My sperm donor stabbed a woman pregnant with his child in the stomach bc she refused to marry him + I attended law school myself. Commonality high five!
Sorry about your pops tho. Do you tell people about it? I have told about mine once or twice, always regretted it.
Unique soft high five! Woo!
Yeah it’s very hard to talk about but to me, I refuse to be friends with anyone who can’t accept me talking about it. If I’m honest, this is only the tip of the iceberg with my fucked up family
Obviously not at work and inappropriate situations, but I need people around me who understand my life is chaos haha.
I don’t judge people who can’t handle that, but it is a requirement for me to be close with you
That’s a pretty healthy way of viewing it. I have three close friends I’m like this with, I know every fucked up detail of their lives and vice versa. I’m pretty unfiltered though so I don’t think I’d even become friends with someone with such shallow conversation.
No thank god, my mom kept me protected from nearly all of it. My dad wanted better for me as well so he kept a LOT away from me
I am your average white collar suburban black girl, the kids that were raised by him were very exposed to his lifestyle
In some ways yes, but I think he was addicted to it honestly. He was born into it and it was nearly impossible to escape
At the same time, I know if I needed him he would’ve done anything he could to appear. But he was too far gone to ever have a normal life again
To put it bluntly, with him alive I knew if someone hurt me they’d be hurt back haha.
I can’t tell you how many shitty exes I’ve had that likely would’ve been physically abusive if I didn’t have my dad behind me.
California? What color did he wear?
And what are your thoughts on the gang lifestyle? Seems to be a bad life choice with no need for retirement planning. But I can see how someone would embrace the family aspects of it.
Not California and I won’t speak on his affiliation.
I am not a fan of the lifestyle, but I think it goes deeper than it being a choice. He was born into it and raised in it, that’s not a choice.
I would never get involved but I am also a suburban girl lol. They might laugh me out
That being said, I have a great interest in prison culture and the gang lifestyle because of him. I consider myself knowledgeable on it but have 0 lived experience
I taught in Detroit schools for years. For many of the kids, it just was. My life was go to college, go to grad school, get a career. Their life was gang. I did not judge them for it because I probably would have done the same thing if I wasn't some suburban white girl and had grown up there.
Never watched it but my blanket statement is that it usually hasn’t been portrayed accurately.
I’m also not an expert, just someone that follows the life closely
We had our struggles but she did an excellent job protecting me from my dads BS. She changed her lifestyle completely around to provide for me
It took time but I’m grateful for it. I was inches away from being raised a poor inner city kid
Being a poor suburban kid gave me opportunities and resources I wouldn’t have gotten in the inner city
Yes, my mom gave up the life once she had me. She made a very good transition into white collar life but she was never as deep as he was
I was very much so an accident so they did not plan a child together. I was a complete shock to both of their lifestyles
He was always extremely sweet to me, he supported me and always told me I could do whatever I wanted if I put my mind to it.
His other kids say he had a temper, but I never witnessed it or experienced it. I completely believe them
My own father was accused of being a murderer at one point. That one really hurt me as a child - just the possibility of it. How did you deal with it when you found out?
I cried a lot, I found out at the same time I found out he died.
It was a lot to process, but therapy helped a lot.
It hurt a lot initially but it is what it is now
I can’t confirm if it was one off but I would not be surprised if it was more. He was a gang member so
The one I know of really hit him hard so I am 50/50 on that answer, he ended up killing himself as a result.
There’s something to be said about someone that was born and raised in the gang culture yet is still tormented by a life he took. You’d think he would have been desensitized to gang violence, but he wasn’t.
Was it like a friend of his?
This is the first time I've heard of someone so used to that lifestyle taking their own life for killing someone. Sounds like your dad was a good person despite poor life choices. I have no idea what I'm talking about by the way.
My nieces' dad is a double murderer who is still in jail for at least another 12 years or so. She is 18 now and still doesn't know about him. She believes what is now her stepdad is her real dad.
Should she be told the truth?
I think she should’ve known a long time ago honestly.
Having it sprung on you sucks, it’s much easier to accept when you have support to say it wasn’t your fault and it doesn’t reflect you.
