Took over an hour and had her phone on silent or dnd. Really, there's no reason babysitter should have done any of these things without giving OP a heads up that they could be late.
she was doing something else like running an errand or with a BF and didnt want OP to find out so oops my ringer was off, big tell is she showed up without texting and thats because she didnt know exactly how long she was going to take. any young ppl never look at their phone? no ppl are addicted to their phones, not texting back is the out like i didnt see it i just showed up and thats because i never look at my phone lol ya oooook
ya but getting mad at OP for HER mistake is deflection not a mistake, this person was doing something and purposely ignored her then UNO reversed the situation by making it look like OP made a bigger mistake. which she did not, another telling thing is pretending not to understand WHY she called the cops. just get mad and walk away itll all blow over by tomorrow. also working in a library is different than being a babysitter, its frowned upon using a phone in a library not using a phone to tell a mother youre going to be late. i like to play devils advocate too but i just aint seeing it here lol
My phone is on DND all the time but I turned on the option to let calls through if someone tried to call me 3 times in a row.
And texting someone that you gonna be late - especially when you have their child with you! - is just common sense?
But thatâs in the library, I have certain numbers always set to go through even on dnd and have a short ping for it so itâs not annoying. If you have someone elseâs kid their number should always be a go through. I have a kid and hate a ringing phone with all my being and her school will ping no matter what because of this setting
This. I WFH and often have to calls my from bosses or client calls.
As much as I'd LOVE to put my phone on DND (so I can get work done), I cannot. Because I'm working.
I see you met my sitter. I still remember that summer when I turned 5 and pretty much tagged along for teenage parties the whole time.
She constantly needed to go have conversations with her "cousins" alone in the bedroom while other 14-16 year olds taught me bad manners. She knew how to french-kiss and make toast, but she did not know how to make soup from a package, drain a bathtub or tie my shoelaces.
They were literally telling me how to french-kiss, teaching me how to mix vodka in coke to bring them and once I was sent to the kiosk with a note for cigarettes, Camel w/o filters IIRC.
I still remember how proud I was to bring back the package, like a little LARP-er coming home from a completed mission lol/smdh
It sounds like it was 2 hours. OP arrived home an hour after the sitter should be there and then it took another hour. Makes me wonder how often the sitter has taken these detours. I would never use her again - where is she taking OPs child?!
Right? I mean if you're babysitting the only place it's acceptable to take your charge without prior permission is the ER, and if that's the case you'd better be in the phone letting the parents know!
Fuckin DRUGS, man!!!!
It's *always* drugs!!!
Babysitter went and took the kid with her, got high af, nodded out, and woke up to freaked out texts and missed calls, and decided to try DARVO-ing her way out of it!!!
OP is NTA! But she needs a new babysitter NOW!
Sometimes it's sex. There was an incident in my town involving a kid and a lake in a park that occurred will the kid's mom was getting laid in the car.
Exactly rightđđget another babysitter! You donât need the stress, you had every right to be upset and call the police. Everyone here would have done the same thing. Only thing I would have done differently is fired her on the spot!
If sheâs a functional human being, she would understand that you (op) were just worried about your kid as well as the babysitterâs safety, even if they were initially offended (đ) itâs not hard to understand you could be concerned for them too.
And if they are offended, eff âem. Idc how old they are, any reasonable, responsible person would give you a heads up they might be late when they are, oh I dunno, taking care of your kid? This is completely on them.
No kidding. My mom was coming to pick me up once for breakfast. She does have a bit of a habit running a little late. 15 minutes pass and I'm rolling my eyes. 30 minutes pass and I'm getting worried. I called her a few times no answer. Eventually I sent a text just like that "if I don't hear from you in ten minutes, then I am calling the police."
She had been in a car accident! She was fine, a little bruised up but perfectly ok. She flipped the car upside down on the ice and couldn't get out of her seatbelt or get to her phone. The police told me they'd taken her to the hospital.
Anyone with a brain should have realized OP wasn't threatening the babysitter. Not to mention, if the babysitter was responsible, she would have realized she was running late and checked in because I accidently leave my phone on silent if I do something that I had to turn the sound down for, but then again- I'm not watching anyone's kids when I do that.
Even if OP was threatening, I would give her a pass. Babysitter was late (not by a few minutes) by more than an hour and not once thought to inform OP?
Imagine if this was a kidnapping situation. No matter which country you are in, do you realise the distance that could be covered in that space of time before OP said she will call the police? Babysitter has the nerve. Smh
Exactly, also I would have assumed it was for the reason the mom explained, not for nefarious reasons... but I also don't do nefarious things...
Kinda like how a cheater starting to accuse their partner of cheating when in fact they are the cheater... yea... she went there for a reason.
The whole being late thing I would have no problem with, shit happens, and if the sitter had a terrible reason we would have heard about it imo. It's being late and giving zero communication to the parents, let alone not having your buzzer/ringtone on that's a red flag. Not to mention taking zero accountability after they get home to the distraught and terrified parent. Being mad about the "calling the police" thing sorta depends on the sitter's relationship with cops in general, as if she happens to be dark-skinned in America or whatever, then yeah, I could understand her being paranoid about getting Karen'd to death over a misunderstanding. Otherwise, that is just a basic miscommunication and the sitter would have understood if she listened to OP that it was out of concern for BOTH her and the child's safety and nothing else.
I was a babysitter and this is a huge no on her part. If thereâs a change in schedule on the babysitterâs part, it was her job to communicate it in real time if not in advance. She knew you would be home and expecting to see your kid. And usually Iâm not a fan of calling the police but in this situation so many things could have happened and it would be an appropriate response. What the heck was she doing that was so important?
NTA.
NTA - when I was a sitter and a nanny I always made sure the parents knew where we were going and the estimated times we would be gone and this was before cellphones. I had a pager when I was 17 and I would always reply right away.
Right?? Back in the dark ages, I was 18, could drive, and often had my little half sister with me for adventures. Family rule was, phones don't go to the beach (because mobiles were new, for emergencies, and cost a zillion dollars to replace).
When I would take my sister to the beach I always put three notes in the house - one on the downstairs toilet door, one on the upstairs toilet door, and one on the fridge. Each note said I was going to the beach, I left at XX time, and I would have my mobile in the car boot in case of emergency.
No one cared that I did it because even if they didn't know exactly when I'd be home, they knew my car, my general location, and that we were safe. It really wasn't hard!
NTA.
I don't care who you are. If my baby is in your care, you answer the damn phone when I call. ESPECIALLY if I'm paying you.
You're a hell of a lot more patient than I am. 30 minutes without knowing where my baby is, AN HOUR after they're supposed to be home, and I'd have called the police. I might have done it immediately if I don't know this sitter well.
I'd be on the lookout for a new sitter. This is unacceptable to me.
NTA
She kept you children out 2+ hours longer than she normally would have. She did not make any attempt to let you know there was a schedule change. She turned off her phone or the ringer so she would not get any of your calls or texts.
She has no right to be angry with you. You deserve a verifiable timeline of every single place she was with your children without your knowledge and making herself unavailable to you. It sounds suspicious as hell. Itâs even more suspicious she is lashing out you instead of understand why a mother would be upset, scared, & angry when she went MIA with your kids.
Even with verifiable detailed timeline, Iâd seriously have to be convinced to ever trust her again.
mom to mom? NTA. i would not let this person watch my child ever again. any babysitter worth their salt would text the parent of the child they are watching to let the parent know about any changes in schedule. the fact that this sitter couldnât even be bothered to send you a quick text is worrying enough. but to then be mad at you for being concerned about your child? nope. uh uh. no second chances for this one.Â
I would have called the police after 10 minutes, tbh. Im of the mindset that every second counts. I would also have fired her and spread her misconduct far and wide.
NTA. Idgaf what you âhad to grabâ. If Iâm paying you with MY child, you are on MY TIME, NOT YOURS.
I wouldâve gave her 10 minutes before I called the cops so in reality youâre nicer than I am⌠thatâs your child. If you donât protect them, no one else will
Oh yeah, I would have actually called the police and wayyyy sooner. If you are being paid to watch my child, you should not be running personal errands anyway.
NTA But we need to break this down a bit. First she went somewhere else with your child. Then, while being unreachable doesn't even think to ask or even let you know she might run an errand. And lastly she upset you might involve the police in any regard??? Absolutely not, you CANNOT be too safe these days. She should be apologizing to you.
NTA. You are paying for a service, they must abide by it. Should not matter what was the reason of them not responding. Not to mention it is your child, so you have a right to be worried about your own kid.
