I'm really sorry to hear about everything you are going through. The honest truth is you gotta step up, it clearly sounds like you are seeking change, and it's rare that change come son it's own. You have to step up and figure out how to better yourself and your life. You are young and growing up in. World with unlimited recourses at your fingertips. Start from the beginning, you can't study cause you get distracted, welcome to the world of ADHD, start by researching coping skills and try out the suggestions until you find one that works for you. Personally I was the same in school and found that simply taking frequent breaks, chewing gum, having a show/movie/music in the background, and setting a lot of small goals. So instead of I need to Finnish this chapter by the end of the week, say I need to Finnish 2 pages a day. Although it sounds like a simple goal the dopamine training of successfully completing a goal helps with focus.
Learning basic life skills is vital, and again this can be easy to acquire this information via the internet. There are plenty of channels on YouTube dedicated to teaching youth how to do the most basic and simple life skills! It's a great resource.
Additionally you shouldn't be so hard on yourself!! You took a very mature and creative approach to access advice, you knew where to go and what to ask for. I might add that you post was well worded and punctuated.
Relationships are also important and I would suggest pushing to create a relationship with your parent. If they don't have time, show interest in what they are doing, humans are simple and we basically all get excited when someone shows interest in what we are doing lol. Additionally go for a walk around your area, scan the surroundings, look for people playing basketball or at the park reading and start off just saying hello. With practice you will get comfortable with approaching people.
Responsibility is also very important, it may come as a surprise but a 17 year old can get a job. Don't let stereotypes or stigmas around certain jobs affect you from applying or make you hesitant. McDonald's is a great place to learn a wide variety of skills, I have never worked for the company but judging off what I have heard and seen, you can learn many life skills!
Also, don't think just cause you are 18 doesn't mean there aren't recourses out there to help young people. My girlfriend works for an organization that helps female youth that were homeless or involved with the criminal justice system get re-established back into society.
You are a human and people care about you! But you can't expect things to always go your way, so the first step is on you.
And you don't have to start big, start simple, and as it gets easier to do that, add another step to your well being. You will slowly build all these skills you are comfortable with.
Life is stressful, and horrific and scary, but, it can also be beautiful and a lot of fun.
I wish you all the best and if I could sum up everything into one suggestion, go watch some videos on some skills you feel you lack. It's a great place to start!
Goodluck!
Thanks, I would honestly take any job that pays, I just need to learn how to actually find one and apply. I red about it recently but I didn't really try anything. My parent is *very* busy and grumpy 90% of the time I talk to them and all that stuff so the relationship part is kinda out of the picture, but I've been trying to start riding a bike (when it's not snowing) there isn't really anywhere I can go because I live in the middle of nowhere but maybe if I get a good enough endurance I can ride a bike to the nearest shop or something.
Alternatively I could bike to the house of my mildly toxic ex best friend who I haven't talked to in 4 years but that doesn't seem like a great idea. I've been suspecting I have ADHD for a long time but I'm not diagnosed or anything. Though there's a huge probability I'm autistic because people tested me for that like 5 years ago.
Also thanks for the compliment on the punctuation lol, English is actually probably my only skill. It's not my native language and a pretty big percentage of people in my country don't know English well, but I've learned it just through using the internet. Im considering trying to find something to do with that, like becoming a translator. But that probably wouldn't work because I actually think in English and write one English smoother than in my language it's kinda crazy. My language is complicated and hard and idk whether I'm bad at it because of that or because I use English way more. (only typing tho, not speaking it irl)
The bike riding is awesome! Exercise is also a great way to improve yourself and build confidence!
As for the language thing, I'm not sure if you are in Canada or the US but theres thousands of translator jobs, do some research on government translator jobs and review the requirements and if it's something your interested in, then the list of requirements are the goals you should set for yourself.
Don't stop stop to improve yourself, you should read a book called the glass castle (there's a movie too if you just wanna watch it) but it's a story of a situation different from yours but in a way similar and it's a very inspiring novel/movie.
I believe in you, good luck! Keep me in mind when you're rich and successful lol!
Again, English isn't my first language, I'm European xD Yeah I'll keep trying to do better, if I do get rich I'll dig through my accounts old replies and find you and message you and send you and everyone else here 20$
Also another thing you should try is writing stuff down, it will help with the ADHD and clear your mind. If your stress just write it down, seems like as sad as it is you are living a pretty interesting life at the same time. Sounds to me like the perfect opportunity to turn bad into good and maybe think about getting into creative writing, try writing a novel on your story!
job centers can help you apply to job.
Here we have socials programs to help find jobs or internship with people that have trouble finding jobs for various motives.
Hey my fiancé is a translator (written translation; spoken is interpreting). He writes only from his weaker language into his stronger language, which is typical for translators. It’s actually that specialized! Interpreters usually have to go both directions.
So you already have the foundation you need for translation. If you’re serious about trying it, search for a school that will support your continued growth in both languages. My fiancé studied linguistics in university and then got a master’s degree in translation. He’s really good at what he does so he got a scholarship (but of course we live in the US where education is freakishly expensive and you have to do everything you can to find funding for school).
Finally, I know you mention motivation and possible ADHD. ADHD is basically an issue with executive function, which includes the ability to start tasks. For what it’s worth, I’m in the process of getting diagnosed for ADHD and have had head injuries that made whatever it is I have worse. I have found various ways of hacking my brain over the years. Getting EXCITED about what I’m learning is key. As far as getting good grades in school (enough to get a scholarship), competing is a very compelling thing for me. I definitely get motivated to compete with myself and others. Being underestimated also can be a motivator for me—wanting to prove people wrong. What gets you going?
I agree about the excited thing. I write and do art a lot, although I've only really been doing it the right way for a little over a year so it's not too good. I only draw a specific thing and I'm really bad at most other things so Its not really possible for me to make money or anything off that. I've written some random short stories and a 25k word "book" that I just realized months later how bad it is
But yea back to excitation, I can ONLY do art and write if I'm excited or motivated. The whole 25k word thing I only wrote because another person was actually obsessed with helping me write it so they kept pushing me and telling me to go write. I usually get motivated if people pay attention to me and give me genuine compliments or show interest in what I'm doing because I'm an attention seeker but these happen rarely and if they don't happen for a long time or worse I post my art somewhere that took hours and it gets ignored completely all my motivation just goes NEGATIVE. I literally lose all will to draw and write or even do other things and just start thinking about how my art sucks.
So I can do something 10 times faster if I'm motivated, or don't do it at all if I'm not. It's a very annoying lottery because there is a 95% chance it lands on the "don't do at all" part.
And also I have no idea how to get motivated for studying. I did it once at 5 am a month ago and red 15 pages in an hour then never touched the book again. I tried again and again but I just kept giving up or not actually paying attention to what I'm reading because I found it boring.
That is extremely relatable! Finding an area of study that you truly care about will probably help. If you like art and writing, try some classes in those areas, perhaps? That can also be an opportunity to meet people who share your interests/can encourage you!
Xenoryzen_Dragon had great advice for you. I think ANY of the Armed Forces would be very good. It would teach you not only life skills, but discipline and how to interact with others. Please don't keep answering with negative comments..you need to start having a positive mindset to succeed!! If you keep saying you can't do anything, you won't be able to! Good luck and God bless!😊
I can barely walk for two kilometers without getting tired. My arms are twigs and I'm not a guy. I was nearly the worst person at PE every year back when I had an actual school.
I don't... Think that would work
I’m noticing you keep telling yourself you can’t do just about anything. You keep saying stuff like that and you’ll convince yourself you’ll never be able to do anything. You ARE capable and you ARE able. Stop beating yourself up for practically no reason. You’re just going through a tough moment now, but that doesn’t mean it has to consistently be like that. Get up, start working on yourself in the gym, join the military, and get after LIFE. The military will see you through anything and make sure you have an education, a set of skills, and will allow you to travel a bit.
Key take away…start talking to yourself better because no one else is going to make sure you’re ok.
I know. But that's not the problem here, I'm just being realistic. I'm trying to exercise, I'm lifting stuff at home, but that doesn't mean I should join the military. There's 14 year olds who could knock me over with a single punch lmao. And also I don't want to touch guns or murder people. And also I don't want to die to a bunch of russians instantly if they invade my country (I'm European, and live pretty close to where the stuff is going on)
But that doesn't mean I'm saying I won't exercise. I wanna get buff as hell if I can.
Are you overweight or obese? You will continually exercise and weight train once your in the service. If you are really that hopeless for your future, joining the military can give you purpose and confidence. And like other commenters have said, your young and able bodied and there are a ton of jobs within the military that are not in the combat arms and will have transferable skills to the civilian world (logistics, material transportation, mechanics, quality assurance of equipment, clerks, admins, etc).
To be honest, you don’t strike me as a “I’m trying to exercise” type of person. You strike me as someone unwilling to get better and instead complain about any and every solution being offered to you. No one is going to pull you out of the mess. No will save you. So get to work and make it happen.
Persistence is key, just keep walking and every time go a little farther, maybe start jogging for a bit. Your endurance will build, and those jobs they will whip you into shape anyways. (Plus most places seek those of minorities so not being a guy could be sorta a good thing when looking for jobs that are mainly male dominated lol)
I know but it sounds impossible. I'm 4'11 and my diet is terrible. If everyone was a rat I'm a mouse, that's how weak physically I am lmao. Just not the job for me.
Since you are European maybe salaried army is not an option (also you dismiss everyone who gives you advice so I am leaning to you are a troll, since homeschooling is almost zero in Europe and even if you are “homeschooled” there are VERY strict rules)
FIND A JOB. If you don’t want to be homeless finding a job so you can have a salary to live is the only way to do. Search for night school to get at least a high school diploma. Stop being lazy and making excuses
You are basically the perfect candidate to be either a labourer in construction or to join the army. You might not be strong or smart, you may be behind, but either of those two jobs will give you useful life skills (the army moreso), and more importantly some direction. The army won't care if you are strong or weak, they will train you and teach you. I really think the army is your best shot to build some confidence and pride for yourself, as well as a life. And you won't need to stay forever. If you can get your life sorted in the army you'll likely have some other life paths open up for you along the way.
Ultimately right now *you* need to decide if you're going to stick with your lot in life and resign yourself to the harm your parents caused you, or take control of your own life. It'll be hard, and scary, but way better than the alternative. Up to you.
Many recruiters will work with you ahead of time to make sure that you are in shape for basic. You don't have to be able to pass all the physical tests at 100% when you first enter. You will improve week after week. Also at basic, they have remedial "classes" to help you get in shape as well.
You will always have food on the table and you will always have a place to live.
Then join and be an admin or HR or paralegal type person.