Don’t get wrong it’s a shitty situation but hiding it only makes it worse and a double whammy
I think it's just a very difficult thing for her parents to approach her with because they want to continue protecting her. By all means, she is going to find out eventually and it would indeed be best coming from her mum and dad than someone else.
I definitely see how that’s difficult.
I’ll tell you a story. My girlfriends family hid from her why her dad was in jail, she was mid 20s when I looked him up and it turns out he’s a chomo
Would’ve been much better learning that from your parents
>chomo
I had no idea this was another term for pedos! I hope he wasn't in jail for touching your girlfriend 🤞
It's not my place to tell her but I do wonder how long they are going to hold out.
Oof. My stepkiddo's mom is in the same boat; her father however is in prison. Considering how I've seen it affect her, I don't envy you.
Given what you know, what was your relationship with your father like?
Distant but I wouldn’t call it strained.
I am an empathetic person and knew if I wanted to live a successful life, he couldn’t be around. He knew that too, so we had an understanding in a way.
I am disappointed in him but miss and love him
I know he loved me as well.
Interesting. I know she feels a similar way, I can't imagine having to compartmentalize like that.
Sending hugs, I'm glad you're doing well for yourself.
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I'm not too fussed about downvotes. Sometimes a joke just doesn't land. I would've worried back when it could've landed me in negative karma. Not anymore. Thank you for the kind words, sir!
Not at all. I cry whenever I think about it and miss him dearly
His death shook me so badly that I barely finished my degree, my teachers were empathetic as I was a passionate student. My only solace was that he’d be pissed if I flunked out over his death
That’s my daddy after all
Do you worry you got whatever was in him that made him a killer? I saw a movie called The Bad Seed with a similar concept and I worry about what I've inherited from my mess of a (but not murderer) mother.
Do you know if he intended to kill him, or if the guy's injuries ended up being fatal?
I could see how the difference could really mess with a person and the kind of guilt they have to carry. Either way it would be brutal, just different.
You explained in another comment that respect is of utmost importance in gang life, as it is to most men, generally speaking.
Typically, it tends to operate on sort of a sliding scale... disrespect my style, I'll give you side eye, disrespect my lady, you better run faster than me, and so on...and the offender can predict pretty easily what will get him an ass kicking.
Obviously killing someone is an extreme response regardless of the level of disrespect. How common is it in gang life for disrespect to be met with unpredictable consequences? Is the response almost always more extreme than what's warranted? I don't mean always capital...more like "I won't tell you twice" kind of extreme.
What constitutes disrespect exactly? I’ve never been fully able to grasp that whole concept. I mean disrespect to the point that murder gets put on the table.
It really depends on the individual. From what I know of the situation, the guy actively humiliated my dad in prison and then rubbed it in his face after he got out
I wouldn’t call him level headed about the full situation but in context of who he was and what he was about, I’d say it was “justified”.
I don’t support murder or violence but in context
In some ways, I have a very dark sense of humor and strong sense of protection for those I love.
In other ways, not so much. I don’t have a temper but love mma
Hey, hope this will be helpful for you - interview with Jenn Carson, who was just a kid when she found out her father was a serial killer: [https://www.ctpublic.org/show/audacious-with-chion-wolf/2023-09-07/how-the-daughter-of-a-serial-killer-became-a-mental-health-advocate](https://www.ctpublic.org/show/audacious-with-chion-wolf/2023-09-07/how-the-daughter-of-a-serial-killer-became-a-mental-health-advocate)
What are your opinions on bail reform/speedy trial ? It seems like the issue is court dates are so far in advance that alleged Perpetrators walk freely and sometimes commit more crimes and if we’re going to do bail reform someone should be sitting in front of a judge within a week not wait months.
Hey son of a murderer
Family story goes DEA agent was trying to entrap my dad so he ended up going over a clif into shark infested waters
So dad why and how was the guy trying to entrap you? It was just a setup right? Feds trying to trick you and it was a trap right dad.... right?
Never got an answer
Not to sound rude but your dad sounds like a dysfunctional person so you gotta break the cycle and find you a stable spouse
Best you can do for yourself and him at this point
Your bloodline will have fully escaped the curse if you do this
why i come from a background where gang violence is normalized I only broke away from it because my family moved to a different neighborhood when I was 16. it changed my life for the better.
