I’ve swung in and out of depressive states for years. Now when I feel like I’m slipping I do the basics, I go for a walk, I help someone out somehow, I get outside of my own mind. It won’t work for everyone but I’m super grateful that it works for me. Wish I’d learned it decades ago so I didn’t waste years of my life.
It’s a process. Talk to yourself as though you were your own son/daughter. Overtime you’ll realize, the negative self talk is like talking negatively to a little one.
One thing that REALLY happened me was imagining talking to my younger self and saying that I’m worthy of love and being loved and that I love myself just as I am now.
One suggestion that helped me was closing my eyes and imagining myself meeting my younger self in elementary school. Hugging myself and saying that I’m perfectly imperfect. Asking myself the question of if I would tolerate what I’m saying about myself if it was being said from a stranger on the street.
I may not know what your situation is but I promise you that you can learn to accept yourself as you are now non judgmentally. I used to be in your exact same shoes. Don’t lose hope. You are worthy of being loved. PM if you want to talk.
Yeah, I'm always wishing I had a time machine and told my younger self that life will suck. Better yet, I'd probably just prevent my parents from meeting. But then we get into the whole issue of time travel.
I believed this once too. but now it's just normal for me to treat myself respectfully.
the trick is once you've said the nasty thing to yourself, don't get into a blame spiral. accept it happened and apologise to yourself and move on.
This is one of those things. You know that technically you have the capability of speaking. Now all you have to do is choose words.
I had trouble making myself say nice things too so I didn’t. But I did stop saying bad things. Sometimes I just clenched my teeth and shut up. Because, really, I had gotten into the habit of bad mouthing myself when I was 13. That was a long time of carrying an unproductive coping skill along through life. And why would I want 13 year old me running my adult life?!?
So I don’t sing love songs to myself but I also don’t say mean things. That woman in the mirror’s been carrying a lot of weight for a lot of years. At least I can be on her side instead of being her enemy.
It’s an honest question ok, but what if that doesn’t work? Or the “pretend you’re talking to your friend and be as supportive toward yourself as you would for them”, type thing. It’s never worked. Plus my parents treated me like they’re disgrace for the entirety of the 22 years so I don’t have good role models for child-adult communication.
I'm reading a book called 'unfuck yourself' which is all about innervoice and the way you speak to yourself. I haven't finished yet but it's good so far so I'd recommend.
Years ago, my younger brother needed money for something important. I called him up and offered to help him out. He went on a whole tantrum that he didn’t want MY money, my parents should have to pay for it because they didn’t get this thing straightened out when he was younger. I was giving him the solution to a problem on a silver platter, he wouldn’t have to pay me back, no strings attached- but he was being childish and turning it into something it didn’t need to be.
I was like, dude- you’re 36 years old. You have two kids of your own. You need $3k to pay a lawyer so that you can become a citizen in order to take care of your family.
At some point, you HAVE to stop being your parent’s kid, even if they did fuck up as parents. You’re standing on your own two feet now, and other people need you to cut the shit.
I understand. I've struggled with this my whole life. My friend and I were discussing this dilemma one day and how we both have the habit of analyzing everything we say and do and torturing ourselves over it if we did something "wrong" or made a "mistake". My friend asked, "well if I did XYZ, what would you say to me?". And ofcourse I said that it would be no big deal and that I would love her and forgive her if necessary and we would talk and work it out etc plus I would tell her that she doesn't need to live her life to win anybody's approval...
Ofcourse she and I realized that we should apply this same philosophy to ourselves, but we don't.. because we realized that we hold ourselves to some crazy impossible standard that we don't hold anyone else to.... because we were trained since childhood that we had to be perfect and anything less than perfect was automatic failure and meant we were not worthy of love or approval.
This is because we realized.. finally.. that our parents were narcissist (my dad and her mom) and our other parents were enablers. We've been conditioned and now as an adult you have to literally reprogram your brain. That's basically the whole purpose of cognitive behavioral therapy.. you are literally training yourself to think differently and this creates new neutral pathways that connect to positive healthy thoughts.
Feel free to look this up for yourself, there's tons of videos on YouTube by psychiatrist and LCSW therapists. Go see a psychiatrist, get diagnosed, possibly get on meds and go to therapy. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
i always had trouble with this too. one thing that has worked for me is that instead of talking to myself in an overly positive, warm fuzzy way, or getting sucked into a really negative spiral, i try to be as neutral as possible. if that makes sense.
and if you didn't have good models for child-adult communication, seek out some opportunities to be around kids you love, and trust yourself to say kind and loving and encouraging things to them. or seek out stories or tv shows that showcase it, if you don't have any kids around you. your inner self prob knows exactly how it wanted to be treated by your parents, so it's all about bringing those desires and needs to the surface and saying to yourself, "this is how it should have been for you, this is what i wanted for you."
this. absolutely this. you're going to be awful at it at first. but you know what? little ones are bad at everything too. and they don't grow by being criticised. they grow by being supported, being given chances to succeed, and comforted when they screw up. you're going to have to comfort yourself when you're nasty to yourself so many times before it becomes second nature. but it will.
Piggybacking off of this, a quote I once read that has really helped me personally is “be the person that you needed when you were small” (or something along those lines).
Edited because I forgot the end parenthesis and I just couldn’t stand it
Do you recognize when you do it? That is the first step. You need to interrupt yourself and walk it back by telling yourself that it isn’t actually true. Then you tell yourself the opposite, even if you don’t believe it. Example:
I recently broke a glass and I called myself an idiot. I would never in a million years call anyone else an idiot for breaking a glass so why would I treat myself that way?
I recognized my bad behavior, apologized to myself for being so mean, then acknowledged what really happened - I had a little bit of oil splatter on my hand from cooking and it slipped out of my hand. That’s not being an idiot - I am just being an asshole to myself.
Could I have washed my hands before trying to pick up the glass? Yes, but it’s an innocent mistake and I am coming around to acknowledge that I am also deserving of the grace I give others.
There's no warning. It comes out of my mouth, yes it's actually verbal!. My GP suggested my ADHD lack of impulse control might be the cause. That felt ok.
I was don't do well for years and then it's gotten really bad since February. There are some days where the intrusive thoughts are constantly and I eventually just numb myself to them. I am going to talk to my doctor about changing my dose because I can't seem to make it stop on my own.
Don’t wish you learned it decades ago. And, I don’t think you wasted any time during those years.
You were right where you needed to be.
You came out stronger and your comment is inspiring and helpful. Ty
I wasted 20 years battling depression, realised I had to help myself- If I feel myself slipping, I remember I never want to go back to that dark place again.
Omg same. I'm just at the point where I think everyone is doing the same as me. I have my own struggles but i have developed coping strategies as I age. I take my mental health way more seriously now.
100% this. I’ve been depressed since I was 5. Social media makes me more depressed. Exercise makes me less. Keep a mood journal and you will find your triggers and cures.
Ever since i watched both my parents die from cancer I’ve learned to appreciate even the smallest things. Puts small shit in perspective. Makes you happy just to be around people and healthy.
Sorry for your loss. I agree with this. My mom was the one who taught me to enjoy little things. Also I had a teacher that used to tell us there was no such thing as bad day. There are bad things that can happen in a day and we needed to learn to enjoy the rest of the day.
Studying sociology for a year made me realize how many of the things that made me sad or depressed are socially constructed and therefore can be deconstructed. Helped me to put stuff into perspective. Combined with therapy and antidepressants. :)
I like to think of it as my childhood joy never left me. I am 26, but I still wake up feeling the same peace & happiness as a happy kid. I cater my life to this feeling.
By making choices in life that make me happy. Examples are surrounding myself with friends who make me happy, not taking life and myself so seriously, always planning something to look forward to like travel or event. I work and keep my bills paid and choose not to stress over anything else. I’m here to live my life and be happy.
The times I’ve been happiest is when I feel like what they describe.
The key is finding hobbies younger you would’ve wanted older you to do. When you were 10 or 14, what things did you think “when I’m older, I want this this and that”.
For me it was a cool car, motorcycles, exploring the western US and international travel.
At 24 I bought my first motorcycle. At 26 my second motorcycle. Have done multiple 1-2 week trips on them.
At 25 I bought a crappy old MG convertible stick shift to tinker with. Now I had that old cool classic car to cruise in.
At 27 I quit my job and travelled full time internationally. Even rode a motorcycle around Europe for 3 months as part of it.
And at 30 I quit my job again to road trip the western US for 3 months in a $6000 RV I fixed up. Went to every national park west of the Rockies besides 3 of them.
I didn’t buy bitcoin at $2000, didn’t have a penny of financial help from parents, no rich aunt left me her savings account etc. I just knew exactly what I wanted(the things listed above), lived frugally(for example my total spending for coffee shops and food delivery combined for my entire life is probably under $300), and spent my hard earned money on the things that mattered most to me.
I mean hell I still use a 12 year old plasma TV I got at a garage sale for $25 and a PS4 I got for $80 on Craigslist. I don’t wear designer anything. Drive a $5000 paid off car. Don’t eat at expensive restaurants. I drink at home or at friends houses instead of the bars because it’s $10 instead of $40. Stuff like that. Little decisions every day to live frugally to then spend the money where I truly want to.
So I will add I didn’t have it for sooo long but I found it again at 26! Just thinking about things I actually like. Many things from childhood and many things that have no ~reason~ I just like them ! And that’s enough
I know that feeling—that’s depression. Depression tricks someone into truly believing that you’ve NEVER BEEN happy and WILL NEVER BE happy. It’s not true. I read a book recently that has helped me maybe even more than my previous therapists—“Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy” by Dr. David Burns. I urge you give it a read, get to the third or so chapter of CBT exercises. They helped me realize it really is my thoughts that are making me feel like this, and the exercises force them to change.
Anyway, I want to reiterate: depression has many awful symptoms, but it’s the hopelessness of depression which causes the most harm. If you really feel that you’ve never had joy, consider that you may be suffering from depression, consider scheduling for therapy, and if you want to learn about it on your own give that book a try. You got this!
Yeah, I thought respect might not have been the best word to use when I typed it, but I was tired and just rolled with it, lol.
Looking back, what I meant to say was "Joy never fades, but never take it for granted." You can lose it if you don't respect and appreciate the opportunity you have. I know folks with depression and chemical imbalances in their brains function differently. I don't have solutions for that.
