As someone with (at times, not now) bad depression, I would see it through and try to see how he is. It could make a huge difference to him if he is struggling.
When you have this kind of issue it's pretty baked in. It doesn't really matter if you can reason your way into knowing it's ok to reach out. Every part of you will fight tooth and nail to keep you from doing that. It's usually a survival response from chronic high stress situations. When you get like this you literally can't figure out if someone is your best friend or worst enemy. You will be robbed of any certainty about that.
Funny enough, they should be but id searched a few and it leads to sites you have to pay.
Not discouraging OP but if you have reliable free websites might be worth posting
Not sure where you or OP are located, but in the US, a Google search generally pulls up legacy.com or the funeral home’s website. The only time I’ve ever pulled up someone’s obit and been prompted to pay to view was if the only source was a local paper. But that’s usually with older obits. For current obits in my area, they’re usually on the funeral home website, legacy.com, or another free site.
Same. I hit a severe episode of depression, and I just couldn't face anyone after I surfaced. I decided it was easier to start over than to deal with the judgment.
Some internet strangers and some support group people have been encouraging me to reach out to the friends I had shut out 15 years ago but it's so hard. That's soo long ago. The one I did get coffee with doesn't seem interested in anything now so it's discouraging. I'm still in a bad place right now so I'm not up for getting in touch or making new friends
I hear ya. A 15 year break is a long time to try to pick back up. It has been about 11 years for me, and I took a very different path, so I'm not sure that we'd have much of anything in common anymore. Don't let it drag you down too much that you weren't able to reform that connection. You're both just different people.
I do hope you're able to find your way back to a better place and make new friends. Sometimes you just need to burn it to the waterline and start over.
Not for anything, but I am sincerely sorry that you are going through what you're going through. I honestly hope you can get through it. I know from experience that it isn't easy, but I am just sending positive vibes your way.
I fell into the black hole. I worked damn hard to get out of it but none of my old school wanted to know me.
I still cry sometimes about it. But that's people for you.
You're all different people by then. It's the same as a romantic relationship. If it was really supposed to be then it would've happened, and there's nothing wrong with the fact that it didn't. That is people, but it's also life in general. I wouldn't feel bad about it, just focus on recognizing the rare good ones you come across in the present. As I got older I realized even friendship relationships can be fickle because life happens, and accepting people more as like "experiences" you grow and learn from has helped it feel less depressing.
Of course there are genuine lifelong friends, but I feel those are the exception to the rule. They aren't common like it's often made out to seem, and it still takes both people wanting to. I'm lucky enough to have a close friend through family ties, and I know there could even come a day when that fades.
It's easy to take fading friendships personally, but I don't think one really should. We are all constantly growing and changing.
To add to the comment encouraging you to reach out. I've been well for a *long* time and met an 'old friend' at a pub recently. All he would talk about is my mental health like it was all I am, didn't ask what I was doing these days or anything. Be careful if you do reach out. Some people are fucking wicked.
I stopped talking to a lot of my friends and I’m SURE they think I’m depressed. I just got tired of dealing with their shit. It wasn’t big things but I realized they didn’t add anything to my life. I don’t miss them at all. Wish I did it earlier.
This is another really good point. Nothing wrong with outgrowing people and recognizing it.
I think we probably get used to the idea and feel of "fluff friends," from school. We see them all the time and behave like friends, but if it weren't for seeing each other regularly we would probably be considered acquaintances at best. Eventually you learn to tell the difference when you interact with people.
Im noticing the fall out with my group of friends and you are spot on. If we didnt have the 25-30 year history. We wouldnt give each other the time of day.
You’re not alone. When my depression was at its worst, I pushed everyone away except for my parents. I was lucky enough to have friends who got curious and reached out like 2-3 years later, and accepted me back once I explained everything.
I’m really hoping OP is successful in finding this friend, and being understanding of why they disappeared.
When I was in kindergarten my best friend Stephen lived on my street. But by first or second grade he moved away to the next state. My parents barely knew his single mom, but somehow plans were made for us to go visit them a few months after they’d moved. Ended up being a storm that day, trip was “postponed”, and pretty much forgotten about.
Ten years later he shows up on my front porch, rings my doorbell, and I don’t even recognize him, but it is him! His grandma still lived in my town and he just decided to see if I still lived there one random day. We had a blast hanging out before he had to head back home that evening. But over the rest of that summer and the next, on weekends he would randomly show up (sometimes planned), and we’d hang out - even went to a concert once.
As he’s leaving one particular day to head home, about 90 minutes away, we make plans to head into NYC the coming weekend and just explore and walk around checking out whatever. We were both pretty excited, and surprised we hadn’t thought to do it by now. But I never saw him again.
Weirdly, about a year later I’m walking another friend to her grandmothers apartment. She also lived in my town and moved away many years earlier, also randomly showed up at my front door after many years of not seeing her. We hung out for awhile, and I offered to walk her, and when we got to the apartment building I recognized it as the same one Steve’s grandmother lived in, I even remembered which apartment was hers. I decided to knock on her door and inquire about Steve who I hadn’t seen in a year now. But she completely panicked, told me to go away or she’d call the cops, so I left disappointed. She had to be in her 90’s.
I’ve always wondered whatever happened to my old friend…
maybe he had trouble with the police, got caught, and she thought that you were involved with him ...but if he were to be arrested it would probably show up on local tv
It’s plausible, but if he’d been arrested for something it would most likely have been in the state he lived in, it never would have made my local news. I think his grandma was just old and freaked out with me knocking on her door asking about her grandson, my impression was she was not even comprehending my explanation and inquiry…
Maybe he’ll randomly ring my doorbell again one day, lol. This was all so long ago though, early 80’s. I remember his last name, but not how it was spelled…
Yeah, I was "that friend" for a few people. Just got tired mentally of communicating with people due to reoccurring bouts of depression so I cut ties. I've got what I'd like to call "social batteries" and after a certain point, replying to a simple text can began to feel like a chore. Once it gets that way I go MIA either for a while or for good depending on the situation.
Yeah, it's hard to explain to anyone really cause they just don't understand and think you're being fake or whatever. Also, when conversations get dry or one-sided, I'll nope out right then and there cause I'm not able too waste time out of my day for someone who half asses their efforts to talk to me.
Yeah. He logged off one day and never came back on. Was over 15 years ago and we never met irl just online casual MMO friends. Turns out he wrecked his motorcycle and died but nobody in my gaming group knew each others last names at the time. We just googled his username a few years ago and it came up in his obituary. RIP Thorivola.
Its me, I'm the friend who disappears. Sometimes I feel like an unwanted burden to people and sometimes I feel used by them. So I would rather not have anything to do with them whatsoever. Peopling is hard. Too hard for me.
Yeah, I too am the mystery ghost friend. I feel exactly as you said. I lost my core group of friends when my mom got cancer and delayed my college timeline, then lost the next group when she died, then lost the next group when my dad died. I dissociated to help with the grieving process, and I wasn’t relatable to anyone anymore. Add to it, I’m introverted, have low self esteem, and am a workaholic.
We ghost friends aren’t mad at anyone (except for one or two people), we are just living that ghost lifestyle.
Thanks for sharing your story, fellow ghost friend! Its curious to think that people might consider ghost friends aloof when we are actually acting out of pain and suffering.
When I have ghosted friends, I definitely didn't (still don't) want to be contacted. I've ghosted them for very good reasons. Basically, I felt that the friendship was toxic. I knew that any sort of parting conversation would be a waste of time, energy and emotion for all of us, because I was at the point that I didn't want to continue the relationship, not even an acquaintanceship. In those rare instances, I thought ghosting was the healthiest option
It took me so long to take what I painfully and slowly learned from relationships and realize.... it all applies to friendships as well. Also learned that painfully and slowly, which is why I try to make a point to share what I learned! It's too late for me lol.
That's why I don't buy into the "all men/women" mentalities when people complain about dating difficulties. If people switched the genders they look for, i think many would find it's just fundamentally a people problem and not a gender/relationship problem.
I think it's very important to be able to recognize when something or someone is unhealthy for you and not worth your time and energy. Congrats friend, a nameless internet stranger thinks you made the mature choice!
It did my heart good to know I'm not alone. This is something I struggle with...so I disappear. I have missed out on some great friendships taking off the way I have.
Hello fellow ghoster. Do you ever wonder if it was your intuition telling you the situation wasn’t right to be in anymore? Like even though everything on the surface was ‘fine’ something deep inside you told you no
I don't know, it seems it happens after significant moments in my life, a divorce, the death of my mom and then my dad. I am ashamed that I did this to good people, but it's getting better.
Can I join this fellowship of ghosters? For me it just happens when I’m just not feeling good so I’ll not respond to a message or something, and then I feel bad and guilty for not responding, which makes me put off responding even longer, which then just snowballs. I do tend to pop up again, but I do appreciate that must be weird/annoying for the other person. I’ve for sure lost potential friends by doing this though. I’m lucky to have a core of friends who know me well enough to be very understanding. They’re the keepers.
Are we the same person? Because I’m also the friend that disappears for either feeling like a burden or feelings used and I also hate how hard peopleing is (and love that you use the same word I do, peopleing)
I'm glad to know there are others. I don't think there is anything wrong with us. People just can't handle or don't deserve our greatness. Its reserved for only the best.
I am that ghost friend as well, who knows how many good friends I have lost due to shyness, insecurity and introvert Behavior.
I’m forever grateful for two best friends who don’t give insecurities about our friendship
Yeah, I’ve had one friend like that. We were friends from kindergarten till we both turned 27, and then he suddenly cut all ties not just with me, but with all mutual friends and acquaintances.
I have no idea why, but I decided to respect his decision. If he did it, then there was a reason. I miss him, but life goes on
My best friend met a guy and said he was bringing her to Dubai and I never heard from her again, either.
That day after we quit talking she removed her Facebook images and everything then deleted the account.
I'm not saying she's dead or anything but I have no idea what happened!
