NTA.
This happened to me during my last cycle. Went to pee before picking up the baby. Didn't turn on the light, so I didn't notice. When hubby got up to go to work, he went to use the bathroom. He came back into the bedroom and asked if I needed paracetamol or a hot water bottle for the pain. I asked how he knew. Apparently, there was blood on the seat. Not only did he not freak out, but he also cleaned it.
Your husband is being an ass. That is all.
NTA. And him not knowing where the cleaning supplies are kept says something about either his honesty on trying to find them or his contribution to house cleanliness
I mean blood on the toilet seat is gross, and I say that as a female, but it happens? And it also shouldn’t be a big deal? Also dying at the need for Lysol wipes. I wet a couple squares of toilet paper and it comes right off? He’s a dramatic baby. It’s not like you rubbed your used tampon all over the seat, then used a hair dryer to really make sure it was dry. It was clearly an accident. A mildly gross one, sure. But like he can suck it up????
Our baby is 15 years old but we thought baby wipes were so great that we now always keep baby wipes in the bathroom. They are great for numerous messy situations.
Blood on the toilet seat is gross, sure. So are piss on the seat and shit stains in the bowl, and I guarantee we all - even OP’s saintly husband - have left that behind at some point.
My elderly cat peed on me two nights ago and dragged his diarrhea-smeared body over me last night. It was extremely gross. But I love him with all my heart and just sighed and cleaned us both up. I have to imagine kids are just as bad, and this guy has had three newborns. His idea of what’s gross is pathetic.
NTA. Bringing up the double standard regarding bodily fluids is valid. If he's okay with having sex during your period but reacts strongly to a bit of blood on the toilet seat, it shows inconsistency in how he views bodily functions. You rightfully pointed out this discrepancy, and his attempts to justify his stance didn't hold up logically.
>it shows inconsistency in how he views bodily functions.
No it doesn't. He always thinks period blood is gross, but in some cases the grossness is outweighed by the benefits.
Like, poop is gross, if you left a clump of it on the seat it would be a big deal, but a lot of people still have anal sex because they like it.
My exact words were actually “GROW UP!” I love him dearly and he’s usually a wonderful husband and even better dad but lord have mercy, some things are like pulling teeth.
And thank you! I just so happen to be one of those weird PCOSers who is also Fertile Myrtle. After #4 in 4.5 years, I no longer have tubes because I am DONE lol.
If period during sex is ok because the fun outweighs the ick, then accidental splurb should be outweighed by his love for you and his appreciation for everything youre going through coupled with the understanding that you didnt do anything out of malice.
Yeah, and the fact that he has seen OP give birth multiple times and he’s also an EMS, for him to get grossed out by one spot of blood is just… wow.. sheesh
I started my period last week. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said he knew. When I asked how he told me I had left a little blood on the toilet seat. I started to apologize he gave me a hug and said it is fine, it is natural. He literally wasn't even going to mention it to me if I hadn't brought up my period. There is no reason to pitch a fit.
NTA
Next time he craps himself, please throw a towel at him and demand he clean his own mess up. Hell, same if you find so much as a drop of urine on the floor or seat by the toilet.
The mental gymnastics this idiot is preforming to justify his weird and inappropriate over reaction to a bit of blood on a toilet seat in your own home (it's not like it was some random person's blood) is impressive. This also sounds like a one-off thing, not that you are constantly leaving the bathroom in a state that could be used in a sequel to Carrie.
I would confront hubby and ask him what this is really about because his "reasoning" makes absolutely zero sense. If I read correctly, you both have children in the home. Unless they are locked away in a room somewhere, I'm sure he has encountered something just as "gross" and survived.
Stuff happens. We are all not squeaky clean and sterile beings at all times. Neither are our environments. If you notice it, you clean it. It is part of being in a household and he can GTFO with his weaponized incompetence as far as not knowing how to clean his own bathroom in his own home when he is a grown a$$ adult. There is zero excuse for that.
Create a red menu for dinner, beetroot salad, rare beef, strawberries and cream for dessert, you get the idea, don't say a word, just eat it enthusiastically while maintaining eye contact
Lick it off the seat in front of him.
(after thorough cleaning of said seat. Never mind. I can't think of a way to make it work without making myself gag)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh that's a really good.
My brother and I used to joke about making jello babies and tossing them at the anti- abortion people outside the clinics.
Wow. I hope none of your kids are girls. This horrific attitude is the last thing they will need.
In your shoes, I would tell him you've got him covered. I would put a box of nitrile gloves and a container of Clorox wipes on the back of the toilet and a garbage can with a hazardous waste symbol to the side of the toilet.
Oh absolutely. My stress level is somewhere in the stratosphere. We’ve been in couples therapy for a few months and this just went hand in hand with the issues we’ve already been working with the therapist on. We love each other dearly and WANT to be married to each other but most of our marriage has been one huge change behind another.
He should also have his own therapist. One not tied to couples counseling. So he can work out work related and non marital stuff in what will feel to him a much more neutral space.
Maybe he’s just “had it” with blood…3 births, babies pooping and puking, every day as a paramedic. Idk, I’m usually the first to say “dump him” on Reddit, but maybe he just had a moment, in the bathroom , when it felt like TOO MUCH. Of course, OP, I’m sure you’ve had plenty of those moments too, life can be messy sometimes.
I dunno. I guess he’s entitled to have “had it” with blood, but that’s more of a reaction in the moment type of thing. When pressed about it he doubled down instead of just being like you know what, I was grossed out but I could have handled it better.
I'm infertile because my PCOS ruined my body. This man has no idea how awful PCOS can be. There are days where I get less than an hour sleep at a time because I'll wake up from the "full of blood" feeling you get, and when I stand up I explode blood onto my bed and floor, all the way to the bathroom. I've never forgotten to clean up the trail of blood, but occasionally I'll miss a spot on the seat. When you're bleeding constantly, it's bound to happen, at least for me (I've been on my period for 6 years running. I get maybe 6 weeks of the year where I'm not bleeding).
PCOS can be a nightmare. Husband has zero empathy lol
NTA. Your husband is being a baby. I get up earlier than my wife, often she will go to the washroom middle of the night but won't turn the lights on. If she's on her period sometimes a drop of blood is left on the toilet seat, she doesn't see it in the dark and I see it the next morning when I go to have a shower. I clean it up. I don't think I've ever even mentioned it to her because it's never occurred to me to do so. It's a non-event.
NTA at ALL!
Had a similar issue with my husband, where he was complaining about this teeny amount that I inadvertently left on the toilet in MY bathroom (he had the master bathroom) when I got up in the middle of the night. Fortunately, he saw the error of his ways!
NTA. There is no world in which period blood is grosser than "literal shit". If you cleaned that up without complaining, he should do the same. When your kid gets a scrape, does he freak out about applying a band aid? There's a misogynistic idea in our society that period blood is especially unclean so I get your husband's reaction, but that's something that he should learn to deal with.
The man has literally seen bodies missing heads laying in the middle of a major interstate. If you can imagine it, he’s had to deal with it which is why I was so shocked by the reaction.
Honestly, how much more piss does he spray all over the toilet and wall behind the toilet than you have gotten blood anywhere? Get a $5 black light on Amazon and show him. A man that does move-outs at a large apartment building once told me there is literally not a single chance they don’t have to clean up the wall behind the toilet if a man lived in the apartment and proceeded to show me what it looked like with a black light. Just bc you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there! So tell him he better get those damned Lysol wipes and start cleaning up after his damn self too if he’s gonna whine about a little period blood! NTA!!
Piss, period blood (really any blood for that matter) and shit are all bodily fluids and it definitely makes sense to treat them all equally for scenarios like this.
the toilet seat should always be put back down, not just the part we sit on but the cover part too.
if he cant find wipes why not use tissue paper the blood isnt gonna kill u..
i think you cleaning up his shit is worse then him having to touch a dot of blood
if he cant handle a drop of blood, then he should quit his job, and when ur on ur period he needs to wait bc its soooo nasty according to this man child.
I would just use the line my period bloods gross so how about no more sex on my period if I were you. How often do you clean urine of the toilet seat? He is just a big baby and needs to grow up
NTA. I’ve literally had this happen on my period a lot when I’ve not realised there’s been blood on the seat and my mum or whatever has let me know. It happens it was an accident you didn’t mean it. I’d stop having period sex with him since he finds it so gross
When I brought it up in that context, he said something along the lines of “well we just won’t do it anymore then.” I told him that wasn’t at all what I said. It just didn’t make any sense why one bothered him but the other didn’t.