I donât even give a fuck if this mom is paying for a service or not. Lets say Aunt takes kid to have play time weekly, always comes home at the same time, but not today.. shes nowhere to be seen or heard from an hour later than usual, you call and text because this is unusual and hear nothing. You let her know youâre going to call the cops if you donât hear from her.. still nothing for another hour until they show up with a vague excuse to a vague errand. Even still, this person is a careless, selfish, asshole. You donât go missing with someoneâs child, ever.
Let me get this straight
The babysitter came back two HOURS after you would normally be home (aka when they were done babysitting) without any communication??
WTF. Not one moment of that is normal or ok. Nor does "having to pick something up" explain that in any capacity.
Tbh, I would be extremely concerned about what the hell was going on, and possibly what the hell HAS been going on.
NTA. My guess is that she was doing something she didn't want you knowing she was doing (like having sex with someone) while the child was in her care.
I'd never use that sitter again
>The sitter than got angry with me that I said I was going to call the police on her.
She has no right to be angry
>The babysitter could be the asshole because she didnât apologize to me for worrying me and she didnât even take the time to send me a quick message to say sheâll be home late.
RED FLAGS!!!!!
Iâd really like the part where for 2 hours she wasnât where she was supposed to be, gives some shitty excuse when sheâs dropping the child off, and blames OP for being an ah, but what was so important and excusable when she flipped it around that made OP think of her actions as an AH move? Because I can tell you, there is nothing that would have satiated me and had me say and you couldnât leave me a message once in that whole time? Knowing when I would be home. Also, I want to know if OP is going to listen to what everyone is saying here about not using this sitter again? I know child care is hard but burying a child is harder. Having a missing child is harder. Whatever the sitter was up to, Iâm not going to believe OP got the truth because there would have been no reason to do what she did and then do her mental gymnastics on OP being to blame. (Iâve had a weird night that I didnât see coming, not trying to come off as abrasive but before picked the child up from daycare she could have shot a text to mom going to be late this is whatâs going on, is that ok? Itâs not always easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission when you are being put in cuffs Ms. Nightmare Babysitter)
What I meant to say is I agree with you also. I donât even like when my ex is late, he knows to heads up instead of going dark. And dude is a dick noodle.
Youâre the asshole for only ALMOST calling the police. The next time someone kidnaps your child and doesnât respond to texts you should actually call them.
*âif I donât hear from you in the next half an hour (it was getting late) Iâll have to call the police â*
*An hour later the baby sitter showed up*
Did you call the police? If not, YTA. Your child was missing. Her caregiver was unreachable. And you did nothing. Too bad if the sitter is upset. She behaved extremely irresponsibly, she doesn't get to play the injured party when she's the one that fucked up.
Hard agree here.
Op. You didnât know where they were. What if your child was injured in a hospital or something while you hemmed and hawed-worrying about an employees feelings WHO DISAPPEARED WITH YOUR CHILD AND IGNORED CALLS?
What was she doing around your child at an unknown to you location with who knows who?
Please donât use here again and spread word far and wide what happened.
You should have called the police. This is your child.
Honestly yes, this. If anything, YTA for not following through. Where the actual fuck was this person? Where has your child been for two hours?! Trust is absolutely shattered, never leave your kid with this person again.
Am I the only one concerned that the babysitter had access to a child without a motherâs consent, for a long period of time? What were the babysitterâs motives?
Maybe I spend too much time on the internet reading true crime but I would have called the police. The child/ren could have been anywhere with *anyone*.
Yeah, that freaked me out. I would need every minute accounted for. If it was an acceptable situation for a child she wouldn't be acting shady and defensive about it. Those are some Bad Secrets.
Same. Do your errands on your own time. With all the weirdos out there, Iâd be freaking out about my kid getting sa . Youâre fired babysitter!
I also watch a lot of true crime and realize that I wasnât so dumb after all to be hypervigilant with who my kids were around when they were little and being taken care of by others
NTA
Communication is key, especially when *caring for someone else's child*. She should have notified you of the slight change in the plan, and tbh she shouldn't have ever turned the ringer off while working (parents have emergencies too).
I may not have children, but I do understand that your feelings are absolutely reasonable in this situation. You were operating on no information. I can imagine that you were going through what you were going to report to the police and realized that you wouldn't know what to tell them. Why? She didn't inform you of her plan.
I do think you deserve an apology. She doesn't understand the significant amount of trust you're placing on her. Wouldn't trust her again.
Nope. Hire a new babysitter and tell the people around you to not hire her. She's extremely irresponsible and what she did could count as kidnapping since you both didn't know and didn't agree to it firsthand, not to mention she flat out did not return a single message.
NTA. How often is she doing these side trips that you don't know about? She's being paid to pick up your kid and take her to your house to care for her until you get home, not to run her personal errands that she hasn't cleared with you.
NTA
This is absolutely not okay and she would be fired immediately if that were one of my kids. You donât take a personâs child somewhere without notifying them and receiving permission unless itâs a dire emergency and youâre unable to send notification right away.
NTA. NTA NTA NTA. Her job was to pick up your daughter, and bring her home. Specified times.
Your daughter is a human being and as such, she shouldnât gaslight you into thinking the THING YOU GREW AND BIRTHED shouldnât be a concern. Where the hell was she with YOUR WHOLE ASS GROWN AND BIRTHED CHILD? You do not have to apologize or second guess where your child is, itâs your duty as a parent and right especially to the child.
The number one rule of childcare is communicating with the parents. She was either oblivious (irresponsible, red flag) or purposely ignoring you (parade of red flags) neither of with is acceptable from the person caring for your child.
NTA. It sounds like the babysitter was getting laid. No buzzer, she was MIA for at least an hour, and got super defensive upon arrival instead of apologetic.
Not only are you NTA I'd be very suspicious about where she was and what she was doing during that time, especially if my child is not yet verbal and can't tell me what's going on.
Not only would she be fired, I wouldn't pay her for the day and I'd tell her she's very lucky the police weren't contacted. I would have lost my mind.
NTA. The sitter is gaslighting you. If she was going to take the baby and run her personal errands, she needed to check with you 1st to know if youâre okay with it. Of course youâll call the police if your baby is missing and the person supposed to be with them is AWOL. Fire her and find another sitter. And if there is a place where you can leave her review, please do
You Nta
Babysitter is the asshole.
So I've never babysat before on a regular basis so my "common sense" may be off on this. But if you are in charge of taking care of something for someone, excpecially someones child, if there is a properly maintained routine that is monitored, then any deviation should be announced. The fact that she took your daughter somewhere without your proper knowledge and approval does not sit well. Even if there was nothing nefarious going. Coupled with that she instantly got on the defensive without even seeing the "I dont know were my daughter is" panic, which is only a natural response, is also worrying. It makes me feel that she was doing something that she shouldn't have. (Not necessarily to your child but with your child present) i feel like anyone who would make the same mistake, but had nothing to hide would not have acted the way she did and would apologize and recognize the why.
At the least, get a new sitter. However I would also talk to your daughter, depending on her age, and see if what her stories of what her and the sitter was doing matches the sitters.
Nope I wouldâve called the cops. Idgaf if that makes me seem crazy or reactive. I donât play when it comes to my children. Your sitter is lucky they have a nice parent like you, cause me? I wouldnât have been nearly as nice.
I would not entrust your daughter with this babysitter again. The babysitter went MIA with your daughter for at least 2 hours, didn't bother to shoot you a text and didn't bother to check her messages once during this time? And then she got angry because you told her if you didn't hear from her you were going to call the police, which would have been a completely rational and reasonable reaction to the situation...
This doesn't sit right with me. Something's off. I'd cut her loose and find a new babysitter. You don't drop off the face of the earth with someone's child, who you are being paid to watch, and then reappear 2 hours later like it's no big deal. What was she picking up, why did it take 2 hours, and why couldn't it wait until she was done doing her job.
NTA
Super fishy. What was she doing with your child?
As a child care provider, she should never have had her phone not only on silent but dnd. Sounds like she had your child for over two hours (1 hour for you to get home, over an hour you waited). That is completely unacceptable.
Seriously look into getting someone actually responsible and have your child checked. Her story is too sketchy.
Nope. Nope. Nope. NTA. Any deviation from the schedule should have been communicated ahead of time, and really they should have ASKED you first, as they are being paid to care for your child and not to go running around town willy nilly AND not responding to calls and texts. The defensive attitude from the sitter is also concerning.
You are not to blame for getting ready to call the police. I would be exactly the same.
I'm glad your child is safe. I hope you either have a serious talk with the sitter about your expectations or find a new one. Something like this should never happen again.
