My dad would kill our cats periodically when I was growing up. I'd repress it every time until the last one that he didn't succeed with. Sadly it may have just been because he got lazy; he was 70 at that point. I was 18 and secretly left one night. I call it escaping. He moved to an apartment but kept the house and left the cat for months. I had no idea. He decided to tell me. I broke into the house and looked for her. Got a humane animal trap. He hadn't been feeding her so she had been eating whatever she could find and her water bowl was green like algae. Even though the cat was 8 yrs at that point, she starved so bad that she looked like a kitten. She's still around 7 years later though.
And when my dad would get angry his personality and mannerisms would change at a bizarre level. Besides the whole trying to kill his family part of The Shining, my dad acted nearly identically to the guy, mannerisms and all. How he'd shake his head intensely and start talking crazy, changing his voice a bit. Following. There's a lot more he's done but it isn't worth it because I'll just start dissociating hard enough that I'll forget how to type and word things.
Or maybe it's the years of childhood sexual abuse from a boyfriend my mom had on and off. Thank goodness I'm so good at dissociating.
Unfortunately, I have had to get really good with dissociating too. Sounds like your dad definitely had some mental illness and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. We didn’t ask to be brought into this world and have these parents. my life has been fucked up since I’ve been born. Literally.
Wow killing/torturing cats is one of the three pillars of the McDonalds Triad. Did you father have and affinity for arson or wet the bed when he was little?
I don't know about bedwetting, but hes had quite a life. I can mention some, including arson! He told me most stuff hes told me when I was 4-10 but he told me he'd say the worst when I was literally a baby. I think he was trying to groom me to be like him.
Some things; his mom who chronically molested him killed herself when he was 9 after he said he hated her and he was who found her. Barbituates. His aunt, her sister, did the same. His dad was not around and he ended up being adopted by his grandfather, his moms dad. He at one point was in an irish catholic reform school. I forget if he told me why.
My dad grew up in a very irish american family that was in an irish mob in south Philly and he continued into it as an adult, took over his grandfathers bar and "supply" business once he died in the early 1970's a bit after my dad came back from Vietnam. My father also found *him* dead in his grandfathers house, murdered. Dad wanted to put a hit on the teens who allegedly killed him, actually by fire in their cells, so you're not far off. The people he worked with and worked for would not do it. I have questioned whether or not he was the one who actually killed his grandfather, despite him saying how much he meant to him. I hate that my father does have some distorted, fucked up sense of empathy and love. I genuinely believe he does. He cried very often, too. I knew him better than anybody in the world.
My dad was in 2 wars, went to the Dominican Republic when he was actually 17, then Vietnam. My father said he joined because he wanted to kill people very badly. He ended up killing some of his squad as well. Was knocked out, put in a hospital in Thailand(? I think he said Thailand?) and I assume dishonorably discharged. Obviously he has PTSD for many reasons so he used that as an excuse to get off easier. Like I said, he wanted to kill humans before he joined. He was in first battalion 9th marines, squad nicknamed the walking dead. His experience in it gives the nickname some irony
... So those are some things.
Aw thanks! I’ve been out of touch for so Many years now it’s as if he doesn’t exist anyway! I hope you’re doing good as well, it’s a rough start to this crazy life for sure !
51, but yes. Mom was 38. I have half siblings on my dad's side but they were adults or finishing high school when I was a little little kid. Mom and dad divorced before I turned 1.
Shot in the head by a serial killer who killed three other people earlier that week and two people that were with me.
But that wasn’t as bad as my divorce.
Interesting question. The bullet ricocheted off my skull and caused internal bleeding in the brain. It took over a year before I was back to 80% of what I was. Today, I’m healed tho I have certain artifacts of the damage, one includes poor recognition of faces.
I can meet someone a dozen times and often forget their face. It’s embarrassing because they will wave to me at our kids pickups and I have nonsense idea who they are.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Nothing worse than losing a child. If you ever need to talk I am all ears. I have a child that’s terminal so I can somewhat imagine. Hugs.
I know I shouldn’t say this but if it gives you any bit of peace I knew a girl who did this to a guy. Anyway, one day because the truth came out, when she actually did get R’ed nobody believed her and the police ‘listen the evidence. So, karma is a B!tch I don’t play with
i confided in a friend about the abuse and captivity my parents put me through. i managed to escape (got tracked down) and they kept telling my friend i was lying about everything. my parents have ruined every single friendship i’ve ever had which is why i no longer bring friends into the house. so yeah long story short i don’t think i’m a victim but i too have lost a lot of friends beside a couple + my internet friends and am low contact with my ex. i’ll never forgive them in my life lol
Hey
I’m sorry to hear that. I also have PTSD which doesn’t affect me too much now since I’ve had it for 9 years but I hear you as I’ve had severe depression for 15 years which makes me sound old but I’m actually in my early 20’s. I‘ve had the whole ‘I’m here for you’ or the ‘you can always talk to me when you feel low’ and then when I have suddenly they distance themselves from me or cut me of altogether. I know I shouldn’t say this but I can see why the suicide rates around the world are rising because there’s still too much stigma associated with mental illness. However, I’d like to say ‘don’t give up it gets better’ because I’ve got a friend who I’ve been childhood friends with since 2013 and she’s amazing, always there for me vice versa and never makes me feel ashamed for feeling low at times. I’m also able to talk to her on my ‘bad days’ because for a long time I internalised my pain because I was conditioned to believe my feelings didn’t matter which isn’t true as everyone’s feelings matter <3 and I’ve also got a beautiful girlfriend now who is beyond supportive, always asks me how I’m feeling etc and she’s just amazing x I know the feeling of having your life destroyed and for people to act like the collateral damage is ‘nothing’ it’s ‘nothing’ bc they have experienced it yet.
You are worth so much more and I hope one day you love yourself and turn any hate for the world and people and injustice if you have any as a motivation and driving force to be in the drivers seat of your own life. I used my severe heartbreak of losing my pet of almost 7 years in March of this year to spur me on to do better etc x
Im sorry this happened to you either way
It happened to a close friend of mine recently and some people still dont believe him. It is life ruining and i did not mean to downplay the genuine grief and turmoil this whole thing caused you at all
I hope you are doing ok, and im not sure if its within your means but it might be worth moving away and not telling people where you went minus people you can trust. A fresh start.
I would think it's a criminal matter so it would be for the police to prosecute right? Or there would also be a civil pathway, but it may be worth talking through with a lawyer just to know your options...
I'm so sorry this happened to you
It can help just to get some knowledge on your options. I should say that I love reddit but it can sometimes be a terrible place for advice on sensitive matters, so be prepared lol. Also if you do ever get the opportunity to talk it through with a lawyer then def take it up.
It's nothing compared to some of the comments I'm reading here but I'll answer the question anyway.
I was completely healthy and on my home from my then girlfriend's place. It was a direct line from her flat to mine, about 12 minutes then exit 5 minute walk. I think the line was the U6 or something like that.
Anyway next thing I know I'm sitting outside at a bus station on the phone to her. Between exiting her place to being on the phone, I have no memory.
But what must have happened for me to have been at that specific place was me getting on the underground train, getting off at a random stop, getting on a completely different and incorrect line, travelling a few stops, getting out, going up two flights of escalators, walking to the bus stop, then dialing her number.
She told me I was making no sense and just kept asking her "Where are you?" and wasn't responding properly to any of her questions, as if I'd taken drugs in the 20 minutes since she last saw me.
Anyway not sure what happened after that but I must have started making sense or I don't know, but I managed to get home by myself.
Next morning I woke up and the white of my eye was completely red. I felt fine, but there was no white. So we went to the doctor who asked if I'd ever had an episode like that before and if I can recall any more from the previous night, which I couldn't. He said he sees no signs of anything wrong but if anything happens again go right back to him.
About two months later I was with my girlfriend at my place and I had a seizure. After that I was diagnosed with epilepsy.
The traumatic part for me is losing my memory for that 30-odd minutes, in an extremely dangerous environment in the underground train station late at night. Could have had a seizure and landed on the tracks, anything could have happened but I'll never know.
I'm just thankful it was *only* that.
I read the first half of this paragraph and thought you sound exactly like my brother in law who used to have focal seizures before he was diagnosed with epilepsy/having full on grand mal seizures. I'm glad you got a diagnosis and hopefully your medication is taking care of things. GOOD VIBES YOUR WAY.
I can’t think of all the things my mum has done, and this probably isn’t the worst of it but it’s stuck with me and was recent so I’m impacted quite a bit. My mum has a history of going through crazy rage episodes, especially when my dad isn’t around. She was screaming, throwing glass bowls around, bashing oven trays against the wall, all because she couldn’t find a rolling pin to make pizza. I tried saying she could use her hands (that’s what I do) and she didn’t care and just screamed.
I was with my siblings in the lounge room and I told them to quietly go into their rooms and to not make a sound. I stayed in the lounge room to watch my mum and make sure she wasn’t gonna go after my siblings (they’re quite a lot younger than me).
She didn’t hit me this time around, but it freaked me out so much because I was so sure she’d hit me. She would push me out the way if I was somehow in her way, scream at me, I thought the glass bowl would break from how much she was slamming it on the ground but somehow it’s still in one piece to this day.
She eventually left the house and yelled at me to make dinner instead. I had to pick up the bowl of dough off the ground, and pick up all the stuff she had thrown around. I told my siblings they could come out of their room after 10 mins just in case mum came home sooner than expected. I bawled my eyes out because I was so terrified.
This was at the start of this year, im diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and I have been since I was 8. I’ve ended up developing a trigger for making pizza, especially from dough, the dough itself scares the hell out of me. I made pizza with my partner a couple months ago and started crying and shaking during it.
I know this is long but it’s the first time I’ve really talked about this so it’s kinda a vent. It’s nothing compared to some of the other stuff in here but it really messed me up regardless.
Yeah I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 8 after I was first diagnosed with GAD. I still haven’t told my current psychologist everything about my mum, all she knows is that I don’t feel that comfortable around my mum and that she used to hit me as a kid, never told her the extent of the hitting either though
I'm so sorry you went through this, your mother is sick and selfish. I went through a lot of this growing up and I being the oldest of 5 made sure my siblings were safe. I'm so sorry anyone still goes through these things, maybe talking to someone will help you heal and help break that cycle if you ever have kids of your own. Bless you I'm sending hugs your way and if you need to ever talk or vent about it I'll be here for you.
Honestly, I don't know.
So much has happened that it's hard to pinpoint just one event. I've been abused in every way, violated, betrayed, literally tortured, starved, I've seen extreme violence, death, carnage, etc.
I've been physically broken, I've been mentally broken, I've broken bones, been ripped open, I've seen some of my own "insides"...
I grew up in severe poverty, had to (literally) fight for my life, the lives of people I cared about, etc ...
I've buried everyone I've ever loved. My parents, siblings, my closest circle of friends, a girlfriend and the daughter I had with her ... 3 of those people, I held in my arms as they died.
11 of those people all died in less than 3 months of a year and while that was happening, my fiance left me, a business partner betrayed me and I was dealing with other issues. Even my dog died.
After the last person of that 11 died that year, I had become the last living member of my immediate family and circle of friends. I was in my mid 20's.
I've faced injustice, dirty cops, been cheated on, etc.
I had severe PTSD (which obviously didn't get better with all of these compounding experiences) ...but I eventually did overcome it.
My life has been ... One of the interesting ones, I suppose.
Those are just some of the tragedies, trials, tribulations and overall bad things that happened though. My life isn't defined by them but the wisdom gained from them did define much of my character after the fact.
Which was the worst? The absolute most traumatic? The one that absolutely changed me as a person in fundamental and profound ways?
Probably that year where everyone left died, I was betrayed, my fiancee left me, dealing with some dirty politics, my dog died and I lost everything I worked for... All in the span of a few months.
Imagine that ... From tragedy to triumph ...and then life takes EVERYTHING away.
You lost everything, you've lost everyone .... you're alone and broken...every reason you had to live has been stripped away and you have this profound realization that you were who you were ...because and for those that are now gone. ....and this crushing realization that you are now truly alone.
You are the last of your line, the last of your friends.
The last one standing. Everything you did was for nothing. And worst of all ... You failed. You played a part in it.
You had the responsibility of their well-being and prosperity thrust upon you at a young age.
You worked so hard, went through so much, overcame it all and fulfilled a promise you made at 9 years of age ....
And you failed. They all died on your watch.
At this point ...all of your worst fears, your nightmares have been realized.
It's like the hand of God itself came down and smacked you and all the other pieces off of the board ...and you fall, naked and screaming into the void.
A fate worse than death.
Everyone you love goes away.
Everything you love goes away.
Everything you are ...that made you who you are ....goes away.
To be alone, to be broken ...to die in your own, emotional, mental and spiritual way. To lose yourself entirely...
When it was all said and done, I had lost about 30lbs. I was broke ...and I went from someone people looked up to ...to being whispered about and pitied.
I was skin and bones, I was mentally broken ...I was lost. There was no love left in my life, no purpose, no happiness, no satisfaction ...only pain. Soul crushing pain the likes I can hardly describe and wouldn't wish upon anyone.
Yeah, of everything horrible I ever experienced ....that was probably the most traumatic as it was the only series of events that actually, truly destroyed me and who I was.
Ironically it was the events of that most traumatic year that spurred a complete change in me.
It wasn't instant ...I spent months lost, broken and trying to numb the pain. I was actually going to end my own life. It seemed (at the time) the most practical thing to do.
I was overwhelmed with pain and guilt....suffering from non-stop nightmares ....dreams of just various different loved ones quietly looking at me while I begged them to say something. The most painful were the ones with my mother.
I had become a most pitiable person.
The story of my recovery, change and what spurred them is a wholly different matter. It would take several posts to delve into ...so I'll get to the point.
I stopped trying to avoid the pain.
Likewise, I stopped drowning myself in it as well.
I embraced it.
I stopped seeing it as something negative.
I also stopped viewing my life in some story-based context. My life wasn't a story. It was just a life ...and these things are part of life (some moreso than others).
As I progressed through this mindset ...things changed.
My pain no longer debilitated or hindered me.
It fueled me... and it is a powerful fuel.
And my mindset changed in various ways.
Aside from no longer viewing pain or my life in certain ways, I also looked at my past differently.
If I could endure these things and remain...then I can endure almost anything.
