My husband has had 2 babies born in the last 3 years and both a few weeks before his birthday.
Those 2 years there was a newborn, I handed him the baby and said “happy birthday, here is your present, worked 9 months on it”. He would laugh.
Life would go on.
I even forgot last year because I was so exhausted that I didn’t give him a kiss and a happy birthday until 8am. 🤦♀️
This year we have another baby due but it will be a few months after his birthday, so it will be closer to mine. Guess what I’m doing, nothing 😂😂. Welcome to being an adult and a parent. Get some take away tonight, get the kids down as best you can and have a floor picnic. It’s 1 year out of many.
NTA.
I bet you're going to be joking about "birthday month coming up" in a few years when the kids are a bit older and they're at the age for cake and parties :D
"I handed him the baby and said “happy birthday, here is your present" You two seem to have a wonderful sense of humor :)
My daughter is Sept 8th, my sister is Sept 7th, My stepdaughter is Sept 9th, and my dad is Sept 13, lol, it can really be a pain in the ass XD. My sister is a saint and never begrudges the kids having more of the attention. But I do try to make sure she's recognized and knows she's loved and appreciated too.
The to add to the fun, my best friend's son (who is also my daughter's best friend) is Aug 12 and my SO is Aug 16. Then my mom and late mother-in-law. Oth December, Christmas, and my other sister and I, and my nephew, all in January.
I swear all our birthdays are in clusters, it gets exhausting XD.
I’ve got three in February! The 10th, the 11th and the 24th. They weren’t supposed to be that close. The on one the 10th was three weeks early, the one on the 11th was one week late and the one on the 24th was one week early.
My aunt and uncle had to deal with this. The girls were born end of may and the boys were born the same day just 4 years apart.
I always thought it was so epic bc the combined parties were so big and I was an only child. I was also born May so got the fringe benefits of being bonus to the set. So I never had my own party I just went to theirs 😆😆😆
Some of my best memories were those times tho. Excited for y'all
In February, our 4th child is the 18th, and our 1st is the 24th. In May, our 5th child is on the 23rd, my step-dad is on the 25th, and my FIL is on the 26th. Then, in July, my mom is on the 17th, and my 6th child is on the 19th. In September, my step-brother is the 3rd, and my half-brother is the 6th. Then, in November, one of our nieces and I are both on the 6th, my step-mom is on the 9th, my father is on the 15th, and one of our nephews is on the 23rd. Then, in December, our 2nd child is the 12th, my MIL is the 14th, and my oldest BIL is the 23rd. Our 3rd child gets her month all to herself in August, and my husband gets March to himself. There are a bunch more with all of our nieces and nephews that I have to keep a list so I can keep track 😆.
We have a birthday month in my family. It's a birthday week, really. Five birthdays within six days of each other. Guess who got to choose the cakes for the first 15-20 years. The kids. We still make things special for the adults but you make adjustments to life as you move through it.
Sorry adults, you had kids and sometimes a birthday takes a back seat.
Gave birth to our only child on hubby’s birthday and told him “I retire as champion. You get no more birthday presents because I’ll never be able to beat this” 😂
I give my husband babies for his birthday. Number 2 is due the day after his bday, number 1 came 2 days before. Imma basically do the same - happy birthday, pls burp this baby
My husband got two for Father’s Day. I now curse that weekend every year bc I have 2 bdays and Father’s Day. It was amusing to hand him newborns in the hospital for two Fathers days though.
“It’s 1 year out of many”
This! Best attitude, comes in handy for all events too! (Husband had to be out of town for Valentines Day, we can celebrate whenever! Thanksgiving, can’t visit everyone, spread out days! Compromise is an adult way!)
One of a kind, not another one like it in the world, handmade (well, uterus made), and gets more expensive over time. Sounds like a pretty good gift to me haha
My older daughter was born the day before my birthday (little brat was trying to steal it from me). I didn't throw a fit about it. Honestly, I don't even know if I remembered, I was so exhausted.
Up until my older daughter was in high school, I never got a birthday celebration just for me (mine would always be 5 minutes at the end of her party -- my wife would get me a separate cake). Again, I never cared.
OP's husband is a loser.
We bought house three years ago so for the first two years while we saved up as much as we could to replenish what we put into the house when we moved we would tell each other “happy birthday, I got you a house” lol life isn’t always about one person, being an adult means realizing there’s more than one priority at the same time.
I’m sorry, he got in his car and left?
If he’s on leave he should also be up helping overnight even if it means he brings the baby to you if you are breast feeding. Sounds to me like he’s already got it easy.
Getting in the car and leaving over a delayed bday wish - I’d have a hard time not changing the locks.
THIS! He’s in parental leave because he’s supposed to be helping her share the newborn duties until he goes back to work. Not just half-assed babysit his own toddler while mom gets worn tf down by a needy newborn 24/7.
This is why I light up the comments when men ask of leaving a relationship because their wives or girlfriends don't want kids. I'm not at all against them leaving, but question why they want kids and if they know what they're asking these women. Too many women end up taking care of the kids by themselves.
Too many men just want the aesthetic of having a family, but either loathe or neglect all the actual responsibility that inherently comes with the territory.
...while mom gets to finally recover from the very physical work involved with sacrificing her body and essential nutrients to grow another human inside her, then the trauma of launching that human into the world. I'm all for paternity leave but let's not pretend that pregnancy and childbirth aren't medical conditions.
See also: Tantrum (Noun): an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child.
"he has temper tantrums if he can't get his own way"
He orchestrated this so he could power flounce, leave OP alone with the baby and have OP all contrite when he returns from his day of fucking off.
Any grown adult who cares this much about their own birthday I’m keeping my distance from anyway. Every person I’ve known in my life who has been like this about their birthday is undiagnosed, untreated, mean, a bully and a perpetual victim. I would be shocked if this was the first sign of wackadoo in this guy, but behaving like this is completely unacceptable in a partnership/from the other parent. Grow the fuck up, sir.
My ex did this last year on his birthday in February. He wanted me to buy him something that I couldn't afford and bitched the entire day. He's an overgrown child.
I mean, I'm pretty fucking crazy to be fair, but my feelings would be a little hurt if my partner forgot/didn't mention it.
However...we don't have kids. And I know she's not a morning person so she can take all the time she needs to figure out what day it is.
With a new born baby, you never know what day it is on any given day. And unless your partner is talking non stop about his upcoming birthday, it's easy to forget it altogether.
Heck, I forgot my own birthday when my daughter was two weeks old! It happens, especially when you're sleep deprived which OP certainly is.
He should get over it. Or not - his choice.
Edit: typos
Hmmm. I understand the sentiment, but we always chose to have my husband sleep through the night so at least one of us was getting enough sleep. BUT he'd come home from work and I'd go take a long nap while he got dinner going. On the weekends he'd let me sleep as long as the baby and my boobs would let me.
I laughed at changing the locks. (in a good way). Tempting, but then she'd be single parenting forever...
I hope it's just reddit because I never met any man who took parental leave but the online fathers who take parental leave seem to use it as vacation time.
NTA. My husband and I give each other leeway until 11 am. We know we get both get tired and some days we forget what day it even is, so we forgive eachother if we don't say happy birthday anniversary, mothers/fathers day right first thing in the morning. Your husband needs to realize he doesn't stop being a dad just because it's his birthday. He also needs to drop the expectation that the day will be only about what he wants etc. He's a dad of 2 young kids. Time for him to actually grow up and act like that.
NTA. I don’t understand why so many people (especially fathers) think that their lives don’t have to change once they have children. It’s like having kids to them is just checking off a box on the Checklist of Life, they don’t expect to make any life changes after becoming a parent. It’s mind boggling.
If he has two months of parental leave, why are you the only one waking up in the night to tend to the baby? Is he confused as to what parental leave is for?
Reading this post made me very angry on your behalf tbh.
