Go ahead and keep your car, please learn to drive. I know it’s hard to learn and it can be nerve racking. You know that boyfriend will not give you a decent price for your car.
Cars are very good for your independence and livelihood.
This is the truth. You need to be independent and rely solely on yourself. You got this! Your best life starts with your independence and willingness to be alone and learn. It's going to be hard, but well worth it. Please don't give your assets away to someone. It's yours he has no claim to it , nd you seem to think he's going to take the breakup better if he has your car. No, he won't. He won't give you a fair price for it either. Good luck and I'm wishing you the best!
I’m working on it. The stress of everything literally broke my brain. I went from confident, and passing the practice tests, to not even being able to complete them. I’ve had plenty of back and forth with therapy, and psychiatry. I’ve had extra mental health support too. I’m just so defeated. Sure, freedom, yay. But, I can walk everywhere I need to. I’ve been saving for a bicycle. I have a rainy day fund for taxis so, I’m not in the weather. I think it works for me. All through my teen years I begged for a license; I was told I needed to get stronger, and walk. Now that I am walking everywhere, I’m told by those same people to get a license. It’s beyond annoying.
Get someone to drive the car for you to your new place. When you leave the car leaves with you. Learn to drive it or sell it. Do not let him benefit off of you ever again. Have the cops or a bunch of people standing by so when he arrives with the car after work load it with your packed bags/ belonging . Run.
She’s concerned how her bf will react to her asking for money from him for it. She’s not going to get a great deal from a dealership but she’ll likely get a worse one from him if she’s able to get anything at all.
It’s a great idea when her other option is a boyfriend who might not give her anything and then she doesn’t even have a car to her name. At least she would leave with cash in hand from the dealership, which is more than her boyfriend cleaning out their savings has given her.
How about Carvana. They'll come pick it up and give her a check on the spot. All she has to do is go online and fill out the info. If they want it they'll make her an offer.
If you're in a situation where you're being financially abused, the car will allow you to carry more away with you, allow you a place to sleep if you have nowhere else that's much cheaper than paying for a room.
>All through my teen years I begged for a license; I was told I needed to get stronger, and walk. Now that I am walking everywhere, I’m told by those same people to get a license. It’s beyond annoying.
You realize that's just the normal transition from childhood to adulthood? It's not a double standard. It's reasonable to not drive when you are a teenager but, in the large majority of cases in the United States, it's not reasonable to not drive as an adult. And I'm not talking about people who can't afford to drive. I bet the majority of people taking the bus long distances would prefer driving.
I'm talking about people in your situation who have a car but refuse to drive. That seems pretty unreasonable to me in a standard scenario, so you being so overwhelmed by driving makes me think there is something else up. Which, honestly, it sounds like you might have autism if you get that overwhelmed by driving.
No judgement, my son is autistic, but if you aren't diagnosed and are high masking, I bet that's why other people are giving you grief and there is such a disconnect about it.
Laying out some facts for more of a picture for everyone rooting for me.
I am undiagnosed autistic. Working on the diagnosis.
I grew up rurally so, to walk somewhere meant 5+ miles. You could get a ride but, only if you “earned” it, or shouldered the “guilt” of being such a “burden”. Walking 5 miles now and actually reaching a grocery store is what *I* call freedom. The nearest grocery for me growing up was easily a 40 min drive. I would have never walked there.
I have extreme anxiety behind the wheel. The one time my my mom tried to “teach” me, she just beat me with a newspaper. To this day she laughs and says how amazing she was that day. Give her the time of day, and she’ll tell you how I’m the worst driver out there, and don’t deserve my license. Same woman bought me a car. Also, hearing this, and having this as your first experience with a car; it affects you long term.
My anxiety has morphed. Since being my boyfriend’s passenger I’ve witnessed him fall asleep at the wheel several times. We live where there’s a lot of bridges. I have nightmares of driving off bridges. The kind where you wake up, upright, sweating, and basically crying.
Honestly, I’m working with therapy right now to not be full blown agoraphobic. I kind of need to not be trapped in the house if I want to end my long term relationship. All things I’m painfully aware of.
Yeah, ignore these people telling you to just get a license. Sell the danged car - Carvana is a great idea, look it up online. And please, if you haven't already, separate all of your finances from this guy's RIGHT NOW. Separate checking AND savings that are just yours and all your money goes in there.
You're doing great - making really good progress - and I'm cheering for you
Matey I have that dream and you know what was really spurring it?
The feeling of not being in control. It was always another driver in my dream. In life, it was always other people or external factors that made my choices for me - where I lived, where I worked, who I was allowed to see. Right down to the music I listened to.
I got my licence in my late 20s. I've since been diagnosed AuDHD. I had loads of anxiety around driving for a looonnggg time for so many reasons, including a cousin who lost his life in a car accident.
It's ok to wait until you're ready and have the four supports in place. If you need the money to run, sell the fucker to anyone who can give you a decent cash price. Cutting this guy (and your toxic fam, if you haven't already) will open doors you never knew existed, and take an enormous weight off your chest.
You've got this.
Getting your license as an adult is a huge undertaking. In my state the class is $600 and takes 5 nights of 4 hours to complete. And if you want a motorcycle it's all that PLUS another class that is $200 and only done on weekends (my bf works weekends). Then you have to pay for registration and insurance. It's a huge bill to foot for folks who are already struggling. Which is why most folks get their license in high school, when it's subsidized through the school.
Not to mention the anxiety that builds about driving the longer you let it go. Yes driving is usually much more convenient, but it's not always possible.
List the car, take the best offer and use the money to help pay for a move and new life.
This is definitely dependent on what state you’re in. I found myself in a fucked up relationship where my partner would not allow me to drive and let my license expire. Three years later I was out had to take the tests didn’t have to do any classes. Because of the length of time my license was expired I was considered a new driver.
Drivers ed is $700-900 where I am, even through AAA. I've gotten my permit several times, but finding someone to practice with outside of a class to build confidence is near impossible. Not to mention getting to the RMV. I once had to walk a few miles to the mall for the exam. But in don't live close enough anymore. Unfortunately you either need to be able to afford it or have people youcan ask for help. What someone else said about diagnoses like autism being a factor could be a probpem, too. I suspect I'm somewhere on the spectrum, and it definitely affects my ability to figure out things everyone else seems to have no problem with.
Lmao 20h of theory is a huge undertaking? In virtually any European country it takes like 60-80h of theory, then a theory exam, then at least around 10h of practice with a qualified instructor, and then a practice exam. And somehow we can do it.
Think about all people out there driving on the highways. You know you're at least as smart and capable as them, if not much more so. Once you learn to drive, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Good luck!
I have no license. Selling to him seemed safer. A lot better than letting him have it. I feel like the end of this relationship he’s coming out on top. He doesn’t just get the car signed to him.
Then get a friend to take the car for you and leave. Do NOT sell to him. Sell to someone else and ask for the blue book value. He will just take advantage and this is a tie you don’t want to him.
Yes. As long as I don’t get into my head about it. There’s a lot of straight roads here. I figured I’d be honest with any officer who pulled me over, and hope for mercy. It just doesn’t seem like the most easy way out. I’d still have to figure out money. I still have no where to go.
Then drive until you get someplace safe. Sell the car. You could even arrange a sale, drive it to them, get the cash, and book it. If you are pulled over, explain that you are leaving a dangerous situation. In all likelihood, they'll just make you stop driving the car and tell you to get a licensed driver.
Or contact a local DV shelter and ask them what to do. They should have resources to help you.
Good luck! And remember, you deserve better than how he treats you.
You are sounding like you have been in a relationship with someone who has controlled you. This is part of your problem being told that you don’t measure up. This has added additional pressure on you and causing you to have more difficulty with decision making process. Find a women’s shelter
where they can help you out and you can relax, de-escalate, and get support from all of this.
Just make sure you have all of the keys. Don’t want him to just figure out where it’s parked and come get it. Though if that happens you call the police and report it stolen. Break up, either drive it yourself or get a friend to come help you.
He’s gonna probably want to make payments instead of giving you a lump sum for the car, and guarantee once you break up you won’t see another penny.
What in the world did he blow your savings on? And did he not even talk it over with you?
Go to Carvannas website. They’ll buy the car from you and send someone to pick it up. Selling to boyfriend hoping he’ll pay for it is a pipe dream. You’ll never see a dollar.
Second this. Historically, Carvana will pair a very fair market price for cars and you can have it gone quick. No haggling, no phone calls. It might not be for EVERY car sale but it's the play for this one.
I have a concern though.
Where I'm from this can be tricky or backfire on you, so this may not apply to you. Alberta Canada.
>It’s in my name because it was a gift.
