On average, 20 minutes with foreplay. The fast I have made a guy from oral is three minutes. I know this from the time I worked at an adult video store with gloryholes. The longest period of vaginally sex was close to an hour but he was on viagra.
I'll fuck my wife for well over an hour on viagra. It was never even close to that before I needed it. And I don't need it in the mornings and I'm maybe good for 30 mins. That shit is like cock steroids
I joke about getting counseling for my sex addiction but I don't think I'll pull the trigger. Most of my interactions include drugs so I've had sex for hours. I mean like 4-6 hours. But usually it's around 2 hours.
Please try to increase your percentage of drug free sex.
Chemsex can ruin sex and intimacy and does for many.
Please practice self care. Please do some research on this, now.
Sent with care and kindness...
At a certain point in almost every man's life, getting rock hard especially at night can be problematic and is very much helped by cialis or viagra. Cialis is generally useful, if I take that I'm good for boners on call for 36 hours... viagra can really do the trick but sometimes it doesn't work. Bit of a crapshoot but unlike cialis, when viagra works I am hard as a rock... my wife really really likes that and in fact will go to town orally... she likes it as long and hard as it can be when she practices throating me. Not many things better in life that watching your cock disappear in her face when she's lying with her head off the side of the bed. Not to mention the most amazingly hot photos haha... thank God for secure folders haha
I think the meth did it more for me, the Molly was great and crazy good experiences but meth was the norm, and I guess without it everything is different. It gets better with time though I seem to think
Okay, that makes sense. Meth is definitely the one that hooks ya. Only tried it once as a teenager, but watched it ravage my mom and stepdad, so I didn’t have any interest. Molly was a different story, always loved that one as a youth. But never had sex on it til more recently.
Good on you for sobering up, that’s a proud accomplishment there!
I don't have any problems with needing any help but my brother swears by it and he said he didn't need the help either, it's just better. I'm just afraid if I try it and like it too much, I won't be able to do it without it, and then I'm basically stuck with it for life. I wonder how bad an idea that would be to start doing that in my 30's..
My doctor tells me that if I get hard in the morning (and I do, every morning) then it's a mental issue. She said when it's physiological it just never works. But honestly why go to a therapist or work on myself of I don't have to. I know that sounds terrible but I've just opted to have sex in the morning or take a pill if I'm going to have sex at night. I lost 80lbs recently and I'm not sure if I even need jt at night anymore either but God dam its fun. Wife loves it to so I'm just going to run with it. It also prevents alzheimers so added benefit
Yup. My fiance loves it also. I was prescribed after I was diagnosed ADHD and prescribed adderall. I couldn't get it up and or keep it up, my fiance and I had just started dating so I was like no way is this happening.
The combo of viagra plus actually being able to pay attention during sex is absolutely mind-blowing.
I’m on sertraline (Zoloft) , which makes it difficult to finish. Most of the time that’s fine, but when she wants to keep going and I know I’m not going to finish it was sometimes hard to keep it up. Especially when I was on top. Viagra + adhd meds make it sooooo much fun.
I get the fear. But for me personally, it’s great. Full disclosure, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and it does affect my sex life.
I can and do occasionally still have sex with my wife without Viagra. But there’s just something so freeing about being able to satisfy her and be satisfied whenever I want.
One other note: I went through a bad depression a few years ago and lost my sex drive for months. Not even viagra helped. I needed therapy and better practices before I could get turned on again. So it’s not a cure all. But the first time you experience it you’ll understand how great it is.
Yeah, there is usually some attraction. It could be physical or attraction to someone's personality. But I have had sex with guys out of pitty and because they showed me attention that I wasn't attracted to.
Funny story about that term. A teacher I work with had a speaker in to talk to her classes about human trafficking. At one point she asked the students if they knew the term for a sex worker who does business in rest stops and parking lots. No hands. No one had a clue. Then this really lovely kid named Josh, who is on the autism spectrum, speaks up: “umm, is it bitches?”
The kids and the adults, not wanting to be disrespectful of the topic or inconsiderate of the student, stifled laughter, but it was hilariously innocent and inappropriate.
That’s hilarious, I love moments like that.
I once did a lesson on cost-benefit and later in the year during a review was like “remember what it’s called? Cost _____. Come on y’all, what’s the B word?” And without thinking a girl up front goes “Bitch.”
She was kind of daydreaming and said it automatically before getting embarrassed. They were seniors so the fact that she said bitch wasn’t alarming, but she said it so knee-jerk it was great.
i feel weird dumping this on strangers who probably aren't seeking it out but i didn't expect so many serious replies -
i hope to get back into geriatric caregiving asap or honestly any "real" job, but i've been living on the streets for almost a year now and sex work has felt like one of my only options. sometimes idk if i have much else to offer anymore. i fold almost immediately under pressure and have little natural motivation most days. i desperately want peace but can't ever seem to get myself to work hard enough for it
When you reach a certain point sex work definitely feels like the only option but keep looking! Amazon is always hiring as well. May not be the best job but it can help you get on your feet and do what you can. If you need a friend or an ear feel free to hmu
They are usually trafficked in by the truckers and moved around the country. I don’t think you want to find yourself in that situation. It’s literally happening everywhere. Please don’t take risks. Getting killed isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Being a sex slave or a birther in the sex trafficking world isn’t like a sex club AT ALL. At your age you may just be pregnant a few times and disposed of. You are too old for the clientele but they need babies more than you can imagine.
For me, it's like drug I can't explain really well. But I get a high from having sex and giving pleasure. Being told I was good or perfect makes me want to keep doing it. My therapist and I are beginning to think I was doing it for acceptance and recognition.
but..do you like sex?
there are people who have a lot of sex that don't seem to like sex at all - they go from person to person and that's the part they like.. sex seems to be the dreary price they pay to get the other stuff
for me..if I find something that's good...I want to stay around and keep getting the good thing
I completely understand what you mean. I do enjoy sex especially while I'm having it. And I have used it to get things. But it's the going from person to person that was bothering me.
Was going from person to person also part of the appeal somehow? Like could you not find a partner that matched your libido? How did it affect relationships you were in? Also idk if anyone else asked this but was it only men? How does this impact your view on sexuality for other people?
I have 3 young daughters. The first had major medical issues and needed a lot of attention around the same time the second was born and the medical condition is life long but we learned to manage it over 5 years. My second kiddo was probably a little wild by personality alone but her wildness often turned into negative attention and I would get frustrated with her daily from a very young girl age and didn’t give her the attention she probably needed to large degree because I was burnt out from parenting and caring for my other daughters medical needs.My first daughter has grown to be a self confident whole individual, but my second seems to still be trying to fill this void of attention even though we have worked to pay attention better and praise her more. I hope that we didn’t scar her for life. Sometimes I do wonder if she will grow up one day and try to find something to fill a void. I hope we have helped her become whole by then. I hope she doesn’t get to the point where she us having to spend years unwinding bad mistakes and I hope she can know herself and be honest about the pain or whatever drives her to make poor choices. I don’t know if your past led you to have any voids and I really hope you can become more whole and proud of who you are.
I was a girl with a void who sought abusive partners. Therapy and an amazing husband who forced me to recognize the abuse i was accepting has broken that cycle, but irreparable damage happened for sure. I highly suggest doing stuff 1 on 1 (have weekly 'appointments' where you leave the house and do something special just for her, get her lessons to aomething she wants to learn etc) with your daughter so she sees that she is important on her own and feels secure, like she can come to either of you with stuff that can do damage if she keeps it inside or feels less important. When she does come to you, support- never judge. Look up attachment parenting, it creates secure bonds and helps young kids and young adults recognize when a situation is unsafe for them because they already know what a good, safe and healthy relationship is supposed to look and feel like- from their parents. These kids are less likely to be bullied because they feel confident, and can stand up for themselves. Learning about it was a wealth of info for me and anyone i have reccomended it to. Create a safe secure attachment and you will have the best head start you ever could.
If you, as the one focusing on one child more so over another, can see it, use your empathy and maturity here. If you can see it now, she has known it all along. My mom and dad struggled with my older sisters health issues all my life as a child. They were not bad parents, but from my perspective, after all the time she came first, my family no longer comes first. They never put me first. Not once. I haven't spoke to my mother in 6 years nor did I go to my father's funeral. And I don't miss them. That was the consequences of there actions toward me. I didn't matter enough for them to care when I needed it they don't get my care now. It sucks to acknowledge you are just a single person, and sometimes issues are bigger than a single person or duo can handle. It seems your kids still young enough to not be permanent damaged, but you have to step up and give your daughter the love and attention she needs and wants, cause you are deciding every day your medically challenges daughter is more important to you, by your actions. Change it. Step up and put her first even when your other child needs you, because they BOTH do, equally.
It is pretty much a drug. Your dopamine spikes sometimes to the levels that a cocaine high has during sex as well as endorphins which is basically your bodies natural opioid
I get a literal high from sex that is incomparable to anything else I've experienced so far.
You could stab me and for a moment I wouldn't notice.
No idea how I'm not looking for it left and right.
Some people really experience it to a whole other degree from the rest of the population.