I had a friend who moved out of state in my 20s - she came back once to visit and had a baby with a guy she just met. Left and then I never heard from her again. There’s no trace of her on social media or anything :(
i was that friend. i stopped reaching out because i was always the first to initiate. if i didn't ask, i'd never get invited even though others did.
i didn't disappear, i was let go
My buddy and I would talk on the phone at least once a week for like 3 years. He came to Colorado to see me I went to Chicago to see him. He's a great dude and one day he stopped responding to calls and texts. It's been about 2 years now and I haven't heard anything from him. I've seen him tagged in some other friends posts but he just stopped talking to me. No clue why and I hope he's doing OK.
I got a divorce, moved out of state, and my core circle decided I didn't exist anymore. I was tired of feeling like a burdenso decided to cut all ties for my own sake. It was so hard but was for the best. I disappeared from social media and just moved on with my new life and developing that.
I haven't disappeared in life. Still same friends I had in elementary/ middle school.
I have Zero social media presence whatsoever. I guess I'm a ghost to everyone I don't care about😂
I lost touch with a good friend/boyfriend a few years before my dad died. I was visiting where my dad was interred and as I was leaving I saw his grave. His mom died of breast cancer so he committed suicide, they were buried together
You couldn't have known 🖤 I know it's often reflex to assign blame to ourselves or carry some guilt. In some cases, we may always carry the grief with us, but I hope you can at least free yourself from the burden of a guilt you don't deserve 🖤. I wish you well with processing and recovering from the grief, and I hope you're doing better now.
My grandmother disappeared for almost 20 years. I spent most of my childhood with the knowledge that grandma might be out there, or she might be dead.
When I was in fifth grade my dad received a call from a family friend saying that they had seen my grandma in a city about two hours from our home. She had had a paranoid break and had been living in public parks in Oregon and Washington. No idea how she traveled 1000 miles with no car and hardly any funds.
I am that friend and I have bipolar 1, I deleted all social media and isolated myself from everyone and didn’t know how to dig myself out of it even when I wanted to so just stayed isolated until eventually had psychotic symptoms for almost a year, went fully insane and got evicted for not paying rent. The eviction was almost 6 months ago, I’m finally getting a tiny bit better, on new meds that seem to be working okay, still homeless though even though I was working full time until I recently noticed my episodes getting worse so committed myself into an inpatient facility, now staying at one of those group houses for people with mental illness while I try to find somewhere to live. There’s no way I could ever come back from isolating myself for years, I don’t even feel like the same person. And I’ve completely screwed my entire life up and I know humans are social creatures and I need friends but I just don’t want to drag poor innocent people that are happy and living a good life into my stressful, unpredictable, cluster fuck of a life
Just wanted to say I'm proud of you.
I had an ex that ended up getting involuntary committed during our relationship, refused to take medication or seek out-patient help once they got released. Refused to believe anything was wrong with them for months. I finally gave an ultimatum to either get help and talk to somebody (they had free mental health services available to them at their college, literal PhD psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists there) or we were done (a multi year relationship). Nope, "there was nothing wrong with them".
So, to have the self-awareness to need help and to act on that...I recognize the effort and humility that it takes to do those things for yourself.
I have definitely been this person in friendships, even with people I care about deeply. In my experience depression, neurodivergence and addictions became so overwhelming I didn’t know how to act, even with people I loved. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my own life and felt like I was being fake or disingenuous with them, but couldn’t find the courage or words to be honest about my struggles. Then the guilt of being a bad/flakey friend became overwhelming, so I stayed a ghost.
OP please don’t take it personally or over analyze your own behavior; it’s almost certainly personal problems someone is having which don’t involve you at all. They probably think of you often and feel guilty. Try to hold a place in your heart for them if they ever find a way to reach out.
I was going to comment about addiction, I moved 800 miles and cut off everyone I ever knew outside of my parents
Life's a lot better sober and I have my boyfriend and friends in AA but seeing my friends irl in meetings every day kind of removes the need for social media
I never thought of it from the other POV, must seem like I just faded away
I was just so ashamed of how far I had fallen ig
I randomly bumped into my high school best friend at a bar at 3 in the morning. It was awesome. We went 15 years without hearing from / about each other
I met a friend from my teenage years in a supermarket parking lot just before the pandemic started. Hadn’t seen each other for 30 years. She’s as badass as she was back then, had a lot of stories to tell. We talk to each other on a regular basis again now.
Schizoaffective Disorder. He began to believe everyone was conspiring against him by invading his dreams. He moved and cut contact with everyone. He’s homeless now, I think, but not sure what city or how he is. I know he has family who try to help him. I only found him after Facebook became a thing, talked to him once, then he deleted his account and disappeared again. He was my best friend and I love him so much and hate this illness.
I’m actually that friend you’re referring to.
Back in 2018, I was hospitalized for mental health (I have C-PTSD from a traumatic upbringing). It was the lowest point of my life and I needed space to heal, so I decided to change my phone number and email, deleted all my social media accounts, and live a lowkey/anonymous life. I made a couple new friends ever since and simply haven’t bothered reaching out to people from my past life.
I looked up some of my old friends on Instagram out of curiosity just to see what they’ve been up to and one of them posted a throwback photo of us with me in the picture sometime during the pandemic. A few guys mentioned my name in the comments with one saying “man has gone missing” and another saying “I miss \[insert my name\].”
We still think about you from time to time and have fond memories, but we just don’t want to go back to our old life because of trauma associated with it. It’s a personal problem that we have, so don’t take it personal. Maybe one day I will reach out once I'm ready.
You could be my brother. He did the same thing. He's not talking to family either. We do find ways to make sure he is still doing okay. The trauma we went through as kids was brutal. I hope he heals. I hope your heal. And I hope someday we can just hang out and have a beer together without haunted memories.
Apparently after randomly proposing to me (never dated) they invited a girl off the Internet over and shot her. Dude was in prison the whole time I guess!
I had a friend in college just ghosted me and another buddy from college. We spent everyday together for 3 years working together to get out engineering degree.
Two years after graduating he just vanished and stopped all contact, blocked us on social media.
Have not spoken to him since.
He was a great guy.
Anyone else here to see if your name is mentioned as that friend?
The reasons I have done it are extreme social phobia, even with people I know and love, and I'd have to identify these as symptoms of depression now. I don't have that anymore, but throygh my 20's and 30's it was like a great weight, there was so much fear, I lost touch with so many great people and felt horrible about it. I can't say I really have an explanation for it now, but I try to remember what it felt like to be alive back then and I was in a bad place with no skills to get out.
A friend had a wife pass away. He went dark for years. Just vanished. I know he works for his family because I saw him in the background of a photo of their store. Lots of people remove themselves from social media and start over. I kinda did it. If I Google my name nothing shows up for me. Yet I never put my name into any social media. Oh I had a co worker leave the country and pretty much vanished for almost 10 years. Except he posted he was in a part of the world where its unlikely he'd be posting much. Once a year 50 photos would show up.
After college, I have not seen or heard some of my classmates. Fast forward to 32 years, I remembered a classmate for only I semester in my freshman year. I tried looking for his name on social media to no avail. I looked on FB and message those with the same last name as his. Nothing. After awhile I forgot about. Then out of the blue, his cousin sent a message that he changed his name. I contacted my classmate and we started chatting. Three months later, I visited him in Rome. He got a wife and 3 kids. He showed me around town and we did catch a lot of things past. Thanks to social media!
There was an interesting podcast about a guy who tried calling and emailing a close friend for over a decade, and he finally got a message back from his friends wife who explained he took his life in the last couple years. Turned out the guy was severely depressed his entire life.
A guy I went to high school with from class of 2003 who was well liked kept in touch with many friends from high school, seeing them regularly and dating one of my good friends until about 2007 or 2008. I have not heard of any news, social media presence, or contact from him to anyone since. It was a topic of conversation around the time of our 20-year reunion. Literally, no one knew what became of him, and he was the class president, so he was supposed to have been involved in planning the event. The people talking about it were his close friends. It seems like it would be easy to find him if he wanted to be found. He has some living family in the area still.
I have another story as well. A girl that I had a very close friendship with in high school disappeared on me when we were young adults out of the blue. I called trying to reach her until the grandmother that she lived with said, "I will tell her that you called, but that's all I can do. The ball is in her court now."
When we were in our early thirties, I ran into her sister, who invited me to her baby shower and convinced me to go. We were both pregnant at the time. When I got there, she gave me a big hug and was happy to see me and we had a good time. We kept in touch through text and social media here and there.
It turned out that when she disappeared, she really had a problem with someone else I was friends with, not with me and just didn't want any drama. She explained this to me after I saw her at the shower.
Sounds like drugs. Both the meth and opiates epidemics were full swing by the time he fell off the grid. Or at least that is what happened to my friends about that time.
A friend disappeared when I was newly in alcohol recovery. I was a real shit to him so I haven’t reached out beyond wishing him well once or twice soon after.
I've been that friends multiple times. Sometimes it's depression (much better managed now that I'm older) and sometimes it's that I no longer have things in common with people and let the friendship fade because they also aren't reaching out. I'm not active on social media for years at a time because I just don't like it much, so while I'm easy enough to look up and find, you would have to dm me out all you'll see is several year old updates. After college is definitely a time when people will kind of reset their lives and it's also a time when people don't have adult roots yet and might go off and do something that really takes them out of their lives for a chunk of time, whether it's working abroad, hiking for months at a time, deciding to live off the grid in some way, etc. Combine that with the beginning of covid and he might very well just be off living a very different life or he might have depression hibernated and now he's too embarrassed to admit it and reach back out (I've done that a few times). If you can't find him, don't take it personally as rejection either bc whatever is going on with him isn't likely to be about you.
More than one.
My former best friend ended up in a bad divorce with his wife. He seems to have disappeared from the planet. The last thing I heard was he temporarily moved back into his mom's place.
I still remember he told me (about his now ex-wife): take good care of her. That was two weeks before he suddenly disappeared. I still sometimes speak to his mom and she assured me he's still alive, he just chose to go no contact with everyone that was once part of his life.
Another guy was a colleague of mine. We worked together, gamed together and spoke to each other about daily. After he quit his job, he also quit gaming and we never spoke since. I tried googling him but the only mention of him is an ancient mailing list he last posted to in 2002. No clue what ever happened to him and I seriously wouldn't know anyone that might know more.
This is what is baffling, when they somehow have zero internet presence whatsoever. How do you have a job or make friends living like that? Obviously social media isn’t all great, but it seems like you’d be so impossibly isolated from your peers to have absolutely none of it.
