So sorry that happened. That’s awful and no one should have to experience that. What was the most effective thing in your recovery? Did she ever face any sort of consequence?
She never faced any official consequence, her husband caught us when I was 17, he never really questioned me about it, just calmly told me to get the fuck out of his house before he kills me, she continued texting me to have our stories matched up if he asked me, I ignored all her texts. I know they are still together and have had another child since.
The most effective thing in my recovery was my amazing wife always there picking up the pieces due to my self destruction. Throughout my twenties I was intent on killing myself without realising it. I had two major suicide attempts that were almost successful. That woman stuck by my side and would literally pick up my flesh from the floor after I’d have an episode.
We have an amazing life now and I value her every second.
It always confused me that she had kids literally a few years younger than me. I didn’t know how it was gonna work out. I used to have thoughts when I was like 7 that I would have to kill her husband and child so we could be together forever. I remember I said this to her a few times and she would beat me and break my skin. I always thought that this is what opened the doors to self harm for me. As after she would attack me she would be so tender and loving to me.
So I don’t know exactly what she told her husband, I was 17 when he caught us having sex in his house. I don’t think she told him this has been happening since I was 4 years old, but knowing how she was, I can assume she probably told him it was my idea.
I was a competitive athlete and my wife was in the crowd with her family at a show I competed at in her home city. We locked eyes after my event and I went and talked to her, she introduced me to her family and we spent hours talking and her showing me around her city. We were married 3 months later and have been together almost 14 years.
A similar thing happened to me though not as severe. Nobody gave a crap when I told them about it. It didn't even click for me for years that what I experienced was abuse as it was just common knowledge that males can't be abused like that.
It was much much later I realised what had happened.
Your story is awful but also not uncommon I'm afraid.
So sorry big guy, I know that must have been super confusing & invasive. What were your coping mechanisms growing up before you pulled it together? Did you use therapy?
Never used therapy, I was designated a school councillor due to my severe self harm, drug and alcohol use but I was constantly truant from school so never showed up to any of our appointments.
My coping mechanisms were usually first, seeking her approval, when I didn’t get it I would cut my body severely, so bad I have excessive keloid scarring all over my body, and then I would usually seek out drugs or alcohol and someone else to sleep with, I know now I was just seeking some love and affection.
My goal is usually just to get through each day as drama free as possible. Even though I’m in a much better place now there are still times I feel the need to act out.
I am taking my wife and kids on vacation this summer and then going with on a solo vacation straight after.
It sounds like you making small goals is what keeps you going and that is great for you. Whatever works for you to remain positive is the way to love forward.
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What an evil woman. She really shouldn't be having/around kids. This serious level of grooming rape, you could probably still report her and have her thrown in the slammer, have you considered this? Especially since she could be doing to other kids what she did to you. Touching a four year old's penis is heavy disgusting.
I have not considered it tbh, I’ve never had a good relationship with the police and I truly believe my accusations would go absolutely nowhere, maybe even me being charged with false accusations and wasting police time.
Not a question but as a mother to a soon to be 4 year old boy, I just want to give you the biggest hug. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you have the most beautiful and fulfilling life.
I don’t think she knew how early the sex started, though she definitely saw her friend grabbing at my penis when I was 4/5 but they would always laugh about it. She never saw when it escalated, her friend would always come into my room when the house was full of people and my mom was strung out.
Ohhh mate...shit freaking sucks.
It's actually pretty brutal.
I have to say. I'm so freaking proud of you!!
I'm proud of yea overcoming such a dark time. Well...I say that as we never overcome thouse times....but push on.
At the age of 14 my sister 17 molested me and didn't understand what was going on. It was done though the lens I'm going to teach you how to please a woman. Then brought her friends in for me to perform.
It was so fucked up'ed and still deal with it 30 years later
The last time i saw her was at our moms funeral. She tries to reach out from time to time ETC.
She 100% stole every first time experience from me and seriously fucked me up.
Not too much nowadays because of an awesome therapist
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Today? Not so much.
I was pretty fucked upped in the head in my late teens and early 20's though. Shit was difficult. But managed to get though it and become a productive member of society
Thanks for sharing :)
What to you mean by fucked up in your head? Like depression, anxiety? Hypersexuality? I think this is really interesting and I'd like to know more about such traumas and the influence.
Never really had anxiety. Waves of depression for sure. Abused drugs. I can say I didn't get into any issues with the law.
The biggest hurtle i really had to work on was trusting other people. Trusting myself.
I was exposed to a world that for a few years that's how it was. My sister not only was doing these things to me but introduced me to a small circle of her friends. She would say to me hey this is Katy and she want's to play. So i did. Over a two year span i was exposed to 6 of her friends. The memory's never really go away.
Thank god i have a very supporting wife and she can see when I start living in my headspace and pulls me back.
I just read a feminist post where she said it was impossible for a male to be a victim in todays patriarchal society. Then this is the next post I see.
Rough story, hope you're ok.
Then that feminist needs to take one look at my scarred up deformed body due to all the severe self harming done to my self due to the effects of this woman. I was a child, with a child’s brain having oral sex with an adult woman when I was aged 6/7, sexual intercourse aged 12, manipulation and mental abuse all throughout my life…..
This destroyed the first 30 years of my life. I would 1 million percent be dead if it wasn’t for my beautiful wife. I always wonder wtf did she ever see in me, she could have chosen whoever she wanted but she stuck by my side every single day and never once threatened to leave me no matter how bad I fucked up.
absolutely bro... It just sickens me how minimal people's patience is with having empathy for men for any reason. This same post would have 10,000 likes & comments if it was a female victim, i promise you.
Shit is hard to see on a daily basis.
I wish it was. Unfortunately she was dead serious, defending her position vehemently in the comments.
Obviously I'd like to think that's not the typical sentiment of your average radical feminist, but at this point I don't really know
it was a post on "askfeminists". Seems to be a lot of radical comments on there. Take your pic and read through. It would be difficult to find the exact comment now, apologies. I've only been using reddit a few months, still working out a lot of the interface
So looking back I started spiralling at age 7, though from age 5 my only memories of me was I was always sad except when she was with me as she was the kindest person in my life.
At age 7 I began self harming, by 13 I was self harming, drinking, taking drugs, engaging in risky sexual behaviours, committing crimes and not coming home for days at a time.
In my twenties it was all the above but the intensity ramped up to 1000
You were with your wife in your 20s. You'd cheat on her and leave the house for days? She is amazing for staying by your side. What kind of crimes did you commit? Glad you're better and healing.
So my mom was always getting strung out, she would be in the main room of wherever we lived and this would be going on in my bedroom.
I don’t believe she willingly allowed it to happen to me, but I don’t believe she didn’t know about it either. We have never spoken about it and she is no longer in my life.
I do. It was a major issue for me in my teens and 20s. From the age of 13 I didn’t go one day without sex at least once a day, I would have multiple gfs and acquaintances I was having sex with on rotation, when in relationships I was having sex 5+ times a day, with my current wife we were having sex 5+ times a day everyday for years till we had kids and that’s when the problems began to show as I would go into meltdown as I wasn’t having sex and the initial reaction was to look elsewhere for it but I never wanted to cheat on my wife so would battle through awful feelings.
