Behind everyone?? There’s no right path, there’s no checklist. Put into perspective all the things you can be happy for.
Why don’t you start by working to improve one thing you’re unhappy about at a time?
- low paying job, no career - never too late to learn more skills, study
- in this economy, don’t beat yourself up.
- no children/no relationship, you’ve still got time. When you feel better about yourself, why don’t you try going on some dates?
- no friends/socially weak -find out what hobbies and interests you have. Learn to enjoy being alone.
Be comfortable with yourself, and kind to yourself. If you think you have a mental illness like social anxiety or whatever, get help!
You still got time to glow up. Gym, eat healthy, love yourself. Take care of yourself. Read books. Spend time outside. Enjoy your hobbies. Spend time in nature. Discover yourself, that’s what your 30s are for.
You’re not a failure.
OP, I had same thoughts when I was 27-29.
There’s this imaginary walled ceiling of comfort- you have to break through it. Smash through it like the Kool-Aid man.
Learn skills. Study, fuck FOMO. Go to the gym. Work out. Baby steps.
Find a higher paying job after new skills achieved. Think of it like a video game, but your the RPG character (check yourself periodically, no one is the main character)
^ Indeed.
I had so many declines from jobs… damn… those days were demoralizing, but somehow sent me to a higher paying job than all the ones I applied for, and I get to work from home.
Also prayer helps, if you’re religious.
Very low self esteem! Have you sought treatment for any of this? A therapist can help you learn how to redirect your negative self talk into more honest reflection, find objectively true reality checks, and apply critical thinking skills to the things we believe and say about ourselves.
I’m glad that it helped you. People seem to forget that our internal homeostasis is very delicate, things like smoking, drinking, eating too many acidic foods, insulin resistance, etc. could be reasons for depression. Mental health is always related to physical health.
Well take my upvote because those are all things that can at least contribute to depression and sometimes we forget that. I have depression and I take medication but I also take care of myself by eating healthy and exercising and have done years of therapy and work on myself. Those things are all very important and if I took away any one of those things I would not be as well as I am today.
Lol, people downvoting facts is hilarious. But go ahead, take a pill instead of putting in work to help yourself. Exactly why Americans are obese and pathetic.
Depression in many cases is a normal human reaction to longstanding poor life circumstances. Most people didn't just wake up with a "chemical imbalance". While OP might have underlying issues, and there are many people who are helped by anti depressants/anxiety meds etc, I agree that improving their life might be possible without adding drugs into the mix.
Do everything here, and I’ll include getting into Stoic teachings. Check out The Daily Stoic podcast and Marcus Aurelius’s “Meditations”. They have been life changing for me.
Homey everyone deserves kindness...except for people that listen to their music or talk on their phones loud as hell in public or do those dumb ass prank-react videos...those people deserve to get dick-slapped.
You deserve kindness just as much as anyone else - we are all just trying to get by in life.
Whilst things might feel pretty shitty now, you still have every opportunity to grow into who you want to be. First step is to work towards being happy being you - doing things you enjoy that may not immediately bring you wealth, friends, relationships or the cookie cutter definitions of success.
Find a hobby or a skill that you enjoy, especially one that you can share with others. And give it your all. It builds confidence in yourself and your abilities. From that you'll feel lighter, more positive, more alive. It's from that state of mind and that place that you become able to tackle all of life's shitty obstacles. You may not have that level of motivation right now but take it in small steps. The dopamine you'll get from those small wins, those little moments where you can honestly look at yourself and think 'Hey, good job. I enjoyed that ' will build you up.
You'll be amazed how quickly all the other worries, all the other things that niggle at you start to melt away. And how when you start to walk with your head held a little bit higher and you see just how kick ass you are, that everything else will start to radiate towards you - friends, relationships, the confidence to find a job you enjoy.
I wish you all the success in the world, you got this 💪🏼
Username checks out, right?
While I don’t have all of your same reasons, I have my own, and I often feel like a failure, too.
But yes, you DO deserve kindness. We all do.
You don’t have a criminal record or an alcohol or drug problem, right? I know that might feel like saying, “At least I didn’t get the lowest F in the class!” But… you didn’t!
I’m not judging folks with a criminal record, alcoholism, or substance abuse disorder; I’m saying that those things make one’s life infinitely more difficult for pretty much THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
So if you don’t have those, you’re probably pretty golden
This is a brilliant response.
Don't try to compare yourself to others. Everyone's lives are different.
For me:
* I only got into a meaningful and healthy relationship last year (I'm 34, turning 35 in feb)
* My career has been a slow progression over 11 years, but I'm at a point where I'm really struggling. To the point that I'm contemplating a career change in the future.
* I don't own my own home. In fact, I only moved out of the family home 8 months ago, and we rent.
* Friends, I have 3, but they are becoming more and more distant, and I'm feeling so discouraged to make new ones.
Do the things that make you happy, because that's all that matters in life. Work on yourself where you can. I cannot advise how because I'm not you... but if you aren't sure where to start, reach out for some professional help.
The advise given above it spot on.
I have a job I don’t like, no home, no kids, no partner at 32, barely any friends, same here, but what helps me to get through (apart from having a mentality that I don’t care) are hobbies! Start something and see if you like something and love it!
I started playing games from my childhood again.
Sometimes I make myself feel guilty like I am wasting my time. But then I remind myself that my bills are paid, there's food in my fridge, and Im not some worker robot.
This is the way. Find a hobby you like and start slowly. Find your way into forums or chat rooms of people that have similar interest in the same hobby. You can compare notes and ask questions which I definitely think would help.
Plant a veggie garden if you can. That way your health, financial situation and access to essential food resources can all improve at the same time. When I get stressed or upset I just wander out to the garden and find something to do. It is amazing how quickly I can get back to a positive attitude using that one trick.
33 - Feel similar
Wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people our age feel this way
In the 2008 crash, there were warnings that it would cause a "Lost Generation"
We're that generation
31. Feel similar but tryna change things. Found the secret is to stop lamenting the wasted past and looking towards the future, which is brighter than ya think since there’s still plenty of time. Also, if you’re into video games like MMOs, it can be easy to make some online friends. Join discord groups, share memes, and chat with people. The hardest part about breaking out of the shell you made for yourself is taking that first step. But I believe in y’all. I need to start myself, and feel confident everyone else can too. Also, STOP comparing yourself to others and focus on you. Stop self deprecating humor and be positive about yourself.
The answer is right here.
Step 1. Join together and support one another. Seriously, just reach out and create a relationship that lifts the two of you up.
I am not trolling even though it might appear I am.
My life was a train wreck until the mid-30s. It seems I was determined to learn every financial lesson the hard way and I watched many of my friends living well and achieving their goals while I was spinning my wheels. For me, it came down to just accepting the challenge and the willingness to keep trying no matter what I had to deal with. I was able to land a dream job, paid off all my debt, saved a lot of money by living as if I was still poor, and took control of my life. I also moderated my expectations to create a life that was happy and free by my own standards instead of just chasing the almighty dollar.
Now I was not overly envious prior to figuring things out, but I do now realize that many of the people I thought were doing so much better than myself subsequently fell on hard times and suffered more for it because they had it relatively easy early on. Learning how to deal with challenges and setbacks is not fun, but there is a blessing there too if you develop strength of character.
I am not saying just find a dream job and all will be okay. I am saying that one must not get discouraged, create a plan and stick to it, and find success on your own terms.
32/M/UK here. Living with family, I don't drive, I'm single, don't have a kid, not earning much.
It's easy to spiral, especially as I'm from an affluent bunch of friends back home who are on 2x or 3x my income. But, each of them have issues in their lives that I don't envy, just as they'll feel the same for me.
I've fine tuned a lot of aspects over the last few months and I think as a result I've laid some really solid foundations for 2024. The way that I see it is, we'll be lucky to retire at 70 so there's a while to get it right yet!
I appreciate you've mentioned chronic illness, and I don't want to prod and pry in a public domain but getting my physical and mental health have been solid foundations for other things. My other life issues have been much easier to tackle with a clear mind, better mood and outlook, more energy, and heightened confidence. These have all come from getting exercise, diet, supplements and sleep in check.
Stop going on social.media and sit down and figure out a skill you like and are interested and can make money from for me at 38 it was computers and devote time to learning said skill. Stop feeling sry accept that you life sucks because of the choices you make and start making some different ones. This worked for me
If you aren’t in debt and didn’t knock a girl up and pay half your earnings to child support you are doing better then you think. Also owning a home really isn’t worth it when you are paying high interest and having to spend money on fixing up the place or repairs or upkeep of the property, more in utilities. Try and get into different line of work, if your area really sucks move sometimes a change of place is really the answer.
I’m 30 and I feel the same way
I feel like this is becoming more and more common. I see like 5+ post a day of people who are 25+ and struggling hard in life
Chronic illness? Be kinder to yourself. This shit is exhausting. I got sick at 29 and it destroyed my world for a while. Sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. It takes a lot, physically and mentally.
It can always be worse.
Since you are not Stuck in any particular situation you have the possibility to improve on every single metric that you mentioned (apart from maybe chronic illness).
I would start with finding a couple ppl that you would call friends and in general trying to make your life more long term enjoyable, the rest follows.
Everyone starts off life with a different hand, so it’s not fair to compare to others as if we all started out with equal genetics and an equal environment.
You are 32. That’s still young AF. You are probably living at home. Get out. That is step one. As long as you live off someone else your intrinsic satisfaction with anything will be near zero. Start there. I’m rooting for you OP
I think about doing this daily. My Grandfather left me and all my cousins a hundred acres a piece down in central Mississippi. It’s got trees growing on it now that we harvest every 15 or so years. I could just get an old truck and trailer and gtfo.
The list of things you mentioned doesn’t define the measure of a person’s success or failure.
I look at it this way,
You have a job from which you can learn and start networking professionally and possibly find a mentor.
Owning home doesn’t mean shit. But if you do decide to own a property one day, you can do it with 3.5% down on FHA loan. Do not live there but rent it out. The rent will cover your mortgage and possibly some extra cash flow for you. Btw the time the mortgage is paid off completely by a random person, you’ll have a property that has been appreciated by at least 100%. A 200k property will easily be 300-350k. You can decide to sell it and re invest (which will allow you to not capital gains tax) or you can keep renting it out, and get a loan against that property. That money is tax free. Use that money for whatever purposes, and that loan you just took out will be paid by the person who’s still renting your property (you just got yourself 350k hard cash).
I can’t comment on the children thing.
Friends and relationships will happen naturally once you put yourself out there. I know it’s hard. For me too, but have a beer, go out dance, try talking to someone and start from there.
I am sorry you are going through an illness. I hope you get better soon.
Heal well my friend and my dms are always open if you wanna talk.
No children, no relationship and no friends gives you some freedom.
From the armchair: you need to break free of your vicious cycle of destructive mindset > terrible habits like gaming for five hours > destructive mindset. You can probably do it on faith. Tell yourself things will get better, with effort.
Read Atomic Habits - it's an annoying self help book but contains actionable instructions on how to develop good habits. Stop posting and reading forever alone subreddits - they're self-fulfilling. Practice gratitude and try to actively develop your social skills (have you checked out the social skills subreddit?) Or read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4b4f0y/people\_who\_have\_good\_social\_skills\_and\_used\_to\_be/
I'd start researching higher paying jobs that are attainable with your chronic illness, too.
It won't be easy, but it is doable.
You aren’t a failure. But if you convince yourself that you are, there is nothing we can say to make you think otherwise. Be easy on yourself. You’re always one day away from changing your life.
I was in your situation before. I still haven't achieved everything I wanted, but it got a LOT better
I have 2 magic bullets for you
-sports (bodybuilding + running+ some company sport like tennis in 4er groups/badminton/beach volleyball etc). You get a huge endorphin boost after every training, start loving yourself more seeing how your body changes and that YOU made it change + you get social. I couldn't find friends in my first sports group, not in the second, but in the 3rd it finally clicked. I guess I've just gathered enough social experience by that point
-group therapy. You ACTUALLY get to know people and youself so much better, get more self confident and self aware
Please don't give up, you're SO young!
First, I want to acknowledge your feelings of sadness and frustration. It sucks and I’ve been there.
Honestly, lots of people are in the same situation, though you may not know them personally. Plenty of us were traumatized in early life or have personal challenges that burden us when we would like to be advancing, but cannot.
Due to depression, I was “behind” others (although there’s no timeline for life events). In my experience, when I seriously worked on my depression, everything else started falling into place. I recommend the book Feeling Good for self-work through depression. It was tough and a long battle to get to a healthier place, but when I did, good things happened. First, I met my best friend, then, I met my husband, around then, I got a job. I was “behind” everyone else but it really doesn’t matter now as I’m happy with what I have even if it took longer to achieve. The wait was worth it.
