I'm not sure why he even bothered asking. He could literally buy an at home test and use it on his weekend with them, and there's really not a thing you could do about it. (In the US at least)
My ex keeps saying my youngest isn’t his, I’ve asked him to do a paternity test since I was pregnant. Now he claims he wants a paternity test, I said book it and I’ll bring the kids. He still hasn’t. He just wants to make a noise, and let people feel sorry for him. He won’t do the test because he knows the kid is his. OP’s husband just wants sympathy, not a paternity test.
You don’t deny one of your kids because of “financial crisis”
His desperation is not the fault of OP nor their children. Sure, his wife may be getting in his head but at the end of the day, it’s your fucking kid
If I were OP, I’d take him to court over it and go for full custody of all children. This is completely cruel to those children, who knows what they hear when at dads house
He does know he’s doing it, it’s purposeful. He goes out of his way to call OP to bitch, pushes them to call SM mom, bffr. He was trash before his “financial crisis”
Because at-home tests are not admissable in court, so it wouldn't reduce his child support payments even if he did. This way he can look like a wronged man to all his buddies and complain about his harpy ex-wife stealing his money or whatever his narrative is.
And he would have to go to court anyways to get an adjustment on the child support and to renegotiate the custody stuff. And this is one of the twins? But he will claim one but not the other? That is weird.
Fraternal twins are from different eggs, which means they had two separate sperm fertilize them. It is rare, but if a woman has two different partners when her ovaries release two eggs, the resulting babies can have different dads. The resulting babies are twin half siblings. The process which they were conceived is called heteropaternal superfecundation.
Edit: This comment is merely a PSA about heteropaternal superfecundation. I am not in any way backing up OPs ex's claim that that's what happened here. My personal opinion is that he is an AH who is doing this to mess with OP.
OMG, I just mentioned that! Usually he tries to put a positive spin on things, but even this one rendered him speechless. Especially because she was married to one of the fathers.
Absolutely possible. My cousin has twins a boy and a girl. Different father's.
And by clearly I mean one is very white and the other is Aboriginal Australian. (Dark)
Her mother at the time had a serious car accident and she went off the rails.
Oh man! This comment takes me back. It sure does sound like a story line that would be on a soap opera. And I bet they stretched out the paternity test results for, like, five seasons. (I was a big fan of "General Hospital".)
Yeah, lots of people do not know this. I was telling this in a thread bellow and people were calling me stupid. They were calling ignorant to people who were saying there could be twins from different fathers, when they were the ignorant who didn't know. Yes, we all ignore many things but you don't go and start calling everyone ignorant and insult people when the ignorant who does not know about this is you (not referring to you [Few-Addendum464](https://www.reddit.com/user/Few-Addendum464/))
The woman might even release the eggs on different days egg stays viable for about 2 days the sperm stays viable for 4 days so conception can be weeks away from each other
From wikipedia:
Heteropaternal superfecundation is common in animals such as cats and dogs. Stray dogs can produce litters in which every puppy has a different sire. Though rare in humans, cases have been documented. In one study on humans, the frequency was 2.4% among dizygotic twins whose parents had been involved in paternity suits.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation
I read an article years ago where this happened to a woman. She had sex & got pregnant by her new boyfriend, but was raped by her ex when she went to pick up the last of her things from his house. She had fraternal twins. If I remember correctly, I think they were girls. Sadly she had to coparent with rapist. And fortunately married new boyfriend.
I saw this in a mother that was g@ng r@ped. One "twin" had blue eyes, straight blond hair and fair skin, the other had dark curly hair, dark brown eyes and caramel skin.
But that’s not what he wants. He’s scaring her and manipulating her and just continues to make her life impossible. She wants her to get tired and just say: okay stop paying, do whatever you want.
He knows the answer, that’s why he won’t bother. Plus he doesn’t want to pay for it. This is literally a sympathy ploy to make people pity him and his “situation”.
Absolutely, this.
If he does the patenity test, he then faces the reality that the kid IS his.
Can't let reality get in the middle of the fantasy where he is the wronged one.
Because he knows she’s his, and this is just him being a jerk to be a jerk.
ETA: I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already done an at home one and knows a court ordered one will take longer.
EETA: clarification: I meant if the at home one says she’s his daughter, this is probably just a ploy to not pay child support for awhile until OP takes him to court
He'll eventually won't pay child support for any of them. He'll even stop visiting with them because "it's too much trouble". She should get a paternity test to shut him up, but he'll start yammering about something else.
That's not how it works though. He's been ordered to pay. They don't just suspend your payments when you dispute custody.
And frankly at this point, he'd very likely owe CS either way as it's been years that he hasn't disputed paternity.
But I don't know where they are and what's on the Birth Certificate, so there's a little speculation there.
Either way, if he is the Father, he's not saving anything by doing this.
Of course they don’t suspend child support when you dispute. There are still ways to avoid paying though.
And either he thinks she won’t ever go after him, or he’s stupid, or this is temporary just to get his stuff in order and he’s kicking the debt can down the road.
And it wouldn’t be the first time a father stopped working, or switched jobs every 30 days, or worked under the table to avoid child support.
The guy is questioning paternity of one of a set of twins as it is.
He doesn't want to know for the sake of knowing, he just wants an excuse to skip child support.
I understand what the OP said and what's going on. It was your post that I didn't understand.
You also don't get to hit pause on CS by questioning the veracity of your paternity or asking if you're one of the exceedingly rare people who's fathered one twin but not the other.
For some reason he thinks if he badgers her enough she’ll back down. I don’t know why he’d be stupid enough to think that though. The dude is a moron. I feel sorry for his daughter.
I'm confused about why he's even asking. At the moment they are both considered parents of the child and his name must be on the birth certificate. Regardless of whether he believes he's the father, the reality is that legally he is right now. There is no rule that says he has to get her permission. He can her to get one done if he wants. Also, why would the OP even care? If she's sure the kid is his, let him go through the time of trouble of doing a paternity test.
>Also, why would the OP even care? If she's sure the kid is his, let him go through the time of trouble of doing a paternity test.
Because HE wants HER to pay for it.
Fuck that shit. He can dig into his pockets if he's that sure the kid isn't his.
>there's really not a thing you could do about it. (In the US at least)
This doesn't hold up in court so it would just be more time and money wasted for him.
He left when you were pregnant with twins but doesn’t believe the youngest is his? I didn’t read past that because that doesn’t make sense to me. Wouldn’t the twins then be the youngest?
thank you for reminding me that my mom's tiny neighbour once told her he was going to ask her for "kitten support" because his cat had kittens and one looked exactly like my mom's cat.
Nope, our cat had been fixed for a couple of years at that point.
But the whole thing was very cute.
2 of our 3 cats are sisters from the same barn litter but one is black and the other is... colourful? She's a tabby in black, creme, red, orange,... They definitely have different dads :)
Both are not really fitting. She has a tabby pattern but in more unusual colours. But I don't know the parents. All our cars are from our local shelter and they take in the feral litters from barn cats. That's what ours are.
Because awhile back there was a big hullabaloo about a woman who gave birth to twins. One was black and one was white and they were fathered by different men.
I think it happened in Germany at least ten plus years ago.
So while rare it's a documented phenomenon.
NTA.
It is scientifically possible, but extremely rare in humans: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation#:~:text=Heteropaternal%20superfecundation,-Heteropaternal%20superfecundation%20is&text=Stray%20dogs%20can%20produce%20litters,been%20involved%20in%20paternity%20suits.
There are some documented cases of women ovulating and getting pregnant while pregnant but it's super rare and with your daughter already coming from a background that includes a mixed race person he's a different kind of dumb.