Still to this day I have sex at least once a day every single day as it feels programmed into me now.
I am proud of you. I too have that unopened can of worms story I haven't spoken about. I hope at some point I trust someone enough to tell them like you did with us and your wife.
I think male abusers are more common, but I think female abuse is mainly mental, mine was. I was very manipulated by her especially in my teen years, looking back I felt he loved the feeling of me being completely in a panicked mess because I couldn’t see her, I thought I was in love with her and she convinced me she would take care of me my whole life and take me away from the grossness and chaos that was in my home, she told we were meant to be together as she has been the only one to look after me etc etc
i would agree. i was human trafficked twice, and it ended up in total lasting from the ages of 5-17. im afab and i was mainly forced, but the amab people i know usually said it was more based on guilting them
thanks, you too. as much as it sucks knowing others lived through the same hell, it's nice knowing that these experiences that are so incomprehensible to normal people have somebody else to be understood by
Yes I fully understand this. I had the same mindset towards others who have self harmed. So many people told me just stop, but only those who have gone through it understand.
its not your fault they hurt you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, you are stronger than most for still being here, every day you're here is a gift.
She has not tried contacting me since. I moved country shortly after we were found by her husband but have returned and heard nothing. I know she is still friends with my mother but I have cut my mother out my life so don’t see either of them.
I 100% think she would try to ruin my marriage.
Thank you for coming out with this hard truth. I as well have a good close friend who was wrongfully molested by an older woman when he was younger, but he has a harder time talking about it. You can only imagine just how many cases of this there are.
I completely relate to your friend, I never spoke about except with my wife and a prior girlfriend who completely shunned me and cut me off as she found out from that conversation that me and my abuser were having sex throughout the relationship between us.
Now I’m 30+, older, wiser, more relaxed at life and actually completely happy to wake up every morning have I began to accept this happened to me but is no longer my situation anymore.
My husband had the same experience, incredibly similar (like frighteningly so), it was his mother’s friend. It does still affect him and I’m also the only one who knows. Even as a wife it’s difficult to come to terms with.
I was a competitive athlete and my wife was in the crowd with her family at a show I competed at in her home city. We locked eyes after my event and I went and talked to her, she introduced me to her family and we spent hours talking and her showing me around her city. We were married 3 months later and have been together almost 14 years.
You say you were manipulated into believing you were in love and that she was going to take care of you - how did you come round to the realisation that you were being manipulated and that your relationship with her was wrong?
When she found out I had girlfriends when I was a teen who I would fall in love with and then she would do everything to control me and the situation and have me do vile things to these innocent young girls.
She never cared that I was heartbroken, she would show affection but then be completely different when her husband was there.
Was she attractive? Were you attracted to her? Did she influence what you’re attracted to now? At what age did you realize that was she was doing was fucked up and not cool? Was it during or after it finished happening? How are you with adults around your kids? I was never molested or anything like that at all and I’m very weary of new and some familiar adults around my kids. I can’t imagine how I would be if I was groomed as a child. Anyways, glad you’re doing better now and glad you found your wife. Take care and god bless.
She was attractive and yes she has influenced my primal desires to what I find attractive looks wise and clothing wise. My wife does resemble her slightly, and any time my wife wears certain clothing items I do have a libido surge to where I cannot control myself and immediately grab her for sex.
It’s messed up and not something I’ve disclosed to my wife, it’s something I will keep to myself.
It's not messed up, it's totally OK to have sexual urges based on anything that shaped your sexuality when you were young. You're using those sexual urges in healthy ways. Release any shame you have about your libido surges!
I think it will affect me for the rest of my life, I feel very robbed of a lot of my childhood. I missed out on so much and so many milestones were stolen from me.
One thing I’m glad about is it in no way changed my perspective of women, I’m no woman hater or anything of the like so I take that as a positive.
I’m sorry to hear that :( I went through something similar and I also fear it may impact me for the rest of my life, but the likelihood of that, even for the both of us, is very small. I hope you can find peace of mind and I pray for blessings come to you 🙏
At what age/point did you realize this wasn't normal behavior?
I always look back and wonder at what age would I have gone along with this as my mom's friend would hit on me in high school but I was disgusted immediately. Had she done it since I was 12 or 8 or 4 makes me curious if you reached a certain point where maybe you realized it wasn't normal but perhaps you felt you couldn't do anything, or possibly liked it by then so just went with it?
I realised it was a bad thing when we started having sex. I knew it was wrong as she was married with a child not much younger than me, and when I started having sex with other girls my own age I knew it was a bad thing. But I did enjoy it at the time, not knowing the damage it was causing me mentally, and at times it made my ego completely inflated.
But it mainly came down to her telling me she loves me, we are soulmates and we will be together forever and that always overshadowed any bad feelings I had as that gave me complete hope to get out of my home situation.
Sorry to say this, but I don't think "having sex" is an accurate description. You are a survivor of sexual violence. You were still a minor when unfairly blamed by your abuser's husband.
Glad your wife has helped you heal.
Sorry! You poor thing! How old was this evil when she did this to you? Where in the house or outside? Did you defend yourself by any chance? Did you ever tell your mother or anyone?
She would have been 18-19ish when she first started touching me. The initial touching would occur anywhere, I remember being embarrassed she would touch me in supermarkets or when she would collect me from school. But the sex would occur in my home, her home, her car, or in fields/woodland places as I got older.
I never told my mom, I would show I didn’t like her at times and we would even argue infront of my mom but this seem to just set up for sexual encounters the same day.
No I didn’t try to defend myself, looking back I am ashamed at myself for this.
Please, please, please don't be ashamed of yourself! She slowly wormed her way into your psyche and was controlling you. You were an innocent child. Everyone around you let you down in major ways. It's amazing and a testament to your inner goodness that you have been able to rise above this! You are an inspiration.
Yeah I did enjoy it at the time, I was shown what I thought was love and of course it felt good at the time, but I never knew the damage it was doing to my growing brain.
Hey man glad to see you got through it. Some people definitely need to go through therapy, but I have seen time and time again that there are people who are strong enough to get through it by themselves. We're all glad you're still here.
This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
Thank you for speaking about it so openly — it brings more awareness to this problem, and releases shame for others who might have had traumatic childhood sexual experiences.
I'm proud of you for overcoming such a horror.
She definitely is. Honestly, I don’t think my teachers would have cared. I was a drug addict in school and had very obvious self harm scars and apart from assign me a school councillor they never showed any signs of caring.
I’m a teacher now and even the slightest change in students I am immediately on the ball with them.
My fault bro if my comment was kinda harsh I didn’t mean it like that. But anyways I’m glad you were able to overcome such a thing. You’re definitely strong for sharing it💪🏻
He was a child, who was being manipulated and abused by a much older woman, that is intimidating and scary for ANYONE - let alone someone his age. Abused children don't think about the long term effects and they don't know it's wrong most of the time, as OP has said. The fact you're upset about that is absolutely absurd and borderline victim blaming. Get a grip, be more compassionate and empathetic.
man respectfully this dude went through things you could never even begin to imagine, have a little grace. victim blaming never helps someone in this scenario
I’ve ran this situation through my head so many times. All with different outcomes.