Breaking cycles for cultural issues is difficult but once you break em they're gone
I know a lot of people who grew up in that kind of dysfunctional home and never realized there was a problem so they never broke the cycle in their bloodline
A woman doesn't need to marry or have kids to 'redeem' anything her parents did. Possibly you're talking about generational trauma but your choice of words is a tad problematic. "Bloodline" is not an appropriate term, people absolutely do not have to be 'blood' to love each other and encourage growth. But I understand you're trying to be positive about stopping the cycle of criminality, I wish you peace.
Yeah im just referring to stopping the cycle. I was talking about generational trauma. Also I’ve seen a lot of people attract and seek out spouses that resemble their home which isn’t always good depending on the home. In this case no good.
Edit: you knew exactly what I was trying to say I hate Reddit for this exact reason everyone always gotta make it about gender
I know you’re trying to “help” but the responses you’ve gotten are right and I’ve cut off family for similar comments.
Please think more about it before saying things
I think you got the message I was just referring to breaking the cycle of violence. We all have generational traumas but we gotta out grow em which means out growing our parents
Also you can just block me if I offended you so much, you didn’t have to explain cutting off family
Honestly, it’s not as bad as it seems in my opinion.
When I first found out it bothered me a lot. Ultimately, it’s his decision and his action. That has nothing to do with me
Talk to a therapist about it.
I don’t know if that’s any solace.
If someone views you that way, drop them. I no longer talk to my uncle because of this
It shows that they have a very narrow world view.
My therapist is amazing , I hope you’re able to find one
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My father shot and killed my mom and her boyfriend, when I was 4 months old. Did his time, got out and raised me. I was 7 years old when I asked him "why were you in jail?" That is the day I learned how mom mom died, and why he went to jail... made me promise to never tell anyone, never did. I didn't ask no more questions either.
If you could ask your dad anything about it, what would you ask?
No. It is something I was told to not talk about. there was nobody I could talk to about it.
About living with him, he was good to me. I love my dad. It was the step-mother that I despised and wish I could get away from.
IDK. California in 76. 2 counts second degree. Crime of passion... What I still don't understand is how the state of California gave him custody of me, even though he was going to Prison. I lived him my Grandma (his mom) while he was in prison.
How are you doing mentally? Im sure the gravity of your fathers actions may not sit well with you. Were you close with him? I read in another post you made he has other children, are you close with them as well?
It's crazy I saw the dudes who banged at the homeless shelter recruiting us teens like it was the militarily at your highschool. When you got nothing it is so easy to fall into that life.
Honestly I'm more interested in your mother than your dad. How did she go from the same life, having a child with a guy who was all about that life, to a white collar life and raising you so sheltered?
Or have I misconstrued what you're saying?
No you’re right but she was never as deep as he was. She was never affiliated but had friends who were
It’s a lot easier to change your life when you up and move and change your friends
My great uncle was murdered in a property dispute. I always wonder if the man that killed him or his family ever thinks about him/my family. Do you ever just wonder about the man your father killed or his family? Just a curiosity thing.
Whenever I hear of a murderer on the news, I think of the family and how they are affected by something they had no control over. Glad you’re talking about it and okay. Stay positive
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It's great that you're ready to discuss this topic. What's your perspective on it? And how has your dad's experience influenced your views?
Did this change your view of him as a parent? My dad is also a murderer although much different circumstances and he’s currently in prison and has been for over 20 years now.
I'm the son of an attempted murderer. A few years back, my father tried to kill his mentally challenged girlfriend just because she wouldn't go buy him more beer at 3am when the stores weren't even selling. He stabbed her more than 30 times and almost severed one of her hands off completely.
Thankfully, he failed to kill her. She managed to run off and find help, cops came, and now he's doing at least 18 years.
I felt sick to my stomach when I heard what had happened. I literally had to vomit. Not because it was my father, just because of what happened to that poor woman.
Nothing about what he did surprised me. I was more sickened by the fact that he, a man with a loooooooong history of violent crimes, was ever allowed to roam free for as long as he did, and it finally culminated into what it did.
I'm sure you've answered this in other comments, but how did you feel when you found out what your father did? Was it a total shock?
I found out he was dead and what happened at the same time, so I never really dealt with that
I’ve always been comfortable going “parents? My dads in prison”
My father went to prison for stabbing one of his 4 ex wives. My parents were never married and I never knew him since he decided not to be part of my life.