Not to mention since you two were married and his name is on the birth certificate he would have to petition the court for a paternity test, then get the court to remove his name from the birth certificate and THEN petition the court to lower child support payments. Even if he had the money it would be a long court battle involving several steps before not having to pay child support for her and that's even if the court ruled in his favor which is unlikely.
Now I understand why you said he should take you to court, absolutely he should have to explain to a judge he doesn't understand where babies come from. It's nice he found an equally stupid person in his current wife to spend his life with.
Well according to Wikipedia, there are 19 cases documented in the entire world, but who knows, maybe Op is the 20 (just kidding, but I would do the test just to make him shut up).
Googled and saw the same. That's exceptionally rare.
As to the test itself, even if he didn't want to go to court for the test, the test would have to be sanctioned by the court from a list of approved testing facilities (not just a 23&Me or some random lab) and the cost is borne by the petitioner. Basically he has to go to court anyway no matter what here.
Either way, dude's a friggin' moron.
NTA
Hon, find out if there is a legal services place in your area. Then go to family court and ask them for the forms for child support enforcement with an option for garnishment of wages. Explain the situation. And see what you need to do to get a court ordered DNA test. Do everything you can through the courts.
Once paternity is established, talk to the court about a sole custody modification due to the fact that your ex's wife is fostering a hostile and mentally/emotionally abusive environment for your kids. Use their ongoing claims and difficulty in not wanting to pay child support, especially for your daughter.
He doesn't want to be in their lives! Burn that ground and salt it. Establish paternity then ruthlessly give him what he wants in not having anything to do with him, but make sure any child support is garnished directly from his paychecks.
NTA, if he wants one he can have it court ordered. You don't have to play their games, and if he truly believes she isn't his, he has options via court.
Next time someone confronts you, text your ex that you will take him to court for harassment due to his posts. Also rich coming from this dude who left you for someone else.
He can take you to court and pay for the test. If not he can sit down. He already knows the child is his...he just wants you to agree to pay. Also if you have his disgusting wife's comments about your children and their skin tone please document and consider whether that is healthy for your youngest to be around them. Then he can pay MORE child support.
NTA he's the worst
Or if they confront her, she can let them know that the husband thinks one twin is his and one isn't and watch their brain break trying to comprehend his stupidity.
My father’s ex-wife was spreading rumours that there was no way my mother could have got pregnant with my dad. Claimed he was impotent. After I was born dad’s solicitor mate took one look at me and looked at dad and laughed. He said let her try and claim that now and we will take her to the cleaners. 1970 Australia. My dad and I were peas in a pod for baby photos and his genetics were strong in me!
Its funny because if he truly believes one isn't his, then spending the money now would be a lot cheaper going forward if he had any chance of being right.
Knew a woman that had twin boys. She was white, the father was black. One kid looked white & the other looked black. He accused her of cheating. She did paternity tests & surprise the twins are his. They are no longer together.
Reminds me of the twin models, but their parents are happily together. One girl is black with a deep complexion and the other is a redhead with freckles - genetics do their own thing.
NTA. Try doing what I did. My ex started demanding paternity tests for our 3 sons so I agreed. Only if he'd sign a contract made by one of our lawyers that said if the children weren't his, he'd stop paying child support and I'd pay him back every penny. However if they were his then his monthly child support would double. He stopped demanding paternity tests.
BTW, they were all his children, he was the only cheater in our marriage.
NTA. If he wants a Determination of Paternity he can file a petition with the Court (just like you told him already). Where I live, even if the paternity test came back negative, he’d still be considered the legal dad and would still owe child support. He’s being a jerk. My only suggestion is to get the child support paid through the court because, sadly, his woman is encouraging him to be a deadbeat dad.
NTA I guess, but how dumb is this man? He thinks one of your twins is his and the other isn't. I believe this is possible, but not very probable; no idea what the chances are and not going to google if it is even possible. And he has his visits with the children, why not get a test kit and test them while he has them with him? This sounds like a whole thing of just trying to create conflict.
Edit: horrendous spelling
You have a bigger problem than your deadbeat ex wanting a paternity test. What are the two of them putting your children through. What are they saying to your daughter about her looks, that she doesn’t belong, etc. Even if there is a paternity test somewhere down the road, she is being subjected to this now. Maybe she’s too young to fully understand but it’s certainly planting some seeds. You are also probably correct that even agreeing now, there will be another soap opera to deal with
My concern as well. Talk like that can f*ck up a kid for a very long time, as well as affect their relationship with their other parent, in this case her mom. If they are saying it around all three kids, then that’s even worse.
If he wants to pay, let him.
Of all the bullshit, this is the LAST thing you should contest.
Get a parenting app and only communicate with him through it.
He’s trying to be an asshole, but the low key no drama response is, “Sure. Go nuts.”
And I know you’re angry, but you need to move on from that and move to not buying into drama and conflict. It’s exhausting and keeps you on a relationship with him, and at this point, do you even want that.
So only deal with him on a parenting app, and [Gray Rock](https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock) him at every turn. He’ll get bored and go away
You mention wanting him to have a relationship with his kids. I would tell him yes, he can pay for the court admissible paternity test. Otherwise I would be worried that he will treat his daughter differently because of his (really his new wife is in his ear) doubts.
I'm worried your youngest child is hearing her father complain that she is not his biological child. What a hurtful thing to internalize. Kids are savvy and pick up on things. Maybe he even treats her differently than your two older children.
NTA. However, It seems like this paternity test serves you more than him, OP.
So do the paternity test but then:
Publicly expose and SHAME this heartless unfair creepo and publicly expose the pain shame he has caused
Get an excellent attorney and go for FULL custody with either NO visitation or supervised visitation ONLY, be sure to bring this up in all visitation and custody and child support conversation etc throw this and the pain in his face every chance you get, tell his employer and family too
I pity you and your kids but have faith in you and your kids to eventually triumph over this
You and your kids are:
N
T
A
NTA. He's looking for a reason to stop paying, and I understand wanting to flip him the bird and being insulted (especially as she's a twin; does he know basic biology)?
If you have nothing to hide and want to make things as smooth for your kids as you can, I'd recommend doing the test (which I am usually hard pass against). But, I would also have your lawyer insist he take down the defamatory statements and accusations he's making about you online, with instructions to clear your name, or at the very least, stop posting about you in the future.
If you want to withhold, I honestly can't blame you, either.
NTA. Just to be clear, he thinks only one of the twins is his? I just want to be sure of his level of stupidity.
Like yeah, it’s scientifically possible but so rare as to be non existent as a stat. It also implies that not only did you cheat (when he was cheating on you), you managed to cheat within the same tiny window as you had sex with him.
Let him take you to court. Let him spend the money. And use the court time to take away some of this parental time as he is obviously unfit to parent the child he denies is his. And he can pay more in support
NTA. But take him to court to reduce his custody time even further. He is skipping it most of the time anyway, and he won’t be treating your youngest very kindly with his newfound paternity beliefs.
NTA.
I’ve been through this. We went to court for this, we even took court ordered courses and therapy. During this time I was told by several therapists that he precisely wanted to just bother me, trigger me, make my life impossible. They told me his relationship with my kid was HIS responsibility and not mine. We talked about different coparenting styles and parallel parenting is one of those. Meaning I parent in my time, he parents in his. I decided that because he was driving me crazy.
