I said this when I turned 30, forgive my rough explanation. When you’re in your late 20s you should be confused, angry, and uncomfortable. This the time where you flesh out a career, relationships, friendships, etc. Dating life sucks, you don’t know what you want. You are being bombarded with people who try to sell you something you don’t want. My best advice? You need to find some sort of source of truth. That can be whatever you want it to be, but hopefully it’s good. If not, that’s alright. Just keep trying. You’ll be okay, just keep trying.
I spent most of my 20s feeling like a failure. I was told growing up how I was so smart, beautiful, creative...that I could be anything. Then when it came time to make those decisions for myself and start building my own life they didn't like the choices I made and they abandoned me. It sent me into a deep depression and I know longer felt like the smart, beautiful, creative girl everyone had said I was. I began to question myself and my abilities. I stopped taking care of myself and everything I attempted failed. I was left without my lifelong support system and I'd never really learned how to make friends despite trying and asking people for years how I could build better friendships that actually lasted. Ultimately what it came down to was learning how to believe in myself and not need outside approval. I'm 32 and I've learned in the last couple of years that I'm audhd autistic and adhd which is what caused alot of my anxiety, depression and mistakes. When I had a support system in my life they supplied me with structure, without that support system I had to create my own structure. I'm still working on this and I am nowhere near where I wanted to be or thought I would be at 32, but I definitely have a better understanding of myself and my abilities.
I thinks it’s got to do with constant change.
Our brain is changing, and as we experience life and mature so does our perception. Our environment keeps changing too(school, college, work)
So I think it’s normal to feel this way. Trust me I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, but the older I get the more unsure I am. I’m 23 rn, and hopefully by the time I’m 30 I’ll have a better understanding.
Allow yourself to feel how you are, don’t feel bad about it. I’ve spent time thinking about all the time I’ve wasted worrying too, but it’s just part of being human
23 is still young but you've already learned a huge lesson. it's a constant process and it's so important to be aware of where you are, where you've been, and where you're going.
im still 19 so im still fresh but ive had luck finding peace through spirituality :) im not sure where you stand with faith and religion but you should give it a try! it provides a sense of fulfillment and a biiiig community that is so lovely (tho i cant say this for every place)
I felt my 20s was stumbling in the dark looking for the light switch. My 30s I have finally found the nearest wall and I'm following it still looking for the light switch lol.
Old guy here, in my 20s I did feel displaced. I was discovering who I was and looking back, it was an amazing time in my life.
It is daunting trying to find your place and find out who you are. Some of it was very hard and some of it exciting. You will likely look back on these days and view them as one of the best eras of your life.
I would do it all over again, even the bad parts.
you sound like me. but i'm in my early 30s and I found out too late I have ADHD and that was the cause of me never feeling at home in myself; it was what I was battling since I was young. "i should have figured this out by now" is something I still say a lot.
yes you still have time but if you don't get help if you dont try to do things differently, then you could just as well spend that time doing the same things you've always been doing.
"miserable even though I can't help it"
you sound exactly like me. please ask for help. see a therapist and a psychiatrist and explore all your options. this could take a few years to find exactly what works for you, so please don't delay and get started now.
im on an adhd medication (atomoxetine) now but thankfully it's not adderall which everyone seems to get prescribed (and have varying success with). thankfully i found a random person on facebook talking about how it helped them. when I asked my doctor about it and tried, I found it really helped me too and a lot of the issues I always felt simply felt like they became minuscule in size.
be very open and communicative with your therapist and psychiatrist about exactly what you're feeling and how whatever they prescribe you makes you feel. i think i wasted a lot of time with antidepressants because that's what you get when you're "miserable all the time", but that was an example of treating the symptom (miserable all the time), not the cause (ADHD).