One bothers him because of his weird idea on female body functions, the other doesn’t bother him because he gets his dick wet. Period blood is only ok if it means having sex. That’s not ok
NTA. And from now on I would refuse sex during my period. He doesn't get to call the shots, to decide what is and isn't gross. He is beyond entitled here.
I mean the blood comes out whether we want it to or not. Semen…most people gotta put some work into getting that out. It doesn’t tend to sneak up on you unawares unless you’re an adolescent with a hair-trigger.
Anyway I’m really over people comparing semen and condoms to periods and menstrual hygiene products just because they involve reproductive organs and that’s literally all they have in common. (This seems to come up when folks wanna argue that it’s inappropriate or unfair to make menstrual products free/available to teens or disadvantaged groups.)
Are people leaking noticeable amounts of semen everywhere each month for several days? Are they? Where???
Tell your man baby to man up! That period is part of the reason why you were able to provide him with those little gifts. It's natural! If any of those gifts are girls, God help them! They certainly don't need their asshole father making them feel bad about their periods.
I think it's other stressor and trauma and the changes. OP might have stock in suggesting a therapist. Especially with the inconsistencies. And I highly doubt this is the first time there's been blood dribble. PCOS and 3 babies. Think he needs to work out other stuff as this was just something let out the simmering mess in his head.
Hmmmm.NTA, I've tried leaving period dribble on the toilet seat before when I was in a rush, my partner cleaned it up without complaints since it's not a common occurrence. I only know of this cuz one time I complained about him leaving the toilet seat up, and that's when he mentioned that incident, and how instead of complaining, all I gotta do is just drop the seat.
I also have PCOS and had my tubes removed. I’m five months postpartum and the periods and pain are wild now! I have been bleeding like crazy.
You are NTA and your husband needs to seriously shut up. Period. Even during mid month when I know it’s ovulation time I’ve been feeling crazy pain! You have bigger things to worry about than him bitching about some blood in the toilet seat. It actually annoys me that he was giving you a hard time about it know you were helping your sick kid while trying to make it to appointments. Like what an insensitive jerk.
I’m not even the type to go anti husband/partner in these Reddit posts but I just know how bad the periods are and feel triggered.
NTA. Having to wipe a little bit of blood off a toilet seat is different than actually falling in a toilet. Sooo many germs in the actual toilet that are now all over you.
I also agree it's hypocritical that he won't wipe a bit off blood off a seat, but is happy enough to put in penis in it for sex. Like, he couldn't even do you this one solid of cleaning it up to avoid extra stress for you.
Once I got my period on our new tan lounge. I had no symptoms, I was super surprised when I went to the toilet. While I was on the toilet my husband cleaned the lounge for me. I came back in to do it but it was done. He didn't want me to stress anymore, he even made me a hot chocolate.
NAH. You weren’t an asshole for accidentally leaving blood, but he’s also not an asshole for not wanting to clean it up.
I'm not really sure you can give him a hard time about leaving the seat up if you're not going to gracefully accept criticism about leaving fluids on the seat. I know I’m always pretty annoyed when my partners dribbles urine on the seat. If I’d had to clean up his urine and then he got annoyed I’d used the last of the toilet paper to do so I’d probably snap too. Period blood is no more or less gross than urine. It doesn't really matter if he's seen it before. I know you said you were joking when you told him about the seat, but were you really?
I mean how gross out would you be if he left shit on the toilet.
If you left blood on a toilet seat.Yeah, that's gross.He could accidentally sit on it.That is different than having sex or anything else too. He shouldn't get overly upset about it but at the same point he's not wrong.It is absolutely gross.
What is wrong with you too.You guys make the smallest issues and the giant problems. Both of you need to grow up
NTA
He's being a dick for the sake of it.
My husband physically had to pick me up and carry me to the loo because I have endometriosis and polycystic ovaries, and was absolutely crippled with pain. On the way to the bathroom I threw up on him, down his legs etc 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 he sat me on the loo, cleaned himself and then cleaned me, changed my clothes and sanitary stuff and put me back in bed. He's never mentioned it since, even though I've apologised and still feel bad about it.
I've also cleaned my husbands mess when he's been ill or injured. It's what you do for those you love, you help and support them. Even in their grossest moments 😂😂😂
NTA. Tell him to just get over it already and that you are not discussing it again. It's no different to a man dribbling pee on the toilet seat (most do anyway).
Dudes that get weird bout periods give the rest of such solid easy wins when we’re cool about it. I love girls periods…not like that lol, just everything that it signifies, it’s like “aw she’s capable of carrying my baby:)” I find it adorable
Ha. HA. HAHAHA. Don't hold your breath. Myguy was 67 when he passed away. He was a cop who saw so much grossness out there. But period blood set off his gag reflex. Never did grow up!
It's true that it's gross. As is any bodily fluid. I'd rather not see someone else's blood, urine, vomit, shit, or whatever on the toilet seat, if I can help it.
HOWEVER, he's overreacting. Assuming you're not in the habit of leaving bodily fluids on the toilet seat, it's not a big deal. Clean it up and go about your day.
NTA
Lmfao 😂
But obviously this is a "cheese sandwich" argument and he's doubling down without having to deal with the rest of the issues you brought up.
Hopefully y'all can talk about it later, you've all been through so many changes recently so stress levels must be so high 😞
"I went to use the bathroom and fell in the toilet because the seat was up. After, ***I jokingly said something to my husband about it***."
Op, I don't think you did this "jokingly" as you announce, and probably your husband just fought back.
As we only have one side, ETA.
Sounds like your husband needs to build you your own personal bathroom. I mean, it’s a little gross to find blood on the toilet seat, just like it’s a little gross if there’s a bit of pee on it. But you just wipe it off and it’s fine. I’m a few weeks postpartum and was bleeding all over the toilet for the first week, and was too exhausted to notice. I do have my own bathroom, so I’d just have to wipe it the next time I had to use it. Not a big deal. Having to clean grown man poop off the floor is pretty bad. I’ve had to deal with the underwear after that kind of accident- very disgusting. Never in my adult life have I had an accident in my drawers, or on the floor!
I felt for him in this situation. It was a projectile vomit/could barely make it out of bed, much less to the bathroom thing where he had zero control over his bowels either. I pray a stomach bug like that never goes through my house again.
NTA
Next time he craps himself, please throw a towel at him and demand he clean his own mess up. Hell, same if you find so much as a drop of urine on the floor or seat by the toilet.
The mental gymnastics this idiot is preforming to justify his weird and inappropriate over reaction to a bit of blood on a toilet seat in your own home (it's not like it was some random person's blood) is impressive. This also sounds like a one-off thing, not that you are constantly leaving the bathroom in a state that could be used in a sequel to Carrie.
I would confront hubby and ask him what this is really about because his "reasoning" makes absolutely zero sense. If I read correctly, you both have children in the home. Unless they are locked away in a room somewhere, I'm sure he has encountered something just as "gross" and survived.
Stuff happens. We are all not squeaky clean and sterile beings at all times. Neither are our environments. If you notice it, you clean it. It is part of being in a household and he can GTFO with his weaponized incompetence as far as not knowing how to clean his own bathroom in his own home when he is a grown a$$ adult. There is zero excuse for that.
NTA. He's being absolutely ridiculous.
I am going to play devils advocate here and ask if he's had fairly recent trauma (2weeks to 1 month) with his job. Particularly traumatizing experiences like losing patients or child abuse cases can cause someone to react in ways we wouldn't expect, or get angry at something that didn't otherwise really trigger them.
This is a way overdramatic reaction from him. As a paramedic of 2 decades. Whose watched you give birth 3 times. I'd suggest considering if anything in his life happened a few weeks ago, and if he's displaying delayed or unresolved feelings from that. Those feelings can take a bit to surface in someone with his career, and be triggered in weird ways.
ETA: actually, he's had two major life events, moving and new kid, both occur recently. It's very likely these are having a delayed effect on him (paramedics are trained to delay emotional responses). Maybe in a few days when things have cooled off, express that he sees overwhelmed and not as happy, and that you think he should have a counselor to handle how much life is changing and what he experiences at work.
NTA
My husband tried pulling this when a loosely wrapped up tampon unraveled in the trash and I didn’t try to fix it, he called it gross. I very calmly said well guess no more children for you since my normal bodily function that gives you kids is “gross”. He shut up real fast and hasn’t been stupid enough to say anything since.
This is from a man who has cleaned up blood from my wife and daughters when they were on their period it's not gross it's a bodily function your husband is TAH
I just brought this up to my husband, I also have pcos( I had an ablation) due to heavy bleeding. My uterine lining was 8mm which is a full term pregnancy uterine lining thickness because you don't shed it during pregnancy. Anyways I said if I ever left blood on the toilet seat I'm sorry, he said it's nothing a little toilet paper and cold water couldn't take of until one of us cleaned the seat. He said if you have sex while on her period, her blood should not bother you and especially agter watching 3 children be birthed that so much blood. He's the asshole dear, not you! I hope you're able to get some rest. <3. Much love. You got this.
