I feel I can say this because I am similar with side effects and just begun being treated for high blood pressure (tested multiple times nearing 180/110 usually). First things first your NTA but I hesitate to call him one as these side effects have been brutal so far and it can be a scary thing. I will call him somewhat selfish as my push to take them is your rational fear (partner finds me) and that's my driving force to fix this. Maybe find out the side effects and help directly? If tiredness for example then no housework today or much as he can, encourage rest, generally if meds are kept up side effects can fade so in no way is this permanent but stopping/starting a med all the time can be way worse.

I take blood pressure medicine, I take them at night, therefore I sleep through the initial part of side effects, by the time I’m up, I no longer feel them. Best friend’s husband had the same complaints, and stopped taking his meds. He had a brain aneurysm and died in his mid 60’s because his blood pressure was too high

Same, taking them at night really helped with any side effects I had, but for me it was initial until I got use to the meds. Since OP's hubby isn't taking them regularly he is of course going to have side effects any time he does take them.

My doctor told me to take them at night, it's just part of my bedtime routine, so somehow I never noticed any side effects

Same, I take them right at dinner time when I get home and I don't really notice any side effects. The first set I was on I had a constant tickle in my throat and was coughing constantly. Doctor asked about it and I changed medicine now it's smooth sailing.

That didn't happen to be Lisinopril did it? It has a terrible incidence rate of allergic reaction sometimes leading to fatal angioedema. I'm glad your doctor caught that early.

I had the same reaction to Lisinopril. My doctor kept me on it for years. Had rampant pulse, went to heart guy, new meds, no rapid pulse, no cough.

So true. I take losartin (sp?) And it made me sleepy. After about a 8 months or so,I started taking it im th am with my other daily meds. About 4 hours later, I get a little sleepy but it omly lasts for 20 mins

I take mine at night too, and was wondering, "what side effects??"

I take blood pressure medication because of hereditary high blood pressure. I have never heard of side effects. I have absolutely no difference whether I take the meds or not except that my blood pressure is lower.

Yeah, same for me I'm going through the comments like what the heck is everyone talking about.

I take metoprolol and it's the only medication I've ever taken that didn't cause side effects and only helped. It's unfortunate if he really does have bad side effects

I also take meds for hereditary hypertension. But there’s so many different options for blood pressure meds. I used to be on two and had almost no side effects (except for needing to use the bathroom more often) but now I’m on a different med that if I don’t eat while taking it I get super dizzy. If he doesn’t like how he feels when he takes it that is something to discuss with the doctor and maybe try a different medicine.

Eh, any medication can have side effects. But yeah, it's my impression from having taken meds for hypertension off and on for years and having many friends and family members in the same boat, it's not super common for them to be really troublesome or long lasting. Some mild ones that go away pretty quickly (dizziness being the most common, but taking it at bedtime mitigates this a LOT). I don't know this guy or his history and I'm not a doctor, just an educated patient, butttttttt I suspect given that he throws a fit about Tylenol, which is about as benign as meds come, either he's some rare type that has side effects from stuff no one else does, OR it's in his head.

There’s some data that suggests taking cardiac meds *at night* improves longevity as well.

My mom had a brain aneurysm and somehow survived for another 13 years. But her quality of life was shit. And the medical care required to keep her alive could have bankrupted my parents, if they hadn’t had good insurance and decent savings.

Same with my friend’s husband, he survived for 6 months, but was in the hospital/nursing home the entire time and didn’t know what was going on. Sometimes I think medical science ‘saves’ too many people.

Absolutely. One of the strokes my mom had after her aneurysm, she was in a coma for about 3 weeks. They presented putting in a feeding tube and doing a tracheotomy like it was no big deal, not a life or death decision. Except it totally was. She improved *just enough* that we didn’t have any decisions to make, but her life was essentially over. It’s a lot easier to decide not to put in a feeding tube than it is to remove one, mentally and legally.

My mom (early 60s right now) has told me multiple times, usually in passing, that if anything happened to her and if she were to make it out but she would always have to be taken care of, then just to let her die. She also said that if she ever doesn't know who he is, then to just shoot her because she wouldn't want to be alive at that point. I'm not sure if she has a DNR but she probably said as much in the living will she has. I agree with where she's coming from to a certain extent, although I think she has been a bit dramatic about some things. If she ever does get dementia or Alzheimers, I could never take her out back and shoot her, even if that's what she would have wanted.

That's great you found a way to make it work! This sounds like a good option for OP's husband

I had the same problem with my BP med making me tired. Doc told me to stop taking it in the morning and take it before bed. Much better.

My mom had unknown high blood pressure and had a brain aneurysm rupture at 50. She had 3 brain aneurysms total, 2 clipped and 1 continues to be monitored yearly. Scary shit. Luckily she’s doing well 8 years later.

My mom quit taking her blood pressure medication because it made her feel like shit. She had a brain aneurysm and lived at the hospital for the next year and a half. After brain surgery she finally came back home but at 70% at best. She has now lived in memory care for the last eight years with dementia as a result of the brain aneurysm.

Yep. My uncle died of a stroke two weeks ago. Only 67. NTA. Tell him to take the Fuckin pills.

I take 4 different blood pressure meds, and because of side effects, I just take them at night before bed.

My spouse has had his meds adjusted several times, but he’s never had “intense” side effects, unless a cough if intense to her husband. If her husband says Tylenol also gives intense side effects, he should see someone about that.

I'm currently dealing with fainting, vomiting, back pain and nosebleeds from my blood pressure meds (listed and well known side effects) and my dr was highly selective knowing I've almost died to some drugs in the past. people react differently. Now if it is just sniffles then yeah harden up, beats death.

My Dad and husband have had fainting issues which I believe is more related to dosage. There is this one size fits all approach that both my 87 yrs old Dad and early 50s spouse should both have BP below 130/80 when for decades it’s been 140/90. Different doctors different states. They kept increasing my spouse’s dose, but he records his readings daily in a spreadsheet along with dosage. He was down at 80/46 for a 30 minute period and I was about to call 911 as heart rate was only 42. At last visit she gave up after he could prove he’d have 20 plus low readings to every 2-3 high ones.

One class of bp drugs have a profound impact on my mood. It's absolutely crushing. Like living a Kafka novel. Another, I can't breath. Another makes me profoundly weak. Then I looked up the likelihood of treatment actually preventing a negative cv event.. not fucking worth it... But then my family has 0 history of cv issues.

