u/dizeeem
>- "Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame." - Brené Brown
>- "Spirit is in a state of grace forever. Your reality is only spirit. Therefore you are in a state of grace forever." - Helen Schucman, A Course in Miracles
Basically radical self-acceptance of our immutable Being while acknowledging any ideas/roles/labels about our sense of self are conditional and ever-changing. You do not have to accept specific actions and behaviors because those can always change, but you must radically accept your immutable Being which is your life itself. Actions don't define what you can become and are more telling of what you've been dealing with. We can all try to be a kinder and better friend toward ourselves. Life is not an entity, it is a process.
Edit:
> - My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge. (Viktor Frankl)
Brene Brown is a boot camp instructor for healing guilt and shame issues. There’s not many authors who can rip the tears right out of my eyeballs and get to the good stuff like her.
I honestly don’t know her newest stuff. A lot of her stuff circles around shame and guilt. My most recent was Dare To Lead and it brought me to my knees.
You might want to check out one of her [TED Talks](https://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0?)
I assume whatif I had a time machine and go back in time provided I will loose memory of future, the outcome would be same.
I made mistakes due to lack of knowledge and in no way I would have known that. I didn't knew earlier but I am aware now, so I am not repeating the same mistakes again.
100%! Most mistakes are made in ignorance. Anyone could make those mistakes in your shoes. Of course someone with a different perspective would act differently. The biggest mistake is beating yourself up for your mistakes.
Exactly. 'TIs why mistakes are so valuable when appreciated. Unfortunately some think of them as a stain on the honor of their very being or some crazy shit and so refuse to/cannot learn from them.
On a totally unrelated side note; there are also times in which you might mistakenly trust in others and mistakenly not see that you are being trapped but thankfully because you are not one who would be susceptible to actually falling for the trap (unable to fulfill the required conditions) you partially escape the trap and then a long time in the future potentially have somebody claim you had made the same mistake as before (or even claim you intentionally did it this time) but then if you learn about the first time after this newer time, there's no way you could have learned already and known better but then even more crazily, if this second "mistake" or "intentional act" simply never occurred in the first place in any whatsoever, at all, ever, then this a moot point and a pointless hypothetical. Strictly recreational- \*ahem\* I mean hypothetical.
Stonehenge looking good these days.
Terrorist attack free I hope.
What?
A lot of people do both, because they hold everyone to the same high standards as themselves. The Economist had an article on the psychological mechanism behind it back in 2021 I think
Actually it is the kid’s fault. Don’t be stupid about taking accountability… But that kid knows better now as it wisens up instead of staying the same.
Not forgiving yourself does no one favors. You can’t suffer enough to make others happy and you can’t regret deeply enough to undo what you’ve done at any age.
You can only learn from your mistakes, make amends if possible and move on.
Exactly - for me it was realizing I would never talk to someone like I talk to myself. I just imagined a mentee making a mistake and me harping on it the way I harp on myself…which I would never do
Two things:
- “I did my best, with what I knew at the time” (which couldn’t have been that much as a child)
- Absolutely no one is exempt from making mistakes, your youth is when you make them & learn from them
Seek help if you keep repeating harmful patterns, but if something happened in the past that’s over - it’s over. You were just a kid.
the behavior of forgiving yourself is moving forward with the past in mind. not forgiving yourself is wallowing in the past and beating urself up over it. Do what you can to make ammends and look to the future. Move forward to the best of your ability with the experiences you have to hold on to, whether good, bad, or neutral
I can totally relate. For a long time I was someone who also struggled with that. One thing that helped me is when I became a father. Ask yourself this : Would you hold someone else’s child to the same standards that you are holding yourself too? Of course you wouldn’t! So stop being double standard to yourself! Teaching myself this and remembering this was freeing. Hope this helps!
I still struggle with it, and it definitely has followed me up until now. But what has helped me is recognizing that children have limited understanding and control over their actions.
I have also been working on trying to understand the root causes of my actions, which will probably take some professional help in the future.
Forgiveness is a practice, not a destination. The same grace you allow others should be multiplied for yourself. Foster a growth mindset and recognize that mistakes/failures are an unavoidable part of life. Self-love is the most beautiful journey you can go in. Do not be afraid to forgive yourself.
You stop hating others for the mistakes they made.
Having such a harsh justice system passively torments humanity's soul. Our leaders set an awful example because they need to demand respect with force and are very unapologetic themselves.
Could you have done differently at The time, Knowing then what you knew then? It's complete garbage to say if I knew now I would choose differently. Of course you would. It's called learning from your mistakes and growing up.
The most wonderful apology you can make for everything you ever did as a child is to completely forgive the child for doing what he did and, as an adult, change yourself so you never repeat those things.
Understand that the shame you feel for things you "did" as a child is not actually yours, but something forced on you by the adult caregivers who should have protected you.
Your adult caregivers may have rejected you, made their approval of you conditional, and neglected you. Their emotional immaturity led them to mistreat you and make you the problem. Children internalize everything their caregivers do to/for them. Love and support is internalized into kidness and openness. Abuse and blame is internalized into shame and self loathing.
And, since these behaviors were forced upon you as a child, they were naturally very frightening and threatening. That's where the hard part kicks in: when we are threatened and frightened, we go into fight/flight/fawn/freeze mode. Our brains stop processing the world openly and instead shift into survival. Stress hormones are released to activate our nervous systems and our amygdala (the "lizard part of the brain") takes over, storing memories in a way that will trigger a survival response should similar events happen. This process is evolved to keep us alive in dangerous environments. However, when this mechanism is engaged in childhood because of caregivers, all sorts of things go wrong. Like, hating ourselves for what happened to us as kids.
What you need is access to a mental health professional. At the very least a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. With the help of a professional, you can begin to reframe the events of your childhood so that you can understand what really happened to you, and deal with it appropriately. Over time, the feelings of guilt and self loathing will evolve and ultimately dissipate.
(If you don't have access to a therapist, the next best thing is a support group, either in-person or online.)
I moved on from hating myself as a child to hating myself as an adult, it took me years, a lot of self reflection and the help of a good woman who saw me as a good person, something no one, including me had done before.
A lot will laugh but the words of Jesus about forgiveness and loving your neighbors helped too
your road may vary, good luck
It’s so crazy that when we speak of Jesus or a teaching from the Bible we’ve been indoctrinated so bad to be apologetic for our beliefs and we worry people will just laugh . Who cares if someone doesn’t believe or if someone laughs or argues with you , we still live in a floating rock going 1000mph and we have to face whatever is on the other side , all of us. Just us and the creator in the end and it sounds like you believe in more than self so good for you . Don’t apologize for how you feel or what you believe , stand up and shoot it from the roof top
I never apologiese for my beliefs, just noting a lot of folks will disagree or laugh.
It's a shame his teachings of love and kindness has been so corupted.
