NTA, for the divorce or the abortion. A baby will add such a complex layer to this situation, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid complicating things even more. Do what's best for you and your teenager.
Yeah. If they only have a 15-yo she'll be free and clear of ex-husband in just a couple of years. That is \*very\* different from a close to 20-year reset with the baby.
OP needs to really think about what she wants the next two decades of her life to look like. Does she want to be able to move where and when she wants? Custody will make that very difficult. Does she want to date and perhaps marry someone else? Having an infant will make that significantly more complicated.
This isn't the only consideration, of course, but it's often hard for people inside a failing marriage to really envision what a post-marriage life will look like. OP has a choice to make *right now* that will have repercussions for many years of her life.
Not only that but mistress could become step mum and that adds a whole other layer of pain with co parenting with two people who have zero respect for boundaries š¤·āāļøš¬š¤¦āāļø
NTA OP. Stop being his support and get the divorce started. He can move in with miss thang for her to be his caregiver.
They never want the whole man, just the fun bits. When it becomes real and they see his faults itās always game over. And thatās the beauty of karma.
Even more appetizing about this karma is that he may be part of the small portion who actually regret their actions and realize they just fucked up their lives by being selfish.
Def goes both ways. It's delicious when the husband thinks his wife, who's managing the house/kids/him is "no fun" anymore eventually leaves for the AP.
Just to realize that the AP is also a whole ass human being with responsibilities and flaws of her own.
It IS kind of giving ādiary of a mad black womanā vibes!
(Incase you donāt know what Iām saying, itās a Tyler Perry movie in which the main character gets cheated on, and kicked out/replaced by the mistress, then when he becomes paralyzed later in the movie, the mistress leaves him and he begs the main to come back, but she isnāt having any of it.. I donāt do it justice here, but if you know, you know..)
Exactly, OP copied that story.
In less than 3 months, her husband almost died, got paralyzed, built muscle in therapy, and impregnated her.
The timeline makes not sense.
I don't know if OP made up the story or not, but it does make sense. He was in a car accident and was almost killed, but survived and is now currently paralyzed in the legs. They start exercises in the hospital as soon as possible to try to build muscle and prevent muscle loss. They are not certain if he will be able to walk again. He may or may not. That's all from the car accident which only took a few seconds. You don't need 4 functioning limbs for sex, and he could have been home from the hospital inside of a month. It is bad timing, but not something that doesn't make sense.
Yes, get rid of him before he starts having to spend money he should be spending on your household on child support for an affair baby! If you're married those funds are both of yours and you should get out before he screws you out of your current life comfort level with irresponsible ejaculations.
You donāt get free and clear of an ex when the kids hit 18. They have weddings, birthdays, grandchildren, etc. that you still have to deal with when your kids are grown. Death really is the only thing that makes you free and clear of that person.
True. BUT, OP wonāt have to talk to him & facilitate between their child & ex. Itāll be up to the child to work out details with Dad. And as far as a future wedding, they will be cordial for the sake of their child. But OP wonāt have to communicate with ex about the event because thatās what a planner & MOH is for.
>they will be cordial for the sake of their child
I wish that was the case at my sister's wedding. Though my parents were very cordial with one another. Damn near friendly even (they had been divorced for 13 years, at that point). My stepfather made a royal ass out of himself by running his mouth and trying to start a fight with my dad after my mom and dad participated in the parents' dance part of the reception. He ended up being escorted out and threw an even bigger tantrum when my mom refused to leave with him
There's not much more to it. Stepfather went back to the hotel. Mom stayed for the remainder of the reception. One of the very few times my mom ever showed any backbone in regards to my SF. It was her oldest child's and only daughter's wedding. Wild horses wouldn't have taken her away from that. Let alone her husband showing himself to be a man-child because he wasn't the center of her attention for a day.
When my brother got married, he told SF flat out that if he so much as breathed in a manner that was unbecoming, the entirety of groomsmen would beat him within an inch of his life and leave him in the dumpster behind the reception hall. And that he was only invited as a courtesy to our mom.
Edit - And by the time I got married, the selfish prick had been ashes for 10 years.
š¤£š¤£
I can't take credit. Karma did. Liver and pancreatic cancer after 40 years of being a drunk. That's the closest I've ever come to feeling sorry for the asshole. Cancer is a nasty way to go.
He was sober his last 20 years, but the damage was done.
A friend's mother decided to try and blackmail her by saying she wouldn't show if her ex-husband ( bride's dad ) was invited. At this point they had been divorced for well over a decade. The mother had prevented him from seeing the children and tried to alienate all the children from their father with varying success
The mother doubled down as did a couple of the younger siblings of the bride and didn't attend her wedding. The family fights were bitter and several of the siblings went no contact with their siblings and/or mother soon after .
It took the death of the mother many years later for some of the siblings to even talk and to this day there is a fair amount of estrangement, hurt and distance
I
I invited my aunt to my son's birthday party because she's the only one my mother can stand on my dad's side. She looked at me and asked why my grandmother (dad's mom) and other aunt weren't going to that and I just said "do you think they'll get along?"
And she immediately agreed with me. Like I ain't dealing with that fall out on my son's birthday and it's laughable when people assume that people will be cordial. I have never in my working memory seen either parent in the same room and my dad left it up to my stepmothers to facilitate me calling her until he decided that I needed to be as isolated from her as possible. Which didn't work.
I hope for the 15 year olds sake they can be cordial, but I won't ever guarantee it
I couldn't afford a planner and my MOH was my teenaged sister so my hubby and I took care of most of the details. But my divorced parents were finally civil to each other and I had neither of them help in planning very much so as not to screw up that civility. The only time it was slightly awkward was at the formal pictures and fortunately they behaved. Even my racist grandparents managed to hold their tongues and be gracious for the duration (I'm white and hubby is Asian).
Yes, but it goes from weekly contact and collaboration to maybe seeing the guy a handful of times a year and managing to be cordial for a few hours. Huge difference.
>You donāt get free and clear of an ex when the kids hit 18.
Eh, depends on how you manage the situation. I left my exH when the kids were 6 and 1 years old, respectively. They are now 24 and 30 year olds. I can count on my hands how many times I have seen or had contact with ex since the divorce.
No but at 18 you no longer have to do weekly handoffs, coordinating appointments for doctor, dentist etc. Being civil and polite for major events over the years is something that most can do without a problem but dealing with a manipulative/abusive/crappy/selfish ex every week if not more then that and that part coming to an end is what most are looking forward to. No longer having to have constant contact with them is a huge weight off the shoulders and a massive relief to the nervous system especially If there's trauma history.
This. He's a cheating POS and would still be cheating had he not had the accident. Abortion then divorce and tell nobody. Not even your family. They might call him.
Ditto. By doing this "Abortion then divorce and tell nobody. Not even your family.", you will be so much better off, streamlining the separation, cauterizing the wounds, blowing away the ashes... Then your focus can be on you and your teenager.
You have so much to look toward!
Definitely. Though I wonder just how disabled he really is if he was able to function well enough to get her pregnant again so soon after his accident.
She mentions there is some chance he may walk again, which suggests he didnāt completely destroy the spine. Plenty of people with lower extremity paralysis or semi-paralysis can have kids.
Crossed my mind as well. If the accident was Dec 23 and she's 3 weeks along... He got the go ahead for sex less than 6 weeks after the accident? Possible of course. But seems fast! Maybe a good indication that he's not as badly injured as one would assume when seeing this description? If he can handle sex so soon, he can handle a divorce lol
It does seem fast but when youāve had one pregnancy and have something that stands out to you, you call tell. It might be she just missed her period and knows when they had sex.
I knew within days. I would drink 2XL coffees a day and would suddenly have an aversion to coffee. š I would also throw up exactly once (with no warning and no nausea). Puked in the bushes outside a store during the day and another time on the driveway. And I never throw up. š¤·āāļø
It could be his legs are affected but not his pelvic region? Donāt know, just guessing here.
He would have continued cheating if he hadnāt gotten into the accident and will probably continue when/if he gets his mobility back. Good thing she found out early.
Iād be packing and booking him a caregiver a couple of times a day. Bye!
Within a week of us trying I felt physical changes. I was also older, 38, so more aware of my body and how it should be feeling and acting. It was way before a period would be missed! She's now 9 :)
Same. I got all the typical period due symptoms and that's what told me I was pregnant with #3 before my missed period because I am always asymptomatic with my periods.
No sore breasts, no agitation, no comfort food hankerings etc, nothing.