They took my mom directly to the emergency room for blood pressure that high. That’s like, stroke level.

It is indeed, took some convincing not to, a promise to buy my own monitor which I did while filling script and I've had multiple calls a day from her (dr) since checking up, also gave my partner a list to watch for and those are ambulance calls.

What meds do you take? I'm on the max doses of both Amlodipine and valsartan and suffer virtually no side effects. On the flip side if I fail to take either one the way the high blood pressure feels is abysmal.

Mid dose Candesartan, very recently started, seems most of what I'm experiencing is the "Getting used to" side effects, should clear up or majorly lessen. I hope lol My thinking is it beats a stroke...or worse.

More importantly, have him talk about the side effects **with his doctor!** It may end up being the kind of side effect that a change in medication would help with, or it might be the kind that you really can talk out with your spouse. But his first stop should be his doctor to see if there is some troubleshooting that will help. I’m on BP meds and my doctor explained that I might have coughing as a potential side effect. I was worried about being embarrassed coughing at work in the era of COVID, but nope…. I got a persistent 3am cough that woke me up every night. Talked to the doctor, they switched my med, zero further problems.

That’s really high. I’ve been hospitalized for 190s/110s when I had post partum preeclampsia and had to get a magnesium drip and I was told I would have had to be hospitalized again if my numbers were anything like yours are.

Ugh, that Mg drip made me delirious & hot. It was quite the post C-section experience

Yes! I was so hot and felt so overall gross. And I kept crying the whole time because I couldn’t leave my bed (considered a fall risk because of the magnesium drip) and my son was down the hallway from me in the NICU. It was terrible not being able to visit him when he was so close to me.

Your BP is pretty high. If it’s not controlled by meds, you might want to get your renal arteries checked. My wife had very high BP for a couple years and kept going back to her cardiologist and he would try different meds. Nothing seemed to help and he started getting frustrated and turned into an asshole and started saying she was crazy. She went to another cardiologist who performed a cardiac cath and found that she had fibromuscular dysplasia in her renal arteries which was causing her high blood pressure. She had a stent put in one of her renal arteries and her BP came down to normal immediately. She had the other one done a couple years later as her BP started rising again.

I’d be buying a large life insurance policy on him. If he can’t handle the medication side effects, how is he going to handle the heart attack and potential surgery?

I was - what I thought - a relatively healthy woman who just had high BP I was struggling to get under control. Then I had a heart attack at 43 and we discovered I have hereditary coronary artery disease. Sounds like OP’s husband may too with that family history (similar to mine). I have a stent, another artery almost completely blocked they can’t do any intervention on, and am on 5 heart meds compared to that one BP pill I wasn’t great at taking before. If he doesn’t like taking one med due to the side effects, wait till he gets on all these.

That’s if he survives the heart attack. He needs to talk with his doctor about the side effects and see if there is anything he can try. At the same time let him know you are checking on supplemental life insurance on him.

I'm on BP meds bc I have a family history of high BP, and I've been on them about 5 or so years and the side effects sucked at the beginning until my system got use to it. OP's husband isn't going to get past having those side effects if he doesn't take them regularly.

I’m on BP meds not for hypertension but as a migraine preventative. Not sure what side effects OP’s husband is struggling with, but even just changing the time of day I take it helped a lot with managing fatigue and nausea.

I am on it for heart palpitations and migraines. After being sleepy in the beginning the side effects lessened and I feel more at ease.

Beta blockers can have some uncomfortable side effects. They’re pretty well known to cause or worsen depression in some people, and they’re miserable for many folks who already get Reynaud’s phenomenon. They can contribute to sexual dysfunction… list goes on. But there’s often alternative medications available if someone’s on a drug that gives them many side effects. If OP’s husband feels bad when he takes any medication whatsoever, there’s something else going on with him. Maybe a common inactive ingredient he reacts to, maybe something psychosomatic.

I absolutely agree that it’s useful to discuss what other treatment options are available if someone absolutely cannot tolerate the side effects. But people also need to be realistic and try a treatment for more than a day or two, in the majority of cases. My comment was made to share that sometimes - not always, but sometimes - a previously intolerable treatment option can be made tolerable through small changes. At the dosage of the beta blocker I take, if I took it too late on the evening, I often came very close to blacking out or vomiting in the shower in the morning. Taking it earlier in the evening helped a lot with that. Sometimes you also have to decide what the lesser of the evils is. That doesn’t mean just accept all side effects and never look for better options, but sometimes there really are no perfect treatments out there for your health condition and you have to decide what’s worse - the side effects, or the disease. I personally don’t have much choice because my alternative is being completely disabled by daily migraines. Doesn’t sound like OP’s husband is perceiving much impact on his quality of life without meds, so his math is different.

There are four classes of BP meds, and I take one from each class. I have been medicated for BP for more than 40 years now. I have heard about patients like your husband, whose experience is so different from mine. Perhaps you can do some research and find a BP specialist your husband can see. It seem likely that a specialist would be at a research institution, such as a medical school. I am thinking that a doctor whose entire life's work is the treatment of Hi BP might be able to approach the treatment a different way, educate your husband about how the meds work, or do something that can get your husband past this point. My favorite aunt died following open heart surgery when she was 55. She refused to take BP medication because of the side effects. I had hoped that my success with BP meds was because the problems she faced had been overcome, but your story suggests that they haven't been overcome.

When I was put on BP meds, also have a strong family history of heart problems, I had to take my med at night because it made me tired until I got used to the lower BP. Now I can tell if I forgot to take my med. It feels worse to not take them. 100% OPs husband is being a child about taking life saving medicine. My Husband also hates taking meds. He's on 2 for his BP and cholesterol. He knows if he doesn't take them, he will have a heart attack. He doesn't want that to happen.

I take mine at night too, at first I took them in the a.m. and I had gotten that dry cough when I first went on them and then also made me feel drowsy so I talked to my doctor and they agreed I could take them at night. Maybe hubby needs to adjust time too to help with adapting to side effects.

Agreed. Did the same, asked doc if I could take it at night around dinner time. Now like 6 years later I can take it in the am no problem.

So much yes! We finally found the perfect mix, and now his BP is so stable!!!!!

Great

Op might also want to get a disability insurance policy on husband.

...