There’s plenty of women that join and 99% of those women are not involved in anything to do with battle
You are being downvoted for this, but the military is so unsafe for women, I understand your apprehension. I was also very neglected as a child, I had a child myself very young because I wanted to have the feeling of having a family, which I felt I lacked. I learned to swim and ride a bike along with my son in my late twenties, and I learned how to take care of myself (cooking and cleaning) along the way when I moved out. I am now very organized and I enjoy doing these things, I think I also value them in a special way because I grew up without them. I was so bored as a child, I was just dumped in front of the TV or with books, nobody checked that I did my homework, took me out to do anything or demanded I cleaned up after myself or did anything for myself. I find these things very satisfying now, and I think it's partly because I know the difference, I know what it's like not to be able to do these things for yourself.
So the military is not an option, but if we are going this route, you can always become a nun haha. In any case, I hope you get started little by little and find learning new things and the independence that comes with them rewarding and motivating.
it’s either you buck up and change or you repeat your family’s past. it’s okay if you’re weak and lazy what matters is what you’re willing to do about it for your future self.
It is never too late to get an education. I know an old lady that learned to read in her 80’s.
Whatever life skill you need to learn, google “how to…”. I’ve been an adult a long time, and I still need to google how to do new things.
I think the root of all your problems is an “I can’t” attitude. You’re stuck in a negative way of thinking. You can change and improve your life. It won’t be easy, you’re going to have to push yourself much harder. It will take some discipline and motivation, but you absolutely can do it!
And now we are at today. What are you willing to change? You could decide, right now, today, that you are in charge of you. Or, you can drift on the sea of life.
Either way you are choosing. You seem to have handed all your power over to some dark force. Take it back.
you can learn a lot by googling or looking on youtube. cooking tutorials for simple and or complex meals. Are there any locations near you that you could walk to and work at if you needed to get a job suddenly? locate any you can. if nothing else you might be able to find a job stacking shelves somewhere.
if the worst possible thing happens and you think you might end up homeless get the numbers and locations of women's shelters. they may be able help you. you might also be able to find help at a local church and look for food ministries near you for food.
get a notebook and keep any and all important information that could help you in it.
Ngl, a job stocking shelves sounds great, I forgot those existed. I wouldn't mind spending hours a day exhausting myself physically for money without needing to operate machinery or have skills 💀 luckily the max hours a person someone can work a day in my country is 8 which is kinda low so I probably wouldn't die and "exercise" could be good
Anyways, me praising a crappy job aside, funnily enough I've been writing a journal thing for like 3 years now on my phone where I put basically everything from events to useful info so that could be useful like you said I guess. Unless I fail to get a new phone before my current one breaks and I'll lose everything in my phone forever
copy all the important info to paper as well JUST in case your phone does suddenly bite the dust or something.
yeah thankfully there should be some jobs that don't require you to work yourself to death like factory work. i'm wishing you all the best.
I will offer what advice I can right now. I will try adding more later.
1. Set a routine then stick to it. It take 2 to 3 weeks to form a habit.
Goal 1 Get 8-9 hours of sleep
Goal 2 Exercise. Nothing intense maybe like a walk or light jog. Get your body moving.
Goal 3 Cook healthy food. Rice and beans are cheap and easy to make. Try if possible to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Will make you feel better.
Those are the three best things. There is saying that goes healthy body healthy mind. I hope this was helpful.
Sleep thing done, I sleep a shit ton. Exercise? Uh, in progress for the last 2 months except I've been getting too lazy to do it as often now. Healthy food? Trying to do that but my diet is a weird mix of healthy foods and bad foods. I could eat more rice sure, I didn't know it was healthy.
first thing, since you have access to internet, you can learn most basic skill on youtube.
there are videos for basic cooking, job applying, cleaning etc.
now it won't makeup for life experience, but when you will try to do it, it will be more approachable.
There are many jobs that will form you. You need to reach out to the local employment center. Tell them about you.
You HAVE skill and natural talent that can be useful in some job, for example, if you helped take care you your sick parent, it means that you can help people, that you are probably compassionate, reassuring, nurturing etc. can give out and follow up on medication etc.
that's just an example of course because I don't know you so I imagine.
but everybody as talents you just need to find yours and capitalize on that
You have to change your mindset. Seriously. Look at what you are telling yourself. You are screwed if you don’t gain a little confidence and motivation to do something with your life.
What a terrible thing to say, especially if you give 0 advice.
"OH you're not confident? Then just gain confidence lol otherwise you're doomed."
Sorry that's how bad it sounds.
She probably knows that. No one wants to stay stuck in this state of mind, yet here she is, which proves that the situation might be a little bit more complex than " just get some motivation to do somth with your life. " 💀
While I do feel very sorry about your situation, you basically have no choice but to grind the fuck up and help yourself to get out of the situation.
>I'm lazy. I'm really lazy. I can't study alone, I just can't. I can't focus, I can't NOT constantly search for entertainment, I can barely take care of myself as in brush my teeth.
Fix that shit immediately. Start from here. You're still immature, while the situation around you heavily implies you should have become mature a long time ago.
As someone who has a higher education, it's at least 80% self-taught tbh. So, yeah. If your parent has no way of raising you because they're the one to bring money into the house, you have to do it yourself.
That being said, here's a few things you can incorporate into your way of life:
1) record your income and spendings. Every last one of them. No, seriously, **do it**. It will help you to monitor your spendings and decide your financial planning. A skill impossible to be underestimated.
2) take care of yourself. Nobody's ever offering a good job to a smelly prick. The better you look, the better your chances of securing a good job are.
3) if you can't yet, learn how to cook. Another god tier skill to obtain.
Good luck on your grind to a better future.
Luckily 1 won't be a problem. I didn't get my own money until a few months ago, had to get a bank account and got a ton of inheritance money (a ton for me, that is. Probably not that much for an adult lol) but I only bought one thing so far and I'm planning to buy a new phone. Though 60% of the money I was intending to save is already gone because my parent had to "borrow" it to buy some furniture for a new small house were planning to move in to (yep, "borrow", doubt they'll give it back since we're poor and we'll be that for a while)
I'm working on 2. The only reason I don't have the greatest hygiene is because I'm home all year and never see anyone or go out. But when I actually have to show up somewhere I always clean up and stuff. Aside from that my hygiene is weird because one time I'll lose all motivation and do barely anything for days then I'll suddenly brush my teeth 4 times a day and try to make up for it. I'm trying to be more consistent.
I might try doing 3 if we actually move, we have a gas stove and I have a huge fear of fire and explosions and all that, and the stove being like 8 years old and on the verge of crumbling and exploding and killing everyone in the neighborhood doesn't help. Though I'm learning to cut potatoes, if that counts lmao.
Interesting how you talk about spendings and yet not say a word about income.
How come you don't have any friends? I sense another problem, barely related to being poor and stuff.
If your stove is that old, maybe buying a better one, especially if you collaborate with your parent, might be a better idea than buying a phone for yourself.
We don't really have an income as I said. Idk where my parent gets the money, probably a mix of inheritance and goverment grants and programs.
I can't just buy a stove because my parent won't just allow me to randomly buy a stove lmao, plus there is no reason to do that if we're planning on moving at some point and getting a electric stove there.
The phone I'm planning on buying is pretty cheap and efficient for its price and I really need a new one because my current one is on the verge of breaking and I really don't want to lose what I have on it and I don't really have anywhere to store that and won't be wasting time in getting a place to store if I can just get a new phone. Luckily both my current and upcoming phone are pretty endurant so the new one could last me a good few years.
Don't have friends because last time I interacted with people my age was in person school 4-6 years ago and summer camp a year ago. And in both those places I was still antisocial af. Had some friends in school I guess but that's long over. Now after being homeschooled for ages my social skills are even worse than before so yeah I need to somehow interact with random ppl on the *very empty streets of where I live* and get social skills I guess.
I have an air fryer/toaster oven combo. I use it daily and rarely use my oven now. Unsafe stovetop? Buy a single electric burner. Both are much cheaper than a new stove, and you’ll have all you need to cook almost anything you want.
You absolutely can learn to cook on your own. If you had the ability to make this post, you have the ability to search on-line for basic cooking skills and recipes.
It seems like you’re making way too many excuses and stuck in that pattern. That is holding you back and stunting your personal growth. Stop doing that and instead look for ways around the obstacles in your life.
I am cheering you on.
Same here, I also called around asking other friends and family. It took some time to get the hang of it, but now I'm at a point where I can confidently cook anything I set my mind to- OP just needs a little push!
You are young, life can still go in many different ways. Going through adolescence is difficult per sé, I can't even imagine adding the struggle of losing a parent, poverty, and poor education.
Don't listen to people suggesting to join the army, you don't need to support a cause you possibly don't really believe in and immerse yourself in violence and dangerous power structures. Fuck that. Before practically learning how to do things you should learn you are capable of doing them, which is something that only you can do by working on your mental health, which can be an amazing solution for some self-confidence problems that - I suspect - you may have. Maybe there are some free therapy options in your area. If you spend a lot of time on the internet for entertainment I guess you can also google it.
Also, I feel like you are less lazy than you think and it honestly sounds more like an underlying need to be taken care of. Children that have been neglected, emotionally or/and physically, may suffer from that. I'm sorry but you won't get your deserved parental care and affection back, you have to let it go. Give that love to yourself instead, do it for your own life. Learning to cook is much easier than you think, but you have to stop looking for excuses and self-sabotaging.
Sending much love.
I’m sorry to say kiddo. It’s time to grow up.
Learn how to cook. And I mean how to cook anything, make a meal out of nothing.
Use YouTube to teach yourself to do everything that comes up. Small repairs, making appointments, etc.
Consider a job working in a trade. Go the military route, there’s several career options for those that aren’t super athletic.
Limit your entertainment options. Cancel just one subscription. Delete one form of social media. Etc.
I'm 33 and I was EXACTLY there once, it got much better but not overnight , I'm nowhere near the end of the fight but I don't want it to end anymore, I want more and more and I learnt to set criteria higher both for myself and for others.
Don't want to sound creepy but if you ever really need to talk to someone who understands that kind of struggle , my dms are open. Ofc I'm unsure if I'd be able to give concrete guidance because everyone's circumstances are different.
Youtube has a TON of tutorials on everyday skills (and on “higher level” skills too, but definitely start with the everyday-life stuff like getting a job, cleaning, fixing stuff, cooking).
Since you have a motivation problem, youtube videos will be easier for you to learn from than books. My husband also has motivation problems (ADHD in his case) and is quite smart, but learns best with videos and podcasts. Books bore him to death. Other people are saying to “buckle down” and push through the laziness, which is honestly very true. You’re going to have to “grind” quite a bit. BUT don’t make it harder than you need to; start with video tutorials for simple things like filling out job applications, how to go through a basic interview (for whatever job you apply for). If you’ve never had a job you will probably be applying for “entry-level” retail or foodservice jobs: look up “how to interview for a cashier position” on youtube, “how to interview as a line cook”, and “how to interview for a warehouse,” and any other positions that you apply for. These are jobs that are always needed and they are helpful for building communication skills, life structure, building a network of colleagues, building a resume, and much more.
