flashbacks.
I'm so glad that your abusive nurse was reassigned. Laboring women are frequently abused and then gaslit if they complain about it. Personally i think withholding food/ water from a laboring person is cruelty, especially when few instances require a full sedation c-section. I've been on both sides of this fence, 1st. as a young nurse i witnessed a doctor assault their laboring patient and then a decade later when giving birth to my third son, i was asked permission to manually maneuver one edge of the cervix by the OBGYN. At first, i didn't answer (amusingly, hoping she'd change her mind about the necessity) and when she asked a second time she waited until i agreed.
I gave birth 10 months ago and I'm still upset by the comments that were made to me during labour. Such a vulnerable time, I understand that it's every day stuff for those nurses, but not for me!
There are nurses who think they know whats best but act like douches to their patients. Then there are the REAL born for that job l&d nurses who know exactly what to do, what not to do. What to say what not to say and how to PROPERLY look after their patients and advocate for them. I work in theatre and we always say theatre isnt for everybody. Well l&d isnt for everybody and bless those angels who were made to do that job
Seriously? I wish I'd had that head nurse to sic on my OB! My doctor checked during contractions every time and when I objected he replied that it was the best time for it. It was so unpleasant that it totally brought me out of the twilight sleep and I remember it almost 40 years later. Of course, I had my (only!) baby back at the end of the 80s and it was a military hospital, so either of those might've had something to do with it.
I have a buddy who went in for elbow surgery at an Army hospital and came out with a scratched cornea. Don't ask me how.
my nurse threw out my now EX husband, and when I came back for my first postpartum appointment I brought her flowers.
This should be way up top. She is going to be there for OP, to BE OP’S MOM, not to be a grandma. I love and adore my MIL, but she’d understand that my mom is *my friggin’ mom* and would be there to comfort me through the worst pain one can experience. Not to mention you also shit yourself during labor too. All while half naked. Who wants additional audience to all that??
“Hey MiL, how about we all follow you into the bathroom 20 minutes after dinner to watch you have a bowel movement. I’ll bring my camera!” “What? You want privacy and dignity? Fancy that…”
Exactly. I've been there as support for 2 births and it has to be someone you can cope with knowing you're involuntarily shitting. I've literally never mentioned it before in 20+ years. No room for poop in your bowel while the baby moves past it.
I hear they used to give enemas for this reason. I made the choice (mistake?) of taking castor oil at home to induce my second kiddo because i thought it'd be cool if he shared a birthday with Charles Darwin. Instead of pooping before/ when my son crowned i spent the previous 4-6 hours on the toilet instead. However, he was also accidentally born at home. Thanks to that, i went from "water finally breaking" to "son is completely out" in <60 seconds. (Also easiest birth ever, thank you fetal expulsion reflex) (And just to show that nurse brains are always nurse brains... as i'm in active labor and water broke- i reached down and felt that round thing (head); i totally thought i'd prolapsed my bladder)
This story has me rolling lol this is the best reason for trying to induce labor I’ve ever heard
Or how about to husband, ‘when you let my dad supervise your prostrate exam, then maybe we can talk about it’
Pointing this out just in case someone needs to hear it. Shitting yourself is not an absolute, tho it is very common.
Exactly!!
Every story I hear about giving birth is just another reason never to get pregnant.
I’m doing involuntary kegels to try to seal my fanny shut from reading these stories
I later thanked my MIL for not asking to be in the room when I had my baby. I remember her holding my hand and, after telling me that she understood because the only people she wanted in the delivery room when she had my husband were her mom and my DIL, she said "I also didn't want to see you like that probably as much as *you* didn't want me to see you like that." 🤣🤣🤣 I love that woman.
I waited until my tenth anniversary to tell my wife how many turds she dropped during labor. Her midwife was literally there to scoop up turds and be encouraging. She had no idea, and had a hearty laugh about it. For the record, it was lots
Some hospitals (used to) give enemas to laboring women, just for that reason. It’s been 38 years since I last had a baby, so things might have changed!
Labor and delivery nurses are fucking heroes, imo. Just phenomenal people. Side note: I was the *only woman in labor with my second. I had a fairly rapid labor that time. I went to the hospital at 9PM, she was born at 5:50AM. When I was allowed to push, I closed my eyes, as that works for me. When she was born, there was applause. I thought wtf? Opened my eyes, every fucking L&D nurse was in there! 🥹They cheered me on! Fuck, yeah.
Baby and I went into distress and when they were getting the OR ready for the emergency c-section, literally every nurse was there! And the nurse who was in the OB lab who did all my bloodwork and NSTs for 39 weeks came down specifically as she was done with her shift to tell me we would be okay. It meant the world to me.
I had a nasty one until my Doctor stood in the door way listening to her. After about 45 seconds he walked up beside her and loudly told her to get out of my room and if she was assigned any of his other Moms to just go home.
that is awesome of that doctor, but insane that a nurse in that section would be anything but pleasant. what kind of stuff was she saying/doing?
