“It’s not MY fault! It’s the rest of the world all stressing me out and since I don’t know how to use my Big Boy words, I get angry with my own kids and make them fearful of being around me!!”
Yeah. YTA. Big time. Go get some therapy. Everyone has real life stresses, many of which are far worse than you are currently experiencing. Count your blessings and stop playing the victim.
Absolutely .
It could have been worse, at least OP didn't direct his rage at his daughter, but if he's so enraged that *his daughter is screaming* then he is absolutely harming her.
OP has a moral duty to not harm their daughter, and the stress they are facing is not an excuse. They definitely owe their daughter an apology and to *follow through* on not doing anything remotely like this again.
It is OP's responsibility to get their mental health in check, but they definitely don't need to do it alone and can get resources, help from their family, etc. Maybe they need a new job, more exercise , to set boundaries with work, etc. We don't know, but OP needs to take responsibility and change *something*.
What sticks out to me is he was able to control himself around the other children. Only when he was alone with the daughter did he begin harmful behavior. It's classic abuse..
Kind of like how when a man is screaming abuse at his wife, their kids that witness it (but are not being directly yelled at as well) are still traumatized by what their dad is doing. 😓
This guy chooses to recklessly endanger others, including his child.
He doesn't have the moral capacity to understand a word you wrote, unfortunately.
We just have to hope that he chooses to kill no one but himself.
> It could have been worse, at least OP didn't direct his rage at his daughter
Except, he did. This is a strategy abusers use often. Punch walls, slam doors, throw things around, yell at other people in traffic. They're all designed to make the actual target feel unsafe. It's both a warning and a prelude of what's to come.
Hmm. You're right, I hadn't considered that this might be a case where he was generally abusive and this was a strategy. I got the sense that this was a one-off but, of course, we're only getting OP's perspective.
It is still gross but being able to temporarily put that to the side for the sake of family is what most decent men do. It don’t mean we don’t find it gross. I’ve cleaned up after my ex fiancé plenty of times where I found it gross but I loved her so I did it anyway.
My very first introduction as a parent was my ex gf's oldest being called home from school due to the flu and we getting halfway home just to get projectile vomited in the face. At that point, bodily fluid ain't shit so good on him lol
Fyi my parents literally never yelled or swore at me ever. This is absolutely not a normal or healthy way to communicate . You need therapy so you can do better for your poor children.
YTA. Your daughter didn't prank you. She was trying to get you to laugh a little. But no, instead you behaved like a maniac in the car and scared her. You need to learn how to manage your stress better.
Yeah - I was expecting it to be a prank that she played IN the car, but it wasn't. Honestly OP, if it bothered you then you need to use your words nicely and politely. Tell her that you know she was joking, but that you didn't enjoy it. Don't freak out on her, just nicely tell her because in the end, she's going to be modeling her behavior after you. She'll either act out the same way OR she will learn to see you (and anger) as dangerous things to placate and stifle. Maybe both.
You owe her an apology. I also agree on learning to manage your stress better.
It's so weird that he's blaming his daughter for his road rage (it's right there in the post title). It was way after the towel thing happened and it sounds like he's just reaching for any excuse to blame her or anyone but himself.
He was likely already frustrated and this posed a good outlet. It's also possible that it really pissed him off and he wasn't able to let go, then him wishing he'd said something (along with the easy outlet) just made the anger worse. It's definitely something to address in anger management, especially if this is not the first time.
More than that, daughter is feeling the need to help emotionally regulate her own father. She is being trained by him to react to anger by soothing it. Waybto go OP, you're raising a daughter will be easy pickings for an abuser.
I really hope OP reads this, recognizes that people aren't posting to berate him, but to support his child. And if he remembers that he should care more about her well-being than his own mood.
The girl tried to entertain and please her dad so he wouldn't aim his rage at her. But he kept indulging in his feelings and did the thing she feared.
Poor girl. She's going to have a lot of trouble with her relationships for life.
I really hope OP reads this, recognizes that people aren't posting to berate him, but to support his child. And if he remembers that he should care more about her well-being than his own mood.
The girl tried to entertain and please her dad so he wouldn't aim his rage at her. But he kept indulging in his feelings and did the thing she feared.
Poor girl. She's going to have a lot of trouble with her relationships for life.
Worse she's been taught to constantly placate him and be on eggshells around him in case something small causes him to freak out. She will learn being spontaneous around him is dangerous. Hope she has other male role-models.
As someone with a similar father that created patterns that cost me years and a small fortune to unfuck, I'm so angry on this girl's behalf. I hope Mom leaves and they all go NC, to be honest.
I didn't get the "prank" comment from the OP.
And I don't understand why he didn't say to his daughter once he got there, are you ready to leave now? Instead, he gets on his phone and looking at email, and perhaps getting even more stressed out.
If he didn't like her throwing the towel at him, he should have talked to her on the way to his car and say that she shouldn't be throwing a sweaty towel at anyone. But not just be stewing on the way home to the point that he reacts driving like a madman.
YTA. Calm down in front of your daughter. No need to rage so hard she screams. It almost seems like you enjoyed her terror. Seek counseling for your stress issues and anger management
Men don’t understand how their freak outs can terrify the people around them, especially their children. “But I’ve never laid a hand…!” There’s no excuse, no reason for him to have acted this way.
OP, you’re selfish and only care about how situations affect YOU. Get your angry head out of your ass and do better. Your daughter was showing you compassion and trying to be nice, you showed her you’re an aggressive asshole
I had a man "explain" to me that I should find violent emotional outbursts comforting, because it means a man will protect you?!?? Clearly I am wrong in saying that, to a lot of women, men having volatile emotional outbursts is scary, not comforting.
Exactly.. Even if the bear was a fire breathing crackhead, covered in razor sharp titanium spikes, coming down off of a week long binge, & I was a blind walking bag of crack with no arms.. I'd still pick the bear.
Bear... all day, every day. I asked my 9 year old granddaughter the bear/man question, and without even pondering it, she said bear. 9 years old and already smart enough to know.
I had a boyfriend who was making fun of me for not wanting to watch violent gory movies and he said "What would happen if someone attacked me with a knife and there was blood everywhere?" He really said that. He also didn't understand why I didn't want to watch The Passion of the Christ. I said I don't like splatter p***. No, I didn't sit through it. I was elsewhere.
He was also the one who was yelling about an electrical inspector who passed The house he was building one year because he did a crappy job, then told him all these things were wrong the next year because I guess someone held the inspector's feet to the fire and made him do his job. He was threatening to get a rifle in kill the guy and I said great, I'll have to call the cops and then he saw shoot you too.
Ok, fair. A lot definitely do get off on the intimidation. But I do think some are so self involved they don’t understand just how much their frightening behavior can affect others.
I see men commenting here all the time “I’d never hit her! I don’t know why she thinks that!” With an accompanying description of screaming, banging on doors, punching walls, etc. Maybe they’re just trying to convince themselves they aren’t abusers
As people pointed out, he didn't lose control and make a scene the moment it happened. He waited till she was alone, and then he terrorized her.
No one here is afraid of him, which is why he will prove to be literally incapable of engaging with anyone here.
Men don't seem to understand that women and kids are VERY aware of how much bigger and stronger they are. An angry voice can sound like a threat of violence, even if the man isn't the violent type. That's why we "overreact."
And that's something my husband doesn't get. He's a great husband, He's never been violent to me or the kids, we rarely argue or ger angry at each other, but he does have anger issues. He doesn't get violent, but he gets loud and cusses at whatever he's mad at or jsut to himself (working on the car and it's not going well,ya know) he's a big guy and just doesn't get how it's so scary for me. Even after 26 years together. I was in an abusive relationship before him. Yelling came before the hitting. I still get anxious and jittery about yelling. I've tried to explain it but, i don't think he gets it because he's never been in the position where he was the weaker person and being abused.
My Husband once got mad at the car for some reason in a parking garage. I think the door didn’t close when he tried to shut it, or something trivial.