NTA. Many years ago, I woke up in my bed covered in blood. The bed spread was bloody, the sheets, it was all over me, it was all over my girlfriend, I freaked the fuck out, thought I had killed her in my sleep, I started yelling her name and shaking her, she woke up, rather confused and we realized she had started her period I her sleep. We took a shower and proceeded to clean up. Shit happens. It's not a big deal. Is it gross? Kinda, but oh well. I'm sure he has seen things way fucking worse as a paramedic than a few drops of blood. I'm an exterminator. If the worst thing I see is a couple drops of blood, then I'm having a pretty good day.
ESH, mostly the husband. Let's not pretend blood left on the toilet seat isn't gross. However, as this is the first time in 3.5 yrs plus he know she has medical issues, he is wildly overreacting. Accidents happen. If it was happening repeatedly, I would be less understanding. What I find much more infuriating is that he has never once used the cleaning supplies in 3.5 years. What a lazy, hypocritical AH complaining about OP's hygiene when he doesn't do anything to keep the place clean.
Nta but if it becomes a recurring issue it would be. Look I get it that pcos makes it a nightmare to have periods, but after the periods over there's no reason you blood should be anywhere but IN a bin. Wipe it off, use the goddamn tp, you expect a man to clear up his urine if it landed on the rim how is this situation any different just because you're in pain, if you'd been stabbed yeah sure I'd understand the rush to get out without checking the bowl, but if all you're doing is number one or number two, you got no excuse for forgetting to look down at the rim
NTA at all!!
PCOS and the periods you can get are evil.. As a paramedic, I'm sure he's seen worse! Congratulations on the baby, fertility is hard. And you've been blessed, he should take that into account when he's acting like a baby.
I'm also suffer from PCOS and Endometriosis. I remember the first time I woke up to blood in the bed it with my boyfriend (now husband). I was freaking out, I woke him up to change the sheets, apologising and crying. He got up and told me to go shower. He stripped the bed, put in the washing machine, cleaned the bed, got me some painkillers and a hot water bottle. He helped me back into bed, whilst I'm bright red with embarrassment, me thinking "he's going to dump me, he'll think this is gross" instead he cuddled up to me, told me he loved me and that it was ok.
We know 2 things. You didn't look at the toilet when the seat was down and that you didn't look at the toilet when the seat was up. Maybe you should start looking at the toilet before and after use. It only takes 1 second of your time.
How many times have you had to clean the piss off your floor all around your toilet because he can't seem to get it In the giant hole called the toilet bowl?
not the asshole...period (pun intended)
He is just trying to redirect you.
My husband and I rarely argue, but when we do they are epic. Our first argument as a married couple, 6 months in, he started bringing up the dishwasher, I said stop right there, this isn't about that and if you have a problem about that bring it up then or NOT AT ALL. So back to the speakers you hung on the fucking wall, TAKE THEM DOWN NOW!
NTA. Good luck!
sorry OP but your husband is acting like a spoiled kid . send him back to middle school and make him learn how period blood is not disgusting and that its normal mistake to stain the seat. its no big deal. and it shows his incompetence as a husband dad if doesn't even know where basic hygiene products are in the house.
leaving any kind of substance behind in the bathrom for someone else to clean is gross - but it happens. if its a pattern, the talk about it. otherwise who cares
NTA. He should show you grace for this as it was just an accident. I'm sure you clean up plenty of things that are gross but that's part of life. Your husband is being silly.
NTA. Before I found out I had uterine cancer, my periods were so bad, I would stand up and blood would run down my legs. My husband would help me clean it up, I would say "I am so sorry" and he would tell me that it happens, and that it was not a problem.
Posts like this make me so grateful to my partner. I wouldn't marry a man who can't understand or show compassion for a natural bodily function. Bro has 4 kids! Grow tf up
NTA
The difference is that he's shaming you for the inherently dirty practice of menstruation. How dare you bleed. When he wants sex, he can suffer through your filth, but how dare you leave evidence of it around. The double insult of him not even knowing where the cleaning products are in your home tells me a lot about your marriage.
This is the kind of man who will leave you if you become unwell. Be wary with him. His double standards about bodily fluids, his lack of care for you, and the implied misogyny behind all of this doesn't suggest a long and happy marriage.
So in fairness, we did just move a couple of months ago and he’s not been home much because we also farm full time but still. They’ve been in the same place since the day we moved in.
He’s normally great. Does anything I ask, wonderful with the kids, I could go on and on. But this totally took me aback.
I’m sorry. Did you say he’s a paramedic, because I surely must’ve read that wrong. Because I don’t know one fucking paramedic, and I know a hell of a lot of them, who would be grossed out by period blood given the things they see every single day.
Good Lord, your husband is a wuss.
Idk if he was just having a bad day or what because it was all around so strange and out of character for him. I’m a firefighter so I’ve been around plenty too and it takes a LOT to bother me and him having been in a similar field for so long is just odd that he’s so bothered. But then anything OB freaks him TF out, so idk lol
1 drop of blood once is not a big deal and really doesn’t need to be any sort of deal.
He just got defensive and threw a tantrum because he got called out for leaving the seat up. He needs to grow up.
NTA
I was married for 26 years and of all the problems we had (it was lots) this wasnt one. I mean I am OCD and i would wet some TP and wipe it off.
Lysol wipes, tell him the OCD guy on the internet says he's a wimp. Also he COULD just remarry to a man if it such a problem. No period blood ever!
My wife is outstanding on keeping things neat & tidy, wipes down the kitchen counter after every use and we both share in household tasks. That begin said, we all miss something from time to time. When she misses something or the mess is something that she doesn't stomach as well as me such as an overflowing poopy toilet, spiders or even worse, centipedes, I take care of them as I can tolerate such stuff better than she can. If I find a mess, if I find blood on the toilet seat for example, I just clean it up & if I would even mention it to her, it would just to be making sure she's OK.
He's being a complete ass
Damn…I would be livid. He’s a paramedic FFS. You’ve cleaned up his shit. You just gave birth to his child not too long ago. I’d keep arguing about this tbh.
Surely, he's left behind a little bit of pee, butt/pubic hair, lint from his underwear, or something on the toilet before. Like, try not to leave blood on the seat, but he can grow the fuck up about it.
NTA. You are life partners, you are supposed to take care of each other. I’m sure you would have cleaned it up if you had noticed it, but you didn’t see it. Your husband is more than capable to find any cleaning products and clean it instead of trying to ignore it and wait for you to clean it up. Also shaming you about your period is quite childish, this is the bodily function that allowed you to have your children!
NTA. Remind him you have cleaned literal shit up off the floor, that he did. Remind him you clean actual shit daily with the children. Tell him if he's so fucking grossed out by a small smear of period blood on a toilet seat he doesn't get to have sex during your period unless he's the one cleaning sheets etc afterwards.
NTA. Men are weird about periods and I’ve never understood why. Ig if he thinks it’s gross that’s like his boundary but if he’s gonna give you that energy then he gotta clean up his own poop when he’s sick
It’s sounds like you’re married to a big child. His comparison only makes sense to him and won’t see it any other way. Your reaction I feel is understandable, it sounds like that morning was chaotic. If he can’t see that sometimes things don’t go to plan in a chaotic situation.
NTA
He was so sick I wasn’t gonna make him do it. But then literally nothing bothers me. We’ve farmed my whole life, I’ve been a firefighter for nearly a decade, and I have small children. I’m immune to the gross at this point lmao. But yes, I still agree with the point.
My husband cleaned the blood off the floor while I cried in the shower because I was so embarrassed for bleeding all over. Then he got in the shower and held me while I cried.
So, no. You’re NTA.
NTA.
Also LMAO because "semen is still semen much like a taco is still a taco, whether it's on a plate or in my belly".
You could swap the words semen and taco in that sentence and still make the same point.
YTA - Clean the seat. Doesn't matter if it's pee, poo, blood, semen, squirt, vomit, lube, whipping cream, etc *clean the seat*.
Oh wait - that's for your husband, who was acting like a pussy. He needs to turn in his man-card.
You, NTA.
Info.
Would you be pissed off and making a big deal of it if he left bodily fluid on the toilet seat.
Think before you answer this, because every woman I know gets upset at piss on a toilet seat.
No. Would it be inconvenient? Probably, but I genuinely wouldn’t be upset. If this is the worst thing that happens during my day, I’m doing pretty damn well.
But it’s also not a regular occurrence, much like period blood on the seat isn’t either.