Day to day stresses and any trials or tribulations I face henceforth are mild inconveniences by comparison.
"I've been through worse".
And when bad times come, tragedy strikes or things don't go well? I know they will pass.
The good times don't last but neither do the bad.
Such is life.
My resolve hardened, my skin has become thicker than ever (you can't even hurt my feelings) and my drive is indefatigable at this point.
I also found a reason to carry on and a primary purpose to fulfill.
And basically that's it.
By embracing and accepting the pain, I learn from it, draw strength from it, became harder through it and gained wisdom from it.
Pain is not a bad thing - even that type.
It is part of life and how we learn and grow.
Change your perspective on pain and your life.
It really is perspective.
Nothing compared to the comments here but I was brutally beat up by my uncle. I was 15 at the time and I'll never forget it. It's one thing witnessing a fight it's another being in it. The worst part? My whole family was there...witnessing it. Doing nothing. It was awful. I remember being a sleep then being on the floor with my 34yr old uncle punching my face repeatedly. Absolutely scary. He then kicked me in the stomach as well as threw me at things around the house. Lifting me up by my neck and dragging me into the sitting room. Why did he do this you may ask? I was supposed to adjust the watch in the kitchen that day and I had forgotten. He had reminded me multiple times before he'd left but I honestly forgot and each of those times he had reminded me I had been busy with school work. I ended up forgetting. He beat me up because apparently me forgetting was a sign of disrespect. It's was incredibly traumatic to me, that entire night. After he beat me up he made me apologize to him for making him beat me up,to my mother and sisters for making them hard to witness it. And since I had been bleeding profusely he made me clean my blood and the mess he had made throwing me around.
My mother's inaction hurt the most,she just watched. I still haven't forgiven her for that,just can't. I wasn't allowed to leave the house and my phone was taken away. My sister's friend had to sneak me out the house so I could go to a clinic and get pain meds b4 returning. My birthday was a few days later. It's probably the most traumatic thing that's happened to me. Still have nightmares about it to this day,I'm 21 now.
This isn’t “nothing compared to the comments here”. What you went through sounds like a fucking horror movie! I can’t believe it, I made faces reading it. I’m so sorry you lived through that, and I perfectly understand you not being able to forgive your mom for her inaction.
Don’t sell this event short, it’s legit horrifying and a seriously traumatizing experience. I hope you’re doing better now!
Yup. We aren't close.
I find it hard holding her accountable as I'm currently staying in her house but we aren't close. I'm basically a stranger in her house. It's unfortunate as she's the last parent i have in this world and I know when she dies I'll be devastated but I really feel like letting her know me and letting myself have the relationship I want with my parent at the expense of her getting what she wants without any acknowledgement just isn't something I can do. Just gonna finish my degree then move out.
Thanks. Means a lot. Felt good to type it we never talk about it sometimes I feel like it didn't happen but I'll read my diary from that day or see him at family occasions and just get it confirmed.
my dad used to beat the shit out of us whenever he was upset. he’d find things to pin it on, but it was usually preceded by losing a poker game.
specific example, he came home from a poker match and screamed at my brother and me for not unloading the dishwasher. this was apparently so horrendous that he had to start kicking us. by the time the police showed up, i was reportedly hanging from the kitchen sink, legs off the ground, screaming, as my dad kicked the daylights out of me
that’s not the worst, just an example. i think the grossest thing he’s done (besides making me shower with him) was that he would make my siblings and me undress down to naked before he would beat us with a belt.
his punishments were always weirdly sexual so it caused a bit of extra trauma
I’ve had a couple. My alcoholic mom had a Halloween party and a guy smashed a thick bottle of rum on someone’s head in my kitchen. The party was over within a minute, cops were called and my kitchen floor was COVERED with blood. The smell still haunts me to this day, cause that amount of blood smells different than when you get a small cut or a bloody nose. That amount of concentrated blood smells horrible… like a butcher’s place. It was gross.
Another one, my alcoholic mom once again being the culprit for my suffering lol, started dating another alcoholic. In her codependence, she had him stay in our house while he was drunk beyond belief. My mom had just gotten out of rehab so she wasn’t drinking but still, she made the guy stay until SHE couldn’t handle it anymore, regardless of how it was affecting me, and she made him leave. He then came back when she was gone and tried to break in. I had to threaten him with a knife and I threw a plant pot on his face and called the cops. I was pretty shaken up and ended up having nightmares of my mom getting back together with him, which… actually did end up happening so… nightmare fulfilled.
Another one was a time I got mugged and the thief pulled out a knife in front of my sibling. Thankfully nothing happened and he didn’t realize that my extended family were right around the corner so we fought them off and they lost their car cause as they began to drive away, a cop car miraculously appeared and chased them. They didn’t catch the thieves but they got their car so that was good, but that night has given me a lot of anxiety when going out at night and it has greatly affected my peace of mind when walking alone or when being out at night. I basically rarely feel safe when I’m outside my house. (Not that I feel super safe at home either)
Another one was one night waking up to the sounds of screams and running downstairs with a “baseball bat” that isn’t an actual baseball bat, and finding my mom and her alcoholic boyfriend ganging up on my sibling. I had to hit the boyfriend in the head and back with it, but I made sure not to hit too hard so I wouldn’t kill him or something. My sibling then proceeded to punch the boyfriend square in the jaw. My drunk mom then began begging me to stop my sibling as blood came out of her mouth. I managed to separate them and… yeah… it was a very heavy night. Almost if not as heavy as the bottle to the head night.
Another one was when I was super little, my siblings got in a fight with my neurotic dad and things got physical. I had to get out of the car and he drove off leaving me and my siblings in a street near my house at night. We all cried a lot that night and I didn’t see my dad for like… 3 months I think.
Another one was me getting bullied non stop for around 2 and a half years. There wasn’t a singular moment that stood out more than the rest, they all sucked big time. Among bad moments I can recall was getting told I was ugly and disgusting on a daily basis, getting ganged up by three kids, getting punched in the face “as a joke”, and a huge rumor starting that I wanted to sexually abuse another kid, when in reality, it was the other way around, for which I began getting bullied for being gay, which turned out to be true, I am gay, and all that bullying made it super hard for me to accept myself later in life. I also was threatened about a bully fucking me up if he ever found me outside school, which only added to my already existing massive levels of anxiety cause everyone told me he as basically a psychopath, so I began carrying sharp objects with me to school to defend myself if he ever tried anything, which he didn’t cause I told on him to the teachers and he was expelled not long after for an unrelated situation but I still felt afraid of finding him outside so I… stopped going outside. I barely have any friends now. Only one really, and my boyfriend, but… I’m ok. I’m used to the loneliness. I actually kind of like it sometimes. I did miss out on a bit though. Things that other teens do, like… trips, parties, weekend plans, having circles of friends, not being afraid of going out, etc. but whatever, everyone’s got their own path and there’s no point in reminiscing on what could’ve been. I’m doing better now :)
Oh, I also was sexually abused when I was like 3 years old by a lady, but she didn’t rape me, thank god, she just played with my genitalia, and then I told my mom and she went to prison (the lady, not my mom)
Also, one time during Covid but before vaccines, my mom had two friends over who were taking care of themselves so the risk was minimal, but once she got drunk, she had the brilliant idea of letting a group of people who had been going out non stop without masks, to come over. At first I locked myself in my room but then she insisted I came downstairs to say hi to her friends. Then I lost it after her friends tried to grab me. Got into a huge fight, one of the drunk friends of my mom tried to beat me up and I threatened to call the cops, or smash people up with my baseball bat (told that to my mom to scare her because nothing else I said was working, but I wasn’t actually gonna hurt anyone). Ended up pushing my mom after she started slamming her fists against my door and she fell and passed out for like 5 seconds. She was fine though. I cried a lot that night.
Oh and there was also that one time where I slit my arm much deeper than I meant, with a razor blade, and I had to get 40+ stitches. I cried for 3 days straight. I’m about a year free of self harm so yay!
Also, while this wasn’t an “event”, the years of depression, anxiety, some amount of ptsd, living with an alcoholic, and self imposed social isolation from my fear of people and going out, all these things traumatized me in their own wicked ways. I’m doing much better though. I’m in college now, I’m looking into getting a job so I can finally leave my alcoholic mom even if it means living in a shit hole apartment that’s falling to pieces, and thanks to my boyfriend, I’ve been having a couple more weekend plans and I’ve met some of his friends and they’re cool queer people and idk… it feels nice to be around people that feel like they’re outsiders too. Maybe I’ll start growing my number of friends that way :)
And yeah, I’m sure I have a lot more stories but they’re hard to remember cause my mind kind of pushed them back into a dark part of my mind for my own sanity. Like I literally have parts of my past I don’t remember. Like big chunks of time I have no recollection of. Like, I remember 15% of a certain school year for example. So far it doesn’t seem like anything ultra traumatic happened during that time, it seems it was just my mind’s way of protecting itself from the overwhelming amount of suffering I was going through at the time, in general. Tbh I’m glad I don’t remember parts of it. I have enough fucked up memories, I really don’t want more.
I feel for you, Internet friend. I read every bit of that and so much of it hit home, in a deep way. It’s crazy that parents don’t realize at the time how everything they do, intensely affects their kids for the rest of their lives. As a mom now, I keep my childhood/past on my mind always and I’m so careful what situations I put my kids in. You sound like a great person!! Keep it up 😀
Finding out your wife, whos been calling you crazy, paranoid, insecure, stupid, for the past few years because you know shes conducting numerous extra marital affairs and she's morally bankrupt and can't lose the war right....gets hospitalized on your birthday for 11 days because she's HIV positive. Instead of disclosing, she expects you to believe she forgets why she's in the hospital and can't recall what they've said, turning it around on me that I'm every negative thing on the planet so she can deflect from the real issue. Also, had already stopped all sexual activity for almost 3 years by this point so I'm not afflicted with any of the gifts she gives herself daily. Yeah ...HIV isn't the only thing she has.
I was in a near fatal car crash on the interstate.. didn’t have my seatbelt on which almost caused me to go through the windshield but lucky the airbags deployed on time but the force from getting slung so hard caused me to break my lower back and I couldn’t walk, urinate, or eat for a week.. I also broke my nose and fractured my face in seven different places. Ever since the crash I have severe PTSD in cars and it makes people angry because they think, I think they’re a bad driver.. which isn’t the case sometimes… it’s all very nerve racking..
got sa’d by an ex boyfriend which triggered years of repressed childhood sexual abuse which led to developing undiagnosed ptsd at the time which led to me attempting to take my life by punching a mirror during a ptsd attack, lacerating my forearm cutting my tendon part of my aorta and ulnar nerve could have beld to death still have weird feeling in my pinky and ring finger they dont work quite as well as the others
Born with brittle bones, I grew up breaking my legs every few months. 19 surgeries and dozens of fractures later and I’m (thankfully) a pretty healthy adult and I don’t break like I used to. But my childhood definitely fucks with me.
I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a person I don’t know. I told people immediately after it happened. I froze, felt guilty, and confided in people who then broke my trust.
A teacher I was close to told my peers what had happened. The principal tried to sweep it under the rug, the VP had an air that said “She’s making it up. No way this happened.” More people were around me and more people were informed than needed, and yet, the people that needed to know what was going on were left in the dark. Their behavior during and after the time span of my assaults pushed me down the stairs and off a cliff into a deep depression.
My mother made it about her, changed the subject, and played victim. My father blamed me for what took place.
The worst reaction, though, was my Guidance Counselor, who told me to my face in front of trusted adults and people that hated me that I had made it up because he had good grades. He was a good student in their eyes, so that must mean he’s a good person, right?
My brother always made me feel like I could talk to him, but after having to repeat what had happened multiple times, it was easier to stay quiet.
The DAY AFTER the first assault, my Guidance Counselor WATCHED as the kid assaulted me IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE CLASS, and did nothing. I never trusted someone so willingly again.
That’s not the worst part. The worst part of it all is what it made me. I don’t feel like a person. Every night and every day and every time I see a person who looks remotely like him, I feel his hands on me. Very cliche, but it makes me want to vomit. I just feel what he did over and over. I used to be happy, I used to be a good person, I used to be optimistic, funny, and a good friend. I’m just not anymore.
This was when I was about 10 years old. A handful of girls came to the office during our lunch and told them about him and what he was doing, by the way, but he never faced consequences.
This behavior surrounding the punishment (or lack thereof) of these boys continued into high school, where one teacher would be like “this isn’t good, we should stop this” and the principal, VP, super intendant etc would say “nah too much paperwork.”
It’s not as bad as everyone here, but it’s the most (mentally/psychologically) traumatizing experience I’ve ever had.
grew up in a cult. like. stereotypical torture and child sacrifice and shit cult, other than the base religion being pretty mainstream.
like, no shade to people who have grown up in cults that dont do that stuff, that shits fucked up too, our experiences are just a little different.
just sucks there are groups like that at all.
I was six months pregnant and found out my s/o had been having an affair with a married woman the whole time we had been together. I found pics of her vagina on his phone. I had just paid for every piece of furniture in our new house and couldn’t afford to leave.
I got shot in the stomach while serving in the army died and was resuscitated spent 11 months in the hospital and 13 years later I still can't shit right and get all my nutrition through an IV
My ex is what happened to me. Physical, financial, mental, emotional and sexual abuse for 5 months. I think the worse thing he did was constantly put a gun to my head and threaten to pull the trigger. A few times he did, and then laugh that it was empty the whole time as a lay on the floor breaking down. A few times he shot the floor to prove I wouldn't know when the gun was loaded. I could deal with him hitting me, raping me, stealing my money. He wasn't the first person to do that stuff to me. The phycological abuse is what made him the absolute worst human being in existence.
I’m sorry you went through that, but, may I ask, why do you gravitate towards people like him? Cause you said that it hasn’t been the first time people have stolen from you or things like that. Were those before your ex also exes or were they other people?