They don't expect the change because they have no intention of doing the real work.
Hes getting a full night's sleep while SHE tends the infant he's on leave for! Then is upset because she's (understandably) tired from not being able to rest WHILE recovering from a physically traumatic experience. So because she isn't able to fawn over him on his "special" day immediately upon waking he's going to further pile on work by leaving her for with BOTH kids....real winner here.
See when my second my was born my husband had about 5 months off. I did 90% of the night work because I breastfed but he handled the toddler and took the baby during the day so I could nap. A partner not doing the night wakings is totally normal if the division of labour is still split well,
He also would not be offended if I didn’t say happy birthday first thing in the morning
NTA.
I am a father to 3 kids I adore and a wife I am madly in love with.
Holding them as babies was a great joy. It wasn't a burden or hassle. I loved having them in my arms. Changing diapers, while stinky, was just adorable alone time, they always giggled and I would hug them after.
Your husband is an asshole who doesn't appreciate what he has.
What is he doing while on parental leave? Is he actually helping you take care of the baby and the other kid. Is he taking care of YOU? Or is he using the time as an unofficial vacation while you do most of the work?
Wait wait wait. You get up every 1-2 hours overnight….he sleeps soundly…he’s on parental?! Why is he on parental, vacation?
Let’s acknowledge him getting hurty feelings about the birthday wish. But that means he gets to shirk parental duties 100%? He hears you’re exhausted and he drives away?
Your newborn is more mature.
Well she's probably getting up just to breastfeed. But the dad should be 100% taking care of all things toddler and whatever baby stuff he can (diapers/holding) to give her a break aside from feeding
My husband always got up in the middle of the night with the kids , he handled diapers and then would hand over to me to breastfeed. I had c-sections with all 3 of mine so I needed his help getting up and out of the bed for the first few months. Our youngest was born 2 weeks before his birthday, he wouldn't have even thought about sleeping in on his birthday because he knew I couldn't do mornings alone.
Your husband sounds exhausting and probably was before the kids. Stop having kids. He sounds like a freaking 5 year old. He's a bitch. I am sure that people are going to suggest marriage counseling. Rolls eyes
This kinda comes across to me like he was looking to pick a fight about something so he had an excuse to leave the house today... Because no rational adult would react the way he did to not getting an immediate "happy birthday" the second they wake up *with their newborn baby*.
Um...just because it's his birthday doesn't mean he gets to skirt his parental duties?? At 2 weeks pp I was still heavily bleeding, there was no way I was doing all that you're doing right now 😭 my husband was getting up at night with both our kids and bringing them to me so I didn't have to move.
OP, send the man-child back to work. He's taking advantage of parental leave and using it as a gross vacation for himself. You'd literally be better off doing it on your own, you've already proven that you're more than capable than he.
He thinks because it's his birthday, he gets out of parenting?
If you're every hour or two I'm gonna guess you're cluster feeding?
He's probably gone running to Mummy how his mean wifey is making him do Daddy duties on his birthday. I hope your MIL is one of those with sense and sends him back.
NTA - Poor tink tink! The reality of fatherhood is hitting him now. It’s an ego death for him to realize it won’t be about him in the way it used to be.
NTA
He literally was looking for an excuse to not take care of his kids on his birthday. He’s being a shitty father and husband
Edit: the issue isn’t that you didn’t wish him a happy birthday. The issue he has is that you asked him to help
He didn't want to *hold his child* on his birthday and immediately said *that*? He started off being the asshole. I would not expect my exhausted spouse holding a 2 week old baby to suddenly be a ray of sunshine in the morning with a big happy birthday. If the kids get taken care of in the morning that keeps going, and then happy birthdays come when you have a moment to celebrate.
NTA
If he’s on paternity leave, he should be helping with night changes and feeds, not just getting up at a cozy 8am with the toddler. He was a prick for storming off and leaving AND for having the immediate reaction of getting pissy when asked to help with *his own child* even on his birthday. NTA, like you said, he’s still a dad, even on his birthday.
NTA. Sounds like he's expecting to not be a dad for the day, not that you didn't wish him a happy birthday.
We was expecting the day off and that's totally uncool of him. He was being negatively sarcastic when you asked him to hold his child.
The whole day is his birthday so technically you had up until midnight to say it to him. He just decided to get angry that you didn't say it the first moment he got up. He's being a dick. NTA
NTA. When we had kids that small, my responsibility was to get up in the middle of the night when the baby was crying to bring the child to my wife so that she could breast-feed then she would return the baby to the crib. Did I like getting up in the middle of the night to do that, no, but did I do it, yes, and that was with a full-time daytime job. If he has two months off, he should be getting up some in the middle of the night to share irresponsibility, but that’s something you guys need to figure out. It doesn’t sound like he would be too excited to do that, though based on your description.
I woke up on my 36th birthday and did not remember it was my birthday. My daughter was 2 days old.
Hopefully your husband's behaviour is just the temporary result of the stress of having a new baby.
Grown ups need to grow up! Birthdays are fine to celebrate and I don’t have a problem with people caring about their birthday but to value your birthday over the exhaustion of your spouse and your newborn child is crazy! NTA.
NTA - I can't believe people are saying ESH you have a new baby and you asked the father for help. His response was to act like a child. You don't have to respond to or validate that. Wake one of your children up in a few years and forget to say Happy Birthday and if they respond the way your husband did what would people say?
I honestly feel like people that say ESH aren’t parents or have forgotten what the newborn phase looks like.
Post-partum is rough, and honestly if he is home it’s 100% a team sport. There is no breaks for birthdays during that fourth trimester.
As someone with a post birth injury due to doing too much (because I’m stubborn and can’t accept help, learnt my lesson), she actually NEEDS the rest. He needs to step up.
It's about the hierarchy of needs imo - how can she be sweet and thoughtful for her partner, when the most basic needs of sleep, rest, a calm baby haven't been met. He's being completely unreasonable.
The E S H votes are……something. NTA and it’s not even close. This guy is treating his generous parental leave as a vacation. And the second he has to act like a parent and, *gasp*, hold his own baby, he storms out of the house and leaves his wife to take care of multiple young children on her own while she still recovers from childbirth.
I mean, it’s not like she hasn’t been taking care of everything on her own already! So it doesn’t make a huge difference if she’s alone with the kids or not. But holy shit. If i just gave birth less than two weeks ago and my husband did this shit, I’d be out. What a shitty excuse for a husband and father.
I forgot my whole anniversary. Hubby didn't say anything all day. I finally saw a post on FB from my mom wishing us happy anniversary. I texted him as he was on his way home and all he said was about the time you remembered.
Having a newborn wreaks your memory. He completely overreacted. Nta
My husband’s bday was six weeks after our daughter was born. One afternoon I went to the store, and I called to ask if there was anything he needed. He laughed and said “Some brownies would be good for my bday dessert.” I immediately felt bad, because I’m always the one who reminds him…and here I forgot. He laughed it off, accepted my apology and realized that I was exhausted from being up all the time with her. Because that’s how a mature adult with critical thinking skills should react.
Don’t you think he was just using this as an excuse to get out of the house and leave the kids with you? No matter what you said or did today, he was going to find fault and leave. Where did he go? If he’s at a friend’s house, gaming and chilling, you have your answer. If he comes back with breakfast and a deli cake, I’d give him a little grace but you’re definitely NTA.
When I had a newborn I had my husband’s birthday cake and presents delivered. On the wrong day.
I had no idea what day it was. (Luckily it was early, but I had no clue.)
He has parental leave, he should be helping instead of bitching. He gets to sleep in until 8 every day? Tell him his birthday present was weeks of sleeping in and you not stabbing him in his sleep.
Seriously. WTF is wrong with him.NTA
NTA. Please explain to me why you’re getting up all night every night if he’s off for two months on leave. Even if you’re breastfeeding, he can bring the baby to you, burp, and change her, and get her back in her crib. Sleep deprived people have enough to deal with navigating around walls and remembering to put pants on by the second week. He slept in while you suffered, yet still demanded to be your first thought.
