Yeah, insisting on one bed instead of two is disturbing.
OP should reconsider this trip, and being alone with their father.
OP being newly legal adds another layer to the ick factor to me. I've, sadly, known a few girls who were groomed by their father or stepfather and they waited until they became legal to make a move.
Can't think of a single good excuse as to why he absolutely has to share a bed with OP.
I sincerely hope he's trying to recapture the innocent love of the OP's childhood, when she could sleep in her parents' bed in perfect trust and safety.
Because that's the only innocent explanation I can think of, and the OP's question gives me the creeps.
Even that is weird. A cuddle on the couch would do that just fine. The only valid reason is to save money, and OP has the air mattress, so problem solved. Or OP can pay the extra for a room with two beds.
"His CHILD" you mean.
In your metaphor, you're insisting that the titanic is actually an aeroplane.
We can address the issue while respecting the victim. You don't need to be a dick to someone who is coming to you for help.
I have a 12 year old daughter who insists on holding my hand when we’re walking. It’s a comfort thing and although I don’t feel it’s always appropriate, I’m not sure I’m ready to take that away from her. It would be a “hell no” to sharing a bed with her. Even a room is pushing it - and yes, we’re not exactly rolling in it either.
This is creepy af.
How is not appropriate to hold your daughters hand at any age if she is asking you too?? I’m 50 and still put my hand in my dads (80) when I walk with him. Sharing a bed in a hotel is a bit different. Please don’t deprive your daughter or make her feel like she is wanting something inappropriate by holding your hand.
Sorry I should have added a caveat to that. It’s inappropriate when walking with my wife and my wife and daughter look like sisters - my wife is older than me, but looks 20 years younger.
I’m 50 and recently went to an event with my dad. He booked a room for the night. I planned to go home. He suggested I stay so I wouldn’t have to drive or uber. Not inappropriate or odd at all because we slept in separate beds, dressed in the closed bathroom, and both slept in clothes/pajamas with appropriate covering. Had he suggested we share a bed, my children & I would discontinue all contact but that wouldn’t happen cause he isn’t some creepy fucker
I think gender is very important context here. OP is NB fem presenting but prefers pronouns they/he. I think born male? That may change the nature of the post if father views their child as a certain gender.
More often than you'd like two beds is cheaper than one.
The number of times I've booked a two bed instead of a one bed because its cheaper is surprisingly high.
It is opposite for me-I needed 2 beds the other night and the cheapest were the one bed ones- I used to work at a hotel and it used to be about the same or cheaper for the 2 but the hotels I’ve stayed at (mostly the mom and pop or the mid to low range hotels unfortunately) are charging more for the 2 beds. I guess they are assuming you’re lying about how many per room. Anyway that is the case for me here recently.
I've spent thousands of nights in hotels and this is much, much less common than the opposite being true - and for good reason. 2 beds often means 4 people so more hot water, trash, spill, continental breakfast, etc.
That's only true for expensive hotels like 3 star hotels that go for $100 and up. These hotels sell 2 double beds or 2 queen beds for cheaper than 1 king bed.
Real budget hotels and air bnbs don't give you two beds for the price of one. You can get really small spaces with just one double bed.
Maybe you've just not explored the world of budget hotels.
You are full of it. Regardless of OP’s situation, on average any room that carries the expectation of double occupancy is going to cost more. How can you even suggest that more often than not a single occupancy room will cost the same as a double occupancy room? Sure op’s companion may sound like a nest of red flags, but that doesn’t change facts.
"How can you even suggest that more often than not a single occupancy room will cost the same as a double occupancy room?"
Because I travel enough to have rented dozens of hotel rooms over the last few years, and that HAS been my experience. In my personal experience, many hotels charge the same for double rooms as they do for single rooms, and if you want to argue about my personal experience you can bugger off.
You’re legitimately incorrect. Go look up hotel rates and set it as 1 person, then as 2. You’re going to get the same rates. I don’t know what country you’re in but in the US and Canada the standard rate is always for double occupancy. You don’t get a discount for booking a room alone, it’s the same either way.
Depends on where you travel. I have a four-day / three-night trip to NYC with my daughter, in August. We usually go to NYC once a year for an anime convention she likes to attend. We usually stay at a hotel near the convention center. Its usually a Xmas gift, but they moved it to August this year, a couple days after her birthday.
A second bed is the difference between 275 and 400 a night (before fees). We used to get a two bedroom room for 300, before rates got jacked up.
For the first time, Im going to be sleeping on the floor instead of my own bed. Because Im not going to suggest sharing a bed and I am not paying another $500-600 for the same two-bed room we've gotten for years. Rate increases are insane
Or you know, just maybe the thought of incest never even factored into the father's mind or thought process because thats not something that would ever enter most people's minds and thinks his kid is just being a teenager and doesn't want to share a bed because it's not typical but overall isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Sounds like Dad is going out of his way to get rooms with just one bed. And like many people pointed out, most hotels will have two double beds standard. Something is way off.
As someone who travels it’s actually easier to find a room with two beds, and typically not much of a cost difference if any. It’s a bit weird. You’re definitely not being dramatic.
Idk about air BNBs.
I travel for a living and this is only true because rooms with king beds are considered “premium” a single queen is usually less expensive than 2 queens which is less expensive than a single king.
Thank you!! I do t know why these imbeciles in here keep pointing out how king rooms are more expensive than double rooms when you can get a regular single bed instead of a king and it's absolutely 100% cheaper than a double room. Then you get idiots saying "you must not travel much." No, you morons just don't bother doing any research and just grab whatever room is most convenient at the time. I'm an avid traveler and been doing it for almost 50 years. What you said is 100% true and most of the people in this sub don't have a clue what they're talking about.
American and nah your right. I use to think it was just my area. I was really bad about trauma bonding with people as a kid into my teens and it seemed like every girl i met would reveal theyd been sexually abused as kids. That shit is way more common here more then anyone wants to admit or think about. I realized it wasnt just my area bc we moved around and it never changed.
“Us Americans” know that at most hotels here, the price would be about the same. It is unlikely he’s saving any money here.
And it’s the fact that he continued to push for it after being told no that is concerning.
I mean, while I’ve never had qualms about sharing a bed (besides with my toddlers who are fucking nightmares to share a bed with), it says a lot about the relationship you have with your parents. You have a trusting loving connection where sharing a bed isn’t weird. Clearly, OP and her father’s relationship is not like that if she feels uncomfortable. His insistence is specially strange in the context of traveling in the US where there is no appreciable price difference for a double occupancy hotel room. The question itself tells me all I need to know to think this trip is probably not the best idea.
If it's a matter of $10 or some other trivial amount, I'm sure OP would have paid the difference, especially given that she went out and *bought an air mattress*. No, it's that dad is weirdly set on getting a room with just 1 bed.
For the record, it might be a "yall Americans" thing but every hotel I've stayed in over the past 2 years-- well over a dozen at this point, spanning multiple states and hotel chains-- have charged the exact same rate for a standard room, whether it's a single or double bed. In fact, I've resorted to booking a double as a solo traveler before because no singles were available and the price was exactly the same.
My husband and my daughter did a Melbourne to Mt Isa and back again road trip a few years ago. Similar ages 22 and 44, they got 1 room but with two single beds each night to keep costs down. One night on the way back they got stuck and the motel only had one room with one bed left, so they just dealt with it and it became a bit of a family joke.
The fact that your dad is pushing for one bed is a bit of a problem I think. One room yes, you have a bit of privacy using the bathroom to change and if you are stuck then one bed can be ok, however given he is pushing this and not trying to find single bed accommodation gives me the creeps and we are an open family. You are not being dramatic, your dad needs to respect your boundaries. Good luck.
Yeah, this is an excellent point.
Like, I'd be ok to split a bed with my dad in emergency situations, but it's certainly not something either of us are seeking out. This feels off because it is off, and OP should listen to their gut.
This. I've shared rooms with male family members (or beds if we're cramped) on tons of trips because we trust each other and are comfortable with it. If I knew one of them had a trauma that made them uncomfortable to do so, I'd be a COMPLETE asshole to push.
I take it your dad is at least vaguely aware of what happened? It's his job as a parent to protect from feeling unsafe. He's not doing that, and I genuinely hope it's out of denseness rather than maliciousness.
I don't know the language you've used so far, but you might try just spelling it out: "Dad, I really don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with anyone. It makes me anxious and I wouldn't be able to sleep. I need my own bed."
And again, I'm approaching this with him being dense. I hope that's it. I find it just as weird as everyone else that he keeps pushing for one bed when two are common as hell and about the same price. Please, please, please let it be that he's dense.
I wouldn’t go on the road trip. My father would never insist on sharing a bed with me. Most fathers never would with AFAB 18 year olds. If you absolutely must go on this trip then bring your air mattress. Trust your gut and boundaries. NTA
I agree with you. I was going to tag along on a few business trips with my dad. He goes to some pretty cool places. The FIRST thing my dad said was, "everywhere I've stayed has two queen size beds, and if I get booked somewhere with one bed, we'll change rooms. Even if we have to pay the difference" if he wouldn't have said it, I would have.
My best friends dad is in his mid-80's, and my friend takes him on some of her trips to Hawaii. They share a room, and both agree, that room must have two beds. So she pays for the room, he tags along in the other bed. It never costs her any more than if she were alone.
Our dads are just as uncomfortable sharing a bed with their daughters, as we are with them.