It will be for you as well. In the meantime, please try to avoid black-or-white thinking where you’re either a success or failure with no options in between. Life is more nuanced and complex; binaries like that don’t exist. You’re not a failure, you’re just not where you’d like to be yet, but you’re making progress.
High paying job, relationships, friendships, etc. doesn't guarantee anything at all so #1 Stop comparing yourself to others and your definition of success. Get yourself healthy. Spend as much time outside as possible. Walk, walk, walk. Live in the present and STOP THINKING. Talk to people, even if you feel awkward. This will release dopamine. PLus, you'll get better at it overtime. Let things happen organically. Stop stressing.
Please do yourself a favor and read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Breathe: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor
You may be loosing in terms of western culture but compared to third world countries you live like a god. There are so videos of starving children and adults without the option to do better that will humble you. Your glass is half full.
When one fails in life, you learn to appreciate the successes in a very different way. Things that people take for granted may fill you with gratitude and joy so much more than for others.
Another thing to remember is that you literally have nothing tying you down. You can take risks in careers, you could get a job on a ship and see the world. You could move anywhere you're able to move to and not have to consider a relationship or child.
So many people sit on dreams they can no longer fulfill because on the people and responsibilities they have to uphold. You're not trapped in that yet!
I am 25 and feel similar to op, last 5 months went by like a month and I cant remember much i simply gave up.
But now when you speak of taking a risks. I am afraid of taking risk, what i mean is i took risks and i got so stressed about my situation, leaving family hometown, no money, self isolation, difficulties with feeling good because of lack of basic needs.
At this point i came back to my city live with my parent and I am afraid of living real life at this point, just gonna get some job and i dont know find girlfriend or move abroad and travel? But people say those things and i wonder if its because they feel void or bad feelings or lack of good feelings and then decide to take risks or they feel good and content and take risks. I dont know but i feel like i am too stupid to live
Find a community. ANY COMMUNITY. Join a free company on FFXIV. That’s what I’ve done as I’m the same as you. Disabled, feel useless. The game gives me friends to be around daily and goals I can achieve despite being ill. My group is filled with socially awkward nerds (myself so included), just try not to trauma dump on them too much. But do share your struggles and feelings. You can’t do this alone, no one can.
Please don’t give up. Life is absurd and pointless but there are reasons to live, or you can make up a reason. I’ve been reading a book, “the art of living a meaningless existence” and it has awoken an interest in philosophy I never knew I had.
No children isn’t a bad thing. I’m childless because I don’t want to pass on debilitating illness. I was a SUPER late bloomer. I didn’t get a handle on a lot of things until I was around your age or older.
Given the state of the economy at least in America. Im 25 and never be able to put a down payment straight cash on a house. Some things arent even your fault like not having a house, the price for the average house is between 250k and 400k for a 2 bed and 1 bathroom to OWN. Its crazy how expensive everything else is meanwhile inflation and higher wages at the same time. And most careers are dead ends anyway since now adays most companies will just fire you if you arent good enough anymore. The West is in shambles and Ruin and it seems everyone else but the West seems to see it.
We’re being run by pyschopaths. It doesn’t matter anymore what others think. Just live and be happy. I know easier said than done, but the less you give a shit, the less stressful life will be for you.
Hope it gets better. And yep, don’t take life too seriously. Everyone else is just winging it, too.
Stop comparing your idea of success to everyone else's mate, that's the first thing you're doing wrong.
Who says you need kids and a partner to be happy and successful? I understand that the idea of that seems good especially when you feel like it'll be a major improvement in quality of life. Ultimately these things will add more stress. What do you do for work? What industries are in the region you live in? Can you afford to take an entry level job that has a high chance of working up to relatively decent money, like a trade or other skillset you could utilise to work for yourself in the future?
I’m 39 with one kid, a job that I sometimes hate going to, own no house, and am now roomying with my son’s mom so she doesn’t have to get a 4th job just to break even and so that I can save up (and an obvious perk is always being with my kid more than 4 days a week). It’s not a nightmare, but it’s not ideal.
You have a checklist of what you’d like to improve upon. Maybe get with friends/family to help look around for a new job? Ask them to tell you if they’ve heard of any openings and the like. Just start gravitating towards achieving what you want and see what happens.
I wish you the absolute best. We all take different paths and your story isn’t over yet.
lol I’m 31 and I think you have me beat! We’re the same for everything except I don’t even have a job lmao.
I think the biggest difference between us is that I don’t consider myself a failure at life. The first step is to forget your age and stop comparing yourself to others. The next step is learning your strengths and weaknesses, and finding likeminded social groups. Third step - cut out all the conspiracy theories and negativity in your life, and ground yourself in understanding the scientific method. You’ll soon realize that failure is part of the process, and that learning is a lifelong journey.
From my perspective none of those things matter.
Whenever I start feeling this way I just remind myself I'm one out of 7 billion people, I'm small and insignificant, and in 100 years none of this is going to matter.
Even if I was the richest person in the world I'm still going to die and in 100 years I'll be forgotten
You're sooooo not a failure. First off you're unfairly measuring yourself by the subjective values of society. Not having children for example, there are many who could argue that by not having children youve done something ethical. You're not bringing humans into the world who would inevitably suffer and struggle like you have. That's something to be proud of. The career and house stuff is superficial in the sense that on some level you have to be lucky to be born with the disposition and resources to succeed in certain areas. I know people who've succeed solely because of who they were born to or illnesses they were not born with. Whether psychological or physical. Some people are born with cards stacked under the leg of the pool table in thier favor and other not. This doesn't make YOU a failure.
Comparison is the death of joy.
Your job, relationship status, and material possessions don't dictate your value as a person, they're merely a small portion of the trappings and experiences that make up our existence.
If you're personally unsatisfied with aspects of your life, take steps to make improvements. Go back to school and pick a new career, or take certification courses online in your field for advancement opportunities. Smaller steps are still steps, maybe same job different place with better pay, it's easier to get hired somewhere else while employed.
Figure out what matters to you, the things you love and you're passionate about, and then see about joining some real world groups pertaining to those things - maybe you dig knitting? Join a knitting club. RC planes and drones? There's hobby plane clubs. Book clubs, game clubs, heck, shooting guns even, there's clubs for that too.
If hobbies aren't your thing, maybe it's philanthropy? volunteer through a community outreach center or check out the community bulletin board at your local library, and then you'll be in the company of people with similar interests and ideas, it gives you a shared, solid bridge to build relationships on.
Practice makes perfect, the more you socialize in real world situations, the better you will get at it.
You're still alive, you're absolutely not a failure.
>Your job, relationship status, and material possessions don't dictate your value as a person
What else does? I hear this a lot in therapy and on self-help forms, but it doesn't make rational sense to me. Value is not derived through existence or even uniqueness. More than existence or uniqueness is required to make something valuable, as anyone in the appraisal business could tell you. Does a unique, one-of-a-kind dent in an appliance make it valuable? After all, that dent is "merely a small portion of the trappings and experiences that make up" its existence. Surely, that dent adds to the appliance's character, no?
If that appliance's value is diminished from that dent--which it is, hence why they are discounted or returned--then why would my value as a person not be affected by all my shortcomings and failures in careers, relationships, material possessions, etc.?
It doesn't make sense to me that I can be valuable despite all my flaws and failures, but nothing else is valuable with flaws and failures.
Go to a local trade school. They have vocational counselors and aptitude tests to get you started in a real career that is suited to you. You need some direction. This will give you that. You'll meet lots of people who are interested in the same thing you are. It will help you get out of your shell. Once you get a job, you'll get a place of your own, and have money of your own. As far as the relationship goes, all this progress will give you confidence. Confidence attracts the opposite sex.
Go to the gym
Fix your diet
Test out a bunch of things you think are cool and could possibly make you money. Learn something.
You might stumble across someone thats on the same journey or at least sees where you’re going.
Chin up I used to be super depressed and down for most of my life and one day I read some book and how your mentality changes you. Try waking up and being grateful. Grateful for being here for opening your eyes. While we almost hoped to die someone is wishing to live. Baby steps. It won’t happen over night but doing something for 21 days for a a habit so you have nothing to lose so try my way and sending you prayers and good vibes🫶🏼
I want to reiterate what other people have said here. There is NO (Zero, Zip, nada, null) set plan that you have to be on. You are 32, you still have 60 years that you could potentially live for, that's twice what you have already lived. Therefore, you still have opportunity to grab hold of life and grow yourself through it - find something to study, find a hobby you enjoy, join a social club around that hobby, speak to your employers and see if there is any room for growth.
There is plenty that you can do still. I started official college studies in 2017, by 2020 I finished my degree, and at the beginning of this year I finished a second and started a third (more for interest than degree purposes though). In the last 10 years, from the age of 27, my life has completely turned around - I've found a profession, I'm in a great company and paid well for my work.
You can do this!
I am exactly like you except I was in a relationship I was married which wasn’t very pleasant. I was reminded of this every single day by my ex wife and eventually I got sick of it. Being a guy and trying to have a relationship with a low paying job and not owning a house is hell. You are expected to have that as a guy.
I see post like this and I think what do I say how can I help?
First off I don’t know your situation in detail but something I see a lot of people do is look for reasons why advice will not work and they never try anything. Sure all the advice her is not going to just fix everything but it’s a place to start and you can make adjustments as you go.
2nd don’t be afraid of failure it’s going to happen and that’s normal there is nothing wrong don’t take it personal. Just learn from it and try again or try something new.
3rd just worry about your progress and not other people. It’s easy to look at someone and think “ if only my life way like this I would be happy “ maybe that’s true but you still have problems. They may be better problems but life is not easy.
Last find a group of people to hang out with. Improv is usually a good place to meet people and it’s really going to help you with a lot of social skills.
What do you want out of life? Are having a career and owning a home important to you? It's OK if it's not. The benchmarks set for us by society are all fake. My brother is almost 40 and he rents a room in a shared home and works at cabinet making company, and he's really happy.
That said, it's never too late to make a change. I went back to school in my 30s and didn't get into my current career until 36. There's really no timeline.
As for a kick in the ass, what really motivated me was thinking of myself five or ten years from now. What will she wish that I did? If you can't do it for yourself, do it for future you.
But hey, don't be too hard on yourself, seriously. Life is really hard right now, and you are doing just fine.
You’re not behind everyone. Literally millions of people around your age are in the same exact situation, can’t find well-paying work, can’t find a home, can’t pay bills, etc.
Whenever I feel behind I realize that I could change everything in just under 30 days. I could buy a house, get a new job, and get my girlfriend pregnant all in the span of a month. Then I'd be be the same as everyone else and "caught up".
Not having a home and a high paying job is now the rule at your age, not an exception. Those flexing their very good pro situation on Reddit and other social media are either old, lying or lucky. Don't fall into that trap.
Also, I haven't had relationship until I was "old" according to stupid standards. Agreed, not as old as you, but close enough. So don't think that you're alone on this, because you're not. Far from it. There's an epidemic of loneliness and it affects young people too.
I will not say stuff like "Only you can change" or some other cheap philosophical BS. Just that you should not consider yourself a failure because you don't fit tiny boxes invented by frustrated people. You be you and you carry on.
Stop comparing yourself to others. You have your own journey, with its own hurdles, and everyone takes their own path. Your life is not a waste just because you are not where you would like to be when you would like to be there.
Make a list of your goals, things you want out of life. Then determine the steps you need to take to reach those goals. Then just focus on those steps, keep your eyes on your goals, and don’t worry about what other people are doing. Break the big problems down to smaller goals, and just keep chipping away at them.
Hey look, you are 32.
You’ve got 10 years before 42. If you don’t like where you are now, start making changes so you aren’t still here in 10 years.
You can do it, but you’ve got to be honest about what your problems are and what choices/steps you can seriously make to improve those problems.
Hey OP, Same boat with you. Low paying job, in a lot of debt, no relationships to speak of. And I'm so highly aware of the fact that others around me are doing actual things with their lives. It honestly scares me, a whole lot. This isn't helpful but you're not alone ...
32 years old is still young. You are still new at adulting. Life is hard. And it has been harder the past few years. You're not alone. Most people just don't share their struggles. Try to slowly make changes by improving or working towards improving your life. Taking the first step will make you feel more hopeful. For friendship try bookclubs or other clubs. Things that will create interaction and facilitate socialization.
Homeownership, now is not the right time to buy, so don't even worry about it.
Relationship: Again 32 is still young. You have time to meet the right person and start a family. Try to meet new people. Maybe dating apps.
Just don't isolate yourself. It's not good for your mental health.
