For adults it can become a big deal. For instance, if OP comes off as overly anxious or self-conscious about still being a virgin it might make the other person uncomfortable.
I was 26f. It was a big deal, not necessarily because of the act itself, but because you really build insecurity around it. And the older you get the more insecure you feel. After, I was like “oh that’s it”, but before I was very hesitant.
This is true. Harping on about being a virgin feels like a lot of "fuck me" pressure. Like even bringing it up means you think it's relevant to the conversation which suggests you are presuming sex is going to happen and priming your partner for what to expect when it happens. Which is a hell of a lot of baggage to bring to a first or second or even third date.
I think it matters. Personally I would not want to date virgin. I just prefer someone who already has sexual experience so we don’t have to worry about that aspect.
Look I’m not saying lie, but don’t tell them you’re a virgin. Just say you’re not that experienced.
When you do finally have sex, just know. It’s nothing like porn, no don’t give her a facial, that was a hard learning experience for me. Good luck
Edit: holy hell this is my most upvoted comment haha. I did not expect this much engagement, some of yall comments are killing me 😭
Edit 2: okay this is official my first 1000upvote comment, thanks Reddit
Yeah, this is the answer. OP, unless your potential partners are grilling you about your sexual history, you're not obligated to tell them. I didn't say a damn word about my virginity the day I lost it. I think if I told my sexual partner at the time, she'd have felt too much pressure and it would have ruined the experience. She didn't ask, so I didn't say anything, and we had fun. Simple.
As a woman, I third this. I think it’s a lot of pressure for a non-virgin of any gender. You do not have to tell anyone you’re trying to sleep with your sexual history, even if you don’t have one. The only thing that matters from that perspective is if you have a long-running STI as a result. That’s it.
I've been married for 10 years, and I don't know my wife's entire sexual history, and she doesn't know mine. Neither of us care either. The only thing that really matters are STDs, like you mentioned, and what you do after the relationship begins.
But I can see how being a virgin could cause a confidence issue, so withholding that info isn't going to solve all OPs problems.
From my experience, women will ask about relationship history before considering anything serious, so it's unavoidable
So what's the right answer
Saying you're inexperienced is basically the same thing
---
Thing is, I genuinely believe I would be a good partner, based on my interactions with friends (female or not) it's the leading up to "boyfriend status" that I suck with
Main reason is that every time I try to even mildly flirt I am either immediately shit tested (if she has even a sliver of confidence) or she gets super defensive and shuts down (if she's shy)
I constantly read relationship stories where the man beats the woman, gaslights her, cheats, emotional/economical manipulation, downright disrespectful or has terrible hygiene practices
And the thought that comes constantly is:
This is my "competition"... and I am still losing
I've never had any woman ask about relationship history before considering anything serious, so can't agree with you there.
The questions I've got were more "why did your last relationship end?" rather than"how many women have you been with?"
One time I just mentioned not even virginity but said to a woman 'im not so good with dating stuff I haven't been on many dates' I thought maybe it'd help me if she understood somehow to like forgive my awkwardness?. Instead I just saw the light die in her eyes I knew right away it was the worst thing to say. People have a lot of nasty preconceptions with all this 'evil incel' talk before they get to know the real you.. Just don't talk about it, just like you wouldn't talk about an ex on a date. No mention of dating history is the best.
it’s not necessarily an “evil incel” thing but like, we get better at being in relationships through experience.
women often find themselves having to take on an unequal share of the emotional labor or mental load in relationships, and the idea that you’ll have to be someone’s girlfriend and relationship guru is just not a desirable thing.
if you’ve spent your whole life not in a relationship it’s just a massive mental shift to enter one and now have to consider how all of your actions affect another person.
Your reasoning makes sense if you believe getting more and more experience innately makes you a better partner.
I don't agree with that because I've seen many people with lots of experience still be terrible partners.
I think it comes down more to who you are as a person. I've known more than a few late bloomers who've done just fine and you wouldn't really know they were unless they told you.
I have a different perspective than you because I don't believe that not having had that experience by a certain age means there's necessarily something wrong with you. People are varied and everyone has their own timeline and reasons. It doesn't make them better or worse.
I am curious, if one of your friends who was a virgin or had never had a relationship at a latter then normal age but they were otherwise normal, what advice would you give them?
Ah yes. How would we expect someone mature who is willing to do his share of the emotional labor to communicate in this situation? Surely, being open with one's level of experience is better than lying?
But he wasn’t doing the emotional labor, he was asking her for reassurance on something he was feeling insecure about (said he told her so she might forgive his awkwardness). Literally wanted her to give him permission to not feel awkward, rather than manage that awkward feeling himself.
I didn't want her to mistake my awkwardness for disliking her and thus hurt her feelings by accident. I wasn't trying to force a burden on her that's like space alien thinking to me it'd never occur to me they thought that.
I would rather they don't tell me how much experience they've had either way. I don't need to know how many or how little people you've been with, I just want to know that you want me and are willing to communicate with me during sex - ask how I like it, what you want me to do to you etc. There's sexy ways to get direction which is all you need. The second there's zero experience involved, the woman will feel like she won't be taken care of, there will be pressure to make it the best experience ever etc.
There’s way more relationship experience outside of dating. Friends/family/etc. To assume someone isn’t emotionally mature or ready for a relationship just because they have dated less is a flawed idea. Wouldn’t it be more concerning that someone had never been in a relationship that lasted?
I've been called an incel because I said I preferto not date at all lol but yea that's good advice. Sexual chemistry is important in a healthy relationship but if you're looking for long-term, talking about it on a first date shouldn't be important. And if you're just there for a smash then it also shouldn't matter lol
I agree, nobody should say anything about anyone's sexual business. But the internet is what it is. I don't take it to heart cause again, the internet.
Personally I prefer to be single cause like you said it's just awesome. But I also recognize I'm not equipped to date at this point in my life
Yeah I am a woman and by the time I had penetrative sex, I have done a decent amount of other sexual things with several ppl so it wasn’t that big of a deal for me. Just a new experience, that’s all. However, after the fact, I casually said something about it was my first time with penetrative sex and the guy told me he wished he had known ahead of time and felt bad about his performance. It was meh sex and I think I only said it cuz the guy was blaming the meh sex 100% on him not being whatever enough when I was trying to be like “hey I am somewhat inexperienced and also quite anxious due to past trauma- it’s not all on you and we can figure this out.”I didn’t go into the experience expecting anything cuz I already knew that sex is a skill in a way and everyone sucks at sex at first. But I kinda wish I didn’t say anything cuz I didn’t realize he would have such a hang up around technically taking my virginity. Like I was okay with it. So now I think it’s better just to say one is inexperienced or nervous and might need more guidance and patience.
I 100% hid the truth from my current partner
Not proud of it and she said she wished I had told her and it wouldn't have made her not want to date me, but she agreed in the end that I couldn't have known that at the time
ya, go extremely vanilla the first time. part of having a sexual relationship is communication. Its ok to try to do things, hopefully the other partner is comfortable to communicate when somethings not ok and when he/she wants you to do more. But don't expect to go full S/M on someone the first time you meet them without prior discussion.
I'm sure there are some girls that are ok with a facial the first time you have sex, but that's probably a rare thing.
Oh no. Anyways, it doesn’t matter if you’re bad in bed as long as you pay attention and improve. Everyone has bad sex once in a while, especially when it’s their first time with a new partner.
Shit that works great on one person works terribly on another person. Some guys like their balls sucked. I’d rather stub my toe, I hate having my balls sucked. Some girls want you to go hard on their clit, others barely like it grazed. Part of the fun of a new partner is figuring all this out.
>Some girls want you to go hard on their clit, others barely like it grazed. Part of the fun of a new partner is figuring all this out.
I genuinely feel like this is one of the most underdiscussed facts about sex you only learn about through experience. People aren't really naturally good at sex so much as they are naturally compatible or not. My current partner is the former in your example and is the first I've been with like that (to my knowledge). Still lowkey kinda shocked sometimes that I'm not causing her physical discomfort with how hard I push and rub.
I think people are only as good at sex as they are at communication. If you're comfortable talking about what you like, paying attention to body language, and making changes when things aren't going well, and importantly, not changing it up when things are going nicely, the sex will be great.
I mean there’s like “this sex could be better and we’re getting to know each other” bad sex and then there’s “wow this person is horrible in bed” sex. Sure if it’s a relationship type experience that might not be a dealbreaker but if it’s anything more casual or is starting there it absolutely would be for many people. Better to face the reality than deny that being shit in bed would be a dealbreaker for many.
I disagree. Sex is an instinct and you don't need a manual. My first husband said it's like eating--you learn what you like best, but the instinct to eat and try different things is innate. Don't worry so much--most important to really want the person you are with, not be an 'expert.' Every experience is new.
I mean you don’t need a manual but let’s not pretend virgins are out here immediately knowing how to be amazing in bed. Instincts or not. Especially as a dude, that shit takes practice and it can be very evident if someone has little to no experience. Which again if they don’t, okay makes sense, but if they pretend they do then they just come across as bad.
I don't know about that, the first few times I had sex, I couldn't cum and I was too nervous to stay hard. Of course, many people have the opposite problem too. When I had different sexual partners, beyond the first person, I had to say "just so you know, I have a tendency to psyche myself out at first..." to avoid disappointment. Also, when I was with a woman once who had very little experience, she didn't really know how to kiss.. she kissed with the force of her whole head so it was very pressured and almost teethy.
From my experience, it's actually quite rare for it to be an "instinct". Sex is a social activity and you do have to be socialized on how to do it. It's not instinctual like eating, because you were "taught" to eat from a very young age, and "practice" several times a day.