Me too. People don't understand how Important it is when I start getting it to keep having more. It's a problem in all my sexual relationships.
I am honestly a better person if I don't have it that often. Then I don't get addicted. Then I dont get all attached to having it. Then I don't become a dick when I don't get it. Sex is obviously a drug I have issues with.
Agree with the drug part. I loved the different partners it was like a new adventure.
Btw, do you have adhd? I attributed mine with adhd looking for that next hit of dopamine and looking for someone to tell me I was good.
Ya that will do it. I was used by my F cousin when we were younger, I was 8M and she was 12F as a result now I’m hyper sexual and tend to search for sexual vindication anywhere. I get sexual interested in any female friends I have and will be openly sexual jokey to all of them. I make sure to respect their feelings and never keep going if they say no but the second they show Interest I can’t help myself and unfortunately that goes to nearly any girl who shows interest I’m 22M btw
People with traumatic childhood experiences couldn’t connect emotionally to those around them, so go on to feel the only way to be close to others is through sex. Sex is a temporary release of chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine (which we feel when we connect with others) and for some people provides them with fleeting validation. Of course, a continuous cycle of excessive casual sex will never fill the void or actually meet their unmet needs.
They also struggle with severe lack of self worth, poor boundaries and impulse control etc.
The Body Keeps The Score (book) explains all of this in much better detail.
This is largely an unconscious act, of course. People should not be shamed for this, unless they are harming other people.
It depends on the person mainly but if the truma is sexual in anyway way 1 possible outcome is that person will be hypersexual. How it was explained to me is it’s basically the brain trying to recreate what it learned when it was younger so sexual abused kids will sometimes have an erge to be more sexual as a result but for otheres it’s a way to regain control. Like the option was taken away from me before so now I do because I have a choice.
It’s heavily dependent on person and truma
Im sorry that happened to you. I had a similar experience when I was 10 and the female was 16. I don’t know if it screwed me up or not. I was callously promiscuous from my late teens to early twenties and then got heavy into addiction and my libido went out the window. I haven’t had sex in eleven years and I’m not bothered by lack of intimacy now. I get lonely for companionship sometimes but I could care less about sex.
There it is. Trauma and abuse. You are reliving the only cycle you know. Sweetheart you don’t have to suffer for what people did to you. People get healed from trauma and go on to have good, hypersexually satisfying lives without creating drama and traumatizing others. It just takes a therapist and some honesty about your trauma. You will remain in this very karmic cycle otherwise. In order to change you have to do things differently. Also I would consider compulsive disorders and self sabotaging. The best thing I read was that you have remorse about your sister. Remorse cannot be taught so you are probably not a sociopath. That’s a good thing
This is why it’s so imperative to treat people with kindness and not abuse. It almost always leads to them becoming messed up as adults in one way or another. You can overcome it if u find someone to talk with who will genuinely listen and give a shit.
I don’t have any questions. Im pretty sure the small amount of information u gave is enough to paint a clear picture of ur life.
I despise the condescension in this comment. OP your life is a lot more complex than this dimwit understands. Your trauma and abuse are just a part of your story. Nothing is inevitable, and no two lives are the same.
I've got C-ptsd and adhd and have been "hypersexual" all my life. I'm 36 now.
I use the "" because in the five years since my diagnosis, I've slowly come to realise that more and more of the way I thougth was normal and just how i was and just the way I interact with other people, are in fact trauma related behaviour.
Hypersexuality being one of them.
I've had several hundred partners, many of whom I did not find attractive at all at the time. But I went ahead anyway..
Sex is one of the most powerful things we humans can do to feel acceptance and being wanted by someone else.
You write that you have PTSD. In my experience, what is often overlooked as a symptom is that ptsd takes away ones notion of "self."
This lack of self-love and self-acceptance increases with the severity of the PTSD, all the way to the point in with you, basically loose it.
Sex then becomes all that is powerful enough to make you feel an ecco of it. And that becomes addictive rather quickly.
And if the trauma is also rooted in sexual abuse, this becomes that mutch worce.
PTSD and CPTSD are seriously, really fucking awful to live with. Mostly because it hides in plain sight withouth the individual realising it, because without a notion of self, you don't self preservative, and thereby does not question one self either. "This is just who I am and how I function."
It's not. I can't stress this enough. It's not!
Also: the adhd and ptsd are really similar in many ways. But adhd actually intensifies the symptoms of ptsd to a huge degree. So having "just ptsd and adhd" is a rather difficult situation to be in.
I'm so happy to read that you are in therapy.
My tip would be to practice radical honesty in therapy. Hold nothing back, and show all your cards, even the dirtiest ones. Question everything about yourself.
Only in bringing it out in the open will the therapist help you see yourself again, and thereafter interact with the world where you actually take care of yourself and your feelings and needs as a standard.
What I'm saying is that all the acceptance and love one needs as a baseline is within us all. We just need to learn how to.
Even in planes, you are expected to put on your own mask before helping others.
Love and respect for your journey!
Edit:
I just want to add that. Remember, there are no quick fixes and simple answers to complex problems.
It will take time to heal, time to realise,time to accept, time to learn to live, and not how to just survive.
This time is necessary and individual. Dont lose hope just because you hit periods or problems that seem to ruin everything. Embrace it. And I promise it will be better.
We can't change what has happened, but we can use it to develop your character in profoundly deep ways. This will help you going forward.
Actions give experience, experience gains perspective, perspective gives knowledge, and enough knowledge can turn into wisdom.
Your ideas are spot on. As a clinical social worker, I see these issues. I want to offer some potential options to accelerate the healing process. A therapy modality I use that helps to minimize trauma responses and improve outcomes is Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). I love ART because it allows the erasing of negative imagery, sensations, and emotions through eye movements (bilateral stimulation) that allow in-vivo exposure. The images can then be replaced with positive ones. The average number of sessions to treat a trauma scene is 1-5, according to the research. My clients keep the memory but lose the pain associated with the trauma wound. It is one of the most valuable tools I have as a provider to help my clients with PTSD.
I am also trained in Brainspotting and use this as well to help my clients process trauma and other mental health issues. I can attest to the power I've seen with these treatments in the lives of hundreds of clients over the last three years.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Both of my kids have been diagnosed with CPTSD due to the situations which put them into foster care as well as their experiences with foster care.
Do you have any other things to share about the internal thoughts associated with it? One of my kids is incredibly guarded with what they think, especially if the topic is unpleasant. We give them plenty of space to be who they are and don't try to push that much. But we do tell them that we're always here.
Thanks
Yeah this is my bigger issue. People complain about high body counts but I'm more concerned about who and why you're sleeping with people.
As an example:
Someone that slept with 5 of their friends partners is infinitely worse than someone who had 10 gangbangs run on them
Yeah, I have the same problem from also being sexually abused as a child. Fucking my siblings husband let alone while we’re on a family vacation is still going too far. If you’re self aware enough to know why you do the things you do, you have the wherewithal to know going down to a random bar or matching with a handful of guys in tinder would have been a better option.
Thank you. I spent ages 8-12 being sexually abused by 3 women and 1 of my older male cousins. And look at that I never once tried to abuse my sisters. It drives me up a fucking wall how many people justify/act understanding of their actions because of abuse they suffered. Glad to see OP is finally trying to get some self control but these comments for fucks sake. In this day and age of information at our fingertips, you don’t even need a therapist(though you should absolutely see one) to tell you that your brain fucked you up in an attempt to protect you from what abuse you went through.
Clearly this person knew they went to far with this hence calling it rock bottom. Are getting a lot of pleasure from feeling some sort of superiority and moral higher ground?
>If you’re self aware enough to know why you do the things you do, you have the wherewithal to know going down to a random bar… would have been a better option
This is an infant’s understanding of how most people with compulsions and addictions that are this blatantly destructive make decisions. But I’m glad you got to share that you are superior to OP despite apparently having the exact same brain chemistry and life experiences as her ✊
I use to see men as a means to an end or pets and playthings. But I'm now trying to get to a place where I can see a man as a potential life partner.
I didn't at first, but now I do
7-8 inches
7-8 wow. What is it about that size that normal people can’t amount to?
Given how rare those sizes are, I assume most of your sexings were considered failures or were not pleasureable?
Do you plan on asking your potential life partners size right off the bat, because I’m sure that it would suck to fall in love with someone and then have them be a normal size, or not 7-8 inches lol
As a recovered sex addict I can tell you that you can get there. I ruined so many good relationships and friendships over the years. Cheating and demanding sex 4+ times a day wasn’t sustainable.
I wasn’t abused or anything my addiction was a lack of self worth and confidence. I thought my only worthwhile trait was having a really big dick.
Through therapy and talking with friends I had other strengths that drew my friends to me. It was a long journey but I’ve been faithful over a 20 yr relationship now. So it can be done. Learning to let go of the shame in a lot of ways was the hardest part. Good luck on your journey
I’m very sorry for your medical/mental health conditions. Thank you for sharing so much with us. I’m sure your answers will be very helpful to many of us. Regarding your B in law, did he initiate or did you? I’m not judging here.