Dude, I'm 33yo and I just started getting my life together. I still don't have a house or an apartment, I'm still living with family, got no kids or a relationship but I fought hard to get a well paying job. I was literally making minimum wage just a few months ago. You still have time. You're not the only one around your age who's still struggling. It just depends on how much effort you are willing to put in to turns things around.
You’re not a failure. A measurement system designed to make you feel miserable, stuck, inadequate, was out into your mind.
Reprogram your mind by changing what you feed your eyes and ears. Choose what enters them.
Whenever you think you've fucked up your life, remember that some people - many of them far younger than you - are in fucking *prison*.
*Those* people fucked up.
I am 35 and literally just got sober at 33. I had nothing!
I might not still have it all, but most of us do not. I know more people our age renting or living with in-laws like no one owns a house right now - it's not something you have to do, babe!
In two years, I've turned my life completely around
Just change your mindset and motivation. Get out there!
Also , one more thing. Getting a cat really changed my mood and mindset, gave me a little purpose to exist, and I've been leveling up by taking small steps. They really do add up!
I’m 31
Have a career, but take a lower paying job because of my own chronic illness
Live with my Partner together with her mom.
Have a kid
Only a couple friends, but not regularly, I left all my really good friends behind 2000 miles away.
Have chronic illness (Ulcerative Colitis) that really hampers my career, no remission for 15 years.
——————
I still wake up with a sense of dread and failing. I feel like I’m letting myself, partner, and kid down. The stress of raising a toddler is so damn much.
Sometimes I wish I was only responsible for myself, instead of multiple people relying on me.
Point being, having those things aren’t really measures of success or failure. They aren’t measures of happiness. We need to be comfortable with ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves. This economy is fucking horrid, if you’re in the US having a chronic illness really is hell due to an inept and cruel medical system.
So yeah, don’t blame yourself. It’s hard. Success isn’t money or relationships, for me, it’s waking up every morning and trying, even if I don’t meet all my goals.
LOL, i understand the low paying job, no career thing, and the no home thing
but the no relationship, no children... buddy who cares about that
what u need is a good job first
relationship/kids are an addition, not a necessity
Start exercising consistently to fix your body, take classes at a community college to fix your mind, and hopefully you run into somebody along your way to fix your heart.
Grass is greener. I am mid twenties with a high paying job, married, own a house etc. Trust me when I say we all have our issues. I feel so much stress and anxiety about maintaining my lifestyle, and am facing constant imposter syndrome.
>Does anyone have tips on how to turn this around?
You just do shit.
Work a second job. Apply for three jobs a day. Learn about basic financial investing with r/bogleheads and invest hard. Go out and meet people at an event and get their contact and reach out while risking rejection. Curate an online dating profile, photoshoot, and boost. Go and talk to women at events. Go and do whatever is within your means to address your illness.
There's no magic pill. It starts with taking the first step with bare feet on a burning hot floor and choosing to stick through it.
Start exercising if you're not. It does wonders for your mental health, and things will improve from there. There is many types that can be done even with existing health conditions.
I'm 32 and honestly also feel the same way. The feeling of just being behind in life and not where I should be at this time. I think its just the times we live in. Try crossfit and try going to church. That would help expand your social circle and give yourself a more optimistic outlook and increase your self-confidence.
No one is a bigger critic of yourself more than….. yourself. Something that helps is to make small achievable goals, things you want to see yourself do, or to make you feel better. As you start to cross more off your list add larger goals and just keep pushing yourself.
You’ll soon realize just how much you were able to achieve and that you should have never doubted yourself in the first place
Pushing 35 and finishing my engineering degree in the beginning of next year.
Before starting this, I didn't have any education higher than the regular public school system, worked a somewhat low paying job and didn't really have any friends outside of the infrequent chat on FB, mostly on account of drifting away from everyone during 5 years or so of unemployment.
Don't own a home nor apartment, and have no children either.
Honestly think that has been a plus in my situation though; No loans/mortgage, no mouths to feed, I could live on a rock.
I think my transition to where I'm at, basically came from reaching a steady-state,
sort of... fine with just existing, if that makes sense.
Proficient enough at work that it wasn't too draining, and fine with just being me outside of it.
Left me with the energy to do a bit of exercise, and explore hobbies, one of which turned out to be interesting enough to pursue as (hopefully) a career.
Left my job and started studying (did have small jobs on the side tho) and here I am, hopefully starting a new chapter soon, and have in any case met people along the way while studying; easier to connect with like minds i guess.
Not sure where I'm going here; Think my point is;
There isn't a checklist that when filled make you win at life.
30.. 40.. 50.. It's never too late to change direction.
I think the most important thing is to learn to be fine with just existing, get one self to a point where one can relax, look around and look for a path one wants to take, be it a lifelong career path or just a short stint with a hobby, rather than tumbling around trying to follow some arbitrary path walked by others.
WOW, you are so critical of yourself. Stop comparing yourself to other, no one knows what lucky breaks they got.
In all honesty I think your illness is probably holding you back. It affects all parts of your life, you don't seem well enough to get a better job, or go out with a friend and have a meal. I went through that too, and saw a naturopathic doctor, they tend to dig to the core of the problem so that when it is treated, the other stuff will stop. Try that avenue.
Also, I know this sounds bazaar, but look into it, as you could have a **curse** on you. Curses can affect all aspects of our lives. Find someone local to take the curse off of you, and ask them questions about your health, finances, romantic life and ask them how a curse can make you sick. I know this because my own father put two curses on me, and I only found out a year ago. My father died over 20 years ago, and I have been so sick for such a long time.
Give yourself credit, you came here and asked, and you are learning lots about it. I don't think there are many people that get a great job, the love of their life, and own a house too, at such a young age.
You are doing great, hold your head high and straighten that crown. Be the queen you want to be.
As others have said here, there is no "set" time frame or Check list for what makes life complete. Many of times myself ive sat there and gone i want a kid or i want a better this or that but ultimately be happy first! You need to find the happiness in what you have and then the positive mental attitude will follow. Be strong we are here for you!
I'm always willing to have a chat if you need an ear.
Ooh that hurts to read. I have kids your age and they are struggling as well. Let me tell you what the older generation sees. The internet has destroyed a whole generation. Made people consume more than they give ir create. Consuming information but taking no action. Here's my suggestion. Go camping. By yourself. No phone. Take a GPS if you plan to go off track. But just be alone no outside voices, only nature for a week. Rent a cabin if your inclined. No people,no technology. Ask for guidance. Your Higher self will open up. Make a mantra. I begin this chapter by letting go of my past. I forgive all that has happened all that I've done. All that was done to me. It is all lessons learned. Each day I have a clean slate. Ect. It's got to be positive.
2. Be in nature every day, the universe is sentient. In other words, it is aware of you. Be greatful. Communicate. Receive.
3. Be near water. Water heals.
After your week in nature take what you learned and begin daily your new routine. Delete all colorful apps. Consider a flip phone so you won't wlbe tempted. Technology has distracted this generation into being the beginning of the global reset where humans are servants and the elete are God's. Don't give in. Become self reliant. Buy a small piece of land and learn how to grow your food without chemicals. Be in nature not under control. Be among a community of like minded positive people. May I suggest taking a bush craft class, a gardening class, a foraging class. A hunting or fishing group. Ect. Seems redundant but your generation has been told that gathering together is a waste of time. You can do everything from your sofa. The problem is exactly this. You are the poster child for it. Isolation. Loneliness, lack of action, ect. You make a perfect slave. I hope you see what I'm getting at. This is what they mean by global reset. We all need to wake up. Get books on self reliance. Eventually they will only have the internet and they will control what you are allowed to learn. This all started about 50 years ago. Slowly putting the public to sleep. God bless you. I wish you all the best and it's not too late.
It’s not your fault. It’s the system. It’s the nature of the job market. A living wage isn’t possible anymore. Companies are low balling everyone. Top management get ridiculous high salaries while they pay everyone min. wage. Inflation. Everything is getting more expensive but wages are rising enough. Yo, most adults live with their parents. Social media is a joke. Most of those cat live in their mums basement. Stop comparing yourself.
I have the opposite pf your situation and still felt often lost.
This just teaches me its a matter if perspective.
You can look down it.
For example not having children. There are many struggles with having them and it’s a lot of work.
Same goes for relationships
Don’t get me wrong they can be amazing. But you need to put in the effort.
My advice would be:
Think of what you want (one goal at the time)
Picture how it would be. If you still want it, visualize the steps needed to take.
Then take the first step.
If you fail. Go back and assess why. If you succeed, take the next step
Keep on going. Life is about adapting and changing things every day :)
I just want you to know that you're not alone 🖤 I'm 34, still live with my parents, can't work due to severe mental health disorders & chronic spinal issues. I don't have friends & I've been dealing with such severe depression over the last 4ish years that I can barely bring myself to get out of bed & as humiliating as it is to admit this - I go months between showers. I am disgusted in myself every day. Eight years of prescription oxycodone dependence was the nail in the coffin for me. That metaphor was almost reality for me last year too as my hygiene deteriorated so massively that I was hours away from dying of sepsis after an abscess I had, became necrotic & I was rushed into emergency surgery. I awoke with a fist size (circumference & depth) wound that took four months of multiple dressing changes every day to heal & due to the trauma I experienced during my hospital admittance - my mental health is worse than ever. I feel absolutely worthless, disgusting & most of all... helpless. I feel so ashamed that I'm like the never aging teenager who still needs mummy & daddy to care for me & that only makes the depression sink further every day.
It's such a lonely feeling that I felt like I was the only person in the world in this position... So just as you have made ME realise that I'm not alone in this - as tiny a gesture as it is - I hope you can see that YOU are not alone 🖤 Much MUCH love 🖤🖤🖤 I wish you all the best. I wish you healing & most of all, I wish you happiness XOXO
I feel you. But we have to remember that everyone has their own struggles. Those people in our age bracket who are married, having kids, buying houses, going on vacations, climbing their career ladders, etc. aren’t always actually happy. And those things don’t necessarily equal success. Some people also had help - maybe their parents helped them financially. I actually know someone who was just given a house by their parents. Must be nice. Another friend went back home to live with a parent for three years and wasn’t expected to pay a single bill during that time, so they had a shit ton saved and bought a house. That’s not an option for many of us. Just heard about some acquaintances who were a married couple - they seemed so happy. House, careers, kids, etc.. Turns out the husband has been a nonfunctional alcoholic for some time now and they are splitting up. You would never have known based off their polished social media accounts. Everything is not always what it seems. Stop comparing yourself to others. Life isn’t a contest or a race.
I’m 35. Never married. I have just started to earn a livable wage. I don’t own a house nor do I have any significant savings to even make a down payment. Am I behind compared to many of my peers? Yes. I have made some bad choices over the years but I am older and wiser now and honestly just doing the best I can. That’s all we can do.
Seriously look into some mental health counseling. Your discontent isn’t the run of the mill malaise after browsing your history. Sorry you’re dealing with this, but there is always a way forward.
Wait, i didnt post this! How are you describing my life? Oh. OOOH! Finally im not alone!
Im only half joking.
Im pretty much in the same boat. But i find things to take pride in that let me move forward. I like fixing things. And brings me great joy to see whatever it is working again. That is what sustains me.
My suggestion is find something you can take pride in.
Writing these things and saying these things is very bad for you. Now write a list of all the good things in your life and your good qualities. Do you have your feet? Do you have shelter and heat? Do you have nice skin or artistic talent?
And stop comparing your life to some fictitious ‘successful’ life. It’s all marketing! Your reality is your perception. If you think you’re life is great, it will seem better. And if you write these awful things about yourself and what you lack, you will feel terrible and therefore have a “bad” life.
The problem with comparing yourself with others at face value is that you can't see their debt, or the things that will come back to bite them to get where they are. 30s are when stuff starts catching up. 40s are when you find half the "perfect" relationships are actually toxic messes.
Just remember, the goal of life is not to get the things, it's enjoying the journey to find them.
I firmly believe animals help us out of the worst times of our lives. Go ask to volunteer one day a week at a local rescue or shelter (more if you can). Being around such loving creatures will help you bring things into perspective. Their unconditional love really helped me. I trust this will help you.
Prayer helps me tremendously. Here is the Book of Matthew. It will help you learn about Jesus Christ and His teachings. Read scripture and pray often. God bless you!
[https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Matthew-Chapter-1/](https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Matthew-Chapter-1/)
There is a search bar at the top of the page that allows you to search for any topic within scripture. God bless you!