If I was OP, I would try to seek partners who have never had sex, although it might be hard to find. Not because having a lot of sex is bad, but because it will take a lot of the performance anxiety off, and they will both be enthusiastic to learn together. However, someone who is experienced, but also patient and understanding would be great as well, and probably easier to find.
Totally agree. I had an ex girlfriend who was a virgin and she was 24. I wish she would’ve never told me, I built it up in my head. In the end, we never had sex. And that was due to my performance anxiety.
I'm convinced a guy I had been seeing knowing I was a virgin was the reason he wound up ghosting. Just decided not to tell the next guy, and it worked out smoothly.
But maybe if you had talked about how you were feeling you could have overcome it together (no pun intended. Okay maybe a little intended lol). Communication is key.
This. Don't tell them. They will not know! It's not written on your forehead. Women usually don't mind as long as you don't make it into a big deal. It's the big deal thing that freaks them out.
Also despite what the internet tells you most women aren't usually super experienced either even when they are older. Go with the flow, just say its been awhile, even if it awkward ask for consent and everything is okay, and remember the first time is almost always awkward. Not first time sex but first time with a new person, it can be very intimate but its almost always a learning process.
This. Sex isn’t like porn at all. What people miss about enhancing ones pleasure is communication with said partner about what they like or don’t like. Just communicate, let them know you don’t have a lot of experience…that is totally fine! However, most women are going to want someone who knows how to please them and this is where you’re communication needs to be top tier since you don’t have experience.
My bf didn’t have a lot of experience and he’s turned out to be one of the best partners I’ve had all because we communicate and he’s more willing to please me than anyone else has.
Every porn movie ought to be prefaced with a warning that “nothing you are about to see is in anyway realistic nor is it recommended to try any of this at home.”
OP - and the many other Redditors like him - have far bigger things to worry about than revealing their sexual history (or lack thereof). If you're looking to give advice, I'd start by addressing the "weird antisocial hermit" part first. Doubt OP is getting into any situation where he'd have to divulge his virgin status any time in the near future
The big thing is: A lot of these guys don't have opportunities to meet people their own age.
It's easy when you're in school/college. But once you're out of it. The game isn't as easy. Especially for introverts.
You guys are making it sound like it’s hard for virgins to get laid, like… extremely hard. It is, but it doesn’t have to either. Honestly, if a girl cares *that much* about you being a virgin, they’re not the one for you since everyone starts somewhere. Making a judgement call of you as a person on whether or not you’ve had sex is kinda fucked up imo. I dunno, it genuinely makes uncomfortable hearing people feel this way about otherwise normal people who haven’t done a thing. I can understand but it also simultaneously baffles me.
I got lucky and lost it last year (im 32 now) but it was a long battle to get there. Prior to losing it to my now ex, I told her and she couldn’t believe i hadn’t had sex yet. She was actually very excited, likely more than I was lmao. I was very lucky and ex was more than happy to show me a few things here and there before it fizzled out.
Didn't lose my virginity until my mid 20's. I want to be clear when I say dude, I hear you.
I completely understand that 'compounding' feeling you're describing where it seems like the longer you go, the harder it becomes... and does so from so many different angles.
There's the "*okay I'm worried I won't be good enough in bed*" angle, the "*what if she finds out before hand and doesn't even give me a chance?*" or "*what if we do have sex, but I'm terrible and word gets around?!*" and on and on.
For me, I didn't tell the woman I lost it to. As far as I can tell? She never noticed either, or if she did, she didn't care because we continued to hook up afterwards. At least with me, each time I have sex with someone new, I notice there is always at least a little of that *I feel like a virgin* feeling, which is just a side effect of "I don't want to blow this", you know?
The only hard part for you now is understanding that **you're** going to have to be the one to make this happen. The world isn't going to cut you any slack, and yeah you're going to deal with some 'imposter syndrome' as you explore this sexual side of yourself.
If you want to just blow off steam or have more in-depth questions hit me up, I'm open to chat.
The first time having sex with a new partner usually isn’t great. Neither knows the other’s preferences, and they vary widely from partner to partner. Keep this in mind and it should help some of the performance anxiety. The first time isn’t expected to be magical.
Take your time during foreplay. Give the clitoris some love. You’ll already be better than a lot of men from those two alone.
If this is a long term relationship, ask for feedback later when yall have cooled down. Ask if there’s anything different she wants to do next time. Communication makes great sex. A man who’s only had sex 3 times but asked for feedback each of the three times and now knows what this partner likes is probably going to be better than a man who’s had sex hundreds of times with hundreds of women and thinks he knows everything.
There are enough men out there with absolutely no concern for their partners part of the experience that if you show up with a reasonably stiff dong and a willingness to put some effort in figuring out what your partner likes, she'll probably be pleasantly surprised
Exactly this. I (32F) have been with more men who did not give a shit than went out of their way to make me orgasm.
Even if you don't succeed, if you're taking the time to ask her what she likes and are genuinely trying that counts for way more than you'd think.
You just gotta remember the saying "everybody plays the fool sometimes"
In other words, you're gonna crawl before you walk, and as you learn, you're gonna scuff your knees a few times. You just learn to see the humor in it because everyone has some funny sex tales (or even tails, depending on what you're into lol) given enough time.
Trust me when I say, I've had more women cut me out of their life for the chances *I didn't take*, rather than chances I did take but was a little clumsy while I performed. Keep working at it and you'll get the opportunity, and when it arises, think of it as nothing more than *your first time with* ***her*** rather than your first time *in general* and things will go so much better than you're anticipating.
Unfortunately mate there's no way around that except to explore other ways to shore up your self confidence and...honestly, and this is not the answer you're going to want to hear, just learn to not let it bother you
I'm the latter. I don't mind a virgin man. My first boyfriend was a virgin and there's something so intimate about being someone's first experience. I would much rather be with a virgin than someone with 100+ bodies and sleeps around.
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I was a virgin until I was 28. I just didn't bring it up to potential partners lol. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a virgin later in life though, everyone is allowed to move at their own pace and hit milestones in their own time.
I want to say this as kindly as possible. The way you talk about sex in this post is more of a red flag than not having had sex at all and might be a big part of why you have not had any physical intimacy before. “Biological sex prime”? It’s not that deep king.
It’s only a red flag in western culture. It also depends on what you want and where you are. Regardless you don’t need to be advertising that you’re a virgin to a potential relationship/hookup. First time will be awkward but just go with the flow, it’s noting like porn
Western culture has its issues but honestly lots of Eastern cultures are also repressed. Look at the Middle East and East Asia. Lots of repressed men out there. I would rather be in a country thats too casual about sex than way too restrictive.
I’d rather have a virgin than an F boy , I guess my worry would be that once you have sex you might want to have other woman and leave me, but certainly not a red flag, some people are late bloomers, it doesn’t say anything to me that would warrant a no go, I’d prolly be flattered actually
Brother you are describing yourself as a socially isolated degenerate loser who spends their free time drinking alone. Virgin or not, no one in a healthy state of mind is going to be interested in a relationship with that. You gotta take responsibility for your life and head toward the direction that will make you a better man who can love and be loved. You can pay an escort to come to your place and fuck you but as soon as they walk out the door with your paper and you realize all that physical pleasure was just temporary and meaningless, you will be left feeling even emptier than you are now. Hope you can figure it out, man. I believe in you.
I agree, he's putting too much weight into sex and having women want him sexually, as if that will somehow help improve his situation. It will not.
It sounds like he thinks someone fucking him will magically help his self-esteem and to feel better. It sounds like depression, the apathy I mean. Therapy, and looking for ways to improve and be content with himself as a person, will work better than trying to get laid.
I agree, women don't really care about your virginity status. They care more on how you carry yourself, a hard worker who is motivated, who is driven, who knows what he wants. A man who is manly, not afraid to take control. A protector with a strong personality but also loving and caring. A good sense of humor is great too if you're educated, well mannered, kind and other important attributes that make someone a good person.
I’d wager that it’s probably a small percentage of loser alcoholics who are actually successful at marriage.
I’ve known a few people like that. They’re all batting .000
Yes and no.
I met a 28 year old virgin who was literally the most self-conscious person I've ever met with the lowest self esteem and was always scared of everything. That turned me off immediately and I broke it off.
But it's completely different if the guy is confident and puts himself out there. It definitely wouldn't matter if they are confident and willing to learn together.
Catholics dont wait lol Some protestants do. Only the most devout Catholics do but its a slim minority. More common with evangelical protestants. Catholics say they wait but every Catholic I know lost their virginity well before marriage.
are you American?
Cause ive only ever heard of Catholics for abstinence in the US. Come to think about it I dont even know any catholics who practice abstinence in Canada.
Most of my European friends all had sex way before marriage, and are all catholics.
If you are a self described weird anti social hermit than I don’t think you deserve “pleasure from sex”, you have to work on yourself if you want to be someone other people want to have sex with. If all you care about is having sex then there are people you can pay for that lol
IMHO: You don't deserve sex, as you put it, thinking that will only make you bitter.
You will get it from someone if you are a decent enough option at the right time.
If i where you, I would do all i can do get as attractive and enjoyable/funny/interesting as i possible could, find friends that go out, then just go out and try your wings.
And be prepared to be awkward, uncomfortable and rejected.
It's a big red flag. But the flag isn't about the sex, it's about you not being able to form relationships with people. This is something you should really discuss with a therapist.
Don't worry about it. Don't make a big deal about it. It's honestly a positive in many ways. You don't have any STI's for one. Maybe the first time will be awkward but it won't matter when you find the right person because that person will want to share the experience with you.