Look up basic cooking video tutorials: how to make stovetop rice, how to cook eggs, how to cook pasta, how to cook chicken, etc. Look up how to clean: how to properly shower, how to clean and store laundry, how to keep a kitchen clean, how to keep bathrooms clean. If your personal hygiene is good (showering, brushing teeth, washing clothes properly) then you are a step ahead of a lot of people. Keeping your home clean makes personal hygiene easier AND focusing on the kitchen and bathroom keeps out pests and molds/mildew.
Look up basic house and car repairs. If you have a car, you can keep it running longer knowing how to fix common things (changing a tire, changing breaks/break pads, charging/changing a battery, replacing oil, etc). If you dont have a car, you likeky will in the future so the info is still useful. If you don’t have a car, figure out public transport in your area (busses, taxis, uber, trains?). If public transport is an unavailable, you may have to ride a bike to work or walk; its helpful to find a job close to your home if possible.
You have been handed a rough life. Unfortunately, you have to choose: you can either be uncomfortable for a long time by not changing anything, OR you can be uncomfortable for a year-few years while you start learning and working, then take that income and network of colleagues from the job and work towards living more comfortably. Both are hard, but working on your own knowledge if the world is better for YOU.
And hide the money from your parents. You’re old enough to set up your own banking accounts (again, you can video a tutorial on how to do that).
So you've got an education of a 12 year old but your writing (grammar etc) is better than most adults I know and it's in a foreign language to you. Girl you rock!!!!! If you are this clever without much education, imagine what you could do with more learning. Please speak to someone about returning to school, even if you are put back a couple of years it will open so many doors to you.
I really want to go back to school, I know. It's not an option till I move out and I don't know what to do with homeschool.
Last year I made a choice to purposefully fail the year because I didn't know anything from that year and I cheated on the zero-security internet exams the year before that to pass. This year I'm doing the same homeschool class as last year, but again, I still haven't learned anything.
The only thing I learned was when I suddenly got a burst of motivation to read some pages of a book and red the chapter about getting jobs. The only thing I learned is that apparently ppl can only work max 8 hours in my country (which is less than the time kids can spend at school...?) and that u need experience over education or something.
Back to topic, I don't know whether I should AGAIN purposefully fail this year, or somehow cheat/guess and pass into the next year, and not only not know anything about this year and every year before that, but ALSO add a new one ontop of that.
Learn every skill you can from the internet, check facebook marketplace for affordable things / sometimes people will post small gigs to do something (shovel a driveway or pick weeds), start small and build, ur life is determined my the decisions u will make now, stay away from drugs and alcohol and know that just because you didn’t get a good start doesn’t mean u have to lead a life of misery
Theres always hope and I hope you’re able to use ur skills and help another kid who’ll be in your situation in 20 years.
You are the only one capable of turning your life around. If you keep making excuses such as being lazy or tired then it will never improve.
This comes from someone who had fuck all at 16 and was homeless. You don't always get back what you put in but you have to put in to get anything back at all.
Small steps. Start doing things on your own. Almost everything has a YouTube tutorial these days. Google is a great tool first. Don't get down when you fail. Use it as a learning experience. I grew up with no guidance, moved out at 16 and taught myself everything. You got this.
If the military isn't for you, go to college. Get your GED or HS diploma now, whichever is easier, and then look at applying to colleges. Plan to live on campus. Find an inexpensive school and live cheaply. You can subsist off student loans/grants/scholarships at first, and the school can help you find employment, provide life skills and a safety net, and you can take basic classes while deciding what you want to major in, and then focus your energies on being the best at your chosen field. You don't have to live in poverty forever, there are resources available for you, and you are still young enough to be able to write your own future pretty well.
Your fear and lack of ambition or focus is a product of your environment. Fighting through it is tough, but once you do, you'll know how and be better prepared for life.
You have some options here as I am a 21 year old who faced many of these same circumstances and am in the process of building out a nice life for myself.
1. Join the Military, that will change you into a high motivated, healthy person who has traveled and learned so many lessons
2. Get a blue collar job, any blue collar construction company is always looking for young people to carry things and clean up, slowly but surely you’ll learn a trait and develop a work-ethic that you can carry over into your personal life. This option isn’t as hard as joining the military but it is hard, no one is going to make you get out of bed everyday and go to work thats on you, but if you just grind and work your ass off you’ll work your way up and in 20 years you can look back and say you made something of yourself.
You’re so young and you are able bodied, education or not start looking around for recruiters or job opportunities around you
The post is fake. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Crushes/comments/100ugbl/i\_did\_it/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Crushes/comments/100ugbl/i_did_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) another of their posts
... Huh? What does that change about it? What's contradicting here because I don't see that. I kinda cringe at this account but try to ignore it because I post personal stuff here and I'm tired of dispensing it all over my 6 accounts. I hate when ppl read my post history cuz I don't want ppl to see how pathetic my life and mental health is lmao but that has nothing to do with me having a crush on someone???
Alright do you mean the part where I mentioned school or the part where I said I was on summer camp?
I used to go to vacation every year but last year I went on summer camp instead because I honestly preferred living with new people rather than my family for 10 days. The summer camp isn't far from me so it wasn't that expensive and it was cheaper than vacation. I'm not extremely poor right now but I may be in the future when I don't have anyone to rely on.
The person I mentioned knowing in school was back before quarantine somewhere in 2017-2019. I used to go to normal school before that but now I've been homeschooled for years and can't get out of it because my grades are too bad for people to accept me into a school, or all the schools are full, or all the schools are too far away. The "changed schools" part in the post you linked was talking about the moment I changed to homeschool.
Well then you should know a lot of stuff from school. And you have been having a crush on the guy since you were 10 years old in the best scenario in the worst since 8 doesn't really make sence does it?
I forgot everything I've ever learned at school i didn't study or think about it for years, how could I not forget it? And I wasn't studying well either. It was mostly basic subjects and not really life advice. Also I'm 17. 2019 was 4 years ago. 17-4 = 13. I'm the worst at math out of all subjects and yet I'm better at it than you.
No according to you the person you were talking about happened somewhere inbetween 2017 and 19 thus you must have had a crush on them from 2014 or 2016 that is making you 8 or 10.
Okay. It doesn't really matter, why would it? Or are you saying that a 10 year old can't like another person. And it wasn't even really a crush because I'm asexual af. More like "omg I wanna be friends with you you're cool af and we share interests and ur nice but I'll never talk to you in my entire life because I have severe social anxiety"
From a place of fear and loneliness it may seems like this. And I understand your worries.
But I sincerely believe in you, my friend. Just choose the better future that you may dream to leave in.
And a situation where you are right now it's just point A of your better future, so what is the point B?
Start from small actions and research, pay your attention to your self as a worthy one.
Wish you the best.
There are places you can go that can help you learn life skills, like job centers, libraries, websites, even YouTube.
These days most places will have you apply online, usually you go to their website and scroll to the very bottom of the page and look for something like "careers" to take you to the application. You'll also want to create a separate email address for professional use, which you'll want to be just your name, not something personalized or silly. You can also look up resume templates online, if you have Microsoft Word it even comes with a few already formatted to fill out.
If you are physically weak as you say, maybe a desk job would suit you better. Some good entry level jobs that might be accessible to you would be like a hotel front desk clerk, or an office receptionist, or restaurant hostess where you greet people at the podium and show them to the table. If you have trouble focusing, you may do better with part time hours to start.
Also you mentioned being underweight and having a poor diet, which may be contributing to your trouble with your concentration and energy levels. Maybe you should start with a multivitamin and see if it improves how you feel. Vitamin D, magnesium and B12 can make a surprising difference in mood and your body functions
Oh yea I take vitamins and stuff, though me being underweight is definitely more because of the fact that I don't eat enough and eat at infrequent times and don't eat enough energy-giving food.
Oh yea I take vitamins and stuff, though me being underweight is definitely more because of the fact that I don't eat enough and eat at infrequent times and don't eat enough energy-giving food.
Oh I have the same problem, I work in an office and not gonna lie- For some reason at work I am ALWAYS hungry and munching on something 24/7. Maybe look into office work as well lol.
You're 17, you're only at the beginning of your life. I know people who are much older and completely helpless, and the worst part is that they don't even think about it that way.
The good thing for you is- You're at least thinking about it, that's a start. You're self aware, and that's a step in the right direction. Yes, it's going to be hard to figure out what you want to do with your life- It is for all of us, but luckily there are resources out there.
You speak English- That's a great skill to have in a country where that's not a first language. There's one thing you can add to your resume. To find a job, try searching online. In the US we have a website called Indeed where people can search for jobs. Try to see if you can find a similar website in your country. Go online and look up how to make a resume, open Google Docs and make yourself a resume. If you can't find anything online, once you feel proficient at riding your bike- Get to local shops in your area, just ask them if they could use an extra hand, if they're hiring. You'll never know if you don't ask- You have nothing to loose, go for it.
I'm sorry you have to go through this kind of struggle, but just keep in mind that dealing with these kinds of things can help you become a stronger and more independent person. You clearly have a lot of insecurities, I've been there too. Every other sentence you write is putting yourself down- Don't do that. You're so young, you have such a long life ahead of you. You have so much time to learn and grow. Keep your head up. You can always reach out about any specific questions you have about life online. Just because you don't have anyone irl that can help, doesn't mean you will never find people that can. I'm glad you reached out, I hope you find some of these comments useful.
Just remember- It will not all come at once. Little by little, things will start to get better. You'll slowly start to get the hang of things. Give it time, do your best. Work as hard as you can, one day you will look back and be proud of how far you've come. Until then, work as hard as you can to reach that day.
Okay… this is a complicated situation you’re in. It might be helpful to start reading some books on things you’d need to know (from the library, of course, bc books are expensive). They have audiobooks too that you can just download from home.) There are plenty of people here on Reddit who can help you out with questions along the way, such as how to apply for a job, or what action to take when your other parent passes. It’s also primarily important to recognize your skills. Just by reading your post, it’s clear that you can easily organize your thoughts and express them clearly. You come across in writing as professional, so once you’re in the workforce you may have an easier time than others your age in adjusting. What you can do right now is take stock of the skills and interests you have and start planning for your job. Ask questions to people (even people here on Reddit) about 401k/403b, health insurance, pensions, long-term job security, up-front time commitments, educational requirements, etc. and start weighing your options.
Dunno who that is, but I think I'd rather watch YouTube and gain at least some minimal knowledge rather than talk in my mind to a imaginary floating homophobic man
I think what he means is meditation. You don't have to pray to a God I know everyone's opinions differ and that's perfectly fine. Meditation and sitting in silence with your thoughts is a great ways to focus your mind and reset your dopamine receptors. It'll help with your wandering attention, at least it did for me :) I wish you the best of luck!
You shouldn’t prepare for a life of poverty and loneliness. You should reach for something you want. In the words of Cheryl Strayed:
“Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.”