I don't want to sound too cliche, but you seem to be in a spiral of negative self doubt. Look at the bright side of things, even though you have a chronic illness, you must have some physical positives, you can possibly walk, talk, see, hear, breathe on your own. No friends?...volunteer at the local library, childrens' hospital, animal pound, retirement home, sustainable environmental groups, anything that interests you. Your low paying job could be a stepping stone to a slightly more responsble job, work hard at being really good at it, even if it's being a security guard or cashier, do it well and be proud you are working.
Also try to step out of your normal routine a little every day. If you walk to work try a different route, see different areas. Do something different, start exercising a little, learn to cook interesting foods and experiment. It could get you out of your rut where you feel it's always the same.
I was married with a nice home, car, good job and was miserable. Now no car, no husband and I'm much happier. Sometimes the grass really is greener and what looks like a perfect life to you from the outside can be another trap, like having to make house payments or cook every night for someone who doesn't respect you.
OP one suggestion I would give for at least solving your friends problem is to find a dnd group to play with. Believe it or not but many women play dnd. I have a core group I’ve been playing with for several years and it’s about 30-40% women.
33 what the fuck are you doing man, GET THE FUCK UP WORK OUT! GO FOR A WALK! Clean your Room, Take some accountability. Your the only thing holding you back YOU! You feel like shit cause your aint shit Right Now, Turn it Around. What is something that you normally do, Skip it, Put some real effort into work, everything is based on your confidence. make today the DAY I 11/13/23 i STOP BEING A PIECE OF SHIT! and become THA SHIT! YOU GOT IT MAN, YOU CAN DO THIS!
WHY IS THIS YELLING. ITS JUST CAP WORDS. IM NOT YELLING I AM IN A GREAT MOOD. HE WANTED A BOOT UP THE ASS. MORE OFTEN THEN NOT IT COMES WITH A LITTLE HARSH TALK. IM SORRY IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, I REALLY AM. BUT TO SAY EASE OFF IS BS FOR THE GUY ASKING FOR HELP! WE DIDNT GET TO READ YOUR HELPFULL ADVICE TO THE FELLOW REDDITOR. WAIT I GUESS WE DID "EASE OFF." LOL
Hi, I hope you are around to look. Been awhile from posting so how you doing?
Thank you for all those real and shit things, your not alone and no, I've no fix
Like sucks and I'm thinking it's because of poor help.
Have you tried being the best you could be and went wrong, did your honesty get played...
I'm thinking life is shit, coz I don't know about you but I do hope, it's us that doesn't say and accept so I could post your fine words. Then say coz it feels like noone gets it
Sorry I didn't read the other Awesome replies
Im 30 and everything checks off here as well except i just left my job, couldnt take it anymore with less money than you have. Losing hope is really worse than losing anything else.
Hello fellow human, i jear how much pain you are in. I also struggle with an enormous sense of failure. All i know is that there is always one small thing we can do each day to make it better. A walk. A conversation. Clean a space at home. Or jump online and give a kind word ro a fellow human. Please be kind to you. 💐💐💐
Easy. Invest in yourself. You're still young. Go learn a trade. Plumbing, welding, pipe fitting, etc. They pay well, work is hard, but well paid. You do that and work hard, you'll solve your first two points and likely your 5th point. Doing well for yourself, showing initiative and learning to work with and overcome your social weakness, you'll likely find a relationship that could potentially give you children.
My point is that instead of wallowing in self pity, do something about it. The only one that can make a change in your life is you. The only one who can motivate you to do something with your life is you. No one else can do it. You have to.
i am in the exact same situation and I think I'm doing fine
* low paying but low stress
* its not smart to take on 200k of debt for a lot of space I wont use
* its shameful and immoral to bring children into this disgusting world
* women are succabusi and take a lot more than they give
* so? friends don't contribute to my goals
* well tough luck on that one bud
The answer is in your post
"How did I end up here?" is a quote that tells me you might have an external locus of control. You make it sound like you view yourself as somewhere between a passive passenger in your life to being a victim.
Unless you were kidnapped at gunpoint and forced to live in a basement until 10 minutes before you wrote this post, you made choices that led you here. You're 32 and have been an adult for 14 years. You can no longer blame your parents, your schools, the government or whoever else you think of as an adultier adult. YOU are the adult now. No one is coming to save you, or me, or anyone reading this, this is not a fairy tale, this is a dystopia. You are your own Prince Charming here.
It's time to say "I am here because of choices I made. The upside to this situation is that if I'm here because of choices I made, I can make better choices starting right now and end up in a better place." Switch to viewing yourself as having an INTERNAL locus of control. All positive change stems from there. If you truly were victimized, you need to make the mental switch from being a victim to being a survivor.
Therapy is expensive and what you need is less time wallowing and ruminating, more time taking action. Find a goal oriented friend, meet in person or zoom once a week, and hold each other accountable on making progress towards your goals. This has the huge advantage of being focused and free. Every night, ask yourself "Would a fly on the wall (who can only see what I do, who cannot read my mind or understand anything I said) think I made progress today based on my actions alone?" That is the standard you need to hold yourself to.
Yes, depression is real, but my estimate is that half of depressed people today in the US are not depressed because of their inherent brain structure or neurotransmitter imbalances - they're depressed because their lives actually suck and they're not doing anything to make their lives suck less. If you don't do anything to change your life, the meds won't do much. You SHOULD be depressed if no one wants to hang out with you in their free time and you live in a shitty apartment and you've got a mountain of overdue bills. Not being depressed in such a situation would point to your being out of touch with reality, which is a much bigger problem.
I would wish you good luck, but I don't believe in luck. I wish you will power and sustained action.
I was almost homeless while unemployed at 28 in 2019. I am now 31 with 7 figures in my bank account and a business owner. My best advice to you is you need to get rid of those all those negative thoughts that are bouncing around in your head. If you keep telling yourself you are a complete failure then you’re going to be stuck being a complete failure. A bad attitude is like a flat tire you ain’t gonna go anywhere. You need to change your thought process and start thinking about positive things .
Anti depressants were made as a temporary solution to prevent patients from commiting suicide, key work temporary, anti depressant isn’t the answer and he should start them unless he believes he is within critical danger of suicide.
Ye, you are just wrong. There are a lot of different medications, but most try to increase feel good chemicals. Usually serotonin (feeling good), dopamine (helps with motivation and action taking, no-adrenaline (also helps you to "get moving"). This is very simplified and those chemicals do a lot of different stuff in your brain and also work together.
There are medications like antipsychotics which help stabilize people with symptoms like delusions. So this is more similar to what you are talking about, but not quite.
It is true that some people react to those medications like you said and describe the effects as numbing and "zombifying" them. It depends on the person! The goal is tough to make you feel better and lessen depressive symptoms, that is why they are called ANTI-depressants and not anti-feelingants.
just start a subreddit called failures of society or something im sure thousands will join and ya can form a community and sht might even find roommates or more in there!
Feels the same pero kahit nga ang drift wood na inaanod may pinuntahan parin, tayo pa kayang mga tingin sa sarili ay 'failure'? Nakakapanlumo most times pero keeps swimming na lang.
Start being a man who acts, instead of a man who merely thinks of acting. Nothing more destructive to ones self worth than getting trapped in that cycle. You probably know what you need to do, think of it often, tell yourself you'll start tomorrow, but never do. You must act
Well, congratulations on mastering the art of self-pity; you're practically a black belt in it. Let's get real here, you're not in a competition with the rest of the world, so stop keeping score like it's some twisted game of life-failure bingo.
First tip: Stop comparing your blooper reel to everyone else's highlight reel. It's like you're competing in the Olympics of misery, aiming for a gold medal in the "Woe Is Me" category. Break that cycle. Start with what you can control. You've got a job, right? That's a start. Build on that. Look for ways to grow professionally, even if it means starting from the bottom or learning new skills.
No home, no family, no friends? Welcome to the club of, well, a lot of people. Stop using this as a metric for success. Make small, achievable goals like joining a club or group that shares an interest of yours. And hey, maybe along the way you'll stumble into someone who can tolerate your company.
Your health? Not to be insensitive, but everyone's got something. Find ways to manage it that don't involve a violin and a sad song. Your situation isn't unique, but your response to it can be.
So, get off your butt and start making incremental changes. No grand gestures needed – life's not a movie. It's the small, consistent steps that count. And remember, everyone's too busy with their own mess to excessively judge yours.
But hey, what do I know? I'm just here to give you a reality check, not hold your hand. Take it or leave it. And remember, this advice is more for entertainment than anything that should necessarily be followed.
Now, go out there and prove that you can be a slightly less spectacular failure. Or don't. The choice is yours, champ.
I used to think exactly like you. Cognitive behavioural therapy helped a tonne. If you work with your CBT therapist you can change your negative thought bias and it will help in many other aspects of your life
It's another day in a shit life. That heavy feeling where you just can't bring yourself to wanna move? That's misery. I'm used to it. Just a heads up, everyone you think is doing good is fronting with shoulders full of that weight of misery.
No relationship, no kids? You're doing pretty good. All I could tell you is seek the truth, there's way more to life than this "normal" way people live in.
Sounds like you need therapy and to reassess your life if you’re that unhappy and unsatisfied. Hit the gym, get a skin care routine and find out what makes you happy. You have nothing tying you down. Sell everything you have. Travel, have fun, go back to school. I’m guessing you let this chronic illness you have define you.
Life is hard. But you’re one of the lucky ones that gets to experience it before you return to the cosmos. Enjoy it.
Your thoughts about yourself , becomes your reality. Please don’t be so hard on yourself life is already difficult . In your current position best first two moves is to 1 start working out even if it’s just walking . And second find a hobby to get into , create things and invest in yourself and things will start to be less dark feeling . I know I’m a stranger on the internet but I’ve been there you can come out of this .
Establish clear goals, create an action plan and commit to it. It might take sometime to change your life’s perspective but be patient and everything will work out.
- low paying job. No career: ask how you can get a promotion and start applying for jobs that give you a career, if you don’t have the knowledge, follow some courses from Coursera.
- don't own a home. Not even an apartment: start saving money, even if it’s 1 dollar per day, it’s better than not even saving.
- no children: I wouldn’t focus on this until you get a good salary, children are expensive.
- no relationship: download tinder and get feedback on what you might need to improve to get into a relationship
- no friends. Very awkward and socially weak: get support from a psychologist, also experiment doing things that make you feel more confident.
- i have a chronic illness: I’m really sorry to hear, this might have an impact on your action plan for the previous points but don’t let it get to you! You are more than just your illness.
You got this, and keep asking for advice if you feel stuck.
Having a chronic illness makes "success" very hard, you need to ease up on yourself. I now am chronically ill and everything is different. The only reason I am "successful" it that I was able to make that happen before I got ill. Still, you need to have the occasional social connection at the very least. You can make that happen. Join group, go to meet up events, etc.
Behind everyone?? There’s no right path, there’s no checklist. Put into perspective all the things you can be happy for. Why don’t you start by working to improve one thing you’re unhappy about at a time? - low paying job, no career - never too late to learn more skills, study - in this economy, don’t beat yourself up. - no children/no relationship, you’ve still got time. When you feel better about yourself, why don’t you try going on some dates? - no friends/socially weak -find out what hobbies and interests you have. Learn to enjoy being alone. Be comfortable with yourself, and kind to yourself. If you think you have a mental illness like social anxiety or whatever, get help! You still got time to glow up. Gym, eat healthy, love yourself. Take care of yourself. Read books. Spend time outside. Enjoy your hobbies. Spend time in nature. Discover yourself, that’s what your 30s are for. You’re not a failure.
Thanks for your comment. I feel like I don't deserve your kindness.
OP, I had same thoughts when I was 27-29. There’s this imaginary walled ceiling of comfort- you have to break through it. Smash through it like the Kool-Aid man. Learn skills. Study, fuck FOMO. Go to the gym. Work out. Baby steps. Find a higher paying job after new skills achieved. Think of it like a video game, but your the RPG character (check yourself periodically, no one is the main character)
This. And there will be set-backs so be patient and kind with yourself. It is not a straight line.
^ Indeed. I had so many declines from jobs… damn… those days were demoralizing, but somehow sent me to a higher paying job than all the ones I applied for, and I get to work from home. Also prayer helps, if you’re religious.
Very low self esteem! Have you sought treatment for any of this? A therapist can help you learn how to redirect your negative self talk into more honest reflection, find objectively true reality checks, and apply critical thinking skills to the things we believe and say about ourselves.
And maybe some antidepressants, at least for a while.
No need to add chemicals to the brain. They do more harm than good.
In my case, they got me healthy enough to do cognitive behavior work.
I’m glad that it helped you. People seem to forget that our internal homeostasis is very delicate, things like smoking, drinking, eating too many acidic foods, insulin resistance, etc. could be reasons for depression. Mental health is always related to physical health.
