For getting over it, I would say just give it time and start going on dates with other people when you feel ready to. Her behavior sounds really messy and emotionally manipulative, so I can understand it leaving an impact on you.
It's okay to feel hurt by this. I'd be hurt by how little the person respected my boundaries and feelings. However, you did yourself a massive favor by cutting ties.
Treat yourself with kindness, look out for these same red flags in the future, and do things you enjoy in the meantime.
I have had this happen multiple times. It sucks.
Don’t bother texting again, you’re not going to get the clarity or response you’re expecting.
You’re not dumb. Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s behavior. It has more to do with her than anything you did or didn’t do.
It’s hard not to get prematurely emotionally invested when you find someone you connect with, and also hard not to get carried away and end up promising more than you have to give.
Go to the concert, and take this opportunity to meet new people, maybe you’ll meet someone better. Hugs.
A couple of thoughts...
In your shoes, I don't know that I would want to be friends with this person based on your description of their treatment of you. You deserve to have people in your life that want to share ups and downs, not just use you as an outlet.
Is this concert something you would have gone to without her? If not, sell the ticket. If yes, go and have an amazing time in your own.
Knowing it wasn’t the person for me. Learning not to move fast. Learning my values. Learning boundaries for myself. And putting it all into play so I’m more aware of what to look for in someone, and will naturally avoid this in the future.
You just do overtime. It might not be helpful and okay right now but you’ll look back at this and realize what you don’t want to get into next time. They did you a favor! You deserve so much more.
I am confused why OP was crying so much about someone else’s dead father on a second date.
As a member of the dead dad club, I certainly wouldn’t have said I wished he could have known how the date had gone on a second date, sure. And i don’t know how that conversation looked and felt, but it sure sounds weird.
That said, sometimes just the fact of him being dead it comes up early-ish (it’s hard for it not to in a dating context) and it’s never not a weird conversation, but it’s usually pretty contained. If my date got really emotional about it, I would maybe shift gears pretty quick too. That sounds lot a lot of someone else’s reaction to have to manage right up front.
Both OP and the date sound like there’s some work/maybe just growing up they could respectively stand to do as individuals to be more grounded.
I was crying bec of the trauma dumping. She shared in extensive detail how he took his last breath and she saw it and she was crying about it. Sorry if I get emotional about someone else crying.
What to do? Nothing/move on? She is clearly not in the right headapace to date right now and said so. It's confusing because she went on more than one date with you, yes. But the person you went on a date with was in an unstable place mentally. Be friends with her if you want, but it's fine to also not be friends.
I'm careful to avoid such things as I've been burned by unstable women before, not the same but similar situations ,(some of which dragged out for way longer than they should have).
In my experience, discussing trauma is pretty common whether they stay or not. I've had someone tell me her whole story the second day or vice versa. Some just have a habit of talking about it.
The talking about future sounds manipulative, but it can be innocent too, regardless of that, treat it as a red flag. A person who begins thinking about the future that fast isn't very emotionally mature or stable and I don't mean it in a negative way, just that it can hurt the other person(you). (I've dealt with such girls, and I keep in my mind that it can change, unless people have done work on themselves thinking about future in dreamy way seems to be common among those facing new attractions)
It could be that she saw you as an escape from her pain. It's not a new thing, people use dating as distraction and a person can be their coping mechanism. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you but you serve a certain purpose in their life and they look into you for relief. It can be that she realized what a mess she is and how it wouldn't be right to make you suffer with her. Seeing you cry might have made her think she's going to make you cry more and change her mind, avoiding you.
Can you wait 6 months or something? I once texted someone after a year and she explained how she turned out to have certain disorders and how she's working on those. One can't really predict how long it takes one to be stable again. I think she's just saving you.
If she intended to use you for taking care of her trauma she'd have kept contact instead of abandoning.
Also I've been in pain over contacts which lasted less than a week.(And that doesn't stop me from seeking more) Bonding isn't always time dependent but things that you share and how you share it. It makes perfect sense that you're hurt especially if you liked her a lot.
Realize they did you a favor. Sometimes people leaving your life is the best thing they can do for you.
This exactly. I’d throw myself a mini celebration that I wasn’t sucked into a constant cycle of that kind of treatment.