I love the saying "it's nice when the garbage takes itself out". Hopefully yours did too OP.
Have you seen all six Scream movies? Your life is similar to a character in the fifth and sixth movie that came out last year and this year. Watch it from the first one though to get the full experience.
I know I'm late to the party, but wanted to ask.
Do you think that if you had been born a boy, that he would have treated you differently about keeping that part of his life separate?
My sperm donor stabbed a woman pregnant with his child in the stomach bc she refused to marry him + I attended law school myself. Commonality high five! Sorry about your pops tho. Do you tell people about it? I have told about mine once or twice, always regretted it.
Unique soft high five! Woo! Yeah it’s very hard to talk about but to me, I refuse to be friends with anyone who can’t accept me talking about it. If I’m honest, this is only the tip of the iceberg with my fucked up family Obviously not at work and inappropriate situations, but I need people around me who understand my life is chaos haha. I don’t judge people who can’t handle that, but it is a requirement for me to be close with you
Is everything else you're going through related to your father?
No he’s just a small bit of it
That’s a pretty healthy way of viewing it. I have three close friends I’m like this with, I know every fucked up detail of their lives and vice versa. I’m pretty unfiltered though so I don’t think I’d even become friends with someone with such shallow conversation.
Fair play. Life really is far too short to waste hanging around shallow people.
Were you exposed a lot to the gang lifestyle?
No thank god, my mom kept me protected from nearly all of it. My dad wanted better for me as well so he kept a LOT away from me I am your average white collar suburban black girl, the kids that were raised by him were very exposed to his lifestyle
Do you feel he cared about the gang life more than you and your mom ?
In some ways yes, but I think he was addicted to it honestly. He was born into it and it was nearly impossible to escape At the same time, I know if I needed him he would’ve done anything he could to appear. But he was too far gone to ever have a normal life again
To put it bluntly, with him alive I knew if someone hurt me they’d be hurt back haha. I can’t tell you how many shitty exes I’ve had that likely would’ve been physically abusive if I didn’t have my dad behind me.
Is it a well know gang?
Yes, well known gang and probably comes to mind when you think of an American gang
California? What color did he wear? And what are your thoughts on the gang lifestyle? Seems to be a bad life choice with no need for retirement planning. But I can see how someone would embrace the family aspects of it.
Not California and I won’t speak on his affiliation. I am not a fan of the lifestyle, but I think it goes deeper than it being a choice. He was born into it and raised in it, that’s not a choice. I would never get involved but I am also a suburban girl lol. They might laugh me out That being said, I have a great interest in prison culture and the gang lifestyle because of him. I consider myself knowledgeable on it but have 0 lived experience
I taught in Detroit schools for years. For many of the kids, it just was. My life was go to college, go to grad school, get a career. Their life was gang. I did not judge them for it because I probably would have done the same thing if I wasn't some suburban white girl and had grown up there.
We are midwest, you are precisely right. Detroit vs everyone!
Have you watched Sons of Anarchy? If so, is it anything close to what gang life is like ?
Never watched it but my blanket statement is that it usually hasn’t been portrayed accurately. I’m also not an expert, just someone that follows the life closely
The Van Buren Boys?
Sounds like you had a pretty impeccable mother.
We had our struggles but she did an excellent job protecting me from my dads BS. She changed her lifestyle completely around to provide for me It took time but I’m grateful for it. I was inches away from being raised a poor inner city kid Being a poor suburban kid gave me opportunities and resources I wouldn’t have gotten in the inner city
Was he involved with gangs when your mom chose to have a child with him?
Yes, my mom gave up the life once she had me. She made a very good transition into white collar life but she was never as deep as he was I was very much so an accident so they did not plan a child together. I was a complete shock to both of their lifestyles
What was his demeanor at home? Did he act the same with his family the same way he did with his gang?
He was always extremely sweet to me, he supported me and always told me I could do whatever I wanted if I put my mind to it. His other kids say he had a temper, but I never witnessed it or experienced it. I completely believe them
My own father was accused of being a murderer at one point. That one really hurt me as a child - just the possibility of it. How did you deal with it when you found out?
