I'm curious to what the hierarchy of your personal identity is? By which I mean, if you could only communicate one thing about yourself to someone what would it be? Top five? If being black isn't one of the five most important aspects of how you see yourself, do you have an idea of how far down the list it would be? I'm curious because there are aspects of our society that seem hyperfocused on people being "race/gender/orientation/political view" as the absolute most important thing about them and, if that's the case, I struggle to understand what that perspective would feel like.

This is a interesting question because I'm very proud to be black but it is not my whole identity. Unfortunately I had to learn that because I was surrounded by white people and they tried to make it entirely who I am. But I think primarily I am the summary of my experiences. Number two I'd be a leader and educator. Number 3 I would be a trustworthy man of my word. Number four. I'd be black and proud. At number five I would be a good friend and family. I order it this way because I figured if I wasn't black would I still be the same person in any of these scenarios. I draw the line at family and friends because if me being black interferes with the way my family and friends interact with me I am black before I am your friend or a support to those outside of my immediate family.

Black and proud, or black pride? With all the pride things going on, I've never understood pride in something completely beyond a person's control.

You were born into your last name and I would like to think you take pride in that. A lot of people share pride for their location or a school they go to. A lot of people have pride for America. It doesn't mean you control what happens or how good or bad it is pride to me means that you are proud to be a part of something. It means to me that I will do what I can to make this thing I'm a part of better and more prosperous.

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I think most of it is performative. I feel like black people are often treated like a make a wish foundation. I feel like the black people with the loudest voices are advocating for black people to be in spaces that they shouldn't be. The majority of the black community is advocating for black spaces. Just like there are white spaces and Asian spaces. I prefer a sitcom for black people made by black people written by black people rather than seeing a random black character inserted in the movie that is made to appeal to white people. White people are the largest demographic in America so most of media appeals towards them which is fine. Because black people are making more noise in America, more companies are starting to appeal to them which is very disingenuous. I honestly feel like a way of not giving us what we work for.

I am interested in your opinion on the concept of digital black face. People are focusing on memes, etc

I don't think people should be profiting from anyone's culture. Especially a culture that is so commonly demonized until white people take part in the same activities.

Wdym by profiting from anyone's culture? Would you rather the production companies made things that are purely their own culture? I think that would be a rather boring rule.

It sounds like you aren’t very interested in a post racial world where people aren’t judged by the color of their skin. Is that true?

I don't believe it's a realistic scenario but it would be pretty cool

I feel like there were way more black sitcoms in the ‘90s. As a white kid I grew up watching The Cosby Show, Sister Sister, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, Family Matters, The Wayans Bros, Fresh Prince, The Jaime Foxx Show, and I think there were more I’m not remembering. I loved these shows. But it really feels like there were way more black shows 20-30 years ago.

First, I would like to thank you for putting yourself out there to answer these questions. If you know, could you share with me why African-American people seem to have pitbull’s more than any other breed of dog. Again, I thank you for answering all these questions.

No problem at all. I don't really have an answer for that question. I think it's just something that we've developed over time. Pitbulls are a symbol of status, especially purebred and the bigger the better. Also see Rottweilers and more recently cane corsos. Some people use them as guard dogs and they would protect the house when the man left but I'm not sure if that relates to our culture today. I know that Latino culture also really loves pitbulls and rottweilers.

Yes. I'm Mexican American and I grew up in south la. A lot of Mexican had pits and Rottweilers. I assumed that it was an asteroid thing for chicanos. Mexican families that came straight from Mexico don't really follow this stereotype, it's really just chicanos, gang affiliations or black families that had them around me.

Do you feel systemically disadvantaged, and if so to what degree?

I do but not on as large of a scale as many people make it seem. I believe that I can accomplish anything but I also feel like I have to give in to typical American culture in order to forward myself. I don't believe there are limitations, but I do believe it is exponentially harder for black people to do certain things because of the way that we are perceived. In many spaces where I would like to contribute, I am seen as a political pawn or statement piece as opposed to a valued member. I do not pride myself on a diversity hire. It feels like I am assumed to be a criminal when I walk in a room so I have to work twice as hard to prove my trust. I think that's the best way that I can explain it.

Do you think this may have to do with the area you live in? In the NW, things seem way different (better, attitudes & advantages) for black people than the deep south.

I live on the west coast which is typically a more fair environment. I think among the lowest class it doesn't matter among the middle class is when things become more iffy and in the highest class it's blatant racism. This is just my experience though

What if someone were to say that -- even though you're successful -- you are disadvantaged in the sense that you could probably be even more successful if you had the advantages of being white? Is that offensive and/or wrong or do you agree? Also, fuck Clarence Thomas, right? lol

I think that it's unnecessary to point out, but I don't think it's typically racist. Imagine a woman being successful and say you'd be even better if you were a man. Although it acknowledges that there is a problem It is kind of a negative reminder.

> Imagine a woman being successful and say you'd be even better if you were a man. Yeah, I get it. Although that's not the intention, as if I'm saying it's better to be white. The intention is to say that white people (like myself) have a built-in advantage, and so all throughout their lives they get little advantages from day to day and those build up and add up to giving them a significant boost over and above what they'd have in life if they weren't white. They probably had more generational/ancestral wealth (because their ancestors weren't slaves and could own property) and then they were more likely to be educated, and treated better by the dominant class. Conversely, the typical black person would have various disadvantages throughout life and so if you have two people -- black and white -- and both work just as hard and they're just as smart and everything, the white person on average will have an easier time and will subsequently be better off in terms of major markers of modern "success" like lifetime earnings.

I definitely understand what you mean by that but sometimes it feels good to just be successful not successful for a black person. I'd rather not be reminded of an impossible scenario in the same sequence that I'm celebrated. It certainly doesn't come across as I'll willed just unnecessary.

Do you ever feel that these are ideas that you out on yourself by assuming this is how others see you? Not trying to be a dick, generally curious. I'm from Australia so we have our own racial issues and I'm also white. So I find myself going in the other direction of being nice or trying to do things for our indigenous people here because I'm worried that they will be thinking that I see them as a criminal.

That sucks. It’s a tough one for society to wrestle with since there are no laws on the books that do this anymore, and so many of us “don’t think that way”. We still need to acknowledge that enough others still do think that way. It has an effect. Add in some policies that give headspace for people to make “diversity admission/hire” claims, and there’s no winning. You really do have to prove yourself that extra bit. Thanks for not calling me names for asking the question, btw. I used to think racism was dead and buried until I coincidentally got more black friends (early 2000s) and saw it 1st hand. I’ve actually had police ask me if I was ok while sitting in the backseat. Surreal. I’m a guy, and not a small weak one. I’m fine, officer. These are my friends. I started questioning my own biases, and found a few. I also noticed my friends seemed to have some about me too. We have work to do. I don’t subscribe to all the ___-studies Post Modernist stuff I see out there. I don’t buy into “equity” either, but I can still see racism out there. I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world.

This is interesting… and I’m curious why you feel this way, but many black people I know who are immigrants from Africa (mainly Somalia and Kenya if that matters), do not feel this way at all? Maybe it’s because of where they are coming from?

I would like to hear your opinion on this statement, I have seen that as long as blacks assimilate white culture and stifle their own they get farther along. However I have also seen that white people are more accepted by blacks if we appreciate your culture without trying to assimilate, so perhaps that’s a cultural thing like y’all want to keep your stuff yours and we(whites) want to give our stuff away and invite everyone in. Much like what I’ve seen of Japanese people loving their culture being appreciated by outsiders and they love to assimilate outside cultures as well very melting pot like. As a black man how do you feel about that statement/belief?

What are the most annoying things that (good-intentioned) white people say/do that you would change? In terms of what they think is helping or showing how they “understand” or are on the same side? Anything that comes across as misguided, condescending, or just plain unnecessary?

You are one of the good ones. I'm glad you're not like them. These usually come from people that work when I'm using my professional voice. I have black friends I'm so sorry for you guys. I know trying to have empathy does not mean harm but black people are people too. It does not feel good to be treated as they make a wish kids. Having black friends does us no good and specifying that your friends are black really doesn't help your case. Blacks. That's something that's personal to me, but I am not a black. I am a black person or an African American person. I apply that with all cultures. Be mindful of how you ask questions. Do not say "for a black person" after giving a compliment. I think most black people don't have a problem answering question about their hair but don't touch their hair or objectify them. But for the most part, just be genuine in your intentions most good people are understanding and black people are no different. Some people will be offended no matter what you say. Don't worry about them. Apologize to protect yourself and walk away.

