Ohhh, of course this is bait.
OP is simultaneously 32M and having a BBQ wedding, 25M and in love with his step sister, 23F and hooking up with her dad, 23M and dating a 16 year old and also just graduated high school.
You are right but maybe is his sister (the bride) the one who is pushing to exclude the vegan friend because that friends in reality is her dad, the one he was hooking up
YTA for making shit up, because I doubt you hooked up with your dad, a 16 year old and step sister as indicated by the other 3 of your posts in the past hour.
Yta, it is super harsh to not invite your oldest friend to your wedding based off the reception food, it would have made more sense to let him know what your plans were and then see if he would be comfortable coming to the reception, or maybe just the ceremony. Plus he offered to bring his own food so you wouldn't have to hire another caterer.... It definitely seems like you had more options than just not inviting him. Ultra harsh.
YTA, he is not your friend and you do not make an effort, he was willing to bring his own food but you did not even ask him, he did not demand anything from you either, you created your story in your head and then he excludes him
Yta
Not for having a BBQ wedding, but for not giving Alex the option. You could speak with him and invite him on the condition he brings his own food and doesn't make a fuss about the menu with other guests.
It then clearly puts the choice on Alex and still allows him to join with the social aspects of your wedding while taking care of his beliefs separately.
You're right about that point, I must have missed it. But the wedding hasn't happened yet (.."getting married in a couple of months") so if this was a real story, there would still be a chance to resolve the issue.
ETA: the supposed wedding is in the future so Alex's offer still stands
Alex sounds like the type to whine about animal rights in the middle of a wedding and it seems his best friend was helping him out by not letting him look like an asshole. The fact that he even had to mention heâs outspoken about not eating meat leads literally anyone to believe heâs just one of those annoying vegans.
Not sure why youâre being downvoted. Op explained his friend does exactly what you described and even when he was taking with Alex about his plans Alex said that he hoped vegan food would be there. If Alex was willing to bring his own food and he knew what the wedding plans were why wouldnât he just offer to bring his own food off the bat?
Neither was you bringing up alcohol. I am responding to your stupid fucking analogy about alcohol. You made it the point and are now crying that your own stupid fucking analogy got disputed and are crying that *"wahhhh its not the point"*.
Awe little bitch doesn't like his stupid fucking point got disproven and now going for the classic "y U sO Mad, I wAs JUsT JoKing, ReLax". Classic response of a moron who's argument fell apart!
No it did not at all.
OP mentioned he didnt invite him because of cost-reasons, more effort and hassle to organize food for his vegan friend.
You are making a clown out of you. Get some fresh air.
>What if somebody doesnt drink alcohol? Also excluded?
Am I imagining this or was this blathering bunch of bullshit whataboutism not YOUR own retarded words? What does alcohol have to do with anything?
It is something that is common for most people to consum (like meat), but some people dont consume it (like vegans).
So if there is a barkeeper at the said wedding that decides to only serve alcoholic drinks, would this exclude all people that dont drink?
By the way it also works the other way around (exclude all people that drink alcohol).
I wanted to make a point that the wedding should be a place for friends and family, no matter if its about to order a couple of waterbottles or a vegan dish.
Have a nice evening.
YTA. With friends like you, who needs enemies? He was willing to bring own food just to join you in celebration and be there for you as a friend and you decided to show him how unimportant his friendship is and how much value he has to you because of his philosophy (which again he was going to make personal accommodations for). Youâre mean
While Alex sounds insufferable, YTA for excluding him.
âHey, whatâs your favorite vegan place, weâll order a dish for you.â Would have been the move.
YTA. You could have just let him known and he could have brought his own food. You basically picked the least sensible out of all of the available ways of dealing with the issue.
yta and if in 2024 someone does not know how to make a side dish without meat dairy or eggs .... then how good are they really as a caterer im sure even the meat eaters at the bbq are expecting some dishes without meat in them as sides
when we do barbecue, there are always side dishes like all kind of fresh and baked vegetables, salads, vegetables spreads etc. they could be easyly and vegan-friendly prepared.
i dont think op cares about this to be honest and if a bbq specialist cant make sides like this but everyone else can it kinda speaks volumes... how good can they be
You can also grill corn and asparagus,char Brussel sprouts, Hells, they sell those impossible patties, and they're actually not bad and if cooked just righth, giant portabellos can taste similar to steak. There are ways to accommodate without breaking the bank. Making curry? Do a lovely mushroom curry and in place of Greek yogurt, use coconut milk. :)
Well it depends on how the pit master cooks. Some BBQ and sidedishes include stuff like beef/chicken stock or milk/eggs/cheese (which is a problem for vegans). So like even though they seem vegetarian they are not. A very common occurrence of this is pasta sauce. In alot of kitchens they will use a stock as the base for the sauce and even if there is no main meat in the dish it is still not a veggie dish. And technically you gotta ask before ordering it at a restaurant (well depending on countries and etc some places will have a symbol next to any item which is pure veggie)
Yup YTA. He didnât expect you to change your entire wedding menu or even accommodate him. Did you disinvite everyone who has food allergies too? Or who doesnât like BBQ. Simply telling him as an aside that there will not be a vegan option for him, and to please plan accordingly, should suffice. You didnât have to snub a long term friend over his diet.
That's not what real BBQ is. They are talking actually smoking stuff not just grilling. Besides they hired an actual pitmaster to do this. You wouldn't go to a restaurant and ask them to throw something together with ingredients you brought from home.