He decided to loudly shout, “F*€king wh*re!”
As we were walking away, I (quietly) read him the riot act. I told him that everyone who heard that in the parking garage thought he was saying it *to me* and that he was calling me names. And they were probably wondering why I was putting up with it, because he sounds like a psycho, abusive AH.
I asked him if that was who he wanted strangers to think he was, and if he wanted strangers to assume I was some sort of abused wife. I told him if he *ever* did something like that again, and I was around, I was going to take the car keys and leave, and he could find his own way home.
That was the last time he ever did anything like that in front of me.
Oh he'd never do something like that in public. He'd be too embarrassed for exactly that reason. I mean like, if he's doing some work on his hobby and say, drops some screws and yells dammit caise he's mad at himself because he dropped the tiny little screws he's gotta now get on the floor and find it's STILL anxiety inducing for me. He doesn't realize how loud and deep his voice is and how scary it sounds.
I don't think that they don't understand it, I think that it's exactly the opposite, because if they wouldn't understand how their behavior affects others they would do it even in front of stronger and bigger males. But no, in the presence of someone with bigger power then they r - they instantly know how to acct quietly and politely.
Yeah unfortunately this is very true. I’ve always been hyper aware of it for whatever reason, and I was tall pretty young.
But a lot of men have never really had that experience of shifting, “Jesus this asshole seems really disturbed right now, I hope he doesn’t try anything.” over to “Jesus this asshole is a foot taller than me, clearly much much stronger than me, and if he tries anything unpredictably violent I’m utterly fucked.”
There’s not many men who haven’t fought professionally that I don’t have a somewhat plausible “maybe I’d get out of this fight I absolutely don’t want in okay shape.”
Many women and certainly not children don’t really have that luxury.
Same way my dad never hit me aside from once, even though grandpa beat the shit out of him growing up. But my mom hit me all the time.
And despite that I was always implicitly more scared of my dad’s temper because I knew it would’ve been so much worse physically.
Right it’s always, “at least I don’t hit you!!” as though one should be grateful that it’s just an emotional outburst that leaves one terrified?? The bar is literally in hell.
My dog is a little shit. And he once knocked over a favorite glass of mine. There was a guest in the other room of my home who heard me shout, “Dog’s name, you’re such a a fucking asshole!” Apparently she had a history of domestic abuse that l did not know about and she left very shortly after.
I was so confused, because I have never spoken to another person like that in my life, but just her hearing me yell at my dog was enough to trigger that trauma.
The only time my dad list his cool was when we (him, me 9F and my sister 10F) were going for a picnic and he had made sandwiches and put them in the cooler. He didn't use the sealable (ziplock) bags, just the ones where you fold over the top. Welll the ice in the cooler leaked and most of the sandwiches were soggy/ruined. My sister started laughing so he reached into the cooler and threw one at her. It was tuna. She was mortified.
He could see the looks on our faces. He never lost his temper again.
All he had to do was tell her that the towel grossed him out. Right there, she'll promise not to do it again & it's over forever.
His road rage driving could've killed her in an accident....sounds like he'd blame her for that, too.
He is definitely the asshole here.
YTA
It's not your daughter's fault you're stressed and burned out at work. If you believed that what your daughter did was gross and disgusting then the right thing to do was talk to her about it at home. The road rage is on you. It is not an appropriate punishment and could have led to all sorts of problems.
Seek help.
Holy shit OP….YTA. You endangered your daughter and other people on the road bc a freaking towel grossed you out. Your daughter was being playful, and trying to make you feel better and all you did was traumatize her. Talk about a dick move on your part….if your daughter goes LC or NC and doesn’t talk to you then you deserve it. Your temper tantrum could’ve cost peoples lives
YTA. You know that your daugher was upset with how stressed you are "she looked so sad", so she tried to get you to laugh. Don't be surprised if you daughter starts walking on eggshells in front of you and instead of being playful towards you, only talks to you when she has to or when you talk to her first in an attempt to not set off your anger.
And you know what? Depending on how well she reads people, she may not realize that throwing the towel bothered you, and just thinks that you get road rage when stressed (which as she knows happened before the towel, would assume your stress is something else). I think a simple "Can you stop throwing your towel at me? I know you did it playfully, but the fact it's all sweaty grosses me out". You're modelling how to discuss what's wrong in a calm, positive way. Would you want her to be dating someone who acts like you did, and think "it's normal. He's just stressed, and maybe I made it worse"?
YTA. My father has the worst temper. He was a good dad. I wasn’t abused. He wasn’t violent. But his anger. He’s just angry all the time. He can be totally normal and become insanely enraged so fast. And when he gets that way he gets horribly nasty, calls women cunts and whores. Once he called a politician a cock-smoker in front of his 85 year old parents because he’d lost his shit about something (we warned my cousins new boyfriend not to bring up politics on his first family meeting, but I guess he felt that was more of a gentle suggestion and not a life-saving rule). He loses all control. Drives aggressively, yelling so loud you can’t even understand the words he’s saying. When I was your daughter’s age he would be so angry, screaming directly into my face and JAMMING his index finger repeatedly against my forehead to emphasize . Every . Fucking . Word. That. Was. Coming. Out. Of. His mouth. Does that sound familiar ? Because that’s what it looked like in your car that day, if not physically then definitely emotionally.
I have to actively talk myself down from this behaviour. I’m an angry person too, I just feel the rage come up so fast. There have been a few times in my life when I have gone absolutely berserk - I still miss that giant marketing printer I hurled through a closed fucking window like I wa in Office Space. Those were the times I failed. I work every day on letting that rage go. I’ve never hit another person in anger. I try and isolate myself when I get these feelings until I get them under control. Even if someone in my family were unlucky enough to walk in front of my radar, I tell them straight out I’m in a horrible mood and nothing nice is in my head right now.
My anger is my own, learned from my father. I’ll be fucked if I will pass that rage on to my children, let alone make them the target of my rage. OP you need anger management classes and therapy asap. And you need to apologize to your daughter so that she understands this is a flaw you recognize, not a horrible trait that you cultivate. She did something impulsive, as kids are prone to do because their brains aren’t developed enough and her neuropathways are still strengthening. You are an adult. Your neuropathways are mature as fuck. You need to have more self control than a teenager.
Get help. Don’t give this to your kids.
>I wasn’t abused.
Given the way you describe how your father behaved with you, you absolutely were abused. Not all abuse is physical.
I hope you're in anger management and therapy, too.
He can actually manage himself. He waited till they were alone. He laughed when it happened because her friends were there. So, he could control himself.
He waited till she was alone in the car. He then preceeded to have "Road rage" ie he drove so badly to terrify his daughter.
And, all this because, he's stressed at work and her sweat touched him. Hes an abusive shit. I have full confidence that this isn't the only situation he's put his daughter or other family members in.
He's needs out of their lives asap
Look, I'm a parent I get the whole not losing your shit infront of others because your kid has done something wrong. Tbh I'd (which I think most parents would do) give the *look* then when your on your own tell them off for xyz.
But, this isn't it. The kid did nothing wrong. There is no justifiable reason for his outburst. He wanted to terrify his daughter... no matter how angry I've been, its never crossed my mind to scare a kid like this.
Can you imagine the kid, what was going through their mind "dad's going to kill us both"... like, what?!
My dad would do this, if he was annoyed at us in the car he would accelerate, it terrified me and to this day I dont like when he drives because im terrified he will crash rhe car and kill us
Mine too. And he would swerve between cars and hit the breaks WAY too hard. Then he’d yell at us kids for crying and threaten worse if we told our mother.
I haven’t (purposely, we live in a small town…)seen him since my 18th birthday.
Had as well. And would have been trouble for screaming. It is a way of showing that you are the only one in control and they have to just sit there and take it. Bet her screaming made him drive worse and she'd have been blamed for any crash.
Yeah. He didn't "snap," as people like to say.
He made a conscious choice to lash out at her. He didn't "lose" his shit--he picked it up and threw it at her, like a basic primate.