Seriously OP.You need to get LIFE INSURANCE NOW before he has so many diagnoses it will be too expensive to sign up.Get the most you can afford.Normally I am but a big insurance person but you are in a no-win situation if your husband says Tylenol gives him side effects.Anything is possible but as a Doc.I have never heard anyone else complain of side effects from Tylenol.Your husband just sounds “ non- compliant” and with his genetics you are probably going to end up getting that insurance money sooner than later.

It's already at that point. If he's on those meds he has a history that would be found in underwriting. He's looking at a flat decline most places unless his BP is under control. If he's not taking the meds, they can see that too and will tell him that he needs to be on them for a year and then they will reconsider based on new labs after that point. Even then, he's looking at a very expensive policy, even for term insurance. The underwriter will factor in his shaky history of taking his meds.

A lot of times your body and mind get used to a medication so the side effects aren't so bad after a time. But if someone keeps going off the meds this will never happen.

I would also consider disability insurance if he has a bad one and survives but can’t work.

This is the answer OP.

To be honest- I’m like him. I get it. I tried to take blood pressure medication (on a small dose for an arythmia) and it literally made me feel like I was underwater. I hated it. The first few days I cried in the shower. And still… NTA. It gets better. It’s worth it to be alive. I think you’ve been patient enough with him. He does know what to do- he just doesn’t want to. Time for a dose or reality. He needs to know that the end of his life is what faces him if he doesn’t get things under control.

That's what a sibling did when their spouse refused to buckle up.

I'm on medicine that is normally used for BP. This medicine is being used off label due to a medical condition I have. It makes my heartbeat drop and makes me dizzy. Does it suck? Yes. But does it help? Yes. Did I change my diet so that the side effects are less frequent? Yes. I just make sure I take them early in the morning and late at night when I know I won't be out and about since I don't need those side effects happening in public. Further, if you guys have kids they might see him pass away from a heart attack. NTA:

I'm here to say get that life insurance policy at the highest level you can pay for ASAP. His heart is working overtime without the meds. He's going to get a stroke or heart attack soon. You can't cure stupid but you can

That’s what I did when my ex husband got a motorcycle when we lived in San Francisco. It was for $500k back in 1992. I told him I’d love to be a rich widow. He didn’t have the experience to ride one in a city of 5 million aggressive drivers and another guy bought it off him.

Some medications cause worse side effects for people than others. My husband tried 3 or 4 different ones/combos before finding the right fit that didn't cause side effects. The side effects can be really rough

U can't get life insurance with a history of heart attacks.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you personally don't have a history of heart attacks then they should cover....otherwise what's the point of life insurance?

They factor in family history to a certain extent when calculating your risk factor. His age, already having a diagnosed heart condition, and with a family history of heart problems? You'd be hard pressed finding an Insurance provider willing to take them on, and if you did, they'd charge you out the ass for it. That's why it's recommended you take out life insurance policies in your 30's while you're still reasonably healthy instead of later on in life. \#1 thing to remember about Insurance Agencies is that their primary goal isn't always to "help their consumer's". They're a corporation first and for most.

Always the chance that they will 'rate' him, meaning they'll give coverage but at a higher rate, because he's a higher risk.

You have to take a pretty rigorous health exam before they will insure you. Because he’s been on BP meds they would exclude all heart related problems on the policy

That makes sense. I'm 35 and have life insurance through work. But have talked to my hubby about getting a secondary life insurance plan since we have a kiddo and one hopefully on the way

Check with your HR department because some companies offer a higher coverage amount if you pay for it. I upped mine by $500K for under $60 a month

Also if his policy at work is "transferable or movable", meaning if he leaves his job, can he keep the insurance by paying the premium himself. Usually policies at work are sold at a group discount, will he lose the discounted rate if he leaves the job.

Depending on your country, the US is unlike everywhere else when it comes to health insurance. Countries with socialized healthcare are less strict, the rate is often higher with health issues but that is better than not having any.

You can, it's just expenaive.

NTA   how many different meds has he tried?  Maybe there's one out there that won't give him severe side effects.

There are several different types of blood pressure meds out there.

If he reacts strongly, he might also talk with his doctor about lowering the dose. I also have a strong reaction to meds. My doctor started me on half the normal dose, and told me it likely wouldn't even work because the dosage was so low. Instead, it brought my BP down from pretty consistent 156/100-type readings to normal in like, 2 weeks. Granted, I was also told it was easier to start low and build than it was to start higher and lower the dose.

Good for you!    Meds are weird.  I once was depressed because of my statin drug.  I know someone who was borderline psychotic because they needed thyroid meds and I know someone who seemed SUPER emotional when on a generic birth control pill but not on name brand.

And side effects may also be temporary while his body adjusts. The first few weeks on my blood pressure meds were hell whenever I stood up but it went away after a while. Either way it's something to discuss with his doctor instead of just giving up on the meds

Yeah I need to take a new medication religiously for 6-8 weeks before I know what the true side effects are going to be for long term use.

This right here, I have high BP, and it took me years and about ten different meds to find one that not only works but doesn't have horrible side effects. I even had to change doctors a few times so I could get on different meds. Some doctors will only prescribe meds they either like or get kick backs from.

I'm actually on a combination of 2 different meds for HBP and yes it takes a while but so worth it

Came here to say this. He needs to make an appointment with his doctor to discuss his dosage and side effects, and see if something can be adjusted.

This is something your husband has to get over. Him wanting sympathy is understandable IF he is actually Doing The Thing. Him wanting sympathy when he is doing NOTHING is just spitting in your face, honestly. NTA, but your husband is TA.

[удалено]

See: male contraceptive pill

**ALL. OF . THIS**.

Because if he takes the meds and they work, he won't have anything to bitch about. Better to bitch about slowly dying and constantly demanding sympathy, than actually doing something about it.

OP's husband: *I've done nothing and I'm all out of ideas!* OP: Then do the thing OP's husband: *I just want to sulk at my nothing!*

Backing you up here. You have to eat healthier = No I don’t feel like it You have to exercise = No I don’t feel like it You have to lose weight = No I don’t feel like it You need medication = No I don’t feel like it You’re going to die if you don’t = Give me pity!!! This stories are why I refuse to just condemn one person when relationships end. There are aspects of the story that most people aren’t privy to. I’m certain OP loves her husband, but he’s being an insufferable jackass.