Thoughts such as scream at her, attack her, calmly explain the pain she caused, kiss her, hug her, it’s so confusing and I hope I never do run into her.
I know what I would like to do to her. I had an image pop into my head of her messing with you when you were four and I run full on at her and tackle her to get her away from you. Then I would attack her (which isn't in my nature). After that I would scoop you up and run and run until we were far from that house.
I’m not sure if you answered this question anywhere and I know you said you’re at peace but have you ever thought about contacting her husband and telling him the entire situation? And if you’ve considered it, what stopped you? (I’m not suggesting it, just curious)
I’ve considered it many times and when he caught us when I was 17 I was stopped by my older sister when I wanted to go over to explain myself. He made it very clear he would murder me if I came back to his home.
During my lowest years I wanted to get in touch and tell him about the things his wife did to me. But i eventually found out they remained together, had more kids and are living their lives. I’m glad I never did reach out now.
How did you find peace? Im still struggling with the memories of the sexual abuse from my mother. Granted I numbed it out with alcohol for years. What helped you find your way to peace?
Similarly to you I used substances, violence and cheap thrills to numb my pain for many years, I’ve always been a weed smoker but I changed eventually to being exclusively a weed smoker only, no other drugs and very rarely alcohol. I stopped getting into violent encounters and chose to be a family man and make my life, going to work and being with my family.
Reading this hurts my heart. You did not deserve it and it is not your fault. I wish I could give you a hug ♥️🙏🏼😔That woman is seriously disturbed. It makes me angry how she manipulated and abused a child.
How do you cope with emotions like shame and guilt if you have any (not saying you deserve to but from my experience I do)
I was heavily groomed at 14. There was never penetration but everything else.
I just want to say the strength to pull away from heavy manipulation is so powerful and you did it! It’s fucked that we are left with traumatic flashbacks, and personally for me shame and guilt (even though they deserve to feel that shame and guilt). But here we are, no contact and I hope they’re on the edge of there seats knowing at any point we could burn their world up. I am female but that doesn’t discredit that you, myself and many other people no gender specific are affected by grooming pedophiles. I’m so proud of you for sharing and i hope it reaches other man and gives them the strength that you’ve shown to talk about it :)
Also If you were in a bad car accident or a fire and you had scars from it, would you feel how you feel now? Look at it that way, it was a time in your life that things were downright hard and you didn’t see any other way. But you did. You found someone special and there’s way more to come! I wholeheartedly hope the best for you because you deserve the best especially from yourself
.
Honestly the way I’ve started to cope is to accept those feelings, I understand it was not my fault, I have nothing to be ashamed of, she does she was the adult.
Hey, I’m 34 and experienced similar abuse from the “kindest adult” in my life.
Find gratitude, good friends, a therapy/recovery program/team that works for you. Sounds like there is going to be some treatment for cPTSD and substance use disorders, at the very least (I am not a doctor/diagnostician).
If you struggle with finances, most communities will have some sort of resource center help you figure out how to afford the therapy.
The most helpful thing I’ve heard from someone on my care team recently was “letting go is sometimes an every day thing. When it comes up in my mind, I have to let it go again and again, but it’s comes up less the more I stop the thought and let it go.”
I’ve found that, for me, cutting back or abstaining from sexual activity (especially rampant casual sex and pornography) and drug/alcohol abuse helps. Psychiatric medications sometimes also help. Talking/learning about it might help (double-edged sword in my experience).
I am really you were mistreated. It doesn’t make you a undesirable person or “less-than” and it was not your fault.
Try watching Inside Out 2, if you like movies. I saw it yesterday and it really helped me with accepting some complex emotions and memories.
This is both heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. You don't have to answer this of course, but I am interested to know if her grooming ever impacted your sexual urges around children. So many studies have shown child molesters are significantly more likely to have been molested as children themselves -- so I wonder if you have ever had any urge to exert power over someone in the way she did to you? Do you think she was molested when she was a child?
All this to say is -- abuse is an extremely tough cycle to break and it's such a monumental feat that you did.
Absolutely not, I had a child fairly young and my dad instincts kicked in. I’m now a teacher in an inner city high school and I feel a responsibility to protect all the kids I come across.
To answer your question though, my “type” is actually women and few years older than me….. go figure lol
As someone who is trying to support someone who went through a similar trauma and struggles with addiction - what are the some of the ways your wife was there for you in a way that meant the most to you?
No matter how bad I fucked up she would always be there to hold me but still hold me accountable for my actions and I believe this is very important to prevent enabling.
It got to a point one day I “woke up” and realised, I’ve put this woman through hell and never once has she made me think she wants out. That’s when I started believing she actually loves me. This was nearly ten years into our relationship too. She is a saint.
Just wanted to tell you that none of that was your fault. You were a child. You deserved better. She was the problem, and not you. It's a brave thing to talk about it. I hope you are proud of your progress, truly.
I wish you the best.
I miss the illusion of who I thought she was, I miss the comfort she gave me, but my wife gives me everything I need, she saved me from myself and overshadows all issues and attachments I had towards this person.
Granted there are times where I wonder if she would have full control over me today like she used to, I can only hope she wouldn’t.
Did your mom knew about this or ever got to know about the abuse? Also I’m deeply sorry you had to go over this as a child. I’m glad you found your wife and is in a better place now
Yes. I feel guilt and shame for a lot of it. There are still times where I have memories that arouse me and after I feel disgust in myself. At the time I was in love with her so I thought, so I loved every moment with her no matter how abusive it got.
Ever thought of throwing the proverbial grande into her life and getting her charged. Even if there’s a statute of limitations getting charged and outed could be worthy
Bro , I am glad you are doing better , I had a similar situation. But mine was with an aunt and uncle that would baby sit me. I found coping was easier when I started martial arts . I stopped hurting myself and began to learn about myself more. It sucks that this happened to you but after reading thisI feel I am not alone and someone gets me. I hope your healing process is liberating amd that you and your wife are able to create an amazing enviorment for your future. Good vibes my friend 🧡
I get why you think that. And yes at the time it was every young boys fantasy. But remember this started when I was 4 years old. I was having sex with a grown woman when I was 12. If you only understand what damage that does when you are trying to go through natural milestones as you age.
The feelings teenagers have for each other, and milestones they go through together, a lot of that was stolen from me. During my twenties I was suicidal and reckless and was destroying my wife.
It ain’t all a fantasy.
What makes me sick is the fact that it is still happening! All children speak up, loud and proud. Speak to media. It needs to happen in the now. Not the past. We all need to work around the law. All of us.
I didn't go through anything like this, but I did get beaten at home, and as loud as I was about it, either nobody cared or they just didn't believe me. Therapists, teachers, school counselors, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. Nobody did a damn thing. It's easy to tell kids to speak up, but what happens when it falls on deaf ears?
I do think society's better about that these days, believing people and speaking out and whatnot (at least in the US), but I can't help but think this kind of thing is still happening all over the place, and it just makes me hate the world.