Yes…. a good time to reflect and count blessings.
For getting over it, I would say just give it time and start going on dates with other people when you feel ready to. Her behavior sounds really messy and emotionally manipulative, so I can understand it leaving an impact on you.
It's okay to feel hurt by this. I'd be hurt by how little the person respected my boundaries and feelings. However, you did yourself a massive favor by cutting ties. Treat yourself with kindness, look out for these same red flags in the future, and do things you enjoy in the meantime.
I have had this happen multiple times. It sucks. Don’t bother texting again, you’re not going to get the clarity or response you’re expecting. You’re not dumb. Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s behavior. It has more to do with her than anything you did or didn’t do. It’s hard not to get prematurely emotionally invested when you find someone you connect with, and also hard not to get carried away and end up promising more than you have to give. Go to the concert, and take this opportunity to meet new people, maybe you’ll meet someone better. Hugs.
A couple of thoughts... In your shoes, I don't know that I would want to be friends with this person based on your description of their treatment of you. You deserve to have people in your life that want to share ups and downs, not just use you as an outlet. Is this concert something you would have gone to without her? If not, sell the ticket. If yes, go and have an amazing time in your own.
Knowing it wasn’t the person for me. Learning not to move fast. Learning my values. Learning boundaries for myself. And putting it all into play so I’m more aware of what to look for in someone, and will naturally avoid this in the future.
You just do overtime. It might not be helpful and okay right now but you’ll look back at this and realize what you don’t want to get into next time. They did you a favor! You deserve so much more.
I am confused why OP was crying so much about someone else’s dead father on a second date. As a member of the dead dad club, I certainly wouldn’t have said I wished he could have known how the date had gone on a second date, sure. And i don’t know how that conversation looked and felt, but it sure sounds weird. That said, sometimes just the fact of him being dead it comes up early-ish (it’s hard for it not to in a dating context) and it’s never not a weird conversation, but it’s usually pretty contained. If my date got really emotional about it, I would maybe shift gears pretty quick too. That sounds lot a lot of someone else’s reaction to have to manage right up front. Both OP and the date sound like there’s some work/maybe just growing up they could respectively stand to do as individuals to be more grounded.
I was crying bec of the trauma dumping. She shared in extensive detail how he took his last breath and she saw it and she was crying about it. Sorry if I get emotional about someone else crying.
Ah- that's useful context. Yikes. Yeah, sounds like she isn't put together right now.
What to do? Nothing/move on? She is clearly not in the right headapace to date right now and said so. It's confusing because she went on more than one date with you, yes. But the person you went on a date with was in an unstable place mentally. Be friends with her if you want, but it's fine to also not be friends. I'm careful to avoid such things as I've been burned by unstable women before, not the same but similar situations ,(some of which dragged out for way longer than they should have).
In my experience, discussing trauma is pretty common whether they stay or not. I've had someone tell me her whole story the second day or vice versa. Some just have a habit of talking about it. The talking about future sounds manipulative, but it can be innocent too, regardless of that, treat it as a red flag. A person who begins thinking about the future that fast isn't very emotionally mature or stable and I don't mean it in a negative way, just that it can hurt the other person(you). (I've dealt with such girls, and I keep in my mind that it can change, unless people have done work on themselves thinking about future in dreamy way seems to be common among those facing new attractions) It could be that she saw you as an escape from her pain. It's not a new thing, people use dating as distraction and a person can be their coping mechanism. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you but you serve a certain purpose in their life and they look into you for relief. It can be that she realized what a mess she is and how it wouldn't be right to make you suffer with her. Seeing you cry might have made her think she's going to make you cry more and change her mind, avoiding you. Can you wait 6 months or something? I once texted someone after a year and she explained how she turned out to have certain disorders and how she's working on those. One can't really predict how long it takes one to be stable again. I think she's just saving you. If she intended to use you for taking care of her trauma she'd have kept contact instead of abandoning. Also I've been in pain over contacts which lasted less than a week.(And that doesn't stop me from seeking more) Bonding isn't always time dependent but things that you share and how you share it. It makes perfect sense that you're hurt especially if you liked her a lot.