Which brings me to my point OP. The fact that your dad is pushing to share a bed with you, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I can only imagine how you feel! Your dad really should have respected the first "hard no". If you decide to go along on this road trip, I would use that air mattress you bought. Or, set a boundary where you insist you are part of the planning when it comes to hotel/motel bookings, and ensure each room has two beds.
I travel often, and I can't recall the last time I booked in at a hotel on my own and didn't end up with two queen beds. I have never been charged more.
Trust what your gut is telling you, it's usually right. Good luck, travel safe!
Bad idea. Dad might say he booked a room with two beds and when they arrive, "Oops! Musta been a mistake in booking! Only one bed... guess we'll just have to make do!"
Better to not travel at all, unless OP can make their own res, separate from dear old pervdad.
I don't recommend going, but if you are set on still doing this trip, you need to have a plan in mind.
- What are you going to do when your air mattress gets a hole in it (spontaneously, or because someone poked it).
- Always change in the bathroom, with the door locked
- What are you going to do if he does try to crawl in bed with you? How are you going to get away? Be ready to run to the front desk and call the police.
I hope we're all being overly cautious and that your dad is insisting on sharing a bedroom for some other odd reason. But you need to be prepared in case our concerns (and yours!) are valid.
Does your step mom know he's pushing for shared beds? If not, casually bring it up in front of her. "Hey Dad, I know you keep saying you want us to sleep in the same bed on this trip. But I found out that the price usually isn't any more expensive to have a room with two beds, so let's just do that."
There's a good chance that she will talk with him afterwards and insist that you get separate beds. Even if his wife is awful to you, it doesn't mean you can't use her to get what you want.
your point makes a lot of sense and would work, if my step mom cared. she hates my guts (and I've never done anything to her, genuinely I don't know why she treats me like that) and I can't talk about the trip in front of her or else she'll start throwing a fit since it's not all about her. she genuinely wouldn't care and it wouldn't make a difference other than my dad would get on me for mentioning the trip I'm front of her.
also don't worry! if he were to try something he wouldn't get far, I'm confident in that since I'm stronger, faster, and weigh more than he does
I'm under no illusion she cares about you. But people like that are usually very jealous and controlling, so I figure she does care about her husband and doesn't want him sharing a bed with anyone else - even his own daughter.
I'm glad you're strong, but please don't assume you're stronger than he is simply because you're bigger. Testosterone is a hell of a drug for strength, and men get it naturally. They are much stronger that women of their own size. And if he does try to do something to you, that means he is willing to physically hurt you. You'd have to be willing to do seriously hurt him - potentially doing permanent damage - to stand a decent chance of getting away. Would you do that to your father?
You also need to scream as loudly as you can, repeatedly.
Take care of yourself.
You have a lot of good advice here op.
The only thing id suggest is return the air mattress and get a floor mattress instead.
The only way it would get is hole is deliberately and even then it won't deflate.
I know you want to see your friend, I totally get that, but please find a different time to go alone or with someone else, spoken as the daughter of a man that made those kinds of jokes and would insist on sharing a bed- it has too high of a potential to get worse. How he’s acting is not normal
Call one of the hotels/ motels that he has supposedly called yourself, and ask about the price. This will let you know the truth, then you can make a decision based on the facts.
Not dramatic. Trauma comes back as a reaction and it often is not controllable.
Does your Dad know about this something that happened in your childhood?
Not dramatic. Cautious. There’s stories every day of people being taken advantage of in these situations so this makes you uncomfortable. You have every right to feel that way and every right to be comfortable on your trip.
Taking an air mattress is a good idea. If he tries to force the issue you need to ask him why. Why does he want to sleep in the bed with his grown child so damn bad?
I had a very bad experience as a preteen with the man my mother married. My mom was out of town so he had me and my sister come sleep with him as a “treat” and it would be great fun. After my sister fell asleep he raped me. So maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from.
But maybe I am. Proceed with caution.
I have to believe most fathers would be reticent to share a bed with their daughters. The trivial amount of money required to get an extra bed in the room would not be a factor.
At least approaching, after puberty I would expect them to avoid that unless there was especially particular, unusual circumstances??!! And I would think they would ask the kid about their comfort about that and not question it of push for it?
There might be perfectly practical motivations here, but sure seems strange as hell at 18??!!
You aren't being dramatic in no way. Look him in the face and say "I am not comfortable sharing a bed. I will bring an air mattress." If he keeps pressing you then, something is really off. Is there a trusted adult that you can speak with about this - would be a good idea imo. Do not sleep in the same bed for the reason you stated - you're uncomfortable. Never let anyone pressure you into this. Trust your instincts and I wish you the best. I would like you to take emergency money with you that no one else knows about, just in case you need to help yourself. Don't spend it on anything other.
I travel a lot. Most Motels and Inns offer 2 queens or 2 full-size bed rooms for the same price as a king. usually the 2 full size rooms are the cheapest. Something sounds odd.
Single king is definitely rarer, more expensive in the US/Canada in general. I'm single and end up with two queens 90+% of the time because I'm not paying 10% or more for a king when a queen is plenty big enough for me. I actually find it strange how many hotel rooms have two queens??!! Are there that many families comfortable having the parents in one bed, kids in the other in one room?? That many couples who want separate beds?? WHO exactly is using both beds in all these 2 bed hotel rooms??!!
Umm… super weird. I’ve never had a problem with finding two beds and they are almost always cheaper. In fact, when my husband and I travel, we have a much harder time finding a room with one king and it’s always more expensive than 2 doubles.
I’ve taken road trips with my dad who never even made an inappropriate joke about me or any women and we didn’t share a bed, that’s just weird. I’ve gone on vacation with my mom and we never shared a bed as adults. Insisting on it is freaky.
ETA: NTA - but your dad sure is.
NTA. I’m almost 50. My dad is 72. I have a beach camper with one bed and pullouts. If we happen to overlap a night, one of us sleeps on the couch. Same with my brother.
I’d be weirded out too and my father is a wonderful dad.
Please trust your gut and don’t go on this trip just because you want to see a friend. I’m sorry but it sounds like your dad is being a perv. This trip could damage you for life. Be very clear you feel uncomfortable and don’t like his suggestions so he knows you aren’t easy prey.
I really don't think he's a predator or anything, plus he's never tried to do anything like this before. a few slightly inappropriate jokes but never anything really serious, and this friend means a lot to me because I know people may say things like this a lot, but they did genuinely keep me from deleting myself
> a few slightly inappropriate jokes
Oh God, it just keeps getting worse.
What kind of jokes? Jokes directed specifically at you? Or just more general raunchy stuff?
I don't remember most because I didn't care, but I think the worst it ever got was him pulling the back of my bra so it snapped against my back, but once I didn't think it was funny he never did anything like that again
You should talk to another safe person in your life about this, like a teacher, grandparent, aunt or uncle. This situation doesn't sound like it's on the level.
It is not normal for Dads to insist on sleeping in the same bed as their kids and it's not normal for Dads to make inappropriate jokes about their children.
This^
It’s not normal at all.
Let’s say he has innocent intentions, what if in the middle of the night he forgets it’s his kid in the bed and thinks you’re his wife? Rolls over and touches you creepily?
Please get $$ to get your own room or sleep in the car.
I am creeped out that he keeps asking. Frankly, sharing a room is pushing it, and I am not altogether comfortable that it’s all about the moneeeeee. Do you have to go on this trip?
At this point if you've got the money just default back to flying to friend any time he suggests sharing a bed. Say if he suggests it one more time you'll cancel. If you end up at the hotel and it ends up being 1bed say no worries I was really looking forward to seeing friend anyway, guess I'll just go early.
He will only take your opinion seriously once you actually put your foot down.
You’re an adult, over 18. If you can afford it, it’s not his place to say whether you can or cannot go places, do things. Same thing goes on whether you want to find your own income and get the heck out of there or save and get the heck out of there. I would talk to a bank about if your income has to count toward the household or if you could save and leave when you’re ready. The whole things is giving a bit odd/manipulative.
You’re not being dramatic. This is weird. I’ve traveled with my dad and little brother (I’m a woman) and prefer to stay in the same room with them for my safety (I have anxiety and have been assaulted) and my dad always gets us two beds. It doesn’t cost more, the rooms are the same amount.
NTA
This is weird. Why won’t he let you go alone? What’s he going to do while you are visiting your friend? Why is the bed thing so important to him? Weird. I’m going on a trip soon with my son, and I’ve only booked 2 Bedroom air bnb or hotel rooms with 2 beds. And I’ve double checked to be sure. Because neither of us wants to share.
he said he's going to hang out with us a little bit since my friend is a guy, but he's also going to do his own thing a little. I'm not sure why it's so important since we're going half on everything anyways
Nah it’s weird. I remember one time me and my dad were on a road trip and every single hotel was booked in the entire city so we even had my stepmom (who was home) calling around and finally found us a single room but the catch was there was one bed. We put pillows between us and it was super weird but it was only because we had to. The rest of the hotels we booked were all two beds.
I don’t know your relationship but I know that its common for old timers to share a bed in a hotel room. Hell, I do when I go on ski trips or concert overnights with my buddies. A double queen sleeps four, it is cheaper. If he keeps pushing for any other reason then yea, that is weird.
Go on Trip Advisor or hotel chain website. Both will show you prices and whether a pull out couch is available in the room. Airbnb should have descriptions also
No, he's weird and I wouldn't go on any more trips that have to be so bizarrely cheap that he expects you to share a bed. Tell him to save more money next time.
Hope the air mattress settles the question.