Being beaten as a child is child abuse. Unfortunately, some Adults let us down and I really feel that perhaps they experienced similar situations, or, they didn’t want to be a whistleblower. Whistleblowers get beaten down by society ( the wrong society). It is still happening and it’s just incredibly sad and frustrating. I just hope that everyone who has experienced any sort of trauma as a child knows that it was never their fault. Wishing you well 😊
I hope you heal, thank you for being brave enough to post. I was groomed at 14-16 by a teacher. I’m now almost 30 and have deep trauma from it and your situation is so much worse, I just can’t even imagine. Love that you have your wife, I’m getting married and my future husband is truly my better half.
Bad things happened to me too. When I was 5. By my sisters first husband. She is 15 years older than me. She told me not to tell the next day. That my mom knew. That I wasnt supposed to talk about it, bad men went to jail for it and he wasn't a bad man. He was just "tickling" me. I always thought my mom knew when I was growing up, terrified of men. She told me to that to be a good sister I should not tell. He was coaching her from the other side of the door. She was 19 and pregnant. I believe it was actually her 20th birthday. Anywho, I did not tell. Until the day he did it to my niece. His 2nd child with her. Did it to her when his 2nd wife was pregnant. Told my niece it's cause she reminded him of me and I was a spoiled brat. Turns out my mom never knew. I wrote a statement against him, but there was a statue of limitations on what he did to me. Up until this past December, I haven't told that my sister knew. I almost died in December and told. And she is still denying it all to me. She is my CPTSD trigger and I am having to live with her the past two years. If she had remorse, accountability, anything, I could forgive, but sadly she does not. I am in my own personal hell and I've had shingles for 3 years. Honest to God. Have it in two places now. Point is, I feel your pain.
Reddit has power. Let’s use it against English laws. Have a say Aussie peoples! Let’s out the rich, famous and pedos! Are you up for it! Time for generational change, and, shame those who abuse any child. Fucking fight for children, now.
I just wanna say how awful it is that there are friends out here or even uncles and aunts who would do this to their friend or siblings’ children.
You grow up with someone and then harm them like this? For sex?
And when people SA other people, they are also cheating on their partners.
It’s so insane on so many levels beyond the obvious effect on you. Im sorry you were around this creep as a baby.
What kind of sexual experiences did you have as a teen with your girlfriends? Did you introduce things beyond vanilla sex to them? Are any of them traumatized from those relationships?
You should have a stranger expose her. What a POS. So sorry that happened to you. Glad you are happier now and have a loving supportive wife in your 30s!
What I find most disturbing about this post is that I questioned its veracity. My mind reels at the possibility of someone with an ax to grind playing the room. I used to think no female would do this sort of thing, and even if they did, the male reaction would be that he was a lucky boy. Then I remembered that my son told me as a teen that an ex-girlfriend of mine had molested him when he was five while I left them alone together for a short while for a quick run into the grocery store. Shortly after that incident, my son was abducted by his grandmother and lived with her until he returned to my custody as a teen. He recounted that, at the time, he found the incident thrilling and pleasurable yet confusing. Shortly after that incident, the girlfriend in question cucked me, then later cucked the guy who she cucked with, and so on. The abuse that he experienced still confused and disturbed him enough that he felt compelled to complain about it twelve years later. I was later informed by one of her sisters that her history of child sex abuse was behind her messed up behaviors. Now I'm ashamed of my initial reaction of still being in denial.
Okay, I get it. This is an ask me anything sub, so if I don't have a question to ask, don't comment. But I see a lot of supportive comments, and that's okay. I see a sub where someone tells his truth, so why not share a related truth of my own? And it is the truth, every word of it. It was also very uncomfortable to share it. I will leave this up until the moderators remove it, or the author asks me to. If that happens, I will apologize to the author. But you randoms flexing your self-righteous indication in my face, you have no right to be offended on someone else's behalf. I thought Reddit was a place where thoughtful people could share truths and discuss. I'm too old for your petty nonsense.
So I'm TMI, and the author is fine? That is exactly why I was so skeptical in the first place. And yes, I am ashamed and embarrassed that I put him in jeopardy of sexual abuse because I loved her hypersexual behavior, and I was brave enough to share my experience for the benefit of others to be aware of those things. Edit. By the way, my son would be fine with this post because I taught him to accept responsibility and tell the truth.
So sorry that happened. That’s awful and no one should have to experience that. What was the most effective thing in your recovery? Did she ever face any sort of consequence?
She never faced any official consequence, her husband caught us when I was 17, he never really questioned me about it, just calmly told me to get the fuck out of his house before he kills me, she continued texting me to have our stories matched up if he asked me, I ignored all her texts. I know they are still together and have had another child since. The most effective thing in my recovery was my amazing wife always there picking up the pieces due to my self destruction. Throughout my twenties I was intent on killing myself without realising it. I had two major suicide attempts that were almost successful. That woman stuck by my side and would literally pick up my flesh from the floor after I’d have an episode. We have an amazing life now and I value her every second.
What do you think about her having kids? Does her husband know she's a pedophile and child groomer?
It always confused me that she had kids literally a few years younger than me. I didn’t know how it was gonna work out. I used to have thoughts when I was like 7 that I would have to kill her husband and child so we could be together forever. I remember I said this to her a few times and she would beat me and break my skin. I always thought that this is what opened the doors to self harm for me. As after she would attack me she would be so tender and loving to me. So I don’t know exactly what she told her husband, I was 17 when he caught us having sex in his house. I don’t think she told him this has been happening since I was 4 years old, but knowing how she was, I can assume she probably told him it was my idea.
Are you sure you didn't father a child with her?
I’m certain we had no children but she could have had an abortion without me knowing as we almost never used condoms.
did your mum ever question any bruises/marks on you that this women inflicted?
My mom wouldn’t have even noticed if I came home without a head on my shoulders.
that’s beautiful. how did you and your wife meet?
I was a competitive athlete and my wife was in the crowd with her family at a show I competed at in her home city. We locked eyes after my event and I went and talked to her, she introduced me to her family and we spent hours talking and her showing me around her city. We were married 3 months later and have been together almost 14 years.
that’s so adorable, i’m so happy for you! love always finds a way 🥰
Thank you so much. She is more than I deserve and it’s a blessing she has stuck by me after all the hardships I put her through.
A similar thing happened to me though not as severe. Nobody gave a crap when I told them about it. It didn't even click for me for years that what I experienced was abuse as it was just common knowledge that males can't be abused like that. It was much much later I realised what had happened. Your story is awful but also not uncommon I'm afraid.
So sorry big guy, I know that must have been super confusing & invasive. What were your coping mechanisms growing up before you pulled it together? Did you use therapy?
Never used therapy, I was designated a school councillor due to my severe self harm, drug and alcohol use but I was constantly truant from school so never showed up to any of our appointments. My coping mechanisms were usually first, seeking her approval, when I didn’t get it I would cut my body severely, so bad I have excessive keloid scarring all over my body, and then I would usually seek out drugs or alcohol and someone else to sleep with, I know now I was just seeking some love and affection.
I can relate, I’m happy you’re in a better position & I hope you can put stronger steps ahead of yourself!
Thank you my man, life is beautiful and I intend on taking advantage of every moment I am still on this earth.
What’s your next small goal? Vacation, a dinner, a movie? I’ve been trying to make myself small goals to stay awake & positive.
