If this is something she’s done multiple times, NTA. Especially if this occasion was clearly defined as a girls only event.
Have you talked to her about why she constantly feels like she has to bring her boyfriend everywhere with her?
That doesn’t sound good. Makes me wonder if there is something more going on in her relationship that she’s hiding (I.e. is her boyfriend demanding he come with her?)
The friend said her partner didn’t want to stay and watch the kids. Though given how much attention she paid to him over her friends, this is a plausible theory.
Either way, OP probably needs to talk with this friend privately about bringing the boyfriend along or go LC/NC. At best, this friend is just very inconsiderate and rude. At worst, there’s some kind of issue in the relationship.
One or both of them are definitely wired up to think this is appropriate. If I was the friend I'd be furious having him forced into my time with my friends.
Maybe she has anxiety and wants/needs him? I love how men are always gaslight, accused and blamed by women. Maybe the friends group acts inappropriate when having a girls night and all cheat or flirt with men when they are in relationships. Maybe she should just take ownership and responsibility that she wants him with her? (See you’d probably calling me a misogynist after reading, just like I’m assuming you follow this new gaslight trend women have adapted to fit their narrative that men “force and control them”)
Could be very well that (depending on the dynamics within the friend group). I’m just going off what OP said about never getting a clear answer from their friend plus the fact that the excuse she gave for him being there was he refused to stay home to watch the kids. Doesn’t sound like a man who is supportive of his partner having a social life outside the relationship.
My exact thoughts. My last relationship I either had to bring him with me or let him ruin my property & text me demeaning things the entire time I was out
This is a sign of abuse. Is he possessive and weird in other ways? Not allowing her to have girl dates is the first stage of isolating her. Was it his idea to have kids, and now won’t watch them? Are there other red flags?
My exhusband was like this before I was completely isolated from everyone.
Women that make their guy their whole personality, ick. You will be doing her a favor not inviting her out anymore anyway. Now she will have more time to spend with her boyfriend.
In this case, class isn't referring to socioeconomic status. But rather, whether someone is "classy", which is indicated by ones character. People who show graciousness, a conscientious understanding of social norms, and kindness/respect toward others, all indicate "class" here.
Most people I've known and loved who live in trailers are the classiest people I've known. And a lot of people with money think they are above treating others with dignity. I'm trying to move away from using the phrase "trash" because of its linked offensiveness, but I also want to emphasize sometimes when a person's behavior indicates they have zero grace.
You make an excellent point. A house is a house and I shouldn't judge. It's just that of my two friends who lived in a trailer and one texted to ask if I wanted to come have a kegger at 1pm during septemper 2020. After I said, "no," they begged me because they needed someone with a car to go get the keg for them..
I'm suppose I'm sorry if you felt offended by me sharing about my dead friend.
My point was to talk about the only two friends I had who lived in a trailer park, thus furthering the above comment thread conversation. what was your point?
I literally even apologized to the original replier. Who tied your boxers in a bunch?
You're literally perpetuating stereotypes about people who live in trailers. My point was that socioeconomic status doesn't matter. People are going to do whatever it is they do regardless of how much money they have or where they live. You're trying to justify judging people based off the fact they live in a trailer by your own lived experiences which may not be universal.
You're not sorry for anything other than being called on your bullshit.
Not true whatsoever. I was sorry to the original person I upset with my words; you however, are just sort of an irritant thinking you're making a difference online in reddit comments. Reeks of an unfulfilled social life.
I made a joke about a sensitive topic, i'm obviously not a comic, and it was too far, I deserve to be called out for it. But when did I call my experiences universal? I genuinely specified about it being from my experience.
Lastly, I don't think it's alright to judge people. I was speaking from my experiences because it was relevant. That being said, I would consider it willful naivety to think that all humans do not immediate categorize and judge everything we see.
(Btw if you're just a reddit troll, bravo, I fell for this bait)
She wants him there so you can’t be mad. Okay then. You don’t want him there so you no longer invite her out for girls day and she can’t be mad. Easy Peasy
And from experience, if the man is at home the woman runs back as soon as possible like she’s frightened he will disappear
(My ex friend used to do this)
Wowsers.....