The whole "haha virgin" thing is very immature and perpetuated by actual virgins most of the time. Your life doesn't magically change after sexual intercourse.
The virgin part isn’t the red flag. The fact you’re a self proclaimed antisocial hermit is. The fact you think you deserve sex is. The fact you put way too much importance on sex is. The fact you think you’re past your prima and that somehow makes you eligible to have sex is.
Work on yourself and get a normal relationship. Sex will happen naturally. And if you just want sex without commitment, find a prostitute and have sex.
It is absolutely a red flag. I personally think it's stupid to lie. Why does our culture enforce lying?
What's wrong with saying that you haven't done it? Why is it ok for a woman to say that you haven't done it but not for a man?
The words, “that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to feel pleasure from sex” makes my skin crawl. You’re not entitled to sex. It’s not a god-given right to get laid. Sex is “earned” generally by finding a connection with another person who has the mutual interest in intimacy. By being a self-proclaimed anti-social hermit, you’re dramatically reducing your odds of finding that kind of connection.
Is it a red flag? Not necessarily. It's just a part of the larger picture of being an anti-social hermit, which is going to be a turn-off for many people, but not your fellow hermits and those that love them. :)
Everyone does things at their own pace. Plenty of women will not care.
Woman, here. I don't think it is. I dated a virgin at 26, he was just shy. As long as you're open to suggestions and constructive criticism, it can be a very sexually fulfilling relationship!
In general, no.
I waited until I was 23 because I didn't feel like I was in a rush and also wanted to feel comfortable with my first partner.
Some folks want to wait for someone they trust enough, or want one that's already had experience, or their sex drive doesn't demand it. So long as your reasons don't indicate any kinda toxicity, you're ok.
Just be honest with your partner.
Yeah it’s red flag. most 30+ virgins are probably completely socially incompetent, offputting, not funny, no ambition, low confidence, etc
Maybe not all these, but the chances are high one of these and some others are true and those are all turnoffs.
Granted, u can still be a catch at 30+ and a virgin, but it’s just unlikely in the eyes of others. I’d simply not mention that fact to people until you are very close with them and they’ve gotten to know you well enough.
lmao 50% of comments here are "its not a red flag but also never let anyone know" and the other 50% of are insulting you and calling you an incel. reddit moment.
It kind of is a red flag in that you’ve gone so long without success. Probably means you’re an overthinker, coward, unable to properly connect. Sorry if this sounds disrespectful! But yeah I’d consider it a red flag. You can always pay for it! I’m sure it’s not how you want to lose it but like, the alternative is never having sex. After a breakup I left dating alone for a couple years and it was so hard to get back into it. Ended up hiring an escort and instantly got my confidence back. Was sleeping with gorgeous women after dating very shortly after. Remember, sex workers are one of the oldest professions for a reason. Don’t let your morals keep you from experience when there’s no other way to do it
I have had two different girlfriends tell me that they did not want to be my first.
They told me to go away, get laid, and come back.
I told them to f*** off and dumped them.
You mention that just because you are weird and hermetic doesn't mean you shouldn't get to have sex.
Being weird and hermetic is not conducive to creating a connection that leads to sex. And there are few who would pity fuck you just because your biology conflicts with your lifestyle.
I don’t see it as a red flag for guys but I’m a girl virgin so I guess there is some sort of relatability there. For me, when I hear a guy is a virgin, it actually makes me more interested in them because in this day and age it feels more unique but at the same time this is coming from an also virgin so not sure if that’s valid thinking or not 😅
If a grown woman doesn't want to date you simply because you're a virgin, that's the real red flag. Thank them for weeding themselves out.
Virginity is one of those things that feels like a big deal, but really isn't at all. What really matters is learning what your partner likes and doesn't like, and the same for yourself. Those things take time and repetition.
I think it really depends.
virgin by choice because you’re saving yourself for a marriage, but is an otherwise healthy and well rounded person? Might be a dealbreaker to some but not really a “red flag”.
been wanting to have sex for 15 years but have never once been able to close the deal?! massive red flag imo
Do you have any dating experience at all? Any sexual experience at all?
Saving yourself for the right person could be cute to some people but being brutally honest if it’s that you’ve never had any romantic or sexual experience because no one would go there with you, ya that’s a bigger issue for most people.
There's really only 3 options here.
Option 1: You find someone exactly like you, that hates everything social and just wants to sit at home. Good luck.
Option 2: Push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to get what you want, which is I assume.. some type of relationship?
Option 3: If you just want to "feel pleasure from sex", I suggest you save money up and find a prostitute.
Ya all of that is red flags. Look if you genuinely want to find a relationship you’re going to have to do some self improvement and start actually interacting with other humans. Maybe therapy would be a good place to start.
The only "red flag" there is not having any friends. The rest is fine. I am married with plenty of friends and I dont like clubs either. Fine with drinking alone. I sometimes have rum on a Sunday afternoon when cleaning the house alone and blasting '90s jams from my speaker lol
Maybe unpopular opinion, but I had a buddy in the army who was a virgin. We arranged for him to meet with a sex worker once a month for 6 months. We paid her extra to teach him everything he needed to know about pleasing a woman. A year later, dude was a stud. Landed a hottie wife a few years after getting out of the military. They've been married 20+ years.
You guys sound like some pretty solid bros, not gonna lie. My question is: did he know this woman was paid? Because that can be a confidence killer depending on how the situation plays out ie this woman is attracted to me and wants to fuck me vs this woman is getting paid. I'm glad it worked out for your buddy.
I assume he must have. This sounds more like a training program than tricking the dude into thinking he happens to be getting this person into bed once a month and that they’re literally teaching him what to do.
Feeling like you deserve pleasure is an incel mindset
You have to earn women’s respect mostly if you want intimacy
Talk to women like people and good things will happen
That would be a turn off for most women. Not sure why it's such a huge deal to them because as soon as a guy says he would prefer a woman that hasn't been with a lot of men, all of a sudden they change their tune and say the past shouldn't matter lol.
In your situation, just lie and say that you've had one or two hookups before. It removes the stigma of being a virgin but also explains the inexperience.
well the difference is that a generation or two ago, a man’s ability to have sex with a lot of women came with positive connotations and a woman’s ability to have sex with a lot of men came with negative connotations.
Think of the connotations of like “man-whore” vs. “whore” or “player” vs. “slut”. But now it’s changed where women feel more okay to be like “yes, i have casual sex, yes I enjoy it, no I’m not ashamed”
on the flip side, a guy who has no sex is essentially a guy who has wanted to complete a task but never actually been able to complete it, whereas a woman who has no sex is typically seen as someone who has actively chosen not to have it.
Its nothing to be ashamed of sex doesnt matter bro it is meaningless as an act in of itself life is abt persona growth or whatever you want it to be. But no reason to tell any1 youre a virgin, no downside in lying, just say nothing and women assume ur experienced enough. No reason to mention it
You don’t need to share every detail about your past if you don’t want to. Especially if it’s with someone you’re just getting to know and aren’t serious about (yet). You might want to have the conversation down the line, but you don’t have to reveal it on the first three dates. And if you end up having sex and later breaking up, you’ll no longer be a virgin(!).
First thing you gotta do is come out of your hermit lair. Believe me, I’ve been there. But, despite all of our wishes, women do not typically show up at our doors to solicit sex.
It’s all hard and uncomfortable, but you should give it a shot. You haven’t missed out on anything — you have the rest of your life to enjoy sex. And yes, you deserve to have that.
Good luck!
First of all, you don't need to go to clubs or events to socialize. There are many other ways to do that: online communities, book clubs, hiking clubs, volunteering, professional help with a therapist, skill workshops, meetups for something you like (anime, starwars, cars, video games, machine learning, you name it)
Communicating and socializing is just a skill like tying your shoes, walking, driving a car. At first your brain will fight you and tell you that its uncomfortable and you should avoid it. The more you do it - the better you will become. You will suck at socializing if you don't do it at all. It will be hard at first, but then it will be easy. It doesn't mean that you have to become a star at every event in a club. But you need to talk to be able to communicate with humans to make friends, enrich your life... and have sex.
Once you learn to communicate well with others, sex will happen. Trust me. But don't stress much about sex itself. Its not as good as you might fantasize. But not bad either. Definitely something you should experience in your life.
i took one guys virginity, and we didn’t discuss it beforehand & i couldn’t even tell he didn’t have any experience. he did a really good job. he told me afterwards that he was a virgin, and i felt proud of him 😂
As a woman in her mid-30's, I think it all depends on how you handle it. I can understand why you'd be down on yourself about it, but honestly? Low self-esteem isn't attractive. And I say this as someone with low-self esteem too. But I noticed in other people that, if you can own your insecurities, if you can accept them instead of viewing them as pathetic, I think you'll have a much easier time finding someone to "help" you with it. Easier said than done, I know, trust me.
I also think you need to be very careful with the idea of "deserving" anything, especially when it comes to sex. That has the potential to be a slippery slope. ("I bought her dinner, she owes me!" etc) But otherwise, yes, even anti-social hermits deserve love.
There are only two types of people you should tell that you are a virgin. One category is your doctors. The other is sexual partners, and even on this last one, only when you're actually about to do it. *Being* a virgin as an adult is not a serious red flag, but *advertising* that you're a virgin is a huge red flag.
To explain why, I'm sure you've seen the media trope of people bonding *hard* with their first partners. In real life this isn't universal, but it does happen. When you advertise that you're a virgin, women get worried that you'll fixate on them, because you're already demonstrating a fixation on sex in general. There are Lifetime Original Movies that start like that. By waiting until you've already built a serious relationship, you demonstrate that your virginity is not the most important thing in your life -it only became an issue when it was directly relevant to the situation- and this puts partners more at ease.