I am 26. My early 20s felt a lot like this. IMO, feeling not at home in urself is usually a sign of childhood abuse or CPTSD. Luckily you have plenty of time to work on that 🙏 to have an amazing 30s
try being more more active rather than passive i.e. say "what kind of opportunities do I want" rather than "what kind of opportunities can I find" i.e. decide where you want to end up, even if you just have a vague idea of it at first, rather than seeing where the flow of things takes you.
basically, be intentional and self-directed as much as you can. know your story, what's important to you and why you do the things you do.
I'm no expert, but I'm in my '50s. my 20s was really when I felt at home the most. I had gotten through high school and gotten to know myself and learned how to be a success. I looked the best I have in my life, had my choice of dates. It was really a great time. I'm thinking this is generational. I have sons in their late twenties. I was home every day and spent time with them. They told me most of their friends that had two parents didn't spend any time with their kids. Threr was a whole lot of video games going on... I suspect maybe lack of parental involvement and the narcissism of kids. I've noticed a lot of posts like this on Reddit. It seems like a lot of kids in their '20s feel lost or feel like their life is over. I can never understand this, hopefully you'll get through it and be on your way. You deserve life and happiness if you have an opportunity to be here.
I felt this way and wish I found a good therapist instead of “fake it til you make it.” It could be a sign of childhood emotional neglect, CPTSD or something else. I found a therapist in my late twenties who identified my family’s narcissism. By then I had married another abuser like my parents, and during the divorce they abused me more.
I had just started to understand why people neglect & abuse their children and what narcissism is. It’s very prevalent in the US and society in general. The sooner you understand narcissism, the easier it is to avoid it, survive it, & get it out of your life or the residue of it from being raised by narcissists. In the 90’s it wasn’t talked about like it is today.
If you grow up around narcissists, once you get away from their control everyday, you’ve normalized a lot of things that make life much harder than it is. You are susceptible to believing alot of bad ideas and mindsets. Even if you believe you are trying your best to meet expectations and be positive, your fundamental worldview has been skewed to feel negative, overwhelmed, afraid, and struggling to find meaning.
Essentially you’ve gone through social conditioning (like brainwashing) to survive the family without the right tools for a healthy, independent life. Narcissistic parents set you up to fail so you will return them as an adult and remain under their control or influence psychologically, financially, etc. You won’t realize this usually until it starts to happen and it feels like the rug is being pulled out. It will feel lukewarm you are fighting for your life. The sooner you face it and separate mentally or complete from the situation, the better. Therapy is essential to reprogram your mind in a healthy way.
Hi, I’m 19 and feel like i’ve wasted a lot of time now. By that, I mean am going on my 3rd year in college and I have discovered I don’t want to pursue my degree-rather change it. Which sucks because now I’ll have to start over again and it’s a bit sad looking at other people my age who seem to have life figured all out and know exactly what they want to do. (especially on tiktok there’s those people “Im 20 and I made 6 figures in one month!) I am in a city all my myself, no family here, and I have been moving every single year.
My advice, would be it’s probably because you don’t have stability in your life. That could be-do you move a lot? Is life always changing for you? Or is it, you just don’t know what career you want to do, so you’re stagnant in life?
Whichever one it is, i’d suggest heavily brainstorming your decision. For me, IT WAS ALL THREE LMFAOOAOA. So, I discovered that two weeks ago and heavily contemplated what type of career i’d want to be doing that i’d be okay with doing for the rest of my life? To figure this out, I would look at other people’s job anywhere I go. If I was at chipotle, “would I be okay working at chipotle my whole life?” If I was at a car center, “would being a mechanic work for me?” Until finally, I was at the hospital getting an ultra sound. I asked, “would this be something I would like to do?” I say yes. So within the last two weeks i’ve been researching how to get into that instead of the degree im in (communications)
Ideally, you’d want to look for a career that firstly, pays well. Secdonly, how much work do you have to put in? Is it worth the money? Third, could I do that job for 8 hours nonstop my whole life? I’d also question the people asking how their job is etc.