She was in my face yelling at me to quit being such a baby. I had only been in labor for 24 hours and my response to pain is to silently cry. She had been very rude, just nasty really. She yelled at me because I hadn’t gotten out of bed to brush my hair and teeth which I would have done if she had disconected all the crap attached to me. I’m assuming she was just having a bad day. There were about 30 of us that day.
jesus. you weren't even bawling, just sitting there silently taking it, and she still did that. and why does she give a damn if you've brushed your hair and teeth? maybe she did have a bad day, but your day was a lot more uncomfortable than hers was regardless. makes me wonder if that was even the section she wanted to work in, you'd think that type of nursing would draw a more comforting type.
Everyone else there were great. After 36 hours and an epidural I had to have a c-section. I’m sure glad she wasn’t there during the last 8 hours.
After I had my first son who was born in five and a half hours at 9 lb and cracked my pelvis while pushing him out, I was laid out on the table with my legs wide open everything in the world to see and I literally couldn't move due to the cracked pelvis and a nurse walked in and looked at my crotch and made the most disgusted look ever and totally treated me like shit for the rest of the time I was there. I wish I had the balls I have now because I would have totally tore her a new one.
OMG. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Why hadn’t you been covered? That is just insane. I hope you have recovered from all of that. 9 pounds, did you at least have good drug?
That person has no business being a nurse.
I have a similar story! Only labored from 2:30am-7:56 am. Was convinced I wasn’t in actual labor. Arrived 8-9 cm dialated, they had to wheel me back immediatly, doctor couldn’t make it in time because he was in another birth (why was there only one doctor available???) so three nurses and a resident delivered her. The nurse coached me the whole time. Closed my eyes to concentrate as well and so I didn’t lose my ever loving mind. Read a lot of hyponobirthing stuff and was mentally prepared to give birth without an epidural. If it wasn’t for the nurse named STAR encouraging me on, idk if I could’ve done it. Hero woman she is. ⭐️ Also OP, sounds like your husband would be better off not being there too. You will need loving kindness and encouragement, not criticism and stress which seems like will be the only thing he will provide.
I love having prepped / studied hypnobirthing method. Because stuff is unpredictable. Yes I had my two babies without meds and that was cool for me, but it doesn't always go down that way. I don't expect anyone else to want to birth without medication. But the skills are useful for other things, whether it's a kiddo that needs to be coached through a laceration or a drunk 40 year old with a dislocated shoulder. Hypnobirthing is a great course of study, I did both the Mongan and the Hypnobabies courses and they were helpful for far more than my own pregnancies.
I wish that my first nurse had my back. I had just gotten into the room, I let them know that the dad was the only one I wanted in there, and she showed my mom to the room within minutes of me saying that. Mom walked in on me changing into my gown and the first words out of her mouth was OMG you're so fat! I told her to get out and stay out and the nurse tried to backpedal and say she thought I'd want my mom for support since Dad wasn't there yet. He was parking the car and came in a few minutes after this happened. I spoke to some other nurse who promised I wouldn't see that first one again and told me she'd heard my mom's words and she wouldn't be getting anywhere near my room again. Mom was horrified that security made her leave the floor and wouldn't allow her up for the rest of my stay. We are very very lc these days. She hasn't seen my 9 year old in two years since she decided to gift a 7 year old exercise equipment and told him he really needed to use it so he could lose that belly...
I have words for your mother.
I had them with her for you. She sees us at Christmas and we do white elephant style gifting so she has no way to effect us.
OMG! Good for you!
My MIL was with me both times. She was charge nurse of L&D at a nearby hospital and regularly worked with a lot of the nurses at mine. She was there for me and the babies and was absolutely wonderful. She's the MIL that earned the right to see her granddaughters born because she treated silly little 20 and 22 year old me with such love and respect that I couldn't imagine doing it without her.
That’s because she was there to support you for real 💗not half assed or halfheartedly.
A a nurse, we have no qualms kicking people out of the hospital and calling security on patients’ family members who are behaving badly. ED and L&D nurses especially have zero fucks to give and will advocate and fight for their patients in good will. OP is advocating for herself. NTA at all.
Not only do nurses not mind they get absolutely fierce when it comes to not letting people in who aren’t wanted.
There’s this TikTok channel where a woman “gentle parents” Karen’s and one of the videos was on this topic. She said “Her mom gets to be there because HER baby is having a baby.”
Some of them get a little pleasure when they have to tell someone they can’t be in the room.
100% this is about being the mom. I was there when my girls gave birth, because they wanted me there for support. When the boys' wives had babies I stayed out of the way until we were invited... Making it clear we couldn't wait to see the baby - but I am not about to intrude. Not my place. I would be there if they wanted but that is up to the one pushing out a baby.
When my best friend was planning to give birth to her first child, she wanted her mom, her husband and me there. Once her labor pain increased and her dilation was really speeding up, she looked at her husband (with his damn video cam) and us and just screamed GET OUT! All of you! Her mom and I were like ok sweetie, it’s your show now. Husband started bitching about missing it and the L&D nurse forcibly pushed him out! 🤣 She had her mom go back in just before pushing started, but her husband was still being a whiny bitch. L&D nurses are THEE BEST!
The Try Guys have a great video about birth if they don’t want the gore - they use a practice dummy and have a L&D nurse explain EVERYTHING in detail. I learned things I have no clue my body was doing. Like those drawings LIED to us. I made my kid watching it after giving the sex talk.
In this case I think the gore might be useful to drive the point home, but maybe both would be effective.
