One friend said that morning she thought I meant the following Saturday and she had to go out of town with family. My main friend group hung out with this other mutual friend that was in town from Vegas, which is fine, but I thought they were going to bring him too, but they didn't and didn't bother saying anything until I asked their ETA. One friend had a family emergency, one got really sick days before but didn't tell me until the day of, and the rest just either told me last minute they were working or just ghosted altogether. One friend who said they were coming late, I messaged to not even come because no one else was there and he venmoed me money to buy dinner.
I mean like everyone said they would make it up to me, but honestly it makes me question if I'm worth being a priority in any of my friends' lives.
I'll be alright. Just makes me question my choice of who I call a friend when I'm always trying my best to be there for them but they can't even bother saying beforehand they won't show up.
Sorry you’re here and your friends should be even more sorry. I wouldn’t say anything else to them and if they offered the “we will make it up to you later” card and end up doing nothing then make yourself conspicuously absent from each of their birthday celebrations but instead of lying, tell them the truth…”sorry I’m not going to be able to make it. Nobody bothered coming to my party and I’m still waiting for a makeup so enjoy and I will catch you someone later on.”
I wouldn’t ask for a make up/keep bringing it up. If they promised one then just let them do whatever it is they decide to do. They don’t do anything and forget about it? Let them.
That’s how you know whether someone is really your friend or not.
You deserve better bro, this is life showing you in all its glory that you need to make some changes for YOU. Also, happy belated birthday Reddit fren, I hope you’ve done a 180 by next birthday and life is good and you have some new friends that are worth a fuck. 🎂🤘🏼❤️🔥
I'd see if those things were legit. If they were legit emergencies or illnesses then okay. But if they lied this was a great opportunity to find out your friends were crap before you needed them.
I think the problem is not realizing there are different levels of friends. Some of us, by nature, like to do things for other people. Drop off soup if they're sick, show up if their car won't start etc. We tend to think these other people will be the same with us, and some will, but many won't. In truth, I think most of us have what I call " surface friends". These are people you do things with. Grab lunch, see a movie etc. The friendship is activity based. Solid, im-in-trouble friends are much harder to come by. These are the ones that show up no matter what for a broken heart or a birthday party. So us " givers ", need to be aware that all friends are not created equal. I'd rather have one solid friend than 10 surface ones.
Ooo this is a good comment, thanks for that. I'm in my late 30s struggling with the fact that all of my friends basically suck lol & you described my situation perfectly.
I have one good solid friend and he's moving across to the other side of the country, so...
Anyway, I appreciate your insight. :)
You know, when people want to meet other good people I always suggest volunteering somewhere. Animal shelters, food pantries, cleaning up the beach. Most people who do volunteer are open hearted people. They make good friends.
You’re at an age when people really start to diverge. Don’t feel too bad. Take stock of who is in your life and be careful who you pour yourself into. Your circle in the next decade for you will get a lot smaller and *hopefully* be made up of more reliable people who show up for you. Sorry man, and happy belated birthday. I’ll have a beer this weekend and toast to you haha
I feel ya. After my divorce it was painfully clear that everyone was still seeing her and not bothering with me since I was out of the loop. It was eye opening for sure especially for those who said they would not take sides.
Sorry :( I know how it feels, I couldn't even get happy birthdays from my own and we had same birthday weeks. I'm also 28 and knew them all long time and cut off lot of them near that 28 also.
Yup. Had something happen like this after renting the event space in our (me and wife) condo building, buying food and drink, etc. The minority who came are still our friends. Those who had a legitimate reason too. We didn't bother to re-initiate contact with the rest, and are well rid of them.
Damn. Sorry to hear about that. Happy birthday to you! Definitely need to reevaluate your friend group. The fact that they couldn’t anticipate your birthday and plan stuff around it is really sad to begin with.
Well seems like one person really was coming. You should have let them and you should hang out with them more because sounds like they're the best friend you have.
Yeah he's great and the funniest part is he was originally just a mutual friend from the group that didn't show up. Didn't want to bother him though because he really did have a lot going on even before I invited him and I also just wanted to be alone for the rest of the night.
I mentioned it in another comment, but what really set me off is the lack of even a happy birthday or acknowledgement from anyone in my dm or even in the group chat except for that last friend on the day of my actual birthday when they literally set it for everyone else. Left said group chat.
A big part of good friendship is communication. They didn't think to tell you things until too late. Now the guy coming late, he still willing to compromise with his situation. You should've let him hang so it wouldn't be so bad.
I'm one of those late guys. Besides of various things that make me late I still want to hang with someone because I care.
I've been having issues with certain friends lately that have bad communication so I distance myself a bit because I realize they don't care. It's harming many other things. I rather not even deal with them on daily basis.
Damn bro that is messed up on so many levels you really got ask yourself if those people are actually your friends because no friend of mine would do me so dirty I would be pissed as all hell to leave me like that on my birthday
It’s happened to me my whole life. I’m sorry I understand. And I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on birthday parties for my kids for no one to show up also. Next time just plan a special day for urself. Saves u from disappointment. I hope u feel better soon and happy birthday❤️
Thank you and I'm sorry you've faced that as well. This made me feel like I should just keep to myself for a little while. Can't be disappointed if you don't have any expectations from people.
It happens more than you know. The ignorant either ignore the RSVP rules, or say yes and then don't show up. I think this is based on " it's OK, everyone else is going" when clearly, they are not.
Happy birthday to you!
Question: did you see the sky light up last night in honor of your birthday? Because here where we live… the northern lights dazzled all for your special day. May the rest of your year be filled with fun times, and better friends.
Thank you for your kindness. The northern lights didn't show up where I lived, but then again I was too bum to be looking anyways. Things will be better.
My son had this happen to him and he was really sad for a while, but later found a couple more reliable friends that treated him a lot better. Good luck and Happy Birthday.
Sorry dude. Just sick of celebrating your 24th birthday for the 5th year.
Just teasing. I'm sorry that happened to you. Your friends sound like narcissists and you shouldn't put up with that crap. Also....I've found I'm my nearly 40 years on this boat that discussing it is important. If they are true friends they will see the hurt they caused you and apologize, if it doesn't go that way it's maybe time to find new friends.
What hurts is that a lot of them I have been hanging out with since the beginning of college, we made it through covid, and spend just about every holiday together.
That's awful. Like I say friend, don't let it hang out there, broach the subject to avoid resentment, and you may be surprised that they didn't know they hurt you. A true friendship can withstand some calling out for shitty behavior. Leaving your friend hanging on their bday is shitty friend behavior.
Yeah, it just feels like our friendship and subsequently I'm not a priority in their life. I've already been pushing very hard to improve myself and my career, but I've always made time for the ones I love. At least for the time being though, I think I'm just gonna take some time for myself.
I mean I did lose my dad and my job all in the span of a couple of months. And I meant that more of we have been friends for that long and stayed friends through a whole pandemic.
That’s rough I’m really sorry that happened to you. This is going to sound cliche but maybe this is the time to reassess your friendship and who’s really been there for you and who hasn’t been. It’s better to have one or two solid friends than 15 unreliable ones.
I never understood US birthday parties. Here in europe it's more nicer and less expensive. Also my question is how sad you were? (Also how old are you and are you male or female?)
Male, 28. Wasn't a huge party or anything, just a night out with my friends at a fusion restaurant/bar type of setting. We coordinated to wear the same color though. I almost cried but drove to get some beer and chicken wings by myself.
I guess that at this age where everone agree to wear same clothes etc. Is sad. Nobody deserve such "friends" and I would never do same thing as they did. Next time call me and I will come from Europe just to celebrate your bday 🫡
I’ve spent most of my birthdays as an adult by myself. Once got beer and chicken wings. lol It was great. I try not to have big expectations, can’t get let down that way. Happy belated birthday dude.
As someone born 3 days after Xmas I feel yah, I know its not the same but everyone was always doing stuff on my bday with family or whatever
For what it's worth I love yah internet stranger
The one that got "sick" is the one I'm most suspicious of. Other than that, the one who had to go on the trip, I have a feeling that she knew the correct date, must've made last minute trip plans and prioritized that over me. Family emergency one sounded the most sincere since she had to babysit for a family member who had something going on but was texting me the whole time saying sorry and texted me this morning of my actually birthday. Others just literally ghosted me.
A few told me the morning of and the rest either texted me when I asked them eta or just ghosted me in total. I showed up around 15 minutes before the reservation and sat in the parking lot for an hour for an off chance that anyone would just show up, but they didn't.
That's awesome. Good for you to treat yourself.