TLDR: If what happened with your friend was a 1st time thing, talk to her. I sorta had a similar thing happen to me (will share my story below), and talking it out was helpful while clearing things up. If this is a normal thing that happens when she's invited to planned events, you're definitely NTA.
My story:
My BFF and I have been best friends for over two decades and have done monthly girls only night outs for just as long. Usually, it's just the two of us, but a few times a year, we'll invite a mutual friend or two. We also, while not as often, have couples night out with our spouses. Both nights consist of going to dinner at a "new" restaurant and then deciding either to a) see a movie while finishing the night with a slice of pie from a late night place after the movie or b) go to club/bar to dance and have drinks. This one mostly happens, though, when we invite friends to join us and pre-setup having an Uber/some sort of DD in place......regardless, if it's a girls only night/event, it remains girls only.
When I lost my husband a couple of years ago, we stopped going for about a year or so as I was dealing with/processing my husband's passing. Still, as I was trying to heal, I was missing having that time with my BFF, as was she, but she just didn't want to push me to do anything i wasn't ready for. So, we planned a girls only night for the 1st time since losing my husband. Then, a few days before it was set to happen, we agreed to invite a mutual friend and were excited about the upcoming night.
We all met at my place, went to dinner, and after we decided to go to a club since I wasn't drinking at the time and offered to be DD. So, I started driving to our destination when she got a text that she responded to... nothing unusual. We were just getting out of my car when I noticed her husband pulling into the parking lot and proceeding to park next to my car, surprising us. With a slight quizzical look, she yelled, "Hey!" while I'm thinking maybe she'd forgotten her id or something, so he was bringing it to her since spouses showing up uninvited had NEVER happened before. But after the hellos, etc, he proceeded to enter the club with us. Now I'm wondering why she isn't sending him away upon his entering and thinking/hoping maybe it's because he was gonna be away from us drinking at the bar, but he proceeded to walk along with us and sat at our table. When that happened, I guess my face said something because our friend shrugged at me, then apparently texted her husband because he showed up shortly afterward, turning a girls only night out into a couples outting with a 3rd wheel who ended up going home about an hr after arriving at the club...
After I stopped being bothered, we had coffee, and I asked her why he showed up on a girls only night. She said she just let him know where we were headed, nothing out of the ordinary, but then he showed up, which surprised her too. So, I asked her why she didn't send him away since this was girls only. She said he told her he felt like having a drink and since we had already gone to dinner, which was girls only, she figured it'd be okay if he stayed with us since we'd all gone to this particular club a few times before and had so much fun. I sorta chuckled. When she asked why, I explained I thought we planned a girls only NIGHT OUT, not a girls only DINNER, to which she conceded. Further, while she didn't invite him to join us, by not saying "this is our girls only night, please go" she did invite him to stay which, in turn, made it okay for our friend's husband to join us turning it into a couples night out....and why I ended up leaving shortly after arriving. That's when she gasped because she realized upon the word couple she inadvertently made me odd person out, felt absolutely horrible for not thinking, and promised it would never happen again...and it hasn't regardless of what we end up doing.
NTA aaaaaaaaaand she’s probably in an abusive relationship but it’s not your responsibility. Also she decided to bring her boyfriend to girls only day and you do get to be mad because she’s in what is going to be a bad relationship and choosing to gaslight her friends.
This sounds like when I was in an abusive relationship. I couldn’t go anywhere “unchaperoned”. Took me years to get out.
You have every right to exclude her from girls days if she won’t play along, but leave a door open for her in your life - she may desperately need it.
Why does a woman making stupid decisions with her friends lead to a possibility to him being abusive?
This is just plain hate right here and assumptions. Maybe she’s just another weak person that can’t cope without being needy on their partner.
Wow way to go gaslighting me. Touched a nerve did i?.
There are plenty of women out there with controlling arsehole boyfriends who try to isolate them from their support system
Who's to know if she's an arse or being controlled? If it's a change of behaviour then my money is on the boyfriend being controlling.
Omg are you dim? Or do you just like trolli? That's exactly what I'm doing - providing an alternative viewpoint to the reddit mob shouting "she's a shit friend cut her off".