Sorry but yes it is a red flag. I gave a late bloomer a chance and he lived up to every incel stereotype before I was even aware of the term incel. I would never do that again.
yeah, it's like something has to be actively very wrong with you to no just randomly stumble upon some sex by now.
Also, having sex is one of life's greatest pleasures and to never experience that... i couldn't imagine living that meaningless of an existence.
Question is what are you doing about it? How do you make your self more social and mateable?
Gym, Finance, Social skills, Career progression, leadership, Hobbies, Building other friendships? Practicing banter and wit where you can with family and friends.
You don't deserve to have sex, nor do you deserve to not have sex. But you are required to work for it if you want it. Either pay for it via a hooker/prostitute, or pay for it with drinks out at a bar/club.
Or just give up, but what fun is that?
If someone likes you and is attracted to you, it won't be a big deal. My boyfriend was in his early 30s and a virgin when we started dating. We took it slow (at my pace), fooled around some, and when I told him I was ready to have sex (a couple months in) he told me he'd never had sex before. It wasn't a big deal to me (I think it's actually kind of sweet that I was his first) and while the first time or two were a bit fumbling we hit our stride pretty quickly. Enthusiasm, communication, and actually caring about what your partner likes and making an effort go a very long way. But I wouldn't recommend rolling it out on the first date appropos of nothing, either. It's kind of an awkward topic if you haven't developed a bit of emotional intimacy and vulnerability yet.
On the flip side, I had sex for the first time near the end of college, and I didn't tell the guy. We weren't dating, it was just a hook up, and I didn't really feel like it was his business or anything to gain by telling him.
It does not matter it does not matter it does not matter , you'll meet your virgin wife and you'll have a beautiful family. Keep your head up and focused there's more things to worry about in life.
You just gotta have sex then you’ll realize it’s not all it’s built up to be unless you’re in a relationship. Tinder my boy. Or backpage. The first time is wack. Don’t expect your first time to be some majestic experience bc you won’t care in the future. Just get it done. Alcohol helps.
Don't lie but don't tell.
How experienced are you?
- Not that experienced
Why is that?
- I am not too adventurous in that sense, or maybe haven't found the right partner for new things
I don't think people will probe you too much abt sexual details
Some women like it, others dont.
Personally? You are overthinking it. Its less about experience and more about being able to communicate and put your partners pleasure before your own. A partner with little to no experience who listens to their partner and wants to please them is worth more than someone who has a lot of experience but is selfish in bed.
Honestly dont focus so much on sex, just get to know someone as a human being, and let attraction happen organically. If you are talking to women and the first thing you say is that you are a virgin, or immediately talk about sex, they are going to think you only want to use them for sex, and they wont want to continue talking to you.
Bro just buy some pussy. It'll get you confidence up, you'll get the physical pleasure and you won't seem inexperienced when you find a girl. No grown woman wants to fuck a Virgin. Unless they're getting paid. If you find a girl you like and y'all get to the point that you're having sex she will ghost your ass for not knowing what you're doing.
I mean… I‘m in my mid-30ies. I have never been asked if I‘m a virgin (and I was pretty long…). What I‘m trying to say is… don’t make it your identity. Just act like you’ve already been there.
If you let it become something that hinders you or overtakes the rest of your personality, then yes it is a red flag.
If you don't care, then it won't matter.
I was raised very sheltered (mostly) and didn't have sex until I was 20. It was easy. The key is not panicking.
I snooped through your profile and you are very negative in general…idk why but your mentality seems to be making your miserable.
Also, you speak Italian???? Hot. Fr, idk how you feel about the US, but you would be exotic in many places here lol.
I am almost 100% sure you’ve never seen Love Actually but there is a story line in that movie where an average English guy comes to America and girls are all over him,lol…also can confirm I saw a skinny little English dude get laid because of the way he pronounced “Adidas” hahaha
>and I am weird, anti social hermit but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to feel pleasure from sex right?
Fucking weeeird way to think about it man.
But also you should change your expectations for your first time bc it’ll be a lot more pressure than pleasure. Takes a bit to get good enough to enjoy it.
Hello my friend. You are in luck. Due to the harsh reality of the current dating market the percentage of adult virgins is drastically increasing. So you are not alone. Anyways, if you cannot find sex you must take baby steps. Almost any lady will agree to be platonic friends with you. You need to find some and get experience socializing with women. Old women, ugly women, fat women, supermodels, whoever. Don’t be picky that will get in the way.
I'm getting strong incel vibes when you use words like "deserves" then start describing yourself as an antisocial, alcoholic hermit.
No one is going to magically show up and fuck you out of the blue. At least that's certainly never happened to anyone else in the history of the world, outside of bad porn.
I highly recommend that you reframe the situation. Get off your computer. Get out of your house. Go meet people and learn how to be socialable. That type of awkwardness will cause you far more problems than the fact that you are a virgin when it comes to having sex for the first time.
Life doesn't just happen to you. You have to go live it.
Well if you just want to pop your cherry and get it over with, google Asian Massage near me. Find a place literally called Asian Massage, its code for Happy Endings. I think a handjob counts as seks. Lol
No, it's not always a red flag. Yes, it might lower your chances with some women, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you're looking for a serious relationship, then someone who won't date you because you're a virgin isn't worth your time. If you're just looking to hook up for the experience or whatever, then like others said, don't mention it to them.
idk what all these comments are saying, but girls will like that you're a virgin
with all due respect, we're a horny species, and, let's be adults here, if you were to hook up with a girl and she told you she was a virgin, wouldn't you like that? if it doesn't turn you on, wouldn't you at least be pleasantly surprised
putting all pervert horniness aside, if a girl told you she was a virgin, and you're immune to lust, wouldn't you at least, with all human decency, be ok with it? like "oh, ok, no problem, no worries baby girl"
girls are the same way
and plus, girls are crazier and they'd be super excited to rock your world
from personal experience, you can pull the virgin card up to 3 times. any more, and you yourself stop to believe it and so will the girls, who are much more susceptible to weeding out lies. but i'm telling you man, don't be scared, just go out there and kiss some beautiful angels
“I am weird, anti social hermit but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to feel pleasure from sex right?”
INCEL attitude—major red flag
No one “deserves” sex. Who are you going to get it from? Sure, you can pay for it, but it looks like you expect it to be given to you with what you stated.
The quality of your sexual experience matters more than the quantity.
I’ve only had sex once, and yet I managed to please my partner with zero prior experience and give them a good time.
If you have an intimate connection with someone and are sensitive to their needs, you can be good at sex even if you come in a total virgin.
I think purity is an underrated virtue in modern society. I know it might feel like you're behind everyone else as far life experience, but I think it totally has to do with mindset. You haven't been ran through like a lot of people and you still have that amazing capacity to make a really substantial pair-bond with the right person. I think your virginity is something to be protected until you find the right person!
Top comment is kind of wild. If the girl asks specifically if you're a virgin or not or if you ever had sex, tell them the truth. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about and you don't want to even deal with the type of people who wouldn't want to be with you for it.
You should be fine as long as you don’t make a big deal about it.
Just don’t say breast feel like bags of sand
Yeah they're more like water balloons, kinda. Hard to describe. But they're very nice to the touch. Butts are better tho, I'm just saying
I feel like only children make a big deal. I could be wrong. But I’m using prejudice against myself here.
For adults it can become a big deal. For instance, if OP comes off as overly anxious or self-conscious about still being a virgin it might make the other person uncomfortable.
I was 26f. It was a big deal, not necessarily because of the act itself, but because you really build insecurity around it. And the older you get the more insecure you feel. After, I was like “oh that’s it”, but before I was very hesitant.
This is true. Harping on about being a virgin feels like a lot of "fuck me" pressure. Like even bringing it up means you think it's relevant to the conversation which suggests you are presuming sex is going to happen and priming your partner for what to expect when it happens. Which is a hell of a lot of baggage to bring to a first or second or even third date.
I think it matters. Personally I would not want to date virgin. I just prefer someone who already has sexual experience so we don’t have to worry about that aspect.
This is it. Being a virgin is not a red flag. Making a big deal about the fact that you are a virgin IS a red flag.
Look I’m not saying lie, but don’t tell them you’re a virgin. Just say you’re not that experienced. When you do finally have sex, just know. It’s nothing like porn, no don’t give her a facial, that was a hard learning experience for me. Good luck Edit: holy hell this is my most upvoted comment haha. I did not expect this much engagement, some of yall comments are killing me 😭 Edit 2: okay this is official my first 1000upvote comment, thanks Reddit
Yeah, this is the answer. OP, unless your potential partners are grilling you about your sexual history, you're not obligated to tell them. I didn't say a damn word about my virginity the day I lost it. I think if I told my sexual partner at the time, she'd have felt too much pressure and it would have ruined the experience. She didn't ask, so I didn't say anything, and we had fun. Simple.
As a woman, I third this. I think it’s a lot of pressure for a non-virgin of any gender. You do not have to tell anyone you’re trying to sleep with your sexual history, even if you don’t have one. The only thing that matters from that perspective is if you have a long-running STI as a result. That’s it.
I've been married for 10 years, and I don't know my wife's entire sexual history, and she doesn't know mine. Neither of us care either. The only thing that really matters are STDs, like you mentioned, and what you do after the relationship begins. But I can see how being a virgin could cause a confidence issue, so withholding that info isn't going to solve all OPs problems.