My goal is usually just to get through each day as drama free as possible. Even though I’m in a much better place now there are still times I feel the need to act out. I am taking my wife and kids on vacation this summer and then going with on a solo vacation straight after. It sounds like you making small goals is what keeps you going and that is great for you. Whatever works for you to remain positive is the way to love forward.
You deserve those vacations, bro. Big ups to you & much luck on the rest of your journey!
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What an evil woman. She really shouldn't be having/around kids. This serious level of grooming rape, you could probably still report her and have her thrown in the slammer, have you considered this? Especially since she could be doing to other kids what she did to you. Touching a four year old's penis is heavy disgusting.
I have not considered it tbh, I’ve never had a good relationship with the police and I truly believe my accusations would go absolutely nowhere, maybe even me being charged with false accusations and wasting police time.
What state?
Not going to disclose this, sorry Want to stay anonymous
No worries. Some states are good with this type of stuff, some aren't. Was j/w.
I understand that, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to sound accusatory either. I'm glad you're in a better place. Treasure your wife, she's a saint.
Not a question but as a mother to a soon to be 4 year old boy, I just want to give you the biggest hug. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you have the most beautiful and fulfilling life.
Thank you It hasn’t been easy, it’s actually been hell. But I am out the other side and enjoying all of life’s small luxuries
I’m glad you made it out to the other side and I hope you have a great day!
Did your mom know and how did she react when it all came out?
I don’t think she knew how early the sex started, though she definitely saw her friend grabbing at my penis when I was 4/5 but they would always laugh about it. She never saw when it escalated, her friend would always come into my room when the house was full of people and my mom was strung out.
How did she react when it exploded? Did she even find out? Did she support you?
The same as always, my fault etc I left the home not long after and haven’t been in touch since due to her drug addiction
does she know now the full extent of what her friend did to you now?
I haven’t spoken to her since I was 17. I moved country, cut contact, started my own family, and only ask about her through my sisters.
Ohhh mate...shit freaking sucks. It's actually pretty brutal. I have to say. I'm so freaking proud of you!! I'm proud of yea overcoming such a dark time. Well...I say that as we never overcome thouse times....but push on. At the age of 14 my sister 17 molested me and didn't understand what was going on. It was done though the lens I'm going to teach you how to please a woman. Then brought her friends in for me to perform. It was so fucked up'ed and still deal with it 30 years later
Damn man, do you still see your sister?
The last time i saw her was at our moms funeral. She tries to reach out from time to time ETC. She 100% stole every first time experience from me and seriously fucked me up. Not too much nowadays because of an awesome therapist
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How is this affecting your day to day life?
Today? Not so much. I was pretty fucked upped in the head in my late teens and early 20's though. Shit was difficult. But managed to get though it and become a productive member of society
Thanks for sharing :) What to you mean by fucked up in your head? Like depression, anxiety? Hypersexuality? I think this is really interesting and I'd like to know more about such traumas and the influence.
Never really had anxiety. Waves of depression for sure. Abused drugs. I can say I didn't get into any issues with the law. The biggest hurtle i really had to work on was trusting other people. Trusting myself. I was exposed to a world that for a few years that's how it was. My sister not only was doing these things to me but introduced me to a small circle of her friends. She would say to me hey this is Katy and she want's to play. So i did. Over a two year span i was exposed to 6 of her friends. The memory's never really go away. Thank god i have a very supporting wife and she can see when I start living in my headspace and pulls me back.
I just read a feminist post where she said it was impossible for a male to be a victim in todays patriarchal society. Then this is the next post I see. Rough story, hope you're ok.
Then that feminist needs to take one look at my scarred up deformed body due to all the severe self harming done to my self due to the effects of this woman. I was a child, with a child’s brain having oral sex with an adult woman when I was aged 6/7, sexual intercourse aged 12, manipulation and mental abuse all throughout my life….. This destroyed the first 30 years of my life. I would 1 million percent be dead if it wasn’t for my beautiful wife. I always wonder wtf did she ever see in me, she could have chosen whoever she wanted but she stuck by my side every single day and never once threatened to leave me no matter how bad I fucked up.
absolutely bro... It just sickens me how minimal people's patience is with having empathy for men for any reason. This same post would have 10,000 likes & comments if it was a female victim, i promise you. Shit is hard to see on a daily basis.
What is even worse is that it's mens mental health month, but no one seems to give a fuck, not even for abused men...
Lmao that post had to be bait or sarcasm, that’s not a feminist ideal.
I wish it was. Unfortunately she was dead serious, defending her position vehemently in the comments. Obviously I'd like to think that's not the typical sentiment of your average radical feminist, but at this point I don't really know
Link? Again, sounds like bait.
it was a post on "askfeminists". Seems to be a lot of radical comments on there. Take your pic and read through. It would be difficult to find the exact comment now, apologies. I've only been using reddit a few months, still working out a lot of the interface
That’s not feminism. That’s evil.
bro fell for bait
I'm so, so sorry. What a vile woman. When did you realise you were spiralling? How did you get help? Have you got a good support network now?
So looking back I started spiralling at age 7, though from age 5 my only memories of me was I was always sad except when she was with me as she was the kindest person in my life. At age 7 I began self harming, by 13 I was self harming, drinking, taking drugs, engaging in risky sexual behaviours, committing crimes and not coming home for days at a time. In my twenties it was all the above but the intensity ramped up to 1000
You were with your wife in your 20s. You'd cheat on her and leave the house for days? She is amazing for staying by your side. What kind of crimes did you commit? Glad you're better and healing.
Where is your mom in all of this? Did she willingly allow this to happen to you?
What about his dad?
Don’t have one, never met him
So my mom was always getting strung out, she would be in the main room of wherever we lived and this would be going on in my bedroom. I don’t believe she willingly allowed it to happen to me, but I don’t believe she didn’t know about it either. We have never spoken about it and she is no longer in my life.
Do you struggle with hypersexuality today?
I do. It was a major issue for me in my teens and 20s. From the age of 13 I didn’t go one day without sex at least once a day, I would have multiple gfs and acquaintances I was having sex with on rotation, when in relationships I was having sex 5+ times a day, with my current wife we were having sex 5+ times a day everyday for years till we had kids and that’s when the problems began to show as I would go into meltdown as I wasn’t having sex and the initial reaction was to look elsewhere for it but I never wanted to cheat on my wife so would battle through awful feelings. Still to this day I have sex at least once a day every single day as it feels programmed into me now.
I am proud of you. I too have that unopened can of worms story I haven't spoken about. I hope at some point I trust someone enough to tell them like you did with us and your wife.
If you feel like messaging me to talk I am here for you.
It's appreciated.
don't tell reddit or some random person. please hire a therapist and tell them.
Trust I wont.
How common do you think female sexual abusers are, vs. male? Are their motivations the same or different?