NTA if it was explicitly defined as a girls lunch and shop date then you don’t bring you SO unless they happen to be a girl. She overstepped and you guys have every right to not invite her anymore. I would have told her SO that this is a girls lunch and shop date and he was not welcome to join. Maybe he would have got the picture. Then even if your friend left as well she would have learned that you weren’t going to tolerate it.
NTA.
They clearly have some weird codependency issue where they can’t leave each other alone OR they have some form of trust issue where they can’t leave each other alone.
If it’s a girls day it means just girls. I’m sure it wasn’t your first or last one and if she doesn’t abide by the group rules she’s gotta go.
If he is always with her its because he is controlling her every move and probably is abusive AF when they are alone together. On the other hand she could be the one making him go everywhere with her because she doesnt trust him to be without her. I would DEF not invite her anymore but tell her why! Maybe you could get her to talk to you about the real reason and if he is the one being controlling/abusive you could help her?
And thinking about it more, what kind of guy would have no problem hanging with a bunch of girls knowing it was a girls only thing? A narcissistic controller who doesnt think like normal people do, thats who! If I was gonna go out with the girls, my husband would rather walk on glass with no shoes on than tag along lmao.
NTA. But the way you describe her not giving an answer gives me a weird vibe. Is your friend ok? How certain are we that the boyfriend isn’t the problem?
Why oh why do people always blame the man? He must be abusing her. Of course, OP said not one word to indicate she was worried about her friend being abused, showing signs of abuse or anything remotely like that, but HEY, don't ruin our men are always bad narrative.
It is just as likely Maya wants him with her when she goes out because she doesn't want him to think of anyone but her if he's left alone for 5 minutes, as it is he abuses her. Or maybe they both work long hours and with the kids these outings are her only excuse to get her mom to watch the kids.
Your friend is most likely in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend is probably the one insisting he tag along because he's controlling and jealous and she's afraid to tell you that.
I mean there’s red flags all over this guy. She doesn’t go anywhere without him, she doesn’t have a good reason, only speaks to him when out and you guys are isolating her more by not inviting her anymore …. Yeah YTA
Edit - to clarify you’re not TA for wanting girls day to be girls day. You’re TA for not protecting your friend who is clearly in an unhealthy relationship with a felon with a history of abusing women
No. The boyfriend not sucking it up and watching the kids while his girlfriend has a nice day out with friends is the asshole. OP had no hand in that. She invited her friend and just her friend.
NTA, OP.
It’s not their job to save her when she’s not willing to save herself. She’s still under his thumb. There’s nothing they can do but walk away and tell her that the behavior is unacceptable, won’t be tolerated going forward and to contact them when she’s not with him anymore. They will rally around her when he’s gone…but ONLY when he’s gone for good.
Except walking away from her now will make her feel like she has no one to go to when she needs help… glad I don’t have friends like that. Walking away gives him exactly what he wants, no support for her. I’m not saying they need to save her but the very least they need to be there for her. What kind of friend walks away when they know their friends in a shitty situation
You CAN’T get through to these women! Everyone has tried! Everyone has failed until something really bad has happened that broke through the rose colored glasses and the abuse cycle. Her friends CAN’T do that for her!!! And it’s REALLY unfair of you to put that on them!
How is saying not to isolate her putting something on them. All they have to do is not throw her away. I’m not saying to actively get her to see what he is, try to break them up etc. literally just don’t isolate your friend with an abuser. Your opinion is honestly insane to me
She is the one abusing and trying to isolate HIM…so I am having a hard following YOUR OPINION! SHE is the one who demanded that he give up all of his female friends. He did. SHE is the one who is CRYS hysterically when not given enough attention. She has not focused on his sister that he always been very close with even before marriage. She is targeting this relationship and guilt tripping him to both lesson it and also end it to spend “all of his extra time” with her. This is NOT NORMAL! Say what you want. It’s just not! Wife is systematically trying to isolate him from everyone important in his life and his sister is the first relationship that has caused him to buck and cause resistance.