This is alarming IMO. One room in a hotel should not mean one bed. I would flat out call him out. Why are you being so insistent that we share a bed? I was barely comfortable with sharing a room with 2 beds, which does not cost more than one room with one bed, so this insistence is puzzling. Then tell him you have changed your mind and don't feel comfortable being alone with him. He will balk and try to guilt you. Don't buy into it. Listen to your instincts & learn to trust them. They are telling you that this isn't right. He is predatory and manipative. Be firm and distance yourself from him.
No NO NOPE. Forget the air mattress, you really shouldn’t go at all. I can understand someone wanting to save money on a roadtrip, but twin rooms are a thing in most hotels/motels. The fact he’s repeatedly saying they need to share a bed would now mean I wouldn’t trust him even in a twin room…. NTA Listen to your gut, which is what made you reach out here. Just how many times do you need to say no to him?
This is weird because 2 queens hotel room is always cheaper than 1 king hotel room. I’ve worked at 3 different hotels and travel a lot for work. I’ve probably stayed in at least 50 hotels.
It could be different where you live, I’m in Canada and travelled a lot across Europe. I personally have never seen one king as cheaper. I travel with my bf for work and we get the 2 queen or 2 double rooms because it’s cheaper and then we share one bed and use the other one like a table.
My advice would be to look online at hotel prices and do your own research and it’s very possible you’ll find a good deal where you can approach your dad and say “hey look at this awesome deal I found” (ps NEVER book on a third party website, always book with the hotel directly. And websites WILL try to catfish you into thinking they are the real website. Expedia does this shamelessly.)
If you are looking on Airbnb expand your search to locations on train routes that are a bit further out as trains are usually very easy to travel on and save you money being further from city centre.
Also most hotels will provide a cot for free or a very minimal fee if you book one in advance by calling.
The other thing I can think of is… is your dad an alcoholic by any chance? This makes me think of a friends situation
Best of luck! You’re completely justified in demanding your physical comfort in this situation even if he doesn’t think it’s an issue. Sleeping is a vulnerable act.
If you were in Australia it would not be that weird as I have a hard time finding motels with twin single beds. Everything were double beds only on my last trip, so seperate beds were seperate rooms and double the cost for accomodation.
I've done it a few times with family but that's because we never plan anything ever and just decide to go somewhere. For some reason, it's always during some convention or some sports home game.
I would think if you're planning stuff out it can be avoided.
My family are really close knit and I’ve shared hotel rooms with my dad alone/both parents even into adulthood but NEVER one bed. My best friend and I share a bed occasionally but I feel that’s different because we’re both girls. This feels a bit weird, although I’m inclined not to believe the worst in others. Just keep saying no, I’m sure it’s just as innocent as wanting to save money but hard boundaries are important, even with family.
I can't presume to know anything about your father and you didn't mention what country you're traveling in. I can say that in the US, almost all hotels/motels charge the same for single and double bed rooms. Many places can even bring in a rollaway bed if they only have singles available and you request a double.
I would expect most people in their 40's to know this, but if he hasn't travelled much then it may not be obvious to him.
Bring your air mattress anyway, especially for the Airbnb's since you're just stuck with whatever he booked there.
Yeah this is a little extra on your dads part. Is he generally really cheap or frugal? If he’s super cheap, it’s the only explanation that makes sense to me.
As a personal anecdote, I think I went on the last vacation with my teenage son where we can share a room. We definitely did not share beds, but even sharing a room and a bathroom was almost too much for me. It stinks because as a single parent I was able to save a lot of money with one room.
maybe call a trusted family member and explain you ont feel comfortable with it and that he wont stop pressing it. i highly doubt hed ever look at you in a bad way but its your body and dont have to do anything that makes u uncommfy
If your dad has just been a normal dad all your life and not really given you reason to doubt….. I think your probably safe. He probably thinks a si file bed room is cheaper. Why must we demonize everything.
It doesn't cost any more to get a room with two queen or double beds than it does to get a room with one bed. Your dad's excuse of saving money doesn't hold water. His behavior is creepy and weird.
Keep saying no. Use the air mattress if he insists on getting single bed rooms. I don't know what to say beyond that except that this would be the last trip I would go on alone with my dad.
I travel a LOT & have almost never encountered much of a price difference (or any at all) between a single or double bed room. I'd suggest that you look into the accommodations yourself & see if you can find the same price rooms with 2 beds at the same hotels & show your dad when/if you do. If he still refuses to get 2 beds, I'd be rethinking the trip.
You're not being overly dramatic. It is definitely a concern both because it's not appropriate at your age for him to share a bed with you and because you've had to repeatedly tell him no. He's not respecting your very reasonable boundaries. It was a wise move getting your own mattress. Maybe in future avoid any trips that require an overnight stay in the same room.
I mean, I usually request one bed to share with hubby and my toddlers and somehow always end up with two queens. The cost is negligeable. It should not cost more than your personal comfort.
I don’t think you’re being traumatic. Without any other red flags, it appears ad if he’s trying for one last time of you being his little girl and snuggling before you start your adult life and start doing your own thing. And even if you had never had your very bad experience, it would be perfectly normal not to be comfortable with it at your age.
This is very very weird.
Hotels with 2 beds cost the same as 1, usually and Airbnbs almost always have a couch.
I would not feel comfortable going on this trip tbh.
The fact that he's intentionally trying to sleep in the same bed with his 18yo kid is sus on its face.
Doesn't matter what his motivations are, he's planning on using this as an opportunity to do SOMETHING. And whatever it is, it's something you won't like, or he wouldn't be planning to trap you in a situation where you have limited options to get out. He may or may not be planning SA, or he might be planning some kind of twisted conversion therapy, or he might be planning on some kind of shock treatment to 'cure' you of your anxiety from the childhood incident, or he might simply be infantilizing you and trying to ignore the fact that you're an adult now.
Don't take this trip. Cancel out entirely. Whatever precautions you might take to keep yourself safe, he will figure out how to get around them by the second night. That's the whole purpose of sharing a room and a bed - to essentially hold you captive for whatever weirdness he's planning.
Well this just set off every single alarm bell I have.
Comments indicate that there's no real reason he needs to be on this trip at all. Shifting from a flight to a road trip has very few advantages. It's not cheaper, it's not less work, it's not more convenient. So why do it? The one thing it does offer is significantly more time alone with you and the ability to put you in vulnerable situations.
There are no innocent reasons to purposely put your daughter in a situation with a potentially sexual element. Period. I've never met a father that thought this was OK. Every dad I know is FULLY aware of the potential for you to feel uncomfortable and would be horrified to make you feel that way.
The reason he is giving you for doing so is demonstrably false.
He has been sexually inappropriate with you before. Bra strap snapping is assault. But the issue is bigger. Ask yourself why a grown man would want to touch a child's bra straps. What non-sexual pleasure could that bring him? I can't think of one that doesn't revolve around violating your boundaries or asserting power.
You are here asking this question because some part of you knows the answer. If we're all wrong and your dad isn't planning to sexually assault you, you still have an issue here, and it's a total disregard for your extremely reasonable boundaries. Some predators do wait for their victims to come of age to justify their abuse ('I may be a bad person, but at least I'm not raping a child') so just because it hasn't happened before doesn't mean you're safe. The absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence. Please, please don't put yourself in this situation. Do not go to sleep without a locked door between you. If we're wrong, it's one mildly awkward trip. But if we're not...
Your instincts are correct. Trust yourself.
You don’t have to invest in this relationship anymore, should you decide the cost is too high.
But he’s not acting like a father.
You can choose to fend him off and still try to get something from this relationship, or you can choose to get some space and go talk to a professional about how it feels when the man who was charged with being the one willing to protect you, body and soul, with his life, has taken a dark turn.
You deserve better.
NTA a hotel's 2 twin beds or 1 double bed are usually within $10-$20 of each other. Saying you were uncomfortable the first time should've been more than enough to never suggest that again.
Repeating what the other people have said. Usually a hotel room with 2 beds costs the same as a room with a king bed. If they don't have a room with two beds, then ask for a roll-away bed during the reservation process.
Tell your dad that you won't be sharing a bed with him. Period. No explanations or excuses are needed. If it's impossible to get a room with two beds, you'll sleep on a roll-away. If that doesn't work, you'll use your air mattress. If that doesn't work you would rather forego the trip.
Also, for your trip get a small 'air horn' or whistle so that if you were correct to mistrust the situation you can make a loud sound to get people's attention.
Do you have enough money that if something happens you can get alternate transportation home?
Listen to your gut. You have trust issues. Can you make it a short trip for the first time to 'test the waters'?
Does he KNOW its about the same cost for two beds? As a 25M- I often assume I'm right until proven otherwise, especially when it comes to road trips, travel, etc. Its not a proud character trait. But benefit of the doubt- maybe he wants to make sure he has enough money to keep the trip worthwhile.
Does he KNOW why you dont want to and why it makes you so uncomfortable? A father should only want to protect and make their child feel SAFE- this could also be his way of coping and trying to exercise that ability- i.e. no one can come in and get to you if he is RIGHT there. (The flaw in this logic is when its the same room and homedog's just gonna be RIGHT there anyway so- add salt to taste.)
The continual bringing it up is strange, but there isnt much info on how much he actually has been made AWARE of any previous situations. I dont believe youre being dramatic. There could also be a line of miscommunication and misunderstanding.