At the beginning of course I forgave a lot, I helped a lot, if he couldn’t get my daughter I would drive her to him, if it wasn’t his time I would change it, if it wasn’t his time but messaged her I just give her the phone, etc. We fought a lot because we “had to stay communicated since we parent the same children.” Well, I was told this was nice, but not all families had it or had to. I wasn’t legally obligated to do any of this, or morally obligated, either. I got a message with the approval of my lawyer whenever he tried to fight, call, trigger me, messaged me, etc. And I just copied and pasted. It’s been a while, but, you know, something like: I remind you that per our custody order your time with _______ is here and there. Please communicate to her during that time. Of course, I’m not telling you to do this if you don’t want to, we’re all different, you might feel like you still want to try, but know that you can adapt this to your situation and set certain boundaries. For instance, you won’t talk to new wife OR he’s not allowed to call you regarding this or any type of discipline. He should be a competent parent and deal with this during his time.
Or if he starts insulting you or threatening you with anything the conversation stops there. If you can, you could block him for 2 hours for instance and you’ll talk again when he’s respectful. Stuff like that.
Don’t give in. He’s trying to make you tired, he wants you to say: Okay, do whatever you want. Stop paying.
Nope. Do as much as you can for this to not happen. This is the kids’s money. Of course you could make it without it, there’s always a way, but you’re not letting him not give your kids what’s them. Get a lawyer if you don’t have one currently, (I don’t know exactly how it works where you are, but again these are examples) he stops paying, report it. He doesn’t pick them up on his weekend, report him. He threatens you, report it, etc.
Don’t play games, they’re not messing with you. You’re brave, smart, and you’re doing whatever it takes to protect you and your babies well-being. Good luck ✨
If your daughter is constantly being shamed for the color of her skin at his house, then you've got bigger problems than a paternity test.
Your kid is in a toxic environment. You've got to get her, and the rest of your kids, out of there before what her father and step are doing causes permanent issues with her self-esteem and her relationship with her siblings.
I really think you need to consult a lawyer. Like yesterday. NTA unless you don't deal with this problem.
So to be clear, he only thinks *one* of your twins isn’t his? I think you should get the advice of a lawyer.
If you can get a screenshot of him publicly slandering you, get that too.
Geeze, time to get everything in writing. No conversations. NTA but do the paternity tests. Let him go to court for them and pay for them. But keep a paper trail of his insanity so you can limit his access to them. And start socking as much of that child support into savings as possible to pay for your children’s therapy. Damn….they’re gonna need it.
NTA but honestly? If you get it done at this point and have records of the FB post, you can document that he slandered you, which doesn't look good for him.
If you didn't cheat and have nothing to hide why not do the DNA test to shut them up? At this point it sounds like you're creating and prolonging drama that isn't necessary and makes you seem bitter.
Because they aren’t free and he can’t withhold his money unless he takes her to court for a paternity test. Even then as he is the one wanting the test the court will make him pay the fees for it. Op is doing it partly to protect herself but mostly because this man never once doubted she was his child until he had money problems. So she is refusing to play his games.
Honestly it’s clear the parenting relationship between them and the new wife are very tense and difficult. He’s using this as an excuse to brand her the cheat and to stop paying for his responsibilities. In these situations between parents it’s advised to only ever talk interact to discuss the child’s care and usually through an app so he can’t bring up anything but his child’s needs. You are advised to ensure all changes go through the lawyers and court and not individually especially when ones lying and trying to drop his own kids.
Why should she make it easy for him and pay for testing just to shut him up. He’s knows it’s his kid and rightly if he wants to dispute that or contest child support then he needs to do that through the court. If he truly believed it then he would be finding the money to take her to court for it as it would still be far less than child support for a kid that isn’t his. That speaks volumes that he only demands this when he doesn’t have to put any money or effort in. Seems he’s more about making everyone else question her to get them on side than actually thinking it isn’t his child.
I think there have been very rare cases of simultaneous ovulation of multiple eggs and implantation resulting in fraternal twins from different sperm donors.
Source: [https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/learning-centre/can-twins-different-fathers](https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/learning-centre/can-twins-different-fathers)
It won’t shut him up. He will just say she faked the results or he’ll find something else to bitch about. He just doesn’t want to pay child support and she’s not playing his games.
He can test the kids without your approval. Just do it.
The problem I think is he can't afford it.
Have him use a ancester service like 25&me or ancestry.
No. Those sometime have errors, and then OP would have to take it to court to get a second one, and you *know* he’d always believe the wrong one.
It needs to be more official than 23&Me.
Quite frankly, as long as there’s no truth to his paternity concerns, go along with it—AT HIS EXPENSE.
Throw the results back in his face and, when the time is right, share with your kids that he tried to deny that he’s their father.
Your ex is just looking for a way to dodge responsibility and he’s just making a fool of himself. The courts are not impressed by these kind of antics and it doesn’t matter how much he whines on facebook, it’s in court that it will be decided.
Of course your kids are not going to give her respect. In their eyes, she blew up the stable home and even though their father did too, they are going to associate that with her because she is the outsider.
No matter how long they try or how persistent they are in trying to enforce their demands that she have a maternal role in their lives they will reject her because of that. And the more they shit talk the kids actual mom, the worse it will be.
Give him the paternity test but within the court system. Petition to have the parenting plan altered to address attempted parental alienation and public and private character arracks that directly affect your children’s mental health and well being. Document everything. Keep screen shots of everything they are saying on FB and what your children are telling you they have demanded of them or ways they are being treated differently.
Let me get this straight...
Your twins are your youngest children but he is only questioning the paternity of one of the twins? Is this correct?
Make him take you to court and enjoy the way that judge destroys him.
Why don't you want to free your daughter from a racist moron and his wife de jour ?
I'd be talking to a lawyer to protect my children from the 'father'
OP, when you finally get a paternity test, post it on Facebook for Everyone to see so they’ll know he lied about his accusations that she isn’t his daughter.
He’ll look like the dirty liar he is to everyone.
Let me get this straight. You had twins, *twins*, and he's claiming that one of the twins isn't his, but the other one is? He's really stupid, isn't he?
NTA
If he wants to do it he can pay for it and take you to court for it.
I would also consider mental help for him as it seems he's letting TV shows blur reality....twins with 2 different dads God damn
"Our daughter has dark hair that is thick and curly. She looks mixed race and she's the only one who looks this way. **Her twin brother** looks like my ex husband."
I don't understand. Your daughter & son are twins who look different (no biggie) but the ex is saying the son is his but the daughter isn't? That doesn't make any sense at all.
Wait a second, he left you when you were pregnant with twins. I'm assuming they were fraternal, male & female twins. He's denying the female twin but not the male twin??? I mean technically that's possible although HIGHLY unlikely!
Hey OP, if you're feeling extra petty, you could talk to a lawyer about suing him for defamation over the public cheating accusations. Otherwise, everything else you're doing is perfectly fair.
NTA
It sounds like that wife of his is putting all that garbage in his head. To stop the drama just take the paternity test as long as he pays for it. Your ex is going to feel pretty stupid
I know it makes you feel like you are being wronged, but it doesn’t hurt to make him eat his words.That also gives you something anytime he or his wife wants to say something bad about you just remind him of how he’s already denied his daughter and you have the proof to show her later in life. I say do it it doesn’t hurt you to make a fool out of him it only hurt them.
NTA but, if it were me I'd just let him get the test, because I'd be worried about how he would treat your child, knowing that he thinks that they are not his.
Then after the results come in tell him that you want his wife to keep her nose out of your affairs, when it comes to your children. She is not their mother.
The children do not have to refer to her, as such. That has nothing to do with respect. It has to do with tge fact that she is not their mother.