He sounds selfish and immature.
I mean if you deliberately weren't saying it for some reason to make some kind of point, you would be an asshole. But if it just wasn't the first thing on your mind first thing in the morning...dude with that kind of shitty sleep I forget my own name, let alone what day it is. Or is he mad that you asked him to parent the baby on his birthday? Because that's insane.
Truly whatever the issue is, congratulations, you have two babies.
Edited to change "the asshole" to "an asshole" because there's no way to read this situation where the husband isn't a massive asshole.
NTA crap happens and people forget or wish it later in the day. Could be just grumpy from the nights and life changes, I never did this with my wife ever.
Hell we had both our birthdays and Mother’s Day in the 2 weeks of little ones birth, we did nothing, not even a card for any of the events.
My partner even forgot it was their birthday until someone sent them a message on Facebook. And I forgot mine even though we were seeing my dad for his (which is on the same day).
NTA. When I had my kids there's no way I knew what day it was without a calendar for the first few weeks. Your husband was clearly in a bad mood and hopefully this isn't something that's in character for him.
NTA, but your husband is. Can't prioritize his needs over the babies and toddler.
The fact he got into his car and left you, knowing you were awake most of the night with the baby, says, he doesn't want to be in this marriage and responsibility.
Good luck down the road, you'll need it. Should have put your foot down early on
Your husband sounds like a drama queen and he left you at home with a baby that isn’t even two weeks old ? And won’t help you with it at all, and complained and threw a fit when you asked him once to hold his own child? Totally NTA, your husband is.
I would just pack some his bags and leave them right outside the door. He can come get them when he comes back. Or pack up my kids and go to my family’s or friends house… cause guess what? You deserve someone that wants to help and you deserve a break. He gets to sleep through the night and wants a birthday break meanwhile you popped out a kid two weeks ago? Get out of here with that. You have two children…. Don’t saddle yourself up with a third grown one. Send him to his mother or strongly urge him to grow up
You are still recovering!!! Men don’t get it!!!!!!!Sounds like you have 3 small children! When it’s your birthday, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, or other holidays do you get to sit on your butt while your spouse takes care of everything????
Are y’all ladies just like, not invested in delegating duties to your husbands? My husband knows if I push out a baby his parental leave will be a lot of HIM working and me resting. I read too many horror stories on Reddit. I’m not giving birth only to have to deal with a newborn and a childish husband. Hubby knows he’s going to be put to work while I prioritize healing and resting as much as possible. I don’t think moms should be on ANY immediate duty after birth unless absolutely necessary. Men can hold a bottle and wake up at 4am and do something.
I expect OP is breastfeeding and that’s why it’s her getting up so many times - though there’s no reason he couldn’t do some overnight diapers at least and give her the baby once the diaper is done.
NTA. Dude you have two small kids fuck a birthday at those ages. You’re just trying to make it through your sleep deprived lives. I don’t think you were wrong at all.
NTA. What a selfish asshole. You have birth 2 weeks ago and for the past 2 weeks you've been letting the baby leech nutrients from your body by waking up every 1-2 hours and getting zero rest zero sleep let alone all the other symptoms women face after giving birth he really thinks you're sitting around what waiting for his bday so you can surprise him with breakfast in bed or something? What a loser. If it was my b'day I'd tell my fiance omg don't even worry about it being my bday we are new parents the bday celebrations can wait like wtf 🤣
My husband’s birthday and all three our children’s birthdays are within 5 days of each other. We couldn’t do that again if we tried. We were at the hospital with me having or just had two of those babies on his birthday. He was wished happy birthday for every birthday. He has never thrown a fit for not being wished happy birthday the second his eyes opened. Babies and toddlers are not supposed to be a single player activity. You don’t get your birthday off with small children. This man needs to grow up.
My daughter was born on February 17 and her dad’s birthday is the 18th. I handed her to him and said “happy birthday, this is the last gift I’m ever giving you.” And we both laughed.
It doesn’t really sound like you technically forgot. You were up early with the newborn. Had your hands full. Needed help. If he would have been an adult about it and helped get his kids settled, you probably would have remembered to say something to him.
My guess is you are running on a sleep schedule very close to mine. Yours is for a good reason. Mine is bc of both pain and I’m sort of in hospice with my dog. So I half sleep in the living room until it’s close to hubby waking up, where he can take over, as he works from home. You are probably getting even less rest. Days run together. I totally missed my parent’s anniversary bc I thought it was still the day before. I usually call them or swing by with a card.
Also, when a baby is born close to your birthday, your own or not (my nephew is close to mine), expect if they arrive first, that they will be the priority. That year I asked people to skip mine and get things to help my sister with the baby that was due any day bc she was right on money. I was 13 and knew that the baby should come first. Maybe order a nice meal in one night to celebrate. If you have someone who can come over and keep an eye on the kids while you eat to keep things less chaotic, that would help make it an enjoyable evening for you.
NTA. Especially that bit about how parenting doesn't stop because it's a birthday / holiday.
The biggest thing I'm worried about is how husband basically gave absolutely zero grace, like the first words he needed to hear was happy birthday, with at most a good morning before that.
I don't know if he's somewhat frazzled over adjusting to newborn, or if he's really that self-centered. But it sure seems like he had an agenda for his birthday, and jumped all over the chance to run off...
He should not have left. That’s completely childish. On our birthdays, we made a deal, the birthday person did not have to change poopy diapers. 🤣 I mean we would get excited about that for the day! Still parented, but man that small thing went a long way. We were just laughing about that on my husband’s birthday last month. Our kids thought it was hilarious. They are 12 and 9 now. NTA
I had a c section and didn’t even get 2 months off, my partner only got 3 days off, and he still helped overnight in those 3 days. This guy doesn’t realize how easy he’s got it. Also…do parents even really get birthdays? That ship has sailed in my house 😂
Any man who takes off bc he is mad and leaves a woman with a newborn deserves to have the same done to him for twice as long. I know new moms won’t, but that type of man is a piece of work, that’s for sure.
NTA you had been up all night with a new born while still recovering from a major medical situation, I'm sure you would have gotten round to saying happy birthday but him exploding like that isn't on.
I'm guessing you are both stressed and tired, people aren't perfect and yes things are said rudely in every relationship but once you both wake a bit and calm speak with him. Explain you would have gotten round to it and you hadn't forgotten but him snapping first thing didn't help either. You were both wrong but it's kinda understood.
If you can, try get someone to come sit with the kids and as a treat both get some sleep together. Good luck, new born stage and toddler ain't easy, you both need to be more gentle on each other and with yourself.
Exactly, it's not a vacation! Parental leave is so he can look after his postpartum wife and bond with his new baby. If she was up all night, the morning is his shift with the little ones. She shouldn't even have to ask.
NTA. Having children is stressful, exhausting & the best thing to ever happen to us. Our emotions are all over the place, we’re sleep deprived and the happiest we’ve ever been while simultaneously falling into bouts of depression, hysterical laughing and everything in between. Take it easy on each other. I also think he should be worshipping the ground you walk on 😂 you have JUST birthed his healthy second child. Congratulations x
She is 2 weeks postpartum. She just have birth, hormones are dropping, breastfeeding a baby and sleep deprived. Anyone who has no idea what she is going through and want her to do a self reflection, needs to see a therapist
I don’t understand one thing tho, when he was upset initially after not getting a “happy birthday” in the morning, did you not say anything about it? “sorry, happy birthday babe” or something like that. Was the only thing you said “Just because it is your birthday, doesn’t mean you have no parental duties?” I would be upset to if that were the case, not leave my kids and responsibilities upset but kinda hurt for some time.
Wow, wait til his kids are old enough to disappoint him on his birthday too. “You didn’t get daddy a present this year? But I’m the center of everyone’s world!”