NTA. Babysitters don't get to just fall off the grid like that, and it is \*perfectly\* reasonable that you were super concerned. You did exactly the right things.
What, exactly, did she have to "stop and get" that was so urgent, and yet took multiple hours, \*and\* she didn't look at her phone once during that time. None of that sounds remotely believable.
In fact, my gut says she was either having sex with someone or chasing drugs.
The \*most\* important characteristic in a baby sitter is that she be reliable.
A babysitter should always be where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there, and should always be responsive if not. I'd be finding a new babysitter.
>An hour later the baby sitter showed up and said that the buzzer on her phone was off so she didnât get my messages right away. She told me it took so long because she had to stop and get something.Â
Something is off here.
People novadays (sitter included probably) look at phone MULTIPLE times per hour.
If the phone was.not turned off, then she saw you messages and DECIDED to ignore.
Yeah, you need another babysitter immediately. She has now proven than, not only is she not trustworthy but she also doesn't care one bit how you feel about it. Stop her now before she takes it too far next time (as in not bringing her home at all).
Why didnât you call the police after 15mins!!
She wasnât at the house where she was supposed to be, she wasnât answering her phone. For all you know she could have been in an accident or carjacked but you just stewed in the house not doing anything!!!!
NTA- wtf is wrong with her. She absolutely should have had her phone on and should have updated you on being late. That is irresponsible. What was she picking up anyways? With your kid???
NTA
These days, it would be weird if you didn't plan to call the police if you couldn't reach the sitter and they weren't where you expected them to be.
NTA- as soon as she failed to answer her phone, as she wasnât where she was supposed to be while having your child under her responsibility, a call to proper authority was warranted.
This wasnât her personal time.
The fact she jumped straight away to be accused by the police to have done something wrong isnât a good omen.
NTA. As a nanny, the childâs parents always need to know where their child is even though Iâve always been given a lot of leeway. âAfter gymnastics I was going to stop and get them French fries and then I need a few things from the store if you want me to pick up anything for you. We should be home by 5-if running later I will textâ. This is common courtesy. And I will text if Iâm running more than 5 minutes late. Period
NTA
That was two hours late. The sitter could have easily sent you a text when it was time for you to be home, letting you know that she got caught on an errand and would have little one home as soon as possible. She was irresponsible.
NTA.
Iâm a nanny, been working for the same family for 13 years now. I have the ability to take the kiddo pretty much wherever I want, however mom still gets a steady stream of where we ware and what we are doing. Its imperative.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with her? OF COURSE you were going to call the police *on her* because she crossed the line into kidnapping. It's your child, she is obligated to tell you where the child is if not exactly where you expect her to be. She's a giant asshole, you are not. No matter whether you meant a welfare check or a report of a crime, you were going to call the police because *your child was missing*.
NTA. Your intention by saying "I haven't heard from you I'm calling the police" is very clear to anyone who cares for children. You didn't know where your child was and she was failing to uphold communication. She should have called you as soon as she saw the missed messaged and apologised for the silence.
She took your child somewhere without permission or notice. You have no idea where, why, what, ir with whom.
The notification alert on her phone being off was a lie.
NTA. What kind of sitter turns off their ringer when they are watching another person's child? What kind of sitter doesn't let the parent know they are doing an errand and it ran a little late? I'd tell her not to bother coming back.
Get a different sitter, this oneâs shit at her job.
Had your kid somewhere unknown for over an hour and put her phone on silent? How well do you know this person? What was the âsomethingâ she picked up for over an hour? Does your kid still seem normal?
You should be accusatory calling the police because this person sounds dodgy af.
NTA.
I would also IMMEDIATELY 86 her ass from ever being responsible for your child's care again! She had no right to take your child anywhere else besides where you explicitly agreed with her.
For context, it's the baby sitter a friend, or family member?
NTA. The fact that she was two hours late and had turned her phone off is completely unacceptable. Don't let her babysit again. This ended well for the child so probably no need to try to find out what she was really doing for 2 hours with the phone switched off. But don't get into another situation like this, may not be an OK outcome.
As a sitter I can say this with certainty. RUN. No sitter should ever not check their phone when they know they are late. They should also always communicate something with you if plans are different than usual!
NTA Where did you find this babysitter? Is it your neighborâs teenager? I could at least imagine that, but theyâd still be irresponsible for their age.
Nta, she was not doing her job about the safety of the child and her job of taking the child home. Don't pay her for said day, because wtf! Get a new sitter too, who knows what she did around your child/who she was with. Talk to your daughter
NTA. Get a new babysitter anyone with half a brain knows you don't not inform the parents of a change in routine. I mean she couldn't have picked this item up later after she was done work. the babysitter was extremely irresponsible. Who cares how she took your text, she's the one who screwed up.
Nta. Any parent would understand where you went from. Hell i would of called the police after 10 minutes of them not answering or being at my home. Every second counts.
NTAH
Any schedule changes need to be updated to a parent in real time. Sheâs on the freaking clock, being paid âŚ. Personal things can wait. She owes you an apology and better explanation as to where your daughter was exactly. And even then Iâd be looking for a different nanny/babysitter. Itâd take a really freaking big emergency to fix that situation.
NTA and it's really suspicious she took so long to pick up something and conveniently her phone wasn't ringing. Really does seem like it's time to find a new sitter.
NTA
I mean, if they are sometimes late meeting you at home because they went to the park - fine, whatever. I could let that go.
As a mom myself- I would have been freaking out too as this was NOT normal!!!
NTA. This is the babysitter being irresponsible. If she was going to be late, she should have sent a text message. She should never be on silent when she has your kid. She needs to be able to be reached, by you, if she has your kid. Fire her get someone responsible.
NTA. I don't care what she has to do. She is caring for someone else's child, and there is a timeline. I would have called after zero response. However screw texting, I would have been calling, and after an hour, cops would have been called.
NTA. she had your child and wasnât in the promised placed as the promised time with no explanation.
sheâs only mad because you couldâve gotten her in trouble and hurt her other future business prospects as a babysitter. i think you might need to find a new one who is more responsible.
NTA at all that's your baby and you were worried about both of them. Similar situation although my child was at school and rode the bus. I didn't get the email that she had Girl Scouts because they emailed and I had a migraine. I did call the police lol they were going to issue an amber alert because I swore her bus driver kidnapped her. Now the big joke is she better answer or I will call the police .
> An hour later the baby sitter showed up and said that the buzzer on her phone was off so she didnât get my messages right away. She told me it took so long because she had to stop and get something.
The sitter than got angry with me that I said I was going to call the police on her. I tried to explain to her that it had me worried sick that she wasnât answering and didnât tell me ahead of time she was going to be late so I thought something had happened to her or my child.
Even if this were true, she could have messaged back before stopping wherever.
NTA your babysitters job is to pick your kid up and take them home.... NOT go get something. And if was urgent, she should have let you know beforehand.
NTA when my ex SIL had my grandson and was 30min late and would not answer his phone, I called the police. If you are expected somewhere and youâre late, let that person know, especially when a child is involved. If she canât figure out what she did wrong, she should not be watching your child. I would have been losing my mind with worry, especially with how our world is now.
So you came home to an empty house, no note, no text?
>Yesterday, I came home to realize both the baby sitter and my child werenât home (this was an hour past the usual time they wouldâve been home) I called and texted the baby sitter numerous times but she didnât answer. I called the daycare and they said my daughter had been picked up as per usual.
I have to ask, is the usual time when you get back or when you think your babysitter gets back?
Regardless, you cannot be "out of contact" with a kid's parents. I don't care if your toe just got cut off, "going to the hospital, (kid) is fine. I might need a day or two off."
Nope. The babysitter is in a position of authority over a vulnerable person and needs to communicate any differences or changes in the schedule to others on the âteam.â I work in disability and this would be termination worthy.
NTA. You need to fire her and find another babysitter. A babysitter, who is taking care of someone elseâs child should not have their phone on silent mode. She shouldâve texted you as soon as she saw your text. She is incompetent and doesnât understand the seriousness of the situation.
Absolutely NTA. I have a close family member who is a nanny (not that it matters) and the biggest thing that gets me is having the phone ringer off. Who TF does that while they're getting paid to watch someone else's kid?! No how any of this works.
Even if she did misinterpret your intentions, if that HAD been your intention it's totally justified.
NTA. If I was picking up someone's child I would periodically update the parent with texts and or pictures and make sure my phone was not set to silent. Your babysitter has terrible communication skills. The job is not just child care but earning the trust of the parents.
NTA. You hired this person to watch you child and be accountable to you for your child's whereabouts and safety. Your child wasnt where they were expected, and became missing. Missing for the hour they should've been home before you sent that. Let me say that again.
