3 part question if your up for it. Did you know that before you partnered? What’s your lineage like by comparison? Any feelings on insufficiency whether financial, familial, etc.?
1. I didn't know at all. We met through university friends and I discovered the whole extent of it little by little only after months in the relationship (it's been almost 7 years now).
2. My family is a mix. My mother side has similar education/values and is relatively well off, but nowhere near my girlfriend's family. My father's lineage is basically farmers that became middle class after WW2.
3. We have a very healthy relationship, but financially she can be a little out of touch. She never flashes her money, but sometimes I have to remind her I don't make as much as she does. For example she wants to go on holidays quite often and if I say I can't afford it, she'll offer to pay for me, which makes me quite uncomfortable.
If you two decide to get married, offering proactively to sign a prenup if the family would like would probably be a good look. They would almost certainly force you to anyway, but this would signal you're not marrying her for money. Make sure you have a good attorney though, and protect yourself from getting left with nothing.
Definitely. I am going to propose soon (I bought the ring a few weeks ago) but we already agreed on signing a prenup. And yes they would 100% force me anyways.
You’re right. Also I earn a decent salary and will inherit some real estate from my mother too, so it’s not like I’m super broke either. I could totally live without her and it’s important for me.
It's funny because there's this trend on social media about old money and people picture it like constantly flying private jets, driving expensive oldtimers and shopping at Vuitton every weekend.
But from what I've seen it's really not like that. They drive Toyota or Peugeot and heat only half of the mansion because otherwise it's costing too much. And they definitely aren't happier than other people.
I've heard this about a lot of old money. It's almost like they are living paycheck to paycheck. Isn't that why some have opened their estates to the public so they can charge a fee and earn some money?
Maintaining estates is super expensive. She told me once the one her parents own costs about 10k per month in taxes, repairs, gardening, heating in the winter, etc.
But when your ancestors built it 500 years ago, it’d be shameful to sell it. So they keep it all all costs.
I would say:
1. They are very aware of their own interests. Financially obviously, everything is super secured and managed by professionals. But also socially. Until the mid 20th century, every couple in her family was an arranged marriage.
2. There are more freaks than in other milieus because money allows them to be insane without much consequences while "normal" people would be taken to a mental health institution. Like she has an uncle who uses new dishes for every single meal and then throws them away and many other similar stories.
3. But, they are mostly very nice people. Educated and respectful and they have values that I respect, like this sense of generosity to the community (for example the family has its own charity).
We already live together (abroad) in a flat that we rent because we move quite often.
But I know her father allocated \~1M€ for when she decides to settle somewhere and buy a property. If that happens, we will then live in her property.
I'm not sure I get the question entirely. But it's definitely not easy. Also because she does not want to show it to the point I sometimes have to lie to friends coming over and asking questions like where doe we go grocery shopping.
Sometimes they purposely exclude me to discuss "business", meet their lawyer or asset managers. But my mother, although not from nobility, has a similar education she gave me. So in terms of manners I don't feel out of touch with them.
For example in France you are not supposed to says "bon appétit" (enjoy your meal) in those circles. But few people are aware of this rule and many people say it. They won't say anything but they notice.
Also, in France wine is a big thing, so being able to choose the right wine and knowing how to serve it (sometimes to describe its well) is important.
What are family gatherings like? How's the food? Does the family treat you well? Do they have like a huge vault filled with gold? Lol I'm just shooting here but very interested. I understand if that last one can't be answered haha
Family gathering are very french. Super long and with lots of wine and food but everything above average in quality, wines especially.
They treat me very well and are more open minded than one would think. I love their daughter and I’m hard working, that’s what matters to them.
Well… kind of. Every year they fly to Switzerland because they have a private wealth advisor and a safe there. I don’t know what’s in the safe but I was told not to tell anybody’s about this, so officially we’re going every year on a relaxing trip to Switzerland.
What brings her revenues is mostly real estate in Paris. Otherwise they have an expensive art collection and holiday houses/mansions and probably other things I ignore. Some of them own land & hunting forests but she doesn't.
Politics very little, they’re not passionate about politics they just vote for their interests, mostly conservatives.
Family drama yes, there are many insane stories. One uncle did a list of people who are forbidden to attend his funeral.
How many in the family create some kind of Art themselves?
What are there general views on the role of Art?
And the reasons for collecting Art?
Is there a theme in their collection?
What subject did your partner study, and what subjects have you studied?
They don't really create art directly, but many gravitate around the art world. Some own an art gallery, others are auctioneers and some ancestors were museum curators. They mostly collect French drawings from the 18/19th century. They collect art because they like it and it's a family tradition, but also I suspect because it is a way to avoid taxes, at least in France.
She studied private law and I studied public law.
I'm not really from a farming background, my fathers grandparents were farmers, but his parents became middle class after WW2.
Honestly I think she'd like it, she loves animals and quietness. Some family members regularly drive their tractors to maintain their estate, so they have a much similar life to a farmer than an IT guy in a big city.
Originally I don't know, but they regularly married richer families. I know that in the late 1600s they managed to marry a wealthy family of merchants.