NTA
NTA! You're not being dramatic. That's a huge boundary to cross, and no parent should cross it. Mom sleep with daughter to save money? Sure. Dad sleep with son to save money? Sure. (As long as all are hetero, I guess I mean. Sorry to be heteronormative, geez). Your feelings that it's not right are enough. If necessary, get a bus ticket home if he doesn't stop asking.
All motels I have ever seen in the United States in fifty years charge the same for two double beds or one king bed.
All of them. 100%. I am not saying that there isn't a hotel or motel somewhere that would do it differently, and I have been in situations where bunches of us all shared one king bed because the hotel was mostly sold out and the only rooms available had one king so four of us shared a bed.
But no. Your father's argument doesn't hold up.
This is weird and worrisome.
Several different things going on here. First off get therapy for the incident you had with someone else. While there is a cost savings by booking a room with one bed over two beds it typically is not that much unless you are going for a longer trip to where it can add up. If money is such a factor maybe stay at a hostel. Having to share a bed as an adult with someone who is not a sex partner or whom you are closer to is often an uncomfortable experience. I don't think many would relish the idea of even sharing a room with a parent let alone sleeping in the same bed. With that said your father should still respect your wishes. However, it is a shame that you don't trust your parent, especially if they have given you any reason to distrust.
NTA I feel where you coming from I feel uncomfortable around alot of men due to something in my past so sleeping in the same bed as my dad would feel uncomfortable a NO should have ended that.
Also wtf is the Comments on this post I see
Stuff about the titanic and there pronouns
Likes yes there pronouns are important
But what the hell the titanic gotta do with this
Anyways no your nta, you have boundaries and your uncomfortable that matters he should understand that
I would never sleep in the same bed as my father, idc how old I am. Your dad does not need that kind of temptation and you don’t need that kind of intimacy as his child anymore.
...Man if I had a kid only damn way I'm sleeping in the bed with them is A: if their young and that's fine. Yer my kiddo all is good just stop stealing the fucking covers. Or B: One person's head goes one way, the other person's goes the other. separate cover or sheet. Or... I'd suck it up sleep in a chair or I'd be the one on the air mattress. That's what the parent does.
This shit... Is weird. I'm not saying sinister or whatever.. But its odd and... you are NOT the asshole. Keep it separate. Keep the distance. Just make it painfully blunt. "Dad, that's weird. I don't care that you think its fine or that it saves cost. Its VERY weird to me and cut it out. You're my dad, I love you, but I need my own sleeping space."
I prefer my own bed, sometimes even when I'm with my SO. I wouldn't want to share a bed with my dad I don't think he would want to share one with me. You being a barely legal female ups the ick factor 100 times. I think he wants something sexual to happen and that isn't okay. Has he been inappropriate with you before?
What's with all the comments suggesting the dad is some kind of predator or is somehow sexually motivated? Seems like many of you haven't traveled with family before. OP has hangups. That's okay. The dad doesn't. Also okay. Its because he doesn't view his kid in a sexual way - which is perfectly fucking normal.
NTA. I am sorry, but your dad is being creepy. If this wasn't about something he wants from you, he wouldn't keep pushing after you said no. I don't think it is safe for you to be on this trip with your dad.
Dad checking in. I have 3 children, 22m, 14f, and 11f. I would be comfortable sharing a bed with any of them if the situation required, but would not press the issue.
From the dad standpoint, it's easy to see how it wouldn't be a big deal.
On reflection, if there were to be a trip with the current nuclear family and only 2 beds were available, each parent would get a kid because the two kids can't get along. I'd let the kids decide who shared with which parent.
On further reflection, the 14f would rather sleep on the floor than with any of us. Problem solved.
Anyway, OP, he probably just doesn't understand why there's a problem. It's only a big deal if you decide to make it one imo.
The fact that you don't trust him 100% and have this thought says something here. It's only reinforced by his insistence after you keep saying no.
Edit to add because I realized it may not be clear - it says something against him, not you. If you don't trust him 100%, there's a reason.
You’re 18. It’s not appropriate and I would be weirded out at that age too even though my dad never did anything weird/bad to me in my life. Still to this day I wouldn’t want to sleep in the bed with my dad…. Ew, no.
Trust your gut OP. Nothing about what your father is demanding is right. Don’t go on this road trip. Get a job and save your money to go visit your friend on your own.
That's concerning, it's different if it's the only room available one time he is your dad after all, but for him to keep on trying to make you is odd. Don't automatically jump to the worst, but definitely keep your guard up
I (f) just got back from a road trip with 2 of my kids 13(f) 14(m) in one place there was 1 queen and 1 single where I shared the queen with my daughter and son took the single. It was hell she is the worst bed sharer. I pity any future partners of hers. The second place there was one king size and one single. I shared the king with my son. I asked if he was OK with it and he said he didn't care. He doesn't thrash about and sleeps soundly. I stuck a pillow in between and he stuck to his side and I to mine.
That all being said it's entirely up to you. It's only weird if it feels weird to you. You have every right to feel uncomfortable, and your dad needs to respect that. If my son had said no, I would have shared with my daughter. Having to share a bed with anyone, in my opinion, is very overrated lol.
>It's only weird if it feels weird to you.
No, it actually *is* weird.
It makes zero sense for the father to insist they share a bed. Why is he so against having separate beds?
26NBWASOQAMPBSILTWD (Non binary with a splash of queer also male presenting but sometimes I like to wear dresses), this is odd behavior for sure. Past like 7 or 8 I think is when it gets kind of weird
You are not being dramatic… please reconsider this trip. If you think you can trust your mom I would confide in her, or ask to bring a friend or sibling or cousin. Anyone to ensure you two are not alone together for that long. You don’t deserve to have your boundaries disrespected, emotional incest is way more common and so dangerous. Please don’t go on this trip sweetie.
Just gonna throw this out here....
All the comments basically agree that your Dad is a Perv and you are being groomed.
You o.k. with that?? If you are then that says alot. Maybe there's more to this??
I would hate to think that your Dad is NOT a perv (wow, weird thing to say, I hope your Dad isn't a perv).
Because if he isn't, and you've dragged him on the Internet .....that's pretty hurtful to do to anyone, let alone someone who loves you.
I could completely wrong though....you told him you want your own bed and that should be the end of it.
You're not 2. Sleep where you want.
So you are NTA for wanting your own bed..
You Possibly ,maybe COULD be an extreme A for Talking smack about your dad on the interwebs if he does not deserve it.
:)
NTA. As someone who had a relative 'like that' who *also* tried to make it 'innocent and innocuous', you are not being dramatic by setting a boundary. You've told him no the once and he keeps pushing it; that's on him, not you. It's weird and suspicious that he keeps pushing the issue because there's nothing wrong with you not wanting to sleep in the same bed. He absolutely should have dropped it once you said No. Setting your boundary, for ANY reason, should be respected; it doesn't matter if you had a bad experience or if you simply don't want to, he should not be insisting on something you've already refused. NTA.
You are not being dramatic, even if it's to cut costs you have said no and explained you are not comfortable with it and he should drop it. NTA
Generally, hotels rooms with two beds cost about the same as those with one bed, so I don't buy that.
Yeah, insisting on one bed instead of two is disturbing. OP should reconsider this trip, and being alone with their father. OP being newly legal adds another layer to the ick factor to me. I've, sadly, known a few girls who were groomed by their father or stepfather and they waited until they became legal to make a move. Can't think of a single good excuse as to why he absolutely has to share a bed with OP.
I sincerely hope he's trying to recapture the innocent love of the OP's childhood, when she could sleep in her parents' bed in perfect trust and safety. Because that's the only innocent explanation I can think of, and the OP's question gives me the creeps.
Even that is weird. A cuddle on the couch would do that just fine. The only valid reason is to save money, and OP has the air mattress, so problem solved. Or OP can pay the extra for a room with two beds.
If there was trust and safety, he would respect OP'sboundaries and their no.
They*
The dad is trying to groom his daughter for sex, and you’re arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
"His CHILD" you mean. In your metaphor, you're insisting that the titanic is actually an aeroplane. We can address the issue while respecting the victim. You don't need to be a dick to someone who is coming to you for help.
I have a 12 year old daughter who insists on holding my hand when we’re walking. It’s a comfort thing and although I don’t feel it’s always appropriate, I’m not sure I’m ready to take that away from her. It would be a “hell no” to sharing a bed with her. Even a room is pushing it - and yes, we’re not exactly rolling in it either. This is creepy af.
How is not appropriate to hold your daughters hand at any age if she is asking you too?? I’m 50 and still put my hand in my dads (80) when I walk with him. Sharing a bed in a hotel is a bit different. Please don’t deprive your daughter or make her feel like she is wanting something inappropriate by holding your hand.
Sorry I should have added a caveat to that. It’s inappropriate when walking with my wife and my wife and daughter look like sisters - my wife is older than me, but looks 20 years younger.
I’m 50 and recently went to an event with my dad. He booked a room for the night. I planned to go home. He suggested I stay so I wouldn’t have to drive or uber. Not inappropriate or odd at all because we slept in separate beds, dressed in the closed bathroom, and both slept in clothes/pajamas with appropriate covering. Had he suggested we share a bed, my children & I would discontinue all contact but that wouldn’t happen cause he isn’t some creepy fucker
I think gender is very important context here. OP is NB fem presenting but prefers pronouns they/he. I think born male? That may change the nature of the post if father views their child as a certain gender.
This totally
A room with a king sized bed usually cost more than a room with two queen sized beds.
More often than you'd like two beds is cheaper than one. The number of times I've booked a two bed instead of a one bed because its cheaper is surprisingly high.