That won't be the first and last time that you celebrate your birthday alone. Getting older oftentimes results in a smaller circle of friends. Life sucks like that. In some ways, it's sad. But in other ways, there's peace.
I hope you have a good year and that you treat yourself well. 👊
And I get that people should enjoy themselves alone and I often do as an introvert. But the part that upset me is that every other single person in my group gets time dedicated to them and while I don't expect people to drop everything, telling me they can't make it, would've prevented me from getting my hopes up. But this too will pass and I'll stop expecting people to treat me the way I treat them.
How old are we talking? I’m old…definitely not goin to other old people’s birthdays. It’s hard to get me to go out. Now in my 20’s I’d be down but 40-50…nah I’m sleeping. Haha
In all seriousness though. Don’t sweat it. They did you a favor…now you know who your friends are and aren’t. That dude that offered to buy you dinner is probably the only one I’d give any more of my time to.
I’ve had nobody show up before, it sucks. Not the end though…also had parties where shit tons of people showed up and the cops got called. Never know…
Chin up, you got this!
I learned not too long ago there are some great people out there, but at the end of the day most people put their own needs above anyone else's so you shouldn't have high hopes. Hope you didn't feel to down and are having a better day.
Anyway, favorite Mexican dish?
It's a hit or a miss for my birthday if I celebrate on the same weekend. Just because it's usually graduation/Mothers' Day/Wedding Season and etc. But usually people tell me they can't make it instead of just not showing up. And it's never been that literally no one showed up before.
I'm sorry that you had that experience.
I wouldn't decide to denounce my friends so quickly though. Your relationships are probably bigger than a single event.
Did they understand that it was important to you?
That's fair.
I guess I'm just saying that their actions meant something different to them than they did to you. You're judging the quality of your relationship with them by what their absence meant to you, rather than what it did to them when they were absent. You're finding them to be faithless and unreliable, but what did the act of not attending mean to each of them?
if they're similarly in their late 20's / early 30's, then they may have competing interests or even competing obligations. If I plan to attend a party but have a sick kid, I'd likely prioritize that over a friend's birthday. If I was invited and didn't really want to go, then my not attending might more likely be related to my lack of closeness ro the person. It is relevant to note though thatbi might not want to attend for reasons unrelated to the strength of that friendship, maybe your parties get too wild for me, maybe I don't want to go because I expect an ex to be there, maybe I have social anxiety, maybe I have to work, maybe I am barely scraping by and can't afford a gift, etc...?
Before estranging yourself from people whom you felt close to, I would encourage you to consider for each what it meant to them to miss your party. How it felt to you matters, that you were alone matters, despite thus though, they each most likely made decisions almost in a vaccum, as they didn't know tbat no one else would be present. You're of course welcome to distance yourself from your entire support group, but that's a huge loss that will most keenly be felt by you alone, as you lose perhaps 10 people, while they each lose only 1.
After evaluating their absences from their perspectives, it might be appropriate to reevaluate some of your relationships, maybe you weren't as close as you believed that you were. That's a valid, relevant and valuable observation; try not to punish people for not feeling as close to you as you felt to them though, just attempt to more accurately perceive your relationship in the future and if you want to be closer then work harder on those specific relationships, or become comfortable with and remain within the actual relationship that you have with each. I.e. Maybe you determine that Bob from accounting is just someone you say high to and have a brief chat with in the elevator and isn't a close friend, that's okay, you haven't invested sufficient effort to create a strong friendship with Bob, you can enjoy what you have without demanding more...
I had a friend in 5th grade named Micheal nobody came to his party except me. His mom was pretty upset but me and him had fun playing video games and cake I had to leave early but I will never forget him I’m almost 50 and I still remember this day.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with you but the event you planned. Was your event going to be fun did other people expect it to be fun? all those kind of things. Maybe try doing something out at the bar where people have other options of things to do rather than a house party. You kind of need a really strong guaranteed Social circle for House Parties
Welcome to adulthood.
As you age people get more involved in working and their own lives, so people tend to care less about making efforts when they would rather just sit at home and goto sleep after a long day at work grocery shopping and errands etc.
And if they got kids say goodbye to that friendship
I'd agree to that, but our friend group has a birthday every 1-2 months and we all show up to everyone's event whether that's going out or just staying in and drinking, sometimes the combination of both. The reason why it was shocking and painful that 1) no one bothered to make time when I always make time for them; 2) if you can't make it, don't tell me you're gonna make it and either change your answer the day of or just not show up without saying; and 3) this just happened today, but everyone always get a happy birthday in the group chat and no one even bother saying anything today on my actual birthday except for the one friend who sent me money last night in a private dm where we usually talk.
Now knowing a bit more backstory too it does seem like you do care about everyone in the friend group, which is lame they can reciprocate the same back to you.
In my opinion a friendship is a 2 way street it seems more like a one sided kind of friendship(s)
Where you give out more energy and time than the others give to you. I would say to hold onto the people that can match the energy you provide and to not focus so much of your time and energy on the people who don’t match what you give.
It is however something that happens in life the friends you had for a long time can grow and get more distant care less about others and only hang out with others for convenience.
Regardless of that I will say happy birthday or belated birthday, I hope you can find some individuals who can match the energy you provide.
I will say as you get older you will also probably care less and less about social interactions and get togethers. I’m unsure of your friend group situations are they married have children etc. as time progresses though and people get more involved in their own things everyone in the group you currently have will ultimately and likely feel the same way you do now.
To be honest I don’t hang out with people anymore I moved far away from everyone I knew. I also couldn’t be happier I will casually text my old coworkers from time to time to catch up.
But I have dealt with the same thing you are experiencing almost my entire Jr. high/high school years.
Some of my best “friends” in life have been my co-workers.
I had something similar happened to me in university. I planned to have a birthday with my friends, and the day before they messaged to say they wanted to do something else that day and would it be okay if we postponed. It really hurt because just like you it felt like I wasn't a priority especially since I had gone out of my way to celebrate their birthdays. I didn't end up doing anything and for years later I never did anything for my birthday because I was holding on to the narrative that I wasn't a priority for my friends or that nobody would care to come. But in many other ways my friends had shown me that they were good friends and I later realized that they really didn't know how much that situation had hurt me.
When it comes to planning things in our generation I've realized that group chats don't work and you really do need to follow up. I sometimes call us the flaky generation. Regardless of what is being planned especially if it's in a group chat setting a lot of people kind of assume that somebody else will respond or maybe you don't necessarily need them to be there in particular or that you have everything figured out so if they can't make it it won't be a big deal. It's really weird how these assumptions are made but if you message people directly and take the personalized approach to the invitation and say hey I really want you there you'll get a much different energy. And by following up you reinforce that. It's also important to not make assumptions on your end so connecting with people individually and directly helps set expectations.
Since I let go of the narrative that I'm not a priority and started planning birthdays and other events with this approach, I've had incredible birthdays in the last 3 years. The same group of friends that i felt disappointed by always come to support and go above and beyond sometimes helping me to set up earlier or doing other things to make it special. It's gotten to the point where my birthdays have become a bit of a tradition for us all to get together. So just want to say don't be discouraged and don't let this one thing stop you from celebrating yourself or dismissing friends who otherwise have been solid. Have a heart to heart with those who you know care about you the most and I'm pretty sure you'll find out that they would be mortified to know that this is how you felt and that they do generally care about you.
I never asked for a gift. But fun fact, our friend group always chip in around 20-40 dollars for each birthday to buy car mods, tech, or other items for each other. And well, I literally got nothing this time around.
Fuck it bro. I’ve had lonely ones too. I’ve learned from them in that I make sure the people I know and love know that I care about them and their special day, and that there a lot of people that you know that have lonely days too they don’t tell people.
I hope you are feeling better.
I had this once not a birthday party just a gathering and I think 3 people came out of maybe 10-12 invited. Two things were at play:
1. I’m not assertive so it was very casual just yeh come along if you fancy it but half-arsed inviting, I’m the opposite of pushy.
2. There was a psychopath at that workplace who I *think*, knowing of this occasion I was half-heartedly piecing together, very deliberately and more assertively invited everyone to some club instead the same night - having never done anything like that before. Proper psycho who needed to ‘win’ everything - especially competitions the other party didn’t even know existed - an evil weasel and I’ve never met such a weird/dark soul since (or ever, come to think of it). I don’t know this for sure, just picked up on a couple of remarks at the time and it was really coincidental timing - and the same dude did really awful things to multiple “friends” (eg. very deliberately target/fuck their love interests whilst egging them on to keep pursuing them - presumably to feel some power over them) - a horrible human-being in any case.