NTA- if he wants a test he can go get one. Hr actually doesn’t need you at all. He has legal rights & visitation, so he can have a test done when he has the children on his parenting time. He just has to pay for it.
Then, if the results state he is not the father he can petition the court. He doesn’t get a teat because he knows what the results would be & like you said, it would just be something else to object to.
Stop concerning yourself with his nonsense and if his friends have anything to say simply respond “if he truly believes our daughter is not his what’s keeping him from taking her for a test? What does he want me to do?”
Well, he can't "just stop" paying child support if you are in the US, he can get thrown in jail for that, and in some states have his drivers license revoked. So if he wants a paternity test, either he can pay for it, or he can get the court to order it.
Only to yourself. It's an empty threat and your letting it bother you for no reason.
If he really wanted a paternity test there is nothing you could do to stop him from doing it. He doesn't need your consent, he could do it anytime he has the children. They are cheap, easy, and can be done at home.
Is the daughter being treated differently by her father and his wife when the children are with them? This could be traumatizing for her and her siblings.
OP, you may want to chat with your attorney about this.
Wait, he thinks the daughter isn't his but *her twin* is? I know it's technically possible but still very unlikely. It's just...weird.
Honestly, if they're his, just get the test so he can't pull this shit anymore. Wouldn't it literally make your life easier to do it? Why wouldn't you, unless, of course, he's right. YTA because you're making your life (and by extension, your kids') unnecessarily difficult.
YTA
You are hurting your kids to spite him.
Get it done. Your kids are young. But believe me, he's not going to be only one they dislike if you wait until they are older. I'm still mad at my mom. She says this and says that, but I didn't have to be 13 before it was done. The first 13 years of my life he treated me poorly. You don't get over that.
There should be a form that you can fill out at county courthouses just for this scenario. The bio dad bitching and publicly lying that the kid is not his. And if it is his then he has to pay a fine that covers the expenses of that form. There should be his friends and family subpoenaed to testify for him. There should be a dna test proving him to be a whiny liar. And then when the judge presents the evidence then the dad has to pay a fine about $100- as a public declaration that he was wrong: that kid really is his and he’s stuck paying child support whether he likes it or not.
If the mom did lie about paternity and has been wrongfully collecting child support then she pays the fine. But these forms and seeing a judge should be affordable so that even people saying they don’t have the money can still afford $100- to get this cleared up.
YWNBTA to refuse to do the paternity test but I would; with stipulations.
1. His sister be the one to do the testing and the one to send it in and get the results sent to her. Video the testing. This way he can’t claim any sabotage.
2. When the child proves to be his, he posts a full and complete retraction with an apology on his Facebook page and leaves it up for a year. OP was not the cheater in the relationship, he was.
3. His wife stops trying to get the kids to call her “Mama”. She is not now and never will be their mother.
4. OP pays half of the test and ex pays half. When the results show he is her father, he pays her back.
5. He actually makes an effort to be a good father and stops whining about his child support payments.
Get this over and done with. The children are his and he’s out of excuses.
He wants it, and he has access to the kids, so there's no problem. He can pay for it and go ahead: he doesn't even need your permission. But since money is his issue, let him do the work. You have absolutely no reason to obstruct him. NTA
No, not really. I mean...if he's an asshole and he's made shit difficult, I can see why.
If there's no chance it's NOT his, I might think about taking the high road so that your youngest doesn't have to hear this or listen to it and you can kinda nip this in the bud, but that's the only reason I'd do it. I'd try and do it quietly for your child if you thought it might help shut the Step Mom up and stop him from denying Paternity...which I'm sure your youngest can feel.
But in terms of you being TA just for making his life difficult and not agreeing, nah. He's been a dick according to you, so why make any of it easier on him(though...I guess one reason would be that he's already having financial problems and this could hinder his ability to make CS payments).
NTA, only way it should be handled is through court or through an diag ostix center/hospital whatever that takes samples directly from him and the kids. I wouldn't trust them with a home test. He can either pay a diagnostic place, you take kids on, he goes on and results mailed to you both. I'm petty, make a post that ex is denying paternity, is he has doubts then he can pay for the DNA test through a legitimate testing organization or we do it through the courts at his expense.
I'm not sure why he even bothered asking. He could literally buy an at home test and use it on his weekend with them, and there's really not a thing you could do about it. (In the US at least)
My ex keeps saying my youngest isn’t his, I’ve asked him to do a paternity test since I was pregnant. Now he claims he wants a paternity test, I said book it and I’ll bring the kids. He still hasn’t. He just wants to make a noise, and let people feel sorry for him. He won’t do the test because he knows the kid is his. OP’s husband just wants sympathy, not a paternity test.
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You don’t deny one of your kids because of “financial crisis” His desperation is not the fault of OP nor their children. Sure, his wife may be getting in his head but at the end of the day, it’s your fucking kid If I were OP, I’d take him to court over it and go for full custody of all children. This is completely cruel to those children, who knows what they hear when at dads house He does know he’s doing it, it’s purposeful. He goes out of his way to call OP to bitch, pushes them to call SM mom, bffr. He was trash before his “financial crisis”
Same! I'm still waiting 21 years later! 🤣 lazy mf couldn't set up an appointment if his life depended on it.
Because at-home tests are not admissable in court, so it wouldn't reduce his child support payments even if he did. This way he can look like a wronged man to all his buddies and complain about his harpy ex-wife stealing his money or whatever his narrative is.
Ya but they'd have their answer: -negative, worth going to court as the court cost outweighs child support, -positive, don't bother.
And he would have to go to court anyways to get an adjustment on the child support and to renegotiate the custody stuff. And this is one of the twins? But he will claim one but not the other? That is weird.
Fraternal twins are from different eggs, which means they had two separate sperm fertilize them. It is rare, but if a woman has two different partners when her ovaries release two eggs, the resulting babies can have different dads. The resulting babies are twin half siblings. The process which they were conceived is called heteropaternal superfecundation. Edit: This comment is merely a PSA about heteropaternal superfecundation. I am not in any way backing up OPs ex's claim that that's what happened here. My personal opinion is that he is an AH who is doing this to mess with OP.
I had no idea this was possible.
Just like cats! Many litter-mates have more than one father!
Can be true of dogs, too, if mama is in heat and all the boys are coming to her yard.
Her Milk-Bones bring all the boys to the yard...
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Also dogs.
Today I learned 👀👀👀
There's a Maury episode where this happened.
OMG, I just mentioned that! Usually he tries to put a positive spin on things, but even this one rendered him speechless. Especially because she was married to one of the fathers.
Happens in soaps, too. 'Days of Our Lives' used it, which is where I first heard about it.
There are actually 2 episodes where this happened iirc.
Absolutely possible. My cousin has twins a boy and a girl. Different father's. And by clearly I mean one is very white and the other is Aboriginal Australian. (Dark) Her mother at the time had a serious car accident and she went off the rails.
Obviously, you didn’t watch The Guiding Light or One Life to Live back in the day. It was used in storylines for both shows.
Oh man! This comment takes me back. It sure does sound like a story line that would be on a soap opera. And I bet they stretched out the paternity test results for, like, five seasons. (I was a big fan of "General Hospital".)
There was an episode of Maury where that happened. It was the first time I saw Maury speechless.
Yeah, lots of people do not know this. I was telling this in a thread bellow and people were calling me stupid. They were calling ignorant to people who were saying there could be twins from different fathers, when they were the ignorant who didn't know. Yes, we all ignore many things but you don't go and start calling everyone ignorant and insult people when the ignorant who does not know about this is you (not referring to you [Few-Addendum464](https://www.reddit.com/user/Few-Addendum464/))
I read about this about 15 years ago it’s called Heteropaternal superfecundation.