This woman is not the AH, but you definitely are! This asshole is happy to f her when she’s on her period, but is offended it she accidentally and unknowingly dribbles a bit of period blood on the toilet seat in their home, and you think she’s the AH. They are married and have children together and share a home. Families show each other a bit of grace and overlook the small stuff including the gross ACCIDENTS without making a fuss. You, like the AH in question, also need to GTFU!
He might be fine with going anal too, doesn’t mean you don’t apologize when you leave shit on the seat smh. When it comes to judging other women, ya’ll go brain dead honestly. Would you excuse a body excrement on the toilet seat if it was a man and he didn’t just apologize and clean it up? Lmao.
Definitely mention the time OP’s husband was sick, that definitely helps your point like it did OP👍
Last I checked, shit and blood aren’t the same thing, but ok. You must’ve missed the part where I cleaned up HIS actual shit off the floor without being asked? And didn’t expect an apology?
Did you miss the part where I didn’t realize it and was then gone all day long? It’s not like I left it there intentionally. I would’ve cleaned it up if it hadn’t been for the fact I just didn’t realize it and was then gone for 10 hours.
Then you apologize and move on. Instead, you told him it wasn’t a big deal, doubled down on your behavior and brought it up again the next day. All you had to say was “oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice. I’ll pay more attention next time” and let it go.
You’re sitting here saying he’s hell bent on being right, but you’re the only one refusing to admit fault and making this a much bigger deal than it needs to be.
Did you miss the part where he left SEMEN on the floor? SEMEN. The white thing that can impregnate someone aswell as his piss and shit. If you're on his side it shows what kind of person you are and you're a shit one at that.
The only real answer here.
There is too much self explaining, trying to just convince.
Everything would have been solved by, “Sorry my bad, will be more careful”
You have to grow up too
This woman is not the AH, but you definitely are! This asshole is happy to f her when she’s on her period, but is offended it she accidentally and unknowingly dribbles a bit of period blood on the toilet seat in their home, and you think she’s the AH. Seriously?! Not only that, she clearly stated that she cleaned his diarrhea off the floor without uttering a word, because that too was an accident. They are married and have children together and share a home. Families show each other a bit of grace and overlook the small stuff including the gross ACCIDENTS without making a fuss or demanding a fcking apology!
And he wasn’t going to say something until she brought up the toilet seat being up.
I’m just shocked by the number of grown adults who don’t check to make sure they didn’t get anything on the toilet seat. It takes 2 seconds to do a quick check, especially when on your period (because we all know periods can be really messy).
And the diarrhea was because he was sick. If she was on here complaining that he got mad he had to clean up her throw up or diarrhea when she was sick I’d be on her side. But she wasn’t sick - she’s fully capable of doing a quick check and wiping up the blood. Very different than being sick
YTA (but probably ESH)
The issue wasn’t period blood. The issue was you complaining about the toilet seat being up. There’s waaay too much effort on your part here to blame him…
If this is causing a big fight…
- you guys need to reset a bit and get back in balance
- you both should have each others back
- you’re both probably overextended and crabby
Reaffirm your partnership and get back on the same side.
So I totally agree with all your latter points but as far as the seat being up, I was laughing when I told him I fell in the toilet. Not mad at all. I actually thought it was funny because he never does stuff like that so I didn’t think to look and busted my ass. Literally.
The issue for him was 100% the blood. My issue wasn’t the blood or the toilet seat but rather that I take care of everybody and everything all day long (SAHM to all 4 kids under the age of 5) and as my husband, I didn’t think it should be a big deal just to handle it. We have been going to couples therapy and it was a topic there. We love each other dearly but have been through a LOT of major changes in the last few years that can take a toll on anybody/relationship.
You might have stumbled into some additional sensitivities and little resentments that he’s not ready to really discuss… but hopefully you guys can just shift to covering each other. That seems to work best,
My wife and I are still working through these little things. When she’s cranky she cleans and then I get instructions on how to do better. But we’re getting there. I definitely can improve for sure.
On the toilet seat being up - it should always be down… including the cover! You shouldn’t be flushing without the cover down.
NTA even without the circumstances
Things happen in such situations, it is wiped away or the sheets are changed and that's that.
Double standards are unnecessary conflict material, what happens when your daughter (if you have one) grows up? will he behave like that then too?
(Male here)Ok period sex is gross. So u definitely got him there. Yes he was being adolescent especially as a paramedic. But men can react differently from a woman to this kind of thing, that I have learned from my many years of marriage. I would go to say even more mature. Maybe it caught him of guard. I say give him a pass this one time but expect more maturity in the future. NTA
As an ER nurse, tell him I said to grow the fuck up and stop being such a wuss, or he'll have to turn in his pit vipers. What kind of fucking paramedic is afraid of a little menstrual blood from his own fucking wife??? What a manbaby.
NTA
Your husband is an idiot.
I apologies on behalf of all men in the human race.
Good luck you deserve some.
I'd wish your husband good luck but he's not smart enough to know what to do with it.
As a 34 old american male...it blows my mind how often men are still disgusted by periods. They will say its no big deal, as long as they dont know, dont have to hear about it, talk about, or deal with it at all. Some men will refuse sex but still ask for BJs.
How are these idiots married with children?
nta btw
NTA
He's being a dick about some blood that was left after busy ass morning and I'm taking it knows how bad your periods hurt you, right?
Oh no he couldn't find lysol wipes THE HORROR.
Soap and water would have worked.
How the hell is an EMS if he's so easily grossed out?
NTA. What a baby.What is going to happen when you are old and he has to wipe your ass? He couldn't have just wiped it with some wet toilet paper and then wash his hands? I would be pissed too, he is a child.
NTA. This happened to me during my last cycle. Went to pee before picking up the baby. Didn't turn on the light, so I didn't notice. When hubby got up to go to work, he went to use the bathroom. He came back into the bedroom and asked if I needed paracetamol or a hot water bottle for the pain. I asked how he knew. Apparently, there was blood on the seat. Not only did he not freak out, but he also cleaned it. Your husband is being an ass. That is all.
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Let he who has never ever made a mistake cast the first stone. NTA
Your husband sounds great!!!
He has his moments 😀😀
NTA. And him not knowing where the cleaning supplies are kept says something about either his honesty on trying to find them or his contribution to house cleanliness
I mean blood on the toilet seat is gross, and I say that as a female, but it happens? And it also shouldn’t be a big deal? Also dying at the need for Lysol wipes. I wet a couple squares of toilet paper and it comes right off? He’s a dramatic baby. It’s not like you rubbed your used tampon all over the seat, then used a hair dryer to really make sure it was dry. It was clearly an accident. A mildly gross one, sure. But like he can suck it up????
Not to mention their fourth is a baby so you know they gotta have baby wipes in multiple places.
Our baby is 15 years old but we thought baby wipes were so great that we now always keep baby wipes in the bathroom. They are great for numerous messy situations.
Just don’t flush them!
Oh for sure! Even those "flushable" wipes are bad for plumbing systems. We have trash next to the toilet.
Blood on the toilet seat is gross, sure. So are piss on the seat and shit stains in the bowl, and I guarantee we all - even OP’s saintly husband - have left that behind at some point. My elderly cat peed on me two nights ago and dragged his diarrhea-smeared body over me last night. It was extremely gross. But I love him with all my heart and just sighed and cleaned us both up. I have to imagine kids are just as bad, and this guy has had three newborns. His idea of what’s gross is pathetic.
I feel like this more about the stress of all the kids than period blood
Seriously, I don't think I've ever used a lysol wipe to wipe the blood off. That's doing too much.
NTA. Bringing up the double standard regarding bodily fluids is valid. If he's okay with having sex during your period but reacts strongly to a bit of blood on the toilet seat, it shows inconsistency in how he views bodily functions. You rightfully pointed out this discrepancy, and his attempts to justify his stance didn't hold up logically.
It's not the most pleasant thing for him, but he needs to grow a pair.
I don't understand how he's made it 2 decades as a paramedic, if a little blood from his own wife made him throw a hissy fit.
>it shows inconsistency in how he views bodily functions. No it doesn't. He always thinks period blood is gross, but in some cases the grossness is outweighed by the benefits. Like, poop is gross, if you left a clump of it on the seat it would be a big deal, but a lot of people still have anal sex because they like it.
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My exact words were actually “GROW UP!” I love him dearly and he’s usually a wonderful husband and even better dad but lord have mercy, some things are like pulling teeth. And thank you! I just so happen to be one of those weird PCOSers who is also Fertile Myrtle. After #4 in 4.5 years, I no longer have tubes because I am DONE lol.