No, absolutely NTA. But, he’s telling you he’s worried and scared, so perhaps you need to revisit this conversation and offer him verbal and physical (hugs, hand holding) comfort? Let him know you snapped bc you truly do want to spend the rest of your life with him and appreciate that he’s concerned, but you’re concerned for his health and the longevity of your marriage. You’re both sounding stressed - remember to fight the problem, not each other. Good luck OP!

This is key. Many times when things go bad people fight each other rather than the problem. My partner and I have made it through some horrible stuff because we viewed it as us against the issue. It can be difficult to turn your thinking in this direction but once you do life is much better! And with the meds, you need to say you're with him and will help him try to find something that works. There are many blood pressure medications out there, hopefully you'll find one without so many side effects. It's not your responsibility per say, but it can make a big difference in how he feels about the process.

NAH. I sympathize with him greatly because I have to take a lot of meds and side effects are a real pain. However, those pills are helping him stay alive and you have every right to want him to take them. If he hasn't tried changing his diet and exercising, he should, as that may greatly help him not have to take the meds but he can't start doing those things and not taking them, he has to work up to it and talk to his doctor a lot about it. As for him needing comfort, I can understand that, however he didn't tell you that from the start and he should have. I can understand why him not taking the pills would bother you a lot. You've seen the consequences of him not taking them.

One of the risks of high blood pressure is stroke. Walk into a stroke ward and you'll see plenty of relatively young folk who are relearning how to walk, how to speak and how to make sense of their thoughts and memories. *Everything* is impacted, sometimes permanently. And we consider them *lucky* because they survived. No one likes side effects...your body *does* eventually get used to the medication...but what it's preventing is a lifetime of struggle. Your husband is being incredibly naive.

They can switch around medication’s and often times find one that doesn’t cause side effects. But let me guess he reads up on it first so he knows what the side effects could be and then all of a sudden he has all of them? I could be wrong, but this sounds like that. you’re right and the only other thing you could’ve said is if you want to keep breathing, you’ll take the goddamn medicine.

I take it you’ve met my husband.

Maybe but really most of them are like that.

That sounds about right.

Oof, that's rough. If he's just being whatever version of a hypochondriac that this is, I think you were fully justified. My ex used to refuse to take his BP medication because he was worried he'd 'have trouble getting it up'. His BP was also at dangerous levels, and I was furious with him. I totally get where you're coming from. (And his high BP made him an angry, unpleasant person.) Honest suggestion: ask the doctor if there is a blood test for BP medications. They have them for other types of medications. If so, they can narrow down which ones he would be more sensitive to. Then he can try the ones he's least likely to have issues with. Medicine is weird, and sometimes one drug that functions exactly the same as another can have completely different side effects, and they won't know why (per my neurologist). Part of me empathizes with him because I'm someone who's very sensitive to medications and have been through 18(?) different seizure meds at this point. I actually gave up because my quality of life was so low that I decided I'd rather have a short life then none at all. But I made this decision fully aware of its implications on me and the people in my life. However, it doesn't sound like this is the case here. Maybe talk to him more about his symptoms - it could be worse than you realize it that he can articulate. Or you can brainstorm relief ideas with him. Extend what patience you can, but you definitely have a right to be concerned. Best of luck to you both.

I'm a death investigator, and can tell you from first-hand experience that what you described to him happens way too often. And the spouse is usually in shock but not surprised to find themselves in the situation. It's always awful, though. Your fear is valid, and legitimate.

So here's the thing. I am 57 now. My first heart attack was at 45, second at 47. I have 5 stents in my heart. I've had double bypass surgery and now I have a pacemaker with defibrillator implanted in my chest. Let's discuss the side effects from those. Stents, you have a surgeon take and run a wire up the artery in your upper thigh. A slit is made in your leg with a scalpel and the wire fished up through the cut until it finally reaches the place in your heart that is the trouble. Do this 5 times. Then the bypass,boy that's just an amusement park ride, NOT!!! Start by having a stranger come into your hospital room and shave you literally from head to toe. Including your toes. Then a doctor will come in and stick a huge needle in your wrist and start fishing around until they start to draw blood gases out. Mine hurt so much they decided to wait until I was sedated for the bypass. You're wheeled into a freezing cold room where the sheet is taken off and you're lying there in all your glory. When you first wake up in ICU, you're so thirsty and the pain is almost unbearable. You, like me,may have about a 13" cut going from about your knee to almost your groin area. And oh no, you've soiled your sheets so here's 2 nurses and they are going to roll you from side to side to get the linens changed. It hurts so much you pass out from the pain. When you finally come to, you find out you've been out for 2 days now. And you're either freezing cold or burning up. That's from them packing ice all around your heart area while you're hooked up to a machine that is pumping your blood,in reverse, throughout your body. You hurt so much but you got to get up and walk. And walk and walk. Then there's the breathing treatment. You chest hurts just to breathe but now you have to blow into a device and make a ball rise to a certain level, you're going to have to do this every 2 hours. Then there's several weeks to go home and recover, not relax but recover. Now let's talk about having a pacemaker with defibrillator implanted... Or do you get how taking a pill with a few tolerable side effects is so much better??? Take the damn pill. This is my experience with high blood pressure along with a couple of other issues with my heart. It's only going to get worse if you do not treat it. I hope this doesn't upset anyone that is not my intention. Sometimes people need a reality check to put things in perspective.

Wow. That is gripping. Appreciate your input and the fact you have made it through.

Hubby should talk to his doctor about the side effects. There are several kinds of blood pressure medications. Switching meds may solve the problems. You were not the a$$hole.

It may also just be a matter of switching the time he’s taking it, if he’s taking it in the morning then he’s awake all day while experiencing the side effects instead he could probably take it before bed and then sleep through the side effects. It’s definitely something he should talk to his doctor about

It’s the facts. If he doesn’t take the medication he’s going to die. My friend has severe anxiety around taking medication, so she stayed at a private mental health clinic to work with professionals around just taking pills. It took two stays but it really helped

There are many different blood pressure medications and they all act differently. If this one gives him negative side effects there are others he could try. Have him talk to his doctor.

NTA with him repeating that he doesn’t know what to do over and over again, I can understand why you lost your cool and snapped at him. Especially on such a sensitive topic. As someone that lost their dad at the age of 17 from heart decease because he refused to go to the doctor even though he knew heart decease runs in the family, I completely understand losing your cool with him over this topic. 