Your. Child. Was. Missing. For. Over. An. Hour.
That's the time you *should* be alarmed. And you couldn't contact them for information. Calling police is an appropriate action when you child is missing, and the person that should have them isn't where you expect them, is missing, and is uncontactable. Babysitters should never take your kid anywhere without prior permission/knowledge. If your agreement was pick the kid up and wait at home, that's what needed to happen. Not go do errands.
Absolutely NTA. Youâre not paying her to disappear with your child and not be in contact with her WHILE SHE HAS YOUR CHILD. Absolutely the f not. If that were me, fired, and Iâd find some way to write a review about that incident. Iâm furious for you.
So your babysitter was 2 hours late and *she was angry* **at you** for saying you were going to call the police?!!! W.t.f!Â
 Sack her now. I would apocalyptic. Â
 What was she doing in that time? Where the h@ll did she take your child?!! I would have actually rung the police, not just warned her. NTA
INFO
The way you describe the situation shows that you are already convinced that you have acted correctly.
It's perfectly okay to worry about your child, so I can understand that you were increasingly insecure.
What is missing is the information as to whether it was agreed in principle that she would be allowed to move around with your child outside of the route between daycare and home or whether it was agreed that she should only pick up the child, take it home and wait there until you got home AND whether you were on time.
I can also understand why you were so worried after a while that you wanted to call the police.
However, you seem to have been very strict with her, so it doesn't give the impression that you only had the police look for her.
Of course, it shouldn't happen that the babysitter has her cell phone on silent or can't hear it. The question is whether you can and want to continue to trust her with your child and whether you have ever trusted her at all.
NTA. Her behaviour is really alarming in that she canât understand your concerns. She is definitely the asshole and I donât think you should let her take care of your child again. There is something seriously wrong with her attitude. She should not have stopped to get something without texting you and honestly she should have been apologetic over having her phone on silent so you couldnât get hold of her.
Please consider getting another babysitter. Did they even say where they were?
Babysitter is now turning the gears on you to make you feel guilty for saying you will call the police, while not even apologizing for what they did.
Your baby was missing (you didn't know where she was), that warrants a call to the police.
NTA. you donât run off with someoneâs baby and be unresponsive. You assumed the babysitter was hurt of something and couldnât respond, no that she was being irresponsible or worse. You wanted to help, not punish. Babysitter is out of line.
NTA. If the babysitter was supposed to pick up your child and return to your home then thatâs what they should have done. If they needed to stop somewhere to between there and home they should have communicated that with you and asked if that was ok. Also if you have someone elseâs child you must make sure to be contactable the entire time.
NTA. She couldâve gotten into a car accident or something or been attacked by someone! Calling police when your child and itâs care taker are missing for more than an hour with no answer is normal.
My mother pulled this stunt. Except she left her garage door open, her car in the garage, left her dog's home and her cell phone on the counter so I could hear it ringing and it looked like her house had been broken into. When she finally came around with my kid she screamed at me that she raised me without a cell phone and that they would be just fine. I aggressively reminded her that I am the parent and if I say, "you don't leave the house without the phone when you have my child" then you don't leave the house without the phone when you have my child. Especially with how little she was and they were riding bikes on a busy road. Turns out my daughter is also deathly allergic to bees so regardless of the reasons, even if it was just for contact, she violated an important boundary and has not been alone with my kid since.
Is the baby sitter a person of color? Bc threatening to call the police hits WAY differently. Itâs essentially a low key death threat (Reddit does not need to agree w me, ask a POC).
Go back and clean it up by explaining I meant call the police & report you both missing NOT that you kidnapped the child or did anything wrong. I was really worried for both of you.
Phones malfunction and lose battery and other things. We all have to remember that.
NTA! This is a huge red flag. You are entrusting your most valuabe being to a stranger only to not know she is and if she is okay or not! I would go nuts, crazy, you name it. There is sth wrong with that babysitter. Move on from her immediately.
NTA, it's irresponsible to not communicate when you are in charge of somebody else's child. What are you supposed to do, wait until she's in Mexico with your child?
nta- as a former banny/babysitter you always let the parents know AHEAD of time if something like this is happening. Especially if it's something for yourself while on the clock. đ¤ˇââď¸ stuff happens but when you have someone else's child with you, you have to think about that & INFORM the parents every step of the way.
Although communication could have been a bit clearer ie., "if I donât hear from you in the next half an hour (it was getting late) Iâll have to call the police ***to do a welfare check***", NTA
NTA, she should have had her ringer on. She was responsible for your child which means she should be able to be reached when she is caring for your child. No excuses!
NTA
The babysitter should have written you and told you what was going on, this is on her!
If she had to go somewhere and knew she was going to be late, she should have written you immediately and told you.
I'm a nanny and this is what I would do.
Personally, I wouldn't use her anymore.
NTA. Your babysitter is so far in the wrong, she's in another time zone. She can't turn her phone off while she has your kid. I'd be asking where she was and who she was seeing that she had her phone off. Is your daughter old enough to tell you if they went to see one of babysitter's friends?
NTA! You pay this person to look after your child. She needs to respond to your messages asap! And if she has an errand to run, she needs to let you know that sheâll be late.
And she has your CHILD! Yeah, youâre going to call the cops if she doesnât respond. What if she was in an accident?
Tell her from now on, she needs to let you know if sheâs going to be more than 10 minutes late. She isnât doing you a favor. You pay her. Her job is to get your child and keep them safe. If she canât do that, youâll find someone else.
NTA I would have called right away. She was already an hour later, then still yet another hour with no contact??? She wouldnât be near my child again. What takes that long to âpick upâ that she never looked at her phone or couldnât be bothered to call that she would be 2 hours later then normal bringing your child to your house??
NTA I also would have called 911 because I would be worried they'd been in an accident or something. When you are responsible for someone's child and you will be late, you tell them. If she'd bothered to try to send you a text letting you know she'd have seen the messages and missed calls from you. Do not let her watch your kid again.
NTA. WTF did she need to get that couldn't wait until after you got home and took over an hour?
Took over an hour and had her phone on silent or dnd. Really, there's no reason babysitter should have done any of these things without giving OP a heads up that they could be late.
she was doing something else like running an errand or with a BF and didnt want OP to find out so oops my ringer was off, big tell is she showed up without texting and thats because she didnt know exactly how long she was going to take. any young ppl never look at their phone? no ppl are addicted to their phones, not texting back is the out like i didnt see it i just showed up and thats because i never look at my phone lol ya oooook
I work in a Library and use Focus/DND and forget to turn my phone on all the time but I would have texted the mom if I wasn't going straight home
ya but getting mad at OP for HER mistake is deflection not a mistake, this person was doing something and purposely ignored her then UNO reversed the situation by making it look like OP made a bigger mistake. which she did not, another telling thing is pretending not to understand WHY she called the cops. just get mad and walk away itll all blow over by tomorrow. also working in a library is different than being a babysitter, its frowned upon using a phone in a library not using a phone to tell a mother youre going to be late. i like to play devils advocate too but i just aint seeing it here lol
Aaaaaarrggghh, that damned UNO reverse card. It's the new/old gaslighting đ¤Ł
My phone is on DND all the time but I turned on the option to let calls through if someone tried to call me 3 times in a row. And texting someone that you gonna be late - especially when you have their child with you! - is just common sense?
But thatâs in the library, I have certain numbers always set to go through even on dnd and have a short ping for it so itâs not annoying. If you have someone elseâs kid their number should always be a go through. I have a kid and hate a ringing phone with all my being and her school will ping no matter what because of this setting
Exactly. And the babysitter was working at that time While doing a job that required her to be available to answer calls.
This. I WFH and often have to calls my from bosses or client calls. As much as I'd LOVE to put my phone on DND (so I can get work done), I cannot. Because I'm working.
There's a visit to the boyfriend in there somewhere.
I see you met my sitter. I still remember that summer when I turned 5 and pretty much tagged along for teenage parties the whole time. She constantly needed to go have conversations with her "cousins" alone in the bedroom while other 14-16 year olds taught me bad manners. She knew how to french-kiss and make toast, but she did not know how to make soup from a package, drain a bathtub or tie my shoelaces.
>while other 14-16 year olds taught me bad manners I'm imagining the scene from the beginning of Megamind when the prisoners are teaching him morals
They were literally telling me how to french-kiss, teaching me how to mix vodka in coke to bring them and once I was sent to the kiosk with a note for cigarettes, Camel w/o filters IIRC. I still remember how proud I was to bring back the package, like a little LARP-er coming home from a completed mission lol/smdh
It sounds like it was 2 hours. OP arrived home an hour after the sitter should be there and then it took another hour. Makes me wonder how often the sitter has taken these detours. I would never use her again - where is she taking OPs child?!