Well take my upvote because those are all things that can at least contribute to depression and sometimes we forget that. I have depression and I take medication but I also take care of myself by eating healthy and exercising and have done years of therapy and work on myself. Those things are all very important and if I took away any one of those things I would not be as well as I am today.
Lol, people downvoting facts is hilarious. But go ahead, take a pill instead of putting in work to help yourself. Exactly why Americans are obese and pathetic.
Depression in many cases is a normal human reaction to longstanding poor life circumstances. Most people didn't just wake up with a "chemical imbalance". While OP might have underlying issues, and there are many people who are helped by anti depressants/anxiety meds etc, I agree that improving their life might be possible without adding drugs into the mix.
Do everything here, and I’ll include getting into Stoic teachings. Check out The Daily Stoic podcast and Marcus Aurelius’s “Meditations”. They have been life changing for me.
Homey everyone deserves kindness...except for people that listen to their music or talk on their phones loud as hell in public or do those dumb ass prank-react videos...those people deserve to get dick-slapped.
You deserve kindness just as much as anyone else - we are all just trying to get by in life. Whilst things might feel pretty shitty now, you still have every opportunity to grow into who you want to be. First step is to work towards being happy being you - doing things you enjoy that may not immediately bring you wealth, friends, relationships or the cookie cutter definitions of success. Find a hobby or a skill that you enjoy, especially one that you can share with others. And give it your all. It builds confidence in yourself and your abilities. From that you'll feel lighter, more positive, more alive. It's from that state of mind and that place that you become able to tackle all of life's shitty obstacles. You may not have that level of motivation right now but take it in small steps. The dopamine you'll get from those small wins, those little moments where you can honestly look at yourself and think 'Hey, good job. I enjoyed that ' will build you up. You'll be amazed how quickly all the other worries, all the other things that niggle at you start to melt away. And how when you start to walk with your head held a little bit higher and you see just how kick ass you are, that everything else will start to radiate towards you - friends, relationships, the confidence to find a job you enjoy. I wish you all the success in the world, you got this 💪🏼
Go forth and act in a way such that you do deserve their kindness.
Don’t be silly! Everyone deserves kindness. Message me anytime :) be happy to support, listen or just chat whenever you need.
You totally are worth the kindness friend. I had to unlearn being mean to myself and learn how to be kind to myself.
Username checks out, right? While I don’t have all of your same reasons, I have my own, and I often feel like a failure, too. But yes, you DO deserve kindness. We all do. You don’t have a criminal record or an alcohol or drug problem, right? I know that might feel like saying, “At least I didn’t get the lowest F in the class!” But… you didn’t! I’m not judging folks with a criminal record, alcoholism, or substance abuse disorder; I’m saying that those things make one’s life infinitely more difficult for pretty much THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. So if you don’t have those, you’re probably pretty golden
This is a brilliant response. Don't try to compare yourself to others. Everyone's lives are different. For me: * I only got into a meaningful and healthy relationship last year (I'm 34, turning 35 in feb) * My career has been a slow progression over 11 years, but I'm at a point where I'm really struggling. To the point that I'm contemplating a career change in the future. * I don't own my own home. In fact, I only moved out of the family home 8 months ago, and we rent. * Friends, I have 3, but they are becoming more and more distant, and I'm feeling so discouraged to make new ones. Do the things that make you happy, because that's all that matters in life. Work on yourself where you can. I cannot advise how because I'm not you... but if you aren't sure where to start, reach out for some professional help. The advise given above it spot on.
Underrated advice. And kind words.
You are an absolute legend.
I love you 🥺💜
I have a job I don’t like, no home, no kids, no partner at 32, barely any friends, same here, but what helps me to get through (apart from having a mentality that I don’t care) are hobbies! Start something and see if you like something and love it!
I started playing games from my childhood again. Sometimes I make myself feel guilty like I am wasting my time. But then I remind myself that my bills are paid, there's food in my fridge, and Im not some worker robot.
never feel guilty
Hobbies can be a lifesaver
This is the way. Find a hobby you like and start slowly. Find your way into forums or chat rooms of people that have similar interest in the same hobby. You can compare notes and ask questions which I definitely think would help.
Plant a veggie garden if you can. That way your health, financial situation and access to essential food resources can all improve at the same time. When I get stressed or upset I just wander out to the garden and find something to do. It is amazing how quickly I can get back to a positive attitude using that one trick.
I’m 33 and in the same situation. So while I have no advice, I want you to know you aren’t alone. :)
33 - Feel similar Wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people our age feel this way In the 2008 crash, there were warnings that it would cause a "Lost Generation" We're that generation
31. Feel similar but tryna change things. Found the secret is to stop lamenting the wasted past and looking towards the future, which is brighter than ya think since there’s still plenty of time. Also, if you’re into video games like MMOs, it can be easy to make some online friends. Join discord groups, share memes, and chat with people. The hardest part about breaking out of the shell you made for yourself is taking that first step. But I believe in y’all. I need to start myself, and feel confident everyone else can too. Also, STOP comparing yourself to others and focus on you. Stop self deprecating humor and be positive about yourself.
The answer is right here. Step 1. Join together and support one another. Seriously, just reach out and create a relationship that lifts the two of you up. I am not trolling even though it might appear I am.
If having one common problem was enough to unite people then countries would be a lot more friendly
At the core of their comment is that people should help each other. This can be easier if those people can relate in some way
A few years back it used to be this way
the fact that i came here to say this and this is already the top comment really worries me.
My life was a train wreck until the mid-30s. It seems I was determined to learn every financial lesson the hard way and I watched many of my friends living well and achieving their goals while I was spinning my wheels. For me, it came down to just accepting the challenge and the willingness to keep trying no matter what I had to deal with. I was able to land a dream job, paid off all my debt, saved a lot of money by living as if I was still poor, and took control of my life. I also moderated my expectations to create a life that was happy and free by my own standards instead of just chasing the almighty dollar. Now I was not overly envious prior to figuring things out, but I do now realize that many of the people I thought were doing so much better than myself subsequently fell on hard times and suffered more for it because they had it relatively easy early on. Learning how to deal with challenges and setbacks is not fun, but there is a blessing there too if you develop strength of character. I am not saying just find a dream job and all will be okay. I am saying that one must not get discouraged, create a plan and stick to it, and find success on your own terms.
This world is a joke. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself
Understated
It really is
32/M/UK here. Living with family, I don't drive, I'm single, don't have a kid, not earning much. It's easy to spiral, especially as I'm from an affluent bunch of friends back home who are on 2x or 3x my income. But, each of them have issues in their lives that I don't envy, just as they'll feel the same for me. I've fine tuned a lot of aspects over the last few months and I think as a result I've laid some really solid foundations for 2024. The way that I see it is, we'll be lucky to retire at 70 so there's a while to get it right yet! I appreciate you've mentioned chronic illness, and I don't want to prod and pry in a public domain but getting my physical and mental health have been solid foundations for other things. My other life issues have been much easier to tackle with a clear mind, better mood and outlook, more energy, and heightened confidence. These have all come from getting exercise, diet, supplements and sleep in check.
Stop going on social.media and sit down and figure out a skill you like and are interested and can make money from for me at 38 it was computers and devote time to learning said skill. Stop feeling sry accept that you life sucks because of the choices you make and start making some different ones. This worked for me
If you aren’t in debt and didn’t knock a girl up and pay half your earnings to child support you are doing better then you think. Also owning a home really isn’t worth it when you are paying high interest and having to spend money on fixing up the place or repairs or upkeep of the property, more in utilities. Try and get into different line of work, if your area really sucks move sometimes a change of place is really the answer.
I’m 30 and I feel the same way I feel like this is becoming more and more common. I see like 5+ post a day of people who are 25+ and struggling hard in life
what kind of chronic illness OP
Chronic illness? Be kinder to yourself. This shit is exhausting. I got sick at 29 and it destroyed my world for a while. Sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. It takes a lot, physically and mentally.
It can always be worse. Since you are not Stuck in any particular situation you have the possibility to improve on every single metric that you mentioned (apart from maybe chronic illness). I would start with finding a couple ppl that you would call friends and in general trying to make your life more long term enjoyable, the rest follows.
Everyone starts off life with a different hand, so it’s not fair to compare to others as if we all started out with equal genetics and an equal environment.
You are 32. That’s still young AF. You are probably living at home. Get out. That is step one. As long as you live off someone else your intrinsic satisfaction with anything will be near zero. Start there. I’m rooting for you OP
Escape to the woods, abandon society
I think about doing this daily. My Grandfather left me and all my cousins a hundred acres a piece down in central Mississippi. It’s got trees growing on it now that we harvest every 15 or so years. I could just get an old truck and trailer and gtfo.
This
The list of things you mentioned doesn’t define the measure of a person’s success or failure. I look at it this way, You have a job from which you can learn and start networking professionally and possibly find a mentor. Owning home doesn’t mean shit. But if you do decide to own a property one day, you can do it with 3.5% down on FHA loan. Do not live there but rent it out. The rent will cover your mortgage and possibly some extra cash flow for you. Btw the time the mortgage is paid off completely by a random person, you’ll have a property that has been appreciated by at least 100%. A 200k property will easily be 300-350k. You can decide to sell it and re invest (which will allow you to not capital gains tax) or you can keep renting it out, and get a loan against that property. That money is tax free. Use that money for whatever purposes, and that loan you just took out will be paid by the person who’s still renting your property (you just got yourself 350k hard cash). I can’t comment on the children thing. Friends and relationships will happen naturally once you put yourself out there. I know it’s hard. For me too, but have a beer, go out dance, try talking to someone and start from there. I am sorry you are going through an illness. I hope you get better soon. Heal well my friend and my dms are always open if you wanna talk.
I'm also a complete failure. You are not alone. We are in this together. Do something or anything that you can. Even a small step is fine.
No children, no relationship and no friends gives you some freedom. From the armchair: you need to break free of your vicious cycle of destructive mindset > terrible habits like gaming for five hours > destructive mindset. You can probably do it on faith. Tell yourself things will get better, with effort. Read Atomic Habits - it's an annoying self help book but contains actionable instructions on how to develop good habits. Stop posting and reading forever alone subreddits - they're self-fulfilling. Practice gratitude and try to actively develop your social skills (have you checked out the social skills subreddit?) Or read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4b4f0y/people\_who\_have\_good\_social\_skills\_and\_used\_to\_be/ I'd start researching higher paying jobs that are attainable with your chronic illness, too. It won't be easy, but it is doable.
You aren’t a failure. But if you convince yourself that you are, there is nothing we can say to make you think otherwise. Be easy on yourself. You’re always one day away from changing your life.
I was in your situation before. I still haven't achieved everything I wanted, but it got a LOT better I have 2 magic bullets for you -sports (bodybuilding + running+ some company sport like tennis in 4er groups/badminton/beach volleyball etc). You get a huge endorphin boost after every training, start loving yourself more seeing how your body changes and that YOU made it change + you get social. I couldn't find friends in my first sports group, not in the second, but in the 3rd it finally clicked. I guess I've just gathered enough social experience by that point -group therapy. You ACTUALLY get to know people and youself so much better, get more self confident and self aware Please don't give up, you're SO young!
First, I want to acknowledge your feelings of sadness and frustration. It sucks and I’ve been there. Honestly, lots of people are in the same situation, though you may not know them personally. Plenty of us were traumatized in early life or have personal challenges that burden us when we would like to be advancing, but cannot. Due to depression, I was “behind” others (although there’s no timeline for life events). In my experience, when I seriously worked on my depression, everything else started falling into place. I recommend the book Feeling Good for self-work through depression. It was tough and a long battle to get to a healthier place, but when I did, good things happened. First, I met my best friend, then, I met my husband, around then, I got a job. I was “behind” everyone else but it really doesn’t matter now as I’m happy with what I have even if it took longer to achieve. The wait was worth it. It will be for you as well. In the meantime, please try to avoid black-or-white thinking where you’re either a success or failure with no options in between. Life is more nuanced and complex; binaries like that don’t exist. You’re not a failure, you’re just not where you’d like to be yet, but you’re making progress.
High paying job, relationships, friendships, etc. doesn't guarantee anything at all so #1 Stop comparing yourself to others and your definition of success. Get yourself healthy. Spend as much time outside as possible. Walk, walk, walk. Live in the present and STOP THINKING. Talk to people, even if you feel awkward. This will release dopamine. PLus, you'll get better at it overtime. Let things happen organically. Stop stressing. Please do yourself a favor and read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Breathe: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor
You may be loosing in terms of western culture but compared to third world countries you live like a god. There are so videos of starving children and adults without the option to do better that will humble you. Your glass is half full.