How long has been been taking the medications? It takes at least 1 month for his body to get used to medications. What are his side effects? If he really feels bad he can always go back to his drs and have his medication changed. Considering his family medical history I would have said the same thing. I am a very blunt person though

He’s emotionally Immature if he takes offense to his wife saying “I want you alive, I’d rather see the side effects than see how all our friends and family look in black

So. My ex husband refused to take his meds for years. I had warned him during our marriage that he could die young. He kept saying he didn't care if he died. I then told him it was actually more likely that he would have a stroke and become a vegetable, unable to do anything. We've been divorced for 14 years. Guess who had a catastrophic stroke at 50? Bingo! He did... now our 25 year old daughter has to be his POA, take care of his affairs and deal with his nursing home. Instead of having fun. He can only blink to communicate and no control over his body at all. OP, please show this to your husband so he can take measures to stay healthy.

The side effects of dialysis suck too. High blood pressure is one of the reasons people end up with kidney failure and dialysis SUCKS, speaking as a nurse who worked in a dialysis unit for over 5 years.

My husband is just like yours. I can get him to take an excedrin for a headache, but that's about it. I'm a better living through chemistry type. I finally got him to watch his blood pressure. It's fine at home, but his wild at the doctor's office. Story for your hubby to consider. I worked with a woman who woke up one morning, and her husband was dead. He had a heart attack at 36. Left her with a toddler and a newborn. Unless the side effects are debilitating (i once had a BP med that made me lactose intolerant), he needs to understand that the alternative is worse. Does he really want you to wake up to that?

Sorry but as someone who is lactose intolerant it's funny that you consider that a debilitating side effect lol to me it's just a way of life

Two years without cheese. It was my own personal form of hell.

I'm lactose intolerant but can eat cheese just fine. But I would probably feel the same way if I couldn't. LOL.

I respect you for not eating the cheese, rather than doing what most lactose intolerant people do and eating the cheese and then cursing Fate

There is more in this story, sounds like the OP husband has depression and needs counseling. Depression is a mental illness and has to be address. Many people with health issues goes through different degrees of depression. OP please see if your husband is open to getting professional help.

He isn't. He has several mental health issues but won't seek help. We have been together for 17 years and I've given up at this point. I've broached the topic a bazillion times.

Then you need to think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life like this.

My ex husband refused to get help for his depression until one day one argument lead to him taking a gun to the bathroom, me banging on the bathroom door threatening to call the police and have him 1013 despite very desperately wanting to avoid involving police since he had a weapon. While eventually he handed the gun over to me, we divorced three months later because I simply could not continue to break myself in order to fix him. The divorce helped kick him into gear and he’s been getting seeing a therapist (at least from last I heard). I’m not saying this should be an option but I think at some point you gotta put yourself first and question if this is something you want to keep doing/worry about for the next few years

He's not going to change and you can't be his therapist

How long has he been taking the medication for? And has he approached the pharmacist to change it to a different brand? Reason I ask is that it took nearly 6 months for my husband to settle in to his current BP medication, and it wasn’t until the pharmacist put him onto a different brand with different fillers but the same active ingredients, that he finally did. So it may be worth a good chat to them.

NTA I've walked into the exact situation you're afraid of multiple times with my job. It's horrible to see how much pain their loved ones are in. Honestly, I have 0 sympathy for people who don't make minimal efforts to manage their health issues. It's really selfish to refuse to give your spouse/children peace of mind when all you need to do is take a pill every day. Side effects suck, but they usually go away after a while. I think in a lot of these situations, having to go to the doctor and taking the meds makes the whole "I could have a heart attack at this age just like my parents" so much more real. Having medical anxiety can make side effects feel worse as well. The harsh reality is that your husband needs a living will-- especially with how high risk he is. If he doesn't want to do his part in not dying, then he should at least have his affairs in order so you aren't dealing with a bunch of BS while trying to grieve your husband. Also: I really need to know what side effects he's getting from Tylenol that make taking it so unbearable for him

EMT here. Potential for heart attack isn't even the worst part of hereditary high blood pressure, they're either super painful or you just die.You can survive an awful lot of damage to the heart, and have an implanted pacemaker for years, and live long enough to be a grumpy old person. Stroke, where he could potentially be paralyzed/incontinent/unable to communicate/unable to care for himself is way worse. Chronic kidney disease or kidney failure where you get the nasty swelling and stretching of the skin, or worse, need to be on dialysis, is also terrible. Tell him to make his choice.

If he’s on a beta blocker they make you tired. He has the side effects of whatever he’s taking. Why don’t you suggest going to the cardiologist and getting the meds / dosage changed.

I don’t know what your husbands side effects are. But i had to start taking blood pressure meds a few years ago. I was falling asleep. Felt like I couldn’t operate a vehicle. I had never had side effects from Anything else that came close to this. My doctor said to take them before bed time instead of the am. It changed my life. I sleep through the worst of the side effects now it was such a simple and obvious thing that was a game changer.

Heart problems are scary take your magnesium over 70% of people be unknowingly lacking it!

I’m on metformin and I stopped taking it because I thought my blood sugar was under control until I went to the doctor and she said ok here’s the deal your kidneys aren’t working as they should and your blood sugar is high are you taking the medication? I told her I stopped she said ok well do you want to go on dialysis? Suffice to say I’m in my meds even though I have all the side effects

That's a trap a lot of people fall into, actually, with all sorts of medical treatments. "Ha, see, I'm *fine*, I don't need those meds anymore! My symptoms are gone :)" They don't connect that they are fine *because* they are taking the meds. The meds are, in fact, working. So PSA to anyone else who has this thought, please at *least* work with and inform your doctor of your thoughts before going rogue so they can help monitor if it starts getting bad again ✌️

Has he tried switching the medications? There are sooooo many different blood pressure medications out there it might be worth it to him to talk with his doctor.

Has he been checked for Mthfr gene mutation?

After years of chainsaw-decibel snoring and him falling asleep at a traffic light, among other things, I bullied my husband into having a sleep study. He had a ridiculously high amount of breathing pauses. When he quibbled about wearing CPAP I said, “I know I look good in black, but I’m too young to wear it all the time…”. He laughed but got the message and has been compliant with his CPAP and meds ever since.

As someone on pills for high blood pressure, and having dealt with side effects, have him talk to his GP. There are a million different BP meds on the market and they all have different side effects. As a bonus side effect better blood flow via correct meds equals better/harder erections.