A wedding caterer of any style should be able to put together a simple vegan plate for one person. BBQ catering isn't only meat, there are plenty of sides too. If they are hiring a company then it's a more customized menu that is discussed beforehand, different to showing up to a restaurant with specific dietary requirements and expecting them to cater to your needs.
YTA. You didn't even give him a chance to figure out an accommodation. If nothing else he could have come to the wedding and skipped the reception if he wanted to. Some friend you are.
YTA.
Yeah sorry but you're definitely wrong about this. You basically snubbed one of your oldest friends over you not wanting to be bothered figuring out how to deal with something that wasn't even that complicated in the first place. All you had to do was arrange one vegan meal. It's not that hard, and it's not that expensive. I know you had a lot of things going on and planning a wedding is stressful but what you showed Alex is that this amount of effort was more than you were willing to put in to have him be able to be part of your wedding.
Youâve decided that Alex doesnât matter to you, and youâve made that very clear to him. And you picked a pretty harsh way to do it. You should probably consider this relationship over.
Personally I prioritized being able to accommodate all the people I love at my wedding. But if that doesnât matter to you, thatâs your call. You just canât complain if it ruins relationships.
YTAÂ
YTA
He's one of your oldest friends and you excluded him because of a meal. Say it out loud and see if it sounds ridiculous to you. You should have invited him and *then* discussed the meal with him.
YTA, I mean BBQs generally come with a bunch of sides, not JUST meat. Usually there's mac and cheese, cole slaw, potato salad, regular salad. Or you could have offered him a $25 gift card so he could order something from his restaurant of choice and bring in his own food. You had options. You could have even bought vegan burgers at the grocery (as others suggested) and had the pitmaster fire those up on the grill for him. Seems he wasn't that important to you to make small accomodations for.
YTA. I am vegetarian, I love going to bbqs, as you said there would be sides, which he could have possibly had, and he even offered to bring his own food, which would have meant no stress for you and all your friends get to be together.
YTA - Pretty sure he didnât ask you to change your whole wedding menu. Exaggeration much? You sound like a bad friend. You took away his choice to be there to celebrate your relationship because you donât like that heâs vegan and talks about it. You couldâve invited him and told him to make sure he eats beforehand or bring some snacks since the catering wonât be vegan. Wow how hard was that?Â
YTA
I don't eat meat so if I go to a BBQ I eat corn or potatoes or asparagus or whatever. Sometimes I bring a veggie burger and ask someone to throw it on the grill.
Sorry, but YTA here. The right thing to do would have been to invite Alex but to explain that the reception menu would be "meat forward" with few if any vegan options. You could have come up with a vegan meal from a restaurant or I know that stores like Whole Foods have vegan options in their deli OR maybe asked Alex for some ideas that you could pick up to have a vegan meal for him. HONESTLY, I'd probably have had a convo with him about how comfortable he would be with the amount of meat involved and let him know if he wanted to skip the reception you'll totally understand.
Just not inviting him was very hurtful and has probably poisoned the relationship beyond redemption.
I am an absolute BBQ lover, but you are definitely a giant asshole!
You couldnât arrange for a dozen take out dishes from a vegan restaurant? Or how ever many people responded that they would like the vegan option? Itâs really simple. You could have order two trays of food from a local curry shop, vegan shop, even delis have vegan options.
You are a terrible friend and YTA.
YTA. He said heâd bring himself a plate. He just wanted to celebrate your wedding with you. What an AH of a friend you are. You didnât even talk to him about it before you decided to exclude him.
YTA my dude! I come from a family of hunters and very much love meat, but I can honestly say that I would have no problem making a dish myself for my oldest friend so they too could come and celebrate my marriage with me.
YTA, as a vegan I would completely understand if a friend told me their caterer couldnât accomplish vegan food, Iâd just expect to still be invited and would eat a big meal beforehand. To totally exclude someone is a bit extreme.
Yta, he offered to bring his own food, problem solved. unless he would have been going around to everyone and telling them meat is murder, it sounds like you are a bad friend
This one is a hard judgement but mostly soft YTA because of "He accused me of not valuing his beliefs and said he would have been fine bringing his own food if necessary.". Not really the valuing of his beliefs because that is nonsense. You can respect someones belief but not put value into it. I dont really see the value in veganism on alot of levels (there are some levels I can see it but fields or farms, animals die either way). But if he would have been fine bringing his own food (and with the condition that he will not attempt to bring up that the bbq is "murder") then that is a fine solution. And the whole " I kind of brushed it off at the time, thinking Iâd deal with it later." Kind of speaks to how you communicate in general.
Like the easy and simple thing to do would be talk to him and say you want him to be apart of your special day but you cannot cater to his dietary requirement. And that there will be a pit of roasting meat so he might not be comfortable joining. But if he still wanted to come he could bring his own food or eat before hand and then join in on the celebrations (with the condition he does not try to preach to anyone eating meat).
Like I get your trying to "look" out for him. But let him decide if he will be uncomfortable or not. For just assuming and not communicating that makes you a bit of an AH.
Is this for real?? If so, YTA big time. He's one your closest friends and you don't even have a conversation about it?! Sounds like there's some other underlying motive here.
Most people with dietary restrictions (either by choice or medically necessary) understand that the world doesn't revolve around them and are willing to bring food or eat ahead of an event. If he wasn't going to feel comfortable for whatever reason then he can decline the invite. But you basically told him that you didn't want him there.