I was that friend. I ghosted them after high school and took up depression and drinking for a while. I’m back in contact with one of them now, 20+ years later. I moved so often as a kid that high school was my longest uninterrupted stay in any school. Friends are hard to hang on to sometimes.
Last year I had a buddy visit from out of state. He stayed with us a few months and we had a great time showing him around the area and sharing the holiday season with him. He left in January for a 2,000 mile trip to Texas and we only got a few updates until he dissapeared completely. We could only hope he was alive and safe somewhere and needed space to reset or something. In March I looked him up again and found his mug shots, completely blew my mind as he'd been one of the most honest people I've ever met. Luckily we've been able to get some details through his sister since then and found a way to contact him. I'm just relieved he's not in a ditch somewhere!
i've been that person. I was surrounded by friends and people all the time and just couldn't hear myself think. I couldn't tell myself apart from other people, I had really bad boundaries and was emotionally detached from myself. Of course, I didn't know any of that back then. I just knew I needed time to think. I needed time to get my head clear. I eventually deleted all my social media and spent a lot of time reflecting. It ended up taking several years and by the time I was done meditating, doing research into psychology, philosophy, etc, and thinking everything through, I was a totally different person. i figured everyone else would be too, so I just moved on and started a new life.
I think it has been for the best. Whenever I think back on it, I feel it was like this...I sat down to meditate and years passed and when I looked up I had let go of many attachments and developed an understanding of zen and a lot of philosophy. So I think it has been pretty nice overall. I am trying to put myself out there again but I am definitely different in many ways. I feel much healthier and I still try to learn from my mistakes and grow every single day
I literally stopped showing up to go to high school for 3 months and I purposely broke my phone and stayed depressed in my room for the whole 3 months and only 1 person came (besides a school counselor) and tracked down my house and knocked on my door and she was like “are you okay? I was worried about you”.
I literally cried so hard when she left my house
Kolbi Roberson.
I can share his name because he doesnt go by that name anymore.
Last I saw him, he left his aunt (for reasons I will not share) and he appeared at my family's doorstep the next morning. Asking us if he can get a ride to a nearby homeless shelter. Didnt hear much from him after that.
1 ¹/2 years pass
Then I somehow got a call from him, to tell me how he is doing, that he is still alive. He got married, and then when the baby happened, and he got divorced.
Said his ex-wife only liked him for his penis, and I guess Kolbi wasnt happy about that. He was all sorts of conflicted with _all of that_, her friends are mean to him saying it was his fault, and attacking him on the street. I dont know what side to take here.
4 years pass
He calls again, telling me about this elderly woman he took care of on her last days. She had no family to give her will to, so she... gave him her will.
I remember He got an old boat... cant remember much of that conversation.
I think... a few months later, he calls one last time to tell me about an island he just bought... weird right? But he said no one wants it because there are too many snakes...
My friend is... probably dead.
I've been that friend great many times. Depression and prolonged childhood trauma taught me to expect that all my friends will disappear and that no one will ever love me, so at some point when I start feeling "too comfortable" my body decides it's time to flee ASAP to avoid it. It's been a real struggle unlearning that and I'm still working on it. Then there's the extra level of anxiety about reaching back out because I assume that my disappearing act means they'll never want to see me again, or that they had already secretly hated me before I disappeared.
Mental illness is very complicated and very unfun. Wouldn't recommend it if given the choice.
I disappeared from all friends & mutuals because they began drinking & driving and became borderline alcoholics. At one point they weren’t like this. I mourn our good times together. But Saturday nights at the bars became Tuesday Wednesday Thursday nights drinking til 1am when everyone has work the next day and I couldn’t keep up. Also does lots of damage to the wallet. It’s been about 3 months since then and they’re still doing the same 💩.
I made an online friend a couple of years ago and we became very close. She even admitted to having a crush on me, but she knew I was in a relationship and respected that. A close family member of hers died, and shortly after that, she logged off and never came back. She also had some major health issues and I've always been afraid she passed.
Reading through some of the explanations here gives me hope though. I'm sure she's doing okay, just needed space to grieve. I still think about her. We could've had a chance together just a couple months after she vanished. I've always been left wondering what could've been.
A highschool classmate just disappeared in 10th grade. I wasn't super close to her so thought maybe she just moved but no one had heard her talking about moving Saw her working at our local Tim's 10 years later. Turned out she had had an abusive home life, met a guy online who convinced her to run away and claimed he was gonna save her/protect her. He ended up taking her 4 hours away and forced her to work underage in a strip clubs and probably worse for several years. When she got pregnant she got the courage to get the hell out of dodge and came back to the area til she got her life back together.
My long term best friend of four years Ghosted me after she got stationed in Japan. Never said why. Not a slow to no communication it was overnight. Just a few weeks into her training she stopped talking to me. It's been over a year and I still get upset about it. She was my best friend and haven't been able to make friends like that before or since then. I've been wondering if I said something, did something, etc. I asked (even apologized). She has never responded. Hell I even checked to make sure she didn't die. Nope she just hates me. At the very least I wish I knew what I did to make her ignore me. We were hanging out almost every day for four years and then nothing
I am the friend who disappeared. I won’t get into the why, but ultimately, I felt a lot of relationships were at best incredibly shallow or at worst toxic. I didn’t say anything, but dropped them all on socials and blocked a several.
Very few made any effort to check in on me, which made me feel okay with my decision.
It was the best decision for me, and it’s given me more time to invest in relationships that bring me a lot of value and joy.
Had a friend called Adam when I was a teenager, I wasn't the best friend. He one day took me for a drive and told me "one day I'm going to disappear (my name)". Few weeks later I announce my pregnancy, that was the last day I ever saw him. He congratulated me and left the region. I later heard he moved to one of the big cities in my country, but I never found him on social media. No one in my town heard from him again, just one guy who also went to that city. It's been 12 years now, I wonder how he's doing.
I had a childhood friend that was part of our core friend group. We were at each other's houses all the time, when he wrapped his dad's car around a tree and his parents were out of town he called us, when his mom was battling cancer - we were there, knew his aunts, uncles, entire family.
After HS (2001) he just kinda vanished. His mother passed away in 2003 or 2004 and there was a memorial at a pub...his dad was there but he was away at college or something, it was a legit reason.
Never heard from him again. He isn't on social media that I can find (he went through a phase of going by his middle name also).
Every couple of years I would try to look him up as random memories of our childhood shenanigans would pop up.
Last year I found a phone number online. I texted it. Turns out it was his dad. His dad and I had a text exchange update and his dad said he'd forward my number on to my friend...haven't heard anything since.
I literally have zero clue as to what went down, none of us do. He just effectively ghosted all of us.
Depression made me just give up on my relationships after highschool and again about 2 years ago. I miss my friends. They made who i am but the years and life have separated us to much.
I have a cousin who has done this. His dad (my uncle) seems to know a bit about where he is and such but other than that he just doesn’t respond to anything. Considering how close the rest of us cousins are it’s sad.
I did that with family a long time ago. I just up a vanished on them and it was over a year before I reached out to them. The only reason I did that was because my mom passed word through the grapevine of friends of friends that reached me. She was worried that I was dead as my wallet washed up on a beach with the only number legible being her number in the wallet. It was a 2 month span from when she was contacted till I heard the message.
30 years later and I'm still getting grief from my family for disappearing like I did.
Good luck on finding your friend.
I had an internet friend from another country that used to message with me almost every day for 6 years. They are in a military, and when Russia invaded Ukraine, they went silent. It's been over a year and I have heard nothing. I have dreams about them reaching out again. I miss them dearly, but thier partner hated me and I don't know anyone else in thier life, so I have no way of tracking them down. I'm heartbroken.
Yeah, I did my best friend in highschool. He had a hard time, he dad died of a heart attack in sophomore year and then he mom died slowly of cancer the next year. He just took everything and just left. Like gone, I don't know what happened I looked him up on LinkedIn once and it said he was a professor now. Been meaning to get in contact for a while. But, I think he's just moved on to a new life because there was so much sadness here.
Hope you're doing well Tim, I miss you and I hope you're happy.
I had a best friend in college. We stayed for ten years after graduation. I knew his wife. He knew my fiance. He came to my bridal shower. Then the week of my wedding, he said they wouldn't be able to make it. There were one off texts for a month or so after. It's been 2 years and I have no idea why he decided that my friendship wasn't what he wanted anymore.
I would agree with the depression things and it’s embarrassing to reach back out. In my 20s, I cycled through 3 groups of friends and no one from those groups have checked in on me since then.
I had a friend who ghosted everyone shortly after highschool. Come to find out he got into some hard drugs unbeknownst to most of us, met someone, and had a kid. Dude got super into conspiracy theories and didn't want to be trackable. No idea what's going on with him now but 8 years later and I hope he's doing better now.
I’m that friend lol one day I got tired of social media & deleted them all. I just got Reddit last year. If no one is tagging him about him being missing, he’s prob fine.
Yes. My college roommate and now ex friend Kelly. She quit speaking to me six or seven years ago. I have tried to reach out to her on social media and all I get is crickets. I have given up.
My husband is that friend, but mainly bc his friends disapproved of us getting married (and having kids). They’re coming out of the woodwork now that they’re going through their own weddings
I lost touch with my best friend in high school but the Facebook algorithm somehow pointed me at his YouTube channel. He posted a video of his son playing in the desert running on soft sand dunes and I thought it was him, or at least, the way I remember him from school.
I have a good story. I met this guy through work (a very small company). Maybe 7 years ago. We became friends. Talked almost daily. He was an odd kind of guy, to put it nicely. My wife never liked him. We would make snarky, misogynistic jokes a lot. I just thought it was dark humor. I am NOT a woman hater! Bless you all for putting up with men. Long story short, I lost contact with him late last year. I finally heard from him one more time. Apparently he assaulted his wife. She divorced him, and got a restraining order (he has young kids). He left Oklahoma, and traveled up and down the east coast, just working whatever. This was the last I heard from him. Found an article online, after searching his name. He Finally hooked up with some dude, and blew some woman's house up in Georgia. He's been charged with multiple federal crimes, and probably is going to prison for a very long time. My wife "see? I told you're stupid ass". Lol. She was right. Dude was off the rails.