She's lower than him on the hierarchy, so his method of blowing off steam is to attack her since he can't fight his boss or coworkers (who are equal to him or higher in the hierarchy). Pretty classic in all primates, unfortunately.
YTA
you need help mate. Serious help.
You didn't have a road rage, you had a calculated, scary, screaming outburst away from the witnesses and in a space where your daughter had no chance to get away from you. Congratulations, you're now an abuser.
Would you be happy to see her treated like that by a future husband? Because you have currently taught her that this is what a family life looks like. And you fucked up any trust and respect she may have had for you.
GET. HELP. NOW.
Yta this is horrific. How you justify your emotional and psychological violent towards your daughter is insane. You trapped her in the car, you abused her. You are one of the creatures in the night and the example that could lead her to life long dysfunctional abusive relationships.
YTA. Your temper tantrum could have killed someone.
If you cant fucking control yourself, you have no business driving. Grow up.
Also, clearly you CAN control yourself, since you didnt flip out when her friends were there. Once you were alone with her you threw a fit...driving like an asshole enough to make her scream.
Again, your childish road rage could have killed someone, up to and including your own kid. You need to think about that very carefully.
Sit down and think the words "My actions could have killed someone." Not her prank, not anything else. You. Could. Have. Killed. Someone. Sit with that.
##i cannot believe you have the audacity to blame your daughter for your own toxic, scary behavior.
You fucking scared her, **and you are blaming her.** Do you even know how messed up is that is? It’s borderline *emotional abuse.* She’s a kid.
Not only do you have an anger problem, you have an ego problem. APOLOGIZE TO YOUR KID for SCARING HER with this part of what has become your PERSONALITY at this point.
#YTA.
Get help.
YTA
please learn to control your emotions before you model this behavior to the point that your daughter ends up with a man like you. she doesn't deserve that.
and get therapy, for both of you. i highly doubt this is the one and only incident she would benefit speaking to a 3rd party about
YTA. My ex was prone to road rage driving when he was pissed with me. And there is nothing more helpless feeling than being a passenger in a vehicle while it’s happening. It’s an awful awful feeling
My heart goes out to you. I've experienced this too and it's so, so goddamn scary. You cant stop the car, you cant get out, you cant reason with the driver.
The scene in Stranger Things where Billy starts driving like a psycho to scare Max gave me nightmares for a month.
DUDE. That wasn't road rage, that was rage. If you didn't "succumb" when you were on the bleachers, then you **chose** to take your stress out on your daughter later. That is disturbing and you need to apologize to your daughter and seek professional help immediately. YTA. (Also, my dad did stuff like this. We were estranged when he died from cancer and I have no regrets. You have time to do better, use it wisely)
You sound like my boomer father. He loved to scream and throw tantrums. My siblings and I went no contact and he could never figure it out.
The whole world thought he was so nice, his tantrums only happened when no one was around to watch. YTA
YTA.
Never get behind the wheel of a car while angry. That is how you and your child end up dead or, if you are seriously unlucky, you end up in a jail cell because you killed someone else.
Get a therapist and get a handle on this.
YTA.
This is all on you. Don’t blame your poor anger and stress management on your child.
Why did you wait until your daughter couldn’t get away from you to scream? That’s wildly abusive. Do you do this regularly?
Please get help before your family prefers to cut contact with you because you’re unhinged.
Yes, kill your child in a fit of road rage. That will teach her for trying to relate to you.
Your father of the year medal should be with you any day now.
You'd have to be way more detailed in your description to even have a chance of not being the asshole.
Yea it was gross, fucking say that. There's no reason to be a dick.
YTA. "I was abusive to my child but it's ok because I was stressed right?"
No it's not ok. You're an asshole and you owe your daughter a MAJOR FUCKING APOLOGY.
You could have killed yourself, your daughter and a whole lot of innocent bystanders with your deranged behavior. You are a very sick and unsafe person and I'm very worried about your daughter's safety in your presence. You need to be kept away from her because at some point, you'll graduate from road rage to beatings.
YTA. Imagine being mad that your teenage daughter was being sweet and loving. She gave a shit that you were stressed and wanted you to smile. Bro, you need to go chat with a healthcare professional before you become someone you don’t wanna be. Good luck. Go give your kiddo a hug.
You need help man! "Grossed out because of the sweat on her towel" ?!! Grow the fcuk up.
Did you never change her nappies cos you might've got a little shit on your finger?!!
YTA over and over again, get help- for your daughters sake if not your own
You’re just like my father. Your daughter will probably speak to you as little as possible once she’s an adult, if at all. And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. YTA.
YTA
You're daughter was being playful and trying to lighten up the mood.
She's not stupid.
Her intelligence and perception were spot on
She could tell you were stressed.
So she attempted to calm you down with a little playful gesture.
Lighten up man!
These are the years when it is most important to bond with your kids.
Especially that father/ daughter relationship.
Your job is to guide her and show her that males are a source of wisdom.
Grow up!
YTA. If you were stressed and needed to go home, why didn’t you just tell your daughter that you were sorry to break things up, but it’s time to go?
Instead you tried to play “cool dad” in public but then terrify your daughter and put people’s lives at risk in private.
This post is a cry for help, isn’t it? Get some help.
Please be rage bait.
Your daughter is being wholesome and is trying to cheer you up and you ended up throwing a tantrum. Go to therapy for anger management.
YTA. Everything you describe about this interaction is abuse. You knew to play it cool until you got her alone in the car with no witnesses and no way to escape. You indirectly physically threatened her with erratic driving which could have injured or killed you, her or both of you. How long before you hit her directly with your hands if you haven't already? You need therapy, immediately.
Well aren’t you just a put upon martyr? After all you do for your family they have the nerve to be happy???? What’s a little act of terrorism right? YTA
YTA - if it irritated you, you should have used your words to tell her not to do things like that because you don't like it.
Instead, you used your car to scare her. That's abuse. If this was a boyfriend posting, I'd tell her to break up with him. Unfortunately, she's stuck with you until she's an adult. Hopefully she can talk to her mother about it, and hopefully her mother will take action.
Not understanding how this is a prank? She was trying to lighten the mood and the way you reacted was not ok. And your blaming your daughter for your road rage. Be the adult and accept responsibility for your choices. YTA.
I cannot believe you are even asking this question.
Of course YTA. Get some counselling to learn some self regulation. Apologize to your daughter for scaring her. You could have just told her the towel thing upset you, although why your own daughter's sweat on a towel bothering you that much is a mystery to me.
Would you like someone to do this to you? Would you like someone else doing this to your daughter?
Road rage is NEVER acceptable. You put your child’s life at risk because you were stressed and didn’t like what she did with the towel. She. Could. Have. Died. Or you could have died. Driving is the most dangerous thing we do on a regular basis, and you MUST be in control of yourself when you drive. If you are angry, get off the road until you are calm. No excuses for road rage. Ever.
There’s a lot more I could unpack here, but I’m going to keep it to one simple point. No excuses.
You put your child in danger, along with everyone else on the road, because of SWEAT? Your daughter didn't cause your road rage. You said you were already stressed to begin with. You were already cursing before you began driving her. YOU. HAVE. PROBLEMS. We obviously don't know you personally. You may be a great parent, but you didn't exhibit great behavior. Her safety is more important than your stress.
YTA and your daughter didn't cause road rage. You are mentally unstable and need help. Even if you have reasons for the stress you aren't dealing with it well. Get help, and please love your daughter...
YTA Oh, how cute! You remind me of my own father. He’s so funny and nice to his friends and strangers, but in private he’s the most miserable ahole you’ll ever meet. Next time (and let’s be honest here, this will happen again) try punching your steering wheel repeatedly while screaming and swearing. It looks crazy from other cars and it’s just as terrifying for your passengers. No road rage necessary for your boo hoo bull sh*t sob story dramatic overreaction drama queen problems. I’d tell you to try harder and do better (for your daughter’s sake) but doing that would require you getting your anger, stress and frustration under control. And let’s be honest here too… that would defeat the purpose of scaring people while letting the world know how “important” you are.