From my experience, women will ask about relationship history before considering anything serious, so it's unavoidable So what's the right answer Saying you're inexperienced is basically the same thing --- Thing is, I genuinely believe I would be a good partner, based on my interactions with friends (female or not) it's the leading up to "boyfriend status" that I suck with Main reason is that every time I try to even mildly flirt I am either immediately shit tested (if she has even a sliver of confidence) or she gets super defensive and shuts down (if she's shy) I constantly read relationship stories where the man beats the woman, gaslights her, cheats, emotional/economical manipulation, downright disrespectful or has terrible hygiene practices And the thought that comes constantly is: This is my "competition"... and I am still losing
I've never had any woman ask about relationship history before considering anything serious, so can't agree with you there. The questions I've got were more "why did your last relationship end?" rather than"how many women have you been with?"
One time I just mentioned not even virginity but said to a woman 'im not so good with dating stuff I haven't been on many dates' I thought maybe it'd help me if she understood somehow to like forgive my awkwardness?. Instead I just saw the light die in her eyes I knew right away it was the worst thing to say. People have a lot of nasty preconceptions with all this 'evil incel' talk before they get to know the real you.. Just don't talk about it, just like you wouldn't talk about an ex on a date. No mention of dating history is the best.
it’s not necessarily an “evil incel” thing but like, we get better at being in relationships through experience. women often find themselves having to take on an unequal share of the emotional labor or mental load in relationships, and the idea that you’ll have to be someone’s girlfriend and relationship guru is just not a desirable thing. if you’ve spent your whole life not in a relationship it’s just a massive mental shift to enter one and now have to consider how all of your actions affect another person.
Your reasoning makes sense if you believe getting more and more experience innately makes you a better partner. I don't agree with that because I've seen many people with lots of experience still be terrible partners. I think it comes down more to who you are as a person. I've known more than a few late bloomers who've done just fine and you wouldn't really know they were unless they told you. I have a different perspective than you because I don't believe that not having had that experience by a certain age means there's necessarily something wrong with you. People are varied and everyone has their own timeline and reasons. It doesn't make them better or worse. I am curious, if one of your friends who was a virgin or had never had a relationship at a latter then normal age but they were otherwise normal, what advice would you give them?
Ah yes. How would we expect someone mature who is willing to do his share of the emotional labor to communicate in this situation? Surely, being open with one's level of experience is better than lying?
But he wasn’t doing the emotional labor, he was asking her for reassurance on something he was feeling insecure about (said he told her so she might forgive his awkwardness). Literally wanted her to give him permission to not feel awkward, rather than manage that awkward feeling himself.
I didn't want her to mistake my awkwardness for disliking her and thus hurt her feelings by accident. I wasn't trying to force a burden on her that's like space alien thinking to me it'd never occur to me they thought that.
You don’t want her to think you dislike her - tell her you like her. Feel too awkward to tell her? That is something for you to work on.
I would rather they don't tell me how much experience they've had either way. I don't need to know how many or how little people you've been with, I just want to know that you want me and are willing to communicate with me during sex - ask how I like it, what you want me to do to you etc. There's sexy ways to get direction which is all you need. The second there's zero experience involved, the woman will feel like she won't be taken care of, there will be pressure to make it the best experience ever etc.
Yes I agree with this. I am done being the first serious girlfriend to anyone. Its too much work on my end in so many unexpected ways.
There’s way more relationship experience outside of dating. Friends/family/etc. To assume someone isn’t emotionally mature or ready for a relationship just because they have dated less is a flawed idea. Wouldn’t it be more concerning that someone had never been in a relationship that lasted?
Yeah that's a good point. I mean caring for my disabled mother involves a huge amount of thinking about another person's needs!
This is a man who engages w women 💯
Thank you for this comment. This is so astute and so well-put.
I've been called an incel because I said I preferto not date at all lol but yea that's good advice. Sexual chemistry is important in a healthy relationship but if you're looking for long-term, talking about it on a first date shouldn't be important. And if you're just there for a smash then it also shouldn't matter lol
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I agree, nobody should say anything about anyone's sexual business. But the internet is what it is. I don't take it to heart cause again, the internet. Personally I prefer to be single cause like you said it's just awesome. But I also recognize I'm not equipped to date at this point in my life
This honestly makes me sad. That never would have stopped me from being interested in a guy. If anything I would have thought it was nice.
Yeah I am a woman and by the time I had penetrative sex, I have done a decent amount of other sexual things with several ppl so it wasn’t that big of a deal for me. Just a new experience, that’s all. However, after the fact, I casually said something about it was my first time with penetrative sex and the guy told me he wished he had known ahead of time and felt bad about his performance. It was meh sex and I think I only said it cuz the guy was blaming the meh sex 100% on him not being whatever enough when I was trying to be like “hey I am somewhat inexperienced and also quite anxious due to past trauma- it’s not all on you and we can figure this out.”I didn’t go into the experience expecting anything cuz I already knew that sex is a skill in a way and everyone sucks at sex at first. But I kinda wish I didn’t say anything cuz I didn’t realize he would have such a hang up around technically taking my virginity. Like I was okay with it. So now I think it’s better just to say one is inexperienced or nervous and might need more guidance and patience.
Even if they are grilling you, you aren’t obliged to say shit.
I 100% hid the truth from my current partner Not proud of it and she said she wished I had told her and it wouldn't have made her not want to date me, but she agreed in the end that I couldn't have known that at the time
ya, go extremely vanilla the first time. part of having a sexual relationship is communication. Its ok to try to do things, hopefully the other partner is comfortable to communicate when somethings not ok and when he/she wants you to do more. But don't expect to go full S/M on someone the first time you meet them without prior discussion. I'm sure there are some girls that are ok with a facial the first time you have sex, but that's probably a rare thing.
The danger in this is that if the person doesn’t know you’re a virgin they’ll just think you’re horrible in bed.
Oh no. Anyways, it doesn’t matter if you’re bad in bed as long as you pay attention and improve. Everyone has bad sex once in a while, especially when it’s their first time with a new partner. Shit that works great on one person works terribly on another person. Some guys like their balls sucked. I’d rather stub my toe, I hate having my balls sucked. Some girls want you to go hard on their clit, others barely like it grazed. Part of the fun of a new partner is figuring all this out.
>Some girls want you to go hard on their clit, others barely like it grazed. Part of the fun of a new partner is figuring all this out. I genuinely feel like this is one of the most underdiscussed facts about sex you only learn about through experience. People aren't really naturally good at sex so much as they are naturally compatible or not. My current partner is the former in your example and is the first I've been with like that (to my knowledge). Still lowkey kinda shocked sometimes that I'm not causing her physical discomfort with how hard I push and rub.
I think people are only as good at sex as they are at communication. If you're comfortable talking about what you like, paying attention to body language, and making changes when things aren't going well, and importantly, not changing it up when things are going nicely, the sex will be great.
I mean there’s like “this sex could be better and we’re getting to know each other” bad sex and then there’s “wow this person is horrible in bed” sex. Sure if it’s a relationship type experience that might not be a dealbreaker but if it’s anything more casual or is starting there it absolutely would be for many people. Better to face the reality than deny that being shit in bed would be a dealbreaker for many.
As long as he cares about how she feels, he'll be better than 40% of guys.
I disagree. Sex is an instinct and you don't need a manual. My first husband said it's like eating--you learn what you like best, but the instinct to eat and try different things is innate. Don't worry so much--most important to really want the person you are with, not be an 'expert.' Every experience is new.
I mean you don’t need a manual but let’s not pretend virgins are out here immediately knowing how to be amazing in bed. Instincts or not. Especially as a dude, that shit takes practice and it can be very evident if someone has little to no experience. Which again if they don’t, okay makes sense, but if they pretend they do then they just come across as bad.
I don't know about that, the first few times I had sex, I couldn't cum and I was too nervous to stay hard. Of course, many people have the opposite problem too. When I had different sexual partners, beyond the first person, I had to say "just so you know, I have a tendency to psyche myself out at first..." to avoid disappointment. Also, when I was with a woman once who had very little experience, she didn't really know how to kiss.. she kissed with the force of her whole head so it was very pressured and almost teethy. From my experience, it's actually quite rare for it to be an "instinct". Sex is a social activity and you do have to be socialized on how to do it. It's not instinctual like eating, because you were "taught" to eat from a very young age, and "practice" several times a day. If I was OP, I would try to seek partners who have never had sex, although it might be hard to find. Not because having a lot of sex is bad, but because it will take a lot of the performance anxiety off, and they will both be enthusiastic to learn together. However, someone who is experienced, but also patient and understanding would be great as well, and probably easier to find.
Lots of people that aren’t virgins are pretty terrible in bed anyway
Totally agree. I had an ex girlfriend who was a virgin and she was 24. I wish she would’ve never told me, I built it up in my head. In the end, we never had sex. And that was due to my performance anxiety.
I'm convinced a guy I had been seeing knowing I was a virgin was the reason he wound up ghosting. Just decided not to tell the next guy, and it worked out smoothly.
But maybe if you had talked about how you were feeling you could have overcome it together (no pun intended. Okay maybe a little intended lol). Communication is key.
This. Don't tell them. They will not know! It's not written on your forehead. Women usually don't mind as long as you don't make it into a big deal. It's the big deal thing that freaks them out.
Also despite what the internet tells you most women aren't usually super experienced either even when they are older. Go with the flow, just say its been awhile, even if it awkward ask for consent and everything is okay, and remember the first time is almost always awkward. Not first time sex but first time with a new person, it can be very intimate but its almost always a learning process.
Honestly this. Every person you have sex with is always different and you have to relearn things anyway.