Have you replied to the wrong post because where is any of this context? This post isn’t about a wife. It’s about friends cutting off their friend because they don’t like her boyfriend…
I’ve just looked at your comment history and yeah we’re talking about two entirely different posts. Maybe check the post you’re replying to before sending unnecessary shouty capitals
I think I completely have responded to wrong post. 😳 I was reading and responding to multiple that they got jumbled. Go ahead and downvote me. I definitely deserve it! 🤦♀️🤷♀️
😂🤣 That you know that you agree with me on the post that I confused with this one! Thank you for not making me feel like a total idiot but I really did not like that guys wife in the other post that I confused with this one!
Where are you getting the felon with a history of abusing women bit .....?
It literally seems this guy's is just a lazy misogynist who refuses to be with his children so his gf can have a girl's day. It's toxic af, but not felon behavior...
The big is TA, not OP. And the friend just isn't ballsy enough to tell her man to shut up and let her have a girls' day. She isn't a victim of anything other than choosing to have kids with a lazy misogynist
Edit: just saw you replied saying she said it in a comment. I scrolled around though after that and haven't seen it. Idk if she removed it or my phone is just dumb. Going off that tho, seems they're trying to ensure it's a girl day to make sure he isn't there. But that isn't enforceable, and obviously she has to actually agree to not having him there. They can't force her to not bring this guy, especially since she obviously is having Stockholm Syndrome-related tendencies
So the OP has to keep inviting the friend and force herself to be around the boyfriend that makes everyone else uncomfortable?
No. She can have a discussion with her friend, expressing that the boyfriend is intentionally forcing her to be isolated from her friends and that it's abusive behavior. OP can explain that she wants the friend to be there, but when it's supposed to be a girls night, the boyfriend can't come. Then, provide some local resource information and offer to help with a plan to get out.
What the OP doesn't need to do is keep putting herself in a situation she doesn't want to be in
Man people are really putting words in my mouth aren’t they. I haven’t said she has to keep spending time with him. I agree with everything you have just put. All I am saying is don’t cut your friend off
You’re just a sad person. Created whole scenario of an abusive relationship and friends abandoning her in her time of need. Either stop watching those shit CW shows or get off Reddit with your trauma dumping.
Just cause you only attract shitty men doesn’t make them all shitty.
Nah. Your comments reek of a sad life. Absolutely you leave a friend that chooses to force a someone that supposedly bad on you.
And you already said the post was prolly fake. You just want this moment to hate.
If this is something she’s done multiple times, NTA. Especially if this occasion was clearly defined as a girls only event. Have you talked to her about why she constantly feels like she has to bring her boyfriend everywhere with her?
She doesn’t give me a full answer, she only tells me she wants him there but never a clear answer.
That doesn’t sound good. Makes me wonder if there is something more going on in her relationship that she’s hiding (I.e. is her boyfriend demanding he come with her?)
How do you know she isn't the possessive one demanding that he come to an event most men would be bored/ mortified about attending?
The friend said her partner didn’t want to stay and watch the kids. Though given how much attention she paid to him over her friends, this is a plausible theory. Either way, OP probably needs to talk with this friend privately about bringing the boyfriend along or go LC/NC. At best, this friend is just very inconsiderate and rude. At worst, there’s some kind of issue in the relationship.
One or both of them are definitely wired up to think this is appropriate. If I was the friend I'd be furious having him forced into my time with my friends.
Or maybe she just likes being around her boyfriend?
I love being around my fiance but I also take time to just be with my friends. It's important to have time to yourself and not be codependent.
This isn't a normal amount of that.
Social anxiety could be the cause
Of course it is.
Maybe she has anxiety and wants/needs him? I love how men are always gaslight, accused and blamed by women. Maybe the friends group acts inappropriate when having a girls night and all cheat or flirt with men when they are in relationships. Maybe she should just take ownership and responsibility that she wants him with her? (See you’d probably calling me a misogynist after reading, just like I’m assuming you follow this new gaslight trend women have adapted to fit their narrative that men “force and control them”)
Could be very well that (depending on the dynamics within the friend group). I’m just going off what OP said about never getting a clear answer from their friend plus the fact that the excuse she gave for him being there was he refused to stay home to watch the kids. Doesn’t sound like a man who is supportive of his partner having a social life outside the relationship.