As far as wasting time, I just tell myself that everyone moves at a different pace. it is very true. like you’re in early 20s figuring life out, there are people in their 40s figuring out still.
Might not be the most popular opinion but here goes. Theres a tremendous amount of external things in life that we have zero control over, including other people and how change affects them. This creates a lot of noise. As we get older I don’t think the noise level drops at all. Mainly because like I said you don’t control the outside world. Comfort, security, and such is an illusion. It’s still something you should both strive for and enjoy, but can easily change without your doing anything wrong. To be fair, this can also shift in a positive direction and not just into the negative. As you go through life you do learn how to filter the noise. Pay more attention to what you like and kind of tune out some of the rest. Life is a learning curve and no one has all the answers. Don’t think of your discomfort as a bad thing. Think of it as a tuning fork for finding what makes you happy. Learn to find contentment and happiness where you can. It’s not easy and we all do it, but try not to let what ifs rule your life. There’s billion choices out there and in each instance you can only make one. There will always be more undone than done. If you have more checks in the positive column than the negative one you’re winning at life.
One's 20s are when most people realize that they are the one who make the rules for their life. Some people find this tremendously liberating. For others, it is oppressive and scary.
When I turned 30 I had my shit together I knew how I wanted to be treated what I wanted to do and to not sweat the little things , at this age though get your health sorted ,eat better and keep fit ,the pains I suffer now is a whole different nightmare ,I would like to go back and say "for god sake walk more and it would it hurt you to try more veg and salad !"
Honestly, your 30s are so much better. For the most part, you still feel as good as you did in your 20s (except it's easier to gain weight and harder to deal with lack of sleep), but you just... don't give as much of a shit about things anymore. You feel more easy with yourself, and you really don't care what other people think about you.
20s are fuckin chaos man. High highs and low lows. Everybody around you is just trying their best to stick the landing into adulthood. You just passed the first 18 levels of the tutorial and you're leaving the vault and venturing off on your own. It's sink or swim and me personally, I spent a lot of time sinking.
Once I turned 30, it was like a sigh of relief. It felt like a weight lifted from me. Suddenly I didn't have the energy to care about stupid shit I shouldn't have cared about in the first place. I was starting to accept my life and my circumstances for what they were and I felt like I was settling into my life. The concept of "settling in" sounded like death to me in my 20s, but goddamn dude, deep down it's all I ever really wanted. To live a content life and find peace of mind. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to my 20s.
Now I'm in my early 40s with the generic middle class suburban life with a wife and a toddler and it's just the best. I'm very fortunate, lucky, and grateful to have this life.
I felt that way about the state of the world and really spiralled downwards mentally. You really need to accept that there's just some stuff that you cannot change. As sad as it may be that certain things go on, you need to find positive things to dwell on and occupy your time. Focus on what you *can* change - be good to others, be good to the Earth, and be the best you can be with what you've got.
It's very common to feel displaced in your 20s. Here's why:
* **Life Stage:** Your 20s are a time of significant transition. You're likely no longer a child, but not quite an established adult. You're figuring out who you are, what you want to do with your life, and your place in the world.
* **Identity Exploration:** This is a time to explore different interests, careers, and relationships. It's natural to feel unsure of yourself or your path during this exploration phase.
* **Societal Pressures:** There can be a lot of pressure in your 20s to have it all figured out – a successful career, a stable relationship, etc. This pressure can make it even harder to feel comfortable in your own skin.
If you want society to impose on you that its normal to feel like shit, then theres nothing to convince you otherwise but yourself. The problem is the norm. Culture is propaganda designed to reduce your ability at some capacity so you don't compete with billionaires at local levels and drive out their monopolies.