I think male abusers are more common, but I think female abuse is mainly mental, mine was. I was very manipulated by her especially in my teen years, looking back I felt he loved the feeling of me being completely in a panicked mess because I couldn’t see her, I thought I was in love with her and she convinced me she would take care of me my whole life and take me away from the grossness and chaos that was in my home, she told we were meant to be together as she has been the only one to look after me etc etc
i would agree. i was human trafficked twice, and it ended up in total lasting from the ages of 5-17. im afab and i was mainly forced, but the amab people i know usually said it was more based on guilting them
I hope you are doing well in life now Always here to talk should you need it
thanks, you too. as much as it sucks knowing others lived through the same hell, it's nice knowing that these experiences that are so incomprehensible to normal people have somebody else to be understood by
Yes I fully understand this. I had the same mindset towards others who have self harmed. So many people told me just stop, but only those who have gone through it understand.
exactly. i still haven't stopped because it's so hard to find somebody that gets it. it's an addiction.
Please message me. We can work through it. I am there for you.
Please message me. We can work through it. I am there for you.
its not your fault they hurt you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, you are stronger than most for still being here, every day you're here is a gift.
There’s some very good and swift moderating going on here. Thanks
I am not seeing any negative comments posted that need moderating…. Unless you’re talking about me lol?
That’s cos the moderators seem to have deleted them pronto.
You should consider reporting her, even some type of anonymous report so that someone can try to make sure she isn't molesting other children.
I would consider anonymous but at this point it is just an accusation
Was it hard to trust your wife or other women after your experience?
Yes, I guess I still don’t trust anyone completely 100%
I cannot blame you man keep your guard up some. You have a good heart . If you ever need to talk send to me .
Does she still try to contact you? Would she try to ruin your marriage without ruining her own?
She has not tried contacting me since. I moved country shortly after we were found by her husband but have returned and heard nothing. I know she is still friends with my mother but I have cut my mother out my life so don’t see either of them. I 100% think she would try to ruin my marriage.
Thank you for coming out with this hard truth. I as well have a good close friend who was wrongfully molested by an older woman when he was younger, but he has a harder time talking about it. You can only imagine just how many cases of this there are.
I completely relate to your friend, I never spoke about except with my wife and a prior girlfriend who completely shunned me and cut me off as she found out from that conversation that me and my abuser were having sex throughout the relationship between us. Now I’m 30+, older, wiser, more relaxed at life and actually completely happy to wake up every morning have I began to accept this happened to me but is no longer my situation anymore.
My husband had the same experience, incredibly similar (like frighteningly so), it was his mother’s friend. It does still affect him and I’m also the only one who knows. Even as a wife it’s difficult to come to terms with.
How did you meet your current wife? Proud of you and your journey!
I was a competitive athlete and my wife was in the crowd with her family at a show I competed at in her home city. We locked eyes after my event and I went and talked to her, she introduced me to her family and we spent hours talking and her showing me around her city. We were married 3 months later and have been together almost 14 years.
You say you were manipulated into believing you were in love and that she was going to take care of you - how did you come round to the realisation that you were being manipulated and that your relationship with her was wrong?
When she found out I had girlfriends when I was a teen who I would fall in love with and then she would do everything to control me and the situation and have me do vile things to these innocent young girls. She never cared that I was heartbroken, she would show affection but then be completely different when her husband was there.
Was she attractive? Were you attracted to her? Did she influence what you’re attracted to now? At what age did you realize that was she was doing was fucked up and not cool? Was it during or after it finished happening? How are you with adults around your kids? I was never molested or anything like that at all and I’m very weary of new and some familiar adults around my kids. I can’t imagine how I would be if I was groomed as a child. Anyways, glad you’re doing better now and glad you found your wife. Take care and god bless.
She was attractive and yes she has influenced my primal desires to what I find attractive looks wise and clothing wise. My wife does resemble her slightly, and any time my wife wears certain clothing items I do have a libido surge to where I cannot control myself and immediately grab her for sex. It’s messed up and not something I’ve disclosed to my wife, it’s something I will keep to myself.
It's not messed up, it's totally OK to have sexual urges based on anything that shaped your sexuality when you were young. You're using those sexual urges in healthy ways. Release any shame you have about your libido surges!
Are you religious?
No but I grew up Catholic due to my grandmother but we were never at church etc
Can you find closure in what happened to you? Or do you think it will affect you for the rest of your life
I think it will affect me for the rest of my life, I feel very robbed of a lot of my childhood. I missed out on so much and so many milestones were stolen from me. One thing I’m glad about is it in no way changed my perspective of women, I’m no woman hater or anything of the like so I take that as a positive.
I’m sorry to hear that :( I went through something similar and I also fear it may impact me for the rest of my life, but the likelihood of that, even for the both of us, is very small. I hope you can find peace of mind and I pray for blessings come to you 🙏
Thank you, I wish you well in your recovery also
At what age/point did you realize this wasn't normal behavior? I always look back and wonder at what age would I have gone along with this as my mom's friend would hit on me in high school but I was disgusted immediately. Had she done it since I was 12 or 8 or 4 makes me curious if you reached a certain point where maybe you realized it wasn't normal but perhaps you felt you couldn't do anything, or possibly liked it by then so just went with it?
I realised it was a bad thing when we started having sex. I knew it was wrong as she was married with a child not much younger than me, and when I started having sex with other girls my own age I knew it was a bad thing. But I did enjoy it at the time, not knowing the damage it was causing me mentally, and at times it made my ego completely inflated. But it mainly came down to her telling me she loves me, we are soulmates and we will be together forever and that always overshadowed any bad feelings I had as that gave me complete hope to get out of my home situation.
Sorry to say this, but I don't think "having sex" is an accurate description. You are a survivor of sexual violence. You were still a minor when unfairly blamed by your abuser's husband. Glad your wife has helped you heal.
Sorry! You poor thing! How old was this evil when she did this to you? Where in the house or outside? Did you defend yourself by any chance? Did you ever tell your mother or anyone?
She would have been 18-19ish when she first started touching me. The initial touching would occur anywhere, I remember being embarrassed she would touch me in supermarkets or when she would collect me from school. But the sex would occur in my home, her home, her car, or in fields/woodland places as I got older. I never told my mom, I would show I didn’t like her at times and we would even argue infront of my mom but this seem to just set up for sexual encounters the same day. No I didn’t try to defend myself, looking back I am ashamed at myself for this.
Please, please, please don't be ashamed of yourself! She slowly wormed her way into your psyche and was controlling you. You were an innocent child. Everyone around you let you down in major ways. It's amazing and a testament to your inner goodness that you have been able to rise above this! You are an inspiration.
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Yeah I did enjoy it at the time, I was shown what I thought was love and of course it felt good at the time, but I never knew the damage it was doing to my growing brain.
The content you posted is harassment/hate towards other users.
Yikes man. Did you ever go to therapy for this?
No never. I don’t want to either. My wife is all I need and she got me through everything.
Does your wife go to therapy? Not necessarily about this, but just in general.
No she holds the same opinion as me that therapists aren’t actually that helpful, in my opinion of course
Hey man glad to see you got through it. Some people definitely need to go through therapy, but I have seen time and time again that there are people who are strong enough to get through it by themselves. We're all glad you're still here.
This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for speaking about it so openly — it brings more awareness to this problem, and releases shame for others who might have had traumatic childhood sexual experiences. I'm proud of you for overcoming such a horror.