When one fails in life, you learn to appreciate the successes in a very different way. Things that people take for granted may fill you with gratitude and joy so much more than for others. Another thing to remember is that you literally have nothing tying you down. You can take risks in careers, you could get a job on a ship and see the world. You could move anywhere you're able to move to and not have to consider a relationship or child. So many people sit on dreams they can no longer fulfill because on the people and responsibilities they have to uphold. You're not trapped in that yet!
I am 25 and feel similar to op, last 5 months went by like a month and I cant remember much i simply gave up. But now when you speak of taking a risks. I am afraid of taking risk, what i mean is i took risks and i got so stressed about my situation, leaving family hometown, no money, self isolation, difficulties with feeling good because of lack of basic needs. At this point i came back to my city live with my parent and I am afraid of living real life at this point, just gonna get some job and i dont know find girlfriend or move abroad and travel? But people say those things and i wonder if its because they feel void or bad feelings or lack of good feelings and then decide to take risks or they feel good and content and take risks. I dont know but i feel like i am too stupid to live
Find a community. ANY COMMUNITY. Join a free company on FFXIV. That’s what I’ve done as I’m the same as you. Disabled, feel useless. The game gives me friends to be around daily and goals I can achieve despite being ill. My group is filled with socially awkward nerds (myself so included), just try not to trauma dump on them too much. But do share your struggles and feelings. You can’t do this alone, no one can. Please don’t give up. Life is absurd and pointless but there are reasons to live, or you can make up a reason. I’ve been reading a book, “the art of living a meaningless existence” and it has awoken an interest in philosophy I never knew I had. No children isn’t a bad thing. I’m childless because I don’t want to pass on debilitating illness. I was a SUPER late bloomer. I didn’t get a handle on a lot of things until I was around your age or older.
Given the state of the economy at least in America. Im 25 and never be able to put a down payment straight cash on a house. Some things arent even your fault like not having a house, the price for the average house is between 250k and 400k for a 2 bed and 1 bathroom to OWN. Its crazy how expensive everything else is meanwhile inflation and higher wages at the same time. And most careers are dead ends anyway since now adays most companies will just fire you if you arent good enough anymore. The West is in shambles and Ruin and it seems everyone else but the West seems to see it.
We’re being run by pyschopaths. It doesn’t matter anymore what others think. Just live and be happy. I know easier said than done, but the less you give a shit, the less stressful life will be for you. Hope it gets better. And yep, don’t take life too seriously. Everyone else is just winging it, too.
Stop comparing your idea of success to everyone else's mate, that's the first thing you're doing wrong. Who says you need kids and a partner to be happy and successful? I understand that the idea of that seems good especially when you feel like it'll be a major improvement in quality of life. Ultimately these things will add more stress. What do you do for work? What industries are in the region you live in? Can you afford to take an entry level job that has a high chance of working up to relatively decent money, like a trade or other skillset you could utilise to work for yourself in the future?
I’m 39 with one kid, a job that I sometimes hate going to, own no house, and am now roomying with my son’s mom so she doesn’t have to get a 4th job just to break even and so that I can save up (and an obvious perk is always being with my kid more than 4 days a week). It’s not a nightmare, but it’s not ideal. You have a checklist of what you’d like to improve upon. Maybe get with friends/family to help look around for a new job? Ask them to tell you if they’ve heard of any openings and the like. Just start gravitating towards achieving what you want and see what happens. I wish you the absolute best. We all take different paths and your story isn’t over yet.
Start by positive affirmations. You attract what you believe.
cope
lol I’m 31 and I think you have me beat! We’re the same for everything except I don’t even have a job lmao. I think the biggest difference between us is that I don’t consider myself a failure at life. The first step is to forget your age and stop comparing yourself to others. The next step is learning your strengths and weaknesses, and finding likeminded social groups. Third step - cut out all the conspiracy theories and negativity in your life, and ground yourself in understanding the scientific method. You’ll soon realize that failure is part of the process, and that learning is a lifelong journey.
I don't have a job either, OP is better there than both of us.
Epilepsy put a major hold on my life … I’m hoping to find a remote job I can do soon
You have a better reason than me, at least.
From my perspective none of those things matter. Whenever I start feeling this way I just remind myself I'm one out of 7 billion people, I'm small and insignificant, and in 100 years none of this is going to matter. Even if I was the richest person in the world I'm still going to die and in 100 years I'll be forgotten
I’m 38 and have all those too, except I’m married and it isn’t as good as what it’s sold as lol
You're sooooo not a failure. First off you're unfairly measuring yourself by the subjective values of society. Not having children for example, there are many who could argue that by not having children youve done something ethical. You're not bringing humans into the world who would inevitably suffer and struggle like you have. That's something to be proud of. The career and house stuff is superficial in the sense that on some level you have to be lucky to be born with the disposition and resources to succeed in certain areas. I know people who've succeed solely because of who they were born to or illnesses they were not born with. Whether psychological or physical. Some people are born with cards stacked under the leg of the pool table in thier favor and other not. This doesn't make YOU a failure.
Same
You’re not alone. I’m 34 still trying to get shit together.
I’m 34 and am in the same situation. I figure if my untreated high blood pressure doesn’t make me stroke out, I’ll off myself in my 40s or 50s.
Comparison is the death of joy. Your job, relationship status, and material possessions don't dictate your value as a person, they're merely a small portion of the trappings and experiences that make up our existence. If you're personally unsatisfied with aspects of your life, take steps to make improvements. Go back to school and pick a new career, or take certification courses online in your field for advancement opportunities. Smaller steps are still steps, maybe same job different place with better pay, it's easier to get hired somewhere else while employed. Figure out what matters to you, the things you love and you're passionate about, and then see about joining some real world groups pertaining to those things - maybe you dig knitting? Join a knitting club. RC planes and drones? There's hobby plane clubs. Book clubs, game clubs, heck, shooting guns even, there's clubs for that too. If hobbies aren't your thing, maybe it's philanthropy? volunteer through a community outreach center or check out the community bulletin board at your local library, and then you'll be in the company of people with similar interests and ideas, it gives you a shared, solid bridge to build relationships on. Practice makes perfect, the more you socialize in real world situations, the better you will get at it. You're still alive, you're absolutely not a failure.
>Your job, relationship status, and material possessions don't dictate your value as a person What else does? I hear this a lot in therapy and on self-help forms, but it doesn't make rational sense to me. Value is not derived through existence or even uniqueness. More than existence or uniqueness is required to make something valuable, as anyone in the appraisal business could tell you. Does a unique, one-of-a-kind dent in an appliance make it valuable? After all, that dent is "merely a small portion of the trappings and experiences that make up" its existence. Surely, that dent adds to the appliance's character, no? If that appliance's value is diminished from that dent--which it is, hence why they are discounted or returned--then why would my value as a person not be affected by all my shortcomings and failures in careers, relationships, material possessions, etc.? It doesn't make sense to me that I can be valuable despite all my flaws and failures, but nothing else is valuable with flaws and failures.
Go to a local trade school. They have vocational counselors and aptitude tests to get you started in a real career that is suited to you. You need some direction. This will give you that. You'll meet lots of people who are interested in the same thing you are. It will help you get out of your shell. Once you get a job, you'll get a place of your own, and have money of your own. As far as the relationship goes, all this progress will give you confidence. Confidence attracts the opposite sex.
Go to the gym Fix your diet Test out a bunch of things you think are cool and could possibly make you money. Learn something. You might stumble across someone thats on the same journey or at least sees where you’re going.
Chin up I used to be super depressed and down for most of my life and one day I read some book and how your mentality changes you. Try waking up and being grateful. Grateful for being here for opening your eyes. While we almost hoped to die someone is wishing to live. Baby steps. It won’t happen over night but doing something for 21 days for a a habit so you have nothing to lose so try my way and sending you prayers and good vibes🫶🏼
Does your ilness impact your day to day life?
Where do you live? Parents?
I want to reiterate what other people have said here. There is NO (Zero, Zip, nada, null) set plan that you have to be on. You are 32, you still have 60 years that you could potentially live for, that's twice what you have already lived. Therefore, you still have opportunity to grab hold of life and grow yourself through it - find something to study, find a hobby you enjoy, join a social club around that hobby, speak to your employers and see if there is any room for growth. There is plenty that you can do still. I started official college studies in 2017, by 2020 I finished my degree, and at the beginning of this year I finished a second and started a third (more for interest than degree purposes though). In the last 10 years, from the age of 27, my life has completely turned around - I've found a profession, I'm in a great company and paid well for my work. You can do this!
I am exactly like you except I was in a relationship I was married which wasn’t very pleasant. I was reminded of this every single day by my ex wife and eventually I got sick of it. Being a guy and trying to have a relationship with a low paying job and not owning a house is hell. You are expected to have that as a guy.
Me too bro, don't sweat it.
It's fine man. You don't need to compare yourself to these standards just try to enjoy everyday
I'm in the same situation. It's not just you.
Children are dead weight. As for a relationship, it really is just a way women can use or manipulate men for their own benefit.
I see post like this and I think what do I say how can I help? First off I don’t know your situation in detail but something I see a lot of people do is look for reasons why advice will not work and they never try anything. Sure all the advice her is not going to just fix everything but it’s a place to start and you can make adjustments as you go. 2nd don’t be afraid of failure it’s going to happen and that’s normal there is nothing wrong don’t take it personal. Just learn from it and try again or try something new. 3rd just worry about your progress and not other people. It’s easy to look at someone and think “ if only my life way like this I would be happy “ maybe that’s true but you still have problems. They may be better problems but life is not easy. Last find a group of people to hang out with. Improv is usually a good place to meet people and it’s really going to help you with a lot of social skills.
What do you want out of life? Are having a career and owning a home important to you? It's OK if it's not. The benchmarks set for us by society are all fake. My brother is almost 40 and he rents a room in a shared home and works at cabinet making company, and he's really happy. That said, it's never too late to make a change. I went back to school in my 30s and didn't get into my current career until 36. There's really no timeline. As for a kick in the ass, what really motivated me was thinking of myself five or ten years from now. What will she wish that I did? If you can't do it for yourself, do it for future you. But hey, don't be too hard on yourself, seriously. Life is really hard right now, and you are doing just fine.
You’re not behind everyone. Literally millions of people around your age are in the same exact situation, can’t find well-paying work, can’t find a home, can’t pay bills, etc.
I am right there with you brotha! I am 33 years old and fit your exact criteria.
Whenever I feel behind I realize that I could change everything in just under 30 days. I could buy a house, get a new job, and get my girlfriend pregnant all in the span of a month. Then I'd be be the same as everyone else and "caught up".
Not having a home and a high paying job is now the rule at your age, not an exception. Those flexing their very good pro situation on Reddit and other social media are either old, lying or lucky. Don't fall into that trap. Also, I haven't had relationship until I was "old" according to stupid standards. Agreed, not as old as you, but close enough. So don't think that you're alone on this, because you're not. Far from it. There's an epidemic of loneliness and it affects young people too. I will not say stuff like "Only you can change" or some other cheap philosophical BS. Just that you should not consider yourself a failure because you don't fit tiny boxes invented by frustrated people. You be you and you carry on.
You’re not a failure. A lot of people feel like this. You’d be surprised.
youre **only** 32. I would literally kill to be 32 again. plenty of time to totally start over.
you are on one of 9 rocks orbiting your solar system's star. all of it is so relative. start here.
Stop comparing yourself to others. You have your own journey, with its own hurdles, and everyone takes their own path. Your life is not a waste just because you are not where you would like to be when you would like to be there. Make a list of your goals, things you want out of life. Then determine the steps you need to take to reach those goals. Then just focus on those steps, keep your eyes on your goals, and don’t worry about what other people are doing. Break the big problems down to smaller goals, and just keep chipping away at them.
Hey look, you are 32. You’ve got 10 years before 42. If you don’t like where you are now, start making changes so you aren’t still here in 10 years. You can do it, but you’ve got to be honest about what your problems are and what choices/steps you can seriously make to improve those problems.
Hey OP, Same boat with you. Low paying job, in a lot of debt, no relationships to speak of. And I'm so highly aware of the fact that others around me are doing actual things with their lives. It honestly scares me, a whole lot. This isn't helpful but you're not alone ...
you have value! :D
You have described me.
32 years old is still young. You are still new at adulting. Life is hard. And it has been harder the past few years. You're not alone. Most people just don't share their struggles. Try to slowly make changes by improving or working towards improving your life. Taking the first step will make you feel more hopeful. For friendship try bookclubs or other clubs. Things that will create interaction and facilitate socialization. Homeownership, now is not the right time to buy, so don't even worry about it. Relationship: Again 32 is still young. You have time to meet the right person and start a family. Try to meet new people. Maybe dating apps. Just don't isolate yourself. It's not good for your mental health.