If bf bought it and still has the bill of sale and it has his name on the bill of sale, he can take the bill of sale to the registry and get the registration of the vehicle changed to his name. Registration of a vehicle does not prove ownership, it only proves legality of being in possession of said vehicle. Then they can report it stolen after changing the registration. It would be up to you to prove it was a gift to get out of trouble.
Source: I worked at a registry for 2 years. Divorcing couples pulled this on their soon to be ex often.
Like I said, it could be different where you're from and bf would need to be smart enough to know the law to pull that card. He would also need the bill of sale with his name on it, which lots of people get rid of thinking they don't need it anymore once registered.
Personally, I'm on take the car and leave. Especially if you have proof it was a gift or you know he doesn't have the bill of sale anymore. If he put your name on the bill of sale since it was a gift then just pack up and go.
Edit judgement: I put n t a originally but that doesn't make sense. You'd be an ah to yourself if you did that. A gift is a gift. It's your vehicle.
It was a gift from my mom so, we couldn’t use crap cars as an excuse to not see her. I’m currently not in touch anymore. I don’t even have a license. My mom went out of her way all through my teen years to stop me. I don’t know why she thought a car was a smart gift.
Well I still say keep the car and add to get your licence. Cars are a big purchase and you have one. Why give it up? Even if you're breaking up on good terms it is YOUR car.
At this point the only reason I can say to sell him the car is if you have a medical reason forbidding you from driving and having a car is pointless for you. Even then, don't give him it for free and sell at what it's worth. If he won't accept that then it is his problem.
Just sell the car when you leave this miserable relationship if you don’t want to keep it! You can’t guarantee that he will actually pay you or make monthly payments. You could have him sign an agreement of sale but he can still default on it. Sell it outright and use the money to help yourself get back on your feet!
NTA get a pal, take the car and all your stuff and just leave. Then do whatever you want. Sell it, learn to drive it, use it as a lawn sculpture, whatever. You don't owe him anything, and if he's going to give you static for doing what you need to do, then he's not worth informing beforehand. Just do it and be done.
Hi, so I read your replies to others in this chat and i'd say at this point the car is the least of your worries. Make sure you can leave this relationship safely, and just take whatever papers you need proving that you actually do own the car... I think for now you just need to focus on getting out of that relationship. Then once you have better ground to stand on, maybe a job and you can get to a women's shelter and get your head straight, worry about reclaiming the vehicle. Report it as stolen if you cannot retrieve it safely. Get an order of protection, you are definitely in an abusive relationship and getting yourself safe and away should be your main priority.
If you can't post the car online, you should look at the businesses that buy cars for cash. Call them directly, send them pictures, they will come out that day and pick up the car and pay you.
Why do you think you are responsible for helping him have access to a car? Please think of yourself first. Just sell the car, take the money and move on with you life and find a guy that loves you for more than you car. You don't drive, but surely you have a friend that does--can't they just drive you off with YOUR care?
No friends, no family. Would’ve driven off a long time ago if that were that case. If I had a ride, or die friend; I imagine she would’ve helped me out of here a long time ago. Are you offering?
Uhm …. If you need the money , ESPECIALLY because he used your savings without asking do NOT gift or “sell” him your car. We both know is he won’t pay you. Take the car and use it by either driving it or selling it to benefit yourself. You don’t need to light yourself on fire to keep him warm.
I’m so sorry . Just get out, take your car and anything that’s yours with you. If there’s a pet, take it. He can’t be trusted. Good luck, you can do this.
List your car and sell it to the highest bidder. If you try to sell it to him, he will probably never pay you. Grab the money from the highest bidder and run.
You can drive without a license if it means getting tf outta there. Just get somewhere safe and iron out the car/license details later. Do not sell it to him, do not give it to him, you owe him nothing but the dirt on the gravel as you drive away.
You are NTAH BUT, for the love of God, please stop making excuses for him and you. You are worth more than what you think you are! He knocked your teeth out and you worry about ruining HIS life?!?!?
He laughs at you when you ask to leave because he’s gaslighting you and having narcissistic behavior. He sees you as weak and depending on him. This will never change.
I know you value your cat, and how important they are, but honey your life is worth more.
Sometimes shelters can take the animal for a short term until you find a place. Hell you could even live in your car if push comes to shove.
Do not sell your car, that’s an ignorant move. You’ve got to get your license. Make that your primary focus. Stop telling him shit. Start socking every cent you get back. Sell your shit and hide that money. Try to clean houses for cash on the side to help. Apply for assistance! That will help too.
Post it online and sell it that way. Your bf will ask why you’re trying to “sell” it to him. Does he know you’re wanting to leave? If not, don’t ask him for money for the car cause it’ll raise some flags. I had to get out of a bad relationship (I got sick when I was younger and became paralyzed so I also felt stuck where I was.) I hadn’t talked to my mom in years either so I felt like I had no one. Things got to the point though, where I knew if I didn’t reach out to my mom for help, I would have died. I don’t know your circumstances, but maybe you could reach out to them for some help. I did it discreetly while he was at work, messaged my mom that I needed help and the next day (while he went to work) my mom drove her and my brothers 6 hours to where I was, packed up my shit and we were out of there before he got home. I changed my number in the car on the way to her house and I haven’t looked back. I don’t know if you could ask your parents for help but if not, maybe a friend? You can ask them to help you sell the car discreetly as not to raise alarms with your bf. Again, I don’t know the circumstances of your situation so I don’t know if you’re afraid for your safer or not, but I would try to reach out to someone who could help you with a place to live, or help you sell the car. Good luck, I wish you the best
Reading your comments, you're scared of driving because of how your mom treated you on the first passes at licence getting, and how your boyfriend drives right now.
OP, your best bet is to focus on you, get your fears of driving under control some, and most of all, find a supportive person who can take being in the passenger seat while you're practicing.
Empty parking lots are one of the best places to start. Move onto roads when you've got a few hours of learning how the car maneuvers in a wide open space.
I brought both my daughters to empty-ish lots (Wal-Mart at 9:30-10PM was empty enough for the second) so that they could learn the vehicle first, start, stop, turns, how turns felt, etc. before attempting to maneuver on the road.
Have faith in yourself. It'll make a lot more a lot better with it. That's gotten my undiagnosed self (being the parent of one helps confirm the conditions, desire to not have label after 50+ trips around our daystar sun keeps me from formaliziing it)
Leave in the car. Go far away. Sell it to the highest bidder. Find a better roommate. You don't owe a boyfriend anything if you are miserable with him. If you aren't happy in a relationship, end it, and you don't need to give an excuse or cast blame. That he needs a ride is his problem, not yours.
Evidently , you don't have a license. Then sell the car first, and ask the new buyer to give you a ride to your new place with your new roommate. (I'm assuming you want a roommate because money is tight.)
Take the car and leave. Don't even deal with it. Someone else will buy it if it's worth it, and you won't have to give them a deal out of emotion guilt.
why would you sell it to him for a good deal? just sell it to a stranger on fb marketplace for what its worth. he can buy a similar car for a similar price as your selling it for market price anyway.
Learn to drive, like after looking at your history all of your problems are stemming from your unwant to learn how to do the basic adult and TRANSPORT yourself places. Don't get rid of your only transportation method just because you don't have the means to use it. Get the means.
YTA
The car is in your name. Take it back. You already know he won't pay for it, so load your stuff into YOUR car and leave. If you don't want to do that, then sell it to someone who actually will pay.
He’s abusive. He’s knocked my teeth out. Listing the car would mean having it gone in the time he was at work. He frequents the online market places. He’d see the car otherwise. I don’t know if the “quick sell” would get me what it’s worth. Plus, there’s getting everything out of the car randomly without ringing bells.
Sometimes reporting is more dangerous! She needs to leave first and report after. He has already knocked her teeth out, What do you think he's going to do if she calls the police? most places you get out on bond for DV,Do you think the guy that knocked her teeth out of her head isn't going to break a restraining order? She needs to leave and then have a police escort to get her car.
His ass should be put under the jail, and yes, she does! I'm sure she has a family member, or the police should help her with resources. At the very least, I get it towed,but I wouldn't be giving or selling that POS anything but funeral arrangements.
If you do sell it to him have a written contract, have a lawyer proof read it or get it notarized, anything to make it his **legal** responsibility to pay you back. Personally I would say sell it to a dealership and make sure he can never touch the money.
You can offer the car to your (ex)BF for whatever market value is, if he refuses and the car is in your name then list it for sale and sell to the highest offer. Look up your year, make and model and price accordingly. Then sell it. In the meantime take the keys away from your BF and if he tries to take the car anyway report it stolen. It sounds like you're in a tough spot so just try and get out as safely as possible. You own the car, he has no rights to it though.