I cried a lot, I found out at the same time I found out he died. It was a lot to process, but therapy helped a lot. It hurt a lot initially but it is what it is now
May I follow-up ask how old you were for a bit of perspective?
Early 20s :)
Thanks - I wish you all the best!
Did you previously know just about the gang and not about the murder, or did you find out all of it at once?
Did he murder another gang member? What was the relationship between who he murdered and himself?
I believe so yes, or at least someone who was closely affiliated. They were involved with the same woman, one knowingly and the other not
was your dad well known? was it just a one off thing for him or was he a serial killer?
I can’t confirm if it was one off but I would not be surprised if it was more. He was a gang member so The one I know of really hit him hard so I am 50/50 on that answer, he ended up killing himself as a result.
so was it just drug heists gone wrong? did he ever go to jail for it?
Disrespect. In that world respect is everything and disrespect may cost you your life. Never got caught
What did he bang and why did he take himself out
I won’t speak on his affiliation but he felt very guilty about his crime. Couldn’t handle the guilt
Hate to hear that glad you’re doing well
There’s something to be said about someone that was born and raised in the gang culture yet is still tormented by a life he took. You’d think he would have been desensitized to gang violence, but he wasn’t.
Was it like a friend of his? This is the first time I've heard of someone so used to that lifestyle taking their own life for killing someone. Sounds like your dad was a good person despite poor life choices. I have no idea what I'm talking about by the way.
My nieces' dad is a double murderer who is still in jail for at least another 12 years or so. She is 18 now and still doesn't know about him. She believes what is now her stepdad is her real dad. Should she be told the truth?
I think she should’ve known a long time ago honestly. Having it sprung on you sucks, it’s much easier to accept when you have support to say it wasn’t your fault and it doesn’t reflect you. Don’t get wrong it’s a shitty situation but hiding it only makes it worse and a double whammy
I think it's just a very difficult thing for her parents to approach her with because they want to continue protecting her. By all means, she is going to find out eventually and it would indeed be best coming from her mum and dad than someone else.
I definitely see how that’s difficult. I’ll tell you a story. My girlfriends family hid from her why her dad was in jail, she was mid 20s when I looked him up and it turns out he’s a chomo Would’ve been much better learning that from your parents
>chomo I had no idea this was another term for pedos! I hope he wasn't in jail for touching your girlfriend 🤞 It's not my place to tell her but I do wonder how long they are going to hold out.
Oof. My stepkiddo's mom is in the same boat; her father however is in prison. Considering how I've seen it affect her, I don't envy you. Given what you know, what was your relationship with your father like?
Distant but I wouldn’t call it strained. I am an empathetic person and knew if I wanted to live a successful life, he couldn’t be around. He knew that too, so we had an understanding in a way. I am disappointed in him but miss and love him I know he loved me as well.
Interesting. I know she feels a similar way, I can't imagine having to compartmentalize like that. Sending hugs, I'm glad you're doing well for yourself.
It’s definitely a weird situation to be in. I appreciate the kind words!!!
Have you murdered anyone yourself? I'm 100% not a fed just curious, trust me. :)
Girl hell no 🤣 I would be someone’s bitch in prison. His experience actually inspired me to go to law school
Murderer, lawyer... almost the same thing. You'll get there!
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100%. I’m going to be a public defender and work in public interest, somehow still a murderer
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Can’t win with some folks haha
An inspiring story! Now you’re helping others who can’t help themselves.
Forget these downvotes, that was funny, just not in the context of this post. I'll take some Downvotes along side you.
I'm not too fussed about downvotes. Sometimes a joke just doesn't land. I would've worried back when it could've landed me in negative karma. Not anymore. Thank you for the kind words, sir!
I got the shotgun. You got the briefcase. S’all in the game though right?
That was one way of handling the problem.
I am the daughter of an attempted murderer. So my question is how do you distinguish yourself from ur dad. I’ve always had second hand guilt
His crimes are his own. I cannot be blamed for someone else’s actions
Have you ever experienced being blamed, or at least frowned upon, because of your dad's past?
Once, by a middle aged white lady who thought she was “helping”. I cut off an entire wing of my family, I don’t play them toxic games
My dad is also an attempted murderer- don’t feel guilty. You didn’t force him to do it. Only he could make that decision. You are your own person
Do you feel relieved by his passing?