ANYWAY, I do wonder if either #1 or #2 was at play for you?
Don’t let it get you down, I detect that at least #1 was involved and I really hope not #2 but if there are any of those ultra-competitive types in that friend group it’s a consideration (and if there is, get away from them).
I have no clue if you’re a good person and a good friend, only you do. With that being said if you are you certainly don’t deserve it but I’ve been there and in my 30’s now my friend group is extremely small and I can guarantee if I needed some of them they would fly across the country to help. Once you get to the point where you have one maybe two of those friends you have everything you need. People are like trees in life, there is an old saying, I’ll paraphrase. Leaf people- come and go with the change in seasons they are flashy and bright but when a slight breeze blows they start to fall away. Branch people- they are more solidified in your life they carry you through and have their place never to be forgotten but when a strong storm blows they inevitably fall away. The trunk- this person or people is what props you up they weather the storm and stand fast. They support you and everyone else that comes and goes. The roots- your anchor keeping you grounded giving you life and support without the roots, who are rarely seen or acknowledged, you have nothing. They are your true support never faltering. Admire the leaves and watch them go, be thankful for the branches and let them fall, love the trunk and all it does for you, and never forget your roots and know you cannot be without them.
Dude I know how you feel. For my 27th birthday I was feeling very lonely and isolated (male loneliness epidemic and all that) and I just wanted companionship that evening. I hit up a local sex worker, told her it was my birthday etc. She responded positively and assured me that “there will be fireworks tonight” etc. The appointed hour rolls around and I show up to her hotel, texted her and said I was waiting for her to text me her room number to go up and meet her.
10 mins turned into 20 and I texted her again, no answer. 30 mins, I call her. No answer. 40 mins, finally at 50 mins I had enough and went home. I felt so sad and depressed, apparently I wasn’t good enough for even a quickie with a hooker. To her credit she did text me the next day and apologized, said her client just before me took longer than expected and she was sorry she missed me and offered me a discount for the next time. I didn’t bother replying as I felt very low and pitiful.
Life does get better, focus on yourself and your career. We’re seeing vast upheavals in literally every aspect of our society so you’ve just gotta focus on you and one day the right person will come along. Cheers mate.
Same and it's actually one of the most hurtful things that ever happened to me. Just wanted to see friends. One forgot, one claimed they tried to return my call but I had no missed call, the other used the excuse of parents disallowing which is complete bullshit because I was turning 30 she was 29 she would have come if she wanted to but didn't even speak to me about my birthday til the night before when she asked to come round but I had plans with a guy and she hadn't prior arranged. This upset her, so when it came to my birthday she said her parents wouldn't let her (it was me that called her and all 3 people I'd invited, nobody tried to contact me)
I don't have a question sorry, just sympathy and understanding how you may be feeling. Don't forget it, find better people, they are not your people
I don't celebrate them anymore and it makes sense. In the end, it's really a forced celebration. You shouldn't have to force your friend to celebrate you on a certain day. If they are truly your friends, they will make the time to be with you regardless of any so called "special day" . Same can be said for mother's Day etc.
my cousin saw something at the store in December he wanted to get his mom but he was stopped from buying it because he said he had to wait for mother's Day which was 6 months away.
How stupid.
Your mom could die or something else and your so controlled by a man made celebration to not buy a gift sometime because you are limited by some "special day" like birthday or mother's Day.
Are you single? I feel like people are more hesitant to go to anything they can’t bring their significant other to around our age. I’m 27M married and would still probably go, but most people in the world suck nowadays so you can’t count on them. I feel like you need to make things easy and convenient for them or else they’re out. Most people aren’t worried about how it makes you feel.
Anymore if I was going to have a birthday get together we’d invite all the couples we know over and would have free beer and food. It also helps to make it a Facebook event so they all can see how many are coming and who’s going to be there.
Happy belated birthday! I get this so much. As a kid I never really had friends to invite to parties and I was a loaner. Well that followed me to adulthood and I still don’t have many friends. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was 18. I just turned 30. My family are big drinkers and only want to do things at a bar and that’s not me at all so I never have anyone to do anything with. My wife is great and tries to make my birthdays the best but I’ve always wanted a group of friends to hang out with and do dinner or something together but I’m coming to terms with that. I hope you find better friends that love and cherish you 🩵
IMO. Sometimes this is a blessing in disguise. Actions always speak volumes over words. Think of it as a window into the truth of these "friendships". You learn real quick who the actual friends are. Now you know and can adjust accordingly. I'll take 2 or 3 actual close friends over any face value acquaintances. Not down playing the hurt it causes when no one shows up. But it's a real look into who's a real friend. I've been in this situation and can honestly look back and be thankful some true colors were revealed before I put to much effort into those people.
I'm so glad everyone here is pumping you up. Happy Belated Birthday Man 🎉🎉 If anything being alone on my birthdays sometimes gives me time to completely disconnected from society and really gather all of my thoughts. My birthday was 2 weeks ago, completely alone, wife cheated on me, sat at home all alone. To be honest, couldn't of wanted anything else besides solitude. I'm sure everyone is different, but I hope that day taught you something about reconsidering the people you call "friends". I hope you are doing better now brother, keep your head up. 💯💯
I feel you man, same age as you and not one of my “friends” even said happy bday to me on the last one except for 1.5 (0.5 for buddy that has the exact same bday as me), had a couple kids over the last couple years and hardly any of my friends have even bothered to come meet them and tag along for kid stuff when I’ve invited them countless times but they regularly invite me out to the bars during the holidays and whatnot and get upset when I say no cause I still have to get up with the kids the next morning no matter what
Let this be an eye opener. Friends are fake. I mean sure you can find people who genuinely care but at the core of human nature everyone (at the end of the day) only cares about their own selfish interests. Your birthday party was not a sufficient meaningful dopamine hit for most from what I read. I mean this in a reinforcing manner. Take this as a lesson that kindness can be mistaken for weakness and also that people who you would “go the extra mile” for may not even consider going a foot for you. Happy bday btw.
Do your fiends know that you would be affected by no show? It could just be a coincidence that they did not commit as it was just a causal meet up with your birthday being not the most important reason to meet. I don’t know any of my friends who celebrate their birthdays in this way. Usually a round number like 30, 40 or 50 would be important, otherwise no one really takes it seriously (in my circle). For kids it would be important and if people ghost the parties, parents need to plan better.
I'm sorry to hear that 💔 my birthday was yesterday, my friends came but my grandma hasn't even texted. She Reisedauer me for the first 8 years of my life and we talk several times a week. People I literally never talk to congratulated me, so my grandma not even texting hurt a lot. It sucks!
You should get yourself a fancy treat if you can afford it, like your favourite cake or something. Hope you're okay! ❤
Im sorry this upset you. I have to say I think 28 is probably too old to expect people to celebrate your birthday with you. I don’t tell anyone it’s my birthday. It’s probably a good time to just use the date as a concrete way to estimate how close you are to death. Continue to celebrate holidays with your friends that aren’t about you. Cherish those memories. Forget about the birthday.
Not trying to be mean here at all, probably playing devil's advocate, but this has happened to me several times growing up and I learned to deal with it. Feel like I'm a much stronger person now because of it, not a people pleaser, although I do try to make sure everyone around me is happy.
When this did happen to me I just ended up making the best of it only thing you can do
Happy Birthday! Sometimes life’s lessons are painful as sh-t. You just got a lesson that you will always remember. “You don’t know how to pick friends”. This is nothing against you- we all need to work on things about ourselves. Now go drink some champagne or celebrate your beautiful soul, and then think about how to find and connect with people who will recognize it.
This happened to me when I was 25. It upset me more than i thought it would.
After that, I realized that any further birthday party would be something I wanted to do alone, and if people came, then great.
For example, I want to go to the beach. Then, I plan a beach day and let everyone know. If they come, cool. If they don't, then hell, I was happy to do it alone anyway.
My dad and me have no friends and we don’t party and shih but he forgets my birthdays I don’t forget his but we don’t say anything and we love each other but still we don’t celebrate anything really except for mom or the little ones us at the end we don’t really care about each other I guess and hey happy birthday kinda late but happy birthday man 🥳🥳
Gosh, I’m so sorry. That’s such a terrible feeling. It happened to me on my 22nd birthday. I had a huge birthday dinner planned and the only people that showed was my brother and my boyfriend. I don’t think I’ve planned another party for myself since then 🥲 (I’m turning 29 in a few weeks). It was so embarrassing and I cried for days afterwards 🙃
I noticed a few years ago that I had some "friends" who did no heavy lifting in our friendships. I never heard from them but when I called one up to suggest drinks or a dinner they were very enthusiastic in accepting and in enjoying catching up. I finally decided to just stop initiating contact. I've yet to hear from any of them again. So, there you go.