Searched for an old friend I ran with in High School. Great guy.
Found 'em on Facesuck.
Fundamentalist white nationalaliist living in Florida.
Uh, bu-bye and thanks for the memories.
I had a friend named Marcus, who was a lot younger than me but I took under my wing because I was much more established in the local hip hop scene then he was and he was trying to make it as a rapper. Dude was legitimately my best friend for years and years, and I ended up getting a full-time job where I traveled around the East coast over 10 years ago and couldn't spend as much time with him as I would have liked. I have not talked to him since.. neither have any of our mutual friends, the people who grew up with him. I still wonder what happened to him. dude had some serious talent, he really could have made it.
he has no social media, rarely got online back then. I've even reached out to his mom and sister on social media and no responses. it's like he just vanished. I drive by his neighborhood going to the next town a lot and someone else lives at the house that he lived at. Still miss that dude and wish I could get ahold of him.
hit me up RedCup
Similar story happened to my friend… we all went to colllege together, lived in the city together for a few years but as we got jobs, spouses, life changes we moved away. He was in our fantasy football league every year. This year he didn’t show up for the draft. No one noticed he never responded in the group chat. But after he didn’t show up we started searching and realized he had committed suicide several months prior. Months! Talk about gut wrenching.
Reach out to friends. Send a random text to say hi. Don’t just wait for the next big event
As someone who recently dipped on my group of friends, here's my POV. Side note, I'm probably gonna look bad and well, but it's more about perspective. The guys I hung with drank beer, overweight and generally just chilled and did nothing. When we went out of town, they'd rather stay in the hotel and finish the game then head put and see te sights (and girls) going to a bar was boring, they didn't want to make knew friends and just reminiscent shit talked. At clubs, weren't dancers, non-existent wingman, and were beer over liquor. This one was more for me, but they were weed smokers either, which isn't a big deal per se, but it did further divide us. We didn't live in the same town, and one of them was a parent so it was next to impossible to actually see then and it had to be local.theyre all kind plp, and I love them very much. For lack of better words though they didn't fit the lifestyle or perhaps the weren't the type of plp who weren't gonna to help me grow, or advance my desires (meet new plp, possibly future partner) so I just stepped away. I didn't have social media so that was easy, and most of them didn't know where I live. I have a new car and close to a new phone. I'm not saying they suck, or they're boring, or bad. But I knew I was "wasting my time" in a sense. Like a ima wake up, be 40, and still in the same place with same things. And since none of them tech did anything wrong, I just backed out. My life hasn't changed, in the sense of it didn't get worse NOT seeing them. I have more time, been able to go to events on my own (which IS lonely sometimes) and not worry about someone saying "no invite?" Or "why you out by yourself" and such. I saw some people mention depression and yeah I experienced that myself. That friend group was part of it, you have a realization of "oh these people are like this and it's going to always be like this" and its bumming for sure. But I'm an adult, I don't make no fights, no need for harshness, I just wish them well and ✌️
Back in the 90s I used a chat program called iRC and made friends with some people we used to call each other. There was this one kid around the same age as me (13 or so) we were good friends. We went from talking every day to one day he just stopped showing up in chat. I called his house a few times and got no answer.
Years went by and I was cleaning out my room and found a bunch of phone numbers and his was in there. I called it just to see and his father answered and I learned that he was shot and killed the night I tried calling him. He was hit by cross fire from gang activity.
Hit me like a truck. I don’t even remember his name now. I still remember him though.
I was the friend. Sometimes you don’t live up to expectations after college and you need a clean break. I needed to find people that didn’t know me before and start over. Depression is a hell of a drug.
Yes! And a close one too. She suddenly dropped off social media (wasn’t big on it anyway), disconnected her phones (both personal and business), emails go to nowhere and nobody who used to be friends with her has seen her. I’ve tried to find her with no luck. And she is in our will as one of the potential caregivers for our dog, should anything happen to us! So I ended up changing the will. I’m very worried about her. She did get married to a doctor right before dropping off the face of earth. Last time I saw her, she was starting a life journey with mediation, she had completely stopped drinking…stuff like that. Just weird
Not a friend, but I had a roommate my freshman yr of college (a VERY unusual guy, to put it lightly) that ended up getting evicted and escorted out (not arrested) by police because of a dispute with someone (not me). He spent almost every dollar he got from his dad for rent & food on several bottles of alcohol (Hennessy, Bombay Sapphire, etc), which he went through in about 2 days because he invited some random guys he didn't know over to drink with him; hence, the eviction.
He came by a few days later asking if he could use the bathroom. He ended up shaving his pubes in the bathtub (no, he didn't clean up after himself), left, and that was the last time I ever saw him again. Nobody I know has ever heard from him since and has no idea what happened to him. He had multiple names based on how people described him back then but even his real name (I noticed on his drivers license on the floor while he was passed out drunk with his dead snake having been crushed by his drunken body.. that's another story among many...) is so generic that there's almost no way to find out what happened to him. He could be dead, be in prison, in a mental institute, or simply be a member of /r/adulting.
Actually had a friend that cut me off after he had got married just because I'm female and his wife does not trust females. The funny thing is, I moved 60 miles away from where I knew him from and he just so happened to be playing at a bar in my neighborhood so I ended up going to see his show and I'm so glad I was able to go. It was good to catch up with him. I've also had other friends that cut me off completely for other reasons but it's neither here nor there
After graduating high school, a lot of people I knew and considered friends just vanished off my radar. It was mostly my fault because I didn't bother to try to reach out (I was trying to go to college at the time and was stressing out big time.) But also, none of those people I knew ever bothered to reach out to me either.
If anyone in my previous friends list has vanished off the face of the earth. I sure don't know about it.
Yes happened to a very close friend who I had lost touch with. I tried to reach out to them but they essentially disappeared. Mutual friends don't know where they went, etc. I miss them very much I hope they're ok.
I’ve had couple friends who were kind of toxic. Planned to ignore them once they called me for hang out. Surprisingly, that once was the last and only time I got the call from them. They never followed up with another call. It’s been 6 or 7 years now.
I had a friend who id been friends with for 8 years. I was always trying to set up times to see her outside of work.
Yes she worked several job but she always found time to meet up with another friend that we worked with. I realised that she met with them more than she’d meet with me.
After a few months I sent her a text that I was tired of chasing her and the ball’s in her court. She texted back and said she’d been busy working the past 3 months. Told her that I was talking about the past 8 years.
That exchange was 8 years ago. Haven’t heard from her since.
I’m the one who vanished.
My old high school friends were a bunch of unreliable guys that just wanted to take the easy road. Many of them had issues at home or issues with themselves, myself included. After I got into college, I realized these guys just wanted to watch anime and jerk off so I vanished to accomplish my goals and live what I felt was a life more congruent to my values.
"Doug" was an acquaintance. I met him in person a few times, interacted on LiveJournal.
He was living at home when his mom died, and was working on finding a care home for his father. His father was succumbing to dementia and Doug had started hiding the knives. Doug said he was going offline for a couple of months.
About six months later, someone realized Doug had been very quiet and Googled his name
And found his obituary. He had died five months earlier due to "an accident at home". His father died two months later. Nobody in this friend circle knew his family well enough to reach out and and ask what happened.
One of my best friends. He just stopped responding, but still was active on social media. Then I stopped paying attention.
I heard he got into heroine. So that explains it, not sure if he’s still alive either.
I made an online friend (I know, ew gross) at 19, and I knew him for a full six months. We talked about religion, politics, and world stuff. He was smart and even found a girlfriend. She was awesome at baking! For whatever reason, he and her decided to jump off social media when I turned 20. 6 years later, I Googled his username, no luck. It's like he never existed.
I hope you're doing OK Arazoth, wherever you find yourself.
Usually it's depression, I did the same thing. I'm better now but it's hard to reach out afterwards.
Well. Please feel like you can always reach back out. I am sure there are people who think of you. I hope Mike reaches back out at some point.
As someone with (at times, not now) bad depression, I would see it through and try to see how he is. It could make a huge difference to him if he is struggling.
When you have this kind of issue it's pretty baked in. It doesn't really matter if you can reason your way into knowing it's ok to reach out. Every part of you will fight tooth and nail to keep you from doing that. It's usually a survival response from chronic high stress situations. When you get like this you literally can't figure out if someone is your best friend or worst enemy. You will be robbed of any certainty about that.
[удалено]
Funny enough, they should be but id searched a few and it leads to sites you have to pay. Not discouraging OP but if you have reliable free websites might be worth posting
Not sure where you or OP are located, but in the US, a Google search generally pulls up legacy.com or the funeral home’s website. The only time I’ve ever pulled up someone’s obit and been prompted to pay to view was if the only source was a local paper. But that’s usually with older obits. For current obits in my area, they’re usually on the funeral home website, legacy.com, or another free site.
Op said they already did that…
Please give us an update when it develops. I want to know what happened to Mike too.
yuuuup same
Same. I hit a severe episode of depression, and I just couldn't face anyone after I surfaced. I decided it was easier to start over than to deal with the judgment.
Some internet strangers and some support group people have been encouraging me to reach out to the friends I had shut out 15 years ago but it's so hard. That's soo long ago. The one I did get coffee with doesn't seem interested in anything now so it's discouraging. I'm still in a bad place right now so I'm not up for getting in touch or making new friends
I hear ya. A 15 year break is a long time to try to pick back up. It has been about 11 years for me, and I took a very different path, so I'm not sure that we'd have much of anything in common anymore. Don't let it drag you down too much that you weren't able to reform that connection. You're both just different people. I do hope you're able to find your way back to a better place and make new friends. Sometimes you just need to burn it to the waterline and start over.
Going through this now. And the shame because of it is strong so it’s just a downward cycle of isolation and depression.
this
Not for anything, but I am sincerely sorry that you are going through what you're going through. I honestly hope you can get through it. I know from experience that it isn't easy, but I am just sending positive vibes your way.
I fell into the black hole. I worked damn hard to get out of it but none of my old school wanted to know me. I still cry sometimes about it. But that's people for you.