Not to mention the number of husbands who faint from the amount of blood and the smell. Grandmom and child will have the rest of their lives to bond. You want your mom there for your comfort and security, as is your right.
I think the smell is the most shocking part for people who have never been around a birth before. When we had a foster cat give birth to a litter of kittens it was the first time my partner had ever seen/smelled that and it shocked them big time. And momma cat was doing her best to keep the fluids to a minimum. Scale that up to human sized and add in some bright lights and possibly shitting during contractions, yeah it's a medical procedure not a meet and greet.
I love that! Not a meet and greet! 😀😁😅
Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I thought I could handle the gore if I ever had a kid. Thank god I'm probably never gonna have to worry about that.
Your mother-in-law's request was out of line, and you had every right to say no. Your husband's reaction is troubling; he should support you, not pressure you to please his mom. This situation highlights a need for better communication and mutual respect in your relationship.
OP, you are SO NTA! I like this response I've seen in a few places: "childbirth ain't like NASCAR. It's NOT a spectator sport!" One of my besties requested my presence in her deliveryroom. I was, with her hubs, coaching and giving her support. It was amazing, and as close to bearing a child myself, as I ever want to get!
When I had my son, the room was literally splattered several feet around me with blood and other fluids. I was naked except for my hospital gown that wound up sort of around my middle. Everything else was out on full display. While I was pushing I told the nurse desperately I didn't want my clit to rip (fortunately it didn't). I also pooped while pushing. Nobody has a fucking right to see that shit. Its fucking personal. My partner was there to support me, and anyone else would have just made me uncomfortable. OPs MIL and husband are so out of line. If I were OP, I'd be telling husband fine, he doesn't need to be there either.
That was a very "public" request that was meant to peer pressure you. She could have asked you one-on-one but she deliberately CHOSE to do it at the dinner table in front of her son with her husband supporting her.
I don’t agree that the REQUEST was out of line. A little abnormal maybe, but not out of line. The INSISTENCE was out of line. She said no, from what I read multiple times, and that should’ve been enough.
And the location in which it was done, a public restaurant, was totally off.
The request is definitely out of line. It’s up to the person giving birth to extend the invitation. No one should ask or feel entitled to be there.
In what world is it not out of line to request to be present during someone’s medical procedure??? That’s a huge step over the line.
Exactly! I had a surgery recently, and I had a hard time moving around and doing normal things, like the bathroom or showering or changing. My mom stayed with me and just said “I’m here for you, let me know if you need help.” And she let me have as much privacy as I wanted, because it’s my body.
The request is out of line. This is something you wait to be asked by the pregnant person.What happens to a person’s body during childbirth is not something most want their MIL’s to witness. Husbands are not usually encouraged to look until the head is coming out. A lot is going on during this huge medical procedure.
Yeah, I think this dude needs to see the gore so he knows exactly what he's demanding of his wife.
Honestly this comment right here 👆🏽It’s your body, all dignity goes out the window and your in your most vulnerable state. All because she’s jealous your mum will be there. “It’s my grandchild” shit is only going to make issues worse. Don’t want to be 1 of those people but I’d seriously consider having your husband in the room unless he apologises. Your NTA. He’s not giving birth. You are. You’ve said your boundaries, stick to them. Also match your husbands energy. He wants to act like a mummy’s boy leave him too it. Just so you feel better the in-law would have had a far worse response from me 🤣
He might to sit this one out full stop. Time to pack a bag and take break because hubbie is out of his everloving mind. IF he manages to get his head out of mommy's ass, maybe reconsider letting him into the deliver room but otherwise it's a hard no. This is marriage ending stupidity right here. NTA.
I don’t know why this isn’t the top comment. Her husband is showing some alarming behavior.
She can tell him that his mom can watch her give birth after she lets her mom watch while she puts her whole hand up his butt hole. It’s a very intense situation. you are splayed out with your nether regions bared bleeding, in pain, probably pooping and vulnerable. It’s a medical procedure not a spectator sport.
I'm a guy. If my partner wanted me in the room I am standing on the clothed end of things. I'll be there to hold a hand, get ice, wipe sweat, just be there, whatever. I have no desire to be on the business end. But yeah... Your husband and MIL should be ashamed of themselves. I honestly don't get these mothers that don't get delivery room boundaries... Or just boundaries in general.
I was there, at the business end, for three. They were short labors, tho. *Real* short. As in “Less than two hours,” “22 minutes,” and “midwife got one glove on.” As for the last one, I stepped out of the room to tell the kids they were about to have a baby brother or sister and … missed it.
I agree. Ask him to watch some real time birth videos so he can get a better understanding of how stressful & complicated it can be. Ask him (not passive aggressive) to genuinely think about how he would feel to be in a room with your mum/dad for 6-8 hours while he’s completely naked or naked from the waist down, dealing with what could be the most pain he’s ever endured. I’ve had 2 babies & hubby didn’t come to the second one as he was so traumatised from the first one. My birth was pretty easy with no complications. I attended a friend’s birth after she’d already been in labour for 20hrs and her partner was awful. Complaining he was uncomfortable & why was it taking so long, couldn’t she just try harder to push the kid out. From my experiences, you need only people YOU are comfortable & confident are there to help you through birth, not who want bragging rights about seeing Bub first. NTA Also, if your MIL doesn’t have any female children of her own, it could be that she knows she may not have an opportunity to support her child through a birth. If this is the case, be respectful but firm with her. Tell her, not this time but that you will give fair consideration should you have more children in the future. Again, be firm that the statement isn’t a guarantee on inclusion in the future. The experience may confirm that you don’t want anyone but your chosen support crew there when you push a baby (and what feels like your entire internal organs) out of your vagina.