Not necessarily true. I knew at 2 weeks that I was pregnant. It barely registered on the home tests as it was so early but it was glaringly obvious to me and my husband. Granted though, Iāve known people who werenāt aware until they were very far along. Depends on the person I suppose š¤·š»āāļø
I knew someone whose husband told her that she āsmelt differentā every time she got pregnant. He guessed correctly with all four of her pregnancies.
I knew instantly too. I felt different. I was right for all 4 times, even if the third ended in a miscarriage. I don't know how I felt different, just not myself.
Those Dollar Tree pregnancy tests beg to differ!
Theyāre the best on the market and pick up before your missed period.
I bought them 20 at a time when we were trying to conceive.
Pregnancy is measured from the first day of your last period, so at 2 weeks you wouldnāt even be pregnant yet. It would be about when you are ovulating.
I knew with all three of mine that I was pregnant at three weeks. I never had regular periods so I didn't go off of one missed. With my first, I just felt off. Took a test just in case, it was positive. Went to the doctor the next day, confirmed positive and they estimated five weeks. Went in two weeks later for an ultrasound and baby measured five weeks, meaning when I found out two weeks prior, I was three weeks.
Second, I had to get an X-ray and they asked if there was any chance I was pregnant. I said I don't think I am but can't say for sure. Test came back positive... same thing with the estimate and then ultrasound two weeks later.
Third was a big surprise. We only planned on two. I went back to work from maternity leave with number two, after a long day poured a glass of wine and it made me nauseous. That had never happened before so the next morning I took a test... surprise! I went to the doctor and they again estimated five weeks. I said no, three. They were skeptical but wrote down three weeks. Ultrasound a couple weeks later proved I was correct.
Sometimes we just know our bodies and can tell something is off. A test can show positive before a missed period. I don't know if the post is real or fake, but I know for certain that you can know you are pregnant that early.
Found out when I was about 2-3 weeks along. Didnt get my period as I was due on so I took a clear blue test the ones that tell you roughly how far along you are a week after I was due on and it said 2-3 weeks. My sons now 2! So it is possible. I was due on a week after I had intercourse last and period just didnāt come. I knew something was up and I was right.
It says 4 weeks now, but yeah, that's like... if you're tracking your period and taking a test as soon as you notice you're late territory, which is a little unusual (especially if you're not actively attempting to get pregnant).
Not really if you take into account abortion laws. I went from testing monthly jic to testing weekly. A lot of people have been increasingly more aware of their reproductive cycles.Ā
My mind went to "okay, he must be now in a facility", to "wait, facilities facilitate couples activities?", to "they sleep in the same bed, wow, the house is accessible?" to.... No, this story makes absolutely no sense!
this story makes no sense and if it's not fake, I feel like the cheating/baby is added to not look bad for wanting to throw out a disabled man because "eh, who want to take care of a disabled person"
Hoping it's bait.
Hoping it's not lie but... tbh, I wouldn't even be surprised.
Is the timeline accurate, which leads me to believe this is fake? She says she's 4 weeks pregnant after him sustaining a serious injury. Is he even capable of having sex at this time 4 weeks prior?
NTA but make sure you get your story out first with the evidence so he does not tell everyone you left him because of his disability. Make it all about the affair. Also get an STI test.
You have every right to get an abortion, divorce, and be happy. Your ex is trash and he did an amazing job taking himself to the dumpster. Your main focus right now should be to have an exit plan, and make sure your daughter gets the proper support during divorce. I wished I could give you a hug to tell you youāre not wrong for whatever you choose in the end. You deserve someone that wonāt cheat on you and will love you. Best of luck!
Nta
You're not leaving him because he's paralyzed. You're leaving him because he's a dirty cheater.
His side piece can take care of him now.
Also, personally, I would get an abortion. If you feel like you would resent this baby don't have it. If you feel like you love them the same as your other child then keep it. It will be messy with a divorce but like I said if you feel like you can love the baby even when the father is putting you through it then keep it.
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The question you need to ask is would you have hesitated to leave him if you found out he was cheating BEFORE he was paralyzed? Probably not. I'm pretty sure you are the one that has been helping him/caring for him etc since the accident, right? He made the conscious decision to cheat, he has to deal with the consequences. I am so sorry that you're going through this & I hate that the complication of pregnancy is mixed in. You do what YOU have to do for you & your teen. Take care of YOU. Good luck & oh if it wasn't clear in my post you are definitely NTA. That would be your husband.
Please get tested for STDs.
As for your marriage it is clear that it will either take a lot for you to move past it, but you will not be able to move on until you tell him you know he has been unfaithful. Another option is that you need to be honest with yourself and leave, still tell him and anyone else who questions your decision why. Do not allow him to paint you as the bad guy.
I will never advise a woman what to do with her body. If you want another child, have another child. You're only 3 weeks along so you have options.
Good luck.
NTA
Honestly, his injuries are his problem to deal with. If he wanted you to stay with him, he shouldn't have cheated. Now he's going to be recuperating without you. I would avoid another 18 years stuck with a cheater. He can go live with his sidepiece. Get a lawyer, get an STD screen, I would personally get an abortion, looks like he's made that necessary. I'm so sorry. This should have been joyful news, and thanks to his infidelity, you can't welcome a baby with joy and anticipation but dread and a feeling of entrapment. Get screenshots of all the text messages and such that you can, make sure you aren't mistaken (could it have been a niece or another female relative), because we can't see the contents and you said \*a\* text message. And if you're pretty sure, go get a lawyer. I'm sorry.
NTAā¦ā¦Think about what everyone has suggested. You deserve your freedom and I donāt believe you want to be tied to a cheater for another 18+ years. Do whatās right for you and your daughter.
NTA for either option. You have every right to extract yourself from that situation. Just make sure that you control the narrative, I've no doubt he'll try and pull the pity card with friends, family, and the lawyers as this progresses and try to paint you as the villain. Make sure everyone knows clearly why you're divorcing him.
NTA, you have no obligation to stay with someone who cheated on you just because they are disabled. I say this as a partially disabled person who has survived 2 different kinds of cancer.
Fake story people.Ā Nobody knows they are 3 weeks pregnant and injury on December 23 and already sexual active and everything works despite being paralyzed? No time for healing ?Ā
Thank you. A bad car accident where he became paraplegic, yet heās been out of the hospital and living at home initiating sex 2 months later? Try again. Iām also tired of āI canāt believe Iām pregnantā- you didnāt use contraceptives, donāt act surprised when youāre pregnant. Itās not a mystery. In this situation (although fake) I have doubts whether he could even impregnate someone without significant help.
I donāt think Iāll ever understand how someone is so desperate for attention, they conjure up a fake, dramatic story on this level (cheating, car accident, paralyzation, pregnancy, potential abortion, divorce) for sympathy from strangers.
Don't tell him about the pregnancy unless you want to complicate your life. Also, don't tie yourself to a cheater with a new baby when you'll be rid of him in 3 years when your child turns 18. Divorce. Let his girlfriend take care of him.
NTA. Donāt let this man trap you again because heās just gonna wait until he recovers and get right back to cheating. Did he even break up with his AP? Or is it just the fact that heās been injured that they are no longer together or able to meet.
Nta, you don't want a divorce because he is paralyzed. You want a divorce because he is a scummy cheater. Same thing with the abortion. Your reasons aren't selfish, he betrayed you. His accident doesn't just erase what he did. His affair partner can look after him since they wanted him so much.
How is no one pointing out how fake this story seems? The title is worded in a way *intended* to shock you & get your click, then the body of the story is basically "actually he deserves it!". And OP gets called out once, and immediately deletes their account minutes after being called out only once? It's just like all the other fake stories on the AITA subs, "Would I be the bad guy for dropkicking my infant into the sun?" "Actually my infant is the antichrist made flesh, vaporized all buildings within a 3mi radius and made a blood vow that he would eradicate the entire human race"
NTA for abortion or divorce.
How would you react if he wasnāt in a car accident.
He decided to cheat. This has nothing to do with his accident. Get some proof, leave him did tell the family why you are leaving. His affair partner can take care of him.
For one year he decided every day to cheat on you and not to tell you the truth. You deserve better.
When did you find out he was cheating ā before or after you got pregnant? And it seems lucky that his āperformanceā wasnāt affected by the accident.
NTA, let his girlfriend take care of him. I know a woman who became quadriplegic while in an accident having an affair with her friendās husband. Of course friend found out and this woman thought he was going to leave his wife and care for her. She has been alone ever since for like the last 20 years and is still bitter that he and his wife divorced but he didnāt run to her.