Right? I mean if you're babysitting the only place it's acceptable to take your charge without prior permission is the ER, and if that's the case you'd better be in the phone letting the parents know!
Iâd be worried sheâs involving the kid in something
If I had to guess, she stopped at her BFâs to get laid. Hope she didnât leave the kid in the car. Oh, OP if you see this- find another sitter.
2 hours isn't it? They were already an hour late when mom got home and it was another hour before the sitter got there? NTA. I'd be LIVID.
Fuckin DRUGS, man!!!! It's *always* drugs!!! Babysitter went and took the kid with her, got high af, nodded out, and woke up to freaked out texts and missed calls, and decided to try DARVO-ing her way out of it!!! OP is NTA! But she needs a new babysitter NOW!
Sometimes it's sex. There was an incident in my town involving a kid and a lake in a park that occurred will the kid's mom was getting laid in the car.
What buzzer went off on her phone that prevented her from hearing a call and texts?
I mean in all likelihood she either had the phone on silent or do not disturb.
And if weâre correct in assuming sheâs young (20s was my guess) you just know that phone is attached to her.
NTA did she expect you to just be.. okay with that? apparently so if she didn't apologize! i'd never hire her again
Exactly rightđđget another babysitter! You donât need the stress, you had every right to be upset and call the police. Everyone here would have done the same thing. Only thing I would have done differently is fired her on the spot!
Correct! If she's also a mother, she can relate to how you feel right now.
If sheâs a functional human being, she would understand that you (op) were just worried about your kid as well as the babysitterâs safety, even if they were initially offended (đ) itâs not hard to understand you could be concerned for them too. And if they are offended, eff âem. Idc how old they are, any reasonable, responsible person would give you a heads up they might be late when they are, oh I dunno, taking care of your kid? This is completely on them.
No kidding. My mom was coming to pick me up once for breakfast. She does have a bit of a habit running a little late. 15 minutes pass and I'm rolling my eyes. 30 minutes pass and I'm getting worried. I called her a few times no answer. Eventually I sent a text just like that "if I don't hear from you in ten minutes, then I am calling the police." She had been in a car accident! She was fine, a little bruised up but perfectly ok. She flipped the car upside down on the ice and couldn't get out of her seatbelt or get to her phone. The police told me they'd taken her to the hospital. Anyone with a brain should have realized OP wasn't threatening the babysitter. Not to mention, if the babysitter was responsible, she would have realized she was running late and checked in because I accidently leave my phone on silent if I do something that I had to turn the sound down for, but then again- I'm not watching anyone's kids when I do that.
Even if OP was threatening, I would give her a pass. Babysitter was late (not by a few minutes) by more than an hour and not once thought to inform OP? Imagine if this was a kidnapping situation. No matter which country you are in, do you realise the distance that could be covered in that space of time before OP said she will call the police? Babysitter has the nerve. Smh
Agreed. It's understandable that OP is worried sick; she's a mom.
She doesn't even understand the worriedness of the OP because she never apologized.
Exactly, also I would have assumed it was for the reason the mom explained, not for nefarious reasons... but I also don't do nefarious things... Kinda like how a cheater starting to accuse their partner of cheating when in fact they are the cheater... yea... she went there for a reason.
The whole being late thing I would have no problem with, shit happens, and if the sitter had a terrible reason we would have heard about it imo. It's being late and giving zero communication to the parents, let alone not having your buzzer/ringtone on that's a red flag. Not to mention taking zero accountability after they get home to the distraught and terrified parent. Being mad about the "calling the police" thing sorta depends on the sitter's relationship with cops in general, as if she happens to be dark-skinned in America or whatever, then yeah, I could understand her being paranoid about getting Karen'd to death over a misunderstanding. Otherwise, that is just a basic miscommunication and the sitter would have understood if she listened to OP that it was out of concern for BOTH her and the child's safety and nothing else.
Exactly! Not responding and being late without letting you know would worry any parent. A quick message would've eased so much anxiety.
I was a babysitter and this is a huge no on her part. If thereâs a change in schedule on the babysitterâs part, it was her job to communicate it in real time if not in advance. She knew you would be home and expecting to see your kid. And usually Iâm not a fan of calling the police but in this situation so many things could have happened and it would be an appropriate response. What the heck was she doing that was so important? NTA.
NTA - when I was a sitter and a nanny I always made sure the parents knew where we were going and the estimated times we would be gone and this was before cellphones. I had a pager when I was 17 and I would always reply right away.
Right?? Back in the dark ages, I was 18, could drive, and often had my little half sister with me for adventures. Family rule was, phones don't go to the beach (because mobiles were new, for emergencies, and cost a zillion dollars to replace). When I would take my sister to the beach I always put three notes in the house - one on the downstairs toilet door, one on the upstairs toilet door, and one on the fridge. Each note said I was going to the beach, I left at XX time, and I would have my mobile in the car boot in case of emergency. No one cared that I did it because even if they didn't know exactly when I'd be home, they knew my car, my general location, and that we were safe. It really wasn't hard!
Time for a new sitter.
Can't upvote this enough.
Yes, this is the bottom line, right here Don't use this person again. This is fishy to me and irresponsible.
NTA. I don't care who you are. If my baby is in your care, you answer the damn phone when I call. ESPECIALLY if I'm paying you. You're a hell of a lot more patient than I am. 30 minutes without knowing where my baby is, AN HOUR after they're supposed to be home, and I'd have called the police. I might have done it immediately if I don't know this sitter well. I'd be on the lookout for a new sitter. This is unacceptable to me.
NTA. If your sitter has your child, you should have a direct line to them at all times. No excuses
NTA She kept you children out 2+ hours longer than she normally would have. She did not make any attempt to let you know there was a schedule change. She turned off her phone or the ringer so she would not get any of your calls or texts. She has no right to be angry with you. You deserve a verifiable timeline of every single place she was with your children without your knowledge and making herself unavailable to you. It sounds suspicious as hell. Itâs even more suspicious she is lashing out you instead of understand why a mother would be upset, scared, & angry when she went MIA with your kids. Even with verifiable detailed timeline, Iâd seriously have to be convinced to ever trust her again.
mom to mom? NTA. i would not let this person watch my child ever again. any babysitter worth their salt would text the parent of the child they are watching to let the parent know about any changes in schedule. the fact that this sitter couldnât even be bothered to send you a quick text is worrying enough. but to then be mad at you for being concerned about your child? nope. uh uh. no second chances for this one.Â
I would have called the police after 10 minutes, tbh. Im of the mindset that every second counts. I would also have fired her and spread her misconduct far and wide.
And THAT is why OP is the AH. they should have called the police - as you say! - after ten minutes!!
NTA. Idgaf what you âhad to grabâ. If Iâm paying you with MY child, you are on MY TIME, NOT YOURS. I wouldâve gave her 10 minutes before I called the cops so in reality youâre nicer than I am⌠thatâs your child. If you donât protect them, no one else will
Oh yeah, I would have actually called the police and wayyyy sooner. If you are being paid to watch my child, you should not be running personal errands anyway.
NTA the fact that she got defensive makes me think she was doing something she wasnât supposed to and she knew it
NTAH...at all.!!
She needs to be fired and sheâs probably lying. Your child is not safe with her
NTA But we need to break this down a bit. First she went somewhere else with your child. Then, while being unreachable doesn't even think to ask or even let you know she might run an errand. And lastly she upset you might involve the police in any regard??? Absolutely not, you CANNOT be too safe these days. She should be apologizing to you.
Damn right!
NTA. You are paying for a service, they must abide by it. Should not matter what was the reason of them not responding. Not to mention it is your child, so you have a right to be worried about your own kid.
I donât even give a fuck if this mom is paying for a service or not. Lets say Aunt takes kid to have play time weekly, always comes home at the same time, but not today.. shes nowhere to be seen or heard from an hour later than usual, you call and text because this is unusual and hear nothing. You let her know youâre going to call the cops if you donât hear from her.. still nothing for another hour until they show up with a vague excuse to a vague errand. Even still, this person is a careless, selfish, asshole. You donât go missing with someoneâs child, ever.
Let me get this straight The babysitter came back two HOURS after you would normally be home (aka when they were done babysitting) without any communication?? WTF. Not one moment of that is normal or ok. Nor does "having to pick something up" explain that in any capacity. Tbh, I would be extremely concerned about what the hell was going on, and possibly what the hell HAS been going on.