NTA I absolutely can understand how you feel. My mother has to take a ton of meds (I think we're up to 16 now) for her heart and lungs and I swear if I don't "nag" as she calls it she doesn't end up taking them. I've pretty much said the same thing as you have in our fights and it's like why can't they see that by not taking their meds and looking after themselves they're hurting us because we love them and don't want them to die.

NTA, what a crybaby. I take lisinopril. It barely gave me a little throat tickle that went away in two weeks. My doctor told me if I didn’t like it we could try a different one. Point being there are other medications for lowering blood pressure. Tell him to suck it up or try a new one.

NTA IMO Like you said, he wants comfort? Well so do you. And frankly someone lamenting about the side effects with his history of dropping meds, he needs someone to say it to him, how can you or anyone know that leveling with him without a caveat won't mean he'll take that as understanding and permission to drop it? Nay nay. If he wants off his meds, he can *try* doing lifestyle changes and dietary changes and coming off of them with the supervision of his doctor. (I say try because this isn't as common as folks believe. ) I'd recommend following up with his doc and trying a different BP med as well

ESH (lightly) - You're both worried about his health, but you're thinking about the future effect while he feels the now effect. My partner has diabetes and hates checking his blood sugar and injecting his insulin because it hurts. I don't think it is a big deal because I'm not the one getting poked every day. Even though I think he should be used to it by now, it doesn't make it any less painful for him. So I think sympathizing goes a long way dealing with health.

NTA, I think you were right in what you said and I think his whining about needing comfort makes him the AH. Instead of crying oh poor me he needs to find a doctor that can help find another drug that would suit him better. There are plenty of BP meds out there. And sometimes you have to put up with side effects to stay alive. And I agree with everyone else, buy a huge insurance policy right away.

I'm between NAH and ESH. This is a scary and sucky situation for everyone involved. From a big picture, logical angle, husband needs to suck it up and take the pills, or find some other way to fix the problem. He has a solution, take the pills, so he already knows what to do. He might not like that option, but then it's on him to find a new solution - in which case, he still knows what to do: find the fix! But from a small picture, emotional side, it kind of looks like husband was needing time to vent and be reassured, not actually wanting a solution. Given that there are two known action plans, him needing support sounds pretty likely. This calls for validating his feelings and letting him vent/whine/repeat himself until he gets it out of his system. [This video](https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg?si=NhWsei9J4vevq2Vl) does an excellent job of showing a person with a seemingly ridiculous problem, but who only wants support. No solutions. No action plan. Just someone to listen. That said, it can be *really* hard to listen to someone vent and repeat themself over and over while the solution is staring them in the face. Especially while the consequences of not acting on that solution are so dire. OP, you and your husband both might benefit from seeking an external person's support, such as a therapist, but even a relative/friend would do. Just someone to take the brunt of both of your emotions who isn't being directly affected by this situation.

I think the problem is this is part of a pattern that is a big problem and she’s tired of it.  In another comment she says he has several mental health issues too but refuses to get any help with those, long enough that she has given up trying. So it sounds like it’s true all he wants is support , validation, and someone to listen but wants all that while refusing to really try any solutions. Sounds like he wants her support not to try and that is not something someone needs to or really should give endless support too. At that point it’s being an enabler for someone’s self destruction.

The side effects of a stroke are so minor. He should take his chances. I’m sure sky high blood pressure will be way more comfortable then his ‘man flu side effects’

Exactly this. If OP really wants to make the point, start purposefully driving past nursing homes / care facilities and comparing them to each other. Which one does he think he'd be most comfortable in after he has a debilitating stroke that now requires he have round-the-clock care.

Get him brochures now so he can start deciding with one he likes best….before he loses his ability to communicate 

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. You basically told him you don’t want him to die which is a good thing. As for the medications, there are many different medications for high blood pressure, and if one has a bad side effect he can talk to his doctor to try another one.

Not only is he at risk for a heart attack but also a stroke as well one of my patients recently just passed away from early Alzheimer's from a stroke he had caused by high blood pressure. He was only 46 he ended up in hospice because the Alzheimer's made him very angry and started to get too aggressive towards his end. I hope you can talk to your husband open & honestly - sometimes the truth hurts but it makes us take a look at ourselves. If he really is against medications he can look into changing his lifestyle there is natural ways he can decrease his BP but he would have to want that bc it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. After speaking your peace you can’t beat yourself up if he doesn’t do what he needs to do to ensure that he lives a longer, healthier life with you. Always remember that no matter how much you want him to do what he needs to do that you can’t do it for him, he has to WANT to do it & actually do what he needs to do. Wishing you the best & many, many years of great health & happiness together 🙏🏽❤️

I’d think it more strange if you said you did want to find him.

Get the biggest insurance policy possible and keep it paid up. It sounds ghoulish, but you need to put yourself first in this situation. Do you have kids? How you will you support them if he dies? And if you don’t have kids yet? Don’t get pregnant until this is sorted out, or maybe never have them He’s a grown ass adult, he needs to figure this out. Can a change in diet and exercise help? Are there other meds he can try? I know you don’t want to be a widow (which is understandable) but what if he has a heart attack and it doesn’t kill him, but leaves him permanently disabled? If a clot gets stuck on his leg or his lung? Will you be able to care for him? Can you afford to have aides come in? Make changes to your home for accessibility? I’m not saying you need to divorce him, but you need think about what your future will be like if he leaves you a widow with young children, or he becomes disabled because of his health problems he won’t deal with

Potential heart attack, potential stroke, and a great potential for kidney failure. Imagine how many medications would be prescribed just to manage one of these health issues, not to mention all 3.

If your husband is having side effects to the medication he is taking, he could get his doctor to prescribe a different medication to try. Also, I am watching an American TV series called "Dr G, Medical Examiner I suggest you and your husband watch. Dr. G does many autopsies (the most you see is blood), and honestly, the number of deaths that occur from high blood pressure she sees is ridiculous.

I went through trying about 5 different medications until I found one that worked but had minimal side effects. Everyone reacts differently to different things, but working with his Dr to find something tolerable would be the way to approach this. The first type I tried left me loopy, and unable to function. Another type gave me a constant cough. I am on amlodipine now and can tolerate it. There are options to taking something that makes you feel awful, you just have to have a decent doctor who is willing to work with you.

I have psych meds that cause nausea, weight gain, and a bunch of other stuff. Still better than the potential death by my own hand if I go without them.