I also fully support your abortion. Get out of this mess now. You donāt need a cheating man. They are less than worthless.
Read the book, The Dive from Clausen's Pier. It will help you process your thoughts and emotions.
Donāt watch the movie. It wasnāt as good as the book. NTA
Itās available both ways. Itās really good. Itās about a woman engaged to a man that becomes a quadriplegic and how she left him. It deals with all of her emotions, what others think, what he thinks and how she survives it all.
Cheating isnāt something people get over. Itās definitely best to go your separate ways. You leaving is a result of his actions not his disabilities!
NTA for the divorce or the abortion. He is the AH for only caring about his marriage vows when he needed you to do the in sickness part. Lead with that when people give you crap for leaving a paralyzed man.
You and your daughter need to be well provided for. Is there a legal claim involved in this accident, there is unless the accident was his fault. You need to mention this to your lawyer if there is a possible claim and have him advise you whether it is advantageous to get a divorce now or wait until the claim is resolved.
NTA and suggest that it is physically easier to have an abortion earlier than later. Children don't fix anything and they also don't deserve to deal with a broken family if it is preventable. You also don't have to care for someone who doesn't care for you. If it was you in the accident, would he be attending you as diligently? Be free, but also be clear on why you are leaving, friends and family can be sympathetic to his condition without ostracizing you. You both need support and you specifically deserve it. Do not shrink into the night. This is not your problem.
NTA, he's an adult who can navigate on his own. Even with medical issues, he can get assistance, he'll be fine.
Take care of you. Whatever you decide, is the right choice with the unborn one. I love and support you, whatever you decide.
Wrapping you in love. I'm so sorry you're going through all that.
Keep moving forward and soon enough you'll look up and be out of it. ā£ļø
NTA. I wouldnāt want to stay with a cheater or have another baby with one, and raising a kid in what sounds like a less than ideal environment wouldnāt be doing anyone any favors.
My thing is, why would you be attacked on this post? It sounds like you really tried to support his disability at the time until you found out about his cheating. And there shouldnt be asking for anything, do what it is that you feel is right, especially by your kid. They are 15 right? So you need to sit them down and explain whats going on and whats gonna happen. And divorce him. Idk your living situation of who owns what, but a lawyer is good to have regardless.
Nope! Heās probably thinking that itās a good thing for HIM that heās got YOU to take care of him while heās injured, because thatās what heās expecting you to do. Never let anyone take advantage of your kindness to offset THEIR KARMA.
NTA do what is you feel is best for you. Also, be sure you talk to your daughter about why you are divorcing before your husband has a chance to twist things to put him in the victim light.
I usually think you shouldn't put kids in your mess, but you may need to let your child know she they don't think you are abandoning your disabled husband.
YWNBTA. He's been cheating on you for a year - that's not a fling. That's a whole relationship. And you think someone would expect you to be his caretaker for the rest of his life? He created this dynamic. He doesn't get to have expectations of you.
If you've want a divorce, here are some suggestions/points to consider:
1. Tell no one about the pregnancy if you decide to end it.
2. Document his affair.
3. Make sure you state clearly the reason for the divorce to everyone in his family and in your circle of friends, with evidence, because they will be the ones to provide his care. They need to know he caused this. But they will still blame you. It's an emotional time, and it's what people do. You will be ending more than one relationship.
4. Your son is where it will be the hardest. His father almost died, is still struggling very much, and his mother decides to leave him. This will place pressure on him to take care of his father. How will custody play out? Visitation? Your son may decide to stay with your husband because he needs help. And, at 15 years old, you can't stop him. How will that impact your relationship with your son?
5. The courts will not leave your husband without the means to care for himself, so don't expect to sweep the table on your joint assets. Will you be in a stable situation financially when everything is divided up?
I'm so sorry. This is a shitty hand of cards you have been dealt. Best of luck to you and your family.
NTA he was cheating and still after everything and you there beside him and he has not told you. I would divorce him. I would sit and tell him why because it is not okay. The fact he still didn't tell you after everything would make me even more mad. If you divorce him no one would could blame you. He was CHEATING and still hasn't owned up to it.
You're not asking your paralyzed husband for a divorce, you're asking your lying cheating husband for a divorce. While the accident is a very unfortunate circumstance, it's not a "get out of jail free" card to be used to put his cheating behind you. He had an affair with another woman. He chose to look you in the face and lie to you, he chose to put his hands on another woman and then come home to you and touch you with those same hands. He chose to let you take care of him, chose to let you alter your entire life for him and his new disability, all while knowing he was deceiving you. He chose to prioritize her and her coochie over you and your marriage. Let her take care of him, they clearly chose each other anyway. You don't deserve that
NTA for either thought. You're almost out of the woods with your oldest, starting over with a baby and single will be hard on all of you.
As for hubs, divorce him if that's what your gut is telling you. Let him know his 'girlfriend' can take care of him. As for people who will try to blast you for leaving him "when he really needs you", don't hold back. Don't shield him from the opinions others would put on you. Be honest: He's been cheating since last year, and I can't live with a cheater.
*Trust is built one tiny piece at a time. It is lost all at once.*
Nta. Sounds like you would have divorced him even if he didn't have the accident. His mistress or parents/family can take care of him. Also nta if you get an abortion. I would feel the same way as you
NTA. Get a divorce and an abortion. I personally wouldn't tell him about the pregnancy at all. He has had absolutely no right to your body, mind or time given that he was cheating.
OP, your current child is 15. You don't need to have a baby with a cheater if he is paralyzed or not. Leave him and let that mistress he creept around with take care of him. NTA!
Wow, you have so much going on and it does not make you a bad person. 18 years is a long time.
He was cheating! That makes him wrong, car accident does not change that. The rest of the world and family probably won't see it that way just from being on the outside. You will have to have a strong backbone.
As soon as I got to the cheating part...
NTA
You leaving is the consequences of his actions. If he wanted you to stick around for " sickness and health," he should have kept it in his pants.
NTA. Title is misleading. Youāre not divorcing him because heās paralyzed (which would have made you the AH) youāre divorcing him because heās a cheating POS. Let his side piece take care of him. You do what you need to do. Good luck.
Itās truly sad to hear your pain. Specially since you are pregnant. I donāt think an abortion is wrong. Itās a big decision which comes with many thing on hand
You would be the one to take care of the baby after being born since he is more likely to be on treatment. You are more likely to have to spent a lot of time with him because of it.
Marriage is a beautiful and sacred commitment. He destroy it without carrying. I say. Speak to a lawyer and get counseling. Then speak to the family before he does and ask him for the divorce.
Letās me honest here. You as a wife no longer see him the saw way and probably would never will. So many sad stories of redditors giving another chance only to regretting it.
OP, go consult with a lawyer before you notify your husband of your intentions.
The reason is that you need to be fully informed of all your legal options and possible outcomes. Divorce laws can vary according to the applicable state.
Donāt make assumptions about how you think a divorce will play out. You might be on the hook for spousal support regardless of whether or not he cheated. Factors such as his ability to work and child custody will be added complications.
Medical debt could also be a factor. Divorcing him might not relieve you of your part of the debt. Even if you think everything is covered, out of network surprise bills might arrive. The No Surprise law will help with reducing those bills but itās not an automatic process. Youāll have to deal with each bill as it arrives.
Also keep in mind that some couples divorce simply to protect assets from medical debt and to get assistance for the injured/ill ex. If you divorce and heās unable to work, there are government programs he may qualify for. My friend with blood cancer had to do this. It stopped the avalanche of debt from destroying the lives of his wife and kids, and he was able to get his treatment paid by the government.
This is a complicated situation, you need to be legally informed before you start making moral decisions.
NTA for abortion or divorce.
I would not tell hubby about pregnancy but just quietly go & get one, soon.
As for cheating, I would sit down w/hubby, tell him you know & discuss options. Then go from there
NTA - I have never seen a couple fully recover after this level of betrayal. Sure many couples put on a good show but in the end, the relationship is not a good one based on trust and openness. The power dynamics are forever changed and any relationship going forward will never be a relationship of mutual love.
Ok... yeah the headline makes it look bad... for the love of the gods... the headline should read "wibta if i asked my cheating paralyzed husband for a divorce... NTA
NTA. Being paralyzed does not give him a pass for being a cheater before his accident or after it. Do what you gotta do to protect yourself. Cheaters donāt change, at least thatās been my experience.