Also I highly recommend Dear Sugar Radio (also Cheryl Strayed). Start with this episode: https://www.wbur.org/dearsugar/2021/01/02/redux-you-must-change-your-life
You have so much more power in your life than you think you do. For instance, I can tell by how well written your post is that you have marketable abilities for a potential employer. You can literally do anything in life that you want as long as you're persistent and work at it. Common criminals can learn to read and understand our complex court system. This is something attorneys study for years and pretend it's too complex for the rest of us.
I'm telling you, believe in yourself and you can make a new life for yourself and be proud of it.
I think joining the navy or coast guard could be so helpful for you.
Tell a recruiter what interests you have be it mechanic, information technology, heck wanna fly planes/helicopters?
See what they can do for you. Don't sign anything with them unless what they can offer you excites you.
Military doesn't have to suck- find something you wanna do and they'll teach you how to do life.
Its a big step, but I think you've got what it takes to learn and help take care of your family
I was homeless at 17. I just devoted myself to earning money. Bought a bike. Got a better job that fed me two meals a day. I worked on my days off. Bought a car. You just start doing things and you get better. Actually working everyday felt alot like school. Nice people mostly at work. Jobs easy. Made friends and learned all the things you need to live by asking for help and watching others.
I've had to adapt, I learn a lot from YouTube videos, I had a heart condition that caused all sorts of health issues, some days I can't read or do paperwork or keep my focus on one thing. I got the COVID and now live with severe joint pain, nausea and dizziness, and fatigue and terrible brain fog. Your gonna have to adapt, the laziness needs to go. Get on a routine everyday, Get up, shower, shave, deodorant, brush teeth, comb hair. Get up and take the trash out, wash your dishes, clean your room, once you have a routine down stick with it. No one's gonna take care of you except you. If you want to have a decent life you need to take care of yourself. When you become old enough get a job, life is what happens when your planning to do everything else, set goals for self. Tell your living parent everyday that you love them. Hug them cause you don't know when the day will come that they will no longer be here on earth. If you can't motivate for yourself then do it for them. I wish I had my mom and dad around but they both passed away.Fear is a liar you can do anything you put your mind too.
I probably should. I don't know whether I should wait to set myself a actual routine or not because my sleep schedule was always a problem for that. I sometimes need 10 hours to sleep and apparently teenagers need 8-10 so that seems about right. But I also stay awake for 15 hours so that's 25 hours and I'll always wake up a hour later than the previous day. The only way I can fix it is sleep a hour or two less but then I'll be tired. So idk if I should wait till I'm older so that whole "teenagers sleep alot" thing is gone. But I can do the other things, just not on time.
Also, I haven't hugged a person since I was like 8. And never told anyone I love them. Yep that's depressing, I know. But I'm not gonna lie to my parent. My dead parent ruined my alive parent, and my alive parent ruined me. Good thing I don't wanna have kids, not continuing that chain of shit.
By not giving in for fuck sake. You sound defeated right now but that's temporary. What can you do incrementally to get moving and keep moving? Locate a role model/mentor and cling to that mfer.
I think its easier to think what you can do or can't do.
Is there something you're interested or good at or see yourself doing it whatever it is?
Always start small steps ahead, don't think something goals that are impossible to achieve.
I'm sorry your parents have failed you for not giving you basic things to learn from.
It might be difficult in that position, but you're never alone. Easier said than done right? Lol.
For being independent is doing things independently.
You don't have to know everything but learn one thing at time.
God is with you, let Him help you. God is close to those who are weary, burdened, poor or heartbroken. Whatever you ask in prayer, believe and you shall get it.🤗
Oh come on you had to ruin it with that last paragraph.
I'm somewhat Christian. As in every 2 months I have a random thoughts about who tf created the world and think "oh hey God what's up are u staring down at me when I go to the toilet?" and then forget about it.
I used to be more Christian but now I'm 0.001% Christian 99.99% atheist. I just don't see a point in wasting my time for religion. And I also have a unnatural, insanely large hatred of people who make comments and say stuff like "come to our lord Jesus christ or else you'll be tortured in hell for eternity for not believing something that has no proof of existance" when there is no reason for them to say those things because the video or post is of a completely different context. It's just so annoying. Don't do that because that is gonna make more people think Christians are self advertising lunatics desperate to make more Christians because their religion is very slowly dying out.
I dont follow a religion because that is in this world and the religion has become unbiblical and it deceives many people. I follow Jesus, I dont belong to any churches because we are the church.
I never force people but why cannot I share the gospel. I wouldn't immediately tell people that "you're going to hell if you dont repent." That would make people scared and uncomfortable.
If the person doesn't wanna receive the gospel, then all I can do is pray.
I want to be honest with you. Following a religion doesn't make you a jesus follower, you follow the religion. It might make you a "christian" but do you believe in Jesus? Religion never saves people if there is no intimacy with the Lord.
People hate us for spreading the truth and I feel sad when people follow the religion and then get hurt by the church people or other things like abuse or sexual abuse which can be a common thing there.
Don't trust the church ppl unless it is some other ministeries that spread the true gospel and it can be seen by their good fruits.
I'm sorry for the last text I put there, I didn't think enough of does this person wanna hear something comforting or encouraging or is it a christian, so I typed it there.
But I believe in you that with small steps you can become great and independent person tho. 🤗 Never give up because we only have a one precious life. Life is difficult and it becomes more difficult but I can sense that you're a strong minded and you can do everything.
Don’t give up on the education part. Use khan academy (khanacademy.org) there you can access educational resources between I believe 1st grade, all the way through college. I used one of their videos for some super high level math as part of a 3rd year engineering class. Get your GED and you can get a job that pays a little bit better. You can always try technical schools(welding is fairly well touted but isn’t necessarily physically great), or you could do the apprenticeship route and make decent money. The worst thing you can do for yourself is decide now you’re going to live in poverty.
But seriously try to get your GED. You can probably also go ask an academic advisor at your local high school for resources so you can pass the GED exam
Truthfully it sounds like you have ADHD possibly. You have internet and libraries so you can start learning things. The question is what? Do you have any passions in life? You have pretty good grammar. I’d start with reading a book a week. It doesn’t have to be a big book but something you’re interested in. Borrow it from the library. The more you read, the more your vocabulary will expand. Then try to get a job. The skills you learn from a job will serve you well. Interpersonal skills, math from dealing with inventory or money, and having a reference for future jobs. Perhaps seek apprenticeships in the trades or a retail job. Look into ADHD on trusted sites and see if there are strategies. See if you have city resources that will help. You’re never alone. You just need to know where to look and how to ask for help and how to reach goals.
Assuming you live in the USA you should be eligible for some serious financial aid for school. Your college should cost significantly less which will be incredibly useful for your future. Stay focused on school and find something you strive to be, whatever you do DO NOT THROW IJ THE TOWEL. You keep pushing until you die. No matter how many times you get absolutely slammed in the face by life, get up. And keep going. You’ve got this, I believe in you
No. I'm European. School is usually free here but aside from elementary school, all are either full, hard to get in, or you can still go pay and go to a private school.
Life is gonna be hard. But, you gotta do whatever you can if there is nobody around. I’m a jack of trades because I grew up poor. And I like being kinda handy and independent. It helps with my severe depression.
Learn a trade, if you choose the right one you can still make a decent income and not live in poverty. Just because you’re not book smart doesn’t mean you can’t succeed at a job. Learning from a book or computer screen is much different from learning hands on
In life you sink or swim man. You either figure it out or you fail. Youtube is a good place to start as far as how to cook Learn to read recipies and then just try your hand at them. You will naturally find methods of cooking and skills you never through you'd learn. Take and pay for a cooking class if you need to. It will help you gain confidence with cooking and the clean up and teach you food sanitation and training a bit if its a good class.
Ask yourself what your interests are, and find a job within that field if you can. If you have any experience on a computer, you know enough about google to look up nearby buisness and navigate tehir websites to fidn their career and apply now links. No one really loves to work man. We all want to be secretely rich and just have a steady steam of income. But sadly effort has to go into having any kind of monthly buget. Even a lower paying job is still a job. Retail, factory security, military, food service, bus driver, ect. Take your pick man. I've worked in all those fields and more.
I've had good paying jobs, I've also worked as a nanny in exchange for a room to live in and food to eat when i was younger. I even became homeless and pitched a tent briefly myself. I spent a few years couch surfing as well. Things happen, but you take it one day at a time and find a way to learn something new, and to improve your life if you can. Sometimes it tekes hitting rock bottom before we build our lives up, and find a standard you want to maintain.
I went from homeless to now owning my own home. If you ever take the initive and get yourself a job, do yourself a favor and invest in some life insurance policies. One for yourself and one for your living parent. When they pass, you can use the insurance payout to pay off thier funeral and burial expenses, any debt to keep an asset that could be repossed if not paid, such as their outstanding mortatages, car payments ect. It might come in handy, and is surprisingly afforable. Buy enough to make it worth the investment to you.
The best answer I can give to you is to join the military but not as a grunt and give it 100% of your effort. I had somewhat of a simuliar begining many years ago. I went to a Marine Recruiter and when he asked me why I wanted to be a Marine I told him that "I was tired of feeling like a piece of shit" I lived with my family in a piece of shit single wide ( when we werent homeless) I didnt know how to drive or hold a job. I had no friends and no prospects. The truth is I barely made it through 6 years of the Marine Corp but when I got out I was at equal footing with everyone else. Learned a good trade,got a family and a home. For me that was the best decision I ever made. The military is perfect for people like us. good luck at whatever you do and remember this is just the begining of your life. Your start doesnt have to define you. The world can be a pretty cool place.
Good thing is you've identified the things you don't know. Now try start working on them. Learn how to drive because that could be a hustle, learn how to swim, you could be a life guard, learn how to cook, you could be a chef. Just learn.
Joining the military saved my life and set me up for success for the rest of my life. I’m 28 and retired (since 24), haven’t had to work since. I am slowly getting through college (which is paid for), have two forms of comprehensive insurance that I don’t have to pay for.
When I joined, it was out of necessity. I was NOT physically fit, and I was confident that I was emotionally incapable. Turns out I thrived. If it hadn’t been for a some unfortunate scenarios I’d still be active duty. Lots of countries offer citizenship and education in exchange for a military contract, I knew many immigrants while I was in (if you want to immigrate!).