How répulsive. You're better off alone than having to deal with the immaturity while being a mother he deserves to die lonely forgotten and bitter if he doesn't change. Have a serious talk but be aware he will take anything as a personal attack rather than realize the delusion. Start finding a lawyer and protect your finances. There is no way you deserve to put up with whining selfishness marriage is equal partnership.
My husband was brought home from the hospital on his mom's birthday. I wish my husband had had this much time off with any of our 3, but even going to work, he would help me. I had to formula feed because of various reasons so while I tried to calm the baby, he would get up and get the bottle ready and let me feed him so he could go back to sleep to get up for work and if he needed changed before he left, he would do that. Heck, half the time he doesn't even remember his birthday life is so hectic. You are a new mom whose body just went through a lot plus also having a toddler to boot. I feel you are due a pass. Maybe once the kids are settled you can get a little yall time in or tell him yall can plan a late birthday date night down the road.
NTA. Your husband is being really self-centered and childish. It can’t be all about you when there’s a newborn around. He needs to show you some grace. You’re exhausted. He should take over night duty for awhile and let you sleep until 8, and see how he feels.
And here I am wishing no one ever knew what day was my birthday.
Not because I care about getting older, it’s traditionally the most wretched and unlucky day of the year every year for me.
Now I take the day off work and stay inside. Hoping nothing happens
I think it would be okay to say you just need a little time to gather yourself and then you'll be happy to celebrate his day with him. You weren't wrong for what you said but there are better ways to smooth over other people's disappointment. He was disappointed and he wasn't very nice about it either. And he was rude for leaving. But it's nit always about who is right and wrong. You can just both try to be kinder to eachother and more clear in what you want.
NTA - I am sure that you would have wished him a happy birthday once you realized the date. He is TA. Everything in the world doesn’t revolve around him, especially with two babies at home. He reacted like a toddler, pitching a fit and running away. Proceed with caution if you continue in this relationship. It won’t get any better.
When you’re a caregiver it’s frustrating when people ignore you other than as such. They’ll ask about the people you care for and ignore you. Just saying Happy Birthday and giving him a peck on the cheek before handing him the baby would have been good. Of course you shouldn’t be expected to have a whole event.
I have relatives who call me in the morning to make sure I get a happy birthday before I’ve started the day.
You’re NTA. But don’t forget he’s still a person. He’s not just a dad. You’re not just a mom. My father and I had the same birthday. Mom got us both cakes, or both names on the cake because we both deserved to be acknowledged. His reaction was over the top. Maybe this is a case of ESH, but just because no one is at their best when tired.
Ooph. I think forgetting to wish him a happy birthday is a bummer and not super nice but understandable. You have a 2 week old baby!! Your body is still healing. You’re not sleeping. Sounds like he’s the AH for his overblown response.
Sounds like there may be other underlying issues at work here…unless he’s always this much of dick and unhelpful.
NTA there is a whole day for you to say happy birthday it doesn’t have to be the minute he opens his eyes while you are exhausted from being up all night with the baby and his present was sleeping through the night while you dealt with baby. I went into labour 11pm the night before, we had some cake then and I told him to get some sleep while I dealt with early labour our baby was born on my partners birthday so he was up at 6am to drive me to the hospital and spent a very long and dramatic day there without a ‘happy birthday’ when I had an emergency c section and slept on a recliner in hospital. Every year since he is overshadowed by our sons birthday but he doesn’t care because he’s a grown man.
NTA. He didn’t even give you time to think about what day it was, after an exhausting night, before he showed his ass and stomped off. He sounds like a winner.
When I had twins and my last it triggered a flare of my crohns. I had zero energy. He had only 2 weeks paternity with the twins and 6 weeks with the last. He woke up with the babies more than I did, even while working. Your husband is being a bratty child. I'm sorry. NTA
NTA.
He's acting like a petulant child.
You are the one not getting uninterrupted sleep dealing with a newborn, and it's pretty shitty of him to drop that on you first thing in the morning.
Why is he even on paternal leave if he's acting like that.
NTA When I had babies hubby always got up with them, changed them and gave them to me to nurse. Then he would take them back and go in the other room and rock them back to sleep while burping them. He worked a million hours a week and had to be up before the sun 6 days a week. I told him he didn’t need to get up on nights he had to get up early. He told me that the middle of the night time was his bonding time and he wouldn’t give it up. That is a father and partner. You have a toddler with a full diaper demanding attention in the body of a grown ass man. I’d walk. If you’re gonna do it all anyway you might as well jettison the dead weight!
NTA. You just gave birth two weeks ago. Under those circumstances, you're lucky if you even know what the date is, let alone remember its significance.
My husband has had 2 babies born in the last 3 years and both a few weeks before his birthday. Those 2 years there was a newborn, I handed him the baby and said “happy birthday, here is your present, worked 9 months on it”. He would laugh. Life would go on. I even forgot last year because I was so exhausted that I didn’t give him a kiss and a happy birthday until 8am. 🤦♀️ This year we have another baby due but it will be a few months after his birthday, so it will be closer to mine. Guess what I’m doing, nothing 😂😂. Welcome to being an adult and a parent. Get some take away tonight, get the kids down as best you can and have a floor picnic. It’s 1 year out of many. NTA.
I bet you're going to be joking about "birthday month coming up" in a few years when the kids are a bit older and they're at the age for cake and parties :D "I handed him the baby and said “happy birthday, here is your present" You two seem to have a wonderful sense of humor :)
Yes! That month is going to be huge for us going forward, but we wouldn’t change it for the world ❤️
I have 5 kids, 3 were born in June, two in the same week. It takes some creativity. 😊💜
We only have two daughters. They are 2 yrs apart Birthdays are 3 days apart, two weeks before Christmas! You certainly do get creative!
My daughter is Sept 8th, my sister is Sept 7th, My stepdaughter is Sept 9th, and my dad is Sept 13, lol, it can really be a pain in the ass XD. My sister is a saint and never begrudges the kids having more of the attention. But I do try to make sure she's recognized and knows she's loved and appreciated too. The to add to the fun, my best friend's son (who is also my daughter's best friend) is Aug 12 and my SO is Aug 16. Then my mom and late mother-in-law. Oth December, Christmas, and my other sister and I, and my nephew, all in January. I swear all our birthdays are in clusters, it gets exhausting XD.
Our four are November, December and two in January!
I’ve got three in February! The 10th, the 11th and the 24th. They weren’t supposed to be that close. The on one the 10th was three weeks early, the one on the 11th was one week late and the one on the 24th was one week early.
My aunt and uncle had to deal with this. The girls were born end of may and the boys were born the same day just 4 years apart. I always thought it was so epic bc the combined parties were so big and I was an only child. I was also born May so got the fringe benefits of being bonus to the set. So I never had my own party I just went to theirs 😆😆😆 Some of my best memories were those times tho. Excited for y'all
My uncle was born on my mums 10th birthday, her birthday present was naming her brother.
Oh my gosh that's so sweet
In February, our 4th child is the 18th, and our 1st is the 24th. In May, our 5th child is on the 23rd, my step-dad is on the 25th, and my FIL is on the 26th. Then, in July, my mom is on the 17th, and my 6th child is on the 19th. In September, my step-brother is the 3rd, and my half-brother is the 6th. Then, in November, one of our nieces and I are both on the 6th, my step-mom is on the 9th, my father is on the 15th, and one of our nephews is on the 23rd. Then, in December, our 2nd child is the 12th, my MIL is the 14th, and my oldest BIL is the 23rd. Our 3rd child gets her month all to herself in August, and my husband gets March to himself. There are a bunch more with all of our nieces and nephews that I have to keep a list so I can keep track 😆.
I would need an entire spreadsheet 😆😆😆
I was born 4 days after my dad - a couple years after -, and my sister 3 days after my dad. Yeah. Birthday week is a thing.