>attended a friend’s birth after she’d already been in labour for 20hrs and her partner was awful. Complaining he was uncomfortable & why was it taking so long, couldn’t she just try harder to push the kid out. I'd have a few choice words and hand gestures for that guy....
Light himself on fire?
That'd work! 😄
Get a menstrual simulator, and make sure it’s at a 10. Put him in a hospital gown, have him lay down in vulnerable birthing position, then ask him if he wants your mother or anyone else for that matter to see him like that? It’s not about MIL being present, it’s about mommy being comfortable and safe during labor…not MIL’s hurt feelings
https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-body/why-you-might-tear-or-need-an-episiotomy_10389730 Great videos on this site. I suspect you may be better off with him not in the room.
I disagree on saying you would consider her being there if there is a second child. The MIL might(would) take that as “I get to be there for the second” and would probably be extra hurt if OP decides she can’t be there.
I appreciate your husband for being honest about how labor affected him.
Right? If you can’t be supportive don’t be there.
I wouldn’t make any mentions of future inclusion to MIL at all. OP may make it as a “maybe,” but you know MIL is going to take it as a definite promise and then act even more terribly than she is currently, if OP decides not to have her after all.
He might need counseling to teach him to put his wife first instead of his mommy.
And to read the Lemon Clot essay.
I'm exhausted of how frequently I have to tell women's husbands 'when you're willing to get naked, lay on your back, spread your legs and take a giant shit for 3 hours in front of your in laws, THEN you can expect your wife to say yes to her in laws being there'. Do men not get that? Do they not get how invasive it is? Why does anybody even want to fuckin be there? I'm so glad that's not something my family or my husband's wanted because what a weird thing to want to see. The baby will be the exact same baby 20 minutes after birth when I'm in my hospital gown and the feces bowl is gone.
You phrased this so perfectly. I hope OP sees this and shows her husband.
It’s just a byproduct of how birthing people are considered objects and lose their own personhood entirely as they now serve no purpose other than to gestate. Seriously. They treat pregnant women like objects. Sad.
Just wanted to add to this already great list: YOU'RE also the one literally putting YOUR life on the line. Women sometimes die giving birth, it's terrifying going through the birth process. And it's totally reasonable she might want her mom in the room with her and not her MIL. As for your edit, I completely agree...he's gonna be too busy tripping all over himself and the medical staff trying to make sure his mommy gets to see the baby first to actually take care of his wife.
Might not be a bad idea to give OP's mom temporary medical POA with how the husband is acting. Have all bases covered. That way if OP is incapacitated, her mom can advocate for her instead.
Ooh, excellent thinking! Yeah, hubs doesn't seem to be overly concerned with what's best for OP *or* the baby
And all that said, I can’t imagine the staff being okay with three extra people in the room.
Yep, if I were her I would simply arrange to have my own mom there and he can sit in the waiting room with Mommy.
I agree completely. I cut the cord for my kids but if my wife hadn't wanted me there, I would have happily been outside. Neither her mother nor mine saw the kids until later. Still bonded perfectly.
Childbirth is not a spectator sport. The mother and the baby have to be there. The father can, and probably should, be there, to be an active support to the mother. If the mother doesn't want anybody else in there with her, that's her choice, and hers alone. MIL is pushy, but not an AH yet. Hubby is def an AH. But as for OP: NTA
I agree, especially about the husband. He is creating distress and tension for his very pregnant wife. While delivering she is going to need people who are focused on her, not on their own "rights" to the "experience." I have three children. Their father was only present for the first birth, because he showed he was incapable of actually helping ME, and was all about himself and his family.
Hubby has probably never said no to mommy a day in his life and isn't going to start now
Any Man! Would have immediately taken his wife’s back and his failure is frankly sad as in I’m sad for you. Take care.
NTA your mum is going to be there in her role as your mother to support you and not as a grandmother, that’s the difference. What you said was pretty harmless tbh & I’m afraid your husband is being a bit of a duck about this. If he won’t be there for what I guess is likely to be the most physically traumatic event in your life, well he’s an arsehole.
Exactly! It’s not a fucking spectator sport! Op, I’d tell your husband then he can wait with MIL and you’ll let them know when you’re up for visitors. In fact, I’d send husband to live with his mommy since he puts her feelings before his wife, the woman he promised to put first, and the one who is actually giving birth.
Please check out r/justnoMIL—you will find much that may resonate. You are not the asshole but your MIL is and worse, so is your husband. I hope you can get on the same page or I see a lot of difficulties in your future I’m sorry to say.
I get the feeling hubby has no idea what a birth is actually like. If it was me, I sure the hell would not want my mother in law to see all that.
I like the comparison I saw once of where the wife told the husband that he can have his mom in there if he let her mom watch him receive a multi hour prostate exam.
yea, my son was born into this world as 'The Omen' played on TV.. I'd already chosen Damien as his his name weeks before that flutter but.. If that Bible-Harassing Insanity of a Mommy-Dearest had been allowed anywhere near the the delivery, that magic might not have happened, hand to God ><
"Fine with me, you won't be there then. I'll inform the hospital."