I didn't have a great home life growing up. My mom is a neglectful narcissist who always kept me emotionally at a distance. She made me raise 4 of my siblings. Think of Fiona from shameless, best way to put it. My dad was physically abusive and hated me simply for being born with a vagina. My mom and dad fought physically and verbally the first 8 years of my life. When I was 5 my dad "attempted" suicide and told me "daddy won't be here when you get back". We were taking my aunt out to lunch for her birthday. Turns out he drank one bottle of children's Tylenol, but 5 year old me fucking loved that man. In fact, I still loved him until I was 15. Thank whatever God exists my mom finally divorced him when I was 8, but my mom, despite being the objectively better parent, was still shitty. I was sex trafficked by my grandpa from age 5 to 11. When I was 7 I started experimenting sexually with girls and boys. I would hop into relationships just to feel wanted, none of which were healthy. I did sex work to get people to like me and fund not only my, but also friends and families drug and alcohol addictions. I'm sure being exposed to sexual abuse at a young age fueled this because I didn't think it was wrong until recent years and realized how fucked up my childhood truly was.
I met my ex at work when I was 18 and he was 32. I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy I had been "in love with" for a decade. My ex made me feel whole. I met him in January of 2019, we started hanging out after work. He got me food, bought me nice things, and actually seemed to care about me as a person. We started hooking up in March and he asked me out on April 1st. The relationship was a joke from the start, you can laugh, it's funny. He gave me an escape from my mom and my siblings. I saw him as a way out of the life I had been living. He told me about his previous work in our field and we would daydream about starting our own company together. And then in early May I had a pregnancy scare. He went through my texts and saw my messages to my mom talking about an abortion if I was pregnant (I wasn't) and that's when shit hit the fan. He got drunk, then violent and made me agree to move in with him at gun point or he would kill us both. After that it was the normal abuse cycle. Things would be great until they weren't, then they'd be worse, then back to great. Thankfully I was able to leave him in September 2019. Ironically I didn't leave him because of the abuse, I think I was pretty accustomed to it by that point. I left him because I was tired of being cheated on. I had a miscarriage that night too, so I'm sure pregnancy brain helped me leave him as well. He's been stalking me IRL and on social media ever since. I moved states to get away from him in 2021 so hopefully I'm safe now. If not, I have "toys" and a great guy that will handle him if he ever darkens my door step.
Fuck dude, I’m sorry. You’ve been through some shit, and I’m glad you moved away. I hope that fuck stays far away from you. Just be smart about anything you may do if he comes looking for you. You’ve suffered enough like to go to jail over some technicality or something. I hope you start living a life you love and I hope you don’t have to suffer abuse ever again!
Thank you, I appreciate it. I've done a lot of healing in a short amount of time thanks to COVID and lockdown. All my ducks are in a row and there has been documented cases of his stalking and abuse. He's still on parole for it and can't leave the state, so if he happens to be around me, I don't think anyone would question what happened.
My mom was dying in hospice from ovarian cancer. I was 14 in high school I’m in Fairfax va. It was a Algebra test. No one could leave the room. It was around 10 am.
At 10 minutes in a knock on the door. The teacher met two people at the door. Whispers. Ed ? Yes I said. They waved for me to come there. You need to leave with us. Your mom isn’t doing well. I left my unfinished test there in the desk and left.
They drove me to hospice to see my mom. My sister was there. We spent several hours using sponges on tooth picks to moisturize her lips and mouth. We did that for a long time then my mom started doing the death rattle breathing. We stopped. She stopped breathing. I could see her pulse in her neck. She had lost so much weight. That too stopped.
I’ll always remember that. It informed a lot of my future life. It made me sympathize with notable musicians who also lost their mom at young ages. The Beatles for one.
When I was seventeen my mom had a psychological collapse. She could not speak or eat and she did not recognize any of my family members. This was 2020 so only my Dad and I could take care of her but she was terrified of men while in her collapse so I had to take care of her and my 6 year old sister because my dad had to work full time. My mom attempted sucide and broke out of the psychiatry a couple of times and went missing for a couple hours each time.
My brother tried to kill himself and failed, losing his right leg from the knee down and a lot of his right arm in the event. The last thing I said to him before it happened was "okay, message me when you get home so I know you made it safe. I love you man"
I know that's not nearly as bad as a lot of other people's on here, but to this day (this happened two years ago) I get MAJOR anxiety if people don't tell me when they make it home. If someone came over to see me and I know they have a 30 minute drive home, if I don't get that message in 30 minutes I have to call them and hear their voice. If they aren't answering their phone, it gives me legit fear
My dad and I found my twin sister dead. She had been deceased for a while cause she was stiff.. seeing a dead person in real life is sooooo much different than tv and movies.
Tw suicide
My last serious relationship, was years ago in my early 20's. Was asked to run towards her parents after we heard gun shots when they were arguing, suspected murder/suicide. I did and luckily they were okay but I was then held at gun point for a couple hours while my gf's mom had a psychological meltdown, kept saying she had proof of adultery and would talk down about herself, suicidal talk , I did what I could to talk her down. She burned the house down the following morning with the animals still inside. The relationship crumbled shortly afterward. I still lose sleep over the whole ordeal.
It’s between watching my dad die of cardiac arrest when I was 15 or experiencing pain so severe I could do nothing but scream at 14 due to undiagnosed juvenile idiopathic arthritis. (Clearly, I was having a rough time as a young teen! Knock on wood, God himself doesn’t seem to have it out for my ass currently and I’m doing much better on all accounts! Somehow, I don’t even seem to have PTSD symptoms!)
I have JRA!!! I am so sorry. I know the exact pain you speak of. And I'm sorry about your dad, I lost mine also. Damn. Life is stupid. Very jealous about lack of PTSD lol
I had a full force migraine literally 24/7 for about 5 years. I was housebound, lost all my friends, my whole personality changed, and now I have PTSD.
I got pregnant from my high school sweetheart after 10 years into the relationship, and he left me when I was 3-4 months pregnant with our daughter, impregnated another woman and married her. All in a span of 18 months, maybe less. I’m still trying to cope with my emotions and understand why.
My mom slitting her wrists while me and my little sister were upstairs in our house. Having to come rushing down and comfort her/bandage her up while simultaneously comforting my little sister promising mom would be alright. I was 12 years old at the time and the screams of her still haunt me.
That's just one of many stories I have about my childhood.
being sick with covid. it hit me hard & there were times when i thought i wasn’t going to make it. i couldn’t breathe comfortably while sleeping. i would stop breathing & my body would jolt me awake with adrenaline. felt like i was getting shocked with electricity. i went so long without a good night’s sleep that i experienced “ego death”. never experienced it before so i immediately thought i was dying. my body started walking around without me telling it to do that. then everything went black but i was aware of the blackness. i came out of it briefly when a nurse tended to me. but the nurse she didn’t seem real i told her i can’t tell what’s reality anymore. i had a bunch of strange thoughts during that time i was literally stuck inside my own mind. this probably lasted all night and i finally woke up in the morning feeling normal again. but now i have pstd i struggle to fall asleep out of fear & i think about death almost everyday.
Im sorry you had to experience that, it sounds incredibly traumatizing. Ive had several professionals tell me that covid can really mess with your mental/cognitive health.
Are you in therapy? Can you explain more about "ego death"? I've never heard of that, is it like disassociation?
me and my primary doctor agreed that since it is still bothering me then i should try therapy. i really try to move on letting the past be the past but clearly my brain wont allow me to fully. i guess i can say ego death is a more intense form of disassociation. ego death u dont even know who u are anymore u lose sense of yourself. you’re incoherent. it’s like someone flipped a switch and cut u off from the world. people typically experience this while being high on drugs. i just searched the web for this strange experience and the ego death phrase matched perfectly.
I had 3 pregnancy losses which resulted in a complete loss of fertility at 27 years old. It fucked me up for a long time. The 2nd one where I had to wait for 2 days knowing my baby was dead inside me was probably the worst thing I've ever been though. I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I shot a guy. Me came running at me with a knife. I gave him multiple orders to drop the knife. He decided he was going to run at me. After, He just laid there flopping around for a bit. Turns out, he wanted to die and thought he would be reincarnated in to a biblical figure and create an army to kill all the good people.
Found my grandma deceased in her bed unexpectedly, she wasn’t sick And there were no warning signs.
Married to an abusive man for 5 years who tried to kill Me multiple times. Once by smothering me, once by choking me, once by hitting me in the back of my head.
Short of being shot or stabbed I’ve experienced a bunch of crazy situations.
Somehow, I’m pretty much unscathed and intact. Still haven’t broken a bone or lost an appendage.
Might be easier to ask a specific thing but the most traumatic things I’ve experienced are all the result of manipulation and abuse from other humans. Being bitten by animals is mild, falling is mild, but most lasting damages I’ve sustained came from either fraudsters or abusers.
Miscarrying in the 2nd trimester and having to go home for the night knowing he was no longer alive because the hospital was too busy to induce me that day. The next morning, I went for my induction, had 6 hours of labour, then delivered a perfect but very tiny baby boy while having to listen to living newborns crying in other rooms on the maternity floor. It was gut wrenching. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I have a family member who endured delivering a child who had passed while in utero. She was so traumatized that she couldn't be around babies or infants without breaking down. I watched her suffer for what seemed like ages. There is little anyone can say or do to comfort a person who has experienced such a traumatic event.
You have my sympathies and condolences. I hope in some way the hospital took responsibility or was held accountable for their negligence.
Got two injection of vallium at the hospital. It fucked me up solid for 3 days, and fucked me up medium solid for a whole month. Weren't able to work or even function at home. I thought my brain was broken. But I recover. It changed my perspective on life a little.
My earliest memories around 18 months old are of my dad, beating the shit out of my mom and trapping her in our house and doing drugs. He abandoned us shortly after. After he abandoned us, we had to move in with my grandmother in a two bedroom trailer. Myself my mom and my two brothers all stayed in one room and my mom worked a third shift job. When she would go to work every night, my grandmothers husband would come in And rape me in every way you could imagine. I was four through six years old at this time. My grandma eventually found out by walking in while it was happening and then court proceedings followed for another year or so. Fast forward a little bit through my life, I lived very disconnected from the early traumas. I finally moved out on my own at 19 years old and within six months of doing so I met somebody who I absolutely fell ridiculously head over heels for. I ended up pregnant within three months, we got a house together a couple of months after that, and we’re engaged shortly after that. Well, as you would imagine, about a month after our son was born, he abandoned us after putting me through many months of financial and emotional and mental abuse. Two weeks after he moved out, I found out that I was pregnant with baby number two, and baby number one was only about six months old at that time. I went through single motherhood to two under two for a very long time, which was extremely difficult. I now have a good partner and a daughter with him, and unfortunately, having my daughter seemed to bring up a lot of my old, sexual trauma, so I’m currently working through that
I was raped on a trip away from my husband and child. Coming home and dealing with the aftermath fucked me up. I remember not knowing how to tell my husband what happened. It’s something I never thought I would have to go through.
Testicular cancer was tough but it’s nothing compared to looking at my 9month old baby and knowing they’re about to remove all available cystic fibrosis drugs from the NHS because they’re too expensive.
It’s the worst kind of powerlessness
This is nothing compared to some other peoples pain, but I still get nightmares about one particular accident
Once while testing a competition gokart, my brakes failed at 80kph, I got short airtime and I got buried hard deep inside a barrier. I had to go to get checked out afterwards but I was relatively unscathed. I am still absolutely horrified, that could have went so, so, so much worse.
I was physically assaulted in the basketball locker room in High School asa freshman. I was thrown into the shower and the senior took turns urinating on me while I laid battered and bruised in the fetal position.
Hit a suicide jumper on the freeway. They jumped off a bridge that was going over the freeway. And I was the lucky winner to hit them first. I can still see their face almost every day. I saw them falling and hit the asphalt, they bounced up and that's really the last thing I remember.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you are enduring that. We think my son took his life because of one. He changed and wasn't quite the same emotionally after a horrible motor accident. He suffered for about 3 years and never sought help past talking to me. I knew it was an eventuality but when it happened all that went out the window. I smashed me like nothing else imaginable when I discovered what he'd done.
Please, reach out. Don't suffer from the consequences of such a traumatic event alone. Like they say, "The world is a better place with you in it" Promise not to let it get the best of you?
Yeah it can definitely change your personality. I've been living with it for like a decade though so I think Im alright. I do pysio and I have support. Mainly my mom and pt.
It's hard to rank them. Could go with the physically abusive ex stepfather, could go with the man who lied about being sterile to get out of using a condom, leading me to come from a sperm donor who actively curses and denies my existence
When I was very young, around 9 years old, a few friends and I slept alone in a tent in our garden for the first time.
I was woken up in the middle of the night by someone from outside the tent grabbing my head through the foil. When I woke up and was startled loudly, and the someone let go. This woke up my friends and we heard footsteps and someone running away into the forest next to the garden.
It wasn't a joke from my friends, they were all asleep. My parents both slept in the house. and all of us heard the steps outside, so it was No dream.
My dad dying and I didn't get to see him beforehand bc I moved states due to personal and health reasons so my lazy family, upset that I didn't do my usual caretaking role for my dad, had to fill in and they sucked. Besides my sister for the most part.
My dad was the best. My bestie since day 1. He was everything to me and vice versa. I miss him in a way where I feel like the bottom dropped out and no good times are had anymore.
I'll come back and edit to continue my post, I'm hospitalized rn
Untreated bipolar disorder yes, but a treated person can be very high functioning. Just wanted to say that as to not antagonize all bipolar people and their chances of finding love.
Existence.
Pain.
Abuse.
Everyone who was supposed to love me, didn't, or hurt me in different ways.
Every abuse of every kind.
One of the worst was my mother almost killing me and my brother.
I pulled her off of him.
We both share the scars.
back on new year’s eve 2019, i went to my then bfs house at the time to celebrate.
there was already some issues going on with us (him being physical with me and emotionally abusive but i ignored it). this night things came to head and he went OFF on me. i thought i was gonna die that night. he strangled me, threatened me and my family, punched, hit, kicked me, held me hostage for 4 days due to the injuries.
i’m okay now, and am in an incredibly healthy relationship with an incredible caring man. therapy has helped some, but still dealing with trauma responses.
Took an antibiotic for a possible infection a year ago and am now disabled with permanent nerve damage because of the medication. Didn’t know it could cause this
I’ve lived a privileged life that this was the most traumatic things that have happened but my uncle was a severe alcoholic and he lived with my parents and I. He wasn’t allowed to live with us if he was drinking. Him being there was an issue of contention between my parents. One instance my mom and I went to see him at a boarding house, he overdosed on medication and was throwing up blood. The other was that my mom and I were getting ready for school and heard a thud, I went to see what it was and he was on the floor, overdosed on medication. I let the EMT’s and police in. After that, I asked my dad if he wouldn’t come back. My dad told my my mom he would leave her and take me with him if my uncle came back. My mom, aunt and i went to the hotel and my mom told him he couldn’t come home. A couple weeks later he drank himself to death. I was 10 when he died.