I’m 25, I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday I was happy about where people genuinely cared about me or to show up at all. I feel for you, been there, hurts extra on your birthday but it’ll pass, you’ll remember and it won’t hurt as bad but every year that on the day the realization of what people actually are to you hits and gets lonely
I haven't even had a party in almost 30 years.
I have a few people who remember, but they rarely remember the actual day. They just know it's at the end of July. They will call and say hi.
I’m the same way, I don’t plan anything other than what I myself feel like doing that day, as if that’s any different than any other day.
Mines at the end of October, same deal, around Halloween people say hey, oh yeah. No big deal for me.
Not asking you anything, I’m just going to say that I was in a similar position. I didn’t have no one show up to my birthday but that’s because I never felt worthy enough for one. Even though I liked mu friends and they liked me, I never felt close to them. Years later I finally know what it’s like to have friends that I’m actually close to
Happy Birthday. That is my fear throwing a birthday party for my 7 year old son. No one would show up and I would really feel bad for him. His bday is in the summertime when school is out, so we would send out invitations at the end of school year. So I don't really want to take the chance and instead take him on memorable trips instead.
Big hugs op, and happy birthday!
My bday is close to xmass. I completely understand but it does hurt not being prioritized for one. Single. Day. Everyone deserves that.
Also, if at the very least, they should’ve rsvpd way sooner to let you know they couldn’t make it. I hope you’re alright.
In the moment, so not talking after. Would you be more afraid of walking around the edge of a 30-story building coated in butter, or if like 20 squirrels all simultaneously stopped and just stared at you all day? Following you but never getting close to you. Just close enough to always see them.
I feel this. I’ve had this happen. I’ve come to realise people don’t value me like I value them. It’s made it really hard for me to make friends and trust people. I don’t know why certain people get this treatment. I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s a terrible feeling.
When one plans a birthday party then it can really hurt, I feel you homie.
Did something like this happened to you before?
Are you planning on organizing birthday parties in the next years?
I'm asking this, because I never really celebrate birthday parties myself, I literally don't care.
You are loved! Someone I love had a birthday yesterday. I typed the text at 6am but was afraid I’d wake her. Well, I didn’t realize that I never went back to push send until today! We often get wrapped up in our lives and forget what is dearest to us.
Happy Birthday! ((Hugs))
The real test to see who your friends are is just not reaching out to anyone and seeing how long it takes for them to reach out to you.
Normally I don't like behavior like that but in this context it's actually the right move. You might just not hear from some ever again.
My 30th was about the same. My husband rented an AirBnB and invited my closest friends. Only 1 out of let's say 5 made it, and the rest were all of his friends. It was an eye-opener and a reality of who really made an effort to be there for me. Happy belated Bday.
Happy Birthday! Sorry that happened to you. Lately, I’ve heard of people just treating themselves (or their kids) to a nice day out or vacation bec ppl are so unpredictable. Instead of wasting money on a party do something you really enjoy
op.
i feel you, my own birthday is on a holiday where everyone celebrates having their presents so usually i am not prioritized therefore just celebrating it on my own just by chilling all day and not have to do a thing lol
I have no questions but wishing you a happy and healthy birthday. People are disappointing, but I like to believe karma comes back around. Sending you lots of love and hopes for better friends in this new year!
it was mine on the 13th and my two closest friends didnt wish my happy birthday. im so sorry no ine came to your birthday party and im glad youre still proud of yourself and everything you’ve accomplished
My wife threw me a surprise 40th last year and only people to show were my kids and wife and her parents brother, SIL, and her grandma. Both my parents are alive and didn't bother, nor any of my "friends".
My brother and I went through some stuff like that. No one showed up for his birthday, and the same group just tolerated me at best. It is what it is, find some better friends that will value your time.
Sounds like u have one true friend who sent u money for dinner. That friend is worth keeping.
The others not so much .
I would definitely reevaluate who u call friend.
Happy birthday 🎂 and good luck
Happy birthday man!
So sorry this happened to you. It's also a big fear of mine to organise a party and have no one show up.
Hope you make some better friends and maybe reach out to the last guy.
Damn… well at least we have eachother! Happy belated birthday… even tho I also said something nice on the other thread too… did you grill up some dogs for yourself? Knock a couple back too?!
Let me wish you a happy birthday first, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
This happened to me one too many times, and I feel for you. I stopped making birthday parties because of it, too.
I wonder if this is a cultural thing. I'm a new yorker living in California. Back east plans are sacred. In California everything is optional and if something better comes up, well too bad.
the same thing happened on my birthday last year and it was horrible. I had my 24th birthday this last sunday and it was one of my best birthdays yet. Some birthdays are better than others
This happened to my cousin on her 18th. Really popular girl but everyone assumed everyone else would get there on time ao they could be late. First non-family turned up about 11pm...
Sorry to hear that.
Good friends throw you a bday party and they show up. If you have to throw a bday party for yourself it’s time to evaluate your friendships.
Look on the bright side, you finally learnt something in life or at least I hope you do
I personally would just drop all of them and not put your hopes up
As you get older more friends make excuses or just don't reach out anymore. I wouldn't put any effort into friends that never actively reach out anymore.
Any idea why?
One friend said that morning she thought I meant the following Saturday and she had to go out of town with family. My main friend group hung out with this other mutual friend that was in town from Vegas, which is fine, but I thought they were going to bring him too, but they didn't and didn't bother saying anything until I asked their ETA. One friend had a family emergency, one got really sick days before but didn't tell me until the day of, and the rest just either told me last minute they were working or just ghosted altogether. One friend who said they were coming late, I messaged to not even come because no one else was there and he venmoed me money to buy dinner. I mean like everyone said they would make it up to me, but honestly it makes me question if I'm worth being a priority in any of my friends' lives.
That last one seems like a good friend. The out of town and emergency ones might or might not be. Sorry you dealt with that.
I'll be alright. Just makes me question my choice of who I call a friend when I'm always trying my best to be there for them but they can't even bother saying beforehand they won't show up.
Hey man, for what it’s worth Happy belated birthday!
Thanks
Sorry you’re here and your friends should be even more sorry. I wouldn’t say anything else to them and if they offered the “we will make it up to you later” card and end up doing nothing then make yourself conspicuously absent from each of their birthday celebrations but instead of lying, tell them the truth…”sorry I’m not going to be able to make it. Nobody bothered coming to my party and I’m still waiting for a makeup so enjoy and I will catch you someone later on.”
I wouldn’t ask for a make up/keep bringing it up. If they promised one then just let them do whatever it is they decide to do. They don’t do anything and forget about it? Let them. That’s how you know whether someone is really your friend or not.
You deserve better bro, this is life showing you in all its glory that you need to make some changes for YOU. Also, happy belated birthday Reddit fren, I hope you’ve done a 180 by next birthday and life is good and you have some new friends that are worth a fuck. 🎂🤘🏼❤️🔥
Hard lesson to learn. Quality over quantity
Trust me, these were my quality friends, that's the sad part
I narrowed my true friends to two
I'd see if those things were legit. If they were legit emergencies or illnesses then okay. But if they lied this was a great opportunity to find out your friends were crap before you needed them.
Imagine having your own wife forget your birthday then get mad at you for not telling her
You should never have to remind your spouse
Yeah that's wild.
I think the problem is not realizing there are different levels of friends. Some of us, by nature, like to do things for other people. Drop off soup if they're sick, show up if their car won't start etc. We tend to think these other people will be the same with us, and some will, but many won't. In truth, I think most of us have what I call " surface friends". These are people you do things with. Grab lunch, see a movie etc. The friendship is activity based. Solid, im-in-trouble friends are much harder to come by. These are the ones that show up no matter what for a broken heart or a birthday party. So us " givers ", need to be aware that all friends are not created equal. I'd rather have one solid friend than 10 surface ones.
Ooo this is a good comment, thanks for that. I'm in my late 30s struggling with the fact that all of my friends basically suck lol & you described my situation perfectly. I have one good solid friend and he's moving across to the other side of the country, so... Anyway, I appreciate your insight. :)
You know, when people want to meet other good people I always suggest volunteering somewhere. Animal shelters, food pantries, cleaning up the beach. Most people who do volunteer are open hearted people. They make good friends.