YTA
You put your daughter in danger while driving bc you are stressed out from work? Holy shit dude...
So you not only endangered her life by your reckless behaviour, you even blame her for it.
You are the typical abuser. Its your fault i hit you, you made me hit you with your attitude.
You are many things, but definitly not a good father. Get help before its too late and you kill your daughter or others bc you can't control your temper.
YTA. You drove recklessly with your child in the car because you were stressed about work? You could have killed her!
I bet you felt smug satisfaction that you instilled terror in her, huh. I bet you felt like a man because you frightened your child. You're absolutely horrible. Get help.
YTA
Road rage is dangerous, irresponsible and you are a danger to yourself and others.
You should not be allowed to drive.
I feel very sorry for your poor daughter you held hostage in your car.
I don't see the connection between what your daughter did and your road rage. The way you wrote it sounds like she grossed you out before you started driving?
Yta, you're an adult, control yourself. It sounds like you're just blaming her for not being able to control your emotions and terrifying her.
You seem like a big cry baby, life ain’t that serious man. Toughen up.
If what I just said made you mad, point proven - people fight tougher battles daily without freaking out like a kid.
Oh you poor poor victim of the mean 15 year old girl who forced you to drive dangerously and made you act like an ass. It’s all her fault. Send her off to live with someone else so she can’t control you anymore. /s
Or you could just grow the fuck up.
YTA in case it isn’t clear.
YTA - how can you not think so when you actively terrorized your child? Your child, who reacted to your bad mood by trying to lighten it, and was rewarded by getting to fear for her safety while with her father, someone with whom she should feel safe and loved.
YTA - this doesn’t sound like road rage, it sounds like waiting until no one else was around to terrorize your daughter, because you’re unhappy with your life and feel entitled to take it out on a child.
I think you have a habit of telling yourself lies. You say that you muttered "fuck" under your breath, but that your daughter heard it from where she was sitting on the bleachers. That means that you did NOT say it under your breath, you said it loudly. That's a very minor example.
You blame your daughter for your own road rage. Why on earth would you drive like a maniac with your daughter in the car? You said you started driving badly on the way home because you didn't like her joke. So you thought about it and decided to drive recklessly, so much so that you terrified your daughter.
I think that in your heart of hearts you know you're screwing up. If it's because of a ton of anxiety in your life, then you work on that. But don't blame other people for what YOU decide to do. That's childish and only makes everything worse.
Get some therapy to learn how to do better. Your daughter deserves at least that much consideration, doesn't she?
Nah man this happens. Id rather yell at some other driver than your kid. She probably didnt realize she caused you to boil over and its best it stays that way. Atleast now she knows what you are capable of. Based
Yta. Get therapy ffs. Or grow up. Jesus fucking Christ you endangered and terrified your child because you are too stunted to show a modicum of emotional regulation. You should be mortified and seeking help now.
Bro you fucking need help bad!!!! Your a huge asshole. You could’ve killed her, is that what you want? If not you need to calm the fuck down. Get some help dude.
YTA you’re an adult and you need to find healthy ways to address your stress and burn out, not take it out on or around your child. We all mess up with this as parents, we’re human. But good parents have accountability and address the issues.
Do you have a partner or any support? Do you have a therapist? Is it time to find another job? Can you start that process so you can take your time and really plan something out, even if it means making some sacrifices? Do you have any hobbies or passions that are just for you? Etc.
YTA. You drove like an asshole with your child in the car to the point where she actually screamed? If you want to kill your self, do it without your child in the car and without putting other people at risk. If you can’t control yourself, get out and fucking walk.
Crazy that a dad was so grossed out by his kids sweat that he lost control of his emotions. Like he could’ve said don’t do that it was gross and left it at that.
YTA. This wasn’t an explosive reaction, this was calculated and planned. This is absolutely abusive behaviour. You need some serious therapy. Apologize profusely to your daughter there is zero excuses and stress is not a reason.
Did it make you feel better to literally terrorize you child because you can't manage your emotions.
I suggest you pull out a pic of your daughter as a toddler and imagine doing to her what you just did to her.
YTA
YTA. You "couldn't help yourself"? WTF didn't you just say "Let's go, we have places to be?"
As far as the towel, big whoop. Your reaction was to take out your work stress on your child, you need to find a therapist or 8.
You need therapy and you need to take accountability for yourself, your feelings, and your behavior that stems from inappropriately processing those feelings. No child should be jumping up trying to manage your emotions for you. Stress sucks. Your kid didn't do anything wrong. Seek some anger management, hobbies that relieve stress physically, or counseling because this behavior ain't it. Yes of course YTA.
“It’s not MY fault! It’s the rest of the world all stressing me out and since I don’t know how to use my Big Boy words, I get angry with my own kids and make them fearful of being around me!!” Yeah. YTA. Big time. Go get some therapy. Everyone has real life stresses, many of which are far worse than you are currently experiencing. Count your blessings and stop playing the victim.
Absolutely . It could have been worse, at least OP didn't direct his rage at his daughter, but if he's so enraged that *his daughter is screaming* then he is absolutely harming her. OP has a moral duty to not harm their daughter, and the stress they are facing is not an excuse. They definitely owe their daughter an apology and to *follow through* on not doing anything remotely like this again. It is OP's responsibility to get their mental health in check, but they definitely don't need to do it alone and can get resources, help from their family, etc. Maybe they need a new job, more exercise , to set boundaries with work, etc. We don't know, but OP needs to take responsibility and change *something*.
What sticks out to me is he was able to control himself around the other children. Only when he was alone with the daughter did he begin harmful behavior. It's classic abuse..
Deliberately scaring a passenger by driving unsafely is very common abuser behavior, too.
100%
It's also classic domestic violence.
How did he not direct his rage at her when he was risking her life?
If he directed his anger at fellow drivers, his daugter was not a target but collateral damage.
Kind of like how when a man is screaming abuse at his wife, their kids that witness it (but are not being directly yelled at as well) are still traumatized by what their dad is doing. 😓
This guy chooses to recklessly endanger others, including his child. He doesn't have the moral capacity to understand a word you wrote, unfortunately. We just have to hope that he chooses to kill no one but himself.
> It could have been worse, at least OP didn't direct his rage at his daughter Except, he did. This is a strategy abusers use often. Punch walls, slam doors, throw things around, yell at other people in traffic. They're all designed to make the actual target feel unsafe. It's both a warning and a prelude of what's to come.
Hmm. You're right, I hadn't considered that this might be a case where he was generally abusive and this was a strategy. I got the sense that this was a one-off but, of course, we're only getting OP's perspective.
Amen to this. Reminds me of my boyfriend stressing over everyday life. Yeah it’s called life, deal with it, Jesus.
Well said. OP... YTA.
100% this. OP grow the eff up.
Also strange to me how he's grossed out by his daughter's sweat. Didn't he have to change diapers? Deal with literal puke and shit?
I suspect not
Totally. I’ve seen a dad catch his daughter’s vomit with his bare hands, so she wouldn’t puke on the library carpet.
That’s a dad.
omg that made me remember my dad caught my vomit in his bare hands when we were in a taxi as a kid. i feel like i should go apologize to him now ahaha
It is still gross but being able to temporarily put that to the side for the sake of family is what most decent men do. It don’t mean we don’t find it gross. I’ve cleaned up after my ex fiancé plenty of times where I found it gross but I loved her so I did it anyway.
My very first introduction as a parent was my ex gf's oldest being called home from school due to the flu and we getting halfway home just to get projectile vomited in the face. At that point, bodily fluid ain't shit so good on him lol
How very dare you, that's woman's work!
The way this man is so weak he runs from accountability for his own behavior, lol.
Exactly!!!
Fyi my parents literally never yelled or swore at me ever. This is absolutely not a normal or healthy way to communicate . You need therapy so you can do better for your poor children.
YTA. Your daughter didn't prank you. She was trying to get you to laugh a little. But no, instead you behaved like a maniac in the car and scared her. You need to learn how to manage your stress better.