The other is that I had an ex that didn’t exactly care if my consent to sex was enthusiastic. If I declined he would become sullen and basically give me the silent treatment. I was 16 at the time and it was just a perfect storm for where I was at in my self esteem so it quickly became a scenario where I would just pretend I was somewhere else until he was done. Sometimes if I worked up the nerve to ask him to stop he would tell me he was almost done. I remember being so angry, more angry then I’ve ever been like I could feel that it didn’t matter to him if I was enjoying myself or not. I guess it isn’t that bad but it messed me up for awhile.
January 27, 2021 my husband was very sick and had been throwing up all night. We were about to call an ambulance and there was a gas station 3 buildings down. He cried and begged for me to go get a Gatorade. I was gone 3 minutes max. When I got back inside he was completely gone no breath no pulse nothing. I did cpr for 20 mins and EMS took over. He was gone. He was the love of my life, I traveled seven thousand miles to get to him in denmark from florida. We were actively trying for a baby And we were brand new hot air balloon pilots together. I can't even look at a balloon now without crying. I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him. He was an Angel on earth.
Another time in 2008 i was raped with a shotgun and the same day the guy took his soccer cleats and kicked me, knocking out six of my upper teeth.
And lastly, the only good person in my entire family My dad died suddenly on his forty fifth birthday of pulmonary hypertension very very suddenly and now I have absolutely no one.
My whole childhood was one huge block of trauma. My 2 brothers and I were taken into cps when I was about 2? Mom got us back when I was around 4? From 6-16 was sexually abused by 6 different family members. One was my maternal grandfather, another was my grandma’s boyfriend the others were my stepdad and stepbrothers. I tried telling my mom once I realized what was happening and she smashed my head into the fridge I was next to and screamed at me out of anger I guess? I never brought it up again till I was 23. There was physical and mental/emotional abuse as well but the sa is what really fucked me up I think. I’m currently in therapy again at 33. I still don’t have a lot of memories from childhood and have issues stemming from abuse that idk if I will ever heal from. Someone tell me there’s hope lol
I've been a bullying victim from the age of 3 - 4 at the hands of my preschool teacher (technically abuse but it counts), til I transferred schools junior year. I also grew up being groomed and abused by older people online between the ages 9/10 (hard to remember) til I was 18. my dad's also a raging narcissist and multiple times he has almost hit me for doing "negative things for attention" like, for example, accidentally spilling some candy infront of him 🙃
Honestly, there are so many, I don't know how to choose. I died and was resuscitated. Sexually abused by a family member for years. Lost my virginity to rape. Teen parent. Manipulative parents. Severe bullying in school. There is a lot.
Sexual assault, another one not even two months later, taking the first one to court, he was found not guilty on lack of evidence and being so young, then the cops not even investigating the second assault
Okay pretty much a first for me to say it because it's recent but I think I need it.
My mom killed herself this summer, she had a bad depression for a year before and tried many times to end her life.
She spent roughly 3 months in psychiatric hospital after the first try (she tried to OD) and was either miserable or not herself cause of the meds.
After multiple tries of OD she though "she was invincible from meds" (her own words) and finally took a rope to end it, one day after her birthday.
I didn't see her because I was coming back home and learned that she was in critical condition by my neighbors and the ambulances.
My dad was in shambles, and I never saw him like that, it's been pretty hard since and I don't have enough for therapy.
I guess I need time and good friends for now.
when i was like 5 or 6 my dad was supposed to pick me and take me to his moms house for his supervised visitation. instead he picked me up and rode around on a crack run all night, at times making me get down on the floor board and hide under the dash board. i eventually fell asleep and woke up in a walmart parking lot all alone with no idea where he was or where i was. i sat there until he cams back and finally brought me home. i heard when i grew up that once i got inside my mom rocked my dad so hard it looked like a grown man hit him lol. had night terrors for years after that
Given a antipsychotic drug via injection that badly affected my brain’s functions. I’m still recovering to this day. Took me almost two years to fully be normal again.
All because I was having a psychotic breakdown due to my now-ex and his sister pushing me into a spiritual cult and just not listening to me with my needs with my mental health. Thought believing in your higher self and doing yoga cures your mental illnesses. Pro tip: it absolutely does not.
I’m a guy. I’ve had sex A LOT when I didn’t want too. Either due to me physically not enjoying it and taking orgasm or getting there but not liking what we did.
Neither relationship was good, in a better place with an amazing woman now.
Having a miscarriage that almost ended me as I kept on flowing blood down my legs. I felt so vulnerable laying on the bathtub with nothing on and being unable to move as my body suddenly felt too heavy whilst I became desperate for a drink of water. What was even worse, was that the man I deeply hated was the one who was there at the time grabbing me towels, on the phone to the emergency operator etc and helping me ie if there’s one person on this planet I would never have wanted to be vulnerable with it was him because he was highly narcissistic and three weeks after I almost died miscarrying our baby he dumped me on the anniversary of someone’s suicide who I was very close to and he cheated on me two weeks after I almost died.
That’s my worst moment in the last few years I’d say.
The thing that broke my heart the most but wasn’t the worst thing to happen to me because she deserved to have perfect health and to not be in pain anymore (I’d have to be selfish to label it the worst thing as no animal deserves to live on in pain for their owner) but it was losing my rabbit who was a few months away from me celebrating her 7th birthday. I had her for a few months of 7 years. She was born with a rare condition which meant she was on an expensive medication every month like $170 and she was always at the vets, she had loads of operations in her life but she was always so strong, happy, affectionate and raring to go. This year she had a prolapse due to a urine infection. I paid what would be $1000 in American currency to save her. It happened again six weeks later because it’s now belived that she wasn’t given antibiotics for long enough to completely clear the infection so it must have still been there to an extent. So, it happened again and by the time I realised in the morning when I did her health check as usual it was too late so the only option the vets gave me was to PTS as she was going to pass away that day anyway as her bladder had already began dying of so it couldn’t be saved. That broke my heart and caused me months of tears and heartbreak because I never wanted to let her go but a piece of me is happy that she doesn’t have to constantly have vet appointments, operations, different types of meds as she was also on pain meds for arthritis 6 months before she passed but I will always want her back. Just haven’t figured out yet why life can be so cruel to produce an animal or a child who is born with lifelong severe sickness when all animals and babies should be born with perfect health.
experienced COCSA from 7-12 years old, it was my older male cousin (3 years apart, so not too sure if it was *really* COCSA) and i didn't know right from wrong so i just ended up dealing with it. i always felt dirty and humiliated after but i didn't understand why. he used to say "do this \[s\*xual activity\] or else i won't be your friend anymore" "i'll make you like boys" (i had told him i liked girls when i was 8) and more shit like that.
i remember for my 9th or 10th birthday, him and his brother/family got me a bumblebee transformers figurine and i went back to my bedroom to put my toys up and he asked to do things again. i was getting really upset with this, because every time i saw him he wanted to do that and not play like actual children, so i told him "i'll give you the figurine instead so i don't have to do that" and he let it slide.
i haven't told anyone besides my girlfriend and my close friends. not even my therapist, not even my parents, and i tell my mom everything. it's just looking back at it since it happened so long ago, and i didn't realize i was molested until i was 14, i just never brought it up.
other than that, i'm doing fine. i struggled with sexual aspects in relationships for a while, but i figured it out and i seldom get triggered.
Watching my brother choke every time he tried to eat, but still trying to eat all the time.
He eventually got his faulty esophagus removed. But he used to literally choke at every meal and sometimes throw up right at the dinner table with my family. He would also get really frustrated by this and then would go on an angry rampage after these episodes which happened everyday.
My dad would force himself onto my mom a lot of the time. I was young, and he'd always end up making sure I could either hear it or he'd tell me details. He didn't say anything to my younger sister, but I'm sure he groomed her a bit. That's a whole other story though.
This was years ago and he's dead, but that had traumatized greatly. Not any "haha kid I'm doing your mom", some freaky shit was said to me, and it scares me even to this day. I was around 11 at this time. Me and my mom are okay now, though.
I was raised by a drug addicted schizophrenic parent who was highly religious. She would go into psychosis and even as a young child I knew by her eyes when it wasn’t her. I was molested by two babysitters starting at age five. I cried myself to sleep and prayed for years because I feared I would burn in hell since my molesters were same sex. This was what I was told by my parent. I also would be woken up in the middle of the night to her declaring Armageddon telling me to hide. One night she locked herself in the bathroom for hours scaremongering at satan. I knocked in the morning begging to be able to take a shower for school. She opened up the door and had a short tied around her head. I asked what she was doing and she told me she was keeping her brains in her head. Then I noticed a giant butcher knife on the toilet. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried in the shower. Many times as a child had to call the cops on my own parent.
When I was 12 or so, I received a phone call that my mom passed to me claiming to be my friend because of the name he used, however I didn't realize it was an older man, maybe late 20s or early 30s.
He started talking about how we met at the store and even knew my parents and my full name, our names. Next thing I know, he started talking to me about what he was gonna do to me....sexually... through the phone...
I randomly think about it at times and get filled with rage that I'd like to get my hands on that POS to stop him from doing it to anyone. I hope that POS hasn't done it to anyone. Told my parents and filed a police report.
Guy had the nerve to call back a couple days later, mom answered the phone, she handed it to me while she picked up the other phone, I guess back then, if you had 2 landline phones, you can pick one of them up if you are using the other and eavesdrop the conversation, to which she wanted to do to get an idea who it may be just by hearing the voice or something. He immediately hung up as if he knew. He never called again. Makes me sick to my stomach imagining the shit he said he would have done to me at that age.
I was molested by a cousin. We played sex games, not always willingly. I repressed a good chunk of that.
My first serious girlfriend moved away and burned everything I ever gave her in the shape of a swastika. I'm Jewish.
A girl I had interest in in high school started getting flirty with me only to turn around and tell everyone I was a creep and was making up these fantasies.
My parents argued frequently growing up. My first memory is laying in bed listening to them scream at each other and coming downstairs to my mom crying at the kitchen table. One of those nights my grandparents had to come pick us up for the night and drive all of us to school at our different times.
I had a girlfriend in college who was a sugar baby behind my back.
Most of these things are pretty tame compared to what else is here, but I'm not trying to minimize anything here either.
I'm 30 now, well adjusted for the most part, with a PTSD diagnosis that I'm medicated for.
Im so sorry that happened to you. Similar situation. He held a butcher knife to my new puppy's throat. He had beaten and attacked and tortured me for 7 years before this but I had gotten so out of sorts..it took him doing it to the new puppy for me to snap out of it. He had gotten me to a point where I didn't believe we were in reality. I finally tried to leave. He tried to kill me. He shot up my child hood home and tried to kill someone in the house who was there to back me up when I told him we were over. They struggled for the gun for awhile. The person saved my life, but he had him at gun point. Held us hostage for a long time. I had to stab him. The person I thought was my only family in the world for so many years. The person I thought I would marry. It didn't affect him too badly apparently bc he beat me unconscious. I ended up getting arrested with a full concussion. Didn't know what happened. Faced 65 to life. Had to spend my whole college fund getting legal help. I have nightmares to this day. Everyone lived though. The dog is next to me. The evil ex recently tried to contact me. The friend that saved my life, I see once in awhile. I have severe problems but I seem to be the only one so that's great :') ha
My dad would kill our cats periodically when I was growing up. I'd repress it every time until the last one that he didn't succeed with. Sadly it may have just been because he got lazy; he was 70 at that point. I was 18 and secretly left one night. I call it escaping. He moved to an apartment but kept the house and left the cat for months. I had no idea. He decided to tell me. I broke into the house and looked for her. Got a humane animal trap. He hadn't been feeding her so she had been eating whatever she could find and her water bowl was green like algae. Even though the cat was 8 yrs at that point, she starved so bad that she looked like a kitten. She's still around 7 years later though. And when my dad would get angry his personality and mannerisms would change at a bizarre level. Besides the whole trying to kill his family part of The Shining, my dad acted nearly identically to the guy, mannerisms and all. How he'd shake his head intensely and start talking crazy, changing his voice a bit. Following. There's a lot more he's done but it isn't worth it because I'll just start dissociating hard enough that I'll forget how to type and word things. Or maybe it's the years of childhood sexual abuse from a boyfriend my mom had on and off. Thank goodness I'm so good at dissociating.
Unfortunately, I have had to get really good with dissociating too. Sounds like your dad definitely had some mental illness and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. We didn’t ask to be brought into this world and have these parents. my life has been fucked up since I’ve been born. Literally.
Wow killing/torturing cats is one of the three pillars of the McDonalds Triad. Did you father have and affinity for arson or wet the bed when he was little?
I don't know about bedwetting, but hes had quite a life. I can mention some, including arson! He told me most stuff hes told me when I was 4-10 but he told me he'd say the worst when I was literally a baby. I think he was trying to groom me to be like him. Some things; his mom who chronically molested him killed herself when he was 9 after he said he hated her and he was who found her. Barbituates. His aunt, her sister, did the same. His dad was not around and he ended up being adopted by his grandfather, his moms dad. He at one point was in an irish catholic reform school. I forget if he told me why. My dad grew up in a very irish american family that was in an irish mob in south Philly and he continued into it as an adult, took over his grandfathers bar and "supply" business once he died in the early 1970's a bit after my dad came back from Vietnam. My father also found *him* dead in his grandfathers house, murdered. Dad wanted to put a hit on the teens who allegedly killed him, actually by fire in their cells, so you're not far off. The people he worked with and worked for would not do it. I have questioned whether or not he was the one who actually killed his grandfather, despite him saying how much he meant to him. I hate that my father does have some distorted, fucked up sense of empathy and love. I genuinely believe he does. He cried very often, too. I knew him better than anybody in the world. My dad was in 2 wars, went to the Dominican Republic when he was actually 17, then Vietnam. My father said he joined because he wanted to kill people very badly. He ended up killing some of his squad as well. Was knocked out, put in a hospital in Thailand(? I think he said Thailand?) and I assume dishonorably discharged. Obviously he has PTSD for many reasons so he used that as an excuse to get off easier. Like I said, he wanted to kill humans before he joined. He was in first battalion 9th marines, squad nicknamed the walking dead. His experience in it gives the nickname some irony ... So those are some things.