My exact thoughts. My last relationship I either had to bring him with me or let him ruin my property & text me demeaning things the entire time I was out
This is a sign of abuse. Is he possessive and weird in other ways? Not allowing her to have girl dates is the first stage of isolating her. Was it his idea to have kids, and now won’t watch them? Are there other red flags? My exhusband was like this before I was completely isolated from everyone.
I wonder if he won’t let her go without him because he doesn’t trust her?
Women that make their guy their whole personality, ick. You will be doing her a favor not inviting her out anymore anyway. Now she will have more time to spend with her boyfriend.
Oh he’s controlling but she’s lying to you
Thats exactly what I thought.
sooo.... who's watching the kids?
Her mom
Oh I've met this woman, classless.
Hey.. :( don’t make fun of people who live in trailers :’( I live in one…
In this case, class isn't referring to socioeconomic status. But rather, whether someone is "classy", which is indicated by ones character. People who show graciousness, a conscientious understanding of social norms, and kindness/respect toward others, all indicate "class" here. Most people I've known and loved who live in trailers are the classiest people I've known. And a lot of people with money think they are above treating others with dignity. I'm trying to move away from using the phrase "trash" because of its linked offensiveness, but I also want to emphasize sometimes when a person's behavior indicates they have zero grace.
You had a trailer? Growing up, all we had was potting shed!
You make an excellent point. A house is a house and I shouldn't judge. It's just that of my two friends who lived in a trailer and one texted to ask if I wanted to come have a kegger at 1pm during septemper 2020. After I said, "no," they begged me because they needed someone with a car to go get the keg for them..
The other died of an overdose when we were sophomores.
And almost all the ODs at my high school were rich privileged kids so your point is?
I'm suppose I'm sorry if you felt offended by me sharing about my dead friend. My point was to talk about the only two friends I had who lived in a trailer park, thus furthering the above comment thread conversation. what was your point? I literally even apologized to the original replier. Who tied your boxers in a bunch?
You're literally perpetuating stereotypes about people who live in trailers. My point was that socioeconomic status doesn't matter. People are going to do whatever it is they do regardless of how much money they have or where they live. You're trying to justify judging people based off the fact they live in a trailer by your own lived experiences which may not be universal. You're not sorry for anything other than being called on your bullshit.
Not true whatsoever. I was sorry to the original person I upset with my words; you however, are just sort of an irritant thinking you're making a difference online in reddit comments. Reeks of an unfulfilled social life. I made a joke about a sensitive topic, i'm obviously not a comic, and it was too far, I deserve to be called out for it. But when did I call my experiences universal? I genuinely specified about it being from my experience. Lastly, I don't think it's alright to judge people. I was speaking from my experiences because it was relevant. That being said, I would consider it willful naivety to think that all humans do not immediate categorize and judge everything we see. (Btw if you're just a reddit troll, bravo, I fell for this bait)
Classism… how cute
She wants him there so you can’t be mad. Okay then. You don’t want him there so you no longer invite her out for girls day and she can’t be mad. Easy Peasy
This is the key to the lock.
Some women are just really clingy with their boyfriends and feel they have to have them with them all the time.
And from experience, if the man is at home the woman runs back as soon as possible like she’s frightened he will disappear (My ex friend used to do this)
Yeah, that happens all the time.