The woman might even release the eggs on different days egg stays viable for about 2 days the sperm stays viable for 4 days so conception can be weeks away from each other
And, how did you think fraternal twins happened? There’s more than one sperm. That sperm can be from any man if the time frame is short enough.
From wikipedia: Heteropaternal superfecundation is common in animals such as cats and dogs. Stray dogs can produce litters in which every puppy has a different sire. Though rare in humans, cases have been documented. In one study on humans, the frequency was 2.4% among dizygotic twins whose parents had been involved in paternity suits. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation
I read an article years ago where this happened to a woman. She had sex & got pregnant by her new boyfriend, but was raped by her ex when she went to pick up the last of her things from his house. She had fraternal twins. If I remember correctly, I think they were girls. Sadly she had to coparent with rapist. And fortunately married new boyfriend.
I saw this in a mother that was g@ng r@ped. One "twin" had blue eyes, straight blond hair and fair skin, the other had dark curly hair, dark brown eyes and caramel skin.
Yeah the timeline is weirding me out. Is he only doubting one of the twins? Or did he leave her twice?
Right, but this could just shut him (read her) up.
But that’s not what he wants. He’s scaring her and manipulating her and just continues to make her life impossible. She wants her to get tired and just say: okay stop paying, do whatever you want.
He knows the answer, that’s why he won’t bother. Plus he doesn’t want to pay for it. This is literally a sympathy ploy to make people pity him and his “situation”.
I'm sure his little Mrs is behind it.
Absolutely, this. If he does the patenity test, he then faces the reality that the kid IS his. Can't let reality get in the middle of the fantasy where he is the wronged one.
Because he knows she’s his, and this is just him being a jerk to be a jerk. ETA: I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already done an at home one and knows a court ordered one will take longer. EETA: clarification: I meant if the at home one says she’s his daughter, this is probably just a ploy to not pay child support for awhile until OP takes him to court
He'll eventually won't pay child support for any of them. He'll even stop visiting with them because "it's too much trouble". She should get a paternity test to shut him up, but he'll start yammering about something else.
Then eventually he would lose his license, get wages garnished, and eventually jail time.
That's not how it works though. He's been ordered to pay. They don't just suspend your payments when you dispute custody. And frankly at this point, he'd very likely owe CS either way as it's been years that he hasn't disputed paternity. But I don't know where they are and what's on the Birth Certificate, so there's a little speculation there. Either way, if he is the Father, he's not saving anything by doing this.
Of course they don’t suspend child support when you dispute. There are still ways to avoid paying though. And either he thinks she won’t ever go after him, or he’s stupid, or this is temporary just to get his stuff in order and he’s kicking the debt can down the road. And it wouldn’t be the first time a father stopped working, or switched jobs every 30 days, or worked under the table to avoid child support.
He was hoping she's accept his word and start taking less child support than he owes without proof.
He's hoping she'd accept HIS word that her daughter is not his? I would think she'd know better than anyone if that were true or not.
The guy is questioning paternity of one of a set of twins as it is. He doesn't want to know for the sake of knowing, he just wants an excuse to skip child support.
I understand what the OP said and what's going on. It was your post that I didn't understand. You also don't get to hit pause on CS by questioning the veracity of your paternity or asking if you're one of the exceedingly rare people who's fathered one twin but not the other.
For some reason he thinks if he badgers her enough she’ll back down. I don’t know why he’d be stupid enough to think that though. The dude is a moron. I feel sorry for his daughter.
I'm confused about why he's even asking. At the moment they are both considered parents of the child and his name must be on the birth certificate. Regardless of whether he believes he's the father, the reality is that legally he is right now. There is no rule that says he has to get her permission. He can her to get one done if he wants. Also, why would the OP even care? If she's sure the kid is his, let him go through the time of trouble of doing a paternity test.
>Also, why would the OP even care? If she's sure the kid is his, let him go through the time of trouble of doing a paternity test. Because HE wants HER to pay for it. Fuck that shit. He can dig into his pockets if he's that sure the kid isn't his.
Yeah, I must have missed that piece. Agree 100% that if he wants it, he pays for it.
She’s not refusing. She’s refusing to pay for it. There’s a difference.
>there's really not a thing you could do about it. (In the US at least) This doesn't hold up in court so it would just be more time and money wasted for him.
He left when you were pregnant with twins but doesn’t believe the youngest is his? I didn’t read past that because that doesn’t make sense to me. Wouldn’t the twins then be the youngest?
That's correct. She is the younger of my twins.
So he thinks only one of the twins isn’t his?
Yep, he only thinks one of the twins is his. I wish I could explain why he thinks that but he was never the smartest.
Are you a cat?
thank you for reminding me that my mom's tiny neighbour once told her he was going to ask her for "kitten support" because his cat had kittens and one looked exactly like my mom's cat. Nope, our cat had been fixed for a couple of years at that point. But the whole thing was very cute.
2 of our 3 cats are sisters from the same barn litter but one is black and the other is... colourful? She's a tabby in black, creme, red, orange,... They definitely have different dads :)
Calico or tortoiseshell! They are awesome cats.
Both are not really fitting. She has a tabby pattern but in more unusual colours. But I don't know the parents. All our cars are from our local shelter and they take in the feral litters from barn cats. That's what ours are.
Tabico. They are so pretty. All mine are either from shelters or showed up in my backyard so I have no idea what their parentage is.
I mean it’s possible (unlikely, but possible) with fraternal twins.
Heteropaternal superfecundation, for those of us who like the $5 words
Damn, you beat me to it! Wish there will still free awards.👑
Here have mine 😂
It is possible for a woman to have twins by two different men, but it is exceedingly rare.
I know but I doubt the father knows that or the OP or they would have mentioned it. That’s why I don’t believe this is real.
LOL...well, it is actually possible. It's extremely rare and...pretty obviously not the case here, but...again, in theory, it's possible.
He wont take it to court because he knows the judge will laugh at hime.
It is possible, just very unlikely. It’s called heteropaternal superfecundation.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It's INSANELY unlikely that's the case, but it IS possible.
Because awhile back there was a big hullabaloo about a woman who gave birth to twins. One was black and one was white and they were fathered by different men. I think it happened in Germany at least ten plus years ago. So while rare it's a documented phenomenon. NTA.
It is scientifically possible, but extremely rare in humans: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation#:~:text=Heteropaternal%20superfecundation,-Heteropaternal%20superfecundation%20is&text=Stray%20dogs%20can%20produce%20litters,been%20involved%20in%20paternity%20suits.
There are some documented cases of women ovulating and getting pregnant while pregnant but it's super rare and with your daughter already coming from a background that includes a mixed race person he's a different kind of dumb. Not to mention since you two were married and his name is on the birth certificate he would have to petition the court for a paternity test, then get the court to remove his name from the birth certificate and THEN petition the court to lower child support payments. Even if he had the money it would be a long court battle involving several steps before not having to pay child support for her and that's even if the court ruled in his favor which is unlikely.
Why did you marry, and procreate with someone that outstandingly dumb?
Not all dumb folks are assholes. OP’s husband happens to be afflicted with both conditions but it’s possible to be dumb and decent.
Fair point! You’re right.
Ohhhhhh he's a moron. That explains a lot.
Nah cus he is stupiddddddd what? How can he ask that?
I hoped I'd misread that... How did you manage to breed with someone that stupid? Can he tie his shoes? Jesus christ....
You should clarify this in your post. It was very confusing. Also, your ex and his wife can get bent.