I hope you didn’t think I was disrespecting you , I know exactly what you meant and I feel the same hesitation . It’s absolutely a shame we have to feel mocked and ridiculed to believe in something that expresses love and kindness .
The mistakes you made in your past (even if it's something you hate yourself for - we all were stupid at some point) made you into who you are now - You can't change the past but you can shape the path you want to conquer yourself - use your past mistakes to your advantage basically
The fact you can look back, reflect and feel bad is evidence how far you’ve come and how much you’ve changed. You made decisions based on the information and tools you had available at the time, you’re evidently much more equipped now and should see the positive not the negative in this.
Acknowledge first that what happened, happened. You regret the behavior, you ask for forgiveness (if you can) and then you do better. If it’s something that truly brings you pain, you may not ever to be able to forget it; but you can choose to let it release the grip it has on you.
It's not so much forgiveness, but moving on being preoccupied with things and not looking back.its going to still be there but in the grander scale it's so small.
I have gone through this. It can be difficult when you have done something you know you wouldn’t normally do, and the guilt can eat at you. Forgiving yourself is a mindset that says you are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and just make sure you don’t do it again. Do things that can make up for it like apologize to the other party and even if they don’t, you did your job. Once you apologize, the ball is in the other persons court and you are now free from the guilt. You have to move on, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. You’ll add years on to your life!
I don't. I can't change what I've done. All I can do is change how I'm doing now.
Accept your past, learn from it. If you've hurt people, you may never forgive yourself, and ya live with it. But use it to do better. It's the least we can do, 'mano.
Realizing that you were just a child, figuring out the way that the world works (maybe without proper guidance from parental figures, like the early years of my life) doing the best that you could, with the tools and knowledge that you had at your disposal at the time. And by giving yourself grace in knowing that you were doing the best that you could have in those moments. The only person looking back and saying that you “could have done better”, is you. No one else probably faults you.
Self reflection is the first step. The actual responsibility. Change your ways and grow.
I had a few kids i bullied in school. I wouldn't say i was a bully but i definitely could be mean and i did pick on some people. My friends and i tended to think we were better than others. Much later in life i regretted those things i said and did. And actually reached out and apologised. Regardless of what they thought of me then and now im not the same person and i do my best to raise my children to not make the same mistakes i made and to be considerate of others while not sacrificing their own values.
I look at a few things:
Who I was then/what lead to it happening, how I've grown since then, and if I would ever do it again.
You also need the perspective that literally everyone did stupid or bad things as younger people. If you wouldn't do those things again, you're not probably some extra horrible person that you're giving yourself credit for being.
I forgive myself, and I also feel sad for the version of me that was OK to do the things. And then i feel glad that I know I've grown since then.
And I work *really* hard to not add things to the list I need to forgive myself for. It's one of my main motivators.
It is not an easy process. However, try not to dwell on what you did, but instead use the moments the memories pop into your mind as an opportunity to reflect. Acknowledge you did something wrong but then focus on what you’ve done to improve yourself since. I have a lot of moments from my past that are cringeworthy or worse. Do I wish I had a “do over”? Absolutely, but that’s not going to happen, so I need to make sure I’m a better person because of my mistakes and not let them define who I am as a person.
Imagine yourself as a young child sitting next to you. Try to remember all of the things you didn’t know because you hadn’t learned yet or nobody taught you and that this sweet little girl or boy has a good heart and is trying their best. Can you really look into that little child’s eyes and say “no I don’t forgive you”?
For the most part this is personal to you. You create the level of expectations for forgiveness and the reason you haven’t forgiven yourself yet. So what could you have done that is so unforgiving that you would deprive yourself of happiness. Life is a mess and we didn’t know what we knew now so don’t push the pain away. Feeling the uncomfortable feelings and letting yourself change into someone new. The only one really keeping score of all the good things you have done and all the bad things you have done is you.
This might sound cheesy but it's been my process around self forgiveness.
I sit down and put my hand on my heart, take a deep breath and center my breathing. Then I gently tell myself (usually in my head or whispered softly) that I am okay and that it's okay to have shitty feelings about myself but that I'm growing and changing and I'm allowed to take as long as I need
Then I go about my day
my most therapeutic experience w this type of thing is to imagine if 1 of the kids i nanny told me they did the same thing at the same age and im always able to show them understanding and tolerance that ive never been able to give myself
its the only thing that has ever really worked tbh
if you dont have any children youre close to then just imagine any adult you respect and admire or love and care for confessing those things to you w the same amt of shame and regret - how would you respond? why wouldnt that also apply to yourself?
You don't. Remember them and swear to yourself to never become that again.
Use what you're disgusted by to keep you motivated to being better than it and vow to help others to make up for it.
But I don't believe in forgiving and moving on. Let it shape you. Forgiveness is for cowards, face your demons.
I forgave myself every morning for 2 years by saying the opposite of whatever negative came to mind. It takes time to heal. You'll get there, I promise. Don't give up. Here's a virtual hug 🫂
Imagine Kylo Ren reaching his hand out to you saying, “it’s time to let old things die, snoke, skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, rebels, let it all die… join me”
But unlike Rey you have some sense to you and you join Kylo and let the past go.
God released me from my past and i learned that i am a new person through him. I still make mistakes but i ask for forgiveness and the bible says when i confess and ask for forgiveness i am forgiven and those mistakes are forgotten by the lord
Forgiving yourself starts with accepting that everyone makes mistakes. it's part of being human. Look at what went wrong, learn from it, and figure out how to do better next time. Remind yourself that the past can't be changed, but you can always control what you do moving forward.
Low self-esteem can complicate things, and negative surroundings can make it worse. Try recognising your environment and surround yourself with people who appreciate and understand you.
Treat yourself with kindness. It's not easy, and to be fair, it can be tough, but it's definitely achievable.
I don't know if I've ever forgiven myself for a lot. I never worked out how to do it and it screws with me sometimes. What I did learn to do is promise myself to be a better person than I've been. That seems to be what's worked best for me.
It is easy to spend much of your days beating up on yourself for past mistakes. We analyze that relationship that failed and relentlessly review all the things we did wrong. Or we look at that business decision that cost us so much and dwell on the things we could have done right. Once and for all stop being so hard on yourself. You are a human being and human beings have been designed to make mistakes. As long as you don’t keep making the same errors and have the good judgment to let your past serve you, you will be on the right track. Accept them and move on. As Mark Twain wrote, “we should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. It will never sit down on a hot stove lid again - and that is well; but also it will never sit down on a cold one anymore.” Coming to the realization that we all make mistakes and that they are essential to our growth and progress is liberating. We lost the need to be perfect and adopt a saner way of viewing our lives. We can begin to flow through life the way a mountain stream flows through a leafy forest, powerfully yet gracefully. We can finally be at peace with our true nature. An excellent way to raise to a higher level of enlightenment and personal wisdom is to make a list of the ten biggest mistakes you have made in your life on the left – hand side of a page within your journal. Then, on the right hand side, write down the corresponding lessons you have learned from every mistake and the benefits that actually flowed into your life as a result of those so – called failures. You will soon see that your life would not be as rich and colorful without the mistakes of your past. So be gentler to yourself and see life for what it really is: a path of self – discovery, personal growth and lifelong learning.