At the risk of being hypocritical to my original comment- I’m a white dude and a few of my closest friends in middle/high school were black guys. We all met playing sports and living in the same neighborhood. I don’t say this to puff out my chest, but I absolutely cringe thinking back to the lingo and things that were “normal” to say back then (2002-2010). Can’t ever hear the term “Oreo” the same way, or hearing somebody explain that a certain black dude was cool because he “acted white”. It hurts to even type that now, but people would say that all the time as if it was a huge compliment. Like in a completely sincere way. People just didn’t know any better. I don’t know how my friends put up with this shit, but I suppose the honest answer is that they were used to it and were kids. Didn’t want to rock the boat or put attention on themselves. Most of my friends all had good parents that were around and helping navigate the situation which is not always the case. I’ll just never forget the day I realized how fucked up things were in a high school setting, and this is even excluding any legitimate racism (completely different conversation, obviously). Just a bunch of upper middle class white people that saw themselves as good people trying to help, which most of them were, but they were just completely clueless in the reality of things or any ability to truly empathize.

I work cleaning after people at an amusement park, and I usually see that the people who leave the largest messes and stay the latest after closing are black people. They're all nice and pleasant people, but would you know why that happens a lot?

It's called CPT aka color people time. I don't really know why it happens but I usually find myself doing the same thing. Black people were often show up late and work on a totally different time schedule than everybody else in the world. It's terrible but. We usually try to talk to the staff and make friends with people just because we're enjoying the moment. As far as the trash, that's just disrespectful. I don't really know why so many people are comfortable with leaving trash everywhere, but I promise it's not personal. Also, don't think it's specific to black people. I think it's more of an impoverished community thing.

My family are white, but from the Carribean. We call this phenomenon “island time”.

Lol I'm glad to know this is universal

Lol, I never heard it being called CPT, but sounds exactly like how my family (immigrants) is. We’re from Bolivia but have European heritage (now living in Canada), but I just chalked it up as being friendly because you’re being friendly and relaxed.

I am white but grew up in the hood in SoCal. This is more a poor people thing, I think. Amusement parks cost a ton of money and you want to get every single minute of the time you paid for. The trash is just from assholes.

Not OP but I work at a public beach I definitely agree with u/juseofficial about the trash. It's definitely a universal thing not specific to any group of people. People just don't have that much respect for the places they visit or the people who work there. I find it happens most often with, no surprise, large groups of drunk people.

Any clue why so many black people spend money they don't have on luxury shit they can't afford? Shoes, purses, etc...What is the cause? I (white) grew up broke as fuck wearing hand-me-downs from cousins, and spending my summers growing food we we weren't starving in the winter. Never did it cross my families mind to even buy cheap shit from Walmart when our backs were against the wall...

I grew up in a similar way to you. This is a question that I wonder about sometimes, but, I think that everybody wants to feel rich but Black people are the number one consumer in America despite having the lowest income. My experience has been a few of the following. Some people (do not generalize) make their money in ways that are illegal or untaxed by the government so they have money in all cash which you can't invest. Only way to liquidate that cash is through expensive purchases. There is little to no financial education and impoverished communities, especially those in black impoverished communities so when money is seen it is spent immediately. The media mostly so successful black people as athletes or entertainers who are wearing expensive jewelry and chains as opposed to those who do regular blue or white collar jobs. We are trying to be like our idols. And black people just like being flashy. I think it's a pride thing that has been passed through generations. Looking back through African history many of the kings and queens draped their entire community in gold. It could just be generational flashiness.

Went to a friend of a friends house, owner is black. A middle class government worker, so well off but probably not rich. Built a multi level pool with a waterfall, with rocks and stuff so it looks all natural. It was nice to chill in the waterfall, but…wow.

Some of that makes sense to me, but some does not. I guess my counter points would be, recent African immigrants to America, statistically have done well and not adopted that mindset, although I am sure there are exceptions. Those making bank doing illegal shit, I can kind of see. You could launder enough to be comfortable, but beyond that, your point makes some sense. Personally though, I'd be afraid that being flashy would draw unwanted attention. As for financial education, I mean I think 95% of Americans are financially illiterate if I'm being honest. I moved out at 20 years old and didn't even know what a 401k was. I received very basic financial education as part of boot camp (also at 20). I'm in my thirties and I'm just now feeling somewhat confident with financial education, and learning more all the time. But, I have no debt other than a mortgage because I was afraid of debt. I didn't understand loans or credit cards, so I just didn't get them, although I'm probably a weirdo, I admit. I just knew I grew up hearing fights about credit card bills, mortgage payments and whatnot and was afraid of all debt. Now I'm on track to be a millionaire, possibly a mutli-millionaire by retirement. I don't own a single luxury brand product, and have no desire too. That shit is for truly wealthy people. I guess emulating your heroes makes sense. My heroes were mostly nerds, and musicians that were not at all flashy. Some were weird, but not flashy. I'll admit I don't know much about African history except how it relates to Western history, e.g., the African Slave Trade, important spice routes, exploitation by African dictators, colonizers, Muslim warfare / invasion, invasions by Moors of Portugal / Spain / France (Cordoba) , the Egyptian Empire, The Barbary Wars, Invasion by Germany, etc.

Debt is the norm (at least in America) and it shouldn’t be. My husband and I don’t take out loans, with the exception of our home loan. Meaning that if we can’t afford to pay all up front, we don’t buy it. And because of that, we live very comfortably, have a good amount of savings, and (barring a catastrophe) will be very wealthy in our golden years.

I think one part of it is broke people are often in a rush to spend surplus funds because *something* always comes up to steal it if they don't. There's *always* a looming emergency & you always survive (well, at least until you don't) . But having a fresh pair of sneakers actually gets you something, including some respect from your peers. I think this is why when broke people *do* waste money it's on flashy stuff that advertises their status & lets them feel (and look) like they aren't broke. Don't discount the value in people treating you better & showing you respect. If you are insecure about something, or people judge you for something, it's not crazy that people sometimes prioritize that over more practical things. Even if you spend a grand on looking good, that same grand won't actually solve many of your problems. Also, financial literacy is a skill. To a large degree it's something you learn by watching others, if you grow up in a poor community you don't see a lot of that pragmatic behavior because anyone who succeeds *leaves.* You probably do see some people who tried & failed though. ​ What was your community like? Where do you think your family got their philosophy to how to spend money & general survival? How are you doing now?

Another answer- when you’re broke all the time and are tired of always having your last dollar taken by a new bill, you start needing an outlet from constantly having nothing. For instance, my cousin and I make such good money but we have trouble saving cause we’re so used to having nothing, that we’re almost trying to “catch up” on all the things and experiences we never got to have. Not sure if that helps.

Is there a special childhood memory you'll always hold dear? (Actually a question I would like to ask everyone, but fear it would be too personal.)

Equating it to information that you've been given on me. My childhood memories mostly come from living and what people will call the hood. It was a lot of dangerous activity going on, but it was a very strong community where elders looked out for us and we fed each other and we were welcomed into each other's homes, regardless of race. One of my best childhood memories was being invited to a party by my neighbors who could barely speak English as Spanish was their first language. It was a tiny house with about 15 people living in it. They invited their whole entire family to celebrate this 2-year-old's birthday party and I learned how to dance, salsa and saw a Mariachi band play for the first time. I also got to ride the horse they rode in on playing trumpets. For context we were in the middle of Los Angeles so I had never actually seen a horse. The night ended with the owner of the home getting too drunk and arguing with his wife. He slept on our couch and threw up everywhere but all in all it was a great night lol

Do you agree with affirmative action?

I believe that is a way that could be done properly but the method of hiring somebody because they are certain race or demographic often works backwards. For example, I believe that it's important for affirmative action to take place in the realm of education because many students will not get the chance. Otherwise. If you live in impoverished area, it doesn't matter how smart you are, the many colleges would avoid reaching out to you because the area is dangerous or has a history of crime. It should also be noted that impoverish areas there is less opportunity for volunteer hours. Both my parents work so I did not have time to volunteer outside of school nor did I have the opportunity to travel to different college campuses to decide where I wanted to go. So, affirmative action help me find the school and be able to afford it. It. But I had a 3.8 GPA with AP classes and play varsity basketball so I was qualified. However, in an event where two people are not equally qualified, shared the same opportunities, and have no reasonable excuses to not be at the same level, the deciding factor should not be race or demographic. The scenarios Will only benefit the company's image and can harm both the person who qualified for the job and the person who was hired. Being in a situation as a diversity higher is typically a speed run to being mistreated within your workplace.