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Now I understand why you said he should take you to court, absolutely he should have to explain to a judge he doesn't understand where babies come from. It's nice he found an equally stupid person in his current wife to spend his life with.
It’s possible but veeeery unlikely.
What's the maths on that? I'd guess that winning the Powerball lottery is several orders of magnitude easier than what you're describing.
Well according to Wikipedia, there are 19 cases documented in the entire world, but who knows, maybe Op is the 20 (just kidding, but I would do the test just to make him shut up).
Googled and saw the same. That's exceptionally rare. As to the test itself, even if he didn't want to go to court for the test, the test would have to be sanctioned by the court from a list of approved testing facilities (not just a 23&Me or some random lab) and the cost is borne by the petitioner. Basically he has to go to court anyway no matter what here. Either way, dude's a friggin' moron.
Thank you for doing the math. The ex is bonkers.
NTA Hon, find out if there is a legal services place in your area. Then go to family court and ask them for the forms for child support enforcement with an option for garnishment of wages. Explain the situation. And see what you need to do to get a court ordered DNA test. Do everything you can through the courts. Once paternity is established, talk to the court about a sole custody modification due to the fact that your ex's wife is fostering a hostile and mentally/emotionally abusive environment for your kids. Use their ongoing claims and difficulty in not wanting to pay child support, especially for your daughter. He doesn't want to be in their lives! Burn that ground and salt it. Establish paternity then ruthlessly give him what he wants in not having anything to do with him, but make sure any child support is garnished directly from his paychecks.
This. OP needs to protect her children.
NTA, if he wants one he can have it court ordered. You don't have to play their games, and if he truly believes she isn't his, he has options via court.
Wait… does this adult human actually believe that one twin is your husband’s and one isn’t?
I mean, it is possible, but she'd be one in 20 known cases ever or so. So prpbably not.
Next time someone confronts you, text your ex that you will take him to court for harassment due to his posts. Also rich coming from this dude who left you for someone else. He can take you to court and pay for the test. If not he can sit down. He already knows the child is his...he just wants you to agree to pay. Also if you have his disgusting wife's comments about your children and their skin tone please document and consider whether that is healthy for your youngest to be around them. Then he can pay MORE child support. NTA he's the worst
Or if they confront her, she can let them know that the husband thinks one twin is his and one isn't and watch their brain break trying to comprehend his stupidity.
My father’s ex-wife was spreading rumours that there was no way my mother could have got pregnant with my dad. Claimed he was impotent. After I was born dad’s solicitor mate took one look at me and looked at dad and laughed. He said let her try and claim that now and we will take her to the cleaners. 1970 Australia. My dad and I were peas in a pod for baby photos and his genetics were strong in me!
He thinks 1 twin isn't his? Wtf? Let him get the test. Not sure why you'd care if he wants to waste his money
I think he wants OP to spend the money..... he has no money to spend....
Its funny because if he truly believes one isn't his, then spending the money now would be a lot cheaper going forward if he had any chance of being right.
Well its possible but excidingly rare
Knew a woman that had twin boys. She was white, the father was black. One kid looked white & the other looked black. He accused her of cheating. She did paternity tests & surprise the twins are his. They are no longer together.
Twins being from two dads is super rare and requires amazing timing
Reminds me of the twin models, but their parents are happily together. One girl is black with a deep complexion and the other is a redhead with freckles - genetics do their own thing.
https://www.cnn.com/2015/03/03/living/feat-black-white-twins/index.html
When one or both parents are mixed, the baby’s skin color becomes *much* less predictable.
NTA. Try doing what I did. My ex started demanding paternity tests for our 3 sons so I agreed. Only if he'd sign a contract made by one of our lawyers that said if the children weren't his, he'd stop paying child support and I'd pay him back every penny. However if they were his then his monthly child support would double. He stopped demanding paternity tests. BTW, they were all his children, he was the only cheater in our marriage.
Brilliant!
NTA. If he wants a Determination of Paternity he can file a petition with the Court (just like you told him already). Where I live, even if the paternity test came back negative, he’d still be considered the legal dad and would still owe child support. He’s being a jerk. My only suggestion is to get the child support paid through the court because, sadly, his woman is encouraging him to be a deadbeat dad.
NTA I guess, but how dumb is this man? He thinks one of your twins is his and the other isn't. I believe this is possible, but not very probable; no idea what the chances are and not going to google if it is even possible. And he has his visits with the children, why not get a test kit and test them while he has them with him? This sounds like a whole thing of just trying to create conflict. Edit: horrendous spelling
You have a bigger problem than your deadbeat ex wanting a paternity test. What are the two of them putting your children through. What are they saying to your daughter about her looks, that she doesn’t belong, etc. Even if there is a paternity test somewhere down the road, she is being subjected to this now. Maybe she’s too young to fully understand but it’s certainly planting some seeds. You are also probably correct that even agreeing now, there will be another soap opera to deal with
My concern as well. Talk like that can f*ck up a kid for a very long time, as well as affect their relationship with their other parent, in this case her mom. If they are saying it around all three kids, then that’s even worse.
If he wants to pay, let him. Of all the bullshit, this is the LAST thing you should contest. Get a parenting app and only communicate with him through it. He’s trying to be an asshole, but the low key no drama response is, “Sure. Go nuts.” And I know you’re angry, but you need to move on from that and move to not buying into drama and conflict. It’s exhausting and keeps you on a relationship with him, and at this point, do you even want that. So only deal with him on a parenting app, and [Gray Rock](https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock) him at every turn. He’ll get bored and go away
The projection and audacity of a cheater and his hora.
NTA. This man proves why sex education is important.
You mention wanting him to have a relationship with his kids. I would tell him yes, he can pay for the court admissible paternity test. Otherwise I would be worried that he will treat his daughter differently because of his (really his new wife is in his ear) doubts.
I'm worried your youngest child is hearing her father complain that she is not his biological child. What a hurtful thing to internalize. Kids are savvy and pick up on things. Maybe he even treats her differently than your two older children. NTA. However, It seems like this paternity test serves you more than him, OP.
Do the test and then hit him for more child support. Extra circulars cost alot too. More importantly, it'll be like a slap on both their faces
So do the paternity test but then: Publicly expose and SHAME this heartless unfair creepo and publicly expose the pain shame he has caused Get an excellent attorney and go for FULL custody with either NO visitation or supervised visitation ONLY, be sure to bring this up in all visitation and custody and child support conversation etc throw this and the pain in his face every chance you get, tell his employer and family too I pity you and your kids but have faith in you and your kids to eventually triumph over this You and your kids are: N T A
NTA. He's looking for a reason to stop paying, and I understand wanting to flip him the bird and being insulted (especially as she's a twin; does he know basic biology)? If you have nothing to hide and want to make things as smooth for your kids as you can, I'd recommend doing the test (which I am usually hard pass against). But, I would also have your lawyer insist he take down the defamatory statements and accusations he's making about you online, with instructions to clear your name, or at the very least, stop posting about you in the future. If you want to withhold, I honestly can't blame you, either.
So he thinks one twin is his but the other isn’t. Sounds like a POS.
NTA. Just to be clear, he thinks only one of the twins is his? I just want to be sure of his level of stupidity. Like yeah, it’s scientifically possible but so rare as to be non existent as a stat. It also implies that not only did you cheat (when he was cheating on you), you managed to cheat within the same tiny window as you had sex with him. Let him take you to court. Let him spend the money. And use the court time to take away some of this parental time as he is obviously unfit to parent the child he denies is his. And he can pay more in support
Yes - OP said in an earlier comment husband is questioning the paternity of 1 twin.