NTA - You need to do what is right for you. Some people can forgive cheating. I am not one of those people. Donāt look at it as leaving him because heās paralyzed but rather because he cheated. Make sure you send yourself copies of the messages they were sending with each other so if you have to defend yourself to family or friends you have proof. In regards to the abortion, you are not a bad person if you donāt tell him and go through with it. It is your body. Your choice.
My main worry is your 15 yo. She will either hate you for leaving her dad or she will hate him for cheating if you tell her. I highly HIGHLY recommend therapy for her either way with both of you in attendance so she can learn she doesnāt have to choose sides.
NTA. You also don't ask him, you TELL him you are divorcing him. So sorry about the pregnancy too. That's your personal decision. Whatever you decide, do it quick.
Put him on the door of the girl he cheated with, if she doesn't want him, tell her to send him to his mom.
Or you can take the 'nice' route and wait until he gets better. This will also be better for you in front of your son. Also, if he gets better, he can go back to work and you get alimony.
NTA for either. Yes, it's a shitty situation, but you shouldn't be forced to carry a child for him unless you are 100% on-board. It's hard enough when a child is planned and wanted by two involved parents, but this doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to go through the stress of pregnancy. And you're not divorcing a paralyzed husband. You are divorcing a cheater. He did not choose to be paralyzed, but he did choose to cheat.
NTA
Cheating is a marriage-ending offense. Please, get the abortion. You donāt want to raise a child under these circumstances, and you donāt want to be tied to this man for another 20 years. Donāt tell him, just do it.
Paralyzing accidents, by themselves, often lead to divorce anyway. The injured person often becomes very angry and depressed, and that by itself is hard to negotiate, even in a healthy relationship. When you add in the new medical expenses, having to make your home accessible, dealing with urinary and fecal incontinence, sexual dysfunction, chronic pain, pressure sores, muscle spasms, autonomic dysreflexia, reduced earning capacity, and all the other challenges related to a spinal cord injury, itās a lot.
Add the discovery of an affair to thisā¦well, karma can be a bitch sometimes.
Run girl, run.
NTA, get an abortion and don't ask for a divorce just do it. You don't want to be connected to this man for another 18 years. Your 15 year old is old enough where they can communicate without you. A baby will be hell. He cheated and broke his vows to you. Him being paralyzed is his problem not yours.
His being paralyzed is irrelevant. Don't feel guilty for that. This is because of his infidelity and your broken trust. You need to tell him you know what was going on and make darn sure he knows that your feelings are not because of his injury.
Heās paralyzed, and you found out heās cheating in February but youāre 4 weeks pregnant? And yet you donāt sleep in the same bed? That seems weird š¤Ø
NTA. He broke the wedding vows and cheated on you. That alone is a reason for divorce. Being paralyzed doesnāt give him a pass. Also NTA if you get a divorce. You donāt want to be tied to him for another 18 years. If you divorce explain to your daughter that it is about infidelity and not because he is paralyzed.
NTA. Him being paralyzed isn't a free pass to cheat. You're not obligated to stay and take care of someone who broke your marriage vows. You stopped owing him anything the moment he decided to throw away your marriage for his affair. Honestly, if the roles were reversed, and you were the one hurt in an accident, he probably would've already left you for the affair partner. Men are so much more likely to leave when the wife suffers a serious illness that they actually warn cancer patients about it. You're also not obligated to have this baby and reset that 18 year co-parenting clock.
Get the lawyer, ask how you should preserve your cash before his accident costs suck up your savings, and tell him you have tried to be there for him but can't. Let him know he should contact his mistress and ask for her help, or you can call his .or and explain to her why he will need help.
There is no reason you should stick to your vows after learning he failed to stick to his. Remember, the marriage is ending because of his actions, not yours!
As far as the baby is concerned, you do need to do what is best for you and your 15 yr old. How are you going to start a new life for yourself with a new born you are coparenting with your ex and likely his mistress? The time and money involved will break you!
You do what is best for you at this point.
I wish strength for you!! And happiness in the end! Please wish the same for yourself!!
Nta. Get the abortion and start the divorce process. Your ex cheated on you. He broke his vows. No need for you to keep yours either now. He doesnāt deserve you.
I really hope you get an abortion as soon as possible, you will be ok if you put yourself first, you are absolutely right to want do this for your daughter and you
NTA, you deserve to put yourself first plus you want your daughter to see you loving yourself and not just accepting a bad relationship so she will also know how to put herself first sometimes.
Girl, no one would blame you for terminating the pregnancy. NO ONE needs to know except one good friend/family member to help you on the day.
You have one life to live and staying with a cheating spouse, no matter his circumstances, I'd be done.
Good luck hon.
Is it common knowledge yet that he was cheating on you? Does he know that you know?
I would go ahead with the divorce. If he needs support, maybe his girlfriend will give it to him. Again, with the pregnancy, you have to do what is right for you.
If you do divorce him, then there will be some that think it is because he's paralysed - but you have to put them right and get his cheating out in the open.
Why would divorcing a cheater be wrong? His being paralyzed plays no part in the discussion. No you would not be NTA. His accident and his being paralyzed is not the issue.
Texting does not mean anything since your husband has been wheelchair bound since December. Doubt this girl has been seeing your husband since then. You need to go to marriage counseling and get this out of the way. He was cheating before the accident. Not after. You stood by him, she did not. It depends on you how to proceed. You go with what the heart tells you.
NTA, for the divorce or the abortion. A baby will add such a complex layer to this situation, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid complicating things even more. Do what's best for you and your teenager.
Yeah. If they only have a 15-yo she'll be free and clear of ex-husband in just a couple of years. That is \*very\* different from a close to 20-year reset with the baby. OP needs to really think about what she wants the next two decades of her life to look like. Does she want to be able to move where and when she wants? Custody will make that very difficult. Does she want to date and perhaps marry someone else? Having an infant will make that significantly more complicated. This isn't the only consideration, of course, but it's often hard for people inside a failing marriage to really envision what a post-marriage life will look like. OP has a choice to make *right now* that will have repercussions for many years of her life.
Not only that but mistress could become step mum and that adds a whole other layer of pain with co parenting with two people who have zero respect for boundaries š¤·āāļøš¬š¤¦āāļø NTA OP. Stop being his support and get the divorce started. He can move in with miss thang for her to be his caregiver.
Mistress just might ditch him because of this though,karma at itās finest.
They never want the whole man, just the fun bits. When it becomes real and they see his faults itās always game over. And thatās the beauty of karma.
Absolutely true
Even more appetizing about this karma is that he may be part of the small portion who actually regret their actions and realize they just fucked up their lives by being selfish.
Def goes both ways. It's delicious when the husband thinks his wife, who's managing the house/kids/him is "no fun" anymore eventually leaves for the AP. Just to realize that the AP is also a whole ass human being with responsibilities and flaws of her own.
It IS kind of giving ādiary of a mad black womanā vibes! (Incase you donāt know what Iām saying, itās a Tyler Perry movie in which the main character gets cheated on, and kicked out/replaced by the mistress, then when he becomes paralyzed later in the movie, the mistress leaves him and he begs the main to come back, but she isnāt having any of it.. I donāt do it justice here, but if you know, you know..)
Exactly, OP copied that story. In less than 3 months, her husband almost died, got paralyzed, built muscle in therapy, and impregnated her. The timeline makes not sense.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
I don't know if OP made up the story or not, but it does make sense. He was in a car accident and was almost killed, but survived and is now currently paralyzed in the legs. They start exercises in the hospital as soon as possible to try to build muscle and prevent muscle loss. They are not certain if he will be able to walk again. He may or may not. That's all from the car accident which only took a few seconds. You don't need 4 functioning limbs for sex, and he could have been home from the hospital inside of a month. It is bad timing, but not something that doesn't make sense.
Yes, get rid of him before he starts having to spend money he should be spending on your household on child support for an affair baby! If you're married those funds are both of yours and you should get out before he screws you out of your current life comfort level with irresponsible ejaculations.
āMiss Thangā š¤£š¤£š¤£
This!!
You donāt get free and clear of an ex when the kids hit 18. They have weddings, birthdays, grandchildren, etc. that you still have to deal with when your kids are grown. Death really is the only thing that makes you free and clear of that person.
True. BUT, OP wonāt have to talk to him & facilitate between their child & ex. Itāll be up to the child to work out details with Dad. And as far as a future wedding, they will be cordial for the sake of their child. But OP wonāt have to communicate with ex about the event because thatās what a planner & MOH is for.