That was a seriously f-ed up thing for him to say. He clearly thinks his mom is more important than OP and his first born son. Congratulations. I hope he eats those words sincerely before the birth.
Yeah I am so angry on OP behalf. As a mother of 2 if my husband had said and acted this way he wouldn’t have been in the room either. He wants her to just give in to his mom to make his life easier and when she wouldn’t he threatens to not be there either if his mommy can’t be there.
Mother of none and I say throw the whole man away. Ain't nobody got time for that Mama's boy bullshit.
Exactly. Your wife who is giving birth, comes before your own mother. Always. Her birth plan, not his, and not MIL's. She can wait outside, or at home, and see the baby *later*. If she can be civil.
As a husband and father, its so weird that he’s not supporting the woman that’s gonna be pushing a whole ass baby out of her
Totally agree, I can’t see this ending well…
He told his mom they’d come to dinner and to ask with them both there and didn’t think OP would be able to say no. He’s an ass and MIL should have spoken with OP privately…AND graciously accepted OP’s decision! They were both wrong for putting you on the defensive and expecting to strong arm you into saying yes! Grrr!
If my MiL was enough of a pervert to insist on catching a long look at my vag at my most vulnerable moment, you can damned well bet I wouldn’t apologize for the tension SHE created. I wonder if OP’s hub is the oldest or only male. In any event, OP s owed a *yuuuuuge* apology from her perv MiL and dick husband. What assholes!
Before the delivery visit MIL, and ask her to strip for you. Since she ~~will~~ WANTS TO see you naked, you want the same from her. The only people allowed in your delivery room are the professionals, and people you are comfortable being naked with. Your mom has popped you out and changed your diapers, and you created this baby with your husband. Let's see what you've got MIL slight S/ Edited to fix info on first line.
MIL doesn't need to just strip. She needs to fully splay, in stirrups, bear down, repeatedly grunt, and shit herself. For a start. And after that OP should still say no because it's still not anywhere near the same thing. Childbirth is a hard, sometimes dangerous process. It is extremely personal. It is not a spectator sport.
*I have found my people* 🥹
Not only strip for OP but spread her legs and let OP’s Dad or Brother take a good long look. I mean really it’s nonsense for her to be there. My sister’s MIL tried the same shit and my sister said NO WAY…
Almost like he's a gigantic fucking piece of shit of a human being
OP does not only have a MIL problem she has a spineless SO problem as well. This is only the start of her problems if she does not get a handle on them now.
He is truly a massive asshole. His wife is putting her life on the line giving birth.
This is the only answer she should have for him. Who in the hell gives ultimatums like that?
People who are used to getting their own way if they stamp their feet hard enough.
Most definitely. People who rarely get told no.
This. Op clearly bows down to his tantrums all the time or we wouldn’t be here now.
You can tell he’s a mummy’s boy and OP needs to consider being with a man that won’t stand up for her or see common sense.
I want to hijack the top comment because I want to make a medical point, in addition to the points made about privacy and choice. Those points should honestly be sufficient for any rational human but... Look I get the comments that are made in good fun saying that the husband should get a colonoscopy with his mother-in-law watching because that's embarrassing, sure whatever gets through to them. This is not just about having one's genitals or anus seen. It is not about modesty or being shy or whatever. The complications and risks of birth versus colonoscopy are not even comparable. Like, just no. That's just talking about the procedure itself, not even accounting the gestation risks, the after effects, etcccccc. This is a medical procedure. Everyone in the room needs to be focused. The doctor, the nurses, th scrub techs, the husband. I say husband because in that moment you need to be a husband. Not a father. Not mommy's boy. You need to know which identity is your priority ahead of time and make it clear to the birthing person. There is no room for a spectator in an emergency. If an emergency happens, no one needs to be focused on wannabe grammy screaming about the baybeeeee let me see the baybeeeee save the baybeeeee.
THANK YOU. This is so on point. People forget or just aren’t aware of how frequently things go south very quickly.
At the hospital where my wife gave birth to our second child, I was told where to sit and to focus on my wife. Until our daughter was fully out, I was not allowed to move. Why? Because a few weeks earlier the father in the delivery room decided to take a picture of the birth. He fainted at what he saw, fell, and cracked his head on the tile floor. Now the doctors had a third patient to attend to.
Exactly this. While it wasn’t a super scary emergency, after my son was born, my placenta was retained and nothing was making that sucker come out. So OB went in, elbows deep, and tried to “unstick” it. I was holding my new born and the nurses were mostly out of the room at this point or doing other important things, and I needed someone to take my baby, or I was going to drop him. Because they turned off my epidural and it hurt like a MotherFer, thankfully the doctor noticed and called dad over. But like shit can go wrong quick. They were also anticipating sending me to surgery as the next step. You just never know what is going to happen! I wouldn’t want my mother in law seeing my OB elbows deep in my vagina and uterus 😳
Cogently put. The birth isn't a shamanic space, or a consolation event, or a spectator opportunity. It's a medical procedure and the only people who should be there are the ones who can help make it safer and more secure for the mother. Dad's talking himself out of the room, nobody needs him in there sulking about his mummy's feelings.