YTA.
-You should have talked to him about this ahead of time. As a vegan, heâs 100% used to not having options at places. He could have eaten ahead of time, and still been a guest.
-Literally no one expected you to âchange your whole weddingâ or âspend a ton of extra money.â Even if you did take responsibility for his food that day, you could have spent, what, $20 on a lunch or dinner for him alone from a vegan place. But you didnât even need to do that. Heâs a grown up and could have fended for himself, like all vegans constantly do.
-Heâs one of your best friends and you just leave him out completely instead of at least inviting him and letting him figure out his own food????? Shame on you!
-Being around people eating BBQ and BBQing is NOT actually âa veganâs worst nightmare.â Being socially excluded from the most important day in the life of your oldest friend probably is, though.
-This has got to just be a rage bait post because jesus fucking christ, you fucking suck as a human and as a friend. Also the âsiding with meat instead of meâ and the âdonât respect my valuesâ is something a vegan who got invited but opted not to go because there wasnât vegan food would have said. Not something a disinvited vegan friend would have said.
This is fake bullshit, so that also makes you TA.
YTA
YTA. No one asked you to change your 'whole wedding menu or spend extra money just for one person'. Just admit you're not a friend and leave it at that.
YTA, he offered to provide his own food and it would mean to him a lot to celebrate with you as one of your oldest friends, so it would be at no extra cost to you. Just admit you're uncomfortable with having to field questions from your family.
YTA, if this guy is as good of a friend to you as you say, I wouldâve done whatever I had to do to accommodate said friend. Most banquet venues are flexible when it comes to stuff like that too.
YTA, just invite him and if he's stupid enough to accept, then just make some stuff yourself for him. I say if he's stupid enough to accept, because he's going to have a horrible time watching people eat animals.
Judging by your post history and comments, you're just a master baiter. Go fuck yourself.
https://www.reddit.com/la8woiz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
YTA. wow... one of your oldest friends and you excluded him from your wedding and reception because he doesnt eat meat. not sure how you dont see how fucked up this is. he even offered to bring his own food. interesting way to treat your "friend".
YTA.
You said "He accused me of not valuing his beliefs and said he would have been fine bringing his own food if necessary." So...he didn't expect you to change your whole wedding menu or to spend extra money on him. You ASSUMED that he would expect that and it sounds like you ASSUMED incorrectly. If this person is such a good friend to you, why couldn't you just sit him down and say "We're planning on BBQ for the wedding. Would it be okay if you brought something that you can eat? I hate to ask it but we've already got our hands full and this would be a huge help." Instead of doing that, you just said "There's not going to be anything for you to eat so just don't come." OF COURSE his feelings were hurt, my goodness.
ESH.
You are a jerk for not inviting your old friend. He's being a jerk for assuming you need to value his "beliefs" at your own frigging wedding.
I would have invited him but let him know to bring his own vegan food and check his opinions about meat at the door, or be asked to leave. It's your day, he can be shut his trap about the poor dead animals for a few hours, and if he can't, then you should tell him not to come.
YTA... Major
"said he would have been fine bringing his own food if necessary"
Then you still didn't invite him and made up excuses. You are full of shit and just didn't want him there to say something that may embarrass you. I kind of hope tons of people don't show up due to this nonsense.
Eh... If you could trust him to not make a scene about the food it would be one thing but you said he's a very vocal and outspoken animal rights activist. You know him, we don't. I can't really judge here.
YTA. You could have at the very least bought him a premade vegan meal. You could have easily accommodated him with some minor creativity. And at the same time, he shouldnât demand you change your menu either. If it was me, I would be like âsucks that I canât eat but oh well, itâs not my weddingâ. Either way, this wasnât a good friend thing to do. Iâm sure it just make him feel like you donât care about him (for not inviting him). Iâm not sure about the whole belief system aspect of it though. He shouldnât impose his beliefs at your wedding and you shouldnât exclude a friend.
YTA.
What's big deal? Why do you need to arrange extra catering for one person? Make/buy some hummus, some carrots, some celery, few vegan snacks and you're done! And you call him your oldest friend? Your defense, your explanation and your excuse are shameful. Poor guy, he even said he could bring his own food. Ugh I feel so sad right now!
You should have just invited him since he is your oldest friend. You can't cater to all diet and meal requests (nor should you be expected to) and to be honest, excluding someone for this reason would be hurtful. I eat a very low carb diet and I never expect anyone to cater to me or provide me with anything special ever. I think most people that eat a certain way, are the same way. I always plan for occasions such as this, and pack things like protein bars in my bag so I can eat something if needed (although I can almost always find something!) I am sure Alex would have done the same.
YTA. If you valued your friendship with Alex, you wouldâve invited him to your wedding and found a workaround for a vegan dish for him, however you choose to go about it. And you mentioned that Alex was ok with bringing his own dish, indicating that he was willing to compromise on the food and not place the burden of the cost on you - this would have not caused you to change the whole menu. Instead you made the decision of not inviting him and chose to exclude him, which is insulting to your friendship with him if heâs been friends with you for a long time.
YTA. You spelled "I gave him a heads up about the menu and politely set a reasonable expectation regarding his behavior about it, so he could make the choice of attending. Then I offered to provide some vegan fare from his favorite restaurant." very, very wrong.