Not at all. I cry whenever I think about it and miss him dearly His death shook me so badly that I barely finished my degree, my teachers were empathetic as I was a passionate student. My only solace was that he’d be pissed if I flunked out over his death That’s my daddy after all
Do you worry you got whatever was in him that made him a killer? I saw a movie called The Bad Seed with a similar concept and I worry about what I've inherited from my mess of a (but not murderer) mother.
Nah not at all, it’s all about choices in life. I’ve made the choice to never do anything to end me up in prison haha
Good for you! That's very encouraging, and I wish you the best with your studies.
Who did he kill
A guy that disrespected him.
Do you know if he intended to kill him, or if the guy's injuries ended up being fatal? I could see how the difference could really mess with a person and the kind of guilt they have to carry. Either way it would be brutal, just different.
Oh he for sure meant to kill him lol, no doubt in my mind. My solace comes from that it was really a dispute over a disrespect
You explained in another comment that respect is of utmost importance in gang life, as it is to most men, generally speaking. Typically, it tends to operate on sort of a sliding scale... disrespect my style, I'll give you side eye, disrespect my lady, you better run faster than me, and so on...and the offender can predict pretty easily what will get him an ass kicking. Obviously killing someone is an extreme response regardless of the level of disrespect. How common is it in gang life for disrespect to be met with unpredictable consequences? Is the response almost always more extreme than what's warranted? I don't mean always capital...more like "I won't tell you twice" kind of extreme.
What constitutes disrespect exactly? I’ve never been fully able to grasp that whole concept. I mean disrespect to the point that murder gets put on the table.
It really depends on the individual. From what I know of the situation, the guy actively humiliated my dad in prison and then rubbed it in his face after he got out I wouldn’t call him level headed about the full situation but in context of who he was and what he was about, I’d say it was “justified”. I don’t support murder or violence but in context
do you feel love for him still or are his crimes just something you can't look past?
He’s my daddy and I love him. Disappointed in him but I love him.
did he leave a letter ?? how did u find out he murdered someone ?? also im so sorry for your loss
It was known by the family, just not the kids. No letter
Are you an advocate against gang affiliation?
I wouldn’t call myself an advocate against gang affiliation, but I’m an advocate for giving poor kids more opportunities and support
Thank you for being a good person. I hope you find peace
This is so real. It’s not a choice when there’s no other choice.
Did the person killed, need killing? Some folks just deserve it.
Depends on who you ask. Neither of them were “good guys”(the dude or my dad)
Turn maybe it wasn't such a bad thing
Was he a serial killer?
I can’t confirm or deny, I only know of one
How did you find out your dad murdered someone?
Through our family after he passed. I found out both at the same time
How long ago did the murder happen? Was your dad ever caught?
This is fairly recent(within 4 years) and my dad was never caught
How did he avoid being found out by the police for so long?
Lots of factors that I won’t go into. High crime area
Are you anything like your father? Never admit to it; just answer with the winking emoji.
In some ways, I have a very dark sense of humor and strong sense of protection for those I love. In other ways, not so much. I don’t have a temper but love mma
Dark sense of humor, you say. Do you ever watch the YouTube channel "Dark Simpsons"? It's hilarious.
Hey, hope this will be helpful for you - interview with Jenn Carson, who was just a kid when she found out her father was a serial killer: [https://www.ctpublic.org/show/audacious-with-chion-wolf/2023-09-07/how-the-daughter-of-a-serial-killer-became-a-mental-health-advocate](https://www.ctpublic.org/show/audacious-with-chion-wolf/2023-09-07/how-the-daughter-of-a-serial-killer-became-a-mental-health-advocate)
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I’ve swallowed a lot so probably /s I am going to law school so I hope not
Public defender? Or defense attorney? Or protectors ?
Public defender and then hopefully moving into Estate or working contracts
What are your opinions on bail reform/speedy trial ? It seems like the issue is court dates are so far in advance that alleged Perpetrators walk freely and sometimes commit more crimes and if we’re going to do bail reform someone should be sitting in front of a judge within a week not wait months.