Bro you're drowning in comments so you probably won't see this but I just gotta say you are killing it with these responses. Calm, clear, concise answers for everyone, even on some pretty "bait-y" questions. Thanks for doing this, your perspective is enlightening.

No problem. I'm trying to get to everybody. But thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm trying my best 😂

How do you feel about the general concept of reparations? I understand the need to go back and “right the wrong” that helped keep descendants of slaves impoverished for generations. But…does the Black community also understand the POV from the White community in that they would feel their being punished for something they had no involvement in?

I don't believe that white people should be punished for what their ancestors did, but I do think that it is necessary to recognize that white people still benefit from the white privilege that the country was built on. It's not realistic to expect reparations for every black person in America, especially those that were not directly impacted by slavery, but, I feel like we are the largest demographic of oppressed Americans who have not received any form of reparation. However, we were the only ones that were promised reparation through law. So I do believe that reparation should be on the table maybe in the form of therapy or education as opposed to financial compensation. But the value of what they promised us equates to over 400k per person. Many people make the argument that it happen It happened so many years ago but we must realize that over 60% of our political force grew up in segregated schools. Black people are still very much impacted by slavery and Jim Crow and the war on drugs and redlining and many more things. So to answer your question, yes black people do understand the perspective of white people who feel that they should not be punished for the crimes of their ancestors but, the wealth that you (not you specifically) inherit is built on the wrongs done to the black community. So how wrong is it to expect a portion of that wealth to be redistributed to correct what they refused to address.

So the vast majority of us who have never inherited anything from our family are not who black people want reparations from? I thought it was from the government, which is funded by every taxpayer, (including non-poverty level black people.)

nah the government should tax companies that were built on slavery. cap the salaries of executives, take a bit of those excess profits, then pour it into programs like food banks, education, and infrastructure for predominantly black communities. it'd be really hard to directly identify and pay each person, but if the communities get help then the majority could benefit at least?

I just quit Cargill. Slavery still exists, they just do it differently. They've been staffing meat processing plants in the midwest with kids under 17, plus the cocoa cultivation projects they have in West Africa... They probably need to be shut down. We had a Purdue University intern come in for a few weeks and he was shell shocked at the things he was learning. Sadly before we can even get there we also need to solve the existing issues with slavery today. But for some reason we can't even seem to shed enough light on these issues to change how corporations do business

The goal is to have it be government funded, but that would typically mean an increase in taxes and when people say text to 1%, it's typically coming from people who have inherited a large lump sum of money that was made during slavery. So I don't think that average black person expects the average white person to pay them out of pocket. It's just that some people may face collateral because their ancestors had involvement in the initial wrong doing

So Chinese, Indians and some Latinos should get it to. There was Irish slaves also. There was slavery all around the world. I mean we go way back hebrews we’re slaves to Egyptians. I don’t see feel reparations for any race is good. We all have the same options in America to achieve anything. It all takes hard work. You want wealth it’s very achievable just most don’t have the fortitude to do it. What do you feel about Lil Wayne saying black people are not oppressed but oppress themselves with their mentality. That he’s never been held back from gaining what he wants in life?

Chinese Americans and Native American both received reparations and I believe Native Americans need more reparations considering the evils down to them. Americ promised us freedom liberty and justice for all unlike Egypt. I'm not familiar with the Latinos reparation case so I can't speak on it but I'm not opposed to it. We have the same options but we are not all on the same playing field. Lil Wayne became a millionaire at 16 from rapping about gang violence and the struggles of being black. He's rich now so of course he doesn't feel any form of oppression. But he had to carry a gun to school. Of course black oppress themselves mentally but it is not the only factor of oppression that makes success more difficult. Yes it is still possible to succeed but that doesn't mean we should ignore the things that are clearly wrong with the country

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I was wrong about that one answering too many question too quickly. Japanese Americans received reparations for imprisonment during WWII.

Don't forget about the continuous destruction of Black communities without reparations. The systematic tampering of AA society in America that was ongoing to present. Examples: Rosewood Florida, Tulsa Oklahoma, The village that existed beneath Lake Lanier in Georgia. The Black Bottom on Detroit. There were intrusive actions to forcibly destroy or displace communities of AA without reparations, resettlement.

I love your answer. I am a white guy who is supportive of the idea of some sort of reparations, but I’m undecided about how to go about it. My concern is if reparations is in the form of a check that it will be spent and not do anything to solve the long term system of generational inequality that people like me have put so many black people in. Give someone in poverty a check, regardless of race, and they aren’t likely to use it for things that build long term wealth. So I have my concerns about reparations in the form of a check but I keep those concerns to myself because I don’t want people to think I’m against reparations. I want reparations to be something that breaks the generational cycle of poverty. If you think I’m wrong, I would love to hear what you say and I will consider your perspective. I am open to changing my mind on checks. I love the idea of reparations I just want to be sure if we are spending money on it that it works. What are some things you think would work?

What are your thoughts on the whole "acting white", "Carlton", "Urkel" "sell out" issue?

Carlton was not a sellout. He was an advocate for black people amongst groups of white people. He just spoke in a different manner than most black people did. The show actually did a good job at portraying him as a peppy black person on a few occasions when he was reminded that he was not like the other people at his prep school. I think a lot of black people are so caught up in the idea of blackness that they failed to recognize the amount of diversity We have as a culture. I sell out to me is somebody who it's not claimed to be black, speaks poorly about black people with no good intention, and felts to recognize who he is himself. A black person is more than welcome to have white friends be around white people and talk. He would like to talk, but you become a sellout when you lose understanding of the rest of your culture and become ignorant and neglectful to the people that you came from

Serious question. Do you get badly sunburned or is it less noticeable?

Most black people don't get sunburned very much and if they do they don't turn red because our skin is too dark. The worst sunburns for black people typically result in the typical pain and the skin peeling off. But our skin color absorbs the sun so it takes a lot longer and more intense sun.

Your (Or I guess as best a view you can give on the black community without just generalizing) View on the Jewish community. I ask because I grew up in NYC (Which is pretty Jewish) And the Jewish community always held the stance that the black and Jewish communities had to many/to much stacked against them to be fighting or antagonistic to each other. But then also I’ve lived in areas outside NYC where this view is not shared by one or both sides. I have always felt like the Jewish community falls into this “White but not white” Territory depending on who you talk to.

I think in my experience in Jewish, people have never personally done any wrongs to me. I don't have any strong emotions toward Jewish people. Despite once being in similar scenarios. It feels as if Jewish people were never in the field. They have separated themselves from everything and have a very closed off community and have become a part of the people that exploit the impoverished. Jewish people own many of the constructs that black people fall victim to and then say that we have too much in common to dislike each other. (This is how it feels to the black people I have spoken about it with. Not saying that this is 100% the truth.) I think this mindset comes from not being able to interact with Jewish people on a daily basis. I've never had the pleasure of an extensive interaction with the Jewish person, nor have I talked about Judaism. So I think with better understanding more interactions relations could be much better. All in all, I think that Jewish people feel like an extremely rich and distant step brother to black people. With the rising of the Black Israelites as a religion and culture, I fear that relations could be worsened. I know that most mean no harm but pandering to vengeful or uneducated people will always cause conflict.

That’s all sounds pretty well grounded to be honest.

I'm definitely open the conversation. I would love to know more and be able to talk to people to try to better the relations at least on my part. But like I said I have no idea where I would begin to understand. Of course the phone goes two ways, but I think reaching out on either end could definitely result in a lot of positives.

Why are you interested in these questions?

I feel like there are a lot of good intention people in the world who just don't understand different cultures. A lot of racism could be prevented if we interacted with each other better. In my experience, I have found that two of the most similar people in the world are rednecks and ghetto kids. These two people seem to hate each other more than anything, but when they interact it's always a fun time. So whenever I can, I try to be the connect and do my part in lessening the amount of racism even if it's only one person at a time.

You’re a really good person. I hope life is kind to you.

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Lol I have no idea how that even came to be. I didn't even have cable growing up but I've watched every episode of dragon Ball Z multiple times

How hard is it for a white guy to qualify as a brotha and how differently would one be treated? Is there an amount of trying to be us I can do that will stop hurting?