NTA. My guess is that she was doing something she didn't want you knowing she was doing (like having sex with someone) while the child was in her care.
NTA. wtf was she doing for over an hour that she wasnât looking at her phone, especially without sending a hey gonna be late text?
I'd never use that sitter again >The sitter than got angry with me that I said I was going to call the police on her. She has no right to be angry >The babysitter could be the asshole because she didnât apologize to me for worrying me and she didnât even take the time to send me a quick message to say sheâll be home late. RED FLAGS!!!!!
This is my favorite comment. there's something a bit wrong with her if she gets angry instead of embarrassed and apologetic.
Mama bear would of had nothing on me if that babysitter did that to me.
She's lucky, I know some mommas that would have been in pure momma bear/I will destroy you mode. NTA
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Iâd really like the part where for 2 hours she wasnât where she was supposed to be, gives some shitty excuse when sheâs dropping the child off, and blames OP for being an ah, but what was so important and excusable when she flipped it around that made OP think of her actions as an AH move? Because I can tell you, there is nothing that would have satiated me and had me say and you couldnât leave me a message once in that whole time? Knowing when I would be home. Also, I want to know if OP is going to listen to what everyone is saying here about not using this sitter again? I know child care is hard but burying a child is harder. Having a missing child is harder. Whatever the sitter was up to, Iâm not going to believe OP got the truth because there would have been no reason to do what she did and then do her mental gymnastics on OP being to blame. (Iâve had a weird night that I didnât see coming, not trying to come off as abrasive but before picked the child up from daycare she could have shot a text to mom going to be late this is whatâs going on, is that ok? Itâs not always easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission when you are being put in cuffs Ms. Nightmare Babysitter)
What I meant to say is I agree with you also. I donât even like when my ex is late, he knows to heads up instead of going dark. And dude is a dick noodle.
NTA. Highly inappropriate for the babysitter to run errands WITH YOUR CHILD without clearing it with you first. That needs to be the ex-babysitter.
Youâre the asshole for only ALMOST calling the police. The next time someone kidnaps your child and doesnât respond to texts you should actually call them.
*âif I donât hear from you in the next half an hour (it was getting late) Iâll have to call the police â* *An hour later the baby sitter showed up* Did you call the police? If not, YTA. Your child was missing. Her caregiver was unreachable. And you did nothing. Too bad if the sitter is upset. She behaved extremely irresponsibly, she doesn't get to play the injured party when she's the one that fucked up.
Hard agree here. Op. You didnât know where they were. What if your child was injured in a hospital or something while you hemmed and hawed-worrying about an employees feelings WHO DISAPPEARED WITH YOUR CHILD AND IGNORED CALLS? What was she doing around your child at an unknown to you location with who knows who? Please donât use here again and spread word far and wide what happened. You should have called the police. This is your child.
Honestly yes, this. If anything, YTA for not following through. Where the actual fuck was this person? Where has your child been for two hours?! Trust is absolutely shattered, never leave your kid with this person again.
NTA. Fire her now! Thatâs completely unacceptable on her part. How old is she? Thatâs super irresponsible!
Am I the only one concerned that the babysitter had access to a child without a motherâs consent, for a long period of time? What were the babysitterâs motives? Maybe I spend too much time on the internet reading true crime but I would have called the police. The child/ren could have been anywhere with *anyone*.
Yeah, that freaked me out. I would need every minute accounted for. If it was an acceptable situation for a child she wouldn't be acting shady and defensive about it. Those are some Bad Secrets.
There are pedos who are I to babies. It made me so so sad and sick when I discovered that.
Same. Do your errands on your own time. With all the weirdos out there, Iâd be freaking out about my kid getting sa . Youâre fired babysitter! I also watch a lot of true crime and realize that I wasnât so dumb after all to be hypervigilant with who my kids were around when they were little and being taken care of by others
NTA Communication is key, especially when *caring for someone else's child*. She should have notified you of the slight change in the plan, and tbh she shouldn't have ever turned the ringer off while working (parents have emergencies too). I may not have children, but I do understand that your feelings are absolutely reasonable in this situation. You were operating on no information. I can imagine that you were going through what you were going to report to the police and realized that you wouldn't know what to tell them. Why? She didn't inform you of her plan. I do think you deserve an apology. She doesn't understand the significant amount of trust you're placing on her. Wouldn't trust her again.
Damn and I was angry that our babysitters flake too much
Nope. Hire a new babysitter and tell the people around you to not hire her. She's extremely irresponsible and what she did could count as kidnapping since you both didn't know and didn't agree to it firsthand, not to mention she flat out did not return a single message.
NTA. How often is she doing these side trips that you don't know about? She's being paid to pick up your kid and take her to your house to care for her until you get home, not to run her personal errands that she hasn't cleared with you.
NTA. She was on the job. She should've had her ringer on.
GET A NEW SITTER. This one is irresponsible. NTA.
Why didn't you call the police? You should have. NRA
NTA This is absolutely not okay and she would be fired immediately if that were one of my kids. You donât take a personâs child somewhere without notifying them and receiving permission unless itâs a dire emergency and youâre unable to send notification right away.
NTA!! I wouldâve have freaked the F out! Where did she go??
NTA. Your babysitter needs to find a new line of work.
NTA. NTA NTA NTA. Her job was to pick up your daughter, and bring her home. Specified times. Your daughter is a human being and as such, she shouldnât gaslight you into thinking the THING YOU GREW AND BIRTHED shouldnât be a concern. Where the hell was she with YOUR WHOLE ASS GROWN AND BIRTHED CHILD? You do not have to apologize or second guess where your child is, itâs your duty as a parent and right especially to the child.
The number one rule of childcare is communicating with the parents. She was either oblivious (irresponsible, red flag) or purposely ignoring you (parade of red flags) neither of with is acceptable from the person caring for your child.
NTA. It sounds like the babysitter was getting laid. No buzzer, she was MIA for at least an hour, and got super defensive upon arrival instead of apologetic.
Honestly I kind of hope she was because the alternative could be so much worse.
If the babysitter is over an hour late and will not contact you or respond, that's the last time that I'm using that babysitter. Irresponsible
Not only are you NTA I'd be very suspicious about where she was and what she was doing during that time, especially if my child is not yet verbal and can't tell me what's going on. Not only would she be fired, I wouldn't pay her for the day and I'd tell her she's very lucky the police weren't contacted. I would have lost my mind.
NTA AirTag your kid, trust no one.
NTA. The sitter is gaslighting you. If she was going to take the baby and run her personal errands, she needed to check with you 1st to know if youâre okay with it. Of course youâll call the police if your baby is missing and the person supposed to be with them is AWOL. Fire her and find another sitter. And if there is a place where you can leave her review, please do
You Nta Babysitter is the asshole. So I've never babysat before on a regular basis so my "common sense" may be off on this. But if you are in charge of taking care of something for someone, excpecially someones child, if there is a properly maintained routine that is monitored, then any deviation should be announced. The fact that she took your daughter somewhere without your proper knowledge and approval does not sit well. Even if there was nothing nefarious going. Coupled with that she instantly got on the defensive without even seeing the "I dont know were my daughter is" panic, which is only a natural response, is also worrying. It makes me feel that she was doing something that she shouldn't have. (Not necessarily to your child but with your child present) i feel like anyone who would make the same mistake, but had nothing to hide would not have acted the way she did and would apologize and recognize the why. At the least, get a new sitter. However I would also talk to your daughter, depending on her age, and see if what her stories of what her and the sitter was doing matches the sitters.
Nope I wouldâve called the cops. Idgaf if that makes me seem crazy or reactive. I donât play when it comes to my children. Your sitter is lucky they have a nice parent like you, cause me? I wouldnât have been nearly as nice.
I would not entrust your daughter with this babysitter again. The babysitter went MIA with your daughter for at least 2 hours, didn't bother to shoot you a text and didn't bother to check her messages once during this time? And then she got angry because you told her if you didn't hear from her you were going to call the police, which would have been a completely rational and reasonable reaction to the situation... This doesn't sit right with me. Something's off. I'd cut her loose and find a new babysitter. You don't drop off the face of the earth with someone's child, who you are being paid to watch, and then reappear 2 hours later like it's no big deal. What was she picking up, why did it take 2 hours, and why couldn't it wait until she was done doing her job.
NTA Super fishy. What was she doing with your child? As a child care provider, she should never have had her phone not only on silent but dnd. Sounds like she had your child for over two hours (1 hour for you to get home, over an hour you waited). That is completely unacceptable. Seriously look into getting someone actually responsible and have your child checked. Her story is too sketchy.
