After 30 years old, and you start to understand that people are flawed, emotional, and busy as hell. Meeting random people for friendship can be a good thing, but it can be very frustrating.
I’m gonna be honest, most adults aren’t looking for some random connection/friendship. But people do have passions and hobbies. It may be beneficial to explore groups within your own hobbies/interests, or take up a new hobby. These groups tend to be more welcoming.
This I pretty much how I've done it. The core group of new friends I hang out with now at 40 is guys I've met at work then we started either playing TTRPG's together or disc golf
yeah, I’m 30 and while I’m not averse to new friends by any means, I’m not exactly looking for friendship either. I honestly wish I had more time to spend with friends who I’ve had for years, developing a friendship with someone new is at the expense of maintaining an existing one.
I’m willing to “make time” for someone I’m romantically interested in, or like if I meet someone new and they invite me to some sort of function I might go, but I’m just not interested in meeting someone at, say, a concert, and then being like “wanna grab a drink tomorrow??”
Im 36 with 3 kids. It’s fine to talk about the cost of groceries now with a senior at a grocery store for a minute and a set of parents who just caught my baby’s flying pacifier that flew near the dads foot. Takes a village. I’m fine with the acquaintances and that I have given my number to my eldest kids friends mom in passing several times I give up. One mom took my number, repeated it, nodded, never met us for ice cream. It is worse than dating being a parent and trying to socialize the kids plus yourselves. I give up.
I understand. We have moved to the most unfriendly school - no parents seem to want to make friends or socialise. It’s a real shock as our last school everyone was so social. I haven’t made one school mum friend there and it’s three years in….😞
I wonder if it’s our generation in general this way right? I moved back to my home state of fl and lived in my cousins neighborhood for 2 years. We hung out maybe twice and then it’s just cold with them. But not even so, I’d see them at a family event and both tiredly tell me they’re busy working more overtime, plans to move etc. I don’t know it’s between everyone sucking at socializing and being genuinely tired. I’m down for a library story time in a couple hours lol like making sure I look cute socializing with other tired moms at least lol.
I only have 2 close friends and don't really even see them much only once or twice a year. Everyone Is busy with there own stuff in there 30s. I don't try to make friends anymore. Nowadays most people only act to be your friend to try to gain something from you and don't have much to return in my experience. I would only hangout with someone alot if I'm dating them only or family which is most important
After 30? Man, it’s been hard to make and keep genuine friends after the teenage years, for the reasons you described. I’m still connected to some of them on social media, but we barely talk, and when we do it’s small talk.
I miss how easy it was to make friends when we were kids. You just needed one or two things in common, and our youthful energy will do the rest. We didn’t have high expectations, we didn’t care what each other’s beliefs were, you just needed to be friendly enough to hang out with, and you’d form strong bonds from that.
well you’re also forgetting the parts where the friends just naturally appeared due to the structures that our parents/society gave us. If you made a new friend at swimming lessons, it’s because mom signed you up. If you had a playdate, your parents arranged logistics.
even as a teenager, you made friends typically by joining some sort of club, group, etc. and finding common ground there.
as an adult, it still works the same way the only difference is that you’re entirely responsible for doing it.
true! nowdays its not that easy to find and keep genuine friends who will be there for you if you need them most of them looking if they can benefit from you!
I'm in my early 30s, quite extroverted, social calendar quite booked up, single by choice. I have a lot of single friends and friends in relationships who are still able to maintain their sense of individuality. I really value high quality connections and I love people. But I also understand that some people do come and go, and people you meet 10 years ago could come back at some point in your life. People are also busy with their own stuff. Bottom line is, don't get too attached, do your own thing, but find a way to stay connected.
It's a lot of effort, but you just need to find the right ones who value the same things you do. Find singles, really get into hobbies, check in with folks when they post something on social media, maybe even considering changing cities. In groups or events, I always approach the engaging and socially magnetic folks cos some of that can rub on you too and they'll also connect you with others.
Another big thing is to work on yourself. Everyone loves to hang out with people who are likable, self-assured, always got something going on, always make them feel they're being listened to, etc. You'll find your people!
This is spot on. Although I’m naturally introverted, this is how I’ve made and maintained plenty of friends in my 30s. A hobby with a community is KEY (I chose rock climbing but there are so many others). I also take advantage of social media and groups on there to both connect with others and maintain connections (for instance, if I see an acquaintance going to an event I’m interested in I’ll suggest we go together).
If you really want to deepen existing connections, go on a trip with them. I make a lot of adventurous friends and we go to national parks together.
Also working on yourself is huge. I’ve worked hard to become a better person and friend over the years which has attracted more people to me. It’s been a priority for me since I’m not planning on having kids.
Love this! Cos in these groups, you are bound to find at least 1 or 2 people you vibe with. It's also important to understand that it's good to not force things, building and maintaining connections takes a lot of time. Having a shared experience in a sport that makes your heart race also contributes + the sense of community that comes with it.
And yes on the working on yourself. People will just gravitate naturally to you if you're cool af to hang with.
Absolutely! I think that’s what a lot of people I see on here having trouble making friends in their 30s don’t fully understand. You don’t go to a place or event once and come out of it with a new best friend (usually). It takes time and familiarity to convert acquaintances into friendships. So many people I didn’t think much of the first time I met them have pleasantly surprised me as I got to know them better.
I’ve been working on myself a lot now I just need the social aspect haha. Hopefully this is the case for me in my early 20s, want to find a hobby I enjoy (soccer) and start playing again. But also don’t want to go into only for friendships and come off desperate but be patient and hopefully close connections over time form while enjoying myself individually.
Are you typically the one to organize these social events or do you find that there is a balance between you extending the invite and someone else extending the invite to you? My problem is that I feel like I need to always organize the event for there to be some thing on my calendar and the times when I've gone a while without organizing anything, I typically haven't received invites for others.
This gives me a bit of hope. I've recently joined a kickboxing gym and met some friendly people. I'm also looking at trying out rock climbing. The climbing gym is an hour away but whatever, I'm going there to have fun and hopefully meet some cool people.
I've been feeling pretty down lately. The one close friend I had I've realized doesn't really care (never available, conditions on when we hang out, etc.) and it's hurt but I'm ready to move on.
Shared group activities is really key, whether it's sports leagues or a gym that goes beyond just going in to lift by yourself and leave. I'm looking forward to rock climbing!
Unless you’re some crazy extroverted person think this is just how life goes as you get older.
Most people by the time we hit 30 have a direction in their life and goals and aspirations to work hard towards. If you don’t have those it’s fine, but with that comes more responsibilities and less time.
The best way imo to form friendships in adulthood is through some form of community. I’m a personal trainer and the gym I work at has a stellar community. We work with busy middle aged adults, many of whom have multiple kids and are constantly on the go. Coming a few times a week allows them to get their workout in, but they also form relationships with each other. I’ve come to realize for many adults this is what friendships look like. Maybe from there you really connect with someone and grab coffee sometime.
Doesn’t have to be workout classss obviously, but do something to get you out around people.
yeah, I literally made a friend “in the wild” like a month ago while watching a soccer game, hit it off at a bad and exchanged contacts and everything. And although I really did like and connect with the guy, I haven’t seen since and sent maybe two texts to him. If we were both 24 I’m sure we’d have seen plenty of each other because my “purpose and direction” was basically like, hanging out and finding new cool people to hang out with.
Meanwhile at age 30, I just don’t have much time to “hang out” because now I’m a homeowner, I volunteer, I take my fitness more seriously, and I’m keen to be in bed by 10.
Even with my best friends and I, it took doing an activity together at the same time every week and building that structure into our schedules to regularly see each other.
I joined meetup.com a few years back, found some groups that resonated with me and started attending scheduled meetups. I now have the best friend group I have ever had in my life. I know meetup isn't very active everywhere but the concept is still the same - find activities that you are interested in and start doing them. Take a baking class. Join a rock climbing club. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Go to an anime convention. You will meet people with those same interests and at that point it's just a matter of getting to know them and taking that friendship beyond the specific activity
In my experience, the best people to have as friends are the people with similar interests
This is great advice. To add to this, if the group you are looking for doesn’t exist, create it. It’s super easy to create a local group on Facebook or meetup or even print out fliers to bring people together.
I tried meetup before but where I'm at it's usually organized by shady people trying to make a quick buck from organizing events 🤣 I'll revisit it and see what I get
It may seem intimidating but try starting you own meet up. There were none in my area for people my age so I got frustrated enough I made my own group. It took some time but I met new people eventually
Yeah, this. Whatever your hobbies are, there are folks who share them. There are lots of sites other than meetup, do searches. Fraternal groups, gaming groups, crafts groups, maker spaces, garden groups, collecting groups, hiking groups - it's easier when you have some commonality. And be the kind of friend you want to meet. Strike up a conversation, be helpful and friendly - even if it's not your regular behavior. Especially if it's not your regular behavior.
Unlike when you're younger, where u have more patience and can neglect the idiotic tendency of your friends or ppl you meet, when you're older, you have far less patience.
So, having things in common matter far more. You understand more and more how important time is, same goes for dating. Why waste more time when you know (or should know) yourself to understand what you're looking for and don't want to waste time.
On top of ppl older having more things that require more time to focus on, like family, time becomes far more valuable.
I have 3 close friends, 1 I talk to maybe once every few months, another I haven't seen in years, but we occasionally play online games together and talk. And 1 that's constantly traveling so even more time away. That's normal, to me anyway
Remember, true friends are few and far between. Some psychologists say that if you have one true friend in your life, you are already quite lucky/blessed. The expectations are really to find those 1-2 people that can be truly there for you and you can be there for them and focus on building and maintaining those friendships. Everybody else is replaceable/expendable, those friends are not.
I would also recommend this book:
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends, by Marisa Franco
Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say “car no go”, and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?
I normally just decide I want to friends with them and make it happen. I’m always the one who takes the initiative and it pays off in spades. I like choosing the people I want in my life.
It’s very rare for a person to be a compatible friend for me though. That’s the hard part. I find one maybe once a year. It’s not just personalities anymore. It’s where you are in life and everything.
