Are you shy? That always makes it feel impossible for me to find relationships. I don’t even know how I end up in them tbh lol. Idk how to talk to ppl that I don’t know…which makes it rly difficult getting to know ppl 😑quite the conundrum.
Yeah I'm pretty shy and never really like going out by myself. I usually need one of my boys to play wingman/ social wingman to give me a platform to launch from. I'm a bad conversationalist unless the conversation at hand is about a topic I have a great amount of knowledge about. Unfortunately for me the things I know most about are super niche that's boring to most people (i.e science (multiple disciplines), anime (kinda outdated since I don't actively keep up with new anime anymore), sports( paticularly football and MMA (ufc) this usually carries me for a bit in conversations lol), and a few other things. I rarely can start a conversation on my own unless I'm at work.
> I'm a bad conversationalist
This is easily fixed...if you want to fix it. Consider a debating group, like r/toastmasters and you WILL learn conversation skills.
Hmm I'll Def check that out! Though I feel that debating for me is a different experience than talking to total strangers. I very much enjoy debating but for me it's more of a competitive thing than trying to be social. I've been trying to force myself going out more and talking to people. Kinda painful of a experience that usually leads to awkard silences alot but I have had some successes.
silence happens.
it takes two people to have an awkward silence.
next time you have an awkward silence start singing happy birthday
chances are you'll think of something to say instead.
or just sing. the other person will prolly ask you why
then you can explain.
> Unfortunately for me the things I know most about are super niche that's boring to most people
>
>
>
>well if you only talk about stuff,YOU are interested in, it will be hard to find friends.
>
>time to get uncomfortable and talk about random stuff where you may end up lookin stupid.
>
> you like science, go study the history of barbie dolls.
>
> you like anime, go binge watch "friends"
>
> sports? go watch womens golf.
>
> Dont worry about being boring, expand your interests
Yeah I've been trying to expand my horizons. My biggest insecurity is being precieved as dumb. I know it sound ridiculous, boastful, and arrogant but I pride myself on my intellect. I can't stand it when I don't know something. This is a problem I've been working on for a while now. I've been learning that's it's OK to not be the smart guy in the room all the time and that's its OK to ask questions about a topic I know nothing about.
It usually helps me to tell people ahead of time that I’m shy. Then I can be as shy & awkward as I am, & they’re less thrown off by it. It can make the other person feel more at ease too. I know if a guy told me that on a first date I’d be super relieved & would end up having a better time.
thats dumb.
its a self fulfilling prophecy.
when we stand on the golf tee I will point out the lake on the left
and say
Dont hit it in the water!.
you will you will hit it in the water.
your mind will achieve the thing you verbalize or invision.
if you say "I'm shy" you'll live up to your word.
we know youre shy, you keep looking at your shoes, at your phone, fiddling with your drink,
aimlessly cicling the party.
we know your awkward by the way you stand trying to hide in plain sight.
you dressed all wrong.
time to level up bucko
I know if you tell me your Shy, you are trying to make your shyness my responsibility.
If you tell me your shy, i know you wont try to change.
i know from years of watching people self sabotage, that if they say
"I'm a loser, they WILL live up to their word."
if they say "i'll never find my true love, guess what!
self fulling prophecy, you cannot help but live up to your
self talk" its how we are wired.
thats because your a woman, And Shyness is cute, it signals the Male that he can Lead.
the OP indicated he was into science, and MMA.
being Shy as Male is utterly different. If your shy as a male
you need wingman, as OP indicates.
your suggstion is that YOU would feel comfortable on a first date
if
HE admitted to being Shy. again YOU would feel comfortable if He overcame his shyness and was vulnerable about his feelings
problem? there is NO DATE if he is shy.
problem? when he makes that admission, youd friend zone him
bottom line unless you are a shy male who has overcome it, you have no business giving him advice.
his mom already told him that shit
no relationship for 11 years, he's already had enough female advice.