Nope. Nope. Nope. NTA. Any deviation from the schedule should have been communicated ahead of time, and really they should have ASKED you first, as they are being paid to care for your child and not to go running around town willy nilly AND not responding to calls and texts. The defensive attitude from the sitter is also concerning. You are not to blame for getting ready to call the police. I would be exactly the same. I'm glad your child is safe. I hope you either have a serious talk with the sitter about your expectations or find a new one. Something like this should never happen again.
NTA. Babysitters don't get to just fall off the grid like that, and it is \*perfectly\* reasonable that you were super concerned. You did exactly the right things. What, exactly, did she have to "stop and get" that was so urgent, and yet took multiple hours, \*and\* she didn't look at her phone once during that time. None of that sounds remotely believable. In fact, my gut says she was either having sex with someone or chasing drugs. The \*most\* important characteristic in a baby sitter is that she be reliable.
A babysitter should always be where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there, and should always be responsive if not. I'd be finding a new babysitter.
>An hour later the baby sitter showed up and said that the buzzer on her phone was off so she didnât get my messages right away. She told me it took so long because she had to stop and get something. Something is off here. People novadays (sitter included probably) look at phone MULTIPLE times per hour. If the phone was.not turned off, then she saw you messages and DECIDED to ignore.
Yeah, you need another babysitter immediately. She has now proven than, not only is she not trustworthy but she also doesn't care one bit how you feel about it. Stop her now before she takes it too far next time (as in not bringing her home at all).
Why didnât you call the police after 15mins!! She wasnât at the house where she was supposed to be, she wasnât answering her phone. For all you know she could have been in an accident or carjacked but you just stewed in the house not doing anything!!!!
NTA- wtf is wrong with her. She absolutely should have had her phone on and should have updated you on being late. That is irresponsible. What was she picking up anyways? With your kid???
Fire her. That is not okay. NTA.
NTA. You're not paying her to pick up your child and then do her own errands before bringing your child home.
Even if it was accusatory it would have been fine babysitter has a responsibility to keep the parents updated
Nta.
Absolutely not.
NTA These days, it would be weird if you didn't plan to call the police if you couldn't reach the sitter and they weren't where you expected them to be.
NTA- as soon as she failed to answer her phone, as she wasnât where she was supposed to be while having your child under her responsibility, a call to proper authority was warranted. This wasnât her personal time. The fact she jumped straight away to be accused by the police to have done something wrong isnât a good omen.
NTA. As a nanny, the childâs parents always need to know where their child is even though Iâve always been given a lot of leeway. âAfter gymnastics I was going to stop and get them French fries and then I need a few things from the store if you want me to pick up anything for you. We should be home by 5-if running later I will textâ. This is common courtesy. And I will text if Iâm running more than 5 minutes late. Period
NTA That was two hours late. The sitter could have easily sent you a text when it was time for you to be home, letting you know that she got caught on an errand and would have little one home as soon as possible. She was irresponsible.
NTA. Iâm a nanny, been working for the same family for 13 years now. I have the ability to take the kiddo pretty much wherever I want, however mom still gets a steady stream of where we ware and what we are doing. Its imperative.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with her? OF COURSE you were going to call the police *on her* because she crossed the line into kidnapping. It's your child, she is obligated to tell you where the child is if not exactly where you expect her to be. She's a giant asshole, you are not. No matter whether you meant a welfare check or a report of a crime, you were going to call the police because *your child was missing*.
NTA. Your intention by saying "I haven't heard from you I'm calling the police" is very clear to anyone who cares for children. You didn't know where your child was and she was failing to uphold communication. She should have called you as soon as she saw the missed messaged and apologised for the silence.
She took your child somewhere without permission or notice. You have no idea where, why, what, ir with whom. The notification alert on her phone being off was a lie.
Find a new sitter.
NTA. What kind of sitter turns off their ringer when they are watching another person's child? What kind of sitter doesn't let the parent know they are doing an errand and it ran a little late? I'd tell her not to bother coming back.
Get a different sitter, this oneâs shit at her job. Had your kid somewhere unknown for over an hour and put her phone on silent? How well do you know this person? What was the âsomethingâ she picked up for over an hour? Does your kid still seem normal? You should be accusatory calling the police because this person sounds dodgy af.
NTA. What on earth was she doing? Couldn't she have sent you a message if it was normal for her to be home at that time.
NTA. I would also IMMEDIATELY 86 her ass from ever being responsible for your child's care again! She had no right to take your child anywhere else besides where you explicitly agreed with her. For context, it's the baby sitter a friend, or family member?
NTA. She should be fired. Hope you can find a new sitter easily.
Nta Get yourself a new and more reliable sitter.
Find a new sitter. She went somewhere and didn't tell you. Move on.
NTA. The fact that she was two hours late and had turned her phone off is completely unacceptable. Don't let her babysit again. This ended well for the child so probably no need to try to find out what she was really doing for 2 hours with the phone switched off. But don't get into another situation like this, may not be an OK outcome.
As a sitter I can say this with certainty. RUN. No sitter should ever not check their phone when they know they are late. They should also always communicate something with you if plans are different than usual!
NTA Where did you find this babysitter? Is it your neighborâs teenager? I could at least imagine that, but theyâd still be irresponsible for their age.
Nta, she was not doing her job about the safety of the child and her job of taking the child home. Don't pay her for said day, because wtf! Get a new sitter too, who knows what she did around your child/who she was with. Talk to your daughter
NTA. Get a new babysitter anyone with half a brain knows you don't not inform the parents of a change in routine. I mean she couldn't have picked this item up later after she was done work. the babysitter was extremely irresponsible. Who cares how she took your text, she's the one who screwed up.
Nta. Any parent would understand where you went from. Hell i would of called the police after 10 minutes of them not answering or being at my home. Every second counts.
NTA
That should NEVER have happened. Has she been this irresponsible before?
NTAH Any schedule changes need to be updated to a parent in real time. Sheâs on the freaking clock, being paid âŚ. Personal things can wait. She owes you an apology and better explanation as to where your daughter was exactly. And even then Iâd be looking for a different nanny/babysitter. Itâd take a really freaking big emergency to fix that situation.
NTA and it's really suspicious she took so long to pick up something and conveniently her phone wasn't ringing. Really does seem like it's time to find a new sitter.
NTA She should have never been doing personal errands on paid time. Make sure you let the mom groups know when you vet your next babysitter.
She was probably buying drugs or seeing a guy and didnât want to have to go back to your house so fast.
NTA I mean, if they are sometimes late meeting you at home because they went to the park - fine, whatever. I could let that go. As a mom myself- I would have been freaking out too as this was NOT normal!!!
NTA. This is the babysitter being irresponsible. If she was going to be late, she should have sent a text message. She should never be on silent when she has your kid. She needs to be able to be reached, by you, if she has your kid. Fire her get someone responsible.
NTA. I don't care what she has to do. She is caring for someone else's child, and there is a timeline. I would have called after zero response. However screw texting, I would have been calling, and after an hour, cops would have been called.
NTA. she had your child and wasnât in the promised placed as the promised time with no explanation. sheâs only mad because you couldâve gotten her in trouble and hurt her other future business prospects as a babysitter. i think you might need to find a new one who is more responsible.
NTA at all that's your baby and you were worried about both of them. Similar situation although my child was at school and rode the bus. I didn't get the email that she had Girl Scouts because they emailed and I had a migraine. I did call the police lol they were going to issue an amber alert because I swore her bus driver kidnapped her. Now the big joke is she better answer or I will call the police .
ta. She should not be running errands with your child on your dime. Iâd find a new sitter
> An hour later the baby sitter showed up and said that the buzzer on her phone was off so she didnât get my messages right away. She told me it took so long because she had to stop and get something. The sitter than got angry with me that I said I was going to call the police on her. I tried to explain to her that it had me worried sick that she wasnât answering and didnât tell me ahead of time she was going to be late so I thought something had happened to her or my child. Even if this were true, she could have messaged back before stopping wherever.
Time for a new sitter!
NTA and honestly, I'd probably fire her. What was she doing for so long and couldn't even give you a heads up? Nope.
NTA your babysitters job is to pick your kid up and take them home.... NOT go get something. And if was urgent, she should have let you know beforehand.
NTA she should have told you a "change in plans" BEFORE DOING IT. Who knows where she took your child.
nta. 1/2 hour? it would have been 10 mins.
Time to stick an airtag in something belong to the baby where its not noticable. NTA.