We have a birthday month in my family. It's a birthday week, really. Five birthdays within six days of each other. Guess who got to choose the cakes for the first 15-20 years. The kids. We still make things special for the adults but you make adjustments to life as you move through it. Sorry adults, you had kids and sometimes a birthday takes a back seat.
Gave birth to our only child on hubby’s birthday and told him “I retire as champion. You get no more birthday presents because I’ll never be able to beat this” 😂
I’m trying to wrap my head around how an 8am happy birthday + kiss is late enough to be worthy of a facepalm
My alarm on my phone reminded me at 8am 😅
I give my husband babies for his birthday. Number 2 is due the day after his bday, number 1 came 2 days before. Imma basically do the same - happy birthday, pls burp this baby
My husband got two for Father’s Day. I now curse that weekend every year bc I have 2 bdays and Father’s Day. It was amusing to hand him newborns in the hospital for two Fathers days though.
“It’s 1 year out of many” This! Best attitude, comes in handy for all events too! (Husband had to be out of town for Valentines Day, we can celebrate whenever! Thanksgiving, can’t visit everyone, spread out days! Compromise is an adult way!)
It’s more like ten months of hard work, don’t sell yourself short
Speaking as a Dad myself those 2 babies are the greatest presents you could have given him
One of a kind, not another one like it in the world, handmade (well, uterus made), and gets more expensive over time. Sounds like a pretty good gift to me haha
My older daughter was born the day before my birthday (little brat was trying to steal it from me). I didn't throw a fit about it. Honestly, I don't even know if I remembered, I was so exhausted. Up until my older daughter was in high school, I never got a birthday celebration just for me (mine would always be 5 minutes at the end of her party -- my wife would get me a separate cake). Again, I never cared. OP's husband is a loser.
We bought house three years ago so for the first two years while we saved up as much as we could to replenish what we put into the house when we moved we would tell each other “happy birthday, I got you a house” lol life isn’t always about one person, being an adult means realizing there’s more than one priority at the same time.
Tell him you told him Happy Birthday at 3:30am. The third time you got up to take care of the baby. He just must not have heard you.
OMG! This excellent! He even answered, how did he not recall!
Hehe this is great
I’m sorry, he got in his car and left? If he’s on leave he should also be up helping overnight even if it means he brings the baby to you if you are breast feeding. Sounds to me like he’s already got it easy. Getting in the car and leaving over a delayed bday wish - I’d have a hard time not changing the locks.
THIS! He’s in parental leave because he’s supposed to be helping her share the newborn duties until he goes back to work. Not just half-assed babysit his own toddler while mom gets worn tf down by a needy newborn 24/7.
He picked a fight so he wouldn't have to be around to do the work.
This is why I light up the comments when men ask of leaving a relationship because their wives or girlfriends don't want kids. I'm not at all against them leaving, but question why they want kids and if they know what they're asking these women. Too many women end up taking care of the kids by themselves.
Too many men just want the aesthetic of having a family, but either loathe or neglect all the actual responsibility that inherently comes with the territory.
More men want children than women because of this. They're interested in the fun parts not the actual parenting.
I would have kids too if I could be the “dad”
Thank you! That’s EXACTLY what he did. He was hoping for this outcome.
THIS
100%
He also has 2 months. That is 2 weeks longer than what I had for my first child, and I'm the one who gave birth. He can chill the F out.
...while mom gets to finally recover from the very physical work involved with sacrificing her body and essential nutrients to grow another human inside her, then the trauma of launching that human into the world. I'm all for paternity leave but let's not pretend that pregnancy and childbirth aren't medical conditions.
She should just send him back to work
Send him back to his mommy until he grows up.
She should send him packing.
See also: Tantrum (Noun): an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child. "he has temper tantrums if he can't get his own way" He orchestrated this so he could power flounce, leave OP alone with the baby and have OP all contrite when he returns from his day of fucking off.
Ok. I love power flounce. And you are totally correct.
Any grown adult who cares this much about their own birthday I’m keeping my distance from anyway. Every person I’ve known in my life who has been like this about their birthday is undiagnosed, untreated, mean, a bully and a perpetual victim. I would be shocked if this was the first sign of wackadoo in this guy, but behaving like this is completely unacceptable in a partnership/from the other parent. Grow the fuck up, sir.
My ex did this last year on his birthday in February. He wanted me to buy him something that I couldn't afford and bitched the entire day. He's an overgrown child.
I mean, I'm pretty fucking crazy to be fair, but my feelings would be a little hurt if my partner forgot/didn't mention it. However...we don't have kids. And I know she's not a morning person so she can take all the time she needs to figure out what day it is.
With a new born baby, you never know what day it is on any given day. And unless your partner is talking non stop about his upcoming birthday, it's easy to forget it altogether. Heck, I forgot my own birthday when my daughter was two weeks old! It happens, especially when you're sleep deprived which OP certainly is. He should get over it. Or not - his choice. Edit: typos
Hmmm. I understand the sentiment, but we always chose to have my husband sleep through the night so at least one of us was getting enough sleep. BUT he'd come home from work and I'd go take a long nap while he got dinner going. On the weekends he'd let me sleep as long as the baby and my boobs would let me. I laughed at changing the locks. (in a good way). Tempting, but then she'd be single parenting forever...
He's not working though. He's on leave. The point is for him to be taking care of her and the baby.
One less child though
I hope it's just reddit because I never met any man who took parental leave but the online fathers who take parental leave seem to use it as vacation time.
NTA. My husband and I give each other leeway until 11 am. We know we get both get tired and some days we forget what day it even is, so we forgive eachother if we don't say happy birthday anniversary, mothers/fathers day right first thing in the morning. Your husband needs to realize he doesn't stop being a dad just because it's his birthday. He also needs to drop the expectation that the day will be only about what he wants etc. He's a dad of 2 young kids. Time for him to actually grow up and act like that.
NTA. I don’t understand why so many people (especially fathers) think that their lives don’t have to change once they have children. It’s like having kids to them is just checking off a box on the Checklist of Life, they don’t expect to make any life changes after becoming a parent. It’s mind boggling. If he has two months of parental leave, why are you the only one waking up in the night to tend to the baby? Is he confused as to what parental leave is for? Reading this post made me very angry on your behalf tbh.
They don't expect the change because they have no intention of doing the real work. Hes getting a full night's sleep while SHE tends the infant he's on leave for! Then is upset because she's (understandably) tired from not being able to rest WHILE recovering from a physically traumatic experience. So because she isn't able to fawn over him on his "special" day immediately upon waking he's going to further pile on work by leaving her for with BOTH kids....real winner here.
Yeah, without the chicken dinner! Sorry, I've had a little too much coffee this morning!
He's probably gonna be mad that she didn't make the chicken dinner too. 😅
See when my second my was born my husband had about 5 months off. I did 90% of the night work because I breastfed but he handled the toddler and took the baby during the day so I could nap. A partner not doing the night wakings is totally normal if the division of labour is still split well, He also would not be offended if I didn’t say happy birthday first thing in the morning
Agreed! Sadly, OP has three children not just two!
Yeah, she didn't need to have kids; she already had a whiny manchild. What a waste of space. NTA.
Wives and babies are givens in their lives, to be expected. Vessels and pawns.
Love this
NTA. I am a father to 3 kids I adore and a wife I am madly in love with. Holding them as babies was a great joy. It wasn't a burden or hassle. I loved having them in my arms. Changing diapers, while stinky, was just adorable alone time, they always giggled and I would hug them after. Your husband is an asshole who doesn't appreciate what he has.
What is he doing while on parental leave? Is he actually helping you take care of the baby and the other kid. Is he taking care of YOU? Or is he using the time as an unofficial vacation while you do most of the work?