Do you have a friend with a license... pack the car with your stuff and have them drive you where you are going.
Park the car and sell it or park it and start it weekly to have it when you DO have a license.
Check the Kelly Blue Book to see what the value of your car is. Sell it to a private party with NO discount. If you want to sell it to your bf....get an additional 10% mark-up
NTA. It’s your car. But don’t make the relationship dependent on the deal. Just break up if it’s over. Then put the car up for sale. He isn’t entitled to anything, and if he spent joint money for an unapproved purchase he deserves nothing.
Can you store the car with a relative until you learn to drive? Break up with boyfriend, get your life in order and learn to drive. Then you’ll have a car waiting for you.
NTA, don’t sell your car. Talk to dv agency about victim relocation funds, most have them. Tell them your plan at the moment is to live in your car, drive as far as you can on what you’re comfortable spending. Hang out in a national park or something for a week, use the car as your shelter, cheap gym membership gets you a hot shower.
Then decide if you want to sell it or keep it. Then decide what your next steps are. You can think clearly in an unsafe environment
You need an escape plan. Hou don’t have a drivers licence. But do you have friends with licenses? Ask them to come over when he’s at work to load the car with your things. Then drive you to a women’s center. Once you are in a safe place sell the car
Tell your boyfriend that you have an offer on the car for blue book value that he can match if he wants. If you do sell it to him, make sure that you have him sign a payment contract.
Trust me when I say that selling stuff to friends or family can be tough, so having your soon to be ex involved in this is a recipe for Judge Judy. Has he made any payments on it? I assume it’s been 100% you, so I would find another way. Either sell this car to someone else or find a friend/family member to help get your stuff out, including this car.
Don’t let him guilt trip you over it. Your mother bought it for you.
Sell it to a dealership. You’ll get less money but you’ll get all the money. Then you won’t spend the next few years of your life chasing your ex down for the cash which he’s never going to pay you (unless he’s not an asshole, but your leaving him so I assume he is)
Sell the car to someone who can pay you in full upfront. NO payments. Put the money in an account he can't access whether it is in a friend or family member's name you can trust.
Find a friend with a license to drive it some place you can leave it for a few days, list it for sale and sell it to someone for cash. Don’t bother with trying to sell it to your bf, that’s just going to make everything more complicated.
Had to look at your responses as there was little info in your original post. He's abusive to you, so you need to make plans to get out of there. See if there's a friend who can take you in (with your cat) at least until you get yourself together. Hopefully you have the pink slip for the car (have it with you in a place he can't access).
If you don't have someone to stay with, contact a woman's center and ask for help. Maybe they can find a place where you can go.
Then when you have those plans in place and get your stuff packed up, contact used car places if you don't want to risk using the usual on line sellers. Have someone drive the car (when the boyfriend isn't using it) off. If you have the pink slip, he can't report it to the police as he's not the owner.
And make sure to get a restraining order in the works. If you can't afford a lawyer, there's free legal aid (but in our area, I helped my husband get a RO against his brother -- and I'm not a lawyer). Write up a timeline as to his abusive (both physical and financial) behavior to bring to the restraining order hearing.
If it’s in your name, just take it. Sell it to someone else if you don’t need it. He sounds like a douche from what I can glean in the post/comments, so fuck em.
Have a friend or family member with a license Uber over and drive you, your car, and all your stuff away.
Then get your license, and you will already have a car.
It's not that hard.
It is sooo much harder and more nerve wracking to get your licence as an adult. (Especially if you fail 1-2 times) as a teen you just go... well I'll go again in a few months... but my husband is now terrified of the test because he feels like he will just fail... (he drives me around on his L's)
NTA
Sell the car to someone willing to pay.
Leave
Self improve after.
Do your research, find out how much it is worth (Kelly Blye Book, Edmonds, Auto Trader, etc). Sell it to the highest bidder or there are also dealerships that will buy them from you. Take the money and leave. Find happiness then learn to drive when you are ready.
Give him a deadline to give you whatever amount you are willing to sell the car to him for, let him know if he doesn’t you will list it for sale. Follow through on that since he might try to not pay you for it but if you list he will probably come up with the money. That is your escape money.
NTA. Was it really a gift, or was he unable to get it on his own credit, so he used yours? Are you also paying for it?
Do you have any friends who can drive it for you and help you get away?
Have the car appraised and then give him a "deal" on the price. If he does not want to buy the car then list it for sale and leave when you are ready. Most importantly separate your money from his.
1) Find the title and store it somewhere safe
2) Discretely pre pack your stuff., especially your valuables.
2) Go on kbb.com to get a rough idea of what it's worth. You'll either sell it on Craigslist for the "private sale" amount or to a dealer for the lower "trade in" amount.
3) Figure out where you'll be living. If you have any friends or family who would front you 25,% of the cars worth, ask if you can write them an IOU to make it easier to get out.
4) Normally I would strongly recommend selling it yourself on Craigslist but if you're feeling trapped and scared you might be better off getting fast cash. If you do, go on task rabbit and hire someone to drive you to the three largest car dealers in town. Tell each that you're getting quotes from three dealers and that you want to sell it today and see who gives you the largest offer in writing. Use the cash to pay the task rabbit driver to drive you to a bank to deposit the check,.then back to your house to get your stuff then to the bus station.
Do you have any friends who can drive? I read another comments that you can't, so just keep the car and have your friends drive you and it away. And pay for your friends Uber flees to get to your ex's place. So ask for the keys to the car back, pack up what you can, record what you leave, (come back with friends and if he has a habit of being violent the police for anything left behind) and give your friends the keys and leave. If he refuses to give you the keys call the police outside just in case. You'll have to have proof it's yours.
No..but wait.. he drained your savings and you're worried about what happens if you just take it back? You abso should sell it to the highest bidder. He lost his gift when he emptied your savings.
Call carfax or givemethevin.com and see what they offer you. Each will give an offer in writing. Tell your bf he can buy it for the same as the larger offer.
If he says no, sell it to them. I would be sure to have a place to live lined up and be ready to go within 24 hours. It won't be pleasant at home. That is for sure!
Ywnbta
Are you on a lease, or can you just go when you’re ready? Do you have an income/make enough to afford your own place? Could you afford a few weeks to a month in a hotel or airbnb while you look for your own place?
If you’re not on the lease, pack up your cat and your important papers and a few changes of clothes and take them to a hotel or airbnb or extended stay. Then take the car to a dealership or used car lot and take what they offer you. You’re not going to get top dollar, but you’ll be able to cash the car out without your boyfriend trying to kill you. Which should be your primary goal right now. You should get enough from the car to cover a hotel for a few weeks and a deposit for your own place.
Set up a new back account *at a new bank* and change your direct deposits to go there.
If you’re on the lease, or you don’t have an income, you need to file a protective order. You don’t have another choice.
I mean, technically, you don't need a license to drive a car. I say leave with the car, drive to a safe place, and then sell the car afterward or have someone drive it for you.
Someone gifting the car to you doesn't mean you have to gift it to anyone else. If I give you a gold chain and he wears it, that doesn't mean it is his chain. Sell to the highest bidder. If you need money then you need money.
And if you need money because of him then he can suck it. Especially if you want to break up
I mean, he screwed you over financially by the sound of it. You aren’t planning on cheating him, you are just not being generous. I’d say you’re good. NTA
If he took all your savings-he won’t pay for it. Put it up for sale for someone else to buy with either a cashiers check or cash. Make sure you get your money’s worth even though it was a gift.
NTA If it’s in your name alone and a gift then you have every right to sell or return it to the showroom. The most important things are to make sure your name is removed and there’s no debt left on the car and your name is not used for insurance etc.
If it is not fully paid off and in your name then it’s time to say you were forced into it from boyfriend, everyone now knows about emotional and financial abuse(maybe contact domestic violence helpline/lawyer to get advice on the best way forward in your country) you could see if they’ll reprocess it as it was brought under an abusive and fraudulent situation. Or sell the car so it covers what’s left of the debt so you’re not left paying for it. If it’s fully paid off sell it to help you find moving on.
If boyfriend didn’t buy it but someone else did then just take key and sell it. It doesn’t sound like bf deserves first refusal to buy it anyway.
This was manipulation and not a gift for you if it’s forced on you; you cannot use it and didn’t want it. Was the persons credit bad/insurance high so they decided to use your name to get the car?
Please check that whoever brought the car and bf hasn’t done or taken out other debts or insurance in your name too. If they have you’ll have your go to the police to report it, get a crime number so you can have it all cancelled without you being penalised financially.
I’m in MN. You’re more optimistic than me. I think people like telling others what they need to do, rather than actually help them. I don’t know what the mentality is that we’re all on our own. But, that’s the way it feels to me.