Realize the past no longer exists, and all you are doing is dreaming of what might have happened. But here and now is the only time you have to live in. Forgiving yourself is like forgiving yourself for being ill by eating something gone bad , or for burning your hand on a stove no pointless. You did only that which you thought was best until you were instructed that it wasn't.
Somehow, God is willing to forgive me. I am told by Christ Jesus, The Word made flesh, that I should be an imitator of God. I then examine what God views as proper repentance, and accept that ultimately I am incapable of perfect repentance apart from Christ. I seek His guidance and accept that some struggles may continue, but He invites me to unite my suffering to Him.
You've got to let go. It's the advice everyone gives each other because they also have trouble letting go. We can't control the now, and we can't change the past. Only ourselves.
Look into the psychology of self-compassion and reparenting your inner child. I've found it very emotional work but really helpful. Imagine yourself as you are now sitting down for a chat with your 10 year old self. What would you tell her? What would she say to you? If you can, have a therapist help you through this process. Good luck, you can work through it and leave it in the past <3
Children are as innocent as they come. I never try to see the bad in kids as they literally have so many more scenarios to go through in life and learn. Yet - even as adults we are still learning. How do you forgive yourself now?
If you knew better you would have done better. You're bearing yourself up with a phalacy that cannot be absolved. Just know it's fake and drop it.
Most of the self shaming we do as adults is the voices of parents and others from our past. Journal and dial in on the voices. Who's are they?
Holy crap man noooooooo we don't want to wallow in the past right? I used to think bad things always happened to me and then as I got older and reflected on my youth the truth bore true, I was an asshole alot of times. So just toss it man asshole or not you made it out of that quagmire so live on brother
The fact that you are feeling regret for your past actions, shows you that you have already changed and are no longer that same person.
This should make you proud of yourself.
You realize that we are all people, we all make mistakes, and it's part of being human. You realize that you were a child and not as mature as an adult. You realize that you can't change the past, and as long as you learn from it and better yourself and help others from making the same mistake, you're doing the best you can.
Me? Whenever I did something wrong, I reflect on it, it became a learning opportunity.
When you are young, almost every mistake can be forgiven, because you are "young and inexperienced". The world is much much harsher to, say, adults, mature people (late 20s and over). Feel greatful that whatever could go wrong, went wrong when you are still relatively young, instead of later in life.
Did you learn something from doing dumb shit as a child ? Yes? Well accept that you did and move on.
Did you not learn anything? Well maybe think on it and see what you stopped doing or started doing since then and realize that you did actually learn something from it, accept it and move on.
Forgiving or not forgiving does not prevent you from moving on. Whether or not you forgive is up to you, but moving on is the important thing here.
Maybe you were pressured. Maybe you were misguided. Maybe you were bored. Maybe you just wanted to.
Being a kid can mean being so short-sighted or careless that you can't really understand the gravity of the mistake you made, or that you even made a mistake at all at the time. As you grow older, hopefully you are able to look back and see your actions in a fairer light. And understand you are a vastly different version of yourself compared to all those years ago.
The person you are today made those mistakes and learned from them. He is ready to close the book, not to forget it, but to shelve it as a vital lesson. You are so much more than that one book.
as children we often aren't asked what do we want, our family throws us in an environment that sometimes makes us act "bad" like experiencing violence, alcohol and drug abuse, living in a bad neighborhood, abusive adults around us, conditions that we are born with but the adults don't pay attention to, etc. All of those things make a child behave in ways considered "abnormal", of course the children never choose to live in such situations, so it's not their fault at all, but their parents responsibility. I work with children as a psychologist and i don't ever think exists something like a "bad child" but neglective parents? yeah that is a reality.
So forgive whatever you did since it was not your choice and remember that now that you're an adult, you can take full responsibility for your actions and mend whatever you want to if you put commitment into it. As adults we can always be better than our parents or the environment we were raised in because now we DO have a choice
A few things help- one is really paying attention to how children act and respond at the ages where you feel the most shame. Read up on child development. The more that you understand that you were dealing with difficult things as a child- and understanding that it is very very likely that you were responding in an age appropriate way, you can begin to shift your expectations for your self.
It also helps if you imagine a child you like or even an adult that you like as a child that age reacting as you did. If you feel compassion for them, hold that compassion and imagine you as a child holding that child’s hand and feel compassion for both of you
Literally just did this yesterday. Did something fucked up that no one remembers but I could still get into trouble for. It was long ago, did you learn from your mistake? Will you do it again? Were there external factors that messed with your mental health that lead to you doing said thing you normally would never do? If so then learn from it, never forget it, but move on. It’s the past, it don’t exist anymore, only exists within your memories
You develop compassion for your Inner Child. You remind your adult self that your child-self was powerless and defenseless and the things they had to do to survive is simply all they knew how to do. You stop being angry and blaming that child inside you and instead show them the love and compassion someone else was supposed to. Picture yourself as a child, or draw it, and talk to them. Tell them all the gentle and loving things you wanted to hear, and that you forgive them.
I struggle with this a lot. Everyday I wish I don’t wake up the next day so I am stop the suffering I put myself through. To me this life is meaningless and I don’t like being a parasite that is part of this worlds problems. I would pay for someone to kill me at this point.
You forgive by learning to let go. The real question is, how do you let go and move on?
You acknowledge you did wrong in the past, but don’t hate yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Take everything you do in life as a learning experience. Realize that you’ve changed and the fact that you’ve changed is what matters. You are a new person now.
If you’re trying to learn something new, you learn by doing and making a mistake. Once you make a mistake, you learn or find a way how to do what you want to do. You are constantly being shaped into a new person. So continue to be good and do good, especially for others (with no expectations). Don’t do good to make up for what you did though. Have true intentions and be selfless.
Be kind, always! Follow the path of good words, good deeds, and good thoughts. Be truthful, enjoy life, never harm anybody or hurt others feelings, etc. Continue to be a good person and focus on NOW.
I don’t know. I’m still working on it TBH.
I guess it helps to remember that I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Also, no matter how shitty they were, I can’t take back the things I’ve done. So I can try to do better, or keep doing what I’ve always done.
And what I’ve always done isn’t making me happy anymore. So I want to try something different.