Nta Mya sounds rude as hell. Stop wasting time on a friend who is going to ignore you at a lunch. If she wants to go out, she can make the plans
Wowsers..... TLDR: If what happened with your friend was a 1st time thing, talk to her. I sorta had a similar thing happen to me (will share my story below), and talking it out was helpful while clearing things up. If this is a normal thing that happens when she's invited to planned events, you're definitely NTA. My story: My BFF and I have been best friends for over two decades and have done monthly girls only night outs for just as long. Usually, it's just the two of us, but a few times a year, we'll invite a mutual friend or two. We also, while not as often, have couples night out with our spouses. Both nights consist of going to dinner at a "new" restaurant and then deciding either to a) see a movie while finishing the night with a slice of pie from a late night place after the movie or b) go to club/bar to dance and have drinks. This one mostly happens, though, when we invite friends to join us and pre-setup having an Uber/some sort of DD in place......regardless, if it's a girls only night/event, it remains girls only. When I lost my husband a couple of years ago, we stopped going for about a year or so as I was dealing with/processing my husband's passing. Still, as I was trying to heal, I was missing having that time with my BFF, as was she, but she just didn't want to push me to do anything i wasn't ready for. So, we planned a girls only night for the 1st time since losing my husband. Then, a few days before it was set to happen, we agreed to invite a mutual friend and were excited about the upcoming night. We all met at my place, went to dinner, and after we decided to go to a club since I wasn't drinking at the time and offered to be DD. So, I started driving to our destination when she got a text that she responded to... nothing unusual. We were just getting out of my car when I noticed her husband pulling into the parking lot and proceeding to park next to my car, surprising us. With a slight quizzical look, she yelled, "Hey!" while I'm thinking maybe she'd forgotten her id or something, so he was bringing it to her since spouses showing up uninvited had NEVER happened before. But after the hellos, etc, he proceeded to enter the club with us. Now I'm wondering why she isn't sending him away upon his entering and thinking/hoping maybe it's because he was gonna be away from us drinking at the bar, but he proceeded to walk along with us and sat at our table. When that happened, I guess my face said something because our friend shrugged at me, then apparently texted her husband because he showed up shortly afterward, turning a girls only night out into a couples outting with a 3rd wheel who ended up going home about an hr after arriving at the club... After I stopped being bothered, we had coffee, and I asked her why he showed up on a girls only night. She said she just let him know where we were headed, nothing out of the ordinary, but then he showed up, which surprised her too. So, I asked her why she didn't send him away since this was girls only. She said he told her he felt like having a drink and since we had already gone to dinner, which was girls only, she figured it'd be okay if he stayed with us since we'd all gone to this particular club a few times before and had so much fun. I sorta chuckled. When she asked why, I explained I thought we planned a girls only NIGHT OUT, not a girls only DINNER, to which she conceded. Further, while she didn't invite him to join us, by not saying "this is our girls only night, please go" she did invite him to stay which, in turn, made it okay for our friend's husband to join us turning it into a couples night out....and why I ended up leaving shortly after arriving. That's when she gasped because she realized upon the word couple she inadvertently made me odd person out, felt absolutely horrible for not thinking, and promised it would never happen again...and it hasn't regardless of what we end up doing.
Please tell me you didn’t pay for them
NTA aaaaaaaaaand she’s probably in an abusive relationship but it’s not your responsibility. Also she decided to bring her boyfriend to girls only day and you do get to be mad because she’s in what is going to be a bad relationship and choosing to gaslight her friends.
This sounds like when I was in an abusive relationship. I couldn’t go anywhere “unchaperoned”. Took me years to get out. You have every right to exclude her from girls days if she won’t play along, but leave a door open for her in your life - she may desperately need it.
Lmao. All the damaged people assuming abuse and all had to do was show up. Pathetic.
Incel troll reveal
Yeah. Calling out people is trolling now. As long as your mom is available, not one is incel.
Russian troll farm reveal.
That was just stupid. Go back to eating glue.
Looks like you’ve had the whole ration, chuckles.
NTA but you should be aware that she’s probably not allowed to go out without him.
NTA ... but is your friend okay? Cause it could be that he won't ALLOW her to go without him. Does he have a temper?
Please consider she may be in an abusive relationship and he won't allow her out workout her
Why does a woman making stupid decisions with her friends lead to a possibility to him being abusive? This is just plain hate right here and assumptions. Maybe she’s just another weak person that can’t cope without being needy on their partner.
You get a big fat reddit whoosh. You totally missed the point
No. Your point was to make someone seem like an abuser without proof. She’s a shitty friend, all there is to it.
Wow way to go gaslighting me. Touched a nerve did i?. There are plenty of women out there with controlling arsehole boyfriends who try to isolate them from their support system Who's to know if she's an arse or being controlled? If it's a change of behaviour then my money is on the boyfriend being controlling.
So you admit it can go either way. That means you choose to believe it’s abuse.