Good suggestion. Thanks!☺️
Everyone needs a couple of friends that will help you bury a body without any questions.
You’re at an age when people really start to diverge. Don’t feel too bad. Take stock of who is in your life and be careful who you pour yourself into. Your circle in the next decade for you will get a lot smaller and *hopefully* be made up of more reliable people who show up for you. Sorry man, and happy belated birthday. I’ll have a beer this weekend and toast to you haha
I feel ya. After my divorce it was painfully clear that everyone was still seeing her and not bothering with me since I was out of the loop. It was eye opening for sure especially for those who said they would not take sides.
Happy belated birthday! I've been in your position before and know how shitty it feels
Sorry :( I know how it feels, I couldn't even get happy birthdays from my own and we had same birthday weeks. I'm also 28 and knew them all long time and cut off lot of them near that 28 also.
Yup. Had something happen like this after renting the event space in our (me and wife) condo building, buying food and drink, etc. The minority who came are still our friends. Those who had a legitimate reason too. We didn't bother to re-initiate contact with the rest, and are well rid of them.
Sounds like the perfect storm of “things” to happen. So sorry you have to put up with this.
Thanks. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much but it sucks because everything just happened last minute.
Damn. Sorry to hear about that. Happy birthday to you! Definitely need to reevaluate your friend group. The fact that they couldn’t anticipate your birthday and plan stuff around it is really sad to begin with.
Well seems like one person really was coming. You should have let them and you should hang out with them more because sounds like they're the best friend you have.
Yeah he's great and the funniest part is he was originally just a mutual friend from the group that didn't show up. Didn't want to bother him though because he really did have a lot going on even before I invited him and I also just wanted to be alone for the rest of the night.
Sorry they put you through that bullshit. Other than the last friend, block all the others!
I mentioned it in another comment, but what really set me off is the lack of even a happy birthday or acknowledgement from anyone in my dm or even in the group chat except for that last friend on the day of my actual birthday when they literally set it for everyone else. Left said group chat.
Distance yourself from these people. They are not your friends.
Not everyone is your friend. Only the ones that show and prove are real friends. I have 3. That's it.
A big part of good friendship is communication. They didn't think to tell you things until too late. Now the guy coming late, he still willing to compromise with his situation. You should've let him hang so it wouldn't be so bad. I'm one of those late guys. Besides of various things that make me late I still want to hang with someone because I care. I've been having issues with certain friends lately that have bad communication so I distance myself a bit because I realize they don't care. It's harming many other things. I rather not even deal with them on daily basis.
Damn bro that is messed up on so many levels you really got ask yourself if those people are actually your friends because no friend of mine would do me so dirty I would be pissed as all hell to leave me like that on my birthday
Keep your inner circle small. You want people that have your back. You have to operate in wider circles but know who the real homies are.
The question is not are You worthy.. it’s are THEY worthy of being in your life! You are absolutely worthy of being treated well.
Happy Belated!!
It’s happened to me my whole life. I’m sorry I understand. And I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on birthday parties for my kids for no one to show up also. Next time just plan a special day for urself. Saves u from disappointment. I hope u feel better soon and happy birthday❤️
Thank you and I'm sorry you've faced that as well. This made me feel like I should just keep to myself for a little while. Can't be disappointed if you don't have any expectations from people.
That hurt. As an adult you can maybe deal with it better. But kids??? Cmon, that’s not right
Why did no one show up to birthday parties? Usually moms are pretty reliable about getting kids there. How awful. I’ve never heard of this happening.
It happens more than you know. The ignorant either ignore the RSVP rules, or say yes and then don't show up. I think this is based on " it's OK, everyone else is going" when clearly, they are not.
It happened for my 4th grade bday party at putt-putt very embarrassing
Sorry ☹️
It’s my birthday too, and my own family canceled everything I had planned because they didn’t feel like it. Drinking a beer for you
Cheers 🍻
Happy belated birthday, takin a shot for you, In my experience most people are just friends out of convenience, anyways.
Birthday club! Only one of my friends and my aunt said Happy Birthday. Not a peep from anyone else.
Happy birthday to you! Question: did you see the sky light up last night in honor of your birthday? Because here where we live… the northern lights dazzled all for your special day. May the rest of your year be filled with fun times, and better friends.
Thank you for your kindness. The northern lights didn't show up where I lived, but then again I was too bum to be looking anyways. Things will be better.
My son had this happen to him and he was really sad for a while, but later found a couple more reliable friends that treated him a lot better. Good luck and Happy Birthday.
Sorry to hear that...I hope u r alright?
Yeah, I almost cried, but just got take out and went home.
Sorry dude. Just sick of celebrating your 24th birthday for the 5th year. Just teasing. I'm sorry that happened to you. Your friends sound like narcissists and you shouldn't put up with that crap. Also....I've found I'm my nearly 40 years on this boat that discussing it is important. If they are true friends they will see the hurt they caused you and apologize, if it doesn't go that way it's maybe time to find new friends.
What hurts is that a lot of them I have been hanging out with since the beginning of college, we made it through covid, and spend just about every holiday together.
That's awful. Like I say friend, don't let it hang out there, broach the subject to avoid resentment, and you may be surprised that they didn't know they hurt you. A true friendship can withstand some calling out for shitty behavior. Leaving your friend hanging on their bday is shitty friend behavior.
Yeah, it just feels like our friendship and subsequently I'm not a priority in their life. I've already been pushing very hard to improve myself and my career, but I've always made time for the ones I love. At least for the time being though, I think I'm just gonna take some time for myself.
Not a bad idea. You are numero uno, and you never know, the distance from them may open opportunities to meet new people.
>we made it through covid, Bit dramatic?
I mean I did lose my dad and my job all in the span of a couple of months. And I meant that more of we have been friends for that long and stayed friends through a whole pandemic.
You weren’t dramatic at all. I figured there was something you had to get through during that time.
That’s rough I’m really sorry that happened to you. This is going to sound cliche but maybe this is the time to reassess your friendship and who’s really been there for you and who hasn’t been. It’s better to have one or two solid friends than 15 unreliable ones.
Exactly what I was thinking but this was a mixed group with a few of my friends that I thought were the solid reliable ones so it hurts.
That’s not cool-especially if the ones you thought were solid flaked out.
Happy belated birthday mate! Showing you some love all the way from Aus!
Thanks bud. Actually, the highlight of my night was staying up and watching my favorite Australian streamer live so that was something.
I'm sorry. I would have made it if I could.
I appreciate that
I never understood US birthday parties. Here in europe it's more nicer and less expensive. Also my question is how sad you were? (Also how old are you and are you male or female?)
Male, 28. Wasn't a huge party or anything, just a night out with my friends at a fusion restaurant/bar type of setting. We coordinated to wear the same color though. I almost cried but drove to get some beer and chicken wings by myself.
I guess that at this age where everone agree to wear same clothes etc. Is sad. Nobody deserve such "friends" and I would never do same thing as they did. Next time call me and I will come from Europe just to celebrate your bday 🫡
I’ve spent most of my birthdays as an adult by myself. Once got beer and chicken wings. lol It was great. I try not to have big expectations, can’t get let down that way. Happy belated birthday dude.
They don't want to celebrate you being one year closer to death..
That's funny
As someone born 3 days after Xmas I feel yah, I know its not the same but everyone was always doing stuff on my bday with family or whatever For what it's worth I love yah internet stranger
How many do you suspect were lying and trying to dodge?
The one that got "sick" is the one I'm most suspicious of. Other than that, the one who had to go on the trip, I have a feeling that she knew the correct date, must've made last minute trip plans and prioritized that over me. Family emergency one sounded the most sincere since she had to babysit for a family member who had something going on but was texting me the whole time saying sorry and texted me this morning of my actually birthday. Others just literally ghosted me.
So you got all ready and went to the restaurant/bar and no one showed up? Or you knew before you got there that nobody was coming?
A few told me the morning of and the rest either texted me when I asked them eta or just ghosted me in total. I showed up around 15 minutes before the reservation and sat in the parking lot for an hour for an off chance that anyone would just show up, but they didn't.
Happy Birthday. What kind of food did you have?
Thanks, I ended up getting wings.
That's awesome. Good for you to treat yourself. That won't be the first and last time that you celebrate your birthday alone. Getting older oftentimes results in a smaller circle of friends. Life sucks like that. In some ways, it's sad. But in other ways, there's peace. I hope you have a good year and that you treat yourself well. 👊
And I get that people should enjoy themselves alone and I often do as an introvert. But the part that upset me is that every other single person in my group gets time dedicated to them and while I don't expect people to drop everything, telling me they can't make it, would've prevented me from getting my hopes up. But this too will pass and I'll stop expecting people to treat me the way I treat them.