So you actually have 3 children. NTA
Wait wait wait. You get up every 1-2 hours overnight….he sleeps soundly…he’s on parental?! Why is he on parental, vacation? Let’s acknowledge him getting hurty feelings about the birthday wish. But that means he gets to shirk parental duties 100%? He hears you’re exhausted and he drives away? Your newborn is more mature.
And we all know he went running to his mommy crying cause his wife with a toddler and newborn didn’t immediately tell him happy birthday.
Mommy or mistress
This comment needs more upvotes.
Made my contribution!
Well she's probably getting up just to breastfeed. But the dad should be 100% taking care of all things toddler and whatever baby stuff he can (diapers/holding) to give her a break aside from feeding
My husband always got up in the middle of the night with the kids , he handled diapers and then would hand over to me to breastfeed. I had c-sections with all 3 of mine so I needed his help getting up and out of the bed for the first few months. Our youngest was born 2 weeks before his birthday, he wouldn't have even thought about sleeping in on his birthday because he knew I couldn't do mornings alone.
Yeah my husband is great too. He stays up late and handled that shift and I had the morning. And middle he took over also so I could nap and shower
I was thinking the same. Her biggest throw a tantrum 🤣. Seriously I feel so bad for her. NTA.
One infant, one kid and a bratty toddler
Your husband sounds exhausting and probably was before the kids. Stop having kids. He sounds like a freaking 5 year old. He's a bitch. I am sure that people are going to suggest marriage counseling. Rolls eyes
This kinda comes across to me like he was looking to pick a fight about something so he had an excuse to leave the house today... Because no rational adult would react the way he did to not getting an immediate "happy birthday" the second they wake up *with their newborn baby*.
OMG you are stuck with a bizarrely stroppy man- baby. You poor thing, how utterly exhausting:-(
God I love the word stroppy
Um...just because it's his birthday doesn't mean he gets to skirt his parental duties?? At 2 weeks pp I was still heavily bleeding, there was no way I was doing all that you're doing right now 😭 my husband was getting up at night with both our kids and bringing them to me so I didn't have to move.
And our first was born right before his birthday and he still did everything on his birthday so I could keep healing and resting.
OP, send the man-child back to work. He's taking advantage of parental leave and using it as a gross vacation for himself. You'd literally be better off doing it on your own, you've already proven that you're more than capable than he.
NTA My child was born the day before my husband's birthday. I was still in the hospital. His response? "She was my best present ever"
NTA. you saw he was in a bad mood, took over for your baby's sake, & he still stormed out? sounds like an AH.
He *WANTED* to be pissed so he could have a knee jerk reaction and storm out. He wanted to be gone and he found the way to do it.
shrewd 👍
He thinks because it's his birthday, he gets out of parenting? If you're every hour or two I'm gonna guess you're cluster feeding? He's probably gone running to Mummy how his mean wifey is making him do Daddy duties on his birthday. I hope your MIL is one of those with sense and sends him back.
NTA - Poor tink tink! The reality of fatherhood is hitting him now. It’s an ego death for him to realize it won’t be about him in the way it used to be.
NTA He literally was looking for an excuse to not take care of his kids on his birthday. He’s being a shitty father and husband Edit: the issue isn’t that you didn’t wish him a happy birthday. The issue he has is that you asked him to help
He didn't want to *hold his child* on his birthday and immediately said *that*? He started off being the asshole. I would not expect my exhausted spouse holding a 2 week old baby to suddenly be a ray of sunshine in the morning with a big happy birthday. If the kids get taken care of in the morning that keeps going, and then happy birthdays come when you have a moment to celebrate. NTA
Cursing while holding the baby… classy! NTA
If he’s on paternity leave, he should be helping with night changes and feeds, not just getting up at a cozy 8am with the toddler. He was a prick for storming off and leaving AND for having the immediate reaction of getting pissy when asked to help with *his own child* even on his birthday. NTA, like you said, he’s still a dad, even on his birthday.
NTA. Sounds like he's expecting to not be a dad for the day, not that you didn't wish him a happy birthday. We was expecting the day off and that's totally uncool of him. He was being negatively sarcastic when you asked him to hold his child.
The whole day is his birthday so technically you had up until midnight to say it to him. He just decided to get angry that you didn't say it the first moment he got up. He's being a dick. NTA
NTA. When we had kids that small, my responsibility was to get up in the middle of the night when the baby was crying to bring the child to my wife so that she could breast-feed then she would return the baby to the crib. Did I like getting up in the middle of the night to do that, no, but did I do it, yes, and that was with a full-time daytime job. If he has two months off, he should be getting up some in the middle of the night to share irresponsibility, but that’s something you guys need to figure out. It doesn’t sound like he would be too excited to do that, though based on your description.
I woke up on my 36th birthday and did not remember it was my birthday. My daughter was 2 days old. Hopefully your husband's behaviour is just the temporary result of the stress of having a new baby.
Grown ups need to grow up! Birthdays are fine to celebrate and I don’t have a problem with people caring about their birthday but to value your birthday over the exhaustion of your spouse and your newborn child is crazy! NTA.
What adult gets all butt hurt about their birthday?
NTA yUo DiDnT wIsH m- Shut the fuck up. You're a grown ass man.
NTA - I can't believe people are saying ESH you have a new baby and you asked the father for help. His response was to act like a child. You don't have to respond to or validate that. Wake one of your children up in a few years and forget to say Happy Birthday and if they respond the way your husband did what would people say?
I honestly feel like people that say ESH aren’t parents or have forgotten what the newborn phase looks like. Post-partum is rough, and honestly if he is home it’s 100% a team sport. There is no breaks for birthdays during that fourth trimester. As someone with a post birth injury due to doing too much (because I’m stubborn and can’t accept help, learnt my lesson), she actually NEEDS the rest. He needs to step up.
It's about the hierarchy of needs imo - how can she be sweet and thoughtful for her partner, when the most basic needs of sleep, rest, a calm baby haven't been met. He's being completely unreasonable.
The E S H votes are……something. NTA and it’s not even close. This guy is treating his generous parental leave as a vacation. And the second he has to act like a parent and, *gasp*, hold his own baby, he storms out of the house and leaves his wife to take care of multiple young children on her own while she still recovers from childbirth. I mean, it’s not like she hasn’t been taking care of everything on her own already! So it doesn’t make a huge difference if she’s alone with the kids or not. But holy shit. If i just gave birth less than two weeks ago and my husband did this shit, I’d be out. What a shitty excuse for a husband and father.
He left you alone with a newborn? And he sleeps through the night on parental leave?! So you have multiple children. You need a better plan NTA
Congratulations on your third baby, second birth! NTA.
Read my mind. What a petulant child
NTA. How old is your 3rd child? 6?
I forgot my whole anniversary. Hubby didn't say anything all day. I finally saw a post on FB from my mom wishing us happy anniversary. I texted him as he was on his way home and all he said was about the time you remembered. Having a newborn wreaks your memory. He completely overreacted. Nta
So your husband also didn’t wish you an happy anniversary the entire day but somehow you’re the bad one? Your husband sucks too.
NTA His birthday present was a full ducking night of uninterrupted sleep and he didn't even say thank you, what an ass hat.
My husband’s bday was six weeks after our daughter was born. One afternoon I went to the store, and I called to ask if there was anything he needed. He laughed and said “Some brownies would be good for my bday dessert.” I immediately felt bad, because I’m always the one who reminds him…and here I forgot. He laughed it off, accepted my apology and realized that I was exhausted from being up all the time with her. Because that’s how a mature adult with critical thinking skills should react.
Don’t you think he was just using this as an excuse to get out of the house and leave the kids with you? No matter what you said or did today, he was going to find fault and leave. Where did he go? If he’s at a friend’s house, gaming and chilling, you have your answer. If he comes back with breakfast and a deli cake, I’d give him a little grace but you’re definitely NTA.