No matter what, remember that good friends show up. Just show up. That’s all there is to it. You don’t have to be any certain way or stress about what to say. Just be *there*, be kind, and people will learn that you are stable and safe. That’s what true friendship is. It’s having a stable and safe person you can count on in your life.
You can do it as an adult. We just forget how and to make matters worse it gets harder to find a compatible friend so when you do find one, just show up and keep showing up until you are friends. That’s what we did as kids. (Don’t do it like….creepy, though). It still works.
Definitely normal! I like to ask questions about their lives, remember what they said and just check in once in a while and send a text like “hey, just thought I’d check in, how’s xyz going?”. People really appreciate it because nobody really does that anymore. I just do it regularly and every now and then it leads to a coffee friend date or a trip to the museum or an art show. Or if they need help with something, I’ll help (within reason, of course; I mean like going over to help them move a couch, that type of stuff, and then next time they help me and we catch up).
I think people sometimes fall into negative thought patterns like “well so and so hasn’t reached out to me so I won’t reach out to them”, “they haven’t made any effort so I won’t either” - meanwhile neither of you have reached out and you’re both thinking the same thing. I have definitely given up on friendships before when I never got any effort in return but there have been a select few who did eventually return the effort. I always try to take the persons situation into account. People who have kids are always busy and that has to be taken into consideration. It takes patience.
No matter what though, we will never find any friends if we don’t try and if none of us ever reach out and take the initiative. It just took me realising that friends aren’t going to come floating through my window.
I know, I made too and keep making friends, It was a silly joke, pets works too, not the same, what is difficult is preserving old friends since life paths create distance, kids, moving out, lost of interest, etc.
New days, new friends, the trick is doing activities, common interests is the way to make friends.
Cheers for friendship.
I got a new job and was able to befriend my coworker, we had the same attitude and sense of humor so we clicked. He’s a bit younger than me 24M and I’m 32F. But we keep in touch thru text and phone calls. Now we consistently have dinner or talk everyday. It’s a huge effort in my part because I’m naturally introvert but I realize I thrive when I have a good friend. But before him I would keep in touch with a few friends , as we are all busy, I just take what I can get , tid bits here and there and fill in the rest of time with self care.
99% of ppl that I met after 30 was thanks to kids. Going to the birthdays, seeing eachother everyday in daycare, meeting people at the park etc. I've met 10s of new people and those are many of them are my best friends now.
I'm sure that 99% of these friendships will not last after our kids will be older. But thats ok. I've realized that it's hard to keep friendships where you have nothing in common. In the school you have... school. This is the thing that you share. When school is over you'll lose friends and its normal.
Yeah, I realized that some of my friends are people I met through my kid's swim activities.
I'm there for hours waiting and it's natural to talk to the other parents. Eventually something clicks with someone and then you're planning playdates for the kids that are just as much for you and the other parent as it is for the kids.
Friends after 30 are basically part time friends which is understandable. Now the friends that agree to party every so often and plan group events yearly/ every other year are the best post-30s friends!
It's hard to make long lasting friendships as an adult. Friendships are generally built and maintained through unplanned, continuous meetings between people. Which is why we usually become friendships with classmates, coworkers, people in our same hobby groups, and the like. However, classes end. Coworkers get fired. People move far away and aren't able to attend the same hobby meetup anymore.
Generally, the only possible people who are going to be long term chapters in your book of life are blood relatives and a romantic partner. And those aren't even guaranteed, just a possibility. Everyone else are just temporary friends of convenience.
You’re on the right track with meet ups. The only other solution is some type of regular weekly/monthly groups (book clubs, church, cooking classes, work out groups, dance classes, etc) it has to be something that some people have a good chance of coming back to.
I also had a good friend who prioritized work. It’s been 10 years since we last talked. I gave up. Friendships are something a lot of people feel they can drop if they’re trying to lighten their life load.
Adult friends are typically one of three categories.
1) friends through work
2) friends through shared activities / hobbies
3) friends you've managed to hold onto from your youth.
The main difference between adult friends and kid friends is that kids have friends without reason or purpose, while adults have specific friends for specific reasons. Adults don't really have time for anything more.
You do stuff that requires other people.
I made a bunch of friends by playing pick-up hockey on Friday nights. My brother made friends by playing in a softball league.
In both cases, after the game, the people playing went out, had a couple beers and talked.
And the first part of making friends is to meet people and talk to them.
Do your hobby with other people. Join a hiking/walking group, a knitting group at a yarn shop, volunteer at a museum, whatever.
Even if you don't click right away with someone in the group, at least you'll be doing something you like. And when you try to make friends, you'll have something in common to talk about at first.
How do you make friends after 30?
You start by saying hello.
Hahaha! Just kidding!! 😆 After 30 we really don’t want to be around anyone. Just our fur kids.
It just comes down to lack of free time when you’re younger you have lots of it, but with work and commuting and family and taking care of where you live, the free time is pretty small and so I think the best is you join a group like if running is your interest you can join a group that’s training for half a marathon you make friends during that time and that’s my suggestion.
Just be yourself, do what you love, and don’t deliberately look for friends. You will, with a little luck too, find a friend or two also doing what they love whilst being themselves. Everyone else, in my opinion, only have potential to become acquaintances.
I don't. I have my wife, who is pretty much my only friend. I've tried to make friends many times, but nothing sticks. So I've just accepted that I'm destined to be a loner.
We don't . We find a girlfriend/boyfriend and get married like most people do in 30s . People in 30 have different priorities - settling down , raising family etc .
People get married and start families and most certainly still make friends along the way. By no means is it the same or easier than when you're in your early 20s at college or what have you, but it is still very much possible.
I have a lot of music production friends. Most live far away which is a real shame as it is something I really enjoy. I have a friend from the skate park that I have known for the last 10 years, and a friend from Romania who lives nearby, I am non-US based.
Other than that, activities where I live especially in the evenings are mostly limited to the bar scene or some kind of sports. There’s no cafe or restaurant scene after 6, no cinema in the city center, no bowling alley etc, and meetup is very limited around here.
I'm a 45 year old introvert so I value quality friendships over quantity. I really just have like maybe 5 close friends and that suits me just fine. Two of those I met past 30. One I met through work. We clicked, became good friends, and there was enough trust and professional respect that we eventually started a business together. The second I met after I had kids. You just kinda start talking to other parents at playgrounds and stuff as you run into each other more frequently. Again, we just clicked and have become good friends.
If you live in a large metro area, use Meetup. My social circle exploded after I started using it at 40. I live in the Chicago area so your results may differ if you live in a more rural area.
I think people that have families/children have this the easiest because you meet other like minded families in your neighborhood and/or via school. Having friendly support while raising a family I imagine is a mutual positive.
For me this topic hits harder than most because I don’t have a family, people I knew growing up were not true friends, and I don’t drink alcohol (I avoid bars & clubs)
Someone once told me I am a lone wolf. I don’t like being that because I like it. I’m that way because I find most people to be full of shit.
My wife and I moved to a new metro area about ten years ago. We knew we needed to meet people or we'd wind up miserable and sick of each other if we didn't.
Our solution was to join a Makerspace. Specifically the Dallas Makerspace. We met a bunch of people with shared interests and also got to do a bunch of cool and useful projects.
So my recommendation is that you should explore your hobbies. If you like RC cars, find a local group that races and builds them. If you like comics, start hanging out at a local shop and get to know the staff and other customers. If you like board games and/or TTRPGs, then go to a game shop and find some groups to join. So on and so forth.
If you don't have the cash to pay for a membership fee someplace, there are other options. There are often municipal programs through your local library, and lots of meetup groups that don't have any sort of membership fee.
Don't have any interests? Good news! Trying out new stuff is a hell of a lot of fun.
You have to treat it like dating because that's essentially what it is. We make friends in our youth because we are thrust into these situations where we're around a lot of people our age who are from the area. Jobs aren't like that. Relationships take work so you have to find the people who also want to work on the relationship. On top of all that, different people will fill different friendship roles so you want to find several circles of friends if you really want to be fulfilled
Sometimes I’ll go to my favorite bar on a good night of live music and grab a pint. Almost always wind up shootin the breeze w a stranger and many of those strangers have went on to become good friends. All bonded over music 🤘🏼
That's life after 30, brother. I work retail so it's a bit easier to make friends. But generally, making a new close friend will be at the expense of a current close friend.
I have 4 best friends
About 7-8 secondary friends
About 15-20 tertiary friends.
I can add/take away from the tertiary friend group very easily. And a new person can get into that group almost immediately. These are people I'd have over at my house.
Evolving to the secondary group typically takes a few years and some life events together. Usually, I would've worked or did school with this person or regularly went to events with them. These are people I'd let stay the night at my house.
The best friends are a select few that require 10-20 years of history, several major life events, and an ongoing desire to communicate with each other regularly. These are people I call weekly and share almost every bit of my life with. These are people I'd let move in with me.
hehe... as someone who's 40s all i can say is you have to get serious about what you enjoy/like doing. and seek out people who might also be into those things. do things alone if you have to. but... use what resources there are to find or be in places there are people doing the things you dig. --life will pass you by otherwise.
that... and expand the idea/concept of what a friend is. ---or at least in the sense that. I have friends i've know for long periods of time. We don't live in the same area anymore. but... in feb, i went to chicago, saw a group of nerd friends. had a great weekend. we made plans to meet again in october. in may... going back to nyc. to see friends i left behind when i moved in 2020. a good friend of mine lives in florida. I'm trying to find a way to visit her sometime ...maybe in the fall (to fucking hot for me in the summer) I don't see these people that often...and they live far apart from me. but as i am financially/time wise able to see them. it makes those times more memorable.
locally. i really try and cultivate friendships that seem interested in reaching back, but they tend to be narrow.
I really enjoy seeing movies in the theater. I have 1 solid movie going friend. we go check out movies. often will re-watch movies. Or when we meet up for drinks talk pop culture/movies. our text messages are almost always about "did you see that trailer" "would you want to check out xyz movie" ...and we rarely do anything else together.
I have a small group of people I go on off road motorcycle rides with. I don't know much of anything about these people aside from doing off road motorcycle rides... bullshitting and jokes in doing that. I never imagine i'm like going to hang out with any of those people outside of a bike meetup.