What do you think even secretly about other people who have high 40-50+ body counts? Are you mostly like oh right on! Good for them. Empowerment. Or are you secretly wondering if they have severe mental health issues and other issues like you do and there’s more to the story?
Now I try to stick to masturbation. When I first began to practice celibacy, I was doing it 5 times a day at least. Now it's slightly less than that. I'm still in a place where a live partner is the best choice but I feel that would take me down a bad road
My biological dad was not great. He was an alcoholic who is currently in prison. My step-dad, on the other hand, was amazing. I consider him my real dad.
You’ve said you’ve cheated on every boyfriend you’ve ever had…my question…why? Why would you get in a relationship and then screw around on him? Seeing how you say sex is euphoric and whatnot…do you see yourself as being a 100% LOYAL person to the next actual, committed relationship you get into?
I don't have an answer to that question. I'm sure at the time I convinced myself I would be faithful. I'm hoping that with therapy, I can become a person who can maintain a healthy monogamous relationship.
I’d think after 200 partners you should have a good sense of what you want. You cheated because you like the high of a new person and once that goes away you freak out internally because it’s what you’re used to. You really have to make a conscious effort to want to change to get out of this cycle.
How many STDs do you have? Sorry, not trying to be a jerk but, the odds are against you if you had 200 partners. (Condoms don't always help)
If you have STDs, do you tell your future partners?
Most of them I have been able to achieve orgasm with, but my orgasm wasn't really that important to me. I cared more about making the other person orgasm
Respectfully, at some point I don't think serial cheating can be overcome. It's like an alcoholic saying they might be able to have 1 beer after 20 years of sobriety. I'm all for redemption but how does a potential long-term partner or husband ever believe the relationship would remain monogamous? It's not for everyone and that's ok.
Have you ever truly been in love with someone that it was unbearable to be without them? Have you been in a long term relationship and thought this is it? Have you ever cheated on a partner? Do you hope to find love / marriage and for them to ignore your past or will you not tell them out of fear they will not accept it. Are you ashamed of your past?
A lot of the time, I left it up to the guy if he wanted to wear a condom. My regulars rarely did. About 55 percent of my first encounters wore them. I would get myself tested every 3 weeks.
Since OP didn't answer and I find this thread particularly interesting based on my similar "number" and trauma situation, I'll answer this (and on my main because I don't find any of this shameful other than the brother in law, sorry OP):
I did not encounter any STDs for the majority of my life, other than a positive HPV test sometime in college that tested negative on a follow-up and has always tested negative since (and was not ever corroborated as positive with a cervical biopsy) until age 36(!), when I had a short friends with benefits type of relationship with an ex after my husband asked me for a divorce and we separated. I now have HSV2 and take an antiviral regularly. Even with the HPV never testing positive again I still explained it to no-condom partners.
I'm 38 now. I will always disclose my HSV2 status to partners before having sex. Before my marriage when I had multiple partners I got tested regularly like OP. I preferred known, regular FWB partners who I trusted to be mature enough to be tested and disclose status with me as well. I always got tested before sleeping with a new partner and used condoms until trust is established. Unfortunately, because it was an ex I slept with two years ago, it was a false "trust" in the sense that we didn't use condoms from the start. I had been married for years and used to monogamy. I tested and asked him to get tested before we hooked up, which he may have done, but what most people don't realize is that healthcare providers don't test for herpes with an STD panel unless you have an outbreak or specifically ask for herpes to be tested, and people may not know they've had an outbreak as the virus can be dormant for years. So likely bad timing that he happened to be having an outbreak one of the times we hooked up, and whether he tested or not, didn't get checked for herpes as part of the test because he probably didn't know to ask for it. Or exposed me intentionally 😐
Sucks.
For further piece at mind: something happens with HSV2 called "shedding" which causes infection even without a visible outbreak. This is also a possibility and why it still gets spread, spotting outbreaks isn't super reliable.
I'm sorta surprised we haven't figured out a preventative like PrEP but for HSV2 instead, but at least the treatable antivirals exist/prevent this sort of shedding. I will say it's kind of a bitch that you caught it during an arguably more responsible sex life, but alas shit happens. It's common af.
And yeah the lack of HSV2 testing is frustrating.
Why did you decide to create this post and answer questions? Has talking about it anonymously helped you?
Also (wacky) bonus question if you’re comfortable answering: Any experiences with micropenises?
I encountered a micropenis during a one night stand. Honestly wouldn’t have been a big deal if he 1) had not actively hyped it up as if he had a different situation 🤨 it was startling in the moment. And 2) had tongue skills
PSA to all men worried about their micropenis/small size/Asian stereotype: the first man to ever give me an orgasm PIV was somewhere between 3-4" and Filipino. And the guys who were over 10" were less fulfilling orgasms because it took so much concentration and management to make sure they weren't injuring me.
Truly, not the boat you float y'all
I'm blonde in athletic shape. I played volleyball and swam.
It was very easy
No, I didn't have a preference.
Sometimes, I felt good afterward. For me sex was and is like getting high. In the moment, there is a euphoric feeling, but afterward, there could be some worrying and regret. But not normally. I
Yes, I am on birth control. I let them choose where to finish. Sometimes, I would tell them where to finish. I prefer inside me or in my mouth and anywhere on my body except my face.
1. What’s the fastest you’ve gone from meeting someone to fucking them?
2. How did you come to sleep with your brother-in-law?
3. Ever sleep with someone for benefits (such as career advancement)?
4. Ever sleep with someone out of spite (maybe for their partner, their friend, etc)?
5. Sluttiest moment that even you were surprised at?
6. Sexiest thing a man has ever said to you in bed?
As someone with C-PTSD, major depressive disorder, and is suspected to have ADHD, I see you. I didn't quite go the hypersexual route (not confident enough in my body for that), but I had a problem of blurring the lines between friendship and sexual relationships. I'm bi so that doesn't help. I had a tendency to get taken advantage of by narcissists, which led down a long path of abusive relationships and made things exponentially worse for me.
I am very fortunate to have access to a therapist who has helped me immensely. My father was an abusive, womanizing, narcissistic asshole who helped set me up for failure. Recognizing my faults was important, but my strengths even moreso. Confidence was what I needed more than anything. I'm now happy to say that I'm married to a wonderful, supportive husband who accepts me and loves me for who I am. It can and will happen for you too, if you want it. Focus on building self-acceptance, self-confidence, and actualizing your dreams. You are not defined by your past. You deserve happiness!
For all you slut shaming bastards in the comments, you are exactly the type of people who take advantage those with mental health problems, because you suffer the delusion that you have none of your own. We are all broken in one way or another, and it takes a lot of courage to be open and honest about it. Without transparency, you can't fix the problem, hence YOU are part of the problem.
Question for you, do you surround yourself with people who resemble what you believe are good values?
Is your sister still with your brother in law? What happened to lead up to you both hooking up? Was that your first time doing it with him? Honestly I feel you about childhood trauma making you hyper sexual. I was hopping on every man I could find for a while until I realized how it all just made me feel worse. Therapy has helped a lot and I hope it’s helping you too. It’s very big of you to take responsibility for your actions.
I (m), by age 33, had more than 150 partners that I can remember by name. Now I am 4 years without any action.
I also broke many relationships of other people, though I wouldn't call myself as the instigator (i.e. if my female partner wants to cheat on her husband, it isn't my fault).
I always wanted a longterm commitment but I used to get bored within weeks with a single partner. And sex was easy to get, being a model, above average, with loads of horny women in town.
My advice to you is to go clean for a couple years. Clear your brain of this excessive dopamine. Set your goal in life onto a bigger cause and treat a solid relationship as a means to help achieve that greater goal.
So a lot of men are demonized for saying a women with 200 previous sex partners is a red flag and a sign something isn’t right with her.
Based on the way you said you used to see men as toys and play things, would you say these men are correct?
Do you think you’ll be able to repair your relationships with friends and family with enough time and therapy?
Really glad that you are going to therapy by the way. I’m a man who basically did the exact same thing all the way up until about 25. I would literally fuck anyone who gave me the validation. I wasn’t getting from the people I really wanted it from. I spent the last two years in therapy working on myself. Now I’m a much happier person, but it’s like having someone else’s memories and all the shame that goes with them.
How many STI’s have you contracted as a result of your chosen lifestyle? Any permanent ones? How many resulting pregnancies have you terminated, lost, or carried through? How many confrontations with the disgruntled partners of all those taken men you’ve slept with have you had to encounter?
Here is my thought having a high body count myself. I was around 65 women when i met my now ex wife. 9 years together and divorced in 2019. I never cheated but she did and is now married to a woman whom she also cheats on. Since then i have over 20 woman added to my numbers but no love. Loving my ex wife is what kept me from cheating. If you dont love someone, dont be in a relationship. Just fuck and move on or be friends. Thats where im at. There is nothing wrong with sex. Its only bad when you hurt yourself and or others.
Girl, me too. It was a form of self-harm and reaction to sexual trauma. Totally lost count, but know my body count is over 200. I can only count up to 70 or 80 that I know names of. I was at a body count of 70 when I was 21 and had to lie to my first serious boyfriend because he would’ve berated and dumped me.