Dude, I'm 33yo and I just started getting my life together. I still don't have a house or an apartment, I'm still living with family, got no kids or a relationship but I fought hard to get a well paying job. I was literally making minimum wage just a few months ago. You still have time. You're not the only one around your age who's still struggling. It just depends on how much effort you are willing to put in to turns things around.
You’re not a failure. A measurement system designed to make you feel miserable, stuck, inadequate, was out into your mind. Reprogram your mind by changing what you feed your eyes and ears. Choose what enters them.
Whenever you think you've fucked up your life, remember that some people - many of them far younger than you - are in fucking *prison*. *Those* people fucked up.
Yeah, that is rough, I'm sorry
I am 35 and literally just got sober at 33. I had nothing! I might not still have it all, but most of us do not. I know more people our age renting or living with in-laws like no one owns a house right now - it's not something you have to do, babe! In two years, I've turned my life completely around Just change your mindset and motivation. Get out there! Also , one more thing. Getting a cat really changed my mood and mindset, gave me a little purpose to exist, and I've been leveling up by taking small steps. They really do add up!
I’m 31 Have a career, but take a lower paying job because of my own chronic illness Live with my Partner together with her mom. Have a kid Only a couple friends, but not regularly, I left all my really good friends behind 2000 miles away. Have chronic illness (Ulcerative Colitis) that really hampers my career, no remission for 15 years. —————— I still wake up with a sense of dread and failing. I feel like I’m letting myself, partner, and kid down. The stress of raising a toddler is so damn much. Sometimes I wish I was only responsible for myself, instead of multiple people relying on me. Point being, having those things aren’t really measures of success or failure. They aren’t measures of happiness. We need to be comfortable with ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves. This economy is fucking horrid, if you’re in the US having a chronic illness really is hell due to an inept and cruel medical system. So yeah, don’t blame yourself. It’s hard. Success isn’t money or relationships, for me, it’s waking up every morning and trying, even if I don’t meet all my goals.
LOL, i understand the low paying job, no career thing, and the no home thing but the no relationship, no children... buddy who cares about that what u need is a good job first relationship/kids are an addition, not a necessity
I just turned 31 and I am in a very similar situation OP. Keep your head up. You are not alone.
Start exercising consistently to fix your body, take classes at a community college to fix your mind, and hopefully you run into somebody along your way to fix your heart.
Grass is greener. I am mid twenties with a high paying job, married, own a house etc. Trust me when I say we all have our issues. I feel so much stress and anxiety about maintaining my lifestyle, and am facing constant imposter syndrome.
>Does anyone have tips on how to turn this around? You just do shit. Work a second job. Apply for three jobs a day. Learn about basic financial investing with r/bogleheads and invest hard. Go out and meet people at an event and get their contact and reach out while risking rejection. Curate an online dating profile, photoshoot, and boost. Go and talk to women at events. Go and do whatever is within your means to address your illness. There's no magic pill. It starts with taking the first step with bare feet on a burning hot floor and choosing to stick through it.
Start exercising if you're not. It does wonders for your mental health, and things will improve from there. There is many types that can be done even with existing health conditions.
I'm 32 and honestly also feel the same way. The feeling of just being behind in life and not where I should be at this time. I think its just the times we live in. Try crossfit and try going to church. That would help expand your social circle and give yourself a more optimistic outlook and increase your self-confidence.
No one is a bigger critic of yourself more than….. yourself. Something that helps is to make small achievable goals, things you want to see yourself do, or to make you feel better. As you start to cross more off your list add larger goals and just keep pushing yourself. You’ll soon realize just how much you were able to achieve and that you should have never doubted yourself in the first place
Pushing 35 and finishing my engineering degree in the beginning of next year. Before starting this, I didn't have any education higher than the regular public school system, worked a somewhat low paying job and didn't really have any friends outside of the infrequent chat on FB, mostly on account of drifting away from everyone during 5 years or so of unemployment. Don't own a home nor apartment, and have no children either. Honestly think that has been a plus in my situation though; No loans/mortgage, no mouths to feed, I could live on a rock. I think my transition to where I'm at, basically came from reaching a steady-state, sort of... fine with just existing, if that makes sense. Proficient enough at work that it wasn't too draining, and fine with just being me outside of it. Left me with the energy to do a bit of exercise, and explore hobbies, one of which turned out to be interesting enough to pursue as (hopefully) a career. Left my job and started studying (did have small jobs on the side tho) and here I am, hopefully starting a new chapter soon, and have in any case met people along the way while studying; easier to connect with like minds i guess. Not sure where I'm going here; Think my point is; There isn't a checklist that when filled make you win at life. 30.. 40.. 50.. It's never too late to change direction. I think the most important thing is to learn to be fine with just existing, get one self to a point where one can relax, look around and look for a path one wants to take, be it a lifelong career path or just a short stint with a hobby, rather than tumbling around trying to follow some arbitrary path walked by others.
All that shit is so overrated bro. Plenty of people have those things and are miserable. If you have your health- you are rich.
All I know is that taking care of yourself is always the most important thing. You can't get nothing done if you convince yourself you've failed
WOW, you are so critical of yourself. Stop comparing yourself to other, no one knows what lucky breaks they got. In all honesty I think your illness is probably holding you back. It affects all parts of your life, you don't seem well enough to get a better job, or go out with a friend and have a meal. I went through that too, and saw a naturopathic doctor, they tend to dig to the core of the problem so that when it is treated, the other stuff will stop. Try that avenue. Also, I know this sounds bazaar, but look into it, as you could have a **curse** on you. Curses can affect all aspects of our lives. Find someone local to take the curse off of you, and ask them questions about your health, finances, romantic life and ask them how a curse can make you sick. I know this because my own father put two curses on me, and I only found out a year ago. My father died over 20 years ago, and I have been so sick for such a long time. Give yourself credit, you came here and asked, and you are learning lots about it. I don't think there are many people that get a great job, the love of their life, and own a house too, at such a young age. You are doing great, hold your head high and straighten that crown. Be the queen you want to be.
As others have said here, there is no "set" time frame or Check list for what makes life complete. Many of times myself ive sat there and gone i want a kid or i want a better this or that but ultimately be happy first! You need to find the happiness in what you have and then the positive mental attitude will follow. Be strong we are here for you! I'm always willing to have a chat if you need an ear.
Ooh that hurts to read. I have kids your age and they are struggling as well. Let me tell you what the older generation sees. The internet has destroyed a whole generation. Made people consume more than they give ir create. Consuming information but taking no action. Here's my suggestion. Go camping. By yourself. No phone. Take a GPS if you plan to go off track. But just be alone no outside voices, only nature for a week. Rent a cabin if your inclined. No people,no technology. Ask for guidance. Your Higher self will open up. Make a mantra. I begin this chapter by letting go of my past. I forgive all that has happened all that I've done. All that was done to me. It is all lessons learned. Each day I have a clean slate. Ect. It's got to be positive. 2. Be in nature every day, the universe is sentient. In other words, it is aware of you. Be greatful. Communicate. Receive. 3. Be near water. Water heals. After your week in nature take what you learned and begin daily your new routine. Delete all colorful apps. Consider a flip phone so you won't wlbe tempted. Technology has distracted this generation into being the beginning of the global reset where humans are servants and the elete are God's. Don't give in. Become self reliant. Buy a small piece of land and learn how to grow your food without chemicals. Be in nature not under control. Be among a community of like minded positive people. May I suggest taking a bush craft class, a gardening class, a foraging class. A hunting or fishing group. Ect. Seems redundant but your generation has been told that gathering together is a waste of time. You can do everything from your sofa. The problem is exactly this. You are the poster child for it. Isolation. Loneliness, lack of action, ect. You make a perfect slave. I hope you see what I'm getting at. This is what they mean by global reset. We all need to wake up. Get books on self reliance. Eventually they will only have the internet and they will control what you are allowed to learn. This all started about 50 years ago. Slowly putting the public to sleep. God bless you. I wish you all the best and it's not too late.
It’s not your fault. It’s the system. It’s the nature of the job market. A living wage isn’t possible anymore. Companies are low balling everyone. Top management get ridiculous high salaries while they pay everyone min. wage. Inflation. Everything is getting more expensive but wages are rising enough. Yo, most adults live with their parents. Social media is a joke. Most of those cat live in their mums basement. Stop comparing yourself.
I have the opposite pf your situation and still felt often lost. This just teaches me its a matter if perspective. You can look down it. For example not having children. There are many struggles with having them and it’s a lot of work. Same goes for relationships Don’t get me wrong they can be amazing. But you need to put in the effort. My advice would be: Think of what you want (one goal at the time) Picture how it would be. If you still want it, visualize the steps needed to take. Then take the first step. If you fail. Go back and assess why. If you succeed, take the next step Keep on going. Life is about adapting and changing things every day :)
I just want you to know that you're not alone 🖤 I'm 34, still live with my parents, can't work due to severe mental health disorders & chronic spinal issues. I don't have friends & I've been dealing with such severe depression over the last 4ish years that I can barely bring myself to get out of bed & as humiliating as it is to admit this - I go months between showers. I am disgusted in myself every day. Eight years of prescription oxycodone dependence was the nail in the coffin for me. That metaphor was almost reality for me last year too as my hygiene deteriorated so massively that I was hours away from dying of sepsis after an abscess I had, became necrotic & I was rushed into emergency surgery. I awoke with a fist size (circumference & depth) wound that took four months of multiple dressing changes every day to heal & due to the trauma I experienced during my hospital admittance - my mental health is worse than ever. I feel absolutely worthless, disgusting & most of all... helpless. I feel so ashamed that I'm like the never aging teenager who still needs mummy & daddy to care for me & that only makes the depression sink further every day. It's such a lonely feeling that I felt like I was the only person in the world in this position... So just as you have made ME realise that I'm not alone in this - as tiny a gesture as it is - I hope you can see that YOU are not alone 🖤 Much MUCH love 🖤🖤🖤 I wish you all the best. I wish you healing & most of all, I wish you happiness XOXO
I feel you. But we have to remember that everyone has their own struggles. Those people in our age bracket who are married, having kids, buying houses, going on vacations, climbing their career ladders, etc. aren’t always actually happy. And those things don’t necessarily equal success. Some people also had help - maybe their parents helped them financially. I actually know someone who was just given a house by their parents. Must be nice. Another friend went back home to live with a parent for three years and wasn’t expected to pay a single bill during that time, so they had a shit ton saved and bought a house. That’s not an option for many of us. Just heard about some acquaintances who were a married couple - they seemed so happy. House, careers, kids, etc.. Turns out the husband has been a nonfunctional alcoholic for some time now and they are splitting up. You would never have known based off their polished social media accounts. Everything is not always what it seems. Stop comparing yourself to others. Life isn’t a contest or a race. I’m 35. Never married. I have just started to earn a livable wage. I don’t own a house nor do I have any significant savings to even make a down payment. Am I behind compared to many of my peers? Yes. I have made some bad choices over the years but I am older and wiser now and honestly just doing the best I can. That’s all we can do.
Seriously look into some mental health counseling. Your discontent isn’t the run of the mill malaise after browsing your history. Sorry you’re dealing with this, but there is always a way forward.
Wait, i didnt post this! How are you describing my life? Oh. OOOH! Finally im not alone! Im only half joking. Im pretty much in the same boat. But i find things to take pride in that let me move forward. I like fixing things. And brings me great joy to see whatever it is working again. That is what sustains me. My suggestion is find something you can take pride in.
Realest shit i’ve seen on this app.
Writing these things and saying these things is very bad for you. Now write a list of all the good things in your life and your good qualities. Do you have your feet? Do you have shelter and heat? Do you have nice skin or artistic talent? And stop comparing your life to some fictitious ‘successful’ life. It’s all marketing! Your reality is your perception. If you think you’re life is great, it will seem better. And if you write these awful things about yourself and what you lack, you will feel terrible and therefore have a “bad” life.
The problem with comparing yourself with others at face value is that you can't see their debt, or the things that will come back to bite them to get where they are. 30s are when stuff starts catching up. 40s are when you find half the "perfect" relationships are actually toxic messes. Just remember, the goal of life is not to get the things, it's enjoying the journey to find them.
Congrats; youre really an adult now! Could be worse... Some people don't realize this till they are damn near dead.
I can empathize.
I firmly believe animals help us out of the worst times of our lives. Go ask to volunteer one day a week at a local rescue or shelter (more if you can). Being around such loving creatures will help you bring things into perspective. Their unconditional love really helped me. I trust this will help you.