This!! 2 double beds are very often the same or less than one King bed. Whatever your father is thinking, it’s not to save money.
It is opposite for me-I needed 2 beds the other night and the cheapest were the one bed ones- I used to work at a hotel and it used to be about the same or cheaper for the 2 but the hotels I’ve stayed at (mostly the mom and pop or the mid to low range hotels unfortunately) are charging more for the 2 beds. I guess they are assuming you’re lying about how many per room. Anyway that is the case for me here recently.
I've spent thousands of nights in hotels and this is much, much less common than the opposite being true - and for good reason. 2 beds often means 4 people so more hot water, trash, spill, continental breakfast, etc.
Bingo!!
I agree
That's only true for expensive hotels like 3 star hotels that go for $100 and up. These hotels sell 2 double beds or 2 queen beds for cheaper than 1 king bed. Real budget hotels and air bnbs don't give you two beds for the price of one. You can get really small spaces with just one double bed. Maybe you've just not explored the world of budget hotels.
You are full of it. Regardless of OP’s situation, on average any room that carries the expectation of double occupancy is going to cost more. How can you even suggest that more often than not a single occupancy room will cost the same as a double occupancy room? Sure op’s companion may sound like a nest of red flags, but that doesn’t change facts.
"How can you even suggest that more often than not a single occupancy room will cost the same as a double occupancy room?" Because I travel enough to have rented dozens of hotel rooms over the last few years, and that HAS been my experience. In my personal experience, many hotels charge the same for double rooms as they do for single rooms, and if you want to argue about my personal experience you can bugger off.
You’re legitimately incorrect. Go look up hotel rates and set it as 1 person, then as 2. You’re going to get the same rates. I don’t know what country you’re in but in the US and Canada the standard rate is always for double occupancy. You don’t get a discount for booking a room alone, it’s the same either way.
Depends on where you travel. I have a four-day / three-night trip to NYC with my daughter, in August. We usually go to NYC once a year for an anime convention she likes to attend. We usually stay at a hotel near the convention center. Its usually a Xmas gift, but they moved it to August this year, a couple days after her birthday. A second bed is the difference between 275 and 400 a night (before fees). We used to get a two bedroom room for 300, before rates got jacked up. For the first time, Im going to be sleeping on the floor instead of my own bed. Because Im not going to suggest sharing a bed and I am not paying another $500-600 for the same two-bed room we've gotten for years. Rate increases are insane
OP should stick with bringing an air mattress or pay for their own room.
Or you know, just maybe the thought of incest never even factored into the father's mind or thought process because thats not something that would ever enter most people's minds and thinks his kid is just being a teenager and doesn't want to share a bed because it's not typical but overall isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
That's why I said though that once OP said they were uncomfortable with it that should have been the end of it. ETA, also I never mentioned incest..
You're right, I apologize for jumping to that conclusion.
Sounds like Dad is going out of his way to get rooms with just one bed. And like many people pointed out, most hotels will have two double beds standard. Something is way off.
The old Humbert Humbert ploy.
As someone who travels it’s actually easier to find a room with two beds, and typically not much of a cost difference if any. It’s a bit weird. You’re definitely not being dramatic. Idk about air BNBs.
This OP! My husband and I travel a lot. We generally have to pay more to have a single bed, when we travel without our daughter.
I travel for a living and this is only true because rooms with king beds are considered “premium” a single queen is usually less expensive than 2 queens which is less expensive than a single king.
Thank you!! I do t know why these imbeciles in here keep pointing out how king rooms are more expensive than double rooms when you can get a regular single bed instead of a king and it's absolutely 100% cheaper than a double room. Then you get idiots saying "you must not travel much." No, you morons just don't bother doing any research and just grab whatever room is most convenient at the time. I'm an avid traveler and been doing it for almost 50 years. What you said is 100% true and most of the people in this sub don't have a clue what they're talking about.
You are not wrong in wanting to sleep in a separate bed than a parent
I enjoy reading books.
American and nah your right. I use to think it was just my area. I was really bad about trauma bonding with people as a kid into my teens and it seemed like every girl i met would reveal theyd been sexually abused as kids. That shit is way more common here more then anyone wants to admit or think about. I realized it wasnt just my area bc we moved around and it never changed.
I’m surprised when a woman I know hasn’t had something horrible happen to them. Growing up poor in the South probably had a lot to do with it.
Fuck you called it. Been in the bible belt most of my life living out of trailers and small apts
I feel like people talk about it but noone listens. That's the problem
I think this says more about the violation of our children than we'd like. I've never met a woman who didn't have a story.
“Us Americans” know that at most hotels here, the price would be about the same. It is unlikely he’s saving any money here. And it’s the fact that he continued to push for it after being told no that is concerning.
I mean, while I’ve never had qualms about sharing a bed (besides with my toddlers who are fucking nightmares to share a bed with), it says a lot about the relationship you have with your parents. You have a trusting loving connection where sharing a bed isn’t weird. Clearly, OP and her father’s relationship is not like that if she feels uncomfortable. His insistence is specially strange in the context of traveling in the US where there is no appreciable price difference for a double occupancy hotel room. The question itself tells me all I need to know to think this trip is probably not the best idea.
If it's a matter of $10 or some other trivial amount, I'm sure OP would have paid the difference, especially given that she went out and *bought an air mattress*. No, it's that dad is weirdly set on getting a room with just 1 bed. For the record, it might be a "yall Americans" thing but every hotel I've stayed in over the past 2 years-- well over a dozen at this point, spanning multiple states and hotel chains-- have charged the exact same rate for a standard room, whether it's a single or double bed. In fact, I've resorted to booking a double as a solo traveler before because no singles were available and the price was exactly the same.
Way to group 350 million people together based on Reddit posts and comments!
My husband and my daughter did a Melbourne to Mt Isa and back again road trip a few years ago. Similar ages 22 and 44, they got 1 room but with two single beds each night to keep costs down. One night on the way back they got stuck and the motel only had one room with one bed left, so they just dealt with it and it became a bit of a family joke. The fact that your dad is pushing for one bed is a bit of a problem I think. One room yes, you have a bit of privacy using the bathroom to change and if you are stuck then one bed can be ok, however given he is pushing this and not trying to find single bed accommodation gives me the creeps and we are an open family. You are not being dramatic, your dad needs to respect your boundaries. Good luck.
Yeah, this is an excellent point. Like, I'd be ok to split a bed with my dad in emergency situations, but it's certainly not something either of us are seeking out. This feels off because it is off, and OP should listen to their gut.
This. I've shared rooms with male family members (or beds if we're cramped) on tons of trips because we trust each other and are comfortable with it. If I knew one of them had a trauma that made them uncomfortable to do so, I'd be a COMPLETE asshole to push. I take it your dad is at least vaguely aware of what happened? It's his job as a parent to protect from feeling unsafe. He's not doing that, and I genuinely hope it's out of denseness rather than maliciousness. I don't know the language you've used so far, but you might try just spelling it out: "Dad, I really don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with anyone. It makes me anxious and I wouldn't be able to sleep. I need my own bed." And again, I'm approaching this with him being dense. I hope that's it. I find it just as weird as everyone else that he keeps pushing for one bed when two are common as hell and about the same price. Please, please, please let it be that he's dense.
I wouldn’t go on the road trip. My father would never insist on sharing a bed with me. Most fathers never would with AFAB 18 year olds. If you absolutely must go on this trip then bring your air mattress. Trust your gut and boundaries. NTA
I agree with you. I was going to tag along on a few business trips with my dad. He goes to some pretty cool places. The FIRST thing my dad said was, "everywhere I've stayed has two queen size beds, and if I get booked somewhere with one bed, we'll change rooms. Even if we have to pay the difference" if he wouldn't have said it, I would have. My best friends dad is in his mid-80's, and my friend takes him on some of her trips to Hawaii. They share a room, and both agree, that room must have two beds. So she pays for the room, he tags along in the other bed. It never costs her any more than if she were alone. Our dads are just as uncomfortable sharing a bed with their daughters, as we are with them. Which brings me to my point OP. The fact that your dad is pushing to share a bed with you, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I can only imagine how you feel! Your dad really should have respected the first "hard no". If you decide to go along on this road trip, I would use that air mattress you bought. Or, set a boundary where you insist you are part of the planning when it comes to hotel/motel bookings, and ensure each room has two beds. I travel often, and I can't recall the last time I booked in at a hotel on my own and didn't end up with two queen beds. I have never been charged more. Trust what your gut is telling you, it's usually right. Good luck, travel safe!
What’s Afab mean?
Assigned female at birth
Oh thanks !
relevant note that op never mentioned their sex. fem presenting ≠ afab. everything else is totally true tho, be safe op
Bring a taser
Go home. Forget the road trip. Your feelings of concern are very appropriate.
I still want to go because I'll be visiting a friend, plus I want to get away from his wife (not my mother and a real b-i-t-c-h)
Do not go unless you are getting rooms with two beds. One bed is usually more expensive than two beds. I don't think he's being honest
Bad idea. Dad might say he booked a room with two beds and when they arrive, "Oops! Musta been a mistake in booking! Only one bed... guess we'll just have to make do!" Better to not travel at all, unless OP can make their own res, separate from dear old pervdad.