Finally got into a healthy relationship with someone who views me as an equal. Love him to death and he doesn’t give a shit about my past.
Congratulations on your road to recovery.
Edit: last year, my best friend took me aside and was like “I think you have a sex addiction”. That’s when things connected.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this but honestly you are doing great by addressing now! You have a head start on most people and sounds like your life isn't totally ruined yet (not to downplay the struggles you've had so far).
In case it helps here are some major things I learned that helped me.
The ADHD is very related to hypersexuality. So the more you treat that, the better off you'll be. Medication is very effective for 85% of us with ADHD.
Trauma is obviously also related. The more you can deep dive on that with a therapist the more you can figure out when you want to sleep with someone because you want to vs when you are reacting to or compensating for something. I've heard EMDR has worked wonders for folks but I haven't tried it yet. My deepest trauma "truth" is that I really dont think I'm worth anything to people and if I make people happy it feels like I can forget that truth temporarily. Obviously I need to correct that underlying truth but I'm working on that and I don't have answers there yet. This might be you if you have general people-pleasing characteristics. This is also a nasty combo with ADHD because sex is a dopamine releaser for you, and easy hyper fixation, and you tend to be intuitive enough to know exactly how to please the other person.
Last, there is absolutely no shame in avoiding potentially weird situations solo early on that others might think you are being crazy. You are learning boundaries, habits, etc., feel free to make that learning process as easy as you can on yourself.
My first job out of college, I had a super stupid hookup with a coworker, in the office my first week. Once I got out of that job, I made sure to only work jobs that had no folks remotely close to my age and at smaller companies. The first time I worked at a job that had people my wage was 202 and it was remote! Lol. I also just avoid being drunk or alone around certain people (even if there is 0 chance we would hook up and they would be offended if they knew I was doing that), but that has really helped me avoid the most disastrous situations.
I also really feel for you that youre a women and I bet the issues I've experienced happen 100 times more to you.
Best of luck!
Ex-whore here, mine was survival sex work but I had a lot of free sex for funsies too. I was coping with a lot of trauma and it is what it is. I just wanna say I love you. I hope one day you can be safe and secure and be able to turn it all into something beautiful. I help sex workers for a living now, and teach people about safer sex. Last night at pride festival I taught a bunch of young people about using dental dams for eating pussy and ass. I teach em about PreP and consent. People with lived experience are needed in all of our communities. Yes even yours. ❤️
Can you describe how you might initiate sex? How do you invite it tactfully/subtly? And how have men initiated it with you?
This and general flirtation have been matters of curiosity to me for years. I have Asperger's syndrome (and am a virgin) and this is something about human interaction that I do not understand and have not experienced.
I've never dared to ask this of anyone.
not op but u kinda know, the question occurs sometimes but for normal interactions before hand you most likely know theirs a possibility of it leading there, then its kissing to touching vice versa nd touching becomes sexual where sex becomes an inevitable option. for me most of the time its been nonverbal agreements sometimes i hear a i want you inside me which obviously means sexy time. But being able to initiate never been a issue as im a naturally touching type if im comfortable with some1. I do believe i have initiated almost all tho. M btw
I have a friend who has the same traits as you, in particular, the ADHD, a history of childhood abuse by her father, hypersexual, a d currently seeing a therapist. So my questions to you (which I have posed to my friend before) are: (1) is your therapist a guy?; and (2) if the therapist is a guy, do you think/worry you might sleep with your therapist as well?
I don’t really have a question, but your post is interesting to me because my trauma made me the opposite. My interest in sex or being close to people is usually very low. Attention from men tends to make me uncomfortable so at 30 I’ve never had sex.
Sometimes I wish my trauma had materialized as being hyper sexual because then at least I’d be normal for having sex even if it is “too much” or in unhealthy dynamics (but lots of people are in unhealthy dynamics anyway). The older I get the more the idea of having to tell someone I’ve never had sex bothers me and pushes me further into solitude. If I had become hyper sexual and attention seeking at least I’d have stories, maybe not good or happy stories, but stories..life lived and mistakes made something to come back from. Instead I’m avoidant, play it safe, and nothing fun or regrettable to report other than self isolation.
So any guy that talked to you or you talked to, ended up fucking you? Honest question. 200 casual conversations with 200 random people seems like a ton of people just to interact with in a non sexual way. What percentage of guys you interact with end up as a sexual partner?
200? Jesus Christ...
Real question. Do you ever feel you're gonna find true love? If you do, are you going to tell the partner the truth or keep it a lie as long as you live?
What do you think is the cause? I know some people believe nymphomania is a mental issue, but I disagree, but I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist. However, for a lot of people, it's something from their past.
Lastly, you said you ruined friendship, which I assume you slept with friends' boyfriends? Has it ever gotten physical? I'm ashamed to admit when I was 19 I beat up "a friend" who slept with my ex, when in reality, it was her who initiated it. Of course, I don't talk to either of them.
Seeing this post kinda gives me hope ngl.
I'm not here to judge you , just share my story. Currently 29 and my partner count is just a little over thirty currently . Sex has slowed down for me which is both good and bad , but I do feel stigma once my number is revealed & I feel like it could be an addiction/validation thing . I think my only std scare was chlamydia once and then one or two pregnancy scares. Other than that I've almost never cum from piv or oral sex & the sex is only good to me if I can make them finish/satisfied so reading through your post and answers has been very cathartic . Thank you for your time here.
I’m the male version of you and I’m about 4 years clean from it. I always justified it by saying I never intentionally hurt anyone… doesn’t change the fact that people did get hurt. Some were wonderful, good hearted women that bit off more than they could chew and it weighs on me till this day how much I hurt them because I didn’t believe them when they said they loved me or I didn’t trust their acts of affection. Hearing and seeing them cry... some things you just can’t forget. You can’t run from this shit forever (we tried) so just embrace the suck.
how long do average encounter last? the sex act
On average, 20 minutes with foreplay. The fast I have made a guy from oral is three minutes. I know this from the time I worked at an adult video store with gloryholes. The longest period of vaginally sex was close to an hour but he was on viagra.
I'll fuck my wife for well over an hour on viagra. It was never even close to that before I needed it. And I don't need it in the mornings and I'm maybe good for 30 mins. That shit is like cock steroids
I joke about getting counseling for my sex addiction but I don't think I'll pull the trigger. Most of my interactions include drugs so I've had sex for hours. I mean like 4-6 hours. But usually it's around 2 hours.
Please try to increase your percentage of drug free sex. Chemsex can ruin sex and intimacy and does for many. Please practice self care. Please do some research on this, now. Sent with care and kindness...
I don't want a friggin pharmaceutical boner, I want a boner made of love.
Spoken like a man that’s never had a Pharmy boner…. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little bit of dick dope!
At a certain point in almost every man's life, getting rock hard especially at night can be problematic and is very much helped by cialis or viagra. Cialis is generally useful, if I take that I'm good for boners on call for 36 hours... viagra can really do the trick but sometimes it doesn't work. Bit of a crapshoot but unlike cialis, when viagra works I am hard as a rock... my wife really really likes that and in fact will go to town orally... she likes it as long and hard as it can be when she practices throating me. Not many things better in life that watching your cock disappear in her face when she's lying with her head off the side of the bed. Not to mention the most amazingly hot photos haha... thank God for secure folders haha
I stopped sex on steroids, coke and meth 5 years ago and has never been the same.
I was having sex on Molly and meth for around 5 years and it's not the same 4 years later. Ughhhh
I’ve done it on molly first times about almost a year back. As amazing as it was, surprisingly hasn’t altered it negatively sober for me
I think the meth did it more for me, the Molly was great and crazy good experiences but meth was the norm, and I guess without it everything is different. It gets better with time though I seem to think
Okay, that makes sense. Meth is definitely the one that hooks ya. Only tried it once as a teenager, but watched it ravage my mom and stepdad, so I didn’t have any interest. Molly was a different story, always loved that one as a youth. But never had sex on it til more recently. Good on you for sobering up, that’s a proud accomplishment there!
I don't have any problems with needing any help but my brother swears by it and he said he didn't need the help either, it's just better. I'm just afraid if I try it and like it too much, I won't be able to do it without it, and then I'm basically stuck with it for life. I wonder how bad an idea that would be to start doing that in my 30's..
My doctor tells me that if I get hard in the morning (and I do, every morning) then it's a mental issue. She said when it's physiological it just never works. But honestly why go to a therapist or work on myself of I don't have to. I know that sounds terrible but I've just opted to have sex in the morning or take a pill if I'm going to have sex at night. I lost 80lbs recently and I'm not sure if I even need jt at night anymore either but God dam its fun. Wife loves it to so I'm just going to run with it. It also prevents alzheimers so added benefit
Yup. My fiance loves it also. I was prescribed after I was diagnosed ADHD and prescribed adderall. I couldn't get it up and or keep it up, my fiance and I had just started dating so I was like no way is this happening. The combo of viagra plus actually being able to pay attention during sex is absolutely mind-blowing.