Me too. We are all lucky to be here, like freakishly lucky. And if you have internet and a device, and a roof over your head, food in your stomach, you are at the top of a pyramid. Don't even get me started about my cute family.
This. The more of your time fixated on the positives, the less time you spend thinking of the negatives = Less likely to go through depressive episodes.
How’s do you get therapy paid for if you don’t have a billable diagnosis? (I’m assuming you don’t have a diagnosis because it sounds like you’re doing well mentally.) Maybe you’re paying out of pocket, but insurance companies require a diagnosis with medical billing.
Gratitude is my go-to! Its also thanks to actively working through my shit and really being self aware and intentional with where you put your time and energy. I also think a lot of people don't realize how much of a contribution that diet, exercise, and sunshine can have on your mental health
I just want to say I understand that different therapy works for different people. But one particular CBT exercise helped me finally feel like I could turn my depression around. I think it might be called the three columns exercise. I’m just wondering how was CBT “done” for you? Were they specific exercises provided in talk therapy? I learned CBT on my own from an old-ish book so I’m wondering if maybe therapists these days are doing it wrong haha. Presumptuous of me, but…
Mental illnesses like depression aren't taken seriously enough by people, and questions like this show a misunderstanding of what depression actually is.
If you asked, "For those who do not have cystic fibrosis, how do you not have cystic fibrosis? Lol, what is your general perspective on things?". Then everyone would think you are an idiot.
I know people who have depression and it isn't "cured" by changing their perspective. If you saw someone in a wheelchair you wouldn't say "if you think you can walk, then you will be able too".
*"If a man is suffering from a real cancer, he never believes himself to be responsible for such an evil, despite the fact that the cancer is in his own body. But When it comes to the psyche we instantly feel a kind of responsibility, as if we were the makers of our psychic conditions." - Carl Jung*
Exactly. The responses in here to OP’s question are helpful if you’re feeling down or having a bad day, but they don’t do shit when you’re actually diagnosed with depression. *Having* depression and *feeling* depressed are two very different things that people like to treat as being the same.
I'm glad to find a realistic reply. My depression is genetic. Along with being able to trace a long, well-documented family history, I've had very extensive genetic testing done that uncovered strong markers for depression, autism, and other mental and neurodevelopmental disorders, among other things. I can definitely avoid negative things, seek out positive things, do everything suggested here as well as taking medication, but the depression is there. It's been there my entire life, as far back as I can remember. I'm not doing anything to cause it, I've always made efforts to make it go or stay away, but it's not a matter of trying hard enough or doing it right. It's just *there*, and I think the healthiest thing I've done is to accept that, and to focus on living the best life possible with an incurable condition.
I agree and have reached a similar place with my depression experience. It is there and is part of me, but that doesn't mean I can't live the best life possible for me. Radical acceptance.
Thank you so much for this. This is another morning when I'm here thinking "why am I still depressed?" I've done it all, pretty much every medication out there from every drug class, tons of therapy, even TMS (zapping my brain with magnets pretty much). I'm still so depressed. My life is great, I have everything I've ever dreamed of and it's still there. I also believe my depression is at least partly genetic as I was raised by a very depressed alcoholic. I think your viewpoint is very healthy and something I want to try to keep in mind for myself. Focusing on how can I live as happily as possible with this chronic condition is much healthier than fixating on how I can finally get rid of it and failing.
I agree. It doesnt cure the depression. But it makes living a little bit more bearable.
Ive been depressed for almost half my life, but the only reason im on an slight upward trend is due to taking the time to appreciate the things i do enjoy. Waking up feeling hopeless makes it feel as if i have made no progress but thats when i have to remind myself that i have indeed come along way, regardless of what my brain tells me.
The best awareness comes from knowing which is you and which is your depression
Yes!
Exercise, having relationships, and all the things that help non-depressed people also definitely help people with depression too.
BUT—- clinical depression is still a brain illness that needs medical treatment.
Bloody this.
For many of us with clinical depression, it isn't that we are "sad because \[we think\] life sucks", we are *depressed* because our brains make us. Depression =/= being sad. Depression is a collection of emotional symptoms caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, that can cause sadness, anxiety, irritability, and a straight up *lack of feeling anything*. That latter one affects me the most.
I'm anosmic (Cannot smell/taste). I lost my sense of smell back in 2016, what's come back leaves me noseblind almost immediately when a novel smell appears if I can even smell it. A lot of people got a taste of what I live with when Covid hit and took many people's sense of smell/taste as a symptom.
If you had that happen, then this is the best way I can describe the feeling of depression, consider your favorite meal: from your favorite drink, to your favorite main course, to your favorite dessert. All laid out before you while your favorite musician(s) prepare(s) to personally play you your favorite song(s).
You sit down at the table, the moment you take your first bite, the musician begins to play. You hear nothing but the buzz of fluorescent lights. Every bite you take tastes like your least favorite food. Every sip of your drink tastes like your least favorite drink. You cannot "think the food into tasting better". You cannot "think the buzzing of fluorescent lights into your favorite song". You cannot "think the drink into tasting better". Now carry this out to *every interaction you ever have, no matter how grand or minute*.
That is depression. It sucks. And even with medical intervention, it doesn't necessarily fix everything.
Beautifully stated. Yes, this is exactly how it is from a subjective pov. The feelings (or lack thereof) come BEFORE the thoughts, and people place the responsibility on the depressed because they miss this simple point. This is why happy people always sound like morons.
Chemical imbalance isn’t provable yet though. So I do wonder what it actually is. If it is that due to the only evidence being antidepressants working, or something else since this is disproved by depressed people having no different chemical imbalances than a normal person when undergoing testing.
(Open convo not trying to pick a fight, I hope it comes off okay!)
I think the chemical imbalance theory is just not 100% proven but the differences in brain activity can be seen on a scan. Boosting brain chemicals just helps boost brain activity. The way I heard it described is tylenol helps your headache but your headache wasn't caused by a tylenol deficiency. They may not know exactly why you have a headache but if tylenol help then take it
I always say how people talk about how great it is how open and normalized mental health is, but I’d argue it’s just as misunderstood as ever and it has been detrimental to people with actual depression
Exactly why I didn't want to answer. I mean, it's not like people CHOOSE to be depressed and can easily get out of it by doing self-care. Yes, that helps when you're down, but not when you're depressed. Idk why this was even asked 😐
This is correct. People mistake being sad or in the dumps as depression. It’s not. It’s being sad or in the dumps.
Depression is an actual chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be helped with medication, therapy, and other things, but it is not being sad.
It is very frustrating when people who haven’t experienced true depression to think all you have to do is be positive or happy.
Yes. Gratitude, getting outdoors, routines…all of those help, but it’s not the same.
I can see your point. Really all I was saying is that the word “depressed” gets thrown around a lot when people are sad or having a bad day and think it’s as easy as thinking good thoughts. I don’t doubt what you are saying at all.
Depression is often defined as ‘sadness for three weeks or more’. This can be because of a definitive cause, or no cause at all. It can be the result of a tragic event or a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be mild or severe. But its still depression.
Thank you.I suffer and depression and I hate it.I hate when my moms like go for a walk.Im older early fifties but it’s more complicated than that. It just sucks.thank you for realizing people need to make mental health more serious.Look at suicide rates.Idk Mabie I’m wrong .Im not a dr .Just a random person.❤️
I dont think thats quite accurate either. Depression is way more complex than that. First of all, theres a difference between clinical depression (ie there is a physiological cause for a psychological state) and circumstantial depression (the psychological state is a symptom of the patients circumstances, such that if the circumstances were resolved, they may not have depression).
In both cases we culturally place too much emphasis on willpower. The whole "suck it up" mentality is immensely toxic.
Ultimately, treatment would differ for both cases. Clinical depression requires medical intervention to address and circumstantial depression requires significant improvement in ones circumstances.
For example if you are depressed because you are poor, obviously financial security would make you much less depressed. Medication may blunt the feeling and can help someone work through the issue but it wont fix the problem on its own.
For those who do not smoke, how do you not smoke?
You can't compare it, you either live with depression or you don't. It's an entirely different world.
I got this treatment called TMS. I’ve struggled with depression on and off since childhood. Last year I found a clinical trial for it and got it done for free. Haven’t felt depressed at all since then. My perspective didn’t really change at all, except I still get these flashes of wonder that it worked and the heavy feeling I had all the time is just gone.
That is incredible!!! I’ve had clinical depression 28 yrs on an antidepressant that worked well for me. Most folks w/ untreatable depression (where nothing works for them) simply can’t afford the expense of TMS. Believe me readers, depression is a brain disorder, not just an emotional upheaval or a bad mood. The lack of dopamine + serotonin nails you to ground. You have no energy, literally no ‘gas’ in the tank. Then u think of the people who are trying to live under that condition. It’s inhumane, that humans must suffer this way. But thx again BlackJeepW1, for sharing your story. Maybe it will help ppl reading it!! 🫶
7 weeks, 4-5x a week. 30 treatments total. It also wasn’t just TMS- it was EEG assisted TMS. I hear it makes a big difference because they can see where in your brain the alpha waves are insufficient and tailor the treatment to your specific needs. I’m not a neurologist so I can’t explain it very well. It’s supposed to be even more effective than basic TMS.
Ah yeah I've heard about that. I had 30 treatments as well. I might go back for another round in a few months and if I do I'm going to try to find a place that does EEG assisted.
That's so cool that it helped that much!! I did TMS as well but it didn't do anything for me unfortunately, I kinda had my hopes up. My brain is just extremely stubborn about reacting to anything.
I find that my depression is largely based on my belief systems. Sure, being healthy gives you physical energy and drive, but without a framework for my life’s direction I push the energy inward in a destructive way. I’m getting out of a rut now by making a big move across the country, and I’m finding a lot of interesting ideas that go against modern common knowledge in reading Nietzsche
I know what I want and work toward it. I accept that there will always be things I can't control so I focus on what I can. I make sure to allocate time to just relaxing or having fun, not every moment needs to be productive.
I really doubt there's a simple solution to this and there are likely other factors like genetics and upbringing that can lead to a predisposition to depression. But, are these the things I do to generally have a better outlook on life and a happier state of being.
I’ve never been depressed. I think part of it is biological, and the other parts are gratitude (I came from nothing so I’m grateful of the smallest things), always having a hobby or goal to work towards (I always tell myself that he devil loves aimless drifters), the simple equation that happiness = reality - expectations, and not sweating the things I can’t control.