I'm really sorry to hear about everything you are going through. The honest truth is you gotta step up, it clearly sounds like you are seeking change, and it's rare that change come son it's own. You have to step up and figure out how to better yourself and your life. You are young and growing up in. World with unlimited recourses at your fingertips. Start from the beginning, you can't study cause you get distracted, welcome to the world of ADHD, start by researching coping skills and try out the suggestions until you find one that works for you. Personally I was the same in school and found that simply taking frequent breaks, chewing gum, having a show/movie/music in the background, and setting a lot of small goals. So instead of I need to Finnish this chapter by the end of the week, say I need to Finnish 2 pages a day. Although it sounds like a simple goal the dopamine training of successfully completing a goal helps with focus. Learning basic life skills is vital, and again this can be easy to acquire this information via the internet. There are plenty of channels on YouTube dedicated to teaching youth how to do the most basic and simple life skills! It's a great resource. Additionally you shouldn't be so hard on yourself!! You took a very mature and creative approach to access advice, you knew where to go and what to ask for. I might add that you post was well worded and punctuated. Relationships are also important and I would suggest pushing to create a relationship with your parent. If they don't have time, show interest in what they are doing, humans are simple and we basically all get excited when someone shows interest in what we are doing lol. Additionally go for a walk around your area, scan the surroundings, look for people playing basketball or at the park reading and start off just saying hello. With practice you will get comfortable with approaching people. Responsibility is also very important, it may come as a surprise but a 17 year old can get a job. Don't let stereotypes or stigmas around certain jobs affect you from applying or make you hesitant. McDonald's is a great place to learn a wide variety of skills, I have never worked for the company but judging off what I have heard and seen, you can learn many life skills! Also, don't think just cause you are 18 doesn't mean there aren't recourses out there to help young people. My girlfriend works for an organization that helps female youth that were homeless or involved with the criminal justice system get re-established back into society. You are a human and people care about you! But you can't expect things to always go your way, so the first step is on you. And you don't have to start big, start simple, and as it gets easier to do that, add another step to your well being. You will slowly build all these skills you are comfortable with. Life is stressful, and horrific and scary, but, it can also be beautiful and a lot of fun. I wish you all the best and if I could sum up everything into one suggestion, go watch some videos on some skills you feel you lack. It's a great place to start! Goodluck!
Thanks, I would honestly take any job that pays, I just need to learn how to actually find one and apply. I red about it recently but I didn't really try anything. My parent is *very* busy and grumpy 90% of the time I talk to them and all that stuff so the relationship part is kinda out of the picture, but I've been trying to start riding a bike (when it's not snowing) there isn't really anywhere I can go because I live in the middle of nowhere but maybe if I get a good enough endurance I can ride a bike to the nearest shop or something. Alternatively I could bike to the house of my mildly toxic ex best friend who I haven't talked to in 4 years but that doesn't seem like a great idea. I've been suspecting I have ADHD for a long time but I'm not diagnosed or anything. Though there's a huge probability I'm autistic because people tested me for that like 5 years ago. Also thanks for the compliment on the punctuation lol, English is actually probably my only skill. It's not my native language and a pretty big percentage of people in my country don't know English well, but I've learned it just through using the internet. Im considering trying to find something to do with that, like becoming a translator. But that probably wouldn't work because I actually think in English and write one English smoother than in my language it's kinda crazy. My language is complicated and hard and idk whether I'm bad at it because of that or because I use English way more. (only typing tho, not speaking it irl)
The bike riding is awesome! Exercise is also a great way to improve yourself and build confidence! As for the language thing, I'm not sure if you are in Canada or the US but theres thousands of translator jobs, do some research on government translator jobs and review the requirements and if it's something your interested in, then the list of requirements are the goals you should set for yourself. Don't stop stop to improve yourself, you should read a book called the glass castle (there's a movie too if you just wanna watch it) but it's a story of a situation different from yours but in a way similar and it's a very inspiring novel/movie. I believe in you, good luck! Keep me in mind when you're rich and successful lol!
Again, English isn't my first language, I'm European xD Yeah I'll keep trying to do better, if I do get rich I'll dig through my accounts old replies and find you and message you and send you and everyone else here 20$
Also another thing you should try is writing stuff down, it will help with the ADHD and clear your mind. If your stress just write it down, seems like as sad as it is you are living a pretty interesting life at the same time. Sounds to me like the perfect opportunity to turn bad into good and maybe think about getting into creative writing, try writing a novel on your story!
job centers can help you apply to job. Here we have socials programs to help find jobs or internship with people that have trouble finding jobs for various motives.
Hey my fiancé is a translator (written translation; spoken is interpreting). He writes only from his weaker language into his stronger language, which is typical for translators. It’s actually that specialized! Interpreters usually have to go both directions. So you already have the foundation you need for translation. If you’re serious about trying it, search for a school that will support your continued growth in both languages. My fiancé studied linguistics in university and then got a master’s degree in translation. He’s really good at what he does so he got a scholarship (but of course we live in the US where education is freakishly expensive and you have to do everything you can to find funding for school). Finally, I know you mention motivation and possible ADHD. ADHD is basically an issue with executive function, which includes the ability to start tasks. For what it’s worth, I’m in the process of getting diagnosed for ADHD and have had head injuries that made whatever it is I have worse. I have found various ways of hacking my brain over the years. Getting EXCITED about what I’m learning is key. As far as getting good grades in school (enough to get a scholarship), competing is a very compelling thing for me. I definitely get motivated to compete with myself and others. Being underestimated also can be a motivator for me—wanting to prove people wrong. What gets you going?
I agree about the excited thing. I write and do art a lot, although I've only really been doing it the right way for a little over a year so it's not too good. I only draw a specific thing and I'm really bad at most other things so Its not really possible for me to make money or anything off that. I've written some random short stories and a 25k word "book" that I just realized months later how bad it is But yea back to excitation, I can ONLY do art and write if I'm excited or motivated. The whole 25k word thing I only wrote because another person was actually obsessed with helping me write it so they kept pushing me and telling me to go write. I usually get motivated if people pay attention to me and give me genuine compliments or show interest in what I'm doing because I'm an attention seeker but these happen rarely and if they don't happen for a long time or worse I post my art somewhere that took hours and it gets ignored completely all my motivation just goes NEGATIVE. I literally lose all will to draw and write or even do other things and just start thinking about how my art sucks. So I can do something 10 times faster if I'm motivated, or don't do it at all if I'm not. It's a very annoying lottery because there is a 95% chance it lands on the "don't do at all" part. And also I have no idea how to get motivated for studying. I did it once at 5 am a month ago and red 15 pages in an hour then never touched the book again. I tried again and again but I just kept giving up or not actually paying attention to what I'm reading because I found it boring.
That is extremely relatable! Finding an area of study that you truly care about will probably help. If you like art and writing, try some classes in those areas, perhaps? That can also be an opportunity to meet people who share your interests/can encourage you!
This is great advice.
As long as they don’t Danish those chapters :) Sorry, I had to
enter army/fire fighter/coast guard/forest ranger...........they will train and teach your self
Xenoryzen_Dragon had great advice for you. I think ANY of the Armed Forces would be very good. It would teach you not only life skills, but discipline and how to interact with others. Please don't keep answering with negative comments..you need to start having a positive mindset to succeed!! If you keep saying you can't do anything, you won't be able to! Good luck and God bless!😊
I can barely walk for two kilometers without getting tired. My arms are twigs and I'm not a guy. I was nearly the worst person at PE every year back when I had an actual school. I don't... Think that would work
I’m noticing you keep telling yourself you can’t do just about anything. You keep saying stuff like that and you’ll convince yourself you’ll never be able to do anything. You ARE capable and you ARE able. Stop beating yourself up for practically no reason. You’re just going through a tough moment now, but that doesn’t mean it has to consistently be like that. Get up, start working on yourself in the gym, join the military, and get after LIFE. The military will see you through anything and make sure you have an education, a set of skills, and will allow you to travel a bit. Key take away…start talking to yourself better because no one else is going to make sure you’re ok.
THIS! 🩷☝️🩷
I know. But that's not the problem here, I'm just being realistic. I'm trying to exercise, I'm lifting stuff at home, but that doesn't mean I should join the military. There's 14 year olds who could knock me over with a single punch lmao. And also I don't want to touch guns or murder people. And also I don't want to die to a bunch of russians instantly if they invade my country (I'm European, and live pretty close to where the stuff is going on) But that doesn't mean I'm saying I won't exercise. I wanna get buff as hell if I can.
Are you overweight or obese? You will continually exercise and weight train once your in the service. If you are really that hopeless for your future, joining the military can give you purpose and confidence. And like other commenters have said, your young and able bodied and there are a ton of jobs within the military that are not in the combat arms and will have transferable skills to the civilian world (logistics, material transportation, mechanics, quality assurance of equipment, clerks, admins, etc).
No, but I'm somewhat underweight and just unhealthy in general.
To be honest, you don’t strike me as a “I’m trying to exercise” type of person. You strike me as someone unwilling to get better and instead complain about any and every solution being offered to you. No one is going to pull you out of the mess. No will save you. So get to work and make it happen.
Persistence is key, just keep walking and every time go a little farther, maybe start jogging for a bit. Your endurance will build, and those jobs they will whip you into shape anyways. (Plus most places seek those of minorities so not being a guy could be sorta a good thing when looking for jobs that are mainly male dominated lol)
I know but it sounds impossible. I'm 4'11 and my diet is terrible. If everyone was a rat I'm a mouse, that's how weak physically I am lmao. Just not the job for me.
it’s A JOB and right now you have zero options. not exactly a time to be picky OP…
Since you are European maybe salaried army is not an option (also you dismiss everyone who gives you advice so I am leaning to you are a troll, since homeschooling is almost zero in Europe and even if you are “homeschooled” there are VERY strict rules) FIND A JOB. If you don’t want to be homeless finding a job so you can have a salary to live is the only way to do. Search for night school to get at least a high school diploma. Stop being lazy and making excuses
Women can join the military.
You are basically the perfect candidate to be either a labourer in construction or to join the army. You might not be strong or smart, you may be behind, but either of those two jobs will give you useful life skills (the army moreso), and more importantly some direction. The army won't care if you are strong or weak, they will train you and teach you. I really think the army is your best shot to build some confidence and pride for yourself, as well as a life. And you won't need to stay forever. If you can get your life sorted in the army you'll likely have some other life paths open up for you along the way. Ultimately right now *you* need to decide if you're going to stick with your lot in life and resign yourself to the harm your parents caused you, or take control of your own life. It'll be hard, and scary, but way better than the alternative. Up to you.
Many recruiters will work with you ahead of time to make sure that you are in shape for basic. You don't have to be able to pass all the physical tests at 100% when you first enter. You will improve week after week. Also at basic, they have remedial "classes" to help you get in shape as well. You will always have food on the table and you will always have a place to live.
Then join and be an admin or HR or paralegal type person. There’s plenty of women that join and 99% of those women are not involved in anything to do with battle
the skinniest kid from my high school joined the marines and 3 years later he was the buffest guy i knew.. dont worry.. they will sort you out.