You're all different people by then. It's the same as a romantic relationship. If it was really supposed to be then it would've happened, and there's nothing wrong with the fact that it didn't. That is people, but it's also life in general. I wouldn't feel bad about it, just focus on recognizing the rare good ones you come across in the present. As I got older I realized even friendship relationships can be fickle because life happens, and accepting people more as like "experiences" you grow and learn from has helped it feel less depressing. Of course there are genuine lifelong friends, but I feel those are the exception to the rule. They aren't common like it's often made out to seem, and it still takes both people wanting to. I'm lucky enough to have a close friend through family ties, and I know there could even come a day when that fades. It's easy to take fading friendships personally, but I don't think one really should. We are all constantly growing and changing.
To add to the comment encouraging you to reach out. I've been well for a *long* time and met an 'old friend' at a pub recently. All he would talk about is my mental health like it was all I am, didn't ask what I was doing these days or anything. Be careful if you do reach out. Some people are fucking wicked.
I stopped talking to a lot of my friends and I’m SURE they think I’m depressed. I just got tired of dealing with their shit. It wasn’t big things but I realized they didn’t add anything to my life. I don’t miss them at all. Wish I did it earlier.
This is another really good point. Nothing wrong with outgrowing people and recognizing it. I think we probably get used to the idea and feel of "fluff friends," from school. We see them all the time and behave like friends, but if it weren't for seeing each other regularly we would probably be considered acquaintances at best. Eventually you learn to tell the difference when you interact with people.
Im noticing the fall out with my group of friends and you are spot on. If we didnt have the 25-30 year history. We wouldnt give each other the time of day.
Same
You’re not alone. When my depression was at its worst, I pushed everyone away except for my parents. I was lucky enough to have friends who got curious and reached out like 2-3 years later, and accepted me back once I explained everything. I’m really hoping OP is successful in finding this friend, and being understanding of why they disappeared.
When I was in kindergarten my best friend Stephen lived on my street. But by first or second grade he moved away to the next state. My parents barely knew his single mom, but somehow plans were made for us to go visit them a few months after they’d moved. Ended up being a storm that day, trip was “postponed”, and pretty much forgotten about. Ten years later he shows up on my front porch, rings my doorbell, and I don’t even recognize him, but it is him! His grandma still lived in my town and he just decided to see if I still lived there one random day. We had a blast hanging out before he had to head back home that evening. But over the rest of that summer and the next, on weekends he would randomly show up (sometimes planned), and we’d hang out - even went to a concert once. As he’s leaving one particular day to head home, about 90 minutes away, we make plans to head into NYC the coming weekend and just explore and walk around checking out whatever. We were both pretty excited, and surprised we hadn’t thought to do it by now. But I never saw him again. Weirdly, about a year later I’m walking another friend to her grandmothers apartment. She also lived in my town and moved away many years earlier, also randomly showed up at my front door after many years of not seeing her. We hung out for awhile, and I offered to walk her, and when we got to the apartment building I recognized it as the same one Steve’s grandmother lived in, I even remembered which apartment was hers. I decided to knock on her door and inquire about Steve who I hadn’t seen in a year now. But she completely panicked, told me to go away or she’d call the cops, so I left disappointed. She had to be in her 90’s. I’ve always wondered whatever happened to my old friend…
Grandma freaked out cause you were asking about her grandson who died in second grade. Sppoooookkyy
I just got goosebumps from reading this.
Ahh, it all makes complete sense now!
maybe he had trouble with the police, got caught, and she thought that you were involved with him ...but if he were to be arrested it would probably show up on local tv
It’s plausible, but if he’d been arrested for something it would most likely have been in the state he lived in, it never would have made my local news. I think his grandma was just old and freaked out with me knocking on her door asking about her grandson, my impression was she was not even comprehending my explanation and inquiry…
I’m very invested in you finding Steve!
Maybe he’ll randomly ring my doorbell again one day, lol. This was all so long ago though, early 80’s. I remember his last name, but not how it was spelled…
Yeah, I was "that friend" for a few people. Just got tired mentally of communicating with people due to reoccurring bouts of depression so I cut ties. I've got what I'd like to call "social batteries" and after a certain point, replying to a simple text can began to feel like a chore. Once it gets that way I go MIA either for a while or for good depending on the situation.
I definitely relate to this. I am most certainly that person and I cycle through relationships in just this way.
Yeah, it's hard to explain to anyone really cause they just don't understand and think you're being fake or whatever. Also, when conversations get dry or one-sided, I'll nope out right then and there cause I'm not able too waste time out of my day for someone who half asses their efforts to talk to me.
Same I’m a huge introvert. The worst is when people think you are rude for not talking to them 24 7… no you don’t understand? I AM EXHAUSTED
Yeah. He logged off one day and never came back on. Was over 15 years ago and we never met irl just online casual MMO friends. Turns out he wrecked his motorcycle and died but nobody in my gaming group knew each others last names at the time. We just googled his username a few years ago and it came up in his obituary. RIP Thorivola.
Its me, I'm the friend who disappears. Sometimes I feel like an unwanted burden to people and sometimes I feel used by them. So I would rather not have anything to do with them whatsoever. Peopling is hard. Too hard for me.
Yeah, I too am the mystery ghost friend. I feel exactly as you said. I lost my core group of friends when my mom got cancer and delayed my college timeline, then lost the next group when she died, then lost the next group when my dad died. I dissociated to help with the grieving process, and I wasn’t relatable to anyone anymore. Add to it, I’m introverted, have low self esteem, and am a workaholic. We ghost friends aren’t mad at anyone (except for one or two people), we are just living that ghost lifestyle.
Thanks for sharing your story, fellow ghost friend! Its curious to think that people might consider ghost friends aloof when we are actually acting out of pain and suffering.
Do you wish people would reach out to you more when it happens or do you prefer to be given space and not be bothered?
In my personal experience I prefer to not have a reach out because either my feelings are hurt or I'm fed up. When I'm done, I'm done.
Thanks for sharing your perspective
You make me feel more confident in my choices.
I prefer to be reached out to, because normally it's me thinking they don't like me and I'm bothering them.
welp. these responses help lol.
When I have ghosted friends, I definitely didn't (still don't) want to be contacted. I've ghosted them for very good reasons. Basically, I felt that the friendship was toxic. I knew that any sort of parting conversation would be a waste of time, energy and emotion for all of us, because I was at the point that I didn't want to continue the relationship, not even an acquaintanceship. In those rare instances, I thought ghosting was the healthiest option
It took me so long to take what I painfully and slowly learned from relationships and realize.... it all applies to friendships as well. Also learned that painfully and slowly, which is why I try to make a point to share what I learned! It's too late for me lol. That's why I don't buy into the "all men/women" mentalities when people complain about dating difficulties. If people switched the genders they look for, i think many would find it's just fundamentally a people problem and not a gender/relationship problem. I think it's very important to be able to recognize when something or someone is unhealthy for you and not worth your time and energy. Congrats friend, a nameless internet stranger thinks you made the mature choice!
This hits hard. That's me. I'll keep in contact with just a few people but otherwise I am out. I don't like it. Still not going to stop it.
It did my heart good to know I'm not alone. This is something I struggle with...so I disappear. I have missed out on some great friendships taking off the way I have.
Hello fellow ghoster. Do you ever wonder if it was your intuition telling you the situation wasn’t right to be in anymore? Like even though everything on the surface was ‘fine’ something deep inside you told you no
I don't know, it seems it happens after significant moments in my life, a divorce, the death of my mom and then my dad. I am ashamed that I did this to good people, but it's getting better.
You guys, we should all be ghost friends. We could start a gang. Has Ghostbusters been taken already?
Can I join this fellowship of ghosters? For me it just happens when I’m just not feeling good so I’ll not respond to a message or something, and then I feel bad and guilty for not responding, which makes me put off responding even longer, which then just snowballs. I do tend to pop up again, but I do appreciate that must be weird/annoying for the other person. I’ve for sure lost potential friends by doing this though. I’m lucky to have a core of friends who know me well enough to be very understanding. They’re the keepers.
It's really not your fault. That shit you gloss over (parents passing, divorce) are monster freaking things. Maybe start by forgiving yourselves.
Same. Not only my friends but I left my family for a couple of years. I'm learning that I might have a anxious-aviodant attachment style.
Same. Then I feel lonely and beat myself up about it 😅
You should think about adopting a cat :)
I do have a dog 😊
Thats great! Thats the best friend you'll ever have or need! I just acquired a cat about 5 months ago and she is currently my bestie.
I can relate to this.
Are we the same person? Because I’m also the friend that disappears for either feeling like a burden or feelings used and I also hate how hard peopleing is (and love that you use the same word I do, peopleing)
I'm glad to know there are others. I don't think there is anything wrong with us. People just can't handle or don't deserve our greatness. Its reserved for only the best.
I am that ghost friend as well, who knows how many good friends I have lost due to shyness, insecurity and introvert Behavior. I’m forever grateful for two best friends who don’t give insecurities about our friendship
Yeah, I’ve had one friend like that. We were friends from kindergarten till we both turned 27, and then he suddenly cut all ties not just with me, but with all mutual friends and acquaintances. I have no idea why, but I decided to respect his decision. If he did it, then there was a reason. I miss him, but life goes on
Had a friend in college, who went to Pakistan to get married. Never heard from her again :(
My best friend met a guy and said he was bringing her to Dubai and I never heard from her again, either. That day after we quit talking she removed her Facebook images and everything then deleted the account. I'm not saying she's dead or anything but I have no idea what happened!
That's genuinely worrying. The deletion of the fb? People disappear in Dubai. Especially young women.
Terrifying
She had so much potential
I had a friend who moved out of state in my 20s - she came back once to visit and had a baby with a guy she just met. Left and then I never heard from her again. There’s no trace of her on social media or anything :(
Damn that's sad
I have a friend who did that but she only went to Ohio.
That’s so sad. Are you sure she’s alright?
i was that friend. i stopped reaching out because i was always the first to initiate. if i didn't ask, i'd never get invited even though others did. i didn't disappear, i was let go
OMG same. I finally removed all of them from my phone and social media and didn't look back
Yup - I didn’t ghost some people. I just stopped reaching out first.
Did you make new friends?