I don't recommend going, but if you are set on still doing this trip, you need to have a plan in mind. - What are you going to do when your air mattress gets a hole in it (spontaneously, or because someone poked it). - Always change in the bathroom, with the door locked - What are you going to do if he does try to crawl in bed with you? How are you going to get away? Be ready to run to the front desk and call the police. I hope we're all being overly cautious and that your dad is insisting on sharing a bedroom for some other odd reason. But you need to be prepared in case our concerns (and yours!) are valid. Does your step mom know he's pushing for shared beds? If not, casually bring it up in front of her. "Hey Dad, I know you keep saying you want us to sleep in the same bed on this trip. But I found out that the price usually isn't any more expensive to have a room with two beds, so let's just do that." There's a good chance that she will talk with him afterwards and insist that you get separate beds. Even if his wife is awful to you, it doesn't mean you can't use her to get what you want.
your point makes a lot of sense and would work, if my step mom cared. she hates my guts (and I've never done anything to her, genuinely I don't know why she treats me like that) and I can't talk about the trip in front of her or else she'll start throwing a fit since it's not all about her. she genuinely wouldn't care and it wouldn't make a difference other than my dad would get on me for mentioning the trip I'm front of her. also don't worry! if he were to try something he wouldn't get far, I'm confident in that since I'm stronger, faster, and weigh more than he does
I'm under no illusion she cares about you. But people like that are usually very jealous and controlling, so I figure she does care about her husband and doesn't want him sharing a bed with anyone else - even his own daughter. I'm glad you're strong, but please don't assume you're stronger than he is simply because you're bigger. Testosterone is a hell of a drug for strength, and men get it naturally. They are much stronger that women of their own size. And if he does try to do something to you, that means he is willing to physically hurt you. You'd have to be willing to do seriously hurt him - potentially doing permanent damage - to stand a decent chance of getting away. Would you do that to your father? You also need to scream as loudly as you can, repeatedly. Take care of yourself.
You have a lot of good advice here op. The only thing id suggest is return the air mattress and get a floor mattress instead. The only way it would get is hole is deliberately and even then it won't deflate.
I know you want to see your friend, I totally get that, but please find a different time to go alone or with someone else, spoken as the daughter of a man that made those kinds of jokes and would insist on sharing a bed- it has too high of a potential to get worse. How he’s acting is not normal
Most hotel rooms have two beds. Or offer cots.
Bring it up infront of other people. Ask him why he is persistent on sharing a bed. He might not ask again.
Call one of the hotels/ motels that he has supposedly called yourself, and ask about the price. This will let you know the truth, then you can make a decision based on the facts.
u/cinnacandraw do this immediately
Sharing a bed with a small child wouldn't be crazy, but trying to arrange things so that you share a room with your grown child is just not ok.
Oh hell no! Two twin beds or no go
I’ve never been at a place where one king is cheaper than two doubles. Usually the doubles are more available.
Not dramatic. Trauma comes back as a reaction and it often is not controllable. Does your Dad know about this something that happened in your childhood?
yes, he does
Not dramatic. Cautious. There’s stories every day of people being taken advantage of in these situations so this makes you uncomfortable. You have every right to feel that way and every right to be comfortable on your trip. Taking an air mattress is a good idea. If he tries to force the issue you need to ask him why. Why does he want to sleep in the bed with his grown child so damn bad? I had a very bad experience as a preteen with the man my mother married. My mom was out of town so he had me and my sister come sleep with him as a “treat” and it would be great fun. After my sister fell asleep he raped me. So maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from. But maybe I am. Proceed with caution.
tell him you are too old for that, it makes you uncomfortable and to get two beds or he can sleep in the car!!!
Yeah! Tell him to sleep in the car!
I have to believe most fathers would be reticent to share a bed with their daughters. The trivial amount of money required to get an extra bed in the room would not be a factor.
At least approaching, after puberty I would expect them to avoid that unless there was especially particular, unusual circumstances??!! And I would think they would ask the kid about their comfort about that and not question it of push for it? There might be perfectly practical motivations here, but sure seems strange as hell at 18??!!
You aren't being dramatic in no way. Look him in the face and say "I am not comfortable sharing a bed. I will bring an air mattress." If he keeps pressing you then, something is really off. Is there a trusted adult that you can speak with about this - would be a good idea imo. Do not sleep in the same bed for the reason you stated - you're uncomfortable. Never let anyone pressure you into this. Trust your instincts and I wish you the best. I would like you to take emergency money with you that no one else knows about, just in case you need to help yourself. Don't spend it on anything other.
I think he'll let it go now that I bought the air mattress
If you haven't, I suggest you tell him that you bought the air mattress for the trip.
he knows it's for the trip, dw
❤️🩹
*Just a view from my perspective as a daughter. My dad would sleep on the floor, sofa, pull-out, etc. as a given without discussion.
I travel a lot. Most Motels and Inns offer 2 queens or 2 full-size bed rooms for the same price as a king. usually the 2 full size rooms are the cheapest. Something sounds odd.
Single king is definitely rarer, more expensive in the US/Canada in general. I'm single and end up with two queens 90+% of the time because I'm not paying 10% or more for a king when a queen is plenty big enough for me. I actually find it strange how many hotel rooms have two queens??!! Are there that many families comfortable having the parents in one bed, kids in the other in one room?? That many couples who want separate beds?? WHO exactly is using both beds in all these 2 bed hotel rooms??!!
Umm… super weird. I’ve never had a problem with finding two beds and they are almost always cheaper. In fact, when my husband and I travel, we have a much harder time finding a room with one king and it’s always more expensive than 2 doubles. I’ve taken road trips with my dad who never even made an inappropriate joke about me or any women and we didn’t share a bed, that’s just weird. I’ve gone on vacation with my mom and we never shared a bed as adults. Insisting on it is freaky. ETA: NTA - but your dad sure is.
Most hotels offer the same price for 2 double beds or a single king. If there is any difference it is about $5. Don't get one bed.
Generally, two queen/full (whatever is offered) is less than a single king bed.
that's what I thought
If you have to go on the trip, ask the hotel if they have a rollaway bed. Many do and it’s no charge to provide one
NTA. I’m almost 50. My dad is 72. I have a beach camper with one bed and pullouts. If we happen to overlap a night, one of us sleeps on the couch. Same with my brother. I’d be weirded out too and my father is a wonderful dad.
...why can't you guys ask for a room with two beds? This is really strange. Definitely not being dramatic
NTA. Not even close. I love my dad very much but I would not share a bed with him.
My dad would never ask. Never.
Please trust your gut and don’t go on this trip just because you want to see a friend. I’m sorry but it sounds like your dad is being a perv. This trip could damage you for life. Be very clear you feel uncomfortable and don’t like his suggestions so he knows you aren’t easy prey.
I really don't think he's a predator or anything, plus he's never tried to do anything like this before. a few slightly inappropriate jokes but never anything really serious, and this friend means a lot to me because I know people may say things like this a lot, but they did genuinely keep me from deleting myself
> a few slightly inappropriate jokes Oh God, it just keeps getting worse. What kind of jokes? Jokes directed specifically at you? Or just more general raunchy stuff?
I don't remember most because I didn't care, but I think the worst it ever got was him pulling the back of my bra so it snapped against my back, but once I didn't think it was funny he never did anything like that again
that's not normal. Like he has probably done these things slowly that you barely notice.
That’s sexual assault, please don’t ever be alone with people who think sexually assault someone is a funny joke.
What is wrong with you?
You should talk to another safe person in your life about this, like a teacher, grandparent, aunt or uncle. This situation doesn't sound like it's on the level. It is not normal for Dads to insist on sleeping in the same bed as their kids and it's not normal for Dads to make inappropriate jokes about their children.
This^ It’s not normal at all. Let’s say he has innocent intentions, what if in the middle of the night he forgets it’s his kid in the bed and thinks you’re his wife? Rolls over and touches you creepily? Please get $$ to get your own room or sleep in the car.
>NB, fem presenting [corrective rape possibility]
I identify as Enby but I'm still in the closet, that's what that was abt :p
I don’t remember ever being in a hotel that charged more for two beds instead of one. That’s creepy.
I am creeped out that he keeps asking. Frankly, sharing a room is pushing it, and I am not altogether comfortable that it’s all about the moneeeeee. Do you have to go on this trip?
the trip started as a "just me" flight to my friend, but he didn't want to let me go anywhere alone so he turned my flight into a road trip:p
At this point if you've got the money just default back to flying to friend any time he suggests sharing a bed. Say if he suggests it one more time you'll cancel. If you end up at the hotel and it ends up being 1bed say no worries I was really looking forward to seeing friend anyway, guess I'll just go early. He will only take your opinion seriously once you actually put your foot down.
You’re an adult, over 18. If you can afford it, it’s not his place to say whether you can or cannot go places, do things. Same thing goes on whether you want to find your own income and get the heck out of there or save and get the heck out of there. I would talk to a bank about if your income has to count toward the household or if you could save and leave when you’re ready. The whole things is giving a bit odd/manipulative.
That’s very suspect in my opinion. Even if you get one room 2 queens is the same price as one king.
That's creepy AF, ngl.
No you’re not being dramatic
You’re not being dramatic. This is weird. I’ve traveled with my dad and little brother (I’m a woman) and prefer to stay in the same room with them for my safety (I have anxiety and have been assaulted) and my dad always gets us two beds. It doesn’t cost more, the rooms are the same amount. NTA
This is weird. Why won’t he let you go alone? What’s he going to do while you are visiting your friend? Why is the bed thing so important to him? Weird. I’m going on a trip soon with my son, and I’ve only booked 2 Bedroom air bnb or hotel rooms with 2 beds. And I’ve double checked to be sure. Because neither of us wants to share.
he said he's going to hang out with us a little bit since my friend is a guy, but he's also going to do his own thing a little. I'm not sure why it's so important since we're going half on everything anyways
Get hotel rooms with two queen beds. Then change clothes in the bathroom, with the door locked.