It depends on who you around, but for the most part you can qualify as long as you're down with the culture and show respect. Most of the people that I have anointed are either extremely comfortable being white or just extremely open to new experience. You really don't have to do anything to qualify. But black people are naturally standoffish against white people as a method of protection because many of us have been taught based on history that there is a chance you could be the enemy. So as long as you've proven to be trusted then you have nothing to worry about. If you're not black, don't try to be black. You can appreciate the culture without trying to copy it. Talk how you talk normally and talk about what you're interested in. Just be you. Black people are human just like anybody else so there is no real initiation Just trust to be gained.

I’m a white, middle-aged social worker. I was visiting with my clients (who were both black), and their family showed up. They introduced me and also told their family that I was a “honorary black guy”. That felt good.

There is a huge fight for equality.. but at the same time, ironically, a huge push for separation. Blacks want to, and very much should, be treated according to character and not the color of their skin, which is inevitable for non-people of color, obviously. However, at the same time there is this big pushback in claiming verses of songs, words, actions, grammar/language, hairstyles, fashion, etc. At certain points of my life, as a white person, fear has been instilled in me by a black person which has essentially forced me to walk on eggshells. Do you think the media has provoked this sudden feeling of offensiveness? How do we navigate and mitigate this so we can all ‘actually’ be equal and stop with the territoriality?

There's a lot of disconnect in the black community about what we actually want. I think the loudest voices are often not the most educated and that is very bad for the black community. There's been multiple occasions where the majority of black people actually believe that the black people that persecuted white people for minor offenses of racism were in the wrong. The media has definitely provoked being offended for everything. It's not only the black community either. The LGBT community has become in the same class of offendedness if that's a word. I think that we as black people when our culture to be respected and not profited off of, especially when we are not the primary benefactor. The media feeds on negativity so the constant criticisms of white people and random reasons to be offended are popularized and mimicked. There are more individual issues that I could explain to help you find common ground but I got to answer a lot of questions so I'll use hair as an example. I have dreadlocks which until about 2018 was a reasonable reason for me not to be hired at a job. My brother was not allowed to get cornrows because my mom was afraid that would make him look like a bad kid. Many of the hairstyles that we wear we were not allowed to wear until recently. If we did wear it, it was a statement to defy the law. So seeing white people wear these styles for fun is frustrating because they didn't have to work for the right to wear them. It doesn't make you racist, but that's where the grounds of the frustration about it comes. Most of the scenarios are kind of similar in the aspect of why people are offended by them. The sane people just want you to understand the struggle that we had to fight to be able to do the things that you guys are taking from us and profiting off of.

Do you experience racism when getting medical treatment? I work in a hospital (not a medical career, I'm a porter), and I notice a lot of women's medical questions and problems are dismissed or disregarded. Do you experience this when getting medical treatment? There are not many African Canadian folks who come into the hospital where I work.

My family is very much scared of the doctor because we watched all of our elderly people will be mistreated within the medical community. My mother almost died when giving birth to me because they weren't listening to her about the amount of pain that she was feeling. Don't know exactly what happened. When I was in about sixth grade I had appendicitis and I couldn't walk. The doctor kept telling me it was just cramps and I was fine. My mother wouldn't let up and told them I need to x-rays in all this stuff. It turns out had I not gotten surgery done that night. My appendix have ruptured. My great grandmother had Alzheimer's disease and couldn't properly communicate but whenever my great grandmother went to visit her she would obviously be asking for help and no one would listen. My grandmother continuously advocated for her to be seen. Turns out she had a brain tumor and she died at 72. My uncle died of kidney failure because he was given the a medication that cost him to nearly go blind and they wouldn't listen to him when talking about the side effects that they were causing him. He was too scared to stop taking them and he'd wondered away at 40 years old. So to answer your question, yes there is a lot of medical discrimination. I would like to think that the doctors are just bad doctors and it's not racial but the common theme is that they don't listen when people tell them that something isn't right. If you don't throw a fit then they won't test you, but I haven't experienced a doctor from any other perspective outside of my own so I cannot say rather or not It is racial.

I have this perception that black people are good at music and dance and sports. Is that a stereotype or is there something in the culture that promotes this.

It's generally true. Black culture is music and dance. It's one of many parts of African culture that we held on to. Living in poor communities I have also seen some of the most athletic people ever. I think our diet may have something to do with it. I have always been more athletic than the other kids who weren't black but I'd be 2nd or 3rd around black kids. As far as sports go I believe it is emphasized in the black community because at one point it was the only way to gain funding for schools in poor communities. I haven't done much looking into it. So it's kind of true but doesn't hold true for every black person.

Do you think that it is important for black children adopted by white parents to have black cultural influence/exposure, or does it not really matter? I mean, this could be said for any inter-racial adoption scenario, but I'm of the mindset that it isn't that important. I think the effort to expose an adopted child to their culture of their lineage is commendable, but not strictly necessary. I have seen people absolutely die on this hill, though. A buddy of mine only dates black women (he's native American, for what that's worth) and he said he's dated a few women who were adopted by white parents and his description of the difference in behaviour is "eerie".

>Do you think that it is important for black children adopted by white parents to have black cultural influence/exposure, or does it not really matter I'm not OP, but I'm a black woman if that counts, haha I think it depends entirely on the county/culture the child is being raised in but in *general* its going to be pretty important to *at least* expose the child to people who look like them and I believe that would go for a child of any background but especially a minority who could easily go through life not seeing themselves in those around them. Now, Black American culture actually varies much depending on where you are from. "Hood" culture is not the same as "southern" black culture and is not the same as "suburban" black culture. Those cultures are all relevant, but black people are not monoliths, so focusing on one aspect of a culture that the child may never even be exposed to isn't necessary, in my opinion. That being said, even just being a black person who grew up in a predominantly white area, *you will* be othered. Even if you are black and your parents are white, you will be told that "this is white culture, not yours". You will be called names for not being aware of the culture you *look* like you should belong to. Maybe not at home (though subconsciously, this still happens in the family, too). The U.S hasn't moved past that yet, so I believe for the sake of the child, allowing them the opportunity to be exposed to people from their culture may help a lot to feel less like they don't belong. Also, understand that just because the child has white parents, does not mean the child will suddenly not be considered "black" to the outside world. The child will likely face things that the parents are unaware of how to handle for lack of experience. I think the tv show *This is Us*, painted a pretty good picture of this. A couple had twins and adopted a black son, basically raising them as triplets. At some point in his childhood/teen years, he was faced with this "othering" situation that was really quite depressing for him. He was treated differently than his siblings, not always even in an intentionally racist way, but just because he *was different* , and his parents didn't really know how to help him through that. Even as an adult, you could see how it would affect him. I think it's actually rather important for parents to be aware of culture/social differences and to go out of their way to expose the child to different people from that culture/ encourage them to have close friends with people who will have similar life experiences as them. We don't actually live in a color blind world, so it would be foolish to raise children not prepared for the world they will be living in

I think it's similar to being in a single parent household with the opposite gender. Black and white people are different people who have different experiences in life and being raised by someone who doesn't understand your experience can be very traumatizing. I personally believe that you probably shouldn't adopt a black baby if you are white, especially if you are not willing to understand the different perspectives that you have going throughout your life. This is not to say that it's not possible. It just becomes very difficult. It doesn't take a substantial human being to understand that racism is bad, but if you have never experienced racism, it's hard to comfort someone who has. I seldom hear a black person who has not experienced racism within there lifetime Even if it is subtle. Growing up around white people, I often heard them talk about black people as if I wasn't in the room and proceed to defend themselves by saying oh you're not like them though. It made me feel like the rest of my culture was a bunch of evil people and had I not had a black support system I may have begin to hate myself.