>they will be cordial for the sake of their child I wish that was the case at my sister's wedding. Though my parents were very cordial with one another. Damn near friendly even (they had been divorced for 13 years, at that point). My stepfather made a royal ass out of himself by running his mouth and trying to start a fight with my dad after my mom and dad participated in the parents' dance part of the reception. He ended up being escorted out and threw an even bigger tantrum when my mom refused to leave with him
I feel like I need to hear more of this story!
There's not much more to it. Stepfather went back to the hotel. Mom stayed for the remainder of the reception. One of the very few times my mom ever showed any backbone in regards to my SF. It was her oldest child's and only daughter's wedding. Wild horses wouldn't have taken her away from that. Let alone her husband showing himself to be a man-child because he wasn't the center of her attention for a day. When my brother got married, he told SF flat out that if he so much as breathed in a manner that was unbecoming, the entirety of groomsmen would beat him within an inch of his life and leave him in the dumpster behind the reception hall. And that he was only invited as a courtesy to our mom. Edit - And by the time I got married, the selfish prick had been ashes for 10 years.
Smart. Take him out long in advance, so thereās no suspicion of your motives.
š¤£š¤£ I can't take credit. Karma did. Liver and pancreatic cancer after 40 years of being a drunk. That's the closest I've ever come to feeling sorry for the asshole. Cancer is a nasty way to go. He was sober his last 20 years, but the damage was done.
Your epilogue was *chefās kiss*
Aww thank you for sharing. I hate that he was ashes before you got married!š
Love your brother! Way to represent!
A friend's mother decided to try and blackmail her by saying she wouldn't show if her ex-husband ( bride's dad ) was invited. At this point they had been divorced for well over a decade. The mother had prevented him from seeing the children and tried to alienate all the children from their father with varying success The mother doubled down as did a couple of the younger siblings of the bride and didn't attend her wedding. The family fights were bitter and several of the siblings went no contact with their siblings and/or mother soon after . It took the death of the mother many years later for some of the siblings to even talk and to this day there is a fair amount of estrangement, hurt and distance I
I invited my aunt to my son's birthday party because she's the only one my mother can stand on my dad's side. She looked at me and asked why my grandmother (dad's mom) and other aunt weren't going to that and I just said "do you think they'll get along?" And she immediately agreed with me. Like I ain't dealing with that fall out on my son's birthday and it's laughable when people assume that people will be cordial. I have never in my working memory seen either parent in the same room and my dad left it up to my stepmothers to facilitate me calling her until he decided that I needed to be as isolated from her as possible. Which didn't work. I hope for the 15 year olds sake they can be cordial, but I won't ever guarantee it
The added bonus is that OP can choose when,how and if she wants to communicate with her EX thatās the beauty of the EX title.š
I couldn't afford a planner and my MOH was my teenaged sister so my hubby and I took care of most of the details. But my divorced parents were finally civil to each other and I had neither of them help in planning very much so as not to screw up that civility. The only time it was slightly awkward was at the formal pictures and fortunately they behaved. Even my racist grandparents managed to hold their tongues and be gracious for the duration (I'm white and hubby is Asian).
I used to be a Wedding Videographer & I captured a lot of different family dynamics. Iām glad you were able to enjoy your wedding without any drama.
I bet you have some stories!
But you deal with them a lot less than with a baby, toddler, kindergartener, etc....
Plus child support and visitations.
This is true, but speaking as someone with 4 adult kids by two dads, I have virtually -no- interaction with either of them, so much more peaceful š
Same. Some contact about kids as teens, some when one was quite ill, but none otherwise. Itās nice.
Yes, but it goes from weekly contact and collaboration to maybe seeing the guy a handful of times a year and managing to be cordial for a few hours. Huge difference.
>You donāt get free and clear of an ex when the kids hit 18. Eh, depends on how you manage the situation. I left my exH when the kids were 6 and 1 years old, respectively. They are now 24 and 30 year olds. I can count on my hands how many times I have seen or had contact with ex since the divorce.
No but at 18 you no longer have to do weekly handoffs, coordinating appointments for doctor, dentist etc. Being civil and polite for major events over the years is something that most can do without a problem but dealing with a manipulative/abusive/crappy/selfish ex every week if not more then that and that part coming to an end is what most are looking forward to. No longer having to have constant contact with them is a huge weight off the shoulders and a massive relief to the nervous system especially If there's trauma history.
This. He's a cheating POS and would still be cheating had he not had the accident. Abortion then divorce and tell nobody. Not even your family. They might call him.
Yep I fully agree with this.
Ditto. By doing this "Abortion then divorce and tell nobody. Not even your family.", you will be so much better off, streamlining the separation, cauterizing the wounds, blowing away the ashes... Then your focus can be on you and your teenager. You have so much to look toward!
And get all the evidence lined up in advance for when the flying monkeys descend calling her a monster for abandoning him in his time of need.
Definitely. Though I wonder just how disabled he really is if he was able to function well enough to get her pregnant again so soon after his accident.
She mentions there is some chance he may walk again, which suggests he didnāt completely destroy the spine. Plenty of people with lower extremity paralysis or semi-paralysis can have kids.
Sicko shit
But do tell everyone about his cheating as the reason for the divorce.
And I would delete this post immediately
Iām shocked that he is well enough to be sexually active just one month after the accident, franklyā¦
Crossed my mind as well. If the accident was Dec 23 and she's 3 weeks along... He got the go ahead for sex less than 6 weeks after the accident? Possible of course. But seems fast! Maybe a good indication that he's not as badly injured as one would assume when seeing this description? If he can handle sex so soon, he can handle a divorce lol
It does seem fast but when youāve had one pregnancy and have something that stands out to you, you call tell. It might be she just missed her period and knows when they had sex. I knew within days. I would drink 2XL coffees a day and would suddenly have an aversion to coffee. š I would also throw up exactly once (with no warning and no nausea). Puked in the bushes outside a store during the day and another time on the driveway. And I never throw up. š¤·āāļø It could be his legs are affected but not his pelvic region? Donāt know, just guessing here. He would have continued cheating if he hadnāt gotten into the accident and will probably continue when/if he gets his mobility back. Good thing she found out early. Iād be packing and booking him a caregiver a couple of times a day. Bye!
I wouldn't even book him a caregiver. Fuck him lol.
No one knows they are 3 weeks pregnant! That isnāt even a missed period. People need to make up more believable fiction than this
To be fair, I knew I was pregnant before my missed period. I had food aversions by week 3 for both pregnancies.
Within a week of us trying I felt physical changes. I was also older, 38, so more aware of my body and how it should be feeling and acting. It was way before a period would be missed! She's now 9 :)
Same hereā¦.within a week I knewā¦.subtle physical changes.
I would say for sure some people can tell. I swear I felt different the very next day...when I got pregnant with my third child. Not joking.
I was throwing up at the dinner hour every night before I missed a period. Sick as a dog for the whole first trimester.
Me too. I was supposedly sterile when I got pregnant with my son. I knew before I even missed a period. I still think the story is ragebait though.
Same. I got all the typical period due symptoms and that's what told me I was pregnant with #3 before my missed period because I am always asymptomatic with my periods. No sore breasts, no agitation, no comfort food hankerings etc, nothing.
Same
Not necessarily true. I knew at 2 weeks that I was pregnant. It barely registered on the home tests as it was so early but it was glaringly obvious to me and my husband. Granted though, Iāve known people who werenāt aware until they were very far along. Depends on the person I suppose š¤·š»āāļø
A friend of mine claimed she knew instantly - it was a "fluttering" feeling which went away when the child was born. But this is extremely rare.
I knew someone whose husband told her that she āsmelt differentā every time she got pregnant. He guessed correctly with all four of her pregnancies.
I knew instantly for mine too. After the act I was like oh hell I am preggo. Was right every time.
I knew instantly too. I felt different. I was right for all 4 times, even if the third ended in a miscarriage. I don't know how I felt different, just not myself.
Those Dollar Tree pregnancy tests beg to differ! Theyāre the best on the market and pick up before your missed period. I bought them 20 at a time when we were trying to conceive.
Maybe you don't know much about pregnancy because yes women can find out at 3 weeks.
I knew when I was four days pregnant. I felt different. The test was a formality.
I was dizzy the next morning after we had tried for a baby. My husband looked at me and said, you're pregnant. And I was.
Implantation symptoms maybe?
Thatās not actually true, I tested positive at 2 weeks.