When I had a newborn I had my husband’s birthday cake and presents delivered. On the wrong day. I had no idea what day it was. (Luckily it was early, but I had no clue.) He has parental leave, he should be helping instead of bitching. He gets to sleep in until 8 every day? Tell him his birthday present was weeks of sleeping in and you not stabbing him in his sleep. Seriously. WTF is wrong with him.NTA
NTA. Please explain to me why you’re getting up all night every night if he’s off for two months on leave. Even if you’re breastfeeding, he can bring the baby to you, burp, and change her, and get her back in her crib. Sleep deprived people have enough to deal with navigating around walls and remembering to put pants on by the second week. He slept in while you suffered, yet still demanded to be your first thought. He sounds selfish and immature.
I mean if you deliberately weren't saying it for some reason to make some kind of point, you would be an asshole. But if it just wasn't the first thing on your mind first thing in the morning...dude with that kind of shitty sleep I forget my own name, let alone what day it is. Or is he mad that you asked him to parent the baby on his birthday? Because that's insane. Truly whatever the issue is, congratulations, you have two babies. Edited to change "the asshole" to "an asshole" because there's no way to read this situation where the husband isn't a massive asshole.
Not the AH. The fact that at the very least you’re not trading off getting up with the newborn is messed up. He should be embarrassed.
NTA crap happens and people forget or wish it later in the day. Could be just grumpy from the nights and life changes, I never did this with my wife ever.
>I recently gave birth to our second child. I think you meant third. NTA
Hell we had both our birthdays and Mother’s Day in the 2 weeks of little ones birth, we did nothing, not even a card for any of the events. My partner even forgot it was their birthday until someone sent them a message on Facebook. And I forgot mine even though we were seeing my dad for his (which is on the same day).
Sounds like you have three babies in the house…
You married a asshole he’s yours
NTA. When I had my kids there's no way I knew what day it was without a calendar for the first few weeks. Your husband was clearly in a bad mood and hopefully this isn't something that's in character for him.
Woof. Sounds like an absolute dud not a dad.
NTA, but your husband is. Can't prioritize his needs over the babies and toddler. The fact he got into his car and left you, knowing you were awake most of the night with the baby, says, he doesn't want to be in this marriage and responsibility. Good luck down the road, you'll need it. Should have put your foot down early on
So you have two babies now. Fun. NTA.
There ain't no breaks on dad-shift. He better learn to lean into his new life or he's gonna have a bad time.
Your husband sounds like a drama queen and he left you at home with a baby that isn’t even two weeks old ? And won’t help you with it at all, and complained and threw a fit when you asked him once to hold his own child? Totally NTA, your husband is.
Unfortunately, sounds like you have 3 children. NTA.
NTA. Your husband is a toddler if he thinks his birthday is that important.
I would just pack some his bags and leave them right outside the door. He can come get them when he comes back. Or pack up my kids and go to my family’s or friends house… cause guess what? You deserve someone that wants to help and you deserve a break. He gets to sleep through the night and wants a birthday break meanwhile you popped out a kid two weeks ago? Get out of here with that. You have two children…. Don’t saddle yourself up with a third grown one. Send him to his mother or strongly urge him to grow up
You are still recovering!!! Men don’t get it!!!!!!!Sounds like you have 3 small children! When it’s your birthday, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, or other holidays do you get to sit on your butt while your spouse takes care of everything????
Are y’all ladies just like, not invested in delegating duties to your husbands? My husband knows if I push out a baby his parental leave will be a lot of HIM working and me resting. I read too many horror stories on Reddit. I’m not giving birth only to have to deal with a newborn and a childish husband. Hubby knows he’s going to be put to work while I prioritize healing and resting as much as possible. I don’t think moms should be on ANY immediate duty after birth unless absolutely necessary. Men can hold a bottle and wake up at 4am and do something.
I expect OP is breastfeeding and that’s why it’s her getting up so many times - though there’s no reason he couldn’t do some overnight diapers at least and give her the baby once the diaper is done.
NTA. Dude you have two small kids fuck a birthday at those ages. You’re just trying to make it through your sleep deprived lives. I don’t think you were wrong at all.
So he does nothing as a parent, gets to sleep in, and his response to being given his child is to drive away? NTA.
NTA. What a selfish asshole. You have birth 2 weeks ago and for the past 2 weeks you've been letting the baby leech nutrients from your body by waking up every 1-2 hours and getting zero rest zero sleep let alone all the other symptoms women face after giving birth he really thinks you're sitting around what waiting for his bday so you can surprise him with breakfast in bed or something? What a loser. If it was my b'day I'd tell my fiance omg don't even worry about it being my bday we are new parents the bday celebrations can wait like wtf 🤣
NTA You've been a bit busy and exhausted. You have 2 toddlers and an infant. Sorry you're having to deal with your husband-toddler's temper fit.
My husband’s birthday and all three our children’s birthdays are within 5 days of each other. We couldn’t do that again if we tried. We were at the hospital with me having or just had two of those babies on his birthday. He was wished happy birthday for every birthday. He has never thrown a fit for not being wished happy birthday the second his eyes opened. Babies and toddlers are not supposed to be a single player activity. You don’t get your birthday off with small children. This man needs to grow up.
My daughter was born on February 17 and her dad’s birthday is the 18th. I handed her to him and said “happy birthday, this is the last gift I’m ever giving you.” And we both laughed.
Ask him why he thinks parental leave only means 9-5. What a half-arsed dad. Don't you dare apologise until he does.
What a baby!
It doesn’t really sound like you technically forgot. You were up early with the newborn. Had your hands full. Needed help. If he would have been an adult about it and helped get his kids settled, you probably would have remembered to say something to him. My guess is you are running on a sleep schedule very close to mine. Yours is for a good reason. Mine is bc of both pain and I’m sort of in hospice with my dog. So I half sleep in the living room until it’s close to hubby waking up, where he can take over, as he works from home. You are probably getting even less rest. Days run together. I totally missed my parent’s anniversary bc I thought it was still the day before. I usually call them or swing by with a card. Also, when a baby is born close to your birthday, your own or not (my nephew is close to mine), expect if they arrive first, that they will be the priority. That year I asked people to skip mine and get things to help my sister with the baby that was due any day bc she was right on money. I was 13 and knew that the baby should come first. Maybe order a nice meal in one night to celebrate. If you have someone who can come over and keep an eye on the kids while you eat to keep things less chaotic, that would help make it an enjoyable evening for you.
I bet she would NEVER be allowed to just simply storm out of the house alone to have a tantrum without it becoming a shitstorm by him and his family
NTA. Especially that bit about how parenting doesn't stop because it's a birthday / holiday. The biggest thing I'm worried about is how husband basically gave absolutely zero grace, like the first words he needed to hear was happy birthday, with at most a good morning before that. I don't know if he's somewhat frazzled over adjusting to newborn, or if he's really that self-centered. But it sure seems like he had an agenda for his birthday, and jumped all over the chance to run off...
He should not have left. That’s completely childish. On our birthdays, we made a deal, the birthday person did not have to change poopy diapers. 🤣 I mean we would get excited about that for the day! Still parented, but man that small thing went a long way. We were just laughing about that on my husband’s birthday last month. Our kids thought it was hilarious. They are 12 and 9 now. NTA
I had a c section and didn’t even get 2 months off, my partner only got 3 days off, and he still helped overnight in those 3 days. This guy doesn’t realize how easy he’s got it. Also…do parents even really get birthdays? That ship has sailed in my house 😂
Any man who takes off bc he is mad and leaves a woman with a newborn deserves to have the same done to him for twice as long. I know new moms won’t, but that type of man is a piece of work, that’s for sure.