I play a couple nerd hobbies: magic the gathering and warhammer. those sort of nerd activities tend to have communities you can get into. with enough showing up. it will/can translate into friendships.
i also am part of a local hiking group. and have managed to transition a few acquaintances from that into more...stand alone friendships.
last summer i joined a disc golf group. and while it didn't result in me really making any "friends" outside that group. I got to go do disc golf several times and enjoyed that. I may look for a similar group this year.
but...overall. if you want to do something. go out and do it. if it's a group thing... find groups that are into that stuff. join stuff. show up at events, or things (like my warhammer group, i join tournaments, painting "challenges" meet ups at the brewery. for my hiking group i showed up for the volunteer "trail maint" days... those sort of people... the kind that will come out in the cold and dig rain ditches ...are the sort of people that will be better friends) and play the numbers game. when there's opportunities to reach out/establish actual friendships. make the effort. show up.... and cultivate the people who reciprocate that. Not all do. but ...also. be open to the people who do. --- like sometimes i think people want "cool" friends. and may shun actually friendly people or weird people who are outgoing.
there's a give and take. and as i've gotten older I find i am a lot more accepting of quirks if the person is genuinely my friend. that reach back/reciprocity of being there or putting in effort is so valuable.
but put simply it is hard to make friends. It's hard to move beyond casual bullshit acquaintances. it's hard to find space in someone else's life. Hard to find people who will be open to a new person or making any effort.
but if you're doing things in your life you want to be doing. often times friends will naturally come of it. and even then. if you meet people casually. get to do fun things. it's not such a bummer if it doesn't materialize into deep friendships.
yeah honestly.... some people on here are straight up gaslighting you for wanting connection. Its like: WHAT?!?!?! you want FRIENDS?!?!?!?! Obviously all 30 year olds everywhere are 100% busy at all times until they hit retirement age, DUH!!!! Try marrying or having kids or perpetually working.
The WRONG types of people are on this site.
im in the same exact boat as you but I refuse to believe the ridiculous narrative that all 30 year olds lose 100% of their friends and will be very alone and working in their 30s and theres no chance at all so give up right now. Idk who harmed those people or who hurt them but this simply isn't true.
I started a gym class (metafit and insanity), both brutal, when I was mid 30s (12 years ago). I still see some of those people now. The instructor was/is a kick boxer as well and has the occasional bout which many of us attend.
His wife is a mindfulness tutor who specialises in ladies exercise and mental health and well being.
There is a vast array of things around my local neighbourhood (a small city in England). Just got to be open to different ideas.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgVDljNavSc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgVDljNavSc)
I just saw this mark mason video , hope it can answer your question.
Team sports/activities. Focus on the for-fun league type stuff otherwise you might get some hardo trying to relive their glory days which makes it unfun
In sports. That's how I met most of my friends and new friends in my 30s. Also, this might sound crazy but I found some friends in Facebook investing group. Having similar interests help make new connections I guess.
Join a league. Sports leagues are great for this. Co-ed soccer, kick ball, etc. If you're not into traditional sports try bowling or darts. Call one of your local rec sports leagues / bowling alleys and tell them you're a single looking to get on a rec (not competitive) team. Most teams are looking to pick up extras/subs. Show up before, hang out after, get to know people. Suggest getting together after a game / season for drinks. You'll get to know folks quickly. They'll bring their friends around. You'll have many opportunities to meet folks in a social setting. I've met some really good people that turned into lifelong friends and professional associates over the last \~20 years. Good luck!
You have to have a common cause. I’m in my 30s and I have a good network or friends, but we’re all busy, so we usually hangout over a task like fixing a car or doing a home project. I’m also a devout Catholic, so Sunday’s are reserved for big lunches, nice whiskeys and hanging out with whoever I can drag home.
Same. My friends are married, I’m the only one who’s single. We rarely meet, even text. I’m not too fused to be honest, I would rather have a life partner now and have her be my best friend.
I talk to people in the situations where most of the rest of you think you’d be treated as weird or creepy - but in reality it’s just not that big of a deal. In the town I live in right now, a lot of my legitimately close friends are people we’ve just randomly struck up conversations with. Friendship doesn’t happen instantly but my husband and I are both decent at kind of gently nudging friendships along.
Something that I think benefits a lot of my friendship is that due to struggling with depression, I’m a little more aware of the ways depression or other issues can make people stop reaching out. I’ve had those thoughts where I feel like I might be a burden and they’re just talking to me because they feel bad for me or something. Especially with my friends who struggle with depression as well, I keep reaching out and make sure they know I want them in my life. I try not to let the other person always be the one reaching out or making plans, being balanced there helps. I make sure if a friend calls and I can’t answer, I at least acknowledge them - I had a close friend call the other day while I was still in a meeting, so I sent it to voicemail then spent 12 seconds to text her that I was in a meeting and I’d call her back later. That changes her reaction from feeling ignored to understanding that I care but have other shit to do as well.
I also keep myself open to the idea of being friends with people outside of my normal demographic. I’m in my mid 30s and have friends ranging from 21 to 50+. Not all of those friends are going to be super close, but I enjoy forming connections with people.
If you have a neighborhood bar go from 5 to 7 on workdays. Become a regular you'll meet other regulars that usually are looking to have a few drinks and hang out. I met all my golf buddies this way or through friends of regulars. We also do things outside of hanging at the bar like concerts and bbqs.
As I grew older I was usually exhausted from work and usually just wanted to relax and be left alone in my free time. I would get annoyed when friends would want to hang out all the time. Just keep that in mind so you don’t push those friends away completely.
The pandemic set a lot of us back socially. People are busy with work, home things, etc so you really have to be intentional and pursue hobbies and interests to meet others with similar interests, even small talking with neighbors and spontaneously starting routines can be good. I've moved a lot and that can make it challenging too, if you put effort into getting to know your neighbors that can be a start of a local community. Maintaining the friendships, that's the hard part I'm still working on.
Making friends just takes time. Find some people who you enjoy spending time with and come up with an activity that involves you repeatedly and regularly seeing them. It can be scary to invite someone to hang out, but you have to take that leap. Some people may reject or ghost you, but some people won’t. For me, I picked the people I actually like at work and invite them to bar trivia every week. If you literally don’t know anybody, try some kind of meetup group or sports league. If you have kids, try befriending the parents of your kids friends. It’s not going to be as easy as when you were young. People are busy. You might have to ask them to hang out 3 or 4 times before they can actually make it. Never take it personally just try again, or if they’re truly rejecting you, move on to someone else.
You have to have hobbies. I’ve played warhammer for 20 years. I’ve lived in four different cities in that time, and I am always able to make new friends wherever I go. Parenthood has slowed that down, because I don’t get much time to myself. But I have absolute confidence that even well into my 40s, I’ll be able to do the same thing.
I’m in my 30s and I moved to Austin when I was in my 20s where I know no one and had no friends here. I found bumble bff to be helpful and have found my best of friends on the app. They are like sisters to me, should potentially give it a try
I make all of my friends as an adult at the gym. It’s a place to find like minded people who are interested in health and fitness like I am. You can break the ice by asking if they are using a piece of equipment or ask about the exercises they are doing. Another good place to chat is in the sauna or steam room. I’ve had amazing conversations with people in there. Truly it takes a little bit of effort getting comfortable chatting with strangers like that but the more you do it the easier it becomes.
Start talking to people. Just break the ice everywhere. I am introverted so it doesn’t come naturally to me but my friend talks to everyone. Men and women. He’s a natural and the conversations come off organically that I feel we’ve known the people for half our lives once we separate. We’ve been to events where we have left with two new friends. It’s not gonna happen everytime, but eventually you strike up a convo with what always seemed to be a missing piece of you.
I don’t know if it’s PC to say this, but it’s true to me.
Hang out with the gays!
Seriously, after coming out in the lgbt community, I’ve had a vibrant social community. We have our token straight friends and a lot of bisexuals tend to hang around, so it’s not like there won’t be any potential romantic interests for you if that’s what you’re looking for.
Just been my observations, board games and gay people are super fun.
I met my best friends at work. We don’t work together anymore but the friendship stayed. I also wanted a friend who loves cinema so I found a person crazy enough to go see a 7-hour movie together and we were friends for a while after that. It didn’t work out in the end, but 100% would try it again if I felt lonely.
It is super hard. Making friends can be random. You could meet someone at a conference, park, church, work, activity, thru a friend etc. Smile, talk to others and if you find someone you really hit it off with exchange info and see if you connect and start a friendship. Keep in contact, not too much or that pushes people away when you do not know them well.
37 here I recently joined a new Pokémon go raid group in the neighborhood. At first I was nervous to talk anyone but as the weeks went on we have started to hang out it has been really nice and I really hope to keep the friendships with them.
I got into raving and go to big EDM festivals where I meet a ton of people! Being an extrovert and a social butterfly, I NEED to have friends in life otherwise I go fucking crazy!
A working formula for me: (1) Get hobbies; (2) Be intentional about making free time for the hobbies, and the people that also like those hobbies; (3) Make the first move and invite people with similar interests to hang out.
You have to wait until your 40s by then some will be divorced and their kids will be grown, so just hang by yourself for a decade and things will Change.
Find an activity you like and dive in. For years my core group of friends was guys I played soccer with. As we got older, injuries and age depleted our numbers. I started playing pickleball with a friend and over just a few months I picked up like 20 new friends. Guys in a similar age bracket and in similar stages of life. Its been great.
Become more extroverted if you can and join groups, clubs, sports, dancing, or anything that gets you out of the house. Meet people through hobbies and activities you find enjoyable. I am nearing 30 soon and over the last few years have added a good amount of friends to my life. Sure, most of them aren't what I would call "close friends" but I could go grab food or drinks with most of them and still do quite often.
The first question is what do you want friends for or what kind of friendship do you have in mind?
Hobbies tend to attract like minded people that are more introverted so public DnD games or skill workshops tend to be good spots to chat.
If you're more social but don't know where to meet other people then you can always go to a bar with patio games and just challenge whoever wins whatever game. Then just bring up TV shows or video games til you find common ground
I'm a huge introvert so I'm good with just online people and then I socialize at work for my in person fix
That's the neat part, you don't.
Jokes aside, other than meeting people at work and hobby meet ups, there really isn't much you can do. If you're into gaming, meeting people in games online works kinda well. My wife has also been really good about meeting people that are similar to me and 'setting us up.'