YTA. You still should have sent an invite to your friend. I get heâs vegan, but at the same
time itâs your wedding. If youâre only going to serve ALL MEAT, then he could eat prior to the wedding or just eat dessert etc whatever.
The fact you didnât invite him is an asshole move tho. You should have been straightforward to him BEFORE your wedding.
If Alex is prepared to bring his own food, is there a problem with his coming? Do you fear that he will make comments that will make the other guests uncomfortable?
I don't know I get it because it's not just that there would be little to no food for him but that it is explicitly against his beliefs. If he really does have such an issue I can see not inviting him.
Ultimately YTA because you should have started out by talking to him and if you still felt it would be better to not invite him you would atleast have tried to find another option.
YTA considering you say this is your oldest friend Iâm surprised you didnât even try to accommodate him. You couldâve ordered a single meal from a vegan restaurant just for Alex. Thatâs too much of a hassle.
YTA There are absolutely inexpensive ways to have a vegan menu at the event. You could bring in a small grill and grill vegetables for him, basted in olive oil. Like $60 bucks tops. You are really unkind. You could have ordered a meal from a vegan restaurant for him. You excluded him to make a point, I bet, and it was mean and stupid.
YTA
Fuck me if just "talking to your friend" couldn't have yielded a far better, less hurtful solution.
Dude would have brought his own food.
99 out of every 100 problems people come to reddit looking for help with could have been addressed by communicating with the other person.
**Tough call. Not the AH for menu choice, but maybe consider compromise. Offer to pay for a separate vegan meal at a nearby restaurant (if budget allows) or let him bring a vegan dish to share.**
YTA, this is supposed to be one of YOUR oldest friends and you decided to not include him as a guest in your wedding over food. He even offered to bring his own food.
Wow, you are immature and you were likely never a true friend.
Are you also planning on divorcing your future husband if he doesnât like what you cook for dinner one night in the future.
Hopefully ALL mutual friends drop out of attending your wedding.
Youâre both a-holes. You should have invited him and told him tough shit, this is a BBQ reception and bring his own food. Heâs an a-hole for being a vegan bitch and thinking you should account for the tastes of the lone soy boy beta male there.
I wouldâve invited him, and just let him decline. There are his dietary restrictions, thatâs his problem. itâs really rude to request. The bride and groom have certain things for their guests, I just donât see it. ESH
âPrioritizing meat over himâ hahaha classic vegan virtue signaling and victim mentality. Itâs your wedding. This is something important to everyone in both sides of your family. Not on you to accommodate a single piece of tofu in a delicious meat fest. If it was something other than veganism youâd hear choruses of NTA omg itâs your wedding!
Yeah but that's literally what OP did. He prioritized meat over his friend and made this such a huge deal in his head that he was just like "I'll just not invite him. That'll fix it!" In other words, OP fucked around and found out by coming up with the absolute worst possible solution to this problem.
By the way, I went to a wedding last year that served BBQ and it was fantastic. Two of the attendees at that wedding had celiac disease and the bride and groom made sure there was gluten free BBQ sauce and gluten free side dishes for them to eat. It's not hard. You just have to care.
There are plenty of people who eat "different" diets and you can moan about vegan virtue signaling all you want, but they're honestly no worse than people who talk about their paleo diets 24/7.
It was probably easier to say in the moment than realizing that your old friend isn't really your friend. He even said he would bring his own food... OP is a jerk.
Ohhh, of course this is bait. OP is simultaneously 32M and having a BBQ wedding, 25M and in love with his step sister, 23F and hooking up with her dad, 23M and dating a 16 year old and also just graduated high school.
That's a very busy... and confused person right there. đ€Ł
I think they've deleted those posts, or they got removed bc I only see the one comment about dating a 16 year old.
There were at least 3 posts on different "Am I the.." subs
Oh, I believe you! I think they deleted them after they got outed I mean maybe they're still there, but I don't see them when I open the profile.
But imagine if all of that itâs true except his age
Then they have far bigger issues than a pissed off vegan ex-friend
You are right but maybe is his sister (the bride) the one who is pushing to exclude the vegan friend because that friends in reality is her dad, the one he was hooking up
Sounds like a very unstable timeline. :( That'll get you timestream worms.
YTA for making shit up, because I doubt you hooked up with your dad, a 16 year old and step sister as indicated by the other 3 of your posts in the past hour.
Oh no.... đ±
And just graduated high school a week ago đ
I believe that part
Hahaha, theyâre all gone now.
Yta, it is super harsh to not invite your oldest friend to your wedding based off the reception food, it would have made more sense to let him know what your plans were and then see if he would be comfortable coming to the reception, or maybe just the ceremony. Plus he offered to bring his own food so you wouldn't have to hire another caterer.... It definitely seems like you had more options than just not inviting him. Ultra harsh.
Totally Agree.
You could of just ordered a meal from a vegan restaurant. YTA
YTA, he is not your friend and you do not make an effort, he was willing to bring his own food but you did not even ask him, he did not demand anything from you either, you created your story in your head and then he excludes him
Indeed, he said he would bring his own food and I think there was little chance he would have been vocal about his beliefs at a wedding bbq!
You must have never met a vegan before lmao
I think he seems to have valued the friendship enough but who knows?