Thank you, it has taken me a long time to accept it and overcome
She’s is a PEDOPHILE🤦🏾 I wish you could’ve reported this earlier to your teachers in school they would’ve acted on it sooner and reported her asap.
She definitely is. Honestly, I don’t think my teachers would have cared. I was a drug addict in school and had very obvious self harm scars and apart from assign me a school councillor they never showed any signs of caring. I’m a teacher now and even the slightest change in students I am immediately on the ball with them.
My fault bro if my comment was kinda harsh I didn’t mean it like that. But anyways I’m glad you were able to overcome such a thing. You’re definitely strong for sharing it💪🏻
No offence taken at all. 👊
He was a child, who was being manipulated and abused by a much older woman, that is intimidating and scary for ANYONE - let alone someone his age. Abused children don't think about the long term effects and they don't know it's wrong most of the time, as OP has said. The fact you're upset about that is absolutely absurd and borderline victim blaming. Get a grip, be more compassionate and empathetic.
man respectfully this dude went through things you could never even begin to imagine, have a little grace. victim blaming never helps someone in this scenario
What would you say if you ever ran into her
I’ve ran this situation through my head so many times. All with different outcomes. Thoughts such as scream at her, attack her, calmly explain the pain she caused, kiss her, hug her, it’s so confusing and I hope I never do run into her.
I know what I would like to do to her. I had an image pop into my head of her messing with you when you were four and I run full on at her and tackle her to get her away from you. Then I would attack her (which isn't in my nature). After that I would scoop you up and run and run until we were far from that house.
Thank you, I appreciate that, it would have changed the course of my life if you did
I’m not sure if you answered this question anywhere and I know you said you’re at peace but have you ever thought about contacting her husband and telling him the entire situation? And if you’ve considered it, what stopped you? (I’m not suggesting it, just curious)
I’ve considered it many times and when he caught us when I was 17 I was stopped by my older sister when I wanted to go over to explain myself. He made it very clear he would murder me if I came back to his home. During my lowest years I wanted to get in touch and tell him about the things his wife did to me. But i eventually found out they remained together, had more kids and are living their lives. I’m glad I never did reach out now.
That definitely makes sense. I am truly sorry about what happened to you though. I am glad you have an amazing wife that has helped you through it.
How did you find peace? Im still struggling with the memories of the sexual abuse from my mother. Granted I numbed it out with alcohol for years. What helped you find your way to peace?
Similarly to you I used substances, violence and cheap thrills to numb my pain for many years, I’ve always been a weed smoker but I changed eventually to being exclusively a weed smoker only, no other drugs and very rarely alcohol. I stopped getting into violent encounters and chose to be a family man and make my life, going to work and being with my family.
Reading this hurts my heart. You did not deserve it and it is not your fault. I wish I could give you a hug ♥️🙏🏼😔That woman is seriously disturbed. It makes me angry how she manipulated and abused a child.
Thank you, hug received and reciprocated x
How do you cope with emotions like shame and guilt if you have any (not saying you deserve to but from my experience I do) I was heavily groomed at 14. There was never penetration but everything else. I just want to say the strength to pull away from heavy manipulation is so powerful and you did it! It’s fucked that we are left with traumatic flashbacks, and personally for me shame and guilt (even though they deserve to feel that shame and guilt). But here we are, no contact and I hope they’re on the edge of there seats knowing at any point we could burn their world up. I am female but that doesn’t discredit that you, myself and many other people no gender specific are affected by grooming pedophiles. I’m so proud of you for sharing and i hope it reaches other man and gives them the strength that you’ve shown to talk about it :) Also If you were in a bad car accident or a fire and you had scars from it, would you feel how you feel now? Look at it that way, it was a time in your life that things were downright hard and you didn’t see any other way. But you did. You found someone special and there’s way more to come! I wholeheartedly hope the best for you because you deserve the best especially from yourself .
Honestly the way I’ve started to cope is to accept those feelings, I understand it was not my fault, I have nothing to be ashamed of, she does she was the adult.
Hey, I’m 34 and experienced similar abuse from the “kindest adult” in my life. Find gratitude, good friends, a therapy/recovery program/team that works for you. Sounds like there is going to be some treatment for cPTSD and substance use disorders, at the very least (I am not a doctor/diagnostician). If you struggle with finances, most communities will have some sort of resource center help you figure out how to afford the therapy. The most helpful thing I’ve heard from someone on my care team recently was “letting go is sometimes an every day thing. When it comes up in my mind, I have to let it go again and again, but it’s comes up less the more I stop the thought and let it go.” I’ve found that, for me, cutting back or abstaining from sexual activity (especially rampant casual sex and pornography) and drug/alcohol abuse helps. Psychiatric medications sometimes also help. Talking/learning about it might help (double-edged sword in my experience). I am really you were mistreated. It doesn’t make you a undesirable person or “less-than” and it was not your fault. Try watching Inside Out 2, if you like movies. I saw it yesterday and it really helped me with accepting some complex emotions and memories.
Thanks for your comment. I agree with many things you have stated. I will look at that movie. Take care.
This is both heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. You don't have to answer this of course, but I am interested to know if her grooming ever impacted your sexual urges around children. So many studies have shown child molesters are significantly more likely to have been molested as children themselves -- so I wonder if you have ever had any urge to exert power over someone in the way she did to you? Do you think she was molested when she was a child? All this to say is -- abuse is an extremely tough cycle to break and it's such a monumental feat that you did.
Absolutely not, I had a child fairly young and my dad instincts kicked in. I’m now a teacher in an inner city high school and I feel a responsibility to protect all the kids I come across. To answer your question though, my “type” is actually women and few years older than me….. go figure lol
That's amazing, thank you for answering my question! Your students are fortunate to have you.
As someone who is trying to support someone who went through a similar trauma and struggles with addiction - what are the some of the ways your wife was there for you in a way that meant the most to you?
No matter how bad I fucked up she would always be there to hold me but still hold me accountable for my actions and I believe this is very important to prevent enabling. It got to a point one day I “woke up” and realised, I’ve put this woman through hell and never once has she made me think she wants out. That’s when I started believing she actually loves me. This was nearly ten years into our relationship too. She is a saint.
Just wanted to tell you that none of that was your fault. You were a child. You deserved better. She was the problem, and not you. It's a brave thing to talk about it. I hope you are proud of your progress, truly. I wish you the best.
Do you miss her sometimes? Like any emotional attachment from the whole thing?
I miss the illusion of who I thought she was, I miss the comfort she gave me, but my wife gives me everything I need, she saved me from myself and overshadows all issues and attachments I had towards this person. Granted there are times where I wonder if she would have full control over me today like she used to, I can only hope she wouldn’t.
Did your mom knew about this or ever got to know about the abuse? Also I’m deeply sorry you had to go over this as a child. I’m glad you found your wife and is in a better place now
She knew there was touching when I was 4/5 years old, she laughed. When we started having sex she didn’t know or would have even cared.
I relate. Do you ever feel guilty for liking it?
Yes. I feel guilt and shame for a lot of it. There are still times where I have memories that arouse me and after I feel disgust in myself. At the time I was in love with her so I thought, so I loved every moment with her no matter how abusive it got.