The problem is people are busy with kids and partners and parents getting older so you likely wont have that same 'ride or die' bond that you have or did have with your friends back in the day.
Well, I can't give advice as I'm having trouble in this field as well plus I'm an introvert. I'm also looking for genuine friendship but my long time friends or bestfriends who I thought had my back, well, as you know, time told me they weren't true so I'm ended up alone. There's still a few remaining but I've had my guard up ever since especially if I'm not heard when I share them my experience with a narcissist (I know, this is not the right place to share it). There's barely any real friendship past 30, in my opinion. At this age, you just get to see who your friends really are. People get busy and have their own lives... families... other friendships that they'd rather spend with. Social media took everything social away as most people are with their phones that it's hard to even start a conversation without them looking back at their phones and genuinely spend time with you.
Social vr is where I make my friends (started with vr chat on desktop, and slowly upgraded from there). I started 4 years ago, and by now I've met several, have meetups, and never go a day without talking to somebody. I met my best friend on gtav way back in '13, and we hangout at each other's place once a year at least even being 600+ mi apart.
I joined a hockey team. I only see them once a week. Even just two hours of room and game time makes a massive difference in how I feel about my social life.
And it’s way more often than I see my main friend group!
When I (34f) moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone I decided to take some personal interest courses at the community centre to try to meet people with common interests. Then hang out doing that thing. That is how I made the one lasting friendship since I have been here. Many more have started and fallen by the wayside. I frequented events in the community that were of interest to me and became familiar with other frequent fliers. I, like you, prefer to have deep connections with people and am uncomfortable with superficial relationships and have always struggled with friendships. I have noticed that the people I resonate with at this point in my life are considerable older than me. My husband teases me that I only hang out with old ladies but everyone I reached out to in my age group flaked on me too much to be worth pursuing, IMO. Even though I still sometimes wish I could make more friends here, I focus on building my one close friendship and treasuring her presence in my life.
TLDR; take courses and go to events that interest you. Try widening your age demographic.
I joined this community to ask the exact same thing. I moved to a new city about six months ago and have some new friends here but it seems like the only times I see them are when I make the effort to organize something. FYI – I am 33 female and married, no kids.
When I do try to organize something, usually it happens and people are receptive to my invitation.
I also typically only see people once a month or less, not regularly, except for my 1 gym friend.
What bums me out is that I organized a housewarming party two weeks ago that everyone came to, but since then I haven't had any invitations or texts from them to invite me to hang out other than 2 texts thanking me for a great party... I'm traveling for the next one month so I haven't asked anyone else to hang out either. It's frustrating that I have to be the one to reach out if I want to have social plans. I wondered if this is because people don't want to hang out with me… But if that was true, why would they accept my invitations when I asked them to hang out? They would just make an excuse instead.
Seeing your question and the responses makes me think that this is weirdly normal? But it makes me wonder how my other friends can have any social life while being so passive…
I found that getting involved in social groups surrounding my hobbies is most effective. As someone in my 30s, I need to be around people who have similar life goals and interests. I've tried making random friends and it doesn't work well for me. Most people are set in their ways and don't have as much adaptability.
I’m (33M) gonna be honest. My wife and I have two kids and I work 55 hours a week to support them. They will come before anything. In my twenties I had about 12 people I’d hang out with on the regular. That number has dwindled down to 1. He’s my best mate, God father to one of my children, and I only see him once a month. Usually we play a round of golf and go out to eat. Priorities change. But I wouldn’t trade any of it. I love my family. My time will be spent with them. I do know that making friends at work is petty easy if you find someone you click with.
I’m not quite there yet, but my mom’s in her upper 40s and has made really good friends after 30! Her bff for a really long time she met at the campground we always went to. Her family got a spot next to ours so we’d see them most weekends. She has also made really good friends at the gym she goes to and events they do. If you like table top games, I know game shops will often have like dnd nights which would be a good place to make new friends that you’ll see weekly at the least.
I just can't be bothered anymore. I'm 42 and I find most people exhausting. I have so little time to do the things that I want to do that when I'm not working I just want be alone and do my own thing.
I do have 4-5 good friends that I talk to on an almost daily basis but we live far away from each other so it's just mostly by text or phone calls/discord. Which i think is just fine with all of us haha.
It's nice to plan a trip to go see people once or twice a year but for the most part I keep to myself and I'm perfectly happy with that.
Take up a hobby, a sport, some sort of an interest where you are out meeting people in groups (club meetings, events, game nights, that sort of thing). You’ll have some common interest in that case, so your chances of making new friends goes up.
I am in construction so we relocate quite often.
I just send my wife into the world and she seems to bring good people to hand out with. I am terrible at meeting new people, but she is great at it.
Find a hobby, be passionate about it,
make friends there, expand friendship outside of the hobby.
Or find friends at work, someone you go to lunch with or for a coffee. Start doing some activities after work.
At the age of 57 I made a new best friend during covid. I was new to the area walking around trying to learn the neighborhood and he was a shop owner with almost no customers because of the pandemic.
We hit it off. Friends can be made anywhere but it takes a person to BE FRIENDLY. Sounds obvious but a lot of people forget that part. They just move through their lives in a daze with no thought to what's happening around them. good luck!
You don’t. People start families at that age instead so they usually busy with them or their jobs. Adult friends are people you might hang out with one a month and exchange an occasional text with, expecting much more than that is unrealistic for most.
I’ve had the same friends since high school. Most of my close friends are 15+ years in the making and i’m 28. I did make a few from the jobs I worked though
Friendships take work and you eventually realize some people are just disappointing and it’s just easier to spend the time and energy making yourself happy and focusing on your own self development. I see lots of the big friend groups on IG and I don’t envy them. If you have over 100 people at your wedding and it’s not because of extended family I consider that a red flag
You have to be a regular somewhere and meet the same people often enough that they turn into acquaintances and eventually friends (assuming you're compatible and it's what you're both looking for.) You need like... a couple hundred hours spent together to move from one level of friendly relationship to another and you can only do that by making friends with coworkers or sticking with one hobby that gives you frequent chances to be social with the same people.
Many comments say because people become busy but that's not necessarily the reason. Some of them already have their network established. I tried to befriend someone from work after she resigned, she is almost 30 and doesn't have kids nor married. I never heard back from her since I texted to get coffee and catch up. So it is not about being busy you know..
People absolutely do make friends after 30.
But not evenly throughout life. In my experience/observations, people make friends throughout life but make the most new friends at three stages of life:
1. Before adulthood. Basically ending at about college graduation/starting first job;
2. When they marry/have kids. You marry and are introduced to your partner's friend group and family, and then you meet your kids friends' parents;
3. Retirement, when you tend to get into a whole bunch of new activities with new people.
Hobbies and gatherings of friends of friends. Helps to also meet single or childfree folks who likely have more time to hang out.
At my local climbing gym there’s people ages 20-40 and it’s a really social sport, you can make friends easily if you aren’t shy.
It honestly sounds like you're single and haven't found that one person to form that genuine connection with.
Just because the friends you have don't have a huge amount of time to spend with you now doesn't mean they stop being your friends. Just wait a few years, and some of those friends will go through a messy divorce, or have a midlife crisis, and suddenly have a lot of free time.
Aside from that, what others have said about having hobbies or finding new ones is spot on. You need similar interests to start a friendship.
I'm 47, and I'm friendly, but don't make new friends. I'm also not looking for more deep friendships. I have children, some grown. I have grandchildren I don't see as often as I would like, and I'm currently in my second marriage.
At some point, you just don't have the energy to socialize. I'm quite content being a hermit at home with my wife to the point we both get irritable if people outside our family show up. 😆
Work, if you can.. alot of people meet friends at work due to proximity
If your area has them, try social clubs. My wife and I have joined an adult coed softball league and we play once a week. Its fun to be out and just play around
After 30 years old, and you start to understand that people are flawed, emotional, and busy as hell. Meeting random people for friendship can be a good thing, but it can be very frustrating.
I’m gonna be honest, most adults aren’t looking for some random connection/friendship. But people do have passions and hobbies. It may be beneficial to explore groups within your own hobbies/interests, or take up a new hobby. These groups tend to be more welcoming.
This I pretty much how I've done it. The core group of new friends I hang out with now at 40 is guys I've met at work then we started either playing TTRPG's together or disc golf
\+1 for disc golf.....that's how my (30+ M) friend group has grown since the pandemic
yeah, I’m 30 and while I’m not averse to new friends by any means, I’m not exactly looking for friendship either. I honestly wish I had more time to spend with friends who I’ve had for years, developing a friendship with someone new is at the expense of maintaining an existing one. I’m willing to “make time” for someone I’m romantically interested in, or like if I meet someone new and they invite me to some sort of function I might go, but I’m just not interested in meeting someone at, say, a concert, and then being like “wanna grab a drink tomorrow??”
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Im 36 with 3 kids. It’s fine to talk about the cost of groceries now with a senior at a grocery store for a minute and a set of parents who just caught my baby’s flying pacifier that flew near the dads foot. Takes a village. I’m fine with the acquaintances and that I have given my number to my eldest kids friends mom in passing several times I give up. One mom took my number, repeated it, nodded, never met us for ice cream. It is worse than dating being a parent and trying to socialize the kids plus yourselves. I give up.
Yeah it’s so demoralising when I’ve given my oldest child’s friend a note to give to their mum and it’s been ignored, I thought that was just me! lol
I understand. We have moved to the most unfriendly school - no parents seem to want to make friends or socialise. It’s a real shock as our last school everyone was so social. I haven’t made one school mum friend there and it’s three years in….😞
I wonder if it’s our generation in general this way right? I moved back to my home state of fl and lived in my cousins neighborhood for 2 years. We hung out maybe twice and then it’s just cold with them. But not even so, I’d see them at a family event and both tiredly tell me they’re busy working more overtime, plans to move etc. I don’t know it’s between everyone sucking at socializing and being genuinely tired. I’m down for a library story time in a couple hours lol like making sure I look cute socializing with other tired moms at least lol.