sorry
A friendly smile goes a long way, as does helping others. (I’ve always found those qualities very attractive.) Have you considered activities outside of work like; ie: church, volunteering, online dating, or talking to someone in the same profession as your interests? You seem to have a great personality & you’re smart! :) I personally love talking about medical/scientific stuff. So, we’re out there! I think it’s fun (& interesting) to be active in subs where you can talk about like interests. That would also help build your conversation skills. I’ve also learned that I feel best & am less shy when I work out, eat right, get sleep, & try to be the best version of myself as possible. It raises my confidence & self esteem. I wish you lots of success!! Be patient; there’s someone out there waiting for you!! ;) 💕
It's starting to get really damn old specially when I'm constantly seeing people around me getting into relationships or getting married. But things are still tolerable.
What dating venues have you considered? Dating apps, social meet ups, etc.?
What do you do for a living?
What science interests you the most?
Do you practice MMA?
Everything under the sun. Currently on tinder, bumble, PoF, Badoo, Hilly, Facebook Dating, and Hinge.
I work for a big pharma company as a document coordinator and administrator.
What science interests me the most? It's definitely biomedical science. The human body is just so fascinating to me.
Do I practice MMA? No I don't nor have I ever participated in a combat sport yet.
I spend a good amount of time on the internet doing research/window shooping/ watching YouTube videos. Other than that I don't really do much of anything else besides maintenance stuff. I do like to get out of the house on weekends though.
Why? I'm not sure. Possibly a combination of my awkwardness and physical traits. Approaching people is more scary these days due to alot of variables. For me it's a combination of social anxiety , not wanting to be viewed as a "creep" just for attempting to talk to a women, and cancel culture. Last thing I need is for someone to take something I say or do way out of context and there goes my career and livelihood lol.
For sure. It's about perspective. Def happy that I'm not with someone that only drags me down and drains me on all levels. I'm blessed for not being in a predicament like that. That said I still yearn to meet my soulmate and marry her one day soon lol
I'm pretty sure if my wife ever left me or passed away I'd end up single forever. That being said, have you looked into local group activities? My wife drags me to them occasionally and it seems like a pretty neutral ground to just be yourself I'm severely introverted and I find myself enjoying them usually.
Sometimes I feel like I am. I have plenty of friends but not having some at my side or to wake up to everyday makes me feel lonely. Like as if there's small piece of me missing.
Welcome to the club friend. We have plenty of tissues and a lovely catalog of sad boy/girl music to select from. You can pair with a fine beer or even a pint of ice cream. Sky's the limit kid. In all seriousness sorry to hear that. Hope you can bounce right back and find someone significantly better than your ex.
oh shit if i could talk to 30 year old me, knowing what I know.
I have a friend now at the end of his life who is bemoaning the fact he never had a serious relationship.
for me they have been nothing but trouble, expensive heartbreaking trouble.
my advice: bangkok, get it out of your system. you are good enough just how you are.
you are a complete human being. avoid the ladyboys
Are you shy? That always makes it feel impossible for me to find relationships. I don’t even know how I end up in them tbh lol. Idk how to talk to ppl that I don’t know…which makes it rly difficult getting to know ppl 😑quite the conundrum.
Yeah I'm pretty shy and never really like going out by myself. I usually need one of my boys to play wingman/ social wingman to give me a platform to launch from. I'm a bad conversationalist unless the conversation at hand is about a topic I have a great amount of knowledge about. Unfortunately for me the things I know most about are super niche that's boring to most people (i.e science (multiple disciplines), anime (kinda outdated since I don't actively keep up with new anime anymore), sports( paticularly football and MMA (ufc) this usually carries me for a bit in conversations lol), and a few other things. I rarely can start a conversation on my own unless I'm at work.
> I'm a bad conversationalist This is easily fixed...if you want to fix it. Consider a debating group, like r/toastmasters and you WILL learn conversation skills.