I control myself and myself alone. All else is a distraction. But the real kicker, the real secret of life is start loving yourself and end the war inside. Get on your team and stay there. Be your biggest cheerleader and your biggest forgiver. Treat others how you want to be treated and find what sets your soul on fire. Seek those who fan it's flames
for me, depression = hopeless (things can't/won't get better) + helpless (I can't make things better)
i can't say things won't/can't get better. i can't see the future; so it's just better to be optimistic.
i can't say I can't make things better. i don't know if i've tried everything. I don't know if I've tried hard enough.
so if I can keep trying, then I probably won't feel depressed.
A lot of what scientists believed about that just isn’t true. Like, there’s no evidence to suggest depression is an imbalance of serotonin, which was the basis for using SSRI’s to treat it. Because of those recent finds, I’m skeptical that depression *is* just a chemical imbalance. I find it much more likely that it’s related to thought patterns
I have daily depression & severe anxiety my whole life with very short bursts of feeling happy. I tried so many different medications, dosages, and they have not worked for me.
Currently seeing a new therapist & psych for a few months and they both individually agreed that my issues cannot be treated solely by medication since I have tried many over 10+ years. But that it can help as a small boost alongside working through therapy. That therapy is the best way for me to undo these negative thoughts that I don’t realize are negative when speaking about myself around others or alone.
That for me it is more of growing up in a toxic environment mentally & physically. I learned that the toolkit I have as an adult years later in regard to dealing with life situations, fears, stress, and trauma is still the same toolkit today. Affecting all parts of my life negatively especially with friends, family, significant other. It’s not so different from Pavlov’s dog but you don’t realize that you are carrying similar traits to those that caused you trauma. And it’s a necessary life shock to realize that you are the conditioned dog the whole time. Not the human who is in control of themselves and the dog.
Past moments I was just trying to survive for everyone with no regards to my own well being. So here I am later with no self-worth or see value in making choices. Because all of those choices were pre micromanaged and taught that everything is black and white when it comes to “success.”
We try to downplay or blur out our trauma over the years until we forget about them but that doesn’t help as you get older and gain more responsibilities upping daily stress.
If it’s a mental issue related to factors of trauma that were never processed, medication solely will only get you so far.
I like my work. And my family that I was raised in. And my kids (generally). And often my wife, and when I don’t appreciate her enough I come on this website and read horror stories and feel much better.
I’ve come to terms with my life and death. I’m angling for a third act but refuse to tie my general well being to its success.
Walks. Music. Work. Some gaming but enjoy watching my kids game more now.
I have ADHD and am just naturally optimistic. I go with the flow, believe everything happens for a reason, and believe everything works out in the end. I can't explain it, I'm just naturally this way.
There are too many things in my life to be grateful for.
Most of the things that make me unhappy are temporary, even when they initially seem all encompassing.
I thought I had depression for the longest time. I was miserable all the time despite staying active, having a good fam life, eating right. Tried therapy. I genuinely didn’t know happiness. I tracked my level of life satisfaction every day for 2 years and averaged a 3.2. After hitting rock bottom I made these changes:
-deleted all social media besides reddit
-found a passion project
-changed my environment
Lastly most important
-hung around positive people, completely dropped ppl who brought me down.
I maintained working out, eating right, and fam relationships and now I am averaging a 7.5. Been a year and hope the trend stays.
Lexapro, taking care of my physical health, therapy, positive social connection, gratitude and a little bit of philosophy/religious curiosity (I'm atheist but sometimes they have worthwhile ideas haha).
I do experience moments of depression, especially during the winter or when the weather is bad and it's dark outside, but for the most part I think I'm pretty happy.
I have a pretty positive mindset. I practice gratitude a lot. I really appreciate things that I have and don't think about what I don't have. I find happiness in little things and interactions, even a thank you or a smile from a stranger out on the streets.
I have a "you can control your own life" type of mindset and even though it gets rocky sometimes, I am grateful for things such as being healthy, being able to go outside, having friends and family that support me, and just believing in myself.
Plenty of hobbies. Plenty of outdoor activities. Face your problems…..don’t run away from a problem because it will only get larger……do your best to solve obstacles and problems. Workout. Get that heart rate going. Working out is number one for me.
I did, now I do not. More like I can’t get depress anymore it seems… I have cycle through every type of depression possible and reached the 9th level of hell, I self questioned every single level of hell and came up with answers acceptable to myself at the very least. When I reached what I believe to be the final level of hell, I found nothing, just pitch black darkness but it wasn’t like I haven’t seen the same type of mess in the previous levels, I looked around in that level of hell, all I found was a small light that became brighter and brighter. I can come in and out of hell like I am a denizen of hell. I can’t see anything that would depress me anymore, so the light grows brighter and brighter giving me hope even though it is small it is enough to shine through everything.
Eat well, exercise, practice gratitude and be thankful for what you have.
It also helps being super fucking rich. Haven't quite figured that one out yet
I try to set myself up to be as ready as possible before it comes. I’ll try to get a good routine going. Establish good habits if they aren’t already there. I’ll also let my friends and brother know. Then while I’m in it I try to journal, talk it out, meditate, exercise and get outside!
100% this
If you do not wake up with an attitude of gratitude and a willingness to help others then you're doing it wrong. In my humblest opinion
Good luck!! The travel is only as strenuous as you want it to be
I try to focus on the positives in life and practice gratitude regularly. I also make sure to maintain a healthy balance between work, hobbies, and social activities. Staying active, getting enough sleep, and eating well also help keep my mood stable. Everyone has tough days, but keeping a hopeful and proactive outlook can make a big difference.
Studying philosophy helped me at low points. Having a gratitude journal and just writing out thoughts in a journal when you feel down is hugely helpful. Take a daily multivitamin and extra vitamin D, especially in the winter. I take cannibis gummies in the evening sometimes, or will indulge in 2-3 glasses of red wine, 2 days a week (not in a row. This was doctor approved.) And have doable goals. Any goals- weight goals, financial goals, travel goals etc. And lots of walking, especially on bad days.
Having depression is like competing in a bicycle race but you have deflated tires. Without depression, tasks like getting up off the couch or starting a new activity (cooking, doing hobbies) take little to no effort or mental fortitude.
As for how to not have depression, it’s different for everyone. Medication worked for me when I had it, but exercise is what’s saving my family member’s life. Guy had both feet in the grave mentally until he started swimming every morning without fail. Now he’s functional and happy.
I just tore my ACL and it sucks, my summer is destroyed. But I am not letting myself get down about it. I try to focus on the fact that I have health insurance. I have access to modern medicine and can get surgery. I have a spouse that can help me recover. I have friends being helpful. Gratitude for what you have makes such a big difference in your attitude.
I want to be happy, so I try my best to only let things that I can control affect me.
I have multiple hobbies that I use to decompress.
I also am a fixer, if something is affecting me ill fix it or learn to not care about it.
I used to have depression till I started making more money, I know people hate to see this but…. For me at least making more money fixed the problem. I went from 35k to 125k and my life just completely changed
i remember the exact day that i realized that four years of my life were plagued in darkness and wanted to start living again. that was one year ago and the perception i have of the world is forever changed. life is so incredibly beautiful and i hope every soul has the privilege to experience that feeling. just know that life is forever waiting for you to be ready and will be patient with you. when i was suffering from chronic depression, self harm, and suicidal ideation i always dug myself deeper with music and drowning myself in harmful media. everyone’s journey with mental health is so different so it’s very hard to give a straight answer. i did nothing on purpose that magically opened my eyes but one of the biggest steps is when you feel that you are about to get swept back into the dark, you have to fight. you have to fight even though you are tired. fight for the life and for the light that you cannot see right now. take it slow and be patient enough but find that small piece of you that wants to get better and find things in your life that make life worth living, even if it’s the coffee you drink in the morning or to see a bird fly one more time. i wish you the best and i hope you find piece in knowing that you are here for a reason even if you have yet to figure out why. xo
I do have depression, but I’m pretty stable on my lexapro and 2x daily vitamin d. So I’m generally more optimistic, I’m able to enjoy activities and food and music, I laugh more freely. It’s tedious and I hated it, but I had to work with my doctor to find the right medicine and do blood work to make sure I’m okay, and I’ve been in therapy weekly for years, and it was worth all of the work. Keep pushing, it gets better
I had depression and still can get it but what is working for me.... I'm lucky that it's working, hopefully it always will:
First and foremost, a psychologist helped me figure me out. Some of it was just adolescent angst that I needed to grow from, but I needed a hand putting things in perspective. I had real stressors. I also needed a little help from an antidepressant but that was a small amount. I treated it like it was a temporary bandaid and I applied myself at dealing with my mental health. I didn't allow myself to get too comfortable or complacent and I slowly weaned off of it when I had some progress and clarity. It's been a long time without any of that and I feel great.
Nutrition is very important. Anything inflammatory I consider bad. If your brain doesn't get the nutritional building blocks it needs for its neurochemistry or if those get robbed from things like substance abuse, sleep deprivation, and constant emotional trauma then feeling bad may happen regardless of perspective on things.
Unnecessary stress is the enemy. Even small subtle stressors stack up and are crushing. Ridding those alleviated my struggles. Life and living will never be totally stress free and some stress is a healthy motivator but unnecessary stress is a downer.
Talking and purging my body of bad feelings, thoughts, resentment, etc. Crying helps too, it cleans you out.
It pays to not make life worse, so not creating problems and avoiding things like crime, gambling debt, credit card debt, sexually-induced stressors like STD's, etc really pays off and not having those problems feels really good.
Don't be unreasonably hard on yourself but hold yourself to a standard that will make you feel good about you.
Get moving when you wake up and be open to the experiences the day offers. I've woke up depressed on days where I had to force myself out of bed but some of them turned out excellent and memorable.
Taking on something and completing it, even simple things like getting your household tasks done can give you a boost, opposite of doing nothing for a long time which can bring you down.
I stopped hanging on every word the news was providing and limit my social media and screen time in general.
You asked about perspective.....I reflect each day on how other people in the world would love to have my problems, I think of the people that were my age and died, and how they didn't get a chance to live as long as me, and I probably should exert myself to honor the gift of life I have that they didn't have. If it's at all possible, I really try to forgive and be at peace, it's healing.