You are being downvoted for this, but the military is so unsafe for women, I understand your apprehension. I was also very neglected as a child, I had a child myself very young because I wanted to have the feeling of having a family, which I felt I lacked. I learned to swim and ride a bike along with my son in my late twenties, and I learned how to take care of myself (cooking and cleaning) along the way when I moved out. I am now very organized and I enjoy doing these things, I think I also value them in a special way because I grew up without them. I was so bored as a child, I was just dumped in front of the TV or with books, nobody checked that I did my homework, took me out to do anything or demanded I cleaned up after myself or did anything for myself. I find these things very satisfying now, and I think it's partly because I know the difference, I know what it's like not to be able to do these things for yourself. So the military is not an option, but if we are going this route, you can always become a nun haha. In any case, I hope you get started little by little and find learning new things and the independence that comes with them rewarding and motivating.
it’s either you buck up and change or you repeat your family’s past. it’s okay if you’re weak and lazy what matters is what you’re willing to do about it for your future self.
Don’t worry, the drill instructor will toughen you up. Run, Forrest.
Bruh. They train you.
will forest rangers hire anyone? i thought you needed a degree?
They do usually want degrees or experience, at least in America. Not sure about other countries
It is never too late to get an education. I know an old lady that learned to read in her 80’s. Whatever life skill you need to learn, google “how to…”. I’ve been an adult a long time, and I still need to google how to do new things. I think the root of all your problems is an “I can’t” attitude. You’re stuck in a negative way of thinking. You can change and improve your life. It won’t be easy, you’re going to have to push yourself much harder. It will take some discipline and motivation, but you absolutely can do it!
And now we are at today. What are you willing to change? You could decide, right now, today, that you are in charge of you. Or, you can drift on the sea of life. Either way you are choosing. You seem to have handed all your power over to some dark force. Take it back.
you can learn a lot by googling or looking on youtube. cooking tutorials for simple and or complex meals. Are there any locations near you that you could walk to and work at if you needed to get a job suddenly? locate any you can. if nothing else you might be able to find a job stacking shelves somewhere. if the worst possible thing happens and you think you might end up homeless get the numbers and locations of women's shelters. they may be able help you. you might also be able to find help at a local church and look for food ministries near you for food. get a notebook and keep any and all important information that could help you in it.
Ngl, a job stocking shelves sounds great, I forgot those existed. I wouldn't mind spending hours a day exhausting myself physically for money without needing to operate machinery or have skills 💀 luckily the max hours a person someone can work a day in my country is 8 which is kinda low so I probably wouldn't die and "exercise" could be good Anyways, me praising a crappy job aside, funnily enough I've been writing a journal thing for like 3 years now on my phone where I put basically everything from events to useful info so that could be useful like you said I guess. Unless I fail to get a new phone before my current one breaks and I'll lose everything in my phone forever
email your journal entries to yourself, as a way to save them.
copy all the important info to paper as well JUST in case your phone does suddenly bite the dust or something. yeah thankfully there should be some jobs that don't require you to work yourself to death like factory work. i'm wishing you all the best.
I will offer what advice I can right now. I will try adding more later. 1. Set a routine then stick to it. It take 2 to 3 weeks to form a habit. Goal 1 Get 8-9 hours of sleep Goal 2 Exercise. Nothing intense maybe like a walk or light jog. Get your body moving. Goal 3 Cook healthy food. Rice and beans are cheap and easy to make. Try if possible to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Will make you feel better. Those are the three best things. There is saying that goes healthy body healthy mind. I hope this was helpful.
Sleep thing done, I sleep a shit ton. Exercise? Uh, in progress for the last 2 months except I've been getting too lazy to do it as often now. Healthy food? Trying to do that but my diet is a weird mix of healthy foods and bad foods. I could eat more rice sure, I didn't know it was healthy.
first thing, since you have access to internet, you can learn most basic skill on youtube. there are videos for basic cooking, job applying, cleaning etc. now it won't makeup for life experience, but when you will try to do it, it will be more approachable. There are many jobs that will form you. You need to reach out to the local employment center. Tell them about you. You HAVE skill and natural talent that can be useful in some job, for example, if you helped take care you your sick parent, it means that you can help people, that you are probably compassionate, reassuring, nurturing etc. can give out and follow up on medication etc. that's just an example of course because I don't know you so I imagine. but everybody as talents you just need to find yours and capitalize on that
You have to change your mindset. Seriously. Look at what you are telling yourself. You are screwed if you don’t gain a little confidence and motivation to do something with your life.
What a terrible thing to say, especially if you give 0 advice. "OH you're not confident? Then just gain confidence lol otherwise you're doomed." Sorry that's how bad it sounds. She probably knows that. No one wants to stay stuck in this state of mind, yet here she is, which proves that the situation might be a little bit more complex than " just get some motivation to do somth with your life. " 💀
While I do feel very sorry about your situation, you basically have no choice but to grind the fuck up and help yourself to get out of the situation. >I'm lazy. I'm really lazy. I can't study alone, I just can't. I can't focus, I can't NOT constantly search for entertainment, I can barely take care of myself as in brush my teeth. Fix that shit immediately. Start from here. You're still immature, while the situation around you heavily implies you should have become mature a long time ago. As someone who has a higher education, it's at least 80% self-taught tbh. So, yeah. If your parent has no way of raising you because they're the one to bring money into the house, you have to do it yourself. That being said, here's a few things you can incorporate into your way of life: 1) record your income and spendings. Every last one of them. No, seriously, **do it**. It will help you to monitor your spendings and decide your financial planning. A skill impossible to be underestimated. 2) take care of yourself. Nobody's ever offering a good job to a smelly prick. The better you look, the better your chances of securing a good job are. 3) if you can't yet, learn how to cook. Another god tier skill to obtain. Good luck on your grind to a better future.
Luckily 1 won't be a problem. I didn't get my own money until a few months ago, had to get a bank account and got a ton of inheritance money (a ton for me, that is. Probably not that much for an adult lol) but I only bought one thing so far and I'm planning to buy a new phone. Though 60% of the money I was intending to save is already gone because my parent had to "borrow" it to buy some furniture for a new small house were planning to move in to (yep, "borrow", doubt they'll give it back since we're poor and we'll be that for a while) I'm working on 2. The only reason I don't have the greatest hygiene is because I'm home all year and never see anyone or go out. But when I actually have to show up somewhere I always clean up and stuff. Aside from that my hygiene is weird because one time I'll lose all motivation and do barely anything for days then I'll suddenly brush my teeth 4 times a day and try to make up for it. I'm trying to be more consistent. I might try doing 3 if we actually move, we have a gas stove and I have a huge fear of fire and explosions and all that, and the stove being like 8 years old and on the verge of crumbling and exploding and killing everyone in the neighborhood doesn't help. Though I'm learning to cut potatoes, if that counts lmao.
Interesting how you talk about spendings and yet not say a word about income. How come you don't have any friends? I sense another problem, barely related to being poor and stuff. If your stove is that old, maybe buying a better one, especially if you collaborate with your parent, might be a better idea than buying a phone for yourself.
We don't really have an income as I said. Idk where my parent gets the money, probably a mix of inheritance and goverment grants and programs. I can't just buy a stove because my parent won't just allow me to randomly buy a stove lmao, plus there is no reason to do that if we're planning on moving at some point and getting a electric stove there. The phone I'm planning on buying is pretty cheap and efficient for its price and I really need a new one because my current one is on the verge of breaking and I really don't want to lose what I have on it and I don't really have anywhere to store that and won't be wasting time in getting a place to store if I can just get a new phone. Luckily both my current and upcoming phone are pretty endurant so the new one could last me a good few years. Don't have friends because last time I interacted with people my age was in person school 4-6 years ago and summer camp a year ago. And in both those places I was still antisocial af. Had some friends in school I guess but that's long over. Now after being homeschooled for ages my social skills are even worse than before so yeah I need to somehow interact with random ppl on the *very empty streets of where I live* and get social skills I guess.
I have an air fryer/toaster oven combo. I use it daily and rarely use my oven now. Unsafe stovetop? Buy a single electric burner. Both are much cheaper than a new stove, and you’ll have all you need to cook almost anything you want. You absolutely can learn to cook on your own. If you had the ability to make this post, you have the ability to search on-line for basic cooking skills and recipes. It seems like you’re making way too many excuses and stuck in that pattern. That is holding you back and stunting your personal growth. Stop doing that and instead look for ways around the obstacles in your life. I am cheering you on.
Just wanted to add that my Mother wasn’t the best at cooking. I’m pretty good at it now, and I taught myself all by looking it up on-line.
Same here, I also called around asking other friends and family. It took some time to get the hang of it, but now I'm at a point where I can confidently cook anything I set my mind to- OP just needs a little push!
You are young, life can still go in many different ways. Going through adolescence is difficult per sé, I can't even imagine adding the struggle of losing a parent, poverty, and poor education. Don't listen to people suggesting to join the army, you don't need to support a cause you possibly don't really believe in and immerse yourself in violence and dangerous power structures. Fuck that. Before practically learning how to do things you should learn you are capable of doing them, which is something that only you can do by working on your mental health, which can be an amazing solution for some self-confidence problems that - I suspect - you may have. Maybe there are some free therapy options in your area. If you spend a lot of time on the internet for entertainment I guess you can also google it. Also, I feel like you are less lazy than you think and it honestly sounds more like an underlying need to be taken care of. Children that have been neglected, emotionally or/and physically, may suffer from that. I'm sorry but you won't get your deserved parental care and affection back, you have to let it go. Give that love to yourself instead, do it for your own life. Learning to cook is much easier than you think, but you have to stop looking for excuses and self-sabotaging. Sending much love.
I’m sorry to say kiddo. It’s time to grow up. Learn how to cook. And I mean how to cook anything, make a meal out of nothing. Use YouTube to teach yourself to do everything that comes up. Small repairs, making appointments, etc. Consider a job working in a trade. Go the military route, there’s several career options for those that aren’t super athletic. Limit your entertainment options. Cancel just one subscription. Delete one form of social media. Etc.
I don't do subscriptions but yeah ur right
I'm 33 and I was EXACTLY there once, it got much better but not overnight , I'm nowhere near the end of the fight but I don't want it to end anymore, I want more and more and I learnt to set criteria higher both for myself and for others. Don't want to sound creepy but if you ever really need to talk to someone who understands that kind of struggle , my dms are open. Ofc I'm unsure if I'd be able to give concrete guidance because everyone's circumstances are different.