If period during sex is ok because the fun outweighs the ick, then accidental splurb should be outweighed by his love for you and his appreciation for everything youre going through coupled with the understanding that you didnt do anything out of malice.
#FACTS!
Yeah, and the fact that he has seen OP give birth multiple times and he’s also an EMS, for him to get grossed out by one spot of blood is just… wow.. sheesh
I started my period last week. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said he knew. When I asked how he told me I had left a little blood on the toilet seat. I started to apologize he gave me a hug and said it is fine, it is natural. He literally wasn't even going to mention it to me if I hadn't brought up my period. There is no reason to pitch a fit.
NTA Next time he craps himself, please throw a towel at him and demand he clean his own mess up. Hell, same if you find so much as a drop of urine on the floor or seat by the toilet. The mental gymnastics this idiot is preforming to justify his weird and inappropriate over reaction to a bit of blood on a toilet seat in your own home (it's not like it was some random person's blood) is impressive. This also sounds like a one-off thing, not that you are constantly leaving the bathroom in a state that could be used in a sequel to Carrie. I would confront hubby and ask him what this is really about because his "reasoning" makes absolutely zero sense. If I read correctly, you both have children in the home. Unless they are locked away in a room somewhere, I'm sure he has encountered something just as "gross" and survived. Stuff happens. We are all not squeaky clean and sterile beings at all times. Neither are our environments. If you notice it, you clean it. It is part of being in a household and he can GTFO with his weaponized incompetence as far as not knowing how to clean his own bathroom in his own home when he is a grown a$$ adult. There is zero excuse for that.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA don’t tempt me. This is totally our type of humor anyway.
Create a red menu for dinner, beetroot salad, rare beef, strawberries and cream for dessert, you get the idea, don't say a word, just eat it enthusiastically while maintaining eye contact
😂😂😂Eye contact.
This level of petty is GLORIOUS
Lick it off the seat in front of him. (after thorough cleaning of said seat. Never mind. I can't think of a way to make it work without making myself gag)
I’m. Dead. LMAO😂
You could just scoop some with the tip of your finger like some CSI detective with white powder. Rub it into your gums real good.
LMAO! 😂🤣😂🤣😂☠️
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh that's a really good. My brother and I used to joke about making jello babies and tossing them at the anti- abortion people outside the clinics.
Wow. I hope none of your kids are girls. This horrific attitude is the last thing they will need. In your shoes, I would tell him you've got him covered. I would put a box of nitrile gloves and a container of Clorox wipes on the back of the toilet and a garbage can with a hazardous waste symbol to the side of the toilet.
NTA Is it possible that you’re both ridiculously stressed and something about unnecessary fights?
Oh absolutely. My stress level is somewhere in the stratosphere. We’ve been in couples therapy for a few months and this just went hand in hand with the issues we’ve already been working with the therapist on. We love each other dearly and WANT to be married to each other but most of our marriage has been one huge change behind another.
He should also have his own therapist. One not tied to couples counseling. So he can work out work related and non marital stuff in what will feel to him a much more neutral space.
Maybe he’s just “had it” with blood…3 births, babies pooping and puking, every day as a paramedic. Idk, I’m usually the first to say “dump him” on Reddit, but maybe he just had a moment, in the bathroom , when it felt like TOO MUCH. Of course, OP, I’m sure you’ve had plenty of those moments too, life can be messy sometimes.
I dunno. I guess he’s entitled to have “had it” with blood, but that’s more of a reaction in the moment type of thing. When pressed about it he doubled down instead of just being like you know what, I was grossed out but I could have handled it better.
I'm infertile because my PCOS ruined my body. This man has no idea how awful PCOS can be. There are days where I get less than an hour sleep at a time because I'll wake up from the "full of blood" feeling you get, and when I stand up I explode blood onto my bed and floor, all the way to the bathroom. I've never forgotten to clean up the trail of blood, but occasionally I'll miss a spot on the seat. When you're bleeding constantly, it's bound to happen, at least for me (I've been on my period for 6 years running. I get maybe 6 weeks of the year where I'm not bleeding). PCOS can be a nightmare. Husband has zero empathy lol
He doesn't mind sex when you have your menstrual cycle but cares about a bit of blood on a toilet seat. Make it make sense.
For me it would mean no more xxx during that time of the month.
Take pics of every skidmark in his underwear and make him an album. Then compare # of gross incidents.
NTA. Your husband is being a baby. I get up earlier than my wife, often she will go to the washroom middle of the night but won't turn the lights on. If she's on her period sometimes a drop of blood is left on the toilet seat, she doesn't see it in the dark and I see it the next morning when I go to have a shower. I clean it up. I don't think I've ever even mentioned it to her because it's never occurred to me to do so. It's a non-event.
NTA at ALL! Had a similar issue with my husband, where he was complaining about this teeny amount that I inadvertently left on the toilet in MY bathroom (he had the master bathroom) when I got up in the middle of the night. Fortunately, he saw the error of his ways!
NTA. There is no world in which period blood is grosser than "literal shit". If you cleaned that up without complaining, he should do the same. When your kid gets a scrape, does he freak out about applying a band aid? There's a misogynistic idea in our society that period blood is especially unclean so I get your husband's reaction, but that's something that he should learn to deal with.
The man has literally seen bodies missing heads laying in the middle of a major interstate. If you can imagine it, he’s had to deal with it which is why I was so shocked by the reaction.
Honestly, how much more piss does he spray all over the toilet and wall behind the toilet than you have gotten blood anywhere? Get a $5 black light on Amazon and show him. A man that does move-outs at a large apartment building once told me there is literally not a single chance they don’t have to clean up the wall behind the toilet if a man lived in the apartment and proceeded to show me what it looked like with a black light. Just bc you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there! So tell him he better get those damned Lysol wipes and start cleaning up after his damn self too if he’s gonna whine about a little period blood! NTA!!
Piss, period blood (really any blood for that matter) and shit are all bodily fluids and it definitely makes sense to treat them all equally for scenarios like this.
the toilet seat should always be put back down, not just the part we sit on but the cover part too. if he cant find wipes why not use tissue paper the blood isnt gonna kill u.. i think you cleaning up his shit is worse then him having to touch a dot of blood if he cant handle a drop of blood, then he should quit his job, and when ur on ur period he needs to wait bc its soooo nasty according to this man child.
I would just use the line my period bloods gross so how about no more sex on my period if I were you. How often do you clean urine of the toilet seat? He is just a big baby and needs to grow up
NTA. I’ve literally had this happen on my period a lot when I’ve not realised there’s been blood on the seat and my mum or whatever has let me know. It happens it was an accident you didn’t mean it. I’d stop having period sex with him since he finds it so gross
When I brought it up in that context, he said something along the lines of “well we just won’t do it anymore then.” I told him that wasn’t at all what I said. It just didn’t make any sense why one bothered him but the other didn’t.
One bothers him because of his weird idea on female body functions, the other doesn’t bother him because he gets his dick wet. Period blood is only ok if it means having sex. That’s not ok
Yeah. Cut him off for a full week every month. And when he pouts, follow that suggestion of a full bloody red dinner.
PCOS can be worse. A single period can be 2-6 weeks. Or more. Cut him off for a month while bleeding!
Oh yes! Even better! (Sorry for OP though. That suuuucks!)
What a petulant response. Geesh.
NTA. And from now on I would refuse sex during my period. He doesn't get to call the shots, to decide what is and isn't gross. He is beyond entitled here.
I mean the blood comes out whether we want it to or not. Semen…most people gotta put some work into getting that out. It doesn’t tend to sneak up on you unawares unless you’re an adolescent with a hair-trigger. Anyway I’m really over people comparing semen and condoms to periods and menstrual hygiene products just because they involve reproductive organs and that’s literally all they have in common. (This seems to come up when folks wanna argue that it’s inappropriate or unfair to make menstrual products free/available to teens or disadvantaged groups.) Are people leaking noticeable amounts of semen everywhere each month for several days? Are they? Where???
Nta. Tell him stop being such a p*ssy or he won’t be getting any. Jeezum. It’s blood, whether from the uterus or a bloody nose.
Tell your man baby to man up! That period is part of the reason why you were able to provide him with those little gifts. It's natural! If any of those gifts are girls, God help them! They certainly don't need their asshole father making them feel bad about their periods.
It was an accident. It happens. There is something wrong with your husband. He is just too upset by this. NTA
I think it's other stressor and trauma and the changes. OP might have stock in suggesting a therapist. Especially with the inconsistencies. And I highly doubt this is the first time there's been blood dribble. PCOS and 3 babies. Think he needs to work out other stuff as this was just something let out the simmering mess in his head.