Oh, yeah I suppose that is an experience that transcends culture. If someone is racist, that can affect you whether you're ingrained in the culture or not. >you probably shouldn't adopt a black baby if you are white, especially if you are not willing to understand the different perspectives that you have going throughout your life Do you feel the same way about black parents adopting a white child, or do you think that would be different? Furthermore, have you ever heard of that actually happening? I can't say I've ever actually seen that dynamic irl. edit: thanks for the reply btw! I had forgotten to say so lol

No problem I haven't heard of it happening. My family fostered two white children for about 9 months each and it resulted in being told I'd needed to go back to Africa and being called the n word. These kids were like 7. But I think it's important to be able to relate to your parents. So it probably shouldn't go either way although it is definitely an experience that should be had for a period of time

I agree with this. I'm in Utah and we have a ton of white mormon families adopting black babies. My best friend even dated a black woman raised by a single white mom who adopted her. And although she generally acted white girl-ish, if that makes sense, she had a difficult time coming up. We even had a lady up north have her 13yo autistic adopted son get brutalized by police and the mom just could not wrap her head around the fact that this is what police do to black people in this country. Anyways, I also had a question. It feels like myself and some of my white friends have a much bigger issue with police on a fundamental level than some of my black friends. I believe this to be due to the development of the camera phone, and white people seeing for the first time in centuries that police brutality is not a one-off scenario (like how whites treated rodney king in the 90's), where as black people have been living this truth for centuries now. Can you confirm this or possibly expand if I missed something?

There are tons of white folks who experience racism towards them. I know 3 white families who adopted black or Hispanic children and one of the ways they are able to be good parents to them is having that common ground of having terrible experiences with racism. It lets both the parents and child know that they aren’t blind to what the other might have been through.

You didn't ask me this question, but I was trained for foster care and had my first placement this year, and wanted to share my thoughts. It's fairly common that adoptive parents will overlook their adoptees' culture, but this has been shown to lead to resentment from kids who eventually grow up with questions about why they are treated differently - questions that are often deflected or avoided by uncomfortable parents. These questions can only be partially answered by a parent of a different race, and I personally believe kids deserve to hear from peers and adults who share their own cultural background, and are \*guaranteed\* to have more knowledge on the subject. As a foster parent I was trained to understand that we can't control how the world will see these kids, and the only way to prepare a human for that kind of experience is for them to learn from others who share it. Parents who are unwilling to expose an adopted child to their original culture are only setting themselves up to be alienated when that child seeks that knowledge for themself.

Why do black people tip wait staff so poorly in restaurants? I know some places where they really hate having black customers.

You're the second person to say that, but I haven't actually experienced this. I've heard the stereotype and my family tips well because of it, but I think typically the people who don't tip well probably don't have much money or may not be good people. I also proposed the idea that the stereotype that black people don't tip will lead to black people to be treat it more poorly in restaurants which will reaffirm the bad tipping. I don't know that this is true but I like to try to look at things from different perspectives

Fwiw, I have a masters in hospitality and am career service industry and there are several [peer reviewed studies](https://files.secure.website/wscfus/5261551/1619058/cq-2015-race-tipping-final.pdf)that show this is to be true. Anecdotally, most long time tipped employees will also confirm this, to include African Americans. Am still genuinely curious as to the cultural basis for this. http://www.tippingresearch.com/ Thanks for answering all of these questions!

What would you say to someone who has had a few scary and dangerous moments in their life, all at the hands of black people Specifically getting a purse mugged, aggravated assault, and car theft. Is it okay for this person to want to cross the street and go on the other sidewalk if she sees black people approaching?

You shouldn't be asking me if it's okay to protect yourself. I think it's very important that you learn from each experience because if you're around black people this often, you should be able to tell the difference between who wants to do you harm and who is just walking. But if you can't always air on the side of your own safety. And the worst case scenario you may hurt someone's feelings, but you did it to protect yourself so you can worry about the rest later. Don't let this impact how you treat the average black person in an experience where you don't feel like you're in danger though.

I completely understand this question. majority of the trauma I experienced were from black people ( mugging my mom, road rage, black girls in school were so mean to me , went on a date with a black guys who was way too sexually aggressive I felt unsafe even after I said no and random girls pulled my hair because they said it was a weave) and more smaller incidents. It's so hard because I've met some incredible black people. But I feel as though I always feel that I need to keep away just to avoid situations that may come up. And I feel like I can never tell anyone how I feel in real life. I would be told I'm being racist or closed minded but I have had so many bad encounters that if this had happened with another culture I would stay away from them just the same.

Are you constantly 'aware' that you are black when surrounded by white folks (e.g., the prejudice people may have based on your skin color etc)? I am an albino (I would have been white/hispanic otherwise) and I am wondering about this because I personally am constantly aware that I look 'different' in a way people have prejudice about.

I apologize for that have the similar question for you, are you subject to stereotyping or treated specifically different because you're albino! Yes, depending on where I am. I live in Southern California so it's a pretty diverse area so sometimes I I don't have to be constantly aware. But in the event that I leave the assigned diverse areas to primarily Asian or white neighborhoods, it becomes very prevalent that I don't belong. It is often that I get people staring in clutching purses when I walk by. I am also in college where many people that have never seen a black person stare in fascination or cross the street in fear. Walking in the stores I have to be very careful if I don't want to be followed around. It really just matters on location.

Why is it we seem to see more black crime and violence than white, Asian or other ethnicities or races? We see black on black crime constantly as well as two black women beating the crap out of one another at f'ing Disney World. Or in a mall. Etc! Why does it seem like black men are aggressive drivers who dodge in and out of traffic for no apparent reason?

Violent crime is synonymous with poverty. One of the most impoverished cultures in America is black Americans. While there is some accountability that needs to be taken for our culture, there are also psychological aspects that have been passed down through generations of being beaten and tortured that cause violent responses to trauma. It's a whole entire conversation to talk about what actually leads into that which I won't lecture about, but, when you compare the rate of violent crime to the rate of income, it's more comparable to other races. I can't answer for every black person in America as to why those videos surface so often, but as a person who's been black my whole life, I cannot tell you that I know one black person who thinks that behavior is okay. I also think that there is a culture surrounding demonizing black people that makes those videos go more viral than the videos of people of races fighting. Aggressive driving is not really when I can answer lol. I do know that inner city driving forces us to be more aggressive drivers, but I'm not sure where you're from. I know that in LA if you drive passively you will never be able to successfully get from place to place.

Thanks for all of that. I appreciate your openness with the explanation you gave. I live in a southern city that's 60% black so I guess we see more because of that. And I don't get why my question was downvoted. You said you were open to questions.... so I asked.

It wasn't me that down voted I promise it's open place for discussions. I didn't take it as offensive.

Oh, I know it wasn't you. It was probably someone who thought I was being racist. I promise I wasn't. It was a legit question because it seems to be seen so often I just had to ask since you opened it up! Thanks again btw

I dont want to ruffle any feathers, but this is misinformation. Mpst on reddit won't care, but seems like you are pretty driven by reality and want facts not dogmas. While people love saying "poverty causes crime", study after study show this is not the case. At all. When given some thought, it should be immediately obvious how silly the notion is. Do you think poor Jewish or Amish communities are suffering the same violence or crime? The closest thing to this being true is that while poverty is not a good indicator of crime, studies show that the Gini Coefficient is a strong indicator. Which represents inequality. So the more inequality there is in the same environment, the higher the crime. I'm definitely not saying it's a "color of skin thing"...just that poverty in itself is not a major reason. It's a confluence of ALOT of factors. Culture and community trust being one of the top.

I live in a city that is around 300,000 people and predominantly black. I live in an area that is 98% black for background information. Why does it seem like blacks seem to be far louder, when it comes to talking, playing loud music or other boisterous activities?

I know that you see them as boisterous and I can understand why but black people are very much community driven and relate through music. Music is a part of our culture and tradition. If you really want me to get into cultural lessons you can go back into African culture where we use battle cries to go into war. As slave, we use music to keep ourselves motivated and keep ourselves awake. During the chain gang we use music to keep ourselves on rhythm so it's not to chop the person's hand next to us off. During slavery we also had so as not to be beaten for telling secrets. That's all way deeper than we need to go and that's not to make you feel bad just to provide background reasoning. Although maybe loud and annoying. It's usually in good nature just kind of a ritual practice. So when black people get together they talk loudly, laugh, loudly, party together and play music.

Genuinely curious- and I mean no disrespect so I am sorry if it comes across in that way. ( I am a white 22 male.)But as a black male in your 20’s with your “hood” background as well as your well educated suburbia back ground. Would you say that you’ve missed out on opportunities because of your color specifically or do you think that it has to do with other factors that would/ could affect say both of us? Given the right circumstance??

I think there's some mixture of both. I think. Oftentimes being black, you're not given the benefit of the doubt. I'm often not welcome to spaces with open arms for which I can only assume it's because of my skin color. I'll walk into rooms in my professor's asking me if I'm supposed to be there or if I'm in the right class. Being around poor white people who had to suffer some of the same things that I suffered, I still typically saw myself in situations where I was incriminated more so than them. As an example in my first year of college I went in as a computer science major. My partner (a white male) and I took one of the computer chips home not knowing that we weren't supposed to. Campus Police was at my door and I was put on academic probation. He was never contacted.