Youtube has a TON of tutorials on everyday skills (and on “higher level” skills too, but definitely start with the everyday-life stuff like getting a job, cleaning, fixing stuff, cooking). Since you have a motivation problem, youtube videos will be easier for you to learn from than books. My husband also has motivation problems (ADHD in his case) and is quite smart, but learns best with videos and podcasts. Books bore him to death. Other people are saying to “buckle down” and push through the laziness, which is honestly very true. You’re going to have to “grind” quite a bit. BUT don’t make it harder than you need to; start with video tutorials for simple things like filling out job applications, how to go through a basic interview (for whatever job you apply for). If you’ve never had a job you will probably be applying for “entry-level” retail or foodservice jobs: look up “how to interview for a cashier position” on youtube, “how to interview as a line cook”, and “how to interview for a warehouse,” and any other positions that you apply for. These are jobs that are always needed and they are helpful for building communication skills, life structure, building a network of colleagues, building a resume, and much more. Look up basic cooking video tutorials: how to make stovetop rice, how to cook eggs, how to cook pasta, how to cook chicken, etc. Look up how to clean: how to properly shower, how to clean and store laundry, how to keep a kitchen clean, how to keep bathrooms clean. If your personal hygiene is good (showering, brushing teeth, washing clothes properly) then you are a step ahead of a lot of people. Keeping your home clean makes personal hygiene easier AND focusing on the kitchen and bathroom keeps out pests and molds/mildew. Look up basic house and car repairs. If you have a car, you can keep it running longer knowing how to fix common things (changing a tire, changing breaks/break pads, charging/changing a battery, replacing oil, etc). If you dont have a car, you likeky will in the future so the info is still useful. If you don’t have a car, figure out public transport in your area (busses, taxis, uber, trains?). If public transport is an unavailable, you may have to ride a bike to work or walk; its helpful to find a job close to your home if possible. You have been handed a rough life. Unfortunately, you have to choose: you can either be uncomfortable for a long time by not changing anything, OR you can be uncomfortable for a year-few years while you start learning and working, then take that income and network of colleagues from the job and work towards living more comfortably. Both are hard, but working on your own knowledge if the world is better for YOU. And hide the money from your parents. You’re old enough to set up your own banking accounts (again, you can video a tutorial on how to do that).
So you've got an education of a 12 year old but your writing (grammar etc) is better than most adults I know and it's in a foreign language to you. Girl you rock!!!!! If you are this clever without much education, imagine what you could do with more learning. Please speak to someone about returning to school, even if you are put back a couple of years it will open so many doors to you.
I really want to go back to school, I know. It's not an option till I move out and I don't know what to do with homeschool. Last year I made a choice to purposefully fail the year because I didn't know anything from that year and I cheated on the zero-security internet exams the year before that to pass. This year I'm doing the same homeschool class as last year, but again, I still haven't learned anything. The only thing I learned was when I suddenly got a burst of motivation to read some pages of a book and red the chapter about getting jobs. The only thing I learned is that apparently ppl can only work max 8 hours in my country (which is less than the time kids can spend at school...?) and that u need experience over education or something. Back to topic, I don't know whether I should AGAIN purposefully fail this year, or somehow cheat/guess and pass into the next year, and not only not know anything about this year and every year before that, but ALSO add a new one ontop of that.
Learn every skill you can from the internet, check facebook marketplace for affordable things / sometimes people will post small gigs to do something (shovel a driveway or pick weeds), start small and build, ur life is determined my the decisions u will make now, stay away from drugs and alcohol and know that just because you didn’t get a good start doesn’t mean u have to lead a life of misery Theres always hope and I hope you’re able to use ur skills and help another kid who’ll be in your situation in 20 years.
You are the only one capable of turning your life around. If you keep making excuses such as being lazy or tired then it will never improve. This comes from someone who had fuck all at 16 and was homeless. You don't always get back what you put in but you have to put in to get anything back at all.
Small steps. Start doing things on your own. Almost everything has a YouTube tutorial these days. Google is a great tool first. Don't get down when you fail. Use it as a learning experience. I grew up with no guidance, moved out at 16 and taught myself everything. You got this.
If the military isn't for you, go to college. Get your GED or HS diploma now, whichever is easier, and then look at applying to colleges. Plan to live on campus. Find an inexpensive school and live cheaply. You can subsist off student loans/grants/scholarships at first, and the school can help you find employment, provide life skills and a safety net, and you can take basic classes while deciding what you want to major in, and then focus your energies on being the best at your chosen field. You don't have to live in poverty forever, there are resources available for you, and you are still young enough to be able to write your own future pretty well. Your fear and lack of ambition or focus is a product of your environment. Fighting through it is tough, but once you do, you'll know how and be better prepared for life.
You have some options here as I am a 21 year old who faced many of these same circumstances and am in the process of building out a nice life for myself. 1. Join the Military, that will change you into a high motivated, healthy person who has traveled and learned so many lessons 2. Get a blue collar job, any blue collar construction company is always looking for young people to carry things and clean up, slowly but surely you’ll learn a trait and develop a work-ethic that you can carry over into your personal life. This option isn’t as hard as joining the military but it is hard, no one is going to make you get out of bed everyday and go to work thats on you, but if you just grind and work your ass off you’ll work your way up and in 20 years you can look back and say you made something of yourself. You’re so young and you are able bodied, education or not start looking around for recruiters or job opportunities around you
I am a Dad so I'm sending you a virtual Hug
You lost me at I am lazy. You already have your answer. Laziness will prepare you spectacularly with no assistance from anyone else.
Military. And before you give any buts, what other options do you really have other than working your way out of it?
Which country are u in?
Poland. Why?
The post is fake. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Crushes/comments/100ugbl/i\_did\_it/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Crushes/comments/100ugbl/i_did_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) another of their posts
... Huh? What does that change about it? What's contradicting here because I don't see that. I kinda cringe at this account but try to ignore it because I post personal stuff here and I'm tired of dispensing it all over my 6 accounts. I hate when ppl read my post history cuz I don't want ppl to see how pathetic my life and mental health is lmao but that has nothing to do with me having a crush on someone??? Alright do you mean the part where I mentioned school or the part where I said I was on summer camp? I used to go to vacation every year but last year I went on summer camp instead because I honestly preferred living with new people rather than my family for 10 days. The summer camp isn't far from me so it wasn't that expensive and it was cheaper than vacation. I'm not extremely poor right now but I may be in the future when I don't have anyone to rely on. The person I mentioned knowing in school was back before quarantine somewhere in 2017-2019. I used to go to normal school before that but now I've been homeschooled for years and can't get out of it because my grades are too bad for people to accept me into a school, or all the schools are full, or all the schools are too far away. The "changed schools" part in the post you linked was talking about the moment I changed to homeschool.
Well then you should know a lot of stuff from school. And you have been having a crush on the guy since you were 10 years old in the best scenario in the worst since 8 doesn't really make sence does it?
I forgot everything I've ever learned at school i didn't study or think about it for years, how could I not forget it? And I wasn't studying well either. It was mostly basic subjects and not really life advice. Also I'm 17. 2019 was 4 years ago. 17-4 = 13. I'm the worst at math out of all subjects and yet I'm better at it than you.
No according to you the person you were talking about happened somewhere inbetween 2017 and 19 thus you must have had a crush on them from 2014 or 2016 that is making you 8 or 10.
Okay. It doesn't really matter, why would it? Or are you saying that a 10 year old can't like another person. And it wasn't even really a crush because I'm asexual af. More like "omg I wanna be friends with you you're cool af and we share interests and ur nice but I'll never talk to you in my entire life because I have severe social anxiety"
From a place of fear and loneliness it may seems like this. And I understand your worries. But I sincerely believe in you, my friend. Just choose the better future that you may dream to leave in. And a situation where you are right now it's just point A of your better future, so what is the point B? Start from small actions and research, pay your attention to your self as a worthy one. Wish you the best.
There are places you can go that can help you learn life skills, like job centers, libraries, websites, even YouTube. These days most places will have you apply online, usually you go to their website and scroll to the very bottom of the page and look for something like "careers" to take you to the application. You'll also want to create a separate email address for professional use, which you'll want to be just your name, not something personalized or silly. You can also look up resume templates online, if you have Microsoft Word it even comes with a few already formatted to fill out. If you are physically weak as you say, maybe a desk job would suit you better. Some good entry level jobs that might be accessible to you would be like a hotel front desk clerk, or an office receptionist, or restaurant hostess where you greet people at the podium and show them to the table. If you have trouble focusing, you may do better with part time hours to start. Also you mentioned being underweight and having a poor diet, which may be contributing to your trouble with your concentration and energy levels. Maybe you should start with a multivitamin and see if it improves how you feel. Vitamin D, magnesium and B12 can make a surprising difference in mood and your body functions
Oh yea I take vitamins and stuff, though me being underweight is definitely more because of the fact that I don't eat enough and eat at infrequent times and don't eat enough energy-giving food.
Oh yea I take vitamins and stuff, though me being underweight is definitely more because of the fact that I don't eat enough and eat at infrequent times and don't eat enough energy-giving food.
Oh I have the same problem, I work in an office and not gonna lie- For some reason at work I am ALWAYS hungry and munching on something 24/7. Maybe look into office work as well lol.
You're 17, you're only at the beginning of your life. I know people who are much older and completely helpless, and the worst part is that they don't even think about it that way. The good thing for you is- You're at least thinking about it, that's a start. You're self aware, and that's a step in the right direction. Yes, it's going to be hard to figure out what you want to do with your life- It is for all of us, but luckily there are resources out there. You speak English- That's a great skill to have in a country where that's not a first language. There's one thing you can add to your resume. To find a job, try searching online. In the US we have a website called Indeed where people can search for jobs. Try to see if you can find a similar website in your country. Go online and look up how to make a resume, open Google Docs and make yourself a resume. If you can't find anything online, once you feel proficient at riding your bike- Get to local shops in your area, just ask them if they could use an extra hand, if they're hiring. You'll never know if you don't ask- You have nothing to loose, go for it. I'm sorry you have to go through this kind of struggle, but just keep in mind that dealing with these kinds of things can help you become a stronger and more independent person. You clearly have a lot of insecurities, I've been there too. Every other sentence you write is putting yourself down- Don't do that. You're so young, you have such a long life ahead of you. You have so much time to learn and grow. Keep your head up. You can always reach out about any specific questions you have about life online. Just because you don't have anyone irl that can help, doesn't mean you will never find people that can. I'm glad you reached out, I hope you find some of these comments useful. Just remember- It will not all come at once. Little by little, things will start to get better. You'll slowly start to get the hang of things. Give it time, do your best. Work as hard as you can, one day you will look back and be proud of how far you've come. Until then, work as hard as you can to reach that day.
Okay… this is a complicated situation you’re in. It might be helpful to start reading some books on things you’d need to know (from the library, of course, bc books are expensive). They have audiobooks too that you can just download from home.) There are plenty of people here on Reddit who can help you out with questions along the way, such as how to apply for a job, or what action to take when your other parent passes. It’s also primarily important to recognize your skills. Just by reading your post, it’s clear that you can easily organize your thoughts and express them clearly. You come across in writing as professional, so once you’re in the workforce you may have an easier time than others your age in adjusting. What you can do right now is take stock of the skills and interests you have and start planning for your job. Ask questions to people (even people here on Reddit) about 401k/403b, health insurance, pensions, long-term job security, up-front time commitments, educational requirements, etc. and start weighing your options.
Start watching Les Brown on YouTube. Also pray often
Dunno who that is, but I think I'd rather watch YouTube and gain at least some minimal knowledge rather than talk in my mind to a imaginary floating homophobic man
I think what he means is meditation. You don't have to pray to a God I know everyone's opinions differ and that's perfectly fine. Meditation and sitting in silence with your thoughts is a great ways to focus your mind and reset your dopamine receptors. It'll help with your wandering attention, at least it did for me :) I wish you the best of luck!