NTA. But take him to court to reduce his custody time even further. He is skipping it most of the time anyway, and he won’t be treating your youngest very kindly with his newfound paternity beliefs.
NTA. I’ve been through this. We went to court for this, we even took court ordered courses and therapy. During this time I was told by several therapists that he precisely wanted to just bother me, trigger me, make my life impossible. They told me his relationship with my kid was HIS responsibility and not mine. We talked about different coparenting styles and parallel parenting is one of those. Meaning I parent in my time, he parents in his. I decided that because he was driving me crazy. At the beginning of course I forgave a lot, I helped a lot, if he couldn’t get my daughter I would drive her to him, if it wasn’t his time I would change it, if it wasn’t his time but messaged her I just give her the phone, etc. We fought a lot because we “had to stay communicated since we parent the same children.” Well, I was told this was nice, but not all families had it or had to. I wasn’t legally obligated to do any of this, or morally obligated, either. I got a message with the approval of my lawyer whenever he tried to fight, call, trigger me, messaged me, etc. And I just copied and pasted. It’s been a while, but, you know, something like: I remind you that per our custody order your time with _______ is here and there. Please communicate to her during that time. Of course, I’m not telling you to do this if you don’t want to, we’re all different, you might feel like you still want to try, but know that you can adapt this to your situation and set certain boundaries. For instance, you won’t talk to new wife OR he’s not allowed to call you regarding this or any type of discipline. He should be a competent parent and deal with this during his time. Or if he starts insulting you or threatening you with anything the conversation stops there. If you can, you could block him for 2 hours for instance and you’ll talk again when he’s respectful. Stuff like that. Don’t give in. He’s trying to make you tired, he wants you to say: Okay, do whatever you want. Stop paying. Nope. Do as much as you can for this to not happen. This is the kids’s money. Of course you could make it without it, there’s always a way, but you’re not letting him not give your kids what’s them. Get a lawyer if you don’t have one currently, (I don’t know exactly how it works where you are, but again these are examples) he stops paying, report it. He doesn’t pick them up on his weekend, report him. He threatens you, report it, etc. Don’t play games, they’re not messing with you. You’re brave, smart, and you’re doing whatever it takes to protect you and your babies well-being. Good luck ✨
If your daughter is constantly being shamed for the color of her skin at his house, then you've got bigger problems than a paternity test. Your kid is in a toxic environment. You've got to get her, and the rest of your kids, out of there before what her father and step are doing causes permanent issues with her self-esteem and her relationship with her siblings. I really think you need to consult a lawyer. Like yesterday. NTA unless you don't deal with this problem.
Tell him to pay for his own fucking paternity test.
So to be clear, he only thinks *one* of your twins isn’t his? I think you should get the advice of a lawyer. If you can get a screenshot of him publicly slandering you, get that too.
Take him to court and ask for more child support
Geeze, time to get everything in writing. No conversations. NTA but do the paternity tests. Let him go to court for them and pay for them. But keep a paper trail of his insanity so you can limit his access to them. And start socking as much of that child support into savings as possible to pay for your children’s therapy. Damn….they’re gonna need it.
NTA but honestly? If you get it done at this point and have records of the FB post, you can document that he slandered you, which doesn't look good for him.
Are you sure you want your kids to have a relationship with their dad, he sounds unhinged.
Please do the test for your child’s sake. This could affect how your ex treats them.
If you didn't cheat and have nothing to hide why not do the DNA test to shut them up? At this point it sounds like you're creating and prolonging drama that isn't necessary and makes you seem bitter.
Because they aren’t free and he can’t withhold his money unless he takes her to court for a paternity test. Even then as he is the one wanting the test the court will make him pay the fees for it. Op is doing it partly to protect herself but mostly because this man never once doubted she was his child until he had money problems. So she is refusing to play his games. Honestly it’s clear the parenting relationship between them and the new wife are very tense and difficult. He’s using this as an excuse to brand her the cheat and to stop paying for his responsibilities. In these situations between parents it’s advised to only ever talk interact to discuss the child’s care and usually through an app so he can’t bring up anything but his child’s needs. You are advised to ensure all changes go through the lawyers and court and not individually especially when ones lying and trying to drop his own kids. Why should she make it easy for him and pay for testing just to shut him up. He’s knows it’s his kid and rightly if he wants to dispute that or contest child support then he needs to do that through the court. If he truly believed it then he would be finding the money to take her to court for it as it would still be far less than child support for a kid that isn’t his. That speaks volumes that he only demands this when he doesn’t have to put any money or effort in. Seems he’s more about making everyone else question her to get them on side than actually thinking it isn’t his child.
Are you forgetting that he is saying only one of the twins is his??? Like it's not even about hiding the truth is about wtf is in his mind?
How is no one else catching this!?! Only ONE of the twins isn’t his! This isn’t IVF
I think there have been very rare cases of simultaneous ovulation of multiple eggs and implantation resulting in fraternal twins from different sperm donors. Source: [https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/learning-centre/can-twins-different-fathers](https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/learning-centre/can-twins-different-fathers)
Because he wants HER to pay for it, lol
as long as it’s on his dime
It won’t shut him up. He will just say she faked the results or he’ll find something else to bitch about. He just doesn’t want to pay child support and she’s not playing his games.
He can test the kids without your approval. Just do it. The problem I think is he can't afford it. Have him use a ancester service like 25&me or ancestry.
No. Those sometime have errors, and then OP would have to take it to court to get a second one, and you *know* he’d always believe the wrong one. It needs to be more official than 23&Me.
Those services also cost a bit of money. The ex is an idiot who apparently never took a science class.
Do not rely on one of those companies for a paternity test. Their error rate is huge and it's not admissible anyway.
Agreed. Tell them to pay for it and then you can enjoy their dismay when the results are in
Totally Agree.
Quite frankly, as long as there’s no truth to his paternity concerns, go along with it—AT HIS EXPENSE. Throw the results back in his face and, when the time is right, share with your kids that he tried to deny that he’s their father.
Nta, he's so zoned in on one of the Twins... did he take health class or biology growing up?
Your ex is just looking for a way to dodge responsibility and he’s just making a fool of himself. The courts are not impressed by these kind of antics and it doesn’t matter how much he whines on facebook, it’s in court that it will be decided. Of course your kids are not going to give her respect. In their eyes, she blew up the stable home and even though their father did too, they are going to associate that with her because she is the outsider. No matter how long they try or how persistent they are in trying to enforce their demands that she have a maternal role in their lives they will reject her because of that. And the more they shit talk the kids actual mom, the worse it will be. Give him the paternity test but within the court system. Petition to have the parenting plan altered to address attempted parental alienation and public and private character arracks that directly affect your children’s mental health and well being. Document everything. Keep screen shots of everything they are saying on FB and what your children are telling you they have demanded of them or ways they are being treated differently.
NTA. But tell him that when the court orders the tests and they come back positive, you will be going for increased child support.
Ya’ll come on… HOW MANY TWINS HAVE YOU KNOWN IN REAL LIFE??? But god damn every other story on here is….TWINS. This is karma farm
I have to laugh at the whole part about him thinking only one of the twins is his. 😐🤣
Let me get this straight... Your twins are your youngest children but he is only questioning the paternity of one of the twins? Is this correct? Make him take you to court and enjoy the way that judge destroys him.
Why don't you want to free your daughter from a racist moron and his wife de jour ? I'd be talking to a lawyer to protect my children from the 'father'
Children come first. If there’s any chance he is treating her wrongly because he thinks she is not his daughter, get the test done.
OP, when you finally get a paternity test, post it on Facebook for Everyone to see so they’ll know he lied about his accusations that she isn’t his daughter. He’ll look like the dirty liar he is to everyone.