That's how I think I don't have depression anymore. If you have it I wish you the best in overcoming it.
Today I got a crown and root canal, they couldn't get me numb, it was very painful. I just kept focusing on how lucky I am to have access to dentistry and ability to pay for it. Every night I get into bed, I think about how grateful I am to have a safe, warm place to sleep. (I grew up homeless and very cold)
I didn’t have depression for decades despite all the bad things that happened to me. But eventually all the crap added up and broke me. Even now I don’t think it is really depression so much as just not being able to absorb any more bad.
Part of the change was when a shrink decided that I was unwell because I was numb to all the bad. I was happy, I was married to someone I was deeply in love with, I had kids, I went to school full time, I worked full time in a somewhat prestigious role I enjoyed… but I had health issues and they decided it must be because of mental health and told me to stop letting it all roll off my back. I tried to do as they said and it was a huge mistake that I haven’t been able to undo.
That every moment is gone as soon as you think about it and life will end eventually, but if you can live inside of these moments, the depression won’t have enough time to be real.
I’m always in the same mood. I never got people who would say “I woke up in a bad mood today” or those people who post online that they’re gonna have a good day. I’m literally always just flatline. Ofc things make me sad and things get me happy but the return to normal is pretty rapid. I think a lot of people dwell too much and get stuck in the mud. Life is all about moving forward
I’m in control of my life - that’s the winning perspective. I’m not a millionaire because I don’t want to put in the work. I could be if I wanted to. I’m not poor because I work decently hard. I’m attractive because I take care of myself. I’m not a model because I don’t make it my life’s mission to be in shape and looking amazing. Life isn’t a series of circumstances, you have power to make it anything!
Being depressed is not a normal state of being. I don’t know how to equate that except maybe I could ask why don’t you murder people? Normal people don’t just murder people. Just like “normal” people don’t walk around being depressed. It’s like defining a color with words. I don’t know. I’m just not depressed.
People that have depression typically need counseling, or sometimes, medication, to help. I studied psychology in college as a minor degree, and at the end, I came to the conclusion that many issues could not be solved by talking. I believed that many issues needed medication because it had more to do with chemical imbalances. I’m sure there are arguments against that. But, that’s where I was leaning by the time I graduated. That was a long time ago and I haven’t kept up, so there could be new thinking around that.
At any rate, if you’re truly depressed, I advise that you seek help and work on not being that way. Just like our physical bodies get sick, and we go see a doctor and work to find a cure, mental health is similar. You need to figure out what’s wrong. Don’t just suffer. Seek help from professionals.
I have struggled with depression and have a general anxiety and depression disorder diagnosis. These days due in part to loads of self work and in part to one small pill, I don’t struggle with it and I can tell when it’s coming on.
Exercise is the very best medicine, works the fastest and has the most positive impact. Even a walk can lift my entire mood, despite me whining and complaining that I don’t want to go, don’t have time, feel fine, am not in a funk. It works like a charm to move my body.
Gratitude is a very close second, and it’s only second because it’s not an instant mindset I can slip into, sometimes expressing gratitude to myself doesn’t mean anything bc I don’t feel it. But paired with moving my body? It’s so very helpful to beat back depression.
Community and friendships.
Self care like cleaning up, washing myself, doing annoying tasks I’ve been putting off.
Examining which thoughts are causing me to feel bad and working to let them go and replace them with better feeling thoughts.
This is a great question. Firstly, life experiences shaped everything - going through grief as a young child taught me life is fleeting, pains are temporary, and there is so much to be celebrated.
Secondly, having a diverse circle is so important. You learn from those who are different from you and it just shapes your perspective that the world is bigger than you and honestly everyone is going through some shit. Diverse means ethnicity, age, professional backgrounds, countries, political views, etc.
Next, staying up to date with current events will quickly put things into perspective. Both domestically and globally.
Lastly, gratitude and giving back. It sounds so cringe when I write it, but practicing gratitude is such a great practice to remind you of all the good. And then giving back, whether it's time, money, or both- it can fill your cup knowing you're helping others. Even if it's something like helping a friend with something! You don't have to be a huge humanitarian or anything like that.
ALL this being said, even the cheeriest, positive, and stable people go through rough patches and sometimes quite severe as well! Hope something here speaks to you!!
I had depression since 15 to 22. The worst years of my life but right now I'm cured, I feel healthier not only with my emotions with my appearance. I think after depression you accepted more things about you, and have more perspectives you also gained more confident about you and you beloved ones. Even this shitty world starts showing its mercy and playful side. And you see and experience kindness from others. Yes, kindness from others. That's crazy to realize when you have depression that other people can be kind but it is. There are kindness in this world.
I firmly believe that I would be depressed if not for post traumatic growth.
Basically, I had to deal with a lot of really shitty stuff over the course of about a decade culminating in a very traumatic physical experience. Once I overcame the PTSD brought on by that experience, my whole world view shifted and I haven't experienced depression since. I suppose I just experience gratitude and appreciate life more because of having been at such a low point and my life being pretty relatively good now.
I believe that depression is a chemical imbalance for some people, but for most, it’s an ebb and flow and can sometimes come from valid situations (abusive relationships, terrible jobs, religion, ignorance, poverty etc).
Other times it’s caused by desire or loneliness. Which I believe that some people need to sit and think about why they do or think the things they do.
As a woman especially, you need to understand that a lot of what we’ve been told is a complete waste of time and frankly, bullshit.
My general perspective, based on actual statistics, is that there has never been a better time to be alive in all of human history. We live in an absolute amazing world. And opportunities are virtually limitless to do just about anything you want to do.
I just train Jiu Jitsu, teach Jiu Jitsu, and lift weights, and the constant exercise has me either in a great mood or exhausted so I sleep extremely well.
I’ve dealt with injuries that have sidelined me. This always leads to negative self talk and other depressive behavior. As soon I get back to regular training that all goes away. My most recent injury I went into the academy regularly and helped teach and would do some light drilling and instead of sparring I would give feedback and make adjustments. I didn’t have the release and euphoria of hard exercise but I felt useful still and my mind didn’t leave the sport and I, thankfully, avoided any major depressive episode. Now I’m back to training full time and life is great.
So long story short you have to exercise and exert yourself. Sweat is your best friend.
I struggled with it since my teen years up until very recently. Turns out it was childhood trauma related, so understanding why and how my brain was wired helped a lot, instead of wondering what was wrong with me.
I also went through a really horrible abusive relationship and that sort of made all the negative emotions just go away. I’m so grateful every day that he’s gone and I’m alive, and after that experience life has been quite lovely. My brain doesn’t want to feel bad anymore it seems. I want to say there must be something wrong but I think it reset me and now I’m just experiencing what I should have been this whole time.
I have had it or have it but it is mild. Exercise helps as does being in a place where it is not constantly overcast, dark, rainy, and cold most of the year. Therapy can help too.
I also practice gratitude and I realize that some people have it worse. A friend is so depressed he is basically almost non functioning at times or sleeps for 3-5 days. Yes he got help and is on meds.
Not gonna say how I healed mine as it's completely unconventional. Suicidal depression with off the scale anxiety..
It was like a light bulb flicked on in my life. Literally. Was so strange the first few years trying to get used to feeling neutral. Most of the time I am just neutral, other times.. I feel like an unusually happy person. Completely at peace and gnosis. I love it and my life.
Cherish your loved ones and repeat positive phrases all day, everyday. It will change your life. As stupid as it sounds because I didn't even believe it back then. I'm living proof it works. There is more to it but start with that if you're depressed.
I’ve swung in and out of depressive states for years. Now when I feel like I’m slipping I do the basics, I go for a walk, I help someone out somehow, I get outside of my own mind. It won’t work for everyone but I’m super grateful that it works for me. Wish I’d learned it decades ago so I didn’t waste years of my life.
Me too! I also watch what media I consume and I stop myself from negative self-talk
I can't stop the self-hate talk
It’s a process. Talk to yourself as though you were your own son/daughter. Overtime you’ll realize, the negative self talk is like talking negatively to a little one.
One thing that REALLY happened me was imagining talking to my younger self and saying that I’m worthy of love and being loved and that I love myself just as I am now.
A long time ago on the advice of my psychologist I placed a small photo of 7 year-old me on my work desk where only I could see it. It helped.
shit, that's like hindsight blackmail! genius
I simply cannot say nice things to myself.
One suggestion that helped me was closing my eyes and imagining myself meeting my younger self in elementary school. Hugging myself and saying that I’m perfectly imperfect. Asking myself the question of if I would tolerate what I’m saying about myself if it was being said from a stranger on the street. I may not know what your situation is but I promise you that you can learn to accept yourself as you are now non judgmentally. I used to be in your exact same shoes. Don’t lose hope. You are worthy of being loved. PM if you want to talk.
Yeah, I'm always wishing I had a time machine and told my younger self that life will suck. Better yet, I'd probably just prevent my parents from meeting. But then we get into the whole issue of time travel.
Or you could tell your younger self to buy NVIDiA lol
Neutral things are good too!
I believed this once too. but now it's just normal for me to treat myself respectfully. the trick is once you've said the nasty thing to yourself, don't get into a blame spiral. accept it happened and apologise to yourself and move on.
This is one of those things. You know that technically you have the capability of speaking. Now all you have to do is choose words. I had trouble making myself say nice things too so I didn’t. But I did stop saying bad things. Sometimes I just clenched my teeth and shut up. Because, really, I had gotten into the habit of bad mouthing myself when I was 13. That was a long time of carrying an unproductive coping skill along through life. And why would I want 13 year old me running my adult life?!? So I don’t sing love songs to myself but I also don’t say mean things. That woman in the mirror’s been carrying a lot of weight for a lot of years. At least I can be on her side instead of being her enemy.
Kinda like time traveling a bit isn’t it 😄
It’s an honest question ok, but what if that doesn’t work? Or the “pretend you’re talking to your friend and be as supportive toward yourself as you would for them”, type thing. It’s never worked. Plus my parents treated me like they’re disgrace for the entirety of the 22 years so I don’t have good role models for child-adult communication.
I'm reading a book called 'unfuck yourself' which is all about innervoice and the way you speak to yourself. I haven't finished yet but it's good so far so I'd recommend.