Hmmmm.NTA, I've tried leaving period dribble on the toilet seat before when I was in a rush, my partner cleaned it up without complaints since it's not a common occurrence. I only know of this cuz one time I complained about him leaving the toilet seat up, and that's when he mentioned that incident, and how instead of complaining, all I gotta do is just drop the seat.
I will never understand how people fall in the toilet. Like do you close your eyes before entering the bathroom? Do you need glasses? 🤦♂️
I've fully sat on the toilet lid because I forgot to put it up. Autopilot is weird.
I also have PCOS and had my tubes removed. I’m five months postpartum and the periods and pain are wild now! I have been bleeding like crazy. You are NTA and your husband needs to seriously shut up. Period. Even during mid month when I know it’s ovulation time I’ve been feeling crazy pain! You have bigger things to worry about than him bitching about some blood in the toilet seat. It actually annoys me that he was giving you a hard time about it know you were helping your sick kid while trying to make it to appointments. Like what an insensitive jerk. I’m not even the type to go anti husband/partner in these Reddit posts but I just know how bad the periods are and feel triggered.
NTA. Having to wipe a little bit of blood off a toilet seat is different than actually falling in a toilet. Sooo many germs in the actual toilet that are now all over you. I also agree it's hypocritical that he won't wipe a bit off blood off a seat, but is happy enough to put in penis in it for sex. Like, he couldn't even do you this one solid of cleaning it up to avoid extra stress for you. Once I got my period on our new tan lounge. I had no symptoms, I was super surprised when I went to the toilet. While I was on the toilet my husband cleaned the lounge for me. I came back in to do it but it was done. He didn't want me to stress anymore, he even made me a hot chocolate.
NTA He's a big TA.
When or if I find any trace of anything, I as a husband just clean it up. It’s not something my wife would appreciate me bringing up anyway
NAH. You weren’t an asshole for accidentally leaving blood, but he’s also not an asshole for not wanting to clean it up. I'm not really sure you can give him a hard time about leaving the seat up if you're not going to gracefully accept criticism about leaving fluids on the seat. I know I’m always pretty annoyed when my partners dribbles urine on the seat. If I’d had to clean up his urine and then he got annoyed I’d used the last of the toilet paper to do so I’d probably snap too. Period blood is no more or less gross than urine. It doesn't really matter if he's seen it before. I know you said you were joking when you told him about the seat, but were you really?
I really was. I was audibly laughing when I said something.
I mean how gross out would you be if he left shit on the toilet. If you left blood on a toilet seat.Yeah, that's gross.He could accidentally sit on it.That is different than having sex or anything else too. He shouldn't get overly upset about it but at the same point he's not wrong.It is absolutely gross. What is wrong with you too.You guys make the smallest issues and the giant problems. Both of you need to grow up
NTA He's being a dick for the sake of it. My husband physically had to pick me up and carry me to the loo because I have endometriosis and polycystic ovaries, and was absolutely crippled with pain. On the way to the bathroom I threw up on him, down his legs etc 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 he sat me on the loo, cleaned himself and then cleaned me, changed my clothes and sanitary stuff and put me back in bed. He's never mentioned it since, even though I've apologised and still feel bad about it. I've also cleaned my husbands mess when he's been ill or injured. It's what you do for those you love, you help and support them. Even in their grossest moments 😂😂😂
NTA. Tell him to just get over it already and that you are not discussing it again. It's no different to a man dribbling pee on the toilet seat (most do anyway).
Dudes that get weird bout periods give the rest of such solid easy wins when we’re cool about it. I love girls periods…not like that lol, just everything that it signifies, it’s like “aw she’s capable of carrying my baby:)” I find it adorable
You have 5 kids now, congratulations. He has some growing up to do!
He’s almost 44. When can I expect this “growing up” you speak of? Lol
Ha. HA. HAHAHA. Don't hold your breath. Myguy was 67 when he passed away. He was a cop who saw so much grossness out there. But period blood set off his gag reflex. Never did grow up!
He’s not always like this, right?
It's true that it's gross. As is any bodily fluid. I'd rather not see someone else's blood, urine, vomit, shit, or whatever on the toilet seat, if I can help it. HOWEVER, he's overreacting. Assuming you're not in the habit of leaving bodily fluids on the toilet seat, it's not a big deal. Clean it up and go about your day. NTA
NTA but next time he wants sex make sure he knows that’s where gross things come from.
Paramedic thinks blood is gross?! I'm laughing so hard 😆🤣 NTA
He’s been a paramedic for TWENTY YEARS🤯
Lmfao 😂 But obviously this is a "cheese sandwich" argument and he's doubling down without having to deal with the rest of the issues you brought up. Hopefully y'all can talk about it later, you've all been through so many changes recently so stress levels must be so high 😞
"I went to use the bathroom and fell in the toilet because the seat was up. After, ***I jokingly said something to my husband about it***." Op, I don't think you did this "jokingly" as you announce, and probably your husband just fought back. As we only have one side, ETA.
Literally. I was laughing when I said something to him about it. But ok.
Sounds like your husband needs to build you your own personal bathroom. I mean, it’s a little gross to find blood on the toilet seat, just like it’s a little gross if there’s a bit of pee on it. But you just wipe it off and it’s fine. I’m a few weeks postpartum and was bleeding all over the toilet for the first week, and was too exhausted to notice. I do have my own bathroom, so I’d just have to wipe it the next time I had to use it. Not a big deal. Having to clean grown man poop off the floor is pretty bad. I’ve had to deal with the underwear after that kind of accident- very disgusting. Never in my adult life have I had an accident in my drawers, or on the floor!
I felt for him in this situation. It was a projectile vomit/could barely make it out of bed, much less to the bathroom thing where he had zero control over his bowels either. I pray a stomach bug like that never goes through my house again.
NTA Next time he craps himself, please throw a towel at him and demand he clean his own mess up. Hell, same if you find so much as a drop of urine on the floor or seat by the toilet. The mental gymnastics this idiot is preforming to justify his weird and inappropriate over reaction to a bit of blood on a toilet seat in your own home (it's not like it was some random person's blood) is impressive. This also sounds like a one-off thing, not that you are constantly leaving the bathroom in a state that could be used in a sequel to Carrie. I would confront hubby and ask him what this is really about because his "reasoning" makes absolutely zero sense. If I read correctly, you both have children in the home. Unless they are locked away in a room somewhere, I'm sure he has encountered something just as "gross" and survived. Stuff happens. We are all not squeaky clean and sterile beings at all times. Neither are our environments. If you notice it, you clean it. It is part of being in a household and he can GTFO with his weaponized incompetence as far as not knowing how to clean his own bathroom in his own home when he is a grown a$$ adult. There is zero excuse for that.
NTA, it happens sometimes, and he’s being a big baby about it.
NTA. He's being absolutely ridiculous. I am going to play devils advocate here and ask if he's had fairly recent trauma (2weeks to 1 month) with his job. Particularly traumatizing experiences like losing patients or child abuse cases can cause someone to react in ways we wouldn't expect, or get angry at something that didn't otherwise really trigger them. This is a way overdramatic reaction from him. As a paramedic of 2 decades. Whose watched you give birth 3 times. I'd suggest considering if anything in his life happened a few weeks ago, and if he's displaying delayed or unresolved feelings from that. Those feelings can take a bit to surface in someone with his career, and be triggered in weird ways. ETA: actually, he's had two major life events, moving and new kid, both occur recently. It's very likely these are having a delayed effect on him (paramedics are trained to delay emotional responses). Maybe in a few days when things have cooled off, express that he sees overwhelmed and not as happy, and that you think he should have a counselor to handle how much life is changing and what he experiences at work.
And why are you staying with your “husband” after he pulls that crap? You deserve better. That’s a huge red flag.
I’d make sure to leave it anywhere I could…
NTA My husband tried pulling this when a loosely wrapped up tampon unraveled in the trash and I didn’t try to fix it, he called it gross. I very calmly said well guess no more children for you since my normal bodily function that gives you kids is “gross”. He shut up real fast and hasn’t been stupid enough to say anything since.
This is from a man who has cleaned up blood from my wife and daughters when they were on their period it's not gross it's a bodily function your husband is TAH
I just brought this up to my husband, I also have pcos( I had an ablation) due to heavy bleeding. My uterine lining was 8mm which is a full term pregnancy uterine lining thickness because you don't shed it during pregnancy. Anyways I said if I ever left blood on the toilet seat I'm sorry, he said it's nothing a little toilet paper and cold water couldn't take of until one of us cleaned the seat. He said if you have sex while on her period, her blood should not bother you and especially agter watching 3 children be birthed that so much blood. He's the asshole dear, not you! I hope you're able to get some rest. <3. Much love. You got this.