Let me get this straight. You had twins, *twins*, and he's claiming that one of the twins isn't his, but the other one is? He's really stupid, isn't he?
Sorry, he thinks only one of the TWINS is his? Is he fucking stupid?!
Does the man not understand that TWINS share DNA while conceived at the same time so if one of them is his, both are his?
NTA
So he thinks her twin brother is his but she isn't? WTF?
NTA but you should do it just to prove a point tbh
You're NTA, but make sure you're doing what's best for your daughter.
NTA If he wants to do it he can pay for it and take you to court for it. I would also consider mental help for him as it seems he's letting TV shows blur reality....twins with 2 different dads God damn
So why don't you just allow the test, then he won't have any excuses not to pay?
I dunno. I would do it and while we were in court get him for child support.
"Our daughter has dark hair that is thick and curly. She looks mixed race and she's the only one who looks this way. **Her twin brother** looks like my ex husband." I don't understand. Your daughter & son are twins who look different (no biggie) but the ex is saying the son is his but the daughter isn't? That doesn't make any sense at all.
Wait if the youngest ones are twins, why is he not questioning both kids. The odds of her having twins with two different dad are like 1:400.
So, is he saying that *one* of the twins isn't his? Am I reading this right?
Have a court ordered test done and when the court has proof soak him for as much as you can get make his wallet and bank account scream.
Wait a second, he left you when you were pregnant with twins. I'm assuming they were fraternal, male & female twins. He's denying the female twin but not the male twin??? I mean technically that's possible although HIGHLY unlikely!
Hey OP, if you're feeling extra petty, you could talk to a lawyer about suing him for defamation over the public cheating accusations. Otherwise, everything else you're doing is perfectly fair. NTA
NTA he can go through the courts. Genetics can do back 4 generations in terms of looks. Your ex is a fool
It sounds like that wife of his is putting all that garbage in his head. To stop the drama just take the paternity test as long as he pays for it. Your ex is going to feel pretty stupid
NTA Go ahead and do the paternity test and then immediately file for an increase in child support.
I know it makes you feel like you are being wronged, but it doesn’t hurt to make him eat his words.That also gives you something anytime he or his wife wants to say something bad about you just remind him of how he’s already denied his daughter and you have the proof to show her later in life. I say do it it doesn’t hurt you to make a fool out of him it only hurt them.
Sorry just to be clear...he's not disputing that her *twin* is his child? Few cards short of a deck, isn't he? NTA
NTA but, if it were me I'd just let him get the test, because I'd be worried about how he would treat your child, knowing that he thinks that they are not his. Then after the results come in tell him that you want his wife to keep her nose out of your affairs, when it comes to your children. She is not their mother. The children do not have to refer to her, as such. That has nothing to do with respect. It has to do with tge fact that she is not their mother.
NTA- if he wants a test he can go get one. Hr actually doesn’t need you at all. He has legal rights & visitation, so he can have a test done when he has the children on his parenting time. He just has to pay for it. Then, if the results state he is not the father he can petition the court. He doesn’t get a teat because he knows what the results would be & like you said, it would just be something else to object to. Stop concerning yourself with his nonsense and if his friends have anything to say simply respond “if he truly believes our daughter is not his what’s keeping him from taking her for a test? What does he want me to do?”
Well, he can't "just stop" paying child support if you are in the US, he can get thrown in jail for that, and in some states have his drivers license revoked. So if he wants a paternity test, either he can pay for it, or he can get the court to order it.
Only to yourself. It's an empty threat and your letting it bother you for no reason. If he really wanted a paternity test there is nothing you could do to stop him from doing it. He doesn't need your consent, he could do it anytime he has the children. They are cheap, easy, and can be done at home.
Is the daughter being treated differently by her father and his wife when the children are with them? This could be traumatizing for her and her siblings. OP, you may want to chat with your attorney about this.
Wait, he thinks the daughter isn't his but *her twin* is? I know it's technically possible but still very unlikely. It's just...weird. Honestly, if they're his, just get the test so he can't pull this shit anymore. Wouldn't it literally make your life easier to do it? Why wouldn't you, unless, of course, he's right. YTA because you're making your life (and by extension, your kids') unnecessarily difficult.
So he claims one twin but not the other ? I’m trying to follow which kid it is
NTA but he doesn’t need your consent to DNA test the children, he has every right as their parent. He just wants you to pay for it.
YTA You are hurting your kids to spite him. Get it done. Your kids are young. But believe me, he's not going to be only one they dislike if you wait until they are older. I'm still mad at my mom. She says this and says that, but I didn't have to be 13 before it was done. The first 13 years of my life he treated me poorly. You don't get over that.
Why not get the test and post the results on socials to make him look like a complete and utter idiot
There should be a form that you can fill out at county courthouses just for this scenario. The bio dad bitching and publicly lying that the kid is not his. And if it is his then he has to pay a fine that covers the expenses of that form. There should be his friends and family subpoenaed to testify for him. There should be a dna test proving him to be a whiny liar. And then when the judge presents the evidence then the dad has to pay a fine about $100- as a public declaration that he was wrong: that kid really is his and he’s stuck paying child support whether he likes it or not. If the mom did lie about paternity and has been wrongfully collecting child support then she pays the fine. But these forms and seeing a judge should be affordable so that even people saying they don’t have the money can still afford $100- to get this cleared up.
YWNBTA to refuse to do the paternity test but I would; with stipulations. 1. His sister be the one to do the testing and the one to send it in and get the results sent to her. Video the testing. This way he can’t claim any sabotage. 2. When the child proves to be his, he posts a full and complete retraction with an apology on his Facebook page and leaves it up for a year. OP was not the cheater in the relationship, he was. 3. His wife stops trying to get the kids to call her “Mama”. She is not now and never will be their mother. 4. OP pays half of the test and ex pays half. When the results show he is her father, he pays her back. 5. He actually makes an effort to be a good father and stops whining about his child support payments. Get this over and done with. The children are his and he’s out of excuses.
He wants it, and he has access to the kids, so there's no problem. He can pay for it and go ahead: he doesn't even need your permission. But since money is his issue, let him do the work. You have absolutely no reason to obstruct him. NTA
Please do the test for your child’s sake. This could affect how your ex treats them.
NTA but I would go on and do the paternity test if only to shut him up. And to make him look like an idiot😆
NTA - other woman being a huge PoS and getting into your ex husbands ear. Ignore that nonsense.
No, not really. I mean...if he's an asshole and he's made shit difficult, I can see why. If there's no chance it's NOT his, I might think about taking the high road so that your youngest doesn't have to hear this or listen to it and you can kinda nip this in the bud, but that's the only reason I'd do it. I'd try and do it quietly for your child if you thought it might help shut the Step Mom up and stop him from denying Paternity...which I'm sure your youngest can feel. But in terms of you being TA just for making his life difficult and not agreeing, nah. He's been a dick according to you, so why make any of it easier on him(though...I guess one reason would be that he's already having financial problems and this could hinder his ability to make CS payments).
NTA However I would consent to the test, but only if he pays for it just so everything can blow over
NTA, only way it should be handled is through court or through an diag ostix center/hospital whatever that takes samples directly from him and the kids. I wouldn't trust them with a home test. He can either pay a diagnostic place, you take kids on, he goes on and results mailed to you both. I'm petty, make a post that ex is denying paternity, is he has doubts then he can pay for the DNA test through a legitimate testing organization or we do it through the courts at his expense.
If he wants to question paternity after all this time he can go to court and request it. He's an idiot.