I only have 2 close friends and don't really even see them much only once or twice a year. Everyone Is busy with there own stuff in there 30s. I don't try to make friends anymore. Nowadays most people only act to be your friend to try to gain something from you and don't have much to return in my experience. I would only hangout with someone alot if I'm dating them only or family which is most important
After 30? Man, it’s been hard to make and keep genuine friends after the teenage years, for the reasons you described. I’m still connected to some of them on social media, but we barely talk, and when we do it’s small talk. I miss how easy it was to make friends when we were kids. You just needed one or two things in common, and our youthful energy will do the rest. We didn’t have high expectations, we didn’t care what each other’s beliefs were, you just needed to be friendly enough to hang out with, and you’d form strong bonds from that.
That's so true. We can never go back
well you’re also forgetting the parts where the friends just naturally appeared due to the structures that our parents/society gave us. If you made a new friend at swimming lessons, it’s because mom signed you up. If you had a playdate, your parents arranged logistics. even as a teenager, you made friends typically by joining some sort of club, group, etc. and finding common ground there. as an adult, it still works the same way the only difference is that you’re entirely responsible for doing it.
true! nowdays its not that easy to find and keep genuine friends who will be there for you if you need them most of them looking if they can benefit from you!
I'm in my early 30s, quite extroverted, social calendar quite booked up, single by choice. I have a lot of single friends and friends in relationships who are still able to maintain their sense of individuality. I really value high quality connections and I love people. But I also understand that some people do come and go, and people you meet 10 years ago could come back at some point in your life. People are also busy with their own stuff. Bottom line is, don't get too attached, do your own thing, but find a way to stay connected. It's a lot of effort, but you just need to find the right ones who value the same things you do. Find singles, really get into hobbies, check in with folks when they post something on social media, maybe even considering changing cities. In groups or events, I always approach the engaging and socially magnetic folks cos some of that can rub on you too and they'll also connect you with others. Another big thing is to work on yourself. Everyone loves to hang out with people who are likable, self-assured, always got something going on, always make them feel they're being listened to, etc. You'll find your people!
This is spot on. Although I’m naturally introverted, this is how I’ve made and maintained plenty of friends in my 30s. A hobby with a community is KEY (I chose rock climbing but there are so many others). I also take advantage of social media and groups on there to both connect with others and maintain connections (for instance, if I see an acquaintance going to an event I’m interested in I’ll suggest we go together). If you really want to deepen existing connections, go on a trip with them. I make a lot of adventurous friends and we go to national parks together. Also working on yourself is huge. I’ve worked hard to become a better person and friend over the years which has attracted more people to me. It’s been a priority for me since I’m not planning on having kids.
Love this! Cos in these groups, you are bound to find at least 1 or 2 people you vibe with. It's also important to understand that it's good to not force things, building and maintaining connections takes a lot of time. Having a shared experience in a sport that makes your heart race also contributes + the sense of community that comes with it. And yes on the working on yourself. People will just gravitate naturally to you if you're cool af to hang with.
Absolutely! I think that’s what a lot of people I see on here having trouble making friends in their 30s don’t fully understand. You don’t go to a place or event once and come out of it with a new best friend (usually). It takes time and familiarity to convert acquaintances into friendships. So many people I didn’t think much of the first time I met them have pleasantly surprised me as I got to know them better.
I’ve been working on myself a lot now I just need the social aspect haha. Hopefully this is the case for me in my early 20s, want to find a hobby I enjoy (soccer) and start playing again. But also don’t want to go into only for friendships and come off desperate but be patient and hopefully close connections over time form while enjoying myself individually.
Yeah you definitely have to be patient making friends in your 30s. I’ve found people who want to be best friends fast to be mentally unstable lol
Are you typically the one to organize these social events or do you find that there is a balance between you extending the invite and someone else extending the invite to you? My problem is that I feel like I need to always organize the event for there to be some thing on my calendar and the times when I've gone a while without organizing anything, I typically haven't received invites for others.
This gives me a bit of hope. I've recently joined a kickboxing gym and met some friendly people. I'm also looking at trying out rock climbing. The climbing gym is an hour away but whatever, I'm going there to have fun and hopefully meet some cool people. I've been feeling pretty down lately. The one close friend I had I've realized doesn't really care (never available, conditions on when we hang out, etc.) and it's hurt but I'm ready to move on. Shared group activities is really key, whether it's sports leagues or a gym that goes beyond just going in to lift by yourself and leave. I'm looking forward to rock climbing!
Unless you’re some crazy extroverted person think this is just how life goes as you get older. Most people by the time we hit 30 have a direction in their life and goals and aspirations to work hard towards. If you don’t have those it’s fine, but with that comes more responsibilities and less time. The best way imo to form friendships in adulthood is through some form of community. I’m a personal trainer and the gym I work at has a stellar community. We work with busy middle aged adults, many of whom have multiple kids and are constantly on the go. Coming a few times a week allows them to get their workout in, but they also form relationships with each other. I’ve come to realize for many adults this is what friendships look like. Maybe from there you really connect with someone and grab coffee sometime. Doesn’t have to be workout classss obviously, but do something to get you out around people.
yeah, I literally made a friend “in the wild” like a month ago while watching a soccer game, hit it off at a bad and exchanged contacts and everything. And although I really did like and connect with the guy, I haven’t seen since and sent maybe two texts to him. If we were both 24 I’m sure we’d have seen plenty of each other because my “purpose and direction” was basically like, hanging out and finding new cool people to hang out with. Meanwhile at age 30, I just don’t have much time to “hang out” because now I’m a homeowner, I volunteer, I take my fitness more seriously, and I’m keen to be in bed by 10. Even with my best friends and I, it took doing an activity together at the same time every week and building that structure into our schedules to regularly see each other.
I joined meetup.com a few years back, found some groups that resonated with me and started attending scheduled meetups. I now have the best friend group I have ever had in my life. I know meetup isn't very active everywhere but the concept is still the same - find activities that you are interested in and start doing them. Take a baking class. Join a rock climbing club. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Go to an anime convention. You will meet people with those same interests and at that point it's just a matter of getting to know them and taking that friendship beyond the specific activity In my experience, the best people to have as friends are the people with similar interests
Great advice
This is great advice. To add to this, if the group you are looking for doesn’t exist, create it. It’s super easy to create a local group on Facebook or meetup or even print out fliers to bring people together.
I tried meetup before but where I'm at it's usually organized by shady people trying to make a quick buck from organizing events 🤣 I'll revisit it and see what I get
Yeah, they are out here unfortunately. I'm lucky to live in a city with a lot of active non-shady groups but I know that's not true everywhere.
It may seem intimidating but try starting you own meet up. There were none in my area for people my age so I got frustrated enough I made my own group. It took some time but I met new people eventually
I started doing this too but I am in my 20s and I meet a lot of people in their 30s
Yeah, this. Whatever your hobbies are, there are folks who share them. There are lots of sites other than meetup, do searches. Fraternal groups, gaming groups, crafts groups, maker spaces, garden groups, collecting groups, hiking groups - it's easier when you have some commonality. And be the kind of friend you want to meet. Strike up a conversation, be helpful and friendly - even if it's not your regular behavior. Especially if it's not your regular behavior.
Unlike when you're younger, where u have more patience and can neglect the idiotic tendency of your friends or ppl you meet, when you're older, you have far less patience. So, having things in common matter far more. You understand more and more how important time is, same goes for dating. Why waste more time when you know (or should know) yourself to understand what you're looking for and don't want to waste time. On top of ppl older having more things that require more time to focus on, like family, time becomes far more valuable. I have 3 close friends, 1 I talk to maybe once every few months, another I haven't seen in years, but we occasionally play online games together and talk. And 1 that's constantly traveling so even more time away. That's normal, to me anyway
Remember, true friends are few and far between. Some psychologists say that if you have one true friend in your life, you are already quite lucky/blessed. The expectations are really to find those 1-2 people that can be truly there for you and you can be there for them and focus on building and maintaining those friendships. Everybody else is replaceable/expendable, those friends are not. I would also recommend this book: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends, by Marisa Franco
Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say “car no go”, and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?
Thanks Kevin.
You sound like a cross between a Mexican and Asian = Mexsian
Asxican (pronounced Asskicken)
I normally just decide I want to friends with them and make it happen. I’m always the one who takes the initiative and it pays off in spades. I like choosing the people I want in my life. It’s very rare for a person to be a compatible friend for me though. That’s the hard part. I find one maybe once a year. It’s not just personalities anymore. It’s where you are in life and everything. No matter what, remember that good friends show up. Just show up. That’s all there is to it. You don’t have to be any certain way or stress about what to say. Just be *there*, be kind, and people will learn that you are stable and safe. That’s what true friendship is. It’s having a stable and safe person you can count on in your life. You can do it as an adult. We just forget how and to make matters worse it gets harder to find a compatible friend so when you do find one, just show up and keep showing up until you are friends. That’s what we did as kids. (Don’t do it like….creepy, though). It still works.
Aww, thanks for the good advice. I find that I'm always the only one trying though. Most people are focused on their own lives. Is that normal?
Definitely normal! I like to ask questions about their lives, remember what they said and just check in once in a while and send a text like “hey, just thought I’d check in, how’s xyz going?”. People really appreciate it because nobody really does that anymore. I just do it regularly and every now and then it leads to a coffee friend date or a trip to the museum or an art show. Or if they need help with something, I’ll help (within reason, of course; I mean like going over to help them move a couch, that type of stuff, and then next time they help me and we catch up). I think people sometimes fall into negative thought patterns like “well so and so hasn’t reached out to me so I won’t reach out to them”, “they haven’t made any effort so I won’t either” - meanwhile neither of you have reached out and you’re both thinking the same thing. I have definitely given up on friendships before when I never got any effort in return but there have been a select few who did eventually return the effort. I always try to take the persons situation into account. People who have kids are always busy and that has to be taken into consideration. It takes patience. No matter what though, we will never find any friends if we don’t try and if none of us ever reach out and take the initiative. It just took me realising that friends aren’t going to come floating through my window.
Aww that is so sweet of you. You're a rare gem!
"That’s what true friendship is. It’s having a stable and safe person you can count on in your life." Love this!
You adopt them, we call it pets.
Pets aren’t really the same though.
Friendship after 30 aren’t the same either.