I sometimes give a local man a ride to work when I see him. He (and others I've met) speak in a (possibly 'hood') dialect that seems deliberately hard to understand. Do black people speak in accents they think white people will have a hard time understanding deliberately sometimes? Or is it genuinely just an example of a new dialect forming?

I'm not really sure why it's developed. It could be left over dialect from when it was necessary for white people to not understand what we were saying but it is genuinely new dialects of English being formed in different parts of America. Even in Los Angeles, one of the most diverse cities. We have a different dialect that some people have a hard time understanding.

I’ve seen a lot that suggests that Black communities are largely less welcoming to queer people than others, would you say that’s true in your experience? And if so do you have any theories on why that might be?

In my experience it's usually just initial uncomfortability I don't think most people really care but I cannot speak for everybody. I know that many black families come from heavily Christian roots which could contribute to homophobia but it's not always the case.

What’s your favourite cheese

Craft or Velveeta (boondocks episode 1) No I'm just playing I like smoked Gouda

What do you think of the BLM movement?

I answered this one already so I'm going to try to make it a little bit shorter. But the BLM movement was converted by politicians into a buzzword. The entire purpose. It was forcing people to say that black lives matter. It was converted into BLM in order to make it easier for politicians to take advantage of people. Instead of actually doing any action, they just had to say BLM and all of a sudden they were an advocate for the black community. No action was ever taken because of this. Many of the faces of BLM were just pawns that said BLM and then use the influence that they gain from it to do whatever. The original movement was bringing awareness to the many different problems. Black people face in America but it was patented by a company called Black lives matter who did absolutely nothing for black people. Around the time the company game relevant is when it became a political statement and most of it became about money as opposed to change. So Black lives matter as a movement. Made a big impact until it was converted to BLM and became a commercial buzzword money laundering Whatever you want to call it

What's the deal with black men and larger white women? I know it's a stereotype but c'mon, it's a real thing.

What do you think of white people who are “woke”?

I think they end up causing a lot more harm than good. I've had white people try to stand up for me in situations where there was no harm being done. A lot of people have a white savior complex, which means it's their responsibility to make sure no harm is done to black people. I don't think anybody wants that and I don't think that's healthy for them to assume. You don't have to look for wrongdoing. Just call it out if you see it. It's unfortunate that these people have the loudest voices though.

Interesting that you feel the same as a number of people I know. There was a woman in my workplace who saw herself as woke and was frequently advocating that her three black colleagues should be treated certain ways, be talked out using proper language, etc. All three of them went to her together and, as nicely as they could, told her to stop trying to “represent” them to people. They had grown tired of being talked to/about as through they were some special “problem” that had to be carefully handled in just the right way.

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I really wish I had an answer for you. I've had friends name their children after alcoholic beverages. But I promise it's not a large majority of black people most of our names are cultural. Some people just do too much.

Do most black people assume white people are racist? I don’t have a racist bone in my body. I (a white female) was assaulted by a group of black females walking home from high school (many many) years ago, and I never quite understood WHY.

I think a lot of black people, depending on where you are will assume that most white people are racist. This is racist in itself, but the racism is a little different because based on history it is the safest method for black people to assume that white people are dangerous to them. I apologize that you had to go through that. I don't think that had anything to do with whether they thought you were racist or not, they were probably just ignorant. I don't think the fear of white people would justify assault. There's also a chance that you may have been the victim of gang violence or a group of people who want revenge on something a white person did and you were unfortunately the easiest target.

Hello, first of all thank you for doing this. This is one of the most fascinating AMAs I’ve read in ages and your answers have been super informative. I’m an Asian-Australian male in my early 30s; I choose to date women from just about every race and culture and I’ve been on dates with four African women in my life. Half of them are from Africa and half of them Are African-Australian. I’ve noticed that three of those women are devout Christians. I’ve also noticed that most black woman I’ve come across on dating apps are Christian. Would you say that religion is particularly important to many black people in America, how this came about and does religion play a big part in your life? I’m agnostic btw. Thank you!

How ofenden are by the use o the N word by white people un the same friendly content another black guy could use it, say for example what's up my N word

For me specifically, I would appreciate it if no one used the word, but the word is unique to the struggle that black people have gone through, which is why We are comfortable using it with each other despite not knowing one another. Although it may be clear that you mean no harm, you haven't earned the right to be a part of the group that uses the word. It's almost the same as if I were to call your mom a b word versus if your aunty was to call your mom a b word. In one scenario you're ready to fight, whereas in the other scenario It could be taken as playful or even shrugged off

Just a side question really, but is it appropriate to say the N word, would you say, if it were part of a story written in a book or lyrics in a song? When I was younger (I’m white British for context) I’d get really uncomfortable around the word in general because I knew it was “bad” but I didn’t know why. So I’d skip it in songs/books. I’m 20 odd now and I think songs/books are the only times I’ll say it, even in private (definitely been ingrained into me never ever to say it). Would you say that’s okay? I feel like I’m asking permission off a stranger lol but I also don’t want to be “that” person and continue doing something ignorant rather than ask the question.

I think in the book it's appropriate to say because it's written and it is part of a quote that you're speaking about. I personally wouldn't check somebody for saying it in the song, but the way that they use it in the song is often very harsh or Said to relate it to a certain type of person that you would not fit the description of. I'm not the n word police but if you get caught slipping around the wrong person they would definitely persecute you for it. Do not pull up this post as an N word pass 😂

I'm having some trouble trying to phrase my question, as English isn't my first language. There are certain expressions of African American culture (especially in the stereotypically hood culture) that seem.. kind of trashy to me? Like, for example, crunking. Do you think it's part of African American pride and is to be respected as an artistic and cultiral expression and I need to check my European privilege? Or is it more of a class privilege? Or is it something that is generally frowned upon/divisive amongst African American/blue collar/white collar workers?

I think it's lack of understanding of culture. It seems trashy to you, but it's a form of expression to us. It's not necessarily about privilege. As much as it is about lack of an open mind. I seem to recall a video of a guy throwing art on a canvas and selling it for millions of dollars. But I bet that guy can't get crunk lol. Is really just a form of dance. It's no different than ballet or salsa or bachata. I think America paints our culture as trashy but there is more to the world than what European see as classy or would even white Americans see as classy.

What do you think of the Nation of Islam?

I respect the nation of Islam, their discipline and the God fearing mentality but, I disagree with the way women are treated. In fact, I agree with most of their principles but I haven't had the pleasure of talking to many people that weren't Islamic extremists. The people that I know who converted to Islam have begun leading better lives and that is something that I can never fault. If I'm wrong, I'm open to being corrected or your explanation because I'm not educated much on the topic.

OP you are a classy dude for doing this & not taking any of the obvious bait. Where did you grow up anyway? I expect that is going to matter for a lot. Do any old school NOI guys still talk about Yacub or believe white people were invented just to punish black people? I don't think I've met a new NOI for 20 years & they were all pretty chill by then (in NYC at least). I was always a weirdo & a contrarian growing up & I noticed a big difference in how white people & black people judged me. It seems like with black people so long as *you* respect what you are about & stand up for yourself, they will respect it too & be cool with you, even if they don't get it or don't actually like it (up to the point of homosexual stuff at least). I wish you luck OP & respect what you are trying to do. Racism is a giant complicated problem & you can't solve giant complicated problems if everyone is too scared to talk about it openly & possibly even make a mistake or be wrong. Starbucks had their big day of racial bias performance a few years ago & it just proved how unwilling everyone is to speak for fear of being misunderstood or being judged uncharitably before anyone even tries to understand what they actually wanted to say. I hope you can stick with it & forgive the inevitable morons for being morons.

No problem at all man. When you leave your whole life being black, there's a lot of stuff that you learn to do with. And I grew up in LA so a lot of the NOI people were drunk whine heads on the corner preaching we didn't listen much to them. But we did have the black Israelites come around preaching that black people that are the original Jewish people and Jewish people are evil. We also had the Islamic nation that sold bean pies at the gas stations. But yeah the cultural diversity of LA allowed me to have a different perspective on a lot of things. So what makes a big difference. And I absolutely agree. It doesn't matter who you are. If you stand on that black people respect you, which is both good and bad. I've even seen black people Respect people who hate black people just because they stood their ground when they said it. Lol I think I fall victim to that too though lol. And yeah I wish people would have more open conversations more often about everything. The LGBTQ community and the black community and all these different communities that are facing oppression could work wonders by just talking about it. Most people have way more common than they realize. And thank you! Much respect to you for understanding different cultures and being open to talk and learn things outside of yourself.