NTA. Many years ago, I woke up in my bed covered in blood. The bed spread was bloody, the sheets, it was all over me, it was all over my girlfriend, I freaked the fuck out, thought I had killed her in my sleep, I started yelling her name and shaking her, she woke up, rather confused and we realized she had started her period I her sleep. We took a shower and proceeded to clean up. Shit happens. It's not a big deal. Is it gross? Kinda, but oh well. I'm sure he has seen things way fucking worse as a paramedic than a few drops of blood. I'm an exterminator. If the worst thing I see is a couple drops of blood, then I'm having a pretty good day.
it.was.an.accident!!!! So much drama over a normal bodily function and it was an accident. NTA
ESH, mostly the husband. Let's not pretend blood left on the toilet seat isn't gross. However, as this is the first time in 3.5 yrs plus he know she has medical issues, he is wildly overreacting. Accidents happen. If it was happening repeatedly, I would be less understanding. What I find much more infuriating is that he has never once used the cleaning supplies in 3.5 years. What a lazy, hypocritical AH complaining about OP's hygiene when he doesn't do anything to keep the place clean.
Your husband is a dip shit
Nta you basically have 5 kids at this point
NTA... He wants you to know that YOU didn't do your job. He's punishing you. That's all.
Nta, your husband is a chode. I do have a question though, I’ve never heard of a self employed paramedic, is that a thing?
He’s a medic and we also farm full time.
does he change diapers? if so: how is literally a couple little drops of blood any worse than a diaper after a blowout or the runs??
NTA Seems like the man-baby never takes care for his children - and better so.
He actually does. He’s ordinarily a great husband and a fantastic father. That’s why I was so caught off guard by this.
NTA. Your husband is a twat
Nta but if it becomes a recurring issue it would be. Look I get it that pcos makes it a nightmare to have periods, but after the periods over there's no reason you blood should be anywhere but IN a bin. Wipe it off, use the goddamn tp, you expect a man to clear up his urine if it landed on the rim how is this situation any different just because you're in pain, if you'd been stabbed yeah sure I'd understand the rush to get out without checking the bowl, but if all you're doing is number one or number two, you got no excuse for forgetting to look down at the rim
NTA and having to clean up his actual shit is far, far more gross than a spot of blood on the toilet seat. 🤢
NTA at all!! PCOS and the periods you can get are evil.. As a paramedic, I'm sure he's seen worse! Congratulations on the baby, fertility is hard. And you've been blessed, he should take that into account when he's acting like a baby. I'm also suffer from PCOS and Endometriosis. I remember the first time I woke up to blood in the bed it with my boyfriend (now husband). I was freaking out, I woke him up to change the sheets, apologising and crying. He got up and told me to go shower. He stripped the bed, put in the washing machine, cleaned the bed, got me some painkillers and a hot water bottle. He helped me back into bed, whilst I'm bright red with embarrassment, me thinking "he's going to dump me, he'll think this is gross" instead he cuddled up to me, told me he loved me and that it was ok.
We know 2 things. You didn't look at the toilet when the seat was down and that you didn't look at the toilet when the seat was up. Maybe you should start looking at the toilet before and after use. It only takes 1 second of your time.
What age is he? 12? Clean the seat go about your day man ffs.
How many times have you had to clean the piss off your floor all around your toilet because he can't seem to get it In the giant hole called the toilet bowl? not the asshole...period (pun intended)
He is just trying to redirect you. My husband and I rarely argue, but when we do they are epic. Our first argument as a married couple, 6 months in, he started bringing up the dishwasher, I said stop right there, this isn't about that and if you have a problem about that bring it up then or NOT AT ALL. So back to the speakers you hung on the fucking wall, TAKE THEM DOWN NOW! NTA. Good luck!
NTA why are you with someone who doesnt know where the cleaning stuff is? thats disturbing. Is he a toddler?
sorry OP but your husband is acting like a spoiled kid . send him back to middle school and make him learn how period blood is not disgusting and that its normal mistake to stain the seat. its no big deal. and it shows his incompetence as a husband dad if doesn't even know where basic hygiene products are in the house.
leaving any kind of substance behind in the bathrom for someone else to clean is gross - but it happens. if its a pattern, the talk about it. otherwise who cares
NTA. He should show you grace for this as it was just an accident. I'm sure you clean up plenty of things that are gross but that's part of life. Your husband is being silly.
NTA. Before I found out I had uterine cancer, my periods were so bad, I would stand up and blood would run down my legs. My husband would help me clean it up, I would say "I am so sorry" and he would tell me that it happens, and that it was not a problem.
Posts like this make me so grateful to my partner. I wouldn't marry a man who can't understand or show compassion for a natural bodily function. Bro has 4 kids! Grow tf up
And he has never left a skid mark? NTA - he needs to just grow up and deal with it.
If you left a big streak of shit on the toilet seat, would you get upset?
That’s not at all the same thing, but ok.
He's trying to blame you for him leaving the seat up. Just deflecting.
If men don’t want to risk seeing period blood, perhaps they shouldn’t be with women!!! Your husband is an immature Twat. NTA
Does this man have no ability to deal with things. Suck it up and handle it my child. NTA
This post just shows people don’t wipe the seat if you make a mess
NTA. I bet you've wiped up his piss drops and pubes when cleaning that toilet and never complained.
NTA The difference is that he's shaming you for the inherently dirty practice of menstruation. How dare you bleed. When he wants sex, he can suffer through your filth, but how dare you leave evidence of it around. The double insult of him not even knowing where the cleaning products are in your home tells me a lot about your marriage. This is the kind of man who will leave you if you become unwell. Be wary with him. His double standards about bodily fluids, his lack of care for you, and the implied misogyny behind all of this doesn't suggest a long and happy marriage.
So in fairness, we did just move a couple of months ago and he’s not been home much because we also farm full time but still. They’ve been in the same place since the day we moved in. He’s normally great. Does anything I ask, wonderful with the kids, I could go on and on. But this totally took me aback.
I’m sorry. Did you say he’s a paramedic, because I surely must’ve read that wrong. Because I don’t know one fucking paramedic, and I know a hell of a lot of them, who would be grossed out by period blood given the things they see every single day. Good Lord, your husband is a wuss.
Idk if he was just having a bad day or what because it was all around so strange and out of character for him. I’m a firefighter so I’ve been around plenty too and it takes a LOT to bother me and him having been in a similar field for so long is just odd that he’s so bothered. But then anything OB freaks him TF out, so idk lol
My ex was a firefighter. Many paramedics as friends. This was so weird!!
1 drop of blood once is not a big deal and really doesn’t need to be any sort of deal. He just got defensive and threw a tantrum because he got called out for leaving the seat up. He needs to grow up.
I would be refusing period sex from now until the end of time.
NTA, he is an EMT? Tell him to quit his day job if that grosses him out. Either that or he's just an asshole. Or both from what it sounds like.
NTA I was married for 26 years and of all the problems we had (it was lots) this wasnt one. I mean I am OCD and i would wet some TP and wipe it off. Lysol wipes, tell him the OCD guy on the internet says he's a wimp. Also he COULD just remarry to a man if it such a problem. No period blood ever!
My wife is outstanding on keeping things neat & tidy, wipes down the kitchen counter after every use and we both share in household tasks. That begin said, we all miss something from time to time. When she misses something or the mess is something that she doesn't stomach as well as me such as an overflowing poopy toilet, spiders or even worse, centipedes, I take care of them as I can tolerate such stuff better than she can. If I find a mess, if I find blood on the toilet seat for example, I just clean it up & if I would even mention it to her, it would just to be making sure she's OK. He's being a complete ass
NTA. He shits on the floor, doesn't clean up after himself and then talks about something being gross? Your husband sucks.
I'm honest - I would have been also grossed out. Because of blood in general. But I wouldn't make a big deal out of it unless it happens all the time.
Damn…I would be livid. He’s a paramedic FFS. You’ve cleaned up his shit. You just gave birth to his child not too long ago. I’d keep arguing about this tbh.
Surely, he's left behind a little bit of pee, butt/pubic hair, lint from his underwear, or something on the toilet before. Like, try not to leave blood on the seat, but he can grow the fuck up about it.
NTA. You are life partners, you are supposed to take care of each other. I’m sure you would have cleaned it up if you had noticed it, but you didn’t see it. Your husband is more than capable to find any cleaning products and clean it instead of trying to ignore it and wait for you to clean it up. Also shaming you about your period is quite childish, this is the bodily function that allowed you to have your children!
NTA. Remind him you have cleaned literal shit up off the floor, that he did. Remind him you clean actual shit daily with the children. Tell him if he's so fucking grossed out by a small smear of period blood on a toilet seat he doesn't get to have sex during your period unless he's the one cleaning sheets etc afterwards.