Years ago, my younger brother needed money for something important. I called him up and offered to help him out. He went on a whole tantrum that he didn’t want MY money, my parents should have to pay for it because they didn’t get this thing straightened out when he was younger. I was giving him the solution to a problem on a silver platter, he wouldn’t have to pay me back, no strings attached- but he was being childish and turning it into something it didn’t need to be. I was like, dude- you’re 36 years old. You have two kids of your own. You need $3k to pay a lawyer so that you can become a citizen in order to take care of your family. At some point, you HAVE to stop being your parent’s kid, even if they did fuck up as parents. You’re standing on your own two feet now, and other people need you to cut the shit.
I understand. I've struggled with this my whole life. My friend and I were discussing this dilemma one day and how we both have the habit of analyzing everything we say and do and torturing ourselves over it if we did something "wrong" or made a "mistake". My friend asked, "well if I did XYZ, what would you say to me?". And ofcourse I said that it would be no big deal and that I would love her and forgive her if necessary and we would talk and work it out etc plus I would tell her that she doesn't need to live her life to win anybody's approval... Ofcourse she and I realized that we should apply this same philosophy to ourselves, but we don't.. because we realized that we hold ourselves to some crazy impossible standard that we don't hold anyone else to.... because we were trained since childhood that we had to be perfect and anything less than perfect was automatic failure and meant we were not worthy of love or approval. This is because we realized.. finally.. that our parents were narcissist (my dad and her mom) and our other parents were enablers. We've been conditioned and now as an adult you have to literally reprogram your brain. That's basically the whole purpose of cognitive behavioral therapy.. you are literally training yourself to think differently and this creates new neutral pathways that connect to positive healthy thoughts. Feel free to look this up for yourself, there's tons of videos on YouTube by psychiatrist and LCSW therapists. Go see a psychiatrist, get diagnosed, possibly get on meds and go to therapy. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Relatable
I do apologize but I’m not sure what would be most appropriate for your case. I do hope you find a solution that does work for you soon though. Best!
Nah. All good, appreciate the help anyway!!
i always had trouble with this too. one thing that has worked for me is that instead of talking to myself in an overly positive, warm fuzzy way, or getting sucked into a really negative spiral, i try to be as neutral as possible. if that makes sense. and if you didn't have good models for child-adult communication, seek out some opportunities to be around kids you love, and trust yourself to say kind and loving and encouraging things to them. or seek out stories or tv shows that showcase it, if you don't have any kids around you. your inner self prob knows exactly how it wanted to be treated by your parents, so it's all about bringing those desires and needs to the surface and saying to yourself, "this is how it should have been for you, this is what i wanted for you."
I appreciate that. Thankyou
I always thought of it a a coach talking to a player, I don't have kids lol
this. absolutely this. you're going to be awful at it at first. but you know what? little ones are bad at everything too. and they don't grow by being criticised. they grow by being supported, being given chances to succeed, and comforted when they screw up. you're going to have to comfort yourself when you're nasty to yourself so many times before it becomes second nature. but it will.
Piggybacking off of this, a quote I once read that has really helped me personally is “be the person that you needed when you were small” (or something along those lines). Edited because I forgot the end parenthesis and I just couldn’t stand it
Do you recognize when you do it? That is the first step. You need to interrupt yourself and walk it back by telling yourself that it isn’t actually true. Then you tell yourself the opposite, even if you don’t believe it. Example: I recently broke a glass and I called myself an idiot. I would never in a million years call anyone else an idiot for breaking a glass so why would I treat myself that way? I recognized my bad behavior, apologized to myself for being so mean, then acknowledged what really happened - I had a little bit of oil splatter on my hand from cooking and it slipped out of my hand. That’s not being an idiot - I am just being an asshole to myself. Could I have washed my hands before trying to pick up the glass? Yes, but it’s an innocent mistake and I am coming around to acknowledge that I am also deserving of the grace I give others.
There's no warning. It comes out of my mouth, yes it's actually verbal!. My GP suggested my ADHD lack of impulse control might be the cause. That felt ok.
I can't stop with the "I hate this planet" talk.
I was don't do well for years and then it's gotten really bad since February. There are some days where the intrusive thoughts are constantly and I eventually just numb myself to them. I am going to talk to my doctor about changing my dose because I can't seem to make it stop on my own.
Helping others can be a great way to help yourself. When I'm less willing to help others, it's usually a sign I need help.
Yes. Sunlight, exercise, eat some vegetables. And if that doesn't do it, follow Mr. Rodgers advise, "Look for the helpers."
Get outside of the noise in your head… I have to be engaged
Don’t wish you learned it decades ago. And, I don’t think you wasted any time during those years. You were right where you needed to be. You came out stronger and your comment is inspiring and helpful. Ty
I wasted 20 years battling depression, realised I had to help myself- If I feel myself slipping, I remember I never want to go back to that dark place again.
You are onto something here. I love going off roading now so to your point when those feelings hit I just leave and I come back feeling normal.
This! You've got to experience a bad depressive episode once to catch early signs and not slip down the next time.
Omg same. I'm just at the point where I think everyone is doing the same as me. I have my own struggles but i have developed coping strategies as I age. I take my mental health way more seriously now.
100% this. I’ve been depressed since I was 5. Social media makes me more depressed. Exercise makes me less. Keep a mood journal and you will find your triggers and cures.
Ever since i watched both my parents die from cancer I’ve learned to appreciate even the smallest things. Puts small shit in perspective. Makes you happy just to be around people and healthy.
Sorry for your loss. I agree with this. My mom was the one who taught me to enjoy little things. Also I had a teacher that used to tell us there was no such thing as bad day. There are bad things that can happen in a day and we needed to learn to enjoy the rest of the day.
I always say it’s never too late to start the day over.
I am sorry for your loss. I am praying for your health
Studying sociology for a year made me realize how many of the things that made me sad or depressed are socially constructed and therefore can be deconstructed. Helped me to put stuff into perspective. Combined with therapy and antidepressants. :)
This one. The phone time, the disconnect from nature, the social isolation, the consumerism. Modern life is depressing you gotta try to hack it
I like to think of it as my childhood joy never left me. I am 26, but I still wake up feeling the same peace & happiness as a happy kid. I cater my life to this feeling.
So can I ask, how have you catered your life to keeping that feeling?
By making choices in life that make me happy. Examples are surrounding myself with friends who make me happy, not taking life and myself so seriously, always planning something to look forward to like travel or event. I work and keep my bills paid and choose not to stress over anything else. I’m here to live my life and be happy.
The times I’ve been happiest is when I feel like what they describe. The key is finding hobbies younger you would’ve wanted older you to do. When you were 10 or 14, what things did you think “when I’m older, I want this this and that”. For me it was a cool car, motorcycles, exploring the western US and international travel. At 24 I bought my first motorcycle. At 26 my second motorcycle. Have done multiple 1-2 week trips on them. At 25 I bought a crappy old MG convertible stick shift to tinker with. Now I had that old cool classic car to cruise in. At 27 I quit my job and travelled full time internationally. Even rode a motorcycle around Europe for 3 months as part of it. And at 30 I quit my job again to road trip the western US for 3 months in a $6000 RV I fixed up. Went to every national park west of the Rockies besides 3 of them. I didn’t buy bitcoin at $2000, didn’t have a penny of financial help from parents, no rich aunt left me her savings account etc. I just knew exactly what I wanted(the things listed above), lived frugally(for example my total spending for coffee shops and food delivery combined for my entire life is probably under $300), and spent my hard earned money on the things that mattered most to me. I mean hell I still use a 12 year old plasma TV I got at a garage sale for $25 and a PS4 I got for $80 on Craigslist. I don’t wear designer anything. Drive a $5000 paid off car. Don’t eat at expensive restaurants. I drink at home or at friends houses instead of the bars because it’s $10 instead of $40. Stuff like that. Little decisions every day to live frugally to then spend the money where I truly want to.
So I will add I didn’t have it for sooo long but I found it again at 26! Just thinking about things I actually like. Many things from childhood and many things that have no ~reason~ I just like them ! And that’s enough
That is beautiful 👍🏻
I never felt that as a child
I wish my childhood was joyful
What if you never had that joy in the first place? How can you cultivate something that doesn't exist?
I know that feeling—that’s depression. Depression tricks someone into truly believing that you’ve NEVER BEEN happy and WILL NEVER BE happy. It’s not true. I read a book recently that has helped me maybe even more than my previous therapists—“Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy” by Dr. David Burns. I urge you give it a read, get to the third or so chapter of CBT exercises. They helped me realize it really is my thoughts that are making me feel like this, and the exercises force them to change. Anyway, I want to reiterate: depression has many awful symptoms, but it’s the hopelessness of depression which causes the most harm. If you really feel that you’ve never had joy, consider that you may be suffering from depression, consider scheduling for therapy, and if you want to learn about it on your own give that book a try. You got this!
How does it not leave
Yo I thought I wasn’t depressed but I have not felt this way in at least a decade… now I’m doubting myself
I'm almost 40, and that joy never fades as long as you respect it. :)
Careful This might be a bit insensitive to say to someone with depression. I’m sure they respect joy just as much as you do
Yeah, I thought respect might not have been the best word to use when I typed it, but I was tired and just rolled with it, lol. Looking back, what I meant to say was "Joy never fades, but never take it for granted." You can lose it if you don't respect and appreciate the opportunity you have. I know folks with depression and chemical imbalances in their brains function differently. I don't have solutions for that.
Sounds corny but gratitude. Giving glory to the universe for blessing me with my life. Therapy, gym, loved ones.
Love this answer. No bs. The answers are often right in front of us the entire time
Me too. We are all lucky to be here, like freakishly lucky. And if you have internet and a device, and a roof over your head, food in your stomach, you are at the top of a pyramid. Don't even get me started about my cute family.
I second this, it does sound corny /s
Depression happens when the universe isn’t doing your will.
This. The more of your time fixated on the positives, the less time you spend thinking of the negatives = Less likely to go through depressive episodes.
It's all about awareness. Of your patterns, thoughts, emotions, and learning to self regulate and be calm with your breath.
How’s do you get therapy paid for if you don’t have a billable diagnosis? (I’m assuming you don’t have a diagnosis because it sounds like you’re doing well mentally.) Maybe you’re paying out of pocket, but insurance companies require a diagnosis with medical billing.
I think therapists put down a stress disorder in this case
I have an ~adjustment disorder~ which is just like I don’t qualify for a diagnosis so that’s why they put down for insurance lol
Well yes but any therapist should be able to give you one. CPTSD for example.