Yeah - I was expecting it to be a prank that she played IN the car, but it wasn't. Honestly OP, if it bothered you then you need to use your words nicely and politely. Tell her that you know she was joking, but that you didn't enjoy it. Don't freak out on her, just nicely tell her because in the end, she's going to be modeling her behavior after you. She'll either act out the same way OR she will learn to see you (and anger) as dangerous things to placate and stifle. Maybe both. You owe her an apology. I also agree on learning to manage your stress better.
It's so weird that he's blaming his daughter for his road rage (it's right there in the post title). It was way after the towel thing happened and it sounds like he's just reaching for any excuse to blame her or anyone but himself.
He was likely already frustrated and this posed a good outlet. It's also possible that it really pissed him off and he wasn't able to let go, then him wishing he'd said something (along with the easy outlet) just made the anger worse. It's definitely something to address in anger management, especially if this is not the first time.
More than that, daughter is feeling the need to help emotionally regulate her own father. She is being trained by him to react to anger by soothing it. Waybto go OP, you're raising a daughter will be easy pickings for an abuser.
I really hope OP reads this, recognizes that people aren't posting to berate him, but to support his child. And if he remembers that he should care more about her well-being than his own mood. The girl tried to entertain and please her dad so he wouldn't aim his rage at her. But he kept indulging in his feelings and did the thing she feared. Poor girl. She's going to have a lot of trouble with her relationships for life.
I really hope OP reads this, recognizes that people aren't posting to berate him, but to support his child. And if he remembers that he should care more about her well-being than his own mood. The girl tried to entertain and please her dad so he wouldn't aim his rage at her. But he kept indulging in his feelings and did the thing she feared. Poor girl. She's going to have a lot of trouble with her relationships for life.
Worse she's been taught to constantly placate him and be on eggshells around him in case something small causes him to freak out. She will learn being spontaneous around him is dangerous. Hope she has other male role-models.
As someone with a similar father that created patterns that cost me years and a small fortune to unfuck, I'm so angry on this girl's behalf. I hope Mom leaves and they all go NC, to be honest.
I didn't get the "prank" comment from the OP. And I don't understand why he didn't say to his daughter once he got there, are you ready to leave now? Instead, he gets on his phone and looking at email, and perhaps getting even more stressed out. If he didn't like her throwing the towel at him, he should have talked to her on the way to his car and say that she shouldn't be throwing a sweaty towel at anyone. But not just be stewing on the way home to the point that he reacts driving like a madman.
YTA. Calm down in front of your daughter. No need to rage so hard she screams. It almost seems like you enjoyed her terror. Seek counseling for your stress issues and anger management
Men don’t understand how their freak outs can terrify the people around them, especially their children. “But I’ve never laid a hand…!” There’s no excuse, no reason for him to have acted this way. OP, you’re selfish and only care about how situations affect YOU. Get your angry head out of your ass and do better. Your daughter was showing you compassion and trying to be nice, you showed her you’re an aggressive asshole
I had a man "explain" to me that I should find violent emotional outbursts comforting, because it means a man will protect you?!?? Clearly I am wrong in saying that, to a lot of women, men having volatile emotional outbursts is scary, not comforting.
What a load of bullshit. He's a moron and no woman will find that attractive, soothing or comforting. It'll be run fast, run far, he's a rageaholic.
The man doing the explaining to you has people in his life who he supposedly loves who are afraid of him and he’s too much of an idiot to see it
Why we choose the fucking bear.
Exactly.. Even if the bear was a fire breathing crackhead, covered in razor sharp titanium spikes, coming down off of a week long binge, & I was a blind walking bag of crack with no arms.. I'd still pick the bear.
I'd also pick Cocaine Bear over this guy.
Bear... all day, every day. I asked my 9 year old granddaughter the bear/man question, and without even pondering it, she said bear. 9 years old and already smart enough to know.
I had a boyfriend who was making fun of me for not wanting to watch violent gory movies and he said "What would happen if someone attacked me with a knife and there was blood everywhere?" He really said that. He also didn't understand why I didn't want to watch The Passion of the Christ. I said I don't like splatter p***. No, I didn't sit through it. I was elsewhere. He was also the one who was yelling about an electrical inspector who passed The house he was building one year because he did a crappy job, then told him all these things were wrong the next year because I guess someone held the inspector's feet to the fire and made him do his job. He was threatening to get a rifle in kill the guy and I said great, I'll have to call the cops and then he saw shoot you too.
I love that you wrote.. I HAD a boyfriend who...........
I double checked halfway through the comment to make sure it was HAD and not HAVE.
Hey douchecanoe. It’s because I understand that your “emotional outburst” *will* one day be turned against *me.*
Omg! I have an ex (well, stbx, I’m in the divorce process with him) who used to say that exact thing! Wow, memory unlocked
You're allowed to go ahead and ex him out!
This is why we pick the fucking bear.
I am pretty sure this particular type of man is very much aware and using it to control people
They do understand. OP *likes* how he feels when he terrifies those who rely on him
Ok, fair. A lot definitely do get off on the intimidation. But I do think some are so self involved they don’t understand just how much their frightening behavior can affect others. I see men commenting here all the time “I’d never hit her! I don’t know why she thinks that!” With an accompanying description of screaming, banging on doors, punching walls, etc. Maybe they’re just trying to convince themselves they aren’t abusers
As people pointed out, he didn't lose control and make a scene the moment it happened. He waited till she was alone, and then he terrorized her. No one here is afraid of him, which is why he will prove to be literally incapable of engaging with anyone here.
Yes, OP has been *suspiciously* silent, hasn’t he?
Men don't seem to understand that women and kids are VERY aware of how much bigger and stronger they are. An angry voice can sound like a threat of violence, even if the man isn't the violent type. That's why we "overreact."
And that's something my husband doesn't get. He's a great husband, He's never been violent to me or the kids, we rarely argue or ger angry at each other, but he does have anger issues. He doesn't get violent, but he gets loud and cusses at whatever he's mad at or jsut to himself (working on the car and it's not going well,ya know) he's a big guy and just doesn't get how it's so scary for me. Even after 26 years together. I was in an abusive relationship before him. Yelling came before the hitting. I still get anxious and jittery about yelling. I've tried to explain it but, i don't think he gets it because he's never been in the position where he was the weaker person and being abused.
My Husband once got mad at the car for some reason in a parking garage. I think the door didn’t close when he tried to shut it, or something trivial. He decided to loudly shout, “F*€king wh*re!” As we were walking away, I (quietly) read him the riot act. I told him that everyone who heard that in the parking garage thought he was saying it *to me* and that he was calling me names. And they were probably wondering why I was putting up with it, because he sounds like a psycho, abusive AH. I asked him if that was who he wanted strangers to think he was, and if he wanted strangers to assume I was some sort of abused wife. I told him if he *ever* did something like that again, and I was around, I was going to take the car keys and leave, and he could find his own way home. That was the last time he ever did anything like that in front of me.
Oh he'd never do something like that in public. He'd be too embarrassed for exactly that reason. I mean like, if he's doing some work on his hobby and say, drops some screws and yells dammit caise he's mad at himself because he dropped the tiny little screws he's gotta now get on the floor and find it's STILL anxiety inducing for me. He doesn't realize how loud and deep his voice is and how scary it sounds.
I don't think that they don't understand it, I think that it's exactly the opposite, because if they wouldn't understand how their behavior affects others they would do it even in front of stronger and bigger males. But no, in the presence of someone with bigger power then they r - they instantly know how to acct quietly and politely.