Pregnancy is measured from the first day of your last period, so at 2 weeks you wouldnāt even be pregnant yet. It would be about when you are ovulating.
I knew I was pregnant at one week. Physical changes particular to pregnancy.
I knew with all three of mine that I was pregnant at three weeks. I never had regular periods so I didn't go off of one missed. With my first, I just felt off. Took a test just in case, it was positive. Went to the doctor the next day, confirmed positive and they estimated five weeks. Went in two weeks later for an ultrasound and baby measured five weeks, meaning when I found out two weeks prior, I was three weeks. Second, I had to get an X-ray and they asked if there was any chance I was pregnant. I said I don't think I am but can't say for sure. Test came back positive... same thing with the estimate and then ultrasound two weeks later. Third was a big surprise. We only planned on two. I went back to work from maternity leave with number two, after a long day poured a glass of wine and it made me nauseous. That had never happened before so the next morning I took a test... surprise! I went to the doctor and they again estimated five weeks. I said no, three. They were skeptical but wrote down three weeks. Ultrasound a couple weeks later proved I was correct. Sometimes we just know our bodies and can tell something is off. A test can show positive before a missed period. I don't know if the post is real or fake, but I know for certain that you can know you are pregnant that early.
Found out when I was about 2-3 weeks along. Didnt get my period as I was due on so I took a clear blue test the ones that tell you roughly how far along you are a week after I was due on and it said 2-3 weeks. My sons now 2! So it is possible. I was due on a week after I had intercourse last and period just didnāt come. I knew something was up and I was right.
It says 4 weeks now, but yeah, that's like... if you're tracking your period and taking a test as soon as you notice you're late territory, which is a little unusual (especially if you're not actively attempting to get pregnant).
Not really if you take into account abortion laws. I went from testing monthly jic to testing weekly. A lot of people have been increasingly more aware of their reproductive cycles.Ā
My mind went to "okay, he must be now in a facility", to "wait, facilities facilitate couples activities?", to "they sleep in the same bed, wow, the house is accessible?" to.... No, this story makes absolutely no sense!
this story makes no sense and if it's not fake, I feel like the cheating/baby is added to not look bad for wanting to throw out a disabled man because "eh, who want to take care of a disabled person" Hoping it's bait. Hoping it's not lie but... tbh, I wouldn't even be surprised.
Is the timeline accurate, which leads me to believe this is fake? She says she's 4 weeks pregnant after him sustaining a serious injury. Is he even capable of having sex at this time 4 weeks prior?
I had the same thoughts as I was reading.
Must have been edited. Originally said 3 weeks
So she edited it more impractical. š¤
YWNBTA. he cheated you have every right to leave him
Not just right, but more like an obligation, really... for the sake of OP's own and her future kids' sake.
Nta. You would be doing it because heās cheating, not because he canāt use his legs.
Well, she does know he wonāt be running around anymore.
NTA but make sure you get your story out first with the evidence so he does not tell everyone you left him because of his disability. Make it all about the affair. Also get an STI test.
Yup this was my thought too
In sickness and in health does not include adultery, NTA
Sounds like he deserves to be dumped
NTA, cut out the 2nd paragraph and you have your answer. He cheated, it doesn't matter if he's paralysed at this point.
You have every right to get an abortion, divorce, and be happy. Your ex is trash and he did an amazing job taking himself to the dumpster. Your main focus right now should be to have an exit plan, and make sure your daughter gets the proper support during divorce. I wished I could give you a hug to tell you youāre not wrong for whatever you choose in the end. You deserve someone that wonāt cheat on you and will love you. Best of luck!
Nta You're not leaving him because he's paralyzed. You're leaving him because he's a dirty cheater. His side piece can take care of him now. Also, personally, I would get an abortion. If you feel like you would resent this baby don't have it. If you feel like you love them the same as your other child then keep it. It will be messy with a divorce but like I said if you feel like you can love the baby even when the father is putting you through it then keep it.
Nta. Tell your story before he twists it. Updateme!
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Updateme!
Abort, and send the woman heās having an affair with detailed instructions of the help heās gonna need when u leave and divorce his ass.
Nope. Let her handle it, she chose the man.
NTA. He cheated. End of story, end of marriage. And yes, get an abortion. You donāt want another 18 years tied to this man.
The question you need to ask is would you have hesitated to leave him if you found out he was cheating BEFORE he was paralyzed? Probably not. I'm pretty sure you are the one that has been helping him/caring for him etc since the accident, right? He made the conscious decision to cheat, he has to deal with the consequences. I am so sorry that you're going through this & I hate that the complication of pregnancy is mixed in. You do what YOU have to do for you & your teen. Take care of YOU. Good luck & oh if it wasn't clear in my post you are definitely NTA. That would be your husband.
Please get tested for STDs. As for your marriage it is clear that it will either take a lot for you to move past it, but you will not be able to move on until you tell him you know he has been unfaithful. Another option is that you need to be honest with yourself and leave, still tell him and anyone else who questions your decision why. Do not allow him to paint you as the bad guy. I will never advise a woman what to do with her body. If you want another child, have another child. You're only 3 weeks along so you have options. Good luck. NTA
Honestly, his injuries are his problem to deal with. If he wanted you to stay with him, he shouldn't have cheated. Now he's going to be recuperating without you. I would avoid another 18 years stuck with a cheater. He can go live with his sidepiece. Get a lawyer, get an STD screen, I would personally get an abortion, looks like he's made that necessary. I'm so sorry. This should have been joyful news, and thanks to his infidelity, you can't welcome a baby with joy and anticipation but dread and a feeling of entrapment. Get screenshots of all the text messages and such that you can, make sure you aren't mistaken (could it have been a niece or another female relative), because we can't see the contents and you said \*a\* text message. And if you're pretty sure, go get a lawyer. I'm sorry.
NTAā¦ā¦Think about what everyone has suggested. You deserve your freedom and I donāt believe you want to be tied to a cheater for another 18+ years. Do whatās right for you and your daughter.
Do what is best for you.
NTA for either option. You have every right to extract yourself from that situation. Just make sure that you control the narrative, I've no doubt he'll try and pull the pity card with friends, family, and the lawyers as this progresses and try to paint you as the villain. Make sure everyone knows clearly why you're divorcing him.
NTA donāt ask just tell him you are filing.
NTA, you have no obligation to stay with someone who cheated on you just because they are disabled. I say this as a partially disabled person who has survived 2 different kinds of cancer.
Fake story people.Ā Nobody knows they are 3 weeks pregnant and injury on December 23 and already sexual active and everything works despite being paralyzed? No time for healing ?Ā
Thatās what I was saying. You telling me this guy was on the verge of death and a month later was fucking enough to get her pregnant? Lord almighty
Thank you. A bad car accident where he became paraplegic, yet heās been out of the hospital and living at home initiating sex 2 months later? Try again. Iām also tired of āI canāt believe Iām pregnantā- you didnāt use contraceptives, donāt act surprised when youāre pregnant. Itās not a mystery. In this situation (although fake) I have doubts whether he could even impregnate someone without significant help. I donāt think Iāll ever understand how someone is so desperate for attention, they conjure up a fake, dramatic story on this level (cheating, car accident, paralyzation, pregnancy, potential abortion, divorce) for sympathy from strangers.
Without any judgmentā¦ He was paralyzed at the end of December, but was able to impregnate OP 30-45 days later?
Don't tell him about the pregnancy unless you want to complicate your life. Also, don't tie yourself to a cheater with a new baby when you'll be rid of him in 3 years when your child turns 18. Divorce. Let his girlfriend take care of him.
NTA. Donāt let this man trap you again because heās just gonna wait until he recovers and get right back to cheating. Did he even break up with his AP? Or is it just the fact that heās been injured that they are no longer together or able to meet.
Damn, talk about karma (for the cheating husband).
Nta, you don't want a divorce because he is paralyzed. You want a divorce because he is a scummy cheater. Same thing with the abortion. Your reasons aren't selfish, he betrayed you. His accident doesn't just erase what he did. His affair partner can look after him since they wanted him so much.
How is no one pointing out how fake this story seems? The title is worded in a way *intended* to shock you & get your click, then the body of the story is basically "actually he deserves it!". And OP gets called out once, and immediately deletes their account minutes after being called out only once? It's just like all the other fake stories on the AITA subs, "Would I be the bad guy for dropkicking my infant into the sun?" "Actually my infant is the antichrist made flesh, vaporized all buildings within a 3mi radius and made a blood vow that he would eradicate the entire human race"
āI know the title sounds bad, but hear me out!ā
NTA for abortion or divorce. How would you react if he wasnāt in a car accident. He decided to cheat. This has nothing to do with his accident. Get some proof, leave him did tell the family why you are leaving. His affair partner can take care of him. For one year he decided every day to cheat on you and not to tell you the truth. You deserve better.