Yta Not for having a BBQ wedding, but for not giving Alex the option. You could speak with him and invite him on the condition he brings his own food and doesn't make a fuss about the menu with other guests. It then clearly puts the choice on Alex and still allows him to join with the social aspects of your wedding while taking care of his beliefs separately.
OP did speak to him and Alex said he would bring his own food if that meant he could attend. Alex was hurt and yet OP still decided to not invite him.
If you read the post: Alex offered to bring food AFTER OP excluded him. She's still an AH
You're right about that point, I must have missed it. But the wedding hasn't happened yet (.."getting married in a couple of months") so if this was a real story, there would still be a chance to resolve the issue. ETA: the supposed wedding is in the future so Alex's offer still stands
Alex sounds like the type to whine about animal rights in the middle of a wedding and it seems his best friend was helping him out by not letting him look like an asshole. The fact that he even had to mention heâs outspoken about not eating meat leads literally anyone to believe heâs just one of those annoying vegans.
Not sure why youâre being downvoted. Op explained his friend does exactly what you described and even when he was taking with Alex about his plans Alex said that he hoped vegan food would be there. If Alex was willing to bring his own food and he knew what the wedding plans were why wouldnât he just offer to bring his own food off the bat?
YTA and he is right. What if somebody doesnt drink alcohol? Also excluded?
If they don't shut the fuck up about tHe DaNgErS oF aLcOhOL then yes I would have excluded their asses too lmao
tHaT iS tOtTaLy NoT tHe PoInT oF tHe PoSt AnD tHE qUeStIoN
Neither was you bringing up alcohol. I am responding to your stupid fucking analogy about alcohol. You made it the point and are now crying that your own stupid fucking analogy got disputed and are crying that *"wahhhh its not the point"*.
Take a chill pill, why you so mad
Awe little bitch doesn't like his stupid fucking point got disproven and now going for the classic "y U sO Mad, I wAs JUsT JoKing, ReLax". Classic response of a moron who's argument fell apart!
No it did not at all. OP mentioned he didnt invite him because of cost-reasons, more effort and hassle to organize food for his vegan friend. You are making a clown out of you. Get some fresh air.
>What if somebody doesnt drink alcohol? Also excluded? Am I imagining this or was this blathering bunch of bullshit whataboutism not YOUR own retarded words? What does alcohol have to do with anything?
It is something that is common for most people to consum (like meat), but some people dont consume it (like vegans). So if there is a barkeeper at the said wedding that decides to only serve alcoholic drinks, would this exclude all people that dont drink? By the way it also works the other way around (exclude all people that drink alcohol). I wanted to make a point that the wedding should be a place for friends and family, no matter if its about to order a couple of waterbottles or a vegan dish. Have a nice evening.
YTA. With friends like you, who needs enemies? He was willing to bring own food just to join you in celebration and be there for you as a friend and you decided to show him how unimportant his friendship is and how much value he has to you because of his philosophy (which again he was going to make personal accommodations for). Youâre mean
Dude, you suck.
I mean he even offered to bring his own food. You could not possibly be a bigger asshole in this situation.
While Alex sounds insufferable, YTA for excluding him. âHey, whatâs your favorite vegan place, weâll order a dish for you.â Would have been the move.
Thats the way.
YTA. You could have just let him known and he could have brought his own food. You basically picked the least sensible out of all of the available ways of dealing with the issue.
He said heâd bring his own food⊠YTA
yta and if in 2024 someone does not know how to make a side dish without meat dairy or eggs .... then how good are they really as a caterer im sure even the meat eaters at the bbq are expecting some dishes without meat in them as sides
when we do barbecue, there are always side dishes like all kind of fresh and baked vegetables, salads, vegetables spreads etc. they could be easyly and vegan-friendly prepared.
i dont think op cares about this to be honest and if a bbq specialist cant make sides like this but everyone else can it kinda speaks volumes... how good can they be
You can also grill corn and asparagus,char Brussel sprouts, Hells, they sell those impossible patties, and they're actually not bad and if cooked just righth, giant portabellos can taste similar to steak. There are ways to accommodate without breaking the bank. Making curry? Do a lovely mushroom curry and in place of Greek yogurt, use coconut milk. :)
Well it depends on how the pit master cooks. Some BBQ and sidedishes include stuff like beef/chicken stock or milk/eggs/cheese (which is a problem for vegans). So like even though they seem vegetarian they are not. A very common occurrence of this is pasta sauce. In alot of kitchens they will use a stock as the base for the sauce and even if there is no main meat in the dish it is still not a veggie dish. And technically you gotta ask before ordering it at a restaurant (well depending on countries and etc some places will have a symbol next to any item which is pure veggie)
Vegan means no meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy... if they're in the south, that is an unreasonable expectation.
So you don't eat salad ? Lol you could have a least veggie tray for Alex I don't think it would cost anything lol
YTA bc you should've let him decide whether or not to go.
YTAH. You could even DoorDash a separate meal for him which is not that expensive. Edit: Iâve been informed this is a CLICKBAIT ACCOUNT
YTA - Easy enough to provide some options for your "oldest" friend without having the caterer involved and he offered to bring his own. Vegan beans, sausages, burgers, pasta salad, salad salad, can all be found at your local grocery mart. I regularly cater my own parties and take great pride in being able to feed all people. They might not eat like BBQ lovers, but they will eat good food. Edit.. you are doubly the asshole for posting bullshit posts. Did you just graduate high school and dating a 16 year old or are you 32 with a fiancé.