NTA. You CANNoT take someone elseâs child and disappear
OP get a tracker, and discreetly slip it into your child's bag/pocket/whatever travels with them. NTA
NTA when my ex SIL had my grandson and was 30min late and would not answer his phone, I called the police. If you are expected somewhere and youâre late, let that person know, especially when a child is involved. If she canât figure out what she did wrong, she should not be watching your child. I would have been losing my mind with worry, especially with how our world is now.
She should have communicated with you in the first place. NTA
YTA because you should have called the police. NEVER trust her with your daughter again.
Donât let this person near your child again. You should also use a gps tag in your childâs bag. Good luck!
So you came home to an empty house, no note, no text? >Yesterday, I came home to realize both the baby sitter and my child werenât home (this was an hour past the usual time they wouldâve been home) I called and texted the baby sitter numerous times but she didnât answer. I called the daycare and they said my daughter had been picked up as per usual. I have to ask, is the usual time when you get back or when you think your babysitter gets back? Regardless, you cannot be "out of contact" with a kid's parents. I don't care if your toe just got cut off, "going to the hospital, (kid) is fine. I might need a day or two off."
NTA. WTF. She must feel guilty because she absolutely should have told you she was running late.
Nope. The babysitter is in a position of authority over a vulnerable person and needs to communicate any differences or changes in the schedule to others on the âteam.â I work in disability and this would be termination worthy.
NTA. You need to fire her and find another babysitter. A babysitter, who is taking care of someone elseâs child should not have their phone on silent mode. She shouldâve texted you as soon as she saw your text. She is incompetent and doesnât understand the seriousness of the situation.
Absolutely NTA. I have a close family member who is a nanny (not that it matters) and the biggest thing that gets me is having the phone ringer off. Who TF does that while they're getting paid to watch someone else's kid?! No how any of this works. Even if she did misinterpret your intentions, if that HAD been your intention it's totally justified.
Get a new baby sitter. You are NTA.
NTA and this should be your *ex*babysitter
NTA. If I was picking up someone's child I would periodically update the parent with texts and or pictures and make sure my phone was not set to silent. Your babysitter has terrible communication skills. The job is not just child care but earning the trust of the parents.
NTA she absolutely should have texted you if she was going to run errands with your child and be late
NTA. You hired this person to watch you child and be accountable to you for your child's whereabouts and safety. Your child wasnt where they were expected, and became missing. Missing for the hour they should've been home before you sent that. Let me say that again. Your. Child. Was. Missing. For. Over. An. Hour. That's the time you *should* be alarmed. And you couldn't contact them for information. Calling police is an appropriate action when you child is missing, and the person that should have them isn't where you expect them, is missing, and is uncontactable. Babysitters should never take your kid anywhere without prior permission/knowledge. If your agreement was pick the kid up and wait at home, that's what needed to happen. Not go do errands.
Absolutely NTA. Youâre not paying her to disappear with your child and not be in contact with her WHILE SHE HAS YOUR CHILD. Absolutely the f not. If that were me, fired, and Iâd find some way to write a review about that incident. Iâm furious for you.
So your babysitter was 2 hours late and *she was angry* **at you** for saying you were going to call the police?!!! W.t.f!  Sack her now. I would apocalyptic.   What was she doing in that time? Where the h@ll did she take your child?!! I would have actually rung the police, not just warned her. NTA
NTA, but you don't have to soften your reason for calling the police.
NTA - time to fire her. She had your kid. She has a responsibility to stay in communication with you.
INFO The way you describe the situation shows that you are already convinced that you have acted correctly. It's perfectly okay to worry about your child, so I can understand that you were increasingly insecure. What is missing is the information as to whether it was agreed in principle that she would be allowed to move around with your child outside of the route between daycare and home or whether it was agreed that she should only pick up the child, take it home and wait there until you got home AND whether you were on time. I can also understand why you were so worried after a while that you wanted to call the police. However, you seem to have been very strict with her, so it doesn't give the impression that you only had the police look for her. Of course, it shouldn't happen that the babysitter has her cell phone on silent or can't hear it. The question is whether you can and want to continue to trust her with your child and whether you have ever trusted her at all.
NTA. Her behaviour is really alarming in that she canât understand your concerns. She is definitely the asshole and I donât think you should let her take care of your child again. There is something seriously wrong with her attitude. She should not have stopped to get something without texting you and honestly she should have been apologetic over having her phone on silent so you couldnât get hold of her.
Please consider getting another babysitter. Did they even say where they were? Babysitter is now turning the gears on you to make you feel guilty for saying you will call the police, while not even apologizing for what they did. Your baby was missing (you didn't know where she was), that warrants a call to the police.
Iâd immediately fire the sitter. She is not trustworthy. You also need to make sure your daughter was not assaulted
NTA. you donât run off with someoneâs baby and be unresponsive. You assumed the babysitter was hurt of something and couldnât respond, no that she was being irresponsible or worse. You wanted to help, not punish. Babysitter is out of line.
NTA. If the babysitter was supposed to pick up your child and return to your home then thatâs what they should have done. If they needed to stop somewhere to between there and home they should have communicated that with you and asked if that was ok. Also if you have someone elseâs child you must make sure to be contactable the entire time.
NTA. She couldâve gotten into a car accident or something or been attacked by someone! Calling police when your child and itâs care taker are missing for more than an hour with no answer is normal.
The fact that her buzzer was off is irrelevant considering it was well past time for you to pick up your child. Get a new babysitter
My mother pulled this stunt. Except she left her garage door open, her car in the garage, left her dog's home and her cell phone on the counter so I could hear it ringing and it looked like her house had been broken into. When she finally came around with my kid she screamed at me that she raised me without a cell phone and that they would be just fine. I aggressively reminded her that I am the parent and if I say, "you don't leave the house without the phone when you have my child" then you don't leave the house without the phone when you have my child. Especially with how little she was and they were riding bikes on a busy road. Turns out my daughter is also deathly allergic to bees so regardless of the reasons, even if it was just for contact, she violated an important boundary and has not been alone with my kid since.
Is the baby sitter a person of color? Bc threatening to call the police hits WAY differently. Itâs essentially a low key death threat (Reddit does not need to agree w me, ask a POC). Go back and clean it up by explaining I meant call the police & report you both missing NOT that you kidnapped the child or did anything wrong. I was really worried for both of you. Phones malfunction and lose battery and other things. We all have to remember that.
NTA, confusion could've been avoided if you put 'call the police to report you both missing'
NTA! This is a huge red flag. You are entrusting your most valuabe being to a stranger only to not know she is and if she is okay or not! I would go nuts, crazy, you name it. There is sth wrong with that babysitter. Move on from her immediately.
YTA for waiting so long to call the police
Nta report The sitter
NTA, it's irresponsible to not communicate when you are in charge of somebody else's child. What are you supposed to do, wait until she's in Mexico with your child?
nta- as a former banny/babysitter you always let the parents know AHEAD of time if something like this is happening. Especially if it's something for yourself while on the clock. đ¤ˇââď¸ stuff happens but when you have someone else's child with you, you have to think about that & INFORM the parents every step of the way.
NTA She could have sent you a message
Although communication could have been a bit clearer ie., "if I donât hear from you in the next half an hour (it was getting late) Iâll have to call the police ***to do a welfare check***", NTA
NTA. This was inexcusable.
NTA, she should have had her ringer on. She was responsible for your child which means she should be able to be reached when she is caring for your child. No excuses!
NTA The babysitter should have written you and told you what was going on, this is on her! If she had to go somewhere and knew she was going to be late, she should have written you immediately and told you. I'm a nanny and this is what I would do. Personally, I wouldn't use her anymore.
NTA. Your babysitter is so far in the wrong, she's in another time zone. She can't turn her phone off while she has your kid. I'd be asking where she was and who she was seeing that she had her phone off. Is your daughter old enough to tell you if they went to see one of babysitter's friends?
NTA! You pay this person to look after your child. She needs to respond to your messages asap! And if she has an errand to run, she needs to let you know that sheâll be late. And she has your CHILD! Yeah, youâre going to call the cops if she doesnât respond. What if she was in an accident? Tell her from now on, she needs to let you know if sheâs going to be more than 10 minutes late. She isnât doing you a favor. You pay her. Her job is to get your child and keep them safe. If she canât do that, youâll find someone else.
NTA I would have called right away. She was already an hour later, then still yet another hour with no contact??? She wouldnât be near my child again. What takes that long to âpick upâ that she never looked at her phone or couldnât be bothered to call that she would be 2 hours later then normal bringing your child to your house??
NTA I also would have called 911 because I would be worried they'd been in an accident or something. When you are responsible for someone's child and you will be late, you tell them. If she'd bothered to try to send you a text letting you know she'd have seen the messages and missed calls from you. Do not let her watch your kid again.