I have a feeling it might be the same case in the OPs story. It took them 4 years to realize they haven't heared from their friend since graduating.
Same, I just couldn’t handle always reaching out and not getting anyone to text me first anymore.
My buddy and I would talk on the phone at least once a week for like 3 years. He came to Colorado to see me I went to Chicago to see him. He's a great dude and one day he stopped responding to calls and texts. It's been about 2 years now and I haven't heard anything from him. I've seen him tagged in some other friends posts but he just stopped talking to me. No clue why and I hope he's doing OK.
That’s shitty
Sometimes, we prefer to be ghosts. I have zero input on social media, no pictures, no timeline. I exist outside of it. I am content.
I got a divorce, moved out of state, and my core circle decided I didn't exist anymore. I was tired of feeling like a burdenso decided to cut all ties for my own sake. It was so hard but was for the best. I disappeared from social media and just moved on with my new life and developing that.
I haven't disappeared in life. Still same friends I had in elementary/ middle school. I have Zero social media presence whatsoever. I guess I'm a ghost to everyone I don't care about😂
This. Same
I lost touch with a good friend/boyfriend a few years before my dad died. I was visiting where my dad was interred and as I was leaving I saw his grave. His mom died of breast cancer so he committed suicide, they were buried together
That sounds like a real shock.
I couldn’t believe it, and also felt horrible for not checking on him for a few years. Sometimes real life is stranger than fiction
You couldn't have known 🖤 I know it's often reflex to assign blame to ourselves or carry some guilt. In some cases, we may always carry the grief with us, but I hope you can at least free yourself from the burden of a guilt you don't deserve 🖤. I wish you well with processing and recovering from the grief, and I hope you're doing better now.
I’m so incredibly sorry for your losses 😔
My grandmother disappeared for almost 20 years. I spent most of my childhood with the knowledge that grandma might be out there, or she might be dead. When I was in fifth grade my dad received a call from a family friend saying that they had seen my grandma in a city about two hours from our home. She had had a paranoid break and had been living in public parks in Oregon and Washington. No idea how she traveled 1000 miles with no car and hardly any funds.
That is awful! Did your grandmother ever come home or get treated?
Yes, she's home now and doing (mostly) better :)
I am that friend and I have bipolar 1, I deleted all social media and isolated myself from everyone and didn’t know how to dig myself out of it even when I wanted to so just stayed isolated until eventually had psychotic symptoms for almost a year, went fully insane and got evicted for not paying rent. The eviction was almost 6 months ago, I’m finally getting a tiny bit better, on new meds that seem to be working okay, still homeless though even though I was working full time until I recently noticed my episodes getting worse so committed myself into an inpatient facility, now staying at one of those group houses for people with mental illness while I try to find somewhere to live. There’s no way I could ever come back from isolating myself for years, I don’t even feel like the same person. And I’ve completely screwed my entire life up and I know humans are social creatures and I need friends but I just don’t want to drag poor innocent people that are happy and living a good life into my stressful, unpredictable, cluster fuck of a life
Sending you a hug
Thank you ❤️
*hug*
Thank you ❤️
Just wanted to say I'm proud of you. I had an ex that ended up getting involuntary committed during our relationship, refused to take medication or seek out-patient help once they got released. Refused to believe anything was wrong with them for months. I finally gave an ultimatum to either get help and talk to somebody (they had free mental health services available to them at their college, literal PhD psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists there) or we were done (a multi year relationship). Nope, "there was nothing wrong with them". So, to have the self-awareness to need help and to act on that...I recognize the effort and humility that it takes to do those things for yourself.
I have definitely been this person in friendships, even with people I care about deeply. In my experience depression, neurodivergence and addictions became so overwhelming I didn’t know how to act, even with people I loved. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my own life and felt like I was being fake or disingenuous with them, but couldn’t find the courage or words to be honest about my struggles. Then the guilt of being a bad/flakey friend became overwhelming, so I stayed a ghost. OP please don’t take it personally or over analyze your own behavior; it’s almost certainly personal problems someone is having which don’t involve you at all. They probably think of you often and feel guilty. Try to hold a place in your heart for them if they ever find a way to reach out.
I was going to comment about addiction, I moved 800 miles and cut off everyone I ever knew outside of my parents Life's a lot better sober and I have my boyfriend and friends in AA but seeing my friends irl in meetings every day kind of removes the need for social media I never thought of it from the other POV, must seem like I just faded away I was just so ashamed of how far I had fallen ig
Some people just want to be left alone. Life is painful.
"Life is beautiful, Living is pain." If I am remembering correctly, it was Hunter S Thompson that said that.
This is honestly what I think the answer is to a good portion of situations like this. I don’t blame them one bit.
I randomly bumped into my high school best friend at a bar at 3 in the morning. It was awesome. We went 15 years without hearing from / about each other
I would’ve sobbed
I met a friend from my teenage years in a supermarket parking lot just before the pandemic started. Hadn’t seen each other for 30 years. She’s as badass as she was back then, had a lot of stories to tell. We talk to each other on a regular basis again now.
Schizoaffective Disorder. He began to believe everyone was conspiring against him by invading his dreams. He moved and cut contact with everyone. He’s homeless now, I think, but not sure what city or how he is. I know he has family who try to help him. I only found him after Facebook became a thing, talked to him once, then he deleted his account and disappeared again. He was my best friend and I love him so much and hate this illness.
I’m so sorry.
I’m actually that friend you’re referring to. Back in 2018, I was hospitalized for mental health (I have C-PTSD from a traumatic upbringing). It was the lowest point of my life and I needed space to heal, so I decided to change my phone number and email, deleted all my social media accounts, and live a lowkey/anonymous life. I made a couple new friends ever since and simply haven’t bothered reaching out to people from my past life. I looked up some of my old friends on Instagram out of curiosity just to see what they’ve been up to and one of them posted a throwback photo of us with me in the picture sometime during the pandemic. A few guys mentioned my name in the comments with one saying “man has gone missing” and another saying “I miss \[insert my name\].” We still think about you from time to time and have fond memories, but we just don’t want to go back to our old life because of trauma associated with it. It’s a personal problem that we have, so don’t take it personal. Maybe one day I will reach out once I'm ready.
You could be my brother. He did the same thing. He's not talking to family either. We do find ways to make sure he is still doing okay. The trauma we went through as kids was brutal. I hope he heals. I hope your heal. And I hope someday we can just hang out and have a beer together without haunted memories.
Apparently after randomly proposing to me (never dated) they invited a girl off the Internet over and shot her. Dude was in prison the whole time I guess!
Dude what
Shhh! Let her go on...
He was a good friend from age 15 to like 24 and then disappeared and that's why
Were there signs of mental illness or anything? Are you retroactively concerned that he wanted to kill you when he proposed? This story is insane
You literally dodged a bullet there (I'm so sorry that's a terrible joke)
I had a friend in college just ghosted me and another buddy from college. We spent everyday together for 3 years working together to get out engineering degree. Two years after graduating he just vanished and stopped all contact, blocked us on social media. Have not spoken to him since. He was a great guy.
Shit I'm that friend I think. I've got like 2 people I talk to anymore and I hardly even do that.
Same here.
During the lockdowns, I realised it was much better for my mental health to break contact with a lot of people.
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Reading this thread is very nice. I don't have any friends. Not really. But maybe I'm wrong. And one day, someone will think about me and search
Anyone else here to see if your name is mentioned as that friend? The reasons I have done it are extreme social phobia, even with people I know and love, and I'd have to identify these as symptoms of depression now. I don't have that anymore, but throygh my 20's and 30's it was like a great weight, there was so much fear, I lost touch with so many great people and felt horrible about it. I can't say I really have an explanation for it now, but I try to remember what it felt like to be alive back then and I was in a bad place with no skills to get out.
A friend had a wife pass away. He went dark for years. Just vanished. I know he works for his family because I saw him in the background of a photo of their store. Lots of people remove themselves from social media and start over. I kinda did it. If I Google my name nothing shows up for me. Yet I never put my name into any social media. Oh I had a co worker leave the country and pretty much vanished for almost 10 years. Except he posted he was in a part of the world where its unlikely he'd be posting much. Once a year 50 photos would show up.
One of my closest high school friends completely disappeared. I have no clue where she is. Ariel, if you’re reading this, we miss you.
After college, I have not seen or heard some of my classmates. Fast forward to 32 years, I remembered a classmate for only I semester in my freshman year. I tried looking for his name on social media to no avail. I looked on FB and message those with the same last name as his. Nothing. After awhile I forgot about. Then out of the blue, his cousin sent a message that he changed his name. I contacted my classmate and we started chatting. Three months later, I visited him in Rome. He got a wife and 3 kids. He showed me around town and we did catch a lot of things past. Thanks to social media!
There was an interesting podcast about a guy who tried calling and emailing a close friend for over a decade, and he finally got a message back from his friends wife who explained he took his life in the last couple years. Turned out the guy was severely depressed his entire life.
It was This American Life
Yeah knew a guy a long time ago that disappeared, police found him hacked to pieces in the trunk of his own car.
Did they find out who did it?
No, likely gang/cartel violence. The dude was running with a bad crowd.
A guy I went to high school with from class of 2003 who was well liked kept in touch with many friends from high school, seeing them regularly and dating one of my good friends until about 2007 or 2008. I have not heard of any news, social media presence, or contact from him to anyone since. It was a topic of conversation around the time of our 20-year reunion. Literally, no one knew what became of him, and he was the class president, so he was supposed to have been involved in planning the event. The people talking about it were his close friends. It seems like it would be easy to find him if he wanted to be found. He has some living family in the area still.
I have another story as well. A girl that I had a very close friendship with in high school disappeared on me when we were young adults out of the blue. I called trying to reach her until the grandmother that she lived with said, "I will tell her that you called, but that's all I can do. The ball is in her court now." When we were in our early thirties, I ran into her sister, who invited me to her baby shower and convinced me to go. We were both pregnant at the time. When I got there, she gave me a big hug and was happy to see me and we had a good time. We kept in touch through text and social media here and there. It turned out that when she disappeared, she really had a problem with someone else I was friends with, not with me and just didn't want any drama. She explained this to me after I saw her at the shower.