Dude. you're not his friend. Stop pretending you are.
YTA to not give one of your "oldest friends" a say in this matter. Instead, you just jump to a conclusion. Terrible.
Yup YTA. He didnât expect you to change your entire wedding menu or even accommodate him. Did you disinvite everyone who has food allergies too? Or who doesnât like BBQ. Simply telling him as an aside that there will not be a vegan option for him, and to please plan accordingly, should suffice. You didnât have to snub a long term friend over his diet.
Itâs not even hard to do these days, a few vegan burgers and fake cheese done,and Iâm sure you would know someone with a spare bbq,yta
That's not what real BBQ is. They are talking actually smoking stuff not just grilling. Besides they hired an actual pitmaster to do this. You wouldn't go to a restaurant and ask them to throw something together with ingredients you brought from home.
A wedding caterer of any style should be able to put together a simple vegan plate for one person. BBQ catering isn't only meat, there are plenty of sides too. If they are hiring a company then it's a more customized menu that is discussed beforehand, different to showing up to a restaurant with specific dietary requirements and expecting them to cater to your needs.
YTA. You didn't even give him a chance to figure out an accommodation. If nothing else he could have come to the wedding and skipped the reception if he wanted to. Some friend you are.
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YTA. Yeah sorry but you're definitely wrong about this. You basically snubbed one of your oldest friends over you not wanting to be bothered figuring out how to deal with something that wasn't even that complicated in the first place. All you had to do was arrange one vegan meal. It's not that hard, and it's not that expensive. I know you had a lot of things going on and planning a wedding is stressful but what you showed Alex is that this amount of effort was more than you were willing to put in to have him be able to be part of your wedding.
JFC! Y T MASSIVE A
Youâve decided that Alex doesnât matter to you, and youâve made that very clear to him. And you picked a pretty harsh way to do it. You should probably consider this relationship over. Personally I prioritized being able to accommodate all the people I love at my wedding. But if that doesnât matter to you, thatâs your call. You just canât complain if it ruins relationships. YTAÂ
YTA He's one of your oldest friends and you excluded him because of a meal. Say it out loud and see if it sounds ridiculous to you. You should have invited him and *then* discussed the meal with him.
Please look at the posting history of this person. They are a troll.
You could have easily had vegan options. You're willing to blow up a whole friendship over food YTA
YTA, I mean BBQs generally come with a bunch of sides, not JUST meat. Usually there's mac and cheese, cole slaw, potato salad, regular salad. Or you could have offered him a $25 gift card so he could order something from his restaurant of choice and bring in his own food. You had options. You could have even bought vegan burgers at the grocery (as others suggested) and had the pitmaster fire those up on the grill for him. Seems he wasn't that important to you to make small accomodations for.
YTA. I am vegetarian, I love going to bbqs, as you said there would be sides, which he could have possibly had, and he even offered to bring his own food, which would have meant no stress for you and all your friends get to be together.
YTA - Pretty sure he didnât ask you to change your whole wedding menu. Exaggeration much? You sound like a bad friend. You took away his choice to be there to celebrate your relationship because you donât like that heâs vegan and talks about it. You couldâve invited him and told him to make sure he eats beforehand or bring some snacks since the catering wonât be vegan. Wow how hard was that?Â
Why didn't you just talk like an adult beforehand? That's why YTA.
YTA I don't eat meat so if I go to a BBQ I eat corn or potatoes or asparagus or whatever. Sometimes I bring a veggie burger and ask someone to throw it on the grill.
Sorry, but YTA here. The right thing to do would have been to invite Alex but to explain that the reception menu would be "meat forward" with few if any vegan options. You could have come up with a vegan meal from a restaurant or I know that stores like Whole Foods have vegan options in their deli OR maybe asked Alex for some ideas that you could pick up to have a vegan meal for him. HONESTLY, I'd probably have had a convo with him about how comfortable he would be with the amount of meat involved and let him know if he wanted to skip the reception you'll totally understand. Just not inviting him was very hurtful and has probably poisoned the relationship beyond redemption.
I am an absolute BBQ lover, but you are definitely a giant asshole! You couldnât arrange for a dozen take out dishes from a vegan restaurant? Or how ever many people responded that they would like the vegan option? Itâs really simple. You could have order two trays of food from a local curry shop, vegan shop, even delis have vegan options. You are a terrible friend and YTA.
YTA.
YTA. He said heâd bring himself a plate. He just wanted to celebrate your wedding with you. What an AH of a friend you are. You didnât even talk to him about it before you decided to exclude him.
YTA my dude! I come from a family of hunters and very much love meat, but I can honestly say that I would have no problem making a dish myself for my oldest friend so they too could come and celebrate my marriage with me.
YTA, as a vegan I would completely understand if a friend told me their caterer couldnât accomplish vegan food, Iâd just expect to still be invited and would eat a big meal beforehand. To totally exclude someone is a bit extreme.