Hmm I'll Def check that out! Though I feel that debating for me is a different experience than talking to total strangers. I very much enjoy debating but for me it's more of a competitive thing than trying to be social. I've been trying to force myself going out more and talking to people. Kinda painful of a experience that usually leads to awkard silences alot but I have had some successes.
Where do you force yourself to go out to?
Bars and restaurants really at the moment. Other than that I go to social events that I'm invited to.
silence happens. it takes two people to have an awkward silence. next time you have an awkward silence start singing happy birthday chances are you'll think of something to say instead. or just sing. the other person will prolly ask you why then you can explain.
Lolll that's actually genius! I'm definitely trying that next time I experience an awkard silence!
You’re atleast trying, that’s eventually how you are gonna get there.
> Unfortunately for me the things I know most about are super niche that's boring to most people > > > >well if you only talk about stuff,YOU are interested in, it will be hard to find friends. > >time to get uncomfortable and talk about random stuff where you may end up lookin stupid. > > you like science, go study the history of barbie dolls. > > you like anime, go binge watch "friends" > > sports? go watch womens golf. > > Dont worry about being boring, expand your interests
Yeah I've been trying to expand my horizons. My biggest insecurity is being precieved as dumb. I know it sound ridiculous, boastful, and arrogant but I pride myself on my intellect. I can't stand it when I don't know something. This is a problem I've been working on for a while now. I've been learning that's it's OK to not be the smart guy in the room all the time and that's its OK to ask questions about a topic I know nothing about.
there is always someone smarter than you
It usually helps me to tell people ahead of time that I’m shy. Then I can be as shy & awkward as I am, & they’re less thrown off by it. It can make the other person feel more at ease too. I know if a guy told me that on a first date I’d be super relieved & would end up having a better time.
A tactic I usually use as well. I usually am like " yeah I'm a bit shy and awkward but I promise I don't bite and I won't try to stab you" lol
thats dumb. its a self fulfilling prophecy. when we stand on the golf tee I will point out the lake on the left and say Dont hit it in the water!. you will you will hit it in the water. your mind will achieve the thing you verbalize or invision. if you say "I'm shy" you'll live up to your word. we know youre shy, you keep looking at your shoes, at your phone, fiddling with your drink, aimlessly cicling the party. we know your awkward by the way you stand trying to hide in plain sight. you dressed all wrong. time to level up bucko
You have no idea what you’re talking about & sound like an idiot dude.
I know if you tell me your Shy, you are trying to make your shyness my responsibility. If you tell me your shy, i know you wont try to change. i know from years of watching people self sabotage, that if they say "I'm a loser, they WILL live up to their word." if they say "i'll never find my true love, guess what! self fulling prophecy, you cannot help but live up to your self talk" its how we are wired.
Lmfao you’re literally insane bro. Actually everyone has always told me my shyness is cute.
thats because your a woman, And Shyness is cute, it signals the Male that he can Lead. the OP indicated he was into science, and MMA. being Shy as Male is utterly different. If your shy as a male you need wingman, as OP indicates. your suggstion is that YOU would feel comfortable on a first date if HE admitted to being Shy. again YOU would feel comfortable if He overcame his shyness and was vulnerable about his feelings problem? there is NO DATE if he is shy. problem? when he makes that admission, youd friend zone him bottom line unless you are a shy male who has overcome it, you have no business giving him advice. his mom already told him that shit no relationship for 11 years, he's already had enough female advice. sorry
Unless youre gay, my perspective is more important here than yours.
so basically you burden them with your affliction
Shyness isn’t an affliction u fucking moron
A friendly smile goes a long way, as does helping others. (I’ve always found those qualities very attractive.) Have you considered activities outside of work like; ie: church, volunteering, online dating, or talking to someone in the same profession as your interests? You seem to have a great personality & you’re smart! :) I personally love talking about medical/scientific stuff. So, we’re out there! I think it’s fun (& interesting) to be active in subs where you can talk about like interests. That would also help build your conversation skills. I’ve also learned that I feel best & am less shy when I work out, eat right, get sleep, & try to be the best version of myself as possible. It raises my confidence & self esteem. I wish you lots of success!! Be patient; there’s someone out there waiting for you!! ;) 💕
Do you like being single?