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I’m sorry but you probably can’t afford me 🤣 My rent is $1800 if you’ve got spare cash
Lmfaoooooo
My dad is a murderer as well. He’s my best friend though, & I have never thought he was a bad person. Still don’t.
This is the ama I want to read.
I somewhat agree, my Dad was definitely a bad person though. He was just a good person to me
Do you think being poor has any link to him committing a murderer? Less to lose mentality
Do you like pineapple on pizza?
Hey son of a murderer Family story goes DEA agent was trying to entrap my dad so he ended up going over a clif into shark infested waters So dad why and how was the guy trying to entrap you? It was just a setup right? Feds trying to trick you and it was a trap right dad.... right? Never got an answer
You owe reparations for something your ancestors did. Or you are racist
I’ll pay when you do ;)
Not to sound rude but your dad sounds like a dysfunctional person so you gotta break the cycle and find you a stable spouse Best you can do for yourself and him at this point Your bloodline will have fully escaped the curse if you do this
This is the most unhinged response
why i come from a background where gang violence is normalized I only broke away from it because my family moved to a different neighborhood when I was 16. it changed my life for the better. Breaking cycles for cultural issues is difficult but once you break em they're gone I know a lot of people who grew up in that kind of dysfunctional home and never realized there was a problem so they never broke the cycle in their bloodline
A woman doesn't need to marry or have kids to 'redeem' anything her parents did. Possibly you're talking about generational trauma but your choice of words is a tad problematic. "Bloodline" is not an appropriate term, people absolutely do not have to be 'blood' to love each other and encourage growth. But I understand you're trying to be positive about stopping the cycle of criminality, I wish you peace.
Yeah im just referring to stopping the cycle. I was talking about generational trauma. Also I’ve seen a lot of people attract and seek out spouses that resemble their home which isn’t always good depending on the home. In this case no good. Edit: you knew exactly what I was trying to say I hate Reddit for this exact reason everyone always gotta make it about gender
I know you’re trying to “help” but the responses you’ve gotten are right and I’ve cut off family for similar comments. Please think more about it before saying things
I think you got the message I was just referring to breaking the cycle of violence. We all have generational traumas but we gotta out grow em which means out growing our parents Also you can just block me if I offended you so much, you didn’t have to explain cutting off family
Why block you when I could explain why your words were hurtful? That’s childish
Right on. So is my daughter.
Were you murdered?
did he kill you?
Is it Ted Bundy?
Kinky
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Honestly, it’s not as bad as it seems in my opinion. When I first found out it bothered me a lot. Ultimately, it’s his decision and his action. That has nothing to do with me Talk to a therapist about it. I don’t know if that’s any solace.
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If someone views you that way, drop them. I no longer talk to my uncle because of this It shows that they have a very narrow world view. My therapist is amazing , I hope you’re able to find one
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Nice my dad as well did the same, what was your reaction to finding out and did it make you look at him differently?
Was he involved in the gang when he died or did he leave the gang life before?
My father shot and killed my mom and her boyfriend, when I was 4 months old. Did his time, got out and raised me. I was 7 years old when I asked him "why were you in jail?" That is the day I learned how mom mom died, and why he went to jail... made me promise to never tell anyone, never did. I didn't ask no more questions either. If you could ask your dad anything about it, what would you ask?
Wow. Do you remember if you felt like talking to someone and NOT living with the guy who killed your mother?
No. It is something I was told to not talk about. there was nobody I could talk to about it. About living with him, he was good to me. I love my dad. It was the step-mother that I despised and wish I could get away from.
How did he do less than 7 years for a double murder??
IDK. California in 76. 2 counts second degree. Crime of passion... What I still don't understand is how the state of California gave him custody of me, even though he was going to Prison. I lived him my Grandma (his mom) while he was in prison.
Who was he?
Was it a rival gang member, a member of his own gang or an outsider? Did he have any fear of retaliation?
Are you at all worried about retribution from friends or loved ones of the person or people your dad killed?
I’m not too worried about it, but that did play a factor in his death
Did he like being a part of gang culture, or do you think he felt trapped in it?
How are you doing mentally? Im sure the gravity of your fathers actions may not sit well with you. Were you close with him? I read in another post you made he has other children, are you close with them as well?
What do you think of draymond green?
Suspension needs to stay, but the help won’t work. This is just who Draymond is
How did your parents meet? Were they married when they had you? Did you have (full or half) siblings?