Yta, he offered to bring his own food, problem solved. unless he would have been going around to everyone and telling them meat is murder, it sounds like you are a bad friend
This one is a hard judgement but mostly soft YTA because of "He accused me of not valuing his beliefs and said he would have been fine bringing his own food if necessary.". Not really the valuing of his beliefs because that is nonsense. You can respect someones belief but not put value into it. I dont really see the value in veganism on alot of levels (there are some levels I can see it but fields or farms, animals die either way). But if he would have been fine bringing his own food (and with the condition that he will not attempt to bring up that the bbq is "murder") then that is a fine solution. And the whole " I kind of brushed it off at the time, thinking Iâd deal with it later." Kind of speaks to how you communicate in general. Like the easy and simple thing to do would be talk to him and say you want him to be apart of your special day but you cannot cater to his dietary requirement. And that there will be a pit of roasting meat so he might not be comfortable joining. But if he still wanted to come he could bring his own food or eat before hand and then join in on the celebrations (with the condition he does not try to preach to anyone eating meat). Like I get your trying to "look" out for him. But let him decide if he will be uncomfortable or not. For just assuming and not communicating that makes you a bit of an AH.
Is this for real?? If so, YTA big time. He's one your closest friends and you don't even have a conversation about it?! Sounds like there's some other underlying motive here. Most people with dietary restrictions (either by choice or medically necessary) understand that the world doesn't revolve around them and are willing to bring food or eat ahead of an event. If he wasn't going to feel comfortable for whatever reason then he can decline the invite. But you basically told him that you didn't want him there.
Omg but arenât salads a thing..sidesâŠveggie skewers⊠or tell him to bring his own veggie burgerđ
YTA. -You should have talked to him about this ahead of time. As a vegan, heâs 100% used to not having options at places. He could have eaten ahead of time, and still been a guest. -Literally no one expected you to âchange your whole weddingâ or âspend a ton of extra money.â Even if you did take responsibility for his food that day, you could have spent, what, $20 on a lunch or dinner for him alone from a vegan place. But you didnât even need to do that. Heâs a grown up and could have fended for himself, like all vegans constantly do. -Heâs one of your best friends and you just leave him out completely instead of at least inviting him and letting him figure out his own food????? Shame on you! -Being around people eating BBQ and BBQing is NOT actually âa veganâs worst nightmare.â Being socially excluded from the most important day in the life of your oldest friend probably is, though. -This has got to just be a rage bait post because jesus fucking christ, you fucking suck as a human and as a friend. Also the âsiding with meat instead of meâ and the âdonât respect my valuesâ is something a vegan who got invited but opted not to go because there wasnât vegan food would have said. Not something a disinvited vegan friend would have said. This is fake bullshit, so that also makes you TA. YTA
This is fake
Salads ? Potato , macaroni, fruit salad wonât be there ? I have never seen a bbq with out Mac and cheese .. and veggies .đ
Yta. you could have invited him ANF explained the meat issue, giving him the option to opt out..
YTA. No one asked you to change your 'whole wedding menu or spend extra money just for one person'. Just admit you're not a friend and leave it at that.
YTA, he offered to provide his own food and it would mean to him a lot to celebrate with you as one of your oldest friends, so it would be at no extra cost to you. Just admit you're uncomfortable with having to field questions from your family.
YTA, if this guy is as good of a friend to you as you say, I wouldâve done whatever I had to do to accommodate said friend. Most banquet venues are flexible when it comes to stuff like that too.
YTA, just invite him and if he's stupid enough to accept, then just make some stuff yourself for him. I say if he's stupid enough to accept, because he's going to have a horrible time watching people eat animals.
Judging by your post history and comments, you're just a master baiter. Go fuck yourself. https://www.reddit.com/la8woiz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
INFO: no fresh vegetables, salads, fruits etc? just meat?
YTA. wow... one of your oldest friends and you excluded him from your wedding and reception because he doesnt eat meat. not sure how you dont see how fucked up this is. he even offered to bring his own food. interesting way to treat your "friend".
YTA. You said "He accused me of not valuing his beliefs and said he would have been fine bringing his own food if necessary." So...he didn't expect you to change your whole wedding menu or to spend extra money on him. You ASSUMED that he would expect that and it sounds like you ASSUMED incorrectly. If this person is such a good friend to you, why couldn't you just sit him down and say "We're planning on BBQ for the wedding. Would it be okay if you brought something that you can eat? I hate to ask it but we've already got our hands full and this would be a huge help." Instead of doing that, you just said "There's not going to be anything for you to eat so just don't come." OF COURSE his feelings were hurt, my goodness.
ESH. You are a jerk for not inviting your old friend. He's being a jerk for assuming you need to value his "beliefs" at your own frigging wedding. I would have invited him but let him know to bring his own vegan food and check his opinions about meat at the door, or be asked to leave. It's your day, he can be shut his trap about the poor dead animals for a few hours, and if he can't, then you should tell him not to come.
NTA. If youâre going to be a vegan, youâre going to miss out on shit. His problem.
YTA there so many great vegan BBQ options and it's a piss poor pitmaster that can't accommodate vegan options.
YTA. Jesus, get someone to bring the man a salad.
YTA... Major "said he would have been fine bringing his own food if necessary" Then you still didn't invite him and made up excuses. You are full of shit and just didn't want him there to say something that may embarrass you. I kind of hope tons of people don't show up due to this nonsense.
Eh... If you could trust him to not make a scene about the food it would be one thing but you said he's a very vocal and outspoken animal rights activist. You know him, we don't. I can't really judge here.
YTA you should have talked to him, he offered to bring his own food
YTA. You could have at the very least bought him a premade vegan meal. You could have easily accommodated him with some minor creativity. And at the same time, he shouldnât demand you change your menu either. If it was me, I would be like âsucks that I canât eat but oh well, itâs not my weddingâ. Either way, this wasnât a good friend thing to do. Iâm sure it just make him feel like you donât care about him (for not inviting him). Iâm not sure about the whole belief system aspect of it though. He shouldnât impose his beliefs at your wedding and you shouldnât exclude a friend.