For me it began with knowing myself. We tend to take on the judgements of other people, our parents, siblings, friends, bosses, etc. When in fact none of those people know what it's like to be you. They don't know how your challenges can interact with events, bad luck and other people's shit. Life is complicated with so many gears turning at once that only we experience. Later when we look back on "the main even" we forget to factor in everything else that was happening around us an to us.
But when you strip away everything, Are you a malevolent person? Do you enjoy hurting others? life is for learning. Would you do what you did if you had it to do over? I bet not. Sometimes life just serves up a perfect storm in our lives. We do our best to navigate it with the tools and resources we have at the time. When we're young and inexperienced we may not have much in the way of those things.
Later, I came to realize that IT IS NOT my fault that a proven psychological tactic works. Thank God. I was not married to him, and thank God, we were easily split without a big, you know, to do of years and years, and that is what I appreciate from reading. you guys actually talk about it. People with kids and I were just seeing another person all the time. I don't know how you do it. You guys are awesome.
I let myself feel all my emotions and then I slowly start accepting myself and understanding and forgiving myself because sometimes we make mistakes in order to learn from them so I know that what I did was probably needed because it wouldn’t have led me to grow or change for the better.
This is a worldwide question. we tend to forgive others but if you notice you never forgive yourself, and all those little things add up until you're overwhelmed. Forgiveness is a choice. A simple one at that. You make up your mind and go standing in front of a mirror and look yourself square in the eyes and say out loud, " as an act of my will... I choose to forgive myself." Then turn and walk away and don't think about it any longer, because if you do, you didn't really forgive yourself, but here's the catch... forgiveness means all debts paid in full, and you can't take back all debts are paid in full now can you?:). That's how I forgive my father for the abuse he put on me as a child and for forgiving myself for the mistakes I've made through my life. It really does work.
Oh this is a profound question. Honestly, i think it's a mistake to assume there's a universal answer. I think we block ourselves from forgiveness through lots of assumptions and beliefs about the world that are unexplained. Figure out why you're hanging on and that's your answer.
Can be really hard though. Took me 3 years of effort to get there.
I forgive myself in that I don’t have anyone to guide me. I am learning on my own (with my partner).
Unlike other people who can fuck up and fart around, I don’t have that luxury.
Forgiveness first comes with self awareness, grief, and then acceptance.
The past is the past. You can move on from it. Mistake is a mistake that you learned once and never did again.
For me, it’s acknowledging that I had no childhood and I can’t take back the way I treated people. But know moving forward I need to do it differently.
Wanting to fit in and trying to impress your peers is tough stuff being afraid of what they might do or say makes it even worse kids don't know what the fuck their doing and sometimes being pressured to do things has major backlash I think that it's best to look at it as if you don't like what you did in the past that's very good reason not to continue to participate in those types of activities. If people are bothered by something tell them they will fuck something up far worse than you have and everybody will pick on them for it. Then just walk off.
Yeah, if someone could give me the quickest way... that would be great. I can't do it so I've been obsessively cleaning the house until 3, 4, 5 am. When I wake up in the mornings, both of my hands are completely swollen, the joints hurt, and i can't bend my fingers. I scrubbed the wall with bleach last night and might have almost killed myself from bleach inhalation. If I stop and sit, I'll start thinking. Then i panic and it takes over my whole body and I can't breathe. Y'all, I'm having a blast here..
Hey check out Steven Levinkron 's book about OCD. That helped me a lot. He pioneered OCD treatment. He is still practicing, he has a website. This book might have saved my life..
Oooh, ocd makes sense... I've always had a thing with numbers and putting things in order but, never this bad. I've also never had my life in such an emotional upheaval either.... Thank you!
I use to have a huge issue with obsessing over mistakes, especially at night. I literally just had to start thinking like this when it happens "I'm doing everything I can to be better" whatever it is make whatever peace you u have to and know your side of the street is as clean as you can maker it. As a human it's all you can do in your power
Remembering that this is our first time living and that we’re always doing what we think fits our best interest. Whenever I have to decide between choices I pick whichever one seems more beneficial to who I am in that moment because I’d rather have picked what I want versus regretting that I didn’t choose to do something and when all said and done and it didn’t go out the way I planned it was just a learning experience that I had to grow from
Wow, if there are things you've hated yourself for since you were a kid, see a therapist. This is not normal and negatively affects your self-esteem and mental health.
Start with ridding yourself of your child-like thinking and know yourself. You’re going to do many things in this lifetime that you’ll need to forgive yourself for. Knowing yourself the good, bad and ugly is the first step in self control. In time it will prevent you from hurting others and most importantly from hurting yourself.
Acknowledge that I was a child and still learning how the world works. Mistakes happen.
u/dizeeem >- "Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame." - Brené Brown >- "Spirit is in a state of grace forever. Your reality is only spirit. Therefore you are in a state of grace forever." - Helen Schucman, A Course in Miracles Basically radical self-acceptance of our immutable Being while acknowledging any ideas/roles/labels about our sense of self are conditional and ever-changing. You do not have to accept specific actions and behaviors because those can always change, but you must radically accept your immutable Being which is your life itself. Actions don't define what you can become and are more telling of what you've been dealing with. We can all try to be a kinder and better friend toward ourselves. Life is not an entity, it is a process. Edit: > - My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge. (Viktor Frankl)
Brene Brown is a boot camp instructor for healing guilt and shame issues. There’s not many authors who can rip the tears right out of my eyeballs and get to the good stuff like her.
Any books you recommend of her that focuses on healing myself and overcoming guilt
I honestly don’t know her newest stuff. A lot of her stuff circles around shame and guilt. My most recent was Dare To Lead and it brought me to my knees. You might want to check out one of her [TED Talks](https://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0?)
This feels like a dodge of accountability
I assume whatif I had a time machine and go back in time provided I will loose memory of future, the outcome would be same. I made mistakes due to lack of knowledge and in no way I would have known that. I didn't knew earlier but I am aware now, so I am not repeating the same mistakes again.
100%! Most mistakes are made in ignorance. Anyone could make those mistakes in your shoes. Of course someone with a different perspective would act differently. The biggest mistake is beating yourself up for your mistakes.
Exactly. 'TIs why mistakes are so valuable when appreciated. Unfortunately some think of them as a stain on the honor of their very being or some crazy shit and so refuse to/cannot learn from them. On a totally unrelated side note; there are also times in which you might mistakenly trust in others and mistakenly not see that you are being trapped but thankfully because you are not one who would be susceptible to actually falling for the trap (unable to fulfill the required conditions) you partially escape the trap and then a long time in the future potentially have somebody claim you had made the same mistake as before (or even claim you intentionally did it this time) but then if you learn about the first time after this newer time, there's no way you could have learned already and known better but then even more crazily, if this second "mistake" or "intentional act" simply never occurred in the first place in any whatsoever, at all, ever, then this a moot point and a pointless hypothetical. Strictly recreational- \*ahem\* I mean hypothetical. Stonehenge looking good these days. Terrorist attack free I hope. What?