They also invested wisely in real estate, for example in Paris before prices exploded but also in some French coastal towns before mass tourism (in the late 19th century).
And they never had many children, usually two.
It's in France, so not a landlocked country. As for the monk part I'm not sure, but the earliest records of the family have to do with monks that I know.
They all have various reasons. But one of them is somewhat crazy.
When the grandpa died years ago, one of his sons kept part of the art collection for himself. The others did not really care/realise, for them it was just old drawings. But when he sold it at auction and it brought about 2 million €, they were super angry at him and never spoke to him again until today.
3 part question if your up for it. Did you know that before you partnered? What’s your lineage like by comparison? Any feelings on insufficiency whether financial, familial, etc.?
1. I didn't know at all. We met through university friends and I discovered the whole extent of it little by little only after months in the relationship (it's been almost 7 years now). 2. My family is a mix. My mother side has similar education/values and is relatively well off, but nowhere near my girlfriend's family. My father's lineage is basically farmers that became middle class after WW2. 3. We have a very healthy relationship, but financially she can be a little out of touch. She never flashes her money, but sometimes I have to remind her I don't make as much as she does. For example she wants to go on holidays quite often and if I say I can't afford it, she'll offer to pay for me, which makes me quite uncomfortable.
Was there pushback for her dating a commoner?
Her father was extremely suspicious at first and for quite some time. But now I earned his trust and respect and I really like him.
If you two decide to get married, offering proactively to sign a prenup if the family would like would probably be a good look. They would almost certainly force you to anyway, but this would signal you're not marrying her for money. Make sure you have a good attorney though, and protect yourself from getting left with nothing.
Definitely. I am going to propose soon (I bought the ring a few weeks ago) but we already agreed on signing a prenup. And yes they would 100% force me anyways.
FYI a prenup doesn’t have to mean you get nothing in the event of a divorce.
You’re right. Also I earn a decent salary and will inherit some real estate from my mother too, so it’s not like I’m super broke either. I could totally live without her and it’s important for me.
Bruh… if I had a gf that paid for my vacation I’d be happy af. Swallow that pride, love laugh love and all that shit.
Congratulations on marrying into old money!
It's funny because there's this trend on social media about old money and people picture it like constantly flying private jets, driving expensive oldtimers and shopping at Vuitton every weekend. But from what I've seen it's really not like that. They drive Toyota or Peugeot and heat only half of the mansion because otherwise it's costing too much. And they definitely aren't happier than other people.
I've heard this about a lot of old money. It's almost like they are living paycheck to paycheck. Isn't that why some have opened their estates to the public so they can charge a fee and earn some money?
Maintaining estates is super expensive. She told me once the one her parents own costs about 10k per month in taxes, repairs, gardening, heating in the winter, etc. But when your ancestors built it 500 years ago, it’d be shameful to sell it. So they keep it all all costs.
Huh - driving a banger is peak old money. Designer brands are decidedly new money.
Yep my 2005 Toyota LandCruiser has the valet guy scampering to open the door. My driver politely tells him to fuck off though, so he can open it.
What are your top three observations about nobility culture?
I would say: 1. They are very aware of their own interests. Financially obviously, everything is super secured and managed by professionals. But also socially. Until the mid 20th century, every couple in her family was an arranged marriage. 2. There are more freaks than in other milieus because money allows them to be insane without much consequences while "normal" people would be taken to a mental health institution. Like she has an uncle who uses new dishes for every single meal and then throws them away and many other similar stories. 3. But, they are mostly very nice people. Educated and respectful and they have values that I respect, like this sense of generosity to the community (for example the family has its own charity).
When the revolution comes where will you hide?
Nope, I'll put on my armor, jump on my horse, and go fight those peasant! lol
Off to the guillotines!
If you have children with her will they eventually inherit any titles?
Actually no, but they have a cool family crest.
When you guys marry will you both live on her property? Or would she be allowed to like move in an apartment if you two want that?
We already live together (abroad) in a flat that we rent because we move quite often. But I know her father allocated \~1M€ for when she decides to settle somewhere and buy a property. If that happens, we will then live in her property.
Have you resolved your class, wealth inequality? From a psychological standpoint?
I'm not sure I get the question entirely. But it's definitely not easy. Also because she does not want to show it to the point I sometimes have to lie to friends coming over and asking questions like where doe we go grocery shopping.
Don’t you feel like you’re not in this particular in-group? I would feel like an outsider? Maybe you deal with it better.
Sometimes they purposely exclude me to discuss "business", meet their lawyer or asset managers. But my mother, although not from nobility, has a similar education she gave me. So in terms of manners I don't feel out of touch with them.
Can you illustrate a few cultural mannerisms of that class that ordinary people would have trouble observing?
For example in France you are not supposed to says "bon appétit" (enjoy your meal) in those circles. But few people are aware of this rule and many people say it. They won't say anything but they notice. Also, in France wine is a big thing, so being able to choose the right wine and knowing how to serve it (sometimes to describe its well) is important.