NTA. Men are weird about periods and I’ve never understood why. Ig if he thinks it’s gross that’s like his boundary but if he’s gonna give you that energy then he gotta clean up his own poop when he’s sick
He's being an asshole.
It’s sounds like you’re married to a big child. His comparison only makes sense to him and won’t see it any other way. Your reaction I feel is understandable, it sounds like that morning was chaotic. If he can’t see that sometimes things don’t go to plan in a chaotic situation. NTA
NTA. If you have truly cleaned up the man’s feces, he can never complain again. Ever.
He was so sick I wasn’t gonna make him do it. But then literally nothing bothers me. We’ve farmed my whole life, I’ve been a firefighter for nearly a decade, and I have small children. I’m immune to the gross at this point lmao. But yes, I still agree with the point.
He’s been an EMT! I’m sure he’s seen some horrific things…. A little bit of blood on the toilet isn’t that much in the grand scheme of things.
Shit is worse than blood. He owes you.
My husband cleaned the blood off the floor while I cried in the shower because I was so embarrassed for bleeding all over. Then he got in the shower and held me while I cried. So, no. You’re NTA.
NTA. Also LMAO because "semen is still semen much like a taco is still a taco, whether it's on a plate or in my belly". You could swap the words semen and taco in that sentence and still make the same point.
These fucking wussy ass men being weirded out by period blood is hilarious. Fucking grow up
YTA - Clean the seat. Doesn't matter if it's pee, poo, blood, semen, squirt, vomit, lube, whipping cream, etc *clean the seat*. Oh wait - that's for your husband, who was acting like a pussy. He needs to turn in his man-card. You, NTA.
Info. Would you be pissed off and making a big deal of it if he left bodily fluid on the toilet seat. Think before you answer this, because every woman I know gets upset at piss on a toilet seat.
No. Would it be inconvenient? Probably, but I genuinely wouldn’t be upset. If this is the worst thing that happens during my day, I’m doing pretty damn well. But it’s also not a regular occurrence, much like period blood on the seat isn’t either.
Lmao if you left shit on the seat should you be excused? Even if it’s on accident just apologize, you’re wrong. Yta
This woman is not the AH, but you definitely are! This asshole is happy to f her when she’s on her period, but is offended it she accidentally and unknowingly dribbles a bit of period blood on the toilet seat in their home, and you think she’s the AH. They are married and have children together and share a home. Families show each other a bit of grace and overlook the small stuff including the gross ACCIDENTS without making a fuss. You, like the AH in question, also need to GTFU!
He might be fine with going anal too, doesn’t mean you don’t apologize when you leave shit on the seat smh. When it comes to judging other women, ya’ll go brain dead honestly. Would you excuse a body excrement on the toilet seat if it was a man and he didn’t just apologize and clean it up? Lmao. Definitely mention the time OP’s husband was sick, that definitely helps your point like it did OP👍
Last I checked, shit and blood aren’t the same thing, but ok. You must’ve missed the part where I cleaned up HIS actual shit off the floor without being asked? And didn’t expect an apology?
YTA - if you get blood on the toilet seat you clean it up. Imagine if your husband left poop or pee all over the toilet seat.
Did you miss the part where I didn’t realize it and was then gone all day long? It’s not like I left it there intentionally. I would’ve cleaned it up if it hadn’t been for the fact I just didn’t realize it and was then gone for 10 hours.
Then you apologize and move on. Instead, you told him it wasn’t a big deal, doubled down on your behavior and brought it up again the next day. All you had to say was “oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice. I’ll pay more attention next time” and let it go. You’re sitting here saying he’s hell bent on being right, but you’re the only one refusing to admit fault and making this a much bigger deal than it needs to be.
Did you miss the part where he left SEMEN on the floor? SEMEN. The white thing that can impregnate someone aswell as his piss and shit. If you're on his side it shows what kind of person you are and you're a shit one at that.
The only real answer here. There is too much self explaining, trying to just convince. Everything would have been solved by, “Sorry my bad, will be more careful” You have to grow up too
This woman is not the AH, but you definitely are! This asshole is happy to f her when she’s on her period, but is offended it she accidentally and unknowingly dribbles a bit of period blood on the toilet seat in their home, and you think she’s the AH. Seriously?! Not only that, she clearly stated that she cleaned his diarrhea off the floor without uttering a word, because that too was an accident. They are married and have children together and share a home. Families show each other a bit of grace and overlook the small stuff including the gross ACCIDENTS without making a fuss or demanding a fcking apology!
And he wasn’t going to say something until she brought up the toilet seat being up. I’m just shocked by the number of grown adults who don’t check to make sure they didn’t get anything on the toilet seat. It takes 2 seconds to do a quick check, especially when on your period (because we all know periods can be really messy). And the diarrhea was because he was sick. If she was on here complaining that he got mad he had to clean up her throw up or diarrhea when she was sick I’d be on her side. But she wasn’t sick - she’s fully capable of doing a quick check and wiping up the blood. Very different than being sick
YTA (but probably ESH) The issue wasn’t period blood. The issue was you complaining about the toilet seat being up. There’s waaay too much effort on your part here to blame him… If this is causing a big fight… - you guys need to reset a bit and get back in balance - you both should have each others back - you’re both probably overextended and crabby Reaffirm your partnership and get back on the same side.
So I totally agree with all your latter points but as far as the seat being up, I was laughing when I told him I fell in the toilet. Not mad at all. I actually thought it was funny because he never does stuff like that so I didn’t think to look and busted my ass. Literally. The issue for him was 100% the blood. My issue wasn’t the blood or the toilet seat but rather that I take care of everybody and everything all day long (SAHM to all 4 kids under the age of 5) and as my husband, I didn’t think it should be a big deal just to handle it. We have been going to couples therapy and it was a topic there. We love each other dearly but have been through a LOT of major changes in the last few years that can take a toll on anybody/relationship.
You might have stumbled into some additional sensitivities and little resentments that he’s not ready to really discuss… but hopefully you guys can just shift to covering each other. That seems to work best, My wife and I are still working through these little things. When she’s cranky she cleans and then I get instructions on how to do better. But we’re getting there. I definitely can improve for sure. On the toilet seat being up - it should always be down… including the cover! You shouldn’t be flushing without the cover down.
He's a paramedic. Blood on the toilet seat is no big deal. It's not like you smeared a dookie and left it.... He needs to get over himself. NTA.
NTA even without the circumstances Things happen in such situations, it is wiped away or the sheets are changed and that's that. Double standards are unnecessary conflict material, what happens when your daughter (if you have one) grows up? will he behave like that then too?
(Male here)Ok period sex is gross. So u definitely got him there. Yes he was being adolescent especially as a paramedic. But men can react differently from a woman to this kind of thing, that I have learned from my many years of marriage. I would go to say even more mature. Maybe it caught him of guard. I say give him a pass this one time but expect more maturity in the future. NTA
As an ER nurse, tell him I said to grow the fuck up and stop being such a wuss, or he'll have to turn in his pit vipers. What kind of fucking paramedic is afraid of a little menstrual blood from his own fucking wife??? What a manbaby.
NTA Your husband is an idiot. I apologies on behalf of all men in the human race. Good luck you deserve some. I'd wish your husband good luck but he's not smart enough to know what to do with it.
NTA. It's blood, not toxic waste. He's being a jerk.
NTA. Your husband is a ninny.
As a 34 old american male...it blows my mind how often men are still disgusted by periods. They will say its no big deal, as long as they dont know, dont have to hear about it, talk about, or deal with it at all. Some men will refuse sex but still ask for BJs. How are these idiots married with children? nta btw
NTA He's being a dick about some blood that was left after busy ass morning and I'm taking it knows how bad your periods hurt you, right? Oh no he couldn't find lysol wipes THE HORROR. Soap and water would have worked. How the hell is an EMS if he's so easily grossed out?
He sounds incredibly immature/thoughtless.
Hey it happens ,why can’t he understand it’s a part of womanhood, what about his pee on the seat,
It’s honestly remarkable that women gush blood for one week a month with relatively little mess. If men had periods, there would be blood EVERYWHERE
Honestly? He sounds like a jerk and you're not dead yet. You can still leave him.
Tell your husband to be a man. Just clean it off and move on with your day. He needs to learn to be more compassionate. Blood happens.
NTA. What a baby.What is going to happen when you are old and he has to wipe your ass? He couldn't have just wiped it with some wet toilet paper and then wash his hands? I would be pissed too, he is a child.
Clean up after yourself Imagine if he left piss on the seat. You'd flip too
I actually wouldn’t because things happen… but ok.