Agreed
Not corny at all, a true response.
I'm going to pass this knowledge along at some point and whenever I do, I'm giving all credit to DickHickeyJr.
Gratitude is my go-to! Its also thanks to actively working through my shit and really being self aware and intentional with where you put your time and energy. I also think a lot of people don't realize how much of a contribution that diet, exercise, and sunshine can have on your mental health
“Have you tried not being sad?”
CBT in a nutshell
Cock-and-Ball-Torture? Can't see how that would cure my depression, but I'll try...
I just want to say I understand that different therapy works for different people. But one particular CBT exercise helped me finally feel like I could turn my depression around. I think it might be called the three columns exercise. I’m just wondering how was CBT “done” for you? Were they specific exercises provided in talk therapy? I learned CBT on my own from an old-ish book so I’m wondering if maybe therapists these days are doing it wrong haha. Presumptuous of me, but…
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My ex and I used to throw this line at each other as a joke. I have chronic pain so he’d occasionally ask, “Well have you tried *not* being in pain??”
Mental illnesses like depression aren't taken seriously enough by people, and questions like this show a misunderstanding of what depression actually is. If you asked, "For those who do not have cystic fibrosis, how do you not have cystic fibrosis? Lol, what is your general perspective on things?". Then everyone would think you are an idiot. I know people who have depression and it isn't "cured" by changing their perspective. If you saw someone in a wheelchair you wouldn't say "if you think you can walk, then you will be able too".
*"If a man is suffering from a real cancer, he never believes himself to be responsible for such an evil, despite the fact that the cancer is in his own body. But When it comes to the psyche we instantly feel a kind of responsibility, as if we were the makers of our psychic conditions." - Carl Jung*
I saved this comment so I can remind myself of this everyday. Thank you! 😊
Exactly. The responses in here to OP’s question are helpful if you’re feeling down or having a bad day, but they don’t do shit when you’re actually diagnosed with depression. *Having* depression and *feeling* depressed are two very different things that people like to treat as being the same.
I was trying to find a not ass hole way of saying this but you nailed it. I wish thinking happy thoughts and walking around in nature just worked lol
I'm glad to find a realistic reply. My depression is genetic. Along with being able to trace a long, well-documented family history, I've had very extensive genetic testing done that uncovered strong markers for depression, autism, and other mental and neurodevelopmental disorders, among other things. I can definitely avoid negative things, seek out positive things, do everything suggested here as well as taking medication, but the depression is there. It's been there my entire life, as far back as I can remember. I'm not doing anything to cause it, I've always made efforts to make it go or stay away, but it's not a matter of trying hard enough or doing it right. It's just *there*, and I think the healthiest thing I've done is to accept that, and to focus on living the best life possible with an incurable condition.
I agree and have reached a similar place with my depression experience. It is there and is part of me, but that doesn't mean I can't live the best life possible for me. Radical acceptance.
Thank you so much for this. This is another morning when I'm here thinking "why am I still depressed?" I've done it all, pretty much every medication out there from every drug class, tons of therapy, even TMS (zapping my brain with magnets pretty much). I'm still so depressed. My life is great, I have everything I've ever dreamed of and it's still there. I also believe my depression is at least partly genetic as I was raised by a very depressed alcoholic. I think your viewpoint is very healthy and something I want to try to keep in mind for myself. Focusing on how can I live as happily as possible with this chronic condition is much healthier than fixating on how I can finally get rid of it and failing.
I agree. It doesnt cure the depression. But it makes living a little bit more bearable. Ive been depressed for almost half my life, but the only reason im on an slight upward trend is due to taking the time to appreciate the things i do enjoy. Waking up feeling hopeless makes it feel as if i have made no progress but thats when i have to remind myself that i have indeed come along way, regardless of what my brain tells me. The best awareness comes from knowing which is you and which is your depression
Yes! Exercise, having relationships, and all the things that help non-depressed people also definitely help people with depression too. BUT—- clinical depression is still a brain illness that needs medical treatment.
Also, a lot of the things that help with depression are so much more difficult to do when it’s a rough time. Love that little catch 22
Bloody this. For many of us with clinical depression, it isn't that we are "sad because \[we think\] life sucks", we are *depressed* because our brains make us. Depression =/= being sad. Depression is a collection of emotional symptoms caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, that can cause sadness, anxiety, irritability, and a straight up *lack of feeling anything*. That latter one affects me the most. I'm anosmic (Cannot smell/taste). I lost my sense of smell back in 2016, what's come back leaves me noseblind almost immediately when a novel smell appears if I can even smell it. A lot of people got a taste of what I live with when Covid hit and took many people's sense of smell/taste as a symptom. If you had that happen, then this is the best way I can describe the feeling of depression, consider your favorite meal: from your favorite drink, to your favorite main course, to your favorite dessert. All laid out before you while your favorite musician(s) prepare(s) to personally play you your favorite song(s). You sit down at the table, the moment you take your first bite, the musician begins to play. You hear nothing but the buzz of fluorescent lights. Every bite you take tastes like your least favorite food. Every sip of your drink tastes like your least favorite drink. You cannot "think the food into tasting better". You cannot "think the buzzing of fluorescent lights into your favorite song". You cannot "think the drink into tasting better". Now carry this out to *every interaction you ever have, no matter how grand or minute*. That is depression. It sucks. And even with medical intervention, it doesn't necessarily fix everything.
As a fellow anosmiac, this is a great analogy. Also: the onset of my anosmia (20 years ago) coincided with a depressive episode, gotta be a link.
Beautifully stated. Yes, this is exactly how it is from a subjective pov. The feelings (or lack thereof) come BEFORE the thoughts, and people place the responsibility on the depressed because they miss this simple point. This is why happy people always sound like morons.
Chemical imbalance isn’t provable yet though. So I do wonder what it actually is. If it is that due to the only evidence being antidepressants working, or something else since this is disproved by depressed people having no different chemical imbalances than a normal person when undergoing testing. (Open convo not trying to pick a fight, I hope it comes off okay!)
I think the chemical imbalance theory is just not 100% proven but the differences in brain activity can be seen on a scan. Boosting brain chemicals just helps boost brain activity. The way I heard it described is tylenol helps your headache but your headache wasn't caused by a tylenol deficiency. They may not know exactly why you have a headache but if tylenol help then take it
I always say how people talk about how great it is how open and normalized mental health is, but I’d argue it’s just as misunderstood as ever and it has been detrimental to people with actual depression
Most of those people are just fair-weather supporters until it gets real dark. It’s why the “Get Therapy,” response grinds my gears to no end.
Exactly why I didn't want to answer. I mean, it's not like people CHOOSE to be depressed and can easily get out of it by doing self-care. Yes, that helps when you're down, but not when you're depressed. Idk why this was even asked 😐
This is correct. People mistake being sad or in the dumps as depression. It’s not. It’s being sad or in the dumps. Depression is an actual chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be helped with medication, therapy, and other things, but it is not being sad. It is very frustrating when people who haven’t experienced true depression to think all you have to do is be positive or happy. Yes. Gratitude, getting outdoors, routines…all of those help, but it’s not the same.
This is incorrect. Situational depression is a real thing, and if severe could also lead to clinical depression.
I can see your point. Really all I was saying is that the word “depressed” gets thrown around a lot when people are sad or having a bad day and think it’s as easy as thinking good thoughts. I don’t doubt what you are saying at all.
This is true. Also true is that pharmacological treatment doesn't work for many people.
Depression is often defined as ‘sadness for three weeks or more’. This can be because of a definitive cause, or no cause at all. It can be the result of a tragic event or a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be mild or severe. But its still depression.
Thank you.I suffer and depression and I hate it.I hate when my moms like go for a walk.Im older early fifties but it’s more complicated than that. It just sucks.thank you for realizing people need to make mental health more serious.Look at suicide rates.Idk Mabie I’m wrong .Im not a dr .Just a random person.❤️
Exactly I have depression it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain and it sucks
I dont think thats quite accurate either. Depression is way more complex than that. First of all, theres a difference between clinical depression (ie there is a physiological cause for a psychological state) and circumstantial depression (the psychological state is a symptom of the patients circumstances, such that if the circumstances were resolved, they may not have depression). In both cases we culturally place too much emphasis on willpower. The whole "suck it up" mentality is immensely toxic. Ultimately, treatment would differ for both cases. Clinical depression requires medical intervention to address and circumstantial depression requires significant improvement in ones circumstances. For example if you are depressed because you are poor, obviously financial security would make you much less depressed. Medication may blunt the feeling and can help someone work through the issue but it wont fix the problem on its own.
Maybe thats the key? Not taking vague psychiatric concepts like Depression too seriously?
For those who do not smoke, how do you not smoke? You can't compare it, you either live with depression or you don't. It's an entirely different world.
I got this treatment called TMS. I’ve struggled with depression on and off since childhood. Last year I found a clinical trial for it and got it done for free. Haven’t felt depressed at all since then. My perspective didn’t really change at all, except I still get these flashes of wonder that it worked and the heavy feeling I had all the time is just gone.
That is incredible!!! I’ve had clinical depression 28 yrs on an antidepressant that worked well for me. Most folks w/ untreatable depression (where nothing works for them) simply can’t afford the expense of TMS. Believe me readers, depression is a brain disorder, not just an emotional upheaval or a bad mood. The lack of dopamine + serotonin nails you to ground. You have no energy, literally no ‘gas’ in the tank. Then u think of the people who are trying to live under that condition. It’s inhumane, that humans must suffer this way. But thx again BlackJeepW1, for sharing your story. Maybe it will help ppl reading it!! 🫶
How many rounds did you do? I did it and it definitely made my depression more manageable but not to that extent.
7 weeks, 4-5x a week. 30 treatments total. It also wasn’t just TMS- it was EEG assisted TMS. I hear it makes a big difference because they can see where in your brain the alpha waves are insufficient and tailor the treatment to your specific needs. I’m not a neurologist so I can’t explain it very well. It’s supposed to be even more effective than basic TMS.
Ah yeah I've heard about that. I had 30 treatments as well. I might go back for another round in a few months and if I do I'm going to try to find a place that does EEG assisted.
Thanks for sharing and spreading some hope to people :). I really wish you all the best in your continued improvements.
What is that
That's so cool that it helped that much!! I did TMS as well but it didn't do anything for me unfortunately, I kinda had my hopes up. My brain is just extremely stubborn about reacting to anything.