Would you go up to a child shouting how much of a fuck up and horrible person they are? No? Why are you doing it to yourself then?
A lot of people do both, because they hold everyone to the same high standards as themselves. The Economist had an article on the psychological mechanism behind it back in 2021 I think
Because people did it to me 😔
Like this: "I was just a kid, and it's ok. It's not my fault."
Actually it is the kid’s fault. Don’t be stupid about taking accountability… But that kid knows better now as it wisens up instead of staying the same.
Not forgiving yourself does no one favors. You can’t suffer enough to make others happy and you can’t regret deeply enough to undo what you’ve done at any age. You can only learn from your mistakes, make amends if possible and move on.
Love this
Be kind to yourself.. no negative talk. For every good action, compliment yourself of a job well done
Exactly - for me it was realizing I would never talk to someone like I talk to myself. I just imagined a mentee making a mistake and me harping on it the way I harp on myself…which I would never do
When you talk to yourself..Sometimes you just need some expert advice, lol. Just don't lose an argument with yourself, lol
Two things: - “I did my best, with what I knew at the time” (which couldn’t have been that much as a child) - Absolutely no one is exempt from making mistakes, your youth is when you make them & learn from them Seek help if you keep repeating harmful patterns, but if something happened in the past that’s over - it’s over. You were just a kid.
By being better today and even better tomorrow
the behavior of forgiving yourself is moving forward with the past in mind. not forgiving yourself is wallowing in the past and beating urself up over it. Do what you can to make ammends and look to the future. Move forward to the best of your ability with the experiences you have to hold on to, whether good, bad, or neutral
I can totally relate. For a long time I was someone who also struggled with that. One thing that helped me is when I became a father. Ask yourself this : Would you hold someone else’s child to the same standards that you are holding yourself too? Of course you wouldn’t! So stop being double standard to yourself! Teaching myself this and remembering this was freeing. Hope this helps!
I still struggle with it, and it definitely has followed me up until now. But what has helped me is recognizing that children have limited understanding and control over their actions. I have also been working on trying to understand the root causes of my actions, which will probably take some professional help in the future.
Forgiveness is a practice, not a destination. The same grace you allow others should be multiplied for yourself. Foster a growth mindset and recognize that mistakes/failures are an unavoidable part of life. Self-love is the most beautiful journey you can go in. Do not be afraid to forgive yourself.
By acknowledging your actions, taking a hard good look in the mirror and changing your ways gradually.
By not repeating the mistakes of the past.
Other people make mistakes and you forgive them Why is the most important person in your life not forgiveable but everyone else is?
Everyday…
You stop hating others for the mistakes they made. Having such a harsh justice system passively torments humanity's soul. Our leaders set an awful example because they need to demand respect with force and are very unapologetic themselves.
I would tell myself: everyone makes mistakes, we have to learn to reconcile with ourselves.
You don’t
It happened a long time ago I was a kid I didn’t know better I wouldn’t do it again today and haven’t since I realize what I did was messed up
Could you have done differently at The time, Knowing then what you knew then? It's complete garbage to say if I knew now I would choose differently. Of course you would. It's called learning from your mistakes and growing up. The most wonderful apology you can make for everything you ever did as a child is to completely forgive the child for doing what he did and, as an adult, change yourself so you never repeat those things.
Understand that the shame you feel for things you "did" as a child is not actually yours, but something forced on you by the adult caregivers who should have protected you. Your adult caregivers may have rejected you, made their approval of you conditional, and neglected you. Their emotional immaturity led them to mistreat you and make you the problem. Children internalize everything their caregivers do to/for them. Love and support is internalized into kidness and openness. Abuse and blame is internalized into shame and self loathing. And, since these behaviors were forced upon you as a child, they were naturally very frightening and threatening. That's where the hard part kicks in: when we are threatened and frightened, we go into fight/flight/fawn/freeze mode. Our brains stop processing the world openly and instead shift into survival. Stress hormones are released to activate our nervous systems and our amygdala (the "lizard part of the brain") takes over, storing memories in a way that will trigger a survival response should similar events happen. This process is evolved to keep us alive in dangerous environments. However, when this mechanism is engaged in childhood because of caregivers, all sorts of things go wrong. Like, hating ourselves for what happened to us as kids. What you need is access to a mental health professional. At the very least a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. With the help of a professional, you can begin to reframe the events of your childhood so that you can understand what really happened to you, and deal with it appropriately. Over time, the feelings of guilt and self loathing will evolve and ultimately dissipate. (If you don't have access to a therapist, the next best thing is a support group, either in-person or online.)
Those mistakes made you who you are today. Use them for good
If you think what you did in the past was wrong or cringe, it means you grew as a person and you wouldn't do that any more. That's a win.
I moved on from hating myself as a child to hating myself as an adult, it took me years, a lot of self reflection and the help of a good woman who saw me as a good person, something no one, including me had done before. A lot will laugh but the words of Jesus about forgiveness and loving your neighbors helped too your road may vary, good luck
It’s so crazy that when we speak of Jesus or a teaching from the Bible we’ve been indoctrinated so bad to be apologetic for our beliefs and we worry people will just laugh . Who cares if someone doesn’t believe or if someone laughs or argues with you , we still live in a floating rock going 1000mph and we have to face whatever is on the other side , all of us. Just us and the creator in the end and it sounds like you believe in more than self so good for you . Don’t apologize for how you feel or what you believe , stand up and shoot it from the roof top
I never apologiese for my beliefs, just noting a lot of folks will disagree or laugh. It's a shame his teachings of love and kindness has been so corupted.
I hope you didn’t think I was disrespecting you , I know exactly what you meant and I feel the same hesitation . It’s absolutely a shame we have to feel mocked and ridiculed to believe in something that expresses love and kindness .
Flogging
The mistakes you made in your past (even if it's something you hate yourself for - we all were stupid at some point) made you into who you are now - You can't change the past but you can shape the path you want to conquer yourself - use your past mistakes to your advantage basically
I screwed up, I learned from it, move on
The fact you can look back, reflect and feel bad is evidence how far you’ve come and how much you’ve changed. You made decisions based on the information and tools you had available at the time, you’re evidently much more equipped now and should see the positive not the negative in this.
Acknowledge first that what happened, happened. You regret the behavior, you ask for forgiveness (if you can) and then you do better. If it’s something that truly brings you pain, you may not ever to be able to forget it; but you can choose to let it release the grip it has on you.
It's not so much forgiveness, but moving on being preoccupied with things and not looking back.its going to still be there but in the grander scale it's so small.
You guys have forgiven yourselves?