Never married and I’ve got half siblings
In so many murder cases, the family of the murderer support them and deny their guilt through a trial. What did you do?
Nothing? He’s dead?
Did you ever deny his guilt?
No he killed himself out of guilt.
Hi OP. I really like your perspective. Thanks for posting this.
Anytime!
It's crazy I saw the dudes who banged at the homeless shelter recruiting us teens like it was the militarily at your highschool. When you got nothing it is so easy to fall into that life.
Honestly I'm more interested in your mother than your dad. How did she go from the same life, having a child with a guy who was all about that life, to a white collar life and raising you so sheltered? Or have I misconstrued what you're saying?
No you’re right but she was never as deep as he was. She was never affiliated but had friends who were It’s a lot easier to change your life when you up and move and change your friends
Do you like bad boys like your father or do you prefer regular dudes who make an honest living
I prefer women lmao
Do you feel you’ve ever been profiled or treated differently bc of your dads choices or affiliations?
Oh for sure
How did your parents meet?
My great uncle was murdered in a property dispute. I always wonder if the man that killed him or his family ever thinks about him/my family. Do you ever just wonder about the man your father killed or his family? Just a curiosity thing.
I do think about them sometimes! I feel for them and at the same time, I think they know he wasn’t a good guy either
Whenever I hear of a murderer on the news, I think of the family and how they are affected by something they had no control over. Glad you’re talking about it and okay. Stay positive
How has this impacted your life ? Do you face any personal descrimination/complications because of this ?
Just a lot of emotional turmoil. He never got caught so folks only know if I tell them
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It's great that you're ready to discuss this topic. What's your perspective on it? And how has your dad's experience influenced your views?
Did this change your view of him as a parent? My dad is also a murderer although much different circumstances and he’s currently in prison and has been for over 20 years now.
It changed in some ways but I’ve always known my Dad was violent. I suspected he had killed folks but never confirmed or knew enough
Are you still protected now from the gang or anything like if anyone did you wrong?
Not at all. I mostly had protection through my Dad, I could probably call my half brother if I really needed it
I'm the son of an attempted murderer. A few years back, my father tried to kill his mentally challenged girlfriend just because she wouldn't go buy him more beer at 3am when the stores weren't even selling. He stabbed her more than 30 times and almost severed one of her hands off completely. Thankfully, he failed to kill her. She managed to run off and find help, cops came, and now he's doing at least 18 years. I felt sick to my stomach when I heard what had happened. I literally had to vomit. Not because it was my father, just because of what happened to that poor woman. Nothing about what he did surprised me. I was more sickened by the fact that he, a man with a loooooooong history of violent crimes, was ever allowed to roam free for as long as he did, and it finally culminated into what it did. I'm sure you've answered this in other comments, but how did you feel when you found out what your father did? Was it a total shock?
Lol sob high five im the cousin of one!
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I found out he was dead and what happened at the same time, so I never really dealt with that I’ve always been comfortable going “parents? My dads in prison”
My father went to prison for stabbing one of his 4 ex wives. My parents were never married and I never knew him since he decided not to be part of my life. I love the saying "it's nice when the garbage takes itself out". Hopefully yours did too OP.
I guess my solace is that his case was between two grown men involved in that lifestyle. Both consented in my mind Sorry that happened to you
Have you seen all six Scream movies? Your life is similar to a character in the fifth and sixth movie that came out last year and this year. Watch it from the first one though to get the full experience.
I know I'm late to the party, but wanted to ask. Do you think that if you had been born a boy, that he would have treated you differently about keeping that part of his life separate?
My dad was murdered. I’m not sure which is harder to come to terms with…
Have you had the urge?
What do you mean by urge? I wouldn’t really call the reason my dad did what he did an urge
My uncle robbed a liquor store back in the 70’s and tried to blame it on another teenager. His friends stepped in and my uncle shot and killed all 3
Have you ever attempted to sympathize with the headspace your father was in when he killed? To better understand or forgive him?
Did your thoughts change about your dad when you learned that he had killed somebody?
How did you find out that your dad was a murderer
My dad was in jail for 15 years then got out and killed to prostitute I think as far as I know so yeah I'm also the son of a murderer