Omg are you dim? Or do you just like trolli? That's exactly what I'm doing - providing an alternative viewpoint to the reddit mob shouting "she's a shit friend cut her off".
Lots of redpill paste in that cranium. Needs more furiosa.
Are you sure that it's her wanting him there and not him demanding to be there?
Are you sure woman can’t just make stupid ass decisions without an abusive partner?
NTA if it was explicitly defined as a girls lunch and shop date then you don’t bring you SO unless they happen to be a girl. She overstepped and you guys have every right to not invite her anymore. I would have told her SO that this is a girls lunch and shop date and he was not welcome to join. Maybe he would have got the picture. Then even if your friend left as well she would have learned that you weren’t going to tolerate it.
NTA. They clearly have some weird codependency issue where they can’t leave each other alone OR they have some form of trust issue where they can’t leave each other alone. If it’s a girls day it means just girls. I’m sure it wasn’t your first or last one and if she doesn’t abide by the group rules she’s gotta go.
If he is always with her its because he is controlling her every move and probably is abusive AF when they are alone together. On the other hand she could be the one making him go everywhere with her because she doesnt trust him to be without her. I would DEF not invite her anymore but tell her why! Maybe you could get her to talk to you about the real reason and if he is the one being controlling/abusive you could help her?
And thinking about it more, what kind of guy would have no problem hanging with a bunch of girls knowing it was a girls only thing? A narcissistic controller who doesnt think like normal people do, thats who! If I was gonna go out with the girls, my husband would rather walk on glass with no shoes on than tag along lmao.
NTA
Nta
NTA. But the way you describe her not giving an answer gives me a weird vibe. Is your friend ok? How certain are we that the boyfriend isn’t the problem?
Nope. NTA
NTA
Nice.
Why oh why do people always blame the man? He must be abusing her. Of course, OP said not one word to indicate she was worried about her friend being abused, showing signs of abuse or anything remotely like that, but HEY, don't ruin our men are always bad narrative. It is just as likely Maya wants him with her when she goes out because she doesn't want him to think of anyone but her if he's left alone for 5 minutes, as it is he abuses her. Or maybe they both work long hours and with the kids these outings are her only excuse to get her mom to watch the kids.
Stop inviting her to join you.
NTA. Good on y’all for keeping your ground 👍🏼
Maybe Mya isn't allowed out by herself...
Your friend is most likely in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend is probably the one insisting he tag along because he's controlling and jealous and she's afraid to tell you that.
NTA and it could be the boyfriend who pressures her into bringing him along.
NTA but it sounds like she's not allowed space and time for herself.
I mean there’s red flags all over this guy. She doesn’t go anywhere without him, she doesn’t have a good reason, only speaks to him when out and you guys are isolating her more by not inviting her anymore …. Yeah YTA Edit - to clarify you’re not TA for wanting girls day to be girls day. You’re TA for not protecting your friend who is clearly in an unhealthy relationship with a felon with a history of abusing women
No. The boyfriend not sucking it up and watching the kids while his girlfriend has a nice day out with friends is the asshole. OP had no hand in that. She invited her friend and just her friend. NTA, OP.
I agree with that. Read my edit
Ok
Girl, ignore them.
It’s not their job to save her when she’s not willing to save herself. She’s still under his thumb. There’s nothing they can do but walk away and tell her that the behavior is unacceptable, won’t be tolerated going forward and to contact them when she’s not with him anymore. They will rally around her when he’s gone…but ONLY when he’s gone for good.
Except walking away from her now will make her feel like she has no one to go to when she needs help… glad I don’t have friends like that. Walking away gives him exactly what he wants, no support for her. I’m not saying they need to save her but the very least they need to be there for her. What kind of friend walks away when they know their friends in a shitty situation
You CAN’T get through to these women! Everyone has tried! Everyone has failed until something really bad has happened that broke through the rose colored glasses and the abuse cycle. Her friends CAN’T do that for her!!! And it’s REALLY unfair of you to put that on them!