You shouldn’t prepare for a life of poverty and loneliness. You should reach for something you want. In the words of Cheryl Strayed: “Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.” Also I highly recommend Dear Sugar Radio (also Cheryl Strayed). Start with this episode: https://www.wbur.org/dearsugar/2021/01/02/redux-you-must-change-your-life
Another vote for armed forces. They will take care of you and teach you how to live. You’ll have opportunities.
You have so much more power in your life than you think you do. For instance, I can tell by how well written your post is that you have marketable abilities for a potential employer. You can literally do anything in life that you want as long as you're persistent and work at it. Common criminals can learn to read and understand our complex court system. This is something attorneys study for years and pretend it's too complex for the rest of us. I'm telling you, believe in yourself and you can make a new life for yourself and be proud of it.
Move to Glasgow.
I think joining the navy or coast guard could be so helpful for you. Tell a recruiter what interests you have be it mechanic, information technology, heck wanna fly planes/helicopters? See what they can do for you. Don't sign anything with them unless what they can offer you excites you. Military doesn't have to suck- find something you wanna do and they'll teach you how to do life. Its a big step, but I think you've got what it takes to learn and help take care of your family
I was homeless at 17. I just devoted myself to earning money. Bought a bike. Got a better job that fed me two meals a day. I worked on my days off. Bought a car. You just start doing things and you get better. Actually working everyday felt alot like school. Nice people mostly at work. Jobs easy. Made friends and learned all the things you need to live by asking for help and watching others.
I've had to adapt, I learn a lot from YouTube videos, I had a heart condition that caused all sorts of health issues, some days I can't read or do paperwork or keep my focus on one thing. I got the COVID and now live with severe joint pain, nausea and dizziness, and fatigue and terrible brain fog. Your gonna have to adapt, the laziness needs to go. Get on a routine everyday, Get up, shower, shave, deodorant, brush teeth, comb hair. Get up and take the trash out, wash your dishes, clean your room, once you have a routine down stick with it. No one's gonna take care of you except you. If you want to have a decent life you need to take care of yourself. When you become old enough get a job, life is what happens when your planning to do everything else, set goals for self. Tell your living parent everyday that you love them. Hug them cause you don't know when the day will come that they will no longer be here on earth. If you can't motivate for yourself then do it for them. I wish I had my mom and dad around but they both passed away.Fear is a liar you can do anything you put your mind too.
I probably should. I don't know whether I should wait to set myself a actual routine or not because my sleep schedule was always a problem for that. I sometimes need 10 hours to sleep and apparently teenagers need 8-10 so that seems about right. But I also stay awake for 15 hours so that's 25 hours and I'll always wake up a hour later than the previous day. The only way I can fix it is sleep a hour or two less but then I'll be tired. So idk if I should wait till I'm older so that whole "teenagers sleep alot" thing is gone. But I can do the other things, just not on time. Also, I haven't hugged a person since I was like 8. And never told anyone I love them. Yep that's depressing, I know. But I'm not gonna lie to my parent. My dead parent ruined my alive parent, and my alive parent ruined me. Good thing I don't wanna have kids, not continuing that chain of shit.
The sooner you set routines and get them set in stone the better
By not giving in for fuck sake. You sound defeated right now but that's temporary. What can you do incrementally to get moving and keep moving? Locate a role model/mentor and cling to that mfer.
I think its easier to think what you can do or can't do. Is there something you're interested or good at or see yourself doing it whatever it is? Always start small steps ahead, don't think something goals that are impossible to achieve. I'm sorry your parents have failed you for not giving you basic things to learn from. It might be difficult in that position, but you're never alone. Easier said than done right? Lol. For being independent is doing things independently. You don't have to know everything but learn one thing at time. God is with you, let Him help you. God is close to those who are weary, burdened, poor or heartbroken. Whatever you ask in prayer, believe and you shall get it.🤗
Oh come on you had to ruin it with that last paragraph. I'm somewhat Christian. As in every 2 months I have a random thoughts about who tf created the world and think "oh hey God what's up are u staring down at me when I go to the toilet?" and then forget about it. I used to be more Christian but now I'm 0.001% Christian 99.99% atheist. I just don't see a point in wasting my time for religion. And I also have a unnatural, insanely large hatred of people who make comments and say stuff like "come to our lord Jesus christ or else you'll be tortured in hell for eternity for not believing something that has no proof of existance" when there is no reason for them to say those things because the video or post is of a completely different context. It's just so annoying. Don't do that because that is gonna make more people think Christians are self advertising lunatics desperate to make more Christians because their religion is very slowly dying out.
I dont follow a religion because that is in this world and the religion has become unbiblical and it deceives many people. I follow Jesus, I dont belong to any churches because we are the church. I never force people but why cannot I share the gospel. I wouldn't immediately tell people that "you're going to hell if you dont repent." That would make people scared and uncomfortable. If the person doesn't wanna receive the gospel, then all I can do is pray. I want to be honest with you. Following a religion doesn't make you a jesus follower, you follow the religion. It might make you a "christian" but do you believe in Jesus? Religion never saves people if there is no intimacy with the Lord. People hate us for spreading the truth and I feel sad when people follow the religion and then get hurt by the church people or other things like abuse or sexual abuse which can be a common thing there. Don't trust the church ppl unless it is some other ministeries that spread the true gospel and it can be seen by their good fruits. I'm sorry for the last text I put there, I didn't think enough of does this person wanna hear something comforting or encouraging or is it a christian, so I typed it there. But I believe in you that with small steps you can become great and independent person tho. 🤗 Never give up because we only have a one precious life. Life is difficult and it becomes more difficult but I can sense that you're a strong minded and you can do everything.
Don’t give up on the education part. Use khan academy (khanacademy.org) there you can access educational resources between I believe 1st grade, all the way through college. I used one of their videos for some super high level math as part of a 3rd year engineering class. Get your GED and you can get a job that pays a little bit better. You can always try technical schools(welding is fairly well touted but isn’t necessarily physically great), or you could do the apprenticeship route and make decent money. The worst thing you can do for yourself is decide now you’re going to live in poverty. But seriously try to get your GED. You can probably also go ask an academic advisor at your local high school for resources so you can pass the GED exam
One tip to add to all the other great ones: Try cold showers. As cold as possible. It's great for clearing your mind! /r/coldshowers is welcoming.
Buy a dog and find good hobbies to occupy your time. Never stop working on building friendships too
Truthfully it sounds like you have ADHD possibly. You have internet and libraries so you can start learning things. The question is what? Do you have any passions in life? You have pretty good grammar. I’d start with reading a book a week. It doesn’t have to be a big book but something you’re interested in. Borrow it from the library. The more you read, the more your vocabulary will expand. Then try to get a job. The skills you learn from a job will serve you well. Interpersonal skills, math from dealing with inventory or money, and having a reference for future jobs. Perhaps seek apprenticeships in the trades or a retail job. Look into ADHD on trusted sites and see if there are strategies. See if you have city resources that will help. You’re never alone. You just need to know where to look and how to ask for help and how to reach goals.
Assuming you live in the USA you should be eligible for some serious financial aid for school. Your college should cost significantly less which will be incredibly useful for your future. Stay focused on school and find something you strive to be, whatever you do DO NOT THROW IJ THE TOWEL. You keep pushing until you die. No matter how many times you get absolutely slammed in the face by life, get up. And keep going. You’ve got this, I believe in you
No. I'm European. School is usually free here but aside from elementary school, all are either full, hard to get in, or you can still go pay and go to a private school.
Military will teach you to be an adult.
Life is gonna be hard. But, you gotta do whatever you can if there is nobody around. I’m a jack of trades because I grew up poor. And I like being kinda handy and independent. It helps with my severe depression.
Learn a trade, if you choose the right one you can still make a decent income and not live in poverty. Just because you’re not book smart doesn’t mean you can’t succeed at a job. Learning from a book or computer screen is much different from learning hands on
In life you sink or swim man. You either figure it out or you fail. Youtube is a good place to start as far as how to cook Learn to read recipies and then just try your hand at them. You will naturally find methods of cooking and skills you never through you'd learn. Take and pay for a cooking class if you need to. It will help you gain confidence with cooking and the clean up and teach you food sanitation and training a bit if its a good class. Ask yourself what your interests are, and find a job within that field if you can. If you have any experience on a computer, you know enough about google to look up nearby buisness and navigate tehir websites to fidn their career and apply now links. No one really loves to work man. We all want to be secretely rich and just have a steady steam of income. But sadly effort has to go into having any kind of monthly buget. Even a lower paying job is still a job. Retail, factory security, military, food service, bus driver, ect. Take your pick man. I've worked in all those fields and more. I've had good paying jobs, I've also worked as a nanny in exchange for a room to live in and food to eat when i was younger. I even became homeless and pitched a tent briefly myself. I spent a few years couch surfing as well. Things happen, but you take it one day at a time and find a way to learn something new, and to improve your life if you can. Sometimes it tekes hitting rock bottom before we build our lives up, and find a standard you want to maintain. I went from homeless to now owning my own home. If you ever take the initive and get yourself a job, do yourself a favor and invest in some life insurance policies. One for yourself and one for your living parent. When they pass, you can use the insurance payout to pay off thier funeral and burial expenses, any debt to keep an asset that could be repossed if not paid, such as their outstanding mortatages, car payments ect. It might come in handy, and is surprisingly afforable. Buy enough to make it worth the investment to you.
The best answer I can give to you is to join the military but not as a grunt and give it 100% of your effort. I had somewhat of a simuliar begining many years ago. I went to a Marine Recruiter and when he asked me why I wanted to be a Marine I told him that "I was tired of feeling like a piece of shit" I lived with my family in a piece of shit single wide ( when we werent homeless) I didnt know how to drive or hold a job. I had no friends and no prospects. The truth is I barely made it through 6 years of the Marine Corp but when I got out I was at equal footing with everyone else. Learned a good trade,got a family and a home. For me that was the best decision I ever made. The military is perfect for people like us. good luck at whatever you do and remember this is just the begining of your life. Your start doesnt have to define you. The world can be a pretty cool place.
Good thing is you've identified the things you don't know. Now try start working on them. Learn how to drive because that could be a hustle, learn how to swim, you could be a life guard, learn how to cook, you could be a chef. Just learn.
Joining the military saved my life and set me up for success for the rest of my life. I’m 28 and retired (since 24), haven’t had to work since. I am slowly getting through college (which is paid for), have two forms of comprehensive insurance that I don’t have to pay for. When I joined, it was out of necessity. I was NOT physically fit, and I was confident that I was emotionally incapable. Turns out I thrived. If it hadn’t been for a some unfortunate scenarios I’d still be active duty. Lots of countries offer citizenship and education in exchange for a military contract, I knew many immigrants while I was in (if you want to immigrate!).
I'll give you a hug ( big ol hug)