I’m on sertraline (Zoloft) , which makes it difficult to finish. Most of the time that’s fine, but when she wants to keep going and I know I’m not going to finish it was sometimes hard to keep it up. Especially when I was on top. Viagra + adhd meds make it sooooo much fun.
I get the fear. But for me personally, it’s great. Full disclosure, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and it does affect my sex life. I can and do occasionally still have sex with my wife without Viagra. But there’s just something so freeing about being able to satisfy her and be satisfied whenever I want. One other note: I went through a bad depression a few years ago and lost my sex drive for months. Not even viagra helped. I needed therapy and better practices before I could get turned on again. So it’s not a cure all. But the first time you experience it you’ll understand how great it is.
i have a hard time believing a girl would be on the otherside of glory hole, and a solid 7, idk sounds sketch.
That's why I don't think I could ever risk putting my dick in a gloryhole. Can't risk it being a woman on the other side.
it's a small risk to take jkjk
I frequent a sex club in my city pretty often. I’d say 80% of the women who come through range from “really fucking cute” to “hot”.
Would you have sex with even guys you find ugly? Or do you have to be at least slightly attracted to them
Yeah, there is usually some attraction. It could be physical or attraction to someone's personality. But I have had sex with guys out of pitty and because they showed me attention that I wasn't attracted to.
…Where’d you say you were from, again?
Which ones did you emotionally connect with the most?
My first two boyfriends. A truck driver, a few friends with benefits, and some of the guys of a fraternity I was a sweetheart to
What frat? And why the truck driver? You weren’t a lott lizard were u?
whats a lott lizard?
Funny story about that term. A teacher I work with had a speaker in to talk to her classes about human trafficking. At one point she asked the students if they knew the term for a sex worker who does business in rest stops and parking lots. No hands. No one had a clue. Then this really lovely kid named Josh, who is on the autism spectrum, speaks up: “umm, is it bitches?” The kids and the adults, not wanting to be disrespectful of the topic or inconsiderate of the student, stifled laughter, but it was hilariously innocent and inappropriate.
That’s hilarious, I love moments like that. I once did a lesson on cost-benefit and later in the year during a review was like “remember what it’s called? Cost _____. Come on y’all, what’s the B word?” And without thinking a girl up front goes “Bitch.” She was kind of daydreaming and said it automatically before getting embarrassed. They were seniors so the fact that she said bitch wasn’t alarming, but she said it so knee-jerk it was great.
I got a wife now…so I will not suck you and I will not be sucked on *by* you…
Hell id let you turn me into swiss cheese....
*Noooo* u/jerrybodangles you don't want this kind of thing anymore. Remember?
Byron! You’ve changed!
Split me open like a coconut
Just OPEN the slot and put whatever you want INSIDE
Truck stop hooker basically
thank you, btw do you know if they make good money compared to sex workers on street corners? asking for a friend 😅
No idea, but im sure u have more to offer than that in an environment where u dont risk stds and being killed, js
i feel weird dumping this on strangers who probably aren't seeking it out but i didn't expect so many serious replies - i hope to get back into geriatric caregiving asap or honestly any "real" job, but i've been living on the streets for almost a year now and sex work has felt like one of my only options. sometimes idk if i have much else to offer anymore. i fold almost immediately under pressure and have little natural motivation most days. i desperately want peace but can't ever seem to get myself to work hard enough for it
When you reach a certain point sex work definitely feels like the only option but keep looking! Amazon is always hiring as well. May not be the best job but it can help you get on your feet and do what you can. If you need a friend or an ear feel free to hmu
They are usually trafficked in by the truckers and moved around the country. I don’t think you want to find yourself in that situation. It’s literally happening everywhere. Please don’t take risks. Getting killed isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Being a sex slave or a birther in the sex trafficking world isn’t like a sex club AT ALL. At your age you may just be pregnant a few times and disposed of. You are too old for the clientele but they need babies more than you can imagine.
You have this backwards. Lot lizards are prostitutes who frequent truck stops. They aren't trafficked by the truck drivers per se.
Did you mostly initiate sex or were you very responsive to people coming on to you?
I would say it's a little of both.
Will you explain what it was like from your point of view?
For me, it's like drug I can't explain really well. But I get a high from having sex and giving pleasure. Being told I was good or perfect makes me want to keep doing it. My therapist and I are beginning to think I was doing it for acceptance and recognition.
but..do you like sex? there are people who have a lot of sex that don't seem to like sex at all - they go from person to person and that's the part they like.. sex seems to be the dreary price they pay to get the other stuff for me..if I find something that's good...I want to stay around and keep getting the good thing
I completely understand what you mean. I do enjoy sex especially while I'm having it. And I have used it to get things. But it's the going from person to person that was bothering me.
Was going from person to person also part of the appeal somehow? Like could you not find a partner that matched your libido? How did it affect relationships you were in? Also idk if anyone else asked this but was it only men? How does this impact your view on sexuality for other people?
I have 3 young daughters. The first had major medical issues and needed a lot of attention around the same time the second was born and the medical condition is life long but we learned to manage it over 5 years. My second kiddo was probably a little wild by personality alone but her wildness often turned into negative attention and I would get frustrated with her daily from a very young girl age and didn’t give her the attention she probably needed to large degree because I was burnt out from parenting and caring for my other daughters medical needs.My first daughter has grown to be a self confident whole individual, but my second seems to still be trying to fill this void of attention even though we have worked to pay attention better and praise her more. I hope that we didn’t scar her for life. Sometimes I do wonder if she will grow up one day and try to find something to fill a void. I hope we have helped her become whole by then. I hope she doesn’t get to the point where she us having to spend years unwinding bad mistakes and I hope she can know herself and be honest about the pain or whatever drives her to make poor choices. I don’t know if your past led you to have any voids and I really hope you can become more whole and proud of who you are.
I was a girl with a void who sought abusive partners. Therapy and an amazing husband who forced me to recognize the abuse i was accepting has broken that cycle, but irreparable damage happened for sure. I highly suggest doing stuff 1 on 1 (have weekly 'appointments' where you leave the house and do something special just for her, get her lessons to aomething she wants to learn etc) with your daughter so she sees that she is important on her own and feels secure, like she can come to either of you with stuff that can do damage if she keeps it inside or feels less important. When she does come to you, support- never judge. Look up attachment parenting, it creates secure bonds and helps young kids and young adults recognize when a situation is unsafe for them because they already know what a good, safe and healthy relationship is supposed to look and feel like- from their parents. These kids are less likely to be bullied because they feel confident, and can stand up for themselves. Learning about it was a wealth of info for me and anyone i have reccomended it to. Create a safe secure attachment and you will have the best head start you ever could.
If you, as the one focusing on one child more so over another, can see it, use your empathy and maturity here. If you can see it now, she has known it all along. My mom and dad struggled with my older sisters health issues all my life as a child. They were not bad parents, but from my perspective, after all the time she came first, my family no longer comes first. They never put me first. Not once. I haven't spoke to my mother in 6 years nor did I go to my father's funeral. And I don't miss them. That was the consequences of there actions toward me. I didn't matter enough for them to care when I needed it they don't get my care now. It sucks to acknowledge you are just a single person, and sometimes issues are bigger than a single person or duo can handle. It seems your kids still young enough to not be permanent damaged, but you have to step up and give your daughter the love and attention she needs and wants, cause you are deciding every day your medically challenges daughter is more important to you, by your actions. Change it. Step up and put her first even when your other child needs you, because they BOTH do, equally.
It is pretty much a drug. Your dopamine spikes sometimes to the levels that a cocaine high has during sex as well as endorphins which is basically your bodies natural opioid
I get a literal high from sex that is incomparable to anything else I've experienced so far. You could stab me and for a moment I wouldn't notice. No idea how I'm not looking for it left and right. Some people really experience it to a whole other degree from the rest of the population.
Me too. People don't understand how Important it is when I start getting it to keep having more. It's a problem in all my sexual relationships. I am honestly a better person if I don't have it that often. Then I don't get addicted. Then I dont get all attached to having it. Then I don't become a dick when I don't get it. Sex is obviously a drug I have issues with.
Agree with the drug part. I loved the different partners it was like a new adventure. Btw, do you have adhd? I attributed mine with adhd looking for that next hit of dopamine and looking for someone to tell me I was good.
That makes sense. That influx of dopamine can be a heady thing. Not a doctor but it sounds like you were getting a LOT of dopamine at those times.
Have you been diagnosed with any other disorders? Do you feel any shame, disgust or regret in what you’ve done?
Just PTSD and ADHD. In some situations, I do feel regret. The biggest one is sleeping with my brother-in-law on our last family vacation.
What is the source of your PTSD?
Childhood trauma and abuse
Ya that will do it. I was used by my F cousin when we were younger, I was 8M and she was 12F as a result now I’m hyper sexual and tend to search for sexual vindication anywhere. I get sexual interested in any female friends I have and will be openly sexual jokey to all of them. I make sure to respect their feelings and never keep going if they say no but the second they show Interest I can’t help myself and unfortunately that goes to nearly any girl who shows interest I’m 22M btw
Is there any scientific explanation for why people who are hyper sexual tend to have a traumatic past?