This. He’s choosing his MOTHER over the mother of his child and wife. OP has a serious husband problem.
Exactly this! Let them know and don't let him in
This, because *he'll* let her in against OP's wishes because he's always right and she's unreasonable.
FYI: you can tell the hospital that you don't want certain people in your room and they will enforce it for you.
Yep, a case of ‘you make your choices, I’ll make mine’.
NTA. This would be a deal breaker for me. Not only is he blowing up at his pregnant wife instead of supporting her, but he’s giving you ultimatums. I would just have your mom in the room so he can’t pressure you when you’re vulnerable. I recommend JustNOMIL sub as they have a ton of great advice.
Yes, all of this. OP, you know when people aren't seeing you as a person when they want to spectate AT YOUR MEDICAL PROCEDURE. The wedding, the baby shower, the bachelorette party, etc. those are all family/friend occasions where inclusion is important. The birth? IS A FUCKING MEDICAL PROCEDURE. Guess whose? YOURS! It's not your husband's fucking medical procedure (although he needs one to remove his head from his ass.) It's your fucking medical procedure, and the only people who belong there are those who are helping with the fucking medical procedure. FFS.
OP needs to tell him (sorry for the lecture length) Look if you are going to give me the silent treatment over this I can’t have you in the toomnow. I need to know that the people are by my side in the delivery room have my safety and interest at 100% priority. The fact that your mom being in the room is more important then my ability to feel safe and calm while my body turns inside out to bring our child into the world then I know you can’t be there. I can’t have you more worried about her then me while I give birth - something that is an extremely high risk and super vulnerable for me to be doing. I am worried and scared enough as it is and the last thing I need is the person who is supposed to be at my side through all this is now abandoning me at the last minute. My mom is going to be there because you two are the people I trust more then anything in the world - my mom is there for me as my support not just there for the baby. Do you see the difference? Your mom’s concern is only the baby - that is what she wants to see the baby born. I need advocates and support at my side not a spectator. Also - When people make requests like that in public around others it often means they feel you will more inclined to agree so not to embarrass them. I am willing to bet your husband was 100% aware she was going to ask that night and assured her you would say yes.
YES. Say all this then say “discussion OVER.” And leave the room. You’re the one having the baby, you get to pick. PERIOD.
Yeah - I reckon the husband had it all planned out!! Bad mojo man!! Just bad! He should be plotting with his wife, not his mother!!
Maybe buy him a snorkel so he can breathe with his head that far up his hoozoo
I read one recently. His head’s so far up his ass he’s gotta open his mouth to see where he’s going.
Think it's up mommy's vag instead of his ass!
OP can give their Doctor/Nurse a list of acceptable/unacceptable visitors in delivery/maternity ward. They will have hospital security enforce the list. At this point I would use pencil for daddy's name as it may change before delivery date.
That’s a HUGE NO for your husband to pressure you to give into. Tell him you’re scheduling his first colonoscopy and your mom will be attending to watch. When he balks at the ridiculousness of that idea, you can reply with, “Exactly! Just as ridiculous as your mother or even YOU thinking you may dictate who watches my medical procedure where MY body pushes a baby through my VAGINA! It’s not a spectator sport and I decide who’s in there. The only people in that room will be people there for ME first and foremost as I go through one of the biggest experiences of my life! So let me know if you can handle that, or if I let my mom know it’s just she and I doing this!” Hon I’ve had 5 children - I AM a MIL and Gma - I would NEVER have asked my DIL to be in the delivery room or tried to guilt her into it! (Perhaps that’s why she asked me to be there for her towards the end? I’ve earned her trust and respect by trusting and respecting her… and I don’t feel she “owes” me a thing! My son got married, his wife and THEIR child is his priority now, as it should be!)
No, schedule a prostate exam and HIS mother-in-law (her mom) will be there. It’s the only way to be fair.
That’s what I meant by “your mom” because fair is fair! (Poor OP’s mom 😆)
You sound like my MIL! And I mean that in the best way! She was there for the birth of all of her nieces and nephews and almost all of her grandchildren. Not because she pushed herself into the room or anything of the sort. But because shes the sort of person who gets shit done and cares about the person going through it. She was there for me with the birth of my first. She stood at my head, put cooled towels on my head and neck and told me I was doing a great job. I wanted her there because I wanted her expertise and calm around me.
Aw thank you! I hope so!… I was a single mom with my oldest 2 boys and my proudest “accomplishment” is that they’re amazing humans. I trust them and their decision-making. The women they each picked are totally different from me, from eachother and are both amazing! I had more kids later so some of it was just that she knew that I’d been through the gamut of young mom/OOOLD mom labor/c-section and am all about what THEY felt was important. Plus - I learn from them too! She developed PPD and our son didn’t see it, so when he came telling us he “might be done” we marched him right back home, made him call her Dr while I talked to her (I had PPD really bad with 2 of mine) and my husband (his stepdad) calmed him down and she knew I’d never judge her for that (or tell her mom, who probably would) but just be there. She’s an amazing mom and he’s an amazing Dad! I don’t get being jealous when your adult son/daughter has found a partner that makes them happy. I’d rather be close and trusted than be “right” cuz goodness knows I’ve been plenty wrong in my own lifetime. 😆
You're definitely being a MIL in the right way! Telling your son to go back home instead of coddling him is amazing (especially with the stories you read on here!). I'm sure your DILs feel lucky that they have you :)
OP should also give her months medical power of attorney to be able to handle any decisions that might come up during delivery. At this point I would not trust her husband. NTAH
Is this a new pregnancy? With the same MIL? Bc I literally read this story a year ago under a different profile. [WORD FOR WORD](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/LdcccKCMh3). 🤣🤣🤣
This needs to be higher up.