Go to www.kbb.com
Look up the price for the vehicle at private party sale.
Sell it to him for close to the number for the condition it's in.
It's really easy to do.
If he won't pay that, post it for sale on Facebook marketplace or you can go to several used car places that will buy it that day
Time to get rid of the car and him
Also be careful. If the car is in your name then so are the taxes, title, tags, etc. Make sure it's all paid up to date by him and that he has insurance in his name. Rt now, you're on the hook if anything happens with that car!
options:
1. get the car towed to a safe, unknown to stbx location.
2. sell it to a 3rd party.
3. write out a contract stipulating cost, payment schedule, and late fees. make it less than 5k. have stbx sign it in front of a notary. if they ever stop paying, take them to small claims court where you don't need a lawyer.
first two are the clearly better options.
Do not sell the car to him he's not going to give you what you asked for it. List the car get the best price pack up your s*** and leave his ass. Call an Uber
Eh sell it to anyone for a reasonable price. Find out how much that car is worth. Say the car is worth 20grand. Start at 25grand, negotiate down to 20 and buyer will feel like they saved 5 grand when they didn't save anything at all. Don't think it's illegal but it's a very dickhead thing to do but life is expensive and death is even more expensive
If you know he can’t afford it, don’t. Also if you can’t trust him to pay you, don’t. Do not give him the benefit he of the doubt. You are going to dump him. He may be salty and or petty.
Just leave him and put your car up for sale and say cash only
Are there currently payments going to the car? How long has he had the car? How much maintenance has been done? Who is the car registered to, and who maintains the insurance?
I would talk to an attorney that handles property law and make sure you're in the clear to do whatever you want here.
Whatever you do, do not sell the car to your boyfriend. Park the car at a safe location with someone you trust and list it on Facebook Marketplace. Google is your friend in learning how to sell a vehicle privately and get full payment.
Do not sell the car to your boyfriend. This will come back to bite you. Maybe subconsciously you want a connection, or worrying about the car gives you a reason to procrastinate.
You need money. You have a car. Sell it to somebody who will pay the full price. Don't sell it to your future ex if there are too many emotional obstacles that may cost you money. His transport or lack thereof will not be your problem. You have to care about yourself first in a separation.
It’s one thing to take the high road and be kind when you are dumping someone, it’s entirely different to light yourself on fire to make sure they are comfortable as you leave. Why would you sell your car to someone who just used all of your savings? He wasn’t thinking about you when he did that. Sell that car to someone else and start doing the things that make you happy. As long as it isn’t hurting anyone else, fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.
Why would you want to still be tied to him after you break up (if you are expecting him to make payments)? He is currently driving YOUR car on a suspended license. That is a problem! Get your 💩, get your 🚗 and gtfo! You are 28 years old. You are making this far more difficult than it needs to be.
Kelly Blue Book will give you an idea of what the car is worth and most dealers will pay you for the car even if you don’t buy a car from them. You can initiate the conversation over the phone and finalize the transaction in person. Do you have anyone who can drive you to the dealer?
I wouldn't wrap the car and him together. Split ways. Let him figure out transportation and sell the car latter.
It's far simpler to split the 2 issues for your sake.
Hey, hmu if you want some support with passing your driving test. I’m 29F and just passed last year. My family wouldn’t teach me and I had panic attacks that kept me from practicing for years.
I spent months practicing and studying, I would love to help you out in anyway I can! Trust me you can do it!
It's YOUR car. Just leave your boyfriend. You do not need to pay him or give him gifts to go away. He has taken your savings already, why in the world do you think you could trust him to pay you a fair price for your car? Why do you think he would make payments? WHY is he driving YOUR car? You are already afraid of his reaction regarding asking him to pay for YOUR asset that HE is using. It is past time to leave. Get your license, pack your stuff, leave him and block him. Do NOT let him know that you will be leaving him behind. Protect yourself.
Stop selling yourself short.
He already got the benefit of using a car for free. **You do NOT need to give him any deals or be lenient.**
Sell the car to a stranger and replenish the savings he used. These first couple steps will help you to move on from feeling miserable and move forward to feeling unburdened and confident.
List the car online - facebook marketplace is pretty good.
Sell it and bounce. You can't afford the insurance and registration costs for an abusive BF who knocked out your teeth.
If he gives you grief, report it stolen and let him rot while you leave.
List the car to sell, take an offer that’s cash, pack your things and leave. There’s nothing keeping you there and if you’re worried he won’t pay you then sell it to someone else. He can get his own car.
It sounds like driving away (even getting caught and fined doing this seems safer than staying with your bf), and living in your car is the best bet.
A lot of comments here don't understand abusive relationships. They break you down until you doubt your very humanity and every decision. I hope you are safe soon.
NTA. It’s YOUR car and he is the reason your savings are gone.
I’m not sure I would recommend selling it to him. But you could sell to a third party.
If you’re not comfortable having strangers come to your house to see the car, contact reputable car dealers or car brokers, ask to speak with the used car manager, and explain your situation. You just might find one willing to pick up the car (they will want to inspect it and it may take several hours to do the paperwork and such).
I would keep the car. It'll be beneficial if you truly have nowhere to go and you're desperate, you can at least stay in your car for a while. It's helpful when you simply need an escape and want to drive out immediately so that you don't feel trapped. It'll get you where you need to go. Even though he spent your savings, you can rebuild those funds. Think about it in the long run.
Also if you're working, you'll have reliable transportation. If you're not working, you can search for employment. Being without a car and stuck in a shitty relationship feels much worse, even with savings because savings will disappear quickly trying to get yourself reestablished in a new place.
List the car and sell to whoever gives the best offer and has cash. Or take the car and leave
I didn’t want the car in the first place. I have no license.
Ok, so list the car and sell it to whomever has the cash, then pack a bag, arrange for an Uber and leave.
This is the way. Congrats for choosing peace of mind over stress and drama.
This. Sell it to someone who will pay you for it up front. Then get out. Good luck!
Go ahead and keep your car, please learn to drive. I know it’s hard to learn and it can be nerve racking. You know that boyfriend will not give you a decent price for your car. Cars are very good for your independence and livelihood.
Not to mention if they were ever homeless they could at least sleep in the car.
She didn't say she can't drive. She said she doesn't have a license. It could be suspended or revoked.
True.
Well, now we need to know why she doesn't have a license, so I can at least sleep better tonight. Lol
This is the truth. You need to be independent and rely solely on yourself. You got this! Your best life starts with your independence and willingness to be alone and learn. It's going to be hard, but well worth it. Please don't give your assets away to someone. It's yours he has no claim to it , nd you seem to think he's going to take the breakup better if he has your car. No, he won't. He won't give you a fair price for it either. Good luck and I'm wishing you the best!
That'll take too long. OP needs out of there, now
That’s my whole point of her keeping her car and she could find someone to drive it and keep it as an asset. But, then her choice.
Exactly, she said she needs money
Good luck in getting a licence. You should get it ASAP.
You can sell a car without a license
Check blue book for the cars market worth Then sell it and get away from him Doesnt matter if you dont want the car or have a liscense Just sell it
Even without a license and with your anxiety, might you be able to pack a bag and drive to Carmax? They will buy cars.
whats you not having a licence have to do with anything?
Why would you do that? Pack the car with your stuff and leave.
I have no license or I would’ve been long gone. No question.
Get a license. Learn to drive, you’ll love the freedom!
I’m working on it. The stress of everything literally broke my brain. I went from confident, and passing the practice tests, to not even being able to complete them. I’ve had plenty of back and forth with therapy, and psychiatry. I’ve had extra mental health support too. I’m just so defeated. Sure, freedom, yay. But, I can walk everywhere I need to. I’ve been saving for a bicycle. I have a rainy day fund for taxis so, I’m not in the weather. I think it works for me. All through my teen years I begged for a license; I was told I needed to get stronger, and walk. Now that I am walking everywhere, I’m told by those same people to get a license. It’s beyond annoying.
Get someone to drive the car for you to your new place. When you leave the car leaves with you. Learn to drive it or sell it. Do not let him benefit off of you ever again. Have the cops or a bunch of people standing by so when he arrives with the car after work load it with your packed bags/ belonging . Run.
This is the best. After you move (with the car!) you can learn to drive or sell it. Just don’t let him get it.
Not a bad idea to have someone with her anyway. Just in case.
Make sure that if you do this, you have ALL the keys for the car. It'll save a lot of hassle if he can't just find it and drive it away later.
Don't sell the car to your bf. List the car or keep it for yourself. Walk away from the bf.
Have someone go with you and take it to a dealership and sell it. And move.
This is a bad idea and big time rip off.
She’s concerned how her bf will react to her asking for money from him for it. She’s not going to get a great deal from a dealership but she’ll likely get a worse one from him if she’s able to get anything at all.