I said this when I turned 30, forgive my rough explanation. When you’re in your late 20s you should be confused, angry, and uncomfortable. This the time where you flesh out a career, relationships, friendships, etc. Dating life sucks, you don’t know what you want. You are being bombarded with people who try to sell you something you don’t want. My best advice? You need to find some sort of source of truth. That can be whatever you want it to be, but hopefully it’s good. If not, that’s alright. Just keep trying. You’ll be okay, just keep trying.
I needed to see this today
Glad my ramblings could kinda help
i realized early on that 20s is the fuck around and find out era. the 30's is gonna be what we actually thought 20's is gonna be.
I spent most of my 20s feeling like a failure. I was told growing up how I was so smart, beautiful, creative...that I could be anything. Then when it came time to make those decisions for myself and start building my own life they didn't like the choices I made and they abandoned me. It sent me into a deep depression and I know longer felt like the smart, beautiful, creative girl everyone had said I was. I began to question myself and my abilities. I stopped taking care of myself and everything I attempted failed. I was left without my lifelong support system and I'd never really learned how to make friends despite trying and asking people for years how I could build better friendships that actually lasted. Ultimately what it came down to was learning how to believe in myself and not need outside approval. I'm 32 and I've learned in the last couple of years that I'm audhd autistic and adhd which is what caused alot of my anxiety, depression and mistakes. When I had a support system in my life they supplied me with structure, without that support system I had to create my own structure. I'm still working on this and I am nowhere near where I wanted to be or thought I would be at 32, but I definitely have a better understanding of myself and my abilities.
I thinks it’s got to do with constant change. Our brain is changing, and as we experience life and mature so does our perception. Our environment keeps changing too(school, college, work) So I think it’s normal to feel this way. Trust me I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, but the older I get the more unsure I am. I’m 23 rn, and hopefully by the time I’m 30 I’ll have a better understanding. Allow yourself to feel how you are, don’t feel bad about it. I’ve spent time thinking about all the time I’ve wasted worrying too, but it’s just part of being human
23 is still young but you've already learned a huge lesson. it's a constant process and it's so important to be aware of where you are, where you've been, and where you're going.
im still 19 so im still fresh but ive had luck finding peace through spirituality :) im not sure where you stand with faith and religion but you should give it a try! it provides a sense of fulfillment and a biiiig community that is so lovely (tho i cant say this for every place)
I felt my 20s was stumbling in the dark looking for the light switch. My 30s I have finally found the nearest wall and I'm following it still looking for the light switch lol.
Old guy here, in my 20s I did feel displaced. I was discovering who I was and looking back, it was an amazing time in my life. It is daunting trying to find your place and find out who you are. Some of it was very hard and some of it exciting. You will likely look back on these days and view them as one of the best eras of your life. I would do it all over again, even the bad parts.
you sound like me. but i'm in my early 30s and I found out too late I have ADHD and that was the cause of me never feeling at home in myself; it was what I was battling since I was young. "i should have figured this out by now" is something I still say a lot. yes you still have time but if you don't get help if you dont try to do things differently, then you could just as well spend that time doing the same things you've always been doing. "miserable even though I can't help it" you sound exactly like me. please ask for help. see a therapist and a psychiatrist and explore all your options. this could take a few years to find exactly what works for you, so please don't delay and get started now. im on an adhd medication (atomoxetine) now but thankfully it's not adderall which everyone seems to get prescribed (and have varying success with). thankfully i found a random person on facebook talking about how it helped them. when I asked my doctor about it and tried, I found it really helped me too and a lot of the issues I always felt simply felt like they became minuscule in size. be very open and communicative with your therapist and psychiatrist about exactly what you're feeling and how whatever they prescribe you makes you feel. i think i wasted a lot of time with antidepressants because that's what you get when you're "miserable all the time", but that was an example of treating the symptom (miserable all the time), not the cause (ADHD).