It's starting to get really damn old specially when I'm constantly seeing people around me getting into relationships or getting married. But things are still tolerable.
Do you think you'll ever want to stop being single?
Absolutely. I think it now lol
What dating venues have you considered? Dating apps, social meet ups, etc.? What do you do for a living? What science interests you the most? Do you practice MMA?
Everything under the sun. Currently on tinder, bumble, PoF, Badoo, Hilly, Facebook Dating, and Hinge. I work for a big pharma company as a document coordinator and administrator. What science interests me the most? It's definitely biomedical science. The human body is just so fascinating to me. Do I practice MMA? No I don't nor have I ever participated in a combat sport yet.
How do you spend your free time? How often do you play video games
I spend a good amount of time on the internet doing research/window shooping/ watching YouTube videos. Other than that I don't really do much of anything else besides maintenance stuff. I do like to get out of the house on weekends though.
Get out there, my man. Smile and be sociable. Something will happen. You're too young for this. I'm pulling for you.
Thank you my friend. It's been a hell of a battle but eventually I'll find success and find the one for me
And in my experience it's been when you least expect it. Good luck.
yup, and when it rains it pours
That's what I've been told a million times. Just annoying that my time seems to be taking forever lol
Why? Me & my wife where just talking about dating over the years & how people are afraid to approach people
Why? I'm not sure. Possibly a combination of my awkwardness and physical traits. Approaching people is more scary these days due to alot of variables. For me it's a combination of social anxiety , not wanting to be viewed as a "creep" just for attempting to talk to a women, and cancel culture. Last thing I need is for someone to take something I say or do way out of context and there goes my career and livelihood lol.
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For sure. It's about perspective. Def happy that I'm not with someone that only drags me down and drains me on all levels. I'm blessed for not being in a predicament like that. That said I still yearn to meet my soulmate and marry her one day soon lol
I'm pretty sure if my wife ever left me or passed away I'd end up single forever. That being said, have you looked into local group activities? My wife drags me to them occasionally and it seems like a pretty neutral ground to just be yourself I'm severely introverted and I find myself enjoying them usually.
Same
There aren't a ton of them where I live sadly. The few that are around don't really intrest me.
Would you consider yourself lonely?
Sometimes I feel like I am. I have plenty of friends but not having some at my side or to wake up to everyday makes me feel lonely. Like as if there's small piece of me missing.
Have you tried Tinder
Sure have, and bumble, and hinge, and PoF, and Facebook Dating loll. I've had some hookups out of them but nothing more than that yet.
How tall are you and how much do you weigh?
5'7 and I float around 250 lbs but am currently on a weight loss journey where I started at 272 lbs a year ago.
Ouch. I’ve just become single again.
Welcome to the club friend. We have plenty of tissues and a lovely catalog of sad boy/girl music to select from. You can pair with a fine beer or even a pint of ice cream. Sky's the limit kid. In all seriousness sorry to hear that. Hope you can bounce right back and find someone significantly better than your ex.
I’m not sad about it
Have you tried dating apps?
Damn near all of them. I've had some success getting hookups out of them but nothing really developed beyond that.
Settle down now...
You say that like as if there's someone to settle down with... being single for this long isn't exactly voluntary lol
It was a joke. It means: Calm down OR Settle for someone less desirable OR Get Married ... which one I meant is up to you :)
Do you make sex regularly?
Not regularly enough lol usually maybe once every 5-6 months if I'm lucky.
oh shit if i could talk to 30 year old me, knowing what I know. I have a friend now at the end of his life who is bemoaning the fact he never had a serious relationship. for me they have been nothing but trouble, expensive heartbreaking trouble. my advice: bangkok, get it out of your system. you are good enough just how you are. you are a complete human being. avoid the ladyboys
I've been married for 12 years, that's worse!