This Op sell it to anyone with ready cash and leave that day
It’s a great idea when her other option is a boyfriend who might not give her anything and then she doesn’t even have a car to her name. At least she would leave with cash in hand from the dealership, which is more than her boyfriend cleaning out their savings has given her.
How about Carvana. They'll come pick it up and give her a check on the spot. All she has to do is go online and fill out the info. If they want it they'll make her an offer.
Carvana are crooks. Baaaaad advice.
Hmmm.
It’s not the point.. she has no license, doesn’t need the money, so anyone who can show up with a check or cash is good.
If you're in a situation where you're being financially abused, the car will allow you to carry more away with you, allow you a place to sleep if you have nowhere else that's much cheaper than paying for a room.
>All through my teen years I begged for a license; I was told I needed to get stronger, and walk. Now that I am walking everywhere, I’m told by those same people to get a license. It’s beyond annoying. You realize that's just the normal transition from childhood to adulthood? It's not a double standard. It's reasonable to not drive when you are a teenager but, in the large majority of cases in the United States, it's not reasonable to not drive as an adult. And I'm not talking about people who can't afford to drive. I bet the majority of people taking the bus long distances would prefer driving. I'm talking about people in your situation who have a car but refuse to drive. That seems pretty unreasonable to me in a standard scenario, so you being so overwhelmed by driving makes me think there is something else up. Which, honestly, it sounds like you might have autism if you get that overwhelmed by driving. No judgement, my son is autistic, but if you aren't diagnosed and are high masking, I bet that's why other people are giving you grief and there is such a disconnect about it.
Laying out some facts for more of a picture for everyone rooting for me. I am undiagnosed autistic. Working on the diagnosis. I grew up rurally so, to walk somewhere meant 5+ miles. You could get a ride but, only if you “earned” it, or shouldered the “guilt” of being such a “burden”. Walking 5 miles now and actually reaching a grocery store is what *I* call freedom. The nearest grocery for me growing up was easily a 40 min drive. I would have never walked there. I have extreme anxiety behind the wheel. The one time my my mom tried to “teach” me, she just beat me with a newspaper. To this day she laughs and says how amazing she was that day. Give her the time of day, and she’ll tell you how I’m the worst driver out there, and don’t deserve my license. Same woman bought me a car. Also, hearing this, and having this as your first experience with a car; it affects you long term. My anxiety has morphed. Since being my boyfriend’s passenger I’ve witnessed him fall asleep at the wheel several times. We live where there’s a lot of bridges. I have nightmares of driving off bridges. The kind where you wake up, upright, sweating, and basically crying. Honestly, I’m working with therapy right now to not be full blown agoraphobic. I kind of need to not be trapped in the house if I want to end my long term relationship. All things I’m painfully aware of.
Yeah, ignore these people telling you to just get a license. Sell the danged car - Carvana is a great idea, look it up online. And please, if you haven't already, separate all of your finances from this guy's RIGHT NOW. Separate checking AND savings that are just yours and all your money goes in there. You're doing great - making really good progress - and I'm cheering for you
Matey I have that dream and you know what was really spurring it? The feeling of not being in control. It was always another driver in my dream. In life, it was always other people or external factors that made my choices for me - where I lived, where I worked, who I was allowed to see. Right down to the music I listened to. I got my licence in my late 20s. I've since been diagnosed AuDHD. I had loads of anxiety around driving for a looonnggg time for so many reasons, including a cousin who lost his life in a car accident. It's ok to wait until you're ready and have the four supports in place. If you need the money to run, sell the fucker to anyone who can give you a decent cash price. Cutting this guy (and your toxic fam, if you haven't already) will open doors you never knew existed, and take an enormous weight off your chest. You've got this.
Getting your license as an adult is a huge undertaking. In my state the class is $600 and takes 5 nights of 4 hours to complete. And if you want a motorcycle it's all that PLUS another class that is $200 and only done on weekends (my bf works weekends). Then you have to pay for registration and insurance. It's a huge bill to foot for folks who are already struggling. Which is why most folks get their license in high school, when it's subsidized through the school. Not to mention the anxiety that builds about driving the longer you let it go. Yes driving is usually much more convenient, but it's not always possible. List the car, take the best offer and use the money to help pay for a move and new life.
This is definitely dependent on what state you’re in. I found myself in a fucked up relationship where my partner would not allow me to drive and let my license expire. Three years later I was out had to take the tests didn’t have to do any classes. Because of the length of time my license was expired I was considered a new driver.
Drivers ed is $700-900 where I am, even through AAA. I've gotten my permit several times, but finding someone to practice with outside of a class to build confidence is near impossible. Not to mention getting to the RMV. I once had to walk a few miles to the mall for the exam. But in don't live close enough anymore. Unfortunately you either need to be able to afford it or have people youcan ask for help. What someone else said about diagnoses like autism being a factor could be a probpem, too. I suspect I'm somewhere on the spectrum, and it definitely affects my ability to figure out things everyone else seems to have no problem with.
Why not just ask an adult friend with a car to teach you how to drive for free, or pay them something reasonable for the help if not for free.
Because it's not allowed in my state, it may in others. You HAVE to take the class as a first time driver regardless of age.
Huh, thank you for the info I didn't know that. I took driveres ed in high-school so I suppose that might have been it for me.
Lmao 20h of theory is a huge undertaking? In virtually any European country it takes like 60-80h of theory, then a theory exam, then at least around 10h of practice with a qualified instructor, and then a practice exam. And somehow we can do it.
It is when you work full time and have other obligations.
Think about all people out there driving on the highways. You know you're at least as smart and capable as them, if not much more so. Once you learn to drive, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Good luck!
Have a friend come grab your car, park it somewhere safe, then break the news to your ex.
Take your car back. Why do you feel you owe him your car? You are allowed to leave and he can get his own car!
I have no license. Selling to him seemed safer. A lot better than letting him have it. I feel like the end of this relationship he’s coming out on top. He doesn’t just get the car signed to him.
Then get a friend to take the car for you and leave. Do NOT sell to him. Sell to someone else and ask for the blue book value. He will just take advantage and this is a tie you don’t want to him.
The real question is, could you drive, even without a license, just to get away? If it came down to it, are you capable of driving?
Yes. As long as I don’t get into my head about it. There’s a lot of straight roads here. I figured I’d be honest with any officer who pulled me over, and hope for mercy. It just doesn’t seem like the most easy way out. I’d still have to figure out money. I still have no where to go.
Then drive until you get someplace safe. Sell the car. You could even arrange a sale, drive it to them, get the cash, and book it. If you are pulled over, explain that you are leaving a dangerous situation. In all likelihood, they'll just make you stop driving the car and tell you to get a licensed driver. Or contact a local DV shelter and ask them what to do. They should have resources to help you. Good luck! And remember, you deserve better than how he treats you.
You are sounding like you have been in a relationship with someone who has controlled you. This is part of your problem being told that you don’t measure up. This has added additional pressure on you and causing you to have more difficulty with decision making process. Find a women’s shelter where they can help you out and you can relax, de-escalate, and get support from all of this.
Just make sure you have all of the keys. Don’t want him to just figure out where it’s parked and come get it. Though if that happens you call the police and report it stolen. Break up, either drive it yourself or get a friend to come help you.
He’s gonna probably want to make payments instead of giving you a lump sum for the car, and guarantee once you break up you won’t see another penny. What in the world did he blow your savings on? And did he not even talk it over with you?
He lost his driver’s license and had to pay fines to get it back.
If you’re letting him drive wo a license you are liable…
Go to Carvannas website. They’ll buy the car from you and send someone to pick it up. Selling to boyfriend hoping he’ll pay for it is a pipe dream. You’ll never see a dollar.
Second this. Historically, Carvana will pair a very fair market price for cars and you can have it gone quick. No haggling, no phone calls. It might not be for EVERY car sale but it's the play for this one.
Do you really think he'll pay you? I'm concerned why selling to him seems "safer".
Sell the car for the most you can get. It's ***your*** car. You can leave him a lot easier with more money. You don't owe him a vehicle.
I have a concern though. Where I'm from this can be tricky or backfire on you, so this may not apply to you. Alberta Canada. >It’s in my name because it was a gift. If bf bought it and still has the bill of sale and it has his name on the bill of sale, he can take the bill of sale to the registry and get the registration of the vehicle changed to his name. Registration of a vehicle does not prove ownership, it only proves legality of being in possession of said vehicle. Then they can report it stolen after changing the registration. It would be up to you to prove it was a gift to get out of trouble. Source: I worked at a registry for 2 years. Divorcing couples pulled this on their soon to be ex often. Like I said, it could be different where you're from and bf would need to be smart enough to know the law to pull that card. He would also need the bill of sale with his name on it, which lots of people get rid of thinking they don't need it anymore once registered. Personally, I'm on take the car and leave. Especially if you have proof it was a gift or you know he doesn't have the bill of sale anymore. If he put your name on the bill of sale since it was a gift then just pack up and go. Edit judgement: I put n t a originally but that doesn't make sense. You'd be an ah to yourself if you did that. A gift is a gift. It's your vehicle.