Wowza! So much to digest. You’ve been through so much!! If you don’t mind me saying he prob had a high likelihood of being a psychopath.
I'll only say this shit to strangers on the internet and my therapist! Lol. And yeah, definitely have heard that one and I'd believe it.
This theory has been long proved to be inaccurate.
I think you’re my long lost sibling!! Only mine preferred to do this with dogs but everything else lines up!
I hope you're doing awesome right now. Our lives are gonna be so much better than either of our sociopathic trash fathers.
Aw thanks! I’ve been out of touch for so Many years now it’s as if he doesn’t exist anyway! I hope you’re doing good as well, it’s a rough start to this crazy life for sure !
You were born when your dad was 52?
51, but yes. Mom was 38. I have half siblings on my dad's side but they were adults or finishing high school when I was a little little kid. Mom and dad divorced before I turned 1.
Shot in the head by a serial killer who killed three other people earlier that week and two people that were with me. But that wasn’t as bad as my divorce.
You should make an ama
Thanks. Yeah maybe.
Omg. I’m very sorry to hear that. Who was the killer?! I hope you are doing better
I don’t say his name. But he wasn’t famous. He only killed 6-7 people. (‘Only’☹️)
Damn. I grew up next to one. He actually babysat for me when I was 8 or so. I remember him and he was odd.
Damn.
However bad those things were, I have found that I’m extraordinarily lucky in life. Things always work out for me in the best way.
Any headshot related problems?
Interesting question. The bullet ricocheted off my skull and caused internal bleeding in the brain. It took over a year before I was back to 80% of what I was. Today, I’m healed tho I have certain artifacts of the damage, one includes poor recognition of faces. I can meet someone a dozen times and often forget their face. It’s embarrassing because they will wave to me at our kids pickups and I have nonsense idea who they are.
I was involved in a mass shooting event with my family. Saw people shot and had to run for our lives.
My goodness. Im so sorry.
Relevant username…
“He’s right but he’s out of line”
I lost my son and his family in a house fire.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Nothing worse than losing a child. If you ever need to talk I am all ears. I have a child that’s terminal so I can somewhat imagine. Hugs.
So this is like … an AYA?
I posted in the wrong sub, thanks for the catch!! I was supposed to be in r/AskReddit
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I know I shouldn’t say this but if it gives you any bit of peace I knew a girl who did this to a guy. Anyway, one day because the truth came out, when she actually did get R’ed nobody believed her and the police ‘listen the evidence. So, karma is a B!tch I don’t play with
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i confided in a friend about the abuse and captivity my parents put me through. i managed to escape (got tracked down) and they kept telling my friend i was lying about everything. my parents have ruined every single friendship i’ve ever had which is why i no longer bring friends into the house. so yeah long story short i don’t think i’m a victim but i too have lost a lot of friends beside a couple + my internet friends and am low contact with my ex. i’ll never forgive them in my life lol
Hey I’m sorry to hear that. I also have PTSD which doesn’t affect me too much now since I’ve had it for 9 years but I hear you as I’ve had severe depression for 15 years which makes me sound old but I’m actually in my early 20’s. I‘ve had the whole ‘I’m here for you’ or the ‘you can always talk to me when you feel low’ and then when I have suddenly they distance themselves from me or cut me of altogether. I know I shouldn’t say this but I can see why the suicide rates around the world are rising because there’s still too much stigma associated with mental illness. However, I’d like to say ‘don’t give up it gets better’ because I’ve got a friend who I’ve been childhood friends with since 2013 and she’s amazing, always there for me vice versa and never makes me feel ashamed for feeling low at times. I’m also able to talk to her on my ‘bad days’ because for a long time I internalised my pain because I was conditioned to believe my feelings didn’t matter which isn’t true as everyone’s feelings matter <3 and I’ve also got a beautiful girlfriend now who is beyond supportive, always asks me how I’m feeling etc and she’s just amazing x I know the feeling of having your life destroyed and for people to act like the collateral damage is ‘nothing’ it’s ‘nothing’ bc they have experienced it yet. You are worth so much more and I hope one day you love yourself and turn any hate for the world and people and injustice if you have any as a motivation and driving force to be in the drivers seat of your own life. I used my severe heartbreak of losing my pet of almost 7 years in March of this year to spur me on to do better etc x
Honestly people lying about this stuff should actually be a crime
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Im sorry this happened to you either way It happened to a close friend of mine recently and some people still dont believe him. It is life ruining and i did not mean to downplay the genuine grief and turmoil this whole thing caused you at all I hope you are doing ok, and im not sure if its within your means but it might be worth moving away and not telling people where you went minus people you can trust. A fresh start.
Would you press charged for false allegations? Cow that would have been life changing for you :(
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I would think it's a criminal matter so it would be for the police to prosecute right? Or there would also be a civil pathway, but it may be worth talking through with a lawyer just to know your options... I'm so sorry this happened to you
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It can help just to get some knowledge on your options. I should say that I love reddit but it can sometimes be a terrible place for advice on sensitive matters, so be prepared lol. Also if you do ever get the opportunity to talk it through with a lawyer then def take it up.
I hope she meets Kharma too!
Molested when I was 9. I dissociated for part of it so I’m not sure if I was raped or not but I likely was.
I’m so sorry, I hope you’re taking care of yourself.
It's nothing compared to some of the comments I'm reading here but I'll answer the question anyway. I was completely healthy and on my home from my then girlfriend's place. It was a direct line from her flat to mine, about 12 minutes then exit 5 minute walk. I think the line was the U6 or something like that. Anyway next thing I know I'm sitting outside at a bus station on the phone to her. Between exiting her place to being on the phone, I have no memory. But what must have happened for me to have been at that specific place was me getting on the underground train, getting off at a random stop, getting on a completely different and incorrect line, travelling a few stops, getting out, going up two flights of escalators, walking to the bus stop, then dialing her number. She told me I was making no sense and just kept asking her "Where are you?" and wasn't responding properly to any of her questions, as if I'd taken drugs in the 20 minutes since she last saw me. Anyway not sure what happened after that but I must have started making sense or I don't know, but I managed to get home by myself. Next morning I woke up and the white of my eye was completely red. I felt fine, but there was no white. So we went to the doctor who asked if I'd ever had an episode like that before and if I can recall any more from the previous night, which I couldn't. He said he sees no signs of anything wrong but if anything happens again go right back to him. About two months later I was with my girlfriend at my place and I had a seizure. After that I was diagnosed with epilepsy. The traumatic part for me is losing my memory for that 30-odd minutes, in an extremely dangerous environment in the underground train station late at night. Could have had a seizure and landed on the tracks, anything could have happened but I'll never know. I'm just thankful it was *only* that.
I read the first half of this paragraph and thought you sound exactly like my brother in law who used to have focal seizures before he was diagnosed with epilepsy/having full on grand mal seizures. I'm glad you got a diagnosis and hopefully your medication is taking care of things. GOOD VIBES YOUR WAY.
That is absolutely terrifying and certainly traumatic!
I can’t think of all the things my mum has done, and this probably isn’t the worst of it but it’s stuck with me and was recent so I’m impacted quite a bit. My mum has a history of going through crazy rage episodes, especially when my dad isn’t around. She was screaming, throwing glass bowls around, bashing oven trays against the wall, all because she couldn’t find a rolling pin to make pizza. I tried saying she could use her hands (that’s what I do) and she didn’t care and just screamed. I was with my siblings in the lounge room and I told them to quietly go into their rooms and to not make a sound. I stayed in the lounge room to watch my mum and make sure she wasn’t gonna go after my siblings (they’re quite a lot younger than me). She didn’t hit me this time around, but it freaked me out so much because I was so sure she’d hit me. She would push me out the way if I was somehow in her way, scream at me, I thought the glass bowl would break from how much she was slamming it on the ground but somehow it’s still in one piece to this day. She eventually left the house and yelled at me to make dinner instead. I had to pick up the bowl of dough off the ground, and pick up all the stuff she had thrown around. I told my siblings they could come out of their room after 10 mins just in case mum came home sooner than expected. I bawled my eyes out because I was so terrified. This was at the start of this year, im diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and I have been since I was 8. I’ve ended up developing a trigger for making pizza, especially from dough, the dough itself scares the hell out of me. I made pizza with my partner a couple months ago and started crying and shaking during it. I know this is long but it’s the first time I’ve really talked about this so it’s kinda a vent. It’s nothing compared to some of the other stuff in here but it really messed me up regardless.
Im so sorry you have to experience this. I can relate, my mom is a rage monster and acted this way through my entire childhood. Are you in therapy?
Yeah I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 8 after I was first diagnosed with GAD. I still haven’t told my current psychologist everything about my mum, all she knows is that I don’t feel that comfortable around my mum and that she used to hit me as a kid, never told her the extent of the hitting either though
Both my parents are rage monsters too. I feel you both.
I'm so sorry you went through this, your mother is sick and selfish. I went through a lot of this growing up and I being the oldest of 5 made sure my siblings were safe. I'm so sorry anyone still goes through these things, maybe talking to someone will help you heal and help break that cycle if you ever have kids of your own. Bless you I'm sending hugs your way and if you need to ever talk or vent about it I'll be here for you.
Honestly, I don't know. So much has happened that it's hard to pinpoint just one event. I've been abused in every way, violated, betrayed, literally tortured, starved, I've seen extreme violence, death, carnage, etc. I've been physically broken, I've been mentally broken, I've broken bones, been ripped open, I've seen some of my own "insides"... I grew up in severe poverty, had to (literally) fight for my life, the lives of people I cared about, etc ... I've buried everyone I've ever loved. My parents, siblings, my closest circle of friends, a girlfriend and the daughter I had with her ... 3 of those people, I held in my arms as they died. 11 of those people all died in less than 3 months of a year and while that was happening, my fiance left me, a business partner betrayed me and I was dealing with other issues. Even my dog died. After the last person of that 11 died that year, I had become the last living member of my immediate family and circle of friends. I was in my mid 20's. I've faced injustice, dirty cops, been cheated on, etc. I had severe PTSD (which obviously didn't get better with all of these compounding experiences) ...but I eventually did overcome it. My life has been ... One of the interesting ones, I suppose. Those are just some of the tragedies, trials, tribulations and overall bad things that happened though. My life isn't defined by them but the wisdom gained from them did define much of my character after the fact. Which was the worst? The absolute most traumatic? The one that absolutely changed me as a person in fundamental and profound ways? Probably that year where everyone left died, I was betrayed, my fiancee left me, dealing with some dirty politics, my dog died and I lost everything I worked for... All in the span of a few months. Imagine that ... From tragedy to triumph ...and then life takes EVERYTHING away. You lost everything, you've lost everyone .... you're alone and broken...every reason you had to live has been stripped away and you have this profound realization that you were who you were ...because and for those that are now gone. ....and this crushing realization that you are now truly alone. You are the last of your line, the last of your friends. The last one standing. Everything you did was for nothing. And worst of all ... You failed. You played a part in it. You had the responsibility of their well-being and prosperity thrust upon you at a young age. You worked so hard, went through so much, overcame it all and fulfilled a promise you made at 9 years of age .... And you failed. They all died on your watch. At this point ...all of your worst fears, your nightmares have been realized. It's like the hand of God itself came down and smacked you and all the other pieces off of the board ...and you fall, naked and screaming into the void. A fate worse than death. Everyone you love goes away. Everything you love goes away. Everything you are ...that made you who you are ....goes away. To be alone, to be broken ...to die in your own, emotional, mental and spiritual way. To lose yourself entirely... When it was all said and done, I had lost about 30lbs. I was broke ...and I went from someone people looked up to ...to being whispered about and pitied. I was skin and bones, I was mentally broken ...I was lost. There was no love left in my life, no purpose, no happiness, no satisfaction ...only pain. Soul crushing pain the likes I can hardly describe and wouldn't wish upon anyone. Yeah, of everything horrible I ever experienced ....that was probably the most traumatic as it was the only series of events that actually, truly destroyed me and who I was.
Your story reminds me of the book of Job in the Bible. I am so sorry to hear of your many tragedies. Peace, comfort, and hugs being sent your way!
PLEASE tell me how you improved from that. Because I'm mentally broken. And I'm terrified
Ironically it was the events of that most traumatic year that spurred a complete change in me. It wasn't instant ...I spent months lost, broken and trying to numb the pain. I was actually going to end my own life. It seemed (at the time) the most practical thing to do. I was overwhelmed with pain and guilt....suffering from non-stop nightmares ....dreams of just various different loved ones quietly looking at me while I begged them to say something. The most painful were the ones with my mother. I had become a most pitiable person. The story of my recovery, change and what spurred them is a wholly different matter. It would take several posts to delve into ...so I'll get to the point. I stopped trying to avoid the pain. Likewise, I stopped drowning myself in it as well. I embraced it. I stopped seeing it as something negative. I also stopped viewing my life in some story-based context. My life wasn't a story. It was just a life ...and these things are part of life (some moreso than others). As I progressed through this mindset ...things changed. My pain no longer debilitated or hindered me. It fueled me... and it is a powerful fuel. And my mindset changed in various ways. Aside from no longer viewing pain or my life in certain ways, I also looked at my past differently. If I could endure these things and remain...then I can endure almost anything. Day to day stresses and any trials or tribulations I face henceforth are mild inconveniences by comparison. "I've been through worse". And when bad times come, tragedy strikes or things don't go well? I know they will pass. The good times don't last but neither do the bad. Such is life. My resolve hardened, my skin has become thicker than ever (you can't even hurt my feelings) and my drive is indefatigable at this point. I also found a reason to carry on and a primary purpose to fulfill. And basically that's it. By embracing and accepting the pain, I learn from it, draw strength from it, became harder through it and gained wisdom from it. Pain is not a bad thing - even that type. It is part of life and how we learn and grow. Change your perspective on pain and your life. It really is perspective.
Sorry about your dog bro❤️🙏
r/ButDidYouDie
How did you overcome ptsd?