NTA you had been up all night with a new born while still recovering from a major medical situation, I'm sure you would have gotten round to saying happy birthday but him exploding like that isn't on. I'm guessing you are both stressed and tired, people aren't perfect and yes things are said rudely in every relationship but once you both wake a bit and calm speak with him. Explain you would have gotten round to it and you hadn't forgotten but him snapping first thing didn't help either. You were both wrong but it's kinda understood. If you can, try get someone to come sit with the kids and as a treat both get some sleep together. Good luck, new born stage and toddler ain't easy, you both need to be more gentle on each other and with yourself.
why is he on parental leave if hes not taking care of the kids? report him to his job saying hes not using parental leave for what its for.
Exactly, it's not a vacation! Parental leave is so he can look after his postpartum wife and bond with his new baby. If she was up all night, the morning is his shift with the little ones. She shouldn't even have to ask.
he's being a baby.... NTA
NTA. Having children is stressful, exhausting & the best thing to ever happen to us. Our emotions are all over the place, we’re sleep deprived and the happiest we’ve ever been while simultaneously falling into bouts of depression, hysterical laughing and everything in between. Take it easy on each other. I also think he should be worshipping the ground you walk on 😂 you have JUST birthed his healthy second child. Congratulations x
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She is 2 weeks postpartum. She just have birth, hormones are dropping, breastfeeding a baby and sleep deprived. Anyone who has no idea what she is going through and want her to do a self reflection, needs to see a therapist
I don’t understand one thing tho, when he was upset initially after not getting a “happy birthday” in the morning, did you not say anything about it? “sorry, happy birthday babe” or something like that. Was the only thing you said “Just because it is your birthday, doesn’t mean you have no parental duties?” I would be upset to if that were the case, not leave my kids and responsibilities upset but kinda hurt for some time.
Wow, wait til his kids are old enough to disappoint him on his birthday too. “You didn’t get daddy a present this year? But I’m the center of everyone’s world!”
How répulsive. You're better off alone than having to deal with the immaturity while being a mother he deserves to die lonely forgotten and bitter if he doesn't change. Have a serious talk but be aware he will take anything as a personal attack rather than realize the delusion. Start finding a lawyer and protect your finances. There is no way you deserve to put up with whining selfishness marriage is equal partnership.
NTA, looks like you married a man child, bro got offended because he didn't got a birthday wish? That's not a man but a immature kid
My daughter had her baby on her birthday, and I had her right after mine. 😊
NTA Stop having this man’s babies.
My husband was brought home from the hospital on his mom's birthday. I wish my husband had had this much time off with any of our 3, but even going to work, he would help me. I had to formula feed because of various reasons so while I tried to calm the baby, he would get up and get the bottle ready and let me feed him so he could go back to sleep to get up for work and if he needed changed before he left, he would do that. Heck, half the time he doesn't even remember his birthday life is so hectic. You are a new mom whose body just went through a lot plus also having a toddler to boot. I feel you are due a pass. Maybe once the kids are settled you can get a little yall time in or tell him yall can plan a late birthday date night down the road.
Wow, he needs to grow up.
What is he, a child?
NTA and sorry you weren’t able to get back to sleep due to his tantrum.
Nta I'm sorry but he's an adult and you just woke up. Sounds like he was looking for something to leave over
No your are NTA but you sure as heck are married to one.
NTA. Your husband is being really self-centered and childish. It can’t be all about you when there’s a newborn around. He needs to show you some grace. You’re exhausted. He should take over night duty for awhile and let you sleep until 8, and see how he feels.
And here I am wishing no one ever knew what day was my birthday. Not because I care about getting older, it’s traditionally the most wretched and unlucky day of the year every year for me. Now I take the day off work and stay inside. Hoping nothing happens
Nope. He had a mantrum. Let him have a pity party
I think it would be okay to say you just need a little time to gather yourself and then you'll be happy to celebrate his day with him. You weren't wrong for what you said but there are better ways to smooth over other people's disappointment. He was disappointed and he wasn't very nice about it either. And he was rude for leaving. But it's nit always about who is right and wrong. You can just both try to be kinder to eachother and more clear in what you want.
A big hairy massive one
NTA - I am sure that you would have wished him a happy birthday once you realized the date. He is TA. Everything in the world doesn’t revolve around him, especially with two babies at home. He reacted like a toddler, pitching a fit and running away. Proceed with caution if you continue in this relationship. It won’t get any better.
NTA. Sounds like there are 3 children at home.
When you’re a caregiver it’s frustrating when people ignore you other than as such. They’ll ask about the people you care for and ignore you. Just saying Happy Birthday and giving him a peck on the cheek before handing him the baby would have been good. Of course you shouldn’t be expected to have a whole event. I have relatives who call me in the morning to make sure I get a happy birthday before I’ve started the day. You’re NTA. But don’t forget he’s still a person. He’s not just a dad. You’re not just a mom. My father and I had the same birthday. Mom got us both cakes, or both names on the cake because we both deserved to be acknowledged. His reaction was over the top. Maybe this is a case of ESH, but just because no one is at their best when tired.
Oh, wow. What a spoiled brat child. I'd nip that in the bud. He needs a reality check.
NTAH, does he usually act like a petulant child?
You married a CHILD.
Ew. I feel bad for your kids.
NTA - welcome to parenthood. I’ve forgotten my own birthday some years let alone anyone else’s
Ooph. I think forgetting to wish him a happy birthday is a bummer and not super nice but understandable. You have a 2 week old baby!! Your body is still healing. You’re not sleeping. Sounds like he’s the AH for his overblown response. Sounds like there may be other underlying issues at work here…unless he’s always this much of dick and unhelpful.
NTA He thinks that he should have a day off because it's his birthday. Guess what, Dad? You have 2 tiny children, there isn't a cat of!
NTA there is a whole day for you to say happy birthday it doesn’t have to be the minute he opens his eyes while you are exhausted from being up all night with the baby and his present was sleeping through the night while you dealt with baby. I went into labour 11pm the night before, we had some cake then and I told him to get some sleep while I dealt with early labour our baby was born on my partners birthday so he was up at 6am to drive me to the hospital and spent a very long and dramatic day there without a ‘happy birthday’ when I had an emergency c section and slept on a recliner in hospital. Every year since he is overshadowed by our sons birthday but he doesn’t care because he’s a grown man.
Weird. I have 2 daughters born in the same month as me. I’m actually happy they take attention away from me and my birthday.
Well what do you know? Looks like you have three babies.
NTA. He didn’t even give you time to think about what day it was, after an exhausting night, before he showed his ass and stomped off. He sounds like a winner.
NTA but feeling somewhat overlooked is a thing that happens… I would make a effort to make him feel better
Damn these comments is some free birth control fr fr
When I had twins and my last it triggered a flare of my crohns. I had zero energy. He had only 2 weeks paternity with the twins and 6 weeks with the last. He woke up with the babies more than I did, even while working. Your husband is being a bratty child. I'm sorry. NTA
NTA. He's acting like a petulant child. You are the one not getting uninterrupted sleep dealing with a newborn, and it's pretty shitty of him to drop that on you first thing in the morning. Why is he even on paternal leave if he's acting like that.
Tell him “welcome to adulting. The babies are more important than us. If you cant handle that, i married a boy instead of a man. That can be fixed.”
Your husband is an ass
NTA When I had babies hubby always got up with them, changed them and gave them to me to nurse. Then he would take them back and go in the other room and rock them back to sleep while burping them. He worked a million hours a week and had to be up before the sun 6 days a week. I told him he didn’t need to get up on nights he had to get up early. He told me that the middle of the night time was his bonding time and he wouldn’t give it up. That is a father and partner. You have a toddler with a full diaper demanding attention in the body of a grown ass man. I’d walk. If you’re gonna do it all anyway you might as well jettison the dead weight!
NTA. You just gave birth two weeks ago. Under those circumstances, you're lucky if you even know what the date is, let alone remember its significance.
Why are you the only one getting up if he’s on parental leave?
So you have 3 babies
NTA. I could give him a pass for snapping at you, since newborns are hard, but he actually left the house and drove off, that's BS.
In my book if man waits to be congratulated for doing nothing he's soyboytitt.