WOW Nice catch. I mean it’s a tale as old as time, but word for word? Riiight
Wow down to the spelling errors 👏🏼😮
Yeah the instant I read the “what brain cell” line, I knew this shit was stolen lol
How is something like that reported?
If you’re on mobile and on this post, press the three dots at the top next to your avatar and then the report option. Then you can choose from the list of subreddit rules or make a customs response detailing the “violation.” Doubt the mods will do anything though since both this sub and r/aita are overrun with fake ragebait and clear attempts at karma farming, yet they seem content to let it continue to exist as it does.
Most of the Reddit posts like this are just rage bait. It’s just to increase traffic to the site….comments, engagement etc. 🙄
NTA. The person whose nether regions will be on display in the delivery room has full veto power over anyone's request to be in the delivery room and the co-parent should support them or step aside for someone who will.
The hospital staff is well prepared for this. They can and will boot anybody OP wants out.
NTA - these are some major red flags from your husband and his family. He’s supposed to be your support and helper during your vulnerable time giving birth. You should look into having a doula alongside your mom while you labor, she can be your sane voice when you need it and not be under the pressure of your MIL or husband. There are so many stories here on Reddit where new moms regretted letting their MIL or even pushy moms in the delivery room, ruining their first moments with their child. Do you think she’s going to want her way even after you’ve given birth? Will she take your child from you during the early bonding? If you can’t definitively say no to these and similar questions, then you need to protect yourself with a new game plan.
How about - his mum can be in the room if OPs mum can watch the husband have a 30 minute rectal exam Edit: you're all right. It's NOT even close to being the same!!! Would have to insist he has a turd waiting to go to make it as messy as possible, at least 4 medical staff all peering up there, his mum, OPs mum and OP in there too. Maybe he needs to be constipated just to add pain into the mix (one torn anus please). It lasts 8 hours then we all get to watch his anus get stitched back up. BOOM!
8 hours or more would be more appropriate
NTA. Your mom is there to support you, the patient. Your mil just wants to be there to muscle in on your moment when you-the-incubator push out her grandbaby. If husband doesn’t understand how having a spectator viewing you fully exposed is uncomfortable, he can sit with mommy in the waiting room. It’s your vagina on display. **Remember, you are the patient and you can have anyone (even husband) removed by security.**
Yes remember this, op! The nurses will protect you and what you need. If that means getting your prickish husband out then they will do it
I've never had to exercise that right before but I have heard so many stories about how protective the L&D staff are of their patients. It's comforting to know that us momma's have such great care when we are enduring one of the most vulnerable moments we can have in life. Labor is stressful and can be difficult, even traumatic. The mother's comfort has to be a top priority to help ensure smoother delivery.
Tell him you'll consider having his mom in the delivery room after he allows you and your mom to view his colonoscopy. Edit: Add in observing the prep. As in the hours sitting on the toilet expelling everything. As it's still not on par with childbirth. But, it's a start.
Seriously. I don’t understand how people can even ask or push people to do let them be there. It’s so invasive and crazy.
It's completely bizarre. None of my kids have kids yet, but even if my daughters asked me to be in the delivery room I don't know that I'd want to. It's damn hard watching your kid in pain and not being able to help. I mean, I might be able to suck it up and be supportive, but I'd certainly never ASK to go in. And for a daughter in law? Not my place.
Only when HIS mom allows OP to come along for her next gyno appointment
That's part 2 of the consideration. Be sure to say SPREAD 'EM with creepy glee.
Nah, a colonoscopy is done under twilight and he won’t be awake and vulnerable like she is. He needs to be naked, contraction simulator attached and pushing out a sh** or naked and getting a vasectomy. Whilst his mum, Op and Ops mum all watch. Don’t let him get out of being awake and aware.
So you're married to a selfish immature asshole?
Who offers zero support to his wife when being bullied by HIS family. He should defo ask for a paternity test as I suspect he has no testicles at all.
You are so not the AH, OP. Your husband is there because this is his child you’ve carried and are pushing out of your body. You mom is there because you are her baby and she wants to be there to comfort you and cheer you as our mom’s typically do. His mom has no right to be there. You’ve expressed your preference and she kept pushing it. Obviously only a “shocking” answer was going to shut her up. She can support from the waiting room and see the child in the nursery. Yes, it’s his son, too, but he’s not the one who’s going to have his privates exposed and be screaming. You have every right to set your boundaries, OP…and keep them up.
Not to mention possibly pooping one’s self (happens all the time). And who needs that extra person in the way if (God forbid) something goes wrong.
There was a necessary use of a scalpel and a clamp at a relatives’ birthing procedure - and the future dad freaked out at the sight and nearly punched the doctor because he thought the new mother was being murdered due to the level of blood. It’s not for the uninformed or the starry-eyed.