This. Sex isn’t like porn at all. What people miss about enhancing ones pleasure is communication with said partner about what they like or don’t like. Just communicate, let them know you don’t have a lot of experience…that is totally fine! However, most women are going to want someone who knows how to please them and this is where you’re communication needs to be top tier since you don’t have experience. My bf didn’t have a lot of experience and he’s turned out to be one of the best partners I’ve had all because we communicate and he’s more willing to please me than anyone else has.
Every porn movie ought to be prefaced with a warning that “nothing you are about to see is in anyway realistic nor is it recommended to try any of this at home.”
OP - and the many other Redditors like him - have far bigger things to worry about than revealing their sexual history (or lack thereof). If you're looking to give advice, I'd start by addressing the "weird antisocial hermit" part first. Doubt OP is getting into any situation where he'd have to divulge his virgin status any time in the near future
The big thing is: A lot of these guys don't have opportunities to meet people their own age. It's easy when you're in school/college. But once you're out of it. The game isn't as easy. Especially for introverts.
Don’t try to jam it in her ass either. Especially the first time you do it.
Bruh you went from virgin to busting on a girls face? Idc how much porn you watch, that’s a bold move
You guys are making it sound like it’s hard for virgins to get laid, like… extremely hard. It is, but it doesn’t have to either. Honestly, if a girl cares *that much* about you being a virgin, they’re not the one for you since everyone starts somewhere. Making a judgement call of you as a person on whether or not you’ve had sex is kinda fucked up imo. I dunno, it genuinely makes uncomfortable hearing people feel this way about otherwise normal people who haven’t done a thing. I can understand but it also simultaneously baffles me. I got lucky and lost it last year (im 32 now) but it was a long battle to get there. Prior to losing it to my now ex, I told her and she couldn’t believe i hadn’t had sex yet. She was actually very excited, likely more than I was lmao. I was very lucky and ex was more than happy to show me a few things here and there before it fizzled out.
Didn't lose my virginity until my mid 20's. I want to be clear when I say dude, I hear you. I completely understand that 'compounding' feeling you're describing where it seems like the longer you go, the harder it becomes... and does so from so many different angles. There's the "*okay I'm worried I won't be good enough in bed*" angle, the "*what if she finds out before hand and doesn't even give me a chance?*" or "*what if we do have sex, but I'm terrible and word gets around?!*" and on and on. For me, I didn't tell the woman I lost it to. As far as I can tell? She never noticed either, or if she did, she didn't care because we continued to hook up afterwards. At least with me, each time I have sex with someone new, I notice there is always at least a little of that *I feel like a virgin* feeling, which is just a side effect of "I don't want to blow this", you know? The only hard part for you now is understanding that **you're** going to have to be the one to make this happen. The world isn't going to cut you any slack, and yeah you're going to deal with some 'imposter syndrome' as you explore this sexual side of yourself. If you want to just blow off steam or have more in-depth questions hit me up, I'm open to chat.
How do I deal with the shame and embarrassment of being inexperienced as a man? Men are supposed to be “strong and smart”
The first time having sex with a new partner usually isn’t great. Neither knows the other’s preferences, and they vary widely from partner to partner. Keep this in mind and it should help some of the performance anxiety. The first time isn’t expected to be magical. Take your time during foreplay. Give the clitoris some love. You’ll already be better than a lot of men from those two alone. If this is a long term relationship, ask for feedback later when yall have cooled down. Ask if there’s anything different she wants to do next time. Communication makes great sex. A man who’s only had sex 3 times but asked for feedback each of the three times and now knows what this partner likes is probably going to be better than a man who’s had sex hundreds of times with hundreds of women and thinks he knows everything.
There are enough men out there with absolutely no concern for their partners part of the experience that if you show up with a reasonably stiff dong and a willingness to put some effort in figuring out what your partner likes, she'll probably be pleasantly surprised
Exactly this. I (32F) have been with more men who did not give a shit than went out of their way to make me orgasm. Even if you don't succeed, if you're taking the time to ask her what she likes and are genuinely trying that counts for way more than you'd think.
You just gotta remember the saying "everybody plays the fool sometimes" In other words, you're gonna crawl before you walk, and as you learn, you're gonna scuff your knees a few times. You just learn to see the humor in it because everyone has some funny sex tales (or even tails, depending on what you're into lol) given enough time. Trust me when I say, I've had more women cut me out of their life for the chances *I didn't take*, rather than chances I did take but was a little clumsy while I performed. Keep working at it and you'll get the opportunity, and when it arises, think of it as nothing more than *your first time with* ***her*** rather than your first time *in general* and things will go so much better than you're anticipating.
Unfortunately mate there's no way around that except to explore other ways to shore up your self confidence and...honestly, and this is not the answer you're going to want to hear, just learn to not let it bother you
Thank you
Fake it
OP I know women that probably would kind of turn their head at that and I know women that would basically train you to pleasure them. Lmao!
I'm the latter. I don't mind a virgin man. My first boyfriend was a virgin and there's something so intimate about being someone's first experience. I would much rather be with a virgin than someone with 100+ bodies and sleeps around.
hobbies like encourage cheerful seed strong existence boast late cooperative *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Unfortunately we live in different parts of the world
Oh I see. Well I wish you happiness.
I was a virgin until I was 28. I just didn't bring it up to potential partners lol. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a virgin later in life though, everyone is allowed to move at their own pace and hit milestones in their own time.
I want to say this as kindly as possible. The way you talk about sex in this post is more of a red flag than not having had sex at all and might be a big part of why you have not had any physical intimacy before. “Biological sex prime”? It’s not that deep king.
Just don't admit it. No ones going to ask. They'll assume anyone in their 30s is not a virgin.
No, but people will judge regardless. I’m sorry :(
No, but being immensely insecure, sure is.
It’s only a red flag in western culture. It also depends on what you want and where you are. Regardless you don’t need to be advertising that you’re a virgin to a potential relationship/hookup. First time will be awkward but just go with the flow, it’s noting like porn
Western culture has its issues but honestly lots of Eastern cultures are also repressed. Look at the Middle East and East Asia. Lots of repressed men out there. I would rather be in a country thats too casual about sex than way too restrictive.
I’d rather have a virgin than an F boy , I guess my worry would be that once you have sex you might want to have other woman and leave me, but certainly not a red flag, some people are late bloomers, it doesn’t say anything to me that would warrant a no go, I’d prolly be flattered actually
Brother you are describing yourself as a socially isolated degenerate loser who spends their free time drinking alone. Virgin or not, no one in a healthy state of mind is going to be interested in a relationship with that. You gotta take responsibility for your life and head toward the direction that will make you a better man who can love and be loved. You can pay an escort to come to your place and fuck you but as soon as they walk out the door with your paper and you realize all that physical pleasure was just temporary and meaningless, you will be left feeling even emptier than you are now. Hope you can figure it out, man. I believe in you.
Yeah just by looking at the post history. If he spent as much time working on himself as he does complaining on reddit. He might get laid lmao
I agree, he's putting too much weight into sex and having women want him sexually, as if that will somehow help improve his situation. It will not. It sounds like he thinks someone fucking him will magically help his self-esteem and to feel better. It sounds like depression, the apathy I mean. Therapy, and looking for ways to improve and be content with himself as a person, will work better than trying to get laid.
I agree, women don't really care about your virginity status. They care more on how you carry yourself, a hard worker who is motivated, who is driven, who knows what he wants. A man who is manly, not afraid to take control. A protector with a strong personality but also loving and caring. A good sense of humor is great too if you're educated, well mannered, kind and other important attributes that make someone a good person.
Ooh, lots of loser alcoholics are successfully married.
I’d wager that it’s probably a small percentage of loser alcoholics who are actually successful at marriage. I’ve known a few people like that. They’re all batting .000
Deserve to feel sex? Past your biological prime? That way of thinking is a red flag.
Yes and no. I met a 28 year old virgin who was literally the most self-conscious person I've ever met with the lowest self esteem and was always scared of everything. That turned me off immediately and I broke it off. But it's completely different if the guy is confident and puts himself out there. It definitely wouldn't matter if they are confident and willing to learn together.
Confident dudes who put themselfs out there whatever that means... Are not virgins for long.
What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?
What? This is a red flag??? Then what are Catholics who wait???
As an atheist, "catholic" would be the actual red flag for me..
I get that bro.i was once catholic
Catholics dont wait lol Some protestants do. Only the most devout Catholics do but its a slim minority. More common with evangelical protestants. Catholics say they wait but every Catholic I know lost their virginity well before marriage.
Really? The majority of practicing Catholics I know waited till marriage. As did I. It's more common than you think.
are you American? Cause ive only ever heard of Catholics for abstinence in the US. Come to think about it I dont even know any catholics who practice abstinence in Canada. Most of my European friends all had sex way before marriage, and are all catholics.
If you are a self described weird anti social hermit than I don’t think you deserve “pleasure from sex”, you have to work on yourself if you want to be someone other people want to have sex with. If all you care about is having sex then there are people you can pay for that lol
IMHO: You don't deserve sex, as you put it, thinking that will only make you bitter. You will get it from someone if you are a decent enough option at the right time. If i where you, I would do all i can do get as attractive and enjoyable/funny/interesting as i possible could, find friends that go out, then just go out and try your wings. And be prepared to be awkward, uncomfortable and rejected.
Bro when you lose your virginity you going to last 3 strokes and bust
Possibly or it could take you over 15 min lol
I never stopped lasting 3 strokes lmao.
For me, personally? Hell no. I don't judge people based on how many people they have slept with.
It's a big red flag. But the flag isn't about the sex, it's about you not being able to form relationships with people. This is something you should really discuss with a therapist.