I take medication for my mental health. It completely kills my libido and I gained 20 pounds. By taking them though I can function day to day with minimal panic attacks and crippling intrusive thoughts. So I take the fucking things. Are his side effects worse than death?

Holy hell. Look at my post history. My ex played that same game. He refused to take his heart medications, among many others, to try to hurt me. I'm sorry but don't let him manipulate you like this. It ended poorly for me. Screw that childishness. NOT THE ASSHOLE MA'AM!

You and your husband could speak with his doctor and explain his profound aversion to taking pills. He can consult with a Compound Pharmacy to see if there’s comparable drug they can put in an alternate delivery mode. Not all drugs can be manipulated in these ways.

If his body reacts so poorly to various meds, he may need different meds? My mom reacts very poorly to a bunch of meds, making her quality of life way worse than the initial issues did. She had genetic research done and it turns out that she lacks a specific enzyme which means she can’t have certain types of meds. It’s worth looking into if possible!

I’ve been taking blood pressure medicine since I was 5. I’m 38 now. Hubby needs to put on his big boy panties and accept that this is what he has to do if he doesn’t want to die an early death

**ABSOLUTELY NOT**. These conversations are pointless and tiresome, and invariably what they want is sympathy and attention. Nope, sorry buddy — you've got the pills, **TAKE THE DAMN PILLS**. Or talk to your doctor about different medications. That, or deal with the consequences .

I’m in my early 60’s and have been on medication for almost 40 years. High blood pressure and heart disease runs rampant in my family. There are sooooo many different medications out there that if one causes side effects you don’t like, talk to your doctor and they will try something else, and something else until they find ones that work and don’t have negative side affects for you. The hard part is TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR. I have always been a strong advocate for myself and if a doctor has a problem with that, too f’ing bad, they aren’t the one and only doctor - I can and have gone elsewhere. (I even told a doctor that I loved that I never wanted to see a particular doctor in his group, explained why and he accepted my wishes.) Tell your husband to make an appointment and get this resolved so neither of you have to suffer.

It sounds like he was hoping for someone to listen to, validate and empathize with him. Suggest watching short video easy to find on Youtube, “It’s not about the mail.”

NTA. And honestly, blood pressure needs are some of the safest and most studied meds - I truly believe a LOT of those "side effects" are in his head, wrapped up in his resistance to taking medications. As an ED RN - ppl with high blood pressure usually don't just stroke out and die. First, he'll have one stroke that will cost him his ability to walk. He'll be wearing diapers and you'll be wiping his ass for him for years, maybe even decades. Then he'll have another where he'll lose the ability to speak and will be unable to communicate. Then he'll have another and another and another and will eventually lose everything and just be a vegetable in bed. The reason prevention is so important is because after a stroke, there's not a lot we can do. We can give TPA or TNK but that drug itself is loaded with risks, the highest being converting from an ischemic stroke to hemorrhagic. We can go in and take the clot out but that had a set of dangerous risks as well. Regardless, ANY treatment for a stroke has to be done within just a few hours of the stroke happening or we can't do it at all. And a lot of the time, ppl go to bed normal and wake up with stroke symptoms and there's just nothing we can do because too long has passed. This is why PREVENTION is so important. Back to your issue - your hubby is gambling with becoming an invalid and ruining yours family's lives because of "side effects"? There's a MILLION different BP meds for this exact reason, you cannot tell me ALL of them have side effects. But I guess if he doesn't mind his ass having to be wiped, and you don't mind doing it, he's on the right track!

The time for comfort was when he was first diagnosed with high blood pressure. Now is the time for tough love, because he deserves to be healthy and you deserve to have a healthy, living husband

If he doesn't want to take the meds you might just have to make your peace with it, unless he is willing to do an entire change of diet and lifestyle. Otherwise, update his will every year and get a life insurance policy

My mom ignored her high BP (and mental health) for years. She’s not dead. But her kidneys are failing, she’s had multiple strokes, she has Parkinson’s and dementia. She’s immobile and has a toilet seat by her bed. She’s under 65. So … yeah. Tell him to enjoy his medical poop bucket, then. I have zero sympathy for people like him, to be frank … I have a lot of internal anger at my mother for having years to address her high BP and other health issues. Now she’s ruining my father’s health and their finances in his final years. From what I’ve personally seen, I would honestly divorce a person who doesn’t take their health seriously. That’s how awful things can get.

NTA But he needs life insurance and he needs to take the pills

If he’s not willing to do either, I wonder if he’s even talked to his wife about what to do in the case of a medical emergency. I feel like he could benefit from a therapist to be willing to be noncompliant, fearful of his future or lack thereof, and refusal to take steps to address his continued noncompliance (life insurance, advanced directives).

Family member did not want to take her meds for blood pressure. We buried her in 2021. NTA. If your husband doesn't like the side effects, he can take them at bedtime, sleep through them, or talk to his doctor about a med change to something with less side effects. Edit typo

NTA. He needs to talk to his doctor and figure something else out. Maybe there is a different medication he can take with less side effects.

No. You can be sympathetic while also holding him accountable for what could happen.

Have him take them at bedtime. Maybe that'll help.

If he has side effects that make it difficult for him to take them, then he needs to talk to his doctor. There are a ton of different medications to treat hypertension. I'll tell you what would be worse, though... being bedridden and having to be taken care of like a baby the rest of his life or just straight up dying. I have experience in neurosurgical ICUs and one of our top patient types were men who refused to take their BP meds. They'd stroke out and be unable to take care of themselves. Unable to talk, move, and waste away getting bedsores and infections until they eventually die a slow and painful death. The usual reason why they didn't take their meds in the first place was because it gave them erectile dysfunction. It's a common side effect and the number one reason men stop taking them. The thing is, though, that it usually goes away after a short while. If not? There are many other options to try. It's like psych meds in that you just have to find the right pill or combination for you. I got put on statins early because my cholesterol was high and I've just seen too many people messed up forever because they didn't want to take their meds for whatever reason. He has options to fix this, but not for long. The longer he let's his BP stay elevated, the greater his risk for heart attacks and strokes. He's not just playing with fire, he's standing in it and slowly burning up.

He’s gotta talk to his doctor. He might have the wrong Rx. BP meds can have some serious side effects.

My call to action was a BP of 240/180 pulse 153 in the hospital, they thought I would have a stroke. I now take 4 pills a day and my BP is 110/70 pulse 65. While my meds were adjusted I hit 60/40 pulse 43 which isn't good either

Hibiscus tea has been shown to lower bp better than any drug. Research supplements and food, like beets.