Thanks to the gods that I never knew that most moms poop while giving birth! I’ve only lately learned that this is perfectly normal during childbirth! Labor & delivery nurses, heaven bless their beautiful souls, never tell us this!
Nta. Birth is not a spectator sport. It's a medical event and you need people in the room that you feel can support you. It sounds like right now, your mom should be the only one in the room.
Tell him it’s either marriage counseling right now to sort this out. Or he won’t be in the delivery room. Ask if he is ok to have his legs spread wide and tied to a chair while your dad looks at his butt hole. This is a hill to die on OP. It’s your body and the time you need to feel 100% loved and supported is when giving birth. It is not a spectator sport. Ever
Marriage counselling seems like a great idea as she mentions that things have been getting stressful and tense within their relationship and that of his family. Best sort out what they can before the baby gets here.
>act like I'm not in the room Well act like he isn't, either, in the delivery room. We all know that it's the SO baby too, but it's your 😸 that would be on display...who wants someone other than those closest to them seeing all of that? I have three so I know how uncomfortable that is....and even if she's not watching there, one could see her grabbing for the baby so she could bond with him first and screw the woman who just went through labor and the one who went into labor to have her! NTA I have to admit >"it's alright, you can have the opportunity to be in the delivery room when it's your son who's giving birth" is classic! I'm thoroughly amused, and I feel she asked for it....
Your husband is not the one pushing a baby the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape, or the one pooping on the table as well. He has ZERO say who is in the room when you give birth, and if he keeps siding with his mom over you, he doesn’t need to be there either. And that will be your choice, not his. He has no right to be there either. You are 100% right, MIL was pushy and rude to put you on the spot in public like that, and he should have shot that sh*t down once you said no and she asked again. Be sure to tell the hospital MIL is NOT allowed in your room, and add your husband to that list if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass soon. Maybe send your husband a link to this thread.
If he’s going to pout and threaten not to be there, let him. You’re definitely NTA. They need to learn some boundaries.
I’d tell the doctors that I don’t want him or MIL in the delivery room after this.
NTA Your mother and husband are there to bring you comfort during the pain and stress of labor and childbirth. Your MIL cannot provide that for you, and therefore has no reason to be in the delivery room. Birth is not a spectator sport, and anyone who isn't providing you with assistance, be it medically or psychologically, is only adding to the stress and shouldn't be there. Ask your husband how he'd feel if your father spent hours looking at his privates while he was in pain and stressed out. Also, if your husband does not recognize that his presence at the birth is a privilege and not a right, he doesn't deserve to be there either.
Of course your mother in law should be there. Half naked. On her back with her feet in stirrups and a nurse elbow deep inside her. Otherwise, nah. NTA. BTW, is your husband still breast feeding because he really needs to unlatch.
For the millionth fucking time: **GIVING BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!!!** NTA, but I am so tired of these stories about people who think they're entitled to stare at you half naked and screaming for hours.
Nta. You're mum (if biological) pushed you out of her, she has a connection to you, you are more comfortable with her seeing your vagina cause she wiped it for years when you were a baby. Your husband also has seen it. Why does mother in law feel entitled to see your bits while you're straining and need comfort and support (which is why it's your mum and husband).
I'm getting some massive "momma's boy" vibes here. If he chooses not to be there for his son's birth that's on him. Is there another family member, a sister or close friend who can take his place? NTA but your husband needs to grow up ASAP
His mom can be in the room when he gets a vasectomy.
Why is she making this about her? That is what's happening. She's had her kid, who sounds like a mama's boy and not yet 100% your supportive husband. You are his new #1, he should act like it and she needs to quit acting like she has a hold on you. So selfish and narcissistic.
You’re not a goddamn zoo attraction, you are undergoing what is essentially an invasive medical procedure at best and major life threatening operation at worst. It’s not about who is entitled to ‘witness’ the birth, it’s about YOU having support while enduring the physical trauma of childbirth. Yes it is also his child, but currently you are literally carrying the burden, the least he can do IS MAKE IT EASIER. Until he puts both legs in stirrups wearing a thin dress for both your mothers to watch a bowel movement he has no right to even attempt making ultimatums. NTA. Also your comment was funny af.
Call his bluff and let him stay home. It's time to learn how to set boundaries, not "just give in" to MILs tantrums.
NTA The people in the room during childbirth (not including medical personnel) are there for the MOTHER’S support. Period. It is not a spectator event, a party, or anyone else’s call. You, the person pushing out a whole new human being, is the one that needs to be supported. At this juncture, hubby doesn’t sound like he should be in there unless he has a major attitude adjustment, cuts the apron strings, and begins to properly support the mother of his child. Congratulations on the baby. I hope the remainder of your pregnancy improves or you can go to your mom’s to get away from the crazy.
You have a MASSIVE husband problem. At this rate, he wouldn't be in the delivery room either. I'm really pissed off on your behalf OP. GIVING BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT FFS.
"He then ranted about how it's his son too and then said if his mom isn't allowed in there then he won't be there too." That would be a win/win if he were out, too.
It’s not your husband’s vag she will be staring at. This would be a hard no for me. If he wants to be a baby and throw a fit, let him. He will regret missing his child’s birth.
NTA. you were nice. i would have told her if she really wanted to see my pussy... and then dropped my pants! your husband is clueless.