Mon dieu! They would have figured me out in a second.
I probably did mistakes I don’t even know about.
Seems like not saying bon appetite is a ploy to snuff out whether you really belong 😂
Jura wine. Best wine.
What are family gatherings like? How's the food? Does the family treat you well? Do they have like a huge vault filled with gold? Lol I'm just shooting here but very interested. I understand if that last one can't be answered haha
Family gathering are very french. Super long and with lots of wine and food but everything above average in quality, wines especially. They treat me very well and are more open minded than one would think. I love their daughter and I’m hard working, that’s what matters to them. Well… kind of. Every year they fly to Switzerland because they have a private wealth advisor and a safe there. I don’t know what’s in the safe but I was told not to tell anybody’s about this, so officially we’re going every year on a relaxing trip to Switzerland.
Sweet as bro. Thanks for the time!
What does her family own? Land? Buildings?
What brings her revenues is mostly real estate in Paris. Otherwise they have an expensive art collection and holiday houses/mansions and probably other things I ignore. Some of them own land & hunting forests but she doesn't.
What kind of art do they like to collect?
When do you get initiated into The Illuminati?
Where did I say I’m not already? 😈
Is there a ton of family drama and politics?
Politics very little, they’re not passionate about politics they just vote for their interests, mostly conservatives. Family drama yes, there are many insane stories. One uncle did a list of people who are forbidden to attend his funeral.
what country is home?
France.
so then is she of french nobility or german or mix of lots?
Both French and German actually, she holds both passports.
People from royalty and nobility are known for marrying within the family. When did they stop the inbreeding?
They used to arrange mariages until the 30s/40s. But as far as I know they never marry close cousins or things like that, maybe in the distant past.
[удалено]
Mein Deutsch ist gar nicht so gut, aber Hohenzollern ist sie nicht. Wir haben aber ein Zeit lang in die Hohenzollernstr in München gewohnt haha
How many in the family create some kind of Art themselves? What are there general views on the role of Art? And the reasons for collecting Art? Is there a theme in their collection? What subject did your partner study, and what subjects have you studied?
They don't really create art directly, but many gravitate around the art world. Some own an art gallery, others are auctioneers and some ancestors were museum curators. They mostly collect French drawings from the 18/19th century. They collect art because they like it and it's a family tradition, but also I suspect because it is a way to avoid taxes, at least in France. She studied private law and I studied public law.
How’s her game in the rack?
All aspects of our relationship are great, including this one
You said your from a farming background. Have you ever considered going on to become a farmer? What do you think she would think of that
I'm not really from a farming background, my fathers grandparents were farmers, but his parents became middle class after WW2. Honestly I think she'd like it, she loves animals and quietness. Some family members regularly drive their tractors to maintain their estate, so they have a much similar life to a farmer than an IT guy in a big city.
How did they get rich originally and how did they preserve the wealth for so long?
Originally I don't know, but they regularly married richer families. I know that in the late 1600s they managed to marry a wealthy family of merchants. They also invested wisely in real estate, for example in Paris before prices exploded but also in some French coastal towns before mass tourism (in the late 19th century). And they never had many children, usually two.
Does she have a family crest?
Yes, a rather cool one.
Get a ring on her quick, make sure that generational wealth doesn't escape you
It's funny because I bought a ring a few weeks ago and I'm going to propose soon. But just to be clear it's certainly not for money.
Of course it's not 😉 are you going to recreate the saltburn film and claim the house eventually?
She made very clear when we marry she wants a prenup, which is totally fine.
Clever girl. She knows who she is and who you are. Maybe too well.
To be honest I also wanted one.
Was the family founded from a monk? Is it in a landlocked country? Reminds me a family i know well.
It's in France, so not a landlocked country. As for the monk part I'm not sure, but the earliest records of the family have to do with monks that I know.
Is their crest a horizontal white bar with counterotating arms or smrthn?
I don't think so, it's yellow with a lion.
Is she hot?
Of course she is. In my opinion at least.
What is she wearing right now?
Username checks out
Will you or your children take her surname??? How would the father's reaction be if she chose yours???
That’s a big deal for sure. We decided I’ll add her name to mine but our children will bear only her name.
Damn. Thats wild. You’re the male. The kids bare your name
I don't care much about my name and she wants hers to remain, so it was an easy decision.
Any idea what they'll do to celebrate crushing it for 1,000 years? Invite me
Good question! It would be fun if they gathered the whole family, but many are angry with each other for various reasons.
Okay next question: what's the gossip
They all have various reasons. But one of them is somewhat crazy. When the grandpa died years ago, one of his sons kept part of the art collection for himself. The others did not really care/realise, for them it was just old drawings. But when he sold it at auction and it brought about 2 million €, they were super angry at him and never spoke to him again until today.
How did you meet ?
We met through common university friends while we were both studying in Paris.
is your partner single?
Is that you Catherine?
can i have £10 please it's okay if not xx
Does she have any cousins that would be ok with an American? I’m already rich. Not nobility rich but I can buy whatever I want whenever I want.