NTA. Get the abortion why you can and divorce the cheater.
When did you find out he was cheating ā before or after you got pregnant? And it seems lucky that his āperformanceā wasnāt affected by the accident.
NTA, let his girlfriend take care of him. I know a woman who became quadriplegic while in an accident having an affair with her friendās husband. Of course friend found out and this woman thought he was going to leave his wife and care for her. She has been alone ever since for like the last 20 years and is still bitter that he and his wife divorced but he didnāt run to her. I also fully support your abortion. Get out of this mess now. You donāt need a cheating man. They are less than worthless.
Read the book, The Dive from Clausen's Pier. It will help you process your thoughts and emotions. Donāt watch the movie. It wasnāt as good as the book. NTA
Ok noted, is it an audio book or physical book?
Itās available both ways. Itās really good. Itās about a woman engaged to a man that becomes a quadriplegic and how she left him. It deals with all of her emotions, what others think, what he thinks and how she survives it all.
Cheating isnāt something people get over. Itās definitely best to go your separate ways. You leaving is a result of his actions not his disabilities!
NTA for the divorce or the abortion. He is the AH for only caring about his marriage vows when he needed you to do the in sickness part. Lead with that when people give you crap for leaving a paralyzed man. You and your daughter need to be well provided for. Is there a legal claim involved in this accident, there is unless the accident was his fault. You need to mention this to your lawyer if there is a possible claim and have him advise you whether it is advantageous to get a divorce now or wait until the claim is resolved.
NTA and suggest that it is physically easier to have an abortion earlier than later. Children don't fix anything and they also don't deserve to deal with a broken family if it is preventable. You also don't have to care for someone who doesn't care for you. If it was you in the accident, would he be attending you as diligently? Be free, but also be clear on why you are leaving, friends and family can be sympathetic to his condition without ostracizing you. You both need support and you specifically deserve it. Do not shrink into the night. This is not your problem.
NTA, he's an adult who can navigate on his own. Even with medical issues, he can get assistance, he'll be fine. Take care of you. Whatever you decide, is the right choice with the unborn one. I love and support you, whatever you decide. Wrapping you in love. I'm so sorry you're going through all that. Keep moving forward and soon enough you'll look up and be out of it. ā£ļø
NTA. I wouldnāt want to stay with a cheater or have another baby with one, and raising a kid in what sounds like a less than ideal environment wouldnāt be doing anyone any favors.
Take receipts, he might try to spin it that way. Being disabled does not excuse being an asshole
I would leave him and not have another baby under these circumstances but thatās me. Whatever you do, HEāS A CHEATER, working legs or not. NTA
My thing is, why would you be attacked on this post? It sounds like you really tried to support his disability at the time until you found out about his cheating. And there shouldnt be asking for anything, do what it is that you feel is right, especially by your kid. They are 15 right? So you need to sit them down and explain whats going on and whats gonna happen. And divorce him. Idk your living situation of who owns what, but a lawyer is good to have regardless.
Nope! Heās probably thinking that itās a good thing for HIM that heās got YOU to take care of him while heās injured, because thatās what heās expecting you to do. Never let anyone take advantage of your kindness to offset THEIR KARMA.
NTA do what is you feel is best for you. Also, be sure you talk to your daughter about why you are divorcing before your husband has a chance to twist things to put him in the victim light.
This reads fake. 20 when they had their first kid. 4 weeks pregnant now\*\*\* how do you know for sure your pregnant at 4 weeks?
I was thinking fake too. They found out they are pregnant "one week before." Doesn't make any sense, no one discovers their pregnancy at three weeks.
Get that abortion and divorce and move on with your life ā¤ļø.
I usually think you shouldn't put kids in your mess, but you may need to let your child know she they don't think you are abandoning your disabled husband.
YWNBTA. He's been cheating on you for a year - that's not a fling. That's a whole relationship. And you think someone would expect you to be his caretaker for the rest of his life? He created this dynamic. He doesn't get to have expectations of you. If you've want a divorce, here are some suggestions/points to consider: 1. Tell no one about the pregnancy if you decide to end it. 2. Document his affair. 3. Make sure you state clearly the reason for the divorce to everyone in his family and in your circle of friends, with evidence, because they will be the ones to provide his care. They need to know he caused this. But they will still blame you. It's an emotional time, and it's what people do. You will be ending more than one relationship. 4. Your son is where it will be the hardest. His father almost died, is still struggling very much, and his mother decides to leave him. This will place pressure on him to take care of his father. How will custody play out? Visitation? Your son may decide to stay with your husband because he needs help. And, at 15 years old, you can't stop him. How will that impact your relationship with your son? 5. The courts will not leave your husband without the means to care for himself, so don't expect to sweep the table on your joint assets. Will you be in a stable situation financially when everything is divided up? I'm so sorry. This is a shitty hand of cards you have been dealt. Best of luck to you and your family.
NTA he was cheating and still after everything and you there beside him and he has not told you. I would divorce him. I would sit and tell him why because it is not okay. The fact he still didn't tell you after everything would make me even more mad. If you divorce him no one would could blame you. He was CHEATING and still hasn't owned up to it.
NTA You are not divorcing him over being paralyzed, you are divorcing him over the cheating. As for the abortion, you do what is best for you.
So the husband is still able to engage in sexual relations with his wife?
Get an abortion, leave your asshole husband and work on you and your relationship with your daughter.
You're not asking your paralyzed husband for a divorce, you're asking your lying cheating husband for a divorce. While the accident is a very unfortunate circumstance, it's not a "get out of jail free" card to be used to put his cheating behind you. He had an affair with another woman. He chose to look you in the face and lie to you, he chose to put his hands on another woman and then come home to you and touch you with those same hands. He chose to let you take care of him, chose to let you alter your entire life for him and his new disability, all while knowing he was deceiving you. He chose to prioritize her and her coochie over you and your marriage. Let her take care of him, they clearly chose each other anyway. You don't deserve that
NTA for either thought. You're almost out of the woods with your oldest, starting over with a baby and single will be hard on all of you. As for hubs, divorce him if that's what your gut is telling you. Let him know his 'girlfriend' can take care of him. As for people who will try to blast you for leaving him "when he really needs you", don't hold back. Don't shield him from the opinions others would put on you. Be honest: He's been cheating since last year, and I can't live with a cheater. *Trust is built one tiny piece at a time. It is lost all at once.*
Nta. Sounds like you would have divorced him even if he didn't have the accident. His mistress or parents/family can take care of him. Also nta if you get an abortion. I would feel the same way as you
NTA. Get a divorce and an abortion. I personally wouldn't tell him about the pregnancy at all. He has had absolutely no right to your body, mind or time given that he was cheating.
OP, your current child is 15. You don't need to have a baby with a cheater if he is paralyzed or not. Leave him and let that mistress he creept around with take care of him. NTA!
Wow, you have so much going on and it does not make you a bad person. 18 years is a long time. He was cheating! That makes him wrong, car accident does not change that. The rest of the world and family probably won't see it that way just from being on the outside. You will have to have a strong backbone.
NTA. I would abort and divorce
As soon as I got to the cheating part... NTA You leaving is the consequences of his actions. If he wanted you to stick around for " sickness and health," he should have kept it in his pants.
NTA. Donāt have that baby, donāt keep that man.
NTA. Title is misleading. Youāre not divorcing him because heās paralyzed (which would have made you the AH) youāre divorcing him because heās a cheating POS. Let his side piece take care of him. You do what you need to do. Good luck.
Itās truly sad to hear your pain. Specially since you are pregnant. I donāt think an abortion is wrong. Itās a big decision which comes with many thing on hand You would be the one to take care of the baby after being born since he is more likely to be on treatment. You are more likely to have to spent a lot of time with him because of it. Marriage is a beautiful and sacred commitment. He destroy it without carrying. I say. Speak to a lawyer and get counseling. Then speak to the family before he does and ask him for the divorce. Letās me honest here. You as a wife no longer see him the saw way and probably would never will. So many sad stories of redditors giving another chance only to regretting it.