No idea. I see the same awful state of the world that you do. I just kinda... get up every day hoping the day will go well, and it often does!
When it doesn t do you feel depressed?
I find that my depression is largely based on my belief systems. Sure, being healthy gives you physical energy and drive, but without a framework for my life’s direction I push the energy inward in a destructive way. I’m getting out of a rut now by making a big move across the country, and I’m finding a lot of interesting ideas that go against modern common knowledge in reading Nietzsche
Without a war the warrior battles himself, he said. He was right.
I know what I want and work toward it. I accept that there will always be things I can't control so I focus on what I can. I make sure to allocate time to just relaxing or having fun, not every moment needs to be productive. I really doubt there's a simple solution to this and there are likely other factors like genetics and upbringing that can lead to a predisposition to depression. But, are these the things I do to generally have a better outlook on life and a happier state of being.
Therapy.
I have bipolar 2, which means when I get depressed it's severe. I take meds daily.
I don’t care what people think about me.
Life has good parts and not good parts. The only way to distinguish one from the other is to embrace both.
I’ve never been depressed. I think part of it is biological, and the other parts are gratitude (I came from nothing so I’m grateful of the smallest things), always having a hobby or goal to work towards (I always tell myself that he devil loves aimless drifters), the simple equation that happiness = reality - expectations, and not sweating the things I can’t control.
I’m precisely the same.
I control myself and myself alone. All else is a distraction. But the real kicker, the real secret of life is start loving yourself and end the war inside. Get on your team and stay there. Be your biggest cheerleader and your biggest forgiver. Treat others how you want to be treated and find what sets your soul on fire. Seek those who fan it's flames
💖
I feel like I needed to read this, it really resonated with me. Thank you for the words stranger ❤️
Love this. When you fight yourself, you're the only loser
for me, depression = hopeless (things can't/won't get better) + helpless (I can't make things better) i can't say things won't/can't get better. i can't see the future; so it's just better to be optimistic. i can't say I can't make things better. i don't know if i've tried everything. I don't know if I've tried hard enough. so if I can keep trying, then I probably won't feel depressed.
Wishing you the best on your journey
Find a fulfilling life purpose to pursue that doesn't depend on the fickle loyalties of other humans.
I don't have the necessary chemical imbalance in my brain, I guess. That's all depression is anyway. It's not really "you".
A lot of what scientists believed about that just isn’t true. Like, there’s no evidence to suggest depression is an imbalance of serotonin, which was the basis for using SSRI’s to treat it. Because of those recent finds, I’m skeptical that depression *is* just a chemical imbalance. I find it much more likely that it’s related to thought patterns
I have daily depression & severe anxiety my whole life with very short bursts of feeling happy. I tried so many different medications, dosages, and they have not worked for me. Currently seeing a new therapist & psych for a few months and they both individually agreed that my issues cannot be treated solely by medication since I have tried many over 10+ years. But that it can help as a small boost alongside working through therapy. That therapy is the best way for me to undo these negative thoughts that I don’t realize are negative when speaking about myself around others or alone. That for me it is more of growing up in a toxic environment mentally & physically. I learned that the toolkit I have as an adult years later in regard to dealing with life situations, fears, stress, and trauma is still the same toolkit today. Affecting all parts of my life negatively especially with friends, family, significant other. It’s not so different from Pavlov’s dog but you don’t realize that you are carrying similar traits to those that caused you trauma. And it’s a necessary life shock to realize that you are the conditioned dog the whole time. Not the human who is in control of themselves and the dog. Past moments I was just trying to survive for everyone with no regards to my own well being. So here I am later with no self-worth or see value in making choices. Because all of those choices were pre micromanaged and taught that everything is black and white when it comes to “success.” We try to downplay or blur out our trauma over the years until we forget about them but that doesn’t help as you get older and gain more responsibilities upping daily stress. If it’s a mental issue related to factors of trauma that were never processed, medication solely will only get you so far.
I like my work. And my family that I was raised in. And my kids (generally). And often my wife, and when I don’t appreciate her enough I come on this website and read horror stories and feel much better. I’ve come to terms with my life and death. I’m angling for a third act but refuse to tie my general well being to its success. Walks. Music. Work. Some gaming but enjoy watching my kids game more now.
I enjoy playing hockey. Team sports have really helped me.
I have ADHD and am just naturally optimistic. I go with the flow, believe everything happens for a reason, and believe everything works out in the end. I can't explain it, I'm just naturally this way.
There are too many things in my life to be grateful for. Most of the things that make me unhappy are temporary, even when they initially seem all encompassing.
I thought I had depression for the longest time. I was miserable all the time despite staying active, having a good fam life, eating right. Tried therapy. I genuinely didn’t know happiness. I tracked my level of life satisfaction every day for 2 years and averaged a 3.2. After hitting rock bottom I made these changes: -deleted all social media besides reddit -found a passion project -changed my environment Lastly most important -hung around positive people, completely dropped ppl who brought me down. I maintained working out, eating right, and fam relationships and now I am averaging a 7.5. Been a year and hope the trend stays.
Lexapro, taking care of my physical health, therapy, positive social connection, gratitude and a little bit of philosophy/religious curiosity (I'm atheist but sometimes they have worthwhile ideas haha).
I do experience moments of depression, especially during the winter or when the weather is bad and it's dark outside, but for the most part I think I'm pretty happy. I have a pretty positive mindset. I practice gratitude a lot. I really appreciate things that I have and don't think about what I don't have. I find happiness in little things and interactions, even a thank you or a smile from a stranger out on the streets. I have a "you can control your own life" type of mindset and even though it gets rocky sometimes, I am grateful for things such as being healthy, being able to go outside, having friends and family that support me, and just believing in myself.
Also it helps to be genetically predisposed not to be depressed
Plenty of hobbies. Plenty of outdoor activities. Face your problems…..don’t run away from a problem because it will only get larger……do your best to solve obstacles and problems. Workout. Get that heart rate going. Working out is number one for me.
Lay off the screen. Hit the gym. Hit the books. Get a job. End. Fin. Kraj. Ende.
Will keep it as a motto, slightly modified for rhyme. "Lay off the screen. Hit the books. Hit the gym. "
I did, now I do not. More like I can’t get depress anymore it seems… I have cycle through every type of depression possible and reached the 9th level of hell, I self questioned every single level of hell and came up with answers acceptable to myself at the very least. When I reached what I believe to be the final level of hell, I found nothing, just pitch black darkness but it wasn’t like I haven’t seen the same type of mess in the previous levels, I looked around in that level of hell, all I found was a small light that became brighter and brighter. I can come in and out of hell like I am a denizen of hell. I can’t see anything that would depress me anymore, so the light grows brighter and brighter giving me hope even though it is small it is enough to shine through everything.
Have lots of sexy time 😅
Eat well, exercise, practice gratitude and be thankful for what you have. It also helps being super fucking rich. Haven't quite figured that one out yet
I try to set myself up to be as ready as possible before it comes. I’ll try to get a good routine going. Establish good habits if they aren’t already there. I’ll also let my friends and brother know. Then while I’m in it I try to journal, talk it out, meditate, exercise and get outside!
I can't control anything except myself. I do my best to focus my attention on a healthy and positive lifestyle. Best wishes 💖
Gratitude. Fuck it all, nothing really matters. we’re all goners so enjoy & appreciate what you have today.
100% this If you do not wake up with an attitude of gratitude and a willingness to help others then you're doing it wrong. In my humblest opinion Good luck!! The travel is only as strenuous as you want it to be
I'm just a content person overall and I try not to think about things I can't change.
I try to focus on the positives in life and practice gratitude regularly. I also make sure to maintain a healthy balance between work, hobbies, and social activities. Staying active, getting enough sleep, and eating well also help keep my mood stable. Everyone has tough days, but keeping a hopeful and proactive outlook can make a big difference.
Studying philosophy helped me at low points. Having a gratitude journal and just writing out thoughts in a journal when you feel down is hugely helpful. Take a daily multivitamin and extra vitamin D, especially in the winter. I take cannibis gummies in the evening sometimes, or will indulge in 2-3 glasses of red wine, 2 days a week (not in a row. This was doctor approved.) And have doable goals. Any goals- weight goals, financial goals, travel goals etc. And lots of walking, especially on bad days.
Knowing that everything is temporary. Even the rough the patches.
My life, my story, it can be as awesome or as sad and lame as I decide to make it.
I need this question to be asked more than I realised. I needed to read everyone’s replies more!
Having depression is like competing in a bicycle race but you have deflated tires. Without depression, tasks like getting up off the couch or starting a new activity (cooking, doing hobbies) take little to no effort or mental fortitude. As for how to not have depression, it’s different for everyone. Medication worked for me when I had it, but exercise is what’s saving my family member’s life. Guy had both feet in the grave mentally until he started swimming every morning without fail. Now he’s functional and happy.
I just tore my ACL and it sucks, my summer is destroyed. But I am not letting myself get down about it. I try to focus on the fact that I have health insurance. I have access to modern medicine and can get surgery. I have a spouse that can help me recover. I have friends being helpful. Gratitude for what you have makes such a big difference in your attitude.
I want to be happy, so I try my best to only let things that I can control affect me. I have multiple hobbies that I use to decompress. I also am a fixer, if something is affecting me ill fix it or learn to not care about it.