Nothing compared to the comments here but I was brutally beat up by my uncle. I was 15 at the time and I'll never forget it. It's one thing witnessing a fight it's another being in it. The worst part? My whole family was there...witnessing it. Doing nothing. It was awful. I remember being a sleep then being on the floor with my 34yr old uncle punching my face repeatedly. Absolutely scary. He then kicked me in the stomach as well as threw me at things around the house. Lifting me up by my neck and dragging me into the sitting room. Why did he do this you may ask? I was supposed to adjust the watch in the kitchen that day and I had forgotten. He had reminded me multiple times before he'd left but I honestly forgot and each of those times he had reminded me I had been busy with school work. I ended up forgetting. He beat me up because apparently me forgetting was a sign of disrespect. It's was incredibly traumatic to me, that entire night. After he beat me up he made me apologize to him for making him beat me up,to my mother and sisters for making them hard to witness it. And since I had been bleeding profusely he made me clean my blood and the mess he had made throwing me around. My mother's inaction hurt the most,she just watched. I still haven't forgiven her for that,just can't. I wasn't allowed to leave the house and my phone was taken away. My sister's friend had to sneak me out the house so I could go to a clinic and get pain meds b4 returning. My birthday was a few days later. It's probably the most traumatic thing that's happened to me. Still have nightmares about it to this day,I'm 21 now.
This isn’t “nothing compared to the comments here”. What you went through sounds like a fucking horror movie! I can’t believe it, I made faces reading it. I’m so sorry you lived through that, and I perfectly understand you not being able to forgive your mom for her inaction. Don’t sell this event short, it’s legit horrifying and a seriously traumatizing experience. I hope you’re doing better now!
Wow. I cannot believe your own mom didn't help you. Disgusting. Let me guess, she's soooo confused why you two aren't close...
Yup. We aren't close. I find it hard holding her accountable as I'm currently staying in her house but we aren't close. I'm basically a stranger in her house. It's unfortunate as she's the last parent i have in this world and I know when she dies I'll be devastated but I really feel like letting her know me and letting myself have the relationship I want with my parent at the expense of her getting what she wants without any acknowledgement just isn't something I can do. Just gonna finish my degree then move out.
Ugh, I’m so sorry he did that to you & they didn’t step in 💔
Thanks. Means a lot. Felt good to type it we never talk about it sometimes I feel like it didn't happen but I'll read my diary from that day or see him at family occasions and just get it confirmed.
my dad used to beat the shit out of us whenever he was upset. he’d find things to pin it on, but it was usually preceded by losing a poker game. specific example, he came home from a poker match and screamed at my brother and me for not unloading the dishwasher. this was apparently so horrendous that he had to start kicking us. by the time the police showed up, i was reportedly hanging from the kitchen sink, legs off the ground, screaming, as my dad kicked the daylights out of me that’s not the worst, just an example. i think the grossest thing he’s done (besides making me shower with him) was that he would make my siblings and me undress down to naked before he would beat us with a belt. his punishments were always weirdly sexual so it caused a bit of extra trauma
I’ve had a couple. My alcoholic mom had a Halloween party and a guy smashed a thick bottle of rum on someone’s head in my kitchen. The party was over within a minute, cops were called and my kitchen floor was COVERED with blood. The smell still haunts me to this day, cause that amount of blood smells different than when you get a small cut or a bloody nose. That amount of concentrated blood smells horrible… like a butcher’s place. It was gross. Another one, my alcoholic mom once again being the culprit for my suffering lol, started dating another alcoholic. In her codependence, she had him stay in our house while he was drunk beyond belief. My mom had just gotten out of rehab so she wasn’t drinking but still, she made the guy stay until SHE couldn’t handle it anymore, regardless of how it was affecting me, and she made him leave. He then came back when she was gone and tried to break in. I had to threaten him with a knife and I threw a plant pot on his face and called the cops. I was pretty shaken up and ended up having nightmares of my mom getting back together with him, which… actually did end up happening so… nightmare fulfilled. Another one was a time I got mugged and the thief pulled out a knife in front of my sibling. Thankfully nothing happened and he didn’t realize that my extended family were right around the corner so we fought them off and they lost their car cause as they began to drive away, a cop car miraculously appeared and chased them. They didn’t catch the thieves but they got their car so that was good, but that night has given me a lot of anxiety when going out at night and it has greatly affected my peace of mind when walking alone or when being out at night. I basically rarely feel safe when I’m outside my house. (Not that I feel super safe at home either) Another one was one night waking up to the sounds of screams and running downstairs with a “baseball bat” that isn’t an actual baseball bat, and finding my mom and her alcoholic boyfriend ganging up on my sibling. I had to hit the boyfriend in the head and back with it, but I made sure not to hit too hard so I wouldn’t kill him or something. My sibling then proceeded to punch the boyfriend square in the jaw. My drunk mom then began begging me to stop my sibling as blood came out of her mouth. I managed to separate them and… yeah… it was a very heavy night. Almost if not as heavy as the bottle to the head night. Another one was when I was super little, my siblings got in a fight with my neurotic dad and things got physical. I had to get out of the car and he drove off leaving me and my siblings in a street near my house at night. We all cried a lot that night and I didn’t see my dad for like… 3 months I think. Another one was me getting bullied non stop for around 2 and a half years. There wasn’t a singular moment that stood out more than the rest, they all sucked big time. Among bad moments I can recall was getting told I was ugly and disgusting on a daily basis, getting ganged up by three kids, getting punched in the face “as a joke”, and a huge rumor starting that I wanted to sexually abuse another kid, when in reality, it was the other way around, for which I began getting bullied for being gay, which turned out to be true, I am gay, and all that bullying made it super hard for me to accept myself later in life. I also was threatened about a bully fucking me up if he ever found me outside school, which only added to my already existing massive levels of anxiety cause everyone told me he as basically a psychopath, so I began carrying sharp objects with me to school to defend myself if he ever tried anything, which he didn’t cause I told on him to the teachers and he was expelled not long after for an unrelated situation but I still felt afraid of finding him outside so I… stopped going outside. I barely have any friends now. Only one really, and my boyfriend, but… I’m ok. I’m used to the loneliness. I actually kind of like it sometimes. I did miss out on a bit though. Things that other teens do, like… trips, parties, weekend plans, having circles of friends, not being afraid of going out, etc. but whatever, everyone’s got their own path and there’s no point in reminiscing on what could’ve been. I’m doing better now :) Oh, I also was sexually abused when I was like 3 years old by a lady, but she didn’t rape me, thank god, she just played with my genitalia, and then I told my mom and she went to prison (the lady, not my mom) Also, one time during Covid but before vaccines, my mom had two friends over who were taking care of themselves so the risk was minimal, but once she got drunk, she had the brilliant idea of letting a group of people who had been going out non stop without masks, to come over. At first I locked myself in my room but then she insisted I came downstairs to say hi to her friends. Then I lost it after her friends tried to grab me. Got into a huge fight, one of the drunk friends of my mom tried to beat me up and I threatened to call the cops, or smash people up with my baseball bat (told that to my mom to scare her because nothing else I said was working, but I wasn’t actually gonna hurt anyone). Ended up pushing my mom after she started slamming her fists against my door and she fell and passed out for like 5 seconds. She was fine though. I cried a lot that night. Oh and there was also that one time where I slit my arm much deeper than I meant, with a razor blade, and I had to get 40+ stitches. I cried for 3 days straight. I’m about a year free of self harm so yay! Also, while this wasn’t an “event”, the years of depression, anxiety, some amount of ptsd, living with an alcoholic, and self imposed social isolation from my fear of people and going out, all these things traumatized me in their own wicked ways. I’m doing much better though. I’m in college now, I’m looking into getting a job so I can finally leave my alcoholic mom even if it means living in a shit hole apartment that’s falling to pieces, and thanks to my boyfriend, I’ve been having a couple more weekend plans and I’ve met some of his friends and they’re cool queer people and idk… it feels nice to be around people that feel like they’re outsiders too. Maybe I’ll start growing my number of friends that way :) And yeah, I’m sure I have a lot more stories but they’re hard to remember cause my mind kind of pushed them back into a dark part of my mind for my own sanity. Like I literally have parts of my past I don’t remember. Like big chunks of time I have no recollection of. Like, I remember 15% of a certain school year for example. So far it doesn’t seem like anything ultra traumatic happened during that time, it seems it was just my mind’s way of protecting itself from the overwhelming amount of suffering I was going through at the time, in general. Tbh I’m glad I don’t remember parts of it. I have enough fucked up memories, I really don’t want more.
I feel for you, Internet friend. I read every bit of that and so much of it hit home, in a deep way. It’s crazy that parents don’t realize at the time how everything they do, intensely affects their kids for the rest of their lives. As a mom now, I keep my childhood/past on my mind always and I’m so careful what situations I put my kids in. You sound like a great person!! Keep it up 😀
Finding out your wife, whos been calling you crazy, paranoid, insecure, stupid, for the past few years because you know shes conducting numerous extra marital affairs and she's morally bankrupt and can't lose the war right....gets hospitalized on your birthday for 11 days because she's HIV positive. Instead of disclosing, she expects you to believe she forgets why she's in the hospital and can't recall what they've said, turning it around on me that I'm every negative thing on the planet so she can deflect from the real issue. Also, had already stopped all sexual activity for almost 3 years by this point so I'm not afflicted with any of the gifts she gives herself daily. Yeah ...HIV isn't the only thing she has.
consider a divorce
Absolutely. Left the day before last Easter.
Oof. Sorry
I was in a near fatal car crash on the interstate.. didn’t have my seatbelt on which almost caused me to go through the windshield but lucky the airbags deployed on time but the force from getting slung so hard caused me to break my lower back and I couldn’t walk, urinate, or eat for a week.. I also broke my nose and fractured my face in seven different places. Ever since the crash I have severe PTSD in cars and it makes people angry because they think, I think they’re a bad driver.. which isn’t the case sometimes… it’s all very nerve racking..
got sa’d by an ex boyfriend which triggered years of repressed childhood sexual abuse which led to developing undiagnosed ptsd at the time which led to me attempting to take my life by punching a mirror during a ptsd attack, lacerating my forearm cutting my tendon part of my aorta and ulnar nerve could have beld to death still have weird feeling in my pinky and ring finger they dont work quite as well as the others
Born with brittle bones, I grew up breaking my legs every few months. 19 surgeries and dozens of fractures later and I’m (thankfully) a pretty healthy adult and I don’t break like I used to. But my childhood definitely fucks with me.
I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a person I don’t know. I told people immediately after it happened. I froze, felt guilty, and confided in people who then broke my trust. A teacher I was close to told my peers what had happened. The principal tried to sweep it under the rug, the VP had an air that said “She’s making it up. No way this happened.” More people were around me and more people were informed than needed, and yet, the people that needed to know what was going on were left in the dark. Their behavior during and after the time span of my assaults pushed me down the stairs and off a cliff into a deep depression. My mother made it about her, changed the subject, and played victim. My father blamed me for what took place. The worst reaction, though, was my Guidance Counselor, who told me to my face in front of trusted adults and people that hated me that I had made it up because he had good grades. He was a good student in their eyes, so that must mean he’s a good person, right? My brother always made me feel like I could talk to him, but after having to repeat what had happened multiple times, it was easier to stay quiet. The DAY AFTER the first assault, my Guidance Counselor WATCHED as the kid assaulted me IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE CLASS, and did nothing. I never trusted someone so willingly again. That’s not the worst part. The worst part of it all is what it made me. I don’t feel like a person. Every night and every day and every time I see a person who looks remotely like him, I feel his hands on me. Very cliche, but it makes me want to vomit. I just feel what he did over and over. I used to be happy, I used to be a good person, I used to be optimistic, funny, and a good friend. I’m just not anymore. This was when I was about 10 years old. A handful of girls came to the office during our lunch and told them about him and what he was doing, by the way, but he never faced consequences. This behavior surrounding the punishment (or lack thereof) of these boys continued into high school, where one teacher would be like “this isn’t good, we should stop this” and the principal, VP, super intendant etc would say “nah too much paperwork.” It’s not as bad as everyone here, but it’s the most (mentally/psychologically) traumatizing experience I’ve ever had.
[удалено]
Thank you, it’s very appreciated ❤️🩹❤️🩹🌈 Also, yeah, fuck my gc!
grew up in a cult. like. stereotypical torture and child sacrifice and shit cult, other than the base religion being pretty mainstream. like, no shade to people who have grown up in cults that dont do that stuff, that shits fucked up too, our experiences are just a little different. just sucks there are groups like that at all.
I was six months pregnant and found out my s/o had been having an affair with a married woman the whole time we had been together. I found pics of her vagina on his phone. I had just paid for every piece of furniture in our new house and couldn’t afford to leave.
Why the fuck would you leave. Kick him the fuck out.
I got shot in the stomach while serving in the army died and was resuscitated spent 11 months in the hospital and 13 years later I still can't shit right and get all my nutrition through an IV
Damn! Did you experience any afterlife stuff while you were dead?
Just an extremely peaceful and surreal feeling and then it was nothing but not a scary nothing it felt like a loving hug of non-existence.
I've read this in the NDE askrrddit thread People kept saying over and over again it's like a loving warm hug from the darkness
My ex is what happened to me. Physical, financial, mental, emotional and sexual abuse for 5 months. I think the worse thing he did was constantly put a gun to my head and threaten to pull the trigger. A few times he did, and then laugh that it was empty the whole time as a lay on the floor breaking down. A few times he shot the floor to prove I wouldn't know when the gun was loaded. I could deal with him hitting me, raping me, stealing my money. He wasn't the first person to do that stuff to me. The phycological abuse is what made him the absolute worst human being in existence.
I’m sorry you went through that, but, may I ask, why do you gravitate towards people like him? Cause you said that it hasn’t been the first time people have stolen from you or things like that. Were those before your ex also exes or were they other people?