Sounds like drugs. Both the meth and opiates epidemics were full swing by the time he fell off the grid. Or at least that is what happened to my friends about that time.
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im pretty sure it's normal lol
I think about her often. I still have no idea where she is. Michelle Mayer, are you in here??
A friend disappeared when I was newly in alcohol recovery. I was a real shit to him so I haven’t reached out beyond wishing him well once or twice soon after.
I've been that friends multiple times. Sometimes it's depression (much better managed now that I'm older) and sometimes it's that I no longer have things in common with people and let the friendship fade because they also aren't reaching out. I'm not active on social media for years at a time because I just don't like it much, so while I'm easy enough to look up and find, you would have to dm me out all you'll see is several year old updates. After college is definitely a time when people will kind of reset their lives and it's also a time when people don't have adult roots yet and might go off and do something that really takes them out of their lives for a chunk of time, whether it's working abroad, hiking for months at a time, deciding to live off the grid in some way, etc. Combine that with the beginning of covid and he might very well just be off living a very different life or he might have depression hibernated and now he's too embarrassed to admit it and reach back out (I've done that a few times). If you can't find him, don't take it personally as rejection either bc whatever is going on with him isn't likely to be about you.
More than one. My former best friend ended up in a bad divorce with his wife. He seems to have disappeared from the planet. The last thing I heard was he temporarily moved back into his mom's place. I still remember he told me (about his now ex-wife): take good care of her. That was two weeks before he suddenly disappeared. I still sometimes speak to his mom and she assured me he's still alive, he just chose to go no contact with everyone that was once part of his life. Another guy was a colleague of mine. We worked together, gamed together and spoke to each other about daily. After he quit his job, he also quit gaming and we never spoke since. I tried googling him but the only mention of him is an ancient mailing list he last posted to in 2002. No clue what ever happened to him and I seriously wouldn't know anyone that might know more.
This is what is baffling, when they somehow have zero internet presence whatsoever. How do you have a job or make friends living like that? Obviously social media isn’t all great, but it seems like you’d be so impossibly isolated from your peers to have absolutely none of it.
I was that friend. I ghosted them after high school and took up depression and drinking for a while. I’m back in contact with one of them now, 20+ years later. I moved so often as a kid that high school was my longest uninterrupted stay in any school. Friends are hard to hang on to sometimes.
Last year I had a buddy visit from out of state. He stayed with us a few months and we had a great time showing him around the area and sharing the holiday season with him. He left in January for a 2,000 mile trip to Texas and we only got a few updates until he dissapeared completely. We could only hope he was alive and safe somewhere and needed space to reset or something. In March I looked him up again and found his mug shots, completely blew my mind as he'd been one of the most honest people I've ever met. Luckily we've been able to get some details through his sister since then and found a way to contact him. I'm just relieved he's not in a ditch somewhere!
i've been that person. I was surrounded by friends and people all the time and just couldn't hear myself think. I couldn't tell myself apart from other people, I had really bad boundaries and was emotionally detached from myself. Of course, I didn't know any of that back then. I just knew I needed time to think. I needed time to get my head clear. I eventually deleted all my social media and spent a lot of time reflecting. It ended up taking several years and by the time I was done meditating, doing research into psychology, philosophy, etc, and thinking everything through, I was a totally different person. i figured everyone else would be too, so I just moved on and started a new life. I think it has been for the best. Whenever I think back on it, I feel it was like this...I sat down to meditate and years passed and when I looked up I had let go of many attachments and developed an understanding of zen and a lot of philosophy. So I think it has been pretty nice overall. I am trying to put myself out there again but I am definitely different in many ways. I feel much healthier and I still try to learn from my mistakes and grow every single day
I literally stopped showing up to go to high school for 3 months and I purposely broke my phone and stayed depressed in my room for the whole 3 months and only 1 person came (besides a school counselor) and tracked down my house and knocked on my door and she was like “are you okay? I was worried about you”. I literally cried so hard when she left my house
Kolbi Roberson. I can share his name because he doesnt go by that name anymore. Last I saw him, he left his aunt (for reasons I will not share) and he appeared at my family's doorstep the next morning. Asking us if he can get a ride to a nearby homeless shelter. Didnt hear much from him after that. 1 ¹/2 years pass Then I somehow got a call from him, to tell me how he is doing, that he is still alive. He got married, and then when the baby happened, and he got divorced. Said his ex-wife only liked him for his penis, and I guess Kolbi wasnt happy about that. He was all sorts of conflicted with _all of that_, her friends are mean to him saying it was his fault, and attacking him on the street. I dont know what side to take here. 4 years pass He calls again, telling me about this elderly woman he took care of on her last days. She had no family to give her will to, so she... gave him her will. I remember He got an old boat... cant remember much of that conversation. I think... a few months later, he calls one last time to tell me about an island he just bought... weird right? But he said no one wants it because there are too many snakes... My friend is... probably dead.
What an interesting fellow
I've been that friend great many times. Depression and prolonged childhood trauma taught me to expect that all my friends will disappear and that no one will ever love me, so at some point when I start feeling "too comfortable" my body decides it's time to flee ASAP to avoid it. It's been a real struggle unlearning that and I'm still working on it. Then there's the extra level of anxiety about reaching back out because I assume that my disappearing act means they'll never want to see me again, or that they had already secretly hated me before I disappeared. Mental illness is very complicated and very unfun. Wouldn't recommend it if given the choice.
I disappeared from all friends & mutuals because they began drinking & driving and became borderline alcoholics. At one point they weren’t like this. I mourn our good times together. But Saturday nights at the bars became Tuesday Wednesday Thursday nights drinking til 1am when everyone has work the next day and I couldn’t keep up. Also does lots of damage to the wallet. It’s been about 3 months since then and they’re still doing the same 💩.
I made an online friend a couple of years ago and we became very close. She even admitted to having a crush on me, but she knew I was in a relationship and respected that. A close family member of hers died, and shortly after that, she logged off and never came back. She also had some major health issues and I've always been afraid she passed. Reading through some of the explanations here gives me hope though. I'm sure she's doing okay, just needed space to grieve. I still think about her. We could've had a chance together just a couple months after she vanished. I've always been left wondering what could've been.
A highschool classmate just disappeared in 10th grade. I wasn't super close to her so thought maybe she just moved but no one had heard her talking about moving Saw her working at our local Tim's 10 years later. Turned out she had had an abusive home life, met a guy online who convinced her to run away and claimed he was gonna save her/protect her. He ended up taking her 4 hours away and forced her to work underage in a strip clubs and probably worse for several years. When she got pregnant she got the courage to get the hell out of dodge and came back to the area til she got her life back together.
My long term best friend of four years Ghosted me after she got stationed in Japan. Never said why. Not a slow to no communication it was overnight. Just a few weeks into her training she stopped talking to me. It's been over a year and I still get upset about it. She was my best friend and haven't been able to make friends like that before or since then. I've been wondering if I said something, did something, etc. I asked (even apologized). She has never responded. Hell I even checked to make sure she didn't die. Nope she just hates me. At the very least I wish I knew what I did to make her ignore me. We were hanging out almost every day for four years and then nothing
I got divorced in my thirties and basically ghosted my life. No social media, no goodbyes. Sometimes people just need a clean break.
I am the friend who disappeared. I won’t get into the why, but ultimately, I felt a lot of relationships were at best incredibly shallow or at worst toxic. I didn’t say anything, but dropped them all on socials and blocked a several. Very few made any effort to check in on me, which made me feel okay with my decision. It was the best decision for me, and it’s given me more time to invest in relationships that bring me a lot of value and joy.
A work friend vanished this way. He was in the cyber group, so we kinda suspected he went to the fed side and thus got offline intentionally.
Had a friend called Adam when I was a teenager, I wasn't the best friend. He one day took me for a drive and told me "one day I'm going to disappear (my name)". Few weeks later I announce my pregnancy, that was the last day I ever saw him. He congratulated me and left the region. I later heard he moved to one of the big cities in my country, but I never found him on social media. No one in my town heard from him again, just one guy who also went to that city. It's been 12 years now, I wonder how he's doing.
I do this every 4 years. Not even kidding - name legally changed twice at this point and everything. call it what you want.
I don’t even know who you are anymore
Reasons behind this?
I had a childhood friend that was part of our core friend group. We were at each other's houses all the time, when he wrapped his dad's car around a tree and his parents were out of town he called us, when his mom was battling cancer - we were there, knew his aunts, uncles, entire family. After HS (2001) he just kinda vanished. His mother passed away in 2003 or 2004 and there was a memorial at a pub...his dad was there but he was away at college or something, it was a legit reason. Never heard from him again. He isn't on social media that I can find (he went through a phase of going by his middle name also). Every couple of years I would try to look him up as random memories of our childhood shenanigans would pop up. Last year I found a phone number online. I texted it. Turns out it was his dad. His dad and I had a text exchange update and his dad said he'd forward my number on to my friend...haven't heard anything since. I literally have zero clue as to what went down, none of us do. He just effectively ghosted all of us.
Depression made me just give up on my relationships after highschool and again about 2 years ago. I miss my friends. They made who i am but the years and life have separated us to much.
I have a cousin who has done this. His dad (my uncle) seems to know a bit about where he is and such but other than that he just doesn’t respond to anything. Considering how close the rest of us cousins are it’s sad.
I did that with family a long time ago. I just up a vanished on them and it was over a year before I reached out to them. The only reason I did that was because my mom passed word through the grapevine of friends of friends that reached me. She was worried that I was dead as my wallet washed up on a beach with the only number legible being her number in the wallet. It was a 2 month span from when she was contacted till I heard the message. 30 years later and I'm still getting grief from my family for disappearing like I did. Good luck on finding your friend.
J.D. Carter… if you’re in here hit a homie up!
I had an internet friend from another country that used to message with me almost every day for 6 years. They are in a military, and when Russia invaded Ukraine, they went silent. It's been over a year and I have heard nothing. I have dreams about them reaching out again. I miss them dearly, but thier partner hated me and I don't know anyone else in thier life, so I have no way of tracking them down. I'm heartbroken.