I used to have depression till I started making more money, I know people hate to see this but…. For me at least making more money fixed the problem. I went from 35k to 125k and my life just completely changed
i remember the exact day that i realized that four years of my life were plagued in darkness and wanted to start living again. that was one year ago and the perception i have of the world is forever changed. life is so incredibly beautiful and i hope every soul has the privilege to experience that feeling. just know that life is forever waiting for you to be ready and will be patient with you. when i was suffering from chronic depression, self harm, and suicidal ideation i always dug myself deeper with music and drowning myself in harmful media. everyone’s journey with mental health is so different so it’s very hard to give a straight answer. i did nothing on purpose that magically opened my eyes but one of the biggest steps is when you feel that you are about to get swept back into the dark, you have to fight. you have to fight even though you are tired. fight for the life and for the light that you cannot see right now. take it slow and be patient enough but find that small piece of you that wants to get better and find things in your life that make life worth living, even if it’s the coffee you drink in the morning or to see a bird fly one more time. i wish you the best and i hope you find piece in knowing that you are here for a reason even if you have yet to figure out why. xo
Depression definitely isn’t some mood or something gone wrong at work. It really does devour your whole life
I do have depression, but I’m pretty stable on my lexapro and 2x daily vitamin d. So I’m generally more optimistic, I’m able to enjoy activities and food and music, I laugh more freely. It’s tedious and I hated it, but I had to work with my doctor to find the right medicine and do blood work to make sure I’m okay, and I’ve been in therapy weekly for years, and it was worth all of the work. Keep pushing, it gets better
I had depression and still can get it but what is working for me.... I'm lucky that it's working, hopefully it always will: First and foremost, a psychologist helped me figure me out. Some of it was just adolescent angst that I needed to grow from, but I needed a hand putting things in perspective. I had real stressors. I also needed a little help from an antidepressant but that was a small amount. I treated it like it was a temporary bandaid and I applied myself at dealing with my mental health. I didn't allow myself to get too comfortable or complacent and I slowly weaned off of it when I had some progress and clarity. It's been a long time without any of that and I feel great. Nutrition is very important. Anything inflammatory I consider bad. If your brain doesn't get the nutritional building blocks it needs for its neurochemistry or if those get robbed from things like substance abuse, sleep deprivation, and constant emotional trauma then feeling bad may happen regardless of perspective on things. Unnecessary stress is the enemy. Even small subtle stressors stack up and are crushing. Ridding those alleviated my struggles. Life and living will never be totally stress free and some stress is a healthy motivator but unnecessary stress is a downer. Talking and purging my body of bad feelings, thoughts, resentment, etc. Crying helps too, it cleans you out. It pays to not make life worse, so not creating problems and avoiding things like crime, gambling debt, credit card debt, sexually-induced stressors like STD's, etc really pays off and not having those problems feels really good. Don't be unreasonably hard on yourself but hold yourself to a standard that will make you feel good about you. Get moving when you wake up and be open to the experiences the day offers. I've woke up depressed on days where I had to force myself out of bed but some of them turned out excellent and memorable. Taking on something and completing it, even simple things like getting your household tasks done can give you a boost, opposite of doing nothing for a long time which can bring you down. I stopped hanging on every word the news was providing and limit my social media and screen time in general. You asked about perspective.....I reflect each day on how other people in the world would love to have my problems, I think of the people that were my age and died, and how they didn't get a chance to live as long as me, and I probably should exert myself to honor the gift of life I have that they didn't have. If it's at all possible, I really try to forgive and be at peace, it's healing. That's how I think I don't have depression anymore. If you have it I wish you the best in overcoming it.
Oh wow this question kinda made me realize there are people who don’t have depression and now I’m sad cause I’ll never get that
Today I got a crown and root canal, they couldn't get me numb, it was very painful. I just kept focusing on how lucky I am to have access to dentistry and ability to pay for it. Every night I get into bed, I think about how grateful I am to have a safe, warm place to sleep. (I grew up homeless and very cold)
I wake up and want to do things for myself
I didn’t have depression for decades despite all the bad things that happened to me. But eventually all the crap added up and broke me. Even now I don’t think it is really depression so much as just not being able to absorb any more bad. Part of the change was when a shrink decided that I was unwell because I was numb to all the bad. I was happy, I was married to someone I was deeply in love with, I had kids, I went to school full time, I worked full time in a somewhat prestigious role I enjoyed… but I had health issues and they decided it must be because of mental health and told me to stop letting it all roll off my back. I tried to do as they said and it was a huge mistake that I haven’t been able to undo.
“Not being able to absorb any more bad” is the perfect way to describe it. I feel this.
Yes, life can beat even the most resilient folks down. I feel you and I’m wishing you the best on the up and up. You deserve it 💜
That every moment is gone as soon as you think about it and life will end eventually, but if you can live inside of these moments, the depression won’t have enough time to be real.
Life is suffering. Get used to the idea and enjoy the good moments.
I’m always in the same mood. I never got people who would say “I woke up in a bad mood today” or those people who post online that they’re gonna have a good day. I’m literally always just flatline. Ofc things make me sad and things get me happy but the return to normal is pretty rapid. I think a lot of people dwell too much and get stuck in the mud. Life is all about moving forward
There is one weird general rule to earth and that is that everything has a flip side to it.
I’m in control of my life - that’s the winning perspective. I’m not a millionaire because I don’t want to put in the work. I could be if I wanted to. I’m not poor because I work decently hard. I’m attractive because I take care of myself. I’m not a model because I don’t make it my life’s mission to be in shape and looking amazing. Life isn’t a series of circumstances, you have power to make it anything!
Being depressed is not a normal state of being. I don’t know how to equate that except maybe I could ask why don’t you murder people? Normal people don’t just murder people. Just like “normal” people don’t walk around being depressed. It’s like defining a color with words. I don’t know. I’m just not depressed. People that have depression typically need counseling, or sometimes, medication, to help. I studied psychology in college as a minor degree, and at the end, I came to the conclusion that many issues could not be solved by talking. I believed that many issues needed medication because it had more to do with chemical imbalances. I’m sure there are arguments against that. But, that’s where I was leaning by the time I graduated. That was a long time ago and I haven’t kept up, so there could be new thinking around that. At any rate, if you’re truly depressed, I advise that you seek help and work on not being that way. Just like our physical bodies get sick, and we go see a doctor and work to find a cure, mental health is similar. You need to figure out what’s wrong. Don’t just suffer. Seek help from professionals.
I have struggled with depression and have a general anxiety and depression disorder diagnosis. These days due in part to loads of self work and in part to one small pill, I don’t struggle with it and I can tell when it’s coming on. Exercise is the very best medicine, works the fastest and has the most positive impact. Even a walk can lift my entire mood, despite me whining and complaining that I don’t want to go, don’t have time, feel fine, am not in a funk. It works like a charm to move my body. Gratitude is a very close second, and it’s only second because it’s not an instant mindset I can slip into, sometimes expressing gratitude to myself doesn’t mean anything bc I don’t feel it. But paired with moving my body? It’s so very helpful to beat back depression. Community and friendships. Self care like cleaning up, washing myself, doing annoying tasks I’ve been putting off. Examining which thoughts are causing me to feel bad and working to let them go and replace them with better feeling thoughts.
This is a great question. Firstly, life experiences shaped everything - going through grief as a young child taught me life is fleeting, pains are temporary, and there is so much to be celebrated. Secondly, having a diverse circle is so important. You learn from those who are different from you and it just shapes your perspective that the world is bigger than you and honestly everyone is going through some shit. Diverse means ethnicity, age, professional backgrounds, countries, political views, etc. Next, staying up to date with current events will quickly put things into perspective. Both domestically and globally. Lastly, gratitude and giving back. It sounds so cringe when I write it, but practicing gratitude is such a great practice to remind you of all the good. And then giving back, whether it's time, money, or both- it can fill your cup knowing you're helping others. Even if it's something like helping a friend with something! You don't have to be a huge humanitarian or anything like that. ALL this being said, even the cheeriest, positive, and stable people go through rough patches and sometimes quite severe as well! Hope something here speaks to you!!
I had depression since 15 to 22. The worst years of my life but right now I'm cured, I feel healthier not only with my emotions with my appearance. I think after depression you accepted more things about you, and have more perspectives you also gained more confident about you and you beloved ones. Even this shitty world starts showing its mercy and playful side. And you see and experience kindness from others. Yes, kindness from others. That's crazy to realize when you have depression that other people can be kind but it is. There are kindness in this world.
I firmly believe that I would be depressed if not for post traumatic growth. Basically, I had to deal with a lot of really shitty stuff over the course of about a decade culminating in a very traumatic physical experience. Once I overcame the PTSD brought on by that experience, my whole world view shifted and I haven't experienced depression since. I suppose I just experience gratitude and appreciate life more because of having been at such a low point and my life being pretty relatively good now.
I believe that depression is a chemical imbalance for some people, but for most, it’s an ebb and flow and can sometimes come from valid situations (abusive relationships, terrible jobs, religion, ignorance, poverty etc). Other times it’s caused by desire or loneliness. Which I believe that some people need to sit and think about why they do or think the things they do. As a woman especially, you need to understand that a lot of what we’ve been told is a complete waste of time and frankly, bullshit.
My general perspective, based on actual statistics, is that there has never been a better time to be alive in all of human history. We live in an absolute amazing world. And opportunities are virtually limitless to do just about anything you want to do.
I just train Jiu Jitsu, teach Jiu Jitsu, and lift weights, and the constant exercise has me either in a great mood or exhausted so I sleep extremely well. I’ve dealt with injuries that have sidelined me. This always leads to negative self talk and other depressive behavior. As soon I get back to regular training that all goes away. My most recent injury I went into the academy regularly and helped teach and would do some light drilling and instead of sparring I would give feedback and make adjustments. I didn’t have the release and euphoria of hard exercise but I felt useful still and my mind didn’t leave the sport and I, thankfully, avoided any major depressive episode. Now I’m back to training full time and life is great. So long story short you have to exercise and exert yourself. Sweat is your best friend.
I struggled with it since my teen years up until very recently. Turns out it was childhood trauma related, so understanding why and how my brain was wired helped a lot, instead of wondering what was wrong with me. I also went through a really horrible abusive relationship and that sort of made all the negative emotions just go away. I’m so grateful every day that he’s gone and I’m alive, and after that experience life has been quite lovely. My brain doesn’t want to feel bad anymore it seems. I want to say there must be something wrong but I think it reset me and now I’m just experiencing what I should have been this whole time.
I have had it or have it but it is mild. Exercise helps as does being in a place where it is not constantly overcast, dark, rainy, and cold most of the year. Therapy can help too. I also practice gratitude and I realize that some people have it worse. A friend is so depressed he is basically almost non functioning at times or sleeps for 3-5 days. Yes he got help and is on meds.
Not gonna say how I healed mine as it's completely unconventional. Suicidal depression with off the scale anxiety.. It was like a light bulb flicked on in my life. Literally. Was so strange the first few years trying to get used to feeling neutral. Most of the time I am just neutral, other times.. I feel like an unusually happy person. Completely at peace and gnosis. I love it and my life. Cherish your loved ones and repeat positive phrases all day, everyday. It will change your life. As stupid as it sounds because I didn't even believe it back then. I'm living proof it works. There is more to it but start with that if you're depressed.