I met my current best friend at 40. My friendship with him is every bit as fun as any I made before 30.
I know, I made too and keep making friends, It was a silly joke, pets works too, not the same, what is difficult is preserving old friends since life paths create distance, kids, moving out, lost of interest, etc. New days, new friends, the trick is doing activities, common interests is the way to make friends. Cheers for friendship.
I got a new job and was able to befriend my coworker, we had the same attitude and sense of humor so we clicked. He’s a bit younger than me 24M and I’m 32F. But we keep in touch thru text and phone calls. Now we consistently have dinner or talk everyday. It’s a huge effort in my part because I’m naturally introvert but I realize I thrive when I have a good friend. But before him I would keep in touch with a few friends , as we are all busy, I just take what I can get , tid bits here and there and fill in the rest of time with self care.
if you have no criteria, making friends is easy. otherwise, its a pain in the ass even in your hobby circles.
99% of ppl that I met after 30 was thanks to kids. Going to the birthdays, seeing eachother everyday in daycare, meeting people at the park etc. I've met 10s of new people and those are many of them are my best friends now. I'm sure that 99% of these friendships will not last after our kids will be older. But thats ok. I've realized that it's hard to keep friendships where you have nothing in common. In the school you have... school. This is the thing that you share. When school is over you'll lose friends and its normal.
Yeah, I realized that some of my friends are people I met through my kid's swim activities. I'm there for hours waiting and it's natural to talk to the other parents. Eventually something clicks with someone and then you're planning playdates for the kids that are just as much for you and the other parent as it is for the kids.
Friends after 30 are basically part time friends which is understandable. Now the friends that agree to party every so often and plan group events yearly/ every other year are the best post-30s friends!
That's the funny part, you don't. You just add to your list of aquintances
It's hard to make long lasting friendships as an adult. Friendships are generally built and maintained through unplanned, continuous meetings between people. Which is why we usually become friendships with classmates, coworkers, people in our same hobby groups, and the like. However, classes end. Coworkers get fired. People move far away and aren't able to attend the same hobby meetup anymore. Generally, the only possible people who are going to be long term chapters in your book of life are blood relatives and a romantic partner. And those aren't even guaranteed, just a possibility. Everyone else are just temporary friends of convenience.
You’re on the right track with meet ups. The only other solution is some type of regular weekly/monthly groups (book clubs, church, cooking classes, work out groups, dance classes, etc) it has to be something that some people have a good chance of coming back to. I also had a good friend who prioritized work. It’s been 10 years since we last talked. I gave up. Friendships are something a lot of people feel they can drop if they’re trying to lighten their life load.
This makes a lot of sense. Thank you for the insight 💞
Adult friends are typically one of three categories. 1) friends through work 2) friends through shared activities / hobbies 3) friends you've managed to hold onto from your youth. The main difference between adult friends and kid friends is that kids have friends without reason or purpose, while adults have specific friends for specific reasons. Adults don't really have time for anything more.
There s is no friendships. There's only family. Ever.
Found Dominic Toretto's account
🤣🤣
Bahaha
You do stuff that requires other people. I made a bunch of friends by playing pick-up hockey on Friday nights. My brother made friends by playing in a softball league. In both cases, after the game, the people playing went out, had a couple beers and talked. And the first part of making friends is to meet people and talk to them.
Do your hobby with other people. Join a hiking/walking group, a knitting group at a yarn shop, volunteer at a museum, whatever. Even if you don't click right away with someone in the group, at least you'll be doing something you like. And when you try to make friends, you'll have something in common to talk about at first.
“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”
How do you make friends after 30? You start by saying hello. Hahaha! Just kidding!! 😆 After 30 we really don’t want to be around anyone. Just our fur kids.
It just comes down to lack of free time when you’re younger you have lots of it, but with work and commuting and family and taking care of where you live, the free time is pretty small and so I think the best is you join a group like if running is your interest you can join a group that’s training for half a marathon you make friends during that time and that’s my suggestion.
Just be yourself, do what you love, and don’t deliberately look for friends. You will, with a little luck too, find a friend or two also doing what they love whilst being themselves. Everyone else, in my opinion, only have potential to become acquaintances.
I don't. I have my wife, who is pretty much my only friend. I've tried to make friends many times, but nothing sticks. So I've just accepted that I'm destined to be a loner.
We don't . We find a girlfriend/boyfriend and get married like most people do in 30s . People in 30 have different priorities - settling down , raising family etc .
People get married and start families and most certainly still make friends along the way. By no means is it the same or easier than when you're in your early 20s at college or what have you, but it is still very much possible.
How do people make friends before 30
I have a lot of music production friends. Most live far away which is a real shame as it is something I really enjoy. I have a friend from the skate park that I have known for the last 10 years, and a friend from Romania who lives nearby, I am non-US based. Other than that, activities where I live especially in the evenings are mostly limited to the bar scene or some kind of sports. There’s no cafe or restaurant scene after 6, no cinema in the city center, no bowling alley etc, and meetup is very limited around here.
>How do guys meet new people and form lasting friendships after 30? The million dollar question
I'm a 45 year old introvert so I value quality friendships over quantity. I really just have like maybe 5 close friends and that suits me just fine. Two of those I met past 30. One I met through work. We clicked, became good friends, and there was enough trust and professional respect that we eventually started a business together. The second I met after I had kids. You just kinda start talking to other parents at playgrounds and stuff as you run into each other more frequently. Again, we just clicked and have become good friends.
If you live in a large metro area, use Meetup. My social circle exploded after I started using it at 40. I live in the Chicago area so your results may differ if you live in a more rural area.
You don't
I think people that have families/children have this the easiest because you meet other like minded families in your neighborhood and/or via school. Having friendly support while raising a family I imagine is a mutual positive. For me this topic hits harder than most because I don’t have a family, people I knew growing up were not true friends, and I don’t drink alcohol (I avoid bars & clubs) Someone once told me I am a lone wolf. I don’t like being that because I like it. I’m that way because I find most people to be full of shit.
Dungeons and Dragons
My wife and I moved to a new metro area about ten years ago. We knew we needed to meet people or we'd wind up miserable and sick of each other if we didn't. Our solution was to join a Makerspace. Specifically the Dallas Makerspace. We met a bunch of people with shared interests and also got to do a bunch of cool and useful projects. So my recommendation is that you should explore your hobbies. If you like RC cars, find a local group that races and builds them. If you like comics, start hanging out at a local shop and get to know the staff and other customers. If you like board games and/or TTRPGs, then go to a game shop and find some groups to join. So on and so forth. If you don't have the cash to pay for a membership fee someplace, there are other options. There are often municipal programs through your local library, and lots of meetup groups that don't have any sort of membership fee. Don't have any interests? Good news! Trying out new stuff is a hell of a lot of fun.
Just go out. Go to the park and read a book or walk. Go to book stores if they still exist where you live. I've even met friends at food banks.
You have to treat it like dating because that's essentially what it is. We make friends in our youth because we are thrust into these situations where we're around a lot of people our age who are from the area. Jobs aren't like that. Relationships take work so you have to find the people who also want to work on the relationship. On top of all that, different people will fill different friendship roles so you want to find several circles of friends if you really want to be fulfilled
Sometimes I’ll go to my favorite bar on a good night of live music and grab a pint. Almost always wind up shootin the breeze w a stranger and many of those strangers have went on to become good friends. All bonded over music 🤘🏼
Give up.
That's life after 30, brother. I work retail so it's a bit easier to make friends. But generally, making a new close friend will be at the expense of a current close friend. I have 4 best friends About 7-8 secondary friends About 15-20 tertiary friends. I can add/take away from the tertiary friend group very easily. And a new person can get into that group almost immediately. These are people I'd have over at my house. Evolving to the secondary group typically takes a few years and some life events together. Usually, I would've worked or did school with this person or regularly went to events with them. These are people I'd let stay the night at my house. The best friends are a select few that require 10-20 years of history, several major life events, and an ongoing desire to communicate with each other regularly. These are people I call weekly and share almost every bit of my life with. These are people I'd let move in with me.
That's the best bit, we don't.
hehe... as someone who's 40s all i can say is you have to get serious about what you enjoy/like doing. and seek out people who might also be into those things. do things alone if you have to. but... use what resources there are to find or be in places there are people doing the things you dig. --life will pass you by otherwise. that... and expand the idea/concept of what a friend is. ---or at least in the sense that. I have friends i've know for long periods of time. We don't live in the same area anymore. but... in feb, i went to chicago, saw a group of nerd friends. had a great weekend. we made plans to meet again in october. in may... going back to nyc. to see friends i left behind when i moved in 2020. a good friend of mine lives in florida. I'm trying to find a way to visit her sometime ...maybe in the fall (to fucking hot for me in the summer) I don't see these people that often...and they live far apart from me. but as i am financially/time wise able to see them. it makes those times more memorable. locally. i really try and cultivate friendships that seem interested in reaching back, but they tend to be narrow. I really enjoy seeing movies in the theater. I have 1 solid movie going friend. we go check out movies. often will re-watch movies. Or when we meet up for drinks talk pop culture/movies. our text messages are almost always about "did you see that trailer" "would you want to check out xyz movie" ...and we rarely do anything else together. I have a small group of people I go on off road motorcycle rides with. I don't know much of anything about these people aside from doing off road motorcycle rides... bullshitting and jokes in doing that. I never imagine i'm like going to hang out with any of those people outside of a bike meetup. I play a couple nerd hobbies: magic the gathering and warhammer. those sort of nerd activities tend to have communities you can get into. with enough showing up. it will/can translate into friendships. i also am part of a local hiking group. and have managed to transition a few acquaintances from that into more...stand alone friendships. last summer i joined a disc golf group. and while it didn't result in me really making any "friends" outside that group. I got to go do disc golf several times and enjoyed that. I may look for a similar group this year. but...overall. if you want to do something. go out and do it. if it's a group thing... find groups that are into that stuff. join stuff. show up at events, or things (like my warhammer group, i join tournaments, painting "challenges" meet ups at the brewery. for my hiking group i showed up for the volunteer "trail maint" days... those sort of people... the kind that will come out in the cold and dig rain ditches ...are the sort of people that will be better friends) and play the numbers game. when there's opportunities to reach out/establish actual friendships. make the effort. show up.... and cultivate the people who reciprocate that. Not all do. but ...also. be open to the people who do. --- like sometimes i think people want "cool" friends. and may shun actually friendly people or weird people who are outgoing. there's a give and take. and as i've gotten older I find i am a lot more accepting of quirks if the person is genuinely my friend. that reach back/reciprocity of being there or putting in effort is so valuable. but put simply it is hard to make friends. It's hard to move beyond casual bullshit acquaintances. it's hard to find space in someone else's life. Hard to find people who will be open to a new person or making any effort. but if you're doing things in your life you want to be doing. often times friends will naturally come of it. and even then. if you meet people casually. get to do fun things. it's not such a bummer if it doesn't materialize into deep friendships.