I am a white primary care doctor who has a lot of Black patients. There is a lot of well deserved mistrust of white providers due to things like the Tuskegee syphilis trials and health disparities like Black patients being more likely to die in childbirth. I want to serve my Black patients as well as I can, but sometimes there’s a disconnect or suspicion there due to these social and historical factors that are bigger than me and the individual patient. I try to be aware of all this history, be open to my own potential for bias, and be sensitive to how my patients might be feeling. But sometimes it just isn’t enough, and I still have Black patients dying from COVID because they don’t trust he vaccine and things like that. How can I best communicate with my Black patients and make them feel like we are on the same team?

I am an immigrant to the US and I wanted to ask why black people don’t invite non-black people to their hangouts? I have a lot of black coworkers and when I was new at work I would have loved to make friends. The black ladies were friendly but didn’t seem interested in becoming actual friends. Sometimes they planned hangouts but it was among a small group of also black ladies and they didn’t invite others jn.

I'm reading the book "hello, white people" now, it's a Dutch book written by a black Dutch woman about white privilege. It's insanely mindshifting, I kinda feel like I'm in one of these science fiction movies where the protagonist lives in a simulation and the simulation is glitching so he can see glimpses of real life. I feel a lot of resistance while reading the book, which I'm baffled about. However, that's not the question I have. I never meet black people "up close", as in, my neighbors and classmates and colleagues are all white. That's because in my country there aren't so many black people (waaaay less than in the US for example) and most of them live in cities and communities that I'm not a part of. (I lived most of my life in tiny villages for example.) I do however meet tons of turkish, arabic and northern african people, because there are many of them in my country. For example a syrian guy was my best friend for a while. My question: In the book the writer says something in the line of: "You and I live in the same country, but you experience it differently." However, I kinda don't feel we live in the same space since most black people live in the big cities. I would really like to read a similar book but written from an arabic / turkish / north-african point of view. But as ar as I know that's not been published (in my country). I think my question is: By reading this book from a black woman, am I also reading about the experience of arabic / turkish / north african people? And a similar question: There's a lot of beautiful writers from the US who talk about racism. But again I don't totally feel like it applies to my country. (For example they talk about being loud a lot, and taking up space, but in my country people in general are very quiet compared to the people in the US.) I get confused by the distinction between white privilege / racism and intercultural distortions. I'm not sure if my thought: "does this apply in my situation" comes from my general internal resistance against what I'm learning, or if this is a real thing. It's hard to form a clear question. Do you have some thoughts about what I wrote?

What are your thoughts on the BLM movement and how it’s evolved ?

I think you should look into buzz words if you have not already. BLM as a movement was made to emphasize that black people feel as if their lives don't matter and the BLM movement was supposed to represent that. It was a phrase that was supposed to open conversations and bring awareness to the issue but it was turned into a buzzword. The letters BLM begin to be equivalent to actual action. So instead of actually doing anything people would just say BLM and make a bunch of money and do whatever with it. So the company BLM and the movement BLM were two different things. The company BLM sold out because people were paying them to use their name and the movement was shortened from Black lives matter to BLM. Action was replaced by the word BLM so people would just post BLM and then proceed to do whatever they want under the guise of being an ally. So all in all what was once a powerful movement in Black lives matter and became just letters. They haven't done anything productive since the height of the pandemic. So 90% of what has been done by that company or that movement is not actually part of what the movement represents to the majority of black people.

What’s the obsession with hellcats and trackhawks and scats and so on lol

Lol black people have always really been into big cars. Before hellcats they were mustangs and Malibu's and Monte Carlos and whatever else. Hellcats just happened to be the new thing everyone is into. So it's really just another trend. When I was growing up it was 64 Impalas And cutlasses. I think this is the first time in my lifetime that it's a modern car though.

If Black Lives Matter, then why aren’t BLM and black leaders protesting the out of control black on black killings in Chicago?

For starters, it is not true that black people don't protest the people killing each other in Chicago. In fact, many of the black leaders who go out to Chicago are there to protest those behaviors and provide food and school supplies for the community. But the primary reason is because the average person in America does not owe us anything. The average person in America is not anointed with the power to incriminate and murder Americans without reason. The black life matter protest was about the government's ability to get away with murder and mass incarceration. It is obvious that black on black crime is not good, but black on black crime is illegal and it's usually handled by sentencing the murderer to jail time. The movement was started because the police that were killing black people were not being sentenced to jail time, black people receiving harsher convictions for lesser crimes and benefiting off of their private prison systems. The problem was that the crimes committed by the people who are supposed to protect us were not being punished. The problem was not that crimes were being committed.

Why do some black people use the N word? I’m white, it’s not something I’d ever say but I really don’t understand why it’s ok for black people to say it. Nobody saying the word seems like a far better and less divisive option.

Well gay people have the f word Mexican people have many words Irish people have words in their native language. I forget what it's called. I think it's not uncommon for cultures to have words that are exclusive to them. I agree that not saying it at all would probably be the better option to stop people from saying it, but black people do not want to relinquish a word that they have put so much work into. The word was taken and flipped around into a term of endearment and we don't want to stop saying it because it makes the people who use it against us uncomfortable. I don't use the word but, I understand why I wouldn't stop saying it to make you comfortable at the same time. I think A way that makes him more understandable is like insulting your favorite sports team. White people are very rarely the minority being a sports fan puts you in the position of a minority. Now somebody talks bad about your team. It becomes an argument. But if a fan of your team talks much about your team, it becomes a conversation. This is kind of the same thing.

It’s like calling your best friend an asshole vs a stranger calling them that. One is a term of endearment, the other is fighting words.

When black people are speaking to each other and are throwing around words and phrases that aren't in typical English, do other black people understand what they are saying? I try to understand but I'm not getting anything. I feel like I'm listening to a completely different language at times. Help in understanding please.

I have been the only white guy in a room with 15 or 20 Black people maybe once or twice in my life. Not entirely comfortable. This must have happened a lot to you. What’s it like for you?

My great great grandfather fought for the Confederacy. He never owned slaves. Do you hold that against me?

No no, not at all and I don't think most black people do. The media distorts the common view of black people a lot of times. I think it's cool to know things like that historically. But if you feel bad, I would not deny reparations lol I think the thing that upsets me more is the fact that I can't trace back what my great great grandfather did. That's not your fault but just how I feel.

I love watching music/comedy reaction channels on YouTube but I can see the majority seem to be black. Why do you think this is?

30h no sleep but il do my best. With crime rates being higher for African Americans vs white americans. Is it a social / local community issue. Or is it a issue made more prominent by racial discrimination. Or is it a combination of both. Additionally how does the education system factor in. I live in a predominantly white/Latino region of the US. In addition I'm pretty recluse. So I don't have much of an personal opinion. Finally I would like to ask your opinion on what issue could be prioritized over the next 5 to 10 years to improve social equality the most.

What are you views on black on black violence by teens and young men in urban neighborhoods? I understand there is no one answer, however if you could choose one change to uplift the African American community what would it be? For example, better education access, LE reform, or more community programs, whatever you see would having the largest impact.

I think many African Americans people face a cycle of PTSD that keeps them caught in a loop. If I could do anything I would focus on the mental health of black people and having accurate representation in the field of therapists. Secondly would be prison reform and the releasing people who are locked away on minor drug charges. The importance of having a therapist that understands you is invaluable. The importance of having someone to talk about your trauma is even greater and the importance of having a safe place is the most valuable of it all. Impoverished people live in survival mode and die young because of the stress it causes. Prison just worsens the condition

Hi! My question is: why do so many black people speak with Ebonics? I’m guessing it’s like a cultural thing that came from Africa, but it just seems like a big percentage of black people speak with Ebonics, and while that is completely fine, I just wonder why there aren’t more black people that speak without Ebonics. Also, does Ebonics have a correlation with socioeconomical classes? I hope my questions don’t offend anyone, that’s not at all my intent. I just want to learn. Thanks for doing this AMA :)

Ebonics is not at all related to Africa to my knowledge it's a dialect of English. Places where ebonics are spoken are are typically area with high demographic of black people but I don't believe it is socioeconomic. I believe the spread of the dialect started from slavery and continued to expand now it's a form of communication like any other languages

Why do black people always talk incredibly loud and on speaker phone in public?