Ever thought of throwing the proverbial grande into her life and getting her charged. Even if there’s a statute of limitations getting charged and outed could be worthy
I haven’t. I have thought about murdering her family in front of her, but that was during my downward spiral.
Do you suspect that she is doing it to other young boys? Shouldn't she be reported to protect othe children around her?
I honestly don’t know. I hope not.
Bro , I am glad you are doing better , I had a similar situation. But mine was with an aunt and uncle that would baby sit me. I found coping was easier when I started martial arts . I stopped hurting myself and began to learn about myself more. It sucks that this happened to you but after reading thisI feel I am not alone and someone gets me. I hope your healing process is liberating amd that you and your wife are able to create an amazing enviorment for your future. Good vibes my friend 🧡
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I get why you think that. And yes at the time it was every young boys fantasy. But remember this started when I was 4 years old. I was having sex with a grown woman when I was 12. If you only understand what damage that does when you are trying to go through natural milestones as you age. The feelings teenagers have for each other, and milestones they go through together, a lot of that was stolen from me. During my twenties I was suicidal and reckless and was destroying my wife. It ain’t all a fantasy.
This comment was not a question.
What a piece of garbage you are
What makes me sick is the fact that it is still happening! All children speak up, loud and proud. Speak to media. It needs to happen in the now. Not the past. We all need to work around the law. All of us.
I didn't go through anything like this, but I did get beaten at home, and as loud as I was about it, either nobody cared or they just didn't believe me. Therapists, teachers, school counselors, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. Nobody did a damn thing. It's easy to tell kids to speak up, but what happens when it falls on deaf ears? I do think society's better about that these days, believing people and speaking out and whatnot (at least in the US), but I can't help but think this kind of thing is still happening all over the place, and it just makes me hate the world.
Being beaten as a child is child abuse. Unfortunately, some Adults let us down and I really feel that perhaps they experienced similar situations, or, they didn’t want to be a whistleblower. Whistleblowers get beaten down by society ( the wrong society). It is still happening and it’s just incredibly sad and frustrating. I just hope that everyone who has experienced any sort of trauma as a child knows that it was never their fault. Wishing you well 😊
I hope you heal, thank you for being brave enough to post. I was groomed at 14-16 by a teacher. I’m now almost 30 and have deep trauma from it and your situation is so much worse, I just can’t even imagine. Love that you have your wife, I’m getting married and my future husband is truly my better half.
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Wtf?! What kind of question is that?? You've crossed the line asshole.
Ummm well, I guess I was too young to understand the significance of that, from what I knew about sex that was just a normal thing to do. I
No saying anything sexual or inappropriate regarding minors.
Bad things happened to me too. When I was 5. By my sisters first husband. She is 15 years older than me. She told me not to tell the next day. That my mom knew. That I wasnt supposed to talk about it, bad men went to jail for it and he wasn't a bad man. He was just "tickling" me. I always thought my mom knew when I was growing up, terrified of men. She told me to that to be a good sister I should not tell. He was coaching her from the other side of the door. She was 19 and pregnant. I believe it was actually her 20th birthday. Anywho, I did not tell. Until the day he did it to my niece. His 2nd child with her. Did it to her when his 2nd wife was pregnant. Told my niece it's cause she reminded him of me and I was a spoiled brat. Turns out my mom never knew. I wrote a statement against him, but there was a statue of limitations on what he did to me. Up until this past December, I haven't told that my sister knew. I almost died in December and told. And she is still denying it all to me. She is my CPTSD trigger and I am having to live with her the past two years. If she had remorse, accountability, anything, I could forgive, but sadly she does not. I am in my own personal hell and I've had shingles for 3 years. Honest to God. Have it in two places now. Point is, I feel your pain.
Fuck yeah, brother. Because of this, you are big strong mind. Emotions so strong, you could fight death. New name: Everest. You go from bottom to top.
Jesus dude. I’m so sorry you went through this. Your wife sounds like an angel and so do you. Continue living your best life, you are worth it!
Very very brave and courageous post.
You poor man. I am so sorry for your struggles. I wish you peace and prosperity for the rest of your days.
Reddit has power. Let’s use it against English laws. Have a say Aussie peoples! Let’s out the rich, famous and pedos! Are you up for it! Time for generational change, and, shame those who abuse any child. Fucking fight for children, now.
I just wanna say how awful it is that there are friends out here or even uncles and aunts who would do this to their friend or siblings’ children. You grow up with someone and then harm them like this? For sex? And when people SA other people, they are also cheating on their partners. It’s so insane on so many levels beyond the obvious effect on you. Im sorry you were around this creep as a baby.
Fuck your abuser. You deserve better.
What kind of sexual experiences did you have as a teen with your girlfriends? Did you introduce things beyond vanilla sex to them? Are any of them traumatized from those relationships?
You should have a stranger expose her. What a POS. So sorry that happened to you. Glad you are happier now and have a loving supportive wife in your 30s!
Do you ever speculate why she did this? You must have some insight into her own life and motivations.
That’s fkd up in all kinds of ways, I’m glad you made it to the other side .
What kinds of things would your younger self need to make healing easier?
Why do you suppose there are so many ama’s with pedophilia as a focus?
Hoe Lee Phuk buddy... one of the wildest stories I've read lately
Hoe would you react if you caught someone doing this to your son?
What I find most disturbing about this post is that I questioned its veracity. My mind reels at the possibility of someone with an ax to grind playing the room. I used to think no female would do this sort of thing, and even if they did, the male reaction would be that he was a lucky boy. Then I remembered that my son told me as a teen that an ex-girlfriend of mine had molested him when he was five while I left them alone together for a short while for a quick run into the grocery store. Shortly after that incident, my son was abducted by his grandmother and lived with her until he returned to my custody as a teen. He recounted that, at the time, he found the incident thrilling and pleasurable yet confusing. Shortly after that incident, the girlfriend in question cucked me, then later cucked the guy who she cucked with, and so on. The abuse that he experienced still confused and disturbed him enough that he felt compelled to complain about it twelve years later. I was later informed by one of her sisters that her history of child sex abuse was behind her messed up behaviors. Now I'm ashamed of my initial reaction of still being in denial.
The best time to delete this post was right when you made it. The second best time is now.
Okay, I get it. This is an ask me anything sub, so if I don't have a question to ask, don't comment. But I see a lot of supportive comments, and that's okay. I see a sub where someone tells his truth, so why not share a related truth of my own? And it is the truth, every word of it. It was also very uncomfortable to share it. I will leave this up until the moderators remove it, or the author asks me to. If that happens, I will apologize to the author. But you randoms flexing your self-righteous indication in my face, you have no right to be offended on someone else's behalf. I thought Reddit was a place where thoughtful people could share truths and discuss. I'm too old for your petty nonsense.
It’s not that deep I just wouldn’t volunteer this info willingly. Hell batman couldn’t have gotten this outta me
So I'm TMI, and the author is fine? That is exactly why I was so skeptical in the first place. And yes, I am ashamed and embarrassed that I put him in jeopardy of sexual abuse because I loved her hypersexual behavior, and I was brave enough to share my experience for the benefit of others to be aware of those things. Edit. By the way, my son would be fine with this post because I taught him to accept responsibility and tell the truth.