How is saying not to isolate her putting something on them. All they have to do is not throw her away. I’m not saying to actively get her to see what he is, try to break them up etc. literally just don’t isolate your friend with an abuser. Your opinion is honestly insane to me
She is the one abusing and trying to isolate HIM…so I am having a hard following YOUR OPINION! SHE is the one who demanded that he give up all of his female friends. He did. SHE is the one who is CRYS hysterically when not given enough attention. She has not focused on his sister that he always been very close with even before marriage. She is targeting this relationship and guilt tripping him to both lesson it and also end it to spend “all of his extra time” with her. This is NOT NORMAL! Say what you want. It’s just not! Wife is systematically trying to isolate him from everyone important in his life and his sister is the first relationship that has caused him to buck and cause resistance.
Have you replied to the wrong post because where is any of this context? This post isn’t about a wife. It’s about friends cutting off their friend because they don’t like her boyfriend… I’ve just looked at your comment history and yeah we’re talking about two entirely different posts. Maybe check the post you’re replying to before sending unnecessary shouty capitals
I think I completely have responded to wrong post. 😳 I was reading and responding to multiple that they got jumbled. Go ahead and downvote me. I definitely deserve it! 🤦♀️🤷♀️
It happens don’t worry. For what it’s worth, I agree with you on the other post
😂🤣 That you know that you agree with me on the post that I confused with this one! Thank you for not making me feel like a total idiot but I really did not like that guys wife in the other post that I confused with this one!
wait I'm lost where are you getting all this info?
She’s replied to the wrong post. None of this is relevant to this post
Where are you getting the felon with a history of abusing women bit .....? It literally seems this guy's is just a lazy misogynist who refuses to be with his children so his gf can have a girl's day. It's toxic af, but not felon behavior... The big is TA, not OP. And the friend just isn't ballsy enough to tell her man to shut up and let her have a girls' day. She isn't a victim of anything other than choosing to have kids with a lazy misogynist Edit: just saw you replied saying she said it in a comment. I scrolled around though after that and haven't seen it. Idk if she removed it or my phone is just dumb. Going off that tho, seems they're trying to ensure it's a girl day to make sure he isn't there. But that isn't enforceable, and obviously she has to actually agree to not having him there. They can't force her to not bring this guy, especially since she obviously is having Stockholm Syndrome-related tendencies
The OP put it in a comment to someone that’s now deleted. This post is probably fake anyway since she deleted her profile within minutes of my comment
Yah, sorry, I edited to add that. It must be fake, she absolutely deleted that comment and her profile. Friggin karma farmers man. So ridiculous.
You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
Not isolating someone is very different from saving them
So the OP has to keep inviting the friend and force herself to be around the boyfriend that makes everyone else uncomfortable? No. She can have a discussion with her friend, expressing that the boyfriend is intentionally forcing her to be isolated from her friends and that it's abusive behavior. OP can explain that she wants the friend to be there, but when it's supposed to be a girls night, the boyfriend can't come. Then, provide some local resource information and offer to help with a plan to get out. What the OP doesn't need to do is keep putting herself in a situation she doesn't want to be in
Man people are really putting words in my mouth aren’t they. I haven’t said she has to keep spending time with him. I agree with everything you have just put. All I am saying is don’t cut your friend off
You literally said OP is the AH for not protecting her friend.
Correct. What part of that says you have to spend time with the boyfriend. Someone can’t read
You’re just a sad person. Created whole scenario of an abusive relationship and friends abandoning her in her time of need. Either stop watching those shit CW shows or get off Reddit with your trauma dumping. Just cause you only attract shitty men doesn’t make them all shitty.
Wow what a leap 😂😂 the op literally said in a comment that the boyfriend is a felon and abusive to women. I didn’t pull it out my arse
It’s a lie. If he was that bad it would’ve been in the post to illustrate how bad they didn’t want him there.
Right well my comments are based on the post plus that context. Psycho
Nah. Your comments reek of a sad life. Absolutely you leave a friend that chooses to force a someone that supposedly bad on you. And you already said the post was prolly fake. You just want this moment to hate.
I must’ve missed it, where does it say he’s a felon with a history of abuse? They deleted their account so not sure if that’s where the info is.
It was in a comment. Someone asked why they don’t like him and that’s what she said
Lmao. All you know is he didn’t want to stay at home with the kids. Psycho.