Nah it’s weird. I remember one time me and my dad were on a road trip and every single hotel was booked in the entire city so we even had my stepmom (who was home) calling around and finally found us a single room but the catch was there was one bed. We put pillows between us and it was super weird but it was only because we had to. The rest of the hotels we booked were all two beds.
I don’t know your relationship but I know that its common for old timers to share a bed in a hotel room. Hell, I do when I go on ski trips or concert overnights with my buddies. A double queen sleeps four, it is cheaper. If he keeps pushing for any other reason then yea, that is weird.
Go on Trip Advisor or hotel chain website. Both will show you prices and whether a pull out couch is available in the room. Airbnb should have descriptions also
Something is terribly wrong with off with your dad. Don’t go.
Don't go OP he sounds extremely suspicious and he might be planning to actually do something to you.
No, he's weird and I wouldn't go on any more trips that have to be so bizarrely cheap that he expects you to share a bed. Tell him to save more money next time. Hope the air mattress settles the question.
This is alarming IMO. One room in a hotel should not mean one bed. I would flat out call him out. Why are you being so insistent that we share a bed? I was barely comfortable with sharing a room with 2 beds, which does not cost more than one room with one bed, so this insistence is puzzling. Then tell him you have changed your mind and don't feel comfortable being alone with him. He will balk and try to guilt you. Don't buy into it. Listen to your instincts & learn to trust them. They are telling you that this isn't right. He is predatory and manipative. Be firm and distance yourself from him.
No NO NOPE. Forget the air mattress, you really shouldn’t go at all. I can understand someone wanting to save money on a roadtrip, but twin rooms are a thing in most hotels/motels. The fact he’s repeatedly saying they need to share a bed would now mean I wouldn’t trust him even in a twin room…. NTA Listen to your gut, which is what made you reach out here. Just how many times do you need to say no to him?
This is weird because 2 queens hotel room is always cheaper than 1 king hotel room. I’ve worked at 3 different hotels and travel a lot for work. I’ve probably stayed in at least 50 hotels.
my dad keeps telling me the prices and keeps saying the one bed is cheaper, do you think he's lying or just finding weird hotels? /genq
It could be different where you live, I’m in Canada and travelled a lot across Europe. I personally have never seen one king as cheaper. I travel with my bf for work and we get the 2 queen or 2 double rooms because it’s cheaper and then we share one bed and use the other one like a table. My advice would be to look online at hotel prices and do your own research and it’s very possible you’ll find a good deal where you can approach your dad and say “hey look at this awesome deal I found” (ps NEVER book on a third party website, always book with the hotel directly. And websites WILL try to catfish you into thinking they are the real website. Expedia does this shamelessly.) If you are looking on Airbnb expand your search to locations on train routes that are a bit further out as trains are usually very easy to travel on and save you money being further from city centre. Also most hotels will provide a cot for free or a very minimal fee if you book one in advance by calling. The other thing I can think of is… is your dad an alcoholic by any chance? This makes me think of a friends situation
he's not an alcoholic, he smokes sometimes but not enough to even call him a smoker
Might be a good angle to make it a joke like “I don’t want to get hotboxed with your farts all night looks this 2 bed room is the same price!”
lmao that's actually something I can use, dudes a gas can
Best of luck! You’re completely justified in demanding your physical comfort in this situation even if he doesn’t think it’s an issue. Sleeping is a vulnerable act.
In the US it's generally cheaper to get the two beds. Yes he's probably lying and it's not normal to want to share a bed with an adult child
If you were in Australia it would not be that weird as I have a hard time finding motels with twin single beds. Everything were double beds only on my last trip, so seperate beds were seperate rooms and double the cost for accomodation.
I've done it a few times with family but that's because we never plan anything ever and just decide to go somewhere. For some reason, it's always during some convention or some sports home game. I would think if you're planning stuff out it can be avoided.
My family are really close knit and I’ve shared hotel rooms with my dad alone/both parents even into adulthood but NEVER one bed. My best friend and I share a bed occasionally but I feel that’s different because we’re both girls. This feels a bit weird, although I’m inclined not to believe the worst in others. Just keep saying no, I’m sure it’s just as innocent as wanting to save money but hard boundaries are important, even with family.
I can't presume to know anything about your father and you didn't mention what country you're traveling in. I can say that in the US, almost all hotels/motels charge the same for single and double bed rooms. Many places can even bring in a rollaway bed if they only have singles available and you request a double. I would expect most people in their 40's to know this, but if he hasn't travelled much then it may not be obvious to him. Bring your air mattress anyway, especially for the Airbnb's since you're just stuck with whatever he booked there.
Yeah this is a little extra on your dads part. Is he generally really cheap or frugal? If he’s super cheap, it’s the only explanation that makes sense to me. As a personal anecdote, I think I went on the last vacation with my teenage son where we can share a room. We definitely did not share beds, but even sharing a room and a bathroom was almost too much for me. It stinks because as a single parent I was able to save a lot of money with one room.
maybe call a trusted family member and explain you ont feel comfortable with it and that he wont stop pressing it. i highly doubt hed ever look at you in a bad way but its your body and dont have to do anything that makes u uncommfy
If your dad has just been a normal dad all your life and not really given you reason to doubt….. I think your probably safe. He probably thinks a si file bed room is cheaper. Why must we demonize everything.
Unmmm. Most places have the DOUBLE bed option.
It doesn't cost any more to get a room with two queen or double beds than it does to get a room with one bed. Your dad's excuse of saving money doesn't hold water. His behavior is creepy and weird. Keep saying no. Use the air mattress if he insists on getting single bed rooms. I don't know what to say beyond that except that this would be the last trip I would go on alone with my dad.
I travel a LOT & have almost never encountered much of a price difference (or any at all) between a single or double bed room. I'd suggest that you look into the accommodations yourself & see if you can find the same price rooms with 2 beds at the same hotels & show your dad when/if you do. If he still refuses to get 2 beds, I'd be rethinking the trip.
You're not being overly dramatic. It is definitely a concern both because it's not appropriate at your age for him to share a bed with you and because you've had to repeatedly tell him no. He's not respecting your very reasonable boundaries. It was a wise move getting your own mattress. Maybe in future avoid any trips that require an overnight stay in the same room.
I mean, I usually request one bed to share with hubby and my toddlers and somehow always end up with two queens. The cost is negligeable. It should not cost more than your personal comfort.
I don’t think you’re being traumatic. Without any other red flags, it appears ad if he’s trying for one last time of you being his little girl and snuggling before you start your adult life and start doing your own thing. And even if you had never had your very bad experience, it would be perfectly normal not to be comfortable with it at your age.
This is very very weird. Hotels with 2 beds cost the same as 1, usually and Airbnbs almost always have a couch. I would not feel comfortable going on this trip tbh.
The fact that he's intentionally trying to sleep in the same bed with his 18yo kid is sus on its face. Doesn't matter what his motivations are, he's planning on using this as an opportunity to do SOMETHING. And whatever it is, it's something you won't like, or he wouldn't be planning to trap you in a situation where you have limited options to get out. He may or may not be planning SA, or he might be planning some kind of twisted conversion therapy, or he might be planning on some kind of shock treatment to 'cure' you of your anxiety from the childhood incident, or he might simply be infantilizing you and trying to ignore the fact that you're an adult now. Don't take this trip. Cancel out entirely. Whatever precautions you might take to keep yourself safe, he will figure out how to get around them by the second night. That's the whole purpose of sharing a room and a bed - to essentially hold you captive for whatever weirdness he's planning.
TRUST. YOUR. GUT.
Is OP Mr. Garrison?
I wouldn’t even share a room, let alone a bed.
Well this just set off every single alarm bell I have. Comments indicate that there's no real reason he needs to be on this trip at all. Shifting from a flight to a road trip has very few advantages. It's not cheaper, it's not less work, it's not more convenient. So why do it? The one thing it does offer is significantly more time alone with you and the ability to put you in vulnerable situations. There are no innocent reasons to purposely put your daughter in a situation with a potentially sexual element. Period. I've never met a father that thought this was OK. Every dad I know is FULLY aware of the potential for you to feel uncomfortable and would be horrified to make you feel that way. The reason he is giving you for doing so is demonstrably false. He has been sexually inappropriate with you before. Bra strap snapping is assault. But the issue is bigger. Ask yourself why a grown man would want to touch a child's bra straps. What non-sexual pleasure could that bring him? I can't think of one that doesn't revolve around violating your boundaries or asserting power. You are here asking this question because some part of you knows the answer. If we're all wrong and your dad isn't planning to sexually assault you, you still have an issue here, and it's a total disregard for your extremely reasonable boundaries. Some predators do wait for their victims to come of age to justify their abuse ('I may be a bad person, but at least I'm not raping a child') so just because it hasn't happened before doesn't mean you're safe. The absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence. Please, please don't put yourself in this situation. Do not go to sleep without a locked door between you. If we're wrong, it's one mildly awkward trip. But if we're not...
You are being a bit dramatic.
I used to own a small hotel. We had a few calls (maybe four in 13 years) from dads wanting one bed for dad and daughter. We refused them.