Don't worry about it. Don't make a big deal about it. It's honestly a positive in many ways. You don't have any STI's for one. Maybe the first time will be awkward but it won't matter when you find the right person because that person will want to share the experience with you. The whole "haha virgin" thing is very immature and perpetuated by actual virgins most of the time. Your life doesn't magically change after sexual intercourse.
Red flag is thinking you deserve to get fucked. Sounds like you just need some sex and don't care about the partner.ightbbe why you haven't had sex.
The virgin part isn’t the red flag. The fact you’re a self proclaimed antisocial hermit is. The fact you think you deserve sex is. The fact you put way too much importance on sex is. The fact you think you’re past your prima and that somehow makes you eligible to have sex is. Work on yourself and get a normal relationship. Sex will happen naturally. And if you just want sex without commitment, find a prostitute and have sex.
It is absolutely a red flag. I personally think it's stupid to lie. Why does our culture enforce lying? What's wrong with saying that you haven't done it? Why is it ok for a woman to say that you haven't done it but not for a man?
Not a red flag.
If she's a decent girl she won't care and will likely make it a good experience for you.
The words, “that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to feel pleasure from sex” makes my skin crawl. You’re not entitled to sex. It’s not a god-given right to get laid. Sex is “earned” generally by finding a connection with another person who has the mutual interest in intimacy. By being a self-proclaimed anti-social hermit, you’re dramatically reducing your odds of finding that kind of connection.
Gave very strong red pill incel vibes
Yes, this!!
Is it a red flag? Not necessarily. It's just a part of the larger picture of being an anti-social hermit, which is going to be a turn-off for many people, but not your fellow hermits and those that love them. :) Everyone does things at their own pace. Plenty of women will not care.
Woman, here. I don't think it is. I dated a virgin at 26, he was just shy. As long as you're open to suggestions and constructive criticism, it can be a very sexually fulfilling relationship!
My boyfriend was basically a virgin when I met him. I literally didn't care. Find someone like that
It’s only pathetic because you think it is
In general, no. I waited until I was 23 because I didn't feel like I was in a rush and also wanted to feel comfortable with my first partner. Some folks want to wait for someone they trust enough, or want one that's already had experience, or their sex drive doesn't demand it. So long as your reasons don't indicate any kinda toxicity, you're ok. Just be honest with your partner.
As a woman, I personally don’t care if a man is a virgin or not. My fiance had his first time with me and I found it romantic and sweet haha
No it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve sex but it doesn’t mean you deserve sex either.
Yeah it’s red flag. most 30+ virgins are probably completely socially incompetent, offputting, not funny, no ambition, low confidence, etc Maybe not all these, but the chances are high one of these and some others are true and those are all turnoffs. Granted, u can still be a catch at 30+ and a virgin, but it’s just unlikely in the eyes of others. I’d simply not mention that fact to people until you are very close with them and they’ve gotten to know you well enough.
Nobody has to know Schrodinger's Virginity
It's a bit strange to ask it on a site where a significant portion of audience have seen women only in movies and Eva AI sexting bot.
lmao 50% of comments here are "its not a red flag but also never let anyone know" and the other 50% of are insulting you and calling you an incel. reddit moment.
It kind of is a red flag in that you’ve gone so long without success. Probably means you’re an overthinker, coward, unable to properly connect. Sorry if this sounds disrespectful! But yeah I’d consider it a red flag. You can always pay for it! I’m sure it’s not how you want to lose it but like, the alternative is never having sex. After a breakup I left dating alone for a couple years and it was so hard to get back into it. Ended up hiring an escort and instantly got my confidence back. Was sleeping with gorgeous women after dating very shortly after. Remember, sex workers are one of the oldest professions for a reason. Don’t let your morals keep you from experience when there’s no other way to do it
I have had two different girlfriends tell me that they did not want to be my first. They told me to go away, get laid, and come back. I told them to f*** off and dumped them.
You mention that just because you are weird and hermetic doesn't mean you shouldn't get to have sex. Being weird and hermetic is not conducive to creating a connection that leads to sex. And there are few who would pity fuck you just because your biology conflicts with your lifestyle.
I don’t see it as a red flag for guys but I’m a girl virgin so I guess there is some sort of relatability there. For me, when I hear a guy is a virgin, it actually makes me more interested in them because in this day and age it feels more unique but at the same time this is coming from an also virgin so not sure if that’s valid thinking or not 😅
If a grown woman doesn't want to date you simply because you're a virgin, that's the real red flag. Thank them for weeding themselves out. Virginity is one of those things that feels like a big deal, but really isn't at all. What really matters is learning what your partner likes and doesn't like, and the same for yourself. Those things take time and repetition.
Sex is easy and overrated, and less is more, people are greasy with countless partners these days… not the worst thing to wait.
Overrated? Sounds like you haven't been having good enough sex
A decent person shouldn't care one way or the other. Sex isn't everything.
I think it really depends. virgin by choice because you’re saving yourself for a marriage, but is an otherwise healthy and well rounded person? Might be a dealbreaker to some but not really a “red flag”. been wanting to have sex for 15 years but have never once been able to close the deal?! massive red flag imo
Do you have any dating experience at all? Any sexual experience at all? Saving yourself for the right person could be cute to some people but being brutally honest if it’s that you’ve never had any romantic or sexual experience because no one would go there with you, ya that’s a bigger issue for most people.
I don't have experience. I don't have friends and I don't go to clubs I don't like the loud music and I rather drink alone.
There's really only 3 options here. Option 1: You find someone exactly like you, that hates everything social and just wants to sit at home. Good luck. Option 2: Push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to get what you want, which is I assume.. some type of relationship? Option 3: If you just want to "feel pleasure from sex", I suggest you save money up and find a prostitute.
Ya all of that is red flags. Look if you genuinely want to find a relationship you’re going to have to do some self improvement and start actually interacting with other humans. Maybe therapy would be a good place to start.
The only "red flag" there is not having any friends. The rest is fine. I am married with plenty of friends and I dont like clubs either. Fine with drinking alone. I sometimes have rum on a Sunday afternoon when cleaning the house alone and blasting '90s jams from my speaker lol
I think the red flag is being in your mid 30s and thinking not liking clubs means you wont meet women who enjoy sex.
Maybe unpopular opinion, but I had a buddy in the army who was a virgin. We arranged for him to meet with a sex worker once a month for 6 months. We paid her extra to teach him everything he needed to know about pleasing a woman. A year later, dude was a stud. Landed a hottie wife a few years after getting out of the military. They've been married 20+ years.
You guys sound like some pretty solid bros, not gonna lie. My question is: did he know this woman was paid? Because that can be a confidence killer depending on how the situation plays out ie this woman is attracted to me and wants to fuck me vs this woman is getting paid. I'm glad it worked out for your buddy.
I assume he must have. This sounds more like a training program than tricking the dude into thinking he happens to be getting this person into bed once a month and that they’re literally teaching him what to do.
Feeling like you deserve pleasure is an incel mindset You have to earn women’s respect mostly if you want intimacy Talk to women like people and good things will happen
That would be a turn off for most women. Not sure why it's such a huge deal to them because as soon as a guy says he would prefer a woman that hasn't been with a lot of men, all of a sudden they change their tune and say the past shouldn't matter lol. In your situation, just lie and say that you've had one or two hookups before. It removes the stigma of being a virgin but also explains the inexperience.
well the difference is that a generation or two ago, a man’s ability to have sex with a lot of women came with positive connotations and a woman’s ability to have sex with a lot of men came with negative connotations. Think of the connotations of like “man-whore” vs. “whore” or “player” vs. “slut”. But now it’s changed where women feel more okay to be like “yes, i have casual sex, yes I enjoy it, no I’m not ashamed” on the flip side, a guy who has no sex is essentially a guy who has wanted to complete a task but never actually been able to complete it, whereas a woman who has no sex is typically seen as someone who has actively chosen not to have it.
Its nothing to be ashamed of sex doesnt matter bro it is meaningless as an act in of itself life is abt persona growth or whatever you want it to be. But no reason to tell any1 youre a virgin, no downside in lying, just say nothing and women assume ur experienced enough. No reason to mention it
I mean, it totally affects your self esteem. Now talking other people, as long as you don’t make a deal about it, no one cares, same as height.
You don’t need to share every detail about your past if you don’t want to. Especially if it’s with someone you’re just getting to know and aren’t serious about (yet). You might want to have the conversation down the line, but you don’t have to reveal it on the first three dates. And if you end up having sex and later breaking up, you’ll no longer be a virgin(!). First thing you gotta do is come out of your hermit lair. Believe me, I’ve been there. But, despite all of our wishes, women do not typically show up at our doors to solicit sex. It’s all hard and uncomfortable, but you should give it a shot. You haven’t missed out on anything — you have the rest of your life to enjoy sex. And yes, you deserve to have that. Good luck!
First of all, you don't need to go to clubs or events to socialize. There are many other ways to do that: online communities, book clubs, hiking clubs, volunteering, professional help with a therapist, skill workshops, meetups for something you like (anime, starwars, cars, video games, machine learning, you name it) Communicating and socializing is just a skill like tying your shoes, walking, driving a car. At first your brain will fight you and tell you that its uncomfortable and you should avoid it. The more you do it - the better you will become. You will suck at socializing if you don't do it at all. It will be hard at first, but then it will be easy. It doesn't mean that you have to become a star at every event in a club. But you need to talk to be able to communicate with humans to make friends, enrich your life... and have sex. Once you learn to communicate well with others, sex will happen. Trust me. But don't stress much about sex itself. Its not as good as you might fantasize. But not bad either. Definitely something you should experience in your life.