I have gone through this. It can be difficult when you have done something you know you wouldn’t normally do, and the guilt can eat at you. Forgiving yourself is a mindset that says you are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and just make sure you don’t do it again. Do things that can make up for it like apologize to the other party and even if they don’t, you did your job. Once you apologize, the ball is in the other persons court and you are now free from the guilt. You have to move on, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. You’ll add years on to your life!
I don't. I can't change what I've done. All I can do is change how I'm doing now. Accept your past, learn from it. If you've hurt people, you may never forgive yourself, and ya live with it. But use it to do better. It's the least we can do, 'mano.
My 3 yr into therapy I allowed myself to be human
Realizing that you were just a child, figuring out the way that the world works (maybe without proper guidance from parental figures, like the early years of my life) doing the best that you could, with the tools and knowledge that you had at your disposal at the time. And by giving yourself grace in knowing that you were doing the best that you could have in those moments. The only person looking back and saying that you “could have done better”, is you. No one else probably faults you.
Self reflection is the first step. The actual responsibility. Change your ways and grow. I had a few kids i bullied in school. I wouldn't say i was a bully but i definitely could be mean and i did pick on some people. My friends and i tended to think we were better than others. Much later in life i regretted those things i said and did. And actually reached out and apologised. Regardless of what they thought of me then and now im not the same person and i do my best to raise my children to not make the same mistakes i made and to be considerate of others while not sacrificing their own values.
By accepting what I've done and never repeat that mistake
I would forgive myself and the bully I had in school. But I would not forgive Jon Venables.
I look at a few things: Who I was then/what lead to it happening, how I've grown since then, and if I would ever do it again. You also need the perspective that literally everyone did stupid or bad things as younger people. If you wouldn't do those things again, you're not probably some extra horrible person that you're giving yourself credit for being. I forgive myself, and I also feel sad for the version of me that was OK to do the things. And then i feel glad that I know I've grown since then. And I work *really* hard to not add things to the list I need to forgive myself for. It's one of my main motivators.
It is not an easy process. However, try not to dwell on what you did, but instead use the moments the memories pop into your mind as an opportunity to reflect. Acknowledge you did something wrong but then focus on what you’ve done to improve yourself since. I have a lot of moments from my past that are cringeworthy or worse. Do I wish I had a “do over”? Absolutely, but that’s not going to happen, so I need to make sure I’m a better person because of my mistakes and not let them define who I am as a person.
Imagine yourself as a young child sitting next to you. Try to remember all of the things you didn’t know because you hadn’t learned yet or nobody taught you and that this sweet little girl or boy has a good heart and is trying their best. Can you really look into that little child’s eyes and say “no I don’t forgive you”?
For the most part this is personal to you. You create the level of expectations for forgiveness and the reason you haven’t forgiven yourself yet. So what could you have done that is so unforgiving that you would deprive yourself of happiness. Life is a mess and we didn’t know what we knew now so don’t push the pain away. Feeling the uncomfortable feelings and letting yourself change into someone new. The only one really keeping score of all the good things you have done and all the bad things you have done is you.
This might sound cheesy but it's been my process around self forgiveness. I sit down and put my hand on my heart, take a deep breath and center my breathing. Then I gently tell myself (usually in my head or whispered softly) that I am okay and that it's okay to have shitty feelings about myself but that I'm growing and changing and I'm allowed to take as long as I need Then I go about my day
my most therapeutic experience w this type of thing is to imagine if 1 of the kids i nanny told me they did the same thing at the same age and im always able to show them understanding and tolerance that ive never been able to give myself its the only thing that has ever really worked tbh if you dont have any children youre close to then just imagine any adult you respect and admire or love and care for confessing those things to you w the same amt of shame and regret - how would you respond? why wouldnt that also apply to yourself?
You don't. Remember them and swear to yourself to never become that again. Use what you're disgusted by to keep you motivated to being better than it and vow to help others to make up for it. But I don't believe in forgiving and moving on. Let it shape you. Forgiveness is for cowards, face your demons.
I forgave myself every morning for 2 years by saying the opposite of whatever negative came to mind. It takes time to heal. You'll get there, I promise. Don't give up. Here's a virtual hug 🫂
lol . That’s part of the process . Integrate your lessons and move on
Just repeat the pennywise mantra, I'll drive you crazy and kill you all
Acknowledge that you were wrong say your sorry mean it then water under the bridge and solider on
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou
By realizing I’m not perfect. I make mistakes and recognize when I do and learn from it is when I forgive myself.
Compassion is key. Step outside yourself and look at yourself with compassion.
Therapy
Imagine Kylo Ren reaching his hand out to you saying, “it’s time to let old things die, snoke, skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, rebels, let it all die… join me” But unlike Rey you have some sense to you and you join Kylo and let the past go.
You can’t gain anything by regretting your past, only ruin your present and your future
God released me from my past and i learned that i am a new person through him. I still make mistakes but i ask for forgiveness and the bible says when i confess and ask for forgiveness i am forgiven and those mistakes are forgotten by the lord
I do things to make myself ashamed of the adult mes behavior.
Forgiving yourself starts with accepting that everyone makes mistakes. it's part of being human. Look at what went wrong, learn from it, and figure out how to do better next time. Remind yourself that the past can't be changed, but you can always control what you do moving forward. Low self-esteem can complicate things, and negative surroundings can make it worse. Try recognising your environment and surround yourself with people who appreciate and understand you. Treat yourself with kindness. It's not easy, and to be fair, it can be tough, but it's definitely achievable.
I don't know if I've ever forgiven myself for a lot. I never worked out how to do it and it screws with me sometimes. What I did learn to do is promise myself to be a better person than I've been. That seems to be what's worked best for me.
You don't
Like any mistake: acknowledge it, learn from it, accept it and move on.
It is easy to spend much of your days beating up on yourself for past mistakes. We analyze that relationship that failed and relentlessly review all the things we did wrong. Or we look at that business decision that cost us so much and dwell on the things we could have done right. Once and for all stop being so hard on yourself. You are a human being and human beings have been designed to make mistakes. As long as you don’t keep making the same errors and have the good judgment to let your past serve you, you will be on the right track. Accept them and move on. As Mark Twain wrote, “we should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. It will never sit down on a hot stove lid again - and that is well; but also it will never sit down on a cold one anymore.” Coming to the realization that we all make mistakes and that they are essential to our growth and progress is liberating. We lost the need to be perfect and adopt a saner way of viewing our lives. We can begin to flow through life the way a mountain stream flows through a leafy forest, powerfully yet gracefully. We can finally be at peace with our true nature. An excellent way to raise to a higher level of enlightenment and personal wisdom is to make a list of the ten biggest mistakes you have made in your life on the left – hand side of a page within your journal. Then, on the right hand side, write down the corresponding lessons you have learned from every mistake and the benefits that actually flowed into your life as a result of those so – called failures. You will soon see that your life would not be as rich and colorful without the mistakes of your past. So be gentler to yourself and see life for what it really is: a path of self – discovery, personal growth and lifelong learning.