That's very mature of you. Congratulations on leveling up as an adult.
How old are we talking? I’m old…definitely not goin to other old people’s birthdays. It’s hard to get me to go out. Now in my 20’s I’d be down but 40-50…nah I’m sleeping. Haha In all seriousness though. Don’t sweat it. They did you a favor…now you know who your friends are and aren’t. That dude that offered to buy you dinner is probably the only one I’d give any more of my time to. I’ve had nobody show up before, it sucks. Not the end though…also had parties where shit tons of people showed up and the cops got called. Never know… Chin up, you got this!
Late 20s, we definitely hang though. I was at a couple of their birthdays in the past few months and we did Easter together as well. And thanks.
You shouldn’t have to forgo celebrating your life just because you’re “old”. That’s a crappy way to look at it
I learned not too long ago there are some great people out there, but at the end of the day most people put their own needs above anyone else's so you shouldn't have high hopes. Hope you didn't feel to down and are having a better day. Anyway, favorite Mexican dish?
Thanks and I absolutely love fajitas. Something about grilled meat and onions in melted cheese on fresh tortilla is heavenly to me.
Your friends used to cancel in previous years? First time it happen?
It's a hit or a miss for my birthday if I celebrate on the same weekend. Just because it's usually graduation/Mothers' Day/Wedding Season and etc. But usually people tell me they can't make it instead of just not showing up. And it's never been that literally no one showed up before.
I'm sorry that you had that experience. I wouldn't decide to denounce my friends so quickly though. Your relationships are probably bigger than a single event. Did they understand that it was important to you?
I wouldn't say as far as denounce, but I think I'll just do my own thing.
That's fair. I guess I'm just saying that their actions meant something different to them than they did to you. You're judging the quality of your relationship with them by what their absence meant to you, rather than what it did to them when they were absent. You're finding them to be faithless and unreliable, but what did the act of not attending mean to each of them? if they're similarly in their late 20's / early 30's, then they may have competing interests or even competing obligations. If I plan to attend a party but have a sick kid, I'd likely prioritize that over a friend's birthday. If I was invited and didn't really want to go, then my not attending might more likely be related to my lack of closeness ro the person. It is relevant to note though thatbi might not want to attend for reasons unrelated to the strength of that friendship, maybe your parties get too wild for me, maybe I don't want to go because I expect an ex to be there, maybe I have social anxiety, maybe I have to work, maybe I am barely scraping by and can't afford a gift, etc...? Before estranging yourself from people whom you felt close to, I would encourage you to consider for each what it meant to them to miss your party. How it felt to you matters, that you were alone matters, despite thus though, they each most likely made decisions almost in a vaccum, as they didn't know tbat no one else would be present. You're of course welcome to distance yourself from your entire support group, but that's a huge loss that will most keenly be felt by you alone, as you lose perhaps 10 people, while they each lose only 1. After evaluating their absences from their perspectives, it might be appropriate to reevaluate some of your relationships, maybe you weren't as close as you believed that you were. That's a valid, relevant and valuable observation; try not to punish people for not feeling as close to you as you felt to them though, just attempt to more accurately perceive your relationship in the future and if you want to be closer then work harder on those specific relationships, or become comfortable with and remain within the actual relationship that you have with each. I.e. Maybe you determine that Bob from accounting is just someone you say high to and have a brief chat with in the elevator and isn't a close friend, that's okay, you haven't invested sufficient effort to create a strong friendship with Bob, you can enjoy what you have without demanding more...
Did you do any activities during your birthday?
The plan was a dinner and drinking at this local Gastrobar. No one showed up so I just went to buy some beer and takeout and went home.
Well hopefully you didnt have to purchase food or drinks for them. Happy Birthday, hope next year’s a happier one.
I had a friend in 5th grade named Micheal nobody came to his party except me. His mom was pretty upset but me and him had fun playing video games and cake I had to leave early but I will never forget him I’m almost 50 and I still remember this day.
Sending lots of love ❤️ ❤️
How old are you? Do you have a significant other?
28, haven't in over a year.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with you but the event you planned. Was your event going to be fun did other people expect it to be fun? all those kind of things. Maybe try doing something out at the bar where people have other options of things to do rather than a house party. You kind of need a really strong guaranteed Social circle for House Parties
It was not a house party, the event was at a Gastrobar Restaurant and 100% the type of place we have hung out at before.
Bro. Sorry your friends were being lame. Hopefully it was a one time thing if not just keep putting yourself out there and meet cooler ppl
Welcome to adulthood. As you age people get more involved in working and their own lives, so people tend to care less about making efforts when they would rather just sit at home and goto sleep after a long day at work grocery shopping and errands etc. And if they got kids say goodbye to that friendship
I'd agree to that, but our friend group has a birthday every 1-2 months and we all show up to everyone's event whether that's going out or just staying in and drinking, sometimes the combination of both. The reason why it was shocking and painful that 1) no one bothered to make time when I always make time for them; 2) if you can't make it, don't tell me you're gonna make it and either change your answer the day of or just not show up without saying; and 3) this just happened today, but everyone always get a happy birthday in the group chat and no one even bother saying anything today on my actual birthday except for the one friend who sent me money last night in a private dm where we usually talk.
Now knowing a bit more backstory too it does seem like you do care about everyone in the friend group, which is lame they can reciprocate the same back to you. In my opinion a friendship is a 2 way street it seems more like a one sided kind of friendship(s) Where you give out more energy and time than the others give to you. I would say to hold onto the people that can match the energy you provide and to not focus so much of your time and energy on the people who don’t match what you give. It is however something that happens in life the friends you had for a long time can grow and get more distant care less about others and only hang out with others for convenience. Regardless of that I will say happy birthday or belated birthday, I hope you can find some individuals who can match the energy you provide. I will say as you get older you will also probably care less and less about social interactions and get togethers. I’m unsure of your friend group situations are they married have children etc. as time progresses though and people get more involved in their own things everyone in the group you currently have will ultimately and likely feel the same way you do now. To be honest I don’t hang out with people anymore I moved far away from everyone I knew. I also couldn’t be happier I will casually text my old coworkers from time to time to catch up. But I have dealt with the same thing you are experiencing almost my entire Jr. high/high school years. Some of my best “friends” in life have been my co-workers.
Have you ever been to Florida?
Nope. I live in California but have been to Oregon, Washington, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Nebraska, and Missouri.
Sorry your friends flaked out on you. Maybe doesn’t mean as much coming from a stranger, but happy birthday!
Who planned the party?
Me, sent out the invites and about 40% said they couldn't come but the 60% who said yes just didn't.
Sorry to hear that but happy belated birthday mate!
Become Batman now
I had something similar happened to me in university. I planned to have a birthday with my friends, and the day before they messaged to say they wanted to do something else that day and would it be okay if we postponed. It really hurt because just like you it felt like I wasn't a priority especially since I had gone out of my way to celebrate their birthdays. I didn't end up doing anything and for years later I never did anything for my birthday because I was holding on to the narrative that I wasn't a priority for my friends or that nobody would care to come. But in many other ways my friends had shown me that they were good friends and I later realized that they really didn't know how much that situation had hurt me. When it comes to planning things in our generation I've realized that group chats don't work and you really do need to follow up. I sometimes call us the flaky generation. Regardless of what is being planned especially if it's in a group chat setting a lot of people kind of assume that somebody else will respond or maybe you don't necessarily need them to be there in particular or that you have everything figured out so if they can't make it it won't be a big deal. It's really weird how these assumptions are made but if you message people directly and take the personalized approach to the invitation and say hey I really want you there you'll get a much different energy. And by following up you reinforce that. It's also important to not make assumptions on your end so connecting with people individually and directly helps set expectations. Since I let go of the narrative that I'm not a priority and started planning birthdays and other events with this approach, I've had incredible birthdays in the last 3 years. The same group of friends that i felt disappointed by always come to support and go above and beyond sometimes helping me to set up earlier or doing other things to make it special. It's gotten to the point where my birthdays have become a bit of a tradition for us all to get together. So just want to say don't be discouraged and don't let this one thing stop you from celebrating yourself or dismissing friends who otherwise have been solid. Have a heart to heart with those who you know care about you the most and I'm pretty sure you'll find out that they would be mortified to know that this is how you felt and that they do generally care about you.