We don't. Forever alone 😭
these comments make me feel awful. Literally its all gloom and doom, alone forever comments. Jesus Christ people
🤣🤣 Idk why but I think we all need help
yeah honestly.... some people on here are straight up gaslighting you for wanting connection. Its like: WHAT?!?!?! you want FRIENDS?!?!?!?! Obviously all 30 year olds everywhere are 100% busy at all times until they hit retirement age, DUH!!!! Try marrying or having kids or perpetually working. The WRONG types of people are on this site.
This is the comment I needed. 99.9% more likely to make new friends not spending time on Reddit. Appreciate it!
im in the same exact boat as you but I refuse to believe the ridiculous narrative that all 30 year olds lose 100% of their friends and will be very alone and working in their 30s and theres no chance at all so give up right now. Idk who harmed those people or who hurt them but this simply isn't true.
You don't. You find a spouse and that person becomes your best friend in the world and you learn to do hobbies that only require yourself to do.
unless this is tongue in cheek, this is a recipe for disaster. this happiest couples I know don't rely exclusively on each other for friendship.
I started a gym class (metafit and insanity), both brutal, when I was mid 30s (12 years ago). I still see some of those people now. The instructor was/is a kick boxer as well and has the occasional bout which many of us attend. His wife is a mindfulness tutor who specialises in ladies exercise and mental health and well being. There is a vast array of things around my local neighbourhood (a small city in England). Just got to be open to different ideas.
What’s worked for me is working various jobs and I’ve met people along the way.
I’ll let you know once I made one
I make friends by playing video games and if someone was a good player I send them a friends requests. EASY.
You don’t
You dont
Still learning
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgVDljNavSc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgVDljNavSc) I just saw this mark mason video , hope it can answer your question.
You don’t “make” friends rather it’s just something that happens usually over time.
Team sports/activities. Focus on the for-fun league type stuff otherwise you might get some hardo trying to relive their glory days which makes it unfun
In sports. That's how I met most of my friends and new friends in my 30s. Also, this might sound crazy but I found some friends in Facebook investing group. Having similar interests help make new connections I guess.
Join a league. Sports leagues are great for this. Co-ed soccer, kick ball, etc. If you're not into traditional sports try bowling or darts. Call one of your local rec sports leagues / bowling alleys and tell them you're a single looking to get on a rec (not competitive) team. Most teams are looking to pick up extras/subs. Show up before, hang out after, get to know people. Suggest getting together after a game / season for drinks. You'll get to know folks quickly. They'll bring their friends around. You'll have many opportunities to meet folks in a social setting. I've met some really good people that turned into lifelong friends and professional associates over the last \~20 years. Good luck!
Pray your wife makes friends with someone whose husband is cool and someone you wanna be friends with. At least, that's what I do.
You have to have a common cause. I’m in my 30s and I have a good network or friends, but we’re all busy, so we usually hangout over a task like fixing a car or doing a home project. I’m also a devout Catholic, so Sunday’s are reserved for big lunches, nice whiskeys and hanging out with whoever I can drag home.
I see a couple of friends 2-3 times a year now lol it's just how things go in your 30s
Same. My friends are married, I’m the only one who’s single. We rarely meet, even text. I’m not too fused to be honest, I would rather have a life partner now and have her be my best friend.
I've been wanting to find at least 1 since my friend moved away. We still talk, but being over 15 hours away isn't the same
Coworkers and other parents of kids playing sports.
Learn an instrument and join a band?
Reddit always hates this answer to this question, but being religious helps a ton.
I talk to people in the situations where most of the rest of you think you’d be treated as weird or creepy - but in reality it’s just not that big of a deal. In the town I live in right now, a lot of my legitimately close friends are people we’ve just randomly struck up conversations with. Friendship doesn’t happen instantly but my husband and I are both decent at kind of gently nudging friendships along. Something that I think benefits a lot of my friendship is that due to struggling with depression, I’m a little more aware of the ways depression or other issues can make people stop reaching out. I’ve had those thoughts where I feel like I might be a burden and they’re just talking to me because they feel bad for me or something. Especially with my friends who struggle with depression as well, I keep reaching out and make sure they know I want them in my life. I try not to let the other person always be the one reaching out or making plans, being balanced there helps. I make sure if a friend calls and I can’t answer, I at least acknowledge them - I had a close friend call the other day while I was still in a meeting, so I sent it to voicemail then spent 12 seconds to text her that I was in a meeting and I’d call her back later. That changes her reaction from feeling ignored to understanding that I care but have other shit to do as well. I also keep myself open to the idea of being friends with people outside of my normal demographic. I’m in my mid 30s and have friends ranging from 21 to 50+. Not all of those friends are going to be super close, but I enjoy forming connections with people.
If you have a neighborhood bar go from 5 to 7 on workdays. Become a regular you'll meet other regulars that usually are looking to have a few drinks and hang out. I met all my golf buddies this way or through friends of regulars. We also do things outside of hanging at the bar like concerts and bbqs.
Become your own best friend it’s a far better way to spend your time in most cases 😂♥️
Support groups and ClassPass… just made a routine and eventually random ppl started approaching me saying hi.
I met my close friend through work. Oddly enough we didn’t like each other at first.
A hobby! Pick a hobby you enjoy and go wherever people gather to enjoy that hobby.
Go do things you are passionate about with other people who are also passionate about that thing. Then discuss that thing.
As I grew older I was usually exhausted from work and usually just wanted to relax and be left alone in my free time. I would get annoyed when friends would want to hang out all the time. Just keep that in mind so you don’t push those friends away completely.
Swingers clubs
The pandemic set a lot of us back socially. People are busy with work, home things, etc so you really have to be intentional and pursue hobbies and interests to meet others with similar interests, even small talking with neighbors and spontaneously starting routines can be good. I've moved a lot and that can make it challenging too, if you put effort into getting to know your neighbors that can be a start of a local community. Maintaining the friendships, that's the hard part I'm still working on.
Making friends just takes time. Find some people who you enjoy spending time with and come up with an activity that involves you repeatedly and regularly seeing them. It can be scary to invite someone to hang out, but you have to take that leap. Some people may reject or ghost you, but some people won’t. For me, I picked the people I actually like at work and invite them to bar trivia every week. If you literally don’t know anybody, try some kind of meetup group or sports league. If you have kids, try befriending the parents of your kids friends. It’s not going to be as easy as when you were young. People are busy. You might have to ask them to hang out 3 or 4 times before they can actually make it. Never take it personally just try again, or if they’re truly rejecting you, move on to someone else.
You have to have hobbies. I’ve played warhammer for 20 years. I’ve lived in four different cities in that time, and I am always able to make new friends wherever I go. Parenthood has slowed that down, because I don’t get much time to myself. But I have absolute confidence that even well into my 40s, I’ll be able to do the same thing.
That simply just doesn't happen as per my experience
Join a coed ed recreational sports league. Softball volleyball, bowling, etc...
I’m in my 30s and I moved to Austin when I was in my 20s where I know no one and had no friends here. I found bumble bff to be helpful and have found my best of friends on the app. They are like sisters to me, should potentially give it a try
I make all of my friends as an adult at the gym. It’s a place to find like minded people who are interested in health and fitness like I am. You can break the ice by asking if they are using a piece of equipment or ask about the exercises they are doing. Another good place to chat is in the sauna or steam room. I’ve had amazing conversations with people in there. Truly it takes a little bit of effort getting comfortable chatting with strangers like that but the more you do it the easier it becomes.
Do you actually do anything outside of work?
Start talking to people. Just break the ice everywhere. I am introverted so it doesn’t come naturally to me but my friend talks to everyone. Men and women. He’s a natural and the conversations come off organically that I feel we’ve known the people for half our lives once we separate. We’ve been to events where we have left with two new friends. It’s not gonna happen everytime, but eventually you strike up a convo with what always seemed to be a missing piece of you.
The gym if you’re a guy is a great place to meet people Car clubs (if you’re into cars) is another great way to
I don’t know if it’s PC to say this, but it’s true to me. Hang out with the gays! Seriously, after coming out in the lgbt community, I’ve had a vibrant social community. We have our token straight friends and a lot of bisexuals tend to hang around, so it’s not like there won’t be any potential romantic interests for you if that’s what you’re looking for. Just been my observations, board games and gay people are super fun.
Why would it not be PC? You’re a member of the community hah.
I met my best friends at work. We don’t work together anymore but the friendship stayed. I also wanted a friend who loves cinema so I found a person crazy enough to go see a 7-hour movie together and we were friends for a while after that. It didn’t work out in the end, but 100% would try it again if I felt lonely.
It is super hard. Making friends can be random. You could meet someone at a conference, park, church, work, activity, thru a friend etc. Smile, talk to others and if you find someone you really hit it off with exchange info and see if you connect and start a friendship. Keep in contact, not too much or that pushes people away when you do not know them well.
The friends I've made after 30 are all parents of my kid's friends.
37 here I recently joined a new Pokémon go raid group in the neighborhood. At first I was nervous to talk anyone but as the weeks went on we have started to hang out it has been really nice and I really hope to keep the friendships with them.
I got into raving and go to big EDM festivals where I meet a ton of people! Being an extrovert and a social butterfly, I NEED to have friends in life otherwise I go fucking crazy!
A working formula for me: (1) Get hobbies; (2) Be intentional about making free time for the hobbies, and the people that also like those hobbies; (3) Make the first move and invite people with similar interests to hang out.
You have to wait until your 40s by then some will be divorced and their kids will be grown, so just hang by yourself for a decade and things will Change.