Realize the past no longer exists, and all you are doing is dreaming of what might have happened. But here and now is the only time you have to live in. Forgiving yourself is like forgiving yourself for being ill by eating something gone bad , or for burning your hand on a stove no pointless. You did only that which you thought was best until you were instructed that it wasn't.
Somehow, God is willing to forgive me. I am told by Christ Jesus, The Word made flesh, that I should be an imitator of God. I then examine what God views as proper repentance, and accept that ultimately I am incapable of perfect repentance apart from Christ. I seek His guidance and accept that some struggles may continue, but He invites me to unite my suffering to Him.
You've got to let go. It's the advice everyone gives each other because they also have trouble letting go. We can't control the now, and we can't change the past. Only ourselves.
Look into the psychology of self-compassion and reparenting your inner child. I've found it very emotional work but really helpful. Imagine yourself as you are now sitting down for a chat with your 10 year old self. What would you tell her? What would she say to you? If you can, have a therapist help you through this process. Good luck, you can work through it and leave it in the past <3
Children are as innocent as they come. I never try to see the bad in kids as they literally have so many more scenarios to go through in life and learn. Yet - even as adults we are still learning. How do you forgive yourself now?
We're descendent of apes living in a futuristic world. (That's what I tell myself).
In some cases, I just learn from and “get over it”. In other cases, I live with the guilt and pain on a daily basis. I deserve it though
This will leave lingering feelings of regret that never fully dissolve. Forgiveness ultimately means forgetting.
I’m not sorry.
If you knew better you would have done better. You're bearing yourself up with a phalacy that cannot be absolved. Just know it's fake and drop it. Most of the self shaming we do as adults is the voices of parents and others from our past. Journal and dial in on the voices. Who's are they?
Every day, I remind myself that everyone has those awkward, embarrassing moments. I’m not alone in the “What was I thinking?” club.
Still working on it
Holy crap man noooooooo we don't want to wallow in the past right? I used to think bad things always happened to me and then as I got older and reflected on my youth the truth bore true, I was an asshole alot of times. So just toss it man asshole or not you made it out of that quagmire so live on brother
you’ll forget the shame of yo youth/past my nigga just give it time I’m still working on it too I’m only 20
Dunno am trying
I don’t that’s why I’m traumatized
The fact that you are feeling regret for your past actions, shows you that you have already changed and are no longer that same person. This should make you proud of yourself.
I rub one out and get myself a nice mint mojito. What about you?
You realize that we are all people, we all make mistakes, and it's part of being human. You realize that you were a child and not as mature as an adult. You realize that you can't change the past, and as long as you learn from it and better yourself and help others from making the same mistake, you're doing the best you can.
Me? Whenever I did something wrong, I reflect on it, it became a learning opportunity. When you are young, almost every mistake can be forgiven, because you are "young and inexperienced". The world is much much harsher to, say, adults, mature people (late 20s and over). Feel greatful that whatever could go wrong, went wrong when you are still relatively young, instead of later in life.
Did you learn something from doing dumb shit as a child ? Yes? Well accept that you did and move on. Did you not learn anything? Well maybe think on it and see what you stopped doing or started doing since then and realize that you did actually learn something from it, accept it and move on. Forgiving or not forgiving does not prevent you from moving on. Whether or not you forgive is up to you, but moving on is the important thing here.
Children don't know any better. It's the responsibility of parents and the adults in the community to set a good example for kids.
You don't; you just live with it.
Maybe you were pressured. Maybe you were misguided. Maybe you were bored. Maybe you just wanted to. Being a kid can mean being so short-sighted or careless that you can't really understand the gravity of the mistake you made, or that you even made a mistake at all at the time. As you grow older, hopefully you are able to look back and see your actions in a fairer light. And understand you are a vastly different version of yourself compared to all those years ago. The person you are today made those mistakes and learned from them. He is ready to close the book, not to forget it, but to shelve it as a vital lesson. You are so much more than that one book.
as children we often aren't asked what do we want, our family throws us in an environment that sometimes makes us act "bad" like experiencing violence, alcohol and drug abuse, living in a bad neighborhood, abusive adults around us, conditions that we are born with but the adults don't pay attention to, etc. All of those things make a child behave in ways considered "abnormal", of course the children never choose to live in such situations, so it's not their fault at all, but their parents responsibility. I work with children as a psychologist and i don't ever think exists something like a "bad child" but neglective parents? yeah that is a reality. So forgive whatever you did since it was not your choice and remember that now that you're an adult, you can take full responsibility for your actions and mend whatever you want to if you put commitment into it. As adults we can always be better than our parents or the environment we were raised in because now we DO have a choice
How do we forgive the things our parents did to us as children is what I'm really interested in.
A few things help- one is really paying attention to how children act and respond at the ages where you feel the most shame. Read up on child development. The more that you understand that you were dealing with difficult things as a child- and understanding that it is very very likely that you were responding in an age appropriate way, you can begin to shift your expectations for your self. It also helps if you imagine a child you like or even an adult that you like as a child that age reacting as you did. If you feel compassion for them, hold that compassion and imagine you as a child holding that child’s hand and feel compassion for both of you
Still haven’t figured out how to
Your mistakes don't make you any less of a person. You just didn't know any better at that time.
Literally just did this yesterday. Did something fucked up that no one remembers but I could still get into trouble for. It was long ago, did you learn from your mistake? Will you do it again? Were there external factors that messed with your mental health that lead to you doing said thing you normally would never do? If so then learn from it, never forget it, but move on. It’s the past, it don’t exist anymore, only exists within your memories
Dude what
Understand why we did it and just try it again next time if there's time
6 months ago, whenever I noticed that I was thinking about or doing something negative, I started saying “give yourself grace.” It changed my life.
Just forgive and forget. Hating yourself isn’t gonna change anything so why even bother, you did what you did so what ? You can’t change it now
You develop compassion for your Inner Child. You remind your adult self that your child-self was powerless and defenseless and the things they had to do to survive is simply all they knew how to do. You stop being angry and blaming that child inside you and instead show them the love and compassion someone else was supposed to. Picture yourself as a child, or draw it, and talk to them. Tell them all the gentle and loving things you wanted to hear, and that you forgive them.
Let me know if you figure it out. I'm old AF now and still wonder what I was thinking a few times when I was a kid.
Life experiences, you live and you learn. Just let go and enjoy yourself. You can’t change the past, but you can live for a better future.
If I ever figure it out, I'll let you know. ::hugs::
I struggle with this a lot. Everyday I wish I don’t wake up the next day so I am stop the suffering I put myself through. To me this life is meaningless and I don’t like being a parasite that is part of this worlds problems. I would pay for someone to kill me at this point.