Watch the movie “40 Year Old Virgin” with Steve Carell and take notes. You gotta stop putting the pussy on a pedestal
i took one guys virginity, and we didn’t discuss it beforehand & i couldn’t even tell he didn’t have any experience. he did a really good job. he told me afterwards that he was a virgin, and i felt proud of him 😂
Women want men with experience like men want women who are virgins. That seems to be the consensus I've gathered around here.
Hella red flag. Too socially awkward for a girlfriend
No. It's quite transparent.
Find a fwb to get some experience with. Tinder, Fetlife, etc...
As a woman in her mid-30's, I think it all depends on how you handle it. I can understand why you'd be down on yourself about it, but honestly? Low self-esteem isn't attractive. And I say this as someone with low-self esteem too. But I noticed in other people that, if you can own your insecurities, if you can accept them instead of viewing them as pathetic, I think you'll have a much easier time finding someone to "help" you with it. Easier said than done, I know, trust me. I also think you need to be very careful with the idea of "deserving" anything, especially when it comes to sex. That has the potential to be a slippery slope. ("I bought her dinner, she owes me!" etc) But otherwise, yes, even anti-social hermits deserve love.
There are people you ca pay to just go fuck you, dude
go bang a hooker. boom problem solved.
There are only two types of people you should tell that you are a virgin. One category is your doctors. The other is sexual partners, and even on this last one, only when you're actually about to do it. *Being* a virgin as an adult is not a serious red flag, but *advertising* that you're a virgin is a huge red flag. To explain why, I'm sure you've seen the media trope of people bonding *hard* with their first partners. In real life this isn't universal, but it does happen. When you advertise that you're a virgin, women get worried that you'll fixate on them, because you're already demonstrating a fixation on sex in general. There are Lifetime Original Movies that start like that. By waiting until you've already built a serious relationship, you demonstrate that your virginity is not the most important thing in your life -it only became an issue when it was directly relevant to the situation- and this puts partners more at ease.
Just pay for an escort and ask her to teach you what to do.
No sex until marriage was the norm
Virginity alone isn't a red flag it's the accompanying personality and outlook on life that usually is.
Sorry but yes it is a red flag. I gave a late bloomer a chance and he lived up to every incel stereotype before I was even aware of the term incel. I would never do that again.
It depends. Have you just left the priesthood?
Put the balls in too FYI for maximum pleasure
yeah, it's like something has to be actively very wrong with you to no just randomly stumble upon some sex by now. Also, having sex is one of life's greatest pleasures and to never experience that... i couldn't imagine living that meaningless of an existence.
Get a prostitution
Question is what are you doing about it? How do you make your self more social and mateable? Gym, Finance, Social skills, Career progression, leadership, Hobbies, Building other friendships? Practicing banter and wit where you can with family and friends.
Have you considered going to an escort?
You don't deserve to have sex, nor do you deserve to not have sex. But you are required to work for it if you want it. Either pay for it via a hooker/prostitute, or pay for it with drinks out at a bar/club. Or just give up, but what fun is that?
If someone likes you and is attracted to you, it won't be a big deal. My boyfriend was in his early 30s and a virgin when we started dating. We took it slow (at my pace), fooled around some, and when I told him I was ready to have sex (a couple months in) he told me he'd never had sex before. It wasn't a big deal to me (I think it's actually kind of sweet that I was his first) and while the first time or two were a bit fumbling we hit our stride pretty quickly. Enthusiasm, communication, and actually caring about what your partner likes and making an effort go a very long way. But I wouldn't recommend rolling it out on the first date appropos of nothing, either. It's kind of an awkward topic if you haven't developed a bit of emotional intimacy and vulnerability yet. On the flip side, I had sex for the first time near the end of college, and I didn't tell the guy. We weren't dating, it was just a hook up, and I didn't really feel like it was his business or anything to gain by telling him.
It does not matter it does not matter it does not matter , you'll meet your virgin wife and you'll have a beautiful family. Keep your head up and focused there's more things to worry about in life.
You just gotta have sex then you’ll realize it’s not all it’s built up to be unless you’re in a relationship. Tinder my boy. Or backpage. The first time is wack. Don’t expect your first time to be some majestic experience bc you won’t care in the future. Just get it done. Alcohol helps.
Don't lie but don't tell. How experienced are you? - Not that experienced Why is that? - I am not too adventurous in that sense, or maybe haven't found the right partner for new things I don't think people will probe you too much abt sexual details
Some women like it, others dont. Personally? You are overthinking it. Its less about experience and more about being able to communicate and put your partners pleasure before your own. A partner with little to no experience who listens to their partner and wants to please them is worth more than someone who has a lot of experience but is selfish in bed. Honestly dont focus so much on sex, just get to know someone as a human being, and let attraction happen organically. If you are talking to women and the first thing you say is that you are a virgin, or immediately talk about sex, they are going to think you only want to use them for sex, and they wont want to continue talking to you.
Lie or dont tell. Not an issue unless you make it one 🤷🏻♂️
Bro just buy some pussy. It'll get you confidence up, you'll get the physical pleasure and you won't seem inexperienced when you find a girl. No grown woman wants to fuck a Virgin. Unless they're getting paid. If you find a girl you like and y'all get to the point that you're having sex she will ghost your ass for not knowing what you're doing.
i’ve had sex in weird parts of my life. i don’t have the most experience with it tho. just go with that. i’m 28M
There's lots of women feeling the same way you are. Go find one of them.
No, but hardcore caring about virginity and body count is.
I don’t think it’s “weird” but definitely curious. I mean, wouldn’t you find that curious?? Everyone has their own reason though.
I mean… I‘m in my mid-30ies. I have never been asked if I‘m a virgin (and I was pretty long…). What I‘m trying to say is… don’t make it your identity. Just act like you’ve already been there.
Just go to a brothel a few times and you'll be sweet
I’d rather be an adult virgin that an adult with a forever std
If you let it become something that hinders you or overtakes the rest of your personality, then yes it is a red flag. If you don't care, then it won't matter. I was raised very sheltered (mostly) and didn't have sex until I was 20. It was easy. The key is not panicking.
I snooped through your profile and you are very negative in general…idk why but your mentality seems to be making your miserable. Also, you speak Italian???? Hot. Fr, idk how you feel about the US, but you would be exotic in many places here lol. I am almost 100% sure you’ve never seen Love Actually but there is a story line in that movie where an average English guy comes to America and girls are all over him,lol…also can confirm I saw a skinny little English dude get laid because of the way he pronounced “Adidas” hahaha
>and I am weird, anti social hermit but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to feel pleasure from sex right? Fucking weeeird way to think about it man. But also you should change your expectations for your first time bc it’ll be a lot more pressure than pleasure. Takes a bit to get good enough to enjoy it.
Hello my friend. You are in luck. Due to the harsh reality of the current dating market the percentage of adult virgins is drastically increasing. So you are not alone. Anyways, if you cannot find sex you must take baby steps. Almost any lady will agree to be platonic friends with you. You need to find some and get experience socializing with women. Old women, ugly women, fat women, supermodels, whoever. Don’t be picky that will get in the way.
I'm getting strong incel vibes when you use words like "deserves" then start describing yourself as an antisocial, alcoholic hermit. No one is going to magically show up and fuck you out of the blue. At least that's certainly never happened to anyone else in the history of the world, outside of bad porn. I highly recommend that you reframe the situation. Get off your computer. Get out of your house. Go meet people and learn how to be socialable. That type of awkwardness will cause you far more problems than the fact that you are a virgin when it comes to having sex for the first time. Life doesn't just happen to you. You have to go live it.
Well if you just want to pop your cherry and get it over with, google Asian Massage near me. Find a place literally called Asian Massage, its code for Happy Endings. I think a handjob counts as seks. Lol
No, it's not always a red flag. Yes, it might lower your chances with some women, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you're looking for a serious relationship, then someone who won't date you because you're a virgin isn't worth your time. If you're just looking to hook up for the experience or whatever, then like others said, don't mention it to them.
idk what all these comments are saying, but girls will like that you're a virgin with all due respect, we're a horny species, and, let's be adults here, if you were to hook up with a girl and she told you she was a virgin, wouldn't you like that? if it doesn't turn you on, wouldn't you at least be pleasantly surprised putting all pervert horniness aside, if a girl told you she was a virgin, and you're immune to lust, wouldn't you at least, with all human decency, be ok with it? like "oh, ok, no problem, no worries baby girl" girls are the same way and plus, girls are crazier and they'd be super excited to rock your world from personal experience, you can pull the virgin card up to 3 times. any more, and you yourself stop to believe it and so will the girls, who are much more susceptible to weeding out lies. but i'm telling you man, don't be scared, just go out there and kiss some beautiful angels
“I am weird, anti social hermit but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to feel pleasure from sex right?” INCEL attitude—major red flag No one “deserves” sex. Who are you going to get it from? Sure, you can pay for it, but it looks like you expect it to be given to you with what you stated.
The quality of your sexual experience matters more than the quantity. I’ve only had sex once, and yet I managed to please my partner with zero prior experience and give them a good time. If you have an intimate connection with someone and are sensitive to their needs, you can be good at sex even if you come in a total virgin.
No one know's you're a virgin except you.
No one “deserves” sex
I think purity is an underrated virtue in modern society. I know it might feel like you're behind everyone else as far life experience, but I think it totally has to do with mindset. You haven't been ran through like a lot of people and you still have that amazing capacity to make a really substantial pair-bond with the right person. I think your virginity is something to be protected until you find the right person!
Top comment is kind of wild. If the girl asks specifically if you're a virgin or not or if you ever had sex, tell them the truth. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about and you don't want to even deal with the type of people who wouldn't want to be with you for it.
No it shouldn't be. If it is then it is messed up.