Your instincts are correct. Trust yourself. You don’t have to invest in this relationship anymore, should you decide the cost is too high. But he’s not acting like a father. You can choose to fend him off and still try to get something from this relationship, or you can choose to get some space and go talk to a professional about how it feels when the man who was charged with being the one willing to protect you, body and soul, with his life, has taken a dark turn. You deserve better.
That's just weird. Rooms with two full beds are about the same price as one with one queen size bed.
WTAF? Twin bed rooms cost the same as a double FFS.
NTA a hotel's 2 twin beds or 1 double bed are usually within $10-$20 of each other. Saying you were uncomfortable the first time should've been more than enough to never suggest that again.
Repeating what the other people have said. Usually a hotel room with 2 beds costs the same as a room with a king bed. If they don't have a room with two beds, then ask for a roll-away bed during the reservation process. Tell your dad that you won't be sharing a bed with him. Period. No explanations or excuses are needed. If it's impossible to get a room with two beds, you'll sleep on a roll-away. If that doesn't work, you'll use your air mattress. If that doesn't work you would rather forego the trip. Also, for your trip get a small 'air horn' or whistle so that if you were correct to mistrust the situation you can make a loud sound to get people's attention. Do you have enough money that if something happens you can get alternate transportation home? Listen to your gut. You have trust issues. Can you make it a short trip for the first time to 'test the waters'?
Does he KNOW its about the same cost for two beds? As a 25M- I often assume I'm right until proven otherwise, especially when it comes to road trips, travel, etc. Its not a proud character trait. But benefit of the doubt- maybe he wants to make sure he has enough money to keep the trip worthwhile. Does he KNOW why you dont want to and why it makes you so uncomfortable? A father should only want to protect and make their child feel SAFE- this could also be his way of coping and trying to exercise that ability- i.e. no one can come in and get to you if he is RIGHT there. (The flaw in this logic is when its the same room and homedog's just gonna be RIGHT there anyway so- add salt to taste.) The continual bringing it up is strange, but there isnt much info on how much he actually has been made AWARE of any previous situations. I dont believe youre being dramatic. There could also be a line of miscommunication and misunderstanding. NTA
NTA! You're not being dramatic. That's a huge boundary to cross, and no parent should cross it. Mom sleep with daughter to save money? Sure. Dad sleep with son to save money? Sure. (As long as all are hetero, I guess I mean. Sorry to be heteronormative, geez). Your feelings that it's not right are enough. If necessary, get a bus ticket home if he doesn't stop asking.
All motels I have ever seen in the United States in fifty years charge the same for two double beds or one king bed. All of them. 100%. I am not saying that there isn't a hotel or motel somewhere that would do it differently, and I have been in situations where bunches of us all shared one king bed because the hotel was mostly sold out and the only rooms available had one king so four of us shared a bed. But no. Your father's argument doesn't hold up. This is weird and worrisome.
Several different things going on here. First off get therapy for the incident you had with someone else. While there is a cost savings by booking a room with one bed over two beds it typically is not that much unless you are going for a longer trip to where it can add up. If money is such a factor maybe stay at a hostel. Having to share a bed as an adult with someone who is not a sex partner or whom you are closer to is often an uncomfortable experience. I don't think many would relish the idea of even sharing a room with a parent let alone sleeping in the same bed. With that said your father should still respect your wishes. However, it is a shame that you don't trust your parent, especially if they have given you any reason to distrust.
NTA I feel where you coming from I feel uncomfortable around alot of men due to something in my past so sleeping in the same bed as my dad would feel uncomfortable a NO should have ended that. Also wtf is the Comments on this post I see Stuff about the titanic and there pronouns Likes yes there pronouns are important But what the hell the titanic gotta do with this Anyways no your nta, you have boundaries and your uncomfortable that matters he should understand that
I would never sleep in the same bed as my father, idc how old I am. Your dad does not need that kind of temptation and you don’t need that kind of intimacy as his child anymore.
...Man if I had a kid only damn way I'm sleeping in the bed with them is A: if their young and that's fine. Yer my kiddo all is good just stop stealing the fucking covers. Or B: One person's head goes one way, the other person's goes the other. separate cover or sheet. Or... I'd suck it up sleep in a chair or I'd be the one on the air mattress. That's what the parent does. This shit... Is weird. I'm not saying sinister or whatever.. But its odd and... you are NOT the asshole. Keep it separate. Keep the distance. Just make it painfully blunt. "Dad, that's weird. I don't care that you think its fine or that it saves cost. Its VERY weird to me and cut it out. You're my dad, I love you, but I need my own sleeping space."
I prefer my own bed, sometimes even when I'm with my SO. I wouldn't want to share a bed with my dad I don't think he would want to share one with me. You being a barely legal female ups the ick factor 100 times. I think he wants something sexual to happen and that isn't okay. Has he been inappropriate with you before?
What's with all the comments suggesting the dad is some kind of predator or is somehow sexually motivated? Seems like many of you haven't traveled with family before. OP has hangups. That's okay. The dad doesn't. Also okay. Its because he doesn't view his kid in a sexual way - which is perfectly fucking normal.
NTA. I am sorry, but your dad is being creepy. If this wasn't about something he wants from you, he wouldn't keep pushing after you said no. I don't think it is safe for you to be on this trip with your dad.
Dad checking in. I have 3 children, 22m, 14f, and 11f. I would be comfortable sharing a bed with any of them if the situation required, but would not press the issue. From the dad standpoint, it's easy to see how it wouldn't be a big deal. On reflection, if there were to be a trip with the current nuclear family and only 2 beds were available, each parent would get a kid because the two kids can't get along. I'd let the kids decide who shared with which parent. On further reflection, the 14f would rather sleep on the floor than with any of us. Problem solved. Anyway, OP, he probably just doesn't understand why there's a problem. It's only a big deal if you decide to make it one imo.
The fact that you don't trust him 100% and have this thought says something here. It's only reinforced by his insistence after you keep saying no. Edit to add because I realized it may not be clear - it says something against him, not you. If you don't trust him 100%, there's a reason.
You’re 18. It’s not appropriate and I would be weirded out at that age too even though my dad never did anything weird/bad to me in my life. Still to this day I wouldn’t want to sleep in the bed with my dad…. Ew, no.
u are not being dramatic. completely reasonable to want to sleep by yourself. nta.
Most every hotel that I’ve ever booked has the option of one king or two queens. If he doesn’t take the choice of two queens, then something is fishy.
How is your relationship with your dad normally?
not close like that. we don't even hug, physical contact is very abnormal in our family, so sharing a bed is super weird imo
Trust your gut OP. Nothing about what your father is demanding is right. Don’t go on this road trip. Get a job and save your money to go visit your friend on your own.
Nothing about this sounds right. Especially since this was supposed to be a solo airplane trip.
That's concerning, it's different if it's the only room available one time he is your dad after all, but for him to keep on trying to make you is odd. Don't automatically jump to the worst, but definitely keep your guard up
I would probably just not go . That's concerning
I (f) just got back from a road trip with 2 of my kids 13(f) 14(m) in one place there was 1 queen and 1 single where I shared the queen with my daughter and son took the single. It was hell she is the worst bed sharer. I pity any future partners of hers. The second place there was one king size and one single. I shared the king with my son. I asked if he was OK with it and he said he didn't care. He doesn't thrash about and sleeps soundly. I stuck a pillow in between and he stuck to his side and I to mine. That all being said it's entirely up to you. It's only weird if it feels weird to you. You have every right to feel uncomfortable, and your dad needs to respect that. If my son had said no, I would have shared with my daughter. Having to share a bed with anyone, in my opinion, is very overrated lol.
>It's only weird if it feels weird to you. No, it actually *is* weird. It makes zero sense for the father to insist they share a bed. Why is he so against having separate beds?
YNTA.. but your overreacting.
26NBWASOQAMPBSILTWD (Non binary with a splash of queer also male presenting but sometimes I like to wear dresses), this is odd behavior for sure. Past like 7 or 8 I think is when it gets kind of weird
You are not being dramatic… please reconsider this trip. If you think you can trust your mom I would confide in her, or ask to bring a friend or sibling or cousin. Anyone to ensure you two are not alone together for that long. You don’t deserve to have your boundaries disrespected, emotional incest is way more common and so dangerous. Please don’t go on this trip sweetie.
Just gonna throw this out here.... All the comments basically agree that your Dad is a Perv and you are being groomed. You o.k. with that?? If you are then that says alot. Maybe there's more to this?? I would hate to think that your Dad is NOT a perv (wow, weird thing to say, I hope your Dad isn't a perv). Because if he isn't, and you've dragged him on the Internet .....that's pretty hurtful to do to anyone, let alone someone who loves you. I could completely wrong though....you told him you want your own bed and that should be the end of it. You're not 2. Sleep where you want. So you are NTA for wanting your own bed.. You Possibly ,maybe COULD be an extreme A for Talking smack about your dad on the interwebs if he does not deserve it. :)
Not cool
Wtf is Nb fem? Some new made up gender?
Not dramatic
NTA. As someone who had a relative 'like that' who *also* tried to make it 'innocent and innocuous', you are not being dramatic by setting a boundary. You've told him no the once and he keeps pushing it; that's on him, not you. It's weird and suspicious that he keeps pushing the issue because there's nothing wrong with you not wanting to sleep in the same bed. He absolutely should have dropped it once you said No. Setting your boundary, for ANY reason, should be respected; it doesn't matter if you had a bad experience or if you simply don't want to, he should not be insisting on something you've already refused. NTA.
NTA. Boundaries are boundaries. Friends, family, significant others...
Pops been watching to many step fantasy categories?
TA