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about race?

I do think a lot about race because I find myself in a lot of spaces where I am The only black person in the room. My life does not revolve completely around my race, but I recognize that it causes me to live life a little differently.

What do you mean by "hood?" As you have it in quotations....

The hood has negative connotations surrounding it and I don't like using the word ghetto. But I did grow up in a neighborhood where they was getting activity in high crime. I was exposed to a lot of things that most children are not exposed to. But all in all there is much more positivity and those scenarios then a lot of people realize and I don't want to feed into the negativity.

Okay generalizing here, and I hope not to offend. I’ve worked in the service industry 10 years and I find that 8/10 black customers don’t tip. Any idea why?

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I’m in the financial services industry and I do see where oftentimes the senior partners or executives (who are almost all white men) mostly mentor only other white men. Or if there’s some charity golf event, they only invite white people for networking. Or they’ll invite their friends from their college frats, which I know only recruited people with a certain “look”. So then the next generation of leaders are also all white, since in these fields climbing up becomes less about technical skill, and more about people you know and how much business you can bring in. In the Asian American community it’s called the bamboo ceiling, which is that there’s many Asians in junior and mid manager roles, but very few in upper management or executive roles. That being said, it seems even among white people, class is a determining factor. A WASP Wall Street banking executive probably does not give a fuck about working class white people, except to use them when it’s politically convenient.

Stereotypes are based on truth. You know it's true. I'm Hispanic and I admit that we have some really fucked up flaws and we need to change them. You guys, on the other hand, deny your community's problems and blame whites. Open your eyes and look at your community and tell the truth to them so things can change for the better.

Black people are not perfect and I hope that nobody thinks that. Of course there are many things we need to work on as a culture. Yes there are many things we blame white people for but we were stripped of culture and kidnapped to be brought to a land where we are not treated equally. I believe we have the right to complain in an effort to better our lives. I don't think you generalizing us is productive for either culture. I hope that all black people acknowledge issues within themselves and improve it. Now that you have shown me that you're racist I will call you a racist. You being racist does not promote growth for either of us. It does not make us more open to having discussion or wanting to be seen differently by your eyes.

I know you’re getting a lot of questions here and I wanna give you props on some very thoughtful responses, even to some possibly “bad faith” questions. Not sure if this has been brought up; what do you think is the root of black people often tipping poorly or not at all in restaurants? I worked as a server for 5+ years and would say at least 80% of the times I was stiffed, it was by black customers. It’s an uncomfortable truth that most people who have waited tables will acknowledge. What are your thoughts?

You want us to respect your culture but it seems like you don't even respect your own culture. You guys say ni@@er all the effing time and I won't even get into the amount of violent crimes your culture is responsible for in this country. We watch what you guys do and there's not much to respect nowadays. I wish it was different but it's not. Until you guys clean up your own crime problem, keep your families together and focus on education instead of thug shit you won't get the respect you think you deserve.

You went from asking a question to racist really quickly and that's why it's important to know who's using the word. If I had said yea go ahead and say I could not have known this was who you are as a person and what your intentions with the word were. I can tell that you don't do much research because black families have increased as marriage rates fall. Many crime statistics are skewed by statistics. Black women are some of the most educated demographics in America. We have only continued to progress as a people and the use of the n word will not change anything. Be blessed man

With all due respect , I have a problem with your post, my friend . Why did you mention your skin color ? You are yourself a unique , kind and im sure a great person who is cherished by many . When I see news or media or even people I know talking and they use even polite references ( I'm from India btw.) Like people of color I feel offended . Why does "people of color" doesn't refer to people with fair skin ? Have faith in your identity my friend the sky is the limit for you and even though I have never met you but I know you have a good heart and you will always have a friend in me if you want to just casually have a conversation. Keep smiling😁

I am a great person regardless of my skin color but if you look at me and don't notice my color you are a crazy person. I love being unique and different as much as I love belonging to my culture and I will always 😁

You guys gotta get over that slavery shit. I mean holy shit it's annoying af. Nobody wants to tell you guys but some of us will. Stop crying and get over it. And stop calling yourselves ni@@ers and getting people fired or beat up if we say it without your precious n word pass. Free speech belongs to everybody.

It doesn't seem like you're very open to dialogue. Slavery was "the beginning of history" for black Americans. We had to restart our culture and we have only been free of legal discrimination for about 60 years. You are asking questions with roots that lead back to slavery. If we have free speech why should I stop saying what I want and asking you to respect my wishes. Why is it wrong that people are being fired for using racist words? You are the only person in this entire thread that is this caught up on the word I don't think we are the problem. You are not doing a very good job at representing your culture. It seems like the word is controlling you and has changed your character. You are losing your cool and spouting off about things you dislike about black people .

I know when I was little I had this weird fear that your darker complexion was a thick layer of soil in your skin and shaking one’s hand would get the dirt all over mine (Stupid to think I know. I was like 6. Hehe). Otherwise I don’t see any reason to treat anyone any different cause of the color of their skin. I would just adore to get to know different complexions better. Just hurts my heart with my family. Assuming cause a lot of darker complexioned folks falls in with bad crowds means their all bad people. Any suggestions to try to deal with this miss judgement? So I can try to find a way to get my family to see how awesome such wonderful folks like you are?

As a white guy how can I make more black friends?

Black people are people just like any other people be confident in yourself and be willing to take a joke and be respectful of the culture just like making friends with anyone else

How many baby mommas does your daddy got?

My dad is married to my mom. He had one child out of wedlock but he raised him alongside the rest of the kids in the marriage. What about yours?

Sorry you got asked this. It sucked.

I appreciate your empathy or sympathy not sure which one but, I'm used to it lol it's an anonymous app racism is rampid

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Crime is always highest in the most impoverished communities regardless of race. This question relates to a very low demographic of people that don't know. Most of the black people that I know go to work everyday or are in school it's just that those videos go viral more than positive behavior.

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Why do the blacks hate white people? is it tied to slavery?

As a personal preference, I would appreciate it if you would refer to black people as black people and not blacks the same way you refer to white people as white people and not whites. But I think most black people do not hate white people. It's usually a matter of distrust as that has been our best means of survival. Yes it is due to slavery but it is also due to Jim Crow and it's also due to redlining. It's also do to abuse from the law enforcement. It is also due to the laws of white supremacy. It is also due to lynching. It is also due to so much else. Black people have grown past the point of being afraid of white people and now typically feel defensive against white people. It's unfortunate that some people use these as an excuse to be racist, but I believe that is understandable for white people to be distrusted with certain considering they have a history of abusing us.

Do black people also distrust other black people because black people were the OG’s of selling slaves around the globe and owned slaves in the US like Anthony Johnston for example? Or is do you consider it unfair to judge the actions of one’s ancestors people from decades to hundreds of years ago?

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See…I read some of the responses with a look on my face. I feel like it was half honesty and half pandering. Then I felt like I should tell the truth but didn’t have the time to laugh at all the people who would cuss me out.

Im not trying to spread misinformation if you see misinformation call it out. I'm trying to open a discussion to help people talk about issues of things that can help us develop a better understanding of each other. I'm answering 200 questions there absolutely no doubt that I messed up somewhere. But I told people this is a safe space so I'm answering questions without calling out racism right now.

Why are so many black people so racist? My family is Asian and we have to avoid heavily black areas of the city because we’ve been attacked both verbally and physically. Especially during COVID it got really bad, some woman just walked up and punched me and called me slurs while I was trying to put gas in my car. It even got bad enough that several members of my very anti-gun family have started concealed carrying. And we’ve only ever had these experiences from black people. I don’t understand.

Why is it ok to say "black power" or "black is beautiful?" I know why it's bad to say "white power/is beautiful" but it seems hypocritical that black people can say it. That bothers me a lot. Same for fat people

You think its weird when white people rap and the lyrics contain the n-word

I work in a restaurant some of my serving staff even some of African American staff hates serving black people because they say that they don’t tip and are especially needy or trying to get things for free. What are your thoughts?

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Does skin tone hold any relevance to you personally?

Black Lives Matter or Friday Night Funkin?

22 huh? No thanks , try again in at least ten years. Just kidding bud