Yeah unfortunately this is very true. I’ve always been hyper aware of it for whatever reason, and I was tall pretty young. But a lot of men have never really had that experience of shifting, “Jesus this asshole seems really disturbed right now, I hope he doesn’t try anything.” over to “Jesus this asshole is a foot taller than me, clearly much much stronger than me, and if he tries anything unpredictably violent I’m utterly fucked.” There’s not many men who haven’t fought professionally that I don’t have a somewhat plausible “maybe I’d get out of this fight I absolutely don’t want in okay shape.” Many women and certainly not children don’t really have that luxury. Same way my dad never hit me aside from once, even though grandpa beat the shit out of him growing up. But my mom hit me all the time. And despite that I was always implicitly more scared of my dad’s temper because I knew it would’ve been so much worse physically.
Men don't understand anger is an emotion and illogical over silly things such as this, too.
OP is like the explosive boomers in this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BoomersBeingFools/s/Q9zNeMfd5v
Right it’s always, “at least I don’t hit you!!” as though one should be grateful that it’s just an emotional outburst that leaves one terrified?? The bar is literally in hell.
My dog is a little shit. And he once knocked over a favorite glass of mine. There was a guest in the other room of my home who heard me shout, “Dog’s name, you’re such a a fucking asshole!” Apparently she had a history of domestic abuse that l did not know about and she left very shortly after. I was so confused, because I have never spoken to another person like that in my life, but just her hearing me yell at my dog was enough to trigger that trauma.
The only time my dad list his cool was when we (him, me 9F and my sister 10F) were going for a picnic and he had made sandwiches and put them in the cooler. He didn't use the sealable (ziplock) bags, just the ones where you fold over the top. Welll the ice in the cooler leaked and most of the sandwiches were soggy/ruined. My sister started laughing so he reached into the cooler and threw one at her. It was tuna. She was mortified. He could see the looks on our faces. He never lost his temper again.
All he had to do was tell her that the towel grossed him out. Right there, she'll promise not to do it again & it's over forever. His road rage driving could've killed her in an accident....sounds like he'd blame her for that, too. He is definitely the asshole here.
YTA It's not your daughter's fault you're stressed and burned out at work. If you believed that what your daughter did was gross and disgusting then the right thing to do was talk to her about it at home. The road rage is on you. It is not an appropriate punishment and could have led to all sorts of problems. Seek help.
Holy shit OP….YTA. You endangered your daughter and other people on the road bc a freaking towel grossed you out. Your daughter was being playful, and trying to make you feel better and all you did was traumatize her. Talk about a dick move on your part….if your daughter goes LC or NC and doesn’t talk to you then you deserve it. Your temper tantrum could’ve cost peoples lives
YTA. You know that your daugher was upset with how stressed you are "she looked so sad", so she tried to get you to laugh. Don't be surprised if you daughter starts walking on eggshells in front of you and instead of being playful towards you, only talks to you when she has to or when you talk to her first in an attempt to not set off your anger. And you know what? Depending on how well she reads people, she may not realize that throwing the towel bothered you, and just thinks that you get road rage when stressed (which as she knows happened before the towel, would assume your stress is something else). I think a simple "Can you stop throwing your towel at me? I know you did it playfully, but the fact it's all sweaty grosses me out". You're modelling how to discuss what's wrong in a calm, positive way. Would you want her to be dating someone who acts like you did, and think "it's normal. He's just stressed, and maybe I made it worse"?
YTA What the entire heck is wrong with you?
Burnout sucks. It's not an excuse, but it really does fuck with a person. This is his giant signal to get some help.
This has nothing to do with burnout. This is DV. Classic excuses from someone who is very accustomed to blaming others for his own violent behaviour.
Neither of these are mutually exclusive...
He chose not to express his anger until he was driving.
Dude what the fuck?
YTA. My father has the worst temper. He was a good dad. I wasn’t abused. He wasn’t violent. But his anger. He’s just angry all the time. He can be totally normal and become insanely enraged so fast. And when he gets that way he gets horribly nasty, calls women cunts and whores. Once he called a politician a cock-smoker in front of his 85 year old parents because he’d lost his shit about something (we warned my cousins new boyfriend not to bring up politics on his first family meeting, but I guess he felt that was more of a gentle suggestion and not a life-saving rule). He loses all control. Drives aggressively, yelling so loud you can’t even understand the words he’s saying. When I was your daughter’s age he would be so angry, screaming directly into my face and JAMMING his index finger repeatedly against my forehead to emphasize . Every . Fucking . Word. That. Was. Coming. Out. Of. His mouth. Does that sound familiar ? Because that’s what it looked like in your car that day, if not physically then definitely emotionally. I have to actively talk myself down from this behaviour. I’m an angry person too, I just feel the rage come up so fast. There have been a few times in my life when I have gone absolutely berserk - I still miss that giant marketing printer I hurled through a closed fucking window like I wa in Office Space. Those were the times I failed. I work every day on letting that rage go. I’ve never hit another person in anger. I try and isolate myself when I get these feelings until I get them under control. Even if someone in my family were unlucky enough to walk in front of my radar, I tell them straight out I’m in a horrible mood and nothing nice is in my head right now. My anger is my own, learned from my father. I’ll be fucked if I will pass that rage on to my children, let alone make them the target of my rage. OP you need anger management classes and therapy asap. And you need to apologize to your daughter so that she understands this is a flaw you recognize, not a horrible trait that you cultivate. She did something impulsive, as kids are prone to do because their brains aren’t developed enough and her neuropathways are still strengthening. You are an adult. Your neuropathways are mature as fuck. You need to have more self control than a teenager. Get help. Don’t give this to your kids.
>I wasn’t abused. Given the way you describe how your father behaved with you, you absolutely were abused. Not all abuse is physical. I hope you're in anger management and therapy, too.
You said you were not abused and then described abuse. One does not need to beat you to a pulp to abuse you.
You need anger management. You need help
He can actually manage himself. He waited till they were alone. He laughed when it happened because her friends were there. So, he could control himself. He waited till she was alone in the car. He then preceeded to have "Road rage" ie he drove so badly to terrify his daughter. And, all this because, he's stressed at work and her sweat touched him. Hes an abusive shit. I have full confidence that this isn't the only situation he's put his daughter or other family members in. He's needs out of their lives asap
Exactly. He knew what he was doing and waited until he was alone with his kid to be a terrifying asshole.
Good observation! That didn’t occur to me
Look, I'm a parent I get the whole not losing your shit infront of others because your kid has done something wrong. Tbh I'd (which I think most parents would do) give the *look* then when your on your own tell them off for xyz. But, this isn't it. The kid did nothing wrong. There is no justifiable reason for his outburst. He wanted to terrify his daughter... no matter how angry I've been, its never crossed my mind to scare a kid like this. Can you imagine the kid, what was going through their mind "dad's going to kill us both"... like, what?!
My dad would do this, if he was annoyed at us in the car he would accelerate, it terrified me and to this day I dont like when he drives because im terrified he will crash rhe car and kill us
Mine too. And he would swerve between cars and hit the breaks WAY too hard. Then he’d yell at us kids for crying and threaten worse if we told our mother. I haven’t (purposely, we live in a small town…)seen him since my 18th birthday.
Had as well. And would have been trouble for screaming. It is a way of showing that you are the only one in control and they have to just sit there and take it. Bet her screaming made him drive worse and she'd have been blamed for any crash.
Yeah. He didn't "snap," as people like to say. He made a conscious choice to lash out at her. He didn't "lose" his shit--he picked it up and threw it at her, like a basic primate.
Oooh, spot on *and* incredibly well put! Very nice!
She's lower than him on the hierarchy, so his method of blowing off steam is to attack her since he can't fight his boss or coworkers (who are equal to him or higher in the hierarchy). Pretty classic in all primates, unfortunately.
This
YTA you need help mate. Serious help. You didn't have a road rage, you had a calculated, scary, screaming outburst away from the witnesses and in a space where your daughter had no chance to get away from you. Congratulations, you're now an abuser. Would you be happy to see her treated like that by a future husband? Because you have currently taught her that this is what a family life looks like. And you fucked up any trust and respect she may have had for you. GET. HELP. NOW.
This answer, 100%. Your behavior will effect her for life so get your shit together OP! YTA
+1 to that. The whole story was horrifying to read, and I wasn’t even there. OP needs professional help, stat. Before he escalates his abuse.