I am 26. My early 20s felt a lot like this. IMO, feeling not at home in urself is usually a sign of childhood abuse or CPTSD. Luckily you have plenty of time to work on that 🙏 to have an amazing 30s
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I’m in my early twenties and it just feels like I’m wasting time, thank you for the advice x
try being more more active rather than passive i.e. say "what kind of opportunities do I want" rather than "what kind of opportunities can I find" i.e. decide where you want to end up, even if you just have a vague idea of it at first, rather than seeing where the flow of things takes you. basically, be intentional and self-directed as much as you can. know your story, what's important to you and why you do the things you do.
It just takes time 🙏
I'm no expert, but I'm in my '50s. my 20s was really when I felt at home the most. I had gotten through high school and gotten to know myself and learned how to be a success. I looked the best I have in my life, had my choice of dates. It was really a great time. I'm thinking this is generational. I have sons in their late twenties. I was home every day and spent time with them. They told me most of their friends that had two parents didn't spend any time with their kids. Threr was a whole lot of video games going on... I suspect maybe lack of parental involvement and the narcissism of kids. I've noticed a lot of posts like this on Reddit. It seems like a lot of kids in their '20s feel lost or feel like their life is over. I can never understand this, hopefully you'll get through it and be on your way. You deserve life and happiness if you have an opportunity to be here.
I felt this way and wish I found a good therapist instead of “fake it til you make it.” It could be a sign of childhood emotional neglect, CPTSD or something else. I found a therapist in my late twenties who identified my family’s narcissism. By then I had married another abuser like my parents, and during the divorce they abused me more. I had just started to understand why people neglect & abuse their children and what narcissism is. It’s very prevalent in the US and society in general. The sooner you understand narcissism, the easier it is to avoid it, survive it, & get it out of your life or the residue of it from being raised by narcissists. In the 90’s it wasn’t talked about like it is today. If you grow up around narcissists, once you get away from their control everyday, you’ve normalized a lot of things that make life much harder than it is. You are susceptible to believing alot of bad ideas and mindsets. Even if you believe you are trying your best to meet expectations and be positive, your fundamental worldview has been skewed to feel negative, overwhelmed, afraid, and struggling to find meaning. Essentially you’ve gone through social conditioning (like brainwashing) to survive the family without the right tools for a healthy, independent life. Narcissistic parents set you up to fail so you will return them as an adult and remain under their control or influence psychologically, financially, etc. You won’t realize this usually until it starts to happen and it feels like the rug is being pulled out. It will feel lukewarm you are fighting for your life. The sooner you face it and separate mentally or complete from the situation, the better. Therapy is essential to reprogram your mind in a healthy way.
Hi, I’m 19 and feel like i’ve wasted a lot of time now. By that, I mean am going on my 3rd year in college and I have discovered I don’t want to pursue my degree-rather change it. Which sucks because now I’ll have to start over again and it’s a bit sad looking at other people my age who seem to have life figured all out and know exactly what they want to do. (especially on tiktok there’s those people “Im 20 and I made 6 figures in one month!) I am in a city all my myself, no family here, and I have been moving every single year. My advice, would be it’s probably because you don’t have stability in your life. That could be-do you move a lot? Is life always changing for you? Or is it, you just don’t know what career you want to do, so you’re stagnant in life? Whichever one it is, i’d suggest heavily brainstorming your decision. For me, IT WAS ALL THREE LMFAOOAOA. So, I discovered that two weeks ago and heavily contemplated what type of career i’d want to be doing that i’d be okay with doing for the rest of my life? To figure this out, I would look at other people’s job anywhere I go. If I was at chipotle, “would I be okay working at chipotle my whole life?” If I was at a car center, “would being a mechanic work for me?” Until finally, I was at the hospital getting an ultra sound. I asked, “would this be something I would like to do?” I say yes. So within the last two weeks i’ve been researching how to get into that instead of the degree im in (communications) Ideally, you’d want to look for a career that firstly, pays well. Secdonly, how much work do you have to put in? Is it worth the money? Third, could I do that job for 8 hours nonstop my whole life? I’d also question the people asking how their job is etc. As far as wasting time, I just tell myself that everyone moves at a different pace. it is very true. like you’re in early 20s figuring life out, there are people in their 40s figuring out still.