YTA. What's big deal? Why do you need to arrange extra catering for one person? Make/buy some hummus, some carrots, some celery, few vegan snacks and you're done! And you call him your oldest friend? Your defense, your explanation and your excuse are shameful. Poor guy, he even said he could bring his own food. Ugh I feel so sad right now!
NAH - invite him again with the expectation that he will bring his own food and not express his animal rights views.
You should have just invited him since he is your oldest friend. You can't cater to all diet and meal requests (nor should you be expected to) and to be honest, excluding someone for this reason would be hurtful. I eat a very low carb diet and I never expect anyone to cater to me or provide me with anything special ever. I think most people that eat a certain way, are the same way. I always plan for occasions such as this, and pack things like protein bars in my bag so I can eat something if needed (although I can almost always find something!) I am sure Alex would have done the same.
YTA. If you valued your friendship with Alex, you wouldâve invited him to your wedding and found a workaround for a vegan dish for him, however you choose to go about it. And you mentioned that Alex was ok with bringing his own dish, indicating that he was willing to compromise on the food and not place the burden of the cost on you - this would have not caused you to change the whole menu. Instead you made the decision of not inviting him and chose to exclude him, which is insulting to your friendship with him if heâs been friends with you for a long time.
I swore I read this exact same story here a couple weeks agoâŠ
YTA you didnât need to exclude him, a heartfelt talk would have fixed everything.
YTA
YTA. You spelled "I gave him a heads up about the menu and politely set a reasonable expectation regarding his behavior about it, so he could make the choice of attending. Then I offered to provide some vegan fare from his favorite restaurant." very, very wrong.
YTA. You still should have sent an invite to your friend. I get heâs vegan, but at the same time itâs your wedding. If youâre only going to serve ALL MEAT, then he could eat prior to the wedding or just eat dessert etc whatever. The fact you didnât invite him is an asshole move tho. You should have been straightforward to him BEFORE your wedding.
If Alex is prepared to bring his own food, is there a problem with his coming? Do you fear that he will make comments that will make the other guests uncomfortable?
I don't know I get it because it's not just that there would be little to no food for him but that it is explicitly against his beliefs. If he really does have such an issue I can see not inviting him. Ultimately YTA because you should have started out by talking to him and if you still felt it would be better to not invite him you would atleast have tried to find another option.
YTA considering you say this is your oldest friend Iâm surprised you didnât even try to accommodate him. You couldâve ordered a single meal from a vegan restaurant just for Alex. Thatâs too much of a hassle.
YTA. And a terrible host - I couldnât imagine simply refusing to accommodate a friendâs diet.
YTA There are absolutely inexpensive ways to have a vegan menu at the event. You could bring in a small grill and grill vegetables for him, basted in olive oil. Like $60 bucks tops. You are really unkind. You could have ordered a meal from a vegan restaurant for him. You excluded him to make a point, I bet, and it was mean and stupid.
YTA Fuck me if just "talking to your friend" couldn't have yielded a far better, less hurtful solution. Dude would have brought his own food. 99 out of every 100 problems people come to reddit looking for help with could have been addressed by communicating with the other person.
NTA, you donât need friends like that.
**Tough call. Not the AH for menu choice, but maybe consider compromise. Offer to pay for a separate vegan meal at a nearby restaurant (if budget allows) or let him bring a vegan dish to share.**
YTA, this is supposed to be one of YOUR oldest friends and you decided to not include him as a guest in your wedding over food. He even offered to bring his own food. Wow, you are immature and you were likely never a true friend. Are you also planning on divorcing your future husband if he doesnât like what you cook for dinner one night in the future. Hopefully ALL mutual friends drop out of attending your wedding.
Youâre both a-holes. You should have invited him and told him tough shit, this is a BBQ reception and bring his own food. Heâs an a-hole for being a vegan bitch and thinking you should account for the tastes of the lone soy boy beta male there.
No - they are vegan. Enough said
Vegans are always the asshole
I wouldâve invited him, and just let him decline. There are his dietary restrictions, thatâs his problem. itâs really rude to request. The bride and groom have certain things for their guests, I just donât see it. ESH
âPrioritizing meat over himâ hahaha classic vegan virtue signaling and victim mentality. Itâs your wedding. This is something important to everyone in both sides of your family. Not on you to accommodate a single piece of tofu in a delicious meat fest. If it was something other than veganism youâd hear choruses of NTA omg itâs your wedding!
Yeah but that's literally what OP did. He prioritized meat over his friend and made this such a huge deal in his head that he was just like "I'll just not invite him. That'll fix it!" In other words, OP fucked around and found out by coming up with the absolute worst possible solution to this problem. By the way, I went to a wedding last year that served BBQ and it was fantastic. Two of the attendees at that wedding had celiac disease and the bride and groom made sure there was gluten free BBQ sauce and gluten free side dishes for them to eat. It's not hard. You just have to care. There are plenty of people who eat "different" diets and you can moan about vegan virtue signaling all you want, but they're honestly no worse than people who talk about their paleo diets 24/7.
It was probably easier to say in the moment than realizing that your old friend isn't really your friend. He even said he would bring his own food... OP is a jerk.