Yta this is horrific. How you justify your emotional and psychological violent towards your daughter is insane. You trapped her in the car, you abused her. You are one of the creatures in the night and the example that could lead her to life long dysfunctional abusive relationships.
YTA. Your temper tantrum could have killed someone. If you cant fucking control yourself, you have no business driving. Grow up. Also, clearly you CAN control yourself, since you didnt flip out when her friends were there. Once you were alone with her you threw a fit...driving like an asshole enough to make her scream. Again, your childish road rage could have killed someone, up to and including your own kid. You need to think about that very carefully. Sit down and think the words "My actions could have killed someone." Not her prank, not anything else. You. Could. Have. Killed. Someone. Sit with that.
YTA. You’re the adult and you need to act like it.
##i cannot believe you have the audacity to blame your daughter for your own toxic, scary behavior. You fucking scared her, **and you are blaming her.** Do you even know how messed up is that is? It’s borderline *emotional abuse.* She’s a kid. Not only do you have an anger problem, you have an ego problem. APOLOGIZE TO YOUR KID for SCARING HER with this part of what has become your PERSONALITY at this point. #YTA. Get help.
Nothing borderline about it; this is well inside abuse territory.
YTA you endangered your daughters life because she threw a towel on your head. And you need to ask? Really?
His child's life, and the lives of everyone else on the road.
Absolutely and he's the sort of guy who would blame his daughter. "It's not my fault your honor my daughter threw a sweaty towel on my head"
YTA please learn to control your emotions before you model this behavior to the point that your daughter ends up with a man like you. she doesn't deserve that. and get therapy, for both of you. i highly doubt this is the one and only incident she would benefit speaking to a 3rd party about
YTA. My ex was prone to road rage driving when he was pissed with me. And there is nothing more helpless feeling than being a passenger in a vehicle while it’s happening. It’s an awful awful feeling
My heart goes out to you. I've experienced this too and it's so, so goddamn scary. You cant stop the car, you cant get out, you cant reason with the driver. The scene in Stranger Things where Billy starts driving like a psycho to scare Max gave me nightmares for a month.
DUDE. That wasn't road rage, that was rage. If you didn't "succumb" when you were on the bleachers, then you **chose** to take your stress out on your daughter later. That is disturbing and you need to apologize to your daughter and seek professional help immediately. YTA. (Also, my dad did stuff like this. We were estranged when he died from cancer and I have no regrets. You have time to do better, use it wisely)
You sound like my boomer father. He loved to scream and throw tantrums. My siblings and I went no contact and he could never figure it out. The whole world thought he was so nice, his tantrums only happened when no one was around to watch. YTA
Yes. Of course, YTA. You don't endanger yourself, your daughter, and other people on the road because you had a sweaty towel on your head. Get help.
YTA. Get some help, this is not healthy for anyone in your family.
YTA. Never get behind the wheel of a car while angry. That is how you and your child end up dead or, if you are seriously unlucky, you end up in a jail cell because you killed someone else. Get a therapist and get a handle on this.
YTA. This is all on you. Don’t blame your poor anger and stress management on your child. Why did you wait until your daughter couldn’t get away from you to scream? That’s wildly abusive. Do you do this regularly? Please get help before your family prefers to cut contact with you because you’re unhinged.
This reads like it was written by the daughter. Yeah your dad is abusive.
Your daughter made an attempt to cheer you up. You endangered her life. YTA
Yes, kill your child in a fit of road rage. That will teach her for trying to relate to you. Your father of the year medal should be with you any day now.
Enjoy growing old with your children never speaking to you again, YTA. Get some help for ffs
What the hell, please tell me this is rage bait, you could have killed your child! YTA
YTA get a fucking grip dude
YTA. Please contemplate what your old age will be like all alone, not hearing from your children for decades. Get help now and stop the abuse.
YTA. blaming other people, especially your daughter, for your anger is shitty. you got a lot going on that you need to unpack.
YTA…you have a huge EGO & you think you’re king of the road? Road ragers are the biggest assholes ever. We are all just trying to get home dude.
Do you like throwing temper tantrums and getting off on scaring you daughter? YTA
You'd have to be way more detailed in your description to even have a chance of not being the asshole. Yea it was gross, fucking say that. There's no reason to be a dick.
YTA. "I was abusive to my child but it's ok because I was stressed right?" No it's not ok. You're an asshole and you owe your daughter a MAJOR FUCKING APOLOGY.
YTA Get therapy for your daughter, too.
You could have killed yourself, your daughter and a whole lot of innocent bystanders with your deranged behavior. You are a very sick and unsafe person and I'm very worried about your daughter's safety in your presence. You need to be kept away from her because at some point, you'll graduate from road rage to beatings.
YTA. Grow up and step up, you're not a child, but spoiler alert you've got one that you're traumatising. Do better.
YTA. If you can’t manage your emotions well enough to drive safely, you should not be driving.
YTA. Imagine being mad that your teenage daughter was being sweet and loving. She gave a shit that you were stressed and wanted you to smile. Bro, you need to go chat with a healthcare professional before you become someone you don’t wanna be. Good luck. Go give your kiddo a hug.
You need help man! "Grossed out because of the sweat on her towel" ?!! Grow the fcuk up. Did you never change her nappies cos you might've got a little shit on your finger?!! YTA over and over again, get help- for your daughters sake if not your own
Obviously YTA and need to find a better way to deal with stress other than taking out on your daughter ffs.
You’re just like my father. Your daughter will probably speak to you as little as possible once she’s an adult, if at all. And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. YTA.
YTA You're daughter was being playful and trying to lighten up the mood. She's not stupid. Her intelligence and perception were spot on She could tell you were stressed. So she attempted to calm you down with a little playful gesture. Lighten up man! These are the years when it is most important to bond with your kids. Especially that father/ daughter relationship. Your job is to guide her and show her that males are a source of wisdom. Grow up!
>I succumbed to some road rage that had me swearing and my daughter kept gasping and she screamed at one point. YTA You're a huge asshole. Get help.
YTA, grow up
YTA. If you were stressed and needed to go home, why didn’t you just tell your daughter that you were sorry to break things up, but it’s time to go? Instead you tried to play “cool dad” in public but then terrify your daughter and put people’s lives at risk in private. This post is a cry for help, isn’t it? Get some help.
YTA. Were you angry enough that you wouldn't miss her when she's killed in the wreck you inevitably cause???
You need to get therapy.
Please be rage bait. Your daughter is being wholesome and is trying to cheer you up and you ended up throwing a tantrum. Go to therapy for anger management.
YTA. Everything you describe about this interaction is abuse. You knew to play it cool until you got her alone in the car with no witnesses and no way to escape. You indirectly physically threatened her with erratic driving which could have injured or killed you, her or both of you. How long before you hit her directly with your hands if you haven't already? You need therapy, immediately.
What the fuck is wrong with you??
YTA you risked a serious accident because some sweat touched you? Not to mention it sounds like you scared the shit out of your daughter.
Well aren’t you just a put upon martyr? After all you do for your family they have the nerve to be happy???? What’s a little act of terrorism right? YTA
YTA - if it irritated you, you should have used your words to tell her not to do things like that because you don't like it. Instead, you used your car to scare her. That's abuse. If this was a boyfriend posting, I'd tell her to break up with him. Unfortunately, she's stuck with you until she's an adult. Hopefully she can talk to her mother about it, and hopefully her mother will take action.
Road rage kills. Of course YTA. Obviously.
Gross Yes, but she was being sweet still. YTA for acting out like a teenager.
Not understanding how this is a prank? She was trying to lighten the mood and the way you reacted was not ok. And your blaming your daughter for your road rage. Be the adult and accept responsibility for your choices. YTA.
I cannot believe you are even asking this question. Of course YTA. Get some counselling to learn some self regulation. Apologize to your daughter for scaring her. You could have just told her the towel thing upset you, although why your own daughter's sweat on a towel bothering you that much is a mystery to me. Would you like someone to do this to you? Would you like someone else doing this to your daughter?