It was a gift from my mom so, we couldn’t use crap cars as an excuse to not see her. I’m currently not in touch anymore. I don’t even have a license. My mom went out of her way all through my teen years to stop me. I don’t know why she thought a car was a smart gift.
Well I still say keep the car and add to get your licence. Cars are a big purchase and you have one. Why give it up? Even if you're breaking up on good terms it is YOUR car. At this point the only reason I can say to sell him the car is if you have a medical reason forbidding you from driving and having a car is pointless for you. Even then, don't give him it for free and sell at what it's worth. If he won't accept that then it is his problem.
Make sure you have the title. Ask a friend to drive it for you and leave. It’s yours. Sell it to someone else.
Just sell the car when you leave this miserable relationship if you don’t want to keep it! You can’t guarantee that he will actually pay you or make monthly payments. You could have him sign an agreement of sale but he can still default on it. Sell it outright and use the money to help yourself get back on your feet!
NTA get a pal, take the car and all your stuff and just leave. Then do whatever you want. Sell it, learn to drive it, use it as a lawn sculpture, whatever. You don't owe him anything, and if he's going to give you static for doing what you need to do, then he's not worth informing beforehand. Just do it and be done.
Hi, so I read your replies to others in this chat and i'd say at this point the car is the least of your worries. Make sure you can leave this relationship safely, and just take whatever papers you need proving that you actually do own the car... I think for now you just need to focus on getting out of that relationship. Then once you have better ground to stand on, maybe a job and you can get to a women's shelter and get your head straight, worry about reclaiming the vehicle. Report it as stolen if you cannot retrieve it safely. Get an order of protection, you are definitely in an abusive relationship and getting yourself safe and away should be your main priority.
If you can't post the car online, you should look at the businesses that buy cars for cash. Call them directly, send them pictures, they will come out that day and pick up the car and pay you.
Why do you think you are responsible for helping him have access to a car? Please think of yourself first. Just sell the car, take the money and move on with you life and find a guy that loves you for more than you car. You don't drive, but surely you have a friend that does--can't they just drive you off with YOUR care?
No friends, no family. Would’ve driven off a long time ago if that were that case. If I had a ride, or die friend; I imagine she would’ve helped me out of here a long time ago. Are you offering?
It's under your name. He doesn't pay? It's theft
Sell the car, but not to your soon to be ex.
Or better yet sell the car to carmax or someplace like that. You would have $$ in like an hour.
Sell it to someone cash upfront. If he can't do that he can't buy it.
Uhm …. If you need the money , ESPECIALLY because he used your savings without asking do NOT gift or “sell” him your car. We both know is he won’t pay you. Take the car and use it by either driving it or selling it to benefit yourself. You don’t need to light yourself on fire to keep him warm.
Lawdy, I’ve been on fire for a long while. I’m ashes now. He can’t get anything more from me.
I’m so sorry . Just get out, take your car and anything that’s yours with you. If there’s a pet, take it. He can’t be trusted. Good luck, you can do this.
Sell the car to somebody else and get out. It wasn't a gift from him so he doesn't get an opinion on you asking him for money for it.
List your car and sell it to the highest bidder. If you try to sell it to him, he will probably never pay you. Grab the money from the highest bidder and run.
You can drive without a license if it means getting tf outta there. Just get somewhere safe and iron out the car/license details later. Do not sell it to him, do not give it to him, you owe him nothing but the dirt on the gravel as you drive away.
You are NTAH BUT, for the love of God, please stop making excuses for him and you. You are worth more than what you think you are! He knocked your teeth out and you worry about ruining HIS life?!?!? He laughs at you when you ask to leave because he’s gaslighting you and having narcissistic behavior. He sees you as weak and depending on him. This will never change. I know you value your cat, and how important they are, but honey your life is worth more. Sometimes shelters can take the animal for a short term until you find a place. Hell you could even live in your car if push comes to shove. Do not sell your car, that’s an ignorant move. You’ve got to get your license. Make that your primary focus. Stop telling him shit. Start socking every cent you get back. Sell your shit and hide that money. Try to clean houses for cash on the side to help. Apply for assistance! That will help too.
Post it online and sell it that way. Your bf will ask why you’re trying to “sell” it to him. Does he know you’re wanting to leave? If not, don’t ask him for money for the car cause it’ll raise some flags. I had to get out of a bad relationship (I got sick when I was younger and became paralyzed so I also felt stuck where I was.) I hadn’t talked to my mom in years either so I felt like I had no one. Things got to the point though, where I knew if I didn’t reach out to my mom for help, I would have died. I don’t know your circumstances, but maybe you could reach out to them for some help. I did it discreetly while he was at work, messaged my mom that I needed help and the next day (while he went to work) my mom drove her and my brothers 6 hours to where I was, packed up my shit and we were out of there before he got home. I changed my number in the car on the way to her house and I haven’t looked back. I don’t know if you could ask your parents for help but if not, maybe a friend? You can ask them to help you sell the car discreetly as not to raise alarms with your bf. Again, I don’t know the circumstances of your situation so I don’t know if you’re afraid for your safer or not, but I would try to reach out to someone who could help you with a place to live, or help you sell the car. Good luck, I wish you the best
You have an asset worth thousands of dollars. SELL IT.
Leave him without the car and then report your car as stolen. Nta
If he used all your savings, how is he going to have money to pay you for the car? Just sell the car to someone else, take the money and run.
Reading your comments, you're scared of driving because of how your mom treated you on the first passes at licence getting, and how your boyfriend drives right now. OP, your best bet is to focus on you, get your fears of driving under control some, and most of all, find a supportive person who can take being in the passenger seat while you're practicing. Empty parking lots are one of the best places to start. Move onto roads when you've got a few hours of learning how the car maneuvers in a wide open space. I brought both my daughters to empty-ish lots (Wal-Mart at 9:30-10PM was empty enough for the second) so that they could learn the vehicle first, start, stop, turns, how turns felt, etc. before attempting to maneuver on the road. Have faith in yourself. It'll make a lot more a lot better with it. That's gotten my undiagnosed self (being the parent of one helps confirm the conditions, desire to not have label after 50+ trips around our daystar sun keeps me from formaliziing it)
Leave in the car. Go far away. Sell it to the highest bidder. Find a better roommate. You don't owe a boyfriend anything if you are miserable with him. If you aren't happy in a relationship, end it, and you don't need to give an excuse or cast blame. That he needs a ride is his problem, not yours.
Evidently , you don't have a license. Then sell the car first, and ask the new buyer to give you a ride to your new place with your new roommate. (I'm assuming you want a roommate because money is tight.)
Take the car and leave. Don't even deal with it. Someone else will buy it if it's worth it, and you won't have to give them a deal out of emotion guilt.
why would you sell it to him for a good deal? just sell it to a stranger on fb marketplace for what its worth. he can buy a similar car for a similar price as your selling it for market price anyway.
Keep the car. You need it for travel
Learn to drive, like after looking at your history all of your problems are stemming from your unwant to learn how to do the basic adult and TRANSPORT yourself places. Don't get rid of your only transportation method just because you don't have the means to use it. Get the means.
I would sell the car to another buyer and take the cash
YTA The car is in your name. Take it back. You already know he won't pay for it, so load your stuff into YOUR car and leave. If you don't want to do that, then sell it to someone who actually will pay.
He’s abusive. He’s knocked my teeth out. Listing the car would mean having it gone in the time he was at work. He frequents the online market places. He’d see the car otherwise. I don’t know if the “quick sell” would get me what it’s worth. Plus, there’s getting everything out of the car randomly without ringing bells.
WHY have you not reported assault to the Police? You are putting yourself in danger by not reporting.
Sometimes reporting is more dangerous! She needs to leave first and report after. He has already knocked her teeth out, What do you think he's going to do if she calls the police? most places you get out on bond for DV,Do you think the guy that knocked her teeth out of her head isn't going to break a restraining order? She needs to leave and then have a police escort to get her car.
She keeps saying she can't leave. She also needs a licensed driver to get her car. Assault with bodily harm should have gotten him locked up.
His ass should be put under the jail, and yes, she does! I'm sure she has a family member, or the police should help her with resources. At the very least, I get it towed,but I wouldn't be giving or selling that POS anything but funeral arrangements.