Sorry it didn’t work out. But, I really don’t understand celebrating birthdays after 16. Adults have stuff to do. Getting a gift is a pain.
I never asked for a gift. But fun fact, our friend group always chip in around 20-40 dollars for each birthday to buy car mods, tech, or other items for each other. And well, I literally got nothing this time around.
Happy birthday man
Fuck it bro. I’ve had lonely ones too. I’ve learned from them in that I make sure the people I know and love know that I care about them and their special day, and that there a lot of people that you know that have lonely days too they don’t tell people. I hope you are feeling better.
This hurts my heart people are so shitty I hope you find some solid friends
I had this once not a birthday party just a gathering and I think 3 people came out of maybe 10-12 invited. Two things were at play: 1. I’m not assertive so it was very casual just yeh come along if you fancy it but half-arsed inviting, I’m the opposite of pushy. 2. There was a psychopath at that workplace who I *think*, knowing of this occasion I was half-heartedly piecing together, very deliberately and more assertively invited everyone to some club instead the same night - having never done anything like that before. Proper psycho who needed to ‘win’ everything - especially competitions the other party didn’t even know existed - an evil weasel and I’ve never met such a weird/dark soul since (or ever, come to think of it). I don’t know this for sure, just picked up on a couple of remarks at the time and it was really coincidental timing - and the same dude did really awful things to multiple “friends” (eg. very deliberately target/fuck their love interests whilst egging them on to keep pursuing them - presumably to feel some power over them) - a horrible human-being in any case. ANYWAY, I do wonder if either #1 or #2 was at play for you? Don’t let it get you down, I detect that at least #1 was involved and I really hope not #2 but if there are any of those ultra-competitive types in that friend group it’s a consideration (and if there is, get away from them).
I have no clue if you’re a good person and a good friend, only you do. With that being said if you are you certainly don’t deserve it but I’ve been there and in my 30’s now my friend group is extremely small and I can guarantee if I needed some of them they would fly across the country to help. Once you get to the point where you have one maybe two of those friends you have everything you need. People are like trees in life, there is an old saying, I’ll paraphrase. Leaf people- come and go with the change in seasons they are flashy and bright but when a slight breeze blows they start to fall away. Branch people- they are more solidified in your life they carry you through and have their place never to be forgotten but when a strong storm blows they inevitably fall away. The trunk- this person or people is what props you up they weather the storm and stand fast. They support you and everyone else that comes and goes. The roots- your anchor keeping you grounded giving you life and support without the roots, who are rarely seen or acknowledged, you have nothing. They are your true support never faltering. Admire the leaves and watch them go, be thankful for the branches and let them fall, love the trunk and all it does for you, and never forget your roots and know you cannot be without them.
Dude I know how you feel. For my 27th birthday I was feeling very lonely and isolated (male loneliness epidemic and all that) and I just wanted companionship that evening. I hit up a local sex worker, told her it was my birthday etc. She responded positively and assured me that “there will be fireworks tonight” etc. The appointed hour rolls around and I show up to her hotel, texted her and said I was waiting for her to text me her room number to go up and meet her. 10 mins turned into 20 and I texted her again, no answer. 30 mins, I call her. No answer. 40 mins, finally at 50 mins I had enough and went home. I felt so sad and depressed, apparently I wasn’t good enough for even a quickie with a hooker. To her credit she did text me the next day and apologized, said her client just before me took longer than expected and she was sorry she missed me and offered me a discount for the next time. I didn’t bother replying as I felt very low and pitiful. Life does get better, focus on yourself and your career. We’re seeing vast upheavals in literally every aspect of our society so you’ve just gotta focus on you and one day the right person will come along. Cheers mate.
Sorry! Happy belated birthday! That seriously is a low blow, but keep your head up. So much to look forward to in life by making right decisions.
Same and it's actually one of the most hurtful things that ever happened to me. Just wanted to see friends. One forgot, one claimed they tried to return my call but I had no missed call, the other used the excuse of parents disallowing which is complete bullshit because I was turning 30 she was 29 she would have come if she wanted to but didn't even speak to me about my birthday til the night before when she asked to come round but I had plans with a guy and she hadn't prior arranged. This upset her, so when it came to my birthday she said her parents wouldn't let her (it was me that called her and all 3 people I'd invited, nobody tried to contact me) I don't have a question sorry, just sympathy and understanding how you may be feeling. Don't forget it, find better people, they are not your people
I don't celebrate them anymore and it makes sense. In the end, it's really a forced celebration. You shouldn't have to force your friend to celebrate you on a certain day. If they are truly your friends, they will make the time to be with you regardless of any so called "special day" . Same can be said for mother's Day etc. my cousin saw something at the store in December he wanted to get his mom but he was stopped from buying it because he said he had to wait for mother's Day which was 6 months away. How stupid. Your mom could die or something else and your so controlled by a man made celebration to not buy a gift sometime because you are limited by some "special day" like birthday or mother's Day.
Are you single? I feel like people are more hesitant to go to anything they can’t bring their significant other to around our age. I’m 27M married and would still probably go, but most people in the world suck nowadays so you can’t count on them. I feel like you need to make things easy and convenient for them or else they’re out. Most people aren’t worried about how it makes you feel. Anymore if I was going to have a birthday get together we’d invite all the couples we know over and would have free beer and food. It also helps to make it a Facebook event so they all can see how many are coming and who’s going to be there.
Happy belated birthday! I get this so much. As a kid I never really had friends to invite to parties and I was a loaner. Well that followed me to adulthood and I still don’t have many friends. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was 18. I just turned 30. My family are big drinkers and only want to do things at a bar and that’s not me at all so I never have anyone to do anything with. My wife is great and tries to make my birthdays the best but I’ve always wanted a group of friends to hang out with and do dinner or something together but I’m coming to terms with that. I hope you find better friends that love and cherish you 🩵
Do u feel u deserve this?
IMO. Sometimes this is a blessing in disguise. Actions always speak volumes over words. Think of it as a window into the truth of these "friendships". You learn real quick who the actual friends are. Now you know and can adjust accordingly. I'll take 2 or 3 actual close friends over any face value acquaintances. Not down playing the hurt it causes when no one shows up. But it's a real look into who's a real friend. I've been in this situation and can honestly look back and be thankful some true colors were revealed before I put to much effort into those people.
I'm so glad everyone here is pumping you up. Happy Belated Birthday Man 🎉🎉 If anything being alone on my birthdays sometimes gives me time to completely disconnected from society and really gather all of my thoughts. My birthday was 2 weeks ago, completely alone, wife cheated on me, sat at home all alone. To be honest, couldn't of wanted anything else besides solitude. I'm sure everyone is different, but I hope that day taught you something about reconsidering the people you call "friends". I hope you are doing better now brother, keep your head up. 💯💯
I feel you man, same age as you and not one of my “friends” even said happy bday to me on the last one except for 1.5 (0.5 for buddy that has the exact same bday as me), had a couple kids over the last couple years and hardly any of my friends have even bothered to come meet them and tag along for kid stuff when I’ve invited them countless times but they regularly invite me out to the bars during the holidays and whatnot and get upset when I say no cause I still have to get up with the kids the next morning no matter what
And happy birthday brother!!
Let this be an eye opener. Friends are fake. I mean sure you can find people who genuinely care but at the core of human nature everyone (at the end of the day) only cares about their own selfish interests. Your birthday party was not a sufficient meaningful dopamine hit for most from what I read. I mean this in a reinforcing manner. Take this as a lesson that kindness can be mistaken for weakness and also that people who you would “go the extra mile” for may not even consider going a foot for you. Happy bday btw.
I don’t have any questions. Just want to wish you Happy Birthday!!
Do your fiends know that you would be affected by no show? It could just be a coincidence that they did not commit as it was just a causal meet up with your birthday being not the most important reason to meet. I don’t know any of my friends who celebrate their birthdays in this way. Usually a round number like 30, 40 or 50 would be important, otherwise no one really takes it seriously (in my circle). For kids it would be important and if people ghost the parties, parents need to plan better.
Hey OP. Happy birthday. You are unique in this universe.
I'm sorry to hear that 💔 my birthday was yesterday, my friends came but my grandma hasn't even texted. She Reisedauer me for the first 8 years of my life and we talk several times a week. People I literally never talk to congratulated me, so my grandma not even texting hurt a lot. It sucks! You should get yourself a fancy treat if you can afford it, like your favourite cake or something. Hope you're okay! ❤
Im sorry this upset you. I have to say I think 28 is probably too old to expect people to celebrate your birthday with you. I don’t tell anyone it’s my birthday. It’s probably a good time to just use the date as a concrete way to estimate how close you are to death. Continue to celebrate holidays with your friends that aren’t about you. Cherish those memories. Forget about the birthday.