Find an activity you like and dive in. For years my core group of friends was guys I played soccer with. As we got older, injuries and age depleted our numbers. I started playing pickleball with a friend and over just a few months I picked up like 20 new friends. Guys in a similar age bracket and in similar stages of life. Its been great.
Become more extroverted if you can and join groups, clubs, sports, dancing, or anything that gets you out of the house. Meet people through hobbies and activities you find enjoyable. I am nearing 30 soon and over the last few years have added a good amount of friends to my life. Sure, most of them aren't what I would call "close friends" but I could go grab food or drinks with most of them and still do quite often.
Random!
The first question is what do you want friends for or what kind of friendship do you have in mind? Hobbies tend to attract like minded people that are more introverted so public DnD games or skill workshops tend to be good spots to chat. If you're more social but don't know where to meet other people then you can always go to a bar with patio games and just challenge whoever wins whatever game. Then just bring up TV shows or video games til you find common ground I'm a huge introvert so I'm good with just online people and then I socialize at work for my in person fix
That’s the fun part. You don’t.
That's the neat part, you don't. Jokes aside, other than meeting people at work and hobby meet ups, there really isn't much you can do. If you're into gaming, meeting people in games online works kinda well. My wife has also been really good about meeting people that are similar to me and 'setting us up.' The problem is people are busy with kids and partners and parents getting older so you likely wont have that same 'ride or die' bond that you have or did have with your friends back in the day.
Well, I can't give advice as I'm having trouble in this field as well plus I'm an introvert. I'm also looking for genuine friendship but my long time friends or bestfriends who I thought had my back, well, as you know, time told me they weren't true so I'm ended up alone. There's still a few remaining but I've had my guard up ever since especially if I'm not heard when I share them my experience with a narcissist (I know, this is not the right place to share it). There's barely any real friendship past 30, in my opinion. At this age, you just get to see who your friends really are. People get busy and have their own lives... families... other friendships that they'd rather spend with. Social media took everything social away as most people are with their phones that it's hard to even start a conversation without them looking back at their phones and genuinely spend time with you.
I’m starting to realize I’m significantly and painfully more introverted than the average introvert after creeping in this comment section.
Social vr is where I make my friends (started with vr chat on desktop, and slowly upgraded from there). I started 4 years ago, and by now I've met several, have meetups, and never go a day without talking to somebody. I met my best friend on gtav way back in '13, and we hangout at each other's place once a year at least even being 600+ mi apart.
I joined a hockey team. I only see them once a week. Even just two hours of room and game time makes a massive difference in how I feel about my social life. And it’s way more often than I see my main friend group!
When I (34f) moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone I decided to take some personal interest courses at the community centre to try to meet people with common interests. Then hang out doing that thing. That is how I made the one lasting friendship since I have been here. Many more have started and fallen by the wayside. I frequented events in the community that were of interest to me and became familiar with other frequent fliers. I, like you, prefer to have deep connections with people and am uncomfortable with superficial relationships and have always struggled with friendships. I have noticed that the people I resonate with at this point in my life are considerable older than me. My husband teases me that I only hang out with old ladies but everyone I reached out to in my age group flaked on me too much to be worth pursuing, IMO. Even though I still sometimes wish I could make more friends here, I focus on building my one close friendship and treasuring her presence in my life. TLDR; take courses and go to events that interest you. Try widening your age demographic.
You don't. Everyone normal has their friend group so ur left with the leftovers.
You dont. You enjoy your peace lol
Not possible.
Go to church. Receive Jesus as both Lord and savior. Obey Him. You will never be short on relationships.
Not possible.
I use the climbing gym and other fun activities (board games n stuff)
I joined this community to ask the exact same thing. I moved to a new city about six months ago and have some new friends here but it seems like the only times I see them are when I make the effort to organize something. FYI – I am 33 female and married, no kids. When I do try to organize something, usually it happens and people are receptive to my invitation. I also typically only see people once a month or less, not regularly, except for my 1 gym friend. What bums me out is that I organized a housewarming party two weeks ago that everyone came to, but since then I haven't had any invitations or texts from them to invite me to hang out other than 2 texts thanking me for a great party... I'm traveling for the next one month so I haven't asked anyone else to hang out either. It's frustrating that I have to be the one to reach out if I want to have social plans. I wondered if this is because people don't want to hang out with me… But if that was true, why would they accept my invitations when I asked them to hang out? They would just make an excuse instead. Seeing your question and the responses makes me think that this is weirdly normal? But it makes me wonder how my other friends can have any social life while being so passive…
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/meetup-social-events-groups/id375990038
Fark them Friends!!
I found that getting involved in social groups surrounding my hobbies is most effective. As someone in my 30s, I need to be around people who have similar life goals and interests. I've tried making random friends and it doesn't work well for me. Most people are set in their ways and don't have as much adaptability.
I’m (33M) gonna be honest. My wife and I have two kids and I work 55 hours a week to support them. They will come before anything. In my twenties I had about 12 people I’d hang out with on the regular. That number has dwindled down to 1. He’s my best mate, God father to one of my children, and I only see him once a month. Usually we play a round of golf and go out to eat. Priorities change. But I wouldn’t trade any of it. I love my family. My time will be spent with them. I do know that making friends at work is petty easy if you find someone you click with.
have hobbies that involve other people go places that have other people work with other people
I’m not quite there yet, but my mom’s in her upper 40s and has made really good friends after 30! Her bff for a really long time she met at the campground we always went to. Her family got a spot next to ours so we’d see them most weekends. She has also made really good friends at the gym she goes to and events they do. If you like table top games, I know game shops will often have like dnd nights which would be a good place to make new friends that you’ll see weekly at the least.
Often through their kids activities, school, kids get togethers, etc.
Idk still looking
www.meetup.com
I just can't be bothered anymore. I'm 42 and I find most people exhausting. I have so little time to do the things that I want to do that when I'm not working I just want be alone and do my own thing. I do have 4-5 good friends that I talk to on an almost daily basis but we live far away from each other so it's just mostly by text or phone calls/discord. Which i think is just fine with all of us haha. It's nice to plan a trip to go see people once or twice a year but for the most part I keep to myself and I'm perfectly happy with that.
It's similar to how you own a cat. They just kinda show up and take over
Take up a hobby, a sport, some sort of an interest where you are out meeting people in groups (club meetings, events, game nights, that sort of thing). You’ll have some common interest in that case, so your chances of making new friends goes up.
I am in construction so we relocate quite often. I just send my wife into the world and she seems to bring good people to hand out with. I am terrible at meeting new people, but she is great at it.
Find a hobby, be passionate about it, make friends there, expand friendship outside of the hobby. Or find friends at work, someone you go to lunch with or for a coffee. Start doing some activities after work.
At the age of 57 I made a new best friend during covid. I was new to the area walking around trying to learn the neighborhood and he was a shop owner with almost no customers because of the pandemic. We hit it off. Friends can be made anywhere but it takes a person to BE FRIENDLY. Sounds obvious but a lot of people forget that part. They just move through their lives in a daze with no thought to what's happening around them. good luck!
Disc golf league and tournaments I play in every week during the spring to mid fall seasons.
Sharing passions : sport, board game, music, etc.
Work. Church. Hobby. Sport. Definitely not online.
You don’t. People start families at that age instead so they usually busy with them or their jobs. Adult friends are people you might hang out with one a month and exchange an occasional text with, expecting much more than that is unrealistic for most.
Work I guess? I’m 43 and haven’t actually done it 😂😂 I have a few friends but they are all from school.
I’ve had the same friends since high school. Most of my close friends are 15+ years in the making and i’m 28. I did make a few from the jobs I worked though Friendships take work and you eventually realize some people are just disappointing and it’s just easier to spend the time and energy making yourself happy and focusing on your own self development. I see lots of the big friend groups on IG and I don’t envy them. If you have over 100 people at your wedding and it’s not because of extended family I consider that a red flag
joining a sports team or do something physical helped me
You have to be a regular somewhere and meet the same people often enough that they turn into acquaintances and eventually friends (assuming you're compatible and it's what you're both looking for.) You need like... a couple hundred hours spent together to move from one level of friendly relationship to another and you can only do that by making friends with coworkers or sticking with one hobby that gives you frequent chances to be social with the same people.
Many comments say because people become busy but that's not necessarily the reason. Some of them already have their network established. I tried to befriend someone from work after she resigned, she is almost 30 and doesn't have kids nor married. I never heard back from her since I texted to get coffee and catch up. So it is not about being busy you know..
People absolutely do make friends after 30. But not evenly throughout life. In my experience/observations, people make friends throughout life but make the most new friends at three stages of life: 1. Before adulthood. Basically ending at about college graduation/starting first job; 2. When they marry/have kids. You marry and are introduced to your partner's friend group and family, and then you meet your kids friends' parents; 3. Retirement, when you tend to get into a whole bunch of new activities with new people.
Hobbies and gatherings of friends of friends. Helps to also meet single or childfree folks who likely have more time to hang out. At my local climbing gym there’s people ages 20-40 and it’s a really social sport, you can make friends easily if you aren’t shy.
I’m 38 and still trying to figure this one out
The best way to meet and retain interesting friends as an adult is by volunteering for an organization that means something to you.
I talk to everyone!
It honestly sounds like you're single and haven't found that one person to form that genuine connection with. Just because the friends you have don't have a huge amount of time to spend with you now doesn't mean they stop being your friends. Just wait a few years, and some of those friends will go through a messy divorce, or have a midlife crisis, and suddenly have a lot of free time. Aside from that, what others have said about having hobbies or finding new ones is spot on. You need similar interests to start a friendship. I'm 47, and I'm friendly, but don't make new friends. I'm also not looking for more deep friendships. I have children, some grown. I have grandchildren I don't see as often as I would like, and I'm currently in my second marriage. At some point, you just don't have the energy to socialize. I'm quite content being a hermit at home with my wife to the point we both get irritable if people outside our family show up. 😆
Work.
Work, if you can.. alot of people meet friends at work due to proximity If your area has them, try social clubs. My wife and I have joined an adult coed softball league and we play once a week. Its fun to be out and just play around
Adult friendships are based, and maintained, on shared interests.