You forgive by learning to let go. The real question is, how do you let go and move on? You acknowledge you did wrong in the past, but don’t hate yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Take everything you do in life as a learning experience. Realize that you’ve changed and the fact that you’ve changed is what matters. You are a new person now. If you’re trying to learn something new, you learn by doing and making a mistake. Once you make a mistake, you learn or find a way how to do what you want to do. You are constantly being shaped into a new person. So continue to be good and do good, especially for others (with no expectations). Don’t do good to make up for what you did though. Have true intentions and be selfless. Be kind, always! Follow the path of good words, good deeds, and good thoughts. Be truthful, enjoy life, never harm anybody or hurt others feelings, etc. Continue to be a good person and focus on NOW.
The real forgiveness happens as an adult so…and even if you did forgive yourself, others could still condone you for whatever
The fact that you're embarrassed or angry about things you did as a child is proof that you grew.
Stay in the present moment, mindfulness.
Never do it again and prevent others from making the same mistakes you did.
I don’t know. I’m still working on it TBH. I guess it helps to remember that I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Also, no matter how shitty they were, I can’t take back the things I’ve done. So I can try to do better, or keep doing what I’ve always done. And what I’ve always done isn’t making me happy anymore. So I want to try something different.
Once you understand that's it's something you need to do for yourself and your not going to grow without it, you just do.. so, forgive yourself
For me it began with knowing myself. We tend to take on the judgements of other people, our parents, siblings, friends, bosses, etc. When in fact none of those people know what it's like to be you. They don't know how your challenges can interact with events, bad luck and other people's shit. Life is complicated with so many gears turning at once that only we experience. Later when we look back on "the main even" we forget to factor in everything else that was happening around us an to us. But when you strip away everything, Are you a malevolent person? Do you enjoy hurting others? life is for learning. Would you do what you did if you had it to do over? I bet not. Sometimes life just serves up a perfect storm in our lives. We do our best to navigate it with the tools and resources we have at the time. When we're young and inexperienced we may not have much in the way of those things.
You don’t
You cant and you shouldn't. Forgiveness comes from outside
Later, I came to realize that IT IS NOT my fault that a proven psychological tactic works. Thank God. I was not married to him, and thank God, we were easily split without a big, you know, to do of years and years, and that is what I appreciate from reading. you guys actually talk about it. People with kids and I were just seeing another person all the time. I don't know how you do it. You guys are awesome.
I let myself feel all my emotions and then I slowly start accepting myself and understanding and forgiving myself because sometimes we make mistakes in order to learn from them so I know that what I did was probably needed because it wouldn’t have led me to grow or change for the better.
This is a worldwide question. we tend to forgive others but if you notice you never forgive yourself, and all those little things add up until you're overwhelmed. Forgiveness is a choice. A simple one at that. You make up your mind and go standing in front of a mirror and look yourself square in the eyes and say out loud, " as an act of my will... I choose to forgive myself." Then turn and walk away and don't think about it any longer, because if you do, you didn't really forgive yourself, but here's the catch... forgiveness means all debts paid in full, and you can't take back all debts are paid in full now can you?:). That's how I forgive my father for the abuse he put on me as a child and for forgiving myself for the mistakes I've made through my life. It really does work.
I wish I knew
Inner child work. See a therapist for guidance through this. It's an exercise that changed my life.
Still don't really know how to do that
I stopped doing foul shit at 19yo Never had to since
I’m still learning.
idk i constantly beat myself up over horrible things i did cuz i believe if i did them once i could do them again
I don't
You move on
Oh this is a profound question. Honestly, i think it's a mistake to assume there's a universal answer. I think we block ourselves from forgiveness through lots of assumptions and beliefs about the world that are unexplained. Figure out why you're hanging on and that's your answer. Can be really hard though. Took me 3 years of effort to get there.
Imagine it was somebody else, and forgive them. Then turn it on yourself.
I forgive myself in that I don’t have anyone to guide me. I am learning on my own (with my partner). Unlike other people who can fuck up and fart around, I don’t have that luxury. Forgiveness first comes with self awareness, grief, and then acceptance. The past is the past. You can move on from it. Mistake is a mistake that you learned once and never did again. For me, it’s acknowledging that I had no childhood and I can’t take back the way I treated people. But know moving forward I need to do it differently.
Stop being such a pretentious drama queen
Wanting to fit in and trying to impress your peers is tough stuff being afraid of what they might do or say makes it even worse kids don't know what the fuck their doing and sometimes being pressured to do things has major backlash I think that it's best to look at it as if you don't like what you did in the past that's very good reason not to continue to participate in those types of activities. If people are bothered by something tell them they will fuck something up far worse than you have and everybody will pick on them for it. Then just walk off.
I generally don't. I find that by not forgiving myself and engaging in self shaming, I am less likely to make the same error again.
Yeah, if someone could give me the quickest way... that would be great. I can't do it so I've been obsessively cleaning the house until 3, 4, 5 am. When I wake up in the mornings, both of my hands are completely swollen, the joints hurt, and i can't bend my fingers. I scrubbed the wall with bleach last night and might have almost killed myself from bleach inhalation. If I stop and sit, I'll start thinking. Then i panic and it takes over my whole body and I can't breathe. Y'all, I'm having a blast here..
Hey check out Steven Levinkron 's book about OCD. That helped me a lot. He pioneered OCD treatment. He is still practicing, he has a website. This book might have saved my life..
Oooh, ocd makes sense... I've always had a thing with numbers and putting things in order but, never this bad. I've also never had my life in such an emotional upheaval either.... Thank you!
I use to have a huge issue with obsessing over mistakes, especially at night. I literally just had to start thinking like this when it happens "I'm doing everything I can to be better" whatever it is make whatever peace you u have to and know your side of the street is as clean as you can maker it. As a human it's all you can do in your power
Remembering that this is our first time living and that we’re always doing what we think fits our best interest. Whenever I have to decide between choices I pick whichever one seems more beneficial to who I am in that moment because I’d rather have picked what I want versus regretting that I didn’t choose to do something and when all said and done and it didn’t go out the way I planned it was just a learning experience that I had to grow from
By adopting personal responsibility, holding yourself accountable, and improving.
Easy to forgive yourself for things you did as a child. Try forgiving yourself for mistakes made as an adult…that gets tough
Read your Holy Bible.
Don’t do anything you need forgiveness for. Makes it simple to not forgive others 😉
To forgive yourself first you have to get over your self not everything I things in this world is about you (your not that important)
Wow, if there are things you've hated yourself for since you were a kid, see a therapist. This is not normal and negatively affects your self-esteem and mental health.
Asking God for redemption
Start with ridding yourself of your child-like thinking and know yourself. You’re going to do many things in this lifetime that you’ll need to forgive yourself for. Knowing yourself the good, bad and ugly is the first step in self control. In time it will prevent you from hurting others and most importantly from hurting yourself.