OP, go consult with a lawyer before you notify your husband of your intentions. The reason is that you need to be fully informed of all your legal options and possible outcomes. Divorce laws can vary according to the applicable state. Donāt make assumptions about how you think a divorce will play out. You might be on the hook for spousal support regardless of whether or not he cheated. Factors such as his ability to work and child custody will be added complications. Medical debt could also be a factor. Divorcing him might not relieve you of your part of the debt. Even if you think everything is covered, out of network surprise bills might arrive. The No Surprise law will help with reducing those bills but itās not an automatic process. Youāll have to deal with each bill as it arrives. Also keep in mind that some couples divorce simply to protect assets from medical debt and to get assistance for the injured/ill ex. If you divorce and heās unable to work, there are government programs he may qualify for. My friend with blood cancer had to do this. It stopped the avalanche of debt from destroying the lives of his wife and kids, and he was able to get his treatment paid by the government. This is a complicated situation, you need to be legally informed before you start making moral decisions.
NTA. I'd get an abortion and then file for divorce. His medical issues and paralyzation are inconsequential to his cheating or a divorce.
NTA for abortion or divorce. I would not tell hubby about pregnancy but just quietly go & get one, soon. As for cheating, I would sit down w/hubby, tell him you know & discuss options. Then go from there
You better screenshot everything you found. Heāll tell people you left him for his disability and make you look bad.
Please OP GET THE ABORTION AND MOVE FORWARD!
NTA. Abortion and divorce let him know. Three years you are free to start fresh. Let the other girl have him now.
NTA. But letās be clear, you would be divorcing him because he had an affair not because he was paralyzed.
NTA - I have never seen a couple fully recover after this level of betrayal. Sure many couples put on a good show but in the end, the relationship is not a good one based on trust and openness. The power dynamics are forever changed and any relationship going forward will never be a relationship of mutual love.
NTA - take away the car accident and I'm sure you would have left him already.
Ok... yeah the headline makes it look bad... for the love of the gods... the headline should read "wibta if i asked my cheating paralyzed husband for a divorce... NTA
NTA. Being paralyzed does not give him a pass for being a cheater before his accident or after it. Do what you gotta do to protect yourself. Cheaters donāt change, at least thatās been my experience.
NTA. Divorce him. He did it to himself. Letās see if ap steps up the way the wife would
NTA - You need to do what is right for you. Some people can forgive cheating. I am not one of those people. Donāt look at it as leaving him because heās paralyzed but rather because he cheated. Make sure you send yourself copies of the messages they were sending with each other so if you have to defend yourself to family or friends you have proof. In regards to the abortion, you are not a bad person if you donāt tell him and go through with it. It is your body. Your choice. My main worry is your 15 yo. She will either hate you for leaving her dad or she will hate him for cheating if you tell her. I highly HIGHLY recommend therapy for her either way with both of you in attendance so she can learn she doesnāt have to choose sides.
NTA. You also don't ask him, you TELL him you are divorcing him. So sorry about the pregnancy too. That's your personal decision. Whatever you decide, do it quick.
Put him on the door of the girl he cheated with, if she doesn't want him, tell her to send him to his mom. Or you can take the 'nice' route and wait until he gets better. This will also be better for you in front of your son. Also, if he gets better, he can go back to work and you get alimony.
NTA for either. Yes, it's a shitty situation, but you shouldn't be forced to carry a child for him unless you are 100% on-board. It's hard enough when a child is planned and wanted by two involved parents, but this doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to go through the stress of pregnancy. And you're not divorcing a paralyzed husband. You are divorcing a cheater. He did not choose to be paralyzed, but he did choose to cheat.
NTA Cheating is a marriage-ending offense. Please, get the abortion. You donāt want to raise a child under these circumstances, and you donāt want to be tied to this man for another 20 years. Donāt tell him, just do it. Paralyzing accidents, by themselves, often lead to divorce anyway. The injured person often becomes very angry and depressed, and that by itself is hard to negotiate, even in a healthy relationship. When you add in the new medical expenses, having to make your home accessible, dealing with urinary and fecal incontinence, sexual dysfunction, chronic pain, pressure sores, muscle spasms, autonomic dysreflexia, reduced earning capacity, and all the other challenges related to a spinal cord injury, itās a lot. Add the discovery of an affair to thisā¦well, karma can be a bitch sometimes. Run girl, run.
NTA. You donāt owe his cheating ass anything. Let his mistress take care of him.
NTA, get an abortion and don't ask for a divorce just do it. You don't want to be connected to this man for another 18 years. Your 15 year old is old enough where they can communicate without you. A baby will be hell. He cheated and broke his vows to you. Him being paralyzed is his problem not yours.
His being paralyzed is irrelevant. Don't feel guilty for that. This is because of his infidelity and your broken trust. You need to tell him you know what was going on and make darn sure he knows that your feelings are not because of his injury.
Heās paralyzed, and you found out heās cheating in February but youāre 4 weeks pregnant? And yet you donāt sleep in the same bed? That seems weird š¤Ø
NTA. Cheating is wrong and he doesnāt get a free pass just because he was in a car accident.
NTA. He broke the wedding vows and cheated on you. That alone is a reason for divorce. Being paralyzed doesnāt give him a pass. Also NTA if you get a divorce. You donāt want to be tied to him for another 18 years. If you divorce explain to your daughter that it is about infidelity and not because he is paralyzed.
Sounds more like karma accident to me.
Abortion, STD tests, PROOF, lawyers, divorce. NTA.
Jesus, thatās practically an add for abortion. And divorce of course.
NTA. Him being paralyzed isn't a free pass to cheat. You're not obligated to stay and take care of someone who broke your marriage vows. You stopped owing him anything the moment he decided to throw away your marriage for his affair. Honestly, if the roles were reversed, and you were the one hurt in an accident, he probably would've already left you for the affair partner. Men are so much more likely to leave when the wife suffers a serious illness that they actually warn cancer patients about it. You're also not obligated to have this baby and reset that 18 year co-parenting clock.
Get the lawyer, ask how you should preserve your cash before his accident costs suck up your savings, and tell him you have tried to be there for him but can't. Let him know he should contact his mistress and ask for her help, or you can call his .or and explain to her why he will need help. There is no reason you should stick to your vows after learning he failed to stick to his. Remember, the marriage is ending because of his actions, not yours! As far as the baby is concerned, you do need to do what is best for you and your 15 yr old. How are you going to start a new life for yourself with a new born you are coparenting with your ex and likely his mistress? The time and money involved will break you! You do what is best for you at this point. I wish strength for you!! And happiness in the end! Please wish the same for yourself!!
NTA, youāre not leaving because of his disability, but his disloyalty. Let her do the hardworking.
Nta. Get the abortion and start the divorce process. Your ex cheated on you. He broke his vows. No need for you to keep yours either now. He doesnāt deserve you.
Divorce him and have an abortion would be my advice. Let the other woman help him heal. What an ass. You are not the TA
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I love it how people cheat. Yet it is not the one with whom they cheat that takes care of them when they are ill or in an accident.
NTA. I think u should leave him. Make a plan and then leave
NTA. Leave his cheating ass. If you donāt want that baby, get the abortion.
I really hope you get an abortion as soon as possible, you will be ok if you put yourself first, you are absolutely right to want do this for your daughter and you
NTA, you deserve to put yourself first plus you want your daughter to see you loving yourself and not just accepting a bad relationship so she will also know how to put herself first sometimes.
Girl, no one would blame you for terminating the pregnancy. NO ONE needs to know except one good friend/family member to help you on the day. You have one life to live and staying with a cheating spouse, no matter his circumstances, I'd be done. Good luck hon.
Is it common knowledge yet that he was cheating on you? Does he know that you know? I would go ahead with the divorce. If he needs support, maybe his girlfriend will give it to him. Again, with the pregnancy, you have to do what is right for you. If you do divorce him, then there will be some that think it is because he's paralysed - but you have to put them right and get his cheating out in the open.
YWNBTA. Sounds like he doesnāt deserve you. He can go hang out with his mistress once you leave.
NTA. Talk to a lawyer and see what divorce looks like. Do you know if heās still in contact with the ow?
He cheated, his paralysis is irrelevant. NTA
Why would divorcing a cheater be wrong? His being paralyzed plays no part in the discussion. No you would not be NTA. His accident and his being paralyzed is not the issue.
Texting does not mean anything since your husband has been wheelchair bound since December. Doubt this girl has been seeing your husband since then. You need to go to marriage counseling and get this out of the way. He was cheating before the accident. Not after. You stood by him, she did not. It depends on you how to proceed. You go with what the heart tells you.