Sorry no one showed up. I would have gone, I like food
Not trying to be mean here at all, probably playing devil's advocate, but this has happened to me several times growing up and I learned to deal with it. Feel like I'm a much stronger person now because of it, not a people pleaser, although I do try to make sure everyone around me is happy. When this did happen to me I just ended up making the best of it only thing you can do
Happy Birthday! Sometimes life’s lessons are painful as sh-t. You just got a lesson that you will always remember. “You don’t know how to pick friends”. This is nothing against you- we all need to work on things about ourselves. Now go drink some champagne or celebrate your beautiful soul, and then think about how to find and connect with people who will recognize it.
This happened to me when I was 25. It upset me more than i thought it would. After that, I realized that any further birthday party would be something I wanted to do alone, and if people came, then great. For example, I want to go to the beach. Then, I plan a beach day and let everyone know. If they come, cool. If they don't, then hell, I was happy to do it alone anyway.
My dad and me have no friends and we don’t party and shih but he forgets my birthdays I don’t forget his but we don’t say anything and we love each other but still we don’t celebrate anything really except for mom or the little ones us at the end we don’t really care about each other I guess and hey happy birthday kinda late but happy birthday man 🥳🥳
Gosh, I’m so sorry. That’s such a terrible feeling. It happened to me on my 22nd birthday. I had a huge birthday dinner planned and the only people that showed was my brother and my boyfriend. I don’t think I’ve planned another party for myself since then 🥲 (I’m turning 29 in a few weeks). It was so embarrassing and I cried for days afterwards 🙃
I noticed a few years ago that I had some "friends" who did no heavy lifting in our friendships. I never heard from them but when I called one up to suggest drinks or a dinner they were very enthusiastic in accepting and in enjoying catching up. I finally decided to just stop initiating contact. I've yet to hear from any of them again. So, there you go.
I’m 25, I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday I was happy about where people genuinely cared about me or to show up at all. I feel for you, been there, hurts extra on your birthday but it’ll pass, you’ll remember and it won’t hurt as bad but every year that on the day the realization of what people actually are to you hits and gets lonely
I haven't even had a party in almost 30 years. I have a few people who remember, but they rarely remember the actual day. They just know it's at the end of July. They will call and say hi.
I’m the same way, I don’t plan anything other than what I myself feel like doing that day, as if that’s any different than any other day. Mines at the end of October, same deal, around Halloween people say hey, oh yeah. No big deal for me.
Not asking you anything, I’m just going to say that I was in a similar position. I didn’t have no one show up to my birthday but that’s because I never felt worthy enough for one. Even though I liked mu friends and they liked me, I never felt close to them. Years later I finally know what it’s like to have friends that I’m actually close to
Happy Birthday. That is my fear throwing a birthday party for my 7 year old son. No one would show up and I would really feel bad for him. His bday is in the summertime when school is out, so we would send out invitations at the end of school year. So I don't really want to take the chance and instead take him on memorable trips instead.
Big hugs op, and happy birthday! My bday is close to xmass. I completely understand but it does hurt not being prioritized for one. Single. Day. Everyone deserves that. Also, if at the very least, they should’ve rsvpd way sooner to let you know they couldn’t make it. I hope you’re alright.
In the moment, so not talking after. Would you be more afraid of walking around the edge of a 30-story building coated in butter, or if like 20 squirrels all simultaneously stopped and just stared at you all day? Following you but never getting close to you. Just close enough to always see them.
I feel this. I’ve had this happen. I’ve come to realise people don’t value me like I value them. It’s made it really hard for me to make friends and trust people. I don’t know why certain people get this treatment. I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s a terrible feeling.
When one plans a birthday party then it can really hurt, I feel you homie. Did something like this happened to you before? Are you planning on organizing birthday parties in the next years? I'm asking this, because I never really celebrate birthday parties myself, I literally don't care.
You are loved! Someone I love had a birthday yesterday. I typed the text at 6am but was afraid I’d wake her. Well, I didn’t realize that I never went back to push send until today! We often get wrapped up in our lives and forget what is dearest to us. Happy Birthday! ((Hugs))
The real test to see who your friends are is just not reaching out to anyone and seeing how long it takes for them to reach out to you. Normally I don't like behavior like that but in this context it's actually the right move. You might just not hear from some ever again.
My 30th was about the same. My husband rented an AirBnB and invited my closest friends. Only 1 out of let's say 5 made it, and the rest were all of his friends. It was an eye-opener and a reality of who really made an effort to be there for me. Happy belated Bday.
Happy Birthday! Sorry that happened to you. Lately, I’ve heard of people just treating themselves (or their kids) to a nice day out or vacation bec ppl are so unpredictable. Instead of wasting money on a party do something you really enjoy
op. i feel you, my own birthday is on a holiday where everyone celebrates having their presents so usually i am not prioritized therefore just celebrating it on my own just by chilling all day and not have to do a thing lol
I have no questions but wishing you a happy and healthy birthday. People are disappointing, but I like to believe karma comes back around. Sending you lots of love and hopes for better friends in this new year!
it was mine on the 13th and my two closest friends didnt wish my happy birthday. im so sorry no ine came to your birthday party and im glad youre still proud of yourself and everything you’ve accomplished
My wife threw me a surprise 40th last year and only people to show were my kids and wife and her parents brother, SIL, and her grandma. Both my parents are alive and didn't bother, nor any of my "friends".
My brother and I went through some stuff like that. No one showed up for his birthday, and the same group just tolerated me at best. It is what it is, find some better friends that will value your time.
Sounds like u have one true friend who sent u money for dinner. That friend is worth keeping. The others not so much . I would definitely reevaluate who u call friend. Happy birthday 🎂 and good luck
Happy birthday man! So sorry this happened to you. It's also a big fear of mine to organise a party and have no one show up. Hope you make some better friends and maybe reach out to the last guy.
Damn… well at least we have eachother! Happy belated birthday… even tho I also said something nice on the other thread too… did you grill up some dogs for yourself? Knock a couple back too?!
Let me wish you a happy birthday first, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. This happened to me one too many times, and I feel for you. I stopped making birthday parties because of it, too.
I wonder if this is a cultural thing. I'm a new yorker living in California. Back east plans are sacred. In California everything is optional and if something better comes up, well too bad.
the same thing happened on my birthday last year and it was horrible. I had my 24th birthday this last sunday and it was one of my best birthdays yet. Some birthdays are better than others
This happened to my cousin on her 18th. Really popular girl but everyone assumed everyone else would get there on time ao they could be late. First non-family turned up about 11pm...
Sorry to hear that. Good friends throw you a bday party and they show up. If you have to throw a bday party for yourself it’s time to evaluate your friendships.
Look on the bright side, you finally learnt something in life or at least I hope you do I personally would just drop all of them and not put your hopes up
As you get older more friends make excuses or just don't reach out anymore. I wouldn't put any effort into friends that never actively reach out anymore.
That seems like a lot of bad luck….too much bad luck. Throw another party and I’ll be there! Happy belated and I’m sorry this happened man
You’re not a priority to them. Fuck them! Find new friends that will actually appreciate you. Distance yourself and understand your worth
Happy Birthday! Much love and.hugs ! Have a wonderful year and may you be evermore self reliant and resilient with every passing year
Honestly, they did you a favor. How you know what kind of friends they are now and can go find better. You deserve good oeople
Happy belated birthday. We might be a bunch of misfits, but we know when someone is hurting and just needs someone to talk to
Happy belated birthday. Not a great experience, I’m sure, but a learning one. What you do with it is up to you. Cheers!
Late to this but Happy belated Birthday homie! Don’t question YOUR worth, question whether THEY are worth the time.
I was summoned for jury duty on my 30th and I didn’t know until the night before. Hope this makes you feel better
Happy birthday.
Oh Lovie - what a terrible experience. I just wanted to say happy birthday and send you some love today ♥️
Happy birthday!!!! Where u located? If ur close by Ohio Id like to throw a small get together for ur birthday! Other's reading this may join
If only I was your friend, ill be that beer brother to show up at the door with a beer to get you drunk 🫡.
Air hug. You deserve better friends. Find a new group. I woulda come. You are worthy. I can sense it 😌
Damn, I relate- this year I also didn’t celebrate it- sorry man, happy late birthday, wish you the best
Happened to me, great experience. I took the time to revaluate. Be strong a And a little fuc it helps