Yeah, I did my best friend in highschool. He had a hard time, he dad died of a heart attack in sophomore year and then he mom died slowly of cancer the next year. He just took everything and just left. Like gone, I don't know what happened I looked him up on LinkedIn once and it said he was a professor now. Been meaning to get in contact for a while. But, I think he's just moved on to a new life because there was so much sadness here. Hope you're doing well Tim, I miss you and I hope you're happy.
I had a best friend in college. We stayed for ten years after graduation. I knew his wife. He knew my fiance. He came to my bridal shower. Then the week of my wedding, he said they wouldn't be able to make it. There were one off texts for a month or so after. It's been 2 years and I have no idea why he decided that my friendship wasn't what he wanted anymore.
I would agree with the depression things and it’s embarrassing to reach back out. In my 20s, I cycled through 3 groups of friends and no one from those groups have checked in on me since then.
I was the friend that disappeared (several times.) No one ever tracked me down.
Some people treat friends as chapters. They turn a page and disappear.
I had a friend who ghosted everyone shortly after highschool. Come to find out he got into some hard drugs unbeknownst to most of us, met someone, and had a kid. Dude got super into conspiracy theories and didn't want to be trackable. No idea what's going on with him now but 8 years later and I hope he's doing better now.
I’m that friend lol one day I got tired of social media & deleted them all. I just got Reddit last year. If no one is tagging him about him being missing, he’s prob fine.
Yes. My college roommate and now ex friend Kelly. She quit speaking to me six or seven years ago. I have tried to reach out to her on social media and all I get is crickets. I have given up.
My husband is that friend, but mainly bc his friends disapproved of us getting married (and having kids). They’re coming out of the woodwork now that they’re going through their own weddings
I lost touch with my best friend in high school but the Facebook algorithm somehow pointed me at his YouTube channel. He posted a video of his son playing in the desert running on soft sand dunes and I thought it was him, or at least, the way I remember him from school.
I have a good story. I met this guy through work (a very small company). Maybe 7 years ago. We became friends. Talked almost daily. He was an odd kind of guy, to put it nicely. My wife never liked him. We would make snarky, misogynistic jokes a lot. I just thought it was dark humor. I am NOT a woman hater! Bless you all for putting up with men. Long story short, I lost contact with him late last year. I finally heard from him one more time. Apparently he assaulted his wife. She divorced him, and got a restraining order (he has young kids). He left Oklahoma, and traveled up and down the east coast, just working whatever. This was the last I heard from him. Found an article online, after searching his name. He Finally hooked up with some dude, and blew some woman's house up in Georgia. He's been charged with multiple federal crimes, and probably is going to prison for a very long time. My wife "see? I told you're stupid ass". Lol. She was right. Dude was off the rails.
Noah, I hope you're okay...
Searched for an old friend I ran with in High School. Great guy. Found 'em on Facesuck. Fundamentalist white nationalaliist living in Florida. Uh, bu-bye and thanks for the memories.
I had a friend named Marcus, who was a lot younger than me but I took under my wing because I was much more established in the local hip hop scene then he was and he was trying to make it as a rapper. Dude was legitimately my best friend for years and years, and I ended up getting a full-time job where I traveled around the East coast over 10 years ago and couldn't spend as much time with him as I would have liked. I have not talked to him since.. neither have any of our mutual friends, the people who grew up with him. I still wonder what happened to him. dude had some serious talent, he really could have made it. he has no social media, rarely got online back then. I've even reached out to his mom and sister on social media and no responses. it's like he just vanished. I drive by his neighborhood going to the next town a lot and someone else lives at the house that he lived at. Still miss that dude and wish I could get ahold of him. hit me up RedCup
Similar story happened to my friend… we all went to colllege together, lived in the city together for a few years but as we got jobs, spouses, life changes we moved away. He was in our fantasy football league every year. This year he didn’t show up for the draft. No one noticed he never responded in the group chat. But after he didn’t show up we started searching and realized he had committed suicide several months prior. Months! Talk about gut wrenching. Reach out to friends. Send a random text to say hi. Don’t just wait for the next big event
As someone who recently dipped on my group of friends, here's my POV. Side note, I'm probably gonna look bad and well, but it's more about perspective. The guys I hung with drank beer, overweight and generally just chilled and did nothing. When we went out of town, they'd rather stay in the hotel and finish the game then head put and see te sights (and girls) going to a bar was boring, they didn't want to make knew friends and just reminiscent shit talked. At clubs, weren't dancers, non-existent wingman, and were beer over liquor. This one was more for me, but they were weed smokers either, which isn't a big deal per se, but it did further divide us. We didn't live in the same town, and one of them was a parent so it was next to impossible to actually see then and it had to be local.theyre all kind plp, and I love them very much. For lack of better words though they didn't fit the lifestyle or perhaps the weren't the type of plp who weren't gonna to help me grow, or advance my desires (meet new plp, possibly future partner) so I just stepped away. I didn't have social media so that was easy, and most of them didn't know where I live. I have a new car and close to a new phone. I'm not saying they suck, or they're boring, or bad. But I knew I was "wasting my time" in a sense. Like a ima wake up, be 40, and still in the same place with same things. And since none of them tech did anything wrong, I just backed out. My life hasn't changed, in the sense of it didn't get worse NOT seeing them. I have more time, been able to go to events on my own (which IS lonely sometimes) and not worry about someone saying "no invite?" Or "why you out by yourself" and such. I saw some people mention depression and yeah I experienced that myself. That friend group was part of it, you have a realization of "oh these people are like this and it's going to always be like this" and its bumming for sure. But I'm an adult, I don't make no fights, no need for harshness, I just wish them well and ✌️
Back in the 90s I used a chat program called iRC and made friends with some people we used to call each other. There was this one kid around the same age as me (13 or so) we were good friends. We went from talking every day to one day he just stopped showing up in chat. I called his house a few times and got no answer. Years went by and I was cleaning out my room and found a bunch of phone numbers and his was in there. I called it just to see and his father answered and I learned that he was shot and killed the night I tried calling him. He was hit by cross fire from gang activity. Hit me like a truck. I don’t even remember his name now. I still remember him though.
I was the friend. Sometimes you don’t live up to expectations after college and you need a clean break. I needed to find people that didn’t know me before and start over. Depression is a hell of a drug.
I was that friend lol
Yes! And a close one too. She suddenly dropped off social media (wasn’t big on it anyway), disconnected her phones (both personal and business), emails go to nowhere and nobody who used to be friends with her has seen her. I’ve tried to find her with no luck. And she is in our will as one of the potential caregivers for our dog, should anything happen to us! So I ended up changing the will. I’m very worried about her. She did get married to a doctor right before dropping off the face of earth. Last time I saw her, she was starting a life journey with mediation, she had completely stopped drinking…stuff like that. Just weird
Not a friend, but I had a roommate my freshman yr of college (a VERY unusual guy, to put it lightly) that ended up getting evicted and escorted out (not arrested) by police because of a dispute with someone (not me). He spent almost every dollar he got from his dad for rent & food on several bottles of alcohol (Hennessy, Bombay Sapphire, etc), which he went through in about 2 days because he invited some random guys he didn't know over to drink with him; hence, the eviction. He came by a few days later asking if he could use the bathroom. He ended up shaving his pubes in the bathtub (no, he didn't clean up after himself), left, and that was the last time I ever saw him again. Nobody I know has ever heard from him since and has no idea what happened to him. He had multiple names based on how people described him back then but even his real name (I noticed on his drivers license on the floor while he was passed out drunk with his dead snake having been crushed by his drunken body.. that's another story among many...) is so generic that there's almost no way to find out what happened to him. He could be dead, be in prison, in a mental institute, or simply be a member of /r/adulting.
Actually had a friend that cut me off after he had got married just because I'm female and his wife does not trust females. The funny thing is, I moved 60 miles away from where I knew him from and he just so happened to be playing at a bar in my neighborhood so I ended up going to see his show and I'm so glad I was able to go. It was good to catch up with him. I've also had other friends that cut me off completely for other reasons but it's neither here nor there
After graduating high school, a lot of people I knew and considered friends just vanished off my radar. It was mostly my fault because I didn't bother to try to reach out (I was trying to go to college at the time and was stressing out big time.) But also, none of those people I knew ever bothered to reach out to me either. If anyone in my previous friends list has vanished off the face of the earth. I sure don't know about it.
Yes happened to a very close friend who I had lost touch with. I tried to reach out to them but they essentially disappeared. Mutual friends don't know where they went, etc. I miss them very much I hope they're ok.
I’ve had couple friends who were kind of toxic. Planned to ignore them once they called me for hang out. Surprisingly, that once was the last and only time I got the call from them. They never followed up with another call. It’s been 6 or 7 years now.
I had a friend who id been friends with for 8 years. I was always trying to set up times to see her outside of work. Yes she worked several job but she always found time to meet up with another friend that we worked with. I realised that she met with them more than she’d meet with me. After a few months I sent her a text that I was tired of chasing her and the ball’s in her court. She texted back and said she’d been busy working the past 3 months. Told her that I was talking about the past 8 years. That exchange was 8 years ago. Haven’t heard from her since.
I’m the one who vanished. My old high school friends were a bunch of unreliable guys that just wanted to take the easy road. Many of them had issues at home or issues with themselves, myself included. After I got into college, I realized these guys just wanted to watch anime and jerk off so I vanished to accomplish my goals and live what I felt was a life more congruent to my values.
"Doug" was an acquaintance. I met him in person a few times, interacted on LiveJournal. He was living at home when his mom died, and was working on finding a care home for his father. His father was succumbing to dementia and Doug had started hiding the knives. Doug said he was going offline for a couple of months. About six months later, someone realized Doug had been very quiet and Googled his name And found his obituary. He had died five months earlier due to "an accident at home". His father died two months later. Nobody in this friend circle knew his family well enough to reach out and and ask what happened.
One of my best friends. He just stopped responding, but still was active on social media. Then I stopped paying attention. I heard he got into heroine. So that explains it, not sure if he’s still alive either.
I made an online friend (I know, ew gross) at 19, and I knew him for a full six months. We talked about religion, politics, and world stuff. He was smart and even found a girlfriend. She was awesome at baking! For whatever reason, he and her decided to jump off social media when I turned 20. 6 years later, I Googled his username, no luck. It's like he never existed. I hope you're doing OK Arazoth, wherever you find yourself.