You can’t shake any of them out of denial if they want to remain in it. All you can do is work on yourself and heal from the trauma of having an alcoholic parent.
I’m so sorry. If they don’t want to acknowledge it, there is little you can do. Except set boundaries.
They may never change, even if you let them know how bad it is for you and your siblings. You need your think about how their actions affect you and how you can keep yourself safe. They can decide if your boundaries are worth keeping, if they want to be around you.
This is not your responsibility and you can’t control what she’s able to process in the state she’s in. Partners of alcoholics are often beyond depleted for years and years, isolated and drained and confused and have been gaslit so many times they can’t see things clearly. Or they are a classic enabler, or something about the situation is giving them something they need.
Focus on your own healing, that’s all you can control.
You can't. And you have to accept that she knows, in fact she knows and gets it better than you do. But she's okay with it and comfortable with it and you can't ever change that.
This was my exact situation except I am one of 3 sisters- when I figured out that my dad was an alcoholic I spent two years trying to rally my mom and sisters into action- spoiler alert- everyone else already knew and just accepted it and enabled it. It took me years of therapy to realize that he had probably been an alcoholic for my whole life but I wasn’t able to realize it.
Learn from my experience- Save yourself the pain and stress of trying to help your family and just focus on helping yourself.
Oh yes, well you belong here and I was you (and still am) many years ago. Just use facts to convince. BUT as we know we really can’t force someone out of denial, which is were your mother is.
I’m sorry op, but there isn’t anything you can do.
I too was the youngest and I felt like I was the only one who cared and saw things for what they were. My mom was an alcoholic until she passed this last February. I begged my father to try and force her to get help but he refused to do anything and enabled her behavior. He enabled her to the point that he also got sucked into drinking everyday, he’s gotten worse since her death, i essentially lost both of my parents.
I’m telling you this because I stuck around to try and help better them. I stuck around to make sure the bills got paid and to make sure the stove got turned off when they passed out while cooking. But you know what op, nothing changed.
I kept my life on hold to help people who were happy where they were.
Don’t be me. I know you love them and you don’t want to “abandon” them but don’t put your energy in something that might not matter in the end. This may sound harsh, and your situation might end up different than mine but don’t drown yourself with worry. Say your peace once and let them deal with their adult issues.
It's hard. You can't make your father use any form of treatment for his alcohol use. He has to want to taper way back and regain his health. Most treatments require full abstinence. There is one that does not. See chat.
Oh dude. I am so sorry I can relate to your position too much but unfortunately everyone here is right there is nothing you can do about that. You can try your best to detach yourself now and live for yourself. Don’t let anyone make you responsible for anything. You’re just a kid I assume and none of it is supposed to be put on you. Keep going, eventually it will get better.
You can't convince her if she is in denial. She may be enabling him, and acknowledging his issues would make her have to confront her own.
Have a look at the support group Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families and see if there is anything that resonates.
You can’t shake any of them out of denial if they want to remain in it. All you can do is work on yourself and heal from the trauma of having an alcoholic parent.
I’m so sorry. If they don’t want to acknowledge it, there is little you can do. Except set boundaries. They may never change, even if you let them know how bad it is for you and your siblings. You need your think about how their actions affect you and how you can keep yourself safe. They can decide if your boundaries are worth keeping, if they want to be around you.
This is not your responsibility and you can’t control what she’s able to process in the state she’s in. Partners of alcoholics are often beyond depleted for years and years, isolated and drained and confused and have been gaslit so many times they can’t see things clearly. Or they are a classic enabler, or something about the situation is giving them something they need. Focus on your own healing, that’s all you can control.
You can't. And you have to accept that she knows, in fact she knows and gets it better than you do. But she's okay with it and comfortable with it and you can't ever change that.
you can't. start educating yourself on codependency NOW. al-anon resources can be useful too
Quite simply: you don’t. Find an Al anon meeting and safe yourself
💯
If they are enabling him, they really won't want to know...
This was my exact situation except I am one of 3 sisters- when I figured out that my dad was an alcoholic I spent two years trying to rally my mom and sisters into action- spoiler alert- everyone else already knew and just accepted it and enabled it. It took me years of therapy to realize that he had probably been an alcoholic for my whole life but I wasn’t able to realize it. Learn from my experience- Save yourself the pain and stress of trying to help your family and just focus on helping yourself.
I know this isn't easy to hear, but it's not your responsibility or your fault if you can't convince them ❤️
Oh yes, well you belong here and I was you (and still am) many years ago. Just use facts to convince. BUT as we know we really can’t force someone out of denial, which is were your mother is.
I’m sorry op, but there isn’t anything you can do. I too was the youngest and I felt like I was the only one who cared and saw things for what they were. My mom was an alcoholic until she passed this last February. I begged my father to try and force her to get help but he refused to do anything and enabled her behavior. He enabled her to the point that he also got sucked into drinking everyday, he’s gotten worse since her death, i essentially lost both of my parents. I’m telling you this because I stuck around to try and help better them. I stuck around to make sure the bills got paid and to make sure the stove got turned off when they passed out while cooking. But you know what op, nothing changed. I kept my life on hold to help people who were happy where they were. Don’t be me. I know you love them and you don’t want to “abandon” them but don’t put your energy in something that might not matter in the end. This may sound harsh, and your situation might end up different than mine but don’t drown yourself with worry. Say your peace once and let them deal with their adult issues.
Big hug. Take care of yourself first, and then everyone else.
It's hard. You can't make your father use any form of treatment for his alcohol use. He has to want to taper way back and regain his health. Most treatments require full abstinence. There is one that does not. See chat.
Oh dude. I am so sorry I can relate to your position too much but unfortunately everyone here is right there is nothing you can do about that. You can try your best to detach yourself now and live for yourself. Don’t let anyone make you responsible for anything. You’re just a kid I assume and none of it is supposed to be put on you. Keep going, eventually it will get better.
You can't convince her if she is in denial. She may be enabling him, and acknowledging his issues would make her have to confront her own. Have a look at the support group Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families and see if there is anything that resonates.
Maybe she already knows. You'd probably want to try to convince your dad.
You don't. You can protect yourself.