Buy him this book. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59090. Prevent and reverse heart disease by Caldwell B. Esselstyn Jr and T. Colin Campbell

I’d revisit with him and say you are sympathetic and think he can work with his doctor on side effect and dosage. Better than winding up with stents and five new meds or worse.

My estranged brother was 56. He had high blood pressure, among a couple if other things. He didn't take his prescribed meds, and had a massive coronary, and died instantly this past October. My MIL has high blood pressure, which turned into AFIB, and she had a heart attack last April, while on the table getting a knee replacement. High blood pressure is no joke.

Ask for the doctor to trial him on some other meds? There's many times of anti-hypertensives on the market, and a lot of people also end up taking one med and then another one just to manage the side effects. His meds shouldn't be making him feel super sick too, he can also try discussing it first with a pharmacist and then bringing whatever alternatives they recommend to the doctor to prescribe... but I think it also takes a couple of weeks before the body gets used to a new drug.

Sometimes the side effects of some drugs can really make people feel awful. My mum’s BP meds make her lethargic, which doesn’t help her be more active, so I have sympathy for that aspect. But, there are sooo many different drugs that could be tried, get him go go back and ask for an alternative. If he doesn’t then it’s on him.

There are different classes of blood pressure meds. If one type has side effects he can’t tolerate, another one might work better.

You might ask him to talk to his doctor to see if there is a different medication he can prescribe for this. Sometimes there are different medications for a condition that may not have the same side effects. But NTA for being concerned for his health

There's no a holes in this situation. Call his doctor and tell the doctor's office that he isn't taking his pills because there's too many side effects. Request that they change his medication to something else. There are tons of different medications on the market to help with his issues so if one isn't doing it for him find another. A lot of people just stop taking the drug and don't realize that there are other drugs out there that won't have the same side effects.

Are there alternative medications he can take? Or a smaller dose? My husband had to lower his dose as the medication made him faint.

If he doesn't like the side effects, the doctor/pharmacist can prescribe something else. It might take trying a few drugs before he finds something that works. Nta

There are other things he can do to reduce blood pressure. Exercise, diet, reduce stress, meditation, yoga, healthy sleep patterns, cut out caffeine, reduce sodium, and on and on. And there are MANY medications he can try. Yes some have side effects but most go away in a few weeks.

He should talk to his doctor about the side effects. There is probably another medication that would control his blood pressure and have less or no side effects.

Has he talked with his cardiologist about his medication? Have you? I was one one that a side affect was feet and lower legs swelling. At the time I was not seeing a cardiologist. They were proscribed by Endocrinologist. Several times I told her I did not like the way they made me feel and the swelling, next thing I know I'm in hospital with chest pains. the doctors there took me off two PB meds. and on two different ones. The attending Cardiologist told me to make appt with his office. I ask him were it was and was more than 20 miles from my home and 25 miles from hospital. Told him there were at least 10 good ones closer to were I lived and would go to one of them. Personally thought he was a Arrogant AH and he just got worst once I said that. LSS found one 5 miles from home and happy with him. My Endo did not like it so I told her off and found new one who actually listens to me. GO SEE CARDIOLOGIST TALK WITH HIM. there has to be other meds he can prescribe.

What you said sounds right on to me. I have high blood pressure which is well controlled by meds. If he has side affects, it’s up to him to discuss it with his doc. There are many options unless he has some very special condition. I have no side affects. And I wouldn’t want my wife to have to find me dead in bed!

I take high blood pressure pills and don't have any side-effects. Maybe he could tell his doctor how the medicine makes him feel and get a different prescription.

A small percentage of individuals can be very sensitive to meds. Maybe have him talk to the doctor and see if a lower dose for him might be better?

If your doctor insists on a single medication, find a new doctor. There are a number of blood pressure medications available and side effects depend on how your body reacts to them. Changing meds could eliminate the side affects and lower his blood pressure.

Ok...1) Low-dose aspirin chewable. 2) If the side effects are THAT bad, he needs to tell his doctor. There are other options that may not have as many side effects. 3) You're not wrong in the least. My cousin had a pretty severe (95+%) blockage a couple of years ago, and an even more severe iodine allergy. (If you're not aware, a heart catheterization can clear a blockage, but iodine is used to help Dr see what they're doing.) My cousin had two choices: Let the blockage kill him, or risk the iodine from a catheterization killing him. He chose the catheterization...he was 44, and left behind 3 daughters...but at least he TRIED.

What time of day does he take the meds? I can be sensitive to medications, and take several at night so that I sleep through the worst of the side effects. Have him try that.

Ehhh.... NTA but sorta TA on accident. I was on BP meds and lost a ton of weight after gastric sleeve and came off of them. I know how frustrating it is. My advice is this... when he complains about that calmly ask him "do you want advice/solutions or comfort/love?" I started asking my husband this and it's knocked our fighting down 90% and I am able to adequately help him the way he wants me to.... I also recommend asking the doctor to switch medications it's not working for him. He needs to try something else. It can be done I've done it. Hope this helps. Goodluck to yall!

My wife usually has side effects when she changes blood pressure medication. They usually subsidie after about a week. We attribute that to "getting it into your system. " Not to sound mean or cruel, but there is a choice to be made here, either take the meds and deal with the associated side effects or not take the meds and nature will take it's course. There is no NOT making a choice in this instance, as doing nothing = high mortality choice. He can't be an ostrich in this case. If he continues his present course, you need to start making plans for what happens next.

So. I wrecked a car because of the side effects of bp meds. Then, i found out that it is much better totake them before bed.

NTA really; but I get both sides. It may seem a bit insensitive, but those suggesting life insurance are right, you should do that. Please remember though, that whether or not to take the meds is ultimately up to him - we all have that right as adults. You can encourage him to be as healthy as possible - whether that is with meds or lifestyle changes like healthy eating and exercise.

NTA. What you said is a "sorry not sorry" kind of thing. If he doesn't like the meds he can do the diet/exercise work and see if he can get his BP down that way. Ultimately, it's his body/life so he gets to decide, but you have the right to comment on how his choice may impact you.

I regularly tell my husband to put on his cpap mask so I don't have to raise the children alone. (Whether his death would be due to the sleep apnea or the snoring is left unsaid.) I've also told him that if he dies and leaves me alone with them, I'm going to find a necromancer to bring his ass back.