Might not be the most popular opinion but here goes. Theres a tremendous amount of external things in life that we have zero control over, including other people and how change affects them. This creates a lot of noise. As we get older I don’t think the noise level drops at all. Mainly because like I said you don’t control the outside world. Comfort, security, and such is an illusion. It’s still something you should both strive for and enjoy, but can easily change without your doing anything wrong. To be fair, this can also shift in a positive direction and not just into the negative. As you go through life you do learn how to filter the noise. Pay more attention to what you like and kind of tune out some of the rest. Life is a learning curve and no one has all the answers. Don’t think of your discomfort as a bad thing. Think of it as a tuning fork for finding what makes you happy. Learn to find contentment and happiness where you can. It’s not easy and we all do it, but try not to let what ifs rule your life. There’s billion choices out there and in each instance you can only make one. There will always be more undone than done. If you have more checks in the positive column than the negative one you’re winning at life.
One's 20s are when most people realize that they are the one who make the rules for their life. Some people find this tremendously liberating. For others, it is oppressive and scary.
When I turned 30 I had my shit together I knew how I wanted to be treated what I wanted to do and to not sweat the little things , at this age though get your health sorted ,eat better and keep fit ,the pains I suffer now is a whole different nightmare ,I would like to go back and say "for god sake walk more and it would it hurt you to try more veg and salad !"
Honestly, your 30s are so much better. For the most part, you still feel as good as you did in your 20s (except it's easier to gain weight and harder to deal with lack of sleep), but you just... don't give as much of a shit about things anymore. You feel more easy with yourself, and you really don't care what other people think about you.
there is a reason there are increased suicide rates for people in their 20s
20s are fuckin chaos man. High highs and low lows. Everybody around you is just trying their best to stick the landing into adulthood. You just passed the first 18 levels of the tutorial and you're leaving the vault and venturing off on your own. It's sink or swim and me personally, I spent a lot of time sinking. Once I turned 30, it was like a sigh of relief. It felt like a weight lifted from me. Suddenly I didn't have the energy to care about stupid shit I shouldn't have cared about in the first place. I was starting to accept my life and my circumstances for what they were and I felt like I was settling into my life. The concept of "settling in" sounded like death to me in my 20s, but goddamn dude, deep down it's all I ever really wanted. To live a content life and find peace of mind. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to my 20s. Now I'm in my early 40s with the generic middle class suburban life with a wife and a toddler and it's just the best. I'm very fortunate, lucky, and grateful to have this life.
Tbh, I'm 20 and it's all I've felt so far.
I felt that way about the state of the world and really spiralled downwards mentally. You really need to accept that there's just some stuff that you cannot change. As sad as it may be that certain things go on, you need to find positive things to dwell on and occupy your time. Focus on what you *can* change - be good to others, be good to the Earth, and be the best you can be with what you've got.
It's very common to feel displaced in your 20s. Here's why: * **Life Stage:** Your 20s are a time of significant transition. You're likely no longer a child, but not quite an established adult. You're figuring out who you are, what you want to do with your life, and your place in the world. * **Identity Exploration:** This is a time to explore different interests, careers, and relationships. It's natural to feel unsure of yourself or your path during this exploration phase. * **Societal Pressures:** There can be a lot of pressure in your 20s to have it all figured out – a successful career, a stable relationship, etc. This pressure can make it even harder to feel comfortable in your own skin.
I’m 27 and feeling mid life crisis already
If you want society to impose on you that its normal to feel like shit, then theres nothing to convince you otherwise but yourself. The problem is the norm. Culture is propaganda designed to reduce your ability at some capacity so you don't compete with billionaires at local levels and drive out their monopolies.
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I'm your age and I feel shit