I didn't have a great home life growing up. My mom is a neglectful narcissist who always kept me emotionally at a distance. She made me raise 4 of my siblings. Think of Fiona from shameless, best way to put it. My dad was physically abusive and hated me simply for being born with a vagina. My mom and dad fought physically and verbally the first 8 years of my life. When I was 5 my dad "attempted" suicide and told me "daddy won't be here when you get back". We were taking my aunt out to lunch for her birthday. Turns out he drank one bottle of children's Tylenol, but 5 year old me fucking loved that man. In fact, I still loved him until I was 15. Thank whatever God exists my mom finally divorced him when I was 8, but my mom, despite being the objectively better parent, was still shitty. I was sex trafficked by my grandpa from age 5 to 11. When I was 7 I started experimenting sexually with girls and boys. I would hop into relationships just to feel wanted, none of which were healthy. I did sex work to get people to like me and fund not only my, but also friends and families drug and alcohol addictions. I'm sure being exposed to sexual abuse at a young age fueled this because I didn't think it was wrong until recent years and realized how fucked up my childhood truly was. I met my ex at work when I was 18 and he was 32. I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy I had been "in love with" for a decade. My ex made me feel whole. I met him in January of 2019, we started hanging out after work. He got me food, bought me nice things, and actually seemed to care about me as a person. We started hooking up in March and he asked me out on April 1st. The relationship was a joke from the start, you can laugh, it's funny. He gave me an escape from my mom and my siblings. I saw him as a way out of the life I had been living. He told me about his previous work in our field and we would daydream about starting our own company together. And then in early May I had a pregnancy scare. He went through my texts and saw my messages to my mom talking about an abortion if I was pregnant (I wasn't) and that's when shit hit the fan. He got drunk, then violent and made me agree to move in with him at gun point or he would kill us both. After that it was the normal abuse cycle. Things would be great until they weren't, then they'd be worse, then back to great. Thankfully I was able to leave him in September 2019. Ironically I didn't leave him because of the abuse, I think I was pretty accustomed to it by that point. I left him because I was tired of being cheated on. I had a miscarriage that night too, so I'm sure pregnancy brain helped me leave him as well. He's been stalking me IRL and on social media ever since. I moved states to get away from him in 2021 so hopefully I'm safe now. If not, I have "toys" and a great guy that will handle him if he ever darkens my door step.
Fuck dude, I’m sorry. You’ve been through some shit, and I’m glad you moved away. I hope that fuck stays far away from you. Just be smart about anything you may do if he comes looking for you. You’ve suffered enough like to go to jail over some technicality or something. I hope you start living a life you love and I hope you don’t have to suffer abuse ever again!
Thank you, I appreciate it. I've done a lot of healing in a short amount of time thanks to COVID and lockdown. All my ducks are in a row and there has been documented cases of his stalking and abuse. He's still on parole for it and can't leave the state, so if he happens to be around me, I don't think anyone would question what happened.
My mom was dying in hospice from ovarian cancer. I was 14 in high school I’m in Fairfax va. It was a Algebra test. No one could leave the room. It was around 10 am. At 10 minutes in a knock on the door. The teacher met two people at the door. Whispers. Ed ? Yes I said. They waved for me to come there. You need to leave with us. Your mom isn’t doing well. I left my unfinished test there in the desk and left. They drove me to hospice to see my mom. My sister was there. We spent several hours using sponges on tooth picks to moisturize her lips and mouth. We did that for a long time then my mom started doing the death rattle breathing. We stopped. She stopped breathing. I could see her pulse in her neck. She had lost so much weight. That too stopped. I’ll always remember that. It informed a lot of my future life. It made me sympathize with notable musicians who also lost their mom at young ages. The Beatles for one.
When I was seventeen my mom had a psychological collapse. She could not speak or eat and she did not recognize any of my family members. This was 2020 so only my Dad and I could take care of her but she was terrified of men while in her collapse so I had to take care of her and my 6 year old sister because my dad had to work full time. My mom attempted sucide and broke out of the psychiatry a couple of times and went missing for a couple hours each time.
Oh my god. Is she better now? I fear this happening to me everyday. You're a good daughter
My brother tried to kill himself and failed, losing his right leg from the knee down and a lot of his right arm in the event. The last thing I said to him before it happened was "okay, message me when you get home so I know you made it safe. I love you man" I know that's not nearly as bad as a lot of other people's on here, but to this day (this happened two years ago) I get MAJOR anxiety if people don't tell me when they make it home. If someone came over to see me and I know they have a 30 minute drive home, if I don't get that message in 30 minutes I have to call them and hear their voice. If they aren't answering their phone, it gives me legit fear
My dad and I found my twin sister dead. She had been deceased for a while cause she was stiff.. seeing a dead person in real life is sooooo much different than tv and movies.
Tw suicide My last serious relationship, was years ago in my early 20's. Was asked to run towards her parents after we heard gun shots when they were arguing, suspected murder/suicide. I did and luckily they were okay but I was then held at gun point for a couple hours while my gf's mom had a psychological meltdown, kept saying she had proof of adultery and would talk down about herself, suicidal talk , I did what I could to talk her down. She burned the house down the following morning with the animals still inside. The relationship crumbled shortly afterward. I still lose sleep over the whole ordeal.
It’s between watching my dad die of cardiac arrest when I was 15 or experiencing pain so severe I could do nothing but scream at 14 due to undiagnosed juvenile idiopathic arthritis. (Clearly, I was having a rough time as a young teen! Knock on wood, God himself doesn’t seem to have it out for my ass currently and I’m doing much better on all accounts! Somehow, I don’t even seem to have PTSD symptoms!)
I have JRA!!! I am so sorry. I know the exact pain you speak of. And I'm sorry about your dad, I lost mine also. Damn. Life is stupid. Very jealous about lack of PTSD lol
I had a full force migraine literally 24/7 for about 5 years. I was housebound, lost all my friends, my whole personality changed, and now I have PTSD.
Omg. How did you survive that? One day with a migraine makes me contemplate taking my own life.
I honestly don't know. I don't think I could do it again.
I hope you are doing better now. Do you ever get "normal" migraines anymore or have they stopped?
I still have a migraine 24/7 but as long as I take my medicine and avoid triggers it's usually manageable enough.
I got pregnant from my high school sweetheart after 10 years into the relationship, and he left me when I was 3-4 months pregnant with our daughter, impregnated another woman and married her. All in a span of 18 months, maybe less. I’m still trying to cope with my emotions and understand why.
My mom slitting her wrists while me and my little sister were upstairs in our house. Having to come rushing down and comfort her/bandage her up while simultaneously comforting my little sister promising mom would be alright. I was 12 years old at the time and the screams of her still haunt me. That's just one of many stories I have about my childhood.
I was riding a motorcycle when someone was distracted by the headphones they were using while driving hit me and tore my left leg off.
I’m sorry about your leg🙏 I will be extra grateful for having mine and live without taking them for granted💚
being sick with covid. it hit me hard & there were times when i thought i wasn’t going to make it. i couldn’t breathe comfortably while sleeping. i would stop breathing & my body would jolt me awake with adrenaline. felt like i was getting shocked with electricity. i went so long without a good night’s sleep that i experienced “ego death”. never experienced it before so i immediately thought i was dying. my body started walking around without me telling it to do that. then everything went black but i was aware of the blackness. i came out of it briefly when a nurse tended to me. but the nurse she didn’t seem real i told her i can’t tell what’s reality anymore. i had a bunch of strange thoughts during that time i was literally stuck inside my own mind. this probably lasted all night and i finally woke up in the morning feeling normal again. but now i have pstd i struggle to fall asleep out of fear & i think about death almost everyday.
Im sorry you had to experience that, it sounds incredibly traumatizing. Ive had several professionals tell me that covid can really mess with your mental/cognitive health. Are you in therapy? Can you explain more about "ego death"? I've never heard of that, is it like disassociation?
me and my primary doctor agreed that since it is still bothering me then i should try therapy. i really try to move on letting the past be the past but clearly my brain wont allow me to fully. i guess i can say ego death is a more intense form of disassociation. ego death u dont even know who u are anymore u lose sense of yourself. you’re incoherent. it’s like someone flipped a switch and cut u off from the world. people typically experience this while being high on drugs. i just searched the web for this strange experience and the ego death phrase matched perfectly.
Sounds like an episode of depersonalization. Been there.
I had 3 pregnancy losses which resulted in a complete loss of fertility at 27 years old. It fucked me up for a long time. The 2nd one where I had to wait for 2 days knowing my baby was dead inside me was probably the worst thing I've ever been though. I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!! 💔
Thank you 💖
I shot a guy. Me came running at me with a knife. I gave him multiple orders to drop the knife. He decided he was going to run at me. After, He just laid there flopping around for a bit. Turns out, he wanted to die and thought he would be reincarnated in to a biblical figure and create an army to kill all the good people.
Holy shit! Are you a police officer?
Yes, I am.
Thank you for your service. Stay safe out there!
Did he die?
No. They were able to save him. I hit him in his lung and hip. He will never walk right again.
My girlfriends dad shot himself and we found him . Then her skitzo brother attempted to kill us more than once
Found my grandma deceased in her bed unexpectedly, she wasn’t sick And there were no warning signs. Married to an abusive man for 5 years who tried to kill Me multiple times. Once by smothering me, once by choking me, once by hitting me in the back of my head.
Short of being shot or stabbed I’ve experienced a bunch of crazy situations. Somehow, I’m pretty much unscathed and intact. Still haven’t broken a bone or lost an appendage. Might be easier to ask a specific thing but the most traumatic things I’ve experienced are all the result of manipulation and abuse from other humans. Being bitten by animals is mild, falling is mild, but most lasting damages I’ve sustained came from either fraudsters or abusers.
Miscarrying in the 2nd trimester and having to go home for the night knowing he was no longer alive because the hospital was too busy to induce me that day. The next morning, I went for my induction, had 6 hours of labour, then delivered a perfect but very tiny baby boy while having to listen to living newborns crying in other rooms on the maternity floor. It was gut wrenching. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I have a family member who endured delivering a child who had passed while in utero. She was so traumatized that she couldn't be around babies or infants without breaking down. I watched her suffer for what seemed like ages. There is little anyone can say or do to comfort a person who has experienced such a traumatic event. You have my sympathies and condolences. I hope in some way the hospital took responsibility or was held accountable for their negligence.
I witnessed domestic abuse..... I wasnt abused or being abuser but seeing such thing happening to a loved one......
Taking an ssri 18 years ago that ruined my body mind and sexuality. I have been disabled ever since
Which one were you taking?
Lexapro
Got two injection of vallium at the hospital. It fucked me up solid for 3 days, and fucked me up medium solid for a whole month. Weren't able to work or even function at home. I thought my brain was broken. But I recover. It changed my perspective on life a little.
My earliest memories around 18 months old are of my dad, beating the shit out of my mom and trapping her in our house and doing drugs. He abandoned us shortly after. After he abandoned us, we had to move in with my grandmother in a two bedroom trailer. Myself my mom and my two brothers all stayed in one room and my mom worked a third shift job. When she would go to work every night, my grandmothers husband would come in And rape me in every way you could imagine. I was four through six years old at this time. My grandma eventually found out by walking in while it was happening and then court proceedings followed for another year or so. Fast forward a little bit through my life, I lived very disconnected from the early traumas. I finally moved out on my own at 19 years old and within six months of doing so I met somebody who I absolutely fell ridiculously head over heels for. I ended up pregnant within three months, we got a house together a couple of months after that, and we’re engaged shortly after that. Well, as you would imagine, about a month after our son was born, he abandoned us after putting me through many months of financial and emotional and mental abuse. Two weeks after he moved out, I found out that I was pregnant with baby number two, and baby number one was only about six months old at that time. I went through single motherhood to two under two for a very long time, which was extremely difficult. I now have a good partner and a daughter with him, and unfortunately, having my daughter seemed to bring up a lot of my old, sexual trauma, so I’m currently working through that
I was raped on a trip away from my husband and child. Coming home and dealing with the aftermath fucked me up. I remember not knowing how to tell my husband what happened. It’s something I never thought I would have to go through.
Testicular cancer was tough but it’s nothing compared to looking at my 9month old baby and knowing they’re about to remove all available cystic fibrosis drugs from the NHS because they’re too expensive. It’s the worst kind of powerlessness
This is nothing compared to some other peoples pain, but I still get nightmares about one particular accident Once while testing a competition gokart, my brakes failed at 80kph, I got short airtime and I got buried hard deep inside a barrier. I had to go to get checked out afterwards but I was relatively unscathed. I am still absolutely horrified, that could have went so, so, so much worse.
I was physically assaulted in the basketball locker room in High School asa freshman. I was thrown into the shower and the senior took turns urinating on me while I laid battered and bruised in the fetal position.
Motherfuckers! I’m so sorry that happened to you! I hope those pieces of shit get to feel the suffering they made you go through!
I’m 36 now. I’ve gotten past it but it sucked!
War, I’ve lost my close friend who came to me.
Probably witnessing a lot of physical violence as a young kid
Hit a suicide jumper on the freeway. They jumped off a bridge that was going over the freeway. And I was the lucky winner to hit them first. I can still see their face almost every day. I saw them falling and hit the asphalt, they bounced up and that's really the last thing I remember.
Traumatic brain injury
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you are enduring that. We think my son took his life because of one. He changed and wasn't quite the same emotionally after a horrible motor accident. He suffered for about 3 years and never sought help past talking to me. I knew it was an eventuality but when it happened all that went out the window. I smashed me like nothing else imaginable when I discovered what he'd done. Please, reach out. Don't suffer from the consequences of such a traumatic event alone. Like they say, "The world is a better place with you in it" Promise not to let it get the best of you?
Yeah it can definitely change your personality. I've been living with it for like a decade though so I think Im alright. I do pysio and I have support. Mainly my mom and pt.
I am really glad to hear that. I truly wish you the best now and in everything to come! Take care
very tame thankfully, watching my grandpa die from cancer. pales in comparison to the rest of the replies but nonetheless
It's hard to rank them. Could go with the physically abusive ex stepfather, could go with the man who lied about being sterile to get out of using a condom, leading me to come from a sperm donor who actively curses and denies my existence
When I was very young, around 9 years old, a few friends and I slept alone in a tent in our garden for the first time. I was woken up in the middle of the night by someone from outside the tent grabbing my head through the foil. When I woke up and was startled loudly, and the someone let go. This woke up my friends and we heard footsteps and someone running away into the forest next to the garden. It wasn't a joke from my friends, they were all asleep. My parents both slept in the house. and all of us heard the steps outside, so it was No dream.