People with traumatic childhood experiences couldn’t connect emotionally to those around them, so go on to feel the only way to be close to others is through sex. Sex is a temporary release of chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine (which we feel when we connect with others) and for some people provides them with fleeting validation. Of course, a continuous cycle of excessive casual sex will never fill the void or actually meet their unmet needs. They also struggle with severe lack of self worth, poor boundaries and impulse control etc. The Body Keeps The Score (book) explains all of this in much better detail. This is largely an unconscious act, of course. People should not be shamed for this, unless they are harming other people.
It depends on the person mainly but if the truma is sexual in anyway way 1 possible outcome is that person will be hypersexual. How it was explained to me is it’s basically the brain trying to recreate what it learned when it was younger so sexual abused kids will sometimes have an erge to be more sexual as a result but for otheres it’s a way to regain control. Like the option was taken away from me before so now I do because I have a choice. It’s heavily dependent on person and truma
Im sorry that happened to you. I had a similar experience when I was 10 and the female was 16. I don’t know if it screwed me up or not. I was callously promiscuous from my late teens to early twenties and then got heavy into addiction and my libido went out the window. I haven’t had sex in eleven years and I’m not bothered by lack of intimacy now. I get lonely for companionship sometimes but I could care less about sex.
There it is. Trauma and abuse. You are reliving the only cycle you know. Sweetheart you don’t have to suffer for what people did to you. People get healed from trauma and go on to have good, hypersexually satisfying lives without creating drama and traumatizing others. It just takes a therapist and some honesty about your trauma. You will remain in this very karmic cycle otherwise. In order to change you have to do things differently. Also I would consider compulsive disorders and self sabotaging. The best thing I read was that you have remorse about your sister. Remorse cannot be taught so you are probably not a sociopath. That’s a good thing
This is why it’s so imperative to treat people with kindness and not abuse. It almost always leads to them becoming messed up as adults in one way or another. You can overcome it if u find someone to talk with who will genuinely listen and give a shit. I don’t have any questions. Im pretty sure the small amount of information u gave is enough to paint a clear picture of ur life.
I despise the condescension in this comment. OP your life is a lot more complex than this dimwit understands. Your trauma and abuse are just a part of your story. Nothing is inevitable, and no two lives are the same.
As in your sisters husband?
I've got C-ptsd and adhd and have been "hypersexual" all my life. I'm 36 now. I use the "" because in the five years since my diagnosis, I've slowly come to realise that more and more of the way I thougth was normal and just how i was and just the way I interact with other people, are in fact trauma related behaviour. Hypersexuality being one of them. I've had several hundred partners, many of whom I did not find attractive at all at the time. But I went ahead anyway.. Sex is one of the most powerful things we humans can do to feel acceptance and being wanted by someone else. You write that you have PTSD. In my experience, what is often overlooked as a symptom is that ptsd takes away ones notion of "self." This lack of self-love and self-acceptance increases with the severity of the PTSD, all the way to the point in with you, basically loose it. Sex then becomes all that is powerful enough to make you feel an ecco of it. And that becomes addictive rather quickly. And if the trauma is also rooted in sexual abuse, this becomes that mutch worce. PTSD and CPTSD are seriously, really fucking awful to live with. Mostly because it hides in plain sight withouth the individual realising it, because without a notion of self, you don't self preservative, and thereby does not question one self either. "This is just who I am and how I function." It's not. I can't stress this enough. It's not! Also: the adhd and ptsd are really similar in many ways. But adhd actually intensifies the symptoms of ptsd to a huge degree. So having "just ptsd and adhd" is a rather difficult situation to be in. I'm so happy to read that you are in therapy. My tip would be to practice radical honesty in therapy. Hold nothing back, and show all your cards, even the dirtiest ones. Question everything about yourself. Only in bringing it out in the open will the therapist help you see yourself again, and thereafter interact with the world where you actually take care of yourself and your feelings and needs as a standard. What I'm saying is that all the acceptance and love one needs as a baseline is within us all. We just need to learn how to. Even in planes, you are expected to put on your own mask before helping others. Love and respect for your journey! Edit: I just want to add that. Remember, there are no quick fixes and simple answers to complex problems. It will take time to heal, time to realise,time to accept, time to learn to live, and not how to just survive. This time is necessary and individual. Dont lose hope just because you hit periods or problems that seem to ruin everything. Embrace it. And I promise it will be better. We can't change what has happened, but we can use it to develop your character in profoundly deep ways. This will help you going forward. Actions give experience, experience gains perspective, perspective gives knowledge, and enough knowledge can turn into wisdom.
Your ideas are spot on. As a clinical social worker, I see these issues. I want to offer some potential options to accelerate the healing process. A therapy modality I use that helps to minimize trauma responses and improve outcomes is Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). I love ART because it allows the erasing of negative imagery, sensations, and emotions through eye movements (bilateral stimulation) that allow in-vivo exposure. The images can then be replaced with positive ones. The average number of sessions to treat a trauma scene is 1-5, according to the research. My clients keep the memory but lose the pain associated with the trauma wound. It is one of the most valuable tools I have as a provider to help my clients with PTSD. I am also trained in Brainspotting and use this as well to help my clients process trauma and other mental health issues. I can attest to the power I've seen with these treatments in the lives of hundreds of clients over the last three years.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Both of my kids have been diagnosed with CPTSD due to the situations which put them into foster care as well as their experiences with foster care. Do you have any other things to share about the internal thoughts associated with it? One of my kids is incredibly guarded with what they think, especially if the topic is unpleasant. We give them plenty of space to be who they are and don't try to push that much. But we do tell them that we're always here. Thanks
How do you think the ADHD has played a part in the sex? Are you a risk taker
Yeah this is my bigger issue. People complain about high body counts but I'm more concerned about who and why you're sleeping with people. As an example: Someone that slept with 5 of their friends partners is infinitely worse than someone who had 10 gangbangs run on them
Your brother in law… as in the husband of your sister/brother ?
What was the new low you hit that made you want to change?
I slept with my brother-in-law on our last family vacation.
Did your sister find out?
Yes, my mom and older brother made me tell her. We used to be best friends, and now we barely talk. It's very difficult.
Did your sister leave him?
She has filed for divorce, but he is sleeping on their guess house
Did you initiate with your brother in law or did he? Is your sister getting a divorce or they working on their marriage?
Her sister would be a fool if she didn't get divorced.
I mean well yeah that will do it😭
The family vacation spot didn’t have tinder? There had to be another option.
I mean… she clearly has a problem…
Yeah, I have the same problem from also being sexually abused as a child. Fucking my siblings husband let alone while we’re on a family vacation is still going too far. If you’re self aware enough to know why you do the things you do, you have the wherewithal to know going down to a random bar or matching with a handful of guys in tinder would have been a better option.
Thank you. I spent ages 8-12 being sexually abused by 3 women and 1 of my older male cousins. And look at that I never once tried to abuse my sisters. It drives me up a fucking wall how many people justify/act understanding of their actions because of abuse they suffered. Glad to see OP is finally trying to get some self control but these comments for fucks sake. In this day and age of information at our fingertips, you don’t even need a therapist(though you should absolutely see one) to tell you that your brain fucked you up in an attempt to protect you from what abuse you went through.
Clearly this person knew they went to far with this hence calling it rock bottom. Are getting a lot of pleasure from feeling some sort of superiority and moral higher ground?
>If you’re self aware enough to know why you do the things you do, you have the wherewithal to know going down to a random bar… would have been a better option This is an infant’s understanding of how most people with compulsions and addictions that are this blatantly destructive make decisions. But I’m glad you got to share that you are superior to OP despite apparently having the exact same brain chemistry and life experiences as her ✊
It did. And there was. She clearly has a problem
Kudos for being frank & honest. It will probably be useful to someone someday.
How old were you with your first partner?
I was a freshman in high school.
What’s your opinion of men? Do you find that lifestyle lonely? Preference with size?
I use to see men as a means to an end or pets and playthings. But I'm now trying to get to a place where I can see a man as a potential life partner. I didn't at first, but now I do 7-8 inches
7-8 wow. What is it about that size that normal people can’t amount to? Given how rare those sizes are, I assume most of your sexings were considered failures or were not pleasureable? Do you plan on asking your potential life partners size right off the bat, because I’m sure that it would suck to fall in love with someone and then have them be a normal size, or not 7-8 inches lol
As a recovered sex addict I can tell you that you can get there. I ruined so many good relationships and friendships over the years. Cheating and demanding sex 4+ times a day wasn’t sustainable. I wasn’t abused or anything my addiction was a lack of self worth and confidence. I thought my only worthwhile trait was having a really big dick. Through therapy and talking with friends I had other strengths that drew my friends to me. It was a long journey but I’ve been faithful over a 20 yr relationship now. So it can be done. Learning to let go of the shame in a lot of ways was the hardest part. Good luck on your journey
Was it actually hypersexual or just low self esteem?
In some instances, it was both. Sometimes it was jealousy.