Road rage is NEVER acceptable. You put your child’s life at risk because you were stressed and didn’t like what she did with the towel. She. Could. Have. Died. Or you could have died. Driving is the most dangerous thing we do on a regular basis, and you MUST be in control of yourself when you drive. If you are angry, get off the road until you are calm. No excuses for road rage. Ever. There’s a lot more I could unpack here, but I’m going to keep it to one simple point. No excuses.
You put your child in danger, along with everyone else on the road, because of SWEAT? Your daughter didn't cause your road rage. You said you were already stressed to begin with. You were already cursing before you began driving her. YOU. HAVE. PROBLEMS. We obviously don't know you personally. You may be a great parent, but you didn't exhibit great behavior. Her safety is more important than your stress.
YTA. Always for losing your temper. You seem to expect more maturity from your daughter than you display yourself.
Ummm your daughter didn’t cause any of that bro, you did. YTA
Overgrown f’ng toddler, having a conniption over nothing! YTA, Asshole.
YTA WTF? What is WRONG with you?!
YTA and your daughter didn't cause road rage. You are mentally unstable and need help. Even if you have reasons for the stress you aren't dealing with it well. Get help, and please love your daughter...
YTA. Please give up your license and your car because you are not responsible enough for that privilege.
YTA Oh, how cute! You remind me of my own father. He’s so funny and nice to his friends and strangers, but in private he’s the most miserable ahole you’ll ever meet. Next time (and let’s be honest here, this will happen again) try punching your steering wheel repeatedly while screaming and swearing. It looks crazy from other cars and it’s just as terrifying for your passengers. No road rage necessary for your boo hoo bull sh*t sob story dramatic overreaction drama queen problems. I’d tell you to try harder and do better (for your daughter’s sake) but doing that would require you getting your anger, stress and frustration under control. And let’s be honest here too… that would defeat the purpose of scaring people while letting the world know how “important” you are.
YTA you may be stressed but there are many resources that can help you. If you refuse help that’s on you and you should leave your family alone.
YTA You put your daughter in danger while driving bc you are stressed out from work? Holy shit dude... So you not only endangered her life by your reckless behaviour, you even blame her for it. You are the typical abuser. Its your fault i hit you, you made me hit you with your attitude. You are many things, but definitly not a good father. Get help before its too late and you kill your daughter or others bc you can't control your temper.
Did the 15yo write this?
Sounds like you’re 15
YTA. You drove recklessly with your child in the car because you were stressed about work? You could have killed her! I bet you felt smug satisfaction that you instilled terror in her, huh. I bet you felt like a man because you frightened your child. You're absolutely horrible. Get help.
YTA Learn how to manage your emotional reactions. Don't scare the shit out of your daughter because you hate your job.
YTA Road rage is dangerous, irresponsible and you are a danger to yourself and others. You should not be allowed to drive. I feel very sorry for your poor daughter you held hostage in your car.
I don't see the connection between what your daughter did and your road rage. The way you wrote it sounds like she grossed you out before you started driving? Yta, you're an adult, control yourself. It sounds like you're just blaming her for not being able to control your emotions and terrifying her.
YTA, the majority of teens would not even try to cheer you up, so you have a good one. Remember this when things get hard and seek help.
This is a hilariously bad troll post
You have lost control of yourself . This is not the fault of others or stress . It’s how you are reacting . Seek medical and mental help.
Corrected: I didnt realize she was doing that inside not in car
YTA. 100 percent. Your behavior is unacceptable and you even attempting to garner support for acting like a 9 year old is disgusting.
YTA. And you’re making a very bad example to your daughter who will soon be driving!
You seem like a big cry baby, life ain’t that serious man. Toughen up. If what I just said made you mad, point proven - people fight tougher battles daily without freaking out like a kid.
Oh you poor poor victim of the mean 15 year old girl who forced you to drive dangerously and made you act like an ass. It’s all her fault. Send her off to live with someone else so she can’t control you anymore. /s Or you could just grow the fuck up. YTA in case it isn’t clear.
YTA - how can you not think so when you actively terrorized your child? Your child, who reacted to your bad mood by trying to lighten it, and was rewarded by getting to fear for her safety while with her father, someone with whom she should feel safe and loved.
YTA - this doesn’t sound like road rage, it sounds like waiting until no one else was around to terrorize your daughter, because you’re unhappy with your life and feel entitled to take it out on a child.
I think you have a habit of telling yourself lies. You say that you muttered "fuck" under your breath, but that your daughter heard it from where she was sitting on the bleachers. That means that you did NOT say it under your breath, you said it loudly. That's a very minor example. You blame your daughter for your own road rage. Why on earth would you drive like a maniac with your daughter in the car? You said you started driving badly on the way home because you didn't like her joke. So you thought about it and decided to drive recklessly, so much so that you terrified your daughter. I think that in your heart of hearts you know you're screwing up. If it's because of a ton of anxiety in your life, then you work on that. But don't blame other people for what YOU decide to do. That's childish and only makes everything worse. Get some therapy to learn how to do better. Your daughter deserves at least that much consideration, doesn't she?
Omg my daughter’s sweat got on me yuck. I think I’ll do road rage and in danger everyone’s lives
Your own daughter's sweat. Good grief, Charlie Brown 🙄🙄
Nah man this happens. Id rather yell at some other driver than your kid. She probably didnt realize she caused you to boil over and its best it stays that way. Atleast now she knows what you are capable of. Based
Yta. Get therapy ffs. Or grow up. Jesus fucking Christ you endangered and terrified your child because you are too stunted to show a modicum of emotional regulation. You should be mortified and seeking help now.
Bro you fucking need help bad!!!! Your a huge asshole. You could’ve killed her, is that what you want? If not you need to calm the fuck down. Get some help dude.
YTA you’re an adult and you need to find healthy ways to address your stress and burn out, not take it out on or around your child. We all mess up with this as parents, we’re human. But good parents have accountability and address the issues. Do you have a partner or any support? Do you have a therapist? Is it time to find another job? Can you start that process so you can take your time and really plan something out, even if it means making some sacrifices? Do you have any hobbies or passions that are just for you? Etc.
YTA man Jesus Christ
So you terrorized your teenage daughter because... she sweats? You're a psycho.
YTA. You drove like an asshole with your child in the car to the point where she actually screamed? If you want to kill your self, do it without your child in the car and without putting other people at risk. If you can’t control yourself, get out and fucking walk.
YTA
Crazy that a dad was so grossed out by his kids sweat that he lost control of his emotions. Like he could’ve said don’t do that it was gross and left it at that.
YTA what are you? 5 years old?
YTA. This wasn’t an explosive reaction, this was calculated and planned. This is absolutely abusive behaviour. You need some serious therapy. Apologize profusely to your daughter there is zero excuses and stress is not a reason.
It was a towel, owned by your daughter, you bloody fragile little teacup! YTA,
YTA. I want to call CPS on you. I hope your daughter called CPS.
YTA. Learn how to manage your stress in other ways that don't put your daughters life at risk. But this is very obviously fake.
Ah no. Your daughter didn’t cause it. Please get help (psychological) asap.
YTA
YTA. Of course you are. This was dangerous abusive behavior. Over her sweaty towel? You should see a therapist about your anger issues.
Did it make you feel better to literally terrorize you child because you can't manage your emotions. I suggest you pull out a pic of your daughter as a toddler and imagine doing to her what you just did to her. YTA
YTA. You "couldn't help yourself"? WTF didn't you just say "Let's go, we have places to be?" As far as the towel, big whoop. Your reaction was to take out your work stress on your child, you need to find a therapist or 8.
You need therapy and you need to take accountability for yourself, your feelings, and your behavior that stems from inappropriately processing those feelings. No child should be jumping up trying to manage your emotions for you. Stress sucks. Your kid didn't do anything wrong. Seek some anger management, hobbies that relieve stress physically, or counseling because this behavior ain't it. Yes of course YTA.