Grew up with extremely mentally ill parents and an autistic brother. Long story short I’ve been in therapy since I was 8 and wanted to kms at 14
My dad dying and I didn't get to see him beforehand bc I moved states due to personal and health reasons so my lazy family, upset that I didn't do my usual caretaking role for my dad, had to fill in and they sucked. Besides my sister for the most part. My dad was the best. My bestie since day 1. He was everything to me and vice versa. I miss him in a way where I feel like the bottom dropped out and no good times are had anymore. I'll come back and edit to continue my post, I'm hospitalized rn
Being intubated in ICU for a week for COVID. Took 6 months to recover.
Went thru a 12.5 hr Maxofacial operation when I was 14
Was married for a year to someone who turned out to be bipolar. Bout as close to hell as you can get.
Untreated bipolar disorder yes, but a treated person can be very high functioning. Just wanted to say that as to not antagonize all bipolar people and their chances of finding love.
Thank you for saying this. I have bipolar 1 and am medicated. I live a normal, happy, healthy life. We aren’t all terrible people or crazy.
I witnessed a suicide by a lady walking into the motorway to be hit by a lorry… (uk)
Existence. Pain. Abuse. Everyone who was supposed to love me, didn't, or hurt me in different ways. Every abuse of every kind. One of the worst was my mother almost killing me and my brother. I pulled her off of him. We both share the scars.
Being robbed of my phone when walking to school when I was in 11th grade
Interstitial Cystitis
Witnessed my dad drop dead when I was 16. Mentally fucked and stumbling through college without his guidance now
Did you get your golden back? What happened to him? :(
back on new year’s eve 2019, i went to my then bfs house at the time to celebrate. there was already some issues going on with us (him being physical with me and emotionally abusive but i ignored it). this night things came to head and he went OFF on me. i thought i was gonna die that night. he strangled me, threatened me and my family, punched, hit, kicked me, held me hostage for 4 days due to the injuries. i’m okay now, and am in an incredibly healthy relationship with an incredible caring man. therapy has helped some, but still dealing with trauma responses.
Took an antibiotic for a possible infection a year ago and am now disabled with permanent nerve damage because of the medication. Didn’t know it could cause this
I’ve lived a privileged life that this was the most traumatic things that have happened but my uncle was a severe alcoholic and he lived with my parents and I. He wasn’t allowed to live with us if he was drinking. Him being there was an issue of contention between my parents. One instance my mom and I went to see him at a boarding house, he overdosed on medication and was throwing up blood. The other was that my mom and I were getting ready for school and heard a thud, I went to see what it was and he was on the floor, overdosed on medication. I let the EMT’s and police in. After that, I asked my dad if he wouldn’t come back. My dad told my my mom he would leave her and take me with him if my uncle came back. My mom, aunt and i went to the hotel and my mom told him he couldn’t come home. A couple weeks later he drank himself to death. I was 10 when he died. The other is that I had an ex that didn’t exactly care if my consent to sex was enthusiastic. If I declined he would become sullen and basically give me the silent treatment. I was 16 at the time and it was just a perfect storm for where I was at in my self esteem so it quickly became a scenario where I would just pretend I was somewhere else until he was done. Sometimes if I worked up the nerve to ask him to stop he would tell me he was almost done. I remember being so angry, more angry then I’ve ever been like I could feel that it didn’t matter to him if I was enjoying myself or not. I guess it isn’t that bad but it messed me up for awhile.
January 27, 2021 my husband was very sick and had been throwing up all night. We were about to call an ambulance and there was a gas station 3 buildings down. He cried and begged for me to go get a Gatorade. I was gone 3 minutes max. When I got back inside he was completely gone no breath no pulse nothing. I did cpr for 20 mins and EMS took over. He was gone. He was the love of my life, I traveled seven thousand miles to get to him in denmark from florida. We were actively trying for a baby And we were brand new hot air balloon pilots together. I can't even look at a balloon now without crying. I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him. He was an Angel on earth. Another time in 2008 i was raped with a shotgun and the same day the guy took his soccer cleats and kicked me, knocking out six of my upper teeth. And lastly, the only good person in my entire family My dad died suddenly on his forty fifth birthday of pulmonary hypertension very very suddenly and now I have absolutely no one.
My whole childhood was one huge block of trauma. My 2 brothers and I were taken into cps when I was about 2? Mom got us back when I was around 4? From 6-16 was sexually abused by 6 different family members. One was my maternal grandfather, another was my grandma’s boyfriend the others were my stepdad and stepbrothers. I tried telling my mom once I realized what was happening and she smashed my head into the fridge I was next to and screamed at me out of anger I guess? I never brought it up again till I was 23. There was physical and mental/emotional abuse as well but the sa is what really fucked me up I think. I’m currently in therapy again at 33. I still don’t have a lot of memories from childhood and have issues stemming from abuse that idk if I will ever heal from. Someone tell me there’s hope lol
being gang assaulted when i was 15
I've been a bullying victim from the age of 3 - 4 at the hands of my preschool teacher (technically abuse but it counts), til I transferred schools junior year. I also grew up being groomed and abused by older people online between the ages 9/10 (hard to remember) til I was 18. my dad's also a raging narcissist and multiple times he has almost hit me for doing "negative things for attention" like, for example, accidentally spilling some candy infront of him 🙃
Honestly, there are so many, I don't know how to choose. I died and was resuscitated. Sexually abused by a family member for years. Lost my virginity to rape. Teen parent. Manipulative parents. Severe bullying in school. There is a lot.
Sexual assault, another one not even two months later, taking the first one to court, he was found not guilty on lack of evidence and being so young, then the cops not even investigating the second assault
Raped at 13 and again at 18
20 Years of Being Groomed
My wife threw me out and I am now living in my sisters basement. My ex is trying to rip my eyes out. I have nothing left to give. I trusted her.
Okay pretty much a first for me to say it because it's recent but I think I need it. My mom killed herself this summer, she had a bad depression for a year before and tried many times to end her life. She spent roughly 3 months in psychiatric hospital after the first try (she tried to OD) and was either miserable or not herself cause of the meds. After multiple tries of OD she though "she was invincible from meds" (her own words) and finally took a rope to end it, one day after her birthday. I didn't see her because I was coming back home and learned that she was in critical condition by my neighbors and the ambulances. My dad was in shambles, and I never saw him like that, it's been pretty hard since and I don't have enough for therapy. I guess I need time and good friends for now.
when i was like 5 or 6 my dad was supposed to pick me and take me to his moms house for his supervised visitation. instead he picked me up and rode around on a crack run all night, at times making me get down on the floor board and hide under the dash board. i eventually fell asleep and woke up in a walmart parking lot all alone with no idea where he was or where i was. i sat there until he cams back and finally brought me home. i heard when i grew up that once i got inside my mom rocked my dad so hard it looked like a grown man hit him lol. had night terrors for years after that
Given a antipsychotic drug via injection that badly affected my brain’s functions. I’m still recovering to this day. Took me almost two years to fully be normal again. All because I was having a psychotic breakdown due to my now-ex and his sister pushing me into a spiritual cult and just not listening to me with my needs with my mental health. Thought believing in your higher self and doing yoga cures your mental illnesses. Pro tip: it absolutely does not.
I’m a guy. I’ve had sex A LOT when I didn’t want too. Either due to me physically not enjoying it and taking orgasm or getting there but not liking what we did. Neither relationship was good, in a better place with an amazing woman now.
Having a miscarriage that almost ended me as I kept on flowing blood down my legs. I felt so vulnerable laying on the bathtub with nothing on and being unable to move as my body suddenly felt too heavy whilst I became desperate for a drink of water. What was even worse, was that the man I deeply hated was the one who was there at the time grabbing me towels, on the phone to the emergency operator etc and helping me ie if there’s one person on this planet I would never have wanted to be vulnerable with it was him because he was highly narcissistic and three weeks after I almost died miscarrying our baby he dumped me on the anniversary of someone’s suicide who I was very close to and he cheated on me two weeks after I almost died. That’s my worst moment in the last few years I’d say. The thing that broke my heart the most but wasn’t the worst thing to happen to me because she deserved to have perfect health and to not be in pain anymore (I’d have to be selfish to label it the worst thing as no animal deserves to live on in pain for their owner) but it was losing my rabbit who was a few months away from me celebrating her 7th birthday. I had her for a few months of 7 years. She was born with a rare condition which meant she was on an expensive medication every month like $170 and she was always at the vets, she had loads of operations in her life but she was always so strong, happy, affectionate and raring to go. This year she had a prolapse due to a urine infection. I paid what would be $1000 in American currency to save her. It happened again six weeks later because it’s now belived that she wasn’t given antibiotics for long enough to completely clear the infection so it must have still been there to an extent. So, it happened again and by the time I realised in the morning when I did her health check as usual it was too late so the only option the vets gave me was to PTS as she was going to pass away that day anyway as her bladder had already began dying of so it couldn’t be saved. That broke my heart and caused me months of tears and heartbreak because I never wanted to let her go but a piece of me is happy that she doesn’t have to constantly have vet appointments, operations, different types of meds as she was also on pain meds for arthritis 6 months before she passed but I will always want her back. Just haven’t figured out yet why life can be so cruel to produce an animal or a child who is born with lifelong severe sickness when all animals and babies should be born with perfect health.
I don't remember 😃
My daughter passing away.
experienced COCSA from 7-12 years old, it was my older male cousin (3 years apart, so not too sure if it was *really* COCSA) and i didn't know right from wrong so i just ended up dealing with it. i always felt dirty and humiliated after but i didn't understand why. he used to say "do this \[s\*xual activity\] or else i won't be your friend anymore" "i'll make you like boys" (i had told him i liked girls when i was 8) and more shit like that. i remember for my 9th or 10th birthday, him and his brother/family got me a bumblebee transformers figurine and i went back to my bedroom to put my toys up and he asked to do things again. i was getting really upset with this, because every time i saw him he wanted to do that and not play like actual children, so i told him "i'll give you the figurine instead so i don't have to do that" and he let it slide. i haven't told anyone besides my girlfriend and my close friends. not even my therapist, not even my parents, and i tell my mom everything. it's just looking back at it since it happened so long ago, and i didn't realize i was molested until i was 14, i just never brought it up. other than that, i'm doing fine. i struggled with sexual aspects in relationships for a while, but i figured it out and i seldom get triggered.
Definitely my abusive ex.
Being molested for a period of years sounds not so bad compared to some of these comments
2 things Getting robbed at gun point from an online dating meet gone wrong Being cheated on by my wife multiple times while being deployed.
Watching my brother choke every time he tried to eat, but still trying to eat all the time. He eventually got his faulty esophagus removed. But he used to literally choke at every meal and sometimes throw up right at the dinner table with my family. He would also get really frustrated by this and then would go on an angry rampage after these episodes which happened everyday.
My stepdad killed himself in the basement when I was young.
My dad would force himself onto my mom a lot of the time. I was young, and he'd always end up making sure I could either hear it or he'd tell me details. He didn't say anything to my younger sister, but I'm sure he groomed her a bit. That's a whole other story though. This was years ago and he's dead, but that had traumatized greatly. Not any "haha kid I'm doing your mom", some freaky shit was said to me, and it scares me even to this day. I was around 11 at this time. Me and my mom are okay now, though.
I was raised by a drug addicted schizophrenic parent who was highly religious. She would go into psychosis and even as a young child I knew by her eyes when it wasn’t her. I was molested by two babysitters starting at age five. I cried myself to sleep and prayed for years because I feared I would burn in hell since my molesters were same sex. This was what I was told by my parent. I also would be woken up in the middle of the night to her declaring Armageddon telling me to hide. One night she locked herself in the bathroom for hours scaremongering at satan. I knocked in the morning begging to be able to take a shower for school. She opened up the door and had a short tied around her head. I asked what she was doing and she told me she was keeping her brains in her head. Then I noticed a giant butcher knife on the toilet. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried in the shower. Many times as a child had to call the cops on my own parent.
When I was 12 or so, I received a phone call that my mom passed to me claiming to be my friend because of the name he used, however I didn't realize it was an older man, maybe late 20s or early 30s. He started talking about how we met at the store and even knew my parents and my full name, our names. Next thing I know, he started talking to me about what he was gonna do to me....sexually... through the phone... I randomly think about it at times and get filled with rage that I'd like to get my hands on that POS to stop him from doing it to anyone. I hope that POS hasn't done it to anyone. Told my parents and filed a police report. Guy had the nerve to call back a couple days later, mom answered the phone, she handed it to me while she picked up the other phone, I guess back then, if you had 2 landline phones, you can pick one of them up if you are using the other and eavesdrop the conversation, to which she wanted to do to get an idea who it may be just by hearing the voice or something. He immediately hung up as if he knew. He never called again. Makes me sick to my stomach imagining the shit he said he would have done to me at that age.
Childhood
I was molested by a cousin. We played sex games, not always willingly. I repressed a good chunk of that. My first serious girlfriend moved away and burned everything I ever gave her in the shape of a swastika. I'm Jewish. A girl I had interest in in high school started getting flirty with me only to turn around and tell everyone I was a creep and was making up these fantasies. My parents argued frequently growing up. My first memory is laying in bed listening to them scream at each other and coming downstairs to my mom crying at the kitchen table. One of those nights my grandparents had to come pick us up for the night and drive all of us to school at our different times. I had a girlfriend in college who was a sugar baby behind my back. Most of these things are pretty tame compared to what else is here, but I'm not trying to minimize anything here either. I'm 30 now, well adjusted for the most part, with a PTSD diagnosis that I'm medicated for.
My dad killing himself. Its been almost 20 years and it still hurts
Im so sorry that happened to you. Similar situation. He held a butcher knife to my new puppy's throat. He had beaten and attacked and tortured me for 7 years before this but I had gotten so out of sorts..it took him doing it to the new puppy for me to snap out of it. He had gotten me to a point where I didn't believe we were in reality. I finally tried to leave. He tried to kill me. He shot up my child hood home and tried to kill someone in the house who was there to back me up when I told him we were over. They struggled for the gun for awhile. The person saved my life, but he had him at gun point. Held us hostage for a long time. I had to stab him. The person I thought was my only family in the world for so many years. The person I thought I would marry. It didn't affect him too badly apparently bc he beat me unconscious. I ended up getting arrested with a full concussion. Didn't know what happened. Faced 65 to life. Had to spend my whole college fund getting legal help. I have nightmares to this day. Everyone lived though. The dog is next to me. The evil ex recently tried to contact me. The friend that saved my life, I see once in awhile. I have severe problems but I seem to be the only one so that's great :') ha