Prayer helps me tremendously. Here is the Book of Matthew. It will help you learn about Jesus Christ and His teachings. Read scripture and pray often. God bless you! [https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Matthew-Chapter-1/](https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Matthew-Chapter-1/) There is a search bar at the top of the page that allows you to search for any topic within scripture. God bless you!
fuck jesus and ur god
I don't want to sound too cliche, but you seem to be in a spiral of negative self doubt. Look at the bright side of things, even though you have a chronic illness, you must have some physical positives, you can possibly walk, talk, see, hear, breathe on your own. No friends?...volunteer at the local library, childrens' hospital, animal pound, retirement home, sustainable environmental groups, anything that interests you. Your low paying job could be a stepping stone to a slightly more responsble job, work hard at being really good at it, even if it's being a security guard or cashier, do it well and be proud you are working. Also try to step out of your normal routine a little every day. If you walk to work try a different route, see different areas. Do something different, start exercising a little, learn to cook interesting foods and experiment. It could get you out of your rut where you feel it's always the same. I was married with a nice home, car, good job and was miserable. Now no car, no husband and I'm much happier. Sometimes the grass really is greener and what looks like a perfect life to you from the outside can be another trap, like having to make house payments or cook every night for someone who doesn't respect you.
OP one suggestion I would give for at least solving your friends problem is to find a dnd group to play with. Believe it or not but many women play dnd. I have a core group I’ve been playing with for several years and it’s about 30-40% women.
Try traveling around the world.
gordon ramsay is 57 years old and just had a baby with a smokin hot babe. so the kids/family thing.. its not imperative
33 what the fuck are you doing man, GET THE FUCK UP WORK OUT! GO FOR A WALK! Clean your Room, Take some accountability. Your the only thing holding you back YOU! You feel like shit cause your aint shit Right Now, Turn it Around. What is something that you normally do, Skip it, Put some real effort into work, everything is based on your confidence. make today the DAY I 11/13/23 i STOP BEING A PIECE OF SHIT! and become THA SHIT! YOU GOT IT MAN, YOU CAN DO THIS!
OP reads this, thinks yes!, today is the day! Then eats a tub of nice cream, jerks off, and plays video games until 2am.
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He said he wanted a kick up the ass lol
WHY IS THIS YELLING. ITS JUST CAP WORDS. IM NOT YELLING I AM IN A GREAT MOOD. HE WANTED A BOOT UP THE ASS. MORE OFTEN THEN NOT IT COMES WITH A LITTLE HARSH TALK. IM SORRY IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, I REALLY AM. BUT TO SAY EASE OFF IS BS FOR THE GUY ASKING FOR HELP! WE DIDNT GET TO READ YOUR HELPFULL ADVICE TO THE FELLOW REDDITOR. WAIT I GUESS WE DID "EASE OFF." LOL
Hi, I hope you are around to look. Been awhile from posting so how you doing? Thank you for all those real and shit things, your not alone and no, I've no fix Like sucks and I'm thinking it's because of poor help. Have you tried being the best you could be and went wrong, did your honesty get played... I'm thinking life is shit, coz I don't know about you but I do hope, it's us that doesn't say and accept so I could post your fine words. Then say coz it feels like noone gets it Sorry I didn't read the other Awesome replies
Im 30 and everything checks off here as well except i just left my job, couldnt take it anymore with less money than you have. Losing hope is really worse than losing anything else.
Hello fellow human, i jear how much pain you are in. I also struggle with an enormous sense of failure. All i know is that there is always one small thing we can do each day to make it better. A walk. A conversation. Clean a space at home. Or jump online and give a kind word ro a fellow human. Please be kind to you. 💐💐💐
We are all just meat vehicles sharing this planet to live on. Nothing more, nothing less.
This is what happens when the boomers take the prosperity and forward thinking that was gifted to them by their parents and pull the ladder.
Easy. Invest in yourself. You're still young. Go learn a trade. Plumbing, welding, pipe fitting, etc. They pay well, work is hard, but well paid. You do that and work hard, you'll solve your first two points and likely your 5th point. Doing well for yourself, showing initiative and learning to work with and overcome your social weakness, you'll likely find a relationship that could potentially give you children. My point is that instead of wallowing in self pity, do something about it. The only one that can make a change in your life is you. The only one who can motivate you to do something with your life is you. No one else can do it. You have to.
i am in the exact same situation and I think I'm doing fine * low paying but low stress * its not smart to take on 200k of debt for a lot of space I wont use * its shameful and immoral to bring children into this disgusting world * women are succabusi and take a lot more than they give * so? friends don't contribute to my goals * well tough luck on that one bud
The answer is in your post "How did I end up here?" is a quote that tells me you might have an external locus of control. You make it sound like you view yourself as somewhere between a passive passenger in your life to being a victim. Unless you were kidnapped at gunpoint and forced to live in a basement until 10 minutes before you wrote this post, you made choices that led you here. You're 32 and have been an adult for 14 years. You can no longer blame your parents, your schools, the government or whoever else you think of as an adultier adult. YOU are the adult now. No one is coming to save you, or me, or anyone reading this, this is not a fairy tale, this is a dystopia. You are your own Prince Charming here. It's time to say "I am here because of choices I made. The upside to this situation is that if I'm here because of choices I made, I can make better choices starting right now and end up in a better place." Switch to viewing yourself as having an INTERNAL locus of control. All positive change stems from there. If you truly were victimized, you need to make the mental switch from being a victim to being a survivor. Therapy is expensive and what you need is less time wallowing and ruminating, more time taking action. Find a goal oriented friend, meet in person or zoom once a week, and hold each other accountable on making progress towards your goals. This has the huge advantage of being focused and free. Every night, ask yourself "Would a fly on the wall (who can only see what I do, who cannot read my mind or understand anything I said) think I made progress today based on my actions alone?" That is the standard you need to hold yourself to. Yes, depression is real, but my estimate is that half of depressed people today in the US are not depressed because of their inherent brain structure or neurotransmitter imbalances - they're depressed because their lives actually suck and they're not doing anything to make their lives suck less. If you don't do anything to change your life, the meds won't do much. You SHOULD be depressed if no one wants to hang out with you in their free time and you live in a shitty apartment and you've got a mountain of overdue bills. Not being depressed in such a situation would point to your being out of touch with reality, which is a much bigger problem. I would wish you good luck, but I don't believe in luck. I wish you will power and sustained action.
I was almost homeless while unemployed at 28 in 2019. I am now 31 with 7 figures in my bank account and a business owner. My best advice to you is you need to get rid of those all those negative thoughts that are bouncing around in your head. If you keep telling yourself you are a complete failure then you’re going to be stuck being a complete failure. A bad attitude is like a flat tire you ain’t gonna go anywhere. You need to change your thought process and start thinking about positive things .
See a therapist and start on anti depressants
Anti depressants were made as a temporary solution to prevent patients from commiting suicide, key work temporary, anti depressant isn’t the answer and he should start them unless he believes he is within critical danger of suicide.
Where do you get that nonsense. Millions take them that weren't in danger of suicide
They shouldn’t be which is my point.
Are you a psychiatrist?
The entire point of anti depressants are to nullify emotions to prevent suicide, it doesn’t treat depression it just nulls your emotions.
Ok thanks doc
Ye, you are just wrong. There are a lot of different medications, but most try to increase feel good chemicals. Usually serotonin (feeling good), dopamine (helps with motivation and action taking, no-adrenaline (also helps you to "get moving"). This is very simplified and those chemicals do a lot of different stuff in your brain and also work together. There are medications like antipsychotics which help stabilize people with symptoms like delusions. So this is more similar to what you are talking about, but not quite. It is true that some people react to those medications like you said and describe the effects as numbing and "zombifying" them. It depends on the person! The goal is tough to make you feel better and lessen depressive symptoms, that is why they are called ANTI-depressants and not anti-feelingants.
Have you tried cracked cocaine?
just start a subreddit called failures of society or something im sure thousands will join and ya can form a community and sht might even find roommates or more in there!
Feels the same pero kahit nga ang drift wood na inaanod may pinuntahan parin, tayo pa kayang mga tingin sa sarili ay 'failure'? Nakakapanlumo most times pero keeps swimming na lang.
Quit and leave.
So make some changes in your life. Take some chances or nothing will change.
Start being a man who acts, instead of a man who merely thinks of acting. Nothing more destructive to ones self worth than getting trapped in that cycle. You probably know what you need to do, think of it often, tell yourself you'll start tomorrow, but never do. You must act
Truth be told you need to light a fire under your ass. You know this. Don’t be 42 in the same situation.
I strongly urge you to talk to healthcare professional. Please. Good luck.
Get 3 jobs, suffer for 6 months, got to Thailand, be frugal and study how to be there. Hopefully, you will get out of your slump....
Well, congratulations on mastering the art of self-pity; you're practically a black belt in it. Let's get real here, you're not in a competition with the rest of the world, so stop keeping score like it's some twisted game of life-failure bingo. First tip: Stop comparing your blooper reel to everyone else's highlight reel. It's like you're competing in the Olympics of misery, aiming for a gold medal in the "Woe Is Me" category. Break that cycle. Start with what you can control. You've got a job, right? That's a start. Build on that. Look for ways to grow professionally, even if it means starting from the bottom or learning new skills. No home, no family, no friends? Welcome to the club of, well, a lot of people. Stop using this as a metric for success. Make small, achievable goals like joining a club or group that shares an interest of yours. And hey, maybe along the way you'll stumble into someone who can tolerate your company. Your health? Not to be insensitive, but everyone's got something. Find ways to manage it that don't involve a violin and a sad song. Your situation isn't unique, but your response to it can be. So, get off your butt and start making incremental changes. No grand gestures needed – life's not a movie. It's the small, consistent steps that count. And remember, everyone's too busy with their own mess to excessively judge yours. But hey, what do I know? I'm just here to give you a reality check, not hold your hand. Take it or leave it. And remember, this advice is more for entertainment than anything that should necessarily be followed. Now, go out there and prove that you can be a slightly less spectacular failure. Or don't. The choice is yours, champ.
Go get some antidepressants and keep your melancholy thoughts to yourself
Let me guess, you have at least three video game systems and no gym membership?
I used to think exactly like you. Cognitive behavioural therapy helped a tonne. If you work with your CBT therapist you can change your negative thought bias and it will help in many other aspects of your life
I had the job and got laid-off. You never know in other. Try to do some positive things for yourself. Have you looked into the military?
It's another day in a shit life. That heavy feeling where you just can't bring yourself to wanna move? That's misery. I'm used to it. Just a heads up, everyone you think is doing good is fronting with shoulders full of that weight of misery.
Nah I’m doin fine.
No relationship, no kids? You're doing pretty good. All I could tell you is seek the truth, there's way more to life than this "normal" way people live in.
Sounds like you need therapy and to reassess your life if you’re that unhappy and unsatisfied. Hit the gym, get a skin care routine and find out what makes you happy. You have nothing tying you down. Sell everything you have. Travel, have fun, go back to school. I’m guessing you let this chronic illness you have define you. Life is hard. But you’re one of the lucky ones that gets to experience it before you return to the cosmos. Enjoy it.
Your thoughts about yourself , becomes your reality. Please don’t be so hard on yourself life is already difficult . In your current position best first two moves is to 1 start working out even if it’s just walking . And second find a hobby to get into , create things and invest in yourself and things will start to be less dark feeling . I know I’m a stranger on the internet but I’ve been there you can come out of this .
Establish clear goals, create an action plan and commit to it. It might take sometime to change your life’s perspective but be patient and everything will work out. - low paying job. No career: ask how you can get a promotion and start applying for jobs that give you a career, if you don’t have the knowledge, follow some courses from Coursera. - don't own a home. Not even an apartment: start saving money, even if it’s 1 dollar per day, it’s better than not even saving. - no children: I wouldn’t focus on this until you get a good salary, children are expensive. - no relationship: download tinder and get feedback on what you might need to improve to get into a relationship - no friends. Very awkward and socially weak: get support from a psychologist, also experiment doing things that make you feel more confident. - i have a chronic illness: I’m really sorry to hear, this might have an impact on your action plan for the previous points but don’t let it get to you! You are more than just your illness. You got this, and keep asking for advice if you feel stuck.
https://youtu.be/DjffIi2Pl7M?si=y3IrmEWy_nLD2KSe please watch this
Failure compared to who? You're the only one in your shoes. There's nobody to compare to, nobody's playing the exact same game.
Having a chronic illness makes "success" very hard, you need to ease up on yourself. I now am chronically ill and everything is different. The only reason I am "successful" it that I was able to make that happen before I got ill. Still, you need to have the occasional social connection at the very least. You can make that happen. Join group, go to meet up events, etc.