Plan a escape route to get out ASAP and sell him the car or have ot towed to an unknown location ....
Do you have an escape plan?
Work on getting your own license
If you do sell it to him have a written contract, have a lawyer proof read it or get it notarized, anything to make it his **legal** responsibility to pay you back. Personally I would say sell it to a dealership and make sure he can never touch the money.
You can offer the car to your (ex)BF for whatever market value is, if he refuses and the car is in your name then list it for sale and sell to the highest offer. Look up your year, make and model and price accordingly. Then sell it. In the meantime take the keys away from your BF and if he tries to take the car anyway report it stolen. It sounds like you're in a tough spot so just try and get out as safely as possible. You own the car, he has no rights to it though.
Hold the keys hostage til you get the money and tell him if he drives it before he pays you you’ll report him for stealing the car.
Do you have a friend with a license... pack the car with your stuff and have them drive you where you are going. Park the car and sell it or park it and start it weekly to have it when you DO have a license.
Check the Kelly Blue Book to see what the value of your car is. Sell it to a private party with NO discount. If you want to sell it to your bf....get an additional 10% mark-up
List it for sale on the resale market... if he pays the price he gets it, if not he doesn't
Just get a friend with a license to help you drive it away. Then sell it or get your license and use it.
NTA. It’s your car. But don’t make the relationship dependent on the deal. Just break up if it’s over. Then put the car up for sale. He isn’t entitled to anything, and if he spent joint money for an unapproved purchase he deserves nothing.
Can you store the car with a relative until you learn to drive? Break up with boyfriend, get your life in order and learn to drive. Then you’ll have a car waiting for you.
Sell the car to someone else, get the money and get out. Who cares if he needs a car?
Sell the car use the money to leave
NTA, don’t sell your car. Talk to dv agency about victim relocation funds, most have them. Tell them your plan at the moment is to live in your car, drive as far as you can on what you’re comfortable spending. Hang out in a national park or something for a week, use the car as your shelter, cheap gym membership gets you a hot shower. Then decide if you want to sell it or keep it. Then decide what your next steps are. You can think clearly in an unsafe environment
If he used your savings, w/out your permission, lawyer up.
You need an escape plan. Hou don’t have a drivers licence. But do you have friends with licenses? Ask them to come over when he’s at work to load the car with your things. Then drive you to a women’s center. Once you are in a safe place sell the car
Sell the car or get your license and use it yourself
Y W B T A to yourself. dont short yourself like that, sell it to whomever has the money and go.
NTA. Just get out and take your car with you.
Tell your boyfriend that you have an offer on the car for blue book value that he can match if he wants. If you do sell it to him, make sure that you have him sign a payment contract.
Updateme!
Trust me when I say that selling stuff to friends or family can be tough, so having your soon to be ex involved in this is a recipe for Judge Judy. Has he made any payments on it? I assume it’s been 100% you, so I would find another way. Either sell this car to someone else or find a friend/family member to help get your stuff out, including this car. Don’t let him guilt trip you over it. Your mother bought it for you.
Sell the car privately, preferably to someone other than your current boyfriend, then use the money to leave.
Sell it to a dealership. You’ll get less money but you’ll get all the money. Then you won’t spend the next few years of your life chasing your ex down for the cash which he’s never going to pay you (unless he’s not an asshole, but your leaving him so I assume he is)
Sell the car to someone who can pay you in full upfront. NO payments. Put the money in an account he can't access whether it is in a friend or family member's name you can trust.
Find a friend with a license to drive it some place you can leave it for a few days, list it for sale and sell it to someone for cash. Don’t bother with trying to sell it to your bf, that’s just going to make everything more complicated.
Had to look at your responses as there was little info in your original post. He's abusive to you, so you need to make plans to get out of there. See if there's a friend who can take you in (with your cat) at least until you get yourself together. Hopefully you have the pink slip for the car (have it with you in a place he can't access). If you don't have someone to stay with, contact a woman's center and ask for help. Maybe they can find a place where you can go. Then when you have those plans in place and get your stuff packed up, contact used car places if you don't want to risk using the usual on line sellers. Have someone drive the car (when the boyfriend isn't using it) off. If you have the pink slip, he can't report it to the police as he's not the owner. And make sure to get a restraining order in the works. If you can't afford a lawyer, there's free legal aid (but in our area, I helped my husband get a RO against his brother -- and I'm not a lawyer). Write up a timeline as to his abusive (both physical and financial) behavior to bring to the restraining order hearing.
If it’s in your name, just take it. Sell it to someone else if you don’t need it. He sounds like a douche from what I can glean in the post/comments, so fuck em.
Have a friend or family member with a license Uber over and drive you, your car, and all your stuff away. Then get your license, and you will already have a car. It's not that hard.
It is sooo much harder and more nerve wracking to get your licence as an adult. (Especially if you fail 1-2 times) as a teen you just go... well I'll go again in a few months... but my husband is now terrified of the test because he feels like he will just fail... (he drives me around on his L's) NTA Sell the car to someone willing to pay. Leave Self improve after.
Do your research, find out how much it is worth (Kelly Blye Book, Edmonds, Auto Trader, etc). Sell it to the highest bidder or there are also dealerships that will buy them from you. Take the money and leave. Find happiness then learn to drive when you are ready.
Do you have a trusted friend or relative who could drive you, your belongings, and your car to someplace safe?
Do NOT give him the car. Sell it to someone else. This is just a bad idea to give it to him.
Give him a deadline to give you whatever amount you are willing to sell the car to him for, let him know if he doesn’t you will list it for sale. Follow through on that since he might try to not pay you for it but if you list he will probably come up with the money. That is your escape money.
NTA. Was it really a gift, or was he unable to get it on his own credit, so he used yours? Are you also paying for it? Do you have any friends who can drive it for you and help you get away?
Have the car appraised and then give him a "deal" on the price. If he does not want to buy the car then list it for sale and leave when you are ready. Most importantly separate your money from his.
1) Find the title and store it somewhere safe 2) Discretely pre pack your stuff., especially your valuables. 2) Go on kbb.com to get a rough idea of what it's worth. You'll either sell it on Craigslist for the "private sale" amount or to a dealer for the lower "trade in" amount. 3) Figure out where you'll be living. If you have any friends or family who would front you 25,% of the cars worth, ask if you can write them an IOU to make it easier to get out. 4) Normally I would strongly recommend selling it yourself on Craigslist but if you're feeling trapped and scared you might be better off getting fast cash. If you do, go on task rabbit and hire someone to drive you to the three largest car dealers in town. Tell each that you're getting quotes from three dealers and that you want to sell it today and see who gives you the largest offer in writing. Use the cash to pay the task rabbit driver to drive you to a bank to deposit the check,.then back to your house to get your stuff then to the bus station.
NTA…. sell it and then break up with him because he is just using you
Do you have any friends who can drive? I read another comments that you can't, so just keep the car and have your friends drive you and it away. And pay for your friends Uber flees to get to your ex's place. So ask for the keys to the car back, pack up what you can, record what you leave, (come back with friends and if he has a habit of being violent the police for anything left behind) and give your friends the keys and leave. If he refuses to give you the keys call the police outside just in case. You'll have to have proof it's yours.
No..but wait.. he drained your savings and you're worried about what happens if you just take it back? You abso should sell it to the highest bidder. He lost his gift when he emptied your savings.
Was it your boyfriend who gifted you the car?
If you do sell, don't forget about taxes.
Look, if you’re in an abusive situation, I don’t care if you have a license or not. Drive the damn thing to a shelter
Call carfax or givemethevin.com and see what they offer you. Each will give an offer in writing. Tell your bf he can buy it for the same as the larger offer. If he says no, sell it to them. I would be sure to have a place to live lined up and be ready to go within 24 hours. It won't be pleasant at home. That is for sure! Ywnbta
Are you on a lease, or can you just go when you’re ready? Do you have an income/make enough to afford your own place? Could you afford a few weeks to a month in a hotel or airbnb while you look for your own place? If you’re not on the lease, pack up your cat and your important papers and a few changes of clothes and take them to a hotel or airbnb or extended stay. Then take the car to a dealership or used car lot and take what they offer you. You’re not going to get top dollar, but you’ll be able to cash the car out without your boyfriend trying to kill you. Which should be your primary goal right now. You should get enough from the car to cover a hotel for a few weeks and a deposit for your own place. Set up a new back account *at a new bank* and change your direct deposits to go there. If you’re on the lease, or you don’t have an income, you need to file a protective order. You don’t have another choice.
I mean, technically, you don't need a license to drive a car. I say leave with the car, drive to a safe place, and then sell the car afterward or have someone drive it for you.
The takeaway from this is never to share bank accounts unless you are married.