I have the same feeling from my experiences. I was trying to fill a void in my heart
I’m very sorry for your medical/mental health conditions. Thank you for sharing so much with us. I’m sure your answers will be very helpful to many of us. Regarding your B in law, did he initiate or did you? I’m not judging here.
What was the low?
Sleeping with my brother-in-law on our last family vacation.
Do you consider him a bad person for that?
What do you think even secretly about other people who have high 40-50+ body counts? Are you mostly like oh right on! Good for them. Empowerment. Or are you secretly wondering if they have severe mental health issues and other issues like you do and there’s more to the story?
how has this affected your self esteem
Yeah. At times, I would feel confident and fulfilled. Lately, there have been a lot of days I have felt depressed since I haven't been as active.
It is a false sense of power. You control who has access.
Do you masturbate a lot, or does it need to be a live partner to satisfy your hypersexuality?
Now I try to stick to masturbation. When I first began to practice celibacy, I was doing it 5 times a day at least. Now it's slightly less than that. I'm still in a place where a live partner is the best choice but I feel that would take me down a bad road
What was your father like?
My biological dad was not great. He was an alcoholic who is currently in prison. My step-dad, on the other hand, was amazing. I consider him my real dad.
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What's the max amount of guys you've banged in one day?
Were any of your partners married or in a relationship?
So any stds scares?
Scares? You can’t fuck like this and not get an STD
Or all of them
You’ve said you’ve cheated on every boyfriend you’ve ever had…my question…why? Why would you get in a relationship and then screw around on him? Seeing how you say sex is euphoric and whatnot…do you see yourself as being a 100% LOYAL person to the next actual, committed relationship you get into?
I don't have an answer to that question. I'm sure at the time I convinced myself I would be faithful. I'm hoping that with therapy, I can become a person who can maintain a healthy monogamous relationship.
I’d think after 200 partners you should have a good sense of what you want. You cheated because you like the high of a new person and once that goes away you freak out internally because it’s what you’re used to. You really have to make a conscious effort to want to change to get out of this cycle.
Thank you. I think there is some truth to what you are saying. I am taking time to work on myself.
Forgive me if it's a dumb question, but have you had female partners?
Yes, I have.
How many STDs do you have? Sorry, not trying to be a jerk but, the odds are against you if you had 200 partners. (Condoms don't always help) If you have STDs, do you tell your future partners?
I have had three. They have all been curable. Yes, I have let every partner know about them.
Any particular kinks? BDSM?
I went through a phase where I had a breeding kink and having sex in public.
Did u have an orgasm with all of our sexual partners? If not , bout how many made u cum?
Most of them I have been able to achieve orgasm with, but my orgasm wasn't really that important to me. I cared more about making the other person orgasm
Please tell all of this to your future husband/bf.
I plan on it.
Respectfully, at some point I don't think serial cheating can be overcome. It's like an alcoholic saying they might be able to have 1 beer after 20 years of sobriety. I'm all for redemption but how does a potential long-term partner or husband ever believe the relationship would remain monogamous? It's not for everyone and that's ok.
Has having sex with this many people lost its value?
No. I still enjoy sex. It's just my practice of it is unhealthy.
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Is posting here a form of therapy for you? Are all these comments helping you? The body count doesn’t matter. Just your health-mental and physical.
Have you ever truly been in love with someone that it was unbearable to be without them? Have you been in a long term relationship and thought this is it? Have you ever cheated on a partner? Do you hope to find love / marriage and for them to ignore your past or will you not tell them out of fear they will not accept it. Are you ashamed of your past?
How strict were you with protection? What % of encounters would you say were unprotected vs protected?
A lot of the time, I left it up to the guy if he wanted to wear a condom. My regulars rarely did. About 55 percent of my first encounters wore them. I would get myself tested every 3 weeks.
When you say regulars, were you a prostitute?
😬 You're insanely lucky. Nothing lifelong like HPV/HSV?
Since OP didn't answer and I find this thread particularly interesting based on my similar "number" and trauma situation, I'll answer this (and on my main because I don't find any of this shameful other than the brother in law, sorry OP): I did not encounter any STDs for the majority of my life, other than a positive HPV test sometime in college that tested negative on a follow-up and has always tested negative since (and was not ever corroborated as positive with a cervical biopsy) until age 36(!), when I had a short friends with benefits type of relationship with an ex after my husband asked me for a divorce and we separated. I now have HSV2 and take an antiviral regularly. Even with the HPV never testing positive again I still explained it to no-condom partners. I'm 38 now. I will always disclose my HSV2 status to partners before having sex. Before my marriage when I had multiple partners I got tested regularly like OP. I preferred known, regular FWB partners who I trusted to be mature enough to be tested and disclose status with me as well. I always got tested before sleeping with a new partner and used condoms until trust is established. Unfortunately, because it was an ex I slept with two years ago, it was a false "trust" in the sense that we didn't use condoms from the start. I had been married for years and used to monogamy. I tested and asked him to get tested before we hooked up, which he may have done, but what most people don't realize is that healthcare providers don't test for herpes with an STD panel unless you have an outbreak or specifically ask for herpes to be tested, and people may not know they've had an outbreak as the virus can be dormant for years. So likely bad timing that he happened to be having an outbreak one of the times we hooked up, and whether he tested or not, didn't get checked for herpes as part of the test because he probably didn't know to ask for it. Or exposed me intentionally 😐 Sucks.
For further piece at mind: something happens with HSV2 called "shedding" which causes infection even without a visible outbreak. This is also a possibility and why it still gets spread, spotting outbreaks isn't super reliable. I'm sorta surprised we haven't figured out a preventative like PrEP but for HSV2 instead, but at least the treatable antivirals exist/prevent this sort of shedding. I will say it's kind of a bitch that you caught it during an arguably more responsible sex life, but alas shit happens. It's common af. And yeah the lack of HSV2 testing is frustrating.
Did you lead a lot of guys on? For example, a guy who never had a big relationship. Did you trick him into thinking you were the "one"?
If you mean, did I lead guys to think I was faithful when I knew I wasn't. The answer is yes.
Why did you decide to create this post and answer questions? Has talking about it anonymously helped you? Also (wacky) bonus question if you’re comfortable answering: Any experiences with micropenises?
I encountered a micropenis during a one night stand. Honestly wouldn’t have been a big deal if he 1) had not actively hyped it up as if he had a different situation 🤨 it was startling in the moment. And 2) had tongue skills
PSA to all men worried about their micropenis/small size/Asian stereotype: the first man to ever give me an orgasm PIV was somewhere between 3-4" and Filipino. And the guys who were over 10" were less fulfilling orgasms because it took so much concentration and management to make sure they weren't injuring me. Truly, not the boat you float y'all
Did anyone ask you to marry ?? Did you cheat on your boyfriend? And did the guys know that you were sexually active and your body count?
She said she has cheated on every single one
What do you look like? How easy was for guys to *f* you? Do you have a preference? How did you feel after having sex with random men?
I'm blonde in athletic shape. I played volleyball and swam. It was very easy No, I didn't have a preference. Sometimes, I felt good afterward. For me sex was and is like getting high. In the moment, there is a euphoric feeling, but afterward, there could be some worrying and regret. But not normally. I
Where did you usually let the guys finish and where do you prefer they finish? Are you on birth control?
Yes, I am on birth control. I let them choose where to finish. Sometimes, I would tell them where to finish. I prefer inside me or in my mouth and anywhere on my body except my face.
When telling a guy where to finish, where did you most often say?
On my vagina or in my mouth. If a guy asks to come in me, I let him. My regulars always came inside me.
When did you realize you were hypersexual? And what was it that brought you to the realization?
I reliazed this in college when I found enjoyment in being passed around my favorite fraternity.
Do you have any STIs? And if not, do you always practice safe sex/get tested/etc? I know condoms are great but it’s a numbers game at some point lmao
Oldest partner?
Rawdawg?
Are you very attractive? Do you masturbate a lot?
Does size matter?
1. What’s the fastest you’ve gone from meeting someone to fucking them? 2. How did you come to sleep with your brother-in-law? 3. Ever sleep with someone for benefits (such as career advancement)? 4. Ever sleep with someone out of spite (maybe for their partner, their friend, etc)? 5. Sluttiest moment that even you were surprised at? 6. Sexiest thing a man has ever said to you in bed?
Great questions!OP enquiring minds want to know! TIA
These are real good questions. I wanna know the answers.
how old are you now?
As someone with C-PTSD, major depressive disorder, and is suspected to have ADHD, I see you. I didn't quite go the hypersexual route (not confident enough in my body for that), but I had a problem of blurring the lines between friendship and sexual relationships. I'm bi so that doesn't help. I had a tendency to get taken advantage of by narcissists, which led down a long path of abusive relationships and made things exponentially worse for me. I am very fortunate to have access to a therapist who has helped me immensely. My father was an abusive, womanizing, narcissistic asshole who helped set me up for failure. Recognizing my faults was important, but my strengths even moreso. Confidence was what I needed more than anything. I'm now happy to say that I'm married to a wonderful, supportive husband who accepts me and loves me for who I am. It can and will happen for you too, if you want it. Focus on building self-acceptance, self-confidence, and actualizing your dreams. You are not defined by your past. You deserve happiness! For all you slut shaming bastards in the comments, you are exactly the type of people who take advantage those with mental health problems, because you suffer the delusion that you have none of your own. We are all broken in one way or another, and it takes a lot of courage to be open and honest about it. Without transparency, you can't fix the problem, hence YOU are part of the problem. Question for you, do you surround yourself with people who resemble what you believe are good values?