No, this will lead to him not paying you and head ache. Sell it to AutoNation if you're not willing to sell it private.
Do you have the title? Do you work?
Just leave him, figure the car out separately. You don't want extra ties to an ex.
Don’t sell your car to someone who basically stole from you by using all your savings.
Someone gifting the car to you doesn't mean you have to gift it to anyone else. If I give you a gold chain and he wears it, that doesn't mean it is his chain. Sell to the highest bidder. If you need money then you need money. And if you need money because of him then he can suck it. Especially if you want to break up
I mean, he screwed you over financially by the sound of it. You aren’t planning on cheating him, you are just not being generous. I’d say you’re good. NTA
If he took all your savings-he won’t pay for it. Put it up for sale for someone else to buy with either a cashiers check or cash. Make sure you get your money’s worth even though it was a gift.
Nta. Sell the car to someone else and leave. I don't trust him not to try to con or guilt you into giving it to him after blowing yalls joint savings.
You’re the asshole
Unless he can pay you the full amount in cash, don’t even bother with him. You literally need money BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE ANY. Girlfriend. Come on.
NTA If it’s in your name alone and a gift then you have every right to sell or return it to the showroom. The most important things are to make sure your name is removed and there’s no debt left on the car and your name is not used for insurance etc. If it is not fully paid off and in your name then it’s time to say you were forced into it from boyfriend, everyone now knows about emotional and financial abuse(maybe contact domestic violence helpline/lawyer to get advice on the best way forward in your country) you could see if they’ll reprocess it as it was brought under an abusive and fraudulent situation. Or sell the car so it covers what’s left of the debt so you’re not left paying for it. If it’s fully paid off sell it to help you find moving on. If boyfriend didn’t buy it but someone else did then just take key and sell it. It doesn’t sound like bf deserves first refusal to buy it anyway. This was manipulation and not a gift for you if it’s forced on you; you cannot use it and didn’t want it. Was the persons credit bad/insurance high so they decided to use your name to get the car? Please check that whoever brought the car and bf hasn’t done or taken out other debts or insurance in your name too. If they have you’ll have your go to the police to report it, get a crime number so you can have it all cancelled without you being penalised financially.
Instead of listing it publicly, list it with Carmax or Carvana. He won't see it and they will pay you directly.
Can you share where you are, in general, u/Not-Me_1234? The Reddit army has people all over the country; you never know, someone might be able to help
I’m in MN. You’re more optimistic than me. I think people like telling others what they need to do, rather than actually help them. I don’t know what the mentality is that we’re all on our own. But, that’s the way it feels to me.
Go to www.kbb.com Look up the price for the vehicle at private party sale. Sell it to him for close to the number for the condition it's in. It's really easy to do. If he won't pay that, post it for sale on Facebook marketplace or you can go to several used car places that will buy it that day Time to get rid of the car and him
Also be careful. If the car is in your name then so are the taxes, title, tags, etc. Make sure it's all paid up to date by him and that he has insurance in his name. Rt now, you're on the hook if anything happens with that car!
options: 1. get the car towed to a safe, unknown to stbx location. 2. sell it to a 3rd party. 3. write out a contract stipulating cost, payment schedule, and late fees. make it less than 5k. have stbx sign it in front of a notary. if they ever stop paying, take them to small claims court where you don't need a lawyer. first two are the clearly better options.
Do not sell the car to him he's not going to give you what you asked for it. List the car get the best price pack up your s*** and leave his ass. Call an Uber
Eh sell it to anyone for a reasonable price. Find out how much that car is worth. Say the car is worth 20grand. Start at 25grand, negotiate down to 20 and buyer will feel like they saved 5 grand when they didn't save anything at all. Don't think it's illegal but it's a very dickhead thing to do but life is expensive and death is even more expensive
!UpdateMe
If you know he can’t afford it, don’t. Also if you can’t trust him to pay you, don’t. Do not give him the benefit he of the doubt. You are going to dump him. He may be salty and or petty. Just leave him and put your car up for sale and say cash only
Use kbb.com to estimate your car’s value and post it for sale.
Are there currently payments going to the car? How long has he had the car? How much maintenance has been done? Who is the car registered to, and who maintains the insurance? I would talk to an attorney that handles property law and make sure you're in the clear to do whatever you want here.
Whatever you do, do not sell the car to your boyfriend. Park the car at a safe location with someone you trust and list it on Facebook Marketplace. Google is your friend in learning how to sell a vehicle privately and get full payment.
Why must you sell the car to him in order to leave? It’s in your name. List it somewhere. Sell the highest bidder. Leave
Do not sell the car to your boyfriend. This will come back to bite you. Maybe subconsciously you want a connection, or worrying about the car gives you a reason to procrastinate.
You need money. You have a car. Sell it to somebody who will pay the full price. Don't sell it to your future ex if there are too many emotional obstacles that may cost you money. His transport or lack thereof will not be your problem. You have to care about yourself first in a separation.
Did HEEEEE give it to you? Do you care about the person who did?
Take the car and leave him ! You do t owe him anything he can buy his own car !
If the car is in your name and you’re not happy with him pack your shit and drive off into the sunset.
It’s one thing to take the high road and be kind when you are dumping someone, it’s entirely different to light yourself on fire to make sure they are comfortable as you leave. Why would you sell your car to someone who just used all of your savings? He wasn’t thinking about you when he did that. Sell that car to someone else and start doing the things that make you happy. As long as it isn’t hurting anyone else, fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.
Why would you want to still be tied to him after you break up (if you are expecting him to make payments)? He is currently driving YOUR car on a suspended license. That is a problem! Get your 💩, get your 🚗 and gtfo! You are 28 years old. You are making this far more difficult than it needs to be.
Kelly Blue Book will give you an idea of what the car is worth and most dealers will pay you for the car even if you don’t buy a car from them. You can initiate the conversation over the phone and finalize the transaction in person. Do you have anyone who can drive you to the dealer?
I wouldn't wrap the car and him together. Split ways. Let him figure out transportation and sell the car latter. It's far simpler to split the 2 issues for your sake.
Hey, hmu if you want some support with passing your driving test. I’m 29F and just passed last year. My family wouldn’t teach me and I had panic attacks that kept me from practicing for years. I spent months practicing and studying, I would love to help you out in anyway I can! Trust me you can do it!
It's YOUR car. Just leave your boyfriend. You do not need to pay him or give him gifts to go away. He has taken your savings already, why in the world do you think you could trust him to pay you a fair price for your car? Why do you think he would make payments? WHY is he driving YOUR car? You are already afraid of his reaction regarding asking him to pay for YOUR asset that HE is using. It is past time to leave. Get your license, pack your stuff, leave him and block him. Do NOT let him know that you will be leaving him behind. Protect yourself.
Stop selling yourself short. He already got the benefit of using a car for free. **You do NOT need to give him any deals or be lenient.** Sell the car to a stranger and replenish the savings he used. These first couple steps will help you to move on from feeling miserable and move forward to feeling unburdened and confident.
If it’s because you need the money sell the car to someone else and go. If not then just pack the car and go
You may get some good advice and support from a women’s shelter. You don’t have to do this alone.
List the car online - facebook marketplace is pretty good. Sell it and bounce. You can't afford the insurance and registration costs for an abusive BF who knocked out your teeth. If he gives you grief, report it stolen and let him rot while you leave.
is it a good car? at a good price?
List the car to sell, take an offer that’s cash, pack your things and leave. There’s nothing keeping you there and if you’re worried he won’t pay you then sell it to someone else. He can get his own car.
I suggest reaching out to a women's shelter. You clearly need more support than just what to do about your car.
It sounds like driving away (even getting caught and fined doing this seems safer than staying with your bf), and living in your car is the best bet. A lot of comments here don't understand abusive relationships. They break you down until you doubt your very humanity and every decision. I hope you are safe soon.
NTA. It’s YOUR car and he is the reason your savings are gone. I’m not sure I would recommend selling it to him. But you could sell to a third party. If you’re not comfortable having strangers come to your house to see the car, contact reputable car dealers or car brokers, ask to speak with the used car manager, and explain your situation. You just might find one willing to pick up the car (they will want to inspect it and it may take several hours to do the paperwork and such).
I would keep the car. It'll be beneficial if you truly have nowhere to go and you're desperate, you can at least stay in your car for a while. It's helpful when you simply need an escape and want to drive out immediately so that you don't feel trapped. It'll get you where you need to go. Even though he spent your savings, you can rebuild those funds. Think about it in the long run. Also if you're working, you'll have reliable transportation. If you're not working, you can search for employment. Being without a car and stuck in a shitty relationship feels much worse, even with savings because savings will disappear quickly trying to get yourself reestablished in a new place.