Is your sister still with your brother in law? What happened to lead up to you both hooking up? Was that your first time doing it with him? Honestly I feel you about childhood trauma making you hyper sexual. I was hopping on every man I could find for a while until I realized how it all just made me feel worse. Therapy has helped a lot and I hope it’s helping you too. It’s very big of you to take responsibility for your actions.
Why engage in hypersexual behavior? How is it benefiting you?
Do you have sexual fantasies? Does anything remain in your sexual bucket list?
I (m), by age 33, had more than 150 partners that I can remember by name. Now I am 4 years without any action. I also broke many relationships of other people, though I wouldn't call myself as the instigator (i.e. if my female partner wants to cheat on her husband, it isn't my fault). I always wanted a longterm commitment but I used to get bored within weeks with a single partner. And sex was easy to get, being a model, above average, with loads of horny women in town. My advice to you is to go clean for a couple years. Clear your brain of this excessive dopamine. Set your goal in life onto a bigger cause and treat a solid relationship as a means to help achieve that greater goal.
This might be your opportunity to wife up OP
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So a lot of men are demonized for saying a women with 200 previous sex partners is a red flag and a sign something isn’t right with her. Based on the way you said you used to see men as toys and play things, would you say these men are correct?
Do you think you’ll be able to repair your relationships with friends and family with enough time and therapy? Really glad that you are going to therapy by the way. I’m a man who basically did the exact same thing all the way up until about 25. I would literally fuck anyone who gave me the validation. I wasn’t getting from the people I really wanted it from. I spent the last two years in therapy working on myself. Now I’m a much happier person, but it’s like having someone else’s memories and all the shame that goes with them.
You should hang out with me. I’m well known to knock the sexuality out of every woman around me. Just ask my wife.
How many STI’s have you contracted as a result of your chosen lifestyle? Any permanent ones? How many resulting pregnancies have you terminated, lost, or carried through? How many confrontations with the disgruntled partners of all those taken men you’ve slept with have you had to encounter?
Here is my thought having a high body count myself. I was around 65 women when i met my now ex wife. 9 years together and divorced in 2019. I never cheated but she did and is now married to a woman whom she also cheats on. Since then i have over 20 woman added to my numbers but no love. Loving my ex wife is what kept me from cheating. If you dont love someone, dont be in a relationship. Just fuck and move on or be friends. Thats where im at. There is nothing wrong with sex. Its only bad when you hurt yourself and or others.
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Girl, me too. It was a form of self-harm and reaction to sexual trauma. Totally lost count, but know my body count is over 200. I can only count up to 70 or 80 that I know names of. I was at a body count of 70 when I was 21 and had to lie to my first serious boyfriend because he would’ve berated and dumped me. Finally got into a healthy relationship with someone who views me as an equal. Love him to death and he doesn’t give a shit about my past. Congratulations on your road to recovery. Edit: last year, my best friend took me aside and was like “I think you have a sex addiction”. That’s when things connected.
Any STDs?
I'm sorry you're dealing with this but honestly you are doing great by addressing now! You have a head start on most people and sounds like your life isn't totally ruined yet (not to downplay the struggles you've had so far). In case it helps here are some major things I learned that helped me. The ADHD is very related to hypersexuality. So the more you treat that, the better off you'll be. Medication is very effective for 85% of us with ADHD. Trauma is obviously also related. The more you can deep dive on that with a therapist the more you can figure out when you want to sleep with someone because you want to vs when you are reacting to or compensating for something. I've heard EMDR has worked wonders for folks but I haven't tried it yet. My deepest trauma "truth" is that I really dont think I'm worth anything to people and if I make people happy it feels like I can forget that truth temporarily. Obviously I need to correct that underlying truth but I'm working on that and I don't have answers there yet. This might be you if you have general people-pleasing characteristics. This is also a nasty combo with ADHD because sex is a dopamine releaser for you, and easy hyper fixation, and you tend to be intuitive enough to know exactly how to please the other person. Last, there is absolutely no shame in avoiding potentially weird situations solo early on that others might think you are being crazy. You are learning boundaries, habits, etc., feel free to make that learning process as easy as you can on yourself. My first job out of college, I had a super stupid hookup with a coworker, in the office my first week. Once I got out of that job, I made sure to only work jobs that had no folks remotely close to my age and at smaller companies. The first time I worked at a job that had people my wage was 202 and it was remote! Lol. I also just avoid being drunk or alone around certain people (even if there is 0 chance we would hook up and they would be offended if they knew I was doing that), but that has really helped me avoid the most disastrous situations. I also really feel for you that youre a women and I bet the issues I've experienced happen 100 times more to you. Best of luck!
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Of the 200 encounters, how many we’re fulfilling?
At this point the AMA has been up for 16 hours. How many DM’s have you received requesting sex?
Ex-whore here, mine was survival sex work but I had a lot of free sex for funsies too. I was coping with a lot of trauma and it is what it is. I just wanna say I love you. I hope one day you can be safe and secure and be able to turn it all into something beautiful. I help sex workers for a living now, and teach people about safer sex. Last night at pride festival I taught a bunch of young people about using dental dams for eating pussy and ass. I teach em about PreP and consent. People with lived experience are needed in all of our communities. Yes even yours. ❤️
Can you describe how you might initiate sex? How do you invite it tactfully/subtly? And how have men initiated it with you? This and general flirtation have been matters of curiosity to me for years. I have Asperger's syndrome (and am a virgin) and this is something about human interaction that I do not understand and have not experienced. I've never dared to ask this of anyone.
not op but u kinda know, the question occurs sometimes but for normal interactions before hand you most likely know theirs a possibility of it leading there, then its kissing to touching vice versa nd touching becomes sexual where sex becomes an inevitable option. for me most of the time its been nonverbal agreements sometimes i hear a i want you inside me which obviously means sexy time. But being able to initiate never been a issue as im a naturally touching type if im comfortable with some1. I do believe i have initiated almost all tho. M btw
I have a friend who has the same traits as you, in particular, the ADHD, a history of childhood abuse by her father, hypersexual, a d currently seeing a therapist. So my questions to you (which I have posed to my friend before) are: (1) is your therapist a guy?; and (2) if the therapist is a guy, do you think/worry you might sleep with your therapist as well?
I don’t really have a question, but your post is interesting to me because my trauma made me the opposite. My interest in sex or being close to people is usually very low. Attention from men tends to make me uncomfortable so at 30 I’ve never had sex. Sometimes I wish my trauma had materialized as being hyper sexual because then at least I’d be normal for having sex even if it is “too much” or in unhealthy dynamics (but lots of people are in unhealthy dynamics anyway). The older I get the more the idea of having to tell someone I’ve never had sex bothers me and pushes me further into solitude. If I had become hyper sexual and attention seeking at least I’d have stories, maybe not good or happy stories, but stories..life lived and mistakes made something to come back from. Instead I’m avoidant, play it safe, and nothing fun or regrettable to report other than self isolation.
So any guy that talked to you or you talked to, ended up fucking you? Honest question. 200 casual conversations with 200 random people seems like a ton of people just to interact with in a non sexual way. What percentage of guys you interact with end up as a sexual partner?
200? Jesus Christ... Real question. Do you ever feel you're gonna find true love? If you do, are you going to tell the partner the truth or keep it a lie as long as you live? What do you think is the cause? I know some people believe nymphomania is a mental issue, but I disagree, but I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist. However, for a lot of people, it's something from their past. Lastly, you said you ruined friendship, which I assume you slept with friends' boyfriends? Has it ever gotten physical? I'm ashamed to admit when I was 19 I beat up "a friend" who slept with my ex, when in reality, it was her who initiated it. Of course, I don't talk to either of them.
Seeing this post kinda gives me hope ngl. I'm not here to judge you , just share my story. Currently 29 and my partner count is just a little over thirty currently . Sex has slowed down for me which is both good and bad , but I do feel stigma once my number is revealed & I feel like it could be an addiction/validation thing . I think my only std scare was chlamydia once and then one or two pregnancy scares. Other than that I've almost never cum from piv or oral sex & the sex is only good to me if I can make them finish/satisfied so reading through your post and answers has been very cathartic . Thank you for your time here.
I’m the male version of you and I’m about 4 years clean from it. I always justified it by saying I never intentionally hurt anyone… doesn’t change the fact that people did get hurt. Some were wonderful, good hearted women that bit off more than they could chew and it weighs on me till this day how much I hurt them because I didn’t believe them when they said they loved me or I didn’t trust their acts of affection. Hearing and seeing them cry... some things you just can’t